Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,969 --> 00:00:07,516
Top Gear S19E06 Africa Special part 1
Corrections by Wally73
2
00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:21,720
Hello! Thank you,
everybody, thank you,
3
00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:25,680
and welcome to what is
a Top Gear Special,
4
00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:30,200
a two-part adventure
around the heart of Africa.
5
00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:33,640
We were each told to buy
a second-hand estate car
6
00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:37,320
here in Britain for not more
than 1,500 quid.
7
00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:40,280
And then we were told to report,
with our cars,
8
00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:44,480
to the start line, which was
in a small village in rural Uganda.
9
00:00:44,480 --> 00:00:47,560
So, you've seen Sir David
Attenborough's take on Africa,
10
00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:49,720
now it's time to see ours.
11
00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:07,760
'I was the first to arrive
and I was feeling a bit nervous.'
12
00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:16,080
As you can see, I've gone for
a BMW 528i, and on the internet,
13
00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:19,000
it looked fantastic.
14
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:22,320
But, I've now had the chance to
examine it more closely,
15
00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:26,200
and one or two things are giving me
cause for concern.
16
00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:29,040
For example,
it's got a manual gearbox.
17
00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:32,120
Now that tells me the previous owner
was the sort of chap that
18
00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:35,480
likes to take it to the max
between gear changes.
19
00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:38,080
Secondly,
the front tyres are Pirellis,
20
00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:41,960
the back tyres are made by a company
I've never heard of.
21
00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:46,160
So that tells me
it's been run on a tight budget.
22
00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:48,640
I don't know what the challenge
is going to be,
23
00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:52,000
but I'm going to be doing
it like that.
24
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:56,440
Oh, hang on, that is the throb
of a turbocharged flat-4 engine.
25
00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:58,000
A sound which, all over the world,
26
00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,320
heralds the imminent arrival
of a moron.
27
00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:03,600
'And it did here, too.'
28
00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:08,160
It's Richard Hammond, everybody,
29
00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:11,200
who I suspect has started
to dye his hair.
30
00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:14,120
See what you think.
31
00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:15,400
Hammond!
32
00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:16,840
And there it is.
33
00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:18,040
It is, yes.
34
00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:22,120
Well, there can be only one word.
Legend. Subaru Impreza WRX estate.
35
00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:26,040
And driven by emeritus professors
all over the world.
36
00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:28,360
Yes, yes. No, no.
Just hang on. Here's my thinking.
37
00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:32,360
I don't know what challenges face us
here, but think about it.
38
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:35,080
Subaru stands for
Toughest-Thing-On-The-Planet,
39
00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:38,280
WRX stands for world rallycross,
which the Impreza just owned.
40
00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:41,760
It's all there. Four-wheel-drive,
turbocharged estate.
41
00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:44,480
But you're going to look
stupid doing it.
42
00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:45,600
I don't have to look.
43
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,920
I know I'm wearing double denim,
and that is a mistake,
44
00:02:47,920 --> 00:02:52,240
but you've got Daktari trousers on,
and the wheels of the agri-yob.
45
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:54,280
Actually, it looks a bit like you.
46
00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:55,320
What?
47
00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:58,720
You know, small, and with
a sort of surprised expression.
48
00:02:58,720 --> 00:02:59,800
"A tree!" Yes.
49
00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:00,880
"A house!"
50
00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:03,920
Well, then, that's perfect.
My face in that car.
51
00:03:03,920 --> 00:03:06,800
Honestly, I'm so chuffed.
This time, I've done this right.
52
00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:08,640
Big boot. Practical.
53
00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:09,840
Practical?
54
00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:11,360
So, what have you got?
55
00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:12,560
Oh!
56
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:15,080
528i, rear wheel drive,
2.8 straight-6.
57
00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:16,320
How many miles has it done?
58
00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:21,520
151,000. This, though, is the last
of the mechanical 5-series.
59
00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:23,760
After this,
they started using computers.
60
00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:25,400
What, their solid state?
61
00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:29,080
This is simple, mechanical
engineering. Anywhere, listen.
62
00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:30,200
Yes?
63
00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:31,480
James isn't here. No.
64
00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:33,040
No surprises there.
65
00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:35,440
I know for a fact what he's got.
66
00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:36,480
Go on.
67
00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:37,520
He'll have a Volvo.
68
00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:38,760
Yeah.
69
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:41,120
He'll have gone...
Yes, yes, yes.
70
00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:43,280
Because you know he's got
no imagination at all.
71
00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:48,160
'As it turned out,
James did have a Volvo,
72
00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:50,800
'but not the sort of Volvo
we were expecting.'
73
00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:53,040
That isn't an 850 R, is it?
74
00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:54,080
It is, it is!
75
00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:56,400
That's a bold call!
76
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:57,760
Gentlemen. Yes?
77
00:03:57,760 --> 00:03:59,720
You bought an 850 R?
78
00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:01,880
It doesn't matter, it's a Volvo.
79
00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:05,520
This defines the estate car. Nothing
else is an estate car, only this.
80
00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:07,160
Have you seen the tyres on an 850 R?
81
00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:08,240
Well, there aren't any.
82
00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:09,560
It has tyres.
83
00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:12,680
It's just a thin veneer of paint
on a wheel.
84
00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:16,200
But they're high-performance tyres.
It's a high-performance car.
85
00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:17,960
I know. It does 146mph.
86
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:20,240
Do you remember
British Touring Car Championships?
87
00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:21,560
These were great fun to watch.
88
00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:23,880
Yes. And they were on dirt tracks,
weren't they? No.
89
00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:24,920
Racetracks. Yes.
90
00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:27,360
Do you think when Volvo sat down to
the design the 850 R,
91
00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:29,000
they said, "Now, Africa."
92
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,320
"We need to try
and get some market share over there,
93
00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:35,680
"so let's lower the suspension,
fit very low profile tyres."
94
00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:37,920
They didn't think that in
so many words,
95
00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:41,080
but when you design a Volvo,
you design it for everything.
96
00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:43,200
It doesn't look at home, does it?
97
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:44,800
That looks at home.
98
00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:47,520
That looks at home on the M4
in the outside lane,
99
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:48,960
too close to the car in front,
100
00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:52,960
being driven by an embittered
toner distribution manager.
101
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,040
He's right.
102
00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:55,480
Let's be honest.
103
00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:57,040
That's going to beach.
104
00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:59,360
It's not. It is!
105
00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:02,160
'As we argued, a challenge arrived.'
106
00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:04,240
Oh, hello.
107
00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:05,360
Thank you.
108
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:07,880
Oh!
109
00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:11,440
"You will find
the source of the River Nile."
110
00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:15,760
That's it? That's it.
111
00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:18,400
Oh, so we're Livingstone, Burton
and Speke!
112
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:19,520
Yes, we are.
113
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,720
And I have the right car!
114
00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:25,960
Oh, come on, for exploring.
If Livingstone was still alive...
115
00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:27,240
He's not, is he?
116
00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:30,280
No. Ken Livingstone is,
but it's not Ken Livingstone.
117
00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:32,600
If the other, explorer Livingstone
bloke were alive,
118
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,480
he would drive
a Subaru Impreza WRX estate.
119
00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:39,920
Yeah, but Speke, my favourite of all
the Victorian explorers, Beemer man.
120
00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:41,080
Was he? Yeah.
121
00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:42,760
So do we just go that way?
122
00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:46,480
Well, do you know,
I'd head downhill, personally.
123
00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:49,880
Oh, no, no, uphill!
124
00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:50,960
Right, uphill.
125
00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:53,360
Looking for the source of a river,
uphill.
126
00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:56,160
Here we go.
127
00:05:59,840 --> 00:06:01,120
The source of the...
128
00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:02,600
RUMBLING
129
00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:04,840
The source of the River Nile.
130
00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:13,440
The Nile,
the longest river in the world.
131
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:17,760
A mighty 4,000-mile ribbon
of year-round water,
132
00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:21,720
running from the heart of Africa
to the Mediterranean Sea,
133
00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:25,760
bringing life and sustenance
to millions.
134
00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:28,320
Finding its source
has occupied the minds
135
00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:32,920
and claimed the lives of explorers
for thousands of years.
136
00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:37,800
Roman legions, Arab traders,
the Victorian British.
137
00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:42,640
All have forged a path through
the fast heat of this awe-inspiring
138
00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:47,480
continent to find where the raging
torrent came from.
139
00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:53,920
And today, we would join that
illustrious band of brothers.
140
00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:57,480
We would take up the challenge
no matter what the perils,
141
00:06:57,480 --> 00:07:00,240
no matter what the hardships,
no matter what...
142
00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:08,320
I'm sorry to interrupt myself,
but I think we have a problem.
143
00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:10,120
Erm...
144
00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:11,640
We've found it.
145
00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:14,800
Right.
146
00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:20,240
Erm...
147
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:21,560
Erm...
148
00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:23,200
That is Lake Victoria.
149
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:24,280
It is.
150
00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:27,840
Man has known for 160 years
that Lake Victoria
151
00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:31,640
is the source of the Nile,
and it's not like we could miss it.
152
00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:32,760
It's quite large.
153
00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:33,920
It is the size of Latvia.
154
00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:34,960
Is it? Yeah.
155
00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:37,200
This exploring is not as hard as
I thought it would be.
156
00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:38,680
No, my car hasn't suffered at all.
157
00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:40,400
No, I'm fine.
158
00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:42,800
What are we going to
do for the rest of...?
159
00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:44,440
We're only a few minutes in.
160
00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:47,680
We could pretend we haven't.
If we stand like this...
161
00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:48,960
No, because you can hear it.
162
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:50,320
You can't miss it.
163
00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:51,440
What?
164
00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:53,720
Look, we've already found it,
you idiot.
165
00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:55,440
That is the source of the Nile.
166
00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:57,880
"This is not
the source of the Nile."
167
00:07:57,880 --> 00:07:59,200
It is.
168
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:01,800
"The source of the Nile
is still disputed.
169
00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:05,040
"The Victorians thought
it was Lake Victoria,
170
00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:08,680
"but today we know this huge body
of water is fed by many rivers.
171
00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:12,520
"One of them is the true source,
and even today, in 2012,
172
00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:16,000
"experts have not been able
to determine which it is.
173
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:17,040
"You will."
174
00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:24,840
You know what?
175
00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:27,120
This is an opportunity for us
176
00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:29,440
to write ourselves
into the history books.
177
00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:32,720
I mean, finding the source of the
Nile, if we can say this is it...
178
00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:36,120
And then it would be marked
on a map,
179
00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:38,240
and we'd be able to go,
"That was us."
180
00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:39,520
This is quite a big one.
181
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,720
That's quite good, actually.
I quite like that.
182
00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:43,760
What?
183
00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:47,920
It says experts have not been able
to determine which it is.
184
00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:49,000
Yeah.
185
00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:50,400
Well, where do we fit in?
186
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:54,480
'We broke out the map, and
discovered that two places
187
00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:57,840
'are currently marked
as the source of the Nile.
188
00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:01,120
'One in Burundi, found by
a Dr Burckhard Waldecker,
189
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:04,880
'and one in Rwanda,
found by Joanna Lumley.
190
00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:09,560
'And since our source had to be
further from the Mediterranean
191
00:09:09,560 --> 00:09:13,080
'than either of these two,
it had to be further south.'
192
00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:19,880
Hang on, hang on.
Here's the Nile, OK, but look.
193
00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:26,080
The Nile also comes here,
into this lake, and then this lake,
194
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:28,120
which is connected to that lake.
195
00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:31,160
It doesn't say on the map,
but if these two are connected, look,
196
00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:33,400
this will be the source of the Nile,
down here.
197
00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:35,360
Yeah,
but if those two are connected,
198
00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:38,120
I think we'd know about it by now,
and they would have drawn it on.
199
00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:39,600
No, no, you say that,
200
00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:42,600
but David Livingstone thought
the source of the Nile was down here.
201
00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:44,080
So what we need to do is go here
202
00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:47,040
and establish that these
two are joined up,
203
00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,080
check it out, we're in business.
204
00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:53,240
And so our epic journey began.
205
00:09:56,840 --> 00:10:00,480
A journey that would see us taking
on nature at its most brutal.
206
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:05,600
There would be lions, insects
and thick, glutinous mud.
207
00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:11,000
We'd have to climb every mountain
and ford every stream.
208
00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:16,040
And we'd have to do it all in three
second-hand cars we'd bought
209
00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:18,640
for less than 1,500 quid each.
210
00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:32,040
Right, my car.
211
00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:34,640
Well, it's got quite a sticky
throttle, but other than that,
212
00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:38,360
every single thing works,
even the air conditioning.
213
00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:41,320
I've never, ever had a car with
working air conditioning
214
00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:44,760
before on one of these trips,
but I have now, and it is joyous.
215
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:52,600
The Impreza is all about that engine
and drivetrain.
216
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:56,560
You're just aware,
constantly, that this is rally-bred.
217
00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:59,520
The other two, they're just sporty
versions of ordinary estate cars.
218
00:11:00,680 --> 00:11:02,480
This is the best car here, fact.
219
00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:09,560
It's a cracking car,
the Volvo 850 R.
220
00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:12,040
This one's done 145,000 miles.
221
00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:14,680
It's just clicked over, in fact,
onto that figure,
222
00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:16,320
and you wouldn't really know.
223
00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:18,480
It's so smooth,
the transmission is excellent,
224
00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:21,080
the engine is silky,
everything works.
225
00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:24,680
Except the air conditioning.
226
00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:25,800
But at least that saves me
227
00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:28,880
the effort of getting really annoyed
when the other two deliberately
228
00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:33,280
break it out of spite,
jealousy and small-mindedness.
229
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:34,840
SIREN BLARES
230
00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:37,240
Crikey! It's the Ugandan rozzers.
231
00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:49,720
I think the President's
just driven past us.
232
00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:56,560
A couple of rules you need to know,
really, about Uganda,
233
00:11:56,560 --> 00:11:58,000
if you're coming here.
234
00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:02,000
Number one, if you're a male
homosexual and you indulge in
235
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:05,320
your homosexuality,
it's life imprisonment.
236
00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:06,680
That's very important to know.
237
00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:13,480
Also, it is compulsory here for
motorcyclists to wear crash helmets,
238
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:17,720
unless you are a woman on her way
back from the hairdressers.
239
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:20,920
Then you are allowed to wear
a carrier bag on your head instead.
240
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,680
I promise that's true!
241
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:32,680
At this point, the producers
told us to stop off
242
00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:35,920
at the still bullet-scarred
Entebbe Airport.
243
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:45,160
It was here, in 1976, that Israeli
special forces staged a daring
244
00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:49,000
operation to rescue passengers
from a hijacked airliner.
245
00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:51,720
Oh, wow, look at this!
246
00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:06,680
I'll tell you what, I couldn't be
Israeli special forces.
247
00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:07,720
You'd get out of breath.
248
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:08,760
I'm exhausted.
249
00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:13,400
They'd be sitting there thinking,
"Help, here comes help," and then...
250
00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:15,440
IMITATES WHEEZING
251
00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:17,560
"Sorry, just give us five!"
252
00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:19,080
More bullet holes.
253
00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:22,320
'Out on the balcony,
we saw something a bit worrying.'
254
00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:25,360
Is that a Ford Scorpio?
255
00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:26,520
Where? There.
256
00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:28,040
It is.
257
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:29,360
Estate.
258
00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:32,200
I'd say that's there for one reason!
259
00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:34,760
That's why they brought us here.
Funny.
260
00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:36,960
Funny. Because what that is...
261
00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:41,080
That's the forfeit car. It is.
If one of our cars goes wrong...
262
00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:44,280
Which, let's face it, James,
yours is going to break in half.
263
00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:46,480
I've always liked the Scorpio!
264
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:47,560
You have not!
265
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:49,720
You know that word you like,
James, gopping?
266
00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:50,880
It is gopping!
267
00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:54,080
That was invented. Nothing has ever
been more gopping than that!
268
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:57,600
'And as we prepared to leave,
269
00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:01,280
'it looked like one of us
would soon be driving it.'
270
00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:02,760
ENGINE REVS
271
00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:04,080
That's full throttle.
272
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:10,680
It's revving, slightly,
but I'm not doing it.
273
00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:14,960
You know this all-mechanical BMW of
yours? You were very proud of that.
274
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:16,280
Yeah.
275
00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:17,880
Does it have a fly-by-wire throttle?
276
00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:18,960
Yeah. Ha-ha-ha!
277
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:21,800
So it's all mechanical,
except that bit?
278
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:25,080
'Jeremy broke out his vast
and sophisticated toolkit.'
279
00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:33,240
What else is electrical in here?
280
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,000
BOTH: Not the exhaust manifold.
281
00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:38,800
I've done the fuse box,
if that's what that is.
282
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:41,120
That's an air filter.
283
00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:42,160
Right.
284
00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:45,560
"It's all mechanical,
you can mend it with a hammer!"
285
00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:47,160
If this works... Yes?
286
00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:50,200
ENGINE REVS CONSISTENTLY
287
00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:51,280
Ha-ha-ha!
288
00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:52,320
Soldier on.
289
00:14:57,400 --> 00:15:00,160
With my throttle still not
working brilliantly,
290
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:02,240
we set off for the lakes.
291
00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:06,080
But first, we had to get through
Uganda's capital city.
292
00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:07,280
Kampala.
293
00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:19,680
This is going to turn out to be
one of those places
294
00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:21,720
with terrible crash statistics.
295
00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:26,080
In fact, Hammond was wrong.
296
00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:29,440
Because to have a crash,
first you have to be moving.
297
00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:35,080
Holy cow!
298
00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:38,800
That is...
299
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:42,480
We're never, ever, ever
going to get through.
300
00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:50,280
What are we going to do,
seriously, here?
301
00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:53,200
We're never,
ever going to get through there.
302
00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:56,280
'It's probably safe to say
the Victorian explorers
303
00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:58,640
'didn't face problems
as big as this.'
304
00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:02,280
Oh, Jesus!
305
00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:07,800
Sally Traffic, are you watching
this on Radio 2?
306
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,680
Because this is what
we call a traffic jam.
307
00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:13,840
From now on, just go, "Everything's
going very well in England, really."
308
00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:17,000
Oh, my God.
309
00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:20,640
Hammond, this is phenomenal.
310
00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:23,800
It is the heaviest traffic ever,
ever seen.
311
00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:30,040
This is just like a scrapyard
on the road in front.
312
00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:32,160
Cars and vans
piled on top of each other.
313
00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:38,680
Going to finish our days here.
314
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:44,600
Well, we're all right
if we want supper.
315
00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:46,480
I fancy a banana.
316
00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:47,600
Excuse me?
317
00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:55,000
'Not knowing the exchange rate,
I accidentally bought more than one.'
318
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,760
No, it's all right.
Do I have all of them?
319
00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:00,160
Oh, Christ! Oh, bloody hell!
320
00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:01,200
How do you do that?
321
00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:05,680
How the hell do you do that?
322
00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:07,040
I can't!
323
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:16,880
Three hours later, our average speed
made for grim reading.
324
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:25,240
It must quieten down soon.
325
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:29,440
It's evening now.
326
00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:32,760
'But it didn't.'
327
00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:01,680
It wasn't a dream.
328
00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:04,320
I'm still here.
329
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:11,160
I can't get over how heavy those
bananas were.
330
00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:14,200
How could she have them on her head?
331
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:20,120
'By this stage,
we were pretty famished,
332
00:18:20,120 --> 00:18:22,320
'but then breakfast turned up.'
333
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:27,080
Wow, that's just a meat
feast in front of me here!
334
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:29,680
Hang on, look, look. Right.
335
00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:32,160
Well, you were here first,
so do I buy yours?
336
00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:34,800
More bones.
337
00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:36,800
Bone.
338
00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:38,400
What, it's goat bone?
Yeah.
339
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,160
I don't want that.
340
00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:43,000
How much is the water?
341
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:44,680
Yes. How much is that?
342
00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:47,320
This one. It just happens
to be that.
343
00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:50,400
Obviously, it is. Of course it is.
Thank you very much.
344
00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:53,280
No, thank you. I've got one.
345
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,120
What is it?
346
00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:03,920
Is it a chair leg?
347
00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:08,200
Soon we found a dual carriageway,
348
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:11,160
and, at last, the traffic
started to move.
349
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:15,520
Freedom!
350
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:21,360
That's it, that's the end!
351
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:28,840
We headed west, towards the lakes,
352
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:32,360
surprised at how easy this
exploring was turning out to be.
353
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:37,280
This is just tremendous. This
is like being in northern France.
354
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:42,720
Look at that ahead.
355
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:46,440
Ha-ha, Hammond,
you don't need a Subaru.
356
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:49,120
This road is fantastically smooth.
357
00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:51,000
Apparently it was built
by the Chinese
358
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:53,240
in exchange for some oil deal.
359
00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:55,680
It's like the Swiss have done it,
or some Austrians.
360
00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:59,680
Yeah, right now,
we could be on the M4.
361
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:04,480
But the point is, further on,
if things get tough, if we end up
362
00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:06,200
off this road and on tracks,
363
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:08,880
the other two will be
completely stuffed.
364
00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:10,400
I will have the last laugh.
365
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:13,520
Wow!
366
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:16,640
It's my town!
367
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:21,320
We've just entered Jezza.
368
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:25,440
Oh, no!
369
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:28,240
When I say we've just entered Jezza,
that's a disgusting thought.
370
00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:31,320
We've come into Jezza.
No, we haven't come into Jezza.
371
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:36,040
Even though we were
on an important mission,
372
00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:39,320
I decided we should pull over
and have a look around.
373
00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:43,600
Jezza church.
374
00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:46,200
They've actually had a church
where they worship me.
375
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:49,320
Protect and serve?
376
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:53,560
I've never seen that
and those close.
377
00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:55,320
That doesn't make any sense at all.
378
00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:58,040
My name is Jezza.
379
00:20:58,040 --> 00:20:59,200
Your name is Jezza?
380
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:00,920
My name is Jezza.
381
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:02,480
What do you think of that?
382
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:07,880
You'll like this, James.
383
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:10,520
There is Jezza's back alley.
Well found.
384
00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:15,720
At this point, to demonstrate that
Hammond's car was too small,
385
00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:17,600
James and I bought him a present.
386
00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:20,720
Oh!
387
00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:21,840
Do you like it?
388
00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:24,440
We like it, because it's really
the dralon. Yeah.
389
00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:27,200
Because we know you like dralon
because you're from Birmingham.
390
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:29,960
And we know that you like
the peacock and cheetah blend
391
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:33,240
which gives an African and
yet Birmingham flavour. Yes.
392
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:35,600
And I've put it in my car
and we know it fits.
393
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:38,720
We know it fits, and mine.
It fits in both our cars.
394
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:40,320
Does it? Yes, it does.
395
00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:41,360
Does it really? Yes.
396
00:21:41,360 --> 00:21:42,760
Precisely into your car?
397
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:44,200
It's snug.
398
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:45,760
Snug.
399
00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:49,120
Anyway, Hammond. There are plenty
of people here who can help you.
400
00:21:49,120 --> 00:21:51,080
Good. Let's pop it in
the back of my car.
401
00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:55,600
OK, now, maybe I could...
402
00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:57,520
I think he's started
to dye his hair.
403
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:00,120
Do you?
404
00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:02,360
Have a look. He's 45 and
there isn't a grey hair.
405
00:22:02,360 --> 00:22:04,240
You know Paul McCartney? Yeah.
406
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:05,320
Have a look at that.
407
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:08,320
I think if I maybe...
408
00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:11,000
Oh, easy, yeah. That'll fit.
409
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:15,800
Yeah.
410
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:17,960
Erm...
411
00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:20,360
Is it nearly in? Let's have a look.
412
00:22:20,360 --> 00:22:21,760
Pretty close.
413
00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:24,240
What you've got now is a big
rear spoiler.
414
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:26,560
That's how it runs.
415
00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:28,720
Right, I think it's time to
pull out of Jezza.
416
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:30,440
I just hope no-one sees me doing it.
417
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:37,040
'As we headed further West,
we discovered that rural Uganda
418
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:39,360
'is the world capital
of the speed hump.'
419
00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:43,600
Oh, God!
420
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:46,440
BOTTOM SCRAPES
421
00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:48,400
Ah-ya-ya!
422
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:51,840
James is now regretting
selecting the R.
423
00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:53,680
Oh!
424
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,800
If they get any bigger,
I've had it, if I'm honest.
425
00:22:59,360 --> 00:23:01,640
'Annoyingly, though,
the speed mountains
426
00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:04,480
'didn't seem to worry the agri-yob.'
427
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:06,880
Easy. No problem, goodbye.
428
00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:07,960
Ah!
429
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:11,440
'But Jeremy and I suffered,
for mile after graunching mile.'
430
00:23:14,120 --> 00:23:15,160
Oh!
431
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,280
That's it, no more.
432
00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:23,960
Apart from that one.
433
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:26,600
But that really was
the absolute last one.
434
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:27,880
Whoa!
435
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:29,560
Oh, my God!
436
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:32,600
Oh!
437
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:34,520
Relax.
438
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:35,680
Not yet.
439
00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:42,320
'As night started to fall,
it was time to look for a hotel.'
440
00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:46,040
Oh!
441
00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:50,800
'And Hammond thought we'd stand
a better chance of finding one
442
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:53,360
'if we switched to the side roads.'
443
00:23:53,360 --> 00:23:55,200
'Which was a great idea(!)'
444
00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:56,280
Whoa!
445
00:23:57,720 --> 00:23:58,920
Whoa!
446
00:23:58,920 --> 00:23:59,960
I can't stop!
447
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:02,800
Oh! You idiot!
448
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:05,280
I can't stop it!
449
00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:07,760
Well, I can't stop it, either!
450
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:09,800
I'm enjoying the sounds
of disaster behind me.
451
00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:13,800
Hammond, there had better
be a really good hotel
452
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:15,480
at the end of this.
453
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:18,640
These buildings down here,
there'll be a very nice hotel.
454
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:20,240
One of those with a posh book in it.
455
00:24:22,120 --> 00:24:24,480
So, in your mind, because
there's tea being grown,
456
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:27,960
there's a sort of plantation house
with a veranda and somebody saying,
457
00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:29,880
"Would you like a gin sling?"
458
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:33,400
People in white linen suits with
hats on have to come to tea
459
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:36,320
plantations to test and buy tea
for supermarkets.
460
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:38,160
I've seen it on the television.
461
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:39,600
They will need hotels to stay in,
462
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:42,680
there will be one near the tea
plantation, if not in it.
463
00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:43,720
Fact.
464
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:55,880
Hammond.
465
00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:57,040
'What?'
466
00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:59,040
If we're about to rejoin
that main road,
467
00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:02,120
I'm going to have to get out and
kill you very slowly, I'm afraid.
468
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:06,840
I believe that is what has happened,
yeah.
469
00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:11,760
Still, at least it's
a lovely evening.
470
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:20,280
There you go. I told you there
would be a hotel, and there it is.
471
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:30,240
I don't see anybody coming out to
help with our luggage.
472
00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:32,760
So, let's go and check in.
473
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:53,920
Jesus.
474
00:25:57,400 --> 00:25:59,440
That is characterful, isn't it? No.
475
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:03,680
Have you heard of those
boutique hotels?
476
00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:05,760
Small,
with a style all of their own?
477
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:10,400
You're getting that room.
478
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:12,320
This one's got a chair and a table.
479
00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:18,880
I don't think you'd even notice
the smell after a while.
480
00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:24,760
Oh, my God.
481
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:28,680
Hammond!
482
00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:40,880
The next morning,
desperate to redeem himself,
483
00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:44,560
Hammond called an emergency
breakfast meeting.
484
00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:47,160
Let's just face reality here.
485
00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:51,120
We're in Africa, and we're not in a
big, touristy bit of Africa, are we?
486
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:53,280
No.
487
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:58,280
All the hotels are going to be like
that or worse, and I've had an idea.
488
00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:00,680
If you suggest camping,
there will be a live
489
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:02,480
and celebrated television death.
490
00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:04,280
Your love affair with tenting...
491
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:05,440
No, I'm not camping.
492
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:06,520
It's not, I...
493
00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:08,920
Let me finish. I haven't said tents.
494
00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:11,600
We've all three got estate cars,
yeah? Yes.
495
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:14,040
Why don't we sleep in the cars?
496
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:16,800
We can control it, it's ours,
they're dry, warm...
497
00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:19,360
Just get in the car.
498
00:27:19,360 --> 00:27:20,760
Actually, that's not a bad idea.
499
00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:22,720
Get a sleeping bag,
sleep in your car.
500
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:27,320
I could get a mattress that hasn't
got excrement all over it.
501
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:31,000
But seriously, you could get
a mattress in your car, easy.
502
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:33,160
I could easily get one.
I'm not sure about you.
503
00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:34,920
Did you have that as an idea?
504
00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:36,040
He sort of did, yeah.
505
00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:39,400
Come on, it's like camping,
but it's not camping,
506
00:27:39,400 --> 00:27:40,680
because there's no tents.
507
00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:43,400
No, you're right, it's a good idea,
but don't do that, "Come on,"
508
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:45,800
as if we're supposed to go,
"Hammond, you're brilliant,
509
00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:48,480
"you've redeemed yourself with quite
a good idea." He hasn't.
510
00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:50,680
And this is where you've brought
me for breakfast.
511
00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:53,200
No breakfast, then, obviously,
because Christ The King,
512
00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:54,560
as it turns out, is shut.
513
00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:57,480
Which means that Christ The King
hasn't risen yet.
514
00:27:57,480 --> 00:27:58,880
That's the problem.
515
00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:03,280
Right, come on. It's a plan,
it's stuff to do.
516
00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:05,880
'We split up,
517
00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:09,360
'and set about getting the stuff
we'd need to convert our cars.'
518
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:15,440
The best hotel room I ever stayed in
was in South Beach, in Miami,
519
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:19,880
and what I'm going to try and do
is replicate the decor there
520
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:21,520
in the back of my Beemer.
521
00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:23,000
Morning. Morning.
522
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:24,600
Do you have any white cotton?
523
00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:28,080
Oh, and it's got a cockerel on it.
524
00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:32,280
Yeah, I'll have one of them
and the kettle. Thank you.
525
00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:40,520
Nails? Yeah.
526
00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:44,440
Deal.
527
00:28:54,440 --> 00:28:55,600
There we go.
528
00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:57,480
And this is half inch? Perfect.
529
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:02,640
That's quite a lot, isn't it?
That's more than I expected.
530
00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:05,320
I didn't think it was this long,
I'll be honest.
531
00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:15,360
Erm...
532
00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:17,200
HORN BEEPS
533
00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:19,040
Oh!
534
00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:20,160
Sorry!
535
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:25,080
Yes.
536
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:31,120
This kind of size, for me. Small.
537
00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:34,160
Standard size.
538
00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:37,400
5' 7" is enough.
539
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:38,640
Well, 5' 7" and a half.
540
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:43,480
'With all our materials bought,
we set to work.'
541
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:49,960
This is epic!
542
00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:57,400
'And then met up to
reveal our creations.'
543
00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:02,280
Gentlemen,
behold the future of exploring.
544
00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:03,600
I've given this some thought.
545
00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:05,360
It'll be a mouse cage.
546
00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:06,640
No. Look! Wow!
547
00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:07,840
Let me talk you through it.
548
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:10,240
I'm just going to climb into
the sitting area at the back,
549
00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:12,960
but it's not just a sitting area -
note the footwell for the feet.
550
00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:14,760
Where the spare wheel was? Yeah.
551
00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:15,800
Where's that now?
552
00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:17,960
It's gone. There's a bin in here.
553
00:30:17,960 --> 00:30:21,080
But you can't fail to notice
the kitchen.
554
00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:25,600
Burners, gas, taps,
running water, cold and cold.
555
00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:27,280
Do these work? Yes, yes.
556
00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:28,880
So you've got a gas bottle in here?
557
00:30:28,880 --> 00:30:29,960
Yes.
558
00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:31,080
OK. No, that's fine.
559
00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:33,720
And a storage cupboard,
full of useful things for me.
560
00:30:33,720 --> 00:30:37,000
Along here, everything
I need for cooking and eating.
561
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:39,160
And where do you sleep? There.
562
00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:40,920
There's the bed. You see?
Let me get out.
563
00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:42,160
Leopardskin sheets.
564
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:44,840
We are in Africa.
Come and have a look, see.
565
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:47,360
You can go in by the side entrance.
566
00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:48,400
Question.
567
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:50,880
Yes? Our gift.
568
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:52,440
Well, there wasn't room for it.
569
00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:56,000
Actually, that is
now my upstairs sitting room.
570
00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:57,040
Is it?
571
00:30:57,040 --> 00:31:00,120
Well, let's move on to have a
look at May's car, shall we?
572
00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:04,280
You will see a gentleman
explorer's quarters.
573
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:06,760
It's got a globe,
it's got a telescope, it's got maps,
574
00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:08,120
it's got music.
575
00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:10,040
It's a library, James. Yeah.
576
00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:13,480
Things you don't need when you're
looking for the source of the Nile.
577
00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:14,960
Number one, library.
578
00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:17,760
Well, if you look carefully, you'll
see some of the books are about
579
00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:21,080
exploring, plus there's a selection
of English poets to read in bed.
580
00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:23,880
Do any of the books contain the
exact location of the true source
581
00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:26,600
of the Nile, in which case it's
a rather wasted exercise anyway?
582
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:27,800
No, but it's inspiration.
583
00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:29,520
So there's a library in the front.
Yes.
584
00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:32,480
And I'm guessing, in the back,
some kind of dungeon.
585
00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:35,600
Whoa! That's not a dungeon, is it?
586
00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:39,280
It's a living quarters
combined with a workshop.
587
00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:41,840
That's... I'm genuinely astonished.
588
00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:44,400
Would you like me to run through
what's in there? Not really.
589
00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:46,200
May I just sneak in, do you mind?
Yes.
590
00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:48,840
That doesn't look terribly
comfortable.
591
00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:51,440
It's been good enough for the Army
for several hundred years.
592
00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:53,040
And this will just make you itch.
593
00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:56,680
It's an itchy blanket. It's designed
to remind you how lucky you are.
594
00:31:56,680 --> 00:32:01,360
So you can cook food for us, you can
mend mechanical things that go wrong.
595
00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:02,840
Keep us going. What have you done?
596
00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:04,800
What have I done? Yes.
597
00:32:04,800 --> 00:32:06,640
You might want to come
and have a look.
598
00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:09,440
I should warn you, there are two
electronic things on this car.
599
00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:13,920
The throttle, which is broken,
and the electronic boot release,
600
00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:18,520
which is broken,
so I've fitted a manual replacement.
601
00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:19,720
And there you are.
602
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:23,440
What I've done is I've filled it with
Egyptian cotton and duck down.
603
00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:25,080
Erm...
604
00:32:25,080 --> 00:32:27,280
Is that a coffin? Yeah.
605
00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:29,920
Who knew a coffin was dual purpose?
606
00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:31,240
But it is.
607
00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:35,600
It could be used for bodies, or I've
used it as a chest of drawers.
608
00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:38,840
Washing things, clean clothes,
dirty clothes and shoes.
609
00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:40,640
Can I just say, it's all very nice,
610
00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:43,480
but you haven't
considered your colleagues' needs.
611
00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:47,240
Well, there are two features on this
car that you might be interested in.
612
00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:52,120
In the front, gentlemen, we find
here, instead of a passenger seat...
613
00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:54,200
Oh, so you have thought
of sustenance, a fridge.
614
00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:55,520
That's good, that's good.
615
00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:57,600
And it runs off the cigarette
lighter in the car.
616
00:32:57,600 --> 00:32:59,560
That's a tradable commodity
you've got there.
617
00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:03,720
It is, but something even more
useful than beer.
618
00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:05,080
No, actually, no.
619
00:33:05,080 --> 00:33:08,280
Nearly as useful as beer is
what I've fitted over here.
620
00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:10,960
A shower.
621
00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:13,360
And if we peel back the curtain...
622
00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:15,000
Oh, it's a complete
bathroom in there.
623
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:18,440
Oh, yeah.
So, you lower this window...
624
00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:19,800
It lowers it automatically?
625
00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:21,440
Hang on. Yes, it does, but...
626
00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:23,720
It's not going.
627
00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:26,560
There are three electrical components
on this car, as it turns out.
628
00:33:26,560 --> 00:33:29,080
I get it. The window goes down, and
that lowers the bog seat,
629
00:33:29,080 --> 00:33:30,480
is that right? Yes, exactly.
630
00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:34,040
That's quite theatrical.
It doesn't work, but it's very...
631
00:33:34,040 --> 00:33:35,760
Well, the battery's somehow
gone flat.
632
00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:39,280
I suspect the fridge is drawing
quite a lot of power. Mmm.
633
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:41,440
Can I have a jump?
No.
634
00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:51,000
'With the BMW re-energised,
we set off once more for the lakes.'
635
00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:57,840
'So, here we are now,
Livingstone, Burton and Speke
636
00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:00,640
'in full explorer mode.'
637
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:04,840
James, with those modifications,
will have added,
638
00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:07,320
got to be getting on for a tonne,
639
00:34:07,320 --> 00:34:09,360
which will have reduced his ground
clearance
640
00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:12,720
from one inch to much less
than one inch.
641
00:34:12,720 --> 00:34:13,760
What an idiot.
642
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:23,280
I have made it quite heavy.
643
00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:26,120
'Still, could be worse.'
644
00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:44,800
I've uncovered one design
feature in here that I don't like.
645
00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:47,560
The driver?
646
00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:51,040
No. Every time I brake,
my curtain closes.
647
00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:52,120
Braking.
648
00:34:56,680 --> 00:34:59,480
'Despite my terrible hardship,
we carried on,
649
00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:01,480
'and soon we turned off the road
650
00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:03,800
'where the speed humps
were frequent...
651
00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:08,760
'..and onto a road where
they were continuous.'
652
00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:14,320
Oh, God!
653
00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:19,360
Nice. Washboard gravel.
My favourite.
654
00:35:21,120 --> 00:35:24,080
'Once again,
though, the agri-yob was unfazed.'
655
00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:29,040
More like it.
656
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:31,160
Finally, I get to do some
Subaru-ing.
657
00:35:33,160 --> 00:35:36,120
IMITATES CAR ENGINE
658
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:37,160
Woo-hoo!
659
00:35:40,160 --> 00:35:41,200
Ha-ha-ha!
660
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:47,640
Because we were now off the beaten
track, we started to encounter
661
00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:50,640
more animals, but sadly,
as we saw in Botswana,
662
00:35:50,640 --> 00:35:55,080
the Top Gear cameramen do struggle
when they're not filming cars.
663
00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:57,720
No, there!
664
00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:06,360
Did you see that, Hammond?
It was a monkey.
665
00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:11,720
Did you get it?
666
00:36:11,720 --> 00:36:12,960
Elephant!
667
00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:17,240
What elephant?
668
00:36:17,240 --> 00:36:19,640
Elephant on the right-hand
side of the road.
669
00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:23,480
Oh, this is strangely familiar,
670
00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:26,320
you telling me about animals that
you've just seen that I haven't.
671
00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:27,400
Ha-ha-ha!
672
00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:30,800
Oh, you evil sod!
673
00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:32,960
That reminds me
of a television programme.
674
00:36:32,960 --> 00:36:35,480
James, can you think what that
television programme was?
675
00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:36,800
Shut up, shut up!
676
00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:39,160
Shut up, shut up, shut up!
677
00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:42,040
Was it Richard Hammond coming to
you from a tent in the dark?
678
00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:43,480
Was it that one?
679
00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:46,120
Hammond, there was a little man,
and he kept saying,
680
00:36:46,120 --> 00:36:48,320
"I've had an amazing day,
I've seen lots of animals,
681
00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:50,880
"but sadly, this is live
and it's dark now."
682
00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:52,040
Shut up!
683
00:36:56,040 --> 00:36:58,440
'Eventually,
we arrived at Lake Edward.'
684
00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:03,480
Whoa, that's a beautiful lake.
685
00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:09,080
'So beautiful, in fact, we decided
to stop on its shoreline
686
00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:11,440
'for a night in our new
accommodation.'
687
00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:16,080
Right, let's pitch the tents. Done.
688
00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:17,680
Beer? It's already chilled.
689
00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:20,000
That would be lovely.
I'll put dinner on.
690
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:21,880
Oh, God! What?
691
00:37:21,880 --> 00:37:23,440
My bed's gone out of alignment.
692
00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:25,280
Oh, you've got problems.
There we go.
693
00:37:25,280 --> 00:37:27,280
What's your problem?
Nothing.
694
00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:28,680
No, what's your problem?
695
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:31,240
Nothing. I think the chair,
the fringe has just slightly...
696
00:37:31,240 --> 00:37:33,320
What is your problem?
Oh, dear!
697
00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:36,120
Is this every single thing?
I'm just going to tidy up.
698
00:37:36,120 --> 00:37:38,160
It's Hammond's kitchen nightmare.
699
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:04,520
'We sat and watched the sun go down,
700
00:38:08,600 --> 00:38:11,680
'looking forward to Heston Hammond's
delicious dinner.'
701
00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:17,560
I'm enjoying the bean course.
Yeah, good.
702
00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:19,920
What's next? Beans.
703
00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:22,480
Can you honestly not cook anything
other than beans? No.
704
00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:26,720
What's that? Fly paper.
705
00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:30,520
Do you still not like insects?
706
00:38:30,520 --> 00:38:32,760
You know, they've got their place.
707
00:38:32,760 --> 00:38:34,920
In the world, or something.
708
00:38:34,920 --> 00:38:36,000
Is it in your car?
709
00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:37,080
No.
710
00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:38,880
'Then, it was time for bed.'
711
00:38:42,480 --> 00:38:47,040
Nobody in the history of Africa has
ever been more comfortable than this.
712
00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:49,600
I'm under a layer of duck down and
Egyptian cotton,
713
00:38:49,600 --> 00:38:55,040
I'm watching Kristin
Scott Thomas in a film where she's
bound to do lesbionics at some point.
714
00:38:56,480 --> 00:38:57,640
I've had some beans.
715
00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:01,240
Oh, this is just heaven.
716
00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:37,880
HORN BLOWS
717
00:39:37,880 --> 00:39:39,280
What's for breakfast?
718
00:39:39,280 --> 00:39:40,840
Beans.
719
00:39:43,800 --> 00:39:47,440
'Today, our exploring would
begin in earnest,
720
00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:50,240
'but first, we had to mend
Jeremy's car, again.'
721
00:39:52,520 --> 00:39:55,040
What you need
under here is an M8 screw,
722
00:39:55,040 --> 00:39:59,760
and a home-made little clip made
out of tin, which I've got in there.
723
00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:00,920
Easy.
724
00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:02,120
'While I was doing this,
725
00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:05,840
'Jeremy had time to develop
one of his theories.'
726
00:40:05,840 --> 00:40:09,920
Gentlemen, this is a map, OK,
of what all these famous explorers
727
00:40:09,920 --> 00:40:12,720
told the Victorian English
was Africa.
728
00:40:12,720 --> 00:40:14,400
Now, look at the Sahara Desert.
729
00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:17,400
Which is really tough and difficult,
we've been there, it's horrible.
730
00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:20,400
All done, every nook
and cranny explored.
731
00:40:20,400 --> 00:40:21,600
This is really tough.
732
00:40:21,600 --> 00:40:22,960
Sudan, impossible.
733
00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:24,040
Awful. All done.
734
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:28,120
But, here, in this pleasant
garden of Eden where we are now,
735
00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:30,400
unexplored territories.
736
00:40:30,400 --> 00:40:31,880
What was holding them up?
737
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:32,920
Here?
738
00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:34,160
Yes.
739
00:40:34,160 --> 00:40:38,200
It's not mountainous, every tree
has got food growing out of it.
740
00:40:38,200 --> 00:40:40,080
It's a good point,
when you think about it.
741
00:40:40,080 --> 00:40:42,800
There's nothing here that would
stop you. Gentle wooded hills.
742
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:44,400
Temperature? Lovely.
743
00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:46,280
Yet they kept coming out here
and saying,
744
00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:48,680
"Oh, very difficult,
I must go out there for five years.
745
00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:50,040
"I shall probably be lost."
746
00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:52,520
It all stinks a bit, doesn't it?
Yeah.
747
00:40:52,520 --> 00:40:55,480
So let's just work it out.
England, go home.
748
00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:57,680
"Would you like to go to Mrs
Simpson's piano recital
749
00:40:57,680 --> 00:40:58,800
"this evening?"
750
00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:02,800
Or they come out here,
dusky maidens, lovely temperature,
751
00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:06,160
very pleasant views,
great food, get a tan.
752
00:41:06,160 --> 00:41:07,600
Write home, tell them it's awful.
753
00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:09,000
Yes, exactly.
754
00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:10,920
Send a letter. "Dear Mrs Hammond.
755
00:41:10,920 --> 00:41:12,760
"It is with a heavy heart that
I write to say
756
00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:14,840
"we have not seen
Richard for three years."
757
00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:17,400
"He's in the vice-like grip of,
what's that name? Fever?
758
00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:19,720
"I'll put that in. Malaria, yeah."
759
00:41:19,720 --> 00:41:22,680
Basically, our conclusion is that
Victorian explorers were just
760
00:41:22,680 --> 00:41:24,800
a bunch of hoorays on a very
long gap year.
761
00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:25,880
Yes. Yes.
762
00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:28,320
Is that right?
Well-funded gap year here.
763
00:41:32,240 --> 00:41:35,560
With all that cleared up,
we set off to do exploring.
764
00:41:36,680 --> 00:41:40,080
Our task was to scour the
perimeter of Lake Edward to see
765
00:41:40,080 --> 00:41:45,120
if any of the rivers we crossed were
flowing into it from the lake below.
766
00:41:45,120 --> 00:41:47,520
If it turned out these lakes
were joined,
767
00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:52,280
we would head south to find the
true source of the River Nile.
768
00:41:57,960 --> 00:42:00,160
Follow me. River this way, gentlemen.
769
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:07,720
Right, this is actual off-road,
and it's starting to rain.
770
00:42:09,560 --> 00:42:11,080
Oh, BLEEP!
771
00:42:11,080 --> 00:42:12,120
That's more like it.
772
00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:15,040
Feeling confident about your choices
of car now, chaps?
773
00:42:15,040 --> 00:42:18,240
Are we moving, Hammond, or not?
774
00:42:18,240 --> 00:42:21,560
Yes. The question is for how long,
and James, you've gone very quiet.
775
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:24,320
Yeah, yeah.
776
00:42:24,320 --> 00:42:26,280
This car is just masterful.
777
00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:29,640
Whoa!
778
00:42:32,960 --> 00:42:36,680
'James's masterful Volvo was now
minus its protective skid plate.'
779
00:42:36,680 --> 00:42:37,880
Oh, dear.
780
00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:39,760
Oh, look, it's all under the car.
781
00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:45,840
"They laboured for six long months
to cut off the plastic spoiler."
782
00:42:45,840 --> 00:42:48,200
You do that, I'll go
and write to your loved ones.
783
00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:51,040
Would you, would you?
Make it sound a bit better.
784
00:42:51,040 --> 00:42:53,560
Put a lion in it, some fever.
785
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:55,200
Build it from there.
Exactly.
786
00:42:59,880 --> 00:43:03,280
'With the Volvo mostly mended,
we got back to exploring,
787
00:43:03,280 --> 00:43:07,200
'and unlike the Victorian hoorays,
we decided not to shilly-shally.'
788
00:43:08,920 --> 00:43:10,720
This is Top Gear exploring.
789
00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:13,600
High-speed exploring!
790
00:43:16,920 --> 00:43:18,520
This is good.
791
00:43:18,520 --> 00:43:19,840
We will cover some ground.
792
00:43:21,520 --> 00:43:24,320
'In the racing Volvo, though,
life was not so good.'
793
00:43:26,120 --> 00:43:27,520
Ah!
794
00:43:29,480 --> 00:43:30,680
This is going to be bad.
795
00:43:31,880 --> 00:43:32,920
Ah, ah!
796
00:43:34,720 --> 00:43:36,440
I'm going to have to
stop for a minute.
797
00:43:38,720 --> 00:43:40,160
HE GROANS
798
00:43:40,160 --> 00:43:42,880
'Our colleague
was in considerable pain.'
799
00:43:46,080 --> 00:43:47,640
'So we left him behind.'
800
00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:52,720
"Dear Mrs May."
801
00:43:52,720 --> 00:43:56,160
"James has suffered a terrible
back injury wrestling a lion."
802
00:43:56,160 --> 00:44:00,440
"He will be home, in maybe five
years. Please send money."
803
00:44:03,880 --> 00:44:05,560
River, Hammond, river.
804
00:44:05,560 --> 00:44:07,040
Oh, hello, exploring to be done!
805
00:44:08,520 --> 00:44:10,600
'We needed for it
to be flowing north.'
806
00:44:11,840 --> 00:44:13,960
I've got 68 degrees east.
807
00:44:13,960 --> 00:44:15,080
Yeah.
808
00:44:15,080 --> 00:44:16,120
It's no good to us.
809
00:44:18,120 --> 00:44:21,280
Here we go. More exploring.
810
00:44:21,280 --> 00:44:23,320
Yes, now I've got a siren.
811
00:44:23,320 --> 00:44:24,920
SIREN BLARES
812
00:44:31,720 --> 00:44:33,240
It's going that way, east.
813
00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:35,920
River.
814
00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:39,520
That's the angle
I want you to tell me.
815
00:44:39,520 --> 00:44:41,680
East. It's no good.
816
00:44:43,360 --> 00:44:45,840
'When Captain Backache caught up...'
817
00:44:45,840 --> 00:44:47,840
Whoa!
818
00:44:47,840 --> 00:44:51,440
'We still hadn't found a river
flowing in the right direction.'
819
00:44:53,360 --> 00:44:56,800
I think this is our final bridge.
I think it's the last river.
820
00:45:00,640 --> 00:45:05,280
We don't need to throw a stick in
that to see which way it is
flowing, do we? Not really.
821
00:45:05,280 --> 00:45:06,480
It is going that way.
822
00:45:08,480 --> 00:45:11,560
Sort of southeast. Southeast? Yeah.
823
00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:21,960
'Our theory about the two lakes being
connected was in tatters.
824
00:45:23,120 --> 00:45:26,040
'Our expedition seemed to
be at an end.
825
00:45:27,640 --> 00:45:31,400
'So that night in camp,
the mood was despondent.
826
00:45:34,720 --> 00:45:39,360
'But then, while poring over
the maps, I noticed something.'
827
00:45:39,360 --> 00:45:41,840
Wait a minute, wait a minute...
828
00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:47,600
Hammond! May! What? Come here,
come here, come here.
829
00:45:53,240 --> 00:45:56,840
You see it says here, "source du
Nile"? Yes. Source of the Nile.
830
00:45:56,840 --> 00:45:59,920
That is Joanna Lumley's, and that is
the furthest the water has to
831
00:45:59,920 --> 00:46:03,160
fall down a very wiggly river
yes? Yes.
832
00:46:03,160 --> 00:46:05,040
This one is in Burundi,
833
00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:08,480
this is the furthest the crow
flies from the exit of the Nile.
834
00:46:08,480 --> 00:46:10,240
OK? Yes. Yes.
835
00:46:10,240 --> 00:46:14,800
I believe they are both wrong.
Right.
836
00:46:14,800 --> 00:46:17,600
Where is the exit of the Nile?
837
00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:21,200
Alexandria,
which you can see on this. There.
838
00:46:21,200 --> 00:46:24,480
So their rivers flow through
Lake Victoria
839
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:28,040
and then go there to another sea,
inland sea, effectively.
840
00:46:28,040 --> 00:46:30,920
The Mediterranean isn't even
tidal, just like Lake Victoria.
841
00:46:30,920 --> 00:46:34,080
The actual exit of the
Nile is Gibraltar,
842
00:46:34,080 --> 00:46:38,920
because that is where it goes into
the ocean. The ocean is here.
843
00:46:38,920 --> 00:46:42,800
Their sources are both to
the west of Lake Victoria.
844
00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:44,600
I see what you mean.
845
00:46:44,600 --> 00:46:48,080
We are looking for a river
on the east side of Lake Victoria.
846
00:46:48,080 --> 00:46:50,440
Do you see what I mean?
Because it is further...
847
00:46:50,440 --> 00:46:52,680
It is further from Gibraltar.
848
00:46:52,680 --> 00:46:55,240
And I have found it.
849
00:46:55,240 --> 00:47:02,040
Gentleman, the actual source of
the Nile is around there.
850
00:47:03,200 --> 00:47:05,360
Southeast of Lake Victoria.
851
00:47:05,360 --> 00:47:08,400
That is as far from Gibraltar
as you can get. You follow a river
852
00:47:08,400 --> 00:47:11,480
called the Grumeti, or it's a
tributary of the Grumeti,
853
00:47:11,480 --> 00:47:13,080
which I have traced back.
854
00:47:13,080 --> 00:47:17,480
I can't work out exactly where
it is but it is about here.
855
00:47:17,480 --> 00:47:21,160
That is the furthest as the crow
flies and it is the furthest
the water flows.
856
00:47:21,160 --> 00:47:24,160
That is extremely good.
857
00:47:24,160 --> 00:47:27,400
We are here, we have
to get from where
858
00:47:27,400 --> 00:47:30,760
we are on completely the wrong side
of Lake Victoria to the other side,
859
00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:33,640
that is going through
Rwanda, Tanzania, to there.
860
00:47:33,640 --> 00:47:37,280
It is such a long way.
It is a long way.
861
00:47:37,280 --> 00:47:39,080
It's worth it though, isn't it?
862
00:47:48,000 --> 00:47:49,360
'The next morning,
863
00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:53,080
'the Top Gear crew prepared for the
long journey that lay ahead.
864
00:47:55,400 --> 00:47:59,680
'Hammond, meanwhile, cooked
breakfast.' Oh, careless.
865
00:48:00,840 --> 00:48:04,600
'And I fitted a new skid plate to
protect the underside of my Volvo.'
866
00:48:06,920 --> 00:48:11,720
'Nobody is allowed to
use my car as a lavatory any more.'
867
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:23,560
THUMPING
868
00:48:23,560 --> 00:48:26,280
You can hear my improvised
guard working there,
869
00:48:26,280 --> 00:48:29,520
protecting my vital intercooler
from mud and sharp points.
870
00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:32,800
To be honest it is
a bit of an improvisation,
871
00:48:32,800 --> 00:48:34,720
it's not the thickest steel
there is.
872
00:48:34,720 --> 00:48:37,080
You have to work with what you've
got out in the bush.
873
00:48:45,320 --> 00:48:48,520
I had a cold shower this morning,
my penis was like a press stud.
874
00:48:50,680 --> 00:48:51,720
Again.
875
00:48:57,680 --> 00:49:05,600
Out into the wilderness, in my
little mobile house. Hello, chaps.
876
00:49:05,600 --> 00:49:09,040
Are you both stuck?
'Are you stuck, James?'
877
00:49:09,040 --> 00:49:13,360
'I have gone into a bit of a soft
bit, are you stuck?'
878
00:49:13,360 --> 00:49:15,600
I tell you what, let's find out.
879
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:23,640
Oh, come on! Ha-ha-ha!
880
00:49:23,640 --> 00:49:26,760
I've improved
the style of the Subaru no end!
881
00:49:26,760 --> 00:49:30,040
I'm free as well. Ha-ha-ha!
882
00:49:30,040 --> 00:49:33,680
Thank you, guys, that was a trap,
wasn't it? A bit, yes.
883
00:49:34,920 --> 00:49:36,480
You evil sods.
884
00:49:39,520 --> 00:49:43,320
We pointed our cars at the border
with Rwanda and set off on
885
00:49:43,320 --> 00:49:49,080
a 600-mile journey to what we now
knew was the true source of the Nile.
886
00:49:55,720 --> 00:49:59,840
I wonder if we are heading towards
that massive rain cloud.
887
00:50:00,920 --> 00:50:02,280
Yes, we are, aren't we?
888
00:50:13,280 --> 00:50:15,840
MUSIC: "Africa"
by Toto
889
00:50:28,880 --> 00:50:33,400
As the miles rolled by, we started to
climb into the mountains.
890
00:50:42,920 --> 00:50:46,800
Oh, wow, this is
very, very pretty, here.
891
00:50:47,960 --> 00:50:51,880
'But, we couldn't really admire the
view, because the road was starting
892
00:50:51,880 --> 00:50:56,880
'to be a bit of a test for two
of the 1,500 quid second-hand cars.'
893
00:50:58,240 --> 00:51:00,400
My bash plate is
earning its keep today.
894
00:51:02,680 --> 00:51:04,440
Oh, cock.
895
00:51:07,680 --> 00:51:12,680
Oh. We are both in the same boat
here, James and I.
896
00:51:12,680 --> 00:51:15,480
It is called the HMS Careful.
897
00:51:19,320 --> 00:51:21,360
Meanwhile, far ahead,
898
00:51:21,360 --> 00:51:23,960
my four-wheel-drive Subaru was
scampering along.
899
00:51:25,400 --> 00:51:27,840
Come on, come on!
900
00:51:30,520 --> 00:51:32,320
I am king of the forest.
901
00:51:33,600 --> 00:51:35,920
Bloody hell, look at this one.
902
00:51:48,920 --> 00:51:51,360
Come on, beemer! Come on!
903
00:51:52,800 --> 00:51:54,720
How is it doing this?
904
00:51:59,760 --> 00:52:00,880
Ooh...
905
00:52:04,760 --> 00:52:06,960
Absolutely no chance.
906
00:52:08,200 --> 00:52:13,000
'Annoyingly, I had to ask the
agri-yob to come back and help.'
907
00:52:13,000 --> 00:52:17,960
What is the expression about pig
in... It's Hammond in mud?
908
00:52:17,960 --> 00:52:22,120
Yeah, it'll pull out.
Give him a tug. I'm going to.
909
00:52:25,560 --> 00:52:29,800
Did it hit you? Yes, it did
What was that?
910
00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:32,520
It was a huge chunk of
tree just bounced off...
911
00:52:32,520 --> 00:52:37,040
And smashed my windscreen. Has it?
Yeah. We probably should get
a move on. I will back it up.
912
00:52:37,040 --> 00:52:40,320
James, get your tow rope out.
Go, go, go.
913
00:52:42,560 --> 00:52:44,880
'As I pulled James free...'
914
00:52:44,880 --> 00:52:47,480
Yes! Bloody brilliant, Hammond.
915
00:52:47,480 --> 00:52:50,280
'..some locals arrived
and Jeremy decided
916
00:52:50,280 --> 00:52:54,280
'to give them a quick lecture
on his theories
of off-road driving.'
917
00:52:54,280 --> 00:52:59,360
Now, I believe in speed. Power.
918
00:52:59,360 --> 00:53:03,400
Power and speed solves many things.
919
00:53:04,160 --> 00:53:08,600
Right... James, how far?
Middle of the puddle.
920
00:53:08,600 --> 00:53:11,280
(THROUGH MEGAPHONE) Speed and power!
921
00:53:19,520 --> 00:53:21,400
LAUGHTER
922
00:53:22,440 --> 00:53:27,720
Go faster! Speed and power doesn't
work. It was doing quite well.
923
00:53:27,720 --> 00:53:30,280
To be honest,
I was surprised you got that far.
924
00:53:31,760 --> 00:53:37,920
Do you think you could push it out?
Yeah. Yes? OK.
925
00:53:37,920 --> 00:53:41,840
Which way...? Oh, I've got
to get out of the way. These guys
are immensely strong.
926
00:53:52,040 --> 00:53:54,440
Drive back, drive back. OK.
927
00:54:00,080 --> 00:54:02,160
Good going!
928
00:54:04,560 --> 00:54:05,640
There you go.
929
00:54:07,280 --> 00:54:11,760
'Having freed Jeremy, the men
started to build him a new road.'
930
00:54:15,040 --> 00:54:18,600
I wouldn't do that bare
feet, I can't watch.
931
00:54:20,160 --> 00:54:22,480
I am assuming
he has never got it wrong
932
00:54:22,480 --> 00:54:24,560
because he still has
an entire right foot.
933
00:54:30,280 --> 00:54:36,240
OK. Three, two, one!
934
00:54:46,360 --> 00:54:48,400
APPLAUSE
935
00:54:48,400 --> 00:54:52,080
Yes! Well done, that
was amazing. Well done.
936
00:54:52,080 --> 00:54:54,920
Thank you, guys, that is amazing.
937
00:54:54,920 --> 00:54:56,800
'With my dues paid...'
938
00:54:56,800 --> 00:54:58,880
Thank you, thank you.
939
00:54:58,880 --> 00:55:00,280
'..we were back on our way.'
940
00:55:01,440 --> 00:55:04,840
It is amazing, those guys actually
turned out to be Ugandan army.
941
00:55:06,440 --> 00:55:09,120
Up here training.
God, they are strong.
942
00:55:10,440 --> 00:55:13,280
'We hoped that that would be
the last of the mud,
943
00:55:13,280 --> 00:55:16,720
'but as the day went on
it got even worse.'
944
00:55:18,680 --> 00:55:22,400
Oh, no, I have no steering.
No, no, no!
945
00:55:23,080 --> 00:55:26,040
Go! Thank you.
946
00:55:27,880 --> 00:55:29,040
It is beached.
947
00:55:32,040 --> 00:55:33,400
Bloody hell.
948
00:55:35,480 --> 00:55:37,640
Thank you. Hit it.
949
00:55:45,200 --> 00:55:46,240
Oh, cock.
950
00:55:48,240 --> 00:55:52,280
We are just going to blow the
clutches to pieces.
Going to have to pull it out.
951
00:55:55,360 --> 00:55:58,720
Go on, go on, go on,
you son of a... Ha-ha-ha!
952
00:56:01,720 --> 00:56:06,080
SCREAMING
953
00:56:06,080 --> 00:56:08,680
That was so damn close.
954
00:56:08,680 --> 00:56:14,920
'And then, to add to the misery, I
discovered there had been treachery.'
955
00:56:14,920 --> 00:56:19,920
How long has that been there?
Good grief! You must have...
956
00:56:19,920 --> 00:56:24,200
Hammond, I know what your panto face
is. Hammond, where is that?
957
00:56:24,200 --> 00:56:27,560
What are those really big things?
They could rip steel.
958
00:56:27,560 --> 00:56:29,960
I know exactly where it is.
959
00:56:29,960 --> 00:56:33,320
I have no idea and you will never
get it out of me. May!
960
00:56:33,320 --> 00:56:36,480
Is that thing on the front
of your car made out of my door?
961
00:56:36,480 --> 00:56:37,680
(Yes, it is.)
962
00:56:39,560 --> 00:56:41,760
Is that my door? What?
963
00:56:41,760 --> 00:56:45,480
It is from my door,
I know it is from my door.
964
00:56:45,480 --> 00:56:49,600
You're not using that bit
and it was more useful on my car.
965
00:56:49,600 --> 00:56:54,360
You didn't even notice. That's it,
that's it. Can you give me a tow? No!
966
00:57:01,400 --> 00:57:05,040
As evening drew in,
conditions started to improve.
967
00:57:08,840 --> 00:57:14,000
This is all feeling a bit Gorillas
In The Mist. It's a bit mystical.
968
00:57:14,000 --> 00:57:15,400
It is kinda wonderful.
969
00:57:17,400 --> 00:57:21,320
'Thanks to my door,
the Volvo had survived the ordeal.
970
00:57:21,320 --> 00:57:24,680
'But in the BMW,
my throttle problem was even worse
971
00:57:24,680 --> 00:57:27,080
'and my handbrake had broken.'
972
00:57:27,080 --> 00:57:30,960
Hammond, keep moving, I can't stop,
I can't do hill starts any more.
Keep going.
973
00:57:32,840 --> 00:57:36,720
This has to be one of the toughest
days we have ever had on Top Gear.
974
00:57:37,880 --> 00:57:41,280
There hasn't been a single moment
when one of us wasn't stuck.
975
00:57:42,040 --> 00:57:45,840
No car is built to survive
conditions like this. None.
976
00:57:45,840 --> 00:57:47,360
Not one.
977
00:57:47,360 --> 00:57:51,960
'And there were still more
than 500 miles to go.'
978
00:57:57,520 --> 00:58:00,360
Hammond is hot on my tail in the
quest for the source of the Nile.
979
00:58:00,360 --> 00:58:03,040
And now Rwanda.
980
00:58:05,320 --> 00:58:08,400
Oh, my God.
That might have killed the car.
981
00:58:08,400 --> 00:58:11,480
There she goes. Oh, yes!
982
00:58:11,480 --> 00:58:14,920
Gently, gently. We are going in.
Stop!
983
00:58:17,520 --> 00:58:19,640
30 seconds.
984
00:58:19,640 --> 00:58:20,680
Oh!
985
00:58:22,320 --> 00:58:23,360
I'm through.
986
00:58:24,480 --> 00:58:27,360
BLEEP Hammond is not having this.
987
00:58:32,658 --> 00:58:36,269
Corrections by Wally73
75958
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.