Original subtitles

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dad!

Oh, god, no.

Dad, are you asleep?

Dad?

What?

I have something to tell you.

Is it important?

Yes, dad.

How important?

An "Eight."

a child's "Eight" Or an adult's "Eight"?

I don't know.

I've never been

an adult.

Vanessa...

I just finished working 18 hours in the hospital.

I delivered over 8,000 babies.

I'm really, really tired

and if this is not really, really important

I'm going to be really, really angry.

If I tell you and it's not important

you'll be angry.

If I don't tell and it is important

you'll be angry.

Why did I come downstairs?

To punish me.

Dad...

what is it?

Rudy's home.

There better be more.

There is.

You know Rudy's pet goldfish, Lamont?

Yes.

The one you bought because she ate her peas?

Don't think I'm complaining because I eat my peas

and you don't

buy me a thing.

Is this about buying you something?

No, it's about Rudy's goldfish.

What about Rudy's goldfish?

He's dead.

I'm sorry.

Rudy doesn't know yet.

You're sure it's dead?

Are fish supposed to float on their backs?

Rudy doesn't know it yet?

She's feeding him.

And he's not eating.

Now you're cooking.

Hi.

Hi.

I'm glad you're home.

Hi. Hi, mom.

Wait till you hear what I did today.

Not now, dear. We've got a problem.

What is it?

Rudy's goldfish is dead.

How is she taking it?

She doesn't know yet.

Dad's going to break it to her while I watch.

Tough one, dad?

I don't think you understand the relationship

between Rudy and Lamont.

When I took her into the pet store

we came in front of this huge fish tank.

She walked up to it

and she said, "I want that one."

the man took the net, went in...

caught a fish, put it in the bag.

She said, "That's not him."

There are 10,000 fish--

all look the same--

in that tank.

My daughter says, "That's not him."

Finally, the man steps down, hands Rudy the net.

Rudy climbs up on a crate...

holds the net out--

it doesn't touch the water.

Lamont jumps up...

into the net.

She shows him to the man.

He says, "That's him."

I said to the man, "It was all the time."

Daddy?

Are you stalling?

That was a very touching story.

Yes, daddy...

a long touching story.

Hi, Rudy. What you doing?

Playing.

So... how's everything?

Fine.

Good.

Is everything okay?

Uh-huh.

That's what you think.

Well, doctor?

Rudy, daddy wants to talk to you about Lamont.

Lamont?

Yeah.

You see, dear, Lamont has gone away.

No, he hasn't.

He's right here.

Well, yes...

and no.

You see...

goldfish are not very strong

and sometimes, without warning

they just stop... doing things... forever.

Do you understand

what I'm saying?

Uh-huh.

What am I saying?

I don't know.

Dad, let me try.

Hey, what's going on?

Rudy...

what dad's trying to tell you is

your goldfish is decreased.

Close.

Deceased.

What's "Deceased"?

what's dead?

Your goldfish.

Yuck!

Dad, he is dead.

No!

Lamont is more than just a body.

He is funny stories.

He's nibbling food.

He's swimming through the lighthouse.

Lamont will always be with us.

Oh... well, yeah.

Can I flush the body?

Go to your room.

What did I say?

Go to your room.

You unfeeling beast!

Come over here, honey.

Daddy, is he really dead?

You can cry if you want to.

Maybe later.

Think we could do something

to cheer her up?

Let's fix her favorite dinner.

That's a great idea.

Hot dogs!

That's your favorite dinner.

How about your famous scrambled eggs?

That's what we'll do for her.

What else could we do?

She's always wanted a dog.

No, you wanted a dog.

Here we go-- dad's famous eggs.

It's a good thing he didn't serve fish.

Unless you're planning on eating that basketball

get it off the table.

What's the matter with you?

All right, now...

look, honey, you've got to eat.

I made these special for you.

Could I leave the table?

Just take a little bite.

I'm too sad to eat.

That's all right.

Come on, we'll go upstairs.

Oh, Rudy...

your mama did the most fantastic thing at work today.

Mom, not now.

You guys don't seem to care about your sister.

Daddy, don't you think you're blowing this out of proportion?

It's just a dead fish.

Right.

Sounds like flush-a-Bye time to me.

We'll all gather around the bathroom bowl.

And then... swoosh--

flush him off to glory.

Why don't we say a prayer before we hit the handle?

A funeral for a fish.

That's not a bad idea.

Why not have reverend windingham deliver a eulogy?

That's a better idea.

Daddy!

Daddy, come on.

We were only kidding!

Dad, it's okay to be weird here

but you're going outside the house now.

What are you doing?!

daddy, please..!

Hello, reverend?

He's a minister.

He'll tell god We're crazy.

Just a minute, please.

We'll do anything you say.

You'll come to the funeral?

Yes. Yes. Yes.

You'll do whatever I ask you to?

Yes. Yes. Yes.

You'll wear funeral Clothing?

Hello, reverend?

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Just a religious question.

Uh... christmas--

will it be the same time again as last year?

I see.

All right.

Yeah, december 25th. All righty.

Okay. Nice talking to you.

Bye-Bye.

Okay.

So... tell me about your day.

My day?

Yes. You know, the exciting news.

Forget about that.

Okay, well, I know what that means.

Filing of the nails means dead husband on the floor.

I'm going to sit in this chair--

you promise?

I swear.

I'm not getting out of this chair.

Last week, I was reading the verdi construction contract.

Verdi construction contract-- I know it well.

Cliff, shut up and listen.

Nobody at work would touch it.

Everybody thought it was a hopeless case

but I found this loophole...

( beeping )

Go ahead. Go ahead.

That's your beeper.

I know. I heard it.

Loophole. Go ahead.

I found this loophole that saved the client over $10,000.

Everybody in the office got so excited

even Mr. Greenbrook senior...

uh-oh.

Came to shake my hand.

( beeping )

Go ahead. Go ahead.

Mr. Greenbrook senior...

shouldn't you make that call?

No, because if it's an emergency

they give one long beep.

Go ahead. Mr. Greenbrook senior came out of the Office.

Mr. Greenbrook senior came out of the office to shake my hand...

( long beep )

okay. Uh, go ahead.

Go ahead-- Mr. Greenbrook...

and he said...

hold it. Yes, this is dr. Huxtable.

Oh, mrs. Davis has left for the hospital?

Well, how far apart are they?

No, not the labor pains-- the house to the hospital.

Okay, fine.

Just call the hospital

and tell them that I'll be there as soon as I can.

Thank you. Bye-Bye.

"Came out of the office and..."

I think you better go.

I don't have to go.

I want to hear this.

Honest to goodness, honey, please.

That mrs. Davis-- this is her ninth child.

Please believe me, she doesn't need me.

I'm just a frill.

Now, come on, tell me, please.

"Came out of the office..."

and Shook my hand...

shook your hand...

and said, "Congratulations."

Congratulations. And?

And then he went back into the office.

That is the saddest story I've ever heard in my life.

( knocking )

Ho! Come in.

I told Rudy about the funeral.

She wants to know where Lamont's going to end up.

In heaven.

Okay.

What's going on?

I thought it would be nice

to have a funeral for Lamont.

Anyway, congratulations, because heaven knows

when that man will come out of that office again.

Now, is this the darkest thing

that you have in that closet?

Why?

For the funeral.

We are dressing?

For the funeral. For Lamont.

Just go ahead.

I love living here.

Coming in Third after your patients and a dead goldfish.

Hey, Clair.

The fish goes, you move to number two.

Calling all mourners!

Calling All mourners!

THEO: Oh, dad.

Yeah, "Oh, dad."

If you don't want me to call the reverend...

I don't have anything else black.

Go in and get your sister ready, please.

Here, dad, matchbox for the Coffin.

He's too big.

He won't fit in that.

Well, can't we bend him?

When Rudy comes out, go in and get the fish

all right?

Calling all mourners!

Let's do it.

You like it?

Wear it when I'm dead.

Harvey's picking me up in five minutes

so can we move it along?

"Move it along."

This is not a hollywood funeral.

Now take the sunglasses off.

Put the sunglasses back on.

Clair!

I feel a little overdressed for the powder room.

No, you look just fine.

Uh, no jewelry.

Daddy.

Come over here beside daddy.

She's wearing Lamont's favorite dress.

I think it reminded him of the sea.

Dad.

Okay, let's proceed with the funeral, please.

I closed his eyes for you.

We are gathered here

for this special occasion

to say good-Bye to Lamont.

Lamont was a good fish--

happy and brave.

I always felt safe with him around.

And so, as to all fish, Lamont's time on This earth...

daddy?

Yes, dear?

I want to watch television.

Yeah. Well, see, we're having a funeral for your friend.

I want to watch tv now.

Me, too.

Nobody is going to watch tv until the funeral is over.

Is that clear?

If she doesn't want the funeral

we shouldn't have it.

We got dressed up for this!

We're going to have it!

Right, Rudy?

Rudy!

Forgive her, please.

He's talking to the ♪ fi-ish! ♪

( Horn honking )

Oh, daddy, that's Harvey.

Where you going? Hey!

Don't you want to say good-Bye to Lamont?

He didn't say good-Bye to us.

They're going to come back here.

Cliff.

They're going to...

This is finished.

Finished?

The party's over.

This isn't a party.

It's a funeral for Lamont.

We don't want it.

You've forced this on all of us.

I forced it on all of us.

Yes.

Uh-huh. You love this?

This makes you very happy, does it?

No.

Yes, you are happy.

My husband has gone crazy.

But, honey, it's ridiculous.

What is ridiculous?

Look at you.

Standing there dressed and holding over the... and...

"He was a good fish."

And nobody cares!

Meanwhile, a woman's in the hospital

waiting for you to deliver the baby.

Oh, my god.

I'm sorry, Lamont!

Daddy...

you've come back for the funeral?

No, I want some privacy.

You want to talk to Lamont alone?

No, I want to use the bathroom.

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