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1
00:00:00,084 --> 00:00:02,000
Previously on The Big Bang Theory...
2
00:00:02,170 --> 00:00:05,585
I am going to the Arctic Circle
with Leonard, Wolowitz and Koothrappali.
3
00:00:05,841 --> 00:00:07,677
- For three months?
- Yes.
4
00:00:08,145 --> 00:00:11,079
What did you mean when you said
you were going to miss me?
5
00:00:13,333 --> 00:00:15,508
It means I wish you weren't going.
6
00:00:30,172 --> 00:00:31,446
Thank God we're home.
7
00:00:31,616 --> 00:00:35,248
I can't believe we spent three months
in that frozen hell.
8
00:00:35,787 --> 00:00:39,287
It was like a snowy nightmare
from which there was no awakening.
9
00:00:39,916 --> 00:00:42,335
I don't know what Arctic expedition
you guys were on,
10
00:00:42,460 --> 00:00:44,542
but I thought it was
a hoot and a half.
11
00:00:47,962 --> 00:00:48,962
Hi, Mom.
12
00:00:50,213 --> 00:00:53,134
I told you I'd call you when I got home.
I'm not home yet.
13
00:00:54,711 --> 00:00:56,157
All right, I'm home.
14
00:00:57,497 --> 00:01:00,285
The Arctic expedition
was a remarkable success.
15
00:01:00,410 --> 00:01:02,800
I'm all but certain
there's a Nobel Prize in my future.
16
00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:05,649
Actually, I shouldn't say that.
I'm entirely certain.
17
00:01:07,861 --> 00:01:11,111
No, Mother, I could not feel
your church group praying for my safety.
18
00:01:12,413 --> 00:01:14,462
The fact that I'm home safe
doesn't prove it worked.
19
00:01:14,587 --> 00:01:16,648
That logic is post hoc
ergo propter hoc.
20
00:01:18,523 --> 00:01:21,245
No, I'm not sassing you
in Eskimo talk.
21
00:01:22,987 --> 00:01:24,523
I'm gonna let Penny know we're back.
22
00:01:24,648 --> 00:01:27,388
Mother, I have to go.
Love you. Bye.
23
00:01:29,465 --> 00:01:30,791
Hello, old friend.
24
00:01:39,718 --> 00:01:41,054
Daddy's home.
25
00:01:44,284 --> 00:01:45,603
Leonard, you're back.
26
00:01:45,774 --> 00:01:47,482
I just stopped by to say...
27
00:01:53,275 --> 00:01:54,070
So, hi.
28
00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:06,834
Damn it, I should have gone over
and told her we were back.
29
00:02:11,805 --> 00:02:14,180
Yeah, it was
first-come, first-serve.
30
00:02:16,428 --> 00:02:19,513
Episode 301:
The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation
31
00:02:21,798 --> 00:02:23,520
Sync: Jess, Golgi, Loky34
32
00:02:36,408 --> 00:02:38,520
www.subbercafe.fr
33
00:02:41,329 --> 00:02:42,703
I just want you both to know,
34
00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:46,040
when I publish my findings,
I won't forget your contributions.
35
00:02:46,497 --> 00:02:47,808
- Great.
- Thanks.
36
00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:50,501
Of course, I can't mention you
in my Nobel acceptance speech,
37
00:02:50,626 --> 00:02:52,429
but when I get around
to writing my memoirs,
38
00:02:52,554 --> 00:02:55,973
you can expect a very effusive footnote
and perhaps a signed copy.
39
00:02:57,683 --> 00:02:58,886
We have to tell him.
40
00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:00,106
Tell me what?
41
00:03:01,500 --> 00:03:03,094
Damn his Vulcan hearing.
42
00:03:04,712 --> 00:03:06,936
You fellows are planning a party
for me, aren't you?
43
00:03:07,935 --> 00:03:09,563
Okay, Sheldon, sit down.
44
00:03:10,449 --> 00:03:12,999
If there's going to be a theme,
I should let you know
45
00:03:13,124 --> 00:03:15,528
that I don't care for luau, toga
or "under the sea."
46
00:03:17,890 --> 00:03:19,949
Yeah, we'll keep that in mind.
Look...
47
00:03:20,372 --> 00:03:24,125
We need to talk to you about something
that happened at the North Pole.
48
00:03:24,495 --> 00:03:26,612
If this is about the night
the heat went out,
49
00:03:26,737 --> 00:03:29,143
there's nothing to be
embarrassed about.
50
00:03:30,686 --> 00:03:33,615
- It's not about that.
- We agreed to never speak of it again.
51
00:03:34,256 --> 00:03:35,881
So we slept together naked.
52
00:03:38,936 --> 00:03:41,762
It was only to keep our core body
temperatures from plummeting.
53
00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:44,852
He's speaking about it.
54
00:03:45,601 --> 00:03:47,649
For me, it was a bonding moment.
55
00:03:51,938 --> 00:03:54,608
Sheldon, you remember
the first few weeks
56
00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:56,811
we were looking
for magnetic monopoles
57
00:03:56,936 --> 00:03:58,350
and not finding anything
58
00:03:58,475 --> 00:04:01,956
and you were acting
like an obnoxious, giant dictator?
59
00:04:02,541 --> 00:04:03,993
We were gonna be gentle with him.
60
00:04:04,308 --> 00:04:06,461
That's why I added the "tator."
61
00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:13,500
And when we finally
got our first positive data,
62
00:04:13,625 --> 00:04:14,962
you were so happy.
63
00:04:16,125 --> 00:04:19,192
In the world of emoticons,
I was colon, capital "D."
64
00:04:25,757 --> 00:04:28,753
Well, in actuality,
what your equipment detected
65
00:04:28,878 --> 00:04:32,621
wasn't so much evidence
of paradigm-shifting monopoles
66
00:04:32,750 --> 00:04:33,881
as it was...
67
00:04:34,939 --> 00:04:38,068
static from the electric can opener
we were turning on and off.
68
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,579
He just went colon, capital "O."
69
00:04:46,063 --> 00:04:48,412
- You tampered with my experiment?
- We had to.
70
00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:52,025
It was the only way to keep you
from being such a huge Dickensian.
71
00:04:53,624 --> 00:04:55,673
You see that? I add the "ensian. "
72
00:04:57,664 --> 00:04:59,314
Did Leonard know about this?
73
00:04:59,439 --> 00:05:02,092
Leonard's my best friend in the world.
Surely Leonard didn't know.
74
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:03,385
It was his idea.
75
00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:06,012
Of course it was.
The whole plan reeks of Leonard.
76
00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,627
- I missed you so much.
- I missed you, too.
77
00:05:09,752 --> 00:05:11,783
I couldn't think of anyone else
while you were gone.
78
00:05:11,908 --> 00:05:12,908
Me, neither.
79
00:05:14,395 --> 00:05:16,926
Except for one night
when the heat went out.
80
00:05:18,557 --> 00:05:20,055
Long story. Don't ask.
81
00:05:27,189 --> 00:05:29,605
Do not make a sound.
82
00:05:30,732 --> 00:05:33,160
Whispering,
"Do not make a sound... "
83
00:05:34,672 --> 00:05:35,860
is a sound.
84
00:05:37,881 --> 00:05:39,791
Damn his Vulcan hearing.
85
00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:42,608
Not a good time, Sheldon.
86
00:05:47,084 --> 00:05:48,347
Oh, this is ridiculous.
87
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:51,225
- What?
- Hello.
88
00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:55,396
I realize you're currently at the mercy
of your primitive biological urges,
89
00:05:55,564 --> 00:05:58,137
but as you have an entire lifetime
of poor decisions ahead of you,
90
00:05:58,262 --> 00:05:59,898
may I interrupt this one?
91
00:06:01,365 --> 00:06:02,987
It's great to see you too.
Come on in.
92
00:06:03,982 --> 00:06:07,064
Wolowitz has informed me
of your grand deception.
93
00:06:07,314 --> 00:06:09,034
Do you have anything
to say for yourself?
94
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,397
Yes, I feel terrible about it.
95
00:06:11,522 --> 00:06:14,157
I will never forgive myself,
I don't expect you to, either,
96
00:06:14,282 --> 00:06:16,692
and I would really appreciate it
if you would leave me with Penny
97
00:06:16,817 --> 00:06:19,364
for a session of self-criticism
and repentance.
98
00:06:23,449 --> 00:06:25,467
Can someone please tell me
what's going on here?
99
00:06:25,710 --> 00:06:27,900
What's going on is
I was led to believe
100
00:06:28,025 --> 00:06:30,180
I was making
groundbreaking strides in science,
101
00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:31,597
when in fact, I was being
102
00:06:31,767 --> 00:06:34,351
fed false data at the hands
of Wolowitz, Koothrappali
103
00:06:34,476 --> 00:06:36,456
and your furry little boy toy.
104
00:06:38,646 --> 00:06:39,773
Is that true?
105
00:06:39,942 --> 00:06:42,443
It was the only way
to make him happy.
106
00:06:42,611 --> 00:06:43,944
Make him happy?
107
00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:46,447
When he wasn't happy,
we wanted to kill him.
108
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,725
There was even a plan.
109
00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:53,327
We were going to throw
his Kindle outside,
110
00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:55,039
when he went to get it, lock the door
111
00:06:55,207 --> 00:06:56,749
and let him freeze to death.
112
00:06:58,068 --> 00:07:00,209
That seems like a bit
of an overreaction.
113
00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:02,773
The overreaction
was the plan to tie your limbs
114
00:07:02,898 --> 00:07:05,299
to four different sled dog teams
and yell, "Mush. "
115
00:07:08,401 --> 00:07:09,834
We kept the original data.
116
00:07:09,959 --> 00:07:12,068
You can still publish
the actual results.
117
00:07:12,474 --> 00:07:15,225
Yes, but the actual results
are unsuccessful
118
00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:18,068
and I've already sent an e-mail
to everyone at the university
119
00:07:18,193 --> 00:07:20,048
explaining that I have
confirmed string theory
120
00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:22,524
and forever changed
man's understanding of the universe.
121
00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:25,087
Aw, see, yeah, you probably
shouldn't have done that.
122
00:07:26,822 --> 00:07:29,907
So write another e-mail.
Set the record straight. No big deal.
123
00:07:31,878 --> 00:07:33,327
You're right, Leonard.
124
00:07:33,496 --> 00:07:34,996
It's not a big deal.
125
00:07:35,253 --> 00:07:37,829
All you did was lie to me,
destroy my dream
126
00:07:37,954 --> 00:07:41,004
and humiliate me
in front of the whole university.
127
00:07:43,041 --> 00:07:45,399
That, FYI, was sarcasm.
128
00:07:47,131 --> 00:07:49,531
I, in fact,
believe it is a big deal.
129
00:07:51,756 --> 00:07:53,132
The poor thing.
130
00:07:53,257 --> 00:07:55,349
- Yeah, I feel terrible.
- Wait. Wait.
131
00:07:56,007 --> 00:07:57,643
Aren't you going to go talk to him?
132
00:07:57,811 --> 00:08:00,854
He'll be fine. The guy's a trouper.
Come here.
133
00:08:01,696 --> 00:08:04,381
You're right, you shouldn't talk to him.
I will.
134
00:08:07,029 --> 00:08:08,847
Man, I cannot catch a break.
135
00:08:17,693 --> 00:08:19,193
Do you want to talk?
136
00:08:19,324 --> 00:08:20,374
About what?
137
00:08:21,012 --> 00:08:22,835
Being betrayed by my friends?
138
00:08:23,199 --> 00:08:25,763
Spending three months
at the North Pole for nothing?
139
00:08:27,636 --> 00:08:30,236
And I didn't even get
to go to Comic-Con!
140
00:08:33,188 --> 00:08:34,262
Oh, hon...
141
00:08:41,261 --> 00:08:44,148
Soft kitty, warm kitty
142
00:08:44,316 --> 00:08:46,817
That's for when I'm sick.
Sad is not sick.
143
00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:49,528
Sorry.
I don't know your sad song.
144
00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:51,934
I don't have a sad song.
I'm not a child.
145
00:08:54,591 --> 00:08:57,486
You know, I do understand
what you're going through.
146
00:08:57,611 --> 00:08:58,412
Really?
147
00:08:58,741 --> 00:09:01,812
Did you just have the Nobel Prize
in waitressing stolen from you?
148
00:09:03,206 --> 00:09:06,639
Well, no, but when I was a senior
in high school,
149
00:09:06,764 --> 00:09:09,464
one of my friends heard
I was gonna be named head cheerleader.
150
00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:10,859
I was so excited.
151
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:13,403
My mom even made me
a celebration pie.
152
00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:16,891
Then they named stupid
Valerie Mossbacher head cheerleader.
153
00:09:17,016 --> 00:09:18,316
Big ol' slutbag.
154
00:09:20,326 --> 00:09:21,526
Are you saying
155
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:23,771
that you think a "celebration pie"
156
00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:27,051
is even remotely
comparable to a Nobel Prize?
157
00:09:28,033 --> 00:09:29,583
They're pretty tasty.
158
00:09:31,842 --> 00:09:34,860
And on a different,
but not unrelated topic,
159
00:09:34,985 --> 00:09:37,736
based on your current efforts
to buoy my spirits,
160
00:09:37,861 --> 00:09:39,798
do you truly believe
that you were ever fit
161
00:09:39,923 --> 00:09:41,889
to be a cheerleader?
162
00:09:47,676 --> 00:09:50,296
Look, Sheldon, I just don't think
that the guys and Leonard
163
00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:52,289
really meant to hurt you.
164
00:09:52,414 --> 00:09:55,886
They just told an unfortunate lie
to deal with a difficult situation.
165
00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:57,471
You know what it's like?
166
00:09:57,639 --> 00:10:00,830
Remember that scene in the new Star Trek
when Kirk has to take over the ship,
167
00:10:01,022 --> 00:10:03,146
so he tells Spock all that stuff
he knew wasn't true,
168
00:10:03,271 --> 00:10:05,971
like saying
Spock didn't care his mom died?
169
00:10:07,147 --> 00:10:09,316
I missed Comic-Con
and the New Star Trek movie!
170
00:10:14,207 --> 00:10:16,357
- I like the new look.
- Thanks.
171
00:10:20,149 --> 00:10:21,827
I call it "the Clooney."
172
00:10:23,399 --> 00:10:25,999
I call it "the Mario and Luigi,"
but whatever.
173
00:10:28,298 --> 00:10:29,586
How's Sheldon doing?
174
00:10:29,788 --> 00:10:32,514
He came out of his room this morning
wearing his Darth Vader helmet
175
00:10:32,639 --> 00:10:34,531
and tried to choke me to death
with the force,
176
00:10:34,656 --> 00:10:36,527
so I'd say, "a little better."
177
00:10:38,036 --> 00:10:41,723
If I may abruptly change the subject,
did you and Penny finally... You know.
178
00:10:42,086 --> 00:10:45,277
Personally, I don't care,
but my genitals wanted me to ask.
179
00:10:46,564 --> 00:10:49,522
Tell your genitals what I do with Penny
is none of their business.
180
00:10:50,907 --> 00:10:52,707
He says they didn't do it.
181
00:10:54,697 --> 00:10:56,145
Sheldon, over here.
182
00:11:10,913 --> 00:11:12,086
What are you doing?
183
00:11:13,376 --> 00:11:15,026
I feel bad for the guy.
184
00:11:18,471 --> 00:11:20,428
Sheldon, why are you
sitting by yourself?
185
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:22,315
Because I am without friends.
186
00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:25,316
Like the proverbial cheese,
I stand alone.
187
00:11:26,095 --> 00:11:27,495
Even while seated.
188
00:11:27,968 --> 00:11:29,784
Come on. We said we were sorry.
189
00:11:29,909 --> 00:11:31,719
It's going to take more
than an "I'm sorry"
190
00:11:31,844 --> 00:11:33,782
and a store-bought
apology pie from Penny
191
00:11:33,907 --> 00:11:36,110
to make up
for what you've done to me.
192
00:11:37,407 --> 00:11:38,829
Read your retraction email.
193
00:11:38,954 --> 00:11:41,077
Way to destroy your reputation.
194
00:11:42,278 --> 00:11:43,087
You see?
195
00:11:43,212 --> 00:11:45,787
People have been pointing
and laughing at me all morning.
196
00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:47,255
That's not true.
197
00:11:47,723 --> 00:11:50,166
People have been pointing
and laughing at you your whole life.
198
00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:52,085
I've had enough.
199
00:11:52,253 --> 00:11:53,461
Attention, everyone.
200
00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:55,296
I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
201
00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:58,033
As many of you
in the physics department might know,
202
00:11:58,158 --> 00:12:00,599
my career trajectory
has taken a minor detour.
203
00:12:00,724 --> 00:12:01,824
Off a cliff.
204
00:12:04,141 --> 00:12:05,937
My credibility
may have been damaged...
205
00:12:06,062 --> 00:12:07,150
Completely wrecked.
206
00:12:07,275 --> 00:12:10,294
But I would like to remind you
that in science,
207
00:12:10,419 --> 00:12:11,938
there's no such thing as failure.
208
00:12:12,385 --> 00:12:13,648
There once was a man
209
00:12:13,816 --> 00:12:16,557
who referred to his prediction
of a cosmological constant
210
00:12:16,682 --> 00:12:19,350
as the single "biggest blunder"
of his career.
211
00:12:19,475 --> 00:12:22,323
That man's name was...
surprise, surprise...
212
00:12:22,621 --> 00:12:23,658
Albert Einstein.
213
00:12:25,599 --> 00:12:27,501
Yeah, but research into dark energy
214
00:12:27,626 --> 00:12:29,475
proved that Einstein's
cosmological constant
215
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:32,221
was actually right all along,
so you're still...
216
00:12:32,346 --> 00:12:33,838
surprise, surprise...
217
00:12:33,963 --> 00:12:34,963
A loser.
218
00:12:38,222 --> 00:12:39,848
You think you're so clever.
219
00:12:39,973 --> 00:12:41,088
Let me just tell you,
220
00:12:41,213 --> 00:12:43,442
while I do not currently
have a scathing retort,
221
00:12:43,567 --> 00:12:46,124
you check your e-mail
periodically for a doozy.
222
00:12:51,347 --> 00:12:53,688
So much for our friendship
with Sheldon.
223
00:12:55,336 --> 00:12:57,525
We'll always have the night
the heat went out.
224
00:13:08,216 --> 00:13:10,095
Since we got interrupted last night,
225
00:13:10,220 --> 00:13:12,164
I didn't have a chance
to give you this.
226
00:13:13,444 --> 00:13:14,894
You shouldn't have.
227
00:13:17,266 --> 00:13:18,266
Oh, boy!
228
00:13:20,518 --> 00:13:21,568
What is it?
229
00:13:22,406 --> 00:13:23,756
It's a snowflake.
230
00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:25,177
From the North Pole.
231
00:13:26,464 --> 00:13:27,764
Are you serious?
232
00:13:28,725 --> 00:13:29,605
It's eternal.
233
00:13:29,730 --> 00:13:32,770
I preserved it in a one percent solution
of polyvinyl acetal resin.
234
00:13:38,100 --> 00:13:40,257
That's the most romantic thing
anyone's ever said to me
235
00:13:40,382 --> 00:13:41,847
that I didn't understand.
236
00:13:43,347 --> 00:13:45,011
It's actually a simple process.
237
00:13:45,136 --> 00:13:48,072
Cyanoacrylates are monomers
which polymerize on...
238
00:13:52,380 --> 00:13:54,122
Red alert, Leonard.
Sheldon ran away.
239
00:13:54,293 --> 00:13:55,862
Man, I cannot catch a break.
240
00:13:57,427 --> 00:13:59,086
So, how do you know he ran away?
241
00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:00,912
Well, he's not answering his phone,
242
00:14:01,037 --> 00:14:03,212
he handed in his
resignation at the university
243
00:14:03,337 --> 00:14:06,385
and he sent me a text
that said, "I'm running away."
244
00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:08,787
Thanks for letting me know.
245
00:14:08,912 --> 00:14:10,680
Aren't you going to do something?
246
00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:13,725
Of course I'm going to do something.
247
00:14:14,476 --> 00:14:17,351
Howard, you check the comic book store.
Raj, go to the thai restaurant.
248
00:14:17,476 --> 00:14:19,644
I'll stay here with Penny
in her apartment.
249
00:14:21,451 --> 00:14:22,639
Oh, damn it.
250
00:14:23,623 --> 00:14:25,028
It's Sheldon's mother.
251
00:14:25,297 --> 00:14:27,047
A break cannot be caught.
252
00:14:28,203 --> 00:14:29,324
Hi, Mrs. Cooper.
253
00:14:30,358 --> 00:14:32,558
He is?
Sheldon went home to Texas.
254
00:14:34,077 --> 00:14:36,027
Yeah, no, I know he resigned.
255
00:14:37,946 --> 00:14:40,046
I guess it kind of is our fault.
256
00:14:41,198 --> 00:14:43,743
No, you're right.
Someone needs to come talk to him.
257
00:14:43,868 --> 00:14:45,712
Don't worry, I'll take care of it.
258
00:14:46,667 --> 00:14:47,667
All right.
259
00:14:49,034 --> 00:14:50,034
New plan.
260
00:14:50,166 --> 00:14:53,441
Howard, you and Raj go to Texas.
I'll stay with Penny in her apartment.
261
00:14:54,626 --> 00:14:56,017
You're not gonna go with them?
262
00:14:56,185 --> 00:14:58,700
Well, you know,
I gave you the snowflake
263
00:14:58,825 --> 00:15:00,099
and we were kissing and...
264
00:15:00,224 --> 00:15:02,190
Come on,
I don't want to go to Texas!
265
00:15:03,420 --> 00:15:06,120
Oh, right, and I do?
My people already crossed a desert once.
266
00:15:06,245 --> 00:15:07,295
We're done.
267
00:15:11,137 --> 00:15:12,659
Trust me, you'll be fine. See ya.
268
00:15:13,266 --> 00:15:14,655
Well, wait a second, Leonard.
269
00:15:14,780 --> 00:15:17,084
Come on, how can you not go?
He's your best friend.
270
00:15:17,209 --> 00:15:19,604
Yeah, but I already saw him naked.
Just come here.
271
00:15:20,854 --> 00:15:23,104
I promise I will be here
when you get back.
272
00:15:23,229 --> 00:15:24,713
Just go help Sheldon.
273
00:15:25,605 --> 00:15:26,668
- Really?
- Yeah.
274
00:15:26,793 --> 00:15:29,363
We waited a few months.
We can wait a few more days.
275
00:15:34,418 --> 00:15:35,618
Maybe you can.
276
00:15:38,133 --> 00:15:39,133
Go.
277
00:15:41,378 --> 00:15:43,878
Boy, you cannot
catch a break, can you?
278
00:15:47,575 --> 00:15:49,075
Here you go, Shelly.
279
00:15:49,499 --> 00:15:50,599
Thanks, Mom.
280
00:15:52,969 --> 00:15:54,603
Hold your horses, young man.
281
00:15:54,728 --> 00:15:56,661
Here in Texas,
we pray before we eat.
282
00:15:56,900 --> 00:15:57,900
Aw, Mom.
283
00:15:58,025 --> 00:16:00,775
This is not California,
land of the heathen.
284
00:16:02,543 --> 00:16:03,543
Gimme.
285
00:16:07,941 --> 00:16:10,027
By His hand we are all...
286
00:16:11,293 --> 00:16:12,293
... fed.
287
00:16:12,496 --> 00:16:14,285
Give us, Lord, our daily...
288
00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:16,041
... bread.
289
00:16:16,246 --> 00:16:18,572
- Please know that we are truly...
- ... grateful.
290
00:16:18,697 --> 00:16:21,331
- For every cup and every...
- ... plateful.
291
00:16:25,762 --> 00:16:27,609
Now, that wasn't so hard, was it?
292
00:16:28,235 --> 00:16:30,009
My objection was based
on considerations
293
00:16:30,134 --> 00:16:31,734
other than difficulty.
294
00:16:32,781 --> 00:16:34,584
Whatever.
Jesus still loves you.
295
00:16:37,796 --> 00:16:40,396
Thank you for carving a smiley face
in my grilled cheese sandwich.
296
00:16:40,521 --> 00:16:42,507
Oh, I know
how to take care of my baby.
297
00:16:43,487 --> 00:16:46,540
His eyes came out a little thin,
but you can just pretend he's Chinese.
298
00:16:51,820 --> 00:16:53,759
So, do you want to talk about
299
00:16:53,884 --> 00:16:56,471
what happened with you
and your little friends?
300
00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:59,391
- They're not my friends.
- All right.
301
00:17:02,098 --> 00:17:04,128
If you recall, when you were little,
302
00:17:04,253 --> 00:17:06,147
we sat right here at this very spot
303
00:17:06,316 --> 00:17:07,796
and we talked about the problems
304
00:17:07,921 --> 00:17:10,193
you had getting along
with the neighbor kids.
305
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:11,445
That was different.
306
00:17:11,570 --> 00:17:13,225
They were threatened
by my intelligence
307
00:17:13,350 --> 00:17:15,903
and too stupid to know
that's why they hated me.
308
00:17:18,695 --> 00:17:21,212
Oh baby, they knew very well
why they hated you.
309
00:17:33,308 --> 00:17:35,468
I can't believe
you bought a red cowboy hat.
310
00:17:35,857 --> 00:17:38,093
Hello?
I'm wearing a red turtleneck.
311
00:17:43,035 --> 00:17:44,958
Plus, it was the only boys' large
they had.
312
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,537
I'm sorry,
this does not look like Texas.
313
00:17:49,662 --> 00:17:51,819
Where's the tumbleweeds?
Whe's the saloons?
314
00:17:51,944 --> 00:17:52,944
Saloons?
315
00:17:53,112 --> 00:17:54,929
Like in the movies
I saw growing up in India.
316
00:17:55,054 --> 00:17:57,932
You know, Four for Texas,
Yellow Rose of Texas.
317
00:17:58,190 --> 00:18:01,383
This neighborhood is more
Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
318
00:18:03,027 --> 00:18:05,081
I was really hoping
to see a cattle drive.
319
00:18:05,252 --> 00:18:06,373
What can I tell you?
320
00:18:06,787 --> 00:18:09,707
They probably have steaks on sale
at that big-ass Costco over there.
321
00:18:19,529 --> 00:18:21,684
Will you please
take that stupid hat off?
322
00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:23,558
No, I want to blend in.
323
00:18:25,458 --> 00:18:27,133
To what? Toy Story?
324
00:18:30,048 --> 00:18:32,067
- Hi, boys.
- Howdy, ma'am.
325
00:18:32,237 --> 00:18:34,519
Howdy to you, too.
You got here quick.
326
00:18:34,644 --> 00:18:36,571
- We took the red-eye.
- Well, come on in.
327
00:18:36,741 --> 00:18:38,089
Thank you kindly.
328
00:18:39,001 --> 00:18:41,425
- Can I get you something to drink?
- No, thank you.
329
00:18:41,550 --> 00:18:44,917
If y'all don't mind,
I got a hankerin' for a Lone Star beer.
330
00:18:47,206 --> 00:18:50,498
There's no alcohol in this household.
Stop talking like that and lose the hat.
331
00:18:53,386 --> 00:18:55,772
Sorry. I'll take a diet Yoo-Hoo
if you have it.
332
00:18:57,569 --> 00:18:59,019
You'll take a cola.
333
00:18:59,990 --> 00:19:01,971
What about you?
Radge, isn't it?
334
00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:04,679
You still having trouble
talking to the ladies?
335
00:19:05,567 --> 00:19:06,880
Because, at our church,
336
00:19:07,005 --> 00:19:09,224
we have a woman
who's an amazing healer.
337
00:19:09,475 --> 00:19:12,050
Mostly she does
crutch and wheelchair people,
338
00:19:12,532 --> 00:19:15,023
but I bet she'd be willing
to take a shot
339
00:19:15,148 --> 00:19:18,196
at whatever Third World demon
is running around inside of you.
340
00:19:20,665 --> 00:19:21,691
If you don't mind,
341
00:19:21,816 --> 00:19:23,877
there's a 3:05 nonstop
back to Los Angeles
342
00:19:24,002 --> 00:19:26,621
and you have no idea
how much I want to be on it.
343
00:19:27,413 --> 00:19:29,579
- A girl?
- Uh, yes, ma'am.
344
00:19:29,795 --> 00:19:31,403
Oh, good.
I been praying for you.
345
00:19:37,643 --> 00:19:39,867
- What are they doing here?
- We came to apologize.
346
00:19:39,992 --> 00:19:41,580
- Again.
- And bring you home.
347
00:19:41,705 --> 00:19:43,804
Why don't you pack up your stuff
and we'll head back?
348
00:19:45,375 --> 00:19:47,160
No, this is my home now.
349
00:19:47,579 --> 00:19:49,537
Thanks to you, my career is over
350
00:19:49,662 --> 00:19:51,894
and I will spend
the rest of my life here in Texas
351
00:19:52,019 --> 00:19:54,110
trying to teach evolution
to creationists.
352
00:19:58,143 --> 00:19:59,738
You watch your mouth, Shelly.
353
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:02,657
Everyone's entitled
to their opinion.
354
00:20:02,828 --> 00:20:05,326
Evolution isn't an opinion,
it's fact.
355
00:20:05,581 --> 00:20:07,982
And that is your opinion.
356
00:20:11,705 --> 00:20:13,619
I forgive you.
Let's go home.
357
00:20:18,561 --> 00:20:20,499
Don't tell me prayer doesn't work.
358
00:20:30,544 --> 00:20:33,124
How about that?
I finally caught a break.
359
00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:41,680
You know how they say
when friends have sex,
360
00:20:41,805 --> 00:20:43,155
it can get weird?
361
00:20:43,489 --> 00:20:44,489
Sure.
362
00:20:45,926 --> 00:20:47,926
Why does it have to get weird?
363
00:20:48,679 --> 00:20:49,829
I don't know.
364
00:20:50,553 --> 00:20:51,553
I mean,
365
00:20:52,341 --> 00:20:55,031
we were friends,
and now we're more than friends.
366
00:20:55,615 --> 00:20:57,365
We're whatever "this" is.
367
00:20:57,625 --> 00:20:59,875
But why label it, right?
I mean...
368
00:21:00,725 --> 00:21:02,114
It is what it is and...
369
00:21:02,239 --> 00:21:04,439
- Leonard? It's weird.
- Totally.
370
00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:02,000
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