Original subtitles

Everybody down! El Paso police!

Dear God.

We're going to need more body bags.

It's like more of the same everywhere we go.

He's got a gun!

Door!

Freeze mother fucker! Down, get down!

- Down! Get down! - Don't move!

Stop!

Motherfucker!

Down, stay down.

Don't move.

Hey.

Yeah. Good morning.

I certainly wouldn't say that.

Yeah, so you heard.

I got the basic highlights.

Why don't you fill me in?

27 dead bodies all shot in the head between 2 and 4 AM.

Four children, among the victims. All Hispanics.

No documentation on any of them... and only one survivor.

- I bet he's got one hell of a story to tell. - Hmm.

I can't wait to hear it.

Okay.

Detective Arden.

And she is...

I spent a lot of time here.

Thank the good lord. Did you hear English?

- I heard something... - I heard English.

Juan? Is it Juan?

Sure.

Juan.

Johnny, John.

Most call me, El Viajero.

Uh, what does that mean?

The traveler.

Ooh. The traveler.

The traveler, I like that.

Look, I don't mean to be rude here,

but I haven't committed any crimes. Please.

I'm the victim here.

I will fully cooperate with you.

But after, please let me go.

So you have somewhere to be?

I do, in fact.

I'm trying to make it to my sister's wedding in San Antonio,

It's tonight.

It's why I traveled down here.

So you're in this country illegally?

Oh, no, no.

I was born here.

- I live in South America. Mm hmm.

I find my low profile way of getting around to be best suited for my lifestyle.

You said you were born here.

Where's your documentation?

I had an old ID, but the pinche coyote was holding on to all of our possessions.

- Wait, the coyote? - Yes.

That was a large group he smuggled across the border.

That was a safe house we were staying in.

We were supposed to lay low and leave the next morning.

But it didn't work out that way.

What happened?

Some cartel bullshit.

They wanted to send a message.

They tied a man to a chair,

and made the others watch.

Sick fuckers.

Took their time too.

Executing people

one by one.

But you're the only one left standing.

How are you the only one unharmed.

Haven't I been through enough already tonight?

Look, I cannot stress it enough how important it is for me to leave.

Why are you so scared?

You scared something?

- Or maybe somebody? - Yes.

Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. Yes.

Well, I got to tell you, you're in the safest place you possibly can be.

Did you see how many bodies there were?

I had to watch all of that!

Would you feel safe in some podunk jailhouse?

- No offense. - None taken.

Speak for yourself.

Detectives.

You have no idea what is coming.

And believe me...

if I don't leave here within the next 90 minutes,

we are all going to be dead.

Is that a threat, Mr. Garcia?

No, no, not at all.

It's a warning.

There are powers far darker than that of men.

Forces for deadlier than I or you,

could even possibly comprehend.

These lands

are filled with magic.

Creatures that defy...

Our imagination.

Well from one bullshitter to another,

I got to tell you, uh,

I would have stuck with the uh...

Wedding.

- The wedding story. - Wedding.

Yeah. I mean, that,

- pulled in my heartstrings a little bit. - Yes.

Everyone loves a big wedding.

I feel sorry for you chubby.

Look, you.

Are not going anywhere until you tell us about these people.

I don't know any of these people.

I was on the bus with them for all of 4 hours.

I didn't get a chance to know any of them.

I know this one.

I know this one.

Okay.

It's hard to tell, with all the bullets in his face.

Do you know this person or do you not know this person?

I am not sure if I met him before or after...

he died.

- After he died? - Yeah, what does that mean?

Detectives.

Death is never the end.

- Oh, Jesus. - Here we go.

There are portals back and forth

from one realm to the other.

Problem is, sometimes portals don't close once they're open.

Sure.

No one knew this better than Gustavo.

Gustavo.

Tell us about Gustavo.

When I knew him,

we were in Argentina.

He had a very special sight.

He could see

what no one else could see.

What do you mean you don't want to go?

You realize I already signed you up for the tournament

yesterday, and that I was gonna get your plane tickets tomorrow?

- Can you please explain what's going on? - I don't making...

competitive times.

I don't know what

happening?

- To me. - You did 7 seconds.

7 seconds, Guti, that's 2 seconds away from the world record.

Right now I'm not doing 7 seconds.

Look.

I don't care about the money, I already told you. I don't care about the money.

And if you get top ten, it's 8,000 dollars.

8,000 dollars in Argentina,

you can live like Rockefeller with that money.

I'm going

to make...

you lose the money.

you are investing in me.

You drove your tenants crazy.

- Podcast! Pod. Cast!

Podcast!

Sister.

I will...

go to Japan,

I, I will compete anyway.

Uhm...

Maybe, it's eh,

like,

you told me.

Gus, what the fuck are you talking about?

Help me.

Mom.

Please.

That's everything I know about the guy.

I don't think that's him. I don't think so.

So we're telling ghost stories now, is that what you're doing?

You ask what I know.

Detectives can I get a word?

Don't take too long.

The clock is ticking.

Please tell me you got something.

We ran his mug shot through the image archives and we got a match.

We get a few of them actually.

The first one that popped up was 1996.

Couple petty crimes, shoplifting, some traffic violations.

But then we have another mugshot,

different name, Antonio Salguero.

That's pretty much the same, right?

Well this mugshot is from 1982.

Bullshit.

He'd be ten years old in this picture.

Maybe he just looks mature for his age.

And here's one from 1973.

- What? - But there's this other one odd fact.

What's that?

According to our records, he's dead.

- He's dead? - Yeah. He died in 1997. Car accident.

Well, obviously he isn't dead, so they must have IDed the wrong guy.

Look, maybe this is some weird computer glitch or maybe someone

put it in the wrong information when they were entering the data.

But as far as the state of Texas is concerned, that's a dead man in there.

- We have less than an hour. - Yeah.

Can I please go?

We'll let you do that as soon as you tell us the truth.

I have told you the truth.

I have complied completely.

Juan Garcia died

in a car accident in 1997.

Mr. Garcia, we're going to ask you one last time, for God's sakes, tell us the truth.

Come on, who are you?

The reason I survived

- the traffic accident. - Okay?

The reason I survived last night.

- Yeah. - Is because I cannot die.

He can't die now.

Are you telling us,

that you're immortal?

To a certain extent...

that is correct.

If you don't believe me, there's a real quick way I can prove

- that I'm not lying to you. - How's that?

Take your weapon and point it at my head and pull the trigger!

You know we're not gonna be able--

Take your weapon, shut the fuck up!

- Take your-- Shut the fuck up! - You shut the fuck the up.

- I'm not taking my gun out. - Take your weapon, point it at my head and pull the trigger.

- Okay. - I'm not fucking lying! Do it.

And let's end this back and forth.

You know what?

We're going to take you back to your cell so you can calm the hell down.

No, no, no, no, no.

That's not what I want.

What's he doing?

Remember,

when I came in bleeding because I tried to hack my hand off.

Where's the scar?

- How'd you do that? - That's what I've been trying to tell you.

But you don't listen.

I am.

Matlalihuitl,

Chalchiuhtlatona.

I'm from Tenochtitlan,

the capital of the Aztec Empire.

542 years ago.

Uh huh...

See, so you lied to us.

You said you were born in the U.S.?

Goddammit chubby.

- Is that all you got from this? - Yeah.

You're barking up the wrong tree with this magic shit.

There's a series of murders, that went unsolved around these parts,

Yeah, we, uh...

- We have a lot of those. - All the time.

But these were different.

Were they not?

These victims were drained of all their blood.

That was, uh...

very highly publicized.

What if I told you who did it?

Will you let me go?

You better not be telling us

a vampire story.

You bet your asses I'm telling you a vampire story.

Return to me.

You are...

under my thrall.

My word

is your command.

Blah, blah!

I want to suck your blood.

Fucking Halloween.

Come on, Ellie.

Must you disturb me?

I have but one night a year in which I can enjoy myself in public.

Hey asshole.

Do you know what time it is?

You would call me for the time!?

Don't you young people have devices that tell you such things?

We do.

They also tell us when it's Daylight Savings Time.

I'm sorry. Come again. What was that? What?

No, no, no, no, no.

That's not right.

It's like this in the fall it goes forward.

In the spring - backwards.

It's the other way around dummy.

Sunrise is one hour earlier.

6 a.m. instead of seven.

What does the sky tell you?

Oh fuck.

You have 15 minutes until sunrise.

How far away are you?

Not that far.

Tell me you weren't stupid enough to go into town.

Of course not.

- I'm not an idiot. - I'm dealing with a child.

That's enough.

I am hundreds of years, your elder.

I have lived a dozen lives.

I have drank the blood of kings and queens.

I have destroyed armies.

I have reigned terror all over--

Blah, blah, blah.

I'm hanging up.

No, no, no. Please, please, please, no.

This is exactly why I try to teach you how to drive.

You insisted in the old ways.

And now you want me to go out there and put myself at risk.

Maribel, please.

Exactly where are you?

Old town.

Excuse me.

- Old town. - Jesus.

You're going to die.

You're never going to make it back here on time.

You're always with the pessimism.

- Why can't you just fly? - Fly?

- Are you insane? - Turn into a bat.

I mean, you always told me you can transform.

Was that another one of your lies?

I lied? No, no, I just haven't done it in a while.

So I'm a little out of practice.

- Yeah, right. - Silence!

I'm your master.

I command you.

Maribel.

You know I didn't mean that master thing. I'm sorry, my love.

I didn't mean that, please.

Please, I beg you.

You know what? I'm going to show you!

Be the bat.

Become the bat. Be the bat. Be the bat.

Be the bat. Be the bat. Be the bat.

Be the bat. Be the bat!

Fly! Fly!

Be the bat. Be the bat. Be the bat!

What a punk ass little bitch.

Oh my god!

Whoo!

This is my favorite shirt.

Oh, no way.

- Are you serious? - That's your favorite shirt?

Oh dude that's so lame.

- That is ridiculous. - Dude, get him again.

Oh shit!

Give me a minute.

I need to get back into the Stairmaster.

Oh my god!

I know what you are.

The heart...

is on the left son.

Oh... Oh yeah.

Hey!

Hold it right there mister.

Ho, ho, ho, ho.

What the hell?

What you hiding back there?

Uh...

A severed head officer.

There some kind of haunted house thing here, huh Dracula?

Chill, chill, chill.

You guys made a fucking mess.

Nobody better jump out at me.

I hate all that crap.

Yeah, me too.

Look. Look at this. Look at this.

Look. It's just so fake.

So so fake.

You really need to step your game up next year sir.

Hey, Joe,

Get a...Get a picture of me and Dracula with the severed head.

Oh, that's a good idea.

- Come on. - Oh, you mind?

Yes. We can go viral with this.

My kids love this.

- Can I? Can I? - Sell it.

Sell it. Sell it.

Yes, sell it.

Sell it to me. Sell it. Oh, yes. Show me those teeth.

Come on now, sell it to me.

Sell it, sell it.

There we go, there we go.

All right, well, thanks.

What is that Karo syrup?

It's my own recipe.

Holy shit.

That's not syrup.

- That's blood. - What?

It's in my mouth!

Get your hands up. What did you do?

What did you do? Get your hands up.

- What did you do, get'em up! - Put your hands up!

- Get'em up! - Freeze.

You're under my thrall.

My every word is your command.

- What? What did you do to him? - My every word is your command.

Ken you okay?

- You're under my thrall. - Hey, man!

Put your hands up!

You are under my thrall.

- My every word is your command. - What did you do to me? What are you, man?

What are you? Get on the ground. Get on the ground!

- You're under my thrall.

- Motherfucker. What kind of voodoo shit is this?

- You are under my thrall. - Put your hands on the ground now.

You are under my thrall,

- Every word is my-- - What are you doing?

I will shoot you in the face.

- Now stop it. - Crap.

You are under my thrall!

- Stop it. What are you do-- - You are under my thrall!

Can't mess with people's brains like this, man.

Why are you doing this? Why?

- You are under my thrall! - Stay back. Stop it.

Stop it. Stop it right now.

Fuck it!

Come on you alright? Come on.

We are in pursuit south on market, Hispanic male on foot.

It appears as if he's a vampire.

Don't look him in the eyes.

I repeat, do not look him in the eyes.

- Did you really just say that over the radio? - Yes. Yes, let's go!

Motherfucker.

Relax. Relax, relax,

Breathe.

Breathe.

What's that?

Hot, hot, hot, hot!

I'm not gonna make it.

Hello. Leave a message.

Maribel, I need you.

I know that sometimes I act like I don't but I do.

I'm sorry that I snuck out behind your back,

but I just needed a taste of the old days.

The hunt, the thirst.

I'm just an immortal idiot.

Please forgive me.

- Maribel! - Get in!

Go, go.

You came.

It's a horrible character flaw.

Here. Don't get blood on my seats.

What am I supposed to do with this?

Is something burning?

It's my flesh.

I accidentally went into a church.

You are a real piece of work.

I'm sorry I said that I was your master.

You know, I hate that.

I know.

Maybe it's the reason why I say it.

but. But. But never again.

I promise, if we make it out of this,

never.

That's a big if.

The sun is about to rise.

No, no, no. We're going to make it.

It's our destiny. Nothing can stop us.

- Rush hour! - Back up!

I can't there's cars behind me.

Well, what are we supposed to do?

We have to run!

More running!

We're too late.

Come on!

Get in!

- I'm not going in there! - Let's go!

Ouch.

Ouch.

This cannot be the way I go.

- It's so unbecoming! - Relax!

We've been in worse spots than this,

remember Frankfurt.

Oh, yeah.

The mob with,

With the torches and the pitchforks.

We had to hide in an outhouse all day.

You hung a sign at the door that said, "Out of order".

I still can't believe that worked!

I can't believe the smell didn't kill us.

You know, I had to throw those shoes away.

- And I loved those shoes. - I know.

I knew you will come for me.

You shouldn't have.

We're destined to be together

forever.

You think so?

I do.

I do.

This thing isn't going to keep the sun out.

I guess this is... This is it.

Maribel...

I am so sorry.

- You are always sorry. - I'm not sorry I met you.

Me neither.

The last hundred and 50 years have been the happiest of my life.

And it's because of you.

It's been a blast my love.

Yes.

Fucking Halloween.

Okay, so now you want us to put an APB out on a vampire?

No, he's a trail of dust now.

Mr. Garcia, at this point, you're just wasting our fucking time.

Then can you please let me go?

Well, first, I need to ask you some questions about some of your...

Charms.

Those are my relics, my things.

What is this?

Is this a gang thing?

You recognize this?

I don't know it looks pretty old.

Did you steal them from a museum?

Really? Because you see me as I am.

You think everything I do is a crime or gang related?

I mean, well,

we all collect different things, right?

That human blood?

Hard to say.

I mean, there's a lot of death in the world.

Could be animal, people,

might not be even blood at all.

Tell us, how did that come into your possession?

It was a shaman ceremony in Mexico.

I got there, but after it was over.

I took a sample for good luck.

Hello.

De la Cruz.

This is agent Rothschild.

Yes sir, it's me.

I need to verify your identity.

Or the deal is off the table.

Full legal name, birthday,

birthplace, spouse, and children.

To confirm voice recognition.

Wife.

Deceased.

March 10th, 2021.

Gunshot.

Children De la Cruz.

Deceased.

Gunshot.

Confirmed.

In regards to your cooperation with the CIA,

in the assistance and involvement in the take down of political

leader Jose Luis Salvador.

Wanted for the mass murders of innocent civilians of the United States of America

in the illegal drug trade.

We are in agreement that the information

you provided is to be 100 percent based on fact,

and first hand witness accounts.

I alone have enough to give you the keys to take Salvador

and his entire political party down.

You will still hold your promise to relocate me

outside of Mexico after my election.

This thing is finished.

When your end of the bargain is met

we just don't give out free fucking passes into our country.

Stay right where you are.

Pick up will be arranged for you tomorrow at 1800 hours.

Why can't it be tonight!

I'm ready waiting here.

Save now.

One more thing,

does anybody know you're there?

No sir.

And you actually expect us to believe that?

Honestly, no.

- But that's exactly what happened. - Here.

- What's this? - A sacred bullet.

It's filled with the sawdust...

Of Christ's cross.

It was forged with the iron,

with the nails used to crucify him.

It can stop anything.

Saint...or Sinner.

Well, it doesn't matter now, because the gun that shoots the thing it...

has been lost for 80 years.

Why would you need such a bullet?

Because it's the only thing that can stop what's coming.

And believe me, if you don't let me go,

it will destroy everything in its path to get to me.

I thought you said you couldn't die.

There's one thing that can kill me.

San la Muerte.

Saint Death.

Santa Muerte.

Santa Muerte, is Mexica.

from Mexico.

- Right. - San La Muerte.

Is a saint from Colombia.

Okay.

It's who you go to when you're desperate,

for a favor.

- Of course. - Long time ago I...

I needed a favor.

You asked me if I stole this ring.

No, detectives. No.

This was my engagement ring.

I was married to a beautiful woman.

Anacaona.

We had a child.

Itzcali.

But both were chosen to be sacrificed.

So I made a deal with San La Muerte.

Their lives in exchange for mine.

When my time came, I was scared.

So I ran away.

It's why I survived.

All this time.

By being one step ahead of death.

I need an aspirin.

Uh...

Okay.

Why is this San La Muerte, coming for you?

Why today?

He's always been coming for me.

He has been for the majority of my life.

But I have to keep moving.

I'm always several hours ahead of him, usually no more than 12.

But if I stand still or end up in a predicament like this,

he has time to catch me.

And it never ends well.

Mr. Traveler...

The uh... The markings on the bullet

reminded me of something I'd seen before,

at a crime scene.

El Matador Divino.

The Saint Killer.

What is a saint killer?

Where do you have this? Is this here?

You have to give it to me.

Okay.

- Uh, hey, Arden. - Yeah?

Would you mind going out there to the evidence cabinet and

bringing me the weapon.

To give to the suspect.

Sure. Would you like me to load it for you?

Get the fuck out of here man.

Made my head itch!

I should have known that I was fucked

the moment I was locked up in a room with a fucking gringo.

tinker with our toys, and it's us who get fucked!

It is exactly what happened to Malcolm?

Who the fuck is Malcolm?

You wanna know about fucking Malcolm?

Oh, please don't.

Let me tell you about Malcolm.

- Hey. - Hey.

How's it going?

I haven't been here in a while.

- Doesn't look any different than I remember. - You always liked this place.

That'd be nice to meet here.

And I actually think this was the table.

Uh, when you broke up with me.

- Come on. - I'm just.

I tried to convince myself that the reason we broke up

that night is because you were just upset that they got your order wrong.

No, no, no.

It was definitely you.

Sure that's a little different.

You were an asshole back then.

Yeah I know you mentioned that.

Also, you look like shit.

- What happened to you? - Yeah...

Where is everybody?

Are Gus and Ed joining us?

What are you talking about? Gus, Ed?

They're all dead.

Dead?

Yeah.

What the fuck are you talking about?

- After Havana, what do-- - Shhh.

I thought we'd never speak again of what happened in Havana.

I thought that was what you wanted.

Yeah that was what I wanted.

Until all our friends fucking died! Because of it.

- Hi. - Hey.

- Thanks. - Thank you so much.

Uhm...

So, uh...

I think

we've all been cursed.

And there is something out to get us.

Malcolm.

Do you hear what you're saying?

Here look I'll,

prove it to you.

Do you remember when we took this picture?

Yeah, it was right before we went into that

weird ceremony.

Exactly.

You don't remember anything about that ceremony do you?

No.

What we saw.

We were not supposed to see.

We were not supposed to be there.

That ceremony was secret for a reason.

And then none of that stuff was supposed to get out.

But I recorded it.

Wait, you recorded it?

- Yes. - Jesus, Malcolm.

- I know. - They were crystal clear about that.

I did it for your fucking documentary, okay?

And I thought it was all bullshit anyway.

I think that by recording it.

I awoke something.

and now it's coming for us.

What do you mean awoke something?

Like a demon?

Demons.

And they're coming for us. And they're going to

take us over one by one until we are all dead.

Malcolm, honey,

are you on meds?

None of this makes any sense.

Look at the picture. Okay.

You see, Gus? See that he's wearing red?

Red is the color of Siete Rayos the ruler of fire.

Do you want to know how Gus died?

He was burned alive.

- Was it an accident? - He was burned from the inside out.

What do you fucking think? I don't know.

Now look at Carol.

See how her hair is like that?

That's Kimbabula, the ruler of wind.

She was crushed by a hurricane in her own fucking apartment.

What about Ed?

- See how he's holding his crotch? - Oh, yeah, that's...

- That's typical Ed. - Yeah.

I think that's Mama Chola, ruler of human pleasures.

You remember that girl he was hooking up with in Cuba?

Well, I guess her vagina turned to a fucking woodchipper

because they had to hose him off the ceiling.

What about Miguel?

He did this.

Uhm...

He died. He died a week ago

Uh, in front of me.

Okay,

let's stop this.

Where's the recording?

Let's destroy it.

No, I already, I already tried that. I tried.

I tried it all. I melted it, busted it apart.

I threw it in the ocean and just keeps on coming back.

Why?

I think maybe they need it to get out.

I mean, we're the ones who heard it and look what's happened to us.

Now, imagine if that thing goes on YouTube or some asshole with a podcast

plays it for his listeners and then you have 100 million fucking maniacs.

- It would be the end. - Of the fucking world, yeah.

Right, you said that it's taking over us.

As in possessing?

If everyone else is dead,

that means it has to be one of us now.

Yeah.

You... You think it's me?

You're saying that I'm possessed?

Malcolm, stop acting crazy.

I'm not possessed.

It's me,

Amy.

That's just it I don't think you are.

I think you're tricking me into believing you're Amy.

You're actually the last one of them.

Nzambi Mpungo.

- King Zombie. - King Zombie.

King Zombie.

What the fuck?

- Seriously? - King Zombie.

What makes you think that?

Oh, for starters, you invited me here

thought it would be a safe space.

Something I'm familiar with, a lot of people around.

I feel safe, you know,

I let my guard down and then...

you rip me to shreds and take the tape.

I asked you here because it was our favorite spot.

I mean, it was our favorite spot, it was my favorite spot.

But this restaurant closed down years ago.

Now, I know Amy knows that, but I don't know if she knows that I know that.

Mainly because I made a big stink about never coming back

to my favorite restaurant, because of the heartbreak.

But I came back.

I love the food here.

So, no,

I don't think this place is real.

I don't think these people are real.

I don't think you're real.

At least the real Amy that I used to know.

I thought I had you there.

- Now what? - Well now I,

send you back to whatever hell you crawled out from.

And how are you going to do that?

Well...I have a secret plan.

Did you want to hear it?

Please.

tell me you're stupid little pl--

Where's the recording?

You're never going to get it.

I forged the hell you want to send me to.

I breathed life into all the beings that took your friends.

You never stood a chance.

Fuck.

You brought it, you fool.

With this...

I'll unleash an army of Nkisi

to take over the world.

No!

Your human weapons can't hurt me.

They can't, but this can.

This is not possible.

- How! - Well like you said,

my human weapons can't hurt you.

So I had to find something that can kick your ass.

- No. - That's right, baby.

I found--

Welcome to the Mystic Museum, fellow travelers,

home of oddities and strange artifacts.

- So what can I do for you? - Are you the man they call El Jefe?

Haven't heard that in a long time.

But yes, I used to go by that name.

We find ourselves in a situation in which

we might need some sort of protection.

Well you've come to the right place.

We have all sorts of amulets, anything from chicken feed to sage,

protection from pretty much anything you can think of.

What if it's not for protection?

What if we want to fight back?

You're already in trouble, aren't you?

This thing that's come for you. What is it?

An angry ghost, a werewolf?

- Bigger. - Demons?

- Bigger. - The Devil?

Satan himself.

Maybe take it down a notch.

This thing.

Where does it come from?

Cuba.

Fucking Cubans.

What's coming for you has been around a lot longer than we have.

Our weapons cannot hurt it.

Only a weapon from its realm can send it back to it.

And I happen to have such a weapon.

- It's as good as you say we'll take it. - Yeah.

We trust you man but we don't have time for backstories.

Back when I was younger,

I started traveling the world

trying to figure out who I was.

So I grabbed the backpack, some clothes,

- my pet parakeet, Winokee. - Nice.

And that's how I wound up in Zanzibar.

I heard about a being

an entity that reveals the real you.

So I took a leap of faith and went to seek The Popobawa.

The Popobawa.

Yes, The Popobawa.

A very powerful demon.

Oh. Yeah.

So I performed a ceremony to summon him.

So the third night I saw him for the first time,

he blended with the darkness.

His sweaty skin glistening in the moonlight.

He stood by the doorway staring at me.

I couldn't move.

I was hypnotized.

I managed, to utter a single phrase,

show me.

And in a blink he was on top of me.

El Jefe, that's a wild story but we--

And then he penetrated me.

Oh, I'm sorry, what?

He held me down with his powerful arms.

And he thrust himself inside of me over and over,

bringing me closer and closer to who I was meant to be.

He made me feel things that I never felt before.

It was like a rainbow exploded inside of me.

Yeah. Okay.

And when it was finally done, he left

and my heart was pounding in my chest.

My lungs were screaming for oxygen,

and my body overflowed with his energizing, demonic residue.

Okay, but I still had doubts,

- so I summoned him again. - You...

you summoned the demon again?

Yes. There was a lot of summoning.

So for 19 nights I continued to summon him,

and for 19 nights the demon came to me

and each night I felt like he was digging

deeper inside of me to reveal who I really am.

Yeah, man, this really doesn't sound like it was a demon.

No!

It was a demon.

A powerful demon.

He knew about my past.

You've been a bad boy he would tell me,

and he was right.

I needed to be punished.

You should have heard the filthy things that he whispered to me

as he held me in his powerful, muscular embrace

as we lay down in bed together.

It was nasty.

But then

things started to go wrong.

He started showing up late,

keeping me waiting for hours.

And then he stopped showing up at all.

So I started adding sacrifices to the ceremonies.

I filled the shack with flowers and, and chicken heads to bring him back.

Even my sweet pet parakeet Winokee had to go.

You had to kill Winokee?

I had to sacrifice something that was important.

But it was worth it.

That night he came back,

but he changed.

He was cold, distant.

He didn't even mention that I was wearing the shirt that he said he liked.

So I confronted him, I said,

Popo, what is wrong?

Popo?

What you call him Popo?

- Popobawa, Popo. - Yeah sorry.

- Shortened. - Yeah.

But he got mad at me.

Oh man, he got so angry.

He said that I was the one that called him.

He said he could only stay for a little while because he was super busy

and that things were moving too fast.

Then I found out.

Well, it turns out that the Popobawa had been around for a very long time

and, that he would just come to any man that would call him.

Yeah, well, no wonder you were so tired, Mr. Popo.

I mean, He, he made me feel special, you know, I thought I was the only one,

but,

no, he had that entire island under his seductive grip.

So I had to free them.

Winokee's sacrifice would not go in vain.

So that night,

after a particularly rough yet gentle session.

When he was fast asleep,

I went down to the kitchen

and I grabbed the biggest knife I could find.

And while he was snoring,

I went back and I delivered from his despicable evil.

Uhm...

Uh. So you killed this guy, the demon, you killed the demon.

I wounded him.

It woke up bleeding and screaming

and he ran off into the night.

And that was the last time I ever saw him.

As he was escaping.

He left in my possession the most dangerous

weapon that I have ever encountered.

The very appendage

that terrorized the whole town.

The Hammer of Zanzibar.

- Okay! - Fuck, nope, nope.

- I'm not touching that thing man. - That was in your body?

Oh, my God. Okay, we got to go, man.

You don't get. It, do you?

This is the most powerful thing that you will ever hold in your hand.

- I'm sure. - If Satan himself crossed your path,

and you fought him with this.

- Satan, would be fucked! - Of course, he'd be fucked, look at the size of that thing.

Look, I'm happy you found yourself but Miguel and I

we're just gonna figure something else out, right, Miguel?

Sure we will Malcolm,

and we will fuck your soul for all eternity.

What did you say?

We'll fuck your soul.

Oh God.

Miguel! Fucking what the fuck?

It's me! Malcolm! My mom used to bake you cookies!

We'll fuck your mother's heart!

Miguel what the fuck!

Oh fuck!

We'll fuck your mother's heart!

Shut up!

We'll fuck your mother's heart!

What the fuck Miguel!

We'll fuck your mother's heart!

I told you it would work.

How much do you want for it?

The Hammer of Zanzibar.

That's right.

Let's get hammered.

Oh fuck!

- Fuck!

We'll see you in Hell!

You can tell them I'm coming.

And hell's coming with me.

That doesn't make any sense. Nobody--

Fuck...

Drop your weapon and come out with your hands up!

It's not a weapon.

It's a giant demon di--

So they caught him?

No.

A white guy surrounded by dead Latinos.

They said he survived the gang shooting, and so they let him go.

But of course, it's a white guy had to be a white guy.

It's been fun spending time with you and

sharing all these wonderful stories.

Yeah.

I have lived my life many times over.

If I go,

it's been long overdue.

But you

I'm sure you have loved ones would like to see tonight,

come home.

They won't

unless you let me go.

- You know what? - What?

- I'm done. - Yeah, I'm done too.

You need to go back to your cell.

Thank you.

- Fuck is that? - What the hell?

He's here.

I understand just bring it down a little bit, all right?

Hey, hey, hey hoss, you can't go that way. Alright, man?

You may want to check that out.

Yeah, thanks.

Don't look into the eyes.

Okay?

Don't!

- Why don't you tell us about this? - I did.

- Now, do you believe me? - So we let you go

and this stops now.

It will only stop if you give me the Saint Killer weapon.

Goddammit!

Fine. Fine.

Goddammit! Fuck, fuck!

- Where is it? - Just take it!

Just take it!

I'll be back, I'll be back.

He'll be back, he's always coming for me.

From the jungles of Argentina.

to the Chihuahuan Desert of Mexico.

There are forces beyond our comprehension,

creatures that exceed our imagination.

And I'm the unlucky sap who comes across it.

When you're a part of the other side, you see it everywhere.

But I must travel on.

I must.

Why such a hurry?

Because if I don't get out of here in the next ninety minutes,

we're all going to die.