Original subtitles

FOUR TIMES THAT NIGHT

''Coolie Nose. ''I call him that because of his cold nose.

Come here, Coolie. Let me take a look at you.

Do you like him? He's a miniature poodle.

I take him with me wherever I go. Men are crazy about him.

See? I don't know what they see in him.

I almost drove off the road. I nearly had a heart attack.

Don't tell me you're leaving!

You have a really nice dog, you know?

Me, talk to a man in a fancy sports car? Never!

Still a virgin...

and heedless to the temptations of the flesh, like the good nuns taught me...

I wither my pursuer with a glance and humiliate him.

Him and his stupid sports car, 2.35 million lire plus tax.

I can get a better look from the bushes.

See? I was mistaken. It's a Deluxe model. 3.23 million.

But who cares?

What if he's not really debauched?

What if he's an ex-orphan...

charmed not by my Coolie, but by the spiritual virtues...

I acquired at the nunnery?

Orphan or not, the devil himself can drive up in a sports car.

You want me to be yours, you demon? I'll give you the slip in the park.

Don't bark, Coolie!

Come here! You don't want the devil to get you, do you?

Come on, stop barking!

Do something! Call the ASPCA.

Don't worry, I'll protect you. Are you all right?

I think something's broken.

I don't think that's possible. Aren't you the devil incarnate?

- The devil in-what? - The devil incarnate.

You must have mistaken me for my uncle.

- Is your uncle the devil? - Well, he's an archbishop.

With an uncle in the church, you go around seducing girls?

Somebody's got to keep up the family's good name.

You're a second-rate seducer, with no redeeming qualities.

- Me? You don't seem to like me much. - You're right there.

- What if I take offense? - We might argue.

We don't even know each other. What's your name?

Tina.

My name is Gianni Prada. I have a date with Tina.

Of course, Tina told me all about you. I'm her mother.

- Please, come in. - Thank you.

Gianni Prada. Are you related to the singer, Gianni Morandi?

No? That's a shame.

Speaking of shame, let's talk about Tina.

- Would you like some coffee? - No, thank you.

- Or perhaps some tea? - I'm fine, thank you.

- You were talking about Tina. - We are not alone.

- Of course, you mean the dog. - I mean our conscience. Have a seat.

I believe in spiritual values.

- I'm glad to hear it. - But of course.

- My daughter is a good girl. - I'm good too.

There are many ways of being good. Tina is young and inexperienced.

- You must be very experienced. - You needn't worry.

Even an experienced young man can have a heart.

- Really? - I swear on my honor.

You know, I was a Boy Scout.

You must have had a very exciting life.

Yesterday a Boy Scout, today an experienced young man.

- What about tomorrow? - Tomorrow nothing. It's Sunday.

Blessed are those who remember Friday even on Sunday.

Here I am!

- I'm ready. - Wow! You look lovely.

Thank you. How do I look?

Very nice. It's one of a kind. Very expensive.

Turn around, Tina. Let us admire you.

It's a little short, but there were no longer ones.

Do you like it? Let's go, then.

You're going out?

The priests were right when they said the flesh is weak.

- My feet are already killing me. - You went to a Catholic school too?

So did I. I was taught by nuns.

And you move like that? The nuns aren't what they used to be.

- Why not? My heart is pure. - I wasn't talking about your heart.

- It's late. - Everyone's still dancing.

Please, take me home. It's too late.

All right.

The band's not bad. It's too loud, though.

- Hi, Gianni. - How's it going?

- Will you have a drink? - No, I have to take her home.

Allow me to introduce Duccio, Lorenzo, and Pino.

- Nice to meet you. - You aren't really leaving, are you?

It's a little late for me. Good night. I'm sorry.

It's all right. I'll see you later.

- We'll be waiting for you. - As usual.

- Wow! I don't know where he finds them. - But I know where he takes them.

- Tina! It's 3:30 in the morning. - Don't start!

Explain yourself. Did you miss the bus?

Tell me. I'm very understanding.

Your dress! Your beautiful dress. It was so expensive!

Do you think your father's pension and my small income--

Mother, stop it!

All you care about is money. My purity means nothing to you.

- You only care about the dress. - People can see the dress, my dear.

- You know how it got ripped? - You caught it on a nail?

- A doorknob? - No. Gianni ripped it.

- Is he crazy? - He was trying to rape me.

- Saints in heaven! On the bus? - No. He has a Sport Deluxe.

When we left the club, I thought he wanted to take me home.

- What is a Sport Deluxe? -A sports car, Mother!

I thought it was a hair lotion. What happened next?

Nothing. I felt so at ease. I kept looking at him.

In profile, he didn't look anything like the devil.

I even allowed him to call me by my first name.

How reckless of you!

He parked in front of a gate.

A gate. How exciting!

- Why are we stopping here? - This is where I live.

I have no intention of going in with you.

Why not? I'm expecting a call from Hamburg. They call every night.

- We can have a drink. - I'm sorry, but I'm not going in.

It's an important call. I'm not Dracula, you know.

If it's so important, go ahead.

Suit yourself.

Damn it! The lock is jammed, as usual.

I hope the doorman is there.

- He must be out somewhere. -At this hour of the night?

You should meet him. He's quite a guy.

- His business is sexual activity. - What?

Sexual activity. Not his own-- other people's.

He spends his nights on the rooftops.

- What is he, a cat? - No, just a voyeur.

Anyway, he's not there. I'll try the key again.

Look, it worked.

I worry about you out here. At least wait in the garden.

All right.

I think I'll wait here.

- My apartment is number 1 2. - All right.

Giorgio, you're so gullible. You mistook a woman for a man.

But, sweetheart, she was dressed like a man.

- Whatever for? - She wanted to pick up a woman.

- Look, the gate is open. - So it is.

You know, this cross-dressing mania can be dangerous.

When Franca and I were an item, I dressed up like a man once.

We ran into her husband, and he punched me in the nose.

What a brute!

Something tells me that woman is really a woman.

- Poor thing! - Santa Claus sent her to me.

- I think she's a woman on the run. - Quiet!

What's wrong, Snow White? Did you get lost in the woods?

- I'm waiting for someone. - A man.

A pretty girl like you should never have to wait.

- Do you want to come with us? - You're not afraid of me, are you?

No, of course not.

- Are you afraid of me? - No, but I should wait for Gianni.

- That brute in number 1 2. - Too bad.

Good-bye, Snow White. You don't know what you're missing.

Dear, we must protect ourselves from such perversity.

If men start going with women, what will we do?

We'll just go on being television producers, as usual.

I'm probably just in a foul mood tonight.

It's just that you're sleeping alone tonight.

It will do you good to rest, for once.

Hello? Is this Hamburg? We got disconnected.

Damn it! Not again.

Operator, I was on the line with Hamburg.

There you are, Giorgio. Well, did you sign?

Great!

Of course.

I'll send you 30 million lire.

Welcome to my lair. Cheerful, isn't it?

- I was scared downstairs. - Of course you were.

Come on in. We'll have a drink, and then we'll get going.

Yes, but I-- No, don't close the door.

Now you're insulting me. Who do you take me for?

Come on in.

A little whiskey and a few laughs will rekindle our friendship.

Sit down on the swing. It will soothe your nerves.

Drink up. I didn't put anything in it.

Take Dracula's word for it.

I'd like to go now.

I'll go put on a sweater. I'll just be a moment.

In the meantime, take a look around the ogre's cave.

Gianni, I'm sorry.

What for? You're so amusing.

It won't open! You locked it!

Gianni, please!

What are you going to do to me?

Try and guess.

A true gentleman would give me the key and let me go.

Unfortunately, I'm not a gentleman.

I'm a wild man with turbo hormones.

Come here, Miss Innocent, and I'll teach you a new game.

Why stay a virgin at your age?

- Let go or I'll scream! - Go ahead. No one will hear you.

My mother wouldn't allow it! I want to stay pure.

You try to stay pure, and I'll try to stop you.

It'll be fun.

- I don't want to. - But I do.

Would you stand still?

- Let go of me! - Stop it, kitten.

The more you squirm, the wilder I get.

Can you feel the tingle of excitement, Miss Purity?

Hold still!

- Can't you fight any harder? - Here you go!

You'll pay for this!

I'm going to disinfect it.

But when I come back, you'll pay.

And it won't be easy. I'll be very hard to please!

You thought I was the devil, right?

Well, I'll prove it to you.

That was when I stopped being afraid.

If he was the devil, he didn't stand a chance against me.

If he was the devil, tough luck for him.

I felt strong, pure and invincible.

- Remember Joan of Arc? - No.

Let's start over.

Where are you?

Down with the devil! Praised be Archangel Gabriel!

- Have you lost your mind? - Stand back, you demon!

- I'll defend my purity. - Really? Well, I'll show you.

Stand back! I'm strong and invincible.

- And I'm fed up! - You'll never have me!

Really? Still feel that way?

- Will you behave now? - No!

- I'm telling you, you will! - Leave me alone!

These things require a couch.

Stop! Where are you going? Snow White!

- What were they, fake nuns? - Pure, invincible-- and locked in.

- Open the door. - Go to hell, you demon!

I said, open the door!

Watch out, Miss Innocent. I'm getting angry!

There! You're getting angry?

An angry devil is a harmless devil.

Getting angrier still?

A virgin who locks the door makes the devil yell more!

Listen to me, sweetheart.

Open this damned door, you hear?

If you don't open up right now, I'll break it down! Open up!

Just a minute. I need to think about it.

Your father used to lock himself in the bathroom for hours too.

- Was the devil waiting outside? - No, I was. But it was annoying.

- What's that got to do with it? - I was making conversation.

Just imagine my situation.

I was held prisoner by Satan.

- I would have left. - How could I, without the key?

- Did you find it? - In the pocket of his trousers.

- You took the devil's trousers off? - He had left them in the bathroom.

- I'm afraid. - Why? I may be a little lively...

perhaps even excitable, but I have a good heart.

I made a mistake, that's all.

Come on, open the door. I swear I'll be an angel.

I'm really sorry for what I did.

Damn it! Open the door and I'll beg your forgiveness.

We all make mistakes.

Open up and I'll take you home. I give you my word.

Tina, I said open the door! Did you hear me?

Yes, I heard you.

It's open.

Tina, my turtledove-- Where are you?

- Tina! Let me out! - He was yelling his head off.

He could go to hell. I had made it.

I hadn't lost my purity-- but I had forgotten my shoes.

My dress was ripped, but what's a dress?

Too bad, it was one of a kind. Should we call the police?

And what would I tell them?

That the devil tried to rape me in his own apartment?

It would be hard to convince an officer.

- Wait! Let's call Father Pino. - No, Mother. Please.

He'd be forced to exorcise me in church on Sunday morning.

Just imagine. Everyone would be staring at me.

Besides, this is a night that demon won't easily forget!

- Was it a tomcat? - Very funny! I'm not talking.

Why not? We tell each other everything.

First of all, why wasn't she willing?

- Not willing? - Then why did she scratch you?

- Well-- - Let's hear it.

I'm very shy. If a girl looks at me, I blush.

But the really hot chicks bring out the monster in me.

- The werewolf! - Precisely.

This morning in the park, I suddenly realized...

I had stopped the car.

I'm shy. What would I do if there were no girls like this one?

Sly panthers, super-hot...

every glance a come-on.

And I fall for it.

You know what I mean?

She would stop, wait for me to stop, and then start walking again...

with those long, long legs.

As if to offer me, at every step, a free sample of her femininity.

What would I do if girls like this didn't exist?

I forget my shyness.

She said she wanted to go out with me.

Of course, I picked her up at her place.

Well, when I saw her mother, I wished I were her father!

How she talked!

My name is Gianni Prada. I'm here to pick up Tina.

Look, he's shy! I'm Sonia, Tina's mother.

Please, come in. I'll call you by your first name.

It's more intimate. Do you mind?

- No, but your husband might. - Who?

Silly!

My husband is dead. I'm a widow.

- I'm sorry. - Don't apologize. You didn't kill him.

He killed himself. Imagine, he had fallen in love, like a fool.

- With whom? - With me. In fact, he married me.

That's why he killed himself. Please, sit down. Over there.

Better yet, sit here next to me, like my poor husband used to do...

before he committed suicide.

- I've reminded you of your loss. - Think nothing of it.

- Are you the sensitive type? - No, ma'am. Well, it depends--

Call me Sonia. Would you like a drink?

Some cognac? Or perhaps some whisky?

- Well, maybe some whisky. - Good boy. It will warm us up.

- Are you cold? - Yes, in my heart.

And my feet are frozen. I just need 1 5 minutes.

His name is Coolie. Down, boy!

It's an unusual name. It stands for Coolie Nose.

English is such a funny language!

There's my little girl.

Mother, don't flirt with Gianni. He's so shy.

You're mistaken, dear. I was telling him about the dog.

- What do you think of my dress? - It's gorgeous.

- Isn't it a little too serious? - Nothing looks serious on Tina.

- Thank you. Shall we go? - What I meant was...

she would look ravishing even in a deep-sea diving suit.

- Thank you, Gianni. - Have a good time, my dears.

You like to dance, don't you?

Not really.

I was hoping for a little more exciting evening.

What do you mean? The best bands play in this club.

- I'm bored. - Really?

We can go someplace else, if you like.

Honey, why don't we dance at your house for a couple of hours?

- Do you like the idea? - Do I ever!

- I usually make the first move. - What are you waiting for?

You're so hot with that frightened expression on your face.

Hold on a minute. Let me open the gate.

The key is stuck.

- Let's try the doorman. - I can hardly wait any longer.

I hope he's there.

I'm sorry, Beppe. I'm busy.

Chick stuff.

All right. I'll talk to you tomorrow morning.

Coming! What a drag.

Don't I deserve to have a private life too?

- Good evening, Mr. Prada. - The lock was stuck. Excuse me.

I bet you were asleep. We should get the lock fixed.

- Thank you. - I thought we'd never get in.

Unfinished business like this always gives me a headache.

We're here at last.

- What would you like to drink? - Whisky. Make it a double.

- Ice? -Just a little.

How sweet-- you have a swing. Whatever for?

- Do you sleep on it? - No.

- Then you must have a bed. - Naturally.

Well, that's good news.

Shy men turn me on.

- Please don't judge me harshly. - Why should I?

- Can you see my good side? - Yes, perfectly well.

You're right. I'm shy, and you're exactly the opposite.

Between us, it averages out. And the night is still young.

Then let's not waste it by talking too much.

What? Oh, I understand. You want your drink.

Do you have to be so beautiful? You're really too hot to handle.

- Hurry up, Gianni. - Yes, of course.

I can't look at you, though, or I'll have a heart attack.

What are you doing with that vase?

It felt like you were giving me an X-ray.

There's the bed.

It's not very sexy.

It looks like the base of the Garibaldi monument.

It's actually very soft. Shall I put on some music?

Never judge a book by its cover. Take me, for instance: I seem shy.

And?

- And I really am. - That's sweet.

- Don't worry. - I'm not worried. It's just--

Don't talk. I'm here now. Leave everything to me.

- You kiss so well, Gianni. - Scuba diving lessons.

Have a smoke. You've got five minutes to rest.

You know what's wrong with your pad? It's absurdly effeminate.

The swing, all those soft couches, the bed that's not really a bed.

And yet you live here.

You rest while I take a shower.

I'm going to eat you up.

Kiss me.

Gianni, my shy, thoughtful lover.

I've disappointed you, haven't I?

Just wait. You'll see.

- You won't regret this night. - No, it's been a wonderful night.

It's been unforgettable. Believe me.

Kiss me.

Silly, falling off the swing!

What happened to your forehead?

- Your nails are a little long. - It's the jaguar style.

- It's all the rave now. - Maybe in the jungle.

- The smell of blood excites me! - Hold on. I have to disinfect it.

Ajaguar's scratch can be lethal.

Be a good girl. I'll be right back.

If you feel like reading, the phone book's around somewhere.

- Why don't I ever meet girls like her? - Because you're fat.

What do we have to do to become shy like you?

Nothing could be easier. Either you're born that way, like me...

or you go out with superwomen with raging hormones.

- Like your man-eater? - Precisely.

- I'm pretty shy. - So what? You're fat.

- So, the jaguar's scratch-- - I was locked in the bathroom.

I felt sure I was covered in blood.

At least I had time to recover.

It was finally time to take her home.

END OF PART ONE

PART TWO

Where's my gorgeous hunk, all shy and disinfected?

Your jaguar wants to make it up to you.

- You know how? - No.

That is, I can imagine. But I-- I mean you--

I want the jaguar to calm down. It's late, you know.

Darling, I get so turned on when you act shy.

Really? You're easily aroused.

Very easily.

I have an idea. Would you light a cigarette? Just one.

Then come over here and give me a drag.

Why is it that you bring out my darkest passions?

This has been a wonderful night, but why am I not sated?

There. As you get closer, I feel myself shiver all over.

Won't you come any closer? My senses are highly offended.

I want to look at you. I want to remember your entire body.

After this wild night, I will cherish the memory of your mouth...

your eyes...

the girlish splendor of your childlike body.

- Are you still mad about the scratch? - No.

But you've changed. You're like a candy stuck in its wrapper.

- Not at all. - Really?

- You're too beautiful, damn it. - Come here and give me that drag.

Darling, I'm not a machine, you know.

Are you going to leave me here, full of unsatisfied desire?

- Come back here, you big, strong man. -Just a minute.

- Hey, what a wonderful surprise! - You must have been in a skirmish.

It's nothing. It was a jaguar. Come on in.

- Did you scratch yourself? - Precisely.

A friend of mine kicked a lion once. He had taken it for a Saint Bernard.

- I'm so glad to see you. - Puppy dog, what's going on now?

- Come and meet some friends of mine. - Right now?

- Hear that? She's enthusiastic. - I can tell.

- Then what? - We all chatted for half an hour.

- And finally I took her home. - You must be a little tired.

- Do like him. You might lose weight. - Very funny.

I could start all over again-- in a year or two.

What luck, to be shy like that!

- Good morning, Mr. Prada. - Good morning.

- Is that him? - Why don't you shout louder?

- Did he come in last night? - It was a wild one!

- Go on, tell me everything. - Mum's the word, though.

It's confidential info.

They could expel me from the Order of Doormen.

- Where are you taking me? - To my office.

You actually have an office?

My mom got it all wrong, making me study to be a milkman!

Your father's the one who got it wrong. That famous day you were conceived...

he should have gone out for a walk instead!

Are these the women you always brag about sleeping with?

What do you know, you thick-skulled milkman?

- Are they souvenir photos? - Of course they are.

- You mean all these girls-- - Have been in this room.

Some came for love, others for money.

Last night, that German girl had just left...

when the doorbell rang, and I had to go to the gate.

- It was him. -Alone?

- No. - With a man?

- With a woman! - Incredible!

- Was it a transvestite? -Are you kidding? A real woman.

-And what a babe! -Are you making this up?

- Let me finish. - Right. Sorry.

All you know about is milk. He brings women home every night.

You should see those babes!

And since I want to watch, while they're in the elevator...

I run up to the terrace!

Aren't you going to tell me any more?

Quiet! I'm watching.

- I almost forgot! - What?

I have to make a phone call. I'll make it quick.

Hi, old chum! I'm home.

Of course. Come on over!

- And bring Esmeralda. - You're inviting friends over now?

Just for a few minutes. I'm going to freshen up.

- Make us a couple of martinis. - But isn't it a little strange--

No, of course not. I'll be right back.

- Then what? Did he walk out on her? - Keep quiet and be patient.

- Darling, how do I look? - What are you, a model?

- It's very flattering. - Thank you.

It could be custom-made.

- Here you go. - Not bad, eh? Cheers!

Let's put on some music.

Something we can dance to.

You're such a woman.

Shall we dance?

- So all they did was dance? - Not at all.

Don't take off your glasses.

I've got to clean them!

I feel your manly body so close. Hold me. Rub up against me!

Can you even imagine all the things we could do?

My dear, you'll be satisfied.

Be patient. Let's warm up the engine.

This engine's already on fire! What a nuisance!

- I'll get the door. - I want them gone in five minutes!

- Hi, guys! - You're wearing your new outfit!

- You look great! - It's my favorite.

These are my friends, dear. Giorgio, Esmeralda, Tina.

- Tina, I like you already. - Giorgio, please sit down.

We have so much to talk about, you can't begin to imagine.

- Does he charge much? - No, he charges by the hour.

- I had mine made at Collangeli's. - He's so expensive!

- Yes, but what a hunk! - Make yourself comfortable.

Would you like a drink?

- Esmeralda, what will you have? - A martini, heavy on the gin.

Make that a whisky.

- Tina, sexually, what are your views? - I don't really have any.

- May I make a suggestion? - What do some men see in women?

Decidedly second-rate!

You know, she was rubbing up against me like crazy.

I was so embarrassed!

- Man-eater! - All she did was come on to me.

What are you, jealous? You have to trust me.

- You know you're a whore! - Cut it out, or it's all over!

I'm gonna change the record.

- Your whisky, sister dear. - Oh, she's your sister?

- No, my brother. - Thank you, blondie.

Shall we shake our booties?

Gianni, why don't you join us?

Let him drink, poor dear.

He may be drinking, but I came here with him.

- We all make mistakes, dear. - Excuse me, please.

What are you doing here all alone? Come on, dance with me.

- Come on, twirl for me. - You're always flirting.

- Do you live far from here? - Not far enough.

You're a model or an actress.

You could become one. I have lots of friends.

What are those two doing?

- Guess! - Are they dancing by themselves?

Those two do lots of things by themselves.

I'll give him a piece of my mind. What kind of manners are these?

That's the end of the dance-- and of my patience!

That reminds me. We have some business to discuss, right, Gianni?

Yes. I really don't know what's bothering her.

Are you actually going to talk business now?

Honey, why do you think babies are born in the cabbage patch?

Because they can't be born in the faggot patch.

Boy, was she ever dumb! Hadn't she figured it out yet?

Women, no matter how you look at it, are still women.

The trouble is that sometimes even men are women.

I may be old-fashioned, but without women...

I might as well be dead.

I soon will be, if you don't stop smoking that thing in my face.

- What about people who smoke grass? - Who smoke what?

I don't know. I read about it. It must be a spice, like cloves.

- Go on, tell me more. - You'd better calm down.

Waiting for you, my milk could turn to cheese.

Get going, then.

We left off with the homosexual man and the highly sexual...

- or, rather, oversexed woman. - So he's a faggot.

What a waste of a fabulous chick!

Better turn it off.

Why are you looking at me like that? Is there something wrong with me?

- On the contrary. - Well, then?

I see a girl who could go far. A girl with beauty and style.

- What do you mean? - A girl like you could do anything.

Movies, modeling, even a tabloid celebrity marriage.

- Who should I marry? Onassis? - Why not?

And where would I put Jackie?

Out to pasture. She's last year's model. I wouldn't marry him, though.

Don't worry. I get seasick.

You could do much better, if you're ambitious and just a bit unscrupulous.

Unscrupulous enough to sleep with an influential man?

- Or an influential woman. - A woman? Are you crazy?

No, I'm a woman of my time.

Don't you get out to the movies? Don't you read books?

- Yes, but I like men. - Good luck in finding one.

In bed, be it with a man or a woman, there's always some fun to be had.

You could combine business with pleasure.

- Do you call that moral? - No, I call it smart.

Why throw it all away? You're lucky enough...

to drive both men and women wild. Make the most of it.

Lovemaking is a very healthy form of exercise...

that can bring you pleasure, money and success.

I definitely don't sit on the sidelines...

but I play with the man of my choice.

- Such as Gianni? - Why? Don't you like Gianni?

No, Gianni's fine. But you're not going to get lucky.

You're not his type.

You're not a fireman, you don't have a hairy chest...

and guess what else you don't have.

I'm sorry, but I don't believe you. That's just his way.

Perhaps.

He has excellent taste where women are concerned.

But this time he's broken all records.

Thank you.

It's unusual for a woman to pay compliments like this...

unless she has ulterior motives.

Honey, I'd be an idiot to waste energy for nothing.

First I want to make you curious so I can then enlighten you.

If after all this work I get to ''exercise'' a little...

ask Gianni. There's no harm in it.

Gianni has such exquisite taste that he wouldn't even be surprised.

I'm not sure I understand you.

But I don't like it when you speak of Gianni that way.

If his taste is so exquisite, that just makes him more classy.

That's right, Snow White. It's simply a matter of class.

For him it wouldn't be classy to make love to you.

I, on the other hand, would jump at the chance.

- I was just making conversation. - Good. Now let's change the subject.

- Are you insulted? - You bet.

All right, Snow White. What do you want to talk about?

- About Gianni. - Really? And what if--

Tell me everything you know.

- I met him three years ago. - Did you sleep with him?

It didn't even cross my mind.

It was at a club where unusual people meet.

What do you mean?

Strange people.

All right, girls. Take your positions with your arms above your heads.

Take your positions, please. And now, still as statues!

Second position, please. Very good.

Darling, if I were a macho man, I'd be drooling over you.

And if I were you--

Who's that cutie over there? An actor out of a Western?

We no do such things in Switzerland!

- Whatever do you see in her? - A lot.

You know, you're a real nutcase. Let's go check them out.

Good evening.

Are you lonely, curlyhead?

No, I no come here alone.

I come here with Gianni.

Doesn't this look exciting?

- Excuse me. - Hello, girlfriend.

You know Gianni? He good boy.

He no touch my ass just because I Swiss.

Here men hardly ever commit such banal acts.

- Also in Switzerland. - Would you like something sweet?

- Can I have also orange juice? - That, and much more.

You very nice. Have you go to Switzerland?

Many times. You're so young!

What the hell are you doing? Get back in position!

I've never seen anything like it!

You may be naked, but you're not at all sexy.

You're about as sexy as a cold prison cell!

- Me go in there? - Of course, curlyhead.

This is a photographer's studio.

- No one will bother us here. - I like.

You take picture here? I not been to hairdresser.

- My curls not done. - Don't worry, curlyhead.

You'll be fine.

You know what?

Let's take a picture. I already know who to show it to.

You have a great career ahead of you.

Carla! Just wait.

Some shots of this gentleman.

A close-up and a full-length shot.

Make him look his best.

You'll see.

- I was with a girl, but-- - Come with me.

You're not just beautiful.

You're incredibly stylish too.

Would you like to have your picture on a cover?

-Just say the word. - It's always been my dream.

I'll introduce you to things you've never known.

We may still be in time.

Come with me. I'll show you.

We may still be in time for a famous weekly.

- Which one? - ''Sex In The Barnyard.''

Two million subscribers!

- Can me buy copy? - They'd like nothing better!

- Get into a sexy pose. - Like this?

You're so nice and firm. Hold still. You look so hot!

Don't move. I promise you, you'll be a smash hit.

I know other sexy poses.

You're very experienced! Do whatever you want.

But don't wriggle too much, honey.

I'm Mediterranean, and you'll turn me on.

You're so beautiful. Again! Hold still!

Honey, you really turn me on. Your skin is so lovely.

- You like my skin? - It's out of this world.

Take your clothes off.

- I undress here? - Take off your dress.

I don't do this.

I naked underneath almost.

We're both women. I've seen so many naked girls.

You don't look. I never undress in public.

You can afford it, with your looks. You look even better naked.

You don't wear a bra. I guess you don't need it.

- I do this? - Let yourself go, dear.

Is this better? Do you want other poses?

- Like this. - Give me one more.

- I know many poses. You like this? - Any pose is fine.

Whatever you say you want, I do for you.

- What do you want? - You'll soon find out.

And you'll like it.

I met Gianni in a club full of gays.

But he was with a girl.

He was with a girl tonight too.

Wake up, Snow White.

You came here to make love with Gianni, but no dice.

Silly you! Who says you have to make love to a man?

I've never indulged in your squalid and revolting practices.

If you've never tried them, how do you know they're squalid?

I used to be like you. I used to sleep only with men.

Then one day I met a woman. She was so sweet and tender.

- I never went with another man. - Well, you must be different.

I like Gianni.

That's bad. Very bad.

Gianni doesn't love you. He loves Giorgio.

What are you implying? That Gianni is...

a pervert?

My dear, you could use a more specific term.

Open the door and see for yourself.

- Are you saying that they're-- - Don't take my word for it.

Take a look. Go on.

Poor dear.

- Here. I had to do it. - It's crazy.

- It's so unfair. - I'm sorry.

One man is revolting enough. Imagine when they're in pairs!

What kind of a place is this? I want to leave!

I didn't think people like you existed in this world.

You think we're monsters because our way of making love is different?

How did we come to this? I've slept with thousands of men.

But you've never slept with a woman.

- The thingy. - What?

- What'll I do without the thingy? - You want to leave now?

I've got to go get it.

- What is it you're looking for? - The thingy.

- The one you take to the races. - A horse? You need a horse on the roof?

What horse? Do you think I keep a horse in my drawer?

The thingy people take with them to the opera.

To the opera? Oh, a truxedo.

-A what? -A truxedo.

The black suit with the white shirt and that black thing on the front.

- Oh, a tuxedo. - Isn't that what I said?

No, I'm looking for my thingy. Maybe it's up here.

- What would I need a tuxedo for? - Precisely.

If you don't need it, why waste time? Look for it tomorrow.

- Shut up! Where is it? - Where is what?

The thingy they have in the marines, where you focus by turning the wheels.

Oh, a cannon. Are you crazy, going on the roof with a cannon?

What cannon? Here it is. What's it called again?

The binoculars! Why didn't you say so?

The thing people take to the opera and the races.

Hurry up, or we'll miss all the action.

- Will you hurry up! - Cool it.

I'm about to have a heart attack. Here we go.

- Now I can really see. - What do you see?

Nothing.

- You're looking at a feather? - She's naked!

- Don't put the binoculars down! - They're steaming up.

Please, just a little longer!

What are you yelling about? People are sleeping.

Really? Then let's wake them up!

Let go of my dress!

You ripped it, you pervert!

You disgust me!

Let go of me, you pig! Let go of me!

What about you? Aren't you going to do anything?

Sure I am. I'm going to die laughing!

Let go of me, you swine!

Hold still for a minute! Let Esmeralda admire you.

Earlier you were rubbing up against me like a bitch in heat!

If you've got an itch, let her scratch it.

Esmeralda is highly experienced.

There, I've left my mark on you!

- Why? It happens every night. - Is all this really true?

Of course it is. I saw it with my own eyes.

None of it is true. Or, if you prefer, it all is.

Three different versions:

his, hers, and the doorman's.

Which one would you put your money on?

Which of the three told the truth?

Which one lied?

Let's see. It's raining.

Forty days and forty nights. It's the Deluge.

Do you remember Noah's Ark? It was a rather important event.

You don't think the survivors...

each told a different story, do you?

Yet, even regarding the Deluge, each witness probably had...

his or her own personal version of the truth.

Look. Let's imagine that this is Noah's wife.

If we had asked her...

''Excuse me, ma'am, do you remember the Deluge?''

Do I ever! Forty days and forty nights with all those animals. What a stench!

And that's all she remembers of the Deluge.

Now let's hear from another witness.

Let's say that this is the famous dove with the olive branch.

Let's ask her, ''What do you remember of the Deluge?''

I remember when I went out. It had been raining.

I found an olive tree...

and there were seven carrier pigeons in its branches.

All males.

I came back with this twig...

my only reminder of an unforgettable, but all too brief, Deluge.

That's her point of view.

The same thing can be seen in many different ways.

Shall we hear another?

In fact, let's hear from a third witness: the giraffe.

For 40 days and 40 nights...

she was on the ark with the others.

I wonder what she remembers of those dramatic days.

The Deluge? Sure I do! I still have a stiff neck.

The ceilings in the ark were a little low for a giraffe.

And yet these three were all witnesses.

Each saw the Deluge, yet each gave a different version.

But all three told the truth.

Because no two people see things the same way.

These are nothing but blotches.

Blotches made without design.

Yet when we show them to our patients...

each sees something in them.

Something that only they see. Something that others don't see.

Something that, since there is nothing in the blotches, belongs to them...

and only to them.

Something he puts in them unknowingly.

Or that she puts in them without realizing it.

Or something the doorman puts in them unwittingly.

But the truth is always something else.

Would you like to know it?

Let's see how things might have gone.

It's a good thing you tripped over my dog.

You sadist.

You know, I wish this day didn't have to end.

We can make it last.

We could go out tonight.

We could go dancing, or wherever you want.

It took you long enough to ask.

- Look how late it is. - You're right.

You know, Tina...

you're the sweetest, most tender girl I've ever met.

You're very sweet too.

I'm sorry, but when I go out, my mother waits up for me.

I wish I didn't have to go, but you'd better take me home.

That way you can prove you're not one of those gropers.

I'm very glad you noticed.

Let me prove it beyond a doubt by inviting you to my place.

To your place?

You'll end up proving just the opposite.

Not at all. Let me explain.

I want to prove how deep my feelings for you are.

And you'll prove to me that you trust me.

You're very persuasive.

- I accept, but on one condition. - Which is?

The door has to stay open the entire time.

It's not that I don't trust you...

but it's been so perfect this far.

Wouldn't it be a shame if you had ruined it all?

Did you think that this might be Count Dracula's lair?

To all that we won't ruin.

It's time for me to go.

In a while. It's not late.

All right, in a while.

I'm not inhibited or closed-minded.

I'm not a piece of ice.

But I like to look at things for a while...

and savor my desire.

- Are you disappointed? - Not at all.

But if you knew how much I want you, you'd think I deserve you already.

I want you too. Just as much as you want me.

But not yet.

Desire is a pleasure in itself.

Take me home.

If we don't hurry, I won't be able to stop myself.

Let's go.

- Damn! - What's the matter?

I can't open it. The lock is jammed again.

I'll have to wake the doorman.

I hope he hears me.

I don't understand.

- I'll see if I can wake him. - I'll wait here.

Unbelievable.

I knocked and knocked but got no answer.

What now?

Let's hope somebody comes.

- I'm sorry. - I guess we'll have to wait here.

If I give you a push, do you think you could climb over?

- What about you? - I'll be right behind you.

Give me a hand.

Careful. It's like a ladder. One foot after the other.

The steps are too high.

My foot! What happened to you?

- You scratched me when you fell. - How silly of me.

It's nothing. I'm sorry about your dress.

My mother is the only one who will be sorry.

I'll have to tell her a fib.

Tell her I was trying to rape you.

Don't be silly!

- It's late. - Almost 2:00.

- Let's sit down over there. - Good idea.

How will I get her to believe you were trying to rape me?

How will you get her to believe you fell off a gate?

- Are you uncomfortable? - No.

Let's go to my place. I'll be a good boy.

- But I wouldn't be a good girl. - All right, then.

Thank you.

This isn't work, it's slavery!

Who is it?

The lock again? I'll be right there.

Tomorrow either they get a new lock or they get a new doorman.

- Does he sleep with his clothes on? - He never sleeps, dear!

Did I keep you waiting? I had to put my cap on.

- Of course, my dear. - No, you're the dear.

I'm the doorman, and you're the dear.

They're two very different jobs. Look.

See? I'm good at opening the gate.

You must be good at-- What are you good at?

- No comment. - Wait, don't shut it!

Even on the benches these days!

Mr. Gianni, you're quite the devil.

How sweet-- a man and a woman!

I guess it takes all kinds.

Tomorrow we'll tell Spartaco.

He's in jail. Some trouble with a woman.

- Whatever for? - Something to do with her husband.

That Spartaco and his fixation with married men!

Do you believe it?

Do you think that's really how the day went?

Do you really think a good girl would go home in the middle of the night...

with a man she hardly knows...

as long as he left the door to his apartment open?

She's up at his place at this hour of the night.

She lets him kiss her.

If he should decide to misbehave, how could the open door save her?

If she screams, she'll wake the neighbors.

They'll call the police, and the police will arrest her...

for disturbing the peace and lewd conduct...

with the door open.

Besides, do you believe the thing about the garden?

They're locked in. They can't get out.

Why don't they wake a neighbor? Why doesn't he climb the gate?

Would he really let her fall? That's not how he got scratched.

And that's not how her dress got ripped.

Or perhaps it all seems absurd because it really is true.

Or maybe the truth is something entirely different. Who knows?

The only thing we know for certain...

is that when they left, he didn't take her home.

Nor did she ask him to.

They headed for the sea. They saw the sun rise.

And for the others-- but only for the others--

it was just an ordinary day.