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1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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00:00:01,402 --> 00:00:04,503
Barney, afraid this
is good-bye.
2
00:00:04,510 --> 00:00:06,377
Your buzz kill of a ma
3
00:00:06,379 --> 00:00:08,573
thinks I'm a... a bad
influence on you.
4
00:00:08,598 --> 00:00:09,798
What? That's...
5
00:00:10,078 --> 00:00:11,644
What is that word you taught me?
6
00:00:11,646 --> 00:00:13,913
"Bull" something?
7
00:00:13,915 --> 00:00:15,732
But she's your
mother and I'm...
8
00:00:15,734 --> 00:00:18,117
you know, I'm just
your Uncle Jerry.
9
00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:20,537
So, this is the last
time I can see you.
10
00:00:20,539 --> 00:00:23,022
But you're supposed to
take me to see
11
00:00:23,024 --> 00:00:25,024
that Zeppelin cover band
next week.
12
00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:27,527
The night is gonna be...
13
00:00:27,529 --> 00:00:29,963
Led-and-Jerry.
14
00:00:29,965 --> 00:00:31,798
Sorry, buddy, but this is it.
15
00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:34,200
But don't you forget
your training.
16
00:00:34,202 --> 00:00:35,919
What's a magician's best friend?
17
00:00:35,921 --> 00:00:37,003
A drunk audience.
18
00:00:37,005 --> 00:00:38,371
Attaboy.
19
00:00:38,373 --> 00:00:41,925
You still got that button
from the festival we went to?
20
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:49,382
Now... I'm gonna put this
21
00:00:49,384 --> 00:00:51,384
right inside your brain,
behind your ear...
22
00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:55,622
so that I'll know that
you won't forget me.
23
00:00:57,358 --> 00:00:58,524
See you, buddy.
24
00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:01,928
And hey...
25
00:01:01,930 --> 00:01:05,865
Never... stop... partying.
26
00:01:08,469 --> 00:01:11,671
Kids, in 1983,Barney watched his father
27
00:01:11,673 --> 00:01:13,139
walk out of his life.
28
00:01:13,141 --> 00:01:16,876
And in 2011, when theirfirst reunion ended badly...
29
00:01:16,878 --> 00:01:19,545
I'd love nothing more
than to be a part of your life.
30
00:01:19,547 --> 00:01:21,414
This time it was Barneywho did the walking.
31
00:01:21,416 --> 00:01:22,715
Bye.
32
00:01:22,717 --> 00:01:25,351
And that was almostthe end of it.
33
00:01:25,353 --> 00:01:27,287
Except, a few weeks later...
34
00:01:27,289 --> 00:01:30,823
I am so angry at my dad!
35
00:01:30,825 --> 00:01:32,759
Guess who called me today.
36
00:01:32,761 --> 00:01:35,094
Go on, guess.
Mmm.
37
00:01:35,096 --> 00:01:37,430
- Your dad?
- My dad!
38
00:01:37,432 --> 00:01:39,632
Barney Stinson.
39
00:01:39,634 --> 00:01:40,934
Hi, Barney. It's your dad.
40
00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:42,869
Look, would you
like to go fishing
41
00:01:42,871 --> 00:01:44,470
with me and J.J.
on Sunday morning?
42
00:01:44,472 --> 00:01:47,373
Ooh, hold on, let me
check my personality.
43
00:01:47,375 --> 00:01:49,976
Oh, no. Turns out I would never
do that in a million years.
44
00:01:49,978 --> 00:01:51,911
Barney, look...
45
00:01:51,913 --> 00:01:54,247
I know you're disappointed
that your dad is just...
46
00:01:54,249 --> 00:01:57,116
a boring old driving instructor
from the suburbs.
47
00:01:57,118 --> 00:02:00,720
But that guy I used to be...
"Crazy Jerry"?
48
00:02:00,722 --> 00:02:02,655
He was bad news!
49
00:02:02,657 --> 00:02:05,091
Drinking, partying,
sleeping around.
50
00:02:05,093 --> 00:02:07,593
The party can't go on forever.
51
00:02:07,595 --> 00:02:10,596
You're 35; I'm-I'm sure
you're starting
52
00:02:10,598 --> 00:02:12,065
to realize that, right?
53
00:02:12,067 --> 00:02:15,802
You do not know
how right you are.
54
00:02:15,804 --> 00:02:17,136
Zero right!
55
00:02:17,138 --> 00:02:19,772
- We're not getting too old for anything.
- You sure?
56
00:02:19,774 --> 00:02:22,275
I feel like we collectively
learn the opposite lesson,
57
00:02:22,277 --> 00:02:23,776
like, at least once a year.
58
00:02:24,946 --> 00:02:26,980
I have to face an ugly truth.
59
00:02:26,982 --> 00:02:30,283
Jerry Whittaker, my own father,
60
00:02:30,285 --> 00:02:32,652
is anti-awesome-etic.
61
00:02:33,387 --> 00:02:34,554
I know.
62
00:02:34,556 --> 00:02:36,422
Crazy Jerry's still
in there somewhere,
63
00:02:36,424 --> 00:02:39,759
but he's trapped under 20 years
of lawnmower parties
64
00:02:39,761 --> 00:02:41,928
- and carpool barbecues.
- Wow,
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00:02:41,930 --> 00:02:43,997
you know nothing
about the suburbs.
66
00:02:43,999 --> 00:02:47,000
Well, this Saturday night,
I am bustin' him out.
67
00:02:47,002 --> 00:02:48,067
I'm gonna
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00:02:48,069 --> 00:02:49,836
make Jerry realize he was wrong
69
00:02:49,838 --> 00:02:52,739
about giving up his old life
by showing him
70
00:02:52,741 --> 00:02:55,975
the awesomest night
of all time.
71
00:02:55,977 --> 00:02:57,610
And for the awesomest night
72
00:02:57,612 --> 00:03:02,115
of all time, I'm going to need
the awesomest friends
73
00:03:02,117 --> 00:03:03,349
of all time.
74
00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:07,020
Okay, who do I know?
75
00:03:10,591 --> 00:03:12,225
Guys...!
76
00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:15,828
Do any of you know
George Clooney?
77
00:03:16,914 --> 00:03:18,297
Okay, my dad's almost here.
78
00:03:18,299 --> 00:03:19,599
I need everything to be
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00:03:19,601 --> 00:03:21,718
as awesome as possible tonight.
80
00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:23,236
That's why you
brought these guys.
81
00:03:23,238 --> 00:03:27,206
No. That's why
I brought these guys.
82
00:03:27,208 --> 00:03:28,207
I've made some
83
00:03:28,209 --> 00:03:29,809
minor improvements
to your identities.
84
00:03:29,811 --> 00:03:30,943
- Uh.
- Mm!
85
00:03:30,945 --> 00:03:32,111
You'll find them
on these cards.
86
00:03:32,113 --> 00:03:33,179
- Improvements?!
- Yeah.
87
00:03:33,181 --> 00:03:36,065
Bro, we are already the four
88
00:03:36,067 --> 00:03:39,685
jiggity-jamminest dudes
and dudettes this side of...
89
00:03:39,687 --> 00:03:41,838
Okay, let's see the cards.
90
00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:43,289
Robin, no one watches the news
91
00:03:43,291 --> 00:03:45,525
unless it's a car chase
or a nip slip.
92
00:03:45,527 --> 00:03:46,392
You are now
93
00:03:46,394 --> 00:03:47,910
a professional scotch taster.
94
00:03:47,912 --> 00:03:49,062
Mm!
95
00:03:49,064 --> 00:03:50,930
Lily, Jerry needs to learn
that other lifestyles
96
00:03:50,932 --> 00:03:52,498
are just as fulfilling
as monogamy,
97
00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:54,901
so now you and Marshall
are in an open marriage.
98
00:03:54,903 --> 00:03:57,170
- Whoo-hoo!
- Gross!
99
00:03:57,172 --> 00:03:59,572
Also, Marshall,
you can't just be unemployed,
100
00:03:59,574 --> 00:04:00,740
so you are now
101
00:04:00,742 --> 00:04:03,376
a gin-swilling,
womanizing playwright.
102
00:04:04,211 --> 00:04:06,612
And, Ted, just be yourself.
103
00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:09,248
Just kidding.
104
00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:12,385
Here's a giant pile of topics
you should avoid talking about.
105
00:04:12,387 --> 00:04:14,620
Well. Well, this could
actually be fun.
106
00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:17,723
In fact, I believe it
was Oscar Wilde who said,
107
00:04:17,725 --> 00:04:20,359
"Man is least himself
when he talks..."
108
00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:21,527
- Ted, card.
- Ah.
109
00:04:21,529 --> 00:04:24,163
You're right...
"No quoting Oscar Wilde."
110
00:04:24,165 --> 00:04:25,665
Finally...
111
00:04:25,667 --> 00:04:27,333
Robin, you're dating Ted.
112
00:04:27,335 --> 00:04:28,734
Aw, man!
113
00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:30,136
Why?
114
00:04:30,138 --> 00:04:31,370
I can't have
115
00:04:31,372 --> 00:04:33,172
any single female friends
lying around.
116
00:04:33,174 --> 00:04:35,675
My dad'll be all,
"Why don't you marry Robin?
117
00:04:35,677 --> 00:04:37,176
"You guys are cute together.
Deep down, you know
118
00:04:37,178 --> 00:04:39,946
you were never happier
than when you were with her."
119
00:04:39,948 --> 00:04:41,047
Uh...
120
00:04:41,049 --> 00:04:42,415
no, thanks.
121
00:04:42,417 --> 00:04:44,217
Hey, Barney... love
the new identities.
122
00:04:44,219 --> 00:04:47,453
Little thing... instead of
being a naked super ninja,
123
00:04:47,455 --> 00:04:51,023
can I be Meryl Streep
in The Devil Wears Prada?
124
00:04:51,025 --> 00:04:53,292
- How good was that movie?
- Oh, my God.
125
00:04:55,263 --> 00:04:56,362
And...
126
00:04:56,364 --> 00:04:59,132
hence new identities.
127
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:03,436
And so Barney's
dadfinally showed up.
128
00:05:03,438 --> 00:05:05,738
Jerry, you remember Marshall...
he's a well-known writer.
129
00:05:05,740 --> 00:05:07,106
Playwright.
We're all writers,
130
00:05:07,108 --> 00:05:10,193
just some of us don't know
what our story is yet.
131
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:12,978
Lily, his wife.
132
00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:15,148
Well, most nights.
Mama don't let no ring
133
00:05:15,150 --> 00:05:17,216
get in the way of a good time.
134
00:05:17,218 --> 00:05:19,118
That's... a little depressing.
135
00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:20,253
Uh, hi again.
136
00:05:20,255 --> 00:05:21,354
Ted. Oh, and, Jerry,
137
00:05:21,356 --> 00:05:23,506
- you remember my girlfriend.
- Robin. Hi.
138
00:05:23,508 --> 00:05:25,658
So nice to see you again.
139
00:05:25,660 --> 00:05:27,460
Wait, wait. Jerry,
140
00:05:27,462 --> 00:05:28,861
I got to tell you the truth.
141
00:05:28,863 --> 00:05:30,062
Guys, I'm gonna tell him.
142
00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:32,498
We're also a band.
143
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,133
Two, three, four!
144
00:05:38,339 --> 00:05:40,022
♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba ♪
145
00:05:40,024 --> 00:05:41,173
♪ Ba, ba, ba ♪
146
00:05:41,175 --> 00:05:45,011
♪ Ba, ba, ba, da,
da, da, da, da, da! ♪
147
00:05:47,814 --> 00:05:49,565
Ow! Yeah!
148
00:05:49,567 --> 00:05:53,018
So, Saturday night...
time to cut loose, right?
149
00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:54,820
Who wants to split a beer?
150
00:05:54,822 --> 00:05:56,522
Oh, we're not drinking here.
151
00:05:56,524 --> 00:05:58,157
Tonight we're going big.
152
00:05:58,159 --> 00:06:00,793
Let's see, what club
should we hit first?
153
00:06:00,795 --> 00:06:03,429
There's Club Was,
there's Wrong...
154
00:06:03,431 --> 00:06:05,765
Um, those places shut down
a long time ago.
155
00:06:05,767 --> 00:06:06,432
Oh, no.
156
00:06:06,434 --> 00:06:07,466
Oh, No shut down, too.
157
00:06:07,468 --> 00:06:09,068
- There's Where?
- Where's Where?
158
00:06:09,070 --> 00:06:10,536
Where's where Was
was, isn't it?
159
00:06:10,538 --> 00:06:13,306
No, Was wasn't where Where was,
Was was where Wrong was, right?
160
00:06:13,308 --> 00:06:15,408
Okay. Not Okay.
That place is lame.
161
00:06:15,410 --> 00:06:17,910
Okay is Lame?
I thought Lame was a gay bar.
162
00:06:17,912 --> 00:06:18,945
Or is that Wrong?
163
00:06:18,947 --> 00:06:20,813
That's wrong.
That's not Wrong.
164
00:06:20,815 --> 00:06:21,747
Guys, focus.
165
00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:23,215
Oh, I like Focus.
Let's go there.
166
00:06:23,217 --> 00:06:24,917
Where?
Not Where. Focus.
167
00:06:24,919 --> 00:06:26,419
I thought Focus was closed.
168
00:06:26,421 --> 00:06:27,587
No, Was was Closed.
169
00:06:27,589 --> 00:06:30,022
Once Was shut down,
it reopened as Closed.
170
00:06:30,024 --> 00:06:31,057
So Closed is open.
171
00:06:31,059 --> 00:06:31,958
No, Closed is closed.
172
00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:32,959
I don't know.
173
00:06:32,961 --> 00:06:34,727
Third base! Right?
174
00:06:34,729 --> 00:06:36,562
Ew, Third Base
is all frat guys.
175
00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:37,730
I'll go anyplace, okay?
176
00:06:37,732 --> 00:06:39,765
Not Okay. Okay is lame.
177
00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:40,917
Okay is not Lame.
178
00:06:40,919 --> 00:06:42,401
Lame is a gay bar.
179
00:06:42,403 --> 00:06:43,302
Guys, shut up.
180
00:06:43,304 --> 00:06:44,637
No, Shut up shut down.
181
00:06:44,639 --> 00:06:47,506
I can't believe I don't know
the clubs anymore.
182
00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:49,609
Guys, just pick a club, okay?
183
00:06:49,611 --> 00:06:51,210
Not Okay!
184
00:06:51,212 --> 00:06:52,478
Okay is Lame!
185
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:54,680
Gay bar.
186
00:06:54,682 --> 00:06:57,917
For the record, I was
in there once by accident.
187
00:06:57,919 --> 00:07:00,820
I'm pretty sure it's
pronounced Lamé.
188
00:07:00,822 --> 00:07:03,723
It's hopeless, isn't it?
189
00:07:03,725 --> 00:07:06,091
Wow.
190
00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:08,027
A lot of these girls
are young enough
191
00:07:08,029 --> 00:07:09,595
- to be our daughters.
- I know.
192
00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:11,263
Daddy's home.
193
00:07:11,265 --> 00:07:13,432
And Granddaddy's home!
194
00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:16,002
Tonight rocks so hard!
195
00:07:16,004 --> 00:07:18,571
I might be allergic
to this stamp.
196
00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:25,044
Oh, my God,
my secret crush is here.
197
00:07:25,046 --> 00:07:26,012
Mila Kunis?!
198
00:07:26,014 --> 00:07:28,781
No, my secret crush.
199
00:07:28,783 --> 00:07:31,584
We met a few years ago.
200
00:07:33,654 --> 00:07:36,489
Hi. I could use
a woman's opinion.
201
00:07:36,491 --> 00:07:39,191
Is this working for me?
202
00:07:39,193 --> 00:07:40,826
Uh... no.
203
00:07:41,763 --> 00:07:42,812
The only good thing
204
00:07:42,814 --> 00:07:44,296
about how ugly that shirt is,
205
00:07:44,298 --> 00:07:48,034
is that it distracts
from how terribly it fits you.
206
00:07:48,036 --> 00:07:50,102
I was trying on the pants.
207
00:07:50,104 --> 00:07:52,104
Oh.
208
00:07:52,839 --> 00:07:54,357
I had to leave before we could
209
00:07:54,359 --> 00:07:55,708
finish talking, so that was it.
210
00:07:55,710 --> 00:07:56,909
You know, ever
since then, I've always...
211
00:07:56,911 --> 00:07:59,178
Oh, my God,
he's coming over here.
212
00:07:59,180 --> 00:08:00,446
Oh. Hello.
213
00:08:00,448 --> 00:08:02,882
- Hi. A few years ago at
a department store... - Hi.
214
00:08:02,884 --> 00:08:04,784
...did you embarrass
the hell out of me?
215
00:08:04,786 --> 00:08:07,453
Oh, I'm sorry,
you must have me confused
216
00:08:07,455 --> 00:08:10,623
with the shirt
you were wearing that day.
217
00:08:10,625 --> 00:08:12,324
I should be so lucky.
218
00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:14,093
Hi! I'm Ted!
219
00:08:14,095 --> 00:08:15,711
Robin's boyfriend!
220
00:08:15,713 --> 00:08:17,029
Nice to meet you.
221
00:08:17,031 --> 00:08:18,497
Right.
222
00:08:18,499 --> 00:08:20,933
Um... it was really nice
to see you again.
223
00:08:20,935 --> 00:08:22,802
- Mm-hmm. You, too.
- Yeah.
224
00:08:23,805 --> 00:08:26,055
You owe me one.
225
00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:28,741
Man, isn't this place great?
226
00:08:28,743 --> 00:08:31,344
Uh, I don't know.
It's so loud!
227
00:08:31,346 --> 00:08:32,678
And so bourgeois.
228
00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:35,815
Many of plays are
about the bourgeois.
229
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:37,583
And ennui.
230
00:08:38,385 --> 00:08:41,687
And one rock opera about...
231
00:08:41,689 --> 00:08:44,090
a frozen yogurt shop.
232
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:48,861
Uh, L-Lily, uh, talk
about your open marriage.
233
00:08:48,863 --> 00:08:52,665
Okay. Well, after a long day
of style meetings
234
00:08:52,667 --> 00:08:54,367
and photo shoots
235
00:08:54,369 --> 00:08:55,634
and being way too mean
236
00:08:55,636 --> 00:08:56,752
to my assistant,
237
00:08:56,754 --> 00:08:59,739
I sometimes bang
an underwear model.
238
00:08:59,741 --> 00:09:00,606
My goodness!
239
00:09:00,608 --> 00:09:01,741
I sleep around, too.
240
00:09:01,743 --> 00:09:03,008
Just as much.
241
00:09:03,010 --> 00:09:04,276
A little more, even.
242
00:09:04,278 --> 00:09:07,045
Oh, uh, only 'cause you
have nothing to do all day.
243
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:08,614
Are we having this fight again?
244
00:09:08,616 --> 00:09:10,383
Writing plays is a real job!
245
00:09:10,385 --> 00:09:14,019
I work 90 hours a week
subsidizing your "real job."
246
00:09:14,021 --> 00:09:15,154
I won a Tony!
247
00:09:15,156 --> 00:09:17,523
I brought French cooking
to America!
248
00:09:17,525 --> 00:09:19,291
What?
249
00:09:19,293 --> 00:09:22,128
- Let's do shots.
- Uh, no, thank you, Barney.
250
00:09:22,130 --> 00:09:24,930
I have that fishing
trip with J.J. early tomorrow.
251
00:09:24,932 --> 00:09:27,366
- I... I better take it easy.
- No.
252
00:09:27,368 --> 00:09:29,835
Don't you remember what you said
to me when I was a kid?
253
00:09:29,837 --> 00:09:32,171
"Never stop partying."
254
00:09:32,173 --> 00:09:33,672
I said that?
255
00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:35,474
To a six-year-old?
256
00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:37,176
I don't remember that.
257
00:09:37,178 --> 00:09:38,744
You don't remember
the last thing
258
00:09:38,746 --> 00:09:41,147
you said to me when I was a kid?
259
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,182
Well...
260
00:09:43,184 --> 00:09:45,184
you know, why don't you
just go back home?
261
00:09:45,186 --> 00:09:46,802
But I want to hang out with you.
262
00:09:46,804 --> 00:09:49,121
Yeah, well, I want to hang out
with Crazy Jerry,
263
00:09:49,123 --> 00:09:51,457
not Stay-at-Home Jerome.
264
00:09:51,459 --> 00:09:53,626
Fine.
265
00:09:53,628 --> 00:09:55,461
You want Crazy Jerry?
266
00:10:05,572 --> 00:10:09,675
There! You got him!
267
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:16,215
I apologize... it might take
a few minutes to kick in.
268
00:10:16,217 --> 00:10:17,450
Oh...
Oh...
269
00:10:20,889 --> 00:10:24,556
Hey, sugar!
Five beers for the table,
270
00:10:24,649 --> 00:10:26,149
a Seven-and-Seven for me,
271
00:10:26,151 --> 00:10:28,785
and your ten digits
for this guy here!
272
00:10:28,787 --> 00:10:33,006
Tonight Crazy Jerry's
gonna burn this disco down!
273
00:10:33,008 --> 00:10:35,391
Whoo! Wa-hah!
274
00:10:35,393 --> 00:10:36,759
Can you believe it?
275
00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:38,361
- This is awesome!
- Barney,
276
00:10:38,363 --> 00:10:40,863
how is that awesome?
277
00:10:44,202 --> 00:10:48,171
I finally know what it's like
to be embarrassed by my dad.
278
00:10:48,939 --> 00:10:50,039
So you really believe
279
00:10:50,041 --> 00:10:52,442
that if we were in
an open marriage
280
00:10:52,444 --> 00:10:54,744
- that you would do better than me?
- Hey,
281
00:10:54,746 --> 00:10:57,330
you do better than me
at a lot of other things,
282
00:10:57,332 --> 00:10:59,148
like digesting dairy...
283
00:10:59,150 --> 00:11:01,617
and reaching for stuff.
284
00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:02,852
Okay, you know what?
285
00:11:02,854 --> 00:11:04,020
Game on.
286
00:11:04,022 --> 00:11:06,889
If I can score five
numbers before you can,
287
00:11:06,891 --> 00:11:09,158
then we have sex
in the bathroom.
288
00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:10,260
But...
289
00:11:10,262 --> 00:11:12,729
if you can score
five numbers before me,
290
00:11:12,731 --> 00:11:15,298
then we have sex
in the bathroom.
291
00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:16,532
So our usual wager.
292
00:11:17,034 --> 00:11:18,601
Deal.
293
00:11:20,854 --> 00:11:22,238
Hey, uh, hey, Jerry,
294
00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:24,607
y... you really want to be
out here like this?
295
00:11:24,609 --> 00:11:26,659
Oh, sorry, small-town preacher
from the Midwest,
296
00:11:26,661 --> 00:11:29,812
is there a law against dancing?
297
00:11:29,814 --> 00:11:31,664
No, of course not.
I... I just...
298
00:11:31,666 --> 00:11:32,865
Oh, this club blows.
299
00:11:32,867 --> 00:11:35,151
Let's hit the greatest
party in the world,
300
00:11:35,153 --> 00:11:36,919
the streets of New York!
301
00:11:36,921 --> 00:11:38,988
- Yeah! Let's do it!
- Yeah!
302
00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:41,824
Uh, maybe fix the tie.
303
00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:43,993
But mostly, party!
304
00:11:45,546 --> 00:11:47,213
Okay, Jerry's gone;
Let's break up.
305
00:11:47,215 --> 00:11:50,166
Okay. "I would have stolen
you a whole orchestra."
306
00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:51,634
There. What's the rush?
307
00:11:51,636 --> 00:11:54,170
Well, that guy who came over here
who thinks we're dating,
308
00:11:54,172 --> 00:11:55,605
I kind of have a crush on him.
309
00:11:55,607 --> 00:11:56,839
Can you help me clear it up?
310
00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:58,341
Really? That guy?
311
00:11:58,343 --> 00:11:59,809
He was, like, a four.
312
00:11:59,811 --> 00:12:03,946
A four? God, you are, like,
the worst judge of guys ever.
313
00:12:03,948 --> 00:12:06,544
Okay, if he is a
four, what are you?
314
00:12:06,545 --> 00:12:07,320
Hey!
315
00:12:07,419 --> 00:12:09,619
I'm not perfect;
I'm an eight...
316
00:12:09,621 --> 00:12:11,487
and a half.
317
00:12:11,489 --> 00:12:13,489
You're a doofus and a half.
318
00:12:13,491 --> 00:12:15,158
Fine. Let's go talk to him.
319
00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:16,993
Where'd you meet
this booger-eater anyway?
320
00:12:16,995 --> 00:12:19,462
At a close-out sale at Dawes.
321
00:12:19,464 --> 00:12:21,497
Really?
I remember that sale.
322
00:12:22,299 --> 00:12:23,366
Hey, Robin.
323
00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:25,101
Oh, Ted. Oh, no.
324
00:12:25,103 --> 00:12:26,769
Look what I just bought.
325
00:12:26,771 --> 00:12:29,806
Right? Right?
326
00:12:29,808 --> 00:12:32,408
Hold on.
We were dating then.
327
00:12:32,410 --> 00:12:33,776
I specifically remember,
328
00:12:33,778 --> 00:12:36,145
because we had great
sex that night.
329
00:12:36,147 --> 00:12:38,514
Great sex.
330
00:12:39,383 --> 00:12:40,600
Let me guess.
331
00:12:40,602 --> 00:12:41,951
Someone wants to knock...
332
00:12:41,953 --> 00:12:44,420
boots.
333
00:12:45,989 --> 00:12:47,023
Boots.
334
00:12:47,025 --> 00:12:49,092
- Just take off your damn shirt.
- Okay.
335
00:12:49,094 --> 00:12:50,443
All right.
336
00:12:50,445 --> 00:12:52,161
All right. Whoa,
337
00:12:52,163 --> 00:12:53,413
- stop.
- What?
338
00:12:53,415 --> 00:12:54,664
Stop. Perfect.
339
00:12:54,666 --> 00:12:57,200
But I... I can't see,
and you can't see me.
340
00:12:57,202 --> 00:13:00,703
Yeah. Yeah, just like that.
341
00:13:00,705 --> 00:13:03,539
- You were picturing your crush!
- Well,
342
00:13:03,541 --> 00:13:05,608
somebody had to.
343
00:13:07,478 --> 00:13:10,346
Okay, okay, answer me this.
344
00:13:10,348 --> 00:13:14,083
Are you absolutely sure
it had nothing whatsoever...
345
00:13:14,085 --> 00:13:16,419
to do with the boots?
346
00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:17,987
Yes.
347
00:13:19,156 --> 00:13:20,189
You hear that, everybody?
348
00:13:20,191 --> 00:13:22,792
She said "yes"!
We're getting married!
349
00:13:23,862 --> 00:13:25,027
I love this girl.
350
00:13:25,029 --> 00:13:26,696
I'm never letting her go.
351
00:13:32,604 --> 00:13:35,488
Hey... Bottoms up, amigo!
352
00:13:35,490 --> 00:13:37,123
After that,
353
00:13:37,125 --> 00:13:39,742
Barney's memory of the nightgot a little hazy.
354
00:13:39,744 --> 00:13:41,577
You want to fight me?
355
00:13:42,346 --> 00:13:46,549
Well, I'll fight you, dummy!
356
00:13:46,551 --> 00:13:48,751
You don't even know!
357
00:13:48,753 --> 00:13:50,586
Hey, hey! There we go!
358
00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:58,761
Oh, look what I just ripped
out of the ground!
359
00:13:58,763 --> 00:14:00,396
Oh...!
360
00:14:01,766 --> 00:14:04,367
I just puked on the
hood of that...
361
00:14:04,369 --> 00:14:06,903
...police car!
362
00:14:09,139 --> 00:14:11,007
Too bad your playwright friend
363
00:14:11,009 --> 00:14:13,209
isn't a lawyer.
364
00:14:16,507 --> 00:14:18,343
Barney, I'm so sorry.
365
00:14:19,284 --> 00:14:20,651
I'm afraid this
is what it's like
366
00:14:20,671 --> 00:14:22,871
hanging out with Crazy Jerry.
367
00:14:23,939 --> 00:14:26,473
It's okay, Dad.
368
00:14:26,475 --> 00:14:30,611
I never thought tonight
would be so awesome!
369
00:14:30,613 --> 00:14:31,878
So...
370
00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:33,647
next stop, strip club.
371
00:14:33,649 --> 00:14:35,515
The Lusty Leopard
has a special...
372
00:14:35,517 --> 00:14:37,951
Oh, for corn's sake,
Barney, I'm not drunk!
373
00:14:37,953 --> 00:14:39,353
- What?
- I told you,
374
00:14:39,355 --> 00:14:40,687
I don't party anymore,
375
00:14:40,689 --> 00:14:43,056
and you wouldn't take
no for an answer.
376
00:14:43,058 --> 00:14:44,124
So...
377
00:14:44,126 --> 00:14:47,961
I used a little...sleight-of-hand...
378
00:14:49,330 --> 00:14:52,599
to make you think otherwise.
379
00:14:52,601 --> 00:14:53,951
Here you go.
380
00:14:53,953 --> 00:14:55,769
Whoa!
381
00:14:55,771 --> 00:14:57,971
Bottoms up, amigo!
382
00:14:59,458 --> 00:15:00,874
Mm.
383
00:15:00,876 --> 00:15:03,443
But all those
crazy things you did.
384
00:15:03,445 --> 00:15:07,080
Do you happen to remember
what a magician's best friend is?
385
00:15:07,949 --> 00:15:10,750
A drunk audience.
386
00:15:10,752 --> 00:15:13,320
You want to fight me?
387
00:15:13,322 --> 00:15:16,757
Well, I'll fight you, dummy!
388
00:15:16,759 --> 00:15:18,592
No, no, no.
389
00:15:18,594 --> 00:15:21,595
You don't even know!
390
00:15:21,597 --> 00:15:22,596
Right here!
391
00:15:22,598 --> 00:15:24,131
Look.
392
00:15:25,199 --> 00:15:27,300
Look what I just
ripped out of the ground!
393
00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:28,301
Oh...!
394
00:15:32,458 --> 00:15:33,940
What just happened?
395
00:15:33,942 --> 00:15:36,543
I... I just puked
on the hood of that...
396
00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:39,579
police car.
397
00:15:41,950 --> 00:15:43,850
Well, why do all those things?
398
00:15:43,852 --> 00:15:46,053
I figured if
I showed you what...
399
00:15:46,055 --> 00:15:48,555
"never stop partying"
really looked like,
400
00:15:48,557 --> 00:15:51,758
you'd realize
you can't do it forever.
401
00:15:52,694 --> 00:15:55,128
Oh, well.
402
00:15:56,864 --> 00:16:01,735
You lied to me all night
for your own selfish reasons?
403
00:16:02,704 --> 00:16:04,738
Daddy...!
404
00:16:05,807 --> 00:16:09,042
I wanted to hang out
with you... you're my son.
405
00:16:09,044 --> 00:16:11,545
And since you didn't want
to come with me and J.J.
406
00:16:11,547 --> 00:16:12,946
On that fishing tri...
407
00:16:12,948 --> 00:16:15,716
Fishing trip.
408
00:16:15,718 --> 00:16:18,985
I'll never make it
back in time now.
409
00:16:21,823 --> 00:16:24,458
Hey, you know, a... a pretty
good magician like you
410
00:16:24,460 --> 00:16:25,959
probably knows how to, say,
411
00:16:25,961 --> 00:16:28,795
get out of a standard
set of handcuffs.
412
00:16:28,797 --> 00:16:30,897
Perhaps.
413
00:16:32,100 --> 00:16:34,768
Well, here's something
you didn't know...
414
00:16:34,770 --> 00:16:37,738
I'm a pretty good
magician, too.
415
00:16:41,393 --> 00:16:43,310
Abracadabra!
416
00:16:44,580 --> 00:16:46,396
Congratulations!
417
00:16:46,398 --> 00:16:48,281
Oh, hey!
Thank you so much.
418
00:16:48,283 --> 00:16:50,617
We're super excited.
We're thinking June.
419
00:16:50,619 --> 00:16:52,052
Yeah, okay.
420
00:16:52,054 --> 00:16:53,587
Okay, jerk...
421
00:16:53,589 --> 00:16:57,090
do you remember how you ended up
buying those red cowboy boots?
422
00:16:57,092 --> 00:16:58,325
Wow.
423
00:16:58,327 --> 00:17:01,294
Wardrobe malfunction
at the O.K. Corral!
424
00:17:01,296 --> 00:17:03,713
I mean, who in their
right mind would ever...
425
00:17:03,715 --> 00:17:06,533
You would look
so totally hot in those.
426
00:17:06,535 --> 00:17:08,868
Do you have these in a size 11?
427
00:17:09,771 --> 00:17:11,772
So get off the field
at the Superdome,
428
00:17:11,774 --> 00:17:13,406
because you ain't no saint.
429
00:17:14,342 --> 00:17:16,143
Hello.
430
00:17:16,145 --> 00:17:17,561
- I, uh...
- Oh.
431
00:17:17,563 --> 00:17:19,780
Hi, Robin.
432
00:17:20,982 --> 00:17:24,518
Could I have your phone number?
433
00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:26,987
- We need someplace to hide.
- Where?
434
00:17:26,989 --> 00:17:29,322
No, Jerry, this is not the time
to go to another club!
435
00:17:29,324 --> 00:17:33,126
We've got to get you back
home in time for that trip.
436
00:17:33,128 --> 00:17:35,629
But there's no more trains,
there's no cabs.
437
00:17:35,631 --> 00:17:36,797
Well, uh...
438
00:17:36,799 --> 00:17:40,417
I do have a few driving
students in the city.
439
00:17:40,419 --> 00:17:42,369
- Step on it! Jerry...
- Do not step on it.
440
00:17:42,371 --> 00:17:43,970
Jerry, we have got
to get you home
441
00:17:43,972 --> 00:17:45,205
in time for that fishing trip.
442
00:17:45,207 --> 00:17:46,506
The laws are there
to protect...
443
00:17:46,508 --> 00:17:48,125
- This is no time for laws!
- Buckle up, Barney.
444
00:17:48,127 --> 00:17:51,628
- I am not going to buckle up!
- I am your father! You will listen to me!
445
00:17:54,715 --> 00:17:57,217
Hey! How's the
open marriage going?
446
00:17:57,219 --> 00:17:58,919
Who was the first one
to get the five numbers?
447
00:17:58,921 --> 00:18:00,020
I won that race.
448
00:18:00,022 --> 00:18:02,656
My prize...
sex in the bathroom.
449
00:18:02,658 --> 00:18:05,392
And I won that race.
450
00:18:08,563 --> 00:18:10,897
Aw, sorry that secret crush
didn't work out for you.
451
00:18:10,899 --> 00:18:15,068
Oh, it's okay. I guess
it just wasn't meant to be.
452
00:18:15,070 --> 00:18:16,603
Why are you smiling?
453
00:18:16,605 --> 00:18:18,004
I don't know.
454
00:18:18,006 --> 00:18:20,440
Good night.
455
00:18:20,442 --> 00:18:22,242
Saw that girl again.
456
00:18:22,244 --> 00:18:24,377
And guess what?
She's engaged.
457
00:18:24,379 --> 00:18:25,912
So that's the end of that.
458
00:18:25,914 --> 00:18:28,331
It wasn't the end of that.
More on that later.
459
00:18:28,333 --> 00:18:32,252
And her fiancé?
The guy's like a two.
460
00:18:34,989 --> 00:18:37,290
How did you do it?
461
00:18:37,292 --> 00:18:38,791
Do what?
462
00:18:38,793 --> 00:18:41,127
How did you become this?
463
00:18:41,129 --> 00:18:44,064
I mean, I love my life, but...
464
00:18:44,066 --> 00:18:47,400
I'm not sure I like
loving it.
465
00:18:47,402 --> 00:18:50,103
- Sure, strip clubs...
- You're drifting.
466
00:18:50,105 --> 00:18:51,872
Hey, I'm trying to
open up to you...
467
00:18:51,874 --> 00:18:54,574
No, Mrs. Perkins,
you're drifting!
468
00:18:55,443 --> 00:18:57,978
Go on, Barney.
469
00:18:57,980 --> 00:19:01,915
When I think about going for
anything more than that,
470
00:19:01,917 --> 00:19:07,020
I look at my life,
and who I am, and...
471
00:19:07,022 --> 00:19:10,857
I'm too far gone.
472
00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:12,993
I'm broken.
473
00:19:14,962 --> 00:19:19,349
Son, I was far more broken
than you'll ever be.
474
00:19:19,351 --> 00:19:21,834
And look at me now.
475
00:19:21,836 --> 00:19:26,973
Don't get me wrong...
settling down is... a challenge.
476
00:19:26,975 --> 00:19:29,242
It's the biggest
challenge of your life.
477
00:19:29,244 --> 00:19:31,044
So how do you do it?
478
00:19:31,046 --> 00:19:35,081
A magician never reveals
his greatest trick.
479
00:19:36,017 --> 00:19:37,884
But I'll give you a hint.
480
00:19:37,886 --> 00:19:40,520
You gotta meet the right girl.
481
00:19:41,889 --> 00:19:44,407
Who knows?
482
00:19:44,409 --> 00:19:47,193
Maybe you'll meet her tomorrow.
483
00:19:47,195 --> 00:19:50,664
Maybe I've met her already.
484
00:19:51,766 --> 00:19:54,584
And park.
And emergency brake.
485
00:19:56,771 --> 00:19:58,505
I did have a good time tonight.
486
00:19:58,507 --> 00:19:59,906
And hey, if you want to
487
00:19:59,908 --> 00:20:01,875
go fishing,
we got room in the boat.
488
00:20:01,877 --> 00:20:04,377
Maybe some other time.
489
00:20:04,379 --> 00:20:05,745
Okay.
490
00:20:06,847 --> 00:20:08,181
Oh, and, uh...
491
00:20:08,183 --> 00:20:12,385
thanks for taking such
good care of this.
492
00:20:12,387 --> 00:20:15,855
It means a lot to me that you
kept it safe all these years.
493
00:20:32,273 --> 00:20:34,741
I'm going fishing with my dad.
494
00:20:51,474 --> 00:20:54,843
This...
495
00:20:54,845 --> 00:20:56,678
sucks.
496
00:20:57,212 --> 00:21:02,812
Sync and corrected by Mlmlte
www.MY-SUBS.com
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