Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:00:01,771 --> 00:00:03,955
Kids, I bought the
house we live in now way back
2
00:00:03,956 --> 00:00:05,823
before I ever met your mother.
3
00:00:05,824 --> 00:00:08,659
It needed a lot of work,
but I had a vision for it.
4
00:00:08,660 --> 00:00:10,327
Vintage rolltop desk here.
5
00:00:10,328 --> 00:00:11,912
I haven't decided
whether to put the fern
6
00:00:11,913 --> 00:00:13,314
on the right or the left side,
7
00:00:13,315 --> 00:00:15,416
but you know, sometimes
you just gotta wing it. Right?
8
00:00:15,417 --> 00:00:16,584
Left side.
9
00:00:16,585 --> 00:00:17,751
Oh, and right outside,
10
00:00:17,752 --> 00:00:20,004
I want to put up a
basketball hoop for the kids.
11
00:00:20,005 --> 00:00:21,422
- Huh?
- Ted.
12
00:00:21,423 --> 00:00:23,591
This is your seduction lounge.
13
00:00:23,592 --> 00:00:25,426
Sex swing there,
14
00:00:25,427 --> 00:00:27,328
vibrating Jell-O pit
right there,
15
00:00:27,329 --> 00:00:29,697
rotating Vietnamese Shame Wheel
right here.
16
00:00:30,332 --> 00:00:31,799
Don't ask; you're not ready.
17
00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:34,535
And that basketball hoop?
18
00:00:34,536 --> 00:00:37,104
Outdoor stripper pole.
19
00:00:37,105 --> 00:00:39,340
We'll just tell the ladies
to be careful in the winter.
20
00:00:39,341 --> 00:00:42,476
You think a tongue stuck
to a frozen pole is bad...
21
00:00:42,477 --> 00:00:46,614
Hey. Barney, let's go
outside for a second.
22
00:00:46,615 --> 00:00:48,365
We have a confession.
23
00:00:48,366 --> 00:00:51,218
This wasn't really about
seeing Ted's house.
24
00:00:51,219 --> 00:00:53,220
It's an intervention.
25
00:00:53,221 --> 00:00:54,488
Oh, thank God.
26
00:00:54,489 --> 00:00:55,856
I'll go first.
27
00:00:55,857 --> 00:00:57,825
Ted, this house you bought
for your hypothetical family
28
00:00:57,826 --> 00:00:59,059
is super weird.
29
00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:01,061
We talk about it all the time
behind your back.
30
00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:02,847
Yeah. This intervention
isn't for me.
31
00:01:02,848 --> 00:01:04,198
It's for you.
32
00:01:04,199 --> 00:01:06,400
Why did Barney
need an intervention?
33
00:01:06,401 --> 00:01:08,435
It all started
a few nights earlier.
34
00:01:08,436 --> 00:01:09,770
Barney, I can't believe
35
00:01:09,771 --> 00:01:11,889
your giant TV is broken.
It's March Madness.
36
00:01:11,890 --> 00:01:13,974
Okay, uh, I think I see
what the problem is.
37
00:01:13,975 --> 00:01:15,476
Barney, can you grab me
a screwdriver?
38
00:01:15,477 --> 00:01:16,744
Sure thing.
39
00:01:16,745 --> 00:01:18,646
Luis. Barney Stinson, 12 H.
40
00:01:18,647 --> 00:01:20,881
I got a hundred bucks if you can
be here in five. Thanks.
41
00:01:20,882 --> 00:01:23,317
You call the super
for a screwdriver?
42
00:01:23,318 --> 00:01:25,553
Yeah... here's the thing
about me and tools...
43
00:01:25,554 --> 00:01:28,322
the only one I know how to use
is attached to me,
44
00:01:28,323 --> 00:01:30,925
and I am not going to try
putting it in the TV.
45
00:01:30,926 --> 00:01:32,293
Again.
46
00:01:32,294 --> 00:01:34,245
Okay, that's ridiculous.
47
00:01:34,246 --> 00:01:36,196
Everyone should know
how to use tools.
48
00:01:37,415 --> 00:01:40,501
Well, here's our
screwdriver now.
49
00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:47,808
Guys, I'm
pretty sure that's not Luis,
50
00:01:47,809 --> 00:01:49,143
but I can't be certain.
51
00:01:49,144 --> 00:01:50,477
Someone introduce yourself.
52
00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:54,548
Barney, I...
53
00:01:54,549 --> 00:01:57,117
I got your letter.
54
00:02:00,155 --> 00:02:02,323
Dad?
55
00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:06,324
Transcript by MY-SUBS.com
56
00:02:06,325 --> 00:02:10,325
www.MY-SUBS.com
57
00:02:17,902 --> 00:02:19,569
I can't believe Barney
is talking to his dad right now.
58
00:02:19,570 --> 00:02:20,770
Yeah, what do you say
59
00:02:20,771 --> 00:02:22,172
after three decades
of not seeing each other?
60
00:02:22,173 --> 00:02:24,024
"So, how 'bout those
61
00:02:24,025 --> 00:02:25,959
last 30 Super Bowls"?
62
00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:27,093
Okay, now I feel bad
63
00:02:27,094 --> 00:02:29,129
about making fun of him
for the tool thing.
64
00:02:29,130 --> 00:02:31,464
My dad was the one
who taught me all that stuff.
65
00:02:31,465 --> 00:02:34,234
Well, to be fair, everyone has
some glaring gap in knowledge,
66
00:02:34,235 --> 00:02:36,336
something really obvious
you somehow never learned.
67
00:02:36,337 --> 00:02:38,138
Okay, but a screwdriver?
68
00:02:38,139 --> 00:02:40,073
Come on, I don't have any gaps
that fundamental.
69
00:02:40,074 --> 00:02:43,210
Really? I seem to recall...
70
00:02:43,211 --> 00:02:45,095
Daniel Burnham was an architect
71
00:02:45,096 --> 00:02:47,080
whose ever-shifting style
and aesthetic
72
00:02:47,081 --> 00:02:49,749
made him a true architectural
chamma-leeon.
73
00:02:51,252 --> 00:02:52,619
And only the most
gifted chamma-leeon
74
00:02:52,620 --> 00:02:55,222
could've designed
classic beaux arts masterpieces
75
00:02:55,223 --> 00:02:58,825
right alongside
sleek modern flatirons.
76
00:02:58,826 --> 00:03:00,594
His name might as well have been
77
00:03:00,595 --> 00:03:03,813
Daniel Chamma-leeon.
78
00:03:03,814 --> 00:03:05,482
Um, Professor?
79
00:03:05,483 --> 00:03:08,602
Uh, do you mean "chameleon"?
80
00:03:10,304 --> 00:03:15,175
Betty, I'm pretty sure it's
pronounced "chamma-leeon," so...
81
00:03:17,411 --> 00:03:19,663
Class dismissed.
82
00:03:19,664 --> 00:03:21,481
No homework. For a while.
83
00:03:21,482 --> 00:03:24,117
Okay, I learned that word
by reading it.
84
00:03:24,118 --> 00:03:26,286
That's how I've always
pronounced it.
85
00:03:26,287 --> 00:03:27,520
Oh, Ted, that wasn't easy.
86
00:03:27,521 --> 00:03:29,623
It took a lot of "ch-aracter"
to admit that.
87
00:03:29,624 --> 00:03:31,625
Okay, Scherbatsky.
You want to tussle?
88
00:03:31,626 --> 00:03:32,959
- I'll tussle.
- You want to tussle?
89
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:34,794
- Let's tussle.
- Marine biologist.
90
00:03:34,795 --> 00:03:36,463
Please, no.
91
00:03:36,464 --> 00:03:38,164
So this really sucks, but
92
00:03:38,165 --> 00:03:40,600
I'm going to be in the North Pole
for the next three months.
93
00:03:40,601 --> 00:03:42,135
Seriously?
94
00:03:42,136 --> 00:03:43,370
The North Pole?
95
00:03:43,371 --> 00:03:45,188
Okay, pal, if you want
to break up with me,
96
00:03:45,189 --> 00:03:47,807
just tell it to me straight.
Don't pretend you're going
97
00:03:47,808 --> 00:03:49,576
someplace we all know
doesn't exist.
98
00:03:49,577 --> 00:03:51,778
Um, I'm going to be studying
the mating habits of...
99
00:03:51,779 --> 00:03:54,547
Of who? Santa's elves?
Rudolph?
100
00:03:54,548 --> 00:03:56,416
You know what?
I'm going on a trip, too, Scott.
101
00:03:56,417 --> 00:03:58,151
It, uh, starts in Narnia.
102
00:03:58,152 --> 00:03:59,886
It works its way up
to Candyland,
103
00:03:59,887 --> 00:04:02,122
and then, hey, congratulate me,
104
00:04:02,123 --> 00:04:04,224
because I'm the new Defense
Against the Dark Arts teacher
105
00:04:04,225 --> 00:04:07,093
at Hogwarts. Expelliarmus!
106
00:04:07,094 --> 00:04:09,696
Robin, the North Pole
is a real place.
107
00:04:09,697 --> 00:04:11,231
You know that, right?
108
00:04:13,167 --> 00:04:15,969
So... you want
to get pizza later? Or...
109
00:04:15,970 --> 00:04:17,771
I think we should break up.
110
00:04:17,772 --> 00:04:19,739
I still think about him
in the shower.
111
00:04:21,342 --> 00:04:23,643
- Hey. - Tell us everything.
How'd it go, bud?
112
00:04:23,644 --> 00:04:25,912
Where do I begin?
113
00:04:27,515 --> 00:04:29,482
- So, I'm not sure how to start this.
- Yeah.
114
00:04:31,183 --> 00:04:32,352
I think I need a drink.
115
00:04:32,653 --> 00:04:33,719
Me, too.
116
00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:34,987
Glen McKenna, neat.
117
00:04:35,089 --> 00:04:37,123
Nice order. Up top.
118
00:04:40,161 --> 00:04:43,363
Look, it's been 30 years.
119
00:04:43,364 --> 00:04:45,598
And now you just
show up out of nowhere?
120
00:04:45,599 --> 00:04:48,668
This is... this is going
to take me a minute.
121
00:04:48,669 --> 00:04:50,870
Yeah. I understand.
122
00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:55,241
By the way, hell of a tie.
Is that Italian silk?
123
00:04:55,242 --> 00:04:57,644
I love you, Daddy. I'm so glad
we're best friends now.
124
00:05:00,314 --> 00:05:01,765
- Make a muscle.
- There you go.
125
00:05:01,766 --> 00:05:02,882
Ah!
126
00:05:02,883 --> 00:05:05,085
Guys, my dad's awesome.
127
00:05:05,086 --> 00:05:06,820
He's the mother of all fathers.
128
00:05:06,821 --> 00:05:08,088
Check this out.
129
00:05:08,089 --> 00:05:10,023
Hey, back when I was a kid,
you used to be a roadie.
130
00:05:10,024 --> 00:05:13,093
- Do you still do that?
- Not anymore.
131
00:05:13,094 --> 00:05:16,396
Back in '83 I'm lugging amps for
The Stones through West Germany,
132
00:05:16,397 --> 00:05:18,565
and their tour manager
loses his arms,
133
00:05:18,566 --> 00:05:20,734
bus-surfing through a tunnel.
134
00:05:20,735 --> 00:05:21,868
Gnarly.
135
00:05:21,869 --> 00:05:24,070
Long story short,
136
00:05:24,071 --> 00:05:27,007
I've been managing tours
ever since,
137
00:05:27,008 --> 00:05:30,677
and that dude high-fives people
with his face now.
138
00:05:30,678 --> 00:05:33,663
You're funny.
139
00:05:33,664 --> 00:05:35,348
My dad's funny.
140
00:05:36,249 --> 00:05:38,417
So, all these years,
there's this one question
141
00:05:38,418 --> 00:05:40,036
I've been dying to ask him.
142
00:05:40,037 --> 00:05:42,455
- Why did you abandon me?
- Why'd you wait so long to contact me?
143
00:05:42,456 --> 00:05:45,058
You've hurt me before,
why should I trust you now?
144
00:05:46,159 --> 00:05:47,293
Do you...
145
00:05:47,494 --> 00:05:49,195
get laid a lot?
146
00:05:50,396 --> 00:05:51,664
Big-time.
147
00:05:54,733 --> 00:05:56,135
Observe.
148
00:06:14,822 --> 00:06:18,174
Oh, my God,
that took you five seconds.
149
00:06:18,175 --> 00:06:19,676
Oh, was it that long?
150
00:06:19,677 --> 00:06:22,429
Life's too short
for chatty chicks.
151
00:06:24,730 --> 00:06:26,232
You're a master.
152
00:06:26,333 --> 00:06:28,735
You are legen... wait for it...
153
00:06:28,836 --> 00:06:30,370
...daddy!
154
00:06:30,371 --> 00:06:31,538
Legendaddy!
155
00:06:31,539 --> 00:06:33,006
The man is a god.
156
00:06:33,007 --> 00:06:36,376
And he's still out there,
living the dream.
157
00:06:36,377 --> 00:06:38,244
So I'm going to Sydney tomorrow
with Bon Jovi.
158
00:06:38,245 --> 00:06:40,413
I'll be on the road
the rest of the year.
159
00:06:40,414 --> 00:06:42,282
Oh, that's cool.
160
00:06:42,283 --> 00:06:46,553
Say, you want to join me
for the tour's Asian leg?
161
00:06:46,554 --> 00:06:49,422
This is going to be
the second-most fun
162
00:06:49,423 --> 00:06:50,957
I've ever had on an Asian leg.
163
00:06:52,827 --> 00:06:55,095
Barney, we... we know
you're psyched,
164
00:06:55,096 --> 00:06:57,063
but just...
be careful.
165
00:06:57,064 --> 00:06:58,231
What do you mean?
166
00:06:58,232 --> 00:07:00,300
Well, this guy has flaked
out on your whole life.
167
00:07:00,301 --> 00:07:01,668
It sounds like he just might be
168
00:07:01,669 --> 00:07:03,002
telling you what
you want to hear.
169
00:07:03,003 --> 00:07:05,438
Barney, we just don't
want to see you get hurt.
170
00:07:05,439 --> 00:07:09,943
First of all, Robin,
my dad could beat up your dad.
171
00:07:09,944 --> 00:07:11,111
Second,
172
00:07:11,112 --> 00:07:12,612
you don't have to worry.
173
00:07:12,613 --> 00:07:14,914
He's cool.
Now if you'll excuse me...
174
00:07:14,915 --> 00:07:17,734
I have to go renew my passport,
175
00:07:17,735 --> 00:07:20,253
and get a travel-sized rotating
Vietnamese Shame Wheel.
176
00:07:21,188 --> 00:07:23,189
Don't ask; you're not ready.
177
00:07:24,525 --> 00:07:26,092
I hope Barney's dad isn't just
178
00:07:26,093 --> 00:07:28,328
pretending to be something
he's not, you know?
179
00:07:28,329 --> 00:07:32,398
Yeah. That would make Jerry
a real chamma-leeon.
180
00:07:34,101 --> 00:07:35,602
You have gaps, too, Lily.
181
00:07:35,603 --> 00:07:37,437
You got nothing on me.
182
00:07:38,272 --> 00:07:39,756
Hey, Lily, can you
toss me a beer?
183
00:07:39,757 --> 00:07:41,541
Sure, honey.
184
00:07:44,245 --> 00:07:46,379
You have terrible aim.
185
00:07:46,380 --> 00:07:47,947
That's not true.
186
00:07:47,948 --> 00:07:49,749
Lily, at our apartment,
187
00:07:49,750 --> 00:07:53,153
you're the one who
pees on the floor.
188
00:07:53,988 --> 00:07:55,455
Oh, my God. Barney's dad.
189
00:07:55,456 --> 00:07:58,158
Hey, uh, you're
Barney's friends, right?
190
00:07:58,159 --> 00:08:00,410
Yeah, but... aren't you
supposed to be off
191
00:08:00,411 --> 00:08:02,629
managing some tour
in Australia?
192
00:08:02,630 --> 00:08:04,097
What?
193
00:08:04,098 --> 00:08:06,699
No, I... I'm a driving instructor
up in White Plains.
194
00:08:07,801 --> 00:08:11,062
And I need your help...
Barney won't return my calls.
195
00:08:16,313 --> 00:08:18,447
What do you mean, Barney
won't return your calls?
196
00:08:18,448 --> 00:08:20,382
He said you two had
an amazing night together.
197
00:08:20,383 --> 00:08:22,251
That's not what happened.
198
00:08:22,252 --> 00:08:24,086
I'm not sure how to start this.
199
00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:25,420
Yeah.
200
00:08:25,421 --> 00:08:27,306
I think I need a drink.
201
00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:28,390
Me, too.
202
00:08:28,391 --> 00:08:29,508
Glen McKenna, neat.
203
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,193
Milk, skim.
204
00:08:31,194 --> 00:08:33,195
Milk?
205
00:08:33,196 --> 00:08:35,898
Oh, you're taking it easy.
Crazy night?
206
00:08:35,899 --> 00:08:37,266
I'll say.
207
00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:40,202
Between you and me,
I had a lot of acid last night.
208
00:08:40,203 --> 00:08:41,570
Wow.
209
00:08:41,571 --> 00:08:43,372
I think it was the chili dog.
210
00:08:43,907 --> 00:08:46,041
I had to take four Tums.
211
00:08:46,042 --> 00:08:49,044
I was up till, like, 9:30.
212
00:08:49,879 --> 00:08:51,313
Hey, um...
213
00:08:51,314 --> 00:08:53,615
When I was a kid,
you used to be a roadie.
214
00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:54,917
You still do that?
215
00:08:54,918 --> 00:08:57,819
No. I switched lanes years ago.
216
00:09:00,490 --> 00:09:03,559
I should explain.
I'm a driving instructor.
217
00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:05,427
Now you get it, right?
218
00:09:06,663 --> 00:09:08,263
Yeah, no, I get it.
219
00:09:08,264 --> 00:09:10,265
Um, but when I was a kid,
220
00:09:10,266 --> 00:09:12,467
you... you were
this total badass.
221
00:09:12,468 --> 00:09:14,369
Oh, I know.
222
00:09:14,370 --> 00:09:16,004
I was a real hard partier.
223
00:09:16,005 --> 00:09:18,073
Yeah, okay, now we're getting
to the good stuff.
224
00:09:18,074 --> 00:09:20,609
The drugs, the alcohol,
the women...
225
00:09:20,610 --> 00:09:22,344
Yes, yes, yes.
226
00:09:22,345 --> 00:09:23,278
I was out of control.
227
00:09:23,279 --> 00:09:24,947
♪ Out of control. ♪
228
00:09:24,948 --> 00:09:27,416
So when your mom said
I couldn't see you any more,
229
00:09:27,417 --> 00:09:30,118
it was rock bottom for me.
230
00:09:31,921 --> 00:09:34,022
I'm so sorry.
231
00:09:34,857 --> 00:09:37,159
You ever bang Stevie Nicks?
232
00:09:38,294 --> 00:09:40,329
Barney wasn't interested
in my apology.
233
00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:41,964
He just wanted me to be cool.
234
00:09:41,965 --> 00:09:45,901
And I was so desperate
to connect with him,
235
00:09:45,902 --> 00:09:47,769
I did something
I'm not proud of.
236
00:09:47,770 --> 00:09:49,404
I started bragging.
237
00:09:49,405 --> 00:09:51,907
I bet you didn't know
this about me, Barney,
238
00:09:51,908 --> 00:09:54,476
but I've published
two nonfiction books
239
00:09:54,477 --> 00:09:56,545
about asparagus.
240
00:09:56,546 --> 00:09:58,347
And one fiction.
241
00:09:59,983 --> 00:10:03,619
I'm credited with inventing
the word "furgling."
242
00:10:04,287 --> 00:10:06,288
It means fumbling for keys.
243
00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:10,325
So then all the county fair
judges started chanting,
244
00:10:10,326 --> 00:10:13,328
"More quiche! More quiche!"
245
00:10:14,998 --> 00:10:19,835
I guess you could call me
the LeBron James of drapes.
246
00:10:21,237 --> 00:10:24,473
I could tell he just wanted me
to be this big ladies' man,
247
00:10:24,474 --> 00:10:26,708
so...
248
00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:30,512
What a hottie, huh?
249
00:10:30,513 --> 00:10:32,581
I'm sure you're a real player.
250
00:10:32,582 --> 00:10:35,467
Big-time.
251
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:37,636
Observe.
252
00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:49,798
Excuse me, that's my son
over there.
253
00:10:50,767 --> 00:10:52,868
I'm trying to reconnect
with him after 30 years.
254
00:10:52,869 --> 00:10:55,904
Would you just write down
any seven numbers here,
255
00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:57,506
so that I can impress him?
256
00:10:57,507 --> 00:10:59,408
Please, I'm desperate.
257
00:11:03,312 --> 00:11:06,114
Oh, my God, you're a natural.
258
00:11:06,115 --> 00:11:08,717
Think of the pickup plays
we can run as a father-son duo.
259
00:11:08,718 --> 00:11:10,385
There's the
"Father Knows Breast,"
260
00:11:10,386 --> 00:11:11,386
there's the
261
00:11:11,387 --> 00:11:12,804
"Bush Dynasty,"
262
00:11:12,805 --> 00:11:14,589
the "Lick Father, Lick Son."
263
00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:15,590
Oh, no, no.
264
00:11:15,591 --> 00:11:17,059
I couldn't do that.
265
00:11:17,060 --> 00:11:17,843
Why?
266
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:19,094
I have a family now.
267
00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:20,462
That's my wife
268
00:11:20,463 --> 00:11:23,899
Cheryl, my daughter Carly...
she's in college.
269
00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:25,534
This is my son J.J.
270
00:11:25,535 --> 00:11:26,985
I was hoping you could come over
271
00:11:26,986 --> 00:11:28,403
to dinner sometime
and meet them.
272
00:11:28,404 --> 00:11:30,238
You're all wearing
matching sweaters.
273
00:11:30,239 --> 00:11:31,440
That's cute.
274
00:11:32,241 --> 00:11:35,310
Look, I got
to get going, Jerry.
275
00:11:35,311 --> 00:11:36,845
But, uh, this was great.
276
00:11:36,846 --> 00:11:38,280
Glad we did this.
277
00:11:41,417 --> 00:11:45,120
I made him wait
all these years for me and...
278
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:47,889
I'm just not the guy
he wanted me to be.
279
00:11:48,725 --> 00:11:50,959
I know I don't
deserve it, but...
280
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,562
I need another chance
to connect with my son.
281
00:11:55,698 --> 00:11:58,100
We think you should
give him another chance.
282
00:11:58,101 --> 00:12:00,268
That's the real reason
we're out here.
283
00:12:00,269 --> 00:12:02,237
He lives ten minutes away.
284
00:12:02,238 --> 00:12:03,739
What?
285
00:12:03,740 --> 00:12:05,440
You're having dinner
with him tonight.
286
00:12:05,441 --> 00:12:07,642
No, I most certainly am not.
287
00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:09,778
Look, I met him.
288
00:12:09,779 --> 00:12:11,346
He's not my kind of bro
and that's that.
289
00:12:11,347 --> 00:12:12,514
Are you sure it's
not more than that?
290
00:12:12,515 --> 00:12:13,982
Guys, get it through your heads.
291
00:12:13,983 --> 00:12:17,452
I am never gonna
talk to my dad again.
292
00:12:17,453 --> 00:12:19,454
No, Barney.
293
00:12:19,455 --> 00:12:21,923
I'm never gonna talk
to my dad again.
294
00:12:22,859 --> 00:12:24,659
But your dad is alive
295
00:12:24,660 --> 00:12:27,362
and he lives just down the road.
296
00:12:31,134 --> 00:12:32,167
Fine, I'll go.
297
00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:33,168
Awesome.
298
00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:34,336
Um, Lily, keys.
299
00:12:39,609 --> 00:12:42,681
I'm literally
11 inches from you.
300
00:12:46,965 --> 00:12:49,900
And so Barney agreed
to give his dad one more chance.
301
00:12:49,910 --> 00:12:52,212
Hello. You must be Barney.
302
00:12:52,213 --> 00:12:53,263
I'm Cheryl.
303
00:12:53,264 --> 00:12:55,432
It's just so nice
to finally meet you.
304
00:12:55,433 --> 00:12:57,434
I love that suit.
305
00:12:57,435 --> 00:12:58,752
Oh, thank you very much.
306
00:12:58,753 --> 00:13:01,154
And I love your...
307
00:13:03,858 --> 00:13:05,292
...coat.
308
00:13:05,293 --> 00:13:06,660
I love your coat.
309
00:13:06,661 --> 00:13:08,562
Oh, that's your coat, Barney.
310
00:13:08,563 --> 00:13:10,564
I just took it from you.
311
00:13:10,565 --> 00:13:12,332
Well, I do love it.
312
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:15,335
It's doing a nice job
covering up that chair.
313
00:13:17,071 --> 00:13:19,339
Guess now we wait.
314
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:21,541
Hey, I got an idea
how to pass the time.
315
00:13:21,542 --> 00:13:22,792
A little trivia game.
316
00:13:22,793 --> 00:13:26,313
Robin, reindeer: real or fake?
317
00:13:27,315 --> 00:13:28,281
Okay, I'm not an idiot.
318
00:13:28,282 --> 00:13:31,952
Reindeer are obviously
f... re... fake?
319
00:13:31,953 --> 00:13:33,086
Yikes!
320
00:13:33,087 --> 00:13:35,021
I'm surrounded
by a bunch of dum-dums.
321
00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:38,892
Good thing I don't have any gaps
in my knowledge.
322
00:13:41,729 --> 00:13:44,431
I am perfect.
323
00:13:44,432 --> 00:13:47,067
Oh, for the love of God, guys,
enough already.
324
00:13:47,068 --> 00:13:48,368
What, baby?
325
00:13:48,369 --> 00:13:49,836
You've been treating me
with kid gloves
326
00:13:49,837 --> 00:13:51,371
ever since my dad died.
327
00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:52,439
That's not true.
328
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:53,807
Robin, don't disagree
with Marshall.
329
00:13:53,808 --> 00:13:54,808
I'm sorry.
330
00:13:54,809 --> 00:13:57,077
I first noticed it at the bar.
331
00:13:57,078 --> 00:13:58,044
Hey, Lily,
332
00:13:58,045 --> 00:13:59,646
Can you get me a mojito?
333
00:13:59,647 --> 00:14:01,715
Normally, you would've
given me crap
334
00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:04,417
for an hour about a voice crack
that pubescently girl-like,
335
00:14:04,418 --> 00:14:05,518
but nothing.
336
00:14:05,519 --> 00:14:07,954
So then I started
to test you guys.
337
00:14:07,955 --> 00:14:10,824
The Phantom Menace is by far
the best Star Wars movie.
338
00:14:13,294 --> 00:14:16,596
It ages well, that's the thing.
339
00:14:16,597 --> 00:14:19,466
You guys like my new soul patch?
340
00:14:19,467 --> 00:14:22,335
Righteous hair tab, brotha.
341
00:14:22,336 --> 00:14:23,937
And once I figured it out,
342
00:14:23,938 --> 00:14:27,807
I started doing crazy stuff
to see how far you'd let me go.
343
00:14:27,808 --> 00:14:29,776
Hey, guys.
344
00:14:30,211 --> 00:14:31,444
This is Rex.
345
00:14:31,445 --> 00:14:34,381
He's a possum.
346
00:14:34,382 --> 00:14:36,716
I found him in the trash.
347
00:14:36,717 --> 00:14:38,284
He lives with us now.
348
00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:41,287
I love him.
349
00:14:41,288 --> 00:14:45,191
Lily, we are living
with a possum.
350
00:14:45,192 --> 00:14:47,927
Rex is violent and he hates us.
351
00:14:47,928 --> 00:14:50,397
But, baby,
you just lost your dad.
352
00:14:50,398 --> 00:14:51,698
None of us wants to upset you.
353
00:14:51,699 --> 00:14:52,699
Please.
354
00:14:52,700 --> 00:14:53,800
If you guys really want me
355
00:14:53,801 --> 00:14:55,568
to get over the worst tragedy
of my life,
356
00:14:55,569 --> 00:14:57,804
I'm begging you,
tear me a new one.
357
00:14:57,805 --> 00:15:00,707
But not like Rex tried to
in my sleep last night.
358
00:15:02,093 --> 00:15:04,177
J.J., dinner.
359
00:15:04,178 --> 00:15:06,146
When I got your letter,
I dug this up.
360
00:15:06,147 --> 00:15:08,248
You were probably
too young to remember,
361
00:15:08,249 --> 00:15:12,352
but this is you, this is me,
and, of course, ZZ Top.
362
00:15:12,353 --> 00:15:14,654
I do remember that.
363
00:15:14,655 --> 00:15:16,623
I climbed up on that
dude's lap and told him
364
00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:18,058
what I wanted for Christmas.
365
00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:22,362
Yeah, I used to love
taking you backstage.
366
00:15:22,363 --> 00:15:24,964
You were the coolest
little kid.
367
00:15:26,867 --> 00:15:29,202
Hi, Barney.
It's great to finally meet you.
368
00:15:29,203 --> 00:15:32,138
J.J., I'm talking
to Dad right now. God.
369
00:15:33,340 --> 00:15:34,407
Seriously,
370
00:15:34,408 --> 00:15:35,458
it's time.
371
00:15:35,459 --> 00:15:36,876
What are my gaps?
372
00:15:37,812 --> 00:15:41,414
Well, I guess maybe
one gap you have is...
373
00:15:41,415 --> 00:15:42,982
you can't wink.
374
00:15:42,983 --> 00:15:46,152
Don't you think that
maybe we should go home
375
00:15:46,153 --> 00:15:49,389
and, uh, "do the laundry"?
376
00:15:52,927 --> 00:15:55,228
You can't swallow pills.
377
00:15:57,631 --> 00:16:00,567
Ooh, ooh, I got one.
378
00:16:00,568 --> 00:16:04,037
You think John Kennedy and Jack
Kennedy are the same person.
379
00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:06,506
Right?
380
00:16:07,274 --> 00:16:09,042
What?
381
00:16:09,043 --> 00:16:10,310
So, Barney, I understand
382
00:16:10,311 --> 00:16:12,245
you have a pretty big job
with a bank.
383
00:16:12,246 --> 00:16:13,179
Yeah, I do.
384
00:16:13,180 --> 00:16:15,215
I make a ton of money.
385
00:16:15,216 --> 00:16:17,083
How much do you make, J.J.?
386
00:16:17,084 --> 00:16:19,385
I'm 11.
387
00:16:19,386 --> 00:16:23,022
Oh, well, huh, now we all know
you make excuses.
388
00:16:23,023 --> 00:16:25,058
I was talking about money.
389
00:16:25,059 --> 00:16:26,760
Actually, J.J. has a job.
390
00:16:26,761 --> 00:16:27,761
Tell him, J.J.
391
00:16:27,762 --> 00:16:29,129
I got a paper route.
392
00:16:30,064 --> 00:16:32,165
Good time to get into
print media.
393
00:16:32,166 --> 00:16:33,233
Am I right, Dad?
394
00:16:33,234 --> 00:16:34,400
Good slam, Barney.
395
00:16:34,401 --> 00:16:35,535
Jerry.
396
00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:37,036
It's all good fun.
397
00:16:37,037 --> 00:16:39,773
Just ribbing among
long lost brothers.
398
00:16:39,774 --> 00:16:42,609
J.J.'s a heck of
a basketball player.
399
00:16:42,610 --> 00:16:45,779
Uh, you don't strike me
as the athletic type, Jayj.
400
00:16:45,780 --> 00:16:48,748
Dad, check it.
401
00:16:54,371 --> 00:16:57,223
Triceps.
402
00:16:57,224 --> 00:16:59,058
What gym do you go to?
403
00:16:59,059 --> 00:17:00,660
Fourth period?
404
00:17:00,661 --> 00:17:02,896
Sounds like you're having
your fourth period.
405
00:17:02,897 --> 00:17:03,897
Am I right, Dad?!
406
00:17:03,898 --> 00:17:04,881
Got him again.
407
00:17:04,882 --> 00:17:05,899
Jerry!
408
00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:07,016
Oh, okay, Barney.
409
00:17:07,017 --> 00:17:08,434
Uh, maybe that's enough.
410
00:17:08,435 --> 00:17:09,719
Why? J.J. started it.
411
00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:11,571
What does J.J.
even stand for anyway?
412
00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:14,908
J... Jerky... Jerkface?
413
00:17:15,676 --> 00:17:17,510
J.J. stands for Jerome Jr.
414
00:17:17,511 --> 00:17:20,146
Jerome Jr...?
415
00:17:21,916 --> 00:17:24,918
Oh.
416
00:17:24,919 --> 00:17:27,821
He's... he's named after you.
417
00:17:28,656 --> 00:17:30,740
Excuse me.
418
00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:36,796
I like having a brother.
419
00:17:38,098 --> 00:17:39,966
You always add too
much water to oatmeal.
420
00:17:39,967 --> 00:17:41,367
Yes, I drown the son of a bitch.
421
00:17:41,368 --> 00:17:43,670
You consistently miss
at least one belt loop.
422
00:17:43,671 --> 00:17:45,038
It's like I'm blind.
423
00:17:45,039 --> 00:17:47,173
You're too old to ask
to see the cockpit.
424
00:17:47,174 --> 00:17:49,342
Whoa. Whoa.
425
00:17:49,343 --> 00:17:51,444
Guys, my dad just died.
426
00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:53,213
Aw, honey.
427
00:17:53,214 --> 00:17:54,514
No, I'm just kidding.
428
00:17:54,515 --> 00:17:55,615
This is great.
429
00:17:55,616 --> 00:17:57,350
I really, I really missed this.
430
00:18:01,255 --> 00:18:02,522
Barney, what is going on?
431
00:18:02,523 --> 00:18:03,489
This is mine.
432
00:18:03,490 --> 00:18:04,624
I don't understand.
433
00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:06,893
J.J. gets a childhood, a dad,
434
00:18:06,894 --> 00:18:09,295
a real family
and a basketball hoop?
435
00:18:09,296 --> 00:18:10,997
No, no. I at least get the hoop.
436
00:18:10,998 --> 00:18:12,098
I'm taking it with me.
437
00:18:12,099 --> 00:18:13,633
Please, just come down
and talk to me.
438
00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:14,734
Why? Why should I?
439
00:18:14,735 --> 00:18:15,935
You're lame, okay?
440
00:18:15,936 --> 00:18:18,972
You're just some lame
suburban dad.
441
00:18:18,973 --> 00:18:20,306
Why does that make you so mad?
442
00:18:20,307 --> 00:18:22,609
Because if you were gonna be
some lame suburban dad,
443
00:18:22,610 --> 00:18:24,978
why couldn't you have
been that for me?!
444
00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:29,849
Look, Barney,
I know I screwed up...
445
00:18:29,850 --> 00:18:32,619
Oh, "screwed up" doesn't even
begin to describe...
446
00:18:32,620 --> 00:18:34,854
I know, I know, I know!
447
00:18:35,489 --> 00:18:36,489
I want to fix this,
448
00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:37,490
and I don't know how!
449
00:18:37,491 --> 00:18:38,725
Please, tell me what I can do!
450
00:18:38,726 --> 00:18:39,926
I'll do anything!
451
00:18:56,276 --> 00:18:58,411
You're never gonna
get it down like that.
452
00:19:09,023 --> 00:19:10,056
Barney. Barney!
453
00:19:10,057 --> 00:19:14,327
Just put the pointy end
into the grooves.
454
00:19:16,931 --> 00:19:18,798
That's it. Now turn it.
455
00:19:18,799 --> 00:19:20,500
Righty tighty,
456
00:19:20,501 --> 00:19:21,734
lefty loosey.
457
00:19:27,341 --> 00:19:29,742
I have no good excuse, Barney.
458
00:19:29,743 --> 00:19:31,344
It took me years
459
00:19:31,345 --> 00:19:33,880
before I was even able
to look myself in the mirror
460
00:19:33,881 --> 00:19:35,665
for the way I let you down.
461
00:19:36,917 --> 00:19:39,419
It took courage
to send me that letter.
462
00:19:40,621 --> 00:19:43,222
More courage than I've ever had.
463
00:19:43,223 --> 00:19:44,924
I owe you a lifetime
464
00:19:44,925 --> 00:19:47,527
of apologies, and I...
465
00:19:47,528 --> 00:19:51,431
I just have no idea
where to begin.
466
00:19:57,438 --> 00:19:59,138
Can you help me with this?
467
00:20:03,644 --> 00:20:05,845
Here, got it.
468
00:20:10,484 --> 00:20:12,986
Look, if you...
469
00:20:12,987 --> 00:20:16,122
ever feel like you're ready,
470
00:20:16,123 --> 00:20:19,392
I'd love nothing more than
to be a part of your life.
471
00:20:24,999 --> 00:20:26,466
Bye.
472
00:20:36,010 --> 00:20:38,511
Are you sure you don't
want to talk about it?
473
00:20:38,512 --> 00:20:39,912
I'm fine.
474
00:20:41,732 --> 00:20:43,149
Hey, Ted.
475
00:20:43,150 --> 00:20:44,150
Yeah, buddy?
476
00:20:44,151 --> 00:20:45,418
You, uh, still want
477
00:20:45,419 --> 00:20:46,886
a basketball hoop out there?
478
00:20:46,887 --> 00:20:50,790
Oh, well, I also really liked
your outdoor stripper pole idea.
479
00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:52,825
Yeah, it's fine.
480
00:20:52,826 --> 00:20:54,761
No, you were right.
481
00:20:57,998 --> 00:21:00,436
A kid needs a hoop.
482
00:21:05,119 --> 00:21:08,990
www.MY-SUBS.com
33379
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese