Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:00:01,831 --> 00:00:04,383
NARRATOR: Kids, sometimes
wonderful things
2
00:00:04,384 --> 00:00:06,028
come out of horrible situations.
3
00:00:06,148 --> 00:00:07,834
Like, remember that trip
I took to Hong Kong
4
00:00:07,954 --> 00:00:09,521
where I got stuck in the airport?
5
00:00:09,623 --> 00:00:11,441
Well, a funny thing
happened that day.
6
00:00:11,442 --> 00:00:13,526
Yes, I realize it's raining,
7
00:00:13,527 --> 00:00:15,161
but, come on, it's 2021.
8
00:00:15,162 --> 00:00:17,096
We can make cell phones
that project holograms,
9
00:00:17,097 --> 00:00:19,532
but a light drizzle shuts down
a whole airport?
10
00:00:19,533 --> 00:00:21,042
Hey, Ted.
11
00:00:21,710 --> 00:00:23,707
Hey...
12
00:00:23,827 --> 00:00:25,285
there she is.
13
00:00:25,405 --> 00:00:27,370
Wow.
14
00:00:27,490 --> 00:00:29,553
- Wendy the Waitress.
- Wendy the Waitress!
15
00:00:29,673 --> 00:00:32,178
I was just saying...
what are you doing here?
16
00:00:32,179 --> 00:00:33,946
What was she doing there?
17
00:00:33,947 --> 00:00:36,415
For that, we have to back up
about ten years.
18
00:00:36,416 --> 00:00:38,197
So, Barney, I hear you and Nora
19
00:00:38,317 --> 00:00:40,085
had a fun time at laser tag.
20
00:00:40,086 --> 00:00:41,422
I don't know where
you heard that.
21
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:42,767
It was a disaster.
22
00:00:42,887 --> 00:00:44,557
Not according to her.
23
00:00:44,558 --> 00:00:46,859
Oh, my God, this was so much fun.
24
00:00:46,860 --> 00:00:48,874
- We have to do this again.
- We do, we have to.
25
00:00:48,994 --> 00:00:50,062
You want to grab
a drink right now?
26
00:00:50,063 --> 00:00:51,630
No, I'm kind of tired.
27
00:00:51,750 --> 00:00:52,731
But...
28
00:00:52,732 --> 00:00:53,766
this is my number.
29
00:00:53,767 --> 00:00:54,833
Give me a call.
30
00:00:54,834 --> 00:00:56,268
Absolutely.
31
00:00:56,269 --> 00:00:58,324
How is that a disaster?
32
00:00:58,637 --> 00:01:00,314
She didn't want to get drinks.
33
00:01:00,613 --> 00:01:01,878
And as soon as a girl says
34
00:01:01,998 --> 00:01:03,609
she doesn't want
to get drinks, well...
35
00:01:03,610 --> 00:01:06,435
- You want to grab a drink right now?
- No, I'm kind of tired.
36
00:01:06,555 --> 00:01:10,816
(muted trumpet imitating adults'
speaking voice from "Peanuts")
37
00:01:10,817 --> 00:01:13,619
Absolutely.
38
00:01:13,620 --> 00:01:15,090
It's a shame, too.
39
00:01:15,210 --> 00:01:17,289
She was a really great
laser tag partner.
40
00:01:17,290 --> 00:01:19,959
She's tiny, so she's
allowed to push kids.
41
00:01:20,860 --> 00:01:23,429
Please, Cheese.
You like this girl.
42
00:01:23,430 --> 00:01:24,930
What? Nora?
43
00:01:24,931 --> 00:01:25,909
No, I don't.
44
00:01:26,029 --> 00:01:28,667
Barney, you can't say
her name without smiling.
45
00:01:28,668 --> 00:01:31,070
That's...
46
00:01:31,071 --> 00:01:32,771
Nora.
47
00:01:32,772 --> 00:01:34,306
Sorry, sorry.
48
00:01:34,307 --> 00:01:35,477
I was thinking of a funny thing
49
00:01:35,597 --> 00:01:37,209
- that Nora said.
- Hmm.
50
00:01:37,210 --> 00:01:39,378
Stop it.
No... ra.
51
00:01:39,379 --> 00:01:40,479
Nah...
52
00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:42,248
Damn it, what is
the matter with me?
53
00:01:42,249 --> 00:01:44,049
You like her.
You should call her.
54
00:01:44,050 --> 00:01:45,150
Call her?
55
00:01:45,151 --> 00:01:47,886
Robin, three things:
she had a nice face,
56
00:01:47,887 --> 00:01:51,190
her booty was in place,
but Barney don't chase.
57
00:01:51,191 --> 00:01:52,625
That is ridiculous.
58
00:01:52,626 --> 00:01:54,960
Barney, you know what,
here's some advice.
59
00:01:54,961 --> 00:01:58,130
(muted trumpet imitating adults'
speaking voice from "Peanuts")
60
00:02:00,934 --> 00:02:02,868
Totally.
61
00:02:03,608 --> 00:02:14,567
Sync & corrected by MY-SUBS.com
www.MY-SUBS.com
62
00:02:17,612 --> 00:02:19,897
NARRATOR: Kids, I had
just started dating Zoey.
63
00:02:19,898 --> 00:02:21,614
And when you first start
dating someone,
64
00:02:21,734 --> 00:02:24,613
- everyone wants to know the same thing.
- How did we meet?
65
00:02:24,733 --> 00:02:27,534
- Oh, Ted, she doesn't want...
- No, it's a cute story.
66
00:02:28,171 --> 00:02:29,922
Once upon a time...
67
00:02:29,923 --> 00:02:32,708
Zoey was married to this
super rich, super creepy guy
68
00:02:32,709 --> 00:02:33,875
called The Captain.
69
00:02:33,910 --> 00:02:35,855
So when Zoey
and I became friends,
70
00:02:35,975 --> 00:02:37,747
I was careful
not to cross any lines.
71
00:02:37,748 --> 00:02:40,650
Oh, man, this movie is scary.
72
00:02:40,651 --> 00:02:42,032
I know, right?
73
00:02:43,271 --> 00:02:44,401
But then one day,
74
00:02:44,521 --> 00:02:46,589
Zoey and The Captain
had a huge fight.
75
00:02:46,590 --> 00:02:49,292
He flipped out
and demanded a divorce.
76
00:02:50,293 --> 00:02:51,461
And she was heartbroken.
77
00:02:51,962 --> 00:02:53,596
But after a little
soul-searching,
78
00:02:53,599 --> 00:02:57,316
she ended up back in my life,
and the rest, as they say,
79
00:02:57,317 --> 00:02:58,902
is history.
80
00:02:59,103 --> 00:03:02,109
Actually, I said,
"how's your meat?"
81
00:03:02,578 --> 00:03:03,744
Oh.
82
00:03:04,207 --> 00:03:05,494
A little cold.
83
00:03:05,614 --> 00:03:07,409
Gee, wonder why.
84
00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:11,538
Oh, Ted, did you have a
chance to pick up that box
85
00:03:11,658 --> 00:03:13,416
I left at my old apartment?
86
00:03:13,954 --> 00:03:17,386
Oh. Yeah, I don't want
to see The Captain.
87
00:03:17,506 --> 00:03:19,636
I mean this in a super manly way.
88
00:03:19,756 --> 00:03:21,953
That guy scares
the panties off me.
89
00:03:22,426 --> 00:03:23,625
ZOEY: You don't
have to see him.
90
00:03:23,626 --> 00:03:25,161
He left the box with the doorman.
91
00:03:25,220 --> 00:03:27,688
If it's really important to you,
I will pick it up tomorrow.
92
00:03:27,731 --> 00:03:30,532
All right, guys, I have
to go. I have a big
93
00:03:30,533 --> 00:03:33,302
meaningless stack of paperwork
that I have to get off my desk
94
00:03:33,303 --> 00:03:36,339
to make room for tomorrow's big
meaningless stack of paperwork.
95
00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:38,541
But it's all worth it,
96
00:03:38,542 --> 00:03:42,813
you know, 'cause at least I know
I'm making the world a... place.
97
00:03:43,103 --> 00:03:45,236
All right, see you guys later.
98
00:03:46,749 --> 00:03:47,689
I'm worried about Marshall.
99
00:03:47,809 --> 00:03:48,861
He doesn't seem like
himself lately.
100
00:03:48,981 --> 00:03:51,087
Yeah, he's been really... quiet.
101
00:03:51,288 --> 00:03:53,389
Well, that's just what
Minnesota guys are like...
102
00:03:53,390 --> 00:03:55,258
strong, silent,
you know, man's man.
103
00:03:55,459 --> 00:03:56,959
Like Prince.
104
00:03:57,260 --> 00:03:58,561
No, it's more than that.
105
00:03:58,562 --> 00:04:00,863
It's like, all the stuff
he used to love,
106
00:04:00,864 --> 00:04:04,100
he suddenly has
no interest in anymore.
107
00:04:04,101 --> 00:04:05,802
Oh.
108
00:04:06,103 --> 00:04:07,804
Ha-wink.
109
00:04:07,905 --> 00:04:09,472
Excuse me?
110
00:04:09,473 --> 00:04:11,540
Lily, in my travels,
111
00:04:11,541 --> 00:04:13,943
I've developed a finely
calibrated sense
112
00:04:13,944 --> 00:04:15,845
of how long it's been since...
113
00:04:15,846 --> 00:04:17,700
How do I not put
this delicately?...
114
00:04:17,820 --> 00:04:19,381
a girl's been porked.
115
00:04:19,382 --> 00:04:20,316
And, boo,
116
00:04:20,317 --> 00:04:22,251
you've been
pork-free so long,
117
00:04:22,252 --> 00:04:23,753
you're practically kosher.
118
00:04:24,387 --> 00:04:25,754
It's been a while.
119
00:04:25,755 --> 00:04:28,591
Five weeks, three days
by my estimation.
120
00:04:28,592 --> 00:04:30,926
You should work at a carnival.
121
00:04:30,927 --> 00:04:33,196
I tried. They're pretty strict
with backgrounds.
122
00:04:33,397 --> 00:04:34,931
Anyway, we should get going.
123
00:04:34,932 --> 00:04:36,879
Yeah, I'll walk out
with you guys.
124
00:04:36,999 --> 00:04:38,935
- Good night.
- Good night, guys.
125
00:04:48,006 --> 00:04:50,113
18 weeks.
Damn it.
126
00:04:50,314 --> 00:04:53,381
Okay, yes, I am in
a bit of a dry spell.
127
00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:54,226
Hmm.
128
00:04:54,346 --> 00:04:55,715
But I just started a new job,
129
00:04:55,835 --> 00:04:57,053
and dating's been
on the back burner, and...
130
00:04:57,054 --> 00:04:57,887
Shh.
131
00:04:57,888 --> 00:05:01,090
Child, listen.
132
00:05:01,091 --> 00:05:02,592
If you're really hurting for it,
133
00:05:02,593 --> 00:05:05,228
I'd be more than happy
to throw you one.
134
00:05:05,348 --> 00:05:07,369
Throw me one?
Yeah.
135
00:05:07,489 --> 00:05:10,151
We're exes. We're probably
due for a backslide.
136
00:05:10,407 --> 00:05:12,802
Or we could just
do it the normal way.
137
00:05:13,616 --> 00:05:16,104
Oh, I see what's going on.
Yeah?
138
00:05:16,224 --> 00:05:17,924
This is about Nora.
139
00:05:18,365 --> 00:05:22,840
You met a girl, you liked her,
but then you missed your shot.
140
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:25,679
And now you're trying to hook up
with your ex-girlfriend
141
00:05:25,799 --> 00:05:27,406
to prove to yourself
that you don't care.
142
00:05:27,847 --> 00:05:30,191
Robin, you could not be more...
143
00:05:30,220 --> 00:05:31,617
What do you mean
I missed my shot?
144
00:05:31,658 --> 00:05:32,989
- Nora met a guy.
- What?!
145
00:05:32,990 --> 00:05:34,090
(clears throat)
146
00:05:34,091 --> 00:05:35,525
(quietly):
What?
147
00:05:35,526 --> 00:05:36,606
Yep. Off the market.
148
00:05:36,726 --> 00:05:39,195
He's taking her to Cafe L'Amour
this Friday night.
149
00:05:39,315 --> 00:05:41,531
But "L'Amour" means love!
They're going to the cafe of love!
150
00:05:41,532 --> 00:05:42,899
I'm fine. It's fine.
151
00:05:43,874 --> 00:05:44,920
Point is,
152
00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,604
Robin, I don't even like Nora.
153
00:05:47,605 --> 00:05:49,005
Damn it!
154
00:05:51,048 --> 00:05:54,986
Oh, baby, why aren't you in bed?
155
00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:56,849
I can't sleep.
156
00:05:56,969 --> 00:05:58,147
Mmm.
157
00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:01,551
Anything I can do
to help you with that?
158
00:06:02,723 --> 00:06:05,288
Maybe after this
documentary on garbage.
159
00:06:06,446 --> 00:06:08,825
Man, I am losing my touch.
160
00:06:08,945 --> 00:06:11,473
MAN: Nearly twice the size of Texas,
161
00:06:11,593 --> 00:06:14,163
the Gweat Pacific Garbage Patch,
or "Garbage Island,"
162
00:06:14,164 --> 00:06:16,368
is an environmental catastrophe.
163
00:06:17,008 --> 00:06:19,060
Lost in a sea of wubbish,
164
00:06:19,180 --> 00:06:21,252
this young bird stwuggles
not to dwown,
165
00:06:21,372 --> 00:06:23,994
stwangling in the
plastic wings of a six-pack.
166
00:06:24,548 --> 00:06:27,560
Marshall Eriksen, I think
you know what you have to do.
167
00:06:27,561 --> 00:06:29,062
I have to save the planet!
168
00:06:29,063 --> 00:06:31,002
Is it over? I call on top.
169
00:06:31,122 --> 00:06:32,515
Ow!
170
00:06:32,516 --> 00:06:35,126
NARRATOR: A few days later,
I headed over to The Captain's building
171
00:06:35,246 --> 00:06:36,152
to get Zoey's box.
172
00:06:36,153 --> 00:06:37,720
- I'm here to...
- Ted.
173
00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:39,889
What a surprise.
174
00:06:46,602 --> 00:06:47,768
Ted.
175
00:06:47,888 --> 00:06:48,883
Captain. I...
176
00:06:49,003 --> 00:06:50,085
You've come to rescue me
177
00:06:50,205 --> 00:06:53,214
from the capsized wreckage
of my marriage.
178
00:06:53,334 --> 00:06:54,044
Mm...
179
00:06:54,164 --> 00:06:55,352
I hesitated calling you
180
00:06:55,472 --> 00:06:57,357
because I know you and Zoey
were friendly.
181
00:06:57,477 --> 00:07:00,147
- Pssh, nah...
- But my wife has left me.
182
00:07:00,148 --> 00:07:02,036
All my friends have abandoned me.
183
00:07:02,156 --> 00:07:04,617
Please,
tell me you're on my side.
184
00:07:04,737 --> 00:07:08,088
(nervous chuckle)
185
00:07:10,125 --> 00:07:12,374
Let's adjourn to the study.
186
00:07:15,729 --> 00:07:17,264
Garbage Island.
187
00:07:17,265 --> 00:07:18,565
You haven't heard
188
00:07:18,566 --> 00:07:20,289
of Garbage Island?
189
00:07:20,644 --> 00:07:22,080
It's an island...
190
00:07:22,436 --> 00:07:24,185
made of garbage!
191
00:07:24,305 --> 00:07:25,635
It's in the Pacific Ocean.
192
00:07:25,755 --> 00:07:27,880
It's twice the size of Texas!
193
00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:30,610
In other words,
one-eighth the size of Canada.
194
00:07:30,730 --> 00:07:32,297
So...
195
00:07:32,937 --> 00:07:35,642
Guys, I'm going
environmental, okay?
196
00:07:35,762 --> 00:07:37,385
Phase one: the bar.
197
00:07:37,505 --> 00:07:39,029
I've already convinced
MacLaren's to implement
198
00:07:39,149 --> 00:07:40,365
a new green initiative.
199
00:07:40,485 --> 00:07:41,517
That's 'cause of you?
200
00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:44,110
I got to carry
an 80-pound bag of bottles
201
00:07:44,230 --> 00:07:46,239
to the recycling center
every night.
202
00:07:46,580 --> 00:07:48,795
I threw my back out.
203
00:07:48,796 --> 00:07:50,614
You're welcome... Earth.
204
00:07:51,866 --> 00:07:54,189
Phase two:
GNB.
205
00:07:54,309 --> 00:07:55,625
Tomorrow I'm going
to make a presentation
206
00:07:55,745 --> 00:07:57,417
in front of the board
about how we can cut
207
00:07:57,537 --> 00:08:01,026
our carbon footprint by
half for only $12 million.
208
00:08:01,146 --> 00:08:03,884
Dude, don't do that.
All they're going to hear
209
00:08:04,004 --> 00:08:05,946
is "$12 million," and
all you're going to hear
210
00:08:06,066 --> 00:08:08,663
is the sound of the door
smacking your fired ass.
211
00:08:08,783 --> 00:08:10,044
And some muffled laughter.
212
00:08:10,164 --> 00:08:11,935
Which I apologize for in advance.
213
00:08:12,055 --> 00:08:13,379
TED:
Guys,
214
00:08:13,499 --> 00:08:15,088
I got a problem.
215
00:08:15,089 --> 00:08:16,884
I ran into The Captain.
216
00:08:17,458 --> 00:08:20,627
Ted, beneath this
217
00:08:20,628 --> 00:08:24,728
lustrous mane, I wear
the horns of a cuckold.
218
00:08:26,179 --> 00:08:28,435
Zoey left me for another man.
219
00:08:28,923 --> 00:08:30,288
Wow.
220
00:08:30,408 --> 00:08:32,600
Do you have any idea
who it could be?
221
00:08:32,885 --> 00:08:34,548
NARRATOR: The Captain then
told a story much different
222
00:08:34,668 --> 00:08:35,885
than the one I'd been telling.
223
00:08:36,005 --> 00:08:38,068
But one maybe just as true.
224
00:08:38,188 --> 00:08:41,125
Once upon a time,
Zoey and I were happy.
225
00:08:41,245 --> 00:08:44,384
Blissful as Arcadian shepherds.
226
00:08:44,385 --> 00:08:45,552
I was Poseidon,
227
00:08:45,553 --> 00:08:47,087
she my Amphitrite.
228
00:08:47,357 --> 00:08:49,085
I dare say, Scylla and Charybdis
229
00:08:49,205 --> 00:08:50,950
could not have torn us asunder.
230
00:08:51,263 --> 00:08:54,448
We had great big boners
for each other.
231
00:08:55,599 --> 00:08:56,897
But then...
232
00:08:56,898 --> 00:08:58,129
enter the scoundrel.
233
00:08:58,811 --> 00:09:01,621
Oh, man, this movie's scary.
234
00:09:01,741 --> 00:09:04,365
I know, eh?
235
00:09:04,991 --> 00:09:06,276
I don't know what he looks like,
236
00:09:06,396 --> 00:09:07,841
but I picture him
with a mustache.
237
00:09:07,842 --> 00:09:08,556
TED:
Yes!
238
00:09:08,676 --> 00:09:11,845
Limit the search to guys
with mustaches. Smart.
239
00:09:11,846 --> 00:09:14,455
Anyway, soon
the inevitable happened.
240
00:09:14,966 --> 00:09:17,241
She told me she was in love
with someone else.
241
00:09:17,361 --> 00:09:19,194
Obviously, it made me angry.
242
00:09:19,947 --> 00:09:21,972
And that's the last time
you saw her.
243
00:09:22,092 --> 00:09:23,858
But I gathered my composure,
244
00:09:23,978 --> 00:09:26,219
and told her I'd do
anything to keep her.
245
00:09:26,339 --> 00:09:28,428
I begged her not to leave.
246
00:09:28,429 --> 00:09:29,712
We made love that night.
247
00:09:32,130 --> 00:09:33,467
That's damn good brandy.
248
00:09:33,587 --> 00:09:35,528
But morning came,
249
00:09:35,648 --> 00:09:37,334
and she was gone.
250
00:09:38,239 --> 00:09:40,070
Oh, Captain...
251
00:09:40,992 --> 00:09:42,476
don't blame yourself.
252
00:09:42,477 --> 00:09:44,569
- I don't blame myself.
- Hmm?
253
00:09:44,853 --> 00:09:48,221
There's only one man
I blame for this.
254
00:09:48,341 --> 00:09:49,529
Me.
255
00:09:49,970 --> 00:09:51,136
I'm the bad guy.
256
00:09:51,256 --> 00:09:54,960
Well, maybe to him you are,
but in the story
257
00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:57,093
of picking up the box for Zoey,
258
00:09:57,213 --> 00:09:58,458
you're the hero.
259
00:09:58,771 --> 00:10:00,749
Damn it! The box!
260
00:10:07,068 --> 00:10:09,562
Baby, baby, I really got to work
on this presentation.
261
00:10:09,682 --> 00:10:11,154
Oh, that's too bad,
262
00:10:11,274 --> 00:10:14,362
'cause I was going to make
a little presentation of my own.
263
00:10:15,457 --> 00:10:18,374
Okay, um, how about this:
264
00:10:18,772 --> 00:10:21,374
from now until
tomorrow afternoon,
265
00:10:21,494 --> 00:10:25,914
I do this, and then
tomorrow night, I do that.
266
00:10:26,034 --> 00:10:27,754
Deal.
267
00:10:31,292 --> 00:10:32,281
Come on, come on.
268
00:10:32,401 --> 00:10:33,518
Lily!
269
00:10:36,831 --> 00:10:39,091
You lying little minx.
270
00:10:39,211 --> 00:10:42,537
I happened to be
at Cafe L'Amour tonight
271
00:10:42,657 --> 00:10:44,699
from 5:00 p.m. until closing,
272
00:10:44,819 --> 00:10:46,739
reading a newspaper
with two holes cut out of it,
273
00:10:46,859 --> 00:10:48,132
and I never saw Nora
274
00:10:48,252 --> 00:10:50,180
or this Italian race car driver
she's dating.
275
00:10:50,300 --> 00:10:52,165
Sorry. Who said
anything about an...?
276
00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:54,155
Come on, you just know
he's an Italian race car driver.
277
00:10:54,275 --> 00:10:56,515
No, he's not. He doesn't exist.
278
00:10:56,635 --> 00:10:59,390
I made the whole thing up
to see if you like her. And you do.
279
00:10:59,510 --> 00:11:01,564
So you should just call her.
280
00:11:01,684 --> 00:11:02,596
(scoffs)
281
00:11:02,716 --> 00:11:04,410
Here is her number.
282
00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:10,393
And I also programmed it
283
00:11:10,428 --> 00:11:11,988
into your phone while
you were in the bathroom.
284
00:11:15,919 --> 00:11:19,146
Wow. That was a joke.
You just got here, remember?
285
00:11:20,552 --> 00:11:22,244
You really are smitten.
286
00:11:22,364 --> 00:11:23,666
No, I'm not.
287
00:11:23,786 --> 00:11:25,152
I'm Barney Stinson.
288
00:11:25,272 --> 00:11:27,396
I don't get smitten, I smite!
289
00:11:27,516 --> 00:11:29,415
You are totally smitten,
290
00:11:29,535 --> 00:11:31,328
but you're scared of being
in a relationship.
291
00:11:31,448 --> 00:11:32,506
No, I'm not.
292
00:11:32,626 --> 00:11:34,852
I can't be anyone's
boyfriend, Robin.
293
00:11:34,972 --> 00:11:36,894
If I got serious with Nora,
it would be like
294
00:11:37,014 --> 00:11:39,453
if Mother Teresa focused
all her attention on
295
00:11:39,573 --> 00:11:41,003
one really hot orphan.
296
00:11:41,458 --> 00:11:44,832
With great penis
comes great responsibility.
297
00:11:45,733 --> 00:11:47,768
Okay, Mother Teresa,
298
00:11:48,693 --> 00:11:50,072
throw me one.
299
00:11:50,192 --> 00:11:51,149
Sorry?
300
00:11:51,269 --> 00:11:52,798
I would like it
if you threw me one.
301
00:11:53,296 --> 00:11:54,825
Fastball, right down the middle.
302
00:11:54,945 --> 00:11:57,967
Actually, if I recall correctly,
a slight curve.
303
00:11:58,763 --> 00:12:00,901
Careful, Robin, I'll do it.
304
00:12:01,021 --> 00:12:02,351
- Oh, I don't think you will.
- Hmm.
305
00:12:02,471 --> 00:12:04,370
Because you don't want to
screw things up with Nora.
306
00:12:04,896 --> 00:12:05,948
Hey, prove me wrong.
307
00:12:06,068 --> 00:12:07,455
Tomorrow night, my place.
308
00:12:07,725 --> 00:12:09,573
Don't poke the dragon, Robin,
309
00:12:09,693 --> 00:12:12,002
'cause the dragon
will poke you back.
310
00:12:17,556 --> 00:12:19,092
Sex now, we'll do
the foreplay after.
311
00:12:19,212 --> 00:12:21,268
Oh, no, baby, come on.
312
00:12:21,269 --> 00:12:22,936
Today didn't go so well.
313
00:12:23,638 --> 00:12:24,638
The green initiative,
314
00:12:24,758 --> 00:12:26,917
for only $12 million,
will change the way...
315
00:12:27,037 --> 00:12:28,197
Okay, I've heard enough.
316
00:12:28,524 --> 00:12:30,756
Don't we already have
a green initiative?
317
00:12:30,876 --> 00:12:32,827
I mean, didn't we do
a whole thing?
318
00:12:32,947 --> 00:12:35,439
Hang a banner, make a video,
Sting was there.
319
00:12:35,475 --> 00:12:37,385
I thought I met Sting.
You did meet Sting.
320
00:12:37,505 --> 00:12:38,372
Yeah, I met Sting.
321
00:12:38,492 --> 00:12:41,393
So why on Earth would we spend
another $12 million?
322
00:12:41,513 --> 00:12:43,427
Well, because we can
always do more.
323
00:12:43,547 --> 00:12:45,261
Yeah, but I met Sting.
324
00:12:45,381 --> 00:12:48,418
Well, meeting Sting isn't gonna
fix anything, Arthur!
325
00:12:48,896 --> 00:12:51,742
(sighs) Who here supports
Eriksen's proposal?
326
00:12:53,534 --> 00:12:56,069
Well, he has some good points.
327
00:12:56,189 --> 00:12:57,320
Meeker, you're fired!
328
00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:59,854
- And as for you, Eriksen...
- His father just died.
329
00:12:59,974 --> 00:13:02,342
(sighs) ...nice presentation.
330
00:13:02,462 --> 00:13:04,148
We'll keep it under advisement.
331
00:13:05,511 --> 00:13:07,416
Meeker got fired because of me.
332
00:13:07,536 --> 00:13:08,397
I'm the bad guy.
333
00:13:08,517 --> 00:13:11,056
No, sweetie,
just... just put all that
334
00:13:11,176 --> 00:13:13,117
out of your mind and relax.
335
00:13:13,373 --> 00:13:17,554
Look, I got you a six-pack
of tall boys from the deli.
336
00:13:18,826 --> 00:13:21,344
(both moan softly)
337
00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:27,754
- Hey, baby.
- Yeah?
338
00:13:27,874 --> 00:13:30,171
(clears throat) What happened
to the plastic rings
339
00:13:30,291 --> 00:13:32,005
that held the six-pack together?
340
00:13:32,006 --> 00:13:32,949
Oh, I... I don't know.
341
00:13:33,069 --> 00:13:34,584
I threw them down
the garbage chute.
342
00:13:34,704 --> 00:13:36,574
Let's just use
the handcuffs instead.
343
00:13:36,694 --> 00:13:39,179
Baby, birds can get
caught in those
344
00:13:39,180 --> 00:13:40,675
and then they dwown in
a sea of wubbish!
345
00:13:40,795 --> 00:13:41,716
Weren't you listening?
346
00:13:41,836 --> 00:13:43,871
Don't you care
about Garbage Island?
347
00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:45,662
Marshall, right now,
I don't give a wat's ass
348
00:13:45,782 --> 00:13:46,552
about Garbage Island.
349
00:13:46,672 --> 00:13:48,088
Well, I do.
350
00:13:48,208 --> 00:13:49,709
I got to find those rings!
351
00:13:52,968 --> 00:13:54,233
Cwap.
352
00:13:55,186 --> 00:13:56,849
Hi, I'm here to pick up...
353
00:13:56,969 --> 00:13:58,044
Hello, Ted.
354
00:13:59,134 --> 00:14:00,058
To the study?
355
00:14:00,178 --> 00:14:01,693
- To the study!
- Mmm.
356
00:14:04,055 --> 00:14:05,722
Ted...
357
00:14:07,401 --> 00:14:08,567
I know.
358
00:14:09,744 --> 00:14:10,790
Know what?
359
00:14:10,910 --> 00:14:12,931
I know who stole my Zoey.
360
00:14:13,051 --> 00:14:15,120
No man likes to be betrayed,
361
00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:17,253
especially by a friend.
362
00:14:17,552 --> 00:14:18,789
You can imagine then
363
00:14:18,909 --> 00:14:21,306
how painful it was
when I learned that the name
364
00:14:21,426 --> 00:14:23,069
of my betrayer is...
365
00:14:24,051 --> 00:14:25,487
Ted...
366
00:14:25,786 --> 00:14:28,945
when I tell you
who it is, you're gonna...
367
00:14:28,946 --> 00:14:30,876
(makes explosion sound)
368
00:14:31,544 --> 00:14:33,150
It's my doorman!
369
00:14:34,984 --> 00:14:37,032
That son of a bitch!
370
00:14:41,991 --> 00:14:44,284
You think Zoey's sleeping
with the doorman?
371
00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:47,737
He always winks and tips his hat
when he sees her.
372
00:14:47,857 --> 00:14:49,441
I know how these things work.
373
00:14:49,561 --> 00:14:50,667
He holds her package,
374
00:14:50,787 --> 00:14:52,257
and pretty soon,
she's holding his.
375
00:14:52,377 --> 00:14:55,436
And then there's
his glorious mustache.
376
00:14:55,556 --> 00:14:57,290
I will have him fired for this!
377
00:14:57,410 --> 00:14:58,968
No, no, no, you can't fire him.
378
00:14:59,366 --> 00:15:00,703
You're right.
379
00:15:02,572 --> 00:15:05,867
Maritime protocol demands
physical retribution!
380
00:15:05,902 --> 00:15:06,777
Oh, my God! No, no!
381
00:15:06,897 --> 00:15:08,696
No physical retribution!
Stop!
382
00:15:08,816 --> 00:15:11,127
Who is this flower child,
and what has he done
383
00:15:11,247 --> 00:15:13,018
with my lionhearted friend
Ted Mosby?!
384
00:15:13,138 --> 00:15:14,725
Look, look, yes, yes,
385
00:15:14,845 --> 00:15:16,462
the doorman is a scoundrel.
386
00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:18,310
The mustache alone
gives that away.
387
00:15:18,430 --> 00:15:21,353
He's a rake, a rogue,
a rapscallion!
388
00:15:21,473 --> 00:15:23,788
Whoa, "rapscallion" may be going
a bit far, Ted.
389
00:15:23,908 --> 00:15:25,579
But it's not his fault, okay?
390
00:15:25,699 --> 00:15:27,499
It's nobody's fault.
391
00:15:27,619 --> 00:15:29,950
You and Zoey
have nothing in common.
392
00:15:29,972 --> 00:15:32,188
For God's sake, Captain,
she hates boats!
393
00:15:32,308 --> 00:15:34,584
You're just
not right for each other.
394
00:15:35,054 --> 00:15:37,052
Look, I know it's tough to face,
but I'm sure
395
00:15:37,172 --> 00:15:39,854
a small part of you
has always known that.
396
00:15:41,751 --> 00:15:44,152
(sighs)
397
00:15:44,616 --> 00:15:46,678
Why couldn't she just like boats?
398
00:15:46,798 --> 00:15:49,265
Just to have one thing in common?
399
00:15:49,759 --> 00:15:51,560
Other girls like boats,
don't they?
400
00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:54,388
Of course they do.
401
00:15:54,508 --> 00:15:56,557
And you'll find one.
402
00:15:56,677 --> 00:15:58,619
And you'll be much happier
with her
403
00:15:58,739 --> 00:16:00,169
than you ever were with Zoey.
404
00:16:02,335 --> 00:16:03,622
When you put it that way,
405
00:16:03,742 --> 00:16:06,105
I should almost
thank the doorman.
406
00:16:06,225 --> 00:16:08,610
Yeah, yeah!
407
00:16:09,646 --> 00:16:13,371
And, you know, since,
since it doesn't really matter
408
00:16:13,491 --> 00:16:15,034
who Zoey's dating now...
409
00:16:15,154 --> 00:16:16,651
It doesn't, it really doesn't.
410
00:16:16,771 --> 00:16:17,934
It doesn't.
411
00:16:18,889 --> 00:16:20,322
It's me. You're welcome.
412
00:16:29,198 --> 00:16:31,066
Okay, baby, what gives?
413
00:16:31,067 --> 00:16:33,768
I'm sorry, but neither of us
are getting any action
414
00:16:33,769 --> 00:16:35,265
until I find those rings.
415
00:16:37,362 --> 00:16:39,641
I hope this doesn't
make me look desperate.
416
00:16:43,815 --> 00:16:45,780
All right, Robin, give it to me.
417
00:16:46,376 --> 00:16:48,773
Damn it, Barney,
you failed my test!
418
00:16:48,893 --> 00:16:50,830
You know,
I... I try to root for you.
419
00:16:50,950 --> 00:16:52,365
Even as your ex-girlfriend,
420
00:16:52,485 --> 00:16:53,818
when you meet someone, I'm like,
421
00:16:53,938 --> 00:16:55,497
"Yeah, Barney, go get her!"
422
00:16:55,617 --> 00:16:57,772
But you know what?
Just forget it.
423
00:16:57,892 --> 00:17:00,407
You're never gonna change.
I'm done trying to help you.
424
00:17:01,770 --> 00:17:03,265
The number.
425
00:17:03,266 --> 00:17:06,620
Give me the number,
'cause I really can't tell...
426
00:17:09,297 --> 00:17:11,274
Is that a seven or a nine?
427
00:17:11,394 --> 00:17:12,795
It's a five, idiot.
428
00:17:12,915 --> 00:17:15,795
A fi...? In what moon man
language is that a five?
429
00:17:15,915 --> 00:17:17,754
"Moon man language"?
What does that even mean?
430
00:17:17,874 --> 00:17:19,447
How am I supposed
to see that's a five?
431
00:17:19,448 --> 00:17:21,516
- Look how you taped this up...
- Fine, fine, fine.
432
00:17:22,869 --> 00:17:24,291
I have a phone call to make.
433
00:17:25,554 --> 00:17:26,721
Barney.
434
00:17:27,890 --> 00:17:29,190
Go get her.
435
00:17:32,691 --> 00:17:33,762
Listen, Zoey,
436
00:17:34,243 --> 00:17:36,231
I need to ask you something.
437
00:17:36,788 --> 00:17:38,395
Did I steal you?
438
00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:41,347
Well... yeah.
439
00:17:41,467 --> 00:17:42,754
You did.
440
00:17:42,874 --> 00:17:44,200
By being the kind of
441
00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:47,485
sweet, thoughtful guy
who'd never even think
442
00:17:47,605 --> 00:17:49,982
of stealing someone,
you stole me.
443
00:17:50,764 --> 00:17:52,399
So I'm the bad guy.
444
00:17:52,662 --> 00:17:54,026
Great.
445
00:17:54,146 --> 00:17:56,579
Well, the story isn't over, Ted.
446
00:17:56,699 --> 00:17:58,639
It'll be years before we know
who's the good guy
447
00:17:58,759 --> 00:18:00,160
and who's the bad guy.
448
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:01,649
I mean, yes,
449
00:18:01,769 --> 00:18:02,907
divorce sucks,
450
00:18:02,908 --> 00:18:07,658
but sometimes
things need to fall apart
451
00:18:07,778 --> 00:18:09,691
to make way for better things.
452
00:18:11,037 --> 00:18:12,233
If you say so.
453
00:18:12,922 --> 00:18:15,737
I'm just saying,
the eggs are already broken.
454
00:18:15,857 --> 00:18:18,006
Let's make sure we get
a pretty good omelet out of it.
455
00:18:18,841 --> 00:18:21,344
Okay, Marshall,
456
00:18:21,955 --> 00:18:23,945
seriously, what's going on?
457
00:18:27,029 --> 00:18:29,134
He'll never get to see
how I turn out.
458
00:18:29,617 --> 00:18:31,238
What do you mean?
459
00:18:31,664 --> 00:18:32,574
My dad. You know,
460
00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:35,332
I used to, um,
I used to always tell him
461
00:18:35,452 --> 00:18:37,180
that I was gonna be
an environmental lawyer.
462
00:18:37,300 --> 00:18:39,077
And he was always
so proud of me for that.
463
00:18:39,961 --> 00:18:42,864
But he never got to see the version of me
that was anything but
464
00:18:42,865 --> 00:18:44,799
a corporate stooge.
465
00:18:45,648 --> 00:18:47,098
And now it's too late.
466
00:18:47,218 --> 00:18:49,938
And we're starting a family,
you know.
467
00:18:50,933 --> 00:18:53,045
Are you avoiding sleeping with me
468
00:18:53,165 --> 00:18:54,792
'cause you don't want
to start a family?
469
00:18:56,376 --> 00:18:58,594
Lily, if we have a baby
right now,
470
00:18:59,433 --> 00:19:02,006
that is just it for me.
471
00:19:03,115 --> 00:19:07,340
The cement will dry,
and I will be stuck at GNB forever.
472
00:19:07,757 --> 00:19:09,791
Marshall,
473
00:19:09,792 --> 00:19:13,862
if you want to quit your job and
go work for the NRDC right now,
474
00:19:13,909 --> 00:19:16,047
then you need
to do that right now.
475
00:19:16,811 --> 00:19:19,811
And then, once you've cleaned up
all the oceans
476
00:19:19,931 --> 00:19:21,603
and saved the planet...
477
00:19:21,604 --> 00:19:25,640
you know, like, a year from now...
then we'll start a family.
478
00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:27,642
I don't know.
479
00:19:28,405 --> 00:19:30,992
So far, in the name of
saving the planet,
480
00:19:31,112 --> 00:19:34,460
I've ruined your night,
I practically broke Wendy's back
481
00:19:34,580 --> 00:19:36,285
and I got Meeker fired.
482
00:19:36,405 --> 00:19:37,642
The guy must hate me.
483
00:19:37,762 --> 00:19:39,493
Meeker doesn't hate you.
484
00:19:39,613 --> 00:19:41,719
NARRATOR: Oh, Meeker
hated him, all right.
485
00:19:41,839 --> 00:19:44,209
After all, Marshall was the one
who got him fired.
486
00:19:44,210 --> 00:19:46,631
Meeker knew we all
hung out at MacLaren's.
487
00:19:46,751 --> 00:19:48,877
So that night, he went there
to confront Marshall.
488
00:19:48,997 --> 00:19:50,298
But as luck would have it...
489
00:19:50,299 --> 00:19:52,934
- Are you guys...?
- Closed. Sorry.
490
00:19:57,713 --> 00:19:58,580
Thanks.
491
00:19:58,700 --> 00:19:59,774
Rough night?
492
00:20:00,228 --> 00:20:02,147
- Yeah.
- I'm sorry.
493
00:20:02,267 --> 00:20:04,994
It's not your fault.
It's no one's fault.
494
00:20:05,648 --> 00:20:07,448
Except for Marshall Eriksen.
495
00:20:07,568 --> 00:20:09,174
What did you just say?
496
00:20:09,294 --> 00:20:12,685
Uh, I said
it's Marshall Eriksen's fault.
497
00:20:12,805 --> 00:20:14,036
Why, do you know him?
498
00:20:14,156 --> 00:20:16,647
Know him? I hate that guy.
499
00:20:17,046 --> 00:20:18,197
Me, too.
500
00:20:18,317 --> 00:20:19,661
Well, hey.
(chuckles)
501
00:20:20,349 --> 00:20:23,198
And the rest, as they say...
502
00:20:23,199 --> 00:20:24,566
is history.
503
00:20:25,526 --> 00:20:26,742
And three kids later,
504
00:20:26,862 --> 00:20:28,870
we decided to come here
on our second honeymoon.
505
00:20:28,871 --> 00:20:30,722
Wow.
506
00:20:31,509 --> 00:20:32,987
That's a pretty good omelet.
507
00:20:33,107 --> 00:20:34,911
Oh, and hey, what about you?
508
00:20:35,031 --> 00:20:36,035
You still with Zoey?
509
00:20:36,155 --> 00:20:39,530
No, no, no.
Wow, that did not end well.
510
00:20:39,650 --> 00:20:41,137
But it's all for the best,
511
00:20:41,257 --> 00:20:41,948
'cause now I'm married to
512
00:20:42,068 --> 00:20:43,739
an amazing girl,
we have two kids.
513
00:20:43,859 --> 00:20:46,142
It's actually a funny story
of how we met.
514
00:20:46,262 --> 00:20:48,490
I was a best man
at this wedding...
515
00:20:48,491 --> 00:20:51,459
Listen, Ted, it's great
seeing you, but we got to run.
516
00:20:51,460 --> 00:20:54,585
Okay, well, have a safe trip.
It was great seeing you.
517
00:20:54,705 --> 00:21:00,483
Sync & corrected by MY-SUBS.com
www.MY-SUBS.com
518
00:21:00,603 --> 00:21:02,477
- Hello.
- Marshall.
519
00:21:02,597 --> 00:21:04,026
Hey, Ted.
520
00:21:04,146 --> 00:21:07,008
Hey. You will not believe
who I just ran into.
36858
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.