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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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NARRATOR:
My first kiss with Zoey was amazing,
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00:00:02,925 --> 00:00:04,358
and complicated.
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00:00:04,359 --> 00:00:05,794
Look, um...
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I know you're going
through a lot right now.
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00:00:08,164 --> 00:00:10,432
Getting divorced, being single,
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figuring out
who you are on your own.
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Someone knows how to set a mood.
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I just mean...
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I'm okay taking this slow.
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I want to do this right.
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My friends, as usual,
were completely supportive.
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00:00:25,314 --> 00:00:27,182
You're doing this all wrong!
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Ted, there are couples
in my kindergarten class
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who have moved
faster than you two.
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00:00:31,821 --> 00:00:33,755
Granted, their home lives
are not great.
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Hey, I'm trying.
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00:00:34,990 --> 00:00:36,858
I keep suggesting these
big, romantic dates,
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00:00:36,859 --> 00:00:38,777
and she keeps putting
on the brakes.
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Like tonight, she wants me to
just come over and bake cookies.
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Oh.
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Translation: booty-call.
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Total booty-call.
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Private Booty,
reporting for duty.
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That's crazy.
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She-She wants to bake.
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00:00:50,873 --> 00:00:53,274
Guys booty-call girls
after 2:00 a.m.
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00:00:53,275 --> 00:00:56,511
with a drunkenly slurred,
"What ya doing?"
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00:00:56,512 --> 00:00:58,980
But when a lady
booty-calls a guy,
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00:00:58,981 --> 00:01:01,516
she invents
a respectable excuse
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to mask the fact that she wants
to get stuck real good.
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It's called class, Ted.
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Wait. That...
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You think that's what she
means by "baking cookies"?
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Are you kidding?
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You're in the kitchen,
it's getting hot,
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00:01:13,729 --> 00:01:16,397
you start licking stuff
off each others' fingers.
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Before you know it, she's bent
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over the marble island,
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00:01:19,735 --> 00:01:21,769
and you're spanking her
with a rubber spatula.
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00:01:21,770 --> 00:01:23,605
And she's screaming,
"Stop, Marshall, stop,"
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00:01:23,606 --> 00:01:26,474
but that's just
code for "harder!"
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Marshall's been in Minnesota
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a while, huh?
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So long!
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00:01:30,946 --> 00:01:33,581
And now he's staying
even longer.
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His mom has been having a really
hard time since the funeral.
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He's waiting on her
hand and foot.
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But...
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it's Valentine's Day.
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00:01:40,356 --> 00:01:41,823
It's not going to be the same
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00:01:41,824 --> 00:01:43,758
without the two of us
watching Predator together.
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I should explain.
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00:01:45,027 --> 00:01:46,928
On their very first
Valentine's Day,
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00:01:46,929 --> 00:01:50,231
Marshall and Lily set out
to watch Sleepless in Seattle.
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You know, I saw this in
the theater, like, five times,
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but I never got to see it
with the right girl.
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Aw...
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00:01:58,174 --> 00:02:01,709
I'm so glad none of those
girls were right for you.
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00:02:01,710 --> 00:02:03,278
What girls?
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00:02:03,279 --> 00:02:05,780
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER:
If it bleeds, we can kill it.
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00:02:05,781 --> 00:02:09,918
Except Marshall's brothers had
taped over it with Predator.
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Mmm.
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And it became a tradition.
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00:02:13,455 --> 00:02:15,723
Wow, you sound really lonely.
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I am. Earlier today,
I burst into tears...
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00:02:19,195 --> 00:02:20,762
Shh. Daddy's
talking now.
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00:02:20,763 --> 00:02:23,531
Loneliness.
The looming specter
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00:02:23,532 --> 00:02:25,767
of Valentine's Day
fast approaching.
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00:02:25,768 --> 00:02:29,637
The two key ingredients to my
favorite day of the year,
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February 13:
Desperation Day.
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That's not a thing.
It's a thing.
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Much like Valentine's
Day itself,
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00:02:37,062 --> 00:02:39,380
Desperation Day dates
back thousands of years.
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BARNEY:
Weddings were forbidden
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00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:42,450
under ancient Roman law,
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00:02:42,451 --> 00:02:44,886
so Saint Valentine
performed them in secret,
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under threat of death.
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That's actually true.
Wait, there's more.
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This won't be.
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And right by
Saint Valentine's side
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was his best bro,
Saint Desperatius,
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there to pick off
insecure bridesmaids.
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00:02:58,234 --> 00:02:59,634
Whoa. Check
out that one.
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00:02:59,635 --> 00:03:02,303
Her body is a perfect X.
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Player, play on.
High V.
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00:03:06,108 --> 00:03:08,376
Oh, Jupiter,
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what are your plans for me?
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15 and still unmarried.
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00:03:14,783 --> 00:03:17,919
And I thought
Pompeii was smokin'.
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00:03:19,421 --> 00:03:22,073
Every woman wants a date
on Valentine's Day.
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00:03:22,074 --> 00:03:24,359
That neediness
reaches its climax...
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what up... on
February 13.
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A magical night when a ten
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00:03:29,531 --> 00:03:31,432
has the self-esteem
of a four
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and the depraved
enthusiasm of a two.
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00:03:33,802 --> 00:03:36,771
Now, there's only one
thing you can't do.
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Please say "widows."
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00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:41,743
Wherever you are, or
whoever you're under,
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00:03:41,744 --> 00:03:46,281
you must get home
alone by 11:59 p.m.
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00:03:46,282 --> 00:03:49,417
Otherwise, you're on a
date on Valentine's Day.
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00:03:49,418 --> 00:03:50,852
ROBIN:
Barney, Desperation Day
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assumes that all single women
freak out about Valentine's Day.
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Which we do not.
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00:03:55,491 --> 00:03:58,593
Case in point, I will be
spending February 13
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with some lovely
single ladies from work...
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00:04:00,396 --> 00:04:02,480
Trolls.
...who could care less
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00:04:02,481 --> 00:04:04,399
about Valentine's Day.
Lying trolls.
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00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,600
And we will be celebrating
the fact that we don't have
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00:04:06,601 --> 00:04:08,102
to spend it with some dippy guy
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carting around roses
and stuffed toys all night.
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Oh, no offense, Ted.
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And none was taken
until just then.
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Sync & correction by MY-SUBS.com
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www.MY-SUBS.com
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I decided to go to Minnesota
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to see Marshall.
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He shouldn't have
to help his mom
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through this rough time
all by himself.
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You losing your mind,
being alone in your apartment?
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00:04:37,149 --> 00:04:38,299
I'm getting weird!
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LILY:
See, it started off
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with me throwing Marshall's
jersey on my body pillow.
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00:04:43,372 --> 00:04:47,375
And, well, things kind of
spiraled from there.
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I'm sorry
I yelled like that before.
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00:04:52,781 --> 00:04:55,183
I call him "Marshpillow."
And he calls me...
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nothing because he's a pillow.
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Hey.
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Hey. How was "baking cookies"
last night?
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NARRATOR:
That was a tough question.
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You see...
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Hi.
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00:05:08,130 --> 00:05:10,565
Uh...
133
00:05:10,566 --> 00:05:13,067
Is that an overnight bag?
134
00:05:13,969 --> 00:05:15,903
(Lily and Robin groan)
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00:05:15,904 --> 00:05:17,872
You brought an overnight bag?
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00:05:17,873 --> 00:05:19,807
You guys said I was definitely
going to spend the night.
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00:05:19,808 --> 00:05:20,942
We said you were
going to have sex.
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00:05:20,943 --> 00:05:22,710
We didn't say,
"Bring a carry-on."
139
00:05:22,711 --> 00:05:24,679
So how did Zoey react?
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00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:27,315
She thought it was presumptuous
and asked me to leave.
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00:05:27,316 --> 00:05:29,717
It's-It's not like
I brought a ton of stuff.
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00:05:29,718 --> 00:05:31,419
Were there slippers
for the morning?
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00:05:32,721 --> 00:05:35,056
Not slippers, exactly.
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00:05:35,057 --> 00:05:36,324
(Lily, Robin and Barney
groaning)
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They're called
British morning socks.
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JUDY:
This is such a nice surprise.
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Marshall will be so happy.
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Oh...
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00:05:45,701 --> 00:05:48,336
How are you holding up, Judy?
150
00:05:48,337 --> 00:05:49,404
Oh, I'm doin' okay.
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00:05:49,405 --> 00:05:50,888
It gets a little lonely.
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00:05:50,889 --> 00:05:53,808
My friends suggested
a body pillow, but...
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(chuckles)
I'm not a lunatic.
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00:05:55,811 --> 00:05:57,061
MARSHALL:
Hey, Mom?
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00:05:57,062 --> 00:05:58,713
I hate to be that guy,
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00:05:58,714 --> 00:06:00,648
but I'm pretty sure
it was Hot Pocket o'clock,
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like, ten minutes ago.
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00:06:02,401 --> 00:06:04,952
Lily. Lily.
(video game sound effects)
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00:06:04,953 --> 00:06:06,070
What are you doing here?
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00:06:06,071 --> 00:06:07,822
I wanted to surprise you.
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00:06:07,823 --> 00:06:09,574
Oh, my gosh.
That's so sweet.
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I'm so glad you're here.
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Hey, um, before I forget, Mom,
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did you remember to get
more double-A batteries?
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00:06:14,863 --> 00:06:15,963
Oh, they're upstairs, sweetie.
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00:06:15,964 --> 00:06:17,665
Right next to your washed
and folded clothes.
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00:06:17,666 --> 00:06:20,067
Oh, great, okay. I don't want
my Game Boy to crap out.
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00:06:20,068 --> 00:06:22,120
I'm having the sickest
Dr. Mario run of my life.
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00:06:22,121 --> 00:06:23,571
Okay. I'll be
right back.
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I love you, Lily.
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Okay.
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You're the best, Mom.
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00:06:26,792 --> 00:06:30,128
Aw... Anything
for my baby bear.
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00:06:30,129 --> 00:06:32,947
Get him out of my house.
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00:06:37,632 --> 00:06:39,633
Take Marshall back
to New York with you.
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00:06:39,634 --> 00:06:40,700
Please, I am begging you.
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00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:42,469
I thought he was here
helping you.
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00:06:42,470 --> 00:06:43,637
Well, he was, at first.
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00:06:43,638 --> 00:06:44,871
But once he saw me starting
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00:06:44,872 --> 00:06:46,706
to do better,
he kind of regressed.
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00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:49,509
He's been holed up in his room
for days at a time,
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00:06:49,510 --> 00:06:50,844
playing old video games.
183
00:06:50,845 --> 00:06:54,181
I mean, he is having a pretty
sick Dr. Mario run, but...
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00:06:54,182 --> 00:06:55,215
(sighs)
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Uh, I'll talk to him.
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00:06:56,851 --> 00:06:58,318
I want to be there for him,
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00:06:58,319 --> 00:07:00,887
but it's like
he's a teenager again.
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00:07:00,888 --> 00:07:03,490
I even walked in
on him abusing himself.
189
00:07:03,491 --> 00:07:04,691
Oh, God.
190
00:07:04,692 --> 00:07:05,859
There he was, on the bed,
191
00:07:05,860 --> 00:07:07,327
looking at old photos
of his dad.
192
00:07:07,328 --> 00:07:10,697
That's emotional self-abuse,
don't you think?
193
00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:13,399
(knocking)
194
00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:15,735
Hi.
Hi.
195
00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:16,936
Listen,
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00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:19,322
that was a dumb move
for me to just assume...
197
00:07:19,323 --> 00:07:20,540
No, no, I overreacted.
198
00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:24,244
I mean, I invited you over
to "bake cookies."
199
00:07:24,245 --> 00:07:25,879
We both knew what that meant.
200
00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:26,846
We totally did.
201
00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:28,248
I just, you know...
202
00:07:28,249 --> 00:07:30,317
I saw those slippers
in your bag,
203
00:07:30,318 --> 00:07:31,351
and suddenly everything
204
00:07:31,352 --> 00:07:33,053
felt really serious.
205
00:07:33,054 --> 00:07:36,056
And... ever since,
I've been asking myself,
206
00:07:36,057 --> 00:07:38,925
"Am I ready for this?"
207
00:07:38,926 --> 00:07:40,460
And...
208
00:07:40,461 --> 00:07:43,897
the answer is "yes."
209
00:07:48,152 --> 00:07:49,936
They're actually called
British morning socks.
210
00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:50,937
Yeah. Don't get in your own way.
211
00:07:50,938 --> 00:07:52,272
Right. Okay.
212
00:07:52,273 --> 00:07:53,189
(video game sound effects)
213
00:07:53,190 --> 00:07:55,325
Um, Marshall, your mom asked me
214
00:07:55,326 --> 00:07:56,543
to carry this up.
215
00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:58,712
She turned her ankle
on your Hot Wheels.
216
00:07:58,713 --> 00:08:00,213
Is my track okay?
217
00:08:00,214 --> 00:08:02,782
It's fine, but, Marshall,
218
00:08:02,783 --> 00:08:05,452
I thought you were here
taking care of your mom.
219
00:08:05,453 --> 00:08:07,854
It seems like
she's taking care of you.
220
00:08:07,855 --> 00:08:10,857
My mom loves to feel needed.
221
00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:12,192
Letting her take care of me
222
00:08:12,193 --> 00:08:14,561
is how I'm taking care of her.
223
00:08:15,363 --> 00:08:16,930
She's in a dark place, Lily.
224
00:08:16,931 --> 00:08:18,598
She needs this.
225
00:08:18,933 --> 00:08:20,000
Mom?
226
00:08:20,001 --> 00:08:21,301
You forgot my chocolate milk
227
00:08:21,302 --> 00:08:22,836
with the swirly straw!
228
00:08:22,837 --> 00:08:25,939
JUDY:
Oops. Comin' right up!
229
00:08:25,940 --> 00:08:28,275
Ow. Ow.
230
00:08:28,276 --> 00:08:29,609
(whispers):
She needs this.
231
00:08:29,610 --> 00:08:32,345
Marshall,
tomorrow's Valentine's.
232
00:08:32,346 --> 00:08:35,081
Don't you want to be
at home on our couch,
233
00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:37,150
cuddling up under
a warm blanket,
234
00:08:37,151 --> 00:08:39,486
watching the Predator
use his heat vision
235
00:08:39,487 --> 00:08:42,205
to stalk helpless prey?
236
00:08:55,436 --> 00:08:57,504
(makes Predator clicking noise)
237
00:08:57,505 --> 00:08:59,906
Well, baby, we could
watch Predator here.
238
00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:01,675
No, my mom can go
rent it for us
239
00:09:01,676 --> 00:09:03,510
after she's done
digging out the car.
240
00:09:03,511 --> 00:09:04,778
Marshall, your mom wants you
out of here.
241
00:09:04,779 --> 00:09:05,812
What?
242
00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:07,714
Anything else, sweetie?
243
00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:10,483
Mom, d-do you want me to leave?
244
00:09:10,484 --> 00:09:12,719
Heavens to Bess, no!
245
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,287
Of course not!
246
00:09:14,288 --> 00:09:15,355
But, Judy, you said...
247
00:09:15,356 --> 00:09:17,791
Oh, if Marshall could
stay here forever,
248
00:09:17,792 --> 00:09:21,027
I would be the happiest
mom in Minnesota.
249
00:09:21,028 --> 00:09:22,228
(chuckles)
250
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:24,264
(mouthing)
251
00:09:25,116 --> 00:09:28,084
So Valentine's Day is tomorrow.
252
00:09:28,085 --> 00:09:30,453
Yeah. You know, there's
this new Italian restaurant
253
00:09:30,454 --> 00:09:32,672
on 79th that's
supposed to be amazing.
254
00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:35,508
I would be happier having
just a simple, home-cooked meal.
255
00:09:35,509 --> 00:09:37,777
As long as it's with you.
256
00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:40,180
Tomorrow night, my place.
257
00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:45,819
I'm ready for this, Ted.
258
00:09:45,820 --> 00:09:46,786
I am in it
259
00:09:46,787 --> 00:09:48,304
for the long haul.
260
00:09:48,305 --> 00:09:51,691
I can't wait for our first
Valentine's Day as a couple.
261
00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:53,159
(laughs)
262
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:55,862
The one we'll remember
for years.
263
00:09:57,932 --> 00:10:00,066
Isn't that great?
Yeah, if you say so, yeah.
264
00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:01,167
What do you mean?
265
00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:02,202
(sighs)
266
00:10:02,203 --> 00:10:03,937
Look, she just got
out of a marriage, Ted.
267
00:10:03,938 --> 00:10:05,205
That's heavy.
268
00:10:05,206 --> 00:10:08,208
I'm kind of freaking out,
just listening to you.
269
00:10:08,209 --> 00:10:09,376
My heart is pounding,
270
00:10:09,377 --> 00:10:10,794
I'm hearing this weird
clicking noise.
271
00:10:10,795 --> 00:10:12,996
(Predator clicking noise)
272
00:10:14,548 --> 00:10:16,516
Well, it's romantic, right?
273
00:10:16,517 --> 00:10:19,786
Zoey and I are getting serious
on Valentine's Day.
274
00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:22,389
See, that just amps up
the pressure even more.
275
00:10:22,390 --> 00:10:24,891
Boy, it's a good thing
that you're sure.
276
00:10:24,892 --> 00:10:26,159
Who said I wasn't sure?
277
00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:28,795
I'm glad we're
in a serious relationship.
278
00:10:28,796 --> 00:10:30,296
Right away.
279
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:31,331
And if I screw this up,
280
00:10:31,332 --> 00:10:32,599
I'm the devil,
281
00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:34,100
because she's going
through a divorce.
282
00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:35,985
But I'm not going
to screw this up.
283
00:10:35,986 --> 00:10:38,438
So stop freaking out, Robin.
284
00:10:38,439 --> 00:10:39,973
Stop freaking out!
285
00:10:39,974 --> 00:10:42,876
NARRATOR: Kids, I'm not super
proud of what I did next.
286
00:10:42,877 --> 00:10:44,160
Hi!
287
00:10:44,161 --> 00:10:45,712
I'm here to help Marshall.
288
00:10:47,982 --> 00:10:49,883
Meanwhile, as Desperation Day
289
00:10:49,884 --> 00:10:51,651
turned into
Desperation Night...
290
00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:55,422
God, these girls are so hungry
for male attention.
291
00:10:55,423 --> 00:10:59,859
It is like being a hunter
and having the deer walk up,
292
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:01,928
tie itself to the hood
of your car
293
00:11:01,929 --> 00:11:03,496
and beg to get mounted.
294
00:11:03,497 --> 00:11:04,864
ROBIN:
Barney, this is
295
00:11:04,865 --> 00:11:08,001
Bev and Anna, uh, my
coworkers and my friends.
296
00:11:08,002 --> 00:11:11,137
Bev, Anna, this is Barney,
a high-functioning sociopath
297
00:11:11,138 --> 00:11:13,039
and my ex.
298
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:14,274
Enchanté.
299
00:11:14,275 --> 00:11:16,142
That's French for
"What's with the purple?"
300
00:11:16,143 --> 00:11:17,477
Well, tomorrow is
Valentine's Day,
301
00:11:17,478 --> 00:11:19,546
and everything is
pink and red, so Bev
302
00:11:19,547 --> 00:11:20,880
very thoughtfully suggested
303
00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:23,883
that we wear purple to
show how little we care.
304
00:11:23,884 --> 00:11:25,952
I use, uh, colors
to express emotion.
305
00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:27,454
Purple is for pride.
306
00:11:27,455 --> 00:11:29,589
It was a stupid idea.
307
00:11:29,590 --> 00:11:31,524
Bev, you look at me.
308
00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:33,827
It's not a stupid idea.
309
00:11:33,828 --> 00:11:35,728
Tonight, we are queens.
310
00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:38,364
And we don't care
about some stupid,
311
00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:40,233
sexist, corporate holiday.
312
00:11:40,234 --> 00:11:41,885
Please!
313
00:11:41,886 --> 00:11:45,805
You might as well be dog-earing
a tear-stained bridal magazine
314
00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:47,774
while wolfing down
the box of chocolates
315
00:11:47,775 --> 00:11:49,542
you had delivered
to yourself at work
316
00:11:49,543 --> 00:11:51,644
from your "fiancé"
who no one's ever met.
317
00:11:51,645 --> 00:11:53,680
Gerard is real!
318
00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:55,748
Oh!
319
00:11:55,749 --> 00:11:56,816
(video game sound effects)
320
00:11:56,817 --> 00:12:00,186
Ted... I thought
you were going
321
00:12:00,187 --> 00:12:02,956
to talk to Marshall about
coming back to New York.
322
00:12:02,957 --> 00:12:06,459
Yeah, but, you know,
things move so fast in New York.
323
00:12:06,460 --> 00:12:10,263
Why not hang out here until
at least after Valentine's Day?
324
00:12:10,264 --> 00:12:12,265
Plus, we're helping
Marshall's mom.
325
00:12:12,266 --> 00:12:14,417
Uh, Mrs. Eriksen,
we're running low on SunnyD!
326
00:12:14,418 --> 00:12:16,503
JUDY:
Is orange juice okay?
327
00:12:16,504 --> 00:12:18,805
BOTH:
No!
328
00:12:19,773 --> 00:12:23,409
Okay, when your "fiancé"
Gerard comes back
329
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:25,345
from fixing cleft palates
in Peru,
330
00:12:25,346 --> 00:12:28,014
maybe snatch a photo
of the two of you together,
331
00:12:28,015 --> 00:12:29,549
and then I'll totally
believe you.
332
00:12:29,550 --> 00:12:33,686
Well, he's going to
Kenya after Peru, so...
333
00:12:33,687 --> 00:12:35,488
Hey, guys, so sorry I'm late.
334
00:12:35,489 --> 00:12:37,423
Hey. Hey, Nora. Uh,
Nora, this is Barney.
335
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:40,226
You want to see Anna beat
him in an arm wrestle?
336
00:12:40,227 --> 00:12:41,861
My elbow slipped!
337
00:12:43,464 --> 00:12:45,965
Marshall, I'm going home.
338
00:12:49,036 --> 00:12:50,937
What?
339
00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:53,907
I'm flying out tonight
before the big storm,
340
00:12:53,908 --> 00:12:56,175
and I want you to come with me.
341
00:12:57,995 --> 00:13:00,680
I can't right now,
'cause my mom needs me.
342
00:13:00,681 --> 00:13:03,349
While I'm sure
it's been really helpful
343
00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:04,751
for her to have you here
344
00:13:04,752 --> 00:13:07,954
playing Super Mario Kart
for 14 hours a day...
345
00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:09,255
You have Super Mario Kart?!
346
00:13:09,256 --> 00:13:11,524
Hell, yeah.
347
00:13:11,525 --> 00:13:13,660
But your mom doesn't need you.
348
00:13:13,661 --> 00:13:15,562
Your life in New York needs you.
349
00:13:15,563 --> 00:13:18,765
It needs you really bad.
350
00:13:19,633 --> 00:13:21,601
Baby, don't go.
351
00:13:27,274 --> 00:13:30,159
Please come home soon.
352
00:13:33,881 --> 00:13:36,082
So, you were an Olympic gymnast?
353
00:13:36,083 --> 00:13:37,083
Silver medal.
354
00:13:37,084 --> 00:13:38,284
Ooh, sorry.
355
00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:40,486
Gold's the only thing
that really counts.
356
00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:41,921
That's what my dad said.
357
00:13:41,922 --> 00:13:43,523
And she sticks the landing.
358
00:13:43,524 --> 00:13:46,292
Why don't you start
stretching, and I'll...
359
00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:48,461
be right back.
360
00:13:48,462 --> 00:13:49,762
Hey, hey, sorry.
Oh, hi.
361
00:13:49,763 --> 00:13:51,130
Quick question.
Yeah.
362
00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:52,465
Why aren't you wearing purple
like your friends?
363
00:13:52,466 --> 00:13:54,968
Oh, I told them I forgot,
but the truth is,
364
00:13:54,969 --> 00:13:56,703
I'm kind of protesting
their protest.
365
00:13:57,371 --> 00:13:58,404
Can you keep a secret?
366
00:13:58,405 --> 00:13:59,238
Sure.
367
00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:01,140
I love Valentine's Day.
368
00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:03,309
Oh, my gosh! Me, too!
369
00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:05,979
Um, is it getting crowded
in here, 'cause I think
370
00:14:05,980 --> 00:14:07,413
there are two peas in this pod?
371
00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:09,215
Oh, you're a gooey romantic,
too?
372
00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:11,684
Guilty. This is
embarrassing,
373
00:14:11,685 --> 00:14:15,088
but every year, I buy flowers
and a box of chocolates,
374
00:14:15,089 --> 00:14:17,290
even if I'm not with someone.
375
00:14:17,291 --> 00:14:19,692
Just in case, you know?
376
00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:21,894
We are pitiful.
The worst.
377
00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:23,129
(both chuckle)
378
00:14:23,130 --> 00:14:24,897
Although there is one difference
between you and me.
379
00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:27,100
What's that? I'm not
saying any of this
380
00:14:27,101 --> 00:14:29,218
to get in your pants.
381
00:14:31,238 --> 00:14:33,806
(video game sound effects)
382
00:14:34,642 --> 00:14:37,410
I miss my dad, Ted.
383
00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:40,647
I miss him so much.
384
00:14:40,648 --> 00:14:42,148
I know.
385
00:14:43,851 --> 00:14:45,384
Um, when I was a kid,
386
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,737
we would spend the summers
in the Upper Peninsula.
387
00:14:47,738 --> 00:14:50,356
And every year,
we wouldn't get to the cabin
388
00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:52,558
till, like,
the middle of the night.
389
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:54,227
And so, it would be pitch black,
390
00:14:54,228 --> 00:14:56,195
in the middle of the woods.
391
00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:58,798
And I could never see anything
in front of the headlights,
392
00:14:58,799 --> 00:15:03,169
but I always felt so safe
'cause my dad was driving.
393
00:15:03,170 --> 00:15:05,638
He was like
some sort of superhero
394
00:15:05,639 --> 00:15:08,107
who could just see way out
into the darkness.
395
00:15:09,643 --> 00:15:11,844
Now he's just gone.
396
00:15:12,479 --> 00:15:15,048
And it's pitch black.
397
00:15:15,049 --> 00:15:18,317
And I can't see where I'm going.
398
00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:20,520
I can't see anything.
399
00:15:23,157 --> 00:15:24,524
All right, okay.
400
00:15:24,525 --> 00:15:25,925
I was playing you before.
401
00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:28,394
But I was really doing you
a public service.
402
00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:30,296
It's February 13...
403
00:15:30,297 --> 00:15:33,666
a day many are now calling
Desperation Day.
404
00:15:33,667 --> 00:15:35,068
It's kind of a thing.
405
00:15:35,069 --> 00:15:38,371
And you walking around,
saying you're a gooey romantic?
406
00:15:38,372 --> 00:15:41,240
It comes across a bit desperate.
407
00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:44,777
What's desperate about
knowing what you want?
408
00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:46,679
Look, life is
really short, Barney.
409
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:48,715
Who wants to spend
Valentine's Day alone,
410
00:15:48,716 --> 00:15:50,383
distracting yourself
from the fact
411
00:15:50,384 --> 00:15:53,886
that nobody loves you
with some sad little activity?
412
00:15:53,887 --> 00:15:56,622
Um, or you could be
in the 47th Semi-Annual
413
00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:59,659
Laser Tag Tournament
in Poughkeepsie.
414
00:15:59,660 --> 00:16:02,628
I have no idea what any
of those words mean.
415
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:05,198
Hey, I'm all stretched out!
416
00:16:06,867 --> 00:16:09,802
Here's the first thing you need
to know about laser tag.
417
00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:11,938
Thanks a lot
for coming out here, man.
418
00:16:11,939 --> 00:16:13,406
Yeah.
419
00:16:13,407 --> 00:16:16,609
Hey, are-are you sure
it's okay with Zoey
420
00:16:16,610 --> 00:16:18,644
that you're here
for Valentine's Day?
421
00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:21,914
Well, I mean, technically,
she doesn't know yet.
422
00:16:21,915 --> 00:16:22,749
What?
423
00:16:22,750 --> 00:16:24,083
Things with Zoey
424
00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:25,785
are moving really fast,
425
00:16:25,786 --> 00:16:28,454
and the divorce just makes
everything more complicated.
426
00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:30,990
I just, I needed
to take a step back.
427
00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:32,558
You're not taking a step back.
428
00:16:32,559 --> 00:16:34,060
You're running away.
429
00:16:34,061 --> 00:16:35,328
And hiding out here,
430
00:16:35,329 --> 00:16:37,930
hiding out here is not gonna
solve anything.
431
00:16:37,931 --> 00:16:38,898
You're just
432
00:16:38,899 --> 00:16:40,366
holed up in Minnesota
433
00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:43,536
because you're too scared
to face reality, and it's...
434
00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:49,909
We got to go back
to New York, tonight.
435
00:16:49,910 --> 00:16:52,111
We're snowed in.
Lily got the last flight.
436
00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:54,147
So, we drive. It's time.
437
00:16:54,148 --> 00:16:56,449
It's time to get back
to real life.
438
00:16:56,450 --> 00:16:59,152
It's time to grow up.
439
00:16:59,153 --> 00:17:00,319
Yeah.
440
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:01,587
Mom!
441
00:17:01,588 --> 00:17:04,457
Can you make us some
PB and J's for the road?
442
00:17:04,458 --> 00:17:05,758
Crusts cut off.
443
00:17:05,759 --> 00:17:07,827
Crusts cut off!
444
00:17:07,828 --> 00:17:09,529
No, Ted. What are we...?
445
00:17:10,964 --> 00:17:13,533
We're men.
446
00:17:14,635 --> 00:17:16,769
Mom!
447
00:17:16,770 --> 00:17:19,939
Leave the crusts on!
448
00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:26,582
They forced their opponents
to scatter, picking them off,
449
00:17:26,583 --> 00:17:29,402
one by one, in a swift
and merciless slaughter.
450
00:17:31,738 --> 00:17:33,472
They became the 2010
Tri-County Champions.
451
00:17:34,473 --> 00:17:37,342
Wow. Laser tag
sounds brilliant!
452
00:17:37,343 --> 00:17:38,593
Oh, it is.
453
00:17:38,594 --> 00:17:40,495
Plus, if you win,
you get free pizza!
454
00:17:40,496 --> 00:17:43,198
This is my teammate
for tomorrow.
455
00:17:43,199 --> 00:17:44,966
Oh, yeah, I agreed to that.
456
00:17:44,967 --> 00:17:46,901
Where are Bev and Anna?
457
00:17:46,902 --> 00:17:47,769
Well...
458
00:17:47,770 --> 00:17:49,337
So, we're taking off.
459
00:17:49,338 --> 00:17:50,372
What?
460
00:17:50,373 --> 00:17:51,573
Those guys are gonna
461
00:17:51,574 --> 00:17:53,408
buy us hot dogs
at Grey's Papaya.
462
00:17:53,409 --> 00:17:55,243
ROBIN:
What...? So that's it?
463
00:17:55,244 --> 00:17:59,247
A couple of white Urkels offer
you sausages, and you're gone?
464
00:17:59,248 --> 00:18:01,182
What about the sisterhood?
465
00:18:01,183 --> 00:18:03,151
Solidarity? The color purple?
466
00:18:03,152 --> 00:18:05,687
But tomorrow's Valentine's Day.
467
00:18:05,688 --> 00:18:07,322
I thought we didn't care
about Valentine's Day.
468
00:18:07,323 --> 00:18:09,624
Look, Robin, you'll
find someone, too.
469
00:18:09,625 --> 00:18:11,059
You're a queen.
470
00:18:11,060 --> 00:18:12,594
You've got so much to offer.
471
00:18:12,595 --> 00:18:14,496
Maybe do something
with that hair.
472
00:18:16,098 --> 00:18:17,265
I'm telling you.
473
00:18:17,266 --> 00:18:18,600
The power of Valentine's Day.
474
00:18:18,601 --> 00:18:22,404
I'm Huey Lewis,
and you just heard the news.
475
00:18:23,272 --> 00:18:24,773
Well, I think
I'm heading out, too.
476
00:18:24,774 --> 00:18:27,192
What? No, don't go!
You want to see a magic trick?!
477
00:18:27,193 --> 00:18:29,510
It's late, and I have a date
with my pillow.
478
00:18:29,511 --> 00:18:31,679
I mean, not literally.
I'm not a lunatic.
479
00:18:32,415 --> 00:18:33,615
Boy Scout Troop 15
480
00:18:33,616 --> 00:18:34,849
doesn't stand a chance.
481
00:18:34,850 --> 00:18:36,751
Bye.
482
00:18:36,752 --> 00:18:38,453
Mm.
483
00:18:42,358 --> 00:18:45,627
Speaking of the power
of Valentine's Day...
484
00:18:45,628 --> 00:18:47,295
What are you talking about?
485
00:18:47,296 --> 00:18:48,563
Oh, come on.
486
00:18:48,564 --> 00:18:49,964
It's-It's past midnight.
487
00:18:49,965 --> 00:18:52,467
Desperation Day
has come and gone,
488
00:18:52,468 --> 00:18:55,670
and you have neither gone
nor come.
489
00:18:56,372 --> 00:18:58,173
You know why?
490
00:18:58,174 --> 00:18:59,307
You like Nora.
491
00:18:59,308 --> 00:19:00,542
No, I don't. She's gross.
492
00:19:00,543 --> 00:19:02,610
Oh...
You like her.
493
00:19:02,611 --> 00:19:05,113
You think she smells like rain.
494
00:19:05,114 --> 00:19:06,948
Whatever you say.
495
00:19:06,949 --> 00:19:08,266
Oh, hey, Nora.
496
00:19:08,267 --> 00:19:09,734
Nora...
497
00:19:18,727 --> 00:19:20,728
MARVIN:
Here's a secret.
498
00:19:20,729 --> 00:19:24,632
I couldn't see
worth a damn, either, buddy.
499
00:19:24,633 --> 00:19:28,770
I just kept driving forward,
hoping for the best.
500
00:19:30,539 --> 00:19:32,624
Look out!
(gasps)
501
00:19:32,625 --> 00:19:33,942
Gotcha.
502
00:19:33,943 --> 00:19:36,094
(laughs)
503
00:19:42,318 --> 00:19:44,285
NARRATOR: And so we
drove through the night,
504
00:19:44,286 --> 00:19:46,554
out of Desperation Day
and into Valentine's.
505
00:19:46,555 --> 00:19:49,290
And there was no trace of
my little freak out, except...
506
00:19:49,291 --> 00:19:52,193
Really? An overnight bag
for your own living room?
507
00:19:54,430 --> 00:19:56,831
Looks like we got
a matching set.
508
00:19:56,832 --> 00:19:59,767
Well, that was kind of
presumptuous.
509
00:19:59,768 --> 00:20:02,670
♪♪
510
00:20:02,671 --> 00:20:04,822
♪ The ground was shaking like ♪
511
00:20:04,823 --> 00:20:07,141
(lasers firing)
Robin, where are you?
512
00:20:07,142 --> 00:20:09,043
Those Boy Scouts have grown
a foot since last year.
513
00:20:09,044 --> 00:20:10,211
They're terrifying!
514
00:20:10,212 --> 00:20:11,613
Oh, yeah.
515
00:20:11,614 --> 00:20:13,181
Change of plans.
516
00:20:13,182 --> 00:20:14,716
Happy Valentine's Day.
517
00:20:14,717 --> 00:20:16,784
Hap...?
Hey, Barney.
518
00:20:16,785 --> 00:20:18,953
Robin told me
to meet you guys here.
519
00:20:18,954 --> 00:20:21,322
And that's how,
for the first time in his life,
520
00:20:21,323 --> 00:20:24,459
Barney Stinson wound up
on a date on Valentine's Day.
521
00:20:24,460 --> 00:20:25,727
(laser firing)
522
00:20:25,728 --> 00:20:26,811
Oh!
523
00:20:26,812 --> 00:20:28,563
(scoffs)
524
00:20:28,564 --> 00:20:29,797
(sighs)
525
00:20:29,798 --> 00:20:31,032
You will be avenged.
526
00:20:31,033 --> 00:20:33,868
(laser firing)
527
00:20:33,869 --> 00:20:35,470
♪ It's good to see you ♪
528
00:20:35,471 --> 00:20:37,205
SCHWARZENEGGER (over TV):
Come on! Come on!
529
00:20:37,206 --> 00:20:38,673
Kill me! I'm here! Kill me!
530
00:20:38,674 --> 00:20:40,975
♪ It's good to see you though ♪
531
00:20:40,976 --> 00:20:43,511
Baby, you're back.
532
00:20:43,512 --> 00:20:45,280
Happy Valentine's
Day, Lily Pad. Oh.
533
00:20:49,171 --> 00:20:58,234
Sync & corrected by MY-SUBS.com
www.MY-SUBS.com
534
00:20:59,132 --> 00:21:02,709
We both knew this
would end eventually.
37969
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