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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Transcript by MY-SUBS.com
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www.MY-SUBS.com
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TED: Kids, when your best friend
loses someone...
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My dad's dead?
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...you drop everything
and rush to his side.
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Only to find yourself
standing there
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with no idea what to do or say.
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This is the toughest time
in Marshall's life
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and I feel absolutely useless.
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What can we do to help?
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Don't look at me.
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This morning Marshall said,
"I have to pee".
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And I, "Don't worry, baby,
I'll do it for you".
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Halfway through the pee,
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I'm, like, "This doesn't
even make sense!"
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Well, uh, I've been
to a couple funerals,
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so I know my role:
I'm Vice Girl.
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Whatever Marshall needs
to get through this day,
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I got it right here.
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ALL: Whoa!
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Cigarettes, alcohol...
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are these firecrackers?
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My God, Robin,
you somehow crammed
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Tijuana into a purse.
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(hushed) Be cool, nerds!
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Marshall's mom hasn't eaten,
slept or sat down
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since we got here.
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Wait! That can be my role!
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I'll take care of Judy!
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Yeah, but doesn't
Marshall's mom hate you...
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the fact that you two
aren't very close?
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(whispering) Sweet save.
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Okay, yes,
Judy and I aren't besties,
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but today, whatever she needs,
I'm there.
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I'm on Judy duty.
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"Judy duty".
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She said "doody".
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Really, guys? At a funeral?
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Uh, okay, while not all
of us possess
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your lofty sense of decorum,
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Drug-Dealer-From-An-'80s-
After-School-Special,
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Today, we are gonna make
Marshall laugh.
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How?
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Ted, what's the one thing that
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always cracks him up?
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Internet footage of a guy
getting hit in the nuts.
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Internet footage of a guy
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getting hit in the nuts, exactly!
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So we are gonna get our bro
a four-star nad rattler.
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You search knees, feet, banisters,
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fire hydrants and diving boards,
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and I'll cover bats, rackets,
hockey sticks,
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golf clubs and riding crops.
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What about animals?
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Uh... claws, paws, talons,
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hooves, beaks and
clenched monkey fists.
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We can do this!
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Hey, guys, sorry, uh...
I left my charger back
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in New York, so my phone's
out of juice.
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Does anyone have...?
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Outlet or USB?
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Uh, outlet.
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Thank you.
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Oh...
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Wow, you really do have
everything in there, don't you?
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You're like Mary Poppins,
if her magic purse was
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also filled with drugs.
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"If"? Ted, the kids
in that movie jumped
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into a painting and spent 15
minutes chasing a cartoon fox.
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"Spoonful of sugar..."?
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Grow up.
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I'm so sorry for your loss, Judy.
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Thank you, Reverend.
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We're so happy that you're
going to lead the services today.
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Unfortunately, I can't.
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My daughter in Chicago
just went into labor.
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But I'm leaving you in
the capable hands
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of my second-in-command: my son.
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Your son?
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Oh, you remember Trey.
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I'll go grab him.
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Guys...
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Trey Platt terrorized me
growing up.
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He was, he was the toughest
bully in school.
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'Sup Marshall.
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Hello, Trey.
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- Long time.
- Mm-hmm.
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I was not aware
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that you had become a reverend.
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Yeah, well, your lunch money
finally ran out.
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Kidding!
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Marshall Eriksen,
you could use a laugh.
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Yeah!
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This video is entitled,
"Little League Coach Gets Hit in
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the Nuts by a Foul Ball and Then
Vomits in a Garbage Can".
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I don't wanna give anything away.
Let's just watch.
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(Bat connects with ball,
man groans, vomits)
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BOTH:
Oh!
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(chuckling)
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See? 'Cause, 'cause he got hit...
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right in the nuts,
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BOTH:
The fat kid just runs away.
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Trey Platt.
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I can't believe
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my father's funeral
service is being led
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by Trey "The Noogie Machine" Platt.
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That guy gave you noogies?
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What, did he carry a stepladder?
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He made me carry it.
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So, my dad has these questions
he asks to help create
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00:04:02,754 --> 00:04:05,823
a theme for the service,
or whatever.
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Question one:
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"What were your last words
with the deceased?"
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Lame.
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Question two:
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Wait...
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My last words with
Marvin were lovely.
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I've been thinking
about them a lot.
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Me, too.
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We went for a hike in the snow
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and had this amazing talk.
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My last day with Pop,
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he taught my son how to skate.
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Well, this is
clearly yielding nothing.
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Thanks, Dad.
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Guess I'll have to fill the time
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with some jokes... again.
(scoffs)
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"Last words" seems
like a good theme.
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Marshall, do you
remember the last thing
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your father said to you?
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- Bye, sweetie.
- Bye, Mom.
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Son,
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there's something I want to say
before I leave.
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Yeah, Dad?
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Could I snag that extra
pork chop for the flight?
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I was gonna make
a sandwich with that, Dad.
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- Ah...
- Dad, don't they have
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food on the plane?
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Yeah, but plane food is ass.
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"Plane food is ass".
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Those are the last words
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my father will ever say to me.
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Right after I denied
the man a pork chop.
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Oh, God.
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Wait!
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I'm wrong!
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I'm wrong! That wasn't it!
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They couldn't find a cab...
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Hey, Marshall!
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- so my dad called up from the street.
- Marshall!
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Looks like rain out here!
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I couldn't find an umbrella in
your closet!
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You know who probably has
an umbrella?
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And then, well, see,
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my dad grew up in a small town,
in another generation,
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so sometimes...
totally well-meaningly...
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he'd say stuff like...
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The Koreans across the hall!
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Hey, the Koreans are a
trustworthy and generous people!
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Dad...
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I betcha one of the Koreans has
an umbrella!
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Heck, they're Koreans!
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My dad's last words to me
were a string
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of odd racial stereotypes.
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All that stuff was really nice!
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Yeah! It's positive racism!
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This is worse
than the pork chop.
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This next clip is entitled,
"Guy Playing Bagpipes
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Gets Hit in the Nuts
by Low-Flying Seagull".
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Let's see what happens.
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(bagpipes play
"Amazing Grace" on video)
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(seagulls squawking on video)
BOTH: Here he comes...
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(thud on video) Oh! Oh!
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(snickering)
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'Cause he gets hit
right in the nuts.
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BOTH: And then the fat kid
loses his swim trunks.
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Fall off. Shorts
just fall right off.
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No, wait... I'm wrong.
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That wasn't it.
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They couldn't find a cab,
so I went down there.
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Hey, you were right.
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The Kangs did, in fact,
have an umbrella.
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Of course they did.
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Bye, sweetie.
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Bye, Mom.
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Hey, son, I just want to leave
you with a little advice.
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Rent Crocodile Dundee III.
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00:07:16,114 --> 00:07:18,515
I caught it on the cable
last night.
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It totally holds up!
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Crocodile Dundee III is the
second-best of the Croc trilogy,
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so maybe I can live with that.
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(cell phone beeps)
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Oh, sorry, my phone's charged.
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00:07:32,597 --> 00:07:35,799
I, uh, I hear you're a woman
who can get things.
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00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:37,801
I've been known to locate
certain objects
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from time to time.
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00:07:38,837 --> 00:07:42,339
I need vodka and
dirty playing cards.
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I got ya.
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Oh, my God.
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What is it?
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I have a voice mail from my dad.
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You have a voice mail
from your dad?
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00:08:02,890 --> 00:08:03,856
How?
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00:08:03,857 --> 00:08:05,858
My phone's been out of juice,
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00:08:05,859 --> 00:08:10,880
so he must've called me
the day the he, uh...
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00:08:10,881 --> 00:08:13,132
Baby, are you okay?
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00:08:13,133 --> 00:08:19,338
I hold in my hand the last words
my father will ever say to me.
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I'm gonna hit play.
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00:08:25,079 --> 00:08:26,746
What's wrong?
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00:08:26,747 --> 00:08:30,349
What if it's worse
than Crocodile Dundee III?
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00:08:31,118 --> 00:08:34,553
I can't do this.
I can't...
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00:08:34,554 --> 00:08:36,689
My mom is about to collapse.
I'm gonna...
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00:08:36,690 --> 00:08:39,542
Wait... no, no, baby...
Baby, I got it. Let me.
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00:08:42,079 --> 00:08:43,162
You should listen to it.
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00:08:43,163 --> 00:08:45,031
Just don't put
too much pressure on it.
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00:08:45,032 --> 00:08:46,249
She's right.
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00:08:46,250 --> 00:08:48,251
I mean, this idea that
someone's last words have
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00:08:48,252 --> 00:08:49,602
to be profound
and meaningful?
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00:08:49,603 --> 00:08:51,204
I mean, who can live up to that?
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00:08:51,205 --> 00:08:52,438
BARNEY:
Exactly.
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00:08:52,439 --> 00:08:53,873
All those "famous last word"
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00:08:53,874 --> 00:08:55,908
people supposedly said?
They're all made up.
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00:08:55,909 --> 00:08:58,811
Like that patriotic
dude, Nathan Hale,
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00:08:58,812 --> 00:09:00,546
from third-grade history?
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00:09:00,547 --> 00:09:03,950
My I only regret is I have
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00:09:03,951 --> 00:09:06,419
but one life to lose
for my country.
229
00:09:07,488 --> 00:09:09,455
You know what his real
last words were?
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00:09:09,456 --> 00:09:12,525
I'm peeing my pants!
231
00:09:12,893 --> 00:09:14,593
True story.
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00:09:15,796 --> 00:09:18,131
The point is,
last words are overrated.
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00:09:18,132 --> 00:09:19,966
Look, think of it this way:
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00:09:19,967 --> 00:09:23,202
you get to hear your
dad's voice one last time.
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00:09:23,203 --> 00:09:25,738
I should go listen to this...
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00:09:25,739 --> 00:09:27,673
alone, okay?
I'll be right back.
237
00:09:27,674 --> 00:09:29,709
Okay.
238
00:09:32,045 --> 00:09:34,714
Hey, so, um, I heard
you might have...
239
00:09:34,715 --> 00:09:36,582
You heard right.
240
00:09:36,583 --> 00:09:39,719
(whispers)
I'm getting a reputation.
241
00:09:40,554 --> 00:09:42,921
So, what you need, mama?
Come here.
242
00:09:45,225 --> 00:09:47,560
Guys, listen
to what just happened.
243
00:09:47,561 --> 00:09:51,063
Judy, do you need a break?
I'm happy to cook for a while.
244
00:09:51,064 --> 00:09:54,567
You think your snobby
New York cooking is
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00:09:54,568 --> 00:09:56,803
better than mine... admit it!
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00:09:56,804 --> 00:10:00,072
Well, go ahead, Lily, why don't
you just whip up a batch
247
00:10:00,073 --> 00:10:03,609
of your fancy tofu sushi bagels!
248
00:10:03,610 --> 00:10:05,912
And choke on them!
249
00:10:05,913 --> 00:10:07,813
- Whoa.
- Are you okay?
250
00:10:07,814 --> 00:10:08,815
Listen!
251
00:10:08,816 --> 00:10:11,117
(yawns)
252
00:10:11,118 --> 00:10:14,120
I'm gonna go take a nap.
253
00:10:14,121 --> 00:10:17,823
Judy's finally sleeping
and it's all because of me!
254
00:10:17,824 --> 00:10:21,260
Guys, I have a role:
I'm Judy's bitch! Yeah!
255
00:10:21,261 --> 00:10:22,728
Well, but this day is
256
00:10:22,729 --> 00:10:23,830
tough on you, too.
257
00:10:23,831 --> 00:10:25,465
You sure you can
absorb all that?
258
00:10:25,466 --> 00:10:28,401
Yeah! Robin gave me a little
orange pill from her purse.
259
00:10:28,402 --> 00:10:29,835
I don't know what's in it,
260
00:10:29,836 --> 00:10:31,804
but things are flowin'
pretty smooth right now.
261
00:10:31,805 --> 00:10:33,739
Hey, stay hydrated.
262
00:10:34,808 --> 00:10:36,242
Hey.
263
00:10:36,443 --> 00:10:37,727
So?
264
00:10:37,728 --> 00:10:40,713
I couldn't listen to it.
265
00:10:40,714 --> 00:10:42,014
Guys, this is hard.
266
00:10:42,015 --> 00:10:43,232
We know, baby.
267
00:10:43,233 --> 00:10:45,151
But you'll always wonder,
if you don't.
268
00:10:45,152 --> 00:10:46,486
Your dad loved you.
269
00:10:46,487 --> 00:10:48,754
It almost doesn't matter
what he said.
270
00:10:48,755 --> 00:10:49,722
- It doesn't.
- That's true.
271
00:10:49,723 --> 00:10:50,790
MARSHALL:
Guys, guys, what if...
272
00:10:50,791 --> 00:10:51,958
God forbid...
273
00:10:51,959 --> 00:10:54,927
all of your dads died right now?
274
00:10:55,963 --> 00:10:58,898
What would their last words
to you have been? Seriously.
275
00:10:58,899 --> 00:11:01,234
I know mine.
276
00:11:01,235 --> 00:11:03,536
When I was in Cleveland
last month,
277
00:11:03,537 --> 00:11:06,138
I went to visit my dad at his...
278
00:11:06,139 --> 00:11:08,641
post-divorce bachelor pad.
279
00:11:08,642 --> 00:11:12,395
Been fun bro-ing out
with you tonight, T-Dawg.
280
00:11:12,396 --> 00:11:16,816
Yeah... so glad we can we can
talk about our sex lives now.
281
00:11:16,817 --> 00:11:18,851
That's totally an improvement.
282
00:11:18,852 --> 00:11:20,453
I hooked up
283
00:11:20,454 --> 00:11:22,355
with a younger woman
the other week...
284
00:11:22,356 --> 00:11:24,924
Donna Bromstead.
285
00:11:24,925 --> 00:11:26,492
My prom date?!
286
00:11:26,493 --> 00:11:29,161
How far did you get, T-Dawg?
287
00:11:30,597 --> 00:11:33,399
I have to go.
288
00:11:34,201 --> 00:11:35,835
Ugh...
289
00:11:35,836 --> 00:11:39,005
How would you like those
to be your father's last words?
290
00:11:39,006 --> 00:11:40,373
Well, they might be.
291
00:11:40,374 --> 00:11:43,409
Donna Bromstead's
husband is a cop.
292
00:11:47,347 --> 00:11:49,014
Lawyered.
293
00:11:50,450 --> 00:11:52,118
Lily?
294
00:11:52,119 --> 00:11:53,686
(phone ringing)
295
00:11:53,687 --> 00:11:54,971
Hello.
296
00:11:54,972 --> 00:11:57,056
Lily, it's Dad.
297
00:11:57,057 --> 00:11:59,759
Listen, I'm sort of in jail
for not paying taxes
298
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,260
for the last 25 years.
299
00:12:01,261 --> 00:12:03,663
But bright side... I thought
of a great new board game.
300
00:12:03,664 --> 00:12:06,198
"Tax Evasion"...
ages six to ten.
301
00:12:06,199 --> 00:12:09,135
Which is, ironically,
what I might be looking at.
302
00:12:09,136 --> 00:12:12,371
Anyway, Pumpkin,
I need $15,000.
303
00:12:12,372 --> 00:12:13,940
Fooled ya.
304
00:12:13,941 --> 00:12:15,575
Leave a message after the beep.
305
00:12:15,576 --> 00:12:17,109
We'll get back to ya.
306
00:12:17,110 --> 00:12:19,645
Beep.
307
00:12:22,816 --> 00:12:24,583
Lawyered.
308
00:12:25,719 --> 00:12:27,954
Robin?
309
00:12:27,955 --> 00:12:31,557
And so, despite the endless
disappointment you've caused me,
310
00:12:31,558 --> 00:12:33,326
I pray that this will finally
311
00:12:33,327 --> 00:12:36,178
be the year you achieve something
312
00:12:36,179 --> 00:12:37,530
of actual significance.
313
00:12:37,531 --> 00:12:38,898
I'd love to stop
314
00:12:38,899 --> 00:12:41,567
lying to my friends about you
being in a coma.
315
00:12:42,669 --> 00:12:47,573
Anyway, the point is,
happy birthday, RJ.
316
00:12:47,574 --> 00:12:48,641
- Whoa-ho!
- Wow.
317
00:12:48,642 --> 00:12:49,842
That's awful.
318
00:12:49,843 --> 00:12:51,777
No, here's the awful part.
319
00:12:51,778 --> 00:12:55,514
You remembered my birthday!
320
00:12:58,018 --> 00:12:59,752
Lawyered.
321
00:12:59,753 --> 00:13:02,221
Now can we all just admit
322
00:13:02,222 --> 00:13:04,790
that last words are,
in fact, a big deal?
323
00:13:04,791 --> 00:13:06,592
- Yes.
- Yes.
324
00:13:06,593 --> 00:13:09,161
Man, I always thought
I had it rough
325
00:13:09,162 --> 00:13:11,964
not really knowing
my dad, but...
326
00:13:11,965 --> 00:13:13,265
now I realize at least
327
00:13:13,266 --> 00:13:16,502
I'll never have
to suffer like this.
328
00:13:16,503 --> 00:13:18,070
Our next video is called
329
00:13:18,071 --> 00:13:20,139
"German Shepherd Activates
Tennis Ball Cannon
330
00:13:20,140 --> 00:13:21,707
While Fat Kid Sips Energy Drink".
331
00:13:21,708 --> 00:13:23,042
- It's...
- Barney, please, Barney!
332
00:13:23,143 --> 00:13:24,844
No more videos, okay?
333
00:13:25,445 --> 00:13:27,413
I just need a minute.
334
00:13:28,782 --> 00:13:30,149
JUDY:
Okay...
335
00:13:30,150 --> 00:13:32,652
okay, who is
responsible for this?
336
00:13:32,653 --> 00:13:33,886
Who got Cousin Daphne drunk?
337
00:13:33,887 --> 00:13:37,490
She is 15 years old.
338
00:13:37,491 --> 00:13:39,558
Whoa, they grow big out here.
339
00:13:39,559 --> 00:13:43,329
And here's your
phone number back.
340
00:13:45,132 --> 00:13:47,299
- Judy, I...
- I did it.
341
00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:51,237
What possible excuse
could you have for this?
342
00:13:51,238 --> 00:13:52,705
I'm from New York.
343
00:13:52,706 --> 00:13:54,807
We think getting minors
drunk is funny.
344
00:13:54,808 --> 00:13:58,577
There's nothing funny about
getting minors drunk!
345
00:13:58,578 --> 00:14:00,613
You should be ashamed, Lily!
346
00:14:00,614 --> 00:14:02,481
Ashamed!
347
00:14:05,018 --> 00:14:06,052
Mmm!
348
00:14:06,053 --> 00:14:08,220
Oh, cripes, that's tasty.
349
00:14:08,221 --> 00:14:09,722
Mmm! Mmm!
350
00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:13,859
That salad's the first food
she's eaten in two days.
351
00:14:13,860 --> 00:14:15,778
Sure, it's mostly cheese,
mayonnaise and jelly beans,
352
00:14:15,779 --> 00:14:16,996
but it counts.
353
00:14:16,997 --> 00:14:18,614
Well, at least someone's helping.
354
00:14:18,615 --> 00:14:20,833
We haven't made
Marshall laugh once.
355
00:14:20,834 --> 00:14:22,501
Yeah.
356
00:14:22,502 --> 00:14:24,470
Showing videos of guys
getting hit in the nuts
357
00:14:24,471 --> 00:14:25,905
wasn't going to do anything.
358
00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:27,573
- I'm just stupid.
- Stupid.
359
00:14:27,774 --> 00:14:30,843
What we need to do is hit
each other in the nuts.
360
00:14:30,844 --> 00:14:32,778
Yes.
361
00:14:32,779 --> 00:14:35,347
Nothing beats the immediacy
of live theater.
362
00:14:35,348 --> 00:14:38,317
But which one of us is
going to take the hit?
363
00:14:38,318 --> 00:14:40,052
Hey, Marshall.
364
00:14:40,053 --> 00:14:41,253
(laughing)
365
00:14:41,254 --> 00:14:42,772
(strained):
So that's it?
366
00:14:42,773 --> 00:14:45,458
No discussion?
367
00:14:45,459 --> 00:14:47,593
I'm not going to listen.
368
00:14:47,594 --> 00:14:49,628
"Rent Crocodile Dundee III"
369
00:14:49,629 --> 00:14:52,998
are the last words that
my father will ever say to me,
370
00:14:52,999 --> 00:14:57,002
and I think I can live with that.
371
00:14:57,487 --> 00:15:00,706
TED:
Is he laughing?
372
00:15:00,707 --> 00:15:03,843
Marshall really did think
he could live with that.
373
00:15:03,844 --> 00:15:06,846
That is, until later,
at the memorial service.
374
00:15:06,847 --> 00:15:11,684
My last talk with Marvin
was so lovely.
375
00:15:11,685 --> 00:15:15,755
The stories his mother and
brothers told were so perfect.
376
00:15:15,756 --> 00:15:18,891
Then he picked my crying son
up off the ice.
377
00:15:18,892 --> 00:15:20,392
He gave him a hug and said,
378
00:15:20,393 --> 00:15:23,796
"Champ, it doesn't matter if you
fall down once in a while".
379
00:15:23,797 --> 00:15:27,199
And as we hiked, a little deer
appeared on the path.
380
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:30,302
She hopped over to Dad
and started eating...
381
00:15:30,303 --> 00:15:32,371
right out of his hand.
382
00:15:32,372 --> 00:15:36,242
And then he kissed me
and he said...
383
00:15:36,243 --> 00:15:38,677
"I will always be proud of you".
384
00:15:38,678 --> 00:15:41,080
"Life is such a gift".
385
00:15:41,081 --> 00:15:44,116
"You know something, gorgeous?
386
00:15:44,117 --> 00:15:47,019
I'm the luckiest man alive".
387
00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:49,088
(sniffling)
388
00:15:49,089 --> 00:15:50,456
(voice breaking):
Lame.
389
00:15:50,457 --> 00:15:52,625
These stories suck.
390
00:15:52,626 --> 00:15:56,295
(voice breaking): Doesn't hold a candle
to your Crocodile Dundee thing.
391
00:15:58,465 --> 00:16:01,400
You're up next, baby.
392
00:16:03,804 --> 00:16:06,672
I just need some air.
393
00:16:11,695 --> 00:16:15,114
Baby, are you okay?
394
00:16:15,115 --> 00:16:17,199
I have to listen to it.
395
00:16:31,298 --> 00:16:33,265
It's a pocket dial.
396
00:16:34,601 --> 00:16:37,636
It's nothing.
397
00:16:45,783 --> 00:16:49,253
Hey, so it's a pocket dial.
398
00:16:49,254 --> 00:16:52,656
You have so many great
memories with your dad.
399
00:16:52,657 --> 00:16:54,758
Who cares about the last one?
400
00:16:54,759 --> 00:16:56,226
- She's right.
- Your dad was hilarious.
401
00:16:56,227 --> 00:16:58,061
You guys don't get it, okay?
402
00:16:58,062 --> 00:16:59,764
None of you do.
403
00:17:01,099 --> 00:17:03,400
My dad was my hero.
404
00:17:04,502 --> 00:17:06,103
And he was my teacher.
405
00:17:06,504 --> 00:17:08,772
And he was my best friend.
406
00:17:10,341 --> 00:17:14,144
He always came through for me.
407
00:17:14,145 --> 00:17:16,613
And now he's just gone.
408
00:17:17,815 --> 00:17:19,750
And what am I left with?
409
00:17:19,751 --> 00:17:23,120
(scratchy electronic sounds)
410
00:17:23,121 --> 00:17:26,089
Thanks a lot, God!
411
00:17:26,090 --> 00:17:27,090
Thank you!
412
00:17:27,091 --> 00:17:29,192
You took my father...
413
00:17:29,193 --> 00:17:32,996
the greatest man that
I have ever known...
414
00:17:32,997 --> 00:17:36,399
and you ripped him off
this Earth, way too young!
415
00:17:37,335 --> 00:17:40,103
And he'll never get to
meet our kids, Lily.
416
00:17:40,104 --> 00:17:41,772
(scratchy sounds continue)
417
00:17:41,773 --> 00:17:45,141
But we got this voice mail.
418
00:17:46,544 --> 00:17:48,478
Thank you so much
for the voice mail!
419
00:17:48,479 --> 00:17:49,680
It's a great comfort!
420
00:17:49,681 --> 00:17:50,881
'Cause whenever I'm starting
421
00:17:50,882 --> 00:17:54,368
to feel lonely or sad, or...
or you know what,
422
00:17:54,369 --> 00:17:55,786
or maybe a little bit cheated,
423
00:17:55,787 --> 00:17:57,120
at least I got
424
00:17:57,121 --> 00:17:59,122
the sound of his pocket
to console me.
425
00:17:59,123 --> 00:18:00,374
Marshall...
426
00:18:00,375 --> 00:18:01,692
How is this fair?
427
00:18:01,693 --> 00:18:05,746
You know, like,
an entire human life
428
00:18:05,747 --> 00:18:08,365
and it just ends for
no reason, and...
429
00:18:08,366 --> 00:18:11,969
and what are we left with?
430
00:18:11,970 --> 00:18:13,503
(scratchy sounds continue)
431
00:18:13,504 --> 00:18:15,439
Marshall?
432
00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:19,810
Oh, looks like I've been calling
you for almost five minutes.
433
00:18:19,811 --> 00:18:21,478
How's my pocket sound?
434
00:18:21,479 --> 00:18:23,647
(laughing)
435
00:18:23,648 --> 00:18:25,082
Oh, sorry about that, buddy.
436
00:18:25,083 --> 00:18:29,619
Um, anyway, your mom and I had
such a great time seeing you.
437
00:18:29,620 --> 00:18:31,821
I love you.
438
00:18:34,242 --> 00:18:37,661
Looks like your dad
came through one last time.
439
00:18:46,254 --> 00:18:48,872
"I love you".
440
00:18:48,873 --> 00:18:52,676
My father's last words
to me are "I love you".
441
00:18:52,677 --> 00:18:56,213
Ooh, and let me know
if you find my foot cream.
442
00:18:56,214 --> 00:18:58,982
That fungus thing
is acting up again.
443
00:19:01,786 --> 00:19:05,088
"I love you".
444
00:19:05,089 --> 00:19:07,724
My father's last words to me
are "I love you".
445
00:19:07,725 --> 00:19:09,092
- Yes.
- Yes, they were.
446
00:19:09,093 --> 00:19:12,495
- We heard it.
- Loud and clear.
447
00:19:14,298 --> 00:19:16,333
Bye, Pop.
448
00:19:17,935 --> 00:19:19,936
So Marshall finally
got up to speak.
449
00:19:19,937 --> 00:19:22,072
Funny thing, though...
450
00:19:22,073 --> 00:19:26,143
Then my father said the last
words that he'll ever say to me:
451
00:19:26,144 --> 00:19:30,280
"Rent Crocodile Dundee III.
452
00:19:30,281 --> 00:19:32,182
I caught it on the cable
last night
453
00:19:32,183 --> 00:19:33,650
and it totally holds up".
454
00:19:33,651 --> 00:19:35,752
He decided to keep Marvin's
real last words
455
00:19:35,753 --> 00:19:38,221
just for himself.
456
00:19:38,222 --> 00:19:40,140
Thanks.
457
00:19:40,141 --> 00:19:41,892
For what?
458
00:19:41,893 --> 00:19:45,011
I know what you've
been doing today.
459
00:19:45,012 --> 00:19:47,664
And I really needed it.
460
00:19:47,665 --> 00:19:49,632
Any time.
461
00:19:51,402 --> 00:19:55,638
That dress makes you look
like a Kansas City whore.
462
00:19:55,639 --> 00:19:59,776
Sorry, dear.
Last one.
463
00:20:02,413 --> 00:20:04,247
MARSHALL:
Oh, man.
464
00:20:04,248 --> 00:20:08,218
I should have rented
Crocodile Dundee III.
465
00:20:09,921 --> 00:20:12,655
Okay, seriously,
how are you doing that?
466
00:20:14,759 --> 00:20:16,626
Thanks.
467
00:20:17,095 --> 00:20:19,729
I'll be right back.
468
00:20:22,500 --> 00:20:24,468
And if I don't come back,
469
00:20:24,469 --> 00:20:27,971
well, then these are
my last words to you all.
470
00:20:29,941 --> 00:20:33,443
I really, really, really
love you guys.
471
00:20:35,313 --> 00:20:37,013
Now I'm going
to go drop a deuce.
472
00:20:37,014 --> 00:20:39,483
(all groaning)
473
00:20:39,484 --> 00:20:42,752
Last words... it's a lot
of pressure, kids.
474
00:20:42,753 --> 00:20:45,589
* And what do we know *
It gets you thinking.
475
00:20:45,590 --> 00:20:47,240
♪ About what we've earned ♪
476
00:20:47,241 --> 00:20:49,159
♪ Will all the love we've spent ♪
Hi, Dad.
477
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:52,462
♪ Return to us ♪
Hi, Dad.
478
00:20:52,463 --> 00:20:54,598
♪ Or will we sour one another ♪
Hi, Dad.
479
00:20:54,599 --> 00:20:58,502
♪ In a rush ♪
Hey, Mom.
480
00:20:58,503 --> 00:21:02,872
♪ To feel right. ♪
I'm ready to meet my dad.
481
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:05,432
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