Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

-[seagulls cawing] -[soft music]

[Kate] Sorry to call direct.

[Finn] Sure, what are old friends for?

Two hours she's been sitting there.

If I find whoever did this,

you'll be fishing them out of the sea.

So, you're missing four sheep?

Three ewes, one ram. I've photos, if that helps?

Photos? Of your sheep?

They're therapy animals. I'm a counsellor.

My daughter Hollie has autism. She's non-verbal.

You're a counsellor?

I thought you went into nursing after school.

After my divorce, that didn't work so well.

Hollie's really attached to Rambo.

She's mad about all the animals. Not so big on people.

-Know the feeling. -We were getting somewhere.

She'd started to say a few words,

but only when he's with her.

If you don't get him back alive, I...

We'll do our best.

[seagulls cawing]

It's a big problem. Livestock, tractors, quad bikes.

Farmers lose thousands.

[Leila] And what percentage chance is there

that these sheep aren't in the big barn in the sky?

Well, they're not quiet. You can't put them under the bed.

They're not tagged, which is good for the thieves.

Another farmer could put them out to graze,

you wouldn't even know they were stolen.

They all look the same?

Told you it wasn't one for CID.

Gets me out of bridesmaid duties.

And you get to spend some time with me! Whoa!

Sheep droppings.

I love it when you talk dirty. [chuckles]

I'm looking forward to later.

Yeah, should be a good wedding.

I meant us.

Finn.

Here y'are.

It probably isn't relevant,

but the young ones had a party at the beach last night.

Happens all the time, a band played.

-My kids were at it. -Kate, You seen these before?

White paint, could be from a vehicle. Looks fresh.

No.

I reckon they caught their wing mirror.

I'll get that bagged up.

So how are things with Niamh?

We had a chat at your mum's yesterday, great kid.

She still hates me.

Ah, she's 15. Be weird if she didn't.

What I put my parents through,

they turfed me out that many times, I kept a bag packed.

Out on the street?

No, as if!

Just went to my Auntie Anita's, two streets down.

If Niamh's like this now,

what would she do if she knew about us?

Knew what?

That we went for a couple of country walks,

kissed when no-one was looking?

Your wife was having the affair.

Don't you think you deserve some fun in this life?

[soft music]

[camera shutters]

Shay, carry on eating those custard creams

-and there'll be none left. -Aww, I've missed you, Gran!

Give kids free rein of the biscuit tin,

that's when the anarchy starts.

[Finn] It's just us. Stick the kettle on, Ma.

Ach, Finn. You'll have a wee sausage bap?

Ooh!

Oh, Dad can have mine. I'm vegan.

You're a what?

I don't eat the produce of pain and suffering.

Finn, did you know about this?

I thought the child looked malnourished

but I put that down to Siobhan's cooking.

Er, leave my mum out of it.

Well, good on you for having a conscience and beliefs.

Oh, yeah, go preach to the farmers. They're skint.

Speaking of which,

we're looking for some missing therapy sheep.

They were stolen last night,

up near that party you guys were at.

The support sheep?

They came to our school for a special assembly.

That's them. They belong to Kate McVeigh, Ma.

-Kate McVeigh? -Yeah.

The wee girl you took to the disco? Your first kiss.

Now she was a good girl.

She's hoping it's more of a prank. Maybe one of your mob?

Er, better things to do, thanks.

Er, have you, though? In Port Devine?

Okay, move to the big city

and you think you're Kylie Jenner.

All right, guys, no bickering today.

Nicole and Clint are getting married.

Will I make you a wee runny egg with soldiers?

I'm vegan, Gran. Vegan.

And I wouldn't be in Belfast

if mum hadn't been booted out of here.

Dunno why I'm doing this.

Mum was meant to be the bridesmaid, not me.

How bad do you reckon she feels right now? It's not fair.

And I hate the dress, it's disgusting.

You should've seen the first one Nicole picked.

We dodged a bullet there.

Hey, I've got those!

Had to queue at 5 a.m. in rainy Nottingham

the day they came out.

Ah. They are mine.

They... they were just in the hall.

Right you can do us a favour, then.

Ask your mates on there what they know about those sheep.

Never known anyone like you in the police. You're cool.

Oh, your dad's not that bad.

He misses you like mad, even if he's doing your head in.

I miss him too. I have to try not to think about it.

-I miss Shay. -[soft music]

And my mates.

And I miss my gran,

even though she's the reason we had to go.

I wanna go home.

Come here.

[soft music]

-[seagulls cawing] -[knocking on door]

If you're trying to catch me in my birthday suit,

you only had to ask nicely.

I have to get to Belfast. Now.

In my car?

No, astride your pink unicorn.

Well, it's just that with you saying

that I was a danger on the road

and you would never set foot in my motor again...

Needs must.

I have to tell that grubby harlot of a daughter-in-law

to let Niamh move back here.

When I've got me clothes on I'll give you a wee knock.

[soft music]

-[upbeat music] -[seagulls cawing]

I'd heard of therapy dogs. The sheep were new to me.

Here, wasn't Kate McVeigh the one you took to the disco?

Yeah, yeah. I barely remember.

Ow...

-How are those shoes? -Oh, pure torture.

I'm gonna be hobbling down the aisle with weeping blisters.

Okay, the guys from Tyrone are still banged up.

They were an organised crime gang

that we bust six months ago.

Other thefts have been more random, opportunist.

Christopher O'Donnell's still doing the rounds.

Sells dodgy meat from his ice cream van.

Which is white I presume?

He tried selling steak to The Commodore not so long ago.

They go to the bars and restaurants first.

Great. We'll check with Nicole, see if he's been in.

-On her wedding day? -Yeah, but this can't keep.

Those wee sheep could be about to get it.

Oh, and tell Nicole,

as soon as we are out of the church,

I'm whacking my slippers on me, I mean it.

[soft music]

-Whoo! -Well! Hair of the dog?

Did you have a big night with your brother and the band?

He's not long come in.

Sure you would know, you were there!

What's up?

Have you seen Chrissy O'Donnell recently?

Chrissy was selling steaks last week.

Clint sent him packing.

I learnt my lesson after the vodka fiasco. Why?

Long story. We'll let you get back to it.

[Finn] See yous later.

You weren't with Clint last night?

No, I stayed in to spend time with Niamh. So she went out.

Why didn't you put Nicole straight?

Clint looked well shifty, and so do you, now. Where was he?

He was on it all night,

with his brother and the lads from the band,

just a last minute drink or two.

If you think he was cheating...

-Cheating? -One last hurrah. It happens.

And you know how it feels to be on the end of that.

Look, Clint's friends and family are all a bit...

rough and ready.

Nicole probably just felt better that I was there

and that's what he told her.

It's no big drama.

[soft music]

That's Chrissy's ice cream van.

[knocking on door]

You must have felt like Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality.

-What? -Working undercover like that

to bring down the Nottingham bad boys.

It's kind of hot.

We've still got to keep that quiet, Cal.

You get that, don't you?

Yeah. Course I do. I'm not a total eejit.

[knocking on door]

-Chrissy! How you keeping? -Ugh.

[soft music]

And you think Siobhan's gonna let her daughter

move back here without her?

Why wouldn't she?

Give her more time for her career, and her gallivanting.

I won't say that of course.

I'll say I know she wants the best for Niamh.

Well, wouldn't that be Siobhan coming home too?

No child wants to choose between parents.

That's the worst idea you've ever had.

There's where you may have to temper your passion

a wee while.

Don't worry. I'll be courteous.

And you think you can remain calm?

After the last time you saw her? [laughs]

Keep your eyes on the road. Do you never learn?

"I hate your guts, I always have.

You're a lying, self centred slapper.

Your moral code's looser than your knicker elastic."

I would never say something that crude.

Except to your daughter-in-law,

across The Commodore on a busy Saturday night.

I'll admit, some harsh words were exchanged

in the heat of the moment.

But Siobhan gives as good as she gets.

Do you not recall that scathing assault

-on my roast potatoes? -[soft music]

I could murder an ice lolly. Is that against protocol?

If you're asking you already know.

I'd want to disinfect my tongue

if I licked anything in there.

No sign of sheep.

The steaks Chrissy's just been flogging are dodgy

but not in the way we thought.

He even showed me texts

from his lady friend in the butcher's.

She passes him anything past its sell by date.

Plus he has an alibi for last night.

And his wing mirrors are fine, too. No scratches.

Oh, here.

Mm...

I owe you 10 pounds, Chrissy.

[soft music]

So, we're no further on.

I'm not looking forward to telling Kate.

Oh, yeah. You and Kate!

We were kids.

That's why you didn't mention it.

Don't hate me cos I'm hot.

Listen, I've been thinking about tonight.

I've got the house to myself after the do.

We could spend the night together.

[soft music]

[knocking on door]

Young buck out there called Xavi,

woke up by the old boat sheds, don't ask,

but he said he heard sheep.

-Is he high? -Oh, aye, for sure.

But he mentioned your Niamh.

He did what?

Your girl Niamh put a shout out online

about some missing sheep.

How do you know my Niamh? She's 15.

I don't. She tagged my band.

To help us out, I asked her to post it on social media,

cos she was there with her mates.

My band, Libation Nation, played.

-Libation Nation? -Mm.

Tell us more.

Oh, we're, pop punk, bit of hip-hop.

-More about last night. -Oh, gotcha. Erm.

So, we played, went down to the beach after,

got out of our skulls and at some point on the way home,

I swear I heard this bleating

coming from one of the boat sheds, like, er...

Baa...

BAAAAA!

Baa-aaa!

Aye.

-The big shed? -Yeah, sounds about right.

Okay, Callum, see who owns it.

How did you get all the gear for a gig down there,

in a car or a van?

It was on foot. The set was acoustic.

That big boat shed, it belongs to Nicole.

Been in the family since way back.

[Barry] Welcome to Belfast!

Now, try and remember, Siobhan didn't wanna leave town.

-What does that mean now? -Well, just tread softly.

Everyone knows you're not her number one fan.

She more than anyone.

Well, you would take the side of the fornicator.

I'm taking no-one's side. I'm just trying to help.

Well, don't you stress your wee head.

I'm going to be as nice as pie.

[soft music]

Bad time for the best man to show his face?

Not at all.

My cousin Tammy's up to her eyes in spuds and mint sauce.

She's doing food for the reception.

Nicole's having things waxed, I'm just chilling.

Er, Tam, this is Leila, one of the bridesmaids,

and Finn, best mate and best man.

-How about ye? -All right!

We need to get the key to your boat shed.

Somebody heard noises in there.

Noises?

Yeah, it's probably nothing, mate,

but we're still looking for this stolen livestock.

Some rustlers hit one of Finn's old pals.

Aye, it happens.

Yeah, only these eejits took support sheep.

Well, what are those when they're at home?

They bring them round to hospitals,

care homes for kids with additional needs.

The owner's wee girl is autistic.

So, she really relies heavily on one of the sheep.

No! That's terrible.

-Isn't it, coz? -Mm.

Right, you, don't do a thing until I get back.

-Do you hear me? -Yep.

I've just got to go pick something up.

I thought all sheep looked the same.

That's what I said, but in this case, it's the only male.

-Right. -So, the key?

Yeah. Let me just phone Nicole,

-see where she put it, yeah? -Sure.

[soft music]

[Concepta] Don't come here preaching about family.

You're the reason I had to leave my son.

You and your forked tongue, trashing my reputation.

You did a better job of that yourself,

going at it with the lad's teacher.

[Siobhan] I said get out!

Your book's upside down.

So...

So nothing.

Am I to head home?

-Home it is, then. -[car engine revs]

I'll try Nicole myself,

just in case she didn't get your message.

No, don't. It's her big day.

She's getting pampered and relaxed and she deserves it.

Anybody want a beer?

-[phone chimes] -Hold on.

Ah, that's her now.

Ah, you're not gonna believe this. We've lost the key.

-Right. See you later, mate. -Yeah.

[soft music]

They're dead then.

They haven't slaughtered them in here, there's no blood.

Could have moved them on.

They were here this morning, though,

by the looks of things.

So how would they have known to move them on so quick?

-Coincidence? -OK. I've got a question.

What's Tammy serving at the wedding? Do you know?

"Up to her eyes in spuds and mint sauce" he said.

Nah. Not even Clint's that stupid.

Oh, come on.

On the biggest day of his life?

We still don't know where he was last night.

And he's got a white van.

-[soft music] -[seagulls cawing]

Clint's cousin, Tammy, surname's. Cormac, check her out.

C-O-R-M-A-C.

I've got something.

Husband and brother are inside for smuggling.

She has charges for money laundering,

perverting the course of justice and ABH,

in a school playground.

Nice.

Why ask Tammy to do his catering?

Nicole could have paid for anyone.

If Nicole paid for everything,

you'd all be ripping the back out of him.

There's a white van parked in Kate McVeigh's field now.

[dramatic music]

-Hey! -I'm putting it back.

-Where's the other three? -This is the best I could do.

At least I got the boy one.

Did you and Tammy butcher the other three?

No, mate!

Look at his wee face! I ain't no murderer.

Argh! That... that really hurt!

Hollie. Hollie?

That's Rita, not Rambo. What have you done with the others?

Tammy took the rest of them home.

This is the one she gave me.

Uniform.

Suspect heading to County Armagh with three of the sheep.

They're still alive. Over.

I can't believe I'm gonna have to say this...

Ah, mate, you can't tell Nicole.

You're gonna have to come down to the station

and answer a few questions.

[upbeat music]

I did it all for Nicole.

Rob sheep off a kid?

Yes, I robbed them. But I had no choice.

Why?

Look, I'm... I'm being blackmailed.

Tammy's blackmailing Clint.

He won't tell me any more, but apparently you'll understand.

So, you do?

-Look, me and him are... -Let me guess.

You're like Port Devine's version of The Fox and The Hound.

Well, kind of.

You go back years. He's from a rough family.

He went to sleep in a drawer and wore rags to school. Yeah?

Him and a million others who aren't robbing sheep off a kid.

My ma brought him up like a brother to me.

He never went home.

I saw Clint every day until we left school

and he started gigging.

So, whatever this big secret is,

if Tammy carries out the threat...

That is not an option.

We've got to make sure that does not happen.

Is this something Nicole should know about?

She's about to become legally bound

to that lying maggot mate of yours.

Leila.

I really trust you, okay?

And I hope you really trust me.

Do you?

Yeah. I do.

Okay. Then we both know what we need to know.

[Callum] Duty India from Papa Delta 8-1.

So, you're asking me to lie! And me, a man of the cloth.

Indeed I am not.

I'd just prefer that you would refrain

from telling my son what we did.

What we did?

I'm sorry I wasted your time. I'll pay for the petrol.

Ah, catch yourself on.

Any time you take a wee notion

and you want to go on one of your missions

up to see your daughter-in-law,

you just give me a wee knock, day or night.

Whether I'm in my pyjamas or in my Canonicals...

You think this is funny?

Me trying to do the best for my family?

No, I do not.

-Pull over. -What?

I want to get out, right now.

Have you lost your marbles, woman?

[seagulls cawing]

Concepta.

Look, I'm sorry.

-Me and my big mouth. -I wasn't even listening.

There's nothing new there, then.

Oh, come on.

This is no time for tears, you'll ruin your mascara.

I've ruined everything.

Finn saw my marriage fall apart.

I... I failed him then and now.

You make a vow when you stand at that altar

to God and the one you love.

Why make a promise you won't keep?

Our wee family, that was all I wanted.

This is not really about Siobhan, is it?

You've been holding it in for far too long.

-[Concepta sobbing] -[soft music]

You do know this is my wedding day?

Milk, three sugars.

You want the good news or the bad news?

Just get it over with.

The good news is Callum just found Rambo and his mates,

still bleating in the back of your cousin's vehicle.

That's great! The kid'll be happy, right?

The bad news is, obviously, we've got to bring in Tammy.

[sighs] Right.

You think she'll follow through

-with this blackmail threat? -If I don't pay her off?

Mate, you can't give her money,

she'll just come back for more.

I wouldn't want to take my chances.

What about telling Nicole the truth?

Are you serious? Just cancel the wedding now, right?

Book me a hearse instead.

Man, there's got to be some way of appealing to Tammy.

You know what my family's like. Don't even go there, Finn.

[soft music]

The tow truck's bringing her motor back,

and I got a livestock carrier

so the sheep'll be home any time now.

Good man.

Let's just hope wee Hollie is not so traumatised by this

it has a lasting effect.

Poor kid has enough to deal with.

Yeah, join the club.

I'm gonna get straight to it.

Clint has got all the chat history.

We caught you in possession.

Best you just tell us the truth.

This is what a desperate woman does

when she tries to feed her kids.

My John James has ADHD.

The... the trouble I had just, just to get him a diagnosis.

About the sheep, Tammy.

I never wanted to hurt that wee girl.

That's why Clint took the special one back.

He got the wrong sheep.

They all look... They all look white and woolly.

You're blackmailing Clint.

They've got cash coming out of their ears.

Clint's own ma tells me.

I'm her carer now, since my own ma passed.

I look after her, while he's down here just living the life.

You look after Clint's mum, for payment?

-No, she's family. -So's Clint.

Auntie Mo moved down with us whenever he went off touring.

The boys show their faces when they can, but...

Auntie Mo has Alzheimer's.

It's hard work.

Could you grab Tammy a cup of tea

and the box of tissues from my desk?

Yeah.

I wouldn't have done it, you know?

I'm desperate but I'm not evil.

Why, then?

I owe money to a guy back home,

who I wouldn't want to disappoint.

Or name.

[Tammy sighs]

So, what now?

[soft music]

[phone chimes]

Nicole's wondering where you are.

You should be getting your hair done.

[scoffs] Are you trying to get shot of me

so you can make this go away?

Is that Kate still hot for you, boss?

Could she be tempted to drop the charges?

Getting your mate off the hook all the time

isn't helping him, and it definitely isn't helping Nicole.

Nicole loves the guy.

She wouldn't thank you for the truth today.

-Anything for an easy life. -Well, we have to live here.

Yeah, long after you've gone back to Nottingham.

So, you're sending me back now?

No, I thought you.

We thought that you would be going back

once the trial was over.

-Once it was safe. -That was the plan.

But I don't know if I want to go back now.

It turns out Port Devine's got its perks.

Well, you're, you're looking at one of them, right?

No, seriously, you're one of the best things

to ever happen to this boring place.

[phone ringing]

Marlene. What do you want me to say?

Give it here.

Hold the curling tongs, all right? I'll be there.

We've just got to see a woman about some sheep.

[soft music]

[sheep bleats]

[Kate] A joke?

Have they any idea of the heartache this caused?

I've told them

and they're thoroughly ashamed of themselves.

I also said that a wee donation to your charity

wouldn't go amiss.

Bad enough when I thought it was teenagers,

but a grown man on a stag do?

Nicole must want her head tested.

Hollie, don't kiss him!

Look, I could swing for him,

but I don't wanna ruin anyone's wedding.

I won't press charges.

-You sure about that? -This time.

Hollie. You don't know where he's been!

Come on. Why don't you get everything ready for their bath?

Good work.

Don't worry. I'll make sure Clint plays somehow.

-[soft music] -[seagulls cawing]

-No more threats. -On my life.

I heard it was Clint's ma who let his big secret slip?

Aye. She's not too good at the minute.

She could blab to anyone, bless her.

Did you know Tammy here was caring for your ma?

I haven't been over to see my ma so much lately.

I didn't know how bad things had got.

No.

Thank you. For doing what you're doing.

Maybe think about paying her?

No! She's me Auntie Mo!

You don't do that, right? Family first.

Hmm, be cheaper than blackmail.

[Clint] You can keep the money for the wedding food.

[Callum] There you go, Clint.

Right.

-I've got a wedding to go to. -[soft music]

Okay, don't sweat. I saved yous a good seat.

-Oh! -Anyone notice I'm late?

Wouldn't worry, the groom hasn't turned up either.

-Where's Finn and Clint? -Oh, they're not here?

Nicole's here.

[horn honking]

Well, this is it. How are you feeling?

Terrified.

Well, don't be.

I'll be holding you up all the way down that aisle.

Here we go!

Thanks.

Oh. Leila, Clint's not here!

Wait! How about we get some pics before we go in?

Over there. Niamh, get your phone out.

What's with you all of a sudden?

-I'm excited! Aren't you? -Yeah...

I have a prize-winning photographer to do this afterwards.

Yeah, but can he give you a funny dog tongue and ears?

Wait. Clint is here, isn't he?

On my life.

What are you doing?

I can't see Nicole in her wedding dress. It's bad luck.

It's worse luck if she sees you.

How will I ever repay you, buddy?

Well, you could try not getting arrested for a while

so I get a day off, come on.

Okay, let's go. Hurry!

[soft music]

[crowd cheering]

What a service. You did us all proud.

Now Clint's just got to explain

that there's no wedding meal to all these people.

And the bride.

[crowd cheering]

-[soft music] -[seagulls cawing]

[crowd chattering]

[glasses clink]

I'm glad we came here, to our place. It's perfect.

Yeah, about that. There's something that's not so perfect.

Babe, nothing can ruin today for me.

I may not have had my daddy on my arm,

or my beautiful mummy to watch me walk down the aisle...

but I had you at the end of it.

The only person I need in the entire world.

Have I told you how hot you look?

[Nicole laughs]

You were gonna tell me some bad news, remember?

There's no food.

Tammy's gone home.

No spit roast?

It's a long story.

The punch line's always the same. I messed up.

[sighs] Oh, well!

I love you. There's always the chippie.

[soft music]

[Bartender] Cheers.

Hey. What time do you think we can sneak away?

-Best news ever. -What?

We're having takeaway instead of a scabby roast.

-Yes! I'm taking orders. -Takeaway?

For shame. Put me down for a small cod and chips.

All right.

Is it true you saved them sheep today, Dad?

-That's why you were late? -Kind of.

-I'm proud of you. -Ah, thanks love.

Ten years keeping the mean streets of Port Devine safe

and that's what's impressed you?

Amazing.

Put me down for a sausage supper.

[crowd chattering]

I am so glad you got to be bridesmaid!

Yeah, me too.

So, you're sticking around in Port Devine?

Can't tear herself away from us.

Still avoiding that ex of hers.

Here, what's with all the questions, anyway, guys?

It's called conversation.

No, we were just talking about, Leila's ex, Ahmed.

-He didn't stay very long. -Mm, story of my life.

I can give you his number, Baz, if you're missing him?

[upbeat music]

If I ever try to walk down the aisle, do me a favour.

-Cut my feet off. -Who'd marry you?

Gran asked if I was struggling with my sexuality.

-Why? -Cos I ordered a bean burger.

Fair do's.

-Baz. -Boys.

Listen, now that this blackmail threat's over,

are you gonna tell Nicole you're a daddy?

No. I can't.

It's not just about me, is it?

Other people's lives are at risk here.

I don't know how you do it, mate.

Getting yourself in a mess like this?

Think I'll swerve all this commitment stuff, you know?

The fake promises, the fuss.

Mum's promises to Dad weren't fake.

It's just, people change.

They get bored and bang their son's PE teacher.

Can you not? I've had enough of this from Gran.

Hey, Leila.

Want to grab a wee drink and we can, er,

hit the dance floor?

-I'm seeing someone. -What?

Here?

In Port Devine?

I really like you, Cal, as a mate.

[dramatic music]

[footsteps pattering]

[upbeat music]

Niamh.

Look what you've done, you melter!

Hello, Finn.

Leila, this is Siobhan.

My wife.

Oh, Concepta! Long time, no see.

Thought you weren't coming!

You've your gran to thank, actually.

Sorry, am I missing out on something here?

Your mother was kind enough to tell me how much Niamh

needed to move back to Port Devine.

For once, I think she's right.

So, we're coming home, for good...

I'm getting this family back together.

Ooh, look at you!

I didn't think you were going to come!

You look gorgeous!

-Oh, you're stunning. -Thanks! Isn't it nice?

[upbeat music]