All language subtitles for Home Movies - 4x13

♪♪

Give me the film.
We make exchange now.

Give me the diamonds,
then I give you the film,
then we make the exchange.

- That is the exchange.
- Brendon!

Melissa, what the hell
are you doing?
Get in the game.

You were supposed
to come alone. You
brought soccer coach?

He followed me.
It isn't safe here.

Let's go. I hope
a paper boy doesn't come.

Extra, extra, read all about it.

Secret spy exchange going on
during kids' soccer game.

Hey, boy, I'll take one.
Here you go, ma'am.

Enjoy reading about
your own death.

What?
What?

I gotta go.

- You'll never catch me.
- The diamonds are in the ball!

Brendon, what did I tell
you about making movies
during soccer games?

You said, "No making a movie
during an away game."
I did?

What the heck was
that supposed to be?

What kind of comment
are we supposed to give?

I don't know.
It was weird.

Okay, focus group.
Ready? Passing out
the comment cards.

Now, I want everyone
to be as honest as you
can possibly be. Okay?

Hah. You serious?
Oh, yeah.

Okay.

You don't think it's too big?

For the last time,
it's not that big.
I got the good one.

Yeah, but we're not
a big family, John.

You told me, "Go to the store,
get a grill." I went to the
store, got a grill.

I know. It's just
it's so big.
I know.

Paula, listen to me.
A grill is something you
buy once in a lifetime.

Maybe twice or three times.
Till it breaks.
Oh.

You gotta get a good one
and a big one.

I don't know.
Look, when this comes
together, Paula,

you'll be grilling everything.
Chickens, steaks, anything.
Things you find in the yard.

Honestly, it was
a little more than
I wanted to spend.

Paula, look at me. Do I know
grills? Do I? I do.
Okay.

I went to the store.
I got the right grill
for you.

This is perfect.
Look at the picture.

It looks nice in the picture.

They have a grill.
It's this grill.

Now you have it.
All right?
I guess.

It's called America.
Okay.

Look how happy that family is.
Except the kid.

Is he crying?
It's just so big, you know?

Paula.
Yeah?

It is big. But we are
gonna have the biggest grill
in the neighborhood.

Believe me, a lot of people...
You haven't had a grill before.

I just wanted to cook
a couple burgers, you know?

No, no. It's way beyond
that, Paula.

How do you open this box?

I think you just tear there
on the perforated line.

Oh, it says "Open here."

Hey, Brendon?
Is Coach McGuirk
gonna be your dad?

I don't think so.

Why is he helping
your mom make a grill?

'Cause she wanted...
It's kind of a dad thing.

Yeah.
Get the grill all set up?

Yeah, I don't know.
They kinda do
look good together.

They're a good height
for each other.

They're both, like, dumpy.

They both have the biggest
collection of sweatpants
than any other human I know.

That's never
a good look.
Yeah.

Maybe your mom needs to put
in a little extra effort.

Yeah.
Then she can
attract a guy.

I don't know what
to say about that.

She's never gonna get
a man looking like that.

Yeah.
She should wear
a little makeup.

Yeah?
Melissa, you got
a little makeup on.

I do. Yeah. I was waiting
for you guys to notice.

You're wearing a touch
of makeup.

Just a little bit.
Little experiment.

Did you have help?

I did it myself.
I just sat in front
of the mirror...

You had a mirror?

Yeah.
Wow.

Looking good.
Yeah, excellent.

Thank you.
Not bad.

Can I ask is there
any left?
Yeah.

In the world?

The reason he said it is
because it looks very good.

Thank you.
Right, because
there's a lot...

Guys, stop. I'm blushing.

Wow. We'd hardly
be able to know.
Yeah.

Maybe we should go down,
check on those comment cards.

Yeah.
You think they're about
finished with those?

Probably.

Looks horrible, right?
Yeah.

I'll tell you right now,
that movie sucks.

I didn't get it.
Didn't make any sense.

Nope. It stunk.
Guys, did you write it
on the comment card?

No, we drew pictures.

Here's my card, Brendon.
Okay.

Read it.
I'm supposed to read
them later.

No, read it now.
It says, "Boo."

There wasn't enough
room on the card

to tell you everything
I thought was wrong.

So I just summed it up.
Um, okay. Well, thank you.

I can go through it
right now for you.
That's...

I know it'll be a help.
One of the things I thought...

Well, let's start
with character.
Okay.

Wrong. Just got it wrong.
I just got it wrong?

Yes. The character's
an empty vessel.
Right.

And even the vessel part's
not working for me.

I mean, I never understand
the character's motivations.

You start scenes too early
and you get out way too late.

Well, you...
There's no composition.

The composition of the frame's
like telling the story.

But you didn't write
that down, though,
on the comment...

No, I wrote,
"Boo," because...
Well, I'm...

I would give you a comment
if I thought something
could salvage it.

Well, um, I had actually...

I'm gonna go home
and type something up.

All right, well...
Do you have a fax?

My mom has a fax.

No, I don't think we have a fax.

Oh. I know
what I can do!

I can go home
and shoot my own movie

about how bad your movie was.

I'll see you later.

Fenton has bad breath.

I heard that!
Shh!

Write it down on a comment card.

I did.
Oh, okay.

"Perry has nice hair
and Fenton has bad breath."

Will you two do me a favor
and shut up for one minute?

Brendon, is that how
you thought it would go?

No, Melissa.

Didn't go so well, did it?

I was hoping it'd
go a little better.

Actually, I was hoping
that the movie would
be received well

and we wouldn't have
to change anything.

Maybe we shouldn't
have made the spy movie
during a soccer game.

Guys, guys, guys!

Maybe our lead starlet
should get a better accent

that's not fake German-Russian.

Maybe our writer...

Stop!

God, can't you see that
you're tearing us apart?

My God, we can't sit around
and argue like this.

It gains nothing.

Brendon, give me a boost.

Ow, ow, ow!

What are you doing?
Going up.

Remember this?

Wow.
Wow, it's our first one.

Our first movie.

Numero uno.

Remember what it represents.

What it represented. Our
journey was just beginning.

We weren't jaded.

We weren't stars.

We were struggling,
but we were happy.

We had passion!

We did it because
we loved making films
and we loved the process.

We loved...

It's okay, Jason.

No, it's not okay, idiot.

- Hey!
- Why don't you put more makeup on?

I just reapplied.

And look at you, Brendon.

Huh?
Look at you.
What's wrong with you?

Jason, come down off the... No!

I'm not coming down
until we settle this.

It's settled. Let's
watch the movie.

Oh, is it
settled?
Yeah.

Yeah.
All right,
I'll come down.

You think we lost 'em, man?

I don't know, man.

I think we lost 'em.

Mama, I don't think
we lost 'em, man.

Let's get on our bikes
and ride, Mama.

We stand here
at a crossroads.
Which way do we turn?

It don't matter.
We just gotta ride, sister.

No, we stay and fight, man.

No, man.

We stay and fight, man!
No, no, no, man.

♪♪

Wow.
Yeah.

Whoa, that's an old movie.

I can't believe it.
We never finished it.

What?
We never finished
the movie.

How come we didn't finish it?

I, for one, see that
as a finished movie.

No, Brendon, there's
no ending to it.

We couldn't agree
on an ending, remember?

- Oh, right.
- That's right.

Remember, I wanted
the throw-up monster
to come...

The big monster, he throws up

and everybody who gets
in the way of the throw-up...

That was how you wanted
to end all our movies.

You went through a real
throw-up monster phase.

Guys, I have
a great idea.
Are you ready?

Let's finish the movie.

Let's do it.
Let's finish
our first movie.

Not that one.
Yeah, that one.

It'll be fun.
Come on.

Maybe what we can do is this.

We can come up with our
own endings, shoot 'em,

have the focus group
decide which one's best.

I know I have
my ending R.T.G.
Throw-up monster.

So I'm in on that.
I'm in.

Hey, Coach.
How's it going?

Good. I'm on
my third beer.
Good.

That's when it all starts
to get a little clearer.

Sure has taken you
a long time to put
this thing together.

You can't rush a grill, Brendon.

I believe you might be able to.

It takes time.
Look at all these pieces.

They all go someplace
and I don't know
where they go.

So, what are you dressed
like a geek for?

I'm not a geek, I'm a biker.

You're a biker?
Yeah.

Why do you want to be a biker?

No, it's for a movie.

Right. It's never
real with you.

Well, I like to...

It'd be nice if you
wanted to be a biker.

Instead of pretending
I was something I'm not?

You can't live in
a fantasy world
your whole life.

So far I've been doing
an okay job at it.

Pass me that beer
and that wrench.

Beer and a wrench.
Don't mix 'em up.

So you're doing another movie?

Yeah, I'm doing another
movie, but...

I don't know. I'm supposed
to be writing an ending,

but I'm having a lot
of trouble just ending it.

Well, end it with a grill.
Put the grill in it.

Put a grill in it?

Have everybody grilling
in the end and then film it.

Think that's a good way to...

I don't think there's
ever been a great
grill scene in a movie.

No, there hasn't really...
Name one.

I'll have this
baby up and working
in an hour.

Yeah?

Thank you and welcome
to a very special showing
of our new film.

My name is Jason Penopopolis

and I am one of
the co-producers.

We're going to show you
three different endings,

and you, focus group,

gets to decide which one
we use in the final movie.

Isn't that exciting?

Yay!

Okay. So let's
roll the film.

We stay and fight, man.

No, man.

We stay and fight, man.
No, no, no, man.

Wait, I have a magic wand.

Surprise!

I'm really Princess Pretty
and I'm gonna save us all.

I'll turn you two
into handsome princes

who are also excellent fighters.

We are now fearless
warriors, in tights

that are too tight.

Fearless and handsome,
we will fight and win.

Quiet! I think I hear
my mother's voice

calling me through the wind.

She has returned to my
father and is calling me.

"Princess Pretty!"

I will fly away to be
with my mother and father,

and I will return
for you two later.

I need to fly back
to my family now.

I can't get her up.
I want to fly.

I want to fly!

I'm flying, I'm fly...

It's official.
I have the creeps.

It doesn't work. There's no
justification for her actions.

It's false.

She's magical, Fenton.
It's false!

Any other questions for
the auteur of that ending?

Yes?
Who does
your makeup?

I do.

You should have
someone else do it.

Or you should have someone else
be in the movie besides you.

High five, Perry.
Whoop!

Okay, okay, okay.
Here's your next ending.

It's by yours truly, me.

Enjoy.

We stay and fight, man.

No, man.

We stay and fight, man.
No, no, no, man.

Oh, no! Oh, my God!

It's the throw-up monster!

Don't throw up on us!

Oh, what a mess!

Who's gonna clean this up?

Ow!

Everything looks like acid!

♪♪

So, wasn't that pretty great?

With a nice twist in the end.

Any comments or
questions for me?

That was not so great, but...

that's better than
the princess bull.

Hey!

That's not a twist!
It's just stupid.

Save it for the
comment card, Fenton.

Well, I'm sorry.
That was not good.

Fenton, I appreciate
that you have opinions,

but if you can keep them
to yourself, that'd be great.

Well, what's the point
of having a screening

if we keep our opinions
to ourselves?

You just don't want to hear
criticism that it was bad.

I have an idea.

What if, in the end,

me and Perry walk up...
That's good.

In front of the camera
and dance?

Yeah, I like that.
Like this.

Like, "Ooh, ooh, ooh."

Brendon, where's your ending?

I thought you had an ending.

The screening has
been postponed.

Why?

Because... I want to see it now.

It's not prepared yet.

The other endings
are fresh in my mind.
I want it now.

I'm having a difficult
time wrapping it up.

What do you mean?

It's very difficult
to come up with an ending.

What do you mean?
It's at the end!

It's at the end, but it's
hard to come up with...

Why are you stammering so much?

Because you're standing
very close to me.

I'm trying to find out
where the ending is.

You're talking very loud to me.

Now you're
breathing...
I want to see it!

Stop it!
I want to see it!

♪♪

So, um, there's the first pass.

John, can I...

I know it looks a little
bit like a lump of metal,

Uh-huh.
but it's gonna be
a grill eventually.

I'm gonna get it into shape.

Believe me, my expectations
are low at this point.

Oh, that's helpful.
Listen, I need...

I lost some parts, 'cause
I got mad and I threw stuff.

Okay, we'll deal
with that later.

Let me ask you something, John.

Sure.
Did you send Brendon
to buy beer for you?

No! No! Why would I...
Are you kidding me?

I'm 38 years old.
Uh-huh.

I wouldn't send a kid to... No!

Hey, Coach.
Here's your I.D.

Brendon, you took my I.D.?

Here's your fake mustache back.

This is definitely
something between you
and your son, Paula,

so work it out.

Where's my money?
Here you go.

Thanks. Paula, deal
with him. Punish, punish.

Jason, come here.

Mom, I need to talk to you
about Melissa and her face.

Hey, Brendon.
Hey, Brendon.

Hey, guys.
How's it going?

How did the endings test?
How did the beginning test?

Not a lot of comments
on the ending.

I've tallied up everything
and there was 24 "hated it,"

and so far,
zero "liked it."

Yeah, it's kind of
varying degrees of
how much they hated it.

So, the word "hate" came up,
the actual word "hate"?

Yeah, pretty much on every card.

There was one, two, three,
four... seven death threats.

Seven death...

They're stuff like,
"I'll kill you."

Hey, kids.

Hi, Mrs. Small.
Hi, Melissa.

Wow, look at you.
You're all made up.

Yeah.

Yeah. It looks, um...
Looking all made up.

Yeah.

Hey, you want to come
upstairs for a minute,

have a little girl talk?

Sure. Can we go right now?

Sure.
I'll meet you up there.

Here's the thing about the way
you've got the makeup on now.

You look like a lunatic.

But pretty, right?

Oh no, you're
beautiful, Melissa.

You're a very
pretty girl, Melissa.

Thank you.

With beautiful features.
I love girl talk.

Yeah, that's why we
want to bring them out,
not cover them up.

Okay.

How many containers of blush
did you actually use, Melissa?

Two.

Okay, that's an easy mistake,

but you know you're trying
to accentuate your features.

Do you know what that means?

I see where you're going,
but I need an example.

Okay, um...

How would you do
my lips differently?

It's probably that you don't
want the lipstick to be thick.

But I like when
I drink something

and the lipstick's
all over the cup.

Well, maybe just a tad less.

Less is more.

Okay. These are
all good tips.

Now, I don't mean
to mother you...

No, please.
By all means.

It's not my place to say this,

but you're a little young
to be wearing makeup.

You think so?

I didn't start
until I was, uh...

I don't think I've ever
seen you wear makeup.

Good point. I'm actually
not sure I've ever worn any.

I've always thought
that makeup's for
special occasions,

like if you're on a date,
or you're at a funeral.

You never really
date though, do you?

Melissa, I date.

Hardly.

Maybe not very often,
but what's so horrible
about not dating?

It's not so bad.

Don't you want to date?

Let's not talk about
my dating anymore,

'cause I'm getting
a little sensitive.

But it's girl talk.
We're talking about
makeup and dating.

It's fun.
Sort of.

Coach, can I talk
to you for a second?

Sure.

What is going on with
you and this grill?

We love each other.

Besides that.
What more do you want?

I just want to know.
You're not finishing
this thing.

It's taking
an abnormal
amount of time.

Typically does not take
over a week to build a grill.

That's what I'm saying.

I've made occasional mistakes.

I've seen you
backtrack
a few times.

Sometimes you have to
start over when things
go really wrong.

I've done that a few times.

It's really easy
to put one of these
things together.

It's a lot easier than
you're allowing it to be.

And it's not really your
grill. Think about that.

Wow, Brendon. You know
how to hurt a guy.

I'm not trying to hurt your
feelings, I'm just saying...

It is partly my grill.
I'm putting it together.
I went and bought it.

My mom paid for it,
so I mean, like...

What I'm saying is I think
you're setting yourself up

for some kind of
disappointment here.

Number one, you can't put
a money value on everything.

All right?
Okay.

It's not just who paid for it.

It's who put the care
and the time and the effort

into trying to build it.

You are so drunk.

Yeah, I am.

Brendon, get over here
and give us a hug.

Come on.

Okay.

We love each other, me and you

and the grill,
and we're gonna grill!

Coach, are you moving
into the back yard?

Can I ask?
Because of the tent?

Yes, exactly.

I didn't want to
bring up the tent.

I stayed last night. I was
working late on the grill.

All right.
The generator keep you up?

Yeah, the generator
did keep me up.

I had to put light on the...

Believe me, it's
gonna get done today.

All right.

We'll be grilling by...
What time is it?

We'll be grilling by six.

I can guarantee that.

Are you keeping the tent here?

I'll probably stay over tonight.

I mean, if we grill at six,
I might as well stay.

We stay and fight, man.

No, man.

We stay and fight, man.
No, no, no, man.

I'm sick of finding
myself on the road.

It's been taking too long.
These hotels are expensive.

I'm sick of looking
at the map and the road
at the same time.

I'll get killed
if I keep doing that.

I don't want to
find myself either.

It's more interesting not
knowing where I might be.

Maybe we should build
a house together

out of our bikes and random
trash and live in it forever,

- together.
- Yes.

Not a great house,
but our house.

Not really a house,
but a pile of trash.

Assembled out of random
parts that were not intended
to be put together.

But a strong foundation
nonetheless, my friends.

Yes, though our windows
are spoked and filthy,

and the door laden
with bicycle grease,

its foundation be solid.

Solid like our souls.

♪♪ Stand strong, my friends,

for together we may
weather fierce things
and torrid horrors.

Yea, Lord, we fear
not your wrath.

Be us flawed and
possibly overcompensating
for other things.

Oh, perhaps too fat, Hey!

Or terribly makeuped, Hey!

Or asthmatic
and ratlike. Hey.

Regardless, we are
strong together.

We are strong together!
We are strong together!

We are strong together!

Real bad, Brendon,
I give that a.

I give that too a.

Horrible! Smelly!

We get the point.

No, I don't think you do.

Horrible, horrible!

What do you guys
know about anything?

Don't get mad at us, Brendon.
We're your audience.

Yeah, you need us.
Yeah.

Listen, the focus group was,

and has always been,
a stupid idea!

Well, fine. Let's get
out of here, focus groupers.

We're clearly not wanted

by these bad filmmakers.

Let's start another group.

Let's start
a holding-hands group.

Okay, that's a group
I could get behind.

Everybody hold hands!
Let's go.

Do not touch my hand!

We're not
going to fit through
the door like this.

Don't touch me!

This guy needs to loosen up.

You know what I think,
Walter and Perry?

Yeah?
Makeover.

I hear that!

Don't touch my hair!

I have been looking
at you this entire
focus group, Fenton.

I want to give you
a facial scrub so bad.

Your hair needs some serious...

Yeah, I want to pluck
your eyebrows so bad.

You guys are... You're
talking about... No one's...

Clean up your own back yards!

What? "Clean up
our own back yards?"

Get out of here!

♪♪

This is gonna sound weird,
guys. I don't, honestly...

I don't think our movies
should be watched.

- They shouldn't?
- No.

Then why are we making them?

I have no idea why we make them.

All I know is this.

We keep coming here after
school every single day,

and we just keep doing it.

I don't know, we just...
And then we just do it.

It feels like we
should be doing it.

Huh. Weird.

Weird. We are...
God, we're weird.

What's wrong with us?

I don't know!
We're weirdos.

Guys, upstairs!
Grill's ready!

Yay!

Well, here goes nothing.

Family Grill D-9000,
preparing for takeoff.

And here we go.

Everybody, give it a minute.

It's coming. Come on.

Maybe give it a little more gas.

Now, turn all the way.

That should do it.

Wow, that's a powerful
stream of gas.

Everybody, you still there?

Give it another second.
It's warming up.

Something smells
wrong around here.

It's fine, Brendon!
All right.

Get ready to...

♪♪

Oh!

Oh, no.

So what does
everybody want to eat?

Pizza? Someplace
with a salad bar.

We like Chinese.
Italian is definitely fine.

All right, shut up.
Sorry I asked.

How do you guys
feel about tapas?

I can go for tapas.
I like some with seafood.

Closed-Captioned By
J.R. Media Service, Inc.
Burbank, CA

♪♪