Original subtitles

♪♪

You put our movies on display.

Yeah, we got lots of movies.

We made 'em ourselves. Lots of 'em, right.

You put them on display, someone looks at it...

"This is made by little kids.

I bet it's good."

They might say, "How good could it be if it's made by kids?"

Jason, no.

They'll want to see it out of curiosity.

I'm telling you, I know the business,

and it don't work that way. Why?

You see these films on the shelves here,

Spielberg doesn't come in here and say,

"You guys want to carry Catch Me If You Can?

How many do you want? I have my backpack full."

Let's change the rules. We'll just hand you these videos,

you put 'em on the shelf.

I'd love it if you could change the rules. I hope you do some day.

Speaking as a 22-year-old, it's not that simple.

If you and your buds want to make movies like you say you do...

We do. Buds?

Rentin' Videos is sponsoring a film festival next month.

A film festival?

Second annual. Wow.

I won it last year.

What was your film?

You're kids. I can't tell you.

It was very underground.

Awesome. Was it dirty?

Submit a film to me by next Saturday.

Maybe you'll get in.

We're always looking for creative new.

Our movies are definitely creative.

And new. He said...

You did a great job, Marco.

Oh, Paula.

Here's 50 and 20 for you.

Eh, thank you, Paula.

You better stop be such a sexy woman, Paula, hmm?

Thank you. Heh heh.

Your mama beautiful. I have sex with her.

I have the sex with your mother, huh?

Okay, come on, kids, let's go.

What I say?

What did I say wrong?

Never mind. Bye.

You really tipped that guy a lot.

Was that like 20 bucks?

He did a good job on my hair, Brendon.

That's a big tip. He did a really good job.

I'm just saying he did a good job,

but do you owe him something?

Is he keeping secrets for people?

No. I tipped him because he was extra good.

Really? Yeah.

I think it looks really good, Mrs. Small.

It's got a nice shape to it.

Very eighties.

♪ Be bop ba diddle dum ♪

Wow, he kind of sucks.

I don't know. He's kind of got an earthen quality.

♪ And I said ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

He sucks.

Hey, Mom, can we tip him?

Sure, I guess.

Why do you want to tip him?

It's kind of fun throwing money away.

♪ Thanks to the skinny dude ♪

♪ Orange hair and all blue ♪

♪ Thanks for the tip ♪

Brendon, he's singing about you.

Why is he doing that?

Maybe he's high.

I think he's happy I just tipped him.

Can I borrow some change, to throw at him?

Okay, but... well, I'm...

What's your name, little buddy?

Jason.

♪ Jason, I'm gonna say how's it going? ♪

♪ How's it going, Jason? ♪

Hi, my name's Melissa. Here's a dollar.

Do Jason again.

♪ Jason and Melissa are sitting in a tree ♪

No Melissa.

♪ Jason said just for Jason ♪

♪ Only song for Jason ♪

Thank you. What's your name?

Jason.

No, no, Jason. You over there.

That's Mrs. Small.

♪ Oh, Mrs. Small, say, Mrs. Small ♪

I think we should go.

♪ Say, Mrs. Small ♪

It's Paula, actually.

♪ Paula, Paula, got a haircut ♪

No. Heh heh. Okay, kids...

♪ She's a little uptight ♪ Thanks.

Come on, Jason, Melissa, Brendon, let's go.

I'm staying.

Aah!

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Is that... That's fine.

It's all going to the same place.

Whether I put it in the mouth or through the skin.

Name's McGuirk, by the way. John McGuirk.

Irish American all the way.

Heh heh. What's yours... name?

It's Fred.

Fred? Wow. That's a weird one.

It's short for Frieda.

Oh, that's a little nicer than Fred.

Heh heh. Well, here's your check.

Well, anyway, here's a...

I usually don't tip.

You've been so nice and, you know,

some people aren't so friendly with me, you know.

Really? But here's...

Oh. Heh. Thank you.

You're such a gentleman.

Here's a bunch of change.

Heh heh heh heh. Yeah.

That's got to be like three bucks worth.

Well, I'm gonna go.

Oh, okay.

You're coming back, aren't you?

Oh, yeah, I'll come back this afternoon.

I'll go to work, tell 'em I'm sick and come right back.

Okay. I'll see you in a couple hours.

Ha ha ha ha!

Yeah.

Bye, Jack.

It's John. John.

Uh-huh.

All right, I'll see you later.

Bye. Thank you so much.

Hey, I just found another one.

Oh, thank you.

Bingo. Yeah, jackpot.

The end is near. This always happens to me.

Don't get down on yourself, Joe.

We survived the plane crash. Barely.

And, Joe, we'll survive being lost at sea with these poisonous sharks.

They're not poisonous.

We're safe, Joe. Sharks can't climb out of water, Joe.

Say my name a few more times.

Unless, Joe, they were sent by the devil.

Did somebody call for the devil?

So here's the deal, I only eat people who are liars.

That's what I do.

I eat lying people.

Oh, no!

I'm leaving you, Tony.

I'm sorry, but I love my work with monkeys

more than I love you.

But, Lita, you can't go out to dinner with a monkey,

go to a movie with a monkey, get married to a monkey.

With my research, I'm hoping that someday I can.

Coming through. Oh, there's a monkey.

A little room.

A very good swinger.

Max, you're so wonderful and funny.

Wonderful? Damn dirty monkey.

Ooh ooh ooh, ahh ahh ahh.

Mr. Blind, if I wanted to kill you,

I could've killed you long ago,

but I didn't kill you. Or did I?

I'm not dead, Mr. Box.

And you'll never be able to destroy the world.

I know where the computer codes are.

You told him? He reduced you,

and you told him the computer codes were in my pocket?

It's "seduced", not "reduced." Oh.

Brendon, do it again?

Just keep it going, keep it going.

You told him?

No, he tricked you, you fool.

He's Johnny Blind, the best fly ever.

Spy. Oops.

Move in.

So we've got it down to three movies.

Number one, Jury Duty, number two, Love Moins Deux

and number three, The Man in the Box is Bad.

When I say "now"

hold up the number of the movie you're voting for.

Jason, wait.

It's exciting. I couldn't wait.

Everybody? Yeah.

On your mark, get set...

Brendon, look.

No. I'm not looking.

Don't hold it up till he says go.

Rock the vote.

Ready, get set, go. Jury Duty.

Everyone voted for different ones again.

Guys, we need an outside opinion.

♪♪

Good stuff, buddy. Here you go.

Go get some lessons. Heh heh.

Oh, man, what a day.

Thanks a lot, there, buddy.

You're a good guy.

No problem.

Oh, crap.

Back for more, huh?

Actually, I put a 20 in

and I meant to give you a one.

So I'm gonna take that 20 back.

Um, what?

I put a $20 bill in there. I meant to give you a one.

I'm gonna take my 20 back.

Oh, no. Oh, yeah.

No, that 20 was there. It's been there all day.

It's my 20.

The money in the case is mine. You want a dollar?

I meant to give you a one. I gave you a 20.

Yeah, no, that 20's there, dude. That's mine.

Hey, look, dude, I want my 20.

I'm taking my 20 back.

No, you dude. No, you dude.

No, dude, I'm taking... That's my 20!

Uh-Oh! Hey, everybody! No, no, no.

♪ Fatso's taking my money back ♪

No. What are you...

♪ Fatso's taking my money back ♪

♪ Oh, the fatso's taking my money ♪

♪ Yeah, come on ♪ No.

Don't sing it.

No, nobody... Don't listen to this.

♪ He's taking it back ♪ Walk away, everyone.

I gave the guy a 20. I meant to give him a one.

Stop calling me fatso. That's rude!

♪ Fatso ♪ And I'm not fat! Stop singing.

Everybody, listen to me.

♪ You gotta lose some weight ♪

This is why music is evil!

♪ Unh unh, take it back now ♪

Here's five. I'm leaving.

Mr. Box is going to jail for a long time, Ms. Dangerous.

And in prison, they don't take kindly to boxes.

There's something you have to know before I tell you.

I don't love Mr. Box as a big evil guy.

I love him like my... Don't say it.

Brother. Moo!

Did you say "brother"?

Did you say "moo"? Yes.

You were supposed to say "father."

But I was pretty sure the script said "brother."

No, you made a mistake.

Like when a couple of minutes ago you kept calling me Brendon.

Uh, you were saying, daughter?

He's my father.

Right. Right.

Well, Mom? Yeah.

Which one do you think we should submit?

Number one, two, or three?

Oh. Well, um, let's see.

I'm not gonna tell you which one I like the best.

Okay, um...

It's between these three?

Yep. One, two, three.

Which do you like?

You know, it's... I'm thinking.

Uh-huh. Pick one.

Just pick one. Pick one.

I can't decide.

I can't choose between the three.

I'll go make some cookies.

Okay. Okay.

My little monkey.

Ooh ooh ooh, ahh ahh ahh.

Pass a banana, Maxie.

Ooh ooh ooh, ahh ahh ahh.

So, what'd you think?

Well, they all sucked,

but I'm not a movie fan, per se.

But the beer's good.

Get me another one.

Thank you.

So, which one sucked the least?

Which movie had the fake shark?

That was... Jury Duty.

Jury Duty. Yep.

That one was awful.

Okay.

But it had sharks, and I like sharks.

I like Jaws.

Right.

You guys got Jaws on DVD?

No. No.

If you had to pick one...

If I had to pick, I would pick none.

Okay. I gotta go.

See you later.

Thanks for the beer. Yeah.

See you at practice.

I'm really sorry about the gravy boat.

Hey, don't even think about it. Don't worry about it.

It's not like there weren't other stains on the shirt.

You know? Heh heh heh.

It's just not often

a whole gravy boat spills on a shirt like that.

Heh, heh. I know.

But you're a good waitress. I'm not saying you're not.

Really? Thank you.

Yeah. Plus, you're here all day.

It's not like you're never not gonna spill...

Heh heh heh, yeah.

Three things on me

in the course of one meal.

Speaking of gravy... Yeah?

Check this out. That's for you.

Oh, thank you.

I put a little ribbon on it.

Thanks, John. Oh.

Read the little thing I put that he's saying.

"Hi, Fred."

Oh, that's so cute.

Thank you so much, John.

So what do you do for kicks, Fred,

when you're not waitressing?

Oh, well, when I'm not waitressing,

I am actressing.

Heh heh heh. No way.

I was gonna say actress.

Really? Yeah.

Well, I haven't had any big breaks yet,

but I just have to keep trying.

Hey, you know what? Yeah?

I'm just thinking, I know a kid, a guy, who makes movies.

Really? Yeah.

I was actually just at his house,

and he was showing me some of his films.

They were great. Wow.

You could be in this guy's films.

Oh, yeah, I would love to.

He's young. He's like at the beginning phases of a film career.

Uh-huh.

He's young, but you'd be in a film.

When do I start?

I will talk to him.

Tell him I can play any role. I can do, like...

I can do, like, an accent.

Wow. That was good.

I can do, like, European, like, um...

Like, eh, heh.

You know, eh.

That's... It's Canadian.

Okay. Is that in Europe?

Yeah.

I thought that was above us.

Where do you think Europe is, in Mexico? Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

I can do, like, a blind person.

Really, like... Oh, my God.

Yeah, like, watch, like...

Oh, boy. Okay, got splashed again.

That's, um, yeah. Just get a cloth.

That was good, though. Thank you.

That was like a blind person knocking over food.

I can do, like, different emotions.

Like happy. Like, ha ha ha ha ha!

Or like sad.

Aah! No!

Like that.

That's really, really good.

You're gonna get fired.

Like if my baby was getting killed...

That's enough. I've seen enough.

Aah! Oh, yeah.

No, no, no, no, no, no, and no.

Absolutely not. No.

Brendon, come on.

She just needs a little work. I talked you up.

Look at her picture. I looked at it.

Come on, you don't have a little role for her? Brendon.

No. Don't answer me now.

No. Look at her picture again.

Okay. No.

She's good. I've seen her do something.

She did a blind woman. It was amazing.

It was like a play. No.

Sleep on it. No.

Tell me tomorrow. No.

I think... No.

All right, this has got to happen, Brendon.

I kind of half-promised her.

All right, here you go.

What is this?

It's a gift. What?

It's a gift. Enjoy.

Go buy a shirt.

Maybe you should put her in the movie. No.

Give me my money back. No.

What is happening to me this week?

We'll never decide. Never.

This is hopeless.

Might as well shoot a whole new movie.

That's not a bad idea.

We have until Saturday.

What about the movie Jason wrote,

about the washing machine repairman who tie-dyes people's clothes?

Psycho-delicate?

It's got everything a festival is looking for.

We need a tall, beautiful blonde to play the lead.

No offense, Melissa.

None taken, Jason. I can't play blonde.

Or beautiful. No offense, Melissa.

None taken. What do you think?

But we can change that character.

She doesn't have to be a tall, beautiful blonde.

She does, Brendon.

It's a spoof of a Hitchcock thriller.

We need a tall, blonde leading lady

or the whole thing is pointless.

You've seen Hitchcock? Yeah.

So do the math.

We don't have time to find a tall blonde.

The festival would love this movie.

Where can we find a tall, blonde actress?

I can get a tall, blonde actress.

When you said kids,

I didn't realize that you meant, like, children.

Heh heh. Oh.

I'm gonna do it. I'm a professional.

Eight's not really that young these days.

Right. Plus, look at this whole setup is great.

I mean, you know,

converted half the basement into a little film studio.

Yeah.

Okay, everybody. You guys finished...

Have fun, Fred. Thumbs up.

Can we get you in place there, Fred?

Thank you.

And action.

Can I... help you?

Yes. I had a call about your washing machine.

My washing machine. Yeah.

My washing machine needs to be fixed.

It's broken.

Right. Well, let me come in and...

It's over here!

Finish my line.

I've been having trouble with the rinse cycle.

Oh, God.

Where are you going?

Oops.

Oops-a-daisy.

I'm okay! Heh!

Oh, the rinse cycle!

Trouble! This way.

Oh, boy.

Okay, cut. Cut.

Yeah!

All right!

Heh heh heh! Great!

Wow. I love it!

Fred, excellent.

You really think so?

Really good. Huh, Brendon?

We definitely got that on tape, that's for sure.

Hug.

Hey, what the hell did Marco do to my hair?

♪♪

I'm going to have to order a new part.

How long will that take, repairman?

It'll take two days, but don't worry,

I'm gonna stay right here and wait for it.

You'd do that for me?

I do it for all my vict... customers.

Well, why don't you come upstairs for a drink?

Okay, I will.

Will you... kill the light?

Sure.

Ow!

Ow! You're stepping on me.

She's a comic genius.

She is funny. I love her.

Okay, she's funny.

So we shoot the final scene tomorrow.

Because we have to submit it on the 24th.

What's today? 22nd.

We have three days left.

No, two days. No, three.

No, Brendon, two days. Look, 22, 23.

22, 23. One.

23 to 24... two.

Oh. Jason, you have fat fingers.

I know, Melissa. Thanks.

I just noticed.

Thanks for pointing it out.

You have really fat fingers.

I heard you the first time.

I just can't get over it.

You try losing weight in just your fingers.

It's not easy.

Well, it's coming undone.

I look like a freak. It's been a few days.

I paid $70.

No, no, no, Paula. Marco remember.

You get a $50 special.

Yeah, plus a $20 tip.

Paula, Marco no count the tip.

Maybe Marco doesn't count the tip, but Paula counts the tip.

Hey, Paula, come in, Marco have a look.

Yes, Paula want to come see Marco.

Then Paula come see Marco.

Get her hair fixed. Paula.

Marco. Paula.

Marco. Paula.

Thank you. Oh, much appreciated.

God bless you. Heh heh.

Uh-oh.

♪ Here comes that fat guy taking that money back ♪

I'm not fat.

Hey, what's up? What's up?

Oh.

Down here. Lower.

Hi.

Hi. You returning a video?

What's that? Did you rewind it?

There's a $7 fee if you don't rewind it.

I'm not returning a movie.

I'm making a film.

Don't you remember me?

No, I don't.

The other day, talking about films.

Remember me and two other kids came in here

and you told me about the film festival.

I'm a director.

Yeah. Hey, buddy.

What's going on?

Nothing. How's it going?

Our movie is almost ready for delivery.

You get tips for renting videos?

No, I get them for giving people coffee.

Oh, maybe I'll just put a little something in anyway.

There you are.

Do you want a coffee?

Why not?

I got to use the money I tipped you with. Hold on.

There's a little something extra for you

to sweeten the pot.

Heh. Thank you, John.

You're spoiling me.

You were great in that movie.

Oh, thank you.

I was thinking since we've known each other

for over a week...

Yeah.

I was thinking

that we could maybe go on a date.

Oh.

Together.

We could go to the water slide.

Do you like those?

Oh, you know what?

I'm so sorry, John.

I thought you knew.

I have a boyfriend.

You have a boyfriend?

You got to be kidding me.

Paula, your hair.

Is a mess. No. No.

Yes.

Paula, look at your hair. Look in the mirror.

Look at your hair.

Huh? It's good. You go.

We're done. You go.

Perfect. Beautiful hair.

Fix it or give me my money back.

Why didn't you say something?

I've been coming here for a week.

I thought you knew.

I didn't know that it was an issue.

What do you mean?

You're not wearing a sign.

I'm really sorry, John.

That's ridiculous.

It's really awkward.

It is really awkward.

I want my money back.

What? My tip money.

You're kidding.

I gave you a lot more tips

than I would've given somebody I didn't want to have sex with.

You want me to give your money back?

Part of that is deservedly mine.

You have to be kidding me.

How come you're not dumb anymore?

Take your money! You can have it.

Great. Give it.

No.

What is that?

Not really take it.

Just take it like the way people say, "Take your money."

That's crazy! You're evil!

Sweetheart, what's happening over here?

Hi, baby.

This guy giving you trouble?

That's your boyfriend?

Yes. Uh-huh.

Don't play one chord.

Oh, yeah? What's gonna happen?

Don't move your finger near the string.

You do what you wanna do, baby.

You shut up, lady.

Do what you were born to do.

Put the guitar down.

♪ Fatso ♪ Aah!

Hey, Brendon. Coach.

What's up? How's it going?

Don't eat there.

What's with the hair, Paula?

They screwed it up, but I got a refund.

Not a complete refund. I got my tip back.

Whatever. By the way, Brendon,

your leading lady's a lying bitch. I fired her.

You did what? I fired her.

What are you talking about? I can't change everything now.

The movie's due tomorrow.

It's true. It's all true.

I hate myself.

Oh, help me, please, help me.

I know, you have a problem.

Disease. Disease.

I have to tell you, I'm really a cop.

You're under arrest for murder.

But all I ever did was tie-dye people's clothes

when they weren't looking.

I never killed anyone, I swear.

This isn't easy for me. I love you.

Hold me now.

No!

Ow!

No, no, no! Ow! Ow!

No, no! Ow! Ow!

No! Ow! I'm dead.

What are you doing? I love her!

She's the real psycho-delicate killer. Oh.

That's the second time I've watched it.

I'm sorry. Try again next year.

No. No. Watch it again.

I can't accept this movie. It's a bad movie.

More money.

Take it. More money.

No, no, stop!

I got some more change.

60 cents? That's all you got?

I'm playing my heart out.

It's tough in the streets.

Make more money. He's about to crack.

No, I'm not. Take your film.

Just watch it one more time.

♪ Watch it again ♪

♪ One more time ♪

♪ Watch it again ♪

♪ Or I'll break your back ♪

♪ Watch it again ♪

♪ Or I'll punch your face ♪

♪ You're gonna accept the kid's movie ♪

♪ Or I'll kill you ♪

♪♪

♪ Solo ♪

And the chorus. Now everybody.

♪ Watch it again ♪

♪ One more time ♪

♪ Watch it again ♪

♪ And everything will be fine ♪

♪ Watch it again ♪

♪ It'll be all right ♪

Sing it.

♪ If you watch it again My pants are too tight ♪

Closed-captioned by J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA