Original subtitles

♪♪

Okay, Jeremy, run, hurry up! Move!

So I'm directing the school play, you know.

It's not bad. Big break for me.

If you like directing school plays, yeah.

Yeah, it's gonna be pretty good, I think.

But here's the cool part. They said I can cast one faculty member.

The answer's no. I was thinking about you.

I know. The answer's no.

What do you think? I said no.

Let me tell you about the play a little.

It's called Bye Bye Greasy.

Mm-hmm. Are you familiar with...

Yeah.

I have the copy if you want...

Let's go back and figure out what just happened.

I said no. Uh-huh.

Then I said no.

Then you kept going. Then I said no.

Right. So now we're done.

Have fun with your school play.

Have fun with the school play.

Good-bye. Okay.

It's a 1950s musical.

I know what the musical is, Brendon. I know Bye Bye Greasy.

Then you're probably familiar with Quick Rick. The drag racer.

He's like the coolest guy in the entire play. Hello.

There are no cool guys in musicals.

Coach, leather jacket, T-shirt...

Are you not listening to me?

Sleeve rolled up, pack of cigarettes...

We are not having a conversation anymore.

But check this out...

And this is where I need you...

I'm gonna have you drive your car onstage.

Your car is gonna be part of the play.

You mean if I played Quick Rick, I would drive my car onstage.

Yes.

That's physically...

No, it's not physically impossible.

The big double doors in the back?

Yeah? You can get a car in there.

Oh.

Look on page seven. Right.

"Quick Rick enters." But you notice I wrote, "In his car."

So I drive up onstage.

Yeah, yeah.

Arm on the side. Tip down your glasses.

"What's cookin'?"

The audience goes nuts.

Wow, that's practically a fantasy of mine...

To drive a car in a building.

And then you go, "I'm out of here."

Drive off.

Drive off the stage.

All right. That's cool. I'll do that.

"What's cookin'?" Quick Rick.

Hi, Coach. Hey, Brendon. Hey.

Melissa, where you been?

I was at the doctor. I have a note.

Let me see it.

Does it say on the note that I found out I'm allergic to kiwi

and if I eat one I could die?

No. 'Cause that's what I found out.

That's too bad.

Now I have to carry an epipen that has medicine in it,

and if I eat a kiwi, I need one of you to stick me with it.

Great story, Melissa.

Brendon, so when do we start rehearsing this? Can I drive onstage...

I don't think we're gonna be able to drive the car in rehearsals.

What would happen is, if I ate a kiwi by accident,

my throat could close up, and I couldn't breathe anymore.

All right, don't eat kiwis. And I could die.

We're gonna save it for the big performance...

I gotta test it out. Like Evel Knievel...

A simple kiwi is like a loaded gun now for me.

I gotta tell you, I'm a great driver. I know.

I probably could've been a stunt driver.

I just never got going in that direction.

Should I show you how to use it?

Brendon. Yeah.

Let's go to the car. Okay.

Show you couple of moves.

Show you what I can do.

In case of emergency.

Everybody keep practicing!

Brendon and I are going to the car.

My name is Walter.

And my name is Perry.

And we're auditioning for Bye Bye Greasy.

Yeah. Ready?

♪ Ba ba ba ba la la ♪

♪ Ma ma mamamamamama ♪

♪ Mamamamamama ♪

♪ Boo boo, boo-boo-boo-boo-boo ♪

Okay, stop, stop, stop. That was good.

I got pretty good roles for you guys.

Perry, you're gonna play Hank.

He's a garage monkey who hangs out with Malone and works on cars.

Oh, okay.

And, Walter, you're gonna play Mrs. Malone.

Yay! A woman!

Finally, some good roles for women.

Brendon, Fenton will be auditioning for the role of Malone.

Hey, best friend Brendon.

Hi. I can play Malone.

Listen, Fenton, I'm playing Malone.

But let me ask you this.

How would you like to be in charge of the lights?

The lights?

You mean all the lights?

Everything, Fenton.

Controlling the lights.

Brendon, that's my dream.

That's like playing God.

All right. What?

The lights will be on, off, on, off...

Leave them on.

No, leave them... On, off!

All right, Angela's next.

I'm sorry. What?

What?

"My mother has a band called Helicopter."

Okay, well, that's good to know.

♪ I'm not the girl you thought I was, no ♪

♪ I'm just the girl you want me wish was not was were ♪

♪ Down the stinky slide ♪

♪ Was not, was, was, was not the girl ♪

Wow. That was awesome.

Really good.

You got the lead role. You're gonna play Lena.

Brendon, I'm ready to audition.

No, Melissa, you don't have to audition.

You already got the part.

Lena? Noodles.

Noodles?

I wanted to play Lena.

You don't wanna play Lena.

I don't want to play the star of the play?

No, no. Melissa, there's too much singing and stuff.

It's not your style.

I love to sing.

Oh, no, you don't want to sing this.

I'm telling you, you're Noodles.

Lena's best friend?

Yeah, the best friend. Her sidekick?

The most complex character in the whole play, you mean?

How many songs does she have?

She's got a lot, but here's the thing

I actually wanted to talk to you about.

I don't want to hear you sing the songs.

What? Do you know what I mean?

No.

Well, see...

I think what I'd like to hear you do is sing-talk.

Sing-talk? Yeah.

What do you mean?

Like you go, I am Noodles.

How's it going?

Can you try that?

That could be your audition right now.

I am Noodles. How's it going?

That's awesome. You got the part.

Really? You got the part.

Give me a hug. Give me a hug.

I'm happy for you. That was great.

Brendon, what about my part?

You're gonna play Chip, Lena's boyfriend.

Oh. Yeah. But I want to audition, 'cause I prepared a song.

Well, yeah, go ahead, you can do it, but I'm gonna get going.

Okay? You don't mind, do you?

Would that still officially be an audition?

Yeah. Okay.

See ya. Hey, good luck.

Thanks.

Here's a little ditty in the style

of the great Brazilian Jazz crooner

Antonio Carlos Jobim.

♪♪

This one's called "Brazilian Sunspot."

♪ Ahh, ah ah ah ♪

♪ Ahh ahh ahh ♪

♪ Ahh ahh ahhh ahh ♪

Hello, Charlie. Hello, Bink-Bonk.

Hello, Charlie number two. Hello, Pinky.

Good to see everyone.

Everyone's in order. Let's have a meeting.

Hey, Brendon. Aah!

What are you doing in my room? Get out of here!

Your window was open, my friend.

I don't care if my window was open.

That doesn't mean you can come in my house, Shannon!

It does mean I can come in. You should've thought of that.

What are you doing in my room?

What are you doing in my room?

Don't touch me. Don't touch me.

What are you doing in my room?

I have a favor to ask.

You have a favor...

Shannon, I gotta tell you, I'm really busy.

I've got a play to do and don't really have time for favors.

Well, there you go. That is the favor.

I would like to be in your play.

Heh, heh. Come on.

What's funny about... What is funny?

You want to be... I'm offended.

No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Listen...

You wound me. I don't want to offend you.

Look, I see you wear those P.J.s with the feet.

No. No, those are...

It's okay if you wear these embarrassing P.J.s.

These P.J.s don't define you,

and being a bully doesn't define me.

I want to sing, I want to dance.

Let's make it happen.

Why are you putting your arms on me?

Well, this is my way of auditioning.

I humbly request a role in your play.

I don't know. I mean, there are...

Ow! Ow! Ow, ow, ow!

There are a lot of people... ow, ow, ow!

Okay, okay, you're in. You're in the play.

I'll find a role for you.

I want the lead role.

You don't want the lead character.

There's so many words you gotta memorize.

Ow, ow, ow!

Okay, you're Malone. Ow, ow!

Thank you, Brendon.

Boy, that was fun.

Yep. Thanks for dropping by.

I like auditioning.

Oh, when's the rehearsal?

It's tomorrow at 3.

Sorry, can't make it.

Okay.

So, basically,

I was very lucky to get Shannon...

to play the role of Malone.

What? Shannon?

He's not standing under my lights.

Listen, he can play a really good tough guy. Trust me.

So, Jason, I want you to continue with the filming and documentary stuff.

'Cause you're doing a great job on that.

Thank you.

Work the curtains, too. You think you can?

How am I gonna juggle all that while I'm Chip?

Here's the good thing. I'm gonna play Chip.

Oh, what?

Did I just get replaced?

Yeah, but you're still working the curtains.

Wow, I get to work the curtains.

I don't get to be Chip, one of the leads.

Well, it's a great role.

I know. That's why I'm playing it.

No, I'm playing Chip.

Why are you whispering? You just fired me.

'Cause it's embarrassing.

I know. It's embarrassing to get fired.

Hey, Melissa. How's it going?

Good. You can call me Noodles.

Well, I will do that, Noodle.

Heh. I like that name. Junior, can I ask you a question?

I don't know. Why? Do you have a question?

Yeah. I wanted to know if I accidentally eat a kiwi

will you stick me with my epipen so I won't die?

No, I do not like needles, Noodles.

But I will give you mouth to mouth.

Yeah. I don't know if that'll help.

- Oops! - Sorry about that!

Sorry about that.

Made a boo-boo. Everything's cool.

You stole Lena from me, Malone,

but you're still a loser in a leather jacket.

Cool it, daddy-o.

Unless you wanna feel my switchblade

in your side.

Brendon, you know when I'm holding you like this?

Uh-huh. I was thinking.

Why don't we turn the lights down?

You know, maybe go to a single low spot.

A single spotlight?

Yeah. What do you think?

No. No.

Why not?

No. Thank you, but no.

The lights are perfect the way they are.

Sorry.

Actually, you know, Fenton,

I have to agree with Shannon.

I think he's got a point.

What? Brendon, why would you be listening to him?

Heh heh heh heh. I'm in charge of lights.

Because he's got a good point, you know.

No, you are messing with the lights...

Now here's what I was trying to achieve.

What if you just go to a number four yellow gel,

with scrims on either side,

and then fade to black?

I'm in charge of the lights.

I see you're arguing

and you believe in what you're saying.

No, I still... You haven't convinced me.

Brendon. Mr. Lynch.

Stopped by to see how things are going.

Things are going smoothly. Thank you.

You may move along, if you like.

Oh, Shannon. It's nice to see you participating

in a wholesome extracurricular activity here.

Up yours, Padre.

Shannon, what was that?

Oh, I'm sorry. I was just in character.

That's part of the play?

Yeah. Yeah.

Let me get out of character.

Okay, go stuff yourself, flatfoot.

Okay, that wasn't part of the play. No.

Well, that's insubordination.

Duh. That's another strike on you, Shannon.

Two more strikes, and you'll be in violation

of my "23 strikes and you're out" policy.

Well, is cutting class a strike?

Well, yes, of course.

You might want to add yet another,

for I did not make it to Physics today.

And why not?

Let's just say I had a problem with space and time.

I'm gonna make some space on here

for another strike for you.

Shannon, why don't you sing one of your songs,

since you haven't sung anything yet,

and we open tomorrow night.

We open tomorrow night?

Well, then I better rest my voice.

Huh.

Mom!

Don't come in yet, Brendon. I want to surprise you.

I'm almost done.

Good, good. Everything okay?

Yeah, no, it's great.

Good. Okay, okay, you can come in now, but close your eyes.

Ow!

You okay?

Well, no. Yes.

Open your eyes, Brendon.

Mom, no, this is wrong.

It's supposed to take place in summer.

You didn't tell me that.

I said, "Can you paint a background?"

You said, "Can you paint a background,"

and I painted a beautiful winter background.

Listen, Mom, when somebody says, "an outdoor background,"

you don't jump to the conclusion that it must be winter...

Brendon, why don't you just make it winter?

Because there's a cook-out scene, a Fourth of July scene,

there's a big independence song.

What am I supposed to do about that, huh?

Okay, okay, all right. It's okay.

Don't panic. I'll just change it.

From winter to less winter.

Mom, hurry up, hurry up, hurry up.

Almost done. I think I smell kiwi.

Does anyone else smell kiwi?

Melissa, relax. There's no kiwi around here.

No, I made kiwi pie.

For the scene where Noodle eats pie.

You made a kiwi pie? I can't eat kiwi.

Who makes kiwi pie?

What a specific... Never even heard of it.

Are you trying to kill me?

What are you talking about? I'm allergic to kiwi.

Don't eat the pie. Pretend to eat it.

Don't eat the pie. Don't eat the pie.

Brendon, I think there's something wrong with Lena.

She's fine. She'll be fine.

Shannon's not here yet.

Shannon's in the first scene. I know, Melissa.

I'm bringing down the house lights.

Great. Okay.

In three... Still no Shannon.

I know, Jason, thank you. Two...

Hello, everyone.

I want to wish you all good luck one!

And tell you that Shannon's been suspended.

What? House lights...

Break a leg. Down.

Have a good show.

♪ La la la la la la ♪

♪ Ba ba ba, boo boo boo boo

♪ La la la la la la ♪

♪ Ba ba ba, boo boo boo ♪

You suspended Shannon. Why?

Curtain's going up, Brendon. Unh!

I received an anonymous phone call

accusing Shannon of defacing school property.

When I confronted him with the accusation, he admitted it.

Right, okay. And that was strike 23.

Okay.

The punishment is three days suspension.

And that goes for anyone else who misses the urinal on purpose.

Okay, okay. Wait, wait, wait.

Okay, okay. I'll play Malone. Jason, you play Chip.

Brendon, the curtain is up.

Damon, dinner's ready.

Damon.

In a minute, Ma.

I just gotta get the timing right on the carburetor.

You and your engines.

I think you would've been happier

if you were born a car instead of a boy.

♪ If you were a car instead of a boy ♪

♪ You'd have headlights instead of eyes ♪

♪ And tires instead of feet ♪

♪ If you were a car instead of a boy ♪

♪ You'd have... ♪

Hey, what the?

Sorry!

Noodles is next. I know, I know.

Remember, sing-talk. I know.

Someone has to take the ropes.

Ropes, that's me.

♪ No, I don't have a date tonight ♪

♪ But thanks for asking, Lena ♪

♪ I've been working out ♪

♪ To try to trim these bulging thighs ♪

♪ But results don't seem to be ♪

♪ Lasting ♪

♪ Lena, I might as well stay home tonight ♪

♪ And eat myself some pies ♪

♪ Eat myself some pies ♪

Oh, my God! I just ate kiwi!

I just ate kiwi!

I just ate kiwi!

♪♪

This isn't part of the song!

I just... Somebody stick me!

Aah!

What are you doing? What are you doing?

Stop! Not now! Not now!

Oh, sorry.

Backing up.

So, Lena,

I don't really know what to say to you.

I know I'm your boyfriend.

My name is Chip.

Such a nice day.

Birds are singing, and the sun is shining.

It's snowing. Summer is here.

Tell her that you know she's seeing Malone.

Oh, yeah. So you're not seeing Malone.

No. You know that... You know that...

You know.

You know that... You know that.

Lena... No. Shh!

You know that... You know that.

No, you know that.

No, Lena, you know that. What?

No, you know that, not her.

You know that, not her. Oops. Sorry, Brendon.

No, your character. You know that she's seeing Malone.

Oh. I know that you're seeing Malone,

the guy Brendon is playing.

Only I don't care.

This play is completely sucking, Brendon.

Oh, I wouldn't... I... Yeah.

Do you have any control of what's going on?

This is kind of a disaster.

Like a historic disaster. Yeah.

That's good in a way because you'll be sort of famous

for the worst play ever here at this elementary school.

Yeah.

Junior, you gotta stick me.

But, Noodle, I'm on in three minutes.

I'm gonna die.

All right, all right, fine.

Give me the thing to stick you with. Oh, boy.

Okay, okay, come on, now, now, quick.

Okay. All right, here we go. Ready?

I don't have much time.

Okay, one, two, and...

Can I just say that I have always liked you a lot.

Yeah, yeah, I know you like me. Let's go.

Okay. One, and two, and...

Whoa, whoa, stop it. Don't stick her with that thing.

Mrs. Small, you really are trying to kill me.

No, I'm not... Murderer!

Murderer!

Murderer!

Murderer! Somebody call the police!

Melissa, you didn't eat kiwi. What?

I switched the pies. I went out and got a different pie.

So it's not a kiwi pie?

No, it's key lime pie. I got a key lime pie.

Key lime? Yes.

You didn't eat kiwi, Melissa.

Oh. Junior, you practically saved my life.

That's all right.

Angela, I'm dying here. Say something, please.

Please say something.

Whew! Sorry I'm late.

Shannon, what are you doing here?

I thought you were suspended.

This is more important.

That's the spirit.

The show must go on.

Yeah. Besides,

I want to find out who ratted me out.

That's so Malone.

♪ Ahh ♪

♪ Whah ♪

Brendon.

♪ Ahh ♪ Brendon.

♪ Ah ahh ♪ Brendon.

Hello, light god.

What's up? Oh, Shannon.

You were suspended.

I mean, I called the... Aah... I mean, I squealed...

Uhh! Heh!

What I mean is, you peed on the... ach!

Hey, welcome back.

Why, Fenton? Why?

Why? Because he was ruining my play. That's why.

Your play? You're not even in it.

Yeah, but I'm in charge of the lights.

You can't have a play without lights.

Because then you don't have a play with lights.

Brendon, would you mind terribly

excusing us for a little while?

No, that's not necessary. No, Brendon.

Let's go, light god.

Ach! Aah, heh.

♪ Ba ba dey, da dey ba ba dey ♪

Help me.

I'm the...

light...

Help! Help!

Light god. Help!

Hello, Junior.

Hello, Melissa. I mean, Noodle.

Heh. Heh.

I've never kissed anyone before.

Me neither.

Ohh! Oh, boy!

You stabbed me with your pen!

What the you do that for?

I'm sorry. It was an accident.

Oh, my God, my heart is racing.

I didn't mean to. Ohh! Oh, oh, oh.

Quick Rick, you're the best driver I've ever seen.

Unh! Hold on. Unh!

You're the best driver I've ever seen.

Come on, damn it.

Oh, boy. What's cookin'?

Roll down the window.

Hey, Hank.

Uhh... What?

You're young and foolish.

No one will ever beat...

I'm older and wiser and...

No one will ever beat you, Quick Rick.

Right. What?

Roll down the window!

I can't roll it down. It's broken.

Just play the music!

Gladys!

♪ Huh, huh ♪

♪ I'll race ♪

♪ To feel the wind in my face ♪

♪ And I'll race ♪

♪ To feel alive ♪

♪ And I'll race ♪

♪ To feel like I own this place ♪

♪ And I'll race until I die ♪

♪ I'll race against the other racers ♪

♪ And I'll race with one big shout ♪

♪ And I'll race against the clock ♪

♪ And I'll race against myself ♪

♪ And I'll race and I'll race ♪

♪♪

♪ A-whoo! ♪

♪ Race ♪

♪♪

Yeah... oops! Okay.

Yeah.

Move. Move out, you two.

Move out.

I gotta back up.

Oh, my God.

Somebody move that box.

Oh, this.

♪♪

♪ I'd be the big shot there on the sidewalk ♪

♪ But I'm too cool to get caught ♪

♪ I'd be the genius there on the campus ♪

♪ But I'm too smart to be taught ♪

♪ I'll be the tough guy handing out black eyes ♪

♪ Using my fists forever ♪

♪ I'll be the cool calf leading the brat pack ♪

♪ Leaving a wound in the liver ♪

What? Shh!

Is that Shannon... Please.

Defying my suspension?

That's not Shannon, Mr. Lynch.

That's Malone.

That's Shannon. You can tell by his thing.

He punched me in the nose. Who did?

Fenton. Uhh...

Me did. I punched myself.

It's a lighting thing.

♪ Me ♪

♪ Alone ♪

♪ In my leather ♪

♪ Alone ♪

♪ Me alone in my leather ♪

♪ Me ♪

♪ Alone ♪

♪ In my leather ♪

♪ Me alone in my leather ♪

Brendon.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, what?

There's, like, five scenes left

in this play.

There are? Yeah.

Oh, man.

Sort of breaks the flow of the play

when all the actors bow and say good night.

You know what, let's let it just be finished.

All right. I see your point. Yeah.

Brendon, I'd like to get home this week.

Hey, listen, I didn't ask you to drive off the stage.

If you hadn't talked me into being in your stupid play,

I wouldn't have driven my car off.

You're blaming me for you driving off the stage?

Yes, I am blaming you. Great. Fantastic.

Fantastic to you.

Hey, Brendon, I just wanted to thank you

for the opportunity to perform.

I really enjoyed it.

Good. Yeah, great. Glad you enjoyed it.

I had a horrible time. Glad I could help you out.

You guys wanna race?

Brendon, let's do it. Let's beat him.

Unh! Unh!

Well, he's gone. I think we lost.

That was totally embarrassing.

♪♪

♪ Huh huh ♪

♪ I'll race ♪

♪ To feel the wind in my face ♪

♪ And I'll race ♪

♪ To feel alive ♪

♪ And I'll race ♪

♪ To feel like I own this place ♪

♪ And I'll race until I die ♪

♪ I'll race against the other racers ♪

♪ And I'll race with one big shout ♪

♪ And I'll race against the clock ♪

♪ And I'll race against myself ♪

♪ And I'll race, and I'll race ♪

Closed-captioned by J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA