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.:: Subtitles By MomoX ::.
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Oh, I love how music
just gets you pumped!
3
00:00:38,599 --> 00:00:39,599
Right?
4
00:00:39,624 --> 00:00:41,300
Sorry, I just...
I'm excited to be here.
5
00:00:41,300 --> 00:00:42,300
It's been a while.
6
00:00:42,300 --> 00:00:45,300
You know, for a long time,
I wasn't sure I'd ever be back.
7
00:00:45,300 --> 00:00:48,300
Disney bought Fox, there's
the whole boring rights issue,
8
00:00:48,300 --> 00:00:49,300
blabbity, blabbity, blah.
9
00:00:49,300 --> 00:00:52,300
But then, it turned out
they wanted me.
10
00:00:52,300 --> 00:00:55,020
The one guy who shouldn't even
have his own movie.
11
00:00:55,045 --> 00:00:57,129
Much less a franchise.
12
00:00:57,154 --> 00:00:59,300
Marvel's so stupid.
13
00:00:59,300 --> 00:01:01,300
Look, we know
the title of this thing,
14
00:01:01,300 --> 00:01:03,300
so I know what you're wondering.
15
00:01:03,300 --> 00:01:07,300
How are we going to do this
without dishonoring Logan's memory?
16
00:01:07,300 --> 00:01:09,758
And I'll tell you how.
17
00:01:10,018 --> 00:01:11,156
We're not.
18
00:01:12,819 --> 00:01:15,080
I'm gonna let you
in on a little secret.
19
00:01:15,143 --> 00:01:17,143
Wolverine is not dead.
20
00:01:17,300 --> 00:01:20,300
Sure, it made for a perfect
ending to a very sad story.
21
00:01:20,300 --> 00:01:23,300
But that's not how regenerative
healing factors work.
22
00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:26,300
You think I want to be out here
in beautiful Downtown
23
00:01:26,300 --> 00:01:29,080
North Dakota, digging up
the one and only Wolverine?
24
00:01:29,128 --> 00:01:30,128
No thank you.
25
00:01:30,300 --> 00:01:32,300
But the fate of my
entire world is at stake.
26
00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:34,300
He may not be
living his best life,
27
00:01:34,300 --> 00:01:37,469
but he sure as
hell ain't... dead.
28
00:01:42,651 --> 00:01:43,729
Bingo.
29
00:01:44,503 --> 00:01:45,503
Yahtzee.
30
00:01:48,424 --> 00:01:51,025
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
31
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Dammit!
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00:01:57,253 --> 00:01:58,524
Son of a
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bitch!
34
00:02:04,931 --> 00:02:05,931
Fuck!
35
00:02:06,042 --> 00:02:07,042
Mother...
36
00:02:07,113 --> 00:02:08,113
Fucker!
37
00:02:08,300 --> 00:02:09,602
My world is fu---
38
00:02:10,885 --> 00:02:14,292
That was weird.
I'm much calmer now.
39
00:02:15,393 --> 00:02:17,737
Look, I'm not a
man of science,
40
00:02:17,901 --> 00:02:21,116
but you seem
incredibly passed away.
41
00:02:24,455 --> 00:02:26,300
But it's good to see you.
42
00:02:26,300 --> 00:02:29,300
I got to be honest, I've always
wanted to ride with you, Log.
43
00:02:29,300 --> 00:02:34,300
You and me, getting into it. Deadpool
and Wolverine. Just fucking shit up.
44
00:02:34,300 --> 00:02:37,300
Can you imagine
the fun, the chaos...
45
00:02:37,300 --> 00:02:39,300
The residuals?
46
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"G'day, mate. There's
nothing that will bring me
47
00:02:41,645 --> 00:02:45,310
back to life faster than a
big bag of Marvel cash."
48
00:02:46,651 --> 00:02:48,113
Me too, Hugh.
49
00:02:48,300 --> 00:02:49,300
But no.
50
00:02:49,300 --> 00:02:51,115
No, no, no.
51
00:02:51,608 --> 00:02:55,209
Ugh... You had to get
all noble and die for real.
52
00:02:55,234 --> 00:02:57,300
God... dammit!
53
00:02:58,170 --> 00:03:00,605
I could really use
your help right now.
54
00:03:11,666 --> 00:03:12,667
Wait!
55
00:03:13,065 --> 00:03:15,206
I'm warning you,
I am not alone!
56
00:03:15,300 --> 00:03:17,111
Wade Winston Wilson.
57
00:03:17,300 --> 00:03:20,300
You are under arrest by
the Time Variance Authority.
58
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:22,135
Too many crimes to list.
59
00:03:22,206 --> 00:03:23,206
Come out.
60
00:03:23,300 --> 00:03:24,300
Ohhh.
61
00:03:24,300 --> 00:03:26,300
Death by Dave Flair.
62
00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:28,167
Last chance.
63
00:03:28,253 --> 00:03:31,300
Throw out your weapons
and come out peacefully.
64
00:03:31,300 --> 00:03:35,752
I'm not gonna give you my weapons,
but I promise not to use them.
65
00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:39,300
There are 206 bones
in the human body.
66
00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:42,300
207 if I'm watching Gossip Girl.
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00:03:42,300 --> 00:03:44,197
Here we go. Maximum effort.
68
00:03:50,916 --> 00:03:54,074
Okay, Peanut. I guess we're
getting that team-up after all.
69
00:05:03,234 --> 00:05:06,461
From outside the box... Score!
70
00:06:33,202 --> 00:06:35,456
I'm soaking wet right now.
71
00:06:38,562 --> 00:06:40,711
To be clear, I'm not
proud of any of this.
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00:06:40,852 --> 00:06:44,680
The wanton violence, the whiff of
necrophilia... it isn't who I am.
73
00:06:44,719 --> 00:06:46,300
It isn't who I want to be.
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00:06:46,300 --> 00:06:47,597
Who I want to be?
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00:06:47,636 --> 00:06:50,370
Well, to help you understand
that, I got to take you back.
76
00:06:50,472 --> 00:06:53,300
A little joy ride I took
through space and time.
77
00:06:53,300 --> 00:06:56,300
To the day that
changed everything.
78
00:07:07,401 --> 00:07:09,455
I can't believe
I'm finally here.
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00:07:09,565 --> 00:07:12,565
I waited for this
moment for so long.
80
00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:16,072
Thank you, sir, for seeing me.
81
00:07:16,300 --> 00:07:21,485
I firmly believe that my services can
be of great use to your organization.
82
00:07:21,581 --> 00:07:25,071
Now I know, I was caught
smashturbating in the lobby of Stark Tower.
83
00:07:25,117 --> 00:07:26,276
- "Smashturbating?"
- But I can assure you...
84
00:07:26,300 --> 00:07:28,300
I'm sorry, what was that?
85
00:07:28,300 --> 00:07:32,300
Sorry, that's, when you get
those toy Hulk hands, right?
86
00:07:32,300 --> 00:07:37,808
And then you just, you look down, you just...
brace yourself and you ravage the midsection...
87
00:07:37,833 --> 00:07:39,300
I get it. Okay. Okay.
88
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The picture's painted.
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You get the gist.
90
00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:43,362
What exactly brings
you here today?
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00:07:43,542 --> 00:07:48,300
Why I... Wow,
okay. I... I care.
92
00:07:48,300 --> 00:07:53,438
I know I turn everything
into a joke, but I... I care.
93
00:07:53,485 --> 00:07:58,223
I want to use that feeling
for something important.
94
00:07:58,434 --> 00:08:01,059
I want to matter.
95
00:08:03,049 --> 00:08:05,198
Need to show my
girl that I matter.
96
00:08:07,674 --> 00:08:10,089
You know, I feel like I'm
wasting the good stuff here.
97
00:08:10,143 --> 00:08:12,070
- Is the man not gonna be joining us?
- The man?
98
00:08:12,095 --> 00:08:14,300
Yeah, I should save
this if he's gonna...
99
00:08:14,300 --> 00:08:16,820
As far as you're concerned
right now, I'm the man.
100
00:08:16,845 --> 00:08:18,125
- No.
- The man is me.
101
00:08:18,150 --> 00:08:21,300
I am the man in
this circumstance.
102
00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:23,697
And he doesn't do this
kind of thing anymore.
103
00:08:23,821 --> 00:08:24,837
- Cameos?
- Meetings.
104
00:08:24,862 --> 00:08:25,635
Meetings.
105
00:08:25,660 --> 00:08:26,660
Entry level meetings.
106
00:08:26,685 --> 00:08:27,533
Entry level.
107
00:08:27,558 --> 00:08:29,447
Aren't you the chauffeur?
108
00:08:29,472 --> 00:08:30,300
- I...
- Maybe?
109
00:08:30,518 --> 00:08:31,728
A common misconception.
110
00:08:31,753 --> 00:08:34,300
I did begin my career
as Mr. Stark's driver.
111
00:08:34,300 --> 00:08:37,300
Quickly pivoted to
the head of security.
112
00:08:37,300 --> 00:08:39,300
Of course. Yes,
yes, yes, yes.
113
00:08:39,300 --> 00:08:42,300
And why I am
vetting your resume?
114
00:08:42,300 --> 00:08:46,300
You seem to have left out whether or not you
had any experience as a member of a team.
115
00:08:46,300 --> 00:08:48,300
Could you maybe add a
little bit of perspective there?
116
00:08:48,300 --> 00:08:49,300
No, yes.
117
00:08:49,300 --> 00:08:51,300
I was Special Forces.
118
00:08:51,300 --> 00:08:54,300
But I was, mainly I was team
leader, founder really, of X-Force.
119
00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:55,923
Sadly, they all perished.
120
00:08:55,948 --> 00:08:56,751
In action.
121
00:08:56,776 --> 00:08:58,300
How exactly did that happen?
122
00:08:58,300 --> 00:09:01,288
Well, the police say gravity,
but just between us, they
123
00:09:01,312 --> 00:09:04,300
didn't test well with a focus
group. Particularly Cable.
124
00:09:04,300 --> 00:09:06,367
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I can
see this isn't going well.
125
00:09:06,392 --> 00:09:07,533
Please stop writing.
126
00:09:07,558 --> 00:09:10,000
Look, I'm just gonna...
I want to be an Avenger.
127
00:09:11,417 --> 00:09:13,626
I want to be an Avenger.
128
00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:17,118
Why do you want
to be an Avenger?
129
00:09:17,300 --> 00:09:20,300
Look around you. I mean,
they're the best of the best.
130
00:09:20,300 --> 00:09:22,300
And what they do matters.
131
00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:24,300
I need to be an Avenger.
132
00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:27,300
Sir, my girl has kind of had
it with my schtick, and I...
133
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:30,288
If I don't turn things around
and do something with my
134
00:09:30,312 --> 00:09:33,300
gifts, I don't think it's
gonna really work out for me.
135
00:09:33,300 --> 00:09:35,300
And I wouldn't blame her.
136
00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:39,665
Avengers are a very unique
group of superheroes that stand
137
00:09:39,690 --> 00:09:43,300
for something more than just
fighting and wearing costumes.
138
00:09:43,300 --> 00:09:44,879
I mean, people look up to us.
139
00:09:44,904 --> 00:09:46,449
Kids look up to us.
140
00:09:46,474 --> 00:09:50,300
Sorry, "us?" I wasn't
aware you were an Avenger.
141
00:09:50,300 --> 00:09:51,784
Avengers adjacent, technically.
142
00:09:51,809 --> 00:09:53,089
What's your superpower?
143
00:09:53,114 --> 00:09:54,329
Is it parallel parking?
144
00:09:54,354 --> 00:09:55,300
I am so sorry.
145
00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:56,432
That was cruel.
146
00:09:56,487 --> 00:09:58,300
I lash out when I'm nervous.
147
00:09:58,300 --> 00:09:59,157
Won't happen again.
148
00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:00,009
Let's cut to the chase.
149
00:10:00,034 --> 00:10:00,728
Please.
150
00:10:00,753 --> 00:10:06,300
You just said moments ago that you wanted
to be an Avenger because you need it.
151
00:10:06,300 --> 00:10:07,300
Yes, sir, I do.
152
00:10:07,300 --> 00:10:10,300
But the Avengers don't do the
job because they need it.
153
00:10:10,300 --> 00:10:12,508
They do the job because
people need them.
154
00:10:13,367 --> 00:10:14,764
Do you see the distinction?
155
00:10:16,725 --> 00:10:17,983
Yes, sir.
156
00:10:18,648 --> 00:10:24,300
Please, Mr. Hogan, I don't want to spend the
rest of my life like an annoying one-trick pony.
157
00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:27,460
All right.
158
00:10:28,993 --> 00:10:30,573
Oh, my God, you're standing.
159
00:10:30,598 --> 00:10:32,686
- Yeah, now's the time that we stand.
- Dammit.
160
00:10:32,711 --> 00:10:36,285
The problem might be that you're...
reaching a little too high.
161
00:10:36,870 --> 00:10:38,877
Aim for the middle
and you'll never miss.
162
00:10:39,362 --> 00:10:40,526
I think you got a good heart.
163
00:10:40,551 --> 00:10:42,026
I believe what you're saying.
164
00:10:42,363 --> 00:10:44,127
But not everybody is
the world saving type.
165
00:10:44,152 --> 00:10:45,840
I'm not. And I'm happy.
166
00:10:45,940 --> 00:10:47,965
Right? I found my place.
167
00:10:48,447 --> 00:10:50,089
Find your place.
168
00:10:51,025 --> 00:10:52,905
All right, get back out there.
169
00:10:52,993 --> 00:10:54,508
We'll keep an eye on you.
170
00:10:54,541 --> 00:10:55,627
Good luck.
171
00:10:59,260 --> 00:11:00,432
Fetch the car.
172
00:11:00,573 --> 00:11:03,793
I wanna hit Shake Shack.
Rejection makes me hungie.
173
00:11:04,487 --> 00:11:06,143
No, please.
174
00:11:06,221 --> 00:11:07,034
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
175
00:11:07,059 --> 00:11:07,871
Okay.
176
00:11:07,896 --> 00:11:08,896
Thank you.
177
00:11:40,042 --> 00:11:42,167
You know what they say.
178
00:11:42,448 --> 00:11:46,627
When one door closes,
your locker at work opens.
179
00:11:55,753 --> 00:11:58,182
Let's go sell some certified
pre-owned vehicles.
180
00:11:58,207 --> 00:11:59,167
Motherfu---
181
00:12:01,510 --> 00:12:04,300
Technically, the
Carnival is not a minivan.
182
00:12:05,439 --> 00:12:06,914
It's an MPV.
183
00:12:06,939 --> 00:12:09,300
So how does the Kia compare
to the Honda Odyssey?
184
00:12:09,300 --> 00:12:10,088
The Odyssey.
185
00:12:10,113 --> 00:12:11,300
That's a great question.
186
00:12:11,300 --> 00:12:13,300
It doesn't fucking suck.
187
00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:15,300
You know, you can answer
the question without swearing.
188
00:12:15,300 --> 00:12:16,300
I'm sorry, Tammy.
189
00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:17,300
I don't have kids.
190
00:12:17,300 --> 00:12:19,390
Not that I haven't
dreamt it out.
191
00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:22,226
I don't have a
lot of vaginal sex.
192
00:12:24,854 --> 00:12:26,249
You'll get 'em next time, pal.
193
00:12:26,300 --> 00:12:29,300
And look, you can always
go back to superheroing.
194
00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:31,300
I mean, I know I'd like to
see you back in the suit.
195
00:12:31,300 --> 00:12:34,300
I don't keep it in my
locker so that I can wear it.
196
00:12:34,325 --> 00:12:37,145
I keep it in my locker in case
we need to saddle up again.
197
00:12:37,175 --> 00:12:38,175
Hey, hey, hey.
198
00:12:38,300 --> 00:12:40,300
What are you doing in there?
199
00:12:40,503 --> 00:12:41,573
I'm done.
200
00:12:42,659 --> 00:12:43,698
I'm done.
201
00:12:44,300 --> 00:12:46,300
And I'm fine with being done.
202
00:12:46,781 --> 00:12:48,612
Look, is sales the best match?
203
00:12:48,637 --> 00:12:49,627
Probably not.
204
00:12:49,714 --> 00:12:51,675
Is this the life that I always
imagined for myself?
205
00:12:51,737 --> 00:12:53,088
Fuck, no!
206
00:12:53,325 --> 00:12:55,125
But it's the right fit for me,
207
00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:58,300
- Sugar Bear. It is.
- Okay, Mr. Wilson.
208
00:12:58,648 --> 00:13:02,182
I'm just saying, once a month,
we can go on a little mission.
209
00:13:02,316 --> 00:13:04,741
We're human beings,
we crave purpose.
210
00:13:05,061 --> 00:13:06,733
After all, we're Deadpool.
211
00:13:06,764 --> 00:13:07,936
Please stop saying that.
212
00:13:07,961 --> 00:13:09,249
We're not Deadpool.
213
00:13:09,300 --> 00:13:11,300
I'm not even Deadpool anymore.
214
00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:14,300
Well, if you're going to
have a midlife crisis, go big.
215
00:13:14,300 --> 00:13:17,300
A few years ago, a friend of
mine got his nipples pierced
216
00:13:17,300 --> 00:13:21,480
with a titanium chain that goes down
and attaches to his Van Johnson.
217
00:13:26,042 --> 00:13:29,042
Are you feeling grumpelstiltskin
because it's your birthday?
218
00:13:30,300 --> 00:13:31,300
What?
219
00:13:32,425 --> 00:13:33,425
No.
220
00:13:34,187 --> 00:13:35,187
No.
221
00:13:38,612 --> 00:13:40,275
Surprise!
222
00:13:40,300 --> 00:13:41,300
Hey!
223
00:13:41,300 --> 00:13:43,300
You guys are
lucky I'm not armed.
224
00:13:43,300 --> 00:13:45,300
Get in here!
225
00:13:45,300 --> 00:13:47,300
If that was six years
ago, you'd all be dead.
226
00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:50,300
So then, he gets out of the cab
and you will not believe it.
227
00:13:50,300 --> 00:13:52,145
I turn around
and what do I find?
228
00:13:52,170 --> 00:13:52,833
AirPods.
229
00:13:52,858 --> 00:13:53,621
- His AirPods!
- His AirPods.
230
00:13:53,646 --> 00:13:54,292
Come on!
231
00:13:54,317 --> 00:13:55,090
Crazy story.
232
00:13:55,115 --> 00:13:55,817
Everytime.
233
00:13:55,842 --> 00:13:56,842
Come on.
234
00:13:58,942 --> 00:14:01,300
Make any sales today?
235
00:14:01,300 --> 00:14:02,300
You know I didn't.
236
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:06,134
Did you sell any dream catchers on
Etsy or whatever it is you're doing?
237
00:14:06,159 --> 00:14:07,767
Our rent's due in
three days, Wade.
238
00:14:07,792 --> 00:14:09,071
I can't keep carrying you.
239
00:14:09,096 --> 00:14:09,954
Relax.
240
00:14:09,979 --> 00:14:10,885
I have the money.
241
00:14:10,910 --> 00:14:14,300
I sold some old blood pressure
medication I found lying around.
242
00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:16,018
Are you trying to kill
me, motherfucker?
243
00:14:16,043 --> 00:14:18,300
I'm not the one dousing
everything in salt, motherfucker!
244
00:14:18,300 --> 00:14:22,300
I pray every day
that fire finds your body
245
00:14:22,300 --> 00:14:25,300
and finishes the job God
didn't have the nuts to do.
246
00:14:25,300 --> 00:14:26,300
That's hurtful.
247
00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:29,300
If you could hear the look on my
face, you would smell how sad I am.
248
00:14:29,300 --> 00:14:30,300
You watch anything good?
249
00:14:30,300 --> 00:14:32,300
Great British Bake-off.
250
00:14:32,300 --> 00:14:33,300
Oh, goddamn.
251
00:14:33,300 --> 00:14:35,798
That show stood between me
and suicide for ten years.
252
00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:37,040
Those are my feelings.
253
00:14:37,065 --> 00:14:39,688
On abortion, religious freedom,
animal rights, privacy rights,
254
00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:42,995
vaccines, free market
capitalism, global climate change.
255
00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:45,370
No. No speaking
lines, Buck.
256
00:14:45,564 --> 00:14:46,564
Hi, Yukio.
257
00:14:46,651 --> 00:14:47,651
Hi, Wade.
258
00:14:47,830 --> 00:14:49,495
Nice fake o' clock shadow.
259
00:14:49,550 --> 00:14:53,300
It's a summer balayage
from the French.
260
00:14:53,300 --> 00:14:56,557
It's meant to mimic the
natural highlights of the sun.
261
00:14:56,664 --> 00:14:57,664
It's a toupee.
262
00:14:57,689 --> 00:14:58,689
It's a hair system.
263
00:14:58,714 --> 00:15:00,643
I love your
hair system, Wade.
264
00:15:00,925 --> 00:15:01,994
Thank you.
265
00:15:02,245 --> 00:15:03,440
Want to do some cocaine?
266
00:15:03,465 --> 00:15:04,120
Hey!
267
00:15:04,145 --> 00:15:07,300
Cocaine is the one thing that
Feige said is off-limits!
268
00:15:07,300 --> 00:15:08,596
What about Bolivian
marching powder?
269
00:15:08,635 --> 00:15:09,938
They know all the slang terms.
270
00:15:09,963 --> 00:15:10,908
They have a list.
271
00:15:10,933 --> 00:15:11,963
Even Snowboarding?
272
00:15:11,988 --> 00:15:12,812
Even Disco Dust.
273
00:15:12,837 --> 00:15:13,735
White Girl Interrupted?
274
00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:14,666
Even Forrest Bump.
275
00:15:14,691 --> 00:15:15,283
Fogorship.
276
00:15:15,308 --> 00:15:16,344
I won't even try powder gonuts.
277
00:15:16,369 --> 00:15:17,632
Do you want to
build a snowman?
278
00:15:17,657 --> 00:15:18,595
Yes!
279
00:15:18,830 --> 00:15:19,885
But I can't.
280
00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:22,642
Hold here.
281
00:15:23,128 --> 00:15:24,026
Here?
282
00:15:24,198 --> 00:15:25,003
Oh.
283
00:15:25,206 --> 00:15:26,300
What happened?
284
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:27,300
That's the best part.
285
00:15:28,078 --> 00:15:29,532
Thanks for coming.
286
00:15:29,557 --> 00:15:30,557
Yeah.
287
00:15:30,617 --> 00:15:31,617
How's work?
288
00:15:31,642 --> 00:15:33,300
Oh, I got a promotion.
289
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:34,600
No way.
290
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:35,600
Yeah.
291
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:38,600
It's mind-numbing middle
management, but I'm happy.
292
00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:39,600
That's great!
293
00:15:40,826 --> 00:15:42,943
- What about you?
- Seeing anyone?
294
00:15:43,210 --> 00:15:44,968
Umm... yeah.
295
00:15:45,181 --> 00:15:46,553
A guy from work.
296
00:15:46,929 --> 00:15:48,381
Dermott.
297
00:15:49,130 --> 00:15:51,868
He is kind.
Loves to go hiking.
298
00:15:52,467 --> 00:15:53,856
Hasn't gotten me shot yet.
299
00:15:53,881 --> 00:15:56,466
Well, it's the early days.
300
00:16:00,032 --> 00:16:00,924
What about you?
301
00:16:00,949 --> 00:16:02,907
You seeing anyone?
302
00:16:02,932 --> 00:16:04,736
No, no. I live in a one
bedroom apartment.
303
00:16:04,769 --> 00:16:06,714
Share a bed with Blind Al.
304
00:16:09,212 --> 00:16:10,212
All right.
305
00:16:10,237 --> 00:16:11,237
All right.
306
00:16:12,701 --> 00:16:15,820
Happy birthday To You
307
00:16:15,845 --> 00:16:16,945
Speech!
308
00:16:17,555 --> 00:16:19,647
Okay. Okay. Okay.
309
00:16:20,226 --> 00:16:21,366
Birthdays.
310
00:16:21,391 --> 00:16:23,994
Boy. Every spin around the
moon is a new adventure indeed.
311
00:16:24,019 --> 00:16:24,986
Sun, dumbass.
312
00:16:25,011 --> 00:16:26,546
Okay, round earther.
313
00:16:27,564 --> 00:16:28,564
Where was I?
314
00:16:28,589 --> 00:16:29,706
The adventure of life.
315
00:16:29,731 --> 00:16:30,231
Right.
316
00:16:30,256 --> 00:16:32,904
Umm... it's been a
challenging few years.
317
00:16:33,006 --> 00:16:34,502
Haven't seen you
guys in a while.
318
00:16:34,542 --> 00:16:36,600
Been through a lot.
Change of life.
319
00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:37,600
Menopause?
320
00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:39,327
Bitch, are you improv-ing?
321
00:16:41,292 --> 00:16:43,005
I'm sorry you had
to see that, Yukio.
322
00:16:43,099 --> 00:16:44,099
It's okay.
323
00:16:45,670 --> 00:16:47,568
But I'm happy.
324
00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:51,693
That's because of each
and every one of you.
325
00:16:52,045 --> 00:16:55,213
I guess what I'm trying to say is
how proud I am, how grateful I am
326
00:16:55,238 --> 00:16:59,635
to be standing in a room with
every single person I love.
327
00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:06,685
I'm the luckiest man alive.
328
00:17:08,521 --> 00:17:10,020
Make a wish, buddy.
329
00:17:10,099 --> 00:17:11,545
10-4, good buddy.
330
00:17:12,349 --> 00:17:13,943
Going down.
331
00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:20,600
Wade Wilson?
332
00:17:20,818 --> 00:17:22,371
Oh, yeah. Dancers.
333
00:17:22,396 --> 00:17:23,885
Dopinder must have ordered you.
334
00:17:23,910 --> 00:17:25,910
Are those supposed
to be cop costumes?
335
00:17:25,935 --> 00:17:27,092
Never mind.
336
00:17:27,357 --> 00:17:28,466
Take your clothes off.
337
00:17:28,625 --> 00:17:31,054
But leave the helmets and
this isn't Pretty Woman.
338
00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:32,850
We're kissing.
339
00:17:33,053 --> 00:17:35,154
What song do you
guys promptly dance to?
340
00:17:38,365 --> 00:17:40,154
Is that supposed to be scary?
341
00:17:40,193 --> 00:17:42,053
Pegging isn't
new for me, friendo.
342
00:17:42,078 --> 00:17:43,656
But it is for Disney.
343
00:17:45,443 --> 00:17:47,224
I've never been
a natural bottom.
344
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:51,381
So we're going to take things real
slow and I want some crazy eye contact.
345
00:17:51,406 --> 00:17:54,600
Not you. You. Can't see your eyes
through the mask, but I can feel 'em.
346
00:17:54,646 --> 00:17:58,020
We're gonna move on down the hallway so
we can spare cleanup on aisle asshole.
347
00:17:58,045 --> 00:17:59,600
How does everyone
feel about this plan?
348
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:00,600
I don't like you.
349
00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:04,123
Yes, let's hold on to that attitude
and we're gonna do it angry.
350
00:18:22,030 --> 00:18:23,584
Mr. Wilson.
351
00:18:25,350 --> 00:18:28,035
You appear to have soiled
yourself while unconscious.
352
00:18:28,060 --> 00:18:29,153
I wasn't unconscious.
353
00:18:29,178 --> 00:18:30,600
Who are you?
354
00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:35,719
I go by the name of Paradox. Mr. Paradox,
and you're sitting here at the TVA.
355
00:18:35,744 --> 00:18:37,758
The Time Variance Authority.
356
00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:40,600
We're really a
watchdog organization.
357
00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:42,803
Except we're more
lighthearted than that
358
00:18:42,828 --> 00:18:46,365
sounds, with a sort of
throwback, ironic twist.
359
00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:50,600
And we're in charge of defending
what's known as The Sacred Timeline.
360
00:18:50,889 --> 00:18:51,889
Holy fuck.
361
00:18:51,914 --> 00:18:53,867
That's a shit ton of
exposition for a threequel.
362
00:18:53,898 --> 00:18:56,100
Is this because I used
Cable's time machine?
363
00:18:56,125 --> 00:18:58,600
Brought a couple of people
back to life, then I destroyed it.
364
00:18:58,600 --> 00:18:59,905
That was a long time ago.
365
00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:02,600
Yes, we're aware of your
abuse of your timeline.
366
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,961
You were so abusive of it.
367
00:19:05,047 --> 00:19:07,600
No, it has nothing
to do with that.
368
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:08,831
Walk with me.
369
00:19:14,951 --> 00:19:19,262
I brought you here, Mr. Wilson,
to tell you that you're special.
370
00:19:19,287 --> 00:19:22,600
In fact, you've been chosen
for a higher purpose.
371
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:24,600
A purpose unclear, even to me.
372
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:29,775
But one that could save
the entire Sacred Timeline
373
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:32,600
from a possibly grisly
fate some time in the future,
374
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:34,600
which may very
well need to be...
375
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:37,118
... avenged.
376
00:19:37,181 --> 00:19:43,663
The Sacred Timeline, I assume
I'm going to Marvel? And how...
377
00:19:43,749 --> 00:19:45,601
Cinematic it feels...
378
00:19:45,626 --> 00:19:49,766
Gratuitous cameos, indiscriminate
use of variants, the whole package?
379
00:19:50,544 --> 00:19:51,906
You tell me.
380
00:19:58,149 --> 00:19:59,242
Cap.
381
00:20:06,036 --> 00:20:07,896
You are no longer lost.
382
00:20:08,238 --> 00:20:11,333
Wade, you can be a
hero among heroes.
383
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,951
We've been surveilling
you for quite a while.
384
00:20:13,990 --> 00:20:15,160
The subway station.
385
00:20:15,185 --> 00:20:16,990
A TVA outpost, yes.
386
00:20:18,114 --> 00:20:19,552
What is that?
387
00:20:22,262 --> 00:20:24,324
Is that me? Is that Thor?
388
00:20:25,184 --> 00:20:26,401
Is he crying?
389
00:20:26,426 --> 00:20:28,129
Let's not get
ahead of ourselves.
390
00:20:28,446 --> 00:20:29,862
That happens in
the distant future.
391
00:20:29,887 --> 00:20:30,887
Why is Thor crying?
392
00:20:30,912 --> 00:20:31,600
Quick, tell me.
393
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:33,085
Stop that. Eyes on me.
394
00:20:33,110 --> 00:20:35,186
I brought you here to
offer you an opportunity.
395
00:20:35,211 --> 00:20:38,600
The opportunity you sought years ago
but for which you were not ready.
396
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:40,895
We believe you are ready now.
397
00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:43,622
Ready for a chance to leave
your timeline and join the greatest
398
00:20:43,647 --> 00:20:47,328
universe of all. I'm about to give
you the thing you've always wanted.
399
00:20:47,353 --> 00:20:48,965
I smell what you're
stepping in. The power in
400
00:20:48,989 --> 00:20:51,727
the Marvel universe is
about to change forever.
401
00:20:53,078 --> 00:20:55,243
I am the messiah.
402
00:20:56,978 --> 00:21:01,938
I am Marvel Jesus.
403
00:21:03,298 --> 00:21:04,813
Excuse me.
404
00:21:09,342 --> 00:21:12,310
Suck it, Fox. I'm
going to Disneyland.
405
00:21:12,857 --> 00:21:14,193
Get fucked!
406
00:21:16,950 --> 00:21:18,067
Where do I sign?
407
00:21:18,092 --> 00:21:19,426
Oh, there's no
need for paperwork.
408
00:21:19,451 --> 00:21:21,826
Good. Not to brag,
but I do not read.
409
00:21:22,459 --> 00:21:24,913
There is one thing
I will need though.
410
00:21:29,505 --> 00:21:30,756
Fuck off!
411
00:21:31,279 --> 00:21:33,170
Adorn me, Beardo.
412
00:21:53,478 --> 00:21:54,720
Fucking A!
413
00:21:55,485 --> 00:21:56,659
It's perfect.
414
00:21:56,684 --> 00:22:00,051
FYI, your tailor is a
predator, but I love it.
415
00:22:00,129 --> 00:22:06,808
Snug, no camel toe, new car smell, and
adamantium katanas? You shouldn't have.
416
00:22:07,021 --> 00:22:09,021
Go ahead. Take it in.
417
00:22:09,199 --> 00:22:11,844
And yes, your underwear
is getting tighter.
418
00:22:11,869 --> 00:22:13,565
That guy knows what
I'm talking about.
419
00:22:13,590 --> 00:22:15,407
His clothes say
middle management.
420
00:22:15,432 --> 00:22:17,995
But his eyes say,
"fucky, fucky."
421
00:22:18,020 --> 00:22:19,754
Yes, you look very nice.
422
00:22:19,779 --> 00:22:20,770
Nice?
423
00:22:20,795 --> 00:22:22,926
Your buddy here is ready
to throw it all away for me.
424
00:22:22,951 --> 00:22:23,668
You calling your wife?
425
00:22:23,693 --> 00:22:24,248
HR.
426
00:22:24,273 --> 00:22:25,535
Does your wife work in HR?
427
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:27,865
I'm really glad you're
taking this so well.
428
00:22:27,926 --> 00:22:29,926
Oh, I'm taking it well.
429
00:22:29,951 --> 00:22:32,471
I've never had a
problem traveling for work.
430
00:22:32,496 --> 00:22:34,496
That said, we should
talk vacation days.
431
00:22:34,521 --> 00:22:36,856
I'm more of a one week on,
one week off kind of guy.
432
00:22:36,881 --> 00:22:38,520
I think it's what
they do in Denmark.
433
00:22:38,545 --> 00:22:42,481
You'll never see a Danish flag on the
moon, but goddammit, they're happy.
434
00:22:42,506 --> 00:22:46,386
Now, let's power up your little Amazon Fire
phone there and zip me back home so I can
435
00:22:46,411 --> 00:22:49,551
let my friends know that they
have been upgraded to disciples.
436
00:22:49,576 --> 00:22:50,450
Yeah.
437
00:22:50,475 --> 00:22:53,292
I don't think you
quite understand.
438
00:22:53,396 --> 00:22:57,878
You will not be returning to your home
because there will be no home to return to.
439
00:22:57,903 --> 00:22:58,903
Come again?
440
00:22:58,928 --> 00:23:00,420
This time in my ears?
441
00:23:04,115 --> 00:23:07,228
This is your
universe, Mr. Wilson.
442
00:23:07,798 --> 00:23:13,137
That is what happens when a
universe loses their anchor being.
443
00:23:13,162 --> 00:23:15,559
See how it decays
from the inside?
444
00:23:15,584 --> 00:23:17,059
This is how a reality dies.
445
00:23:17,084 --> 00:23:18,410
What is an anchor being?
446
00:23:18,435 --> 00:23:20,943
An anchor being is an entity of
such vital importance that when
447
00:23:20,998 --> 00:23:25,131
they die, their whole world
slowly withers out of existence.
448
00:23:25,310 --> 00:23:28,137
You've just won the
lottery because I didn't die.
449
00:23:28,162 --> 00:23:30,287
It was just a little midlife
crisis. I'm better now.
450
00:23:36,120 --> 00:23:37,878
Oh, my God.
451
00:23:37,903 --> 00:23:38,903
What a laugh.
452
00:23:38,928 --> 00:23:41,607
Can you imagine if you
were the anchor being?
453
00:23:41,632 --> 00:23:42,632
Yeah.
454
00:23:44,006 --> 00:23:46,365
No, it isn't you,
Mr. Wilson.
455
00:23:46,826 --> 00:23:49,725
Your anchor being died
in an act of self-sacrifice
456
00:23:49,750 --> 00:23:53,756
so epic that it sent
shivers down the timeline.
457
00:23:54,287 --> 00:24:02,023
I am referring of course,
to Logan. The Wolverine.
458
00:24:05,660 --> 00:24:07,683
Don't be what they made you.
459
00:24:18,217 --> 00:24:20,428
So this is what it feels like.
460
00:24:22,107 --> 00:24:23,475
Logan.
461
00:24:23,834 --> 00:24:25,373
Of course.
462
00:24:29,514 --> 00:24:34,459
Logan? The guy with forks
for hands? That Wolverine?
463
00:24:35,217 --> 00:24:36,600
Yeah. I got it.
464
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:39,600
You can turn off your retro
graphics of death now. Make it stop.
465
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:42,548
We're not doing it, Mr. Wilson.
We certainly can't stop it.
466
00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:45,600
How long do we got?
467
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:47,600
In most cases, a
couple thousand years.
468
00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:48,600
Well, sweet...
469
00:24:48,625 --> 00:24:50,323
Most cases aren't fast enough.
470
00:24:50,348 --> 00:24:51,488
Not for me.
471
00:24:51,772 --> 00:24:52,902
What does that mean?
472
00:24:52,996 --> 00:24:57,600
It means that I've been tasked with
overseeing the end of your universe.
473
00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:00,445
Regardless of what the
pencil-pushers upstairs may prefer, I
474
00:25:00,470 --> 00:25:04,873
will not waste my life watching
it die slowly of natural causes.
475
00:25:04,967 --> 00:25:08,176
We used to just prune these
things. Simple, elegant, efficient.
476
00:25:08,201 --> 00:25:10,600
But I'm told the TVA doesn't
like to do that anymore.
477
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:11,600
Well I do.
478
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:13,227
And no matter what my
so-called superiors say,
479
00:25:13,252 --> 00:25:16,030
the multiverse does
not need a babysitter.
480
00:25:16,055 --> 00:25:17,811
We need a mercy killer.
481
00:25:17,836 --> 00:25:21,906
And in this instance,
I am the mercy killer!
482
00:25:26,865 --> 00:25:29,004
What in the MacGuffin is that?
483
00:25:29,029 --> 00:25:32,600
That's a time ripper,
Mr. Wilson. An accelerant.
484
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:37,600
Once completed, it will allow me to destroy
the space-time matrix of your universe.
485
00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:41,788
You see, I don't want to work
for the TVA. I want to be the TVA.
486
00:25:41,813 --> 00:25:43,853
And the first step
involves showing this
487
00:25:43,877 --> 00:25:46,600
organization how much
more efficient it can become.
488
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:50,600
To wit, I will be giving your universe
a swift and compassionate end.
489
00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:53,600
And don't worry, your friends won't feel
a thing. It will be over just like this.
490
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:54,407
"Oh, what is that?"
491
00:25:54,432 --> 00:25:55,134
"Eh."
492
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:56,725
Trust me.
493
00:26:09,237 --> 00:26:11,753
You're gonna Old Yeller
my fucking universe?
494
00:26:11,909 --> 00:26:15,414
In your parlance, yes. Two in
the heart, one in the head.
495
00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:18,584
Look, Mr. Wilson, you have two
choices. You can either rejoin your
496
00:26:18,609 --> 00:26:23,116
loved ones and collectively cease
to exist in, I'd say, 72 hours or...
497
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:30,600
You join the Sacred Timeline and you end
your days of insignificance and mediocrity.
498
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:37,507
Wade. Wade, you can
finally, finally matter.
499
00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:49,538
- That's all I've ever really wanted.
- I know.
500
00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:51,687
I know.
501
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:56,168
You know, I'm nothing if
not morally flexible.
502
00:26:58,021 --> 00:26:59,574
Yep. Yep.
503
00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:02,600
I'll do it.
504
00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:03,600
Wise choice.
505
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:05,600
The Sacred Timeline is
happy to have you.
506
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:08,600
I was talking about finding the
Wolverine and breaking your fucking nose.
507
00:27:22,115 --> 00:27:23,264
Find him.
508
00:27:23,583 --> 00:27:24,646
Find him!
509
00:27:24,779 --> 00:27:26,841
And boy, did he ever.
510
00:27:28,177 --> 00:27:30,014
Which brings us back to this.
511
00:27:31,701 --> 00:27:33,865
The desecration of
a sacred corpse.
512
00:27:40,942 --> 00:27:42,802
Ow! My own fucking arm!
513
00:27:47,459 --> 00:27:48,600
Now we're talking!
514
00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:49,910
Not like this!
515
00:27:49,935 --> 00:27:50,935
No!
516
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:52,396
No!
517
00:27:52,421 --> 00:27:53,076
Sorry!
518
00:27:53,101 --> 00:27:54,101
Wolverineing is hard!
519
00:27:54,126 --> 00:27:55,126
Make it stop!
520
00:27:55,151 --> 00:27:56,823
Mangold tried!
521
00:27:59,506 --> 00:28:01,354
You sick fuck!
522
00:28:01,693 --> 00:28:06,284
Logan was a hero. And the only thing
worth a shit to ever come out of Canada.
523
00:28:13,706 --> 00:28:20,111
Get my country's name out of your
fucking mouth. And my sword.
524
00:28:20,162 --> 00:28:26,450
Give me that. Oh, I got to
find me another Logan.
525
00:28:26,814 --> 00:28:28,151
An alive one.
526
00:28:28,176 --> 00:28:29,403
Don't get up, guys.
527
00:28:29,512 --> 00:28:31,122
I'll see myself out.
528
00:28:38,005 --> 00:28:39,139
Logan!
529
00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:44,389
I'm gonna need you
to come with me.
530
00:28:45,496 --> 00:28:47,066
Who's asking?
531
00:28:48,428 --> 00:28:50,405
Look at this
hairy little cretin.
532
00:28:50,614 --> 00:28:52,641
Did you stick the
landing, little guy?
533
00:28:52,745 --> 00:28:55,964
Yes, you did, comic-
accurate short king!
534
00:28:55,989 --> 00:28:57,989
Such a cute wittle Wolvie.
535
00:28:58,014 --> 00:28:59,990
Cue the fucking
montage, baby.
536
00:29:00,540 --> 00:29:01,540
Boy!
537
00:29:01,565 --> 00:29:03,565
Everything seems to be on fire.
538
00:29:03,590 --> 00:29:05,313
Do you have a dragon?
539
00:29:05,677 --> 00:29:08,389
You have anchor being
written all over you.
540
00:29:17,696 --> 00:29:18,892
Patch!
541
00:29:20,544 --> 00:29:22,091
Now, we're talking.
542
00:29:22,553 --> 00:29:24,021
Oh yeah!
543
00:29:24,490 --> 00:29:26,998
That's the whole goddamn
package right there.
544
00:29:27,137 --> 00:29:28,137
Howdy.
545
00:29:28,162 --> 00:29:30,850
I'm auditioning anchor beings.
546
00:29:31,209 --> 00:29:32,209
Oh!
547
00:29:32,234 --> 00:29:34,046
That's gonna need
some coconut oil.
548
00:29:38,443 --> 00:29:40,443
What in the fuck.
549
00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:41,990
Are you okay?
550
00:29:42,084 --> 00:29:43,350
Oh, yes, yes.
551
00:29:43,412 --> 00:29:45,342
Classic John Byrne.
Brown and tan.
552
00:29:45,373 --> 00:29:47,749
Now, you fought the
Hulk in this outfit, no?
553
00:29:50,060 --> 00:29:51,968
I'm Marvel Jesus, you dull
creature, and I will not...
554
00:30:02,232 --> 00:30:05,232
It's not you, we're just going
in a different direction.
555
00:30:08,201 --> 00:30:10,600
You know from behind, you
look a little bit like Henry...
556
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:11,857
Oh, my fuck!
557
00:30:12,092 --> 00:30:14,975
The Cavillrine.
The legends are true.
558
00:30:15,076 --> 00:30:18,059
And may I say, sir, on
behalf of all humanity,
559
00:30:18,084 --> 00:30:20,146
this just feels right.
560
00:30:20,248 --> 00:30:23,396
We will treat you so much better
than those shitfucks down the street.
561
00:30:23,466 --> 00:30:24,701
You were just leavin'.
562
00:30:24,732 --> 00:30:27,060
No sir, not while the fate
of my universe is at stake...
563
00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:33,600
This one looks promising.
564
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:34,600
Down you go.
565
00:30:35,764 --> 00:30:36,764
Again.
566
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:39,600
I told you, you're
not welcome here.
567
00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:41,600
You're not welcome anywhere.
568
00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:42,728
Now get the fuck
outta my bar.
569
00:30:42,753 --> 00:30:45,600
Just give me one more
drink and then I'll leave.
570
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:47,173
That's not how it works.
571
00:30:47,198 --> 00:30:48,600
It does now.
572
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:49,600
Leave the bottle.
573
00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:50,600
I know you, Bub?
574
00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:51,600
Nope.
575
00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:52,722
But I know you.
576
00:30:52,847 --> 00:30:54,706
Everybody knows me.
577
00:30:55,764 --> 00:30:57,326
I'm the Wolverine.
578
00:30:57,420 --> 00:30:59,420
Yes, you are.
579
00:30:59,445 --> 00:31:02,445
And I need you to
come with me right now.
580
00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:03,600
Look, lady...
581
00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:04,600
I'm not interested.
582
00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:05,600
Really goes into
your cups, here.
583
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:07,600
Why would I go with you?
584
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:11,398
Because,
unfortunately, I need you.
585
00:31:11,423 --> 00:31:15,600
And even more unfortunately,
my entire world needs you.
586
00:31:15,967 --> 00:31:18,033
Are you two going
to fuck or fight?
587
00:31:21,481 --> 00:31:23,481
You're gonna take that from him?
588
00:31:23,515 --> 00:31:24,515
Yep.
589
00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:26,600
I can tell you have a sort
of "don't get too close,"
590
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:28,600
"I'll only break your
heart" vibe going here.
591
00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:30,600
But every other Wolverine
would've really hurt me by now.
592
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:32,376
And I'm sort of
on the tick-tick.
593
00:31:32,401 --> 00:31:33,600
So, upsy-daisy, here we go.
594
00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:34,600
Whoa. Whoa.
Hey, hey!
595
00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:35,600
I got ya.
596
00:31:37,131 --> 00:31:38,131
Oh.
597
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:40,864
Whiskey dick
of the claws.
598
00:31:40,889 --> 00:31:42,600
It's quite common in
Wolverines over 40.
599
00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:43,600
You don't want this.
600
00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:44,898
You're right.
I don't.
601
00:31:44,945 --> 00:31:46,484
And you don't want this.
602
00:31:46,509 --> 00:31:48,600
Unless you want to take a deep
breath through your fucking forehead,
603
00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:50,600
I suggest you reconsider.
604
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:52,172
Let's go, Peanut.
605
00:31:56,608 --> 00:31:58,608
Hold, hold,
hold... hold on.
606
00:31:58,967 --> 00:32:00,162
Watch this.
607
00:32:00,642 --> 00:32:01,642
All right.
608
00:32:01,667 --> 00:32:03,667
That's... whoa.
609
00:32:03,692 --> 00:32:04,692
Easy.
610
00:32:08,060 --> 00:32:09,785
Good God.
611
00:32:09,810 --> 00:32:12,053
Thirsty little honey
badger, aren't you?
612
00:32:12,232 --> 00:32:14,232
It's okay. Keep going.
613
00:32:14,374 --> 00:32:17,062
Audiences are accustomed
to long runtimes.
614
00:32:21,856 --> 00:32:23,804
Oh, I guess you'll have to do.
615
00:32:23,939 --> 00:32:25,676
Okay.
Here we...
616
00:32:26,541 --> 00:32:28,853
Oh, look at those jammies.
617
00:32:29,166 --> 00:32:32,023
That only took 20 fucking years.
618
00:32:32,863 --> 00:32:34,863
One anchor being
coming right up.
619
00:32:34,981 --> 00:32:36,981
On your left, baby girl.
620
00:32:37,044 --> 00:32:38,271
This Logan has the same.
621
00:32:38,336 --> 00:32:39,336
He can do anything.
622
00:32:39,361 --> 00:32:40,641
Even musical stuff.
623
00:32:40,666 --> 00:32:42,734
Bonus, he's actually
wearing a costume like he's
624
00:32:42,759 --> 00:32:45,104
not embarassed to be in a
superhero movie for once.
625
00:32:45,129 --> 00:32:46,575
I don't understand.
626
00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:48,351
You said my universe is dying,
627
00:32:48,376 --> 00:32:50,600
because this sack of
nuts got himself killed.
628
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:52,600
Well, problem solved.
629
00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:53,600
My God.
630
00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:59,600
You actually think you can
replace an anchor being, with this?
631
00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:02,238
I wouldn't have accepted
any other Wolverine, b-t-dubs,
632
00:33:02,263 --> 00:33:06,455
but you have outdone yourself
and brought me the worst Wolverine!
633
00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:07,692
What do you mean
the worst one?
634
00:33:07,717 --> 00:33:08,822
Mr. Wilson...
635
00:33:09,018 --> 00:33:12,600
This Wolverine let
down his entire world.
636
00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:15,295
He's the stuff of legend,
but not in a good way.
637
00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:16,600
And what he did...
638
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:21,600
Well, some things are
just beyond forgiveness.
639
00:33:22,559 --> 00:33:23,559
Okay...
640
00:33:23,584 --> 00:33:25,028
How do I make this right?
641
00:33:25,053 --> 00:33:26,662
I can... I'll do anything.
642
00:33:26,763 --> 00:33:28,862
I gave you a chance
643
00:33:28,887 --> 00:33:29,887
at greatness.
644
00:33:30,019 --> 00:33:33,770
Because my superiors deemed you
special, clearly not special in a good way.
645
00:33:33,795 --> 00:33:36,963
Apparently you have some
important future purpose to serve.
646
00:33:36,988 --> 00:33:38,346
With Thor. He holds me.
647
00:33:38,371 --> 00:33:39,095
But...
648
00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:40,262
I did my duty.
649
00:33:40,287 --> 00:33:42,287
I gave you the opportunity
to be somebody.
650
00:33:42,312 --> 00:33:46,575
And instead of accepting my offering with
humility and gratitude, you broke my nose.
651
00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:47,600
It looks great.
652
00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:51,600
And decimated dozens of my men
with the exhumed corpse of a hero.
653
00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:53,600
Dishonoring not only his
remains, but his memory.
654
00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:55,076
What are you,
the internet?
655
00:33:55,101 --> 00:33:56,793
Your world is dying.
656
00:33:56,818 --> 00:33:58,451
Thank you very much.
657
00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:00,029
And there's no stopping it.
658
00:34:01,857 --> 00:34:03,314
The humane thing to do...
659
00:34:03,339 --> 00:34:04,527
Is to make it quick.
660
00:34:04,552 --> 00:34:07,600
Is the thought of vaporizing my
universe making you peckish?
661
00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:08,600
I'm eating my feelings.
662
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:11,812
I'm about to lose everything that I've
ever cared about because the hairy
663
00:34:11,837 --> 00:34:14,522
thundercunt from down
undercunt finally dies,
664
00:34:14,547 --> 00:34:16,600
and he's standing right
behind me, isn't he?
665
00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:18,600
Welcome to the
MCU, by the way.
666
00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:20,845
You're joining at a
bit of a low point.
667
00:34:21,149 --> 00:34:23,600
As for you... I want
to talk to your boss.
668
00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:28,274
I want you to get him on the phone and you
tell him, her or them, that Marvel H. Christ
669
00:34:28,299 --> 00:34:29,540
isn't playing!
670
00:34:34,537 --> 00:34:35,623
Holy shit.
671
00:34:36,600 --> 00:34:39,600
I just heard a symphony of
buttholes clenching all at once.
672
00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:40,600
You're off-grid.
673
00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:43,600
Your bosses don't know what you
sick fucks are doing down here.
674
00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:44,600
Well, I'll tell you what.
675
00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:47,309
I have a black belt in
Karen and I'm going to go
676
00:34:47,334 --> 00:34:49,600
upstairs and I'm going
to tell them all about you.
677
00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:53,016
Oh, silence is nice, isn't it?
678
00:34:53,041 --> 00:34:54,041
Where the fuck did he go?
679
00:34:54,066 --> 00:34:55,066
To the trash heap.
680
00:34:55,091 --> 00:34:56,162
You'll fit right in.
681
00:34:58,834 --> 00:35:00,032
That was close.
682
00:35:21,381 --> 00:35:23,427
Don't just stand there, you ape.
683
00:35:23,570 --> 00:35:25,296
Give me a hand up.
684
00:35:26,507 --> 00:35:27,600
No, I'm actually okay.
685
00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:28,429
Thank you.
686
00:35:30,300 --> 00:35:32,100
Where the hell are we?
687
00:35:32,125 --> 00:35:33,300
I don't know!
688
00:35:33,300 --> 00:35:36,660
Looks kinda Mad Max-y, but that
would be IP infringement, right?
689
00:35:36,685 --> 00:35:37,857
Fuckin' jokes.
690
00:35:41,177 --> 00:35:42,177
Fuck.
691
00:35:42,904 --> 00:35:44,435
Were you even
listening back there?
692
00:35:44,460 --> 00:35:47,088
If we don't make it back to
that Mr. Paradox asshole,
693
00:35:47,113 --> 00:35:49,756
- Everyone I know is gonna die.
- Not my fucking problem.
694
00:35:50,256 --> 00:35:51,856
Is that all you got?
695
00:35:52,508 --> 00:35:55,078
Is that what you said when
your world went to shit?
696
00:35:56,727 --> 00:35:57,803
Come again?
697
00:35:57,828 --> 00:36:01,677
Yeah, I heard all about you.
How you screwed up everything.
698
00:36:01,702 --> 00:36:04,702
You should be thanking me for
pulling you out of that bed you shit in...
699
00:36:04,727 --> 00:36:07,112
Ow, you backstabbing
son of a bitch!
700
00:36:12,780 --> 00:36:14,516
Are you ready
to be calm now?
701
00:36:21,328 --> 00:36:23,140
Rest in pieces, Fox.
702
00:36:38,328 --> 00:36:40,582
I don't want to
fight you, Peanut.
703
00:36:41,068 --> 00:36:43,988
Doesn't matter what you
did, I just need your help.
704
00:36:45,692 --> 00:36:47,598
I don't fucking care.
705
00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:58,445
Fuck. This is gonna hurt.
706
00:37:02,382 --> 00:37:05,433
Alright. Fuck it.
707
00:37:05,812 --> 00:37:07,936
Let's give the people
what they came for.
708
00:37:08,469 --> 00:37:10,594
Let's fucking go.
709
00:37:11,056 --> 00:37:13,454
Get your spectral
sock out, nerds.
710
00:37:13,507 --> 00:37:15,112
It's gon' get good.
711
00:38:07,730 --> 00:38:08,854
Gotcha!
712
00:38:15,226 --> 00:38:16,414
Baby knife.
713
00:38:21,085 --> 00:38:23,125
Let's see you grow
your fucking head back!
714
00:38:23,156 --> 00:38:25,700
- Wait, wait! I can fix it.
- Fix what?
715
00:38:25,700 --> 00:38:29,700
Whatever you it is that you did,
whatever made you so bad.
716
00:38:29,700 --> 00:38:33,813
Those pricks in the
TVA, you heard them.
717
00:38:34,470 --> 00:38:39,700
They have the power to end my universe, but
they also have the power to change yours.
718
00:38:40,614 --> 00:38:45,570
We get back there and we
can fix your world, together.
719
00:38:46,336 --> 00:38:50,500
I promise... they can fix it.
720
00:38:51,395 --> 00:38:54,336
Hey! We fight
each other, we lose.
721
00:38:54,625 --> 00:38:56,000
Dear God, it's him.
722
00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:57,000
Who?
723
00:38:57,000 --> 00:38:58,000
The one.
724
00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:01,213
The superhero equivalent
to comfort food, or Molly.
725
00:39:01,260 --> 00:39:05,103
White guys' answer to all the
disappointments in another A-lister.
726
00:39:05,196 --> 00:39:07,000
Fair warning, gorgeous.
727
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:09,344
You'll encounter some
indelicate language, a smidge of
728
00:39:09,369 --> 00:39:12,163
ass-play, but we've been
prohibited from using cocaine.
729
00:39:12,188 --> 00:39:13,225
On camera.
730
00:39:13,250 --> 00:39:14,250
They're coming.
731
00:39:14,275 --> 00:39:15,509
Who's "they?"
732
00:39:21,905 --> 00:39:23,601
They're driving angry.
733
00:39:29,109 --> 00:39:30,208
Now that's
734
00:39:30,233 --> 00:39:31,914
a superhero landing.
735
00:39:38,131 --> 00:39:39,451
I got this.
736
00:40:02,782 --> 00:40:04,040
Stay close.
737
00:40:04,234 --> 00:40:05,547
Aye-aye, captain.
738
00:40:06,664 --> 00:40:08,274
You got this.
739
00:40:10,007 --> 00:40:11,625
Cassandra is gonna be
740
00:40:11,703 --> 00:40:13,578
giddy, when she sees
what we caught.
741
00:40:14,014 --> 00:40:15,679
You can't run.
742
00:40:15,704 --> 00:40:16,833
Everybody knows that.
743
00:40:16,858 --> 00:40:19,390
Do you see anyone
running, dick for brains?
744
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:22,000
You're not gonna love
what happens next.
745
00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:23,586
Oh, my God.
746
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:25,000
Oh, my God.
747
00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:26,203
He's gonna say it.
748
00:40:26,507 --> 00:40:28,757
Oh, my God,
he's gonna say it!
749
00:40:28,782 --> 00:40:29,609
Say what?
750
00:40:29,634 --> 00:40:31,289
- Avengers assem...
- Flame on!
751
00:40:31,314 --> 00:40:32,437
Sorry, what now?
752
00:40:55,190 --> 00:40:56,190
Fuck!
753
00:41:00,287 --> 00:41:01,622
We don't know that guy.
754
00:41:01,647 --> 00:41:02,756
I thought we did.
755
00:41:02,781 --> 00:41:04,781
I know you.
756
00:41:04,898 --> 00:41:05,945
Holy sh...
757
00:41:08,189 --> 00:41:09,439
Sabretooth.
758
00:41:09,854 --> 00:41:11,150
Your brother.
759
00:41:11,617 --> 00:41:13,244
Ready to die?
760
00:41:13,510 --> 00:41:14,814
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
761
00:41:14,839 --> 00:41:15,947
Time!
762
00:41:16,423 --> 00:41:18,000
You look ridiculous.
763
00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:21,000
People have waited
decades for this fight.
764
00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:22,000
It's not gonna be easy.
765
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:24,000
Maybe I can the
devil, take him down.
766
00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:25,640
Side control.
767
00:41:25,665 --> 00:41:29,625
Then bowl him out, and you ground and pound
until he makes no sound because he's dead.
768
00:41:29,650 --> 00:41:30,735
Shut the fuck up.
769
00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:32,000
Oh, my God.
770
00:41:32,055 --> 00:41:33,875
Okay, good luck.
I'm a huge fan.
771
00:41:45,803 --> 00:41:47,428
What is it, girl?
772
00:41:47,453 --> 00:41:49,266
Is there trouble at the well?
773
00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:55,875
Big trouble.
774
00:41:55,939 --> 00:41:57,321
Behold!
775
00:41:57,453 --> 00:42:01,679
The head of your
precious queen, Furiosa!
776
00:42:01,726 --> 00:42:03,923
I have the Wolverine.
777
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:07,000
I alone control her.
778
00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:09,473
You come for me...
779
00:42:09,737 --> 00:42:12,311
You come for her.
780
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:14,767
So sorry.
781
00:42:14,792 --> 00:42:16,000
I know it's pronounced him.
782
00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:17,000
I'm gender blind.
783
00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:17,798
It's my cross to bear.
784
00:42:17,823 --> 00:42:18,876
Who's next?
785
00:42:18,901 --> 00:42:19,901
Toad!
786
00:42:19,926 --> 00:42:21,149
You're up.
787
00:42:41,622 --> 00:42:43,137
God of Thunder...
788
00:42:46,929 --> 00:42:48,545
How long was I asleep?
789
00:42:48,570 --> 00:42:50,125
Not all of you was asleep.
790
00:42:50,373 --> 00:42:51,617
Don't bother.
791
00:42:51,734 --> 00:42:53,359
They're very thorough.
792
00:42:53,390 --> 00:42:56,000
And you know where
we are. Start talking.
793
00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:58,000
You're in the Void.
794
00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:00,000
Think of it as purgatory.
795
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:02,259
Reed called it a
metaphysical junkyard.
796
00:43:02,284 --> 00:43:06,260
Where anything useless goes
before it gets annihilated forever.
797
00:43:06,285 --> 00:43:10,301
And where the TVA sends people that don't
play nice with the rest of the multiverse.
798
00:43:10,326 --> 00:43:11,326
Like you.
799
00:43:11,351 --> 00:43:12,357
And you.
800
00:43:12,382 --> 00:43:14,343
What does the annihilating?
801
00:43:14,562 --> 00:43:15,562
Alioth.
802
00:43:15,617 --> 00:43:17,000
Alioth is in this thing?
803
00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:18,862
From Loki season one,
episode five?
804
00:43:18,887 --> 00:43:21,000
Everyone here is on
the run from Alioth.
805
00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:23,000
Most don't make it.
806
00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:25,000
There's a resistance though.
807
00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:28,000
Other people like us
that managed to survive.
808
00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:32,000
They're hiding out in the borderlands,
trying to find a way to fuck out of here.
809
00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:33,310
Then that's where we go.
810
00:43:33,335 --> 00:43:33,972
We?
811
00:43:33,997 --> 00:43:35,000
Us?
812
00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:35,804
A team?
813
00:43:35,829 --> 00:43:36,828
The answer is yes.
814
00:43:36,853 --> 00:43:37,796
Shake on it.
815
00:43:37,821 --> 00:43:38,656
Fuck!
816
00:43:38,681 --> 00:43:41,245
You nicked it. Just got the
tip with your little steak knife.
817
00:43:41,328 --> 00:43:44,756
These others can help us get
back to the TVA, they can fix this.
818
00:43:46,006 --> 00:43:47,764
Something funny, Bub?
819
00:43:47,789 --> 00:43:50,000
She might have something
to say about that.
820
00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:51,179
Who is she?
821
00:43:51,866 --> 00:43:53,320
In the Void...
822
00:43:53,397 --> 00:43:55,584
you are either food for Alioth,
823
00:43:55,609 --> 00:43:57,609
or you work for her.
824
00:45:08,905 --> 00:45:11,030
Huh. Paul Rudd finally aged.
825
00:45:11,687 --> 00:45:13,692
You must be this year's
Juggernaut. Thank you.
826
00:45:13,717 --> 00:45:15,349
I'd keep your voices down.
827
00:45:15,374 --> 00:45:16,772
She don't like the chatter.
828
00:45:16,797 --> 00:45:18,295
She's gonna love you.
829
00:45:33,868 --> 00:45:35,421
Is that Charles?
830
00:45:35,446 --> 00:45:37,407
Hey, Chuck! It's us!
831
00:45:37,477 --> 00:45:38,719
That's not Chuck.
832
00:45:38,782 --> 00:45:39,860
Shit.
833
00:45:40,868 --> 00:45:45,321
Oh, ableism, great. That's not gonna
go over well with the woke mob!
834
00:45:45,462 --> 00:45:47,000
A Wolverine!
835
00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:51,632
I wondered when I'd get one
of you. You're one of Xavier's.
836
00:45:51,657 --> 00:45:53,311
You know him, you know Chuck?
837
00:45:53,336 --> 00:45:56,000
Oh, I knew him.
We shared a womb.
838
00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:59,601
Tried to strangle the sly little
fellow with my umbilical cord.
839
00:45:59,664 --> 00:46:02,875
Amen. I've never loved
roommates. Mine's blind.
840
00:46:02,929 --> 00:46:06,000
Except she can see
cocaine, for some reason.
841
00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:09,000
You want to chime in, your
Majesty? I'm dying here.
842
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:10,234
Who are you?
843
00:46:10,259 --> 00:46:13,226
Charles Xavier's twin.
Cassandra Nova.
844
00:46:13,251 --> 00:46:15,000
- Bullshit.
- Oh, he's an anal birth.
845
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:17,000
You two are cute.
846
00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:19,000
I have a good
feeling about this.
847
00:46:21,878 --> 00:46:24,975
And I've been trying to
catch this little firefly for years.
848
00:46:25,620 --> 00:46:27,385
Haven't I, Johnny?
849
00:46:28,513 --> 00:46:30,756
You have picked the wrong
time to make new friends.
850
00:46:30,781 --> 00:46:32,907
Oh, Johnny told
us all about you.
851
00:46:32,932 --> 00:46:33,932
Maybe shut up now.
852
00:46:33,957 --> 00:46:34,822
Yeah. Maybe don't---
853
00:46:34,847 --> 00:46:36,000
We're just talking here.
854
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:39,000
Yeah, Johnny told us you're a
psychotic, megalomaniacal asshole.
855
00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:40,000
His words, not mine.
856
00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:42,620
Hellbent on domination and pain.
857
00:46:43,331 --> 00:46:44,975
You said all that about me?
858
00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:45,850
No.
859
00:46:45,875 --> 00:46:46,740
No!
860
00:46:46,765 --> 00:46:47,752
I didn't say any of that.
861
00:46:47,777 --> 00:46:49,619
It's in stones, Johnny.
862
00:46:50,393 --> 00:46:52,171
Don't let her intimidate you.
863
00:46:52,404 --> 00:46:54,000
Like you said in the convoy,
864
00:46:54,000 --> 00:46:57,815
this finger-lickin', dead
inside, pixie slab of third-rate,
865
00:46:57,840 --> 00:47:00,814
dime store nut milk can eat
your delicious cinnamon ring
866
00:47:00,839 --> 00:47:03,040
and kick rocks all
the way to bald hell.
867
00:47:03,165 --> 00:47:06,000
I never said any of those
words in my entire life.
868
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:07,000
The modesty.
869
00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:09,000
People think I'm a shit talker,
870
00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:11,445
but this guy, next level.
871
00:47:11,664 --> 00:47:15,000
What? This, wait... I don't even
know what half of that means!
872
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:17,000
My hat's off to you, sir. Truly.
873
00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:18,000
I didn't...
874
00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:20,000
He's---
875
00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:21,000
I don't-
876
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:28,000
Not my favorite Chris.
877
00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:30,000
You stupid piece of shit.
You just got him fucking killed!
878
00:47:30,000 --> 00:47:31,914
Hey, we're all grieving.
879
00:47:31,939 --> 00:47:34,200
Do you know what he
was doing to the budget?
880
00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:37,851
Alioth is hungry.
881
00:47:38,445 --> 00:47:40,209
There's been some
kind of mistake.
882
00:47:40,234 --> 00:47:42,146
Big yellow is a
backup anchor being,
883
00:47:42,171 --> 00:47:43,333
and I'm Marvel Jesus.
884
00:47:43,358 --> 00:47:44,591
MJ if you're nasty.
885
00:47:44,616 --> 00:47:45,653
This may be hard to hear,
886
00:47:45,678 --> 00:47:47,302
but there's another
British villain
887
00:47:47,327 --> 00:47:49,000
who's gonna destroy my universe,
888
00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:50,000
and I'm gonna stop him.
889
00:47:50,000 --> 00:47:53,000
Oh, honey, you don't really
strike me as the world saving type.
890
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:57,000
Did I hit a nerve?
891
00:47:57,000 --> 00:47:59,000
I didn't want it
to come to this.
892
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:00,747
Either you help us...
893
00:48:00,772 --> 00:48:05,115
Or my friend here is gonna sing the entire
second act of Music Man, with zero warmup.
894
00:48:05,631 --> 00:48:07,000
Where did you
get the chair?
895
00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:09,659
Every once in a while, I do
get a Charles through here.
896
00:48:09,916 --> 00:48:11,396
Never mind, though.
897
00:48:11,421 --> 00:48:12,421
No...
898
00:48:12,465 --> 00:48:14,254
He didn't care to find me.
899
00:48:14,327 --> 00:48:15,327
Ugh!
900
00:48:15,395 --> 00:48:18,035
Gen Z and their trauma bragging!
901
00:48:18,106 --> 00:48:20,041
Can't you just stuff
it down, turn it into an
902
00:48:20,065 --> 00:48:22,635
accomplishment or
cancer like the rest of us?
903
00:48:22,660 --> 00:48:24,479
But I'm not like
the rest of you.
904
00:48:24,504 --> 00:48:26,207
Except maybe the Wolverine.
905
00:48:26,324 --> 00:48:29,000
Now, we can be truly
terrifying together.
906
00:48:29,000 --> 00:48:30,377
Yeah, that's scary, huh?
907
00:48:30,402 --> 00:48:32,176
The TVA certainly thought so.
908
00:48:32,270 --> 00:48:35,000
They sent me here
before I could walk.
909
00:48:35,000 --> 00:48:38,000
And you know, it's the best
thing that ever happened to me.
910
00:48:38,000 --> 00:48:39,297
I love it here.
911
00:48:39,322 --> 00:48:41,000
You live in a garbage dump.
912
00:48:41,000 --> 00:48:44,000
I think we both know who
lives in the garbage dump.
913
00:48:44,000 --> 00:48:46,000
The Void is a paradise.
914
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:49,361
I can wield my power
here without shame.
915
00:48:49,463 --> 00:48:53,151
Unfortunately, I had no Charles
Xavier to teach me temperance.
916
00:48:53,461 --> 00:48:55,461
What about your Charles?
917
00:48:55,865 --> 00:48:59,318
Did he protect you? Did
he make you feel safe?
918
00:48:59,404 --> 00:49:01,659
We're mutants.
We're never safe.
919
00:49:09,731 --> 00:49:11,834
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I don't want the smoke.
920
00:49:12,146 --> 00:49:13,513
I don't have
any beef with you.
921
00:49:13,538 --> 00:49:15,000
I just want to
save my friends.
922
00:49:15,000 --> 00:49:16,545
I just...
I want to go home.
923
00:49:16,570 --> 00:49:18,271
Well the thing is, I
could get you home.
924
00:49:18,296 --> 00:49:19,035
Good.
925
00:49:19,060 --> 00:49:20,209
But I don't want to.
926
00:49:20,390 --> 00:49:21,691
Not good.
927
00:49:24,447 --> 00:49:25,982
What do you want...
928
00:49:26,007 --> 00:49:27,416
Wade Wilson?
929
00:49:27,776 --> 00:49:30,805
Your fingers are inside me,
but not in a good way.
930
00:49:30,830 --> 00:49:33,923
My brother could enter
one's mind with a thought.
931
00:49:34,038 --> 00:49:36,759
I have to get my hands dirty.
932
00:49:39,005 --> 00:49:41,005
I've got you.
933
00:49:42,796 --> 00:49:44,796
I've got you.
934
00:49:51,331 --> 00:49:53,331
I am right here.
935
00:49:53,356 --> 00:49:54,537
No, you're not.
936
00:49:54,562 --> 00:49:55,296
I can...
937
00:49:55,321 --> 00:49:56,406
I'm right here.
938
00:49:56,451 --> 00:49:57,451
Then show me.
939
00:49:57,476 --> 00:49:59,344
You got to do something.
940
00:49:59,789 --> 00:50:01,367
Show you what?
941
00:50:01,531 --> 00:50:04,437
Show me you care about
something bigger than you.
942
00:50:05,125 --> 00:50:09,000
Ever since they turned
you down, you took a knee.
943
00:50:09,827 --> 00:50:11,827
Baby, you never got back up.
944
00:50:13,022 --> 00:50:15,289
I know you're going
through something.
945
00:50:15,343 --> 00:50:17,384
Let me go through it with you.
946
00:50:18,523 --> 00:50:20,770
Your crazy
matches my crazy.
947
00:50:23,047 --> 00:50:24,890
Where did you go?
948
00:50:25,569 --> 00:50:27,569
Oh, my God.
949
00:50:29,679 --> 00:50:31,679
You just say it, okay?
950
00:50:32,821 --> 00:50:33,890
Say I don't want you.
951
00:50:33,915 --> 00:50:35,181
I don't want to
be with you.
952
00:50:35,975 --> 00:50:36,975
Go ahead and say it.
953
00:50:37,000 --> 00:50:38,000
Say it.
954
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:39,000
You don't want
to be with me.
955
00:50:39,000 --> 00:50:39,859
Tell me that.
956
00:50:39,884 --> 00:50:40,838
I'll walk away.
957
00:50:40,863 --> 00:50:42,049
Say I don't want you.
958
00:50:48,812 --> 00:50:51,812
You'll never fucking matter.
959
00:50:55,000 --> 00:50:56,117
What?
960
00:50:57,000 --> 00:50:59,859
You'll never fucking matter.
961
00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:07,359
You'll...
962
00:51:08,405 --> 00:51:09,951
never...
963
00:51:10,616 --> 00:51:13,484
fucking matter.
964
00:51:16,773 --> 00:51:18,000
She never said that.
965
00:51:18,000 --> 00:51:18,750
No.
966
00:51:18,775 --> 00:51:20,882
But I bet she thought it.
967
00:51:22,898 --> 00:51:24,710
You are so mean.
968
00:51:24,735 --> 00:51:27,452
My brain can taste your
fingers and they tasted like hate.
969
00:51:27,671 --> 00:51:30,384
And where in God's name
is the intimacy coordinator?
970
00:51:30,409 --> 00:51:32,447
You're so lost, Mr. Wilson.
971
00:51:33,467 --> 00:51:35,824
Long before you came here.
972
00:51:37,298 --> 00:51:38,298
This is baby knife.
973
00:51:38,323 --> 00:51:39,803
She's gonna fuck
you in the face now.
974
00:51:39,828 --> 00:51:40,834
If you want to kill me,
975
00:51:40,859 --> 00:51:42,740
it's going to take
more than a little blade.
976
00:51:42,765 --> 00:51:43,765
How about six?
977
00:51:45,527 --> 00:51:47,655
My boy's wicked strong!
978
00:51:48,091 --> 00:51:49,600
That's my big boy.
979
00:51:49,679 --> 00:51:51,452
Yes, you are.
980
00:52:26,750 --> 00:52:28,608
Well, this has been fun.
981
00:52:28,633 --> 00:52:31,195
But the big guy needs to
eat and the rent is due.
982
00:52:34,124 --> 00:52:36,538
By the way,
you're the rent.
983
00:52:57,526 --> 00:52:58,526
Fuck!
984
00:52:58,551 --> 00:52:59,797
You coming or what?
985
00:52:59,822 --> 00:53:00,822
Coming!
986
00:53:20,280 --> 00:53:21,286
Whatcha thinking about?
987
00:53:21,311 --> 00:53:22,552
Get the fuck off of me.
988
00:53:22,577 --> 00:53:24,005
Shh... Almost done.
989
00:53:24,030 --> 00:53:25,169
Almost done what?
990
00:53:25,194 --> 00:53:27,000
Getting my knife out
of your buttocks.
991
00:53:27,000 --> 00:53:28,328
- Pervert!
- Fuck!
992
00:53:28,820 --> 00:53:30,772
Get your mind
out of my pants.
993
00:53:30,797 --> 00:53:32,615
- I'm telling Blake.
- New rules.
994
00:53:32,640 --> 00:53:34,000
I talk now.
995
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:35,459
That's gonna be very
hard on the audience.
996
00:53:35,484 --> 00:53:37,396
Shut the fuck up!
997
00:53:37,421 --> 00:53:39,269
Let me fucking think.
998
00:53:39,374 --> 00:53:41,964
We got to get back
to Paradox, right?
999
00:53:43,124 --> 00:53:44,167
Right?
1000
00:53:44,667 --> 00:53:45,744
Suis excused?
1001
00:53:45,769 --> 00:53:47,000
Am I allowed to speak now?
1002
00:53:47,000 --> 00:53:49,167
Just nod, asshole.
1003
00:53:50,484 --> 00:53:51,484
Right.
1004
00:53:51,565 --> 00:53:52,816
Then we find the others
that poor kid Johnny
1005
00:53:52,840 --> 00:53:54,710
was talking about
before you got him killed.
1006
00:53:54,750 --> 00:53:56,481
"Poor kid."
He's like 50.
1007
00:53:56,527 --> 00:53:59,000
If there's a chance they know how
to get out of here, we find them.
1008
00:53:59,000 --> 00:54:02,441
Make those TVA fuckers fix my
shit like you fucking promised.
1009
00:54:02,640 --> 00:54:04,356
I smell a quest.
1010
00:54:06,338 --> 00:54:07,637
I smell food.
1011
00:54:10,750 --> 00:54:14,195
So, what made you finally
wear an honest-to-God costume?
1012
00:54:15,702 --> 00:54:17,803
Mine's red so they
can't see me bleed.
1013
00:54:17,828 --> 00:54:20,387
But I can see how yellow
would be useful, too.
1014
00:54:20,412 --> 00:54:22,264
Have you been checked for ADHD?
1015
00:54:22,289 --> 00:54:23,289
Mm-hmm.
1016
00:54:23,592 --> 00:54:27,967
But I've had several STDs which
were probably caused by ADHD.
1017
00:54:29,747 --> 00:54:31,303
What are you looking for?
1018
00:54:31,357 --> 00:54:33,000
Oh, fuck.
1019
00:54:33,740 --> 00:54:35,837
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
That's rubbing alcohol.
1020
00:54:35,862 --> 00:54:37,744
You don't want to drink...
Oh, yeah, there you go.
1021
00:54:37,769 --> 00:54:39,143
Fuck that liver.
1022
00:54:39,970 --> 00:54:42,252
Good? Okay.
1023
00:54:42,916 --> 00:54:44,516
What the fuck are those?
1024
00:54:44,549 --> 00:54:45,549
Oh.
1025
00:54:45,574 --> 00:54:48,714
Back in civilian life, I wear
a toupee but nobody knows.
1026
00:54:51,425 --> 00:54:53,464
Everybody knows.
1027
00:54:55,635 --> 00:54:59,000
Want to talk about what's haunting you or
should we wait for a third act flashback?
1028
00:54:59,000 --> 00:55:01,000
Uh, go fuck yourself.
1029
00:55:04,546 --> 00:55:11,882
You know, in my world
you were, well-regarded.
1030
00:55:12,209 --> 00:55:13,882
Yeah, well, not on mine.
1031
00:55:14,335 --> 00:55:17,328
- They don't like me much in mine either.
- You don't say.
1032
00:55:17,429 --> 00:55:19,650
I wanted to be
something, you know.
1033
00:55:20,301 --> 00:55:22,000
Shit, I wanted to
be an Avenger.
1034
00:55:22,000 --> 00:55:24,399
- Fuck the Avengers.
- Yeah.
1035
00:55:24,424 --> 00:55:27,152
I didn't make the cut though,
same with the X-Men.
1036
00:55:28,406 --> 00:55:30,000
My girlfriend
left me and I just-
1037
00:55:30,000 --> 00:55:31,451
You got a girlfriend?
1038
00:55:31,476 --> 00:55:32,476
Yeah.
1039
00:55:32,671 --> 00:55:36,139
Vanessa. When we met,
she was a dancer.
1040
00:55:36,770 --> 00:55:38,770
We made a whole life.
1041
00:55:38,795 --> 00:55:40,795
It was good.
1042
00:55:40,820 --> 00:55:42,820
But, oh boy, I just-
1043
00:55:44,071 --> 00:55:45,969
fucked that right up.
1044
00:55:46,580 --> 00:55:47,922
But you?
1045
00:55:47,947 --> 00:55:49,141
You were an X-Man.
1046
00:55:49,173 --> 00:55:51,321
Fuck that, you
were the X-Man.
1047
00:55:52,975 --> 00:55:54,574
The Wolverine.
1048
00:55:56,446 --> 00:55:58,595
He was a hero in my world.
1049
00:55:59,837 --> 00:56:03,775
Yeah, well, he
ain't shit in mine.
1050
00:56:08,646 --> 00:56:11,496
You said Logan was
a hero. What happened?
1051
00:56:11,778 --> 00:56:13,389
He died.
1052
00:56:13,414 --> 00:56:14,414
How?
1053
00:56:14,945 --> 00:56:18,334
Technically you were
chest-fucked by a tree, but really,
1054
00:56:18,359 --> 00:56:20,646
you just ran out of battery
just trying save someone.
1055
00:56:20,671 --> 00:56:21,671
Who?
1056
00:56:21,812 --> 00:56:27,320
The shitheels that grew her in a lab
called her X-23, but she was just a kid.
1057
00:56:27,523 --> 00:56:30,773
A younger, daintier, somehow
meaner version of you.
1058
00:56:31,023 --> 00:56:32,795
You died trying to save her.
1059
00:56:32,820 --> 00:56:34,093
It was beautiful.
1060
00:56:34,398 --> 00:56:37,202
Look, mijo, I
know you're hurt.
1061
00:56:37,273 --> 00:56:39,987
My blind elderly
African-American roommate, Blind
1062
00:56:40,011 --> 00:56:42,725
Al, always says that pain
teaches us who we are.
1063
00:56:42,750 --> 00:56:45,620
Sometimes we need to listen to that
pain instead of running from it.
1064
00:56:45,645 --> 00:56:46,645
Holy shit.
1065
00:56:46,670 --> 00:56:49,670
That's her name?
You call her "Blind Al?"
1066
00:56:49,695 --> 00:56:51,304
Oh, she's Black.
1067
00:57:27,553 --> 00:57:28,661
Look at you!
1068
00:57:28,686 --> 00:57:30,000
She's coming with us!
1069
00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:31,459
- No, she's not.
- Oh, yes. She is.
1070
00:57:31,484 --> 00:57:33,000
- Fuck, no.
- Oh, yes.
1071
00:57:33,000 --> 00:57:34,000
Sorry.
1072
00:57:34,000 --> 00:57:36,000
Sorry about that.
1073
00:57:36,000 --> 00:57:37,921
Come here, girl.
1074
00:57:38,179 --> 00:57:39,179
Who are you?
1075
00:57:39,368 --> 00:57:40,550
I'm Deadpool.
1076
00:57:40,636 --> 00:57:42,377
And I guess you're
Deadpool, too.
1077
00:57:42,486 --> 00:57:44,505
But in here everybody
calls me Nicepool. Oh my
1078
00:57:44,529 --> 00:57:47,257
goodness. Wait till you see
Ladypool. She is gorgeous.
1079
00:57:47,282 --> 00:57:49,386
She just had a baby, too.
1080
00:57:49,570 --> 00:57:50,695
Can't even tell.
1081
00:57:50,781 --> 00:57:52,156
I don't think you're
supposed to say that.
1082
00:57:52,226 --> 00:57:53,320
That's okay.
1083
00:57:53,617 --> 00:57:55,000
I identify as a feminist.
1084
00:57:55,000 --> 00:57:56,000
Right.
1085
00:57:58,051 --> 00:58:01,399
Are those gold-plated 50-caliber
desert-eagle-pistoleros?
1086
00:58:01,424 --> 00:58:02,493
Of course!
1087
00:58:02,863 --> 00:58:03,941
To match my earhuggy.
1088
00:58:04,037 --> 00:58:05,087
Can I have them?
1089
00:58:05,890 --> 00:58:07,271
Over my dead body.
1090
00:58:07,296 --> 00:58:08,560
You are fun.
1091
00:58:08,585 --> 00:58:12,653
And I guess you've already
met Mary Puppins, aka Dogpool.
1092
00:58:12,678 --> 00:58:13,851
Careful where you
put your hand.
1093
00:58:13,876 --> 00:58:16,625
She's 90% G-spot, and
she'll let you know it.
1094
00:58:16,717 --> 00:58:19,356
You let this little flirt
out of your sight for
1095
00:58:19,381 --> 00:58:22,420
one second, and she starts
shopping for a new papa.
1096
00:58:22,796 --> 00:58:26,867
If you can't be a responsible pet owner, then
maybe you don't deserve this little unicorn.
1097
00:58:27,347 --> 00:58:29,560
Guilty on all
charges, your honor.
1098
00:58:29,585 --> 00:58:30,690
It shan't happen again.
1099
00:58:30,715 --> 00:58:31,926
Why are you so nice?
1100
00:58:31,951 --> 00:58:33,545
It costs nothing to be kind.
1101
00:58:33,570 --> 00:58:35,132
Shutting the fuck
up is also free.
1102
00:58:35,157 --> 00:58:36,000
Caliente.
1103
00:58:36,000 --> 00:58:37,000
This is Logan.
1104
00:58:37,000 --> 00:58:40,000
He's usually shirtless, but he's
let himself go since the divorce.
1105
00:58:41,380 --> 00:58:42,755
Where is your mask?
1106
00:58:45,000 --> 00:58:46,484
Come on, guys.
1107
00:58:47,234 --> 00:58:48,857
Ugh, this guy.
1108
00:58:48,882 --> 00:58:50,560
We're looking for a
group of survivors.
1109
00:58:50,592 --> 00:58:51,540
Oh, they're out there.
1110
00:58:51,565 --> 00:58:54,850
Yeah, but merc to merc, you better hope
that you don't run into the Deadpool Corps.
1111
00:58:54,875 --> 00:58:55,843
They are crazy.
1112
00:58:55,868 --> 00:58:59,171
They will chop you up into a thousand
pieces and hide you all over the Void.
1113
00:58:59,196 --> 00:59:00,890
If they could only process
their childhood trauma,
1114
00:59:00,915 --> 00:59:02,510
they'd go on one heck
of a healing journey.
1115
00:59:02,535 --> 00:59:04,020
Look, we're headed
for the borderlands.
1116
00:59:04,045 --> 00:59:05,088
Do you know
where it is?
1117
00:59:05,418 --> 00:59:07,418
Yeah, that's 12 klicks.
1118
00:59:07,443 --> 00:59:08,443
Due west.
1119
00:59:08,468 --> 00:59:09,763
I can lend you my
ride if you like.
1120
00:59:09,789 --> 00:59:11,350
It would be my honor.
1121
00:59:14,324 --> 00:59:15,676
Oh, no, no,
no, no, no.
1122
00:59:15,701 --> 00:59:16,701
Absolutely not.
1123
00:59:16,726 --> 00:59:17,550
Uh-uh.
1124
00:59:17,575 --> 00:59:18,575
What the?
1125
00:59:18,600 --> 00:59:19,842
- No, no.
- Just get in the car.
1126
00:59:19,867 --> 00:59:21,095
This isn't a car.
1127
00:59:21,218 --> 00:59:23,362
This is a Honda fuckin' Odyssey.
1128
00:59:23,387 --> 00:59:25,387
Throttle response sucks a cock,
1129
00:59:25,412 --> 00:59:26,545
dated infotainment system.
1130
00:59:26,570 --> 00:59:28,907
When Honda saw that
untreated chlamydia was making a
1131
00:59:28,932 --> 00:59:32,471
comeback, they invented the
Honda Odyssey to compete.
1132
00:59:32,603 --> 00:59:35,317
Get in the fucking car.
1133
00:59:35,342 --> 00:59:37,342
She'll get you there
safe and sound.
1134
00:59:37,367 --> 00:59:39,367
Old Betsy always does.
1135
00:59:39,515 --> 00:59:41,827
You're gonna have to give
me my dog back, though.
1136
00:59:41,852 --> 00:59:42,852
I know.
1137
00:59:42,914 --> 00:59:44,784
Listen. Yes, child.
1138
00:59:44,809 --> 00:59:47,198
If you ever wanna give her
up, or she needs a new home or
1139
00:59:47,223 --> 00:59:50,613
if something should happen
to you, I'd love to be her papa.
1140
00:59:50,922 --> 00:59:52,687
What would ever
happen to me?
1141
00:59:52,780 --> 00:59:54,477
Lots of stuff.
1142
00:59:57,874 --> 00:59:59,874
No, we're running away.
1143
01:00:01,085 --> 01:00:02,906
The corn was
too dense, girl.
1144
01:00:03,163 --> 01:00:04,163
Fuck.
1145
01:00:07,000 --> 01:00:08,000
Bye.
1146
01:00:32,953 --> 01:00:34,271
Okay, I'm just gonna ask.
1147
01:00:34,296 --> 01:00:35,701
What's with the suit?
1148
01:00:35,726 --> 01:00:38,000
First thing I did when I
flamed out, I took mine off.
1149
01:00:38,000 --> 01:00:38,835
Drop it.
1150
01:00:38,860 --> 01:00:39,703
It's not that ugly.
1151
01:00:39,728 --> 01:00:40,868
Stop talking about my suit.
1152
01:00:40,893 --> 01:00:42,000
Did you make it
Yourself? Been there.
1153
01:00:42,000 --> 01:00:43,000
Quit. Now.
1154
01:00:43,000 --> 01:00:44,155
The X-Men make you wear it?
1155
01:00:44,180 --> 01:00:46,000
Those sons of fuckin' bitches.
1156
01:00:46,000 --> 01:00:47,000
They are not your friends.
1157
01:00:47,000 --> 01:00:47,831
I'll tell you that.
1158
01:00:47,856 --> 01:00:49,916
Friends don't let friends
leave the house looking
1159
01:00:49,940 --> 01:00:52,000
like they fight crime for
the Los Angeles Rams.
1160
01:00:52,000 --> 01:00:53,000
Shut the fuck up
about the suit.
1161
01:00:53,000 --> 01:00:54,000
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.
1162
01:00:54,000 --> 01:00:55,228
Watch your frown
lines, Angel Baby.
1163
01:00:55,253 --> 01:00:56,431
I'm just trying to
bond a little bit.
1164
01:00:56,456 --> 01:00:57,975
Well then, talk about
something else.
1165
01:00:58,000 --> 01:00:59,034
Fine.
1166
01:01:05,734 --> 01:01:06,812
Stop it.
1167
01:01:08,508 --> 01:01:09,904
If they can fix your
world, what's the first
1168
01:01:09,929 --> 01:01:11,357
thing you're gonna do
when you get out of here?
1169
01:01:11,382 --> 01:01:14,169
Is it rubbing alcohol shots,
maybe a wiper fluid chaser?
1170
01:01:14,194 --> 01:01:15,397
What did you say?
1171
01:01:15,483 --> 01:01:17,374
Said when you get back, what's
the first thing you're going to do?
1172
01:01:17,399 --> 01:01:18,909
No, no. Before that.
1173
01:01:19,937 --> 01:01:21,986
If they can fix your world?
1174
01:01:25,494 --> 01:01:28,000
- What do you mean if?
- I mean...
1175
01:01:28,000 --> 01:01:29,000
You lied to me.
1176
01:01:29,000 --> 01:01:31,390
You don't have a fucking clue if
they can help me fix things, do you?
1177
01:01:31,415 --> 01:01:33,000
No, I mean-
1178
01:01:33,000 --> 01:01:34,210
Oh, fuck!
1179
01:01:34,781 --> 01:01:35,607
Fuck!
1180
01:01:35,632 --> 01:01:36,271
I didn't lie!
1181
01:01:36,296 --> 01:01:37,084
You lied!
1182
01:01:37,109 --> 01:01:39,260
No, I made an
educated wish!
1183
01:01:40,354 --> 01:01:42,383
Because I need you.
1184
01:01:42,962 --> 01:01:45,046
This- this is why.
1185
01:01:45,117 --> 01:01:46,275
Right here.
1186
01:01:46,371 --> 01:01:48,296
Because if we don't
do something, they die.
1187
01:01:48,637 --> 01:01:50,851
I don't know anything
about saving worlds.
1188
01:01:50,876 --> 01:01:52,682
And why would I even care?
1189
01:01:52,707 --> 01:01:55,801
Because my entire world is
right here in this picture.
1190
01:01:55,895 --> 01:01:57,912
It's only nine people.
1191
01:01:57,937 --> 01:02:00,620
And I have no idea
how to save it alone.
1192
01:02:00,948 --> 01:02:05,448
I know how to fuck people up for money,
but you- you know how to save them.
1193
01:02:06,301 --> 01:02:07,964
At least, the other
Wolverine did.
1194
01:02:09,200 --> 01:02:11,534
I guess I'm stuck
with the worst one.
1195
01:02:11,559 --> 01:02:17,066
Did you say you made
an educated fucking wish?
1196
01:02:17,137 --> 01:02:19,379
They call me the
Merc with a Mouth.
1197
01:02:19,539 --> 01:02:24,113
They don't call me Truthful Timmy,
the Blowjob Queen of Saskatoon.
1198
01:02:27,093 --> 01:02:28,456
One more word.
1199
01:02:29,229 --> 01:02:31,117
Please give me one.
1200
01:02:34,296 --> 01:02:35,718
Gubernatorial.
1201
01:02:38,624 --> 01:02:41,021
You know what?
You're a fucking joke.
1202
01:02:41,643 --> 01:02:43,460
No wonder the Avengers
didn't take you.
1203
01:02:43,485 --> 01:02:45,622
Or the X-Men.
Fuck it, anyone.
1204
01:02:45,647 --> 01:02:47,380
I mean, you are...
1205
01:02:47,405 --> 01:02:51,606
A ridiculous,
immature, halfwit moron.
1206
01:02:51,704 --> 01:02:54,921
I have never met
a sadder,
1207
01:02:54,946 --> 01:02:57,428
a more attention-starved,
jabbering little prick,
1208
01:02:57,453 --> 01:03:01,023
in my entire life. And that says
a lot, because I've been alive
1209
01:03:01,078 --> 01:03:03,420
for more than
200 fucking years.
1210
01:03:03,445 --> 01:03:04,654
And I'll tell you.
1211
01:03:04,679 --> 01:03:06,687
That bald chick was
right about one thing.
1212
01:03:06,750 --> 01:03:09,000
You will never save the world.
1213
01:03:09,134 --> 01:03:13,421
You couldn't even save a
relationship with a goddamn stripper.
1214
01:03:13,446 --> 01:03:16,296
And motherfucker, I wish I
could say you'd die alone.
1215
01:03:16,321 --> 01:03:19,350
But it's one of God's best
jokes that you can't die,
1216
01:03:19,375 --> 01:03:21,796
except it's on all of us!
1217
01:03:25,225 --> 01:03:27,959
What, you got nothing
to say, Mouth?
1218
01:03:36,267 --> 01:03:38,048
I'm gonna fight you now.
1219
01:03:39,766 --> 01:03:41,139
Oh, are you?
1220
01:03:52,000 --> 01:03:54,000
Not talking now, are you?
1221
01:04:00,000 --> 01:04:01,828
You dirty bitch!
1222
01:04:33,742 --> 01:04:35,250
No, no, no!
1223
01:04:35,398 --> 01:04:37,000
Ah!
1224
01:04:58,716 --> 01:05:01,875
I take it all back, the
Honda Odyssey fucks hard.
1225
01:05:02,000 --> 01:05:05,137
- Too bad you don't, needledick.
- Oh, we're just getting started, Bub.
1226
01:06:02,687 --> 01:06:04,085
Thor!
1227
01:06:07,062 --> 01:06:08,163
Where are we?
1228
01:06:08,304 --> 01:06:10,681
No clue, but I like it here.
1229
01:07:09,156 --> 01:07:13,815
Okay, look at you all.
You must be the others.
1230
01:07:14,581 --> 01:07:19,000
Terrific. So, just to
refresh, you are Wonder...
1231
01:07:19,000 --> 01:07:22,000
- Elektra.
- Elektra. Yes.
1232
01:07:22,443 --> 01:07:28,159
And you. I was not expecting to see you
here. I thought you were, you know, retired.
1233
01:07:28,808 --> 01:07:31,000
Retarded?
1234
01:07:31,000 --> 01:07:35,000
Retired. I'm already in the Void. I'm
not trying to get cancelled again.
1235
01:07:35,000 --> 01:07:37,667
- I don't like you.
- You never did.
1236
01:07:38,000 --> 01:07:42,000
And who is this succulent
reminder of my own inadequacies?
1237
01:07:42,000 --> 01:07:46,348
Look at you. You look like the
superhero version of Hawkeye.
1238
01:07:46,684 --> 01:07:50,027
The name's Remy
LeBeau. Le Diable Blanc.
1239
01:07:50,098 --> 01:07:51,596
But you can call
me the Gambit.
1240
01:07:51,621 --> 01:07:54,308
It's been a while since I've
seen Sling Blade. Hit me again.
1241
01:07:54,972 --> 01:07:56,244
They call me the Gambit.
1242
01:07:56,269 --> 01:07:57,964
Do they? You're sure
you didn't just really,
1243
01:07:57,989 --> 01:08:00,636
really want them to, but
it never quite worked out?
1244
01:08:02,616 --> 01:08:05,201
You know, we never had
a Wolverine up in here.
1245
01:08:05,522 --> 01:08:07,936
But I can tell you now,
it's just common courtesy
1246
01:08:07,961 --> 01:08:10,689
to ask before you
drink up all of my liquor.
1247
01:08:11,016 --> 01:08:13,040
Well it's a good thing
I don't give a fuck.
1248
01:08:19,952 --> 01:08:21,648
So embarassing.
1249
01:08:23,000 --> 01:08:26,000
Now that that's settled... Look, we
came a long way to find you three.
1250
01:08:26,000 --> 01:08:28,000
- There's four of us.
- There's four?
1251
01:08:28,000 --> 01:08:29,394
Wait, is it Magneto?
1252
01:08:29,558 --> 01:08:31,839
Dear sweet God in heaven,
let it be Magneto.
1253
01:08:31,864 --> 01:08:32,409
Because with him...
1254
01:08:32,465 --> 01:08:33,651
- He's dead.
- Fuck!
1255
01:08:33,815 --> 01:08:37,000
Now Disney gets cheap? It's like Pinocchio
jammed his face in my ass and started
1256
01:08:37,025 --> 01:08:38,792
lying like crazy.
1257
01:08:38,899 --> 01:08:41,000
You nasty.
1258
01:08:41,761 --> 01:08:44,140
Not a single word. What
do you do... exactly?
1259
01:08:44,500 --> 01:08:46,000
Throw playing cards.
1260
01:08:46,000 --> 01:08:47,298
Make them go boom.
1261
01:08:47,323 --> 01:08:49,023
Your power is close up
magic. That's good.
1262
01:08:49,148 --> 01:08:51,000
We're not totally fucked at all.
1263
01:08:51,000 --> 01:08:52,461
Who brought us here?
1264
01:08:52,640 --> 01:08:54,156
That would be me.
1265
01:09:03,616 --> 01:09:05,498
Don't make me regret it.
1266
01:09:06,920 --> 01:09:07,920
Holy shit.
1267
01:09:07,945 --> 01:09:09,945
Logan, that's her.
That's X-23.
1268
01:09:10,000 --> 01:09:12,000
She's the one I
told you about.
1269
01:09:16,000 --> 01:09:18,313
How did you all get
stuck in the Void?
1270
01:09:18,338 --> 01:09:21,000
There was a knock at the
door. TVA sent me here.
1271
01:09:21,000 --> 01:09:22,000
Me, too.
1272
01:09:22,000 --> 01:09:24,439
Maybe I was born here.
Shit it's hard to know for sure.
1273
01:09:24,464 --> 01:09:27,359
TVA decided our
universe was dying.
1274
01:09:27,734 --> 01:09:30,321
And I never even got
a chance to fight for it.
1275
01:09:32,498 --> 01:09:34,498
People like us don't go quietly.
1276
01:09:34,523 --> 01:09:36,790
TVA knows that,
so they took us out.
1277
01:09:37,321 --> 01:09:39,415
The answer is yes. I'm in.
1278
01:09:39,446 --> 01:09:40,453
In what?
1279
01:09:40,478 --> 01:09:43,273
A team. Me, you, you
and me, all of us, together.
1280
01:09:43,328 --> 01:09:45,000
Let's get the fuck
out of this place.
1281
01:09:45,000 --> 01:09:47,000
Don't listen to him.
He's a fucking liar.
1282
01:09:47,000 --> 01:09:48,734
It was an educated wish!
1283
01:09:49,452 --> 01:09:50,452
Look...
1284
01:09:51,000 --> 01:09:53,000
We have been inside
Cassandra's lair.
1285
01:09:53,000 --> 01:09:56,000
The only way out of
the Void is through her.
1286
01:09:56,000 --> 01:09:57,352
She can get us home.
1287
01:09:57,377 --> 01:09:58,377
She told us.
1288
01:09:58,402 --> 01:10:00,000
Wait a minute,
you've been inside?
1289
01:10:00,000 --> 01:10:01,323
And you made it out alive?
1290
01:10:01,348 --> 01:10:03,143
Bullshit. Nobody's
ever done that.
1291
01:10:03,168 --> 01:10:04,000
We did.
1292
01:10:04,000 --> 01:10:07,706
Everytime one of us has
gone up against her, they die.
1293
01:10:07,731 --> 01:10:10,729
The Punisher, the
Quicksilver, the Daredevil...
1294
01:10:10,754 --> 01:10:12,240
Daredevil, I'm so sorry.
1295
01:10:12,265 --> 01:10:13,558
- It's fine.
- Okay.
1296
01:10:15,548 --> 01:10:18,540
Even our sweet baby
angel, Johnny Storm...
1297
01:10:18,657 --> 01:10:21,923
He up and gone missing
like two days ago.
1298
01:10:22,008 --> 01:10:24,556
That's so sad.
1299
01:10:24,656 --> 01:10:28,100
Wherever this Johnny fella
is, I'm sure he's thriving.
1300
01:10:28,125 --> 01:10:30,452
Look, there's... there's
strength in numbers.
1301
01:10:30,477 --> 01:10:31,000
All right?
1302
01:10:31,000 --> 01:10:33,000
Us, plus you guys.
We can put
1303
01:10:33,000 --> 01:10:36,000
Cassandra over our knee and
force her to let us out of the Void.
1304
01:10:36,000 --> 01:10:37,334
I know what it means
to feel self-doubt.
1305
01:10:37,359 --> 01:10:38,552
I don't feel that at all.
1306
01:10:38,577 --> 01:10:39,154
I'm good.
1307
01:10:39,179 --> 01:10:41,000
Gnawing at your gut like
a coked up tapeworm?
1308
01:10:41,000 --> 01:10:43,000
It's like you're holding
up a mirror to my soul.
1309
01:10:43,000 --> 01:10:45,000
You guys may not have been
able to save your universes,
1310
01:10:45,000 --> 01:10:47,197
but you can avenge them.
1311
01:10:47,648 --> 01:10:49,279
It's what Johnny
would've wanted.
1312
01:10:49,304 --> 01:10:50,304
Wait.
1313
01:10:50,741 --> 01:10:52,741
You knew Johnny?
1314
01:10:52,978 --> 01:10:54,000
Oh, yeah.
1315
01:10:54,000 --> 01:10:56,000
Dickhead here talked
him into a team-up,
1316
01:10:56,000 --> 01:10:58,533
and Johnny came down with
a little case of the deads.
1317
01:10:58,558 --> 01:10:59,126
No, no, no.
1318
01:10:59,151 --> 01:11:00,000
We don't know that.
1319
01:11:00,000 --> 01:11:01,353
It was just a flesh wound.
1320
01:11:01,378 --> 01:11:02,306
He may have survived.
1321
01:11:02,331 --> 01:11:05,000
If he survived that, he
is praying for death.
1322
01:11:05,000 --> 01:11:07,000
Thank you, Dr. Wolverine.
1323
01:11:07,000 --> 01:11:07,753
Spill it.
1324
01:11:07,778 --> 01:11:09,000
What did you
do to Johnny, huh?
1325
01:11:09,000 --> 01:11:10,265
Talk or I'm
gonna start dealin'.
1326
01:11:10,290 --> 01:11:11,000
Okay.
1327
01:11:11,000 --> 01:11:12,000
Okay,. Hey, hey, hey.
1328
01:11:12,000 --> 01:11:13,000
Look.
1329
01:11:13,000 --> 01:11:15,593
He ran his fatass
mouth about Cassandra.
1330
01:11:15,618 --> 01:11:18,664
Then she zipzapped his skin,
leaving his organs to splash
1331
01:11:18,689 --> 01:11:21,319
crudely onto the ground while
the soil greedily drank his blood.
1332
01:11:21,344 --> 01:11:22,514
It was horrible.
1333
01:11:22,539 --> 01:11:24,298
He was like a brother to me.
1334
01:11:24,478 --> 01:11:27,000
Look, he died before he
could make a difference.
1335
01:11:27,000 --> 01:11:32,656
But... Look, maybe you can't save your
worlds, but Jesus Christ, you can save mine.
1336
01:11:32,734 --> 01:11:37,156
I don't give a shit about your world, but
if these two made it out of there alive...
1337
01:11:37,187 --> 01:11:40,000
Maybe together we can get
back in and take her down.
1338
01:11:40,000 --> 01:11:41,393
Where I come from,
1339
01:11:41,510 --> 01:11:43,000
we call that suicide, Chere.
1340
01:11:43,000 --> 01:11:46,000
If we can block her psychic
powers, we can get a leg up.
1341
01:11:46,000 --> 01:11:47,000
I know it.
1342
01:11:47,000 --> 01:11:49,934
Now, I know Magneto is
dead, but I venture to guess
1343
01:11:49,959 --> 01:11:52,000
that his helmet is lying
around here somewhere.
1344
01:11:52,031 --> 01:11:53,356
Cassandra melted the helmet.
1345
01:11:53,381 --> 01:11:54,000
Fuck!
1346
01:11:54,000 --> 01:11:55,000
After she killed him.
1347
01:11:55,000 --> 01:11:56,000
Fuck!
1348
01:11:56,000 --> 01:11:56,738
She don't play.
1349
01:11:56,762 --> 01:11:59,336
She knew the helmet was the only
way to protect anyone from her powers.
1350
01:11:59,406 --> 01:12:02,738
The only other helmet that's strong enough is
Juggernaut's, but he works for Cassandra.
1351
01:12:02,769 --> 01:12:04,000
Juggernaut's helmet, that's it.
1352
01:12:04,000 --> 01:12:07,459
And we know that ain't coming
off. That dome gotta come off with it.
1353
01:12:07,484 --> 01:12:09,615
I'm so sorry, beautiful.
I want this to be gentle.
1354
01:12:09,640 --> 01:12:11,139
Who is your dialect coach?
1355
01:12:11,164 --> 01:12:12,000
The Minions?
1356
01:12:12,000 --> 01:12:15,297
I feel like we're missing
critical exposition here.
1357
01:12:16,147 --> 01:12:17,639
I'm sick of this shit.
1358
01:12:17,664 --> 01:12:19,212
I'm sick of hiding.
1359
01:12:20,033 --> 01:12:22,494
Let's face it. Our world's
forgot about us.
1360
01:12:22,519 --> 01:12:24,361
Or never learned about us.
1361
01:12:24,398 --> 01:12:25,890
The heroes we were.
1362
01:12:25,915 --> 01:12:28,523
- Lives we saved.
- Or wanted to save.
1363
01:12:28,796 --> 01:12:31,227
Maybe these two
are our chance.
1364
01:12:31,859 --> 01:12:35,000
To be remembered
the way we deserve.
1365
01:12:35,000 --> 01:12:36,000
Yes.
1366
01:12:36,000 --> 01:12:38,000
An ending.
1367
01:12:38,000 --> 01:12:39,000
Legacy.
1368
01:12:39,000 --> 01:12:40,000
Yes!
1369
01:12:40,000 --> 01:12:41,655
Let this man cook!
1370
01:12:41,694 --> 01:12:43,000
This is what I'm talking about!
1371
01:12:43,000 --> 01:12:46,000
Big, slow motion fights, sad music,
everybody working together!
1372
01:12:46,000 --> 01:12:48,000
Who knows if you live
or die, that sort of thing.
1373
01:12:48,000 --> 01:12:48,809
Who's ready?
1374
01:12:48,834 --> 01:12:50,000
I was born ready.
1375
01:12:50,000 --> 01:12:51,000
Yes, Gambit?
1376
01:12:51,000 --> 01:12:52,000
I ain't know my daddy.
1377
01:12:52,000 --> 01:12:54,000
But I'm sure I shot
out of his dick ready.
1378
01:12:54,000 --> 01:12:56,000
Jesus Christ, that is graphic.
1379
01:12:56,000 --> 01:12:58,008
Yeah, he laid them buttery
nuts all up in my Mom,
1380
01:12:58,040 --> 01:13:00,436
and I shot out there,
and I said, what's up Doc?
1381
01:13:00,491 --> 01:13:02,406
I'm sure he must've loved you.
1382
01:13:02,437 --> 01:13:04,346
X-23, what's it gonna be?
1383
01:13:04,377 --> 01:13:06,000
The name's Laura.
1384
01:13:06,000 --> 01:13:07,219
Let's fucking go.
1385
01:13:07,244 --> 01:13:09,000
Let's fucking go!
1386
01:13:09,000 --> 01:13:11,000
1387
01:13:11,000 --> 01:13:12,000
We're doing this.
1388
01:13:12,000 --> 01:13:13,000
You're all fucking dead.
1389
01:13:13,000 --> 01:13:15,000
My God, read the room.
1390
01:13:26,118 --> 01:13:28,000
I... I'm not looking
for company.
1391
01:13:28,000 --> 01:13:29,000
Get outta here.
1392
01:13:30,947 --> 01:13:34,314
You remind me of him.
Angry. Drunk. Vain.
1393
01:13:34,396 --> 01:13:35,396
Sounds like a great guy.
1394
01:13:35,421 --> 01:13:36,619
Wasn't finished.
1395
01:13:38,283 --> 01:13:40,791
Showed up when it
mattered the most.
1396
01:13:41,971 --> 01:13:43,665
Couldn't help it.
1397
01:13:47,330 --> 01:13:51,526
You might not know it, but
you're a good man, Logan.
1398
01:13:52,878 --> 01:13:56,148
You might not know it, but
apparently I'm the worst Logan.
1399
01:13:57,705 --> 01:14:00,190
I got to have a life
because of you.
1400
01:14:02,167 --> 01:14:04,768
I got to grow up
because of you.
1401
01:14:06,099 --> 01:14:07,755
A lot of kids did.
1402
01:14:08,052 --> 01:14:10,669
A lot of kids didn't grow
up because of me.
1403
01:14:12,004 --> 01:14:13,785
Trust me kid, I'm no hero.
1404
01:14:14,835 --> 01:14:16,374
That suit says different.
1405
01:14:20,851 --> 01:14:23,000
Scott used to beg
me to wear it.
1406
01:14:24,703 --> 01:14:25,812
So did Jean.
1407
01:14:26,000 --> 01:14:26,757
Storm.
1408
01:14:26,782 --> 01:14:27,782
Beast.
1409
01:14:29,374 --> 01:14:30,671
All of them.
1410
01:14:31,515 --> 01:14:34,280
They wanted me to be part
of the team, but I wouldn't.
1411
01:14:35,348 --> 01:14:37,694
Told them they all
looked fucking ridiculous.
1412
01:14:40,536 --> 01:14:43,482
I couldn't have them thinking
I wanted to be there.
1413
01:14:48,660 --> 01:14:51,793
And then one day while I was off
on my own, the humans came.
1414
01:14:52,421 --> 01:14:54,468
And went mutant hunting.
1415
01:14:55,022 --> 01:14:56,257
I can guess the rest.
1416
01:14:56,304 --> 01:14:57,617
No, no.
1417
01:14:58,851 --> 01:15:00,234
Let me say it.
1418
01:15:02,648 --> 01:15:04,359
I need to say it.
1419
01:15:06,507 --> 01:15:10,054
By the time I stumbled all shit-
faced from the bar, it was too late.
1420
01:15:14,023 --> 01:15:16,046
They were dead. Every....
1421
01:15:21,687 --> 01:15:25,078
This suit's all I got to remind
me of who they were.
1422
01:15:26,179 --> 01:15:28,327
What I did.
1423
01:15:40,539 --> 01:15:42,523
We're headed to
Cassandra's at sunup.
1424
01:15:43,031 --> 01:15:44,140
Have fun.
1425
01:15:44,165 --> 01:15:45,493
Not my fight.
1426
01:15:48,000 --> 01:15:50,148
We won't pull this
off without you.
1427
01:15:56,851 --> 01:16:00,257
Hey, whoever you think I
am, you got the wrong guy.
1428
01:16:02,881 --> 01:16:04,634
You were always the wrong guy.
1429
01:16:30,000 --> 01:16:31,000
What?
1430
01:16:31,000 --> 01:16:33,000
Alioth didn't get them.
1431
01:16:33,000 --> 01:16:36,000
Cassandra wanted to play
with them herself first.
1432
01:16:36,000 --> 01:16:37,000
They got away.
1433
01:16:37,000 --> 01:16:38,000
Did they find the others?
1434
01:16:38,000 --> 01:16:38,796
No.
1435
01:16:38,821 --> 01:16:40,000
Good. All right, cool.
1436
01:16:40,000 --> 01:16:41,000
The others found them.
1437
01:16:41,000 --> 01:16:42,000
Oh, very cute.
1438
01:16:42,000 --> 01:16:43,000
Well done, Pyro.
1439
01:16:43,000 --> 01:16:43,858
Classic bait and switch.
1440
01:16:43,883 --> 01:16:44,733
You really got me there.
1441
01:16:44,758 --> 01:16:45,758
Relax.
1442
01:16:46,000 --> 01:16:47,781
If they come after Nova,
1443
01:16:47,806 --> 01:16:48,664
she'll handle it.
1444
01:16:48,689 --> 01:16:50,689
Cassandra is a
lunatic wild card.
1445
01:16:50,714 --> 01:16:52,929
Why do you think we put
her there in the first place?
1446
01:16:53,000 --> 01:16:55,000
Thank God she's never
chosen to leave the Void.
1447
01:16:55,000 --> 01:16:58,000
The time ripper is hours
away from completion.
1448
01:16:58,000 --> 01:16:59,000
I can't take any chances.
1449
01:16:59,000 --> 01:17:00,000
Maybe not.
1450
01:17:00,000 --> 01:17:01,312
But I can...
1451
01:17:01,382 --> 01:17:02,343
For a price.
1452
01:17:02,429 --> 01:17:04,279
Why do you have to
say it in that silly voice?
1453
01:17:04,304 --> 01:17:05,156
It's so icky.
1454
01:17:05,203 --> 01:17:06,615
Do you want it
done or not?
1455
01:17:06,640 --> 01:17:08,522
All right. Your price.
Take her out.
1456
01:17:09,453 --> 01:17:11,397
Oh, mutants.
1457
01:17:32,975 --> 01:17:33,975
Look at that there.
1458
01:17:34,000 --> 01:17:35,391
See, them bigger
hands become closed,
1459
01:17:35,416 --> 01:17:37,000
ain't not one of
us getting outside.
1460
01:17:37,000 --> 01:17:40,000
What Gambit's trying to say
is getting Juggernaut's helmet
1461
01:17:40,000 --> 01:17:41,156
ain't gonna be easy.
1462
01:17:41,181 --> 01:17:42,704
I'm just making stuff up.
1463
01:17:42,729 --> 01:17:44,360
Yeah, tilt up to Blade.
1464
01:17:49,351 --> 01:17:50,898
Where did he get
that little beauty?
1465
01:17:51,000 --> 01:17:52,000
That's Punisher's.
1466
01:17:52,000 --> 01:17:53,000
AT4.
1467
01:17:53,000 --> 01:17:55,350
Which Punisher? There's
been like five of them?
1468
01:17:55,375 --> 01:17:59,460
There's only been one Blade.
There's only ever gonna be one Blade.
1469
01:18:02,842 --> 01:18:04,694
Incoming!
1470
01:19:10,426 --> 01:19:12,220
Oh, this is gonna be good.
1471
01:19:12,533 --> 01:19:14,939
Do you know how long
I've been waiting for this?
1472
01:19:14,964 --> 01:19:15,447
Woo!
1473
01:19:15,503 --> 01:19:17,391
I'm about to make a
name for myself here.
1474
01:19:17,470 --> 01:19:19,203
I don't think you guys
walk away from this.
1475
01:19:19,228 --> 01:19:21,406
You just make sure people
know what happened here today.
1476
01:19:21,431 --> 01:19:23,782
When you get out of here,
you have a drink for me, yeah?
1477
01:19:23,807 --> 01:19:25,975
Just stay on our
six then get inside.
1478
01:19:26,000 --> 01:19:28,213
We'll make sure
you get the package.
1479
01:19:28,461 --> 01:19:30,432
And we'll get our ending.
1480
01:20:39,230 --> 01:20:40,230
Boom.
1481
01:21:10,813 --> 01:21:13,267
Some motherfuckers still
trying to ice skate up here.
1482
01:21:19,961 --> 01:21:21,976
You two escaping,
I could live with.
1483
01:21:22,100 --> 01:21:25,319
But coming back? Willingly?
1484
01:21:25,901 --> 01:21:28,143
Boys are so silly.
1485
01:21:28,221 --> 01:21:29,580
We just need to get home.
1486
01:21:29,616 --> 01:21:31,811
Well that's not on
the menu, I'm afraid.
1487
01:21:31,926 --> 01:21:35,427
It's death, or enslavement.
A la carte, of course.
1488
01:21:35,452 --> 01:21:36,537
Upsy-daisy!
1489
01:21:41,925 --> 01:21:42,925
Finally.
1490
01:21:42,981 --> 01:21:44,917
It's nice to give someone
else a chance to talk.
1491
01:21:45,020 --> 01:21:46,410
Not my strong suit.
1492
01:22:04,257 --> 01:22:05,257
1493
01:22:24,760 --> 01:22:26,489
Adios, pendejo.
1494
01:22:28,298 --> 01:22:30,980
You are an interesting
one, aren't you?
1495
01:22:31,393 --> 01:22:34,651
I do feel like you got
lost behind all of his...
1496
01:22:34,706 --> 01:22:36,639
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
1497
01:22:37,737 --> 01:22:40,307
Deadpools are a dime
a dozen here in the Void.
1498
01:22:41,142 --> 01:22:42,518
But you?
1499
01:22:42,862 --> 01:22:45,000
What's going on...
1500
01:22:45,000 --> 01:22:46,493
here?
1501
01:22:59,171 --> 01:23:00,687
Interesting.
1502
01:23:01,326 --> 01:23:03,771
Not what I expected back there.
1503
01:23:04,047 --> 01:23:06,485
1504
01:23:09,553 --> 01:23:10,864
You're hiding.
1505
01:23:10,889 --> 01:23:12,046
From them.
1506
01:23:12,757 --> 01:23:14,859
From all the ones
you let down.
1507
01:23:16,651 --> 01:23:18,526
So much pain.
1508
01:23:20,417 --> 01:23:22,249
I walked away.
1509
01:23:23,017 --> 01:23:26,134
They called after me
and I walked away.
1510
01:23:26,977 --> 01:23:28,319
I always do.
1511
01:23:28,399 --> 01:23:29,662
I know.
1512
01:23:31,529 --> 01:23:33,162
That's not
all you did...
1513
01:23:33,608 --> 01:23:34,922
is it?
1514
01:23:37,843 --> 01:23:39,476
You found them.
1515
01:23:39,913 --> 01:23:41,507
The X-Men.
1516
01:23:46,437 --> 01:23:47,640
Dead.
1517
01:23:49,788 --> 01:23:51,585
1518
01:23:52,679 --> 01:23:54,468
What did you do?
1519
01:23:56,662 --> 01:23:58,202
I started killing.
1520
01:23:58,484 --> 01:24:00,000
And I couldn't stop.
1521
01:24:00,000 --> 01:24:01,648
I didn't want to stop.
1522
01:24:02,335 --> 01:24:05,663
All those bad men.
1523
01:24:08,810 --> 01:24:10,937
It's not just the bad ones.
1524
01:24:11,903 --> 01:24:14,067
My little animal.
1525
01:24:15,945 --> 01:24:19,125
I turned the whole
world against the X-Men.
1526
01:24:25,659 --> 01:24:27,011
Just once.
1527
01:24:28,636 --> 01:24:31,452
I wanna be the man that
Charles thought I was.
1528
01:24:32,391 --> 01:24:33,602
Logan...
1529
01:24:35,000 --> 01:24:38,508
In the Void you can
be all that you are.
1530
01:24:40,976 --> 01:24:42,745
I just want to be free.
1531
01:24:43,008 --> 01:24:44,956
I can set you free.
1532
01:24:56,043 --> 01:24:57,824
I can silence
1533
01:24:57,849 --> 01:25:00,849
all those voices.
1534
01:25:07,640 --> 01:25:09,276
I've got you.
1535
01:25:12,702 --> 01:25:14,000
No.
1536
01:25:15,000 --> 01:25:16,640
I got you.
1537
01:25:24,578 --> 01:25:27,734
- Get it off!
- You're gonna send us home,
1538
01:25:27,857 --> 01:25:29,857
or I'm gonna twist
your fucking head off.
1539
01:25:29,882 --> 01:25:31,497
Why are you laughing?
1540
01:25:31,522 --> 01:25:35,500
I can't send you home unless
you get this thing off my head.
1541
01:25:35,790 --> 01:25:39,804
And as soon as you do that, I'm going to
boil your brains on an atomic level whilst
1542
01:25:39,859 --> 01:25:42,687
flicking my bean
to the Enya box set.
1543
01:25:42,734 --> 01:25:44,021
There's an Enya box set?
1544
01:25:44,046 --> 01:25:47,093
Either you kill
me or I kill you.
1545
01:25:47,328 --> 01:25:49,240
Both wonderful options.
1546
01:25:49,304 --> 01:25:50,757
Do you want me to do it?
1547
01:25:50,782 --> 01:25:53,000
- No. I'll do it.
- I have her neck right here.
1548
01:25:53,000 --> 01:25:54,000
It's really no problem.
1549
01:25:54,000 --> 01:25:55,000
You'll screw it up.
1550
01:25:55,000 --> 01:25:57,393
Oh, come on, Mr. PG-13
except the last one.
1551
01:25:57,773 --> 01:25:59,275
What the fuck?
1552
01:26:01,564 --> 01:26:03,970
You have no idea
what it's like.
1553
01:26:04,164 --> 01:26:06,829
Day after day, shovel the shit.
1554
01:26:06,884 --> 01:26:08,411
Fetch the meats.
1555
01:26:08,436 --> 01:26:11,171
I have spent my
entire existence---
1556
01:26:13,117 --> 01:26:15,056
Not everyone
gets a speech.
1557
01:26:16,595 --> 01:26:17,607
She's gonna die.
1558
01:26:17,632 --> 01:26:21,159
Okay. Hey, if I take this helmet off,
do you promise you won't kill us?
1559
01:26:21,184 --> 01:26:22,184
I promise,
1560
01:26:22,209 --> 01:26:24,209
I will kill you first.
1561
01:26:24,234 --> 01:26:25,589
Why are you like this?
1562
01:26:25,614 --> 01:26:26,851
I wish I knew.
1563
01:26:26,906 --> 01:26:27,639
Take it off.
1564
01:26:27,664 --> 01:26:28,271
What?
1565
01:26:28,296 --> 01:26:28,796
Take it off.
1566
01:26:28,821 --> 01:26:29,975
- Why?
- Just take it off.
1567
01:26:30,000 --> 01:26:31,425
This is our only
chance to fix our shit.
1568
01:26:31,450 --> 01:26:32,684
Take it off!
1569
01:26:34,539 --> 01:26:36,445
I am wearing this suit.
1570
01:26:36,968 --> 01:26:42,000
And that means a lot of things, but
most of all, it means I'm an X-Man.
1571
01:26:42,890 --> 01:26:44,836
And I know your brother.
1572
01:26:46,226 --> 01:26:50,680
As much as I wanna fucking kill, every
bone in my body wants to fucking kill you,
1573
01:26:50,705 --> 01:26:53,822
he would not let me stand
here and watch you die.
1574
01:26:55,828 --> 01:26:57,516
Take your hands off.
1575
01:26:58,546 --> 01:27:00,406
This is for him.
1576
01:27:01,866 --> 01:27:03,741
This is for Charles.
1577
01:27:14,544 --> 01:27:16,783
Don't you dare
do me like Johnny.
1578
01:27:22,177 --> 01:27:23,919
My brother loved you.
1579
01:27:25,013 --> 01:27:26,647
He loved all of us.
1580
01:27:29,417 --> 01:27:30,826
Must be nice.
1581
01:27:31,348 --> 01:27:33,303
He would've loved you, too.
1582
01:27:35,257 --> 01:27:40,847
If he knew about you, if he knew where
you were, he would have torn a hole
1583
01:27:40,872 --> 01:27:43,472
in the fucking universe
to bring you home.
1584
01:27:47,023 --> 01:27:48,742
This is my home.
1585
01:27:49,061 --> 01:27:51,711
Then at least let us save his.
1586
01:27:55,257 --> 01:27:57,789
You want to hear
something crazy?
1587
01:27:58,562 --> 01:28:02,093
An amateur magician rolled
through here a while back.
1588
01:28:02,335 --> 01:28:04,257
I killed him, of course.
1589
01:28:04,508 --> 01:28:06,984
Wore his skin
around for four days.
1590
01:28:07,812 --> 01:28:14,523
But I found this little
trinket on his lovely fingers.
1591
01:28:14,609 --> 01:28:15,820
Strange.
1592
01:28:17,055 --> 01:28:18,055
Ooh.
1593
01:28:18,554 --> 01:28:20,453
Marvel's sparkle circle.
1594
01:28:20,478 --> 01:28:21,478
What's that?
1595
01:28:21,554 --> 01:28:23,654
This is your way home.
1596
01:28:23,679 --> 01:28:27,019
I do owe you for saving my life,
but let's keep things interesting.
1597
01:28:27,044 --> 01:28:30,747
I'd say you have about four
seconds before you're Alioth's food.
1598
01:28:34,906 --> 01:28:35,991
Race ya.
1599
01:30:00,000 --> 01:30:01,000
I will give him full warranty.
1600
01:30:01,000 --> 01:30:03,000
Glad you gave
us a second chance.
1601
01:30:03,000 --> 01:30:04,526
And don't worry,
Wade and I are a team.
1602
01:30:04,551 --> 01:30:06,000
So I'll see he gets after...
1603
01:30:08,746 --> 01:30:10,166
That feels like a...
1604
01:30:10,191 --> 01:30:11,226
Kia.
1605
01:30:11,297 --> 01:30:13,085
Fucking Kia Carnivals...
1606
01:30:15,000 --> 01:30:17,734
Holy shit, that's Deadpool.
1607
01:30:17,759 --> 01:30:20,641
- And that's Wolverine!
- You're damn straight it is. Fox killed him.
1608
01:30:20,666 --> 01:30:22,000
Disney brought him back.
1609
01:30:22,000 --> 01:30:24,102
They're gonna make
him do this 'till he's 90!
1610
01:30:24,414 --> 01:30:25,484
Let's go.
1611
01:30:26,000 --> 01:30:28,486
- I'll clock you out!
- Forever.
1612
01:30:29,304 --> 01:30:30,471
Forever.
1613
01:30:37,429 --> 01:30:39,000
Wakey, wakey.
1614
01:30:39,000 --> 01:30:40,000
Yeah.
1615
01:30:41,539 --> 01:30:44,734
Now you put all these
bullets in my belly.
1616
01:30:44,882 --> 01:30:46,882
And I'm gonna find out why.
1617
01:30:46,907 --> 01:30:48,125
Whoa, whoa!
1618
01:30:48,811 --> 01:30:50,210
I'll just say it!
1619
01:30:50,835 --> 01:30:52,732
You don't have to
stick your fingers in me.
1620
01:30:52,820 --> 01:30:55,148
Jesus, just ask sometimes.
1621
01:30:55,413 --> 01:30:56,476
Fine.
1622
01:30:57,828 --> 01:30:58,956
Really?
1623
01:30:59,046 --> 01:31:00,597
Hands in pockets.
1624
01:31:01,859 --> 01:31:03,471
Guy named Paradox.
1625
01:31:03,714 --> 01:31:05,273
He said he'd get
me out of the Void.
1626
01:31:05,298 --> 01:31:06,975
All I know is he
works for the TVA.
1627
01:31:07,000 --> 01:31:08,000
The TVA?
1628
01:31:08,000 --> 01:31:09,678
We had an agreement.
1629
01:31:09,703 --> 01:31:11,703
I don't think this guy cares.
1630
01:31:12,413 --> 01:31:13,656
He will.
1631
01:31:14,000 --> 01:31:15,000
Report, all.
1632
01:31:15,000 --> 01:31:17,000
How much longer before
the time ripper is active?
1633
01:31:17,000 --> 01:31:19,000
We're running the
final safety checks.
1634
01:31:19,000 --> 01:31:20,000
Oh, okay.
1635
01:31:20,000 --> 01:31:22,334
Alright. Thanks for the
hard work. Take your time.
1636
01:31:22,359 --> 01:31:23,154
Really?
1637
01:31:23,179 --> 01:31:24,619
No, you drooling boob!
1638
01:31:24,644 --> 01:31:27,178
No, we have company.
Cancel the safety checks.
1639
01:31:27,203 --> 01:31:29,000
We need to be live, now.
1640
01:31:29,000 --> 01:31:30,938
Oh, it's taking so much!
1641
01:31:33,000 --> 01:31:34,498
No, stop. Piss off.
1642
01:31:34,523 --> 01:31:35,000
You're too late.
1643
01:31:35,000 --> 01:31:36,000
You're fucking done.
1644
01:31:36,000 --> 01:31:37,623
Why was Thor crying?
1645
01:31:37,648 --> 01:31:38,906
How dare you?
1646
01:31:38,931 --> 01:31:40,639
No one comes
back from the Void.
1647
01:31:40,664 --> 01:31:42,390
Tell that to Cassandra Nova.
1648
01:31:51,000 --> 01:31:53,094
Paradox, we have a problem.
1649
01:31:55,772 --> 01:31:57,031
Paradox.
1650
01:31:59,429 --> 01:32:02,000
You are doughier than
you looked in Pyro's head.
1651
01:32:02,000 --> 01:32:03,343
You tried to kill me.
1652
01:32:03,368 --> 01:32:04,850
I literally have no idea---
1653
01:32:05,148 --> 01:32:06,600
You come for the King,
1654
01:32:06,625 --> 01:32:08,625
but couldn't kill, could you?
1655
01:32:09,597 --> 01:32:12,000
Welcome to the skull-
fucked club, Paradox.
1656
01:32:12,025 --> 01:32:14,626
And you know she
doesn't wash that hand.
1657
01:32:14,752 --> 01:32:15,417
Oh.
1658
01:32:15,970 --> 01:32:17,315
What is this?
1659
01:32:18,585 --> 01:32:19,585
A time ripper?
1660
01:32:19,639 --> 01:32:20,703
Naughty boy.
1661
01:32:20,732 --> 01:32:21,560
Oh, no, we're on it.
1662
01:32:21,585 --> 01:32:23,271
We're gonna head down and
dismantle that thing now.
1663
01:32:23,296 --> 01:32:24,256
We got you, boo.
1664
01:32:24,281 --> 01:32:26,000
You just keep
playing those keys.
1665
01:32:26,000 --> 01:32:28,000
I don't want to destroy it.
1666
01:32:28,025 --> 01:32:29,442
I want to use it.
1667
01:32:29,467 --> 01:32:30,467
Now, shoo.
1668
01:32:30,492 --> 01:32:32,592
Mummy and daddy are
having a conversation.
1669
01:32:38,827 --> 01:32:40,708
You know, the
funny thing is...
1670
01:32:40,733 --> 01:32:43,000
I was happy in the Void.
1671
01:32:43,000 --> 01:32:44,396
You sent your trash to me,
1672
01:32:44,421 --> 01:32:46,372
lied while I cleaned it up.
1673
01:32:46,397 --> 01:32:49,000
Everyone was happy.
1674
01:32:49,000 --> 01:32:52,000
Then you had to go and
piss on my side of the fence.
1675
01:32:52,000 --> 01:32:55,000
So now the fence must come down.
1676
01:32:55,000 --> 01:32:57,000
I'm going to use your
little time ripper,
1677
01:32:57,000 --> 01:32:59,000
and I'm going to
destroy this universe,
1678
01:32:59,000 --> 01:33:02,000
and the next, and
the next, and the next,
1679
01:33:02,000 --> 01:33:08,387
until all that's left is the
Void. And I get to play God.
1680
01:33:08,645 --> 01:33:09,758
Come here.
1681
01:33:09,991 --> 01:33:12,800
Now, you're going to show me how
to use this fancy gadget of yours.
1682
01:33:12,834 --> 01:33:13,834
And don't worry.
1683
01:33:13,859 --> 01:33:16,751
I called some friends to make
sure we we're not disturbed.
1684
01:33:19,370 --> 01:33:20,460
Sorry to bother, Madam,
1685
01:33:20,495 --> 01:33:22,253
but there is something
you need to see.
1686
01:33:22,464 --> 01:33:25,000
We're getting indications of an
unsanctioned time ripper
1687
01:33:25,000 --> 01:33:27,710
activated on Earth-10005.
1688
01:33:29,000 --> 01:33:30,773
Whose district is that?
1689
01:33:30,945 --> 01:33:32,124
Paradox.
1690
01:33:43,000 --> 01:33:45,000
Thank you so much
for your help, darling.
1691
01:33:45,365 --> 01:33:48,154
God, good to get
out of that head.
1692
01:33:48,179 --> 01:33:49,812
What a mess.
1693
01:33:57,000 --> 01:33:58,000
Stop.
1694
01:33:58,000 --> 01:34:00,091
Let's give it a beat
for the extras to clear.
1695
01:34:00,116 --> 01:34:01,116
Go, go, go, go.
1696
01:34:01,288 --> 01:34:02,351
Oh my God.
1697
01:34:06,382 --> 01:34:09,983
Oh, my, God.
1698
01:34:19,958 --> 01:34:21,638
Come on, girl! Come here!
1699
01:34:43,945 --> 01:34:48,000
Good girl! We don't have to be
apart ever, ever again! Never, ever---
1700
01:34:48,000 --> 01:34:50,118
- Sorry!
- Fuck!
1701
01:34:50,415 --> 01:34:52,748
What is Cafe
Gratitude doing here?
1702
01:34:52,773 --> 01:34:53,773
Sorry about that.
1703
01:34:53,798 --> 01:34:56,000
Tremble not, sweet
Mary Puppins.
1704
01:34:56,000 --> 01:34:57,298
I'll handle him.
1705
01:34:57,345 --> 01:34:58,752
Come here, girl. Papa's here.
1706
01:34:58,777 --> 01:35:01,330
Hey, do not insult this
animal's autonomy.
1707
01:35:01,361 --> 01:35:03,758
She can decide
who her papa is.
1708
01:35:03,783 --> 01:35:05,078
What's it gonna be, girl, huh?
1709
01:35:05,103 --> 01:35:08,000
Original recipe?
Or Van Milder here?
1710
01:35:08,000 --> 01:35:09,172
Ah, that's funny.
1711
01:35:09,197 --> 01:35:11,400
I can gently tap
the fourth wall, too.
1712
01:35:11,564 --> 01:35:13,000
The Proposal.
1713
01:35:14,009 --> 01:35:15,351
What the fuck was that?
1714
01:35:15,376 --> 01:35:17,000
Bitch, you think
that's what I do?
1715
01:35:17,000 --> 01:35:19,000
Both of you, shut up.
1716
01:35:19,000 --> 01:35:20,484
Do you smell something?
1717
01:35:20,509 --> 01:35:22,000
Yeah, you.
1718
01:35:22,000 --> 01:35:23,757
A lot of you.
1719
01:35:38,217 --> 01:35:40,742
Told you there were a lot
of Deadpools over there.
1720
01:35:51,984 --> 01:35:53,319
That's bad.
1721
01:36:15,181 --> 01:36:16,557
I take it they're not friendly.
1722
01:36:16,582 --> 01:36:17,582
Goodness, no.
1723
01:36:17,607 --> 01:36:18,607
Sorry about this, boys.
1724
01:36:18,632 --> 01:36:19,632
Mission over.
1725
01:36:19,657 --> 01:36:22,395
Cause of death, 100
kill thirsty Deadpools.
1726
01:36:22,450 --> 01:36:23,330
They're dumb.
1727
01:36:23,355 --> 01:36:24,661
But they can fight.
1728
01:36:24,686 --> 01:36:25,558
Not me, though.
1729
01:36:25,583 --> 01:36:27,794
I would love to get in the mix,
but I have low bone density
1730
01:36:27,819 --> 01:36:29,951
and I have to
keep my face safe.
1731
01:36:30,187 --> 01:36:31,138
Hold, please.
1732
01:36:31,163 --> 01:36:31,802
Oh, God.
1733
01:36:31,827 --> 01:36:32,827
All right, look.
1734
01:36:33,289 --> 01:36:34,297
Guys!
1735
01:36:35,492 --> 01:36:37,000
Deadpool Prime here.
1736
01:36:37,000 --> 01:36:38,225
Our fight isn't with you.
1737
01:36:38,250 --> 01:36:39,000
Hey!
1738
01:36:39,000 --> 01:36:40,289
When I want your opinion,
1739
01:36:40,314 --> 01:36:42,374
I'll take Wolverine's dick
out of your mouth!
1740
01:36:42,399 --> 01:36:43,189
That's Kidpool.
1741
01:36:43,214 --> 01:36:44,259
She's the dirtiest.
1742
01:36:44,284 --> 01:36:45,460
Can we just be done?
1743
01:36:45,485 --> 01:36:47,328
Oh, we're just getting started.
1744
01:36:47,353 --> 01:36:48,303
No, no, no, no, no.
1745
01:36:48,328 --> 01:36:51,000
With the whole multiverse thing.
1746
01:36:51,000 --> 01:36:53,000
It's not great.
1747
01:36:53,000 --> 01:36:58,000
It's just been miss,
after miss, after miss.
1748
01:36:58,000 --> 01:36:59,913
The Wizard of Oz did
the multiverse first,
1749
01:36:59,938 --> 01:37:01,646
and they did it best.
1750
01:37:01,671 --> 01:37:04,701
The gays knew it,
but we didn't listen.
1751
01:37:04,726 --> 01:37:07,617
Let's just take the
L and move on.
1752
01:37:07,642 --> 01:37:10,000
I think it's been steadily
great since Endgame.
1753
01:37:10,000 --> 01:37:11,576
What are you talking about?
1754
01:37:11,601 --> 01:37:13,115
The multiverse is over.
1755
01:37:13,140 --> 01:37:15,779
Sandy gonna destroy the
fuck out of every timeline.
1756
01:37:15,804 --> 01:37:17,523
And y'all can't
do shit about it.
1757
01:37:17,548 --> 01:37:18,693
Do you not get it?
1758
01:37:18,718 --> 01:37:20,000
If we don't get on the
subway and stop her,
1759
01:37:20,000 --> 01:37:21,046
we all die.
1760
01:37:21,071 --> 01:37:23,334
Sandy boss lady don't
want no disturbance.
1761
01:37:23,359 --> 01:37:24,900
You want to get
down to the subway?
1762
01:37:24,925 --> 01:37:25,925
You gotta go through us.
1763
01:37:25,950 --> 01:37:27,523
Goosey time, baby.
1764
01:37:27,724 --> 01:37:28,724
Goosey time, baby.
1765
01:37:28,750 --> 01:37:29,750
Look alive!
1766
01:37:38,797 --> 01:37:39,836
I think I'm hit.
1767
01:37:39,861 --> 01:37:40,703
No shit.
1768
01:37:40,728 --> 01:37:41,886
You did that on purpose.
1769
01:37:41,911 --> 01:37:43,000
I did no such thing!
1770
01:37:43,000 --> 01:37:44,000
Listen to me, gorgeous.
1771
01:37:44,000 --> 01:37:46,000
How long does it take
for you to regenerate?
1772
01:37:46,000 --> 01:37:47,228
Regenerate?
1773
01:37:53,000 --> 01:37:55,000
You really are God's
perfect idiot, aren't you?
1774
01:37:55,000 --> 01:37:56,000
I'm okay.
1775
01:37:56,000 --> 01:37:58,372
How dare you, you
insensitive son of a bitch.
1776
01:37:58,397 --> 01:38:00,630
How was I supposed to
know he doesn't regenerate?
1777
01:38:00,655 --> 01:38:02,122
I'm not a medicine woman.
1778
01:38:02,147 --> 01:38:02,906
Look.
1779
01:38:02,931 --> 01:38:03,835
A donut cart.
1780
01:38:03,860 --> 01:38:05,000
They're practically hospitals.
1781
01:38:05,000 --> 01:38:06,265
They sell portable triage units.
1782
01:38:06,290 --> 01:38:06,820
They don't.
1783
01:38:06,845 --> 01:38:08,162
I'm gonna get you to safety.
1784
01:38:08,187 --> 01:38:08,760
He's not.
1785
01:38:08,785 --> 01:38:09,703
Deep breath.
1786
01:38:18,000 --> 01:38:19,000
Hey!
1787
01:38:19,000 --> 01:38:20,000
Why are we stopping?
1788
01:38:20,000 --> 01:38:21,656
I'm just catching my breath.
1789
01:38:21,681 --> 01:38:23,321
What, are your
legs on vacation?
1790
01:38:23,354 --> 01:38:24,742
You're dead weight!
1791
01:38:24,767 --> 01:38:26,000
It's because I'm paralyzed.
1792
01:38:26,000 --> 01:38:27,000
We all have problems.
1793
01:38:27,000 --> 01:38:28,000
Listen to me.
1794
01:38:28,000 --> 01:38:29,555
You're gonna live.
1795
01:38:29,710 --> 01:38:31,616
Look at me, Nicepool.
1796
01:38:35,523 --> 01:38:36,851
You're gonna live.
1797
01:38:37,476 --> 01:38:38,665
Say it.
1798
01:38:39,156 --> 01:38:40,579
I'm gonna live.
1799
01:38:40,811 --> 01:38:42,056
Say it with me.
1800
01:38:42,242 --> 01:38:43,460
You're gonna live.
1801
01:38:43,664 --> 01:38:44,884
I'm gonna live.
1802
01:38:46,445 --> 01:38:48,290
Say it louder!
1803
01:38:48,315 --> 01:38:49,640
I'm gonna live!
1804
01:38:58,272 --> 01:38:59,984
Hold your fire!
1805
01:39:01,491 --> 01:39:03,156
Sweet little puppy.
1806
01:39:13,625 --> 01:39:14,828
Goddammit!
1807
01:39:14,853 --> 01:39:16,345
I don't think
he's gonna make it.
1808
01:39:16,707 --> 01:39:18,640
God, he loved his face.
1809
01:39:18,740 --> 01:39:21,201
I could taste his final thought.
1810
01:39:21,257 --> 01:39:22,524
He was so afraid.
1811
01:39:22,643 --> 01:39:23,790
But he died a hero.
1812
01:39:23,815 --> 01:39:24,751
He died for murder,
1813
01:39:24,776 --> 01:39:25,693
you dumb fuck.
1814
01:39:25,718 --> 01:39:27,745
Now all I have to
remember him by...
1815
01:39:28,605 --> 01:39:32,737
Are these two gold-plated 50-
caliber desert eagle pistoleros.
1816
01:39:32,812 --> 01:39:33,976
This is for him.
1817
01:39:34,140 --> 01:39:35,679
Are you ready?
1818
01:39:35,901 --> 01:39:37,901
I get to kill a 100 yous.
1819
01:39:37,997 --> 01:39:39,750
Fuck yeah, I'm ready.
1820
01:39:40,022 --> 01:39:41,656
You don't want
to see this, pup.
1821
01:39:41,758 --> 01:39:43,047
That's a good girl.
1822
01:40:19,219 --> 01:40:20,710
Holy shit!
1823
01:40:20,907 --> 01:40:23,031
You save the good stuff
for special occasions?
1824
01:40:23,173 --> 01:40:24,540
Killing, mostly.
1825
01:40:24,759 --> 01:40:27,525
What's the wind resistance
on those blowjob handles?
1826
01:40:28,424 --> 01:40:31,432
Sorry. I'm just a catty
bitch when I'm jealous.
1827
01:40:31,555 --> 01:40:33,057
Alright, let's do this.
1828
01:40:33,181 --> 01:40:34,399
Maximum effort.
1829
01:41:40,412 --> 01:41:41,996
Motherfucker!
1830
01:41:42,293 --> 01:41:44,146
I wish I was deaf.
1831
01:42:20,390 --> 01:42:21,390
Come on!
1832
01:42:21,468 --> 01:42:22,779
No, I blew it.
1833
01:42:22,804 --> 01:42:26,804
After all that, the only thing everyone'll
remember is that god-awful dismount!
1834
01:42:31,749 --> 01:42:33,765
Whatcha laughing
at, you little fucker?
1835
01:42:34,553 --> 01:42:35,553
Uh-oh.
1836
01:42:39,624 --> 01:42:41,624
I guess these ones regenerate.
1837
01:42:43,444 --> 01:42:45,857
Come on. We don't
have time for this!
1838
01:42:45,990 --> 01:42:47,109
Deadpools.
1839
01:42:47,155 --> 01:42:48,436
Stand down!
1840
01:42:58,739 --> 01:43:00,442
This Deadpool is with me.
1841
01:43:00,592 --> 01:43:02,426
- Oh no!
- Holy shit.
1842
01:43:02,451 --> 01:43:04,504
That's fucking Peter!
1843
01:43:08,218 --> 01:43:09,473
You guys know Peter?
1844
01:43:09,498 --> 01:43:11,953
Are you kidding me? Every
Deadpool has a Peter.
1845
01:43:12,164 --> 01:43:15,385
He's a goddamn legend
in every Deadpool's world.
1846
01:43:15,410 --> 01:43:16,600
Peter-san...
1847
01:43:16,796 --> 01:43:18,070
Hai!
1848
01:43:32,576 --> 01:43:34,616
Enjoy my Peter!
1849
01:44:01,349 --> 01:44:02,349
Oh, now you're here!
1850
01:44:02,374 --> 01:44:03,000
Oh, well.
1851
01:44:03,000 --> 01:44:04,000
You're too late! It's all over!
1852
01:44:04,000 --> 01:44:05,000
Not yet, it's not.
1853
01:44:05,000 --> 01:44:06,318
Oh no, no, no, no!
But we're very close.
1854
01:44:06,343 --> 01:44:07,752
Homestretch, folks.
1855
01:44:07,777 --> 01:44:08,574
Promise.
1856
01:44:08,599 --> 01:44:09,889
Quick! Let's up the stakes.
1857
01:44:09,914 --> 01:44:12,732
If she steals the time ripper's
energy, she has the power to shred the
1858
01:44:12,757 --> 01:44:15,987
fabric of all the realities until
there is nothing left but the Void.
1859
01:44:16,012 --> 01:44:16,980
How do we shut her down?
1860
01:44:17,005 --> 01:44:18,005
I don't know.
1861
01:44:19,937 --> 01:44:21,068
How about now?
1862
01:44:21,093 --> 01:44:22,668
The mask is really
intimidating, huh?
1863
01:44:22,693 --> 01:44:24,693
It's like Batman, except
he can move his neck.
1864
01:44:24,718 --> 01:44:26,125
Okay. Look, look, look.
1865
01:44:27,140 --> 01:44:30,029
The ripper is fed from a
secure chamber below ground.
1866
01:44:30,054 --> 01:44:34,201
It is powered by twin matter and anti-
matter feeds converging inside the device.
1867
01:44:34,226 --> 01:44:36,412
Now Cassandra Nova is
redirecting the ripper's power
1868
01:44:36,437 --> 01:44:39,155
to eliminate all timelines
starting with this one.
1869
01:44:39,180 --> 01:44:42,716
Theoretically you could stop her by short-
circuiting the feeds in the chamber below.
1870
01:44:42,741 --> 01:44:45,101
One of you would create a
circuit between the two feeds,
1871
01:44:45,125 --> 01:44:48,441
then the released power
would destroy the machine.
1872
01:44:48,466 --> 01:44:50,037
- But, well...
- Come on, man!
1873
01:44:50,062 --> 01:44:52,299
If you're not gonna
swallow, spit it out!
1874
01:44:52,604 --> 01:44:55,534
Whoever forms the
bridge would be annihilated.
1875
01:44:55,559 --> 01:44:56,585
I can live with that.
1876
01:44:56,610 --> 01:44:57,515
Yeah, I can live with
that too, actually.
1877
01:44:57,540 --> 01:44:59,588
You know, we survive anything.
We're like cockroaches.
1878
01:44:59,651 --> 01:45:00,740
Not this time.
1879
01:45:00,765 --> 01:45:03,418
This is matter and antimatter.
1880
01:45:03,443 --> 01:45:05,443
They do not play
nicely with each other.
1881
01:45:05,468 --> 01:45:08,431
When they mix in your
body, you will be atomized.
1882
01:45:08,593 --> 01:45:10,795
Trust the laws of physics
if you don't trust me.
1883
01:45:10,820 --> 01:45:15,039
Even if you live long enough to make
the circuit, you will die down there.
1884
01:45:39,600 --> 01:45:41,600
Hold up, hold.
1885
01:45:41,600 --> 01:45:43,600
You heard that asshole upstairs.
1886
01:45:43,625 --> 01:45:47,575
Even if we pull this off,
we're dead. Permanently.
1887
01:45:48,026 --> 01:45:49,824
That's why it's
got to be me.
1888
01:45:49,849 --> 01:45:51,011
What?
1889
01:45:53,600 --> 01:45:57,600
Look man, you didn't
ask for any of this.
1890
01:45:57,600 --> 01:45:59,600
You were right.
1891
01:45:59,600 --> 01:46:01,600
I lied.
1892
01:46:01,600 --> 01:46:04,793
I lied right to your face,
just to get you to help me.
1893
01:46:04,818 --> 01:46:05,990
And you did.
1894
01:46:06,147 --> 01:46:07,967
You didn't lie.
1895
01:46:09,600 --> 01:46:11,600
You made an educated wish.
1896
01:46:13,600 --> 01:46:15,600
Come on.
1897
01:46:15,600 --> 01:46:18,600
You got a whole
world to go back to.
1898
01:46:19,600 --> 01:46:21,400
I got nothing.
1899
01:46:22,600 --> 01:46:24,377
I got nothing.
1900
01:46:28,600 --> 01:46:30,241
Give me this.
1901
01:46:36,794 --> 01:46:37,872
Hey.
1902
01:46:42,545 --> 01:46:44,912
I waited a long time
for this team-up.
1903
01:46:46,600 --> 01:46:48,100
You know something?
1904
01:46:49,600 --> 01:46:51,651
You are the best Wolverine.
1905
01:46:59,756 --> 01:47:01,865
Say hi to your
friends for me.
1906
01:47:14,600 --> 01:47:15,600
Open the door!
1907
01:47:15,600 --> 01:47:18,600
I can't hear you over
all the noble sacrifice.
1908
01:47:18,600 --> 01:47:20,435
Why are you
fucking doing this?
1909
01:47:20,460 --> 01:47:23,381
Because I'm Marvel Jesus.
1910
01:47:24,600 --> 01:47:26,202
Or Spock.
1911
01:47:26,505 --> 01:47:28,185
Hard to say.
1912
01:47:40,600 --> 01:47:42,600
Sorry, I'm just stalling.
1913
01:47:42,600 --> 01:47:45,043
I think I'm nervous
about dying.
1914
01:47:45,068 --> 01:47:47,068
This should be me.
1915
01:47:47,600 --> 01:47:49,159
Say hi to my friends
for me, Peanut.
1916
01:47:49,184 --> 01:47:50,184
Wade!
1917
01:47:50,209 --> 01:47:51,600
Way to be an annoying prick.
1918
01:47:51,600 --> 01:47:54,628
But this time you're gonna
die, you dumb fuck!
1919
01:48:01,600 --> 01:48:03,600
Wade, you don't
need to do this.
1920
01:48:03,600 --> 01:48:05,490
I'm not doing it
because I need it.
1921
01:48:06,600 --> 01:48:08,178
I'm doing it because they do.
1922
01:48:59,514 --> 01:49:00,717
It's over.
1923
01:50:07,435 --> 01:50:11,435
The Wolverine. He's
a hero in my world.
1924
01:50:13,600 --> 01:50:16,408
Whoever you think I am,
you've got the wrong guy.
1925
01:50:17,600 --> 01:50:22,195
You were always the
wrong guy, 'till you weren't.
1926
01:50:24,648 --> 01:50:25,724
Wade...
1927
01:50:27,906 --> 01:50:33,398
Wade, you can
finally, finally matter.
1928
01:50:48,420 --> 01:50:49,810
Vanessa.
1929
01:50:52,076 --> 01:50:54,076
I wanna see Vanessa.
1930
01:50:59,753 --> 01:51:02,600
For the first time
in my life, I am proud
1931
01:51:02,625 --> 01:51:04,394
to wear this suit.
1932
01:51:05,600 --> 01:51:07,430
I was an X-Man.
1933
01:51:09,365 --> 01:51:11,281
I am the X-Man.
1934
01:51:54,529 --> 01:51:55,842
Paradox!
1935
01:51:57,897 --> 01:51:59,357
You've been busy.
1936
01:51:59,529 --> 01:52:00,803
Well somebody had to be.
1937
01:52:00,827 --> 01:52:02,825
We had some strange
readings from this location.
1938
01:52:02,850 --> 01:52:06,357
You wouldn't know anything about
an unsanctioned time ripper, would you?
1939
01:52:06,404 --> 01:52:09,935
No, no, I wouldn't know anything
about an unsanctioned time ripper.
1940
01:52:09,960 --> 01:52:11,920
Maybe you should ask
Cassandra Nova because I
1941
01:52:11,945 --> 01:52:14,725
was assured that she
was safely held in the Void.
1942
01:52:14,750 --> 01:52:18,458
But no, he was here. And she fondled
my brain. How did you let this happen?
1943
01:52:18,483 --> 01:52:19,617
You weren't involved at all?
1944
01:52:19,642 --> 01:52:23,899
In stopping her, yes. Yes, I
was. But not nearly enough.
1945
01:52:23,924 --> 01:52:28,412
Not as much as the men who went
down there after her. My men, my
1946
01:52:28,436 --> 01:52:33,575
friends, I warned them that they
would be completely obliterated.
1947
01:52:33,600 --> 01:52:38,600
But they went anyway,
like... Like heroes.
1948
01:52:40,008 --> 01:52:42,545
Because that's who they were.
1949
01:52:44,506 --> 01:52:46,451
They just did what
they had to do.
1950
01:52:47,092 --> 01:52:49,818
With no concern for
their own safety.
1951
01:52:52,600 --> 01:52:59,156
The fact that we are all still standing
here is a testament to their heroism.
1952
01:53:02,388 --> 01:53:05,220
Anyway, there is nothing you or I
can do to bring them back now.
1953
01:53:06,504 --> 01:53:08,504
He has risen, baby girl!
1954
01:53:08,529 --> 01:53:09,389
Fuck!
1955
01:53:28,600 --> 01:53:32,584
- Found you a new anchor being.
- And we're doing just fine, you piece of shit.
1956
01:53:33,889 --> 01:53:35,600
Fine, indeed.
1957
01:53:35,600 --> 01:53:40,044
Alright. Put your greasy tits
away, you preening slut.
1958
01:53:40,600 --> 01:53:43,600
I don't understand. How
are you two still alive?
1959
01:53:43,600 --> 01:53:45,828
You were right. One of
us would've been killed.
1960
01:53:45,853 --> 01:53:48,805
But you put a Deadpool
and a Wolverine together,
1961
01:53:48,830 --> 01:53:53,477
make them hold hands while listening to
Madonna? Indestructible, motherfucker.
1962
01:53:53,600 --> 01:53:55,666
Let's get this Deadpool
variant back to the Void.
1963
01:53:55,691 --> 01:53:56,994
Wait. Hold on, what?
1964
01:53:57,019 --> 01:54:01,019
No, actually, this one is
homegrown. Like me, he belongs here.
1965
01:54:01,365 --> 01:54:02,365
And you are?
1966
01:54:02,390 --> 01:54:05,310
Peterpool. But you
can call me Peter.
1967
01:54:06,193 --> 01:54:08,247
And I hope that you do.
1968
01:54:13,866 --> 01:54:15,678
What the fuck is
happening here?
1969
01:54:15,703 --> 01:54:19,191
You are under judgement for
operating an unsanctioned time ripper.
1970
01:54:19,216 --> 01:54:19,868
Take him.
1971
01:54:19,893 --> 01:54:22,059
I was just doing what you
don't have the guts to do!
1972
01:54:23,000 --> 01:54:25,879
Please, your hand off me.
1973
01:54:27,023 --> 01:54:28,884
I'm grateful, gentlemen.
1974
01:54:29,000 --> 01:54:31,000
Let's hold the bows.
1975
01:54:31,000 --> 01:54:33,000
You led an omega-level
mutant to this timeline.
1976
01:54:33,000 --> 01:54:34,000
Welcome.
1977
01:54:34,000 --> 01:54:36,349
And you shouldn't even
be near this timeline.
1978
01:54:36,374 --> 01:54:37,374
He's welcome.
1979
01:54:37,399 --> 01:54:40,510
And you, look damn
good in that suit.
1980
01:54:40,601 --> 01:54:41,775
I'm so sorry.
1981
01:54:46,062 --> 01:54:49,842
I want to show you
something. Something huge.
1982
01:54:49,867 --> 01:54:52,000
That's what Scout Master
Kevin used to say.
1983
01:54:52,904 --> 01:54:54,904
Do you see that?
1984
01:54:55,023 --> 01:54:57,491
Your universe is regenerating.
1985
01:54:57,642 --> 01:55:01,262
Whatever you did here, you
not only saved your world,
1986
01:55:01,558 --> 01:55:04,707
you spared your timeline
from extinction.
1987
01:55:05,809 --> 01:55:07,091
I'd rest up.
1988
01:55:07,372 --> 01:55:09,747
I have a feeling your work
is only just getting started.
1989
01:55:10,003 --> 01:55:11,825
'Till you're 90!
1990
01:55:11,862 --> 01:55:12,887
Wait.
1991
01:55:13,605 --> 01:55:16,808
We couldn't have made it out
of the Void without some help.
1992
01:55:17,234 --> 01:55:21,000
From some people that the
world kind of... kind of forgot.
1993
01:55:21,720 --> 01:55:25,697
Is there any way that you can
maybe find a way to bring them home?
1994
01:55:26,822 --> 01:55:28,267
I'll see what I can do.
1995
01:55:28,361 --> 01:55:34,414
And I promised my friend here that TVA can
undo some pretty awful shit in his timeline.
1996
01:55:34,439 --> 01:55:35,950
What would you say to that?
1997
01:55:35,975 --> 01:55:37,717
Change the past?
1998
01:55:38,074 --> 01:55:39,966
He did help me
save the world.
1999
01:55:40,092 --> 01:55:42,818
And his past made
him the man who did it.
2000
01:55:43,421 --> 01:55:46,078
There's nothing
to fix, Mr. Wilson.
2001
01:55:46,999 --> 01:55:48,124
Logan.
2002
01:55:51,443 --> 01:55:52,443
Shawarma?
2003
01:55:52,468 --> 01:55:53,468
I could eat.
2004
01:56:03,000 --> 01:56:06,000
You know the Avengers
discovered Shawarma.
2005
01:56:06,000 --> 01:56:08,000
They'd be lucky to have you.
2006
01:56:15,062 --> 01:56:16,062
Oh.
2007
01:56:17,171 --> 01:56:18,171
Fuck!
2008
01:56:19,542 --> 01:56:21,300
Come here, my little cuntskin.
2009
01:56:21,300 --> 01:56:22,300
Yes, it's you.
2010
01:56:22,300 --> 01:56:24,300
You're a survivor.
2011
01:56:25,503 --> 01:56:27,503
Oh, all is right
in the world.
2012
01:56:28,854 --> 01:56:30,456
Yes it is.
2013
01:56:31,300 --> 01:56:33,300
So, what are you
going to do next?
2014
01:56:34,300 --> 01:56:35,300
I'll figure it out.
2015
01:56:35,300 --> 01:56:36,300
I always do.
2016
01:56:39,300 --> 01:56:40,963
So I'll probably see you around?
2017
01:56:45,385 --> 01:56:46,533
Probably not.
2018
01:56:49,854 --> 01:56:51,016
See you, Bub.
2019
01:57:00,057 --> 01:57:01,057
Logan!
2020
01:57:07,796 --> 01:57:08,796
Al?
2021
01:57:08,821 --> 01:57:09,821
I'm back.
2022
01:57:09,846 --> 01:57:11,539
About damn time!
2023
01:57:11,564 --> 01:57:12,564
You holdin'?
2024
01:57:12,589 --> 01:57:16,388
I'm all out of Devil's Dandruff, and
I'm shaking like an angry vibrator.
2025
01:57:16,413 --> 01:57:17,413
Thank you, Al.
2026
01:57:17,438 --> 01:57:18,870
We have company.
2027
01:57:18,970 --> 01:57:19,970
Althea?
2028
01:57:19,995 --> 01:57:22,315
This is...
This is Logan.
2029
01:57:22,448 --> 01:57:23,790
Nice to meet you, Logan.
2030
01:57:23,815 --> 01:57:24,767
Nice to meet you too.
2031
01:57:24,792 --> 01:57:28,227
This little ancient anal
shitnog, is Mary Puppins.
2032
01:57:28,252 --> 01:57:32,885
Or as I like to call her, Dogpool. You
wanna treat yourself to a little stroke?
2033
01:57:34,150 --> 01:57:35,150
Give her the tongue.
2034
01:57:35,238 --> 01:57:37,447
Oh, my God, motherfucker!
2035
01:57:37,742 --> 01:57:42,518
It's like an armadillo fucked a gremlin,
angrily, in a bed of gonorrhea,
2036
01:57:42,767 --> 01:57:45,463
and didn't stop
till the sun came up.
2037
01:57:46,064 --> 01:57:48,430
Everyone wants to matter.
2038
01:57:48,587 --> 01:57:51,611
Turns out that you don't need
to be Marvel Jesus to do it.
2039
01:57:51,773 --> 01:57:54,643
You just need to open
your eyes and look around.
2040
01:57:54,798 --> 01:57:58,798
And if you're lucky,
you'll find a few friends.
2041
01:57:58,823 --> 01:58:00,300
Old friends...
2042
01:58:00,730 --> 01:58:02,847
And some new ones, too.
2043
01:58:07,120 --> 01:58:09,292
Give me the fucking
dog. Talk to the girl.
2044
01:58:19,776 --> 01:58:21,721
- Hi.
- Hi.
2045
01:58:24,237 --> 01:58:25,706
You've been busy.
2046
01:58:28,300 --> 01:58:30,198
I did it for you.
2047
01:58:32,300 --> 01:58:35,464
Even if you don't want
me in. I did it for you.
2048
01:58:43,999 --> 01:58:47,128
Turns out, I am the
world saving type.
2049
01:58:47,300 --> 01:58:50,137
Just look around this
table if you want proof.
2050
01:58:50,590 --> 01:58:53,917
And the best part,
sometimes the people we save
2051
01:58:55,079 --> 01:58:57,079
they save us right back.
2052
01:58:58,757 --> 01:59:00,807
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