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1
00:01:30,027 --> 00:01:34,193
Oh, that logo music just gets you pumped! Right?
2
00:01:34,612 --> 00:01:36,952
I'm sorry, I'm just excited to be here. It's been a while.
3
00:01:37,583 --> 00:01:40,303
You know, for a long time, I wasn't sure I'd ever be back.
4
00:01:40,704 --> 00:01:44,464
Disney bought Fox, there was the whole boring rights issue, blah-bitty-blah-bitty-blah.
5
00:01:44,524 --> 00:01:47,244
But then, it turned out that they wanted me!
6
00:01:47,244 --> 00:01:51,604
The one guy who shouldn't even have his own movie, much less that franchise!
7
00:01:52,224 --> 00:01:54,124
That is so stupid!
8
00:01:55,304 --> 00:01:58,244
Look, we know the title of this thing, so I know what you're wondering.
9
00:01:58,904 --> 00:02:02,344
How are we going to do this without dishonoring Logan's memory?
10
00:02:03,284 --> 00:02:04,804
And I'll tell you how.
11
00:02:05,304 --> 00:02:06,184
Or not.
12
00:02:08,424 --> 00:02:10,184
I'm going to let you in on a little secret.
13
00:02:11,024 --> 00:02:12,584
Wolverine is not dead.
14
00:02:13,084 --> 00:02:16,184
Sure, it made for a perfect ending to a very sad story.
15
00:02:16,184 --> 00:02:19,324
But that's not how regenerative healing factors work.
16
00:02:19,604 --> 00:02:24,824
You think I want to be out here in beautiful downtown North Dakota, digging up the one and only Wolverine?
17
00:02:25,004 --> 00:02:25,704
No, thank you.
18
00:02:26,404 --> 00:02:28,404
But the fate of my entire world is at stake.
19
00:02:28,904 --> 00:02:33,104
He may not be living his best life, but he sure as hell ain't dead.
20
00:02:39,354 --> 00:02:39,834
Bingo.
21
00:02:42,514 --> 00:02:42,994
Yahtzee.
22
00:02:45,454 --> 00:02:47,874
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
23
00:02:52,454 --> 00:02:52,854
Dammit!
24
00:02:53,834 --> 00:02:56,194
You son of a bitch!
25
00:03:03,815 --> 00:03:04,615
Bunker!
26
00:03:05,115 --> 00:03:06,695
I'm grown as fuck!
27
00:03:07,735 --> 00:03:08,895
That was weird.
28
00:03:09,615 --> 00:03:11,095
I'm much calmer now.
29
00:03:12,335 --> 00:03:17,935
Look, I'm not a man of science, but you seem incredibly passed away.
30
00:03:21,295 --> 00:03:22,795
But it's good to see ya.
31
00:03:22,795 --> 00:03:26,055
I gotta be honest, I've always wanted to ride with you, Logue.
32
00:03:26,515 --> 00:03:31,355
You and me getting into a Deadpool and a Wolverine just fucking shit up.
33
00:03:31,515 --> 00:03:33,995
Can you imagine the fun, the chaos?
34
00:03:34,735 --> 00:03:35,795
The residuals.
35
00:03:37,075 --> 00:03:37,635
Good day, mate.
36
00:03:38,255 --> 00:03:42,235
Gives nothing that'll bring me back to life faster than a big bag of Mabel cash.
37
00:03:43,955 --> 00:03:45,075
Me too, Hugh.
38
00:03:45,855 --> 00:03:46,255
No.
39
00:03:47,495 --> 00:03:49,115
No, no, no.
40
00:03:49,115 --> 00:03:52,715
Oh, you had to get all noble and die for real.
41
00:03:54,035 --> 00:03:54,355
Goddammit!
42
00:03:56,215 --> 00:03:58,135
I couldn't really use your help right now.
43
00:04:12,525 --> 00:04:13,145
I'm not alone!
44
00:04:13,385 --> 00:04:14,665
Wade Winston Wilson!
45
00:04:15,705 --> 00:04:18,205
You are under arrest by the Time Barriers Authority.
46
00:04:18,685 --> 00:04:20,125
Too many crimes for this.
47
00:04:20,265 --> 00:04:21,345
Come out!
48
00:04:22,905 --> 00:04:24,725
Death by day, player.
49
00:04:25,105 --> 00:04:25,985
Last chance.
50
00:04:26,465 --> 00:04:28,885
Throw out your weapons and come out peacefully.
51
00:04:28,885 --> 00:04:34,085
I'm not gonna give you my weapons, but I promise not to use them.
52
00:04:35,065 --> 00:04:37,485
There are 206 bones in the human body.
53
00:04:38,085 --> 00:04:39,945
207 if I'm watching Gossip Girl.
54
00:04:40,865 --> 00:04:41,365
Here we go.
55
00:04:41,625 --> 00:04:42,565
Maximum effort.
56
00:04:49,925 --> 00:04:50,765
Okay, Nina.
57
00:04:51,245 --> 00:04:52,705
I guess we're getting that team up after all.
58
00:05:04,465 --> 00:05:14,405
Oh, we're gonna do it.
59
00:05:24,765 --> 00:05:27,025
I can't take no more.
60
00:05:29,945 --> 00:05:31,425
I wanna see you.
61
00:05:31,825 --> 00:05:37,625
Come back for me.
62
00:05:37,965 --> 00:05:43,645
You may hate me, but it ain't no lie.
63
00:06:15,185 --> 00:06:17,285
I wanna see you.
64
00:06:17,285 --> 00:06:18,565
Come back for me.
65
00:06:18,705 --> 00:06:19,805
Baby, bye, bye, bye.
66
00:06:20,165 --> 00:06:22,585
Don't mind me, I'm over you.
67
00:06:22,585 --> 00:06:29,745
You may hate me, but it ain't no lie.
68
00:06:29,905 --> 00:06:49,195
I might sound crazy, but I don't wanna be your fool.
69
00:06:49,995 --> 00:06:52,435
Yeah, this game for you.
70
00:07:35,966 --> 00:07:37,546
Soaking wet right now.
71
00:07:40,936 --> 00:07:42,856
To be clear, I'm not proud of any of this.
72
00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:45,816
The one violence, the whiff of necrophilia.
73
00:07:45,996 --> 00:07:46,976
It isn't who I am.
74
00:07:47,136 --> 00:07:48,496
It isn't who I wanna be.
75
00:07:48,856 --> 00:07:49,736
Who I wanna be?
76
00:07:50,076 --> 00:07:51,776
Well, to help you understand that,
77
00:07:51,776 --> 00:07:52,896
I gotta take you back.
78
00:07:53,116 --> 00:07:55,616
A little joy ride I took through space and time.
79
00:07:55,716 --> 00:07:58,436
To the day that changed everything.
80
00:08:11,566 --> 00:08:14,986
I'm here. I've waited for this moment for so long.
81
00:08:16,166 --> 00:08:18,606
Thank you, sir, for seeing me.
82
00:08:19,466 --> 00:08:24,366
I firmly believe that my services could be of great use to your organization.
83
00:08:24,646 --> 00:08:28,386
Now, I know I was caught smasturbating in the lobby of Stark Towers.
84
00:08:28,846 --> 00:08:30,826
Smasturbating? I'm sorry, what was that?
85
00:08:30,826 --> 00:08:31,726
No, I'm sorry.
86
00:08:32,186 --> 00:08:35,446
That's when you get those toy pulp cans, right?
87
00:08:35,566 --> 00:08:38,086
And then you just look down and you just...
88
00:08:38,086 --> 00:08:41,106
You brace yourself and you ravage the midsection.
89
00:08:41,126 --> 00:08:42,466
I get it. Okay, okay.
90
00:08:42,726 --> 00:08:43,446
The picture's painted.
91
00:08:43,506 --> 00:08:44,606
You get the gist.
92
00:08:45,026 --> 00:08:46,286
What exactly brings you here today?
93
00:08:47,306 --> 00:08:49,246
Why I'm... Wow, okay.
94
00:08:50,346 --> 00:08:51,446
I... I care.
95
00:08:52,206 --> 00:08:54,826
I know I turn everything into a joke, but I...
96
00:08:56,626 --> 00:08:57,206
I care.
97
00:08:57,206 --> 00:09:01,646
I know I want to use that feeling for something important.
98
00:09:02,606 --> 00:09:04,346
I want to matter.
99
00:09:07,006 --> 00:09:08,466
I need to show my girl that I matter.
100
00:09:11,646 --> 00:09:13,606
You know, I feel like I'm wasting the good stuff here.
101
00:09:13,926 --> 00:09:15,446
Is the man not going to be joining us?
102
00:09:15,466 --> 00:09:16,226
The man? Yeah.
103
00:09:16,466 --> 00:09:18,266
I should save this if he's going to...
104
00:09:18,266 --> 00:09:20,826
As far as you're concerned right now, I'm the man.
105
00:09:21,166 --> 00:09:25,066
The man is me. I am the man in this circumstance.
106
00:09:25,066 --> 00:09:28,086
Let me say, he doesn't do this kind of thing anymore.
107
00:09:28,206 --> 00:09:29,086
Cameos? Meetings.
108
00:09:29,246 --> 00:09:29,526
Meetings.
109
00:09:29,606 --> 00:09:30,486
Entry level meetings.
110
00:09:30,906 --> 00:09:31,546
Entry level.
111
00:09:31,786 --> 00:09:33,746
Are you the chauffeur?
112
00:09:33,926 --> 00:09:35,066
I... maybe.
113
00:09:35,266 --> 00:09:35,926
Common misconception.
114
00:09:36,286 --> 00:09:38,646
I did begin my career as Mr. Stark's driver.
115
00:09:39,426 --> 00:09:41,386
Quickly pivoted to the head of security.
116
00:09:42,066 --> 00:09:43,746
The head of security. Of course. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
117
00:09:43,866 --> 00:09:46,646
And why I am vetting your resume.
118
00:09:47,126 --> 00:09:50,686
You seem to have left out whether or not you had any experience as a member of a team.
119
00:09:50,866 --> 00:09:52,906
Could you maybe add a little bit of perspective?
120
00:09:52,906 --> 00:09:55,346
No, yes. Of course. I was special forces.
121
00:09:55,966 --> 00:09:59,486
But I was... mainly I was team leader. Founder, really, of X-Force.
122
00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:01,386
Sadly, they all perished in action.
123
00:10:01,506 --> 00:10:02,666
Oh, how exactly did that happen?
124
00:10:02,946 --> 00:10:07,686
Well, the police say gravity, but just between us, they didn't test well on the focus group.
125
00:10:08,226 --> 00:10:08,946
Particularly Gable.
126
00:10:09,766 --> 00:10:13,286
Oh, look, I can see this isn't going well. Please stop writing. Look, I...
127
00:10:13,286 --> 00:10:14,806
I'm just... I want to be an Avenger.
128
00:10:16,646 --> 00:10:18,286
I want to be an Avenger.
129
00:10:20,346 --> 00:10:21,626
Why do you want to be an Avenger?
130
00:10:22,166 --> 00:10:25,226
To look around you. I mean, they're the best of the best.
131
00:10:25,846 --> 00:10:27,226
And what they do matters.
132
00:10:27,666 --> 00:10:29,306
I need to be an Avenger.
133
00:10:30,226 --> 00:10:30,486
Certainly.
134
00:10:30,686 --> 00:10:32,366
My girl is kind of had it with my shtick.
135
00:10:32,686 --> 00:10:36,366
If I don't, you know, turn things around and do something with my gifts,
136
00:10:36,446 --> 00:10:39,766
I don't think it's going to really work out for me and I wouldn't blame her.
137
00:10:41,166 --> 00:10:49,246
Avengers are a very unique group of superheroes that stand for something more than just fighting and wearing costumes.
138
00:10:49,246 --> 00:10:52,306
I mean, people look up to us. Kids look up to us.
139
00:10:52,606 --> 00:10:53,246
I'm sorry, us?
140
00:10:53,746 --> 00:10:55,986
I wasn't aware that you were an Avenger.
141
00:10:56,486 --> 00:10:57,786
Avengers are Jason, technically.
142
00:10:58,006 --> 00:10:59,786
Oh, what's your superpower? Is it parallel parking?
143
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:01,346
I'm so sorry.
144
00:11:01,626 --> 00:11:04,986
That was cruel. I lash out when I'm nervous. It won't happen again.
145
00:11:05,226 --> 00:11:06,486
Let's cut to the chase, please.
146
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:11,726
You just said moments ago that you wanted to be an Avenger because you needed.
147
00:11:12,566 --> 00:11:13,387
Yes, sir, I do.
148
00:11:13,987 --> 00:11:16,587
But the Avengers don't do the job because they need it.
149
00:11:16,947 --> 00:11:18,707
They do the job because people need them.
150
00:11:19,887 --> 00:11:21,307
Do you see the distinction?
151
00:11:23,847 --> 00:11:24,647
Yes, sir.
152
00:11:25,607 --> 00:11:30,247
Please, Mr. Hogan, I don't want to spend the rest of my life like an annoying one-trick pony.
153
00:11:35,657 --> 00:11:36,417
Oh, my God.
154
00:11:36,477 --> 00:11:37,117
You're standing.
155
00:11:37,217 --> 00:11:38,677
Yeah, now's the time that we stand.
156
00:11:39,037 --> 00:11:39,557
Damn it.
157
00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:45,597
The problem might be that you're reaching a little too high. Aim for the middle and you'll never miss.
158
00:11:46,437 --> 00:11:48,357
Right? I think you got a good heart. I believe what you're saying.
159
00:11:49,537 --> 00:11:52,397
But not everybody is the world-saving type. I'm not. I'm happy.
160
00:11:53,137 --> 00:11:57,157
Right? I found my place. Find your place.
161
00:11:58,317 --> 00:12:01,437
Alright, get back out there. We'll keep an eye on you.
162
00:12:01,877 --> 00:12:01,937
Okay.
163
00:12:01,937 --> 00:12:02,237
Good luck.
164
00:12:06,597 --> 00:12:09,097
Catch the car. I want to head Shake Shack.
165
00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:11,317
Rejection is behind me.
166
00:12:12,397 --> 00:12:13,397
No, please.
167
00:12:13,837 --> 00:12:14,317
No, no, no.
168
00:12:14,897 --> 00:12:16,257
Okay, thank you.
169
00:12:17,957 --> 00:12:23,997
You know what they say. When one door closes, your locker at work opens.
170
00:12:25,337 --> 00:12:36,887
Now let's go sell some certified pre-owned vehicles, motherfucker.
171
00:12:39,547 --> 00:12:44,927
Technically, the Carnival is not a minivan. It's an MPV.
172
00:12:45,107 --> 00:12:47,467
So how does the Kia compare to the Honda Odyssey?
173
00:12:47,507 --> 00:12:50,547
The Odyssey? That's a great question. It doesn't fucking suck.
174
00:12:51,387 --> 00:12:53,547
You know, you can answer the question without swearing.
175
00:12:53,727 --> 00:12:57,667
I'm sorry, Tammy. I don't have kids. Not that I haven't dreamt of that.
176
00:12:58,147 --> 00:13:00,007
I don't have a lot of actual sex.
177
00:13:03,467 --> 00:13:04,687
You'll get it next time, pal.
178
00:13:04,827 --> 00:13:05,107
Yeah.
179
00:13:05,127 --> 00:13:07,607
And look, you can always go back to super-heroing.
180
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,587
I mean, I know I'd like to see you back in the suit.
181
00:13:10,407 --> 00:13:13,267
I'll keep it in my locker so that I can wear it.
182
00:13:13,387 --> 00:13:15,747
Keep it in my locker in case we need to saddle up again.
183
00:13:15,867 --> 00:13:18,607
Hey, hey, hey. What are you doing in there?
184
00:13:19,287 --> 00:13:19,907
I'm done.
185
00:13:23,637 --> 00:13:25,457
And I'm fine with being done.
186
00:13:25,877 --> 00:13:28,177
Look, is sales the best match? Probably not.
187
00:13:28,377 --> 00:13:31,537
Is this the life that I always imagined for myself? Fuck, no.
188
00:13:32,557 --> 00:13:35,357
This is the right fit for me. Sugar Bear, it is.
189
00:13:35,757 --> 00:13:36,777
Okay, Mr. Wilson.
190
00:13:37,777 --> 00:13:40,717
I'm just saying, once a month we can go on a little mission.
191
00:13:41,317 --> 00:13:43,477
We're human beings. We crave purpose.
192
00:13:44,237 --> 00:13:45,577
After all, we're Deadpool.
193
00:13:45,977 --> 00:13:49,837
Please stop saying that. We're not Deadpool. I'm not even Deadpool anymore.
194
00:13:50,917 --> 00:13:53,597
Well, if you're going to believe this, my prices go big.
195
00:13:53,977 --> 00:14:00,797
A few years ago, a friend of mine got his nipples pierced with a titanium chain that goes down and attaches to his man, Johnson.
196
00:14:04,847 --> 00:14:08,347
Are you feeling Grumple Stiltskin because it's your birthday?
197
00:14:18,587 --> 00:14:19,107
Surprise!
198
00:14:21,707 --> 00:14:23,187
You guys are lucky I'm not armed.
199
00:14:23,627 --> 00:14:24,707
Get in here.
200
00:14:25,007 --> 00:14:26,987
This was six years ago. You'd all be dead.
201
00:14:27,527 --> 00:14:28,947
So then, it gets out of the cab.
202
00:14:29,167 --> 00:14:31,067
And you would not believe it. I turn around.
203
00:14:31,327 --> 00:14:32,347
What do I find?
204
00:14:32,367 --> 00:14:32,767
AirPods.
205
00:14:33,107 --> 00:14:33,547
AirPods!
206
00:14:33,907 --> 00:14:34,187
Come on.
207
00:14:34,367 --> 00:14:34,947
Crazy story.
208
00:14:34,987 --> 00:14:36,487
Every time. Come on.
209
00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:41,027
Make any sales today?
210
00:14:41,507 --> 00:14:42,227
You know I didn't.
211
00:14:42,227 --> 00:14:46,207
Did you sell any Dreamcatchers on Fancy or whatever it is that you do?
212
00:14:46,507 --> 00:14:49,127
I'll rent you in three days' wait. I can't keep carrying you.
213
00:14:49,467 --> 00:14:54,547
Relax. I have the money. I sold some old blood pressure medication I found lying around.
214
00:14:54,847 --> 00:14:56,347
You're trying to kill me, motherfucker?
215
00:14:56,427 --> 00:14:58,627
I'm not the one dousing everything in salt, motherfucker.
216
00:14:58,787 --> 00:15:06,207
I pray every day that fire finds your body and finishes the job God didn't have the nuts to do.
217
00:15:06,227 --> 00:15:09,667
That's hurtful. If you could hear the look on my face, you'd smell how sad I am.
218
00:15:10,027 --> 00:15:10,967
You watch anything good?
219
00:15:10,967 --> 00:15:13,107
Great British make-off.
220
00:15:13,207 --> 00:15:16,727
Oh, goddamn. That shit stood between me and suicide for ten years.
221
00:15:16,987 --> 00:15:23,728
Those are my feelings. On abortion, religious freedom, animal rights, privacy rights, vaccines, free market capitalism, global climate change.
222
00:15:24,288 --> 00:15:25,928
No, no, no, no, no speaking lines, motherfucker.
223
00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:27,568
Hi, you kill.
224
00:15:28,048 --> 00:15:28,568
Hi, Wade.
225
00:15:29,128 --> 00:15:30,528
Nice fake o'clock shadow.
226
00:15:31,788 --> 00:15:38,068
It's a summer balayage from the French. It's meant to mimic the natural highlights of the sun.
227
00:15:38,508 --> 00:15:39,128
It's a toupee.
228
00:15:39,368 --> 00:15:40,148
It's a hair system.
229
00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:42,248
I love your hair system, Wade.
230
00:15:42,668 --> 00:15:43,228
Thank you.
231
00:15:44,108 --> 00:15:45,068
Want to do some cocaine?
232
00:15:45,288 --> 00:15:48,728
Hey, cocaine is the one thing that Feige said is off limits.
233
00:15:48,968 --> 00:15:50,528
What about Bolivian marching about?
234
00:15:50,528 --> 00:15:52,788
They know all the slang terms. They have a list.
235
00:15:52,928 --> 00:15:53,688
Even snowboarding?
236
00:15:53,808 --> 00:15:54,528
Even disco dust.
237
00:15:54,648 --> 00:15:55,508
White girl interrupter?
238
00:15:55,608 --> 00:15:56,428
Even Boris Bump.
239
00:15:56,548 --> 00:15:56,928
Poker show?
240
00:15:56,928 --> 00:15:58,388
I wouldn't even try powdered donuts.
241
00:15:58,508 --> 00:15:59,628
Do you want to build a snowman?
242
00:15:59,808 --> 00:16:02,028
Yes, but I can't.
243
00:16:03,608 --> 00:16:04,328
Hole here.
244
00:16:05,228 --> 00:16:05,448
Here?
245
00:16:06,888 --> 00:16:07,848
What happened?
246
00:16:07,848 --> 00:16:08,828
That's the buzz part.
247
00:16:10,148 --> 00:16:11,088
Thanks for coming.
248
00:16:11,768 --> 00:16:12,188
Yeah.
249
00:16:12,908 --> 00:16:13,448
How's work?
250
00:16:14,028 --> 00:16:14,928
Oh, I got a promotion.
251
00:16:16,208 --> 00:16:16,768
No way.
252
00:16:17,288 --> 00:16:20,468
Yeah, it's my numbing middle management, but I'm happy.
253
00:16:20,708 --> 00:16:21,288
That's great.
254
00:16:23,588 --> 00:16:23,748
Who are you?
255
00:16:23,748 --> 00:16:24,488
Do I see him?
256
00:16:25,788 --> 00:16:30,268
Um, yeah. Guy from work. German.
257
00:16:30,788 --> 00:16:31,168
German?
258
00:16:31,768 --> 00:16:32,628
He's kind.
259
00:16:32,908 --> 00:16:33,168
Good.
260
00:16:33,428 --> 00:16:36,508
Likes to go hiking. Hasn't gotten me shot yet.
261
00:16:36,648 --> 00:16:38,608
Well, it's the early days.
262
00:16:42,388 --> 00:16:44,528
How about you? You seeing anyone?
263
00:16:45,628 --> 00:16:48,968
No, no. I live in a one-bedroom apartment. Share a bed with Blind Al.
264
00:16:52,728 --> 00:16:53,068
Alright.
265
00:16:53,388 --> 00:16:53,768
Alright.
266
00:16:57,028 --> 00:17:00,008
Happy birthday to you!
267
00:17:00,268 --> 00:17:02,048
Okay, okay, okay.
268
00:17:03,868 --> 00:17:04,428
Birthdays.
269
00:17:04,688 --> 00:17:07,328
Boy, every spin around the moon is a new adventure indeed.
270
00:17:07,628 --> 00:17:08,208
Some dumbass.
271
00:17:08,208 --> 00:17:09,588
Okay, rounderther.
272
00:17:11,068 --> 00:17:11,708
Where was I?
273
00:17:11,888 --> 00:17:13,168
The adventure of life.
274
00:17:13,468 --> 00:17:15,928
Right. Um, it's been a challenging few years.
275
00:17:16,628 --> 00:17:18,808
I haven't seen you guys in a while. And through a lot.
276
00:17:19,388 --> 00:17:20,288
A change of life.
277
00:17:20,468 --> 00:17:20,948
And a pause?
278
00:17:21,068 --> 00:17:22,288
Bitch, are you improv-ing?
279
00:17:22,488 --> 00:17:22,908
Mm-mm.
280
00:17:24,828 --> 00:17:26,508
I'm sorry that you had to see that, Yu-Gi-Oh.
281
00:17:26,948 --> 00:17:27,488
It's okay.
282
00:17:29,428 --> 00:17:30,568
But I'm happy.
283
00:17:32,368 --> 00:17:35,308
That's because of each and every one of you.
284
00:17:35,308 --> 00:17:43,208
I guess what I'm trying to say is how proud I am, how grateful I am, to be standing in a room with every single person I love.
285
00:17:48,838 --> 00:17:50,078
I'm the luckiest man alive.
286
00:17:52,978 --> 00:17:53,758
Make a wish, buddy.
287
00:17:54,378 --> 00:17:55,298
Ten-four, good buddy.
288
00:17:56,738 --> 00:17:57,698
Going down.
289
00:18:04,148 --> 00:18:04,828
Wait, Wilfie?
290
00:18:05,188 --> 00:18:05,768
Oh, yeah.
291
00:18:06,168 --> 00:18:07,888
The answer's dependent must have ordered you.
292
00:18:08,548 --> 00:18:09,808
Are those supposed to be cop costumes?
293
00:18:10,668 --> 00:18:11,208
Never mind.
294
00:18:11,208 --> 00:18:15,148
Take your clothes off, but leave the helmets. And this isn't Pretty Woman.
295
00:18:16,228 --> 00:18:16,808
We're kissing.
296
00:18:17,468 --> 00:18:19,288
Which song do you guys normally dance to?
297
00:18:20,548 --> 00:18:23,308
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
298
00:18:23,708 --> 00:18:24,828
Is that supposed to be scary?
299
00:18:25,168 --> 00:18:26,848
Hanging isn't new for me, friendo.
300
00:18:26,988 --> 00:18:28,008
But it is for Disney.
301
00:18:29,188 --> 00:18:30,168
That, that, that, that, that.
302
00:18:30,448 --> 00:18:31,908
I've never been a natural bottom.
303
00:18:32,228 --> 00:18:34,068
So we're going to take things real slow.
304
00:18:34,348 --> 00:18:36,248
And I want some crazy eye contact.
305
00:18:36,488 --> 00:18:37,508
Not you, you.
306
00:18:37,508 --> 00:18:39,828
I can't see your eyes through the mask, but I can feel them.
307
00:18:39,828 --> 00:18:41,168
We're going to move on down the hallway.
308
00:18:41,548 --> 00:18:43,348
So we can spare a clean up on aisle, asshole.
309
00:18:43,388 --> 00:18:44,888
How's everyone feel about this planet?
310
00:18:44,948 --> 00:18:45,868
I don't like you.
311
00:18:46,008 --> 00:18:47,588
Yes, let's hold onto that attitude.
312
00:18:47,928 --> 00:18:49,368
And we're going to do it angry.
313
00:19:07,808 --> 00:19:09,188
Mr. Wilson.
314
00:19:11,008 --> 00:19:13,608
You appear to have soiled yourself while unconscious.
315
00:19:13,988 --> 00:19:15,808
I wasn't unconscious. Who are you?
316
00:19:16,508 --> 00:19:18,288
I go by the name of Paradox.
317
00:19:18,288 --> 00:19:21,498
Mr. Paradox. And you're sitting here at the TVA.
318
00:19:22,148 --> 00:19:23,768
The Time Variance Authority.
319
00:19:24,408 --> 00:19:26,549
We're really a watchdog organization.
320
00:19:26,749 --> 00:19:29,169
Except we're more light-hearted than that sounds.
321
00:19:29,329 --> 00:19:32,389
With a sort of throwback ironic twist.
322
00:19:32,769 --> 00:19:37,049
And we're in charge of defending what's known as the sacred timeline.
323
00:19:37,409 --> 00:19:40,449
Holy fuck, that is a shit ton of exposition for a threequel.
324
00:19:40,489 --> 00:19:42,349
Is this because I used Cable's time machine?
325
00:19:42,729 --> 00:19:45,229
Brought a couple of people back to life, then I destroyed it.
326
00:19:45,349 --> 00:19:46,209
It was a long time ago.
327
00:19:46,209 --> 00:19:49,189
Yes, we're aware of your abuse of your timeline.
328
00:19:49,849 --> 00:19:51,989
And you were so abusive of it.
329
00:19:52,389 --> 00:19:54,049
Uh, no, it has nothing to do with that.
330
00:19:54,749 --> 00:19:55,429
Walk with me.
331
00:20:01,629 --> 00:20:05,869
I brought you here, Mr. Wilson, to tell you that you're special.
332
00:20:06,549 --> 00:20:09,609
In fact, you've been chosen for a higher purpose.
333
00:20:09,849 --> 00:20:11,649
A purpose unclear even to me.
334
00:20:11,649 --> 00:20:16,909
But one that could save the entire sacred timeline
335
00:20:16,909 --> 00:20:19,589
from a possibly grisly fate sometime in the future
336
00:20:19,589 --> 00:20:23,649
which may very well need to be avenged.
337
00:20:24,549 --> 00:20:30,969
The sacred timeline, I assume I'm going to marvel at how
338
00:20:30,969 --> 00:20:32,329
cinematic it feels.
339
00:20:33,049 --> 00:20:36,269
Gratuitous scammions, indiscriminate use of variants,
340
00:20:36,409 --> 00:20:36,929
the whole package.
341
00:20:36,929 --> 00:20:58,789
Now, you tell me, Wade, you can be a hero among the heroes.
342
00:20:59,769 --> 00:21:01,829
We've been surveilling you for quite a while.
343
00:21:02,049 --> 00:21:02,809
Subway station?
344
00:21:02,989 --> 00:21:04,529
The TVA up those stairs.
345
00:21:06,029 --> 00:21:06,889
But what is that?
346
00:21:09,689 --> 00:21:11,629
Is that me? Is that Thor?
347
00:21:12,869 --> 00:21:13,949
Is he crying?
348
00:21:14,329 --> 00:21:15,889
Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
349
00:21:16,449 --> 00:21:17,949
That happens in the distant future.
350
00:21:18,029 --> 00:21:18,769
Why is Thor crying?
351
00:21:18,989 --> 00:21:19,749
Do not return.
352
00:21:20,249 --> 00:21:21,189
Stop that. Eyes on me.
353
00:21:21,189 --> 00:21:23,269
I brought you here to offer you an opportunity.
354
00:21:23,709 --> 00:21:26,849
The opportunity you sought years ago but for which you were not ready.
355
00:21:27,149 --> 00:21:28,689
We believe you're ready now.
356
00:21:28,949 --> 00:21:30,649
Ready for a chance to leave your timeline
357
00:21:30,649 --> 00:21:33,309
and join the greatest universe of all.
358
00:21:33,369 --> 00:21:35,029
I am about to give you the thing you've always wanted.
359
00:21:35,249 --> 00:21:36,589
I smell what you're stepping in.
360
00:21:36,789 --> 00:21:39,449
The power in the Marvel Universe is about to change forever.
361
00:21:41,689 --> 00:21:42,749
I am a messiah.
362
00:21:46,649 --> 00:21:47,529
I am
363
00:21:49,029 --> 00:21:49,909
Marvel Jesus.
364
00:21:51,709 --> 00:21:52,449
Excuse me.
365
00:21:57,529 --> 00:21:58,489
Suck it, Fox.
366
00:21:59,029 --> 00:22:00,129
I'm going to Disneyland.
367
00:22:04,929 --> 00:22:06,129
Where do I sign?
368
00:22:06,449 --> 00:22:07,569
Oh, it's 90 for my boy.
369
00:22:07,749 --> 00:22:08,609
Good. Not too bright.
370
00:22:08,829 --> 00:22:09,929
But I do not read.
371
00:22:10,829 --> 00:22:13,189
There is one thing I will need though.
372
00:22:17,009 --> 00:22:19,209
Oh, fuck off.
373
00:22:19,849 --> 00:22:21,209
Adorn me, beardo.
374
00:22:42,369 --> 00:22:43,329
Fucking A.
375
00:22:44,289 --> 00:22:45,289
It's perfect.
376
00:22:45,689 --> 00:22:47,669
FYI, your tailor is a predator.
377
00:22:47,889 --> 00:22:48,849
But I love it.
378
00:22:48,949 --> 00:22:52,529
Snug, no camel toe, new car smell, and adamantium.
379
00:22:52,789 --> 00:22:55,269
Thomas, you shouldn't have.
380
00:22:55,849 --> 00:22:56,529
Go ahead.
381
00:22:56,889 --> 00:22:57,529
Take it in.
382
00:22:58,169 --> 00:23:00,449
And yes, your underwear is getting tighter.
383
00:23:00,849 --> 00:23:02,289
That guy knows what I'm talking about.
384
00:23:02,289 --> 00:23:06,769
His clothes say middle management, but his eyes say fucky fucky.
385
00:23:07,209 --> 00:23:08,589
Yes, you look very nice.
386
00:23:08,929 --> 00:23:11,869
Nice? Your buddy here is ready to throw it all away from me.
387
00:23:12,029 --> 00:23:12,789
You calling your wife?
388
00:23:12,949 --> 00:23:13,169
HR.
389
00:23:13,309 --> 00:23:14,409
Does your wife work in HR?
390
00:23:14,629 --> 00:23:16,689
I'm really glad you're taking this so well.
391
00:23:17,249 --> 00:23:18,729
Oh, I'm taking it well.
392
00:23:19,069 --> 00:23:21,469
I have never had a problem traveling for work.
393
00:23:21,489 --> 00:23:23,409
That said, we should talk vacation days.
394
00:23:23,749 --> 00:23:26,209
I'm more of a one week on, one week off kind of guy.
395
00:23:26,269 --> 00:23:27,389
I think it's what they do in Denmark.
396
00:23:27,869 --> 00:23:31,469
You know, you'll never see a Danish flag in the moon, but god damn it, they're happy.
397
00:23:31,469 --> 00:23:34,630
Now, let's power up your little Amazon Fire Phone there,
398
00:23:34,790 --> 00:23:38,650
and send me back home so I can let my friends know that they've been upgraded to disciples.
399
00:23:39,030 --> 00:23:41,810
Yeah, I don't think you quite understand.
400
00:23:42,710 --> 00:23:47,130
You will not be returning to your home because there will be no home to return to.
401
00:23:47,390 --> 00:23:49,190
Come again? This time in my ears?
402
00:23:53,610 --> 00:23:56,350
This is your universe, Mr. Wilson.
403
00:23:57,790 --> 00:24:02,310
That is what happens when a universe loses their anchor being.
404
00:24:02,310 --> 00:24:06,550
See how it decays from the inside? This is how a reality dies.
405
00:24:06,970 --> 00:24:07,690
What's an anchor being?
406
00:24:07,850 --> 00:24:11,330
An anchor being is an entity of such vital importance that when they die,
407
00:24:11,570 --> 00:24:14,510
their whole world slowly withers out of existence.
408
00:24:15,030 --> 00:24:17,370
You've just won the lottery because I didn't die.
409
00:24:17,870 --> 00:24:19,610
It's just a little midlife crisis, I'm better now.
410
00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:27,260
Oh my god!
411
00:24:27,500 --> 00:24:28,640
Oh, I love to laugh.
412
00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:31,160
Can you imagine if you were the anchor being?
413
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:31,700
Yeah.
414
00:24:33,660 --> 00:24:35,680
No, it isn't you, Mr. Wilson.
415
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:40,840
Your anchor being died in an act of self-sacrifice so epic
416
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:43,380
that it sent shivers down the timeline.
417
00:24:44,180 --> 00:24:46,680
I am referring, of course, to...
418
00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:48,800
Logan.
419
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:51,620
The Wolverine.
420
00:25:21,570 --> 00:25:23,800
Forks for hands! Back, Wolverine!
421
00:25:25,870 --> 00:25:29,290
Yeah, I got it. You can turn your retro graphics of death off now.
422
00:25:29,330 --> 00:25:29,930
Make it stop.
423
00:25:30,050 --> 00:25:32,690
We're not doing it, Mr. Wilson. We certainly can't stop it.
424
00:25:34,510 --> 00:25:35,790
How long have we got?
425
00:25:36,210 --> 00:25:38,110
In most cases, a couple thousand years.
426
00:25:38,390 --> 00:25:39,070
Well, sweet.
427
00:25:39,070 --> 00:25:41,530
In most cases, aren't fast enough. Not for me.
428
00:25:42,210 --> 00:25:42,890
What does that mean?
429
00:25:43,290 --> 00:25:48,050
It means that I have been tasked with overseeing the end of your universe.
430
00:25:48,250 --> 00:25:50,410
Regardless of what the pencil pushers upstairs prefer,
431
00:25:50,910 --> 00:25:55,450
I will not waste my life watching it die slowly in natural causes.
432
00:25:55,850 --> 00:25:59,050
We used to just prune these things. Simple, elegant, efficient.
433
00:25:59,190 --> 00:26:01,510
But I'm told the TVA doesn't like to do that anymore.
434
00:26:01,510 --> 00:26:04,090
Well, I do. And no matter what my so-called superiors say,
435
00:26:04,210 --> 00:26:06,710
the multiverse does not need a babysitter.
436
00:26:06,770 --> 00:26:08,510
We need a mercy killer.
437
00:26:08,790 --> 00:26:12,670
And in this instance, I am the mercy killer.
438
00:26:17,730 --> 00:26:19,770
What in the McGuffin is that?
439
00:26:19,890 --> 00:26:21,930
That's a time ripper, Mr. Wilson.
440
00:26:22,430 --> 00:26:24,830
An accelerant. Once completed,
441
00:26:25,210 --> 00:26:28,450
it will allow me to destroy the space-time matrix of your universe.
442
00:26:28,670 --> 00:26:30,830
You see, I don't want to work for the TVA.
443
00:26:30,850 --> 00:26:33,070
I want to be the TVA.
444
00:26:33,070 --> 00:26:35,710
And the first step involves showing this organization
445
00:26:35,710 --> 00:26:37,570
how much more efficient it can become.
446
00:26:37,830 --> 00:26:41,890
To it, I will be giving your universe a swift and compassionate end.
447
00:26:42,290 --> 00:26:43,690
And don't worry, your friends won't feel a thing.
448
00:26:43,710 --> 00:26:44,670
It'll be over just like this.
449
00:26:44,830 --> 00:26:45,470
Oh, what's that?
450
00:26:47,230 --> 00:26:48,030
Trust me.
451
00:27:00,730 --> 00:27:02,690
You're gonna hold the other of my fucking universe?
452
00:27:03,270 --> 00:27:06,450
In your parlance, yes. Two and a half to one in the head.
453
00:27:06,930 --> 00:27:08,350
Look, Mr. Wilson, you have two choices.
454
00:27:08,350 --> 00:27:10,270
You can either rejoin your loved ones
455
00:27:10,270 --> 00:27:13,670
and collectively cease to exist in, I'd say, 72 hours,
456
00:27:13,910 --> 00:27:17,730
or you join the sacred timeline
457
00:27:17,730 --> 00:27:22,190
and you end your days of insignificance and mediocrity.
458
00:27:22,770 --> 00:27:28,190
Wade, Wade, you can finally, finally matter.
459
00:27:38,220 --> 00:27:40,001
That's all I've ever really wanted.
460
00:27:40,441 --> 00:27:42,881
I know. I know.
461
00:27:43,961 --> 00:27:47,921
And you know, I'm nothing if not morally flexible.
462
00:27:50,241 --> 00:27:51,161
Yep, yep.
463
00:27:53,741 --> 00:27:54,621
I'll do it.
464
00:27:54,941 --> 00:27:55,461
Wise choice.
465
00:27:55,721 --> 00:27:57,281
The sacred timelines are happy to have you.
466
00:27:57,401 --> 00:27:59,141
I was talking about finding the Wolverine
467
00:27:59,141 --> 00:28:00,421
and breaking your fucking nose.
468
00:28:14,321 --> 00:28:15,361
Find him.
469
00:28:15,801 --> 00:28:16,441
Find him!
470
00:28:16,821 --> 00:28:18,441
And, boy, did he ever.
471
00:28:19,901 --> 00:28:21,521
Which brings us back to this.
472
00:28:23,961 --> 00:28:25,701
The desecration of the sacred corpse.
473
00:28:46,401 --> 00:28:46,681
R!
474
00:28:46,701 --> 00:28:47,701
Make it stop!
475
00:28:48,121 --> 00:28:48,941
Mangold tribe!
476
00:28:52,031 --> 00:28:53,591
You sick fuck!
477
00:28:54,031 --> 00:28:58,231
Weldon was a hero and the only thing worth a shit to ever come out of Canada.
478
00:29:06,181 --> 00:29:10,321
Get my country's name out of your fucking mouth.
479
00:29:11,761 --> 00:29:12,521
And my sword.
480
00:29:12,841 --> 00:29:13,701
Bring it out.
481
00:29:16,961 --> 00:29:18,781
Oh, I gotta find me another Logan.
482
00:29:19,721 --> 00:29:20,761
A live one.
483
00:29:21,121 --> 00:29:23,101
Don't get up, guys. I'll skin myself out.
484
00:29:30,711 --> 00:29:31,091
Logan!
485
00:29:35,191 --> 00:29:36,711
I'm gonna need you to come with me.
486
00:29:38,411 --> 00:29:38,931
Who's that?
487
00:29:40,531 --> 00:29:43,111
Look at this little hairy luretten.
488
00:29:43,651 --> 00:29:44,991
Did you stick the landing move, guy?
489
00:29:45,631 --> 00:29:47,491
Yes, you did, comic actor.
490
00:29:47,731 --> 00:29:48,551
You're his short king.
491
00:29:49,031 --> 00:29:50,891
Such a cute widow, Wolfie.
492
00:29:51,151 --> 00:29:52,871
Cue the fucking montage, baby.
493
00:29:53,611 --> 00:29:54,171
McCoy!
494
00:29:54,631 --> 00:29:56,411
Everything seems to be on fire.
495
00:29:56,671 --> 00:29:57,471
Do you have a dragon?
496
00:30:22,361 --> 00:30:24,021
I'm auditioning Anchor Bean.
497
00:30:25,521 --> 00:30:26,981
That's gonna need some coconut oil.
498
00:30:31,361 --> 00:30:33,421
What in the fuck?
499
00:30:35,991 --> 00:30:36,811
Oh, yes, yes.
500
00:30:37,351 --> 00:30:38,691
Classic John Byrne brown and tan.
501
00:30:38,951 --> 00:30:40,811
Now, we found the Hulk in this outfit, no?
502
00:30:43,721 --> 00:30:45,841
I'm Marvel Jesus, you dull creature in our life.
503
00:30:46,781 --> 00:30:58,931
In a different direction.
504
00:31:02,191 --> 00:31:04,231
You know, from behind, you look a little bit like Henry...
505
00:31:04,231 --> 00:31:05,371
Oh, my fuck!
506
00:31:05,951 --> 00:31:06,791
The cavalry.
507
00:31:07,491 --> 00:31:08,691
The legends are true.
508
00:31:09,331 --> 00:31:11,891
And may I say, sir, on behalf of all humanity,
509
00:31:12,171 --> 00:31:13,771
this just feels right.
510
00:31:13,771 --> 00:31:17,291
We will treat you so much better than those shit fucks down the street.
511
00:31:17,351 --> 00:31:18,231
You were just leaving.
512
00:31:18,511 --> 00:31:18,991
No, sir.
513
00:31:19,151 --> 00:31:21,511
Not while the fate of my universe is in your hands.
514
00:31:25,191 --> 00:31:26,671
This one looks promising.
515
00:31:27,211 --> 00:31:28,031
Down you go.
516
00:31:29,871 --> 00:31:30,191
Again.
517
00:31:31,571 --> 00:31:33,671
I told you, you're not welcome here.
518
00:31:33,891 --> 00:31:34,771
You're not welcome anywhere.
519
00:31:35,511 --> 00:31:36,711
Now get the fuck out of my bar.
520
00:31:36,831 --> 00:31:38,851
Just give me one more drink and then I'll leave.
521
00:31:39,451 --> 00:31:40,491
That's not how it works.
522
00:31:41,151 --> 00:31:41,971
It does now.
523
00:31:42,571 --> 00:31:43,191
Leave the bottle.
524
00:31:43,191 --> 00:31:44,591
I know you, bub.
525
00:31:44,831 --> 00:31:45,151
Nope.
526
00:31:45,511 --> 00:31:46,571
But I know you.
527
00:31:47,372 --> 00:31:48,612
Everybody knows me.
528
00:31:50,132 --> 00:31:51,192
I'm the Wolverine.
529
00:31:51,452 --> 00:31:53,292
Yes, you are.
530
00:31:53,852 --> 00:31:56,432
And I'm gonna need you to come with me right now.
531
00:31:57,332 --> 00:31:58,492
Look, lady, I'm not interested.
532
00:31:58,612 --> 00:31:59,552
Really getting into your cops here.
533
00:31:59,572 --> 00:32:01,372
Why would I go with you?
534
00:32:03,112 --> 00:32:05,512
Because, unfortunately, I need you.
535
00:32:05,692 --> 00:32:09,592
And even more unfortunately, my entire world needs you.
536
00:32:10,452 --> 00:32:11,732
You two gonna fuck or fight?
537
00:32:15,692 --> 00:32:17,132
You gonna take that from him?
538
00:32:19,352 --> 00:32:21,132
I can tell you if I sort of don't get too close,
539
00:32:21,132 --> 00:32:22,932
I'll only break your heart vibe going here.
540
00:32:23,112 --> 00:32:25,452
But every other Wolverine would have really hurt me by now.
541
00:32:25,532 --> 00:32:27,232
And I'm sort of on the tick-tick, so...
542
00:32:27,232 --> 00:32:28,252
Upsy-daisy, here we go.
543
00:32:28,772 --> 00:32:29,412
Hey, hey, hey, guys.
544
00:32:29,592 --> 00:32:29,912
One time.
545
00:32:31,712 --> 00:32:32,112
Oh.
546
00:32:34,252 --> 00:32:35,292
Whiskey dig of the claws.
547
00:32:35,512 --> 00:32:37,232
It's quite common in Wolverines over 40.
548
00:32:37,312 --> 00:32:37,872
You don't want this.
549
00:32:38,012 --> 00:32:39,032
You're right, I don't.
550
00:32:39,432 --> 00:32:40,572
And you don't want this.
551
00:32:40,872 --> 00:32:43,232
Unless you want to take a deep breath through your fucking forehead,
552
00:32:43,232 --> 00:32:44,852
I suggest you reconsider.
553
00:32:45,812 --> 00:32:46,532
Let's go, Peanut.
554
00:32:51,352 --> 00:32:53,112
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
555
00:32:53,752 --> 00:32:54,392
Watch this.
556
00:32:55,732 --> 00:32:56,372
Alright.
557
00:32:57,052 --> 00:32:58,992
That's a little... easy.
558
00:33:03,092 --> 00:33:03,712
Good God.
559
00:33:04,872 --> 00:33:06,592
Thirsty little honey badger, aren't you?
560
00:33:07,552 --> 00:33:08,552
It's okay, keep going.
561
00:33:09,372 --> 00:33:11,172
Audiences are accustomed to long run times.
562
00:33:17,022 --> 00:33:18,462
Well, I guess you'll have to do.
563
00:33:19,302 --> 00:33:19,602
Okay.
564
00:33:21,442 --> 00:33:21,862
Ooh.
565
00:33:22,542 --> 00:33:23,582
Look at those jammies.
566
00:33:24,342 --> 00:33:26,942
That only took 20 fucking years.
567
00:33:27,722 --> 00:33:29,782
One interview coming right up.
568
00:33:29,942 --> 00:33:31,622
On your left, baby girl.
569
00:33:32,262 --> 00:33:33,322
This Logan has the same.
570
00:33:33,482 --> 00:33:35,622
He can do anything he even musicals look like.
571
00:33:36,002 --> 00:33:36,342
Bonus.
572
00:33:36,882 --> 00:33:40,102
He's actually wearing a costume like he's not embarrassed to be in a superhero movie for once.
573
00:33:40,482 --> 00:33:41,602
I don't understand.
574
00:33:41,862 --> 00:33:43,082
You said my universe is dying.
575
00:33:43,482 --> 00:33:45,802
Because this sack of nuts got himself killed.
576
00:33:45,802 --> 00:33:47,442
Well, problem solved.
577
00:33:48,082 --> 00:33:48,482
My God.
578
00:33:48,782 --> 00:33:53,682
You actually think you can replace an anchovy with this?
579
00:33:55,002 --> 00:34:01,682
I wouldn't have accepted any other Wolverine meaty dumps, but you have outdone yourself and brought me the worst Wolverine.
580
00:34:01,802 --> 00:34:02,922
What do you mean the worst one?
581
00:34:03,142 --> 00:34:03,642
Mr. Wilson.
582
00:34:04,642 --> 00:34:07,642
This Wolverine let down his entire world.
583
00:34:08,662 --> 00:34:10,462
He's the stuff of legend, but not in a good way.
584
00:34:10,922 --> 00:34:11,642
And what he did?
585
00:34:12,302 --> 00:34:15,542
Well, some things are just beyond forgiveness.
586
00:34:18,322 --> 00:34:18,842
Okay.
587
00:34:19,402 --> 00:34:20,502
How do I make this right?
588
00:34:20,842 --> 00:34:21,882
I can do anything.
589
00:34:22,842 --> 00:34:25,482
I gave you a chance at greatness.
590
00:34:25,802 --> 00:34:27,982
Because my superiors deemed you special.
591
00:34:28,322 --> 00:34:29,422
Clearly not special in a good way.
592
00:34:29,822 --> 00:34:32,762
Apparently you have some important future purpose to serve.
593
00:34:32,822 --> 00:34:34,022
With Thor, he holds me.
594
00:34:34,342 --> 00:34:35,882
But I did my duty.
595
00:34:36,082 --> 00:34:37,982
I gave you the opportunity to be somebody.
596
00:34:38,202 --> 00:34:42,402
And instead of accepting my offering with humility and gratitude, you broke my nose.
597
00:34:42,722 --> 00:34:43,542
It looks great.
598
00:34:43,542 --> 00:34:47,162
I have decimated dozens of my men with the exhumed corpse of a hero.
599
00:34:47,442 --> 00:34:49,382
Sovereign not only his remains, but his memory.
600
00:34:49,502 --> 00:34:50,522
What are you, the internet?
601
00:34:50,642 --> 00:34:52,702
Your world is dying.
602
00:34:53,102 --> 00:34:53,902
Thank you very much.
603
00:34:54,682 --> 00:34:55,922
And there's no stopping it.
604
00:34:58,042 --> 00:35:00,522
The main thing to do is to make it quick.
605
00:35:00,622 --> 00:35:03,582
Is the thought of vaporizing my universe making you peckish?
606
00:35:03,782 --> 00:35:04,602
I'm meeting my feelings.
607
00:35:04,622 --> 00:35:06,642
I'm about to lose everything that I've ever cared about.
608
00:35:06,722 --> 00:35:12,862
Because that hairy thundercunt from Down Undercunt finally dies and he's standing right behind me, isn't he?
609
00:35:13,542 --> 00:35:14,882
Welcome to the MCU, by the way.
610
00:35:15,542 --> 00:35:16,722
You're joining in a bit of a low point.
611
00:35:17,722 --> 00:35:19,702
As for you, I want to talk to your boss.
612
00:35:19,902 --> 00:35:25,462
I want you to get him on the phone and you tell him, her, or them that Marvel H. Christ isn't playing.
613
00:35:30,772 --> 00:35:31,552
Holy shit.
614
00:35:32,652 --> 00:35:36,192
I just heard a symphony of buttholes clenching all at once.
615
00:35:36,472 --> 00:35:37,192
You're off grid.
616
00:35:37,532 --> 00:35:39,992
Your bosses don't know what you sick fucks are doing down here.
617
00:35:40,072 --> 00:35:40,852
Well, I'll tell you what.
618
00:35:41,232 --> 00:35:46,092
I have a black belt in Karen and I'm going to go upstairs and I'm going to tell them all about you.
619
00:35:47,532 --> 00:35:49,492
Oh, silence is nice, isn't it?
620
00:35:49,632 --> 00:35:50,572
Where the fuck did he go?
621
00:35:50,672 --> 00:35:51,412
To the trash heap.
622
00:35:51,672 --> 00:35:52,632
You'll fit right in.
623
00:35:55,713 --> 00:35:56,353
That was close.
624
00:36:18,023 --> 00:36:19,883
Don't just stand there, you ape.
625
00:36:20,583 --> 00:36:21,743
Give me a hand down front.
626
00:36:23,343 --> 00:36:24,903
No, I'm actually okay, thank you.
627
00:36:27,563 --> 00:36:28,723
Where the hell are we?
628
00:36:28,803 --> 00:36:31,423
I don't know. Looks kind of Mad Max-y.
629
00:36:31,483 --> 00:36:33,423
But that would be IP infringement, right?
630
00:36:33,603 --> 00:36:34,463
Fucking jokes.
631
00:36:38,203 --> 00:36:38,643
Fuck.
632
00:36:39,703 --> 00:36:41,143
Were you even listening back there?
633
00:36:41,343 --> 00:36:43,683
We don't make it back to that Mr. Paradox asshole.
634
00:36:44,183 --> 00:36:45,383
Everyone I know is going to die.
635
00:36:45,523 --> 00:36:46,523
Not my fucking crop.
636
00:36:47,343 --> 00:36:48,483
Was that all you got?
637
00:36:49,583 --> 00:36:51,703
Is that what you said when your world went to shit?
638
00:36:53,843 --> 00:36:54,643
Come again.
639
00:36:54,983 --> 00:36:56,763
Yeah, I heard all about you.
640
00:36:57,403 --> 00:36:58,643
You screwed up everything.
641
00:36:59,043 --> 00:37:01,763
You should be thanking me for pulling you out of that bed, you shithead.
642
00:37:02,003 --> 00:37:04,263
Are you backstabbing, son of a bitch?
643
00:37:09,943 --> 00:37:11,903
Are you ready to be calm now?
644
00:37:18,963 --> 00:37:20,303
Rest in peace, Mr. Paradox.
645
00:37:35,663 --> 00:37:37,323
I don't want to fight you, Peanut.
646
00:37:38,663 --> 00:37:40,083
Doesn't matter what you did.
647
00:37:40,443 --> 00:37:41,603
I just need your help.
648
00:37:43,143 --> 00:37:44,783
I don't fucking care.
649
00:37:53,893 --> 00:37:55,693
Fuck, this is going to hurt.
650
00:38:00,433 --> 00:38:00,953
Alright.
651
00:38:01,733 --> 00:38:02,773
Fuck it.
652
00:38:03,673 --> 00:38:05,413
Let's get the people what they came for.
653
00:38:06,433 --> 00:38:07,693
Let's fucking go.
654
00:38:09,293 --> 00:38:11,393
Get your spectral sock out, nerds.
655
00:38:11,413 --> 00:38:12,553
This is going to get good.
656
00:39:09,593 --> 00:39:10,673
I gotcha.
657
00:39:19,683 --> 00:39:21,563
I'm gonna see you grow your fucking head back.
658
00:39:21,943 --> 00:39:22,943
Wait, wait, wait! I can fix it!
659
00:39:23,343 --> 00:39:24,243
Fix what?
660
00:39:24,443 --> 00:39:25,743
Whatever it is that you did.
661
00:39:26,543 --> 00:39:27,983
Whatever made you so bad.
662
00:39:29,103 --> 00:39:32,183
Those... those freaks in the TVA, you heard them.
663
00:39:33,503 --> 00:39:37,763
They have the power to end my universe, but they also have the power to change yours.
664
00:39:39,603 --> 00:39:43,203
We get back there, and we can fix your world... together.
665
00:39:46,583 --> 00:39:49,303
I promise... they can fix it.
666
00:39:50,063 --> 00:39:53,283
Hey! We fight each other, we lose.
667
00:39:57,123 --> 00:40:00,204
The superhero equivalent to Comfort Food or Molly.
668
00:40:00,704 --> 00:40:04,164
White guy's answer to all the disappointments in another A-lister.
669
00:40:04,664 --> 00:40:07,564
Fair warning, gorgeous. You're going to encounter us in a delicate language.
670
00:40:08,084 --> 00:40:12,184
A smidge of ass play, but we've been prohibited from using cocaine on camera.
671
00:40:12,464 --> 00:40:13,944
They're coming. Who's they?
672
00:41:09,874 --> 00:41:13,194
Sandra is gonna be giddy when she sees what we caught.
673
00:41:14,434 --> 00:41:16,354
Can't run. Everybody knows that.
674
00:41:16,354 --> 00:41:18,754
You see anyone running, dick for brains?
675
00:41:20,194 --> 00:41:21,814
You're not gonna love what happens next.
676
00:41:22,074 --> 00:41:23,174
Oh my god.
677
00:41:24,154 --> 00:41:26,074
Oh my god, he's gonna say it.
678
00:41:26,614 --> 00:41:28,794
Oh my god, he's gonna say it!
679
00:41:28,814 --> 00:41:29,274
Say what?
680
00:41:29,994 --> 00:41:30,474
Avengers...
681
00:41:30,474 --> 00:41:31,214
Come on!
682
00:41:31,274 --> 00:41:31,954
Sorry, what now?
683
00:42:00,314 --> 00:42:01,674
We don't know that guy.
684
00:42:02,034 --> 00:42:02,674
Thought we did.
685
00:42:03,034 --> 00:42:04,514
I know you.
686
00:42:06,034 --> 00:42:07,154
Holy shit.
687
00:42:08,874 --> 00:42:09,434
Sabertooth.
688
00:42:10,334 --> 00:42:11,174
Your brother.
689
00:42:12,254 --> 00:42:13,434
Ready to die.
690
00:42:14,274 --> 00:42:15,534
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
691
00:42:15,534 --> 00:42:16,034
Time!
692
00:42:17,174 --> 00:42:18,354
You look ridiculous.
693
00:42:18,954 --> 00:42:21,374
People have waited decades for this fight.
694
00:42:21,534 --> 00:42:22,654
It's not gonna be easy.
695
00:42:22,774 --> 00:42:23,134
Maybe not.
696
00:42:23,294 --> 00:42:25,014
Shoot the double and take him down.
697
00:42:25,374 --> 00:42:26,154
Side control.
698
00:42:26,434 --> 00:42:30,534
Then full mount and you ground and pound until he makes no sound because he's dead.
699
00:42:30,554 --> 00:42:31,354
Shut the fuck up.
700
00:42:31,654 --> 00:42:32,514
Oh my god.
701
00:42:32,514 --> 00:42:33,454
Okay, good luck.
702
00:42:33,574 --> 00:42:34,514
I'm a huge fan.
703
00:42:47,354 --> 00:42:48,234
What is it, girl?
704
00:42:48,654 --> 00:42:49,714
Is there trouble at the well?
705
00:42:55,494 --> 00:42:56,814
Big trouble.
706
00:42:57,394 --> 00:42:58,074
Behold!
707
00:42:58,814 --> 00:43:02,774
The head of your precious queen, Furiosa!
708
00:43:04,094 --> 00:43:05,334
I have the Wolverine.
709
00:43:05,974 --> 00:43:08,574
I alone control her.
710
00:43:08,714 --> 00:43:10,614
You come for me!
711
00:43:11,694 --> 00:43:13,574
You come for her!
712
00:43:15,654 --> 00:43:16,334
I'm so sorry.
713
00:43:16,474 --> 00:43:17,454
I know it's pronounced him.
714
00:43:17,614 --> 00:43:18,354
I'm gender blind.
715
00:43:18,554 --> 00:43:19,394
It's my cross to bear.
716
00:43:19,474 --> 00:43:20,474
Who's next?
717
00:43:21,114 --> 00:43:21,394
Toad!
718
00:43:22,234 --> 00:43:23,174
You're up.
719
00:43:43,954 --> 00:43:44,974
I forgot about her.
720
00:43:49,094 --> 00:43:50,534
How long was I asleep?
721
00:43:50,994 --> 00:43:52,174
Not all of you was asleep.
722
00:43:52,874 --> 00:43:53,834
Don't bother.
723
00:43:54,694 --> 00:43:55,474
We're very thorough.
724
00:43:56,774 --> 00:43:57,494
You know where we are.
725
00:43:57,614 --> 00:43:58,174
Start talking.
726
00:43:59,514 --> 00:44:00,294
You're in the void.
727
00:44:01,194 --> 00:44:02,394
Look at this purgatory.
728
00:44:03,434 --> 00:44:05,454
Reed called it a metaphysical junkyard.
729
00:44:05,814 --> 00:44:08,795
Where anything useless goes before it gets annihilated forever.
730
00:44:09,575 --> 00:44:13,635
And where the TVA sends people that don't play nice with the rest of the multiverse.
731
00:44:13,795 --> 00:44:14,315
Like you.
732
00:44:14,475 --> 00:44:15,015
And you.
733
00:44:15,255 --> 00:44:16,975
What does the annihilating mean?
734
00:44:17,575 --> 00:44:18,015
A lion.
735
00:44:18,435 --> 00:44:19,735
A lion is in this thing?
736
00:44:19,895 --> 00:44:21,855
From Loki Season 1 Episode 5?
737
00:44:21,855 --> 00:44:23,855
Everyone here is on the run from a lion.
738
00:44:24,815 --> 00:44:25,975
Most don't make it.
739
00:44:26,275 --> 00:44:27,475
There's a resistance though.
740
00:44:28,435 --> 00:44:30,675
Other people like Gus that managed to survive.
741
00:44:31,555 --> 00:44:35,035
They're hiding out in the borderlands trying to find a way the fuck out of here.
742
00:44:35,535 --> 00:44:36,555
And that's where we go.
743
00:44:36,975 --> 00:44:38,715
We? Us? A team?
744
00:44:38,995 --> 00:44:40,035
The answer is yes.
745
00:44:40,335 --> 00:44:40,675
Shae-Gun.
746
00:44:41,155 --> 00:44:42,615
Fuck! You nicked it.
747
00:44:42,615 --> 00:44:44,555
Just got the tip with your little steak knife.
748
00:44:44,875 --> 00:44:46,895
These others can help us get back to the TVA.
749
00:44:46,975 --> 00:44:47,815
They can fix things.
750
00:44:49,955 --> 00:44:51,015
Something funny, Bob?
751
00:44:51,015 --> 00:44:53,115
She might have something to say about that.
752
00:44:54,015 --> 00:44:54,375
Who's she?
753
00:44:55,875 --> 00:44:56,595
In the void.
754
00:44:57,275 --> 00:44:59,715
You're either food for a lion...
755
00:44:59,715 --> 00:45:00,835
or you work for her.
756
00:46:14,595 --> 00:46:15,835
Alright, finally aged.
757
00:46:16,995 --> 00:46:18,735
Well, you must fit into your juggernaut.
758
00:46:18,955 --> 00:46:19,195
Thank you.
759
00:46:19,235 --> 00:46:20,495
I keep your voices down.
760
00:46:20,655 --> 00:46:21,635
She don't like the chatter.
761
00:46:21,855 --> 00:46:23,035
She's gonna love you.
762
00:46:41,265 --> 00:46:42,305
Hey, Chuck!
763
00:46:43,125 --> 00:46:44,325
That's not Chuck.
764
00:46:47,165 --> 00:46:48,605
Oh, ableism. Great.
765
00:46:48,865 --> 00:46:50,985
That's not gonna go over well with the wolf mob.
766
00:46:51,465 --> 00:46:52,565
A wolverine!
767
00:46:53,405 --> 00:46:55,565
I wondered when I'd get one of you.
768
00:46:56,385 --> 00:46:57,585
You're one of Xavius.
769
00:46:57,745 --> 00:46:59,005
You know him? You know Chuck?
770
00:46:59,265 --> 00:47:00,205
Oh, I knew him.
771
00:47:00,785 --> 00:47:01,945
We shared a wound.
772
00:47:02,485 --> 00:47:05,785
Tried to strangle the sly little fellow with my umbilical cord.
773
00:47:06,185 --> 00:47:07,805
Amen. I've never loved roommates.
774
00:47:08,265 --> 00:47:09,065
Mine's blind.
775
00:47:09,065 --> 00:47:10,645
Except she could see cocaine.
776
00:47:11,165 --> 00:47:12,565
For some reason.
777
00:47:12,665 --> 00:47:14,105
You wanna chime in, Your Majesty?
778
00:47:14,365 --> 00:47:15,505
I'm dying here.
779
00:47:15,685 --> 00:47:16,525
Who are you?
780
00:47:16,965 --> 00:47:18,425
Charles Xavier's twin.
781
00:47:18,825 --> 00:47:19,525
Cassandra Nova.
782
00:47:20,085 --> 00:47:21,065
I was an anal birth.
783
00:47:22,145 --> 00:47:23,105
You two are cute.
784
00:47:24,185 --> 00:47:25,585
I have a good feeling about this.
785
00:47:28,485 --> 00:47:31,745
And I've been trying to catch this little firefly for years.
786
00:47:32,645 --> 00:47:33,385
Haven't I, Johnny?
787
00:47:35,485 --> 00:47:37,425
You picked the wrong time to make new friends.
788
00:47:37,425 --> 00:47:40,005
Oh, Johnny told us all about you.
789
00:47:40,165 --> 00:47:40,885
Maybe shut up now.
790
00:47:41,145 --> 00:47:41,545
Yeah, maybe don't.
791
00:47:41,545 --> 00:47:42,365
We were just talking here.
792
00:47:42,925 --> 00:47:46,045
Yeah, Johnny told us you're a psychotic, megalomaniacal asshole.
793
00:47:46,145 --> 00:47:47,005
His word is not mine.
794
00:47:47,145 --> 00:47:49,225
Hell bent on domination and pain.
795
00:47:50,645 --> 00:47:51,925
You said all that about me.
796
00:47:51,945 --> 00:47:53,385
No. No!
797
00:47:53,805 --> 00:47:54,605
I don't need eyes of idiots.
798
00:47:54,625 --> 00:47:55,925
Hicks and stones, Johnny!
799
00:47:57,805 --> 00:47:59,225
I'll let her intimidate you.
800
00:48:00,045 --> 00:48:01,425
Like you said in the convoy.
801
00:48:01,605 --> 00:48:06,505
This finger-licking, dead-in-side, pixie slab of third-rate, dime-stored nut milk
802
00:48:06,505 --> 00:48:10,385
can eat your delicious cinnamon ring and kick rocks all the way to bald hell.
803
00:48:10,385 --> 00:48:13,605
I have never said any of those words in my entire life.
804
00:48:13,886 --> 00:48:14,446
The modesty.
805
00:48:14,826 --> 00:48:17,646
People think I'm a shit-talker, but this guy?
806
00:48:18,446 --> 00:48:18,966
Next level.
807
00:48:20,306 --> 00:48:22,626
Wait, I don't even know what half of that means.
808
00:48:23,306 --> 00:48:24,846
My hat's off to you, sir. Truly.
809
00:48:24,926 --> 00:48:26,506
I didn't kiss that...
810
00:48:28,066 --> 00:48:29,106
I don't...
811
00:48:33,856 --> 00:48:35,296
Not my favorite Chris.
812
00:48:36,176 --> 00:48:36,736
Piece of shit.
813
00:48:36,836 --> 00:48:37,976
You just got him fucking killed.
814
00:48:37,976 --> 00:48:39,496
Hey, we're all grieving.
815
00:48:40,056 --> 00:48:41,796
Yes, we know what he was doing in the budget.
816
00:48:44,456 --> 00:48:45,656
Life is hungry.
817
00:48:47,336 --> 00:48:48,656
There's been some kind of mistake.
818
00:48:49,056 --> 00:48:51,936
Big Yellow is a backup anchor being, and I'm Marvel Jesus.
819
00:48:52,116 --> 00:48:52,996
MJ, if you're nasty.
820
00:48:53,256 --> 00:48:55,756
This may be hard to hear, but there's another British villain.
821
00:48:56,176 --> 00:48:58,316
He's gonna destroy my universe, and I'm gonna stop him.
822
00:48:58,516 --> 00:49:01,296
Oh, honey, you don't really strike me as a world-saving type.
823
00:49:04,196 --> 00:49:05,076
Did I hit him off?
824
00:49:05,836 --> 00:49:07,436
I didn't want it to come to this.
825
00:49:08,196 --> 00:49:14,116
Either you help us, or my friend here is gonna sing the entire second act of Music Man with zero warm-up.
826
00:49:14,696 --> 00:49:15,616
Where'd you get the chair?
827
00:49:16,196 --> 00:49:18,416
Once in a while, I do get a child through here.
828
00:49:19,056 --> 00:49:19,996
Never mind, though.
829
00:49:20,616 --> 00:49:20,996
No.
830
00:49:22,036 --> 00:49:23,556
He didn't care to find me.
831
00:49:24,896 --> 00:49:27,136
Gen Z, they're trauma-bragging.
832
00:49:27,456 --> 00:49:31,656
Can't you just stuff it down, turn it into accomplishment or cancer like the rest of us?
833
00:49:31,876 --> 00:49:33,616
But I'm not like the rest of you.
834
00:49:33,836 --> 00:49:34,976
Except maybe the Wolverine.
835
00:49:35,476 --> 00:49:38,316
Now we could be truly terrifying together.
836
00:49:38,376 --> 00:49:39,516
You know that's scary, huh?
837
00:49:39,756 --> 00:49:41,496
The TVA certainly thought so.
838
00:49:42,056 --> 00:49:44,036
They sent me here before I could walk.
839
00:49:44,636 --> 00:49:47,076
And you know it was the best thing that ever happened to me.
840
00:49:47,856 --> 00:49:48,656
I love it here.
841
00:49:48,776 --> 00:49:49,956
You live in a garbage dump?
842
00:49:50,376 --> 00:49:52,936
I think we both know who lives in the garbage dump.
843
00:49:53,576 --> 00:49:54,836
The void is a paradise.
844
00:49:55,436 --> 00:49:58,936
I can wield my power here without shame.
845
00:49:59,696 --> 00:50:02,756
Unfortunately, I had no Charles Xavier to teach me temperance.
846
00:50:03,296 --> 00:50:09,216
What about your Charles? Did he protect you? Did he make you feel safe?
847
00:50:09,736 --> 00:50:11,456
We're mutants. We're never safe.
848
00:50:20,776 --> 00:50:26,796
I don't want the smoke. I don't have any beef with you. I just want to save my friends. I just want to go home.
849
00:50:27,076 --> 00:50:28,796
Well, the thing is, I could get you home.
850
00:50:28,836 --> 00:50:29,176
Good.
851
00:50:29,376 --> 00:50:30,456
But I don't want to.
852
00:50:31,176 --> 00:50:37,136
What do you want, Wade Wilson?
853
00:50:38,836 --> 00:50:41,276
Fingers are inside me, but not in a good way.
854
00:50:41,276 --> 00:50:44,256
My brother could end one's mind with a fork.
855
00:50:44,576 --> 00:50:46,976
I have to get my hands dirty.
856
00:50:49,676 --> 00:50:51,056
I've called you.
857
00:51:05,036 --> 00:51:06,116
You're not Ike.
858
00:51:06,216 --> 00:51:07,556
I'm right here.
859
00:51:07,796 --> 00:51:09,356
But show me you gotta do something.
860
00:51:11,256 --> 00:51:12,016
Show you what?
861
00:51:12,596 --> 00:51:15,476
Show me you care about something bigger than you.
862
00:51:16,576 --> 00:51:19,856
Ever since they turned you down, you took a knee.
863
00:51:20,936 --> 00:51:22,856
Baby, you never got back up.
864
00:51:24,676 --> 00:51:26,576
I know you're going through something.
865
00:51:27,116 --> 00:51:29,056
Let me go through it with you.
866
00:51:30,216 --> 00:51:31,696
Your crazy matches my crazy.
867
00:51:41,516 --> 00:51:43,156
You just say it, okay?
868
00:51:44,556 --> 00:51:46,796
Say, I don't want you. I don't want to be with you.
869
00:51:47,996 --> 00:51:50,576
Go ahead and say it. Say, I don't want to be with you.
870
00:51:50,776 --> 00:51:53,616
Tell me that and I'll walk away. Say, I don't want you.
871
00:52:00,856 --> 00:52:03,516
You'll never fucking matter.
872
00:52:09,826 --> 00:52:11,886
You'll never fucking matter.
873
00:52:29,247 --> 00:52:30,507
She never said that.
874
00:52:31,387 --> 00:52:33,327
No, but I bet she thought it.
875
00:52:34,967 --> 00:52:36,807
You are so mean.
876
00:52:37,467 --> 00:52:40,047
My brain could taste your fingers and they tasted like hate.
877
00:52:40,727 --> 00:52:43,007
And we're in God's name as the intimacy coordinator.
878
00:52:43,427 --> 00:52:45,187
You're so lost, Mr. Wilson.
879
00:52:46,447 --> 00:52:48,187
And long before you came here.
880
00:52:50,167 --> 00:52:52,587
This is Baby Knife. She's gonna fuck you in the face now.
881
00:52:52,747 --> 00:52:55,527
If you want to kill me, it's going to take more than a little blade.
882
00:52:56,027 --> 00:52:56,787
How about six?
883
00:52:59,267 --> 00:53:00,267
My boy's wicked strong.
884
00:53:01,407 --> 00:53:04,247
That's my big boy. There you are.
885
00:53:11,847 --> 00:53:14,247
But the big guy needs to eat and the rent is due.
886
00:53:17,937 --> 00:53:19,517
By the way, you're the rent.
887
00:54:04,377 --> 00:54:05,757
What you thinking about?
888
00:54:05,917 --> 00:54:07,017
Get the fuck off of me.
889
00:54:07,677 --> 00:54:09,497
Almost done. Almost done what?
890
00:54:09,677 --> 00:54:11,357
Getting my knife out of your buttocks.
891
00:54:11,997 --> 00:54:12,237
Herbert!
892
00:54:12,757 --> 00:54:14,997
Go! Get your bind out of my pants.
893
00:54:15,337 --> 00:54:16,117
I'm telling Blake.
894
00:54:16,217 --> 00:54:18,697
New rules. I talk now.
895
00:54:18,777 --> 00:54:20,097
That's going to be very hard on the audience.
896
00:54:20,337 --> 00:54:21,897
Shut the fuck up!
897
00:54:22,837 --> 00:54:23,917
Let me fucking think.
898
00:54:24,217 --> 00:54:25,837
We gotta get back to paradox, right?
899
00:54:28,117 --> 00:54:28,557
Right?
900
00:54:29,717 --> 00:54:31,777
Is your excuse, am I allowed to speak now?
901
00:54:31,777 --> 00:54:33,897
Just nod, asshole.
902
00:54:35,797 --> 00:54:36,037
Right.
903
00:54:36,717 --> 00:54:39,937
Then we find the others that poor kid Johnny was talking about before you got him killed.
904
00:54:39,997 --> 00:54:41,457
Poor kid. He's like 50.
905
00:54:41,537 --> 00:54:44,177
If there's a chance they know how to get out of here, we find them.
906
00:54:44,277 --> 00:54:47,457
Make those TVA fuckers fix my shit like you fucking promised.
907
00:54:47,857 --> 00:54:48,737
I smell quest.
908
00:54:51,577 --> 00:54:52,697
I smell food.
909
00:54:55,997 --> 00:54:59,517
So what made you finally wear an honest-to-god costume?
910
00:55:01,137 --> 00:55:03,077
Mine's red, so they can't see me bleed.
911
00:55:03,677 --> 00:55:06,137
But I can see how yellow would be useful, too.
912
00:55:06,277 --> 00:55:07,537
Have you been checked for ADHD?
913
00:55:08,057 --> 00:55:08,537
Mm-hmm.
914
00:55:09,257 --> 00:55:13,397
But I've had several STDs which were probably caused by ADHD.
915
00:55:15,597 --> 00:55:16,877
What are you looking for?
916
00:55:17,597 --> 00:55:18,057
Fuck.
917
00:55:19,837 --> 00:55:21,717
No, no, no, no. That's probably alcohol.
918
00:55:21,957 --> 00:55:23,677
You don't want to drink? Oh, yeah. There you go.
919
00:55:23,897 --> 00:55:24,457
Fuck that liver.
920
00:55:26,177 --> 00:55:26,397
Good?
921
00:55:27,277 --> 00:55:27,837
Okay.
922
00:55:29,097 --> 00:55:30,057
What the fuck are those?
923
00:55:31,617 --> 00:55:34,857
Back in civilian life, I wear a toupee that nobody knows.
924
00:55:38,297 --> 00:55:39,417
Everybody knows.
925
00:55:41,897 --> 00:55:45,657
Want to talk about what's haunting you, or should we wait for a third act flashback?
926
00:55:46,057 --> 00:55:47,237
Go fuck yourself.
927
00:55:51,097 --> 00:55:58,277
You know, in my world, you're well-regarded.
928
00:55:58,837 --> 00:56:00,137
Yeah, well, not in mine.
929
00:56:01,077 --> 00:56:02,837
They don't like me much in mine, either.
930
00:56:02,837 --> 00:56:03,517
You don't say?
931
00:56:04,717 --> 00:56:05,997
I want it to be something, you know.
932
00:56:07,237 --> 00:56:08,877
Shit, I want it to be an Avenger.
933
00:56:09,337 --> 00:56:10,157
Fuck the Avengers.
934
00:56:10,577 --> 00:56:13,577
You know, I didn't make the cut, though. Same with the X-Men.
935
00:56:15,437 --> 00:56:17,277
When my girlfriend left, man, I just...
936
00:56:17,277 --> 00:56:17,997
You had a girlfriend?
937
00:56:18,817 --> 00:56:19,297
Yeah.
938
00:56:20,317 --> 00:56:23,137
Vanessa. When we met, she was a dancer.
939
00:56:24,477 --> 00:56:25,417
We made a whole life.
940
00:56:26,517 --> 00:56:27,358
It was good.
941
00:56:28,438 --> 00:56:29,598
But, oh boy, I just...
942
00:56:31,478 --> 00:56:32,838
Fuck that right up.
943
00:56:34,198 --> 00:56:34,798
Who are you?
944
00:56:35,278 --> 00:56:36,258
You were an X-Man.
945
00:56:36,798 --> 00:56:38,298
Fuck that, you were the X-Man.
946
00:56:40,698 --> 00:56:41,658
The Wolverine.
947
00:56:43,578 --> 00:56:45,458
He was a hero in my world.
948
00:56:48,938 --> 00:56:49,978
Yeah, well...
949
00:56:49,978 --> 00:56:51,378
He had shit in mine.
950
00:56:56,438 --> 00:56:58,638
You said Logan was a hero. What happened?
951
00:56:59,738 --> 00:57:00,478
He died.
952
00:57:01,578 --> 00:57:01,978
How?
953
00:57:03,038 --> 00:57:05,418
Well, technically, you were chest-fucked by a tree.
954
00:57:05,718 --> 00:57:08,358
But really, he just ran out of batteries trying to save someone.
955
00:57:08,798 --> 00:57:09,138
Who?
956
00:57:09,638 --> 00:57:12,718
The shitheals that grew her in a lab called her X-23.
957
00:57:12,718 --> 00:57:15,138
But she was just a kid.
958
00:57:15,998 --> 00:57:18,938
A younger, dainter, somehow meaner version of you.
959
00:57:19,278 --> 00:57:20,858
You died trying to save her.
960
00:57:21,058 --> 00:57:21,758
It was beautiful.
961
00:57:22,698 --> 00:57:24,838
Look, Michal, I know you're hurt.
962
00:57:25,698 --> 00:57:28,778
My blind, elderly African-American roommate, Blind Al,
963
00:57:28,818 --> 00:57:31,098
always says that pain teaches us who we are.
964
00:57:31,398 --> 00:57:34,078
Sometimes we need to listen to that pain instead of running from it.
965
00:57:34,078 --> 00:57:34,778
Holy shit.
966
00:57:34,898 --> 00:57:38,118
That's her name? You call her Blind Al?
967
00:57:38,378 --> 00:57:39,218
Well, she's blind.
968
00:57:50,698 --> 00:57:54,848
I've never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight.
969
00:57:56,258 --> 00:57:58,868
I've never seen you shine so bright.
970
00:58:00,078 --> 00:58:01,738
Mm, mm, mm.
971
00:58:02,638 --> 00:58:05,738
Lady, every...
972
00:58:07,958 --> 00:58:11,958
is dancing with me, oh.
973
00:58:12,698 --> 00:58:14,938
She won't take you home, oh.
974
00:58:14,978 --> 00:58:16,798
There's nobody here.
975
00:58:16,798 --> 00:58:19,538
Look at you. She's coming with us.
976
00:58:19,578 --> 00:58:20,958
No, she's not. Oh, yes, she is.
977
00:58:20,958 --> 00:58:22,418
Fuck off. Oh, yes.
978
00:58:22,418 --> 00:58:25,118
Sorry. Sorry about that.
979
00:58:25,838 --> 00:58:26,518
Come here, girl.
980
00:58:27,738 --> 00:58:28,538
Who are you?
981
00:58:29,198 --> 00:58:29,678
Oh, I'm Deadpool.
982
00:58:30,698 --> 00:58:32,158
And I guess you're a Deadpool, too.
983
00:58:32,438 --> 00:58:33,998
But in here, everybody calls me Nicepool.
984
00:58:34,498 --> 00:58:36,018
Oh, my goodness, wait until you see Ladypool.
985
00:58:36,018 --> 00:58:38,958
She is gorgeous. She just had a baby, too, and...
986
00:58:39,798 --> 00:58:40,478
Can't even tell.
987
00:58:40,698 --> 00:58:42,058
I don't think you're supposed to say that.
988
00:58:42,198 --> 00:58:45,058
That's okay. I identify as a feminist.
989
00:58:45,058 --> 00:58:45,898
Right.
990
00:58:48,218 --> 00:58:50,298
Are those gold-plated, 50-caliber
991
00:58:50,298 --> 00:58:51,538
Desert Eagle Pistoleros?
992
00:58:51,578 --> 00:58:52,018
Of course.
993
00:58:52,858 --> 00:58:54,978
To match my earhuggy. Can I have her?
994
00:58:55,458 --> 00:58:57,318
Ha! Over my dead body.
995
00:58:57,518 --> 00:58:58,398
You're fun.
996
00:58:58,718 --> 00:59:01,038
And I guess you've already met Mary Puppins,
997
00:59:01,138 --> 00:59:02,838
aka Dogpool.
998
00:59:03,118 --> 00:59:05,658
Therefore, you put your hand. She's 90% G-spotted.
999
00:59:05,718 --> 00:59:06,838
She'll let you know it.
1000
00:59:07,138 --> 00:59:09,718
You let this little flirt out of your sight
1001
00:59:09,718 --> 00:59:11,578
for one second, and she starts shopping
1002
00:59:11,578 --> 00:59:12,558
for a new papa.
1003
00:59:12,558 --> 00:59:15,218
If you can't be a responsible pet owner,
1004
00:59:15,318 --> 00:59:16,738
then maybe you don't deserve this little unicorn.
1005
00:59:18,178 --> 00:59:19,858
Guilty on all charges, your honor.
1006
00:59:20,278 --> 00:59:21,118
It shouldn't happen again.
1007
00:59:21,318 --> 00:59:22,518
Why are you so nice?
1008
00:59:22,838 --> 00:59:24,238
It costs nothing to be kind.
1009
00:59:24,478 --> 00:59:26,038
Shutting the fuck up is also free.
1010
00:59:26,158 --> 00:59:27,278
Caliente. This is Logan.
1011
00:59:27,798 --> 00:59:29,658
He's usually shirtless, but he's let himself go
1012
00:59:29,658 --> 00:59:30,378
since the divorce.
1013
00:59:32,198 --> 00:59:33,138
Where's your mask?
1014
00:59:36,198 --> 00:59:36,738
Go on, guys.
1015
00:59:38,538 --> 00:59:39,398
Oh, this guy.
1016
00:59:39,878 --> 00:59:41,398
We're looking for a group of survivors.
1017
00:59:41,398 --> 00:59:42,418
Oh, they're out there.
1018
00:59:42,618 --> 00:59:45,818
But Merc to Merc, you better hope that you don't run into the Deadpool core.
1019
00:59:46,278 --> 00:59:46,878
Yeah, they're crazy.
1020
00:59:46,998 --> 00:59:48,818
They will chop you up into a thousand pieces
1021
00:59:48,818 --> 00:59:50,118
and hide you all over the void.
1022
00:59:50,258 --> 00:59:52,118
If they could only process their childhood trauma,
1023
00:59:52,178 --> 00:59:53,858
they'd go on one heck of a healing journey.
1024
00:59:53,918 --> 00:59:55,178
Look, we're headed for the Borderlands.
1025
00:59:55,238 --> 00:59:56,038
Do you know where it is?
1026
00:59:56,490 --> 00:59:59,330
Yeah, that's 12 clicks due west.
1027
00:59:59,398 --> 01:00:00,578
I can lend you my ride if you like.
1028
01:00:01,158 --> 01:00:02,478
It would be my honor.
1029
01:00:21,264 --> 01:00:22,264
Oh, no, no, no.
1030
01:00:22,864 --> 01:00:23,664
Absolutely not.
1031
01:00:23,664 --> 01:00:25,784
Uh-uh. What the? No. No.
1032
01:00:25,864 --> 01:00:27,704
Just get in the car. This isn't a car.
1033
01:00:28,104 --> 01:00:30,284
This is a Honda fucking Odyssey.
1034
01:00:30,644 --> 01:00:32,204
Throttle response sucks a cock.
1035
01:00:32,524 --> 01:00:33,704
Dated infotainment system.
1036
01:00:33,744 --> 01:00:36,324
When Honda saw that untreated Chlamydia was making a comeback,
1037
01:00:36,624 --> 01:00:38,204
they invented the Honda Odyssey
1038
01:00:38,204 --> 01:00:39,464
to compete.
1039
01:00:39,744 --> 01:00:41,904
Get in the fucking car.
1040
01:00:42,644 --> 01:00:44,004
He'll get you there. It's safe and sound.
1041
01:00:44,604 --> 01:00:45,824
Well, Betsy always does.
1042
01:00:46,844 --> 01:00:48,784
I'm gonna have to give you my dog back, though.
1043
01:00:49,245 --> 01:00:49,805
I know.
1044
01:00:50,345 --> 01:00:51,985
Listen. Yes, child.
1045
01:00:51,985 --> 01:00:53,625
If you ever want to give her up,
1046
01:00:53,765 --> 01:00:56,425
or if she needs a new home or if something should happen to you,
1047
01:00:56,505 --> 01:00:58,385
I'd love to be her pupa.
1048
01:00:58,665 --> 01:01:00,105
What would ever happen to me?
1049
01:01:00,465 --> 01:01:01,565
Lots of stuff.
1050
01:01:05,705 --> 01:01:05,965
No!
1051
01:01:06,085 --> 01:01:06,925
We're running away!
1052
01:01:08,245 --> 01:01:09,965
The corn was too dense, girl!
1053
01:01:11,045 --> 01:01:11,325
Fuck!
1054
01:01:23,515 --> 01:01:24,915
It's right here.
1055
01:01:26,675 --> 01:01:42,775
Okay, I'm just gonna ask.
1056
01:01:43,095 --> 01:01:43,855
What's with the suit?
1057
01:01:44,335 --> 01:01:46,615
First thing I did when I flamed out, I took my knife.
1058
01:01:46,855 --> 01:01:47,935
It's not that ugly.
1059
01:01:48,795 --> 01:01:50,435
You make yourself in there.
1060
01:01:50,995 --> 01:01:52,735
The X-Men make you wear it?
1061
01:01:52,875 --> 01:01:54,375
Those sons of fucking bitches.
1062
01:01:54,935 --> 01:01:56,255
They are not your friends, I'll tell you that.
1063
01:01:56,315 --> 01:01:58,295
Friends don't let friends leave the house
1064
01:01:58,295 --> 01:02:00,575
looking like they fight crime for the Los Angeles Rams.
1065
01:02:00,775 --> 01:02:01,695
Shut the fuck up about this.
1066
01:02:02,335 --> 01:02:04,175
Watch your frown lines, angel baby.
1067
01:02:04,295 --> 01:02:05,455
I'm just trying to bond a little bit.
1068
01:02:06,735 --> 01:02:07,095
Fine!
1069
01:02:15,105 --> 01:02:15,825
Stop it.
1070
01:02:17,545 --> 01:02:18,305
If they can fix your world,
1071
01:02:18,425 --> 01:02:20,145
what's the first thing you're gonna do when you get out of here?
1072
01:02:20,365 --> 01:02:21,405
Some rubbing alcohol shots?
1073
01:02:21,405 --> 01:02:23,345
Maybe a wiper fluid chaser?
1074
01:02:23,545 --> 01:02:24,105
What did you say?
1075
01:02:24,685 --> 01:02:26,225
When you get back, what's the first thing you're gonna do?
1076
01:02:26,445 --> 01:02:27,805
Before that.
1077
01:02:29,025 --> 01:02:30,625
If they can fix your world?
1078
01:02:34,465 --> 01:02:36,345
What do you mean, if?
1079
01:02:37,065 --> 01:02:39,205
You lied and you have a fucking clue
1080
01:02:39,205 --> 01:02:40,705
if they can all be fixings, do you?
1081
01:02:40,925 --> 01:02:41,885
No, I mean...
1082
01:02:43,465 --> 01:02:44,425
Fuck! Fuck!
1083
01:02:44,825 --> 01:02:45,465
I didn't lie!
1084
01:02:45,765 --> 01:02:47,965
I made an educated wish!
1085
01:02:47,965 --> 01:02:48,565
Because...
1086
01:02:49,645 --> 01:02:51,485
Because I need you.
1087
01:02:52,825 --> 01:02:53,305
This...
1088
01:02:53,305 --> 01:02:55,285
This is why. Right here.
1089
01:02:56,305 --> 01:02:57,665
Because if we don't do something, they die.
1090
01:02:58,245 --> 01:02:59,845
I don't know anything about saving worlds.
1091
01:03:00,405 --> 01:03:01,665
Why would I even care?
1092
01:03:02,005 --> 01:03:04,265
Because my entire world is right here
1093
01:03:04,265 --> 01:03:04,905
in this picture.
1094
01:03:05,425 --> 01:03:07,225
It's only nine people.
1095
01:03:07,545 --> 01:03:09,505
And I have no idea how to save it alone.
1096
01:03:10,725 --> 01:03:11,805
I know how to fuck people up
1097
01:03:11,805 --> 01:03:13,325
for money, but you, YOU
1098
01:03:13,325 --> 01:03:14,705
know how to save them!
1099
01:03:14,705 --> 01:03:17,265
At least the other Wolverine did.
1100
01:03:17,885 --> 01:03:20,705
I guess I'm stuck with the worst one!
1101
01:03:21,025 --> 01:03:22,965
Did you say you made
1102
01:03:22,965 --> 01:03:26,545
an educated fucking wish?
1103
01:03:26,685 --> 01:03:28,825
They call me the Merc with the Mouth.
1104
01:03:29,025 --> 01:03:31,125
They don't call me Truthful Timmy,
1105
01:03:31,205 --> 01:03:33,085
the Blowjob Queen of Saskatoon!
1106
01:03:36,825 --> 01:03:37,905
One more word.
1107
01:03:39,005 --> 01:03:40,765
Please, give me one.
1108
01:03:44,675 --> 01:03:45,235
Gubernatorial.
1109
01:03:47,755 --> 01:03:50,115
You know what? You're a fucking joke.
1110
01:03:51,955 --> 01:03:52,915
No wonder the Avengers didn't
1111
01:03:52,915 --> 01:03:54,575
take you or the X-Men until they
1112
01:03:54,575 --> 01:03:57,395
fucked anyone. I mean, you are
1113
01:03:57,395 --> 01:03:59,275
a ridiculous, immature,
1114
01:03:59,635 --> 01:04:01,295
half-wit moron.
1115
01:04:01,715 --> 01:04:03,475
I have never met
1116
01:04:03,475 --> 01:04:04,795
a sadder,
1117
01:04:05,035 --> 01:04:06,475
more attention-starving
1118
01:04:06,475 --> 01:04:08,575
little prick in my entire
1119
01:04:08,575 --> 01:04:10,515
life, and that says a lot because I've been
1120
01:04:10,515 --> 01:04:12,795
alive for more than two more very fucking
1121
01:04:12,795 --> 01:04:14,695
years. I'll tell you,
1122
01:04:15,155 --> 01:04:16,695
that bald chick was right about one thing.
1123
01:04:16,755 --> 01:04:18,795
You will never save the
1124
01:04:18,795 --> 01:04:20,855
world. You couldn't even
1125
01:04:20,855 --> 01:04:23,195
save a relationship with a goddamn
1126
01:04:23,195 --> 01:04:25,015
stripper! Motherfucker,
1127
01:04:25,095 --> 01:04:26,595
I wish I could say you'd die alone,
1128
01:04:26,795 --> 01:04:28,455
but it's one of the best jokes
1129
01:04:28,455 --> 01:04:30,755
that you can't die, except that's on all
1130
01:04:30,755 --> 01:04:31,315
of us!
1131
01:04:35,375 --> 01:04:36,215
You got nothing
1132
01:04:36,215 --> 01:04:37,875
to say, Mouth?
1133
01:04:46,145 --> 01:04:46,985
I'm gonna
1134
01:04:46,985 --> 01:04:48,405
fight you now.
1135
01:04:50,185 --> 01:04:51,525
How are you?
1136
01:06:08,946 --> 01:06:11,586
I take it all back, the Honda Odyssey
1137
01:06:11,586 --> 01:06:13,826
fucks hard. Too bad
1138
01:06:13,826 --> 01:06:15,626
you don't, Needledick. Well, we're just getting
1139
01:06:15,626 --> 01:06:16,446
the startup up.
1140
01:07:18,096 --> 01:07:20,616
Where are we? No clue.
1141
01:07:20,616 --> 01:07:22,916
I like it here.
1142
01:08:21,356 --> 01:08:24,096
Okay. Look at you
1143
01:08:24,096 --> 01:08:26,116
all. You must be the others.
1144
01:08:27,056 --> 01:08:27,636
Terrific.
1145
01:08:28,196 --> 01:08:29,656
So, just to refresh,
1146
01:08:30,196 --> 01:08:32,036
you are one... Electra.
1147
01:08:32,076 --> 01:08:33,076
Electra, yes.
1148
01:08:33,596 --> 01:08:35,416
And you!
1149
01:08:35,776 --> 01:08:37,796
I was not expecting to see you here.
1150
01:08:37,936 --> 01:08:39,516
Thought you were, you know,
1151
01:08:39,936 --> 01:08:40,396
retired.
1152
01:08:41,996 --> 01:08:42,516
Retarded.
1153
01:08:44,356 --> 01:08:46,156
Retired. I'm already in
1154
01:08:46,156 --> 01:08:47,616
a state of not trying to get cancelled again.
1155
01:08:47,736 --> 01:08:49,296
I don't like you. You never did.
1156
01:08:51,116 --> 01:08:52,376
And who's this?
1157
01:08:52,596 --> 01:08:53,956
Succulent reminder of my own
1158
01:08:53,956 --> 01:08:55,936
inadequacies. Look at you.
1159
01:08:56,836 --> 01:08:58,076
You look like the superhero version
1160
01:08:58,076 --> 01:08:58,976
of Hawkeye.
1161
01:08:59,696 --> 01:09:01,056
The name's Remy Labot.
1162
01:09:02,416 --> 01:09:03,937
But you can call me the Gum.
1163
01:09:04,037 --> 01:09:05,917
It's been a while since I've seen Sling Blade.
1164
01:09:06,197 --> 01:09:06,757
Hit me again.
1165
01:09:07,937 --> 01:09:09,517
They call me the Gum. Do they?
1166
01:09:09,597 --> 01:09:11,637
Are you sure you didn't just really, really want them to,
1167
01:09:11,677 --> 01:09:12,797
but it never quite worked out?
1168
01:09:12,797 --> 01:09:15,097
Good day, young.
1169
01:09:15,717 --> 01:09:17,737
You know, we never had a Wolverine up in here.
1170
01:09:18,797 --> 01:09:19,637
But I can tell you now,
1171
01:09:19,717 --> 01:09:21,717
it's just a common courtesy to ask
1172
01:09:21,717 --> 01:09:23,377
before you drink up all of my liquor.
1173
01:09:23,957 --> 01:09:25,577
Well, it's a good thing I don't give a fuck.
1174
01:09:26,977 --> 01:09:28,057
Good young as well.
1175
01:09:33,277 --> 01:09:34,077
So embarrassing.
1176
01:09:36,197 --> 01:09:37,197
Now that that's settled,
1177
01:09:37,297 --> 01:09:39,177
look, we came a long way to find you three.
1178
01:09:39,277 --> 01:09:40,797
There's four of us. There's four of us.
1179
01:09:40,797 --> 01:09:41,877
Wait, is it Magneto?
1180
01:09:42,757 --> 01:09:45,117
Dear sweet god in heaven, let it be Magneto,
1181
01:09:45,197 --> 01:09:46,377
because with him... Fuck!
1182
01:09:46,837 --> 01:09:48,057
Now Disney gets cheap?
1183
01:09:48,197 --> 01:09:50,177
It's like Pinocchio jammed his face in my ass
1184
01:09:50,177 --> 01:09:51,677
and started lying like crazy.
1185
01:09:54,457 --> 01:09:56,717
Not a single word. What do you do,
1186
01:10:00,277 --> 01:10:02,477
Your powers close that magic. That's good.
1187
01:10:02,757 --> 01:10:04,117
We're not totally fucked at all.
1188
01:10:04,417 --> 01:10:05,777
So who brought us here?
1189
01:10:06,137 --> 01:10:07,577
That would be me.
1190
01:10:17,097 --> 01:10:20,317
Don't make me regret it.
1191
01:10:20,437 --> 01:10:21,257
Holy shit.
1192
01:10:21,537 --> 01:10:23,097
Logan, that's her. That's X-23.
1193
01:10:23,897 --> 01:10:25,397
She's the one I told you about.
1194
01:10:29,847 --> 01:10:31,747
How did you all get stuck in the void?
1195
01:10:32,127 --> 01:10:33,327
There was a knock at the door.
1196
01:10:33,747 --> 01:10:34,767
TVA sent me here.
1197
01:10:34,927 --> 01:10:35,407
Me too.
1198
01:10:35,627 --> 01:10:38,067
Maybe I was born here, so it's hard to know for sure.
1199
01:10:38,567 --> 01:10:40,727
TVA decided our universe was dying.
1200
01:10:41,707 --> 01:10:43,807
And I never even got a chance to fight for it.
1201
01:10:46,167 --> 01:10:48,447
People like us don't go quietly.
1202
01:10:48,947 --> 01:10:50,607
TVA knows that, so they took us out.
1203
01:10:51,427 --> 01:10:52,207
The answer is yes.
1204
01:10:52,547 --> 01:10:53,027
I'm in.
1205
01:10:53,367 --> 01:10:54,007
In what?
1206
01:10:54,147 --> 01:10:54,667
A team.
1207
01:10:55,407 --> 01:10:57,127
Me, you, you and me, all of us together.
1208
01:10:57,487 --> 01:10:58,707
Let's get the fuck out of this place.
1209
01:10:58,787 --> 01:11:00,707
Don't listen to him. He's a fucking lie.
1210
01:11:00,727 --> 01:11:02,107
It was an educated wish!
1211
01:11:03,107 --> 01:11:03,507
Look.
1212
01:11:05,427 --> 01:11:07,327
We've been inside Cassandra's lair.
1213
01:11:07,587 --> 01:11:10,107
The only way out of the void is through her.
1214
01:11:10,347 --> 01:11:11,367
She can get us home.
1215
01:11:11,367 --> 01:11:12,387
She told us.
1216
01:11:12,507 --> 01:11:13,467
Wait a minute, you've been inside?
1217
01:11:14,587 --> 01:11:15,507
And you made it out alive?
1218
01:11:15,727 --> 01:11:17,527
Bullshit. Nobody's ever done that.
1219
01:11:17,587 --> 01:11:18,087
We did.
1220
01:11:18,267 --> 01:11:21,447
Every time one of us has gone up against her, they die.
1221
01:11:22,187 --> 01:11:24,927
The Punisher, the Quicksilver, the Daredevil.
1222
01:11:25,107 --> 01:11:26,407
Daredevil, I'm so sorry.
1223
01:11:26,587 --> 01:11:27,027
It's fine.
1224
01:11:27,267 --> 01:11:27,627
Okay.
1225
01:11:30,047 --> 01:11:32,547
Even that sweet baby angel Johnny Stone,
1226
01:11:33,367 --> 01:11:35,007
you can go missing like,
1227
01:11:35,067 --> 01:11:36,087
like two days ago.
1228
01:11:37,327 --> 01:11:38,427
That's so sad.
1229
01:11:38,967 --> 01:11:40,587
Wherever this Johnny fella is,
1230
01:11:40,727 --> 01:11:41,967
I'm sure he's thriving.
1231
01:11:43,247 --> 01:11:45,007
Look, there's strength in numbers.
1232
01:11:45,307 --> 01:11:45,867
All right? Us,
1233
01:11:46,447 --> 01:11:48,587
plus you guys, we can put Cassandra over our knee
1234
01:11:48,587 --> 01:11:50,067
and force her to let us out of the void.
1235
01:11:50,267 --> 01:11:51,807
I know what it means to feel self-doubt.
1236
01:11:51,907 --> 01:11:53,467
I don't feel that at all. I'm good.
1237
01:11:53,547 --> 01:11:55,387
Gnawing at your gut like a coked up tapeworm.
1238
01:11:55,567 --> 01:11:57,207
It's like you're holding up a member of my soul.
1239
01:11:57,427 --> 01:11:59,567
You guys may not have been able to save your universes,
1240
01:12:00,107 --> 01:12:01,767
but you can avenge them.
1241
01:12:02,367 --> 01:12:03,807
It's what Johnny would have wanted.
1242
01:12:03,987 --> 01:12:06,607
Wait. You knew Johnny?
1243
01:12:07,987 --> 01:12:08,867
Oh, yeah.
1244
01:12:09,227 --> 01:12:10,907
Dickhead here talked him into a team-up
1245
01:12:10,907 --> 01:12:13,187
and Johnny came down with a little case of the dead.
1246
01:12:13,307 --> 01:12:14,647
No, no, no, no. We don't know that.
1247
01:12:14,747 --> 01:12:16,947
It was just a flesh wound. He may have survived.
1248
01:12:17,087 --> 01:12:19,787
If he survived that, he is praying for death.
1249
01:12:19,847 --> 01:12:21,747
Thank you, Dr. Wolverine.
1250
01:12:21,867 --> 01:12:23,407
Spill it. What you do to Johnny, huh?
1251
01:12:23,867 --> 01:12:24,967
Talk or I'm gonna stop here.
1252
01:12:25,167 --> 01:12:26,487
Okay, okay. Hey, hey, hey.
1253
01:12:27,047 --> 01:12:28,667
Look. He rants
1254
01:12:28,667 --> 01:12:30,387
fat-ass mouth about Cassandra.
1255
01:12:30,747 --> 01:12:32,367
Then she zip-zapped his skin,
1256
01:12:32,507 --> 01:12:34,707
leaving his organs to splash crudely under the ground
1257
01:12:34,707 --> 01:12:36,287
while the soil greedily drank his blood.
1258
01:12:36,387 --> 01:12:38,747
It was horrible. He was like a brother to me.
1259
01:12:39,367 --> 01:12:40,267
Well, he died
1260
01:12:40,267 --> 01:12:42,387
before he could make a difference, but
1261
01:12:42,387 --> 01:12:45,147
maybe you couldn't save your worlds, but
1262
01:12:45,147 --> 01:12:47,407
but Jesus Christ, you can save mine.
1263
01:12:47,607 --> 01:12:49,267
I don't give a shit about your world,
1264
01:12:49,567 --> 01:12:52,087
but if these two made it out of their life,
1265
01:12:52,287 --> 01:12:52,807
maybe together
1266
01:12:52,807 --> 01:12:55,127
we could get back in and take her down.
1267
01:12:55,147 --> 01:12:56,127
Where I come from,
1268
01:12:56,667 --> 01:12:57,967
we caught our suicides, yeah.
1269
01:12:58,167 --> 01:13:00,127
If we can block her psychic powers,
1270
01:13:00,147 --> 01:13:02,707
we can get a leg up. I know it.
1271
01:13:02,707 --> 01:13:04,767
Juanito's dead, but I'd venture
1272
01:13:04,767 --> 01:13:06,647
to guess that his helmet is lying
1273
01:13:06,647 --> 01:13:08,267
around her somewhere. Cassandra melted
1274
01:13:08,267 --> 01:13:10,068
the helmet. Fuck! After she killed her.
1275
01:13:10,308 --> 01:13:12,368
Fuck! You don't believe? She knows that
1276
01:13:12,368 --> 01:13:14,728
helmet was the only way to protect anyone from her powers.
1277
01:13:15,048 --> 01:13:17,028
The only other helmet that's strong is Juggernaut's,
1278
01:13:17,028 --> 01:13:18,888
but he works for Cassandra. Juggernaut's
1279
01:13:18,888 --> 01:13:20,528
helmet, that's it. Yeah, we're gonna be knowing that
1280
01:13:20,528 --> 01:13:22,748
and coming home without that dome gonna come our way.
1281
01:13:22,748 --> 01:13:24,868
I'm so sorry, beautiful. I want this to be gentle.
1282
01:13:24,928 --> 01:13:26,328
Who is your dialect coach?
1283
01:13:26,588 --> 01:13:28,648
The Minions? I feel like we're missing
1284
01:13:28,648 --> 01:13:30,408
critical exposition here.
1285
01:13:31,788 --> 01:13:33,128
I'm sick of this shit.
1286
01:13:33,148 --> 01:13:34,108
I'm sick of hiding.
1287
01:13:36,048 --> 01:13:37,128
This face in our worlds forgot
1288
01:13:37,128 --> 01:13:39,128
about us. Juan never learned
1289
01:13:39,128 --> 01:13:41,088
about us. The heroes we were.
1290
01:13:41,528 --> 01:13:43,068
Lives we saved, or wanted
1291
01:13:43,068 --> 01:13:45,028
to save. Maybe these two
1292
01:13:45,028 --> 01:13:45,988
are a chance
1293
01:13:47,088 --> 01:13:48,468
to be remembered
1294
01:13:48,468 --> 01:13:49,848
the way we deserve.
1295
01:13:51,408 --> 01:13:53,288
Yes. And ending.
1296
01:13:54,448 --> 01:13:55,468
Legacy. Yes!
1297
01:13:55,748 --> 01:13:57,068
Yes! Let this man cook!
1298
01:13:57,308 --> 01:13:58,968
This is what I'm talking about. Big
1299
01:13:58,968 --> 01:14:00,968
slow motion fight, sad music, everybody
1300
01:14:00,968 --> 01:14:02,968
working together. Who knows if you live or die, that
1301
01:14:02,968 --> 01:14:04,348
sort of thing. Who's ready?
1302
01:14:04,648 --> 01:14:06,948
I was born ready. Yeah, damn it!
1303
01:14:07,088 --> 01:14:09,088
I ain't no my daddy, but I'm sure I shot out
1304
01:14:09,088 --> 01:14:10,708
of his dick ready. Jesus
1305
01:14:10,708 --> 01:14:13,148
Christ, that is graphic. Yeah, he was laying them buttery
1306
01:14:13,148 --> 01:14:14,888
nuts all up in my mama and I shot out there
1307
01:14:14,888 --> 01:14:15,908
and I said, what's up doc?
1308
01:14:16,848 --> 01:14:19,288
Johnny wants to love you. X23,
1309
01:14:19,408 --> 01:14:20,348
what's it gonna be?
1310
01:14:20,828 --> 01:14:23,068
The name's Laura. Let's fucking go.
1311
01:14:23,588 --> 01:14:24,988
Let's fucking go!
1312
01:14:25,308 --> 01:14:26,608
It's all that chicken and coke. Yeah,
1313
01:14:26,608 --> 01:14:28,808
we're doing this. You're all fucking dead.
1314
01:14:29,108 --> 01:14:30,948
My god, read the room.
1315
01:14:42,318 --> 01:14:44,138
Hey, I'm not looking for company.
1316
01:14:44,578 --> 01:14:45,938
Get out of here.
1317
01:14:47,198 --> 01:14:47,658
You remind
1318
01:14:47,658 --> 01:14:49,898
me of him. Angry, drunk,
1319
01:14:50,118 --> 01:14:51,798
lame. Sounds like a great guy.
1320
01:14:51,878 --> 01:14:52,638
He wasn't finished.
1321
01:14:54,778 --> 01:14:55,758
Showed up when it mattered the
1322
01:14:56,478 --> 01:14:56,958
most.
1323
01:14:58,598 --> 01:14:59,678
Couldn't help it.
1324
01:15:03,548 --> 01:15:03,888
You might
1325
01:15:03,888 --> 01:15:04,928
not know it, but
1326
01:15:05,708 --> 01:15:07,048
you're a good man, Logan.
1327
01:15:09,368 --> 01:15:10,888
You might not know it, but apparently
1328
01:15:10,888 --> 01:15:11,888
I'm the worst, Logan.
1329
01:15:14,008 --> 01:15:15,188
I got to have a life
1330
01:15:15,188 --> 01:15:16,428
because of you.
1331
01:15:18,668 --> 01:15:20,768
I got to grow up because of you.
1332
01:15:22,748 --> 01:15:23,208
A lot of
1333
01:15:23,208 --> 01:15:25,048
kids did. A lot of kids
1334
01:15:25,048 --> 01:15:26,928
didn't grow up because of me.
1335
01:15:28,688 --> 01:15:29,108
Trust me,
1336
01:15:29,228 --> 01:15:30,088
kid, I'm no hero.
1337
01:15:31,488 --> 01:15:32,768
That suit says different.
1338
01:15:33,568 --> 01:15:34,868
I like it.
1339
01:15:37,928 --> 01:15:38,788
Scott used to beg me
1340
01:15:38,788 --> 01:15:40,768
to wear it.
1341
01:15:41,768 --> 01:15:43,168
So did Gene, Storm,
1342
01:15:43,608 --> 01:15:43,928
East.
1343
01:15:46,368 --> 01:15:46,928
All of them.
1344
01:15:48,628 --> 01:15:49,148
Wanted me
1345
01:15:49,148 --> 01:15:50,628
to be part of the team, and I
1346
01:15:51,268 --> 01:15:52,828
wouldn't. Told them they
1347
01:15:52,828 --> 01:15:53,968
looked fucking ridiculous.
1348
01:15:57,168 --> 01:15:58,768
I couldn't help thinking I
1349
01:15:58,768 --> 01:16:00,228
wanted to be there.
1350
01:16:05,368 --> 01:16:06,028
And then
1351
01:16:06,028 --> 01:16:07,728
one day, while I was off on my own,
1352
01:16:07,868 --> 01:16:08,868
the humans came.
1353
01:16:09,708 --> 01:16:10,628
And went mutant hunting.
1354
01:16:12,188 --> 01:16:13,288
I can guess the rest.
1355
01:16:13,428 --> 01:16:13,948
No, no.
1356
01:16:15,428 --> 01:16:16,708
Let me say it.
1357
01:16:19,188 --> 01:16:21,488
I need to say it.
1358
01:16:23,608 --> 01:16:25,548
By the time I stumbled on shitface from
1359
01:16:25,548 --> 01:16:26,868
the bar, it was too late.
1360
01:16:31,248 --> 01:16:32,308
They were dead every
1361
01:16:38,828 --> 01:16:41,268
This suit's all I got to remind me of
1362
01:16:41,268 --> 01:16:42,308
who they were.
1363
01:16:44,088 --> 01:16:45,068
And what I did.
1364
01:16:58,238 --> 01:16:59,618
We're headed to Cassandra's at summer.
1365
01:17:00,838 --> 01:17:01,538
Have fun.
1366
01:17:01,758 --> 01:17:02,538
Not my fight.
1367
01:17:05,838 --> 01:17:07,818
We won't pull this off without you.
1368
01:17:14,648 --> 01:17:16,649
Hey, whoever you think I am, you got
1369
01:17:16,649 --> 01:17:17,709
the wrong guy.
1370
01:17:20,909 --> 01:17:22,089
You were always the wrong guy.
1371
01:17:48,329 --> 01:17:48,769
What?
1372
01:17:49,249 --> 01:17:50,809
Elias didn't get them.
1373
01:17:51,869 --> 01:17:53,229
Cassandra wanted to play with them herself
1374
01:17:53,229 --> 01:17:54,669
first. They got away.
1375
01:17:54,809 --> 01:17:56,409
Did they find the others? No.
1376
01:17:57,489 --> 01:17:59,029
The others found them.
1377
01:17:59,189 --> 01:18:00,989
Oh, very cute. Well done, Pyro.
1378
01:18:01,129 --> 01:18:02,669
Classic Bane switch. You really got me there.
1379
01:18:02,889 --> 01:18:03,329
Relax.
1380
01:18:04,469 --> 01:18:06,509
Come after Nova, she'll handle it.
1381
01:18:06,729 --> 01:18:08,909
Cassandra is a lunatic wild card.
1382
01:18:08,909 --> 01:18:11,169
Why do you think we put her there in the first place?
1383
01:18:11,409 --> 01:18:13,069
I thought she's never chosen to leave the void.
1384
01:18:13,509 --> 01:18:14,829
The time ripper is
1385
01:18:14,829 --> 01:18:16,969
hours away from completion. I can't take any
1386
01:18:16,969 --> 01:18:18,309
chances. Maybe not.
1387
01:18:18,669 --> 01:18:20,629
But I can. For a price.
1388
01:18:20,989 --> 01:18:22,569
Why do you have to say it in that silly voice?
1389
01:18:22,689 --> 01:18:24,729
It's so icky. You want it done or not?
1390
01:18:24,969 --> 01:18:26,569
Alright, your price. Take her out.
1391
01:18:29,429 --> 01:18:29,829
Mutants.
1392
01:18:39,409 --> 01:18:40,949
Bring her up, bring her up.
1393
01:18:40,949 --> 01:18:43,109
She got me. She's coming live from the VIP.
1394
01:18:43,409 --> 01:18:45,109
Early night life calls, life's
1395
01:18:45,109 --> 01:18:46,789
good as we go. She's big, little
1396
01:18:46,789 --> 01:18:48,929
straightforward. She's bad, maybe the whole city
1397
01:18:48,929 --> 01:18:49,829
gets busy.
1398
01:18:51,389 --> 01:18:53,069
Look at that, Jax. See the
1399
01:18:53,069 --> 01:18:54,949
big old man's coming close. They're not a one-eyed
1400
01:18:54,949 --> 01:18:57,049
enough inside guy. What Garret's trying to say
1401
01:18:57,049 --> 01:18:58,589
is get Juggernaut's helmet.
1402
01:18:58,929 --> 01:19:01,009
Ain't gonna be easy. I'm just making stuff
1403
01:19:01,009 --> 01:19:02,589
up with this. Yeah, tilt up the blade.
1404
01:19:02,949 --> 01:19:04,909
This is it for the feeling. Have a curtain
1405
01:19:04,909 --> 01:19:06,589
chat. Tell him to get you in the face.
1406
01:19:06,589 --> 01:19:09,429
When it gets out of the way.
1407
01:19:09,929 --> 01:19:11,769
Best Punisher is 18 more.
1408
01:19:12,109 --> 01:19:14,169
Which Punisher? There's been like five of them.
1409
01:19:14,289 --> 01:19:15,549
There's only been one blade.
1410
01:19:16,369 --> 01:19:17,669
There's only ever gonna be one blade.
1411
01:20:11,499 --> 01:20:31,619
Oh, this is gonna be good.
1412
01:20:32,079 --> 01:20:34,299
You know how long I've been waiting for this?
1413
01:20:34,939 --> 01:20:36,199
Who am I gonna make a name for
1414
01:20:36,199 --> 01:20:38,119
myself here? I don't think you guys
1415
01:20:38,119 --> 01:20:40,279
walk away from this. You just make sure people know what
1416
01:20:40,279 --> 01:20:42,239
happened here today. When you get out of here, you
1417
01:20:42,239 --> 01:20:44,279
have a drink for me, yeah? Just turn on
1418
01:20:44,279 --> 01:20:46,299
six and get inside. We'll make
1419
01:20:46,299 --> 01:20:47,299
sure you get the package.
1420
01:20:48,259 --> 01:20:49,559
And we'll get our ending.
1421
01:22:32,430 --> 01:22:34,070
Some motherfucker's still trying to ice skate
1422
01:22:34,070 --> 01:22:34,530
up here.
1423
01:22:41,650 --> 01:22:43,130
You two escaping I could live
1424
01:22:43,130 --> 01:22:45,070
with. But coming back...
1425
01:22:48,350 --> 01:22:49,330
Boys are so
1426
01:22:49,330 --> 01:22:51,150
silly. I just need to get home.
1427
01:22:51,150 --> 01:22:53,510
Well, that's not on the menu, I'm afraid.
1428
01:22:53,990 --> 01:22:55,410
It's death or
1429
01:22:55,410 --> 01:22:57,310
enslavement. A la carte, of course.
1430
01:23:00,770 --> 01:23:01,290
Finally.
1431
01:23:05,090 --> 01:23:07,090
It's nice to give someone else a chance to talk.
1432
01:23:07,330 --> 01:23:08,910
Not my struts.
1433
01:23:51,530 --> 01:23:53,890
You are an interesting one, aren't you?
1434
01:23:54,670 --> 01:23:56,470
I do feel like you get lost
1435
01:23:56,470 --> 01:23:57,850
behind all of this.
1436
01:24:00,990 --> 01:24:02,430
Deadpools are a dime a dozen
1437
01:24:02,430 --> 01:24:03,330
here in the void.
1438
01:24:05,070 --> 01:24:06,350
But you...
1439
01:24:06,350 --> 01:24:08,130
What's going on
1440
01:24:08,130 --> 01:24:09,010
here?
1441
01:24:23,040 --> 01:24:23,680
Interesting.
1442
01:24:25,300 --> 01:24:27,720
Not what I expected, that girl.
1443
01:24:28,340 --> 01:24:29,180
Why the anger?
1444
01:24:33,820 --> 01:24:35,980
Hiding from them.
1445
01:24:36,460 --> 01:24:37,960
From all the ones you let
1446
01:24:37,960 --> 01:24:38,540
down.
1447
01:24:41,140 --> 01:24:42,320
So much pain.
1448
01:24:44,960 --> 01:24:45,820
I walked away.
1449
01:24:47,340 --> 01:24:48,320
They called after me
1450
01:24:48,320 --> 01:24:50,220
and I walked away.
1451
01:24:55,900 --> 01:24:57,180
That's not all you did,
1452
01:24:58,100 --> 01:24:58,940
is it?
1453
01:25:02,080 --> 01:25:03,640
You found them.
1454
01:25:04,700 --> 01:25:05,540
The X-Men.
1455
01:25:17,680 --> 01:25:18,680
What did you do?
1456
01:25:21,140 --> 01:25:22,460
I started killing.
1457
01:25:23,540 --> 01:25:24,520
And I couldn't stop.
1458
01:25:24,960 --> 01:25:25,980
I didn't want to stop.
1459
01:25:27,680 --> 01:25:33,621
All those bad men.
1460
01:25:34,081 --> 01:25:35,481
It's not just the bad ones.
1461
01:25:40,301 --> 01:25:40,821
What?
1462
01:25:41,221 --> 01:25:44,201
I turned the whole world against the X-Men.
1463
01:25:50,811 --> 01:25:51,931
Just once.
1464
01:25:54,271 --> 01:25:56,671
I want to be the man that Charles thought I was.
1465
01:25:57,811 --> 01:25:58,491
Logan.
1466
01:26:00,751 --> 01:26:02,651
In the void, you can be
1467
01:26:02,651 --> 01:26:04,091
what you are.
1468
01:26:06,651 --> 01:26:07,911
I just want to be free.
1469
01:26:09,051 --> 01:26:10,851
I can set you free.
1470
01:26:21,671 --> 01:26:23,691
I can silence
1471
01:26:23,691 --> 01:26:26,851
all those voices.
1472
01:26:37,471 --> 01:26:38,451
I've got you.
1473
01:26:41,021 --> 01:26:43,161
No, I got you.
1474
01:26:51,251 --> 01:26:52,951
Get it off!
1475
01:26:53,231 --> 01:26:56,231
You're going to send us home or I'm going to twist your fucking head off?
1476
01:26:56,451 --> 01:26:57,211
Why are you laughing?
1477
01:26:57,871 --> 01:26:59,511
I can't send you home
1478
01:26:59,511 --> 01:27:01,911
unless you get this thing off my head.
1479
01:27:02,631 --> 01:27:03,771
And as soon as you do that,
1480
01:27:03,891 --> 01:27:05,471
I'm going to boil your brains
1481
01:27:05,471 --> 01:27:06,811
on an atomic level whilst
1482
01:27:06,811 --> 01:27:09,371
flicking my bean to the Enya box set.
1483
01:27:09,371 --> 01:27:10,551
There's an Enya box?
1484
01:27:11,051 --> 01:27:13,371
Either you kill me, or I kill you.
1485
01:27:14,571 --> 01:27:15,731
Both wonderful options.
1486
01:27:16,591 --> 01:27:17,651
You want me to do it?
1487
01:27:17,871 --> 01:27:18,271
No.
1488
01:27:18,611 --> 01:27:21,151
I have her neck right here. It's really no problem.
1489
01:27:21,211 --> 01:27:21,791
Don't screw it up.
1490
01:27:21,931 --> 01:27:24,491
Oh, come on, Mr. PG-13, except the last one.
1491
01:27:25,231 --> 01:27:26,111
What the fuck?
1492
01:27:28,731 --> 01:27:31,091
You have no idea what it's like.
1493
01:27:31,471 --> 01:27:34,151
Day after day, shovel the shit.
1494
01:27:34,531 --> 01:27:35,571
Fetch the meats!
1495
01:27:36,131 --> 01:27:37,451
I have spent my entire
1496
01:27:39,851 --> 01:27:40,411
existence...
1497
01:27:40,411 --> 01:27:42,171
Not everyone gets a speech.
1498
01:27:44,091 --> 01:27:45,151
She's gonna die.
1499
01:27:45,411 --> 01:27:48,731
If I take this helmet off, do you promise you won't kill us?
1500
01:27:48,871 --> 01:27:51,091
I promise I will kill you
1501
01:27:51,091 --> 01:27:51,351
first.
1502
01:27:51,751 --> 01:27:53,111
Why are you like this?
1503
01:27:53,351 --> 01:27:54,431
I wish I knew.
1504
01:27:54,771 --> 01:27:55,331
Take it off.
1505
01:27:57,031 --> 01:27:59,731
This is our only chance to fix our shit!
1506
01:28:02,111 --> 01:28:03,791
I am wearing this suit.
1507
01:28:05,011 --> 01:28:06,231
And that means a lot of things,
1508
01:28:06,391 --> 01:28:07,451
but most of all,
1509
01:28:07,451 --> 01:28:09,271
it means I'm an
1510
01:28:09,271 --> 01:28:10,211
X-Man.
1511
01:28:11,031 --> 01:28:12,411
And I know your brother.
1512
01:28:14,651 --> 01:28:15,551
As much as I'm gonna
1513
01:28:15,551 --> 01:28:17,291
fucking kill you, every bone in my body
1514
01:28:17,291 --> 01:28:18,691
must fucking kill you!
1515
01:28:18,971 --> 01:28:21,571
He would not let me stand here and watch you
1516
01:28:21,571 --> 01:28:22,151
die!
1517
01:28:24,491 --> 01:28:25,291
Take your hands off.
1518
01:28:27,211 --> 01:28:28,131
This is for him.
1519
01:28:30,371 --> 01:28:31,371
This is for Charles.
1520
01:28:51,201 --> 01:28:52,581
My brother loved you.
1521
01:28:54,061 --> 01:28:55,481
He loved all of us.
1522
01:28:58,551 --> 01:28:59,471
Must be nice.
1523
01:29:00,731 --> 01:29:02,111
He would have loved you too.
1524
01:29:04,831 --> 01:29:06,231
If he knew about you,
1525
01:29:07,751 --> 01:29:09,171
if he knew where you were,
1526
01:29:09,191 --> 01:29:11,391
he would have turned all in the fucking universe
1527
01:29:11,391 --> 01:29:12,471
to bring you home.
1528
01:29:16,331 --> 01:29:17,531
This is my home.
1529
01:29:18,671 --> 01:29:20,131
Then at least let us save his.
1530
01:29:24,711 --> 01:29:26,271
You wanna hear something crazy?
1531
01:29:26,271 --> 01:29:29,591
An amateur magician
1532
01:29:29,591 --> 01:29:31,271
rolled through here a while back.
1533
01:29:32,251 --> 01:29:33,381
I killed him, of course.
1534
01:29:34,431 --> 01:29:35,391
Wore his skin around
1535
01:29:35,391 --> 01:29:36,412
for four days.
1536
01:29:37,712 --> 01:29:39,502
But I found this
1537
01:29:40,632 --> 01:29:41,952
little trinket
1538
01:29:41,952 --> 01:29:44,212
on his lovely fingers.
1539
01:29:44,892 --> 01:29:45,552
Strange.
1540
01:29:48,672 --> 01:29:50,332
Hear me, spare me, serve me.
1541
01:29:50,452 --> 01:29:51,052
What's that?
1542
01:29:51,672 --> 01:29:53,152
This is your way home.
1543
01:29:53,152 --> 01:29:55,792
I do owe you for saving my life.
1544
01:29:56,012 --> 01:29:57,232
But let's keep things interesting.
1545
01:29:57,492 --> 01:29:59,312
I'd say you have about four seconds
1546
01:29:59,312 --> 01:30:00,872
before you and I are screwed.
1547
01:30:05,612 --> 01:30:06,132
Gracious.
1548
01:30:27,232 --> 01:30:27,752
Truth.
1549
01:30:32,942 --> 01:30:34,822
That small cafe
1550
01:30:37,962 --> 01:30:40,642
across the way
1551
01:30:42,082 --> 01:30:44,182
the children's
1552
01:30:44,842 --> 01:30:46,362
carousel
1553
01:30:48,592 --> 01:30:50,252
that the wishing
1554
01:30:50,252 --> 01:30:52,032
felt.
1555
01:30:57,952 --> 01:30:59,392
In every lovely
1556
01:31:00,532 --> 01:31:01,772
summer's day
1557
01:31:01,772 --> 01:31:04,232
I'll find you
1558
01:31:04,312 --> 01:31:06,732
in the morning sun
1559
01:31:06,732 --> 01:31:09,752
and when the night
1560
01:31:09,752 --> 01:31:11,892
is through
1561
01:31:14,232 --> 01:31:15,752
I'll be
1562
01:31:15,752 --> 01:31:18,112
looking at the moon
1563
01:31:20,792 --> 01:31:23,212
but I'll be
1564
01:31:23,212 --> 01:31:23,612
seeing
1565
01:31:25,212 --> 01:31:25,972
you.
1566
01:31:33,042 --> 01:31:34,822
Glad you gave us a second chance.
1567
01:31:35,342 --> 01:31:36,762
And don't worry, Wade and I are a team
1568
01:31:36,762 --> 01:31:37,882
so I'll see if he gets African.
1569
01:31:37,882 --> 01:31:38,982
Whoa!
1570
01:31:40,802 --> 01:31:42,122
That feels like
1571
01:31:42,402 --> 01:31:43,042
a Kia.
1572
01:31:43,602 --> 01:31:45,242
It's a fucking Kia Carnival, isn't it?
1573
01:31:47,162 --> 01:31:48,362
Holy shit.
1574
01:31:48,842 --> 01:31:49,662
That's Deadpool.
1575
01:31:50,262 --> 01:31:51,082
That's Wolverine.
1576
01:31:51,122 --> 01:31:53,502
You're damn straight it is. Fox killed him.
1577
01:31:53,562 --> 01:31:56,302
Disney brought him back. They're gonna make him do this till he's 90.
1578
01:31:58,562 --> 01:31:59,802
I'll clock you out!
1579
01:32:00,262 --> 01:32:00,562
Forever.
1580
01:32:02,142 --> 01:32:02,622
Forever.
1581
01:32:10,272 --> 01:32:11,632
Wakey, wakey.
1582
01:32:12,212 --> 01:32:16,192
Now you put all his bullets
1583
01:32:16,192 --> 01:32:17,232
in my belly
1584
01:32:17,232 --> 01:32:19,692
and I'm gonna find out why.
1585
01:32:20,192 --> 01:32:20,932
Whoa, whoa!
1586
01:32:22,052 --> 01:32:23,412
I'll just say it.
1587
01:32:24,012 --> 01:32:25,652
You don't have to stick your fingers in me.
1588
01:32:26,032 --> 01:32:28,072
Jesus, just ask sometimes.
1589
01:32:28,732 --> 01:32:29,212
Fine.
1590
01:32:31,072 --> 01:32:31,332
Really?
1591
01:32:32,412 --> 01:32:33,392
Hands in pockets.
1592
01:32:35,012 --> 01:32:36,712
a guy named Paradox.
1593
01:32:37,132 --> 01:32:38,532
He said he'd get me out of the void.
1594
01:32:38,932 --> 01:32:40,352
All I know is he works for the TVA.
1595
01:32:40,912 --> 01:32:42,612
TVA? We had an agreement.
1596
01:32:43,172 --> 01:32:44,612
I don't think this guy cares.
1597
01:32:45,532 --> 01:32:46,912
Oh, he will.
1598
01:32:47,712 --> 01:32:48,292
Okay, Paul.
1599
01:32:48,752 --> 01:32:50,812
How much longer before the time repper is active?
1600
01:32:51,112 --> 01:32:52,592
We're running the final safety checks.
1601
01:32:53,092 --> 01:32:55,132
Oh, okay. Alright, thanks for all the hard work, Ralph.
1602
01:32:55,932 --> 01:32:56,412
Really?
1603
01:32:56,872 --> 01:32:59,092
No, you drooling boob. No!
1604
01:32:59,232 --> 01:33:01,092
We have company. Cancel the safety checks.
1605
01:33:01,092 --> 01:33:02,732
We need to be live now!
1606
01:33:02,892 --> 01:33:04,592
Oh, I hate you so much!
1607
01:33:07,252 --> 01:33:09,352
Don't, Thor, piss off! You're too late!
1608
01:33:09,552 --> 01:33:10,172
You're fucking done.
1609
01:33:10,312 --> 01:33:12,872
Why was Thor crying? How dare you?
1610
01:33:13,012 --> 01:33:14,712
No one comes back from the void.
1611
01:33:14,852 --> 01:33:16,392
Tell that to Cassandra Nova.
1612
01:33:25,692 --> 01:33:27,312
Paradox, we have a problem.
1613
01:33:34,062 --> 01:33:35,342
Well, you are doughier than you looked
1614
01:33:35,342 --> 01:33:36,122
in Pyro's head.
1615
01:33:36,502 --> 01:33:37,602
You tried to kill me.
1616
01:33:37,602 --> 01:33:39,202
I literally have no idea.
1617
01:33:39,702 --> 01:33:41,102
Come with me.
1618
01:33:41,582 --> 01:33:43,163
You're gonna kill the king.
1619
01:33:43,483 --> 01:33:46,763
Oh, welcome to the skull fight club, Paradox.
1620
01:33:46,963 --> 01:33:49,203
You know she doesn't wash that ass.
1621
01:33:50,643 --> 01:33:51,723
What's this?
1622
01:33:53,423 --> 01:33:54,443
The time repper.
1623
01:33:55,023 --> 01:33:57,323
Oh, no, we're on it. We're gonna head down and
1624
01:33:57,323 --> 01:33:59,123
dismantle that thing now. We got you, boo.
1625
01:33:59,143 --> 01:34:00,423
You just keep playing those keys.
1626
01:34:00,863 --> 01:34:02,623
I don't want to destroy it.
1627
01:34:02,923 --> 01:34:04,503
I want to use it.
1628
01:34:04,503 --> 01:34:06,703
Now, Shoo, mommy and daddy are having
1629
01:34:06,703 --> 01:34:07,703
a conversation.
1630
01:34:14,333 --> 01:34:15,513
You know the funny things?
1631
01:34:15,773 --> 01:34:17,373
I was happy in the void.
1632
01:34:18,753 --> 01:34:20,073
You sent your trash to me
1633
01:34:20,073 --> 01:34:21,493
live and I cleaned it up.
1634
01:34:22,113 --> 01:34:23,513
Everyone was happy.
1635
01:34:24,493 --> 01:34:25,973
And you had to go piss
1636
01:34:25,973 --> 01:34:27,413
on my side of the fence.
1637
01:34:27,913 --> 01:34:29,653
So now the fence must come down.
1638
01:34:30,733 --> 01:34:32,013
I'm going to use your little time
1639
01:34:32,013 --> 01:34:33,993
repper and I'm going to destroy
1640
01:34:33,993 --> 01:34:36,273
this universe. And the next
1641
01:34:36,273 --> 01:34:38,333
and the next and the next
1642
01:34:38,333 --> 01:34:40,213
until all that's left
1643
01:34:40,213 --> 01:34:41,193
is dead.
1644
01:34:41,813 --> 01:34:43,973
And I get to play God.
1645
01:34:44,973 --> 01:34:45,653
Come with me.
1646
01:34:46,053 --> 01:34:47,833
Now, you're going to show me how to use this
1647
01:34:47,833 --> 01:34:49,553
fancy gadget. Don't worry.
1648
01:34:49,673 --> 01:34:52,293
I've called some friends to make sure we're not disturbed.
1649
01:34:55,913 --> 01:34:58,153
Sorry to bother, madam, but there's something you need to see.
1650
01:34:58,873 --> 01:34:59,893
We're getting indications
1651
01:34:59,893 --> 01:35:01,773
of an unsanctioned time repper activating
1652
01:35:01,773 --> 01:35:03,513
on Earth 1005.
1653
01:35:05,233 --> 01:35:06,493
Whose district is that?
1654
01:35:07,433 --> 01:35:07,973
Paradox.
1655
01:35:19,393 --> 01:35:20,513
Thank you so much
1656
01:35:20,513 --> 01:35:21,533
for your help, darling.
1657
01:35:22,333 --> 01:35:24,113
Good to get out of that head.
1658
01:35:24,913 --> 01:35:26,213
What a mess.
1659
01:35:34,693 --> 01:35:36,513
Let's give it a beat for the extras to clear.
1660
01:35:37,113 --> 01:35:37,793
Go, go, go.
1661
01:35:37,793 --> 01:35:39,253
Oh, my god.
1662
01:35:44,323 --> 01:35:45,763
Oh, my
1663
01:35:45,763 --> 01:35:46,743
god.
1664
01:36:12,773 --> 01:36:14,733
We're that sweet town.
1665
01:36:14,973 --> 01:36:16,673
Hold me close and you'll
1666
01:36:16,673 --> 01:36:18,513
let me go.
1667
01:36:19,353 --> 01:36:21,313
Keep this feeling alive.
1668
01:36:21,473 --> 01:36:22,633
Make me lose control.
1669
01:36:22,653 --> 01:36:25,173
We don't have to be apart ever, ever again.
1670
01:36:25,773 --> 01:36:26,153
Never, ever.
1671
01:36:26,413 --> 01:36:27,333
Lori, fuck!
1672
01:36:28,253 --> 01:36:30,493
What's Cafe Gratitude doing here?
1673
01:36:30,673 --> 01:36:32,413
Sorry about that. Tremble not,
1674
01:36:32,413 --> 01:36:34,013
sweet fairy puppets.
1675
01:36:34,213 --> 01:36:35,353
I'll handle you.
1676
01:36:35,753 --> 01:36:36,833
Come here, girl. Papa's here.
1677
01:36:37,013 --> 01:36:39,213
Do not insult this animal's autonomy.
1678
01:36:39,993 --> 01:36:41,853
She can decide who her papa is.
1679
01:36:42,253 --> 01:36:43,393
What's it gonna be, girl, huh?
1680
01:36:43,453 --> 01:36:45,993
Original recipe or Van Milder here?
1681
01:36:46,233 --> 01:36:47,113
Oh, that's funny.
1682
01:36:47,613 --> 01:36:49,613
I can gently tap the fourth wall, too.
1683
01:36:49,973 --> 01:36:50,733
The proposal.
1684
01:36:52,773 --> 01:36:53,873
What the fuck was that?
1685
01:36:54,233 --> 01:36:55,413
Bitch, you think that's what I do?
1686
01:36:55,533 --> 01:36:56,733
Oh, shut up.
1687
01:36:57,713 --> 01:36:58,473
You smell something?
1688
01:36:58,473 --> 01:36:59,753
Yeah, you.
1689
01:37:00,933 --> 01:37:02,053
A lot of you.
1690
01:37:17,353 --> 01:37:19,173
Hold it, there are a lot of Deadpools over there.
1691
01:37:31,433 --> 01:37:32,193
That's bad.
1692
01:37:54,874 --> 01:37:55,994
I take it they're not friendly.
1693
01:37:56,174 --> 01:37:58,014
Goodness, no. Sorry about this, boys.
1694
01:37:58,294 --> 01:38:00,514
Mission over. Cause of death, 100.
1695
01:38:00,634 --> 01:38:02,154
Kill thirsty Deadpools.
1696
01:38:02,234 --> 01:38:04,214
They're dumb, but they can fight.
1697
01:38:04,474 --> 01:38:06,294
Not me, though. I'd love to get in the mix,
1698
01:38:06,354 --> 01:38:09,174
but I have low bone density, and I have to keep my face safe.
1699
01:38:10,074 --> 01:38:10,974
Hold, please.
1700
01:38:11,254 --> 01:38:12,654
Alright, look!
1701
01:38:13,654 --> 01:38:13,874
Guys!
1702
01:38:15,734 --> 01:38:16,934
Deadpool Prime here!
1703
01:38:17,634 --> 01:38:18,734
Our fight isn't with you!
1704
01:38:18,794 --> 01:38:22,654
Hey! When I want your opinion, I'll take Wolverine's dick out of your mouth!
1705
01:38:22,754 --> 01:38:24,394
That's Kidpool, she's the dirtiest.
1706
01:38:24,494 --> 01:38:25,474
Can we just be done?
1707
01:38:25,634 --> 01:38:27,534
Oh, we're just getting started.
1708
01:38:27,634 --> 01:38:29,234
No, no, no, no, with the whole
1709
01:38:29,754 --> 01:38:30,694
multiverse thing.
1710
01:38:32,134 --> 01:38:32,974
It's not great.
1711
01:38:33,414 --> 01:38:34,774
It's just been miss
1712
01:38:34,774 --> 01:38:36,574
after miss
1713
01:38:36,574 --> 01:38:38,374
after miss.
1714
01:38:38,754 --> 01:38:40,594
Look, Wizard of Oz did the multiverse
1715
01:38:40,594 --> 01:38:42,634
first, and they did it fast. The gays
1716
01:38:42,634 --> 01:38:44,874
knew it, but we didn't listen.
1717
01:38:45,494 --> 01:38:46,814
Let's just take the L
1718
01:38:46,814 --> 01:38:48,374
and move on.
1719
01:38:48,394 --> 01:38:50,814
I think it's been steadily great since Endgame.
1720
01:38:50,894 --> 01:38:52,274
What are you talking about?
1721
01:38:52,414 --> 01:38:53,874
The multiverse is over.
1722
01:38:53,994 --> 01:38:56,494
Sandy gonna destroy the fuck out of every time.
1723
01:38:57,274 --> 01:38:58,634
Y'all can't do shit about it.
1724
01:38:58,674 --> 01:39:00,594
Do you not get it? If we don't get out of the subway
1725
01:39:00,594 --> 01:39:01,974
and stop her, we all die.
1726
01:39:02,114 --> 01:39:04,254
Say the boss lady don't want no disturbance.
1727
01:39:04,254 --> 01:39:05,734
You wanna get down to the subway?
1728
01:39:06,094 --> 01:39:07,174
You gotta go through us.
1729
01:39:07,334 --> 01:39:08,354
Lousy time, baby.
1730
01:39:09,794 --> 01:39:10,274
Look alive!
1731
01:39:19,784 --> 01:39:20,924
I think I'm hit.
1732
01:39:21,244 --> 01:39:23,004
No shit. You did that on purpose.
1733
01:39:23,164 --> 01:39:24,304
I did no such thing!
1734
01:39:24,584 --> 01:39:27,244
Listen to me, gorgeous. How long does it take for you to regenerate?
1735
01:39:27,844 --> 01:39:28,304
Regenerate?
1736
01:39:34,404 --> 01:39:36,204
You really are God's perfect
1737
01:39:36,204 --> 01:39:36,824
idiot, aren't you?
1738
01:39:36,824 --> 01:39:40,144
How dare you, you insensitive son of a bitch?
1739
01:39:40,344 --> 01:39:42,304
How was I supposed to know he doesn't regenerate?
1740
01:39:42,424 --> 01:39:43,684
I'm not a medicine woman.
1741
01:39:44,224 --> 01:39:45,244
Look, a donut cart.
1742
01:39:45,464 --> 01:39:46,524
They're practically hospitals.
1743
01:39:46,764 --> 01:39:48,264
They sell portable triage units.
1744
01:39:48,324 --> 01:39:49,704
I'm gonna get you to safety.
1745
01:39:50,444 --> 01:39:50,964
Deep breath.
1746
01:39:59,874 --> 01:40:00,314
Hey!
1747
01:40:01,154 --> 01:40:01,894
Why are we stopping?
1748
01:40:02,154 --> 01:40:03,374
Just catching my breath.
1749
01:40:03,574 --> 01:40:04,834
Put your legs on vacation?
1750
01:40:05,354 --> 01:40:06,114
You're dead weight!
1751
01:40:07,594 --> 01:40:09,934
We all have problems. Listen to me.
1752
01:40:09,934 --> 01:40:11,314
You're gonna live.
1753
01:40:12,234 --> 01:40:13,534
Look at me, nice fool.
1754
01:40:17,644 --> 01:40:18,624
You're gonna live.
1755
01:40:19,624 --> 01:40:20,224
Say it!
1756
01:40:21,304 --> 01:40:22,164
I'm gonna live.
1757
01:40:22,884 --> 01:40:24,024
Say it with me!
1758
01:40:24,504 --> 01:40:25,344
You're gonna live!
1759
01:40:25,344 --> 01:40:26,324
I'm gonna live!
1760
01:40:56,274 --> 01:40:58,854
I don't think he's gonna make it.
1761
01:40:59,194 --> 01:41:00,754
God, he loved his face.
1762
01:41:01,394 --> 01:41:03,294
I can taste his final thought.
1763
01:41:03,694 --> 01:41:04,874
He was so afraid.
1764
01:41:04,874 --> 01:41:06,414
And he died a hero.
1765
01:41:06,734 --> 01:41:08,414
He died for murder, you dumb fuck.
1766
01:41:08,554 --> 01:41:11,374
And all I have to remember is by...
1767
01:41:11,374 --> 01:41:13,234
Are these two gold plated
1768
01:41:13,234 --> 01:41:15,074
50 caliber desert eagle pistoleros.
1769
01:41:15,414 --> 01:41:16,334
This is for him.
1770
01:41:17,054 --> 01:41:17,774
Are you ready?
1771
01:41:18,774 --> 01:41:20,634
I get to kill a hundred ewes?
1772
01:41:20,814 --> 01:41:21,814
Fuck you, I'm ready.
1773
01:41:23,034 --> 01:41:24,274
Hey, you don't want to see this, bro.
1774
01:41:24,474 --> 01:41:25,554
That's a good girl.
1775
01:41:36,434 --> 01:41:38,454
I stand alone.
1776
01:41:38,994 --> 01:41:42,774
I hear you call my name.
1777
01:41:43,734 --> 01:41:49,594
And it feels like home.
1778
01:42:02,555 --> 01:42:03,555
Holy shit!
1779
01:42:04,195 --> 01:42:06,015
You saved the good stuff for special occasions?
1780
01:42:06,455 --> 01:42:07,295
Killing mostly.
1781
01:42:07,935 --> 01:42:10,175
What's the wind resistance on those blowjob hangers?
1782
01:42:11,195 --> 01:42:12,075
Sorry.
1783
01:42:12,635 --> 01:42:14,355
Just a cat-inventure and I'm jealous.
1784
01:42:14,915 --> 01:42:15,875
Alright, let's do this.
1785
01:42:19,095 --> 01:42:19,655
Maximum effort.
1786
01:43:27,495 --> 01:43:32,735
I blew it.
1787
01:44:07,285 --> 01:44:11,145
After all that, the only thing they're going to remember is that god-awful dismount.
1788
01:44:16,095 --> 01:44:17,815
What's your laughing at, you little fucker?
1789
01:44:23,865 --> 01:44:26,065
I guess these ones regenerate.
1790
01:44:29,045 --> 01:44:30,345
We have time for this.
1791
01:44:30,345 --> 01:44:32,605
Deadpool, stand down!
1792
01:44:43,515 --> 01:44:44,955
Yes, Deadpool's with me.
1793
01:44:45,095 --> 01:44:46,215
Oh no.
1794
01:44:46,575 --> 01:44:47,295
Holy shit.
1795
01:44:47,515 --> 01:44:48,595
That's fucking Peter!
1796
01:44:51,955 --> 01:44:53,795
Wait, you guys know Peter?
1797
01:44:54,175 --> 01:44:56,335
You kidding me? Every Deadpool has a Peter.
1798
01:44:56,895 --> 01:45:00,095
Peter's a goddamn legend in every Deadpool's world.
1799
01:45:00,095 --> 01:45:02,455
Give us a... fight!
1800
01:45:09,455 --> 01:45:19,025
John, I'm Peter!
1801
01:45:46,815 --> 01:45:48,895
Oh, now you're here. Oh well, you're too late.
1802
01:45:49,055 --> 01:45:50,415
It's all over. Not yet, it's not.
1803
01:45:50,475 --> 01:45:52,095
Well, no, no, no, but we're very close.
1804
01:45:52,455 --> 01:45:54,255
Homestretch, folks. Promise. Quick.
1805
01:45:54,555 --> 01:45:56,875
Let's have the stakes. If she steals the time representative,
1806
01:45:56,975 --> 01:45:59,495
she has the power to shred the fabric of all realities
1807
01:45:59,495 --> 01:46:01,235
until there is nothing left but the void.
1808
01:46:01,415 --> 01:46:02,415
How do we shut it down?
1809
01:46:02,795 --> 01:46:03,336
I don't know.
1810
01:46:05,236 --> 01:46:06,176
How about now?
1811
01:46:06,536 --> 01:46:08,336
The mask is really intimidating, huh?
1812
01:46:08,356 --> 01:46:10,256
It's like Batman, except he can move his neck.
1813
01:46:12,696 --> 01:46:15,536
The Ripper is fed through a secure chamber below ground.
1814
01:46:15,796 --> 01:46:17,616
It is powered by twin matter
1815
01:46:17,616 --> 01:46:19,916
and antimatter feeds converging inside the device.
1816
01:46:20,176 --> 01:46:21,976
Now, Cassandra Nova is redirecting
1817
01:46:21,976 --> 01:46:23,816
the Ripper's power to eliminate all timelines,
1818
01:46:24,016 --> 01:46:24,856
starting with this one.
1819
01:46:25,076 --> 01:46:27,596
Theoretically, you could stop her by short-circuiting the feeds
1820
01:46:27,596 --> 01:46:29,936
in the chamber below. One of you would create a circuit
1821
01:46:29,936 --> 01:46:31,576
between the two feeds, then
1822
01:46:31,576 --> 01:46:33,736
the released power would destroy
1823
01:46:33,736 --> 01:46:35,176
the machine. But, well...
1824
01:46:35,176 --> 01:46:38,096
Come on, man! If you're not gonna swallow, spin it out!
1825
01:46:38,356 --> 01:46:39,936
Where formed the bridge
1826
01:46:39,936 --> 01:46:41,436
would be annihilated.
1827
01:46:41,676 --> 01:46:43,356
I could live with that. Yeah, I could live with that too, actually.
1828
01:46:43,376 --> 01:46:45,596
You know, we survive anything. We're like cockroaches, but...
1829
01:46:45,596 --> 01:46:47,676
Not this time. This is matter
1830
01:46:47,676 --> 01:46:48,976
and antimatter.
1831
01:46:49,396 --> 01:46:51,256
They do not play nicely with each other.
1832
01:46:51,276 --> 01:46:54,056
When they mix in your body, you will be atomized.
1833
01:46:54,756 --> 01:46:55,756
Trust the laws of physics,
1834
01:46:55,756 --> 01:46:57,956
if you don't trust me. Even if you live long enough
1835
01:46:57,956 --> 01:46:59,936
to make the circuit, you will
1836
01:46:59,936 --> 01:47:01,096
die down there.
1837
01:47:26,936 --> 01:47:27,536
Hold on, Paul.
1838
01:47:28,536 --> 01:47:30,916
You heard that asshole upstairs. Even if we
1839
01:47:30,916 --> 01:47:32,896
pull this off, we're dead.
1840
01:47:33,616 --> 01:47:34,096
Criminally.
1841
01:47:34,916 --> 01:47:36,196
That's why it's gotta be me.
1842
01:47:36,436 --> 01:47:36,676
What?
1843
01:47:40,736 --> 01:47:41,476
Look, man.
1844
01:47:42,616 --> 01:47:44,116
You didn't ask for any of this.
1845
01:47:44,936 --> 01:47:47,116
You were right. I lied.
1846
01:47:48,396 --> 01:47:49,856
I lied right to your face.
1847
01:47:50,316 --> 01:47:51,536
Just to get you to help me.
1848
01:47:51,536 --> 01:47:52,056
You did.
1849
01:47:52,936 --> 01:47:53,956
You didn't lie.
1850
01:47:56,376 --> 01:47:57,636
You made an educated wish.
1851
01:48:03,136 --> 01:48:04,796
You got a whole world to go back to.
1852
01:48:06,336 --> 01:48:07,156
I got nothing.
1853
01:48:23,786 --> 01:48:24,266
Hey!
1854
01:48:29,496 --> 01:48:31,576
I waited a long time for this team up.
1855
01:48:33,656 --> 01:48:34,276
You know something?
1856
01:48:36,596 --> 01:48:38,716
You are the best, Wolverine.
1857
01:48:47,116 --> 01:48:48,136
Say how do you friends feel?
1858
01:48:49,856 --> 01:48:49,936
I don't know.
1859
01:48:50,356 --> 01:49:02,906
Open the door!
1860
01:49:02,946 --> 01:49:05,906
I can't hear you over all the noble sacrifice.
1861
01:49:06,006 --> 01:49:07,366
Why are you fucking doing this?
1862
01:49:07,586 --> 01:49:10,626
Because I'm Marvel Jesus.
1863
01:49:12,506 --> 01:49:13,786
Or Spock.
1864
01:49:14,666 --> 01:49:15,366
Or Martin Sand.
1865
01:49:21,346 --> 01:49:22,806
You fucking idiot.
1866
01:49:28,566 --> 01:49:29,066
Sorry.
1867
01:49:29,226 --> 01:49:30,226
I'm just stalling.
1868
01:49:30,566 --> 01:49:32,406
I think I'm nervous enough dying.
1869
01:49:33,186 --> 01:49:34,326
This should be me.
1870
01:49:35,186 --> 01:49:36,746
Say hi to my friends for me, Peter.
1871
01:49:37,066 --> 01:49:37,486
What?
1872
01:49:37,906 --> 01:49:39,246
You want to be an annoying prick?
1873
01:49:39,486 --> 01:49:41,406
You're gonna die, you idiot.
1874
01:49:45,606 --> 01:49:50,986
Hey, you don't need to do this.
1875
01:49:51,306 --> 01:49:52,756
I'm not doing it because I need it.
1876
01:49:54,166 --> 01:49:55,746
I'm doing it because they do.
1877
01:49:56,606 --> 01:51:10,077
I'm gonna take you there.
1878
01:51:10,077 --> 01:51:13,877
I'm gonna take you there.
1879
01:51:16,747 --> 01:51:19,187
I'm gonna take you there.
1880
01:51:58,597 --> 01:51:59,117
I'm gonna take you there.
1881
01:51:59,117 --> 01:52:00,677
He's a hero in my world.
1882
01:52:02,957 --> 01:52:04,937
Whoever you think I am, you got the wrong guy.
1883
01:52:06,857 --> 01:52:08,477
You were always the wrong guy.
1884
01:52:10,197 --> 01:52:10,957
Until you weren't.
1885
01:52:15,197 --> 01:52:15,957
Wait...
1886
01:52:19,207 --> 01:52:20,567
It's finally...
1887
01:52:21,127 --> 01:52:21,707
...matter.
1888
01:54:02,317 --> 01:54:04,897
I thought that she was safely held in the void.
1889
01:54:04,997 --> 01:54:07,557
But no, she was here. And she fondled my brain.
1890
01:54:07,757 --> 01:54:08,657
How did you let this happen?
1891
01:54:08,737 --> 01:54:09,737
You weren't involved at all.
1892
01:54:09,937 --> 01:54:12,057
In stopping her? Yes! Yes, I was.
1893
01:54:12,497 --> 01:54:13,617
But not nearly enough.
1894
01:54:14,237 --> 01:54:16,317
Not as much as the men who went down there after her.
1895
01:54:17,238 --> 01:54:19,518
My men. My friends.
1896
01:54:21,278 --> 01:54:24,298
I warned them that they would be completely obliterated if they went.
1897
01:54:24,338 --> 01:54:27,278
But they went anyway. Like...
1898
01:54:27,278 --> 01:54:28,118
Like heroes.
1899
01:54:30,158 --> 01:54:32,118
Because that's who they were.
1900
01:54:35,318 --> 01:54:37,618
They just did what they had to do.
1901
01:54:38,158 --> 01:54:39,558
With no concern for their own safety.
1902
01:54:43,078 --> 01:54:49,478
The fact that we are all still standing here is a testament to their heroism.
1903
01:54:57,338 --> 01:54:59,378
He has risen, baby girl!
1904
01:54:59,518 --> 01:54:59,958
Fuck!
1905
01:54:59,958 --> 01:55:02,678
And I'll die!
1906
01:55:19,448 --> 01:55:20,748
Found your new anchoring.
1907
01:55:21,088 --> 01:55:23,648
And we're doing just fine, you piece of shit.
1908
01:55:25,588 --> 01:55:26,788
Fine indeed.
1909
01:55:27,008 --> 01:55:30,768
Alright, put your greasy tits away, you preening slut.
1910
01:55:31,848 --> 01:55:34,308
I don't understand. How are you two still alive?
1911
01:55:34,608 --> 01:55:36,548
You were right. One of us would have been killed.
1912
01:55:37,108 --> 01:55:39,748
But you put a Deadpool and a Wolverine together?
1913
01:55:40,148 --> 01:55:41,928
Make them hold hands while listening to Madonna?
1914
01:55:43,108 --> 01:55:44,308
Indestructible motherfucker.
1915
01:55:44,308 --> 01:55:46,948
Let's get this Deadpool variant back to the void.
1916
01:55:47,308 --> 01:55:48,088
Wait, hold on, what?
1917
01:55:48,268 --> 01:55:51,948
No, actually, this one's homegrown. Like me. He belongs here.
1918
01:55:52,608 --> 01:55:53,408
And you are?
1919
01:55:53,668 --> 01:55:55,888
Peterpool. But you can call me Peter.
1920
01:55:57,808 --> 01:55:58,848
And I hope that you do.
1921
01:56:05,228 --> 01:56:06,828
What the fuck is happening here?
1922
01:56:06,848 --> 01:56:10,988
You are under judgment. Operating an unsanctioned time ripper. Take it.
1923
01:56:10,988 --> 01:56:13,488
I was just doing what you don't have the guts to do!
1924
01:56:14,708 --> 01:56:15,688
You piece of shit!
1925
01:56:18,348 --> 01:56:22,248
I'm grateful, gentlemen. Let's hold the bowels.
1926
01:56:22,488 --> 01:56:24,908
You led an omega level mutant to this timeline.
1927
01:56:25,048 --> 01:56:25,508
You're welcome.
1928
01:56:26,068 --> 01:56:28,228
And you shouldn't even be near this timeline.
1929
01:56:28,368 --> 01:56:28,608
You're welcome.
1930
01:56:28,968 --> 01:56:32,088
And you look damn good in that suit.
1931
01:56:32,368 --> 01:56:33,148
I'm so sorry.
1932
01:56:37,808 --> 01:56:41,328
I want to show you something. Something huge.
1933
01:56:41,568 --> 01:56:43,528
That's what Scoutmaster Kevin used to say.
1934
01:56:43,528 --> 01:56:45,888
Do you see that?
1935
01:56:46,948 --> 01:56:48,868
Your universe is regenerating.
1936
01:56:49,708 --> 01:56:53,028
Whatever you did here, you not only saved your world,
1937
01:56:53,748 --> 01:56:55,808
you spared your timeline from extinction.
1938
01:56:58,068 --> 01:56:59,168
I'd rest out.
1939
01:56:59,528 --> 01:57:01,688
I have a feeling your work is only just getting started.
1940
01:57:01,968 --> 01:57:03,368
Till you're 90.
1941
01:57:03,988 --> 01:57:04,328
Wait!
1942
01:57:05,608 --> 01:57:08,428
We couldn't have made it out of the void without some help.
1943
01:57:09,588 --> 01:57:13,128
From some people that the world kind of forgot.
1944
01:57:14,128 --> 01:57:17,288
Is there any way that you could maybe find a way to bring them home?
1945
01:57:19,188 --> 01:57:20,448
I'll see what I can do.
1946
01:57:20,828 --> 01:57:26,688
And I promised my friend here that the TVA could undo some pretty awful shit in his timeline.
1947
01:57:27,148 --> 01:57:28,108
What would you say to that?
1948
01:57:28,488 --> 01:57:29,468
Change the past.
1949
01:57:30,308 --> 01:57:31,928
He did help me save the world.
1950
01:57:32,448 --> 01:57:34,828
And his past made him the man who did it.
1951
01:57:35,888 --> 01:57:38,808
There's nothing to fix, Mr. Olsen.
1952
01:57:39,708 --> 01:57:40,348
Love him.
1953
01:57:44,438 --> 01:57:45,818
Torm, I get in now.
1954
01:57:55,698 --> 01:57:57,918
You know, the Avengers discovered Torma.
1955
01:57:58,978 --> 01:58:00,918
They'll be lucky to have you.
1956
01:58:07,988 --> 01:58:09,848
Oh, come on.
1957
01:58:10,288 --> 01:58:11,148
Fuck off!
1958
01:58:12,528 --> 01:58:13,808
Come here, my little cunchkin.
1959
01:58:14,108 --> 01:58:16,828
Yes, it's you. You're a survivor.
1960
01:58:18,328 --> 01:58:20,188
Oh, all is right in the world.
1961
01:58:21,828 --> 01:58:22,628
Yes, it is.
1962
01:58:24,389 --> 01:58:25,529
So what are you gonna do next?
1963
01:58:27,289 --> 01:58:29,089
I'll figure it out. I always do.
1964
01:58:31,889 --> 01:58:33,509
So I'll probably see you around.
1965
01:58:42,999 --> 01:58:43,439
See you, bud.
1966
01:58:53,359 --> 01:58:53,839
Logan!
1967
01:59:05,459 --> 01:59:09,659
I'm all out of devil's dandruff and I'm shaking like an angry viper.
1968
01:59:09,679 --> 01:59:11,659
Thank you, Hal. We have company.
1969
01:59:12,619 --> 01:59:13,639
Althea, this is...
1970
01:59:14,699 --> 01:59:15,299
This is Logan.
1971
01:59:15,879 --> 01:59:17,119
Nice to meet you, Logan.
1972
01:59:17,279 --> 01:59:17,999
Nice to meet you, too.
1973
01:59:18,119 --> 01:59:21,639
And this little ancient anal shitnot is Mary Puppens.
1974
01:59:21,759 --> 01:59:23,699
Or as I like to call her, dog pool.
1975
01:59:24,219 --> 01:59:25,839
You wanna treat yourself to a little stroke.
1976
01:59:27,259 --> 01:59:28,419
Get the tongue.
1977
01:59:28,419 --> 01:59:30,219
Oh my god, motherfucker!
1978
01:59:30,859 --> 01:59:38,279
It's like an armadillo fucked a gremlin angrily in a bed of gonorrhea and didn't stop till the sun came up.
1979
01:59:40,379 --> 01:59:41,899
Everyone wants to have it.
1980
01:59:42,239 --> 01:59:44,879
Turns out that you don't need to be Marvel Jesus to do it.
1981
01:59:45,739 --> 01:59:48,259
You just need to open your eyes and look around.
1982
01:59:48,839 --> 01:59:56,199
And if you're lucky, you'll have old friends and some new ones, too.
1983
02:00:09,249 --> 02:00:10,289
Good morning.
1984
02:00:10,949 --> 02:00:12,969
Good night.
1985
02:00:14,809 --> 02:00:15,449
Good night.
1986
02:00:17,549 --> 02:00:18,589
Good night.
1987
02:00:18,589 --> 02:00:19,229
You've been busy?
1988
02:00:22,569 --> 02:00:23,969
I did it for you.
1989
02:00:26,429 --> 02:00:28,729
Even if you don't want me in, I did it for you.
1990
02:00:38,189 --> 02:00:41,029
Turns out, I am the one saving type.
1991
02:00:41,809 --> 02:00:43,769
Just look around this table if you want proof.
1992
02:00:44,469 --> 02:00:45,869
The best part?
1993
02:00:46,769 --> 02:00:50,809
Sometimes the people we save, they save us right back.
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