Original subtitles

Look up that new Imelda video, I haven't seen it yet.

No way.

Hasn't been a good Imelda video in ages.

Do it anyways.

That it?

Nah, I've seen that one.

Click that one, that's it.

Were Imelda videos ever funny?

They were.

I'm sure they were.

I used to love them.

Yeah, so did I.

Imelda doesn't do anything anymore.

She does stand in front of that shitty Imelda sign a lot.

Yeah, she does.

That's all she does really.

It's good timing.

I hate that cat.

What are you doing?

No way, Steph.

Leave it alone.

I'm not gonna hurt it, I'm just gonna scare it off.

You're not gonna come out with me?

Where are you, you little shit?

Ha, got you.

Awesome costume, man.

I'm still gonna have to call the police.

Steph?

Did the cat get the better of you or something?

Steph?

Oh, meow.

Oh, Teddy.

Oh, Teddy.

Teddy, Teddy, Teddy, Teddy.

Oh, meow.

Teddy.

Meow.

I'm a bad kitty.

You like it when I touch myself, Ted?

Meow.

Meow.

Oh, I love you so much.

Are we done?

Okay.

Talk to you soon.

Now, what I don't understand, Margot, is if they don't

like it here, why don't they just bloody well leave?

Jono, you can't say that.

Well, I just did, and you know why?

Oh, why, Jono?

Because it's a free bloody country, that's why.

Oh, my gosh!

We have an arse chorus in the studio here, just doing some tunes.

So she's still sick?

Yeah, she's been licking off chunks of her fur.

I don't know when she's going to be well enough to film again.

Well, I managed to cut together a new Imelda video out of small footage.

Yay!

Oh wow, it's great.

Thank you so much Gemma.

Not a problem.

I just hope it gets more views this time.

Not more than 10 million in a while.

Just not in the mood.

I'm thinking maybe I should make a video of her with the cone on.

Might get some sympathy views.

Some of these comments on the Imelda videos are getting really nasty.

We could make our own video, Claire.

Look, I appreciate everything you're doing, but I'm

just not in the mood for that kind of thing lately.

Another time then, right?

Maybe.

Would you just do stuff for one second?

Door opening.

Hey, hey, hey, you can't go.

We're not ever gonna get any views if you continue to be this boring.

Just because I poop videos of my cat on the internet,

it doesn't give you the right to just turn up on at house out of the blue.

How did you even find me anyway?

I'm sorry, Claire.

That's okay, I can see it.

It's okay.

I've never even drunk tea before.

Really?

I don't know.

Would you like to meet Imelda?

Yes.

Yes, please.

Okay, be gentle with her.

She's fine.

Why don't we put her in dress-ups?

No.

I don't believe in putting cats in clothes, it's cruel.

Hey.

Hey, put that back.

Francis, you've crossed the line.

I'm going to have to ask you to leave my apartment.

What are you doing, don't be a silly, give her to me.

Give me my fucking cat.

Don't swear!

Don't swear.

I'll swear all I want, it's my house, now give me my fucking cat.

You fucking asshole!

They're perfect.

Exactly what I want.

Good.

You're an artist Will.

I know.

It's a cat cock.

I want semi-hard rubber for the spines.

Flexibility in the shaft.

Something that responds well to the lubricant.

Are you planning on putting this inside a person?

Now that'd be obscene.

You okay?

Since it looks like you're trying to suppress the urge to behave like a cat.

I'm fine.

Not long now, Patrick.

Pamphlet I sent last week.

Pamphlet for what?

I sent it last week.

You should have gotten it by now.

Yeah, but I forgot to get the mail.

Well, you should have gotten it by now.

...been a very bad kitty.

You like it when I touch myself?

Yeah.

I love you.

Hey, the money belongs to four captains who fought

their way out of Bastogne with their bare hands.

We won't lose.

Well, did you bet at all?

Every penny, and at 12 to 1.

Why did the odds go up?

The suckers think that Benedictine will lose.

All right, if everyone is settled, I think we can begin.

So I kept getting asked the question, why are you so sad?

It's only an animal.

And yeah, I've lost friends over it.

People have abandoned me because they can't understand

how I can still feel grief after all these months.

They think there's something wrong with me.

I don't know.

Maybe there is.

I haven't thrown any of his things away.

I still dream about him.

I dream that he's still with me.

Still a part of my life.

Is there something wrong with me?

Mark, if there's something wrong with you, there's something

wrong with all of us, because we're all in the same boat.

Thank you very much for sharing.

Now, I see there's some new faces here.

Perhaps you could share with us why you're here.

Who is it that you've lost?

So we can get a better understanding of

how much pain and suffering you're in.

You there, what's your story?

Tell us about your pain and your loss.

Please stand up.

Hello.

My name is Ted.

And I'm here today because I'm dealing

with the loss of my dead cat, Patrick.

He was a fat cat.

My wife had this thing about feeding him.

She was worried that he wasn't getting enough food.

He soon put on masses of weight.

And he got big.

I mean, he was really big.

It was really...

Do I have a wife?

Um, perhaps we just leave it there.

Ted, was it?

Hi.

What about you, Missy?

What's your story?

Stand up.

My name's Claire.

My cat Imelda was an internet sensation.

Until she was thrown out of my apartment window by a rapist.

My rapist.

He let himself into my building and

demanded that he be in one of my cat videos.

He was fine at first, but

then he got too excited.

I tried to stop him.

It's just hard, you know?

Why did this happen to me?

Sorry about my outburst earlier.

Sometimes I have trouble staying still in quiet rooms with other people.

That's fine.

As long as you're okay.

So you lost a cat too?

Yeah.

It's hard.

Yeah.

Has it gotten any easier?

It has.

What's your secret then?

I guess I found a way of bringing him back.

What do you mean?

It's hard to explain.

Patrick...

He's...

You mean like he lives on inside of you?

Yeah.

So you want to grab some dinner?

Okay?

If you're paying.

Sadness makes me eat so much.

I need to get a job.

I've no idea what I'm gonna do.

Get a new cat and make some more videos.

There's no way I'm putting that much

love and devotion into something again.

Just have it all fall to pieces in an instant.

Starting to learn life isn't all funny cat videos.

Sorry, I must have looked filthy, right?

I love that.

It's so true, isn't it?

What is?

Oh, the way guys think like that.

What guys?

All of them.

You okay?

You've gone quiet.

Yeah, I'm fine.

You want to get out of here?

Get a bottle of wine or something.

Go back to yours.

My place has bad energy at the moment.

How much of a bitch is Blanche?

It's like she's got some kind of grief fetish.

I could kill her for you if you want.

Could you, please?

Do you mind if I go inside and fix up a few things?

I can't remember what state I left it in.

Sure.

So, Claire, what's your favorite color?

Are you being serious?

I'm guessing you like ginger.

So, do you like movies?

Who doesn't?

What's so funny?

Sorry, I'm not laughing at you on this.

Now, the question is, are we equal to the challenge?

What is it, sir?

Benedictine in the fourth race today.

He'll go to the post at 10 to 1.

At a mile and 3 eighths, he can't lose.

Why not?

It's a trade secret.

That means he's got a hot tip, right?

Another hot tip?

Look, we have less than two hours to become wealthy.

Can you believe this?

The weather is just getting hotter and hotter and hotter.

Apparently, it's going to hit a stinking 45 degrees tomorrow.

You're killing me, Jono.

Well, funny you should mention killing Margot,

because have you heard about the latest dead body?

Jono.

Oh, that's right, folks.

Our mysterious killer strikes again.

This time, the body was found in a... sent all these old pieces...

...shoved in a...

Oh man, this is terrible.

Oh man, people are going to go crazy when they see this.

What the fuck do you think you're doing?

Oh shit!

I've seen you.

What are you talking about?

I've seen your video.

..and we're rolling, okay. This is our reaction

video to the Imelda rape video. Okay, here we go.

Hello, this is Steve.

I would like to preface this video by saying that I think

it's absolutely awful what happened to Imelda's owner.

And I hope this video draws attention to a

serious issue that we face in our society today.

Here it goes.

I can't watch this.

Today we're watching the leaked

video of the rape of Claire Ellis.

Now for those of you who don't know, Claire Ellis is

the owner of the Internet's most famous cat, Imelda.

Here we go.

Ready?

Oh, that must be Claire.

She's a pretty girl.

And there it is.

Okay, he's in.

He's in.

Now, I'm not going to say this bitch is getting

dick-sticked because I don't want to be called a misogynist.

So I'll just say that this cunt is getting raped.

Okay, let's see what Ted's doing.

Ted!

What are you up to, Ted?

I'm trying to get Patrick to come out.

Huh?

Patrick's under the bed and I'm trying to get him out.

Nice outfit.

Wait, this isn't a dress up, is it?

I don't think so.

It's not.

In this morning's top story, the bodies of four young female backpackers from the

Czech Republic were found last night, brutally murdered in a Melbourne hostel.

The suspect was seen moving through a dance party hosted

by the hostel shortly before the murders took place.

An eyewitness recounts the incident.

He walked straight past me, so I got a really good look at him.

He was...

He was, like, he was super tall.

Like, he had, like, a red shirt on and

this cat mask, this f***ing cat mask.

Oh, my God.

At first, I thought it was really

cute, but, oh, it was just weird.

Cool change is expected tonight, ending the

two-week heat wave that has scarred Melbourne.

We'll be back at midday with updates on the hostile killings.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Six.

Seven.

Eight.

One more.

My own lives.

My own lives, Patrick.

Patrick.

No one else is out tonight?

Yeah, it's hot.

So, what do you want to do?

Just...

What do people normally get?

They get whatever they can afford.

I'll have everything?

Can I smoke in here?

I wanna do something different.

How different?

Stay there.

I can't wait here all night.

That was number nine, Patrick.

Jen?

Claire?

I need your help.

Of course.

I'm here for you.

You know those girls that were killed the other night?

Yes.

I don't know.

I think I might have fucked the killer.

I'm glad you got your sense of humor back.

But you're sick.

I'm calling you because I'm scared.

I've been throwing up.

Well, then you need to call the police, not me.

Yeah, you're right.

I will.

But can you come over as well?

I am at mum's.

But I'll leave as soon as I can.

Thank you.

That's fine.

See you soon.

Do you remember Baby Born?

It was this lifelike doll of a baby.

You could feed it.

And it would do this little piece of shit for you.

I remember thinking it defeated the purpose of having dolls.

I had a point.

If you got it.

What the fuck are you talking about?

What was that?

I said what the fuck are you talking about?

How far would you go to bring back Imelda?

I would do anything to bring back Patrick.

How the fuck is this gonna bring back your dead cat, Ted?

Let me ask you something.

Did you really do this for Patrick?

Of the nine people that you've killed, how many of them are women?

Shall I take a guess?

All of them?

I'm right, aren't I?

You're a pervert, Ted.

You fucking pervert!

You didn't do this for your dead cat!

You did it for yourself, you sick fuck!

I did this for Patrick!

Hi, Gemma.

Claire, you left your front door unlocked.

Oh my fucking God.

Are you the friend that found her?

Yes.

Can you wait outside?

Claire, have you been exposed to any foreign bacteria lately?

I got raped.

It's probably that.

Whoa!

Let me get that, all right?

We just don't want you contaminating the stuff for the other patients.

So if you want something, you just gotta let me know.

All right?

Go on.

Well, her condition is stable, which is great.

Great.

But it seems that nothing is reversing.

I'd say that she's likely to look like this from now on.

Oh, no.

No.

You're gonna need to learn to live with this.