Original subtitles

Previously onSurrealEstate

So, how you doing?

I'm an industry pariah.

Rita Weiss is probably

putting her sign in their front yard as we speak.

Responsible for domestic violence

and the death of innocents.

Well, you still have your health.

I've been thinking that it might be time for us to go legit

but now I've decided: Nah.

We gotta be who we are.

We are going to come back to the office tomorrow

ready to kick a whole lot of ass and close a whole lot of escrow.

Hell, yeah, we are!

Oh, my god!

Oh, jeez!

- That is fabulous! - What do you think of this?

Do you think he'll enjoy it?

Oh! Oh!

You need to get the prong on this ring fixed!

It keeps catching.

It's bad luck to take it off before the wedding.

Not sure that's a thing, Priya.

Well, it should be.

Mm. One hell of a rock.

It's been in Leon's family for generations.

And now, so am I!

Who is the, uh, happy, spooky lady?

That's Ruby, Leon's great aunt.

Is she... okay?

She has a little dementia but she's very sweet.

She took care of Leon after his mom died.

Oh.

I'm going to see if she's okay.

Hi.

How's the mother of the bride holding up?

Oh. Ask her after

a few more of these.

Marty, let's get some more hors d'oeuvres over there.

We have bridesmaid's dresses to fill out.

Did you have something to do with that?

Not guilty.

Nobody looks good in frosting.

Lovely wall colours.

The bold blue, invoking the sea,

the sky.

It's a nice house when it's full of people like this.

Fantastic!

Most of the time I'm alone

and it feels like.

Castle Dracula meets Ice Station Zebra.

If you ladies don't stop giving her such ugly lingerie,

I'll never have any grandchildren.

It's good having her home.

Otherwise, I'd just rattle about these rooms thinking about Dev.

Yeah, we all miss him.

Don't get me wrong.

I couldn't be happier for Priya.

I love...

- What's-his-name. - Leon.

Leon.

He's smart, makes a good living.

I just wish Dev was here to walk her down the aisle.

She's been planning this wedding since high school.

A winter wedding at the lodge. Candles

pine boughs and snow.

We're Desi. It's unnatural.

I almost sold this place after Dev passed,

but Priya insisted I hang onto it

so she and Leon could get married here.

And... Then what?

I dump this beast.

Find somewhere small on a beach

where people see pictures of snow and say,

"Jeez, what's that?"

Hang on. You're almost there.

Oh. I just wish it was over.

Ah!

Only my idiot sister would think it's a good idea

to arm the bride.

Marty, let's do that ugly, fake,

cake-face thing.

Time to cut the cake, beti.

Cake time.

Oh!

Oh, wow!

This is lovely.

All right...

Oh, my God!

Who you gonna call?

What does this look like to you?

Like Jack the Ripper meets the Pillsbury Doughboy.

Hi, Susan!

Hey! How's the new place?

It will be great. Some day.

So, I'm just... I'm really worried about Priya.

You know, she's been my best friend since we were little.

We need to help her.

And then we get to sell her mom's house.

Happily ever afters all around.

What's the story?

Oh, it's a gorgeous winter lodge.

Prime location, oversize lot,

magnificent, handcrafted woodwork.

A legacy property

searching for a new trustee.

I was asking about the buttercream stigmata.

What's the story there?

Oh! Priya cut it open at her bridal shower

and it started bleeding!

Ew.

Maybe you should just focus on the wedding right now.

I can multi-task!

I can be a friend

and a bridesmaid and a real estate agent simultaneously.

This is the kind of elite listing we need.

Looks like they've stopped the bleeding.

I'll let you know when I get our name on a contract.

I thought you were a workaholic.

Oh, I once sent her a meeting invite titled

"work/life balance."

She declined it.

Hey. You forget something?

Hey! Forgot to tell you

your face looks like a rhino's butt.

Rita, I thought, hoped, prayed you were someone else.

If only.

Look, we need to talk face-to-face.

I'll come by your office tomorrow, nine o'clock.

You take over.

Hey.

Hey. It's all right.

We've had a crap few weeks.

It's going to get better.

Leon, I don't know how much more of this I can take!

First, I fell in the shower and then the hutch tipped over.

It missed you.

But, like, by an inch!

The house is trying to kill me.

Then I murdered our cake.

You should stay away from me.

Honey...

For your own good.

It's all good.

Look,

in a few weeks we'll be married

then we'll be off to Fiji.

And then we'll have a whole, beautiful life together.

God, I hope so.

Nothing's gonna stop me from marrying you.

So, I told the guests the cake had raspberry filling in it

and the heat from the kitchen caused pressure to build,

so when the knife cut in, it...

Is that what happened?

How's Priya?

Ach. She's a wreck.

This wedding is going to kill us all.

I heard about her fall.

And her close call with the hutch.

That girl has never been a prima ballerina,

but ever since those kids got engaged

she's been bumping into this and falling down that.

And this all happened here?

That's right.

In this house?

What are you getting at?

Maybe it's not Priya.

Or the wedding.

Maybe it's the house.

The people I work with,

they have

a very particular set of skills.

I thought you were in real estate.

Yes, but we... our agency

specializes in houses that have some

challenges.

It happens more than you might think.

Let us help you.

We'll get Priya through the wedding.

Afterward, let us sell this house for you

and we'll find you a lovely condo

on a sun-soaked beach.

I like you, Susan.

You've always been a good friend to Priya.

She loved having you over because you would always

clean her room.

The housekeeper always forgot to clean

the top of the baseboards.

Can you still do the things?

Only when I absolutely have to.

I remember having you over for dinner all those times.

Nobody ever had to pass you the salt.

So, the house.

Can we help you?

Hm.

Wonderful! I'll put together the contracts.

I don't think there's any rush.

Oh!

What are you doing here, Ruby?

Do I know you?

I'm Priya's mom.

Oh.

Leon's Priya!

Oh.

She's so lovely.

Hm.

Are you Priya?

Oh, no. I'm Priya's friend.

I'm Susan.

Oh.

Would you like to sit by the window?

I thought I was.

Leon says Ruby has occasional glimmers of clarity

but I've yet to witness one.

Aunt Ruby, can we get you a glass of wine or something?

There's only more to come.

More wine?

More blood.

I heard

business is in the crapper.

Oh, we've been better.

Well, here's the thing: I have a property.

Several properties, in fact,

that could

benefit

from your particular brand of

horseshit.

You want to hire us?

On a consulting basis.

You want to hire us.

For an agreed-upon percentage of.

Come on.

You gotta say the words.

I...

want...

- Mm. - To hire you.

Ooh.

Was it as good for you as it was for me?

Hm.

You are such a used diaper

full of medical waste.

So, what's the catch?

What do you mean?

Well, what you're doing could be considered

in some cultures

a nice thing.

Don't kid yourself.

I have clients.

They have houses with problems

that you and the rest of the cast of Cabin In The Woods

might be able to solve.

In the end,

I am going to make money.

A lot of it.

If that makes me the happy little helicopter

that lowers a rope to help you save you from yourselves,

I'll just have to live with that.

Thank you.

Hm.

Seriously.

You owe me big time.

Pus dumpster.

Da-dun-da-dah.

Hm.

Just wow!

Do not tell my mom that I showed you.

Oh, it is magnificent.

It doesn't suck.

What's going on out there?

Hm, it didn't feel this snug at the shop.

Susan, I am deputizing you.

Hit me with a Taser

if you see me consuming any sugar

before the reception.

Susan?

No one hears me!

No one listens!

Ruby!

Can I help you?

Oh!

I tried to fix it,

but I can't.

It's okay. You're-you're just turned around.

Oh!

Susan!

- Ah, I'll be right back, okay? - I'll be right back.

Oh!

Oh.

Oh.

Susan!

Six listin

Rita gave us six listings? What's wrong with them?

- Oh, just the usual. - I got Phil, August and Zooey

doing the initial prep.

We'll see what's going on here and we'll divide and conquer.

It's a nice place.

Is the family around?

Brunch.

We pretty much have the house to ourselves.

When Priya's dad was alive,

this whole front

was planted with marigolds.

He was from Bangalore

and wanted the place to smell like home.

I'll never forget that.

Dev and his marigolds.

Let's go inside.

I get why she wants to get married here.

Some of my best memories were in this house.

Parties, sleepovers,

watching the NBA finals with her dad.

Yeah, I practically grew up here.

So, Dad kept the faith?

Kamala is Christian but they made it work.

Dev kept the old ways, the daily worship.

Puja.

So, this was Dad.

You don't think that...?

Gotta consider everything.

No.

Dev loved Priya.

He would never want to hurt her.

Maybe that's not his intention.

So, those are all bedrooms

and the master suite is at the end of the hall...

Shit.

Aunt Ruby?

Why are you here alone?

Ah.

I needed a nap.

Hey, Susan.

Ruby was feeling a little tired so we left early.

- Leon, this is Luke Roman. - We work together.

Leon Baptiste.

Most know me as the groom around here.

- Congratulations. - Thank you.

You were talking to the man.

Uh, what man?

Uh-uh.

The father of the bride.

You were talking in front of the house.

They were talking?

His name was Dev.

Why was he so upset?

Okay.

We weren't actually talking.

There was no conversation.

But he is a presence in that house.

You feel him everywhere.

I will never believe

Dev would want to do anything to hurt Priya.

These dead souls, they hate change.

They're stuck here like a bug in amber

and a lot of them resent the ones they left behind

move on with their lives, change addresses, get married.

Well, what about that Aunt Ruby person?

She raised Leon.

Maybe-maybe she's trying to stop the wedding

to keep him for herself?

And now you're speculating.

If it is Dev...

Help him, okay?

Don't dissemble his molecules

with one of August's contraptions.

That is the plan.

Do you mind if I drop you off at the office?

Gotta help Megan move some things.

Sure.

Okay.

Even though I don't want to believe

that you're actually there,

I'd like to share two thoughts.

First,

I'm leaving on my own terms,

in a calm, confident manner.

Not fleeing in terror.

I win. You lose.

And second?

You missed out on a really great kid.

Luke grew up to be this smart, kind, wonderful man.

Not because of you, but in spite of you.

But I have to believe that it was you

that brought him into this weird,

awful little world full of death and

monsters

and things that don't make any empirical sense.

So, damn you for that.

On to e

we're going to divide and conquer.

Zooey, keep us organized.

It is my entire raison d'être.

Let's do this.

Back together again.

Amazing job, everybody.

Come here.

I want you guys to take another look at this.

So, now we're all about Priya's place, right?

Absolutely. Are things okay?

So far so good.

Leon took the ring to the jeweler

and had that jagged prong fixed.

You don't suppose that was it the whole time?

Some sort of jewelry curse?

Sure! Maybe. Seems unlikely.

Probably not.

So, when is the ceremony?

Saturday night.

A Christian ceremony with some Hindi traditions.

Really charming.

How do you think her father would feel about that?

Dev was very open-minded.

Hey, Luke. You got a second?

We noticed this when we mapped out Rita's places.

They look totally random until...

You drop in one more data point.

The Donovan House.

As Donovan gets closer,

our P.K.E. readings get higher.

Now that Megan has relocated and the house is vacant

in the, uh, corporeal sense,

I'd like to take some additional readings.

You don't want to go to the wedding.

I've, uh, walked the aisle with four daughters.

I've experienced four rehearsal dinners.

I've survived four receptions,

restrained myself from murdering four best men

after four tasteless toasts.

I've done my time.

So, what's tonight?

Tonight is a quiet evening at home;

A family dinner.

Are you invited?

I'm family.

I would really like to check the energy of that family.

Can we be your plus four?

Plus three.

I got homework to do.

They did want me to find the photographer.

Well, there you go.

You just stop by and take a couple shots of the fam

with your Kirlian CDC,

have a little champagne and fried eggplant curry,

then you're off the hook.

Ah, I do adore fried eggplant curry.

I need to talk to Priya about her father.

Ah, no.

I really think that it is possible.

No, I-I don't mean no. I mean,

I'll talk to her. It should be me.

Lovely. Thank you, ladies.

With pleasure.

Nothing demonic there.

Yeah, well something possessed her

to buy those shoes.

Anything?

Mm.

I'm collecting imagery on everyone in the family

but thus far I've not seen anything alarming.

What about her?

All of her numbers are normal.

If anything, a bit low.

Maybe she's in energy-saving mode?

Ooh, god, your boss is

attractive.

You and he aren't...?

No, no.

No, I'm trying to hit all of the bad

life choices before I start repeating any.

Any ideas about why these things keep happening to me?

- We'll figure it out. - Don't worry.

You know the other night,

when my corset was about to kill me

there was a second I was afraid you weren't gonna, you know?

Do the thing.

I-I'm sorry. It's just,

you know, I-I never liked to...

You know, I never told anyone.

You're a good friend.

Well, all of those summers by the lake,

it was pretty cool being the only cabin

that always had a campfire.

Priya, I wanted to talk to you about your dad.

Oh, you know, I hate to see Ruby alone.

Aunt Ruby?

Are you all right?

Oh...

So many pretty people.

I am just so glad that you're here

to see Leon and I get married.

No, I-I'm not, dear.

Of course you are.

I'll be here, darling,

but you'll be dead.

y,

Hi, Zooey! Is Susan around?

- Hi! - Hi.

Hi.

Mm.

- All righty. - Ooh.

Increased energy around the shrine,

but nothing unexpected.

Religious iconography always interferes

with normal energy flows.

Tell me about it.

It interfered with 20 years of my life.

The greatest concentration of P.K.E. in the house

is right here.

Dad again.

So, nothing out of the ordinary on the guests.

Even your friend in the wheelchair.

God, I thought she'd bend the needle.

But these...

Are the last photos I took.

The happy couple?

Now, that is weird.

There's nothing on the bride.

Bride is clean.

The groom

is carrying some serious metaphysical baggage.

Or he's being targeted.

How do you feel about hacking into some

international birth and death certificate records?

Oh, I love it.

It's like existentially Googling your exes.

Mm.

Thank you for picking this up for me.

Sorry I couldn't make it less hideous.

So, I, um...

I-I tried to talk to you last night

but things got a little weird.

Ah, you think?

"You're gonna be dead?" Who says that?

- She's old? - She's batshit crazy.

I don't care if she raised Leon. That is not okay.

So, um, we've known each other since the fourth grade.

Yes, since you sucker-punched Todd Prentiss for calling me

- a racist name. - Not accurate.

He saw it coming. He was just too slow.

You were my hero.

God, I think that that's when I decided that I wanted to be you.

Me?

Well, you were way more popular than I ever was!

And you were much better at sports.

Yeah, but when you hit a softball,

it seemed to go further

and, occasionally, change direction.

I know, that's before you could control it,

but it did give you this air of mystery.

And you had secrets and, ah, you were so smart.

You know that people used to think that you were an alien?

Silly Earthlings.

Oh, god, it feels so good to laugh again.

You know, I'm afraid to go out.

If you guys don't figure out what is going on.

Actually, we...

We have a theory.

Okay.

I need to talk to you about your dad.

Did he stiff you on money you won betting on the NBA?

- Priya... - 'Cuz you really should have

said something when we were settling the estate.

Have you seen him?

Lately?

I mean, I think about my dad every day

I'm not talking about memories.

Have you

seen him?

In the house?

Wait, all of this bad shit that's been happening,

you think it's my dad?

My dead dad.

That he-he's trying to stop the wedding?

That he's trying to hurt me?

Yeah.

He may not be the

the father you remember.

I'm not listening to this anymore.

Wha... Priya! Hold on.

I am aware of your company's weird little specialty.

You are seeing spooks around every corner now, aren't you?

Priya!

You know, maybe you shouldn't be at the wedding.

Just stay away from.

Ooh!

This elevator is perfect.

Zero defects.

You're kidding me?

You don't understand:

What you described literally can't happen.

Well, the doors opened, and nothing was there.

According to...?

People.

All I can tell you is that this is a properly installed,

properly maintained medium

for safe vertical transport.

Hm. So you'll be riding it down, then?

I'm off to the Donovan house.

Good luck.

I believe I'll take the stairs.

Hm. Good choice.

Priya, I know you and your dad

had such an amazing relationship.

When we were in high school,

I had that strict 11 o'clock curfew

and if some boy dropped me off

even a minute after 11,

Dad would blink the light switch three times and it meant,

"I'm not going to embarrass you with an appearance,

but you need to know that I'm watching.

"And I love you."

Dev was a great dad.

And not just to you.

My dad was working all the time.

Traveling...

Dev was always there for me.

Me, too.

You okay?

Uh, yeah.

Just curious: What do you know about the spooky aunt?

Ruby?

Uh, she raised Leon.

He worships her.

How bad is her dementia?

She's a little slow on the uptake.

Has trouble recognizing people.

I've just found that people with dementia

are kind of like the things we find in old houses:

We just kind of understand each other.

Tonight is the rehearsal dinner?

Yep.

The show must go on!

What the...?

Hello!

I thought you were long gone.

Oh.

Let me help.

Thank you. This is, uh, the last of my stuff.

We're leaving a bunch of my grandfather's furniture

and books;

Some of his art.

Susan wants it for staging.

Ah.

I never want to go in there again.

I don't blame you.

But you're going inside anyway.

It's my job.

Yeah.

You know,

I used to be scared of you.

Really?

That pleases me to no end.

That I was scared of you?

That you no longer are.

Megan...

Luke is a very...

Very fine man.

But he is an anomaly.

He walks an odd, often lonely path.

I'm so glad you've chosen to walk it with him,

for however long.

It isn't always easy.

Ahh...

Why is it that the sweetest rewards

only sing to us on the other side of hardship?

That's beautiful.

Is that Shakespeare?

No, just a thought I had this morning

while feeding my cat.

Hm.

Go.

Leave this awful place behind.

Shall we dance?

Oh. Oh, my...

It's okay.

I'm Luke.

I'm a friend of Priya's.

I can...

I hear you

but we're not speaking.

You and me, Ruby

we both have

a way.

A gift.

If being old is a gift,

I'd like to give it back.

Got a second?

You find something?

We are all friends here.

Go ahead.

This is your "something new".

Your father picked it out just before he...

Well, you know.

He knew Leon was the one before you did.

And the death certificates followed the marriage licenses

by only days, sometimes hours.

Luke, this goes back generations.

1926.

The first love

can never be the first wife.

Leon's great-great-grandfather, Isaiah,

was promised to a woman

named Johanna.

But Isaiah loved another girl,

named Anora.

But, still,

a broken promise can be a powerful thing.

There's always been whispers about Johanna's mother

that she had a-a certain power.

And Johanna

she made a promise that very night

that the first love of all Baptiste men

would die before they could wed.

And so, it has been ever since.

Leon is next to have his heart broken.

The wedding is not until tomorrow and Priya's still okay.

So, maybe we can

Johanna will not be cheated.

Priya must sleep tonight.

But she won't wake up.

She won't wake up.

Sh, sh, sh.

Sh, sh, sh.

- Oh, dear.

- Ahh!

- You people are insane. - Leon, tell them they're wrong!

It's a stupid old legend.

Leon, was your mother your father's first wife?

Of course!

They were going to get married right after I was born.

She died. That's why my Aunt Ruby raised me.

- Leon. - Wait!

M-my grandmother!

She married my grandfather, and she was his first.

His second love.

I'm sorry. I've been studying your family history all day.

Yours too, by the way. We need to talk.

Okay, but what about my family?

Jesse Baptiste.

Engaged to Renee Pierre.

She died.

A year later he marries your grandma, Keisha Samaroo.

Your grandfather, Zuriel, engaged to Felicia Henry.

She dies so he married.

Oh, okay! Just stop!

Look, I am sorry! I won't

I won't see her again, okay? So, just don't!

- There's another way. - You get married right now.

Now? Now?

All right. But how?

I know a guy.

I was really your first love?

First and last.

Dearly beloved.

The short version, Father. Hm?

Do you, Priya, pledge to do the things.

I do!

- Great. Super. - So, do you, Leon...

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - All the things! I do!

You must not!!

- Who's got the ring? - Any ring will do!

Priya, your necklace!

Wrap it around his finger! Use it as a ring!

Look out!

Now that Priya and Leon have given themselves to each other

by solemn vows with the joining of hands, I pronounce you.

It's Daddy!

I now pronounce you man and wife!

You okay?

You smell that too, right?

Marigolds.

Daddy's marigolds.

Nice work, Padre.

Believe it or not, I've worked worse weddings than that.

It's a bunch of texts from August.

He's back at the Donovan house.

Megan is gone?

Afraid.

August doesn't do "afraid".

Luke!

Luke!

Okay, buddy. Look at me! Look at me.

Stay with me. Stay with me. Yes.

Luke!

Oh, no, no, no! Call 911! Call 911!

Stay with me!