Original subtitles

[JAZZ MUSIC]

♪ New York on Sunday ♪

♪ Big city takin' a nap ♪

♪ Slow down it's Sunday life's a ball ♪

♪ Let it fall right in your lap ♪

♪ If you've got troubles ♪

♪ Just take 'em out for a walk ♪

♪ They'll burst like bubbles in the fun ♪

♪ Of a Sunday in New York ♪

♪ You can spend time without spending a dime ♪

♪ Watching people watch people pass ♪

♪ Later you pause and in one of the stores ♪

♪ There's that face next to yours in the glass ♪

♪ Two hearts stop beating ♪

♪ You're both too breathless to speak ♪

♪ Love smiles her greeting ♪

♪ Then the dream that has seen you through the week ♪

♪ Comes true on Sunday in New York ♪

[ENG SDH]

♪ Two hearts stop beating ♪

♪ You're both too breathless to speak ♪

♪ Love smiles her greeting ♪

♪ Then the dream that has seen you through the week ♪

♪ Comes true on Sunday ♪

♪ New York on Sunday ♪

♪ Comes true on Sunday ♪

♪ In New York ♪

Be right with you.

Hi, Gladys. Your slip is showin'.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

WOMAN: Hello?

Mm, hello, lover. Where are you?

Right here in New York with a whole Sunday off.

I don't believe you, lover.

They're gonna send you to Kalamazoo

on one of those emergencies.

Not a chance, baby. This is our day.

And at two o'clock, it's gonna rain like hell.

I just crossed through it over Cleveland.

[OVER PHONE] It was the sexiest rainstorm you ever saw.

So how about, uh... breakfast?

Start the coffee, and I'll bring the bagels, okay?

Shall I bring anything else?

You can get into trouble talking like that on the telephone.

Bye-bye.

Gladys, give me a three-hour call on the next flight, will you?

All right.

Adam, leave a number where you can be reached today.

Something might turn up. I'm short a jockey.

Yes, sir.

And... and don't forget.

- It's happened before. - ADAM: No, sir.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Do you want a ride into the city, Adam?

No. I have to change first.

Know anyone going near 65th street?

Yeah. Fred. You can meet him out front.

Good. Thanks, babe.

WOMAN: Taxi!

[JAZZ MUSIC]

I'm going to 120 East 65th.

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

[WHISTLES]

Hi, babe.

Eileen! Oh!

Oh, Adam! It's good to see you.

It's good to see you, kitty-cat.

Hey, what are you doing here?

I'm sorry I didn't let you know I was coming.

- Is it okay? - Sure. Sure. Come on in.

Come on. Make yourself at home.

[EILEEN SIGHS]

Well, how are the folks? Pop?

Oh, his back's better. He's playing golf again.

Oh, yeah. And, uh, mom?

Fine. They sent their love.

Oh.

Oh, uh, you and Russ Wilson set the date yet?

No. Not yet.

Well, don't keep him dangling. He might get away.

I've been counting on him, you know.

A rich brother-in-law could be mighty useful.

Yes, he can be.

Hey, uh...

somethin' wrong?

How goes the big romance department?

It doesn't go. It's gone.

Gone? Why'd you do that?

Oh, you're a nice, loyal brother.

Why did I do that?

What do you mean, he threw you over?

You're not as nice a brother as I thought,

but that's about it.

I'm surprised to hear that.

I... I thought you two made a pair, I really did.

Yeah, so did I.

You shook up about it?

A lot?

I'm sorry, kitty-cat.

Oh, don't show it too much, though.

That's what Mom and Dad were doing.

Hey, you mind if I hang around a week or so?

I've taken a leave of absence.

ADAM: No. Not at all. You know that.

Expecting somebody?

Hmm? No. Just a friend.

You know, Sunday morning. Might drop in.

Well, coffee? Tea?

Oh, I'd love some tea.

Anything else I could do to help you?

Yes, as a matter of fact, Adam, I have a question

to which I'd like an honest answer...

if you don't feel it's outside your province.

All right. What is it you'd like to know?

You ready?

Shoot

Is a girl that's been going around with a fellow

a reasonable length of time

supposed to go to bed with him or not?

What kind of a question is that to ask?

Well, it keeps coming up all the time.

Well, it's not supposed to.

Well, it does and I need some sort of an answer, quick.

What do you mean, quick?

Tempus is fugit-ing

and I'd like to make my mind up.

Eileen, I-I must tell you I'm very surprised

to hear you talk like this.

I'm a little surprised myself.

Yeah, but that's not the kind of subject

you can bring up with strangers.

Well, shall I repeat the question? Is a girl...

No!

She is not supposed to go to bed with him.

Nice footwork. You should have been a lawyer.

I will rephrase my question.

Is she expected to?

Or, dear big brother,

as a living, breathing member of the enemy sex,

would you mind betraying your kind

just enough to tell me what the right procedure is

in ensnaring a... a suitable man

for the laudable purpose of making a home together

and a life with children and... and churchgoing

and growing old together

as is mentioned in both testaments

and many other highly respected sources?

Wow, when you get wound up, you really spout.

Do you talk like that with all your beaus?

Because if you do, that's your problem.

Well, at least that's constructive criticism.

Yeah, that might be one of my problems.

Eileen,

men marry decent girls.

That's the way it is

and that's the way it'll always be.

Hmm. The catch is in the word "decent."

It seems to have a comparative connotation

like the girl that was a little bit pregnant.

Yes, you have grown up.

Yeah, well, apparently not enough.

And it's my firm conviction

I'm the only 22-year-old virgin alive.

Well, you're not!

Well, that's what the boys tell me.

What boys?

The ones that take me out.

[CHUCKLES] That used to take me out.

You've met bums, and cheap ones.

Are you a bum, Adam?

I don't think you are. Tell me.

How do you conduct yourself with the girls you go out with?

- Like a normal person. - Oh, answer my question.

Like a normal, decent person.

Oh, Adam, no. I'm very serious.

I want to be clear on what you're saying.

Tell me something. Do you, uh...

you go out with any particular girl right now?

There are a couple of girls I go with

more often than others.

A couple.

That's right.

Adam, what I am asking specifically is

have you slept with them?

Either of them?

No, I have not slept with them,

either of them.

Are you telling me the truth?

Yes.

- Sacred honor? - Sacred honor.

- Say it. - Oh, Eileen, that's ki...

Sacred honor.

Boil in oil, walk through fire,

hope to die if I'm a liar.

Well, you've never lied to me that I know of.

I'm not lying now.

Well, we're the only two left in the world.

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

What's that?

Mother's robe.

What are you doing with it?

Before I could leave home,

I was obliged to take an oath on the Bible

that immediately I arrived I would spread mother's robe

in a prominent place in this apartment

on the nights that you weren't sleeping here.

Why?

Well, if I have any, uh, gentleman callers

they will see the robe and they will know

and I am to so imply, that Mother shares the apartment with me

and they will therefore be discouraged from being,

as mother puts it, impulsive.

She made you swear to that?

On the Bible, or I couldn't leave Albany.

Well, it's a hell of an idea, I tell you that.

Honey, when you go out with a fellow,

you don't mind, uh, kissing him, do you?

It's according to the fellow.

Some I do. Some I don't.

Well, would you say that, uh,

if it's a fellow you like, would you encourage him?

Well, I usually wouldn't say it, but I suppose I do.

The trouble is after the encouragement.

Oh, here. I brought you somethin'.

Oh, thanks.

You know, you meet a guy who's witty and charming

and smiles boyishly.

And for an hour or so, all goes swimmingly

and then it comes.

What comes?

Oh, usually a dirty joke starts it off.

That's the most popular lead-in.

You know, sort of, uh, creates a loose moral atmosphere.

You laugh at enough dirty jokes,

and some of them are very funny,

and from there to a personal discussion

doesn't seem much of a leap to them.

- Can I use this drawer? - Sure, honey, anything.

ADAM: Then what do you do?

Well, I usually let the first dirty joke go by

in the hope I'm mistaken.

After the second joke, I get up and leave.

What broke you up with Wilson, honey?

Oh, we had a heart-to-heart talk.

He explained to me the realities of male-female friendships and...

said he was tired of going to the gymnasium three times a week

and playing handball,

if I knew what he meant.

Well, I hope you told him where to go.

Well, it got to that.

You lost nothing.

No. I'm honest with myself.

I lost quite a boy.

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

Well, I wonder who that could be.

[JAZZ MUSIC]

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

Hi, love...

...ly day, isn't it?

Uh, Eileen, this is Mona Harris.

How do you do, Mona?

Mona, this is Eileen...

my sister.

Oh! Oh-oh, hello.

Uh, well, um, what do you got in the sack?

Oh, well, I, uh,

I thought maybe you'd like some bagels

for our picnic?

Picnic? Oh, our picnic!

Well, that was very thoughtful.

Oh, y-you two have plans, and I'm spoiling them.

- No. - EILEEN: Don't let me change anything.

You, uh, you go ahead and do exactly what you were gonna do

as if I wasn't here.

Uh...

Go ahead. Start.

We were gonna go ice-skating at Rockefeller Center.

Ice-skating?

Yeah. You want to come?

EILEEN: Oh, I think you'd rather be alone.

To tell you the truth, I'd kinda like to be alone, too,

sort of collect myself.

Oh, well, where had you planned to, uh, go?

Oh, I thought I'd take a walk,

ride a bus, come back and take a bath.

I don't know. I'll be in and out of the apartment all day.

In and out of the apartment all day, huh?

Well, let's be off, to the rink.

To the rink.

Very nice meeting you, Eileen.

I hope I see you again, Mona.

Uh, honey, would you ring for the elevator?

I'll be right with you.

No dark brooding.

Your big brother never let you down yet, did he?

And stay virtuous.

Chin up, shoulders back,

and two feet on the ground.

That'll do it.

Where do they pick it up?

EILEEN: Hey, she's a nice girl. I approve.

When am I gonna be an aunt?

I'm workin' on it.

It's all right, baby. It's no disaster.

- How about your place, huh? - Mnm-mnm.

Maggie's gonna wash her hair.

Well, how about Frank's place?

He never washes his hair. I'll call him.

And if that's out, there's, uh, Bert's place

overlooking the East river,

or Charlie's, overlooking Grant's tomb.

Educational!

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Hello.

MAN: (ON PHONE) I'd like to talk to Adam Tyler, please.

Oh, he's not here. This is his sister speaking.

MAN: (ON PHONE) This is Drysdale, from the airline.

Would you mind telling me where... where I could locate him?

Oh, well, Mr. Drysdale, he just, uh, left,

but just a second, maybe, I'll see if I can find him.

Ohh...

Mr. Drysdale, he just drove away in a taxi.

He went ice-skating at Rockefeller Center.

Ice-skating?

Yes, but if it's important, I'll see if I can reach him.

- Thank you. - EILEEN: (ON PHONE) No trouble at all.

[JAZZ MUSIC]

Taxi!

EILEEN: Taxi!

[HORN BLARING]

Come on, lady. You're late. Let's go.

Oops. There you go. How much is it?

Fifteen today, miss.

- EILEEN: Okay. I have change. - Same as every day.

BUS DRIVER: Fifty-seven, Jackson Heights crosstown.

Step up from the door, please.

Mind movin' back to the rear, please?

BUS DRIVER: Lady, step back there, please.

Step on back, please.

All the way back.

My dress.

- Oh, I'm sorry. - It's all right.

It's my fault. Just a second. I'll get it undone.

- No hurry. - It's hooked here.

Oh, I'm... I'm...

EILEEN: I'm not damaging your coat. Uh...

I don't know why it won't come un...

undone.

Rockefeller Center next.

Oh, I have to get off here.

Well, I guess I'd better get off, too.

No, no, no. You don't have to do that.

Well, I don't really see any other solution.

The... coat matches the pants.

One side, please.

Oh, I... I can't tell you how embarrassed I am.

I'll gladly pay for any repairs that you...

Well, there's no real need to.

This suit comes with two coats and one pair of pants.

It's the other way around.

Oh, really?

Oh...

May I?

Oh, I'll... I'd like to pay you what it'll cost to repair.

- Well, if you insist. - Oh, I do.

Do you think two dollars would be fair?

Well, not really. It's a very valuable coat.

Early Chippendale.

Besides, I don't usually conduct my business

standing on 5th avenue. Couldn't we be seated somewhere?

Preferably in a restaurant.

Oh, no, I'm... I'm sorry. I have to look for my brother.

He's ice-skating.

There.

I'm very good at looking for brothers.

Well...

Besides, two heads are better than one.

Didn't know I had two heads, did you?

[INSTRUMENTAL "OVER THE WAVES"]

Is there a family resemblance?

Slight.

Got him, I bet you.

- Where? - MAN: That one.

[LAUGHS]

No?

Close?

- Bigger. - Much bigger?

He's an airline pilot.

[LAUGHS]

That's why I'm here.

He's on, uh, flight call.

I have to tell him to phone in.

Okay. Airline pilot...

I guess he's not here.

Well, if he's... if he's on flight call

won't he check in by himself, anyway?

Yeah, I guess so.

Well, why don't we have a cup of coffee

and watch out for him there?

Well, I...

You can see just as well from in there.

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

For two. Thank you.

Uh, tea and cinnamon toast.

And I'll have coffee and a roll or something,

a Danish roll.

Well, how shall we begin?

- Begin? - Mm-hmm.

The beginning's very important.

It colors the whole rest of our relationship together.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, we're here to discuss

whether two dollars is a fair indemnity

for my having damaged your coat.

Well, the girl doesn't pay the two dollars. It's the man.

You see, two dollars used to be the traditional kind of

uh, pay for... [CHUCKLES]

Well, I guess you're too young to get it.

Inflation's been a terrible thing.

There's a wonderful old story about that.

[MAN CHUCKLES]

There's this, uh, little pros...

you know, streetwalker.

Well, a charming little lady of the evening.

And anyway, she picks up this dashing Hungarian officer

and she takes him home and they have a lovely evening

and, you know, with a champagne supper by candlelight.

Anyway, the... the next morning,

um, you know, the Hungarian officer's asleep

and she gets up, and she runs his bath

and brushes his uniform

and then wakes him up with a...

nourishing breakfast.

And, uh, finally, he's about to leave,

and he's really gonna leave.

And so she stops him at the door

and she's rather embarrassed, but she says, um

"Haven't you forgotten something?"

And he says, "No, I don't believe I have."

And she says very delicately,

"Well, the money?"

And he says, "Money, my dear girl?

A Hungarian officer never accepts money."

[LAUGHS]

Don't you think that's funny?

Yes, I think it's very funny.

Matter of fact, I was saying only this morning

that, um, smutty jokes are very often funny.

I'm gonna try not to remember that one.

You mean, try not to forget it.

No. I mean, try not to remember it.

- Will you excuse me? - Mm-hmm.

Do you have a pencil and paper I can borrow?

- Oh, sure. - I want to write a note.

Excuse me, there's, um, a gentleman in a gray suit

sitting alone by a pillar.

Could you... could you give him this note, please

after I've left?

Oh!

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

Not a chance, huh?

You're gonna stay in all afternoon.

Well, let's get together sometime, Charlie.

Right. Good-bye. Baby, it's...

It's gonna be all right, babe. Gonna be all right.

Excuse me, please.

Kenny, baby, this is Adam.

Adam Tyler.

How are you, buddy?

What are you doing this afternoon?

Are you gonna stay in?

Thanks, Kenny.

Shows you what happens if you live right.

His mother's sick in Scarsdale.

He's gotta spend the afternoon with her

and the key is under the mat.

And I thought we'd never get to eat these bagels.

You gotta have faith. I tell you, you gotta have...

Adam?

- Oh, are you lucky I found you. - ADAM: Why?

- Hi, Mona. - Hi.

Hey, you weren't at the skating rink.

No, Mona's knee goes out now and then.

Oh, listen, you got a call from a Mr., uh, Dryfus?

- Drysdale? - Drysdale.

- He's trying to reach you. - Oh, no.

Now, baby, don't look like that.

I can't help it. My knee hurts.

Now, wait a minute, baby. Baby! Sweetheart! Darling!

Wait, look, if I have to take a plane out,

we'll have our date tomorrow night.

- Want to bet? - Taxi!

You know, I never realized how unreliable

a pilot can be.

It occurs to me every weekend.

Hey, we can even taxi out to the airport together.

Oh, it's too much.

Can I sit in the back with you, right next to you?

Since I'll probably never see you again, Eileen, good-bye.

- Can we take you anywhere? - No. It's not on your way.

Hurry up. Hurry UP-

Bye.

[JAZZ MUSIC]

[COINS JINGLE]

BUS DRIVER: Just a minute, miss.

You put two dimes in there, and the fare's 15 cents.

Can I have a nickel back?

Yeah, you can get it from the passenger behind you.

Oh, yes. Oh, here.

Thank you, very much. I'm sorry.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

I'm terribly sorry, sir.

Could you hold this, please, for me?

Just a second, sir.

You, uh, dropped your glove.

Uh-huh. Uh, allow me.

I'm an expert at this.

Ow!

Well, just sew it back on

and you'll never know it was off. Excuse us.

Uh, look. I'm sorry.

I hope you weren't offended by my note.

It seemed the only sensible thing to do.

By your note?

Yeah. The waiter gave you a note, didn't he?

I hope you got it.

No, I didn't.

Well, look, I assure you I just didn't just get up and leave.

I-I left a note explaining why.

I see. Excuse me.

No, but... wait a minute! Well, look. Wait a minute.

I wouldn't, I wouldn't just get up and leave. I-I...

Look... look, I swear I wrote you a note.

I-I'd like to go back to the waiter and prove it.

What did you say in your note?

Well, I... I was conscious of the fact

that you weren't too pleased with either me or my efforts to entertain you

so I... well, I wasn't wrong, was I?

No.

Well, so I thought the most practical and least painful solution was to...

kind of disappear, so I put approximately that in the note and uh...

Besides, I was... What's the matter?

Well, to tell you the truth,

I wrote you a note.

What?

I didn't come back to the table either.

No.

Yes.

Well, what did you put in your note?

About the same thing you put in yours.

No.

Yes.

[LAUGHS]

- Pittsburgh? - Pittsburgh is a nice town.

We'll have a six-hour layover together. You'll like it.

I am not going to Pittsburgh.

You talk like it's Hong Kong or some place.

How would you like it if I was in the navy?

I'd like it fine. I'd know where you were.

I've all the disadvantages of an absent lover

and none of the benefits.

I can't even cheat on you. You might walk in on me.

That's a fine argument.

Well, it's the only one I could think of.

I got to go, baby. Please?

No.

You know I'm crazy about you.

I'll call you from Pittsburgh.

I won't answer the phone.

[FEMALE ANNOUNCER ON PA] Final call for TWA flight 41

Royal ambassador service for Pittsburgh.

You'll answer it.

Now completing loading at gate 31.

All aboard, please.

Anna, get me on the Pittsburgh plane.

It's a matter of life and death.

What's the matter?

Adam's stuck there overnight.

Look, Adam, we've been all through this.

Morgan was supposed to take the plane out.

He hasn't shown up yet, and I am unable to run him down.

The whole thing's as simple as that.

I've worked four Sundays in a row. I don't think it's fair.

- Yeah. I've worked six. - You're a married man.

I mean, a wife doesn't mind that sort of thing.

Well, get married.

- Adam. - Morgan.

- Where have you been? - Where have I been?

I'll... I'll tell you where I've been.

I've been in the bathroom.

That three-year-old kid of mine,

every time I go in the bathroom he locks the door.

- Here's your clearance. - Yeah. Excuse me, buddy.

Hey, listen, you know, it's kinda funny.

We had to get the fire department to get me on this plane.

Get on that plane. You almost loused up my Sunday.

I'm sorry. Sorry, Mr. Drysdale.

Sorry, Adam, there's a helicopter back to town

in five minutes, my treat.

I'll take you up on it if I can't find my girl.

[FEMALE ANNOUNCER ON PA] Departing passenger Freeman

please report to the information desk

in the main lobby.

Trans World Airlines Starstream flight 41

Royal Ambassador Service for Pittsburgh

is now in its final boarding stage

at gate 31.

Hey, wait for me.

- Oh, hi, Annie. - Hi, Adam.

- Taking the copter in? - Uh-huh.

- Keep you company. - Nothing doing.

Not with that jealous girlfriend of...

[GASPS] What are you doing here?

What's the matter?

You're supposed to be on that flight to Pittsburgh!

No, Morgan showed up.

- It's his flight. - Oh, wait a minute!

Mona's on the plane.

- Mona? - She was going to surprise you.

In Pittsburgh. She bought a ticket.

ADAM: Stop that plane!

Stop that plane!

[PIANO MUSIC]

EILEEN: Hey, you're losing ground.

I can't hear the music.

If you want to row for a while

don't be embarrassed to ask, you know.

Well, I'm navigating. That's the hard part.

MAN: Uh-huh.

Two points to port.

That's starboard, but aye, aye, sir.

There's gonna be a mutiny any minute now,

you know that, don't you?

Oh, he's great.

Nobody plays the piano like Peter Nero.

Well, that may be, but the pianist you're listening to

is Robert Wilcombs.

I happen to have that record.

I've been playing it for a month.

No. You've been playing Wilcombs' recording.

Nero.

- Wanna bet? - Uh-huh.

- EILEEN: What'll it be? - Make it easy on yourself.

- Loser rows. - You're on.

You couldn't have playing Nero's recording all month,

because it just came out last week.

Keep rowing.

It may have come out to you last week,

but I reviewed it for The Philadelphia Enquirer

last month.

[SIGHS]

Follow that boat.

You're a music critic?

Only occasionally. I'm actually a sportswriter.

- Well, I'm very impressed. - Well, I'm glad.

Oh. Uh.

Uh, do you live in Philadelphia?

- Yep. - What're you doing in New York?

Oh, I usually come to New York on Sundays if I can.

I like New York.

And ride on the 5th avenue bus?

[BOTH LAUGH]

Actually, I had a date with a young lady.

And when I called, she was out.

I understand she went horseback riding.

It's just possible I've been stood up. It's happened before.

- And you don't mind? - Oh, she's not malicious.

Just forgetful.

Well, it sounds like a very nice relationship.

She must be charming.

She doesn't row as well as you do.

EILEEN: Oh!

Oh, I'm sorry.

You all right? Oh...

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

Have you always lived in New York?

I don't live in New York. I live in Albany.

I usually come to New York on Sundays if I can.

I like New York.

Well, what do you do in Albany?

I'm the music critic on the Albany Times-Union.

What?

[LAUGHS]

Only occasionally.

EILEEN: Actually, I do work on a newspaper

and I occasionally write music pieces.

Well, what do you think of that?

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

Hey!

Let's get out of this. Come on.

[BRIGHT MUSIC]

Aah!

[LAUGHS]

We need a taxi.

Yeah. Fat chance.

Yeah, I just discovered a scientific fact.

Taxis are soluble.

They dissolve in the rain.

This is gonna get worse before it gets better.

Listen, my brother's apartment's a couple of blocks from here.

- You wanna run for it? - After you.

- Rain's very good for farmers. - The devil with them.

They're growing too much now.

[CHUCKLES]

Mother!

Mother!

Oh, I don't suppose she'd be home this early.

I hope she didn't get caught in the storm.

Charming apartment.

Oh, take your coat off. You're sopping wet.

No. I'm all right.

Come on. Please. Take it off.

I'll sew your pocket back on.

Well, thank you. Ugh. I'm a trifle damp.

I think I'll, uh, I'll change into something drier myself.

I know a joke that's appropriate

but I'm afraid to tell it.

Yeah. Think twice.

I've thought. It's pouring outside.

I don't wanna be thrown out.

Oh, fix yourself something alcoholic

to ward off pneumonia.

Thank you.

Can I do you anything?

EILEEN: Um, scotch and water,

on the weak side.

On the weak side? Coming up.

[EILEEN SIGHS] Oh.

Don't you think you'd better call your young lady?

She's probably waiting for you.

Uh, well... well, yes, if you don't mind, uh,

on the chance she's still expecting me.

Speak low. I can hear.

I have nothing to hide.

I'll listen anyway.

Hello. This is Mike Mitchell again.

Has Miss Claire Waverly come in?

She called and asked if I could leave a number

where I could be reached. Do you mind?

No. Not at all.

Well, I'm at Plaza 69970.

Uh-huh. I see. Thank you.

Ugh!

Women!

- Any complaints? - Oh, no. No.

Marvelous invention.

It's just dealing with you,

it's awfully hard to know which path to take.

- Oh, are there different paths? - By the thousands.

You women are not predictable.

Would it help if we wore badges identifying?

Uh-huh. It would be appreciated.

- I'll speak to the girls. - Would you do that?

You know, the saving in time and energy alone

could, uh, could build air-conditioned schools

for every child in America.

However practiced or expert a man is,

don't let him ever tell you he can tell about women,

not most of them anyway.

Well, that's reassuring.

All you can really do is stay alert.

Are you alert now?

Uh-huh.

You mean, all the time we've been together

you've been assessing me?

Uh-huh.

How am I doing?

Well, my radar's been receiving different signals.

Yes, no, maybe.

Could it be that the problem isn't that pressing

and you have an uncommon interest in sex?

No, I haven't.

I sense that you have an uncommon distaste for cheap talk,

and I've been carefully avoiding the subject

for the last two hours.

But you'd be surprised how often you've come back to it.

Hmm, obliquely, intellectually,

but always back to it.

Have I really?

Really, if you'll think back.

Well, you may be right.

Say, it's possible that you are.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

That's probably yours.

She shouldn't hear a girl's voice.

Uh, no. No.

Ahem. Uh, hello.

Oh, hello, Claire.

No. That's all right. Certainly I understand.

Oh, ah, took a ride on a bus, walked around.

Picked up a girl.

[STAMMERS] No, no. I wasn't bored at all.

Thank you.

No, well, I'm just at a friend's house.

- You wouldn't know him, dear. - Him?

- Oh, you're lying? - Your brother's a him.

Yeah, but you don't know him. You can't use that.

No. No, really. It's somebody you wouldn't know, Claire, dear.

You what?

Ooh, golly. [CHUCKLES]

Ah, look, look, I'll call you from Philly, okay? Yeah.

Bye.

You think I could have a date for the following Sunday?

Isn't that committing yourself rather far in advance?

Not at all.

Well, why don't you call me from Philly, too?

All right, if I may.

I-I think it's time that I sewed your coat.

Hey, I could light a fire. May I?

If you like.

Ooh.

MIKE: What day and what time shall I call you?

Oh, uh, eight o'clock Wednesday?

- Uh, Wednesday. Uh-huh. - Bad day for you?

No, it's just Wednesdays and Fridays are my gymnasium days.

I know a man that goes three times a week.

I also work out every morning.

You win.

[CHUCKLES]

You can call me here most nights before eight.

I don't usually go out till then.

What about Albany? Aren't you working?

EILEEN: I'm on vacation.

Let's see, gray thread on the blue side.

- That's what we need. - Don't bother with that.

It's no trouble. That's funny. It's not usually locked.

Oh, there's a key near the ice bucket.

I thought it was to lock the liquor,

maybe to hide it from mother.

Well, we allow mother the use of the bar.

Oh, my brother can misplace anything.

We found his hat once in the icebox.

He said he lost it looking for the ice-cube tray

and forgot it.

Logical. It can happen.

Uh...

You know what, that makes it a little more difficult.

I tell you, I don't know how my brother...

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

[JAZZ MUSIC]

I'm sorry.

What? Oh.

Look, I-I was brought up with two sisters.

You know, a brassiere and nightgown doesn't shock me.

No. I-I... I guess it doesn't.

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

Is something the matter?

You've just witnessed one of the big disappointments of my life.

[EILEEN CHUCKLES]

- In what way? - Oh, it's rather complicated.

Involving sacred honor and brothers.

Do you mind if I have another drink?

Of course not.

Help yourself.

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

EILEEN: Excuse me.

[SLAMS]

- Mind fixing me one? - MIKE: Not at all.

Scotch and water coming up.

- MIKE: On the weak side. - Not especially weak.

Right you are.

[WATER RUNNING]

[LOW MUSIC ON RECORD PLAYER]

I, uh, I just found a note Mother left.

She's not coming home tonight.

She, uh...

she's staying with my aunt in Yonkers.

She's my mother's sister.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Well, that's how people get to be aunts...

being mothers' sisters.

She could have been my father's sister.

You have me there.

And you have me here.

Uh, well... well, fi-figuratively.

Oh, I wish I were a man.

It's a little late. Maybe next time around.

That's a long time to wait.

- Cheers. - [GLASSES CLINK]

If I were you, I'd kiss me.

What are you thinking?

I was thinking that if I...

lived to be 1,000 years old, I'd never understand women.

You're right.

Now what are you thinking?

That I've changed my mind about us

and my... my chances about five times and...

the last time, I would have bet my life on it.

Lucky you didn't. You'd have lost.

Now, that's what I meant about saving time and energy.

Certainly wouldn't...

have built any air-conditioned schools this last half-hour.

- Uh-uh. - No...

In movies, this is where the screen usually goes dark.

That's right.

You know, it's, uh...

supposedly, the lovers are so carried away by passion

they can't stop themselves.

- That's the general idea. - I know.

But it's dishonest, though

because they still have to get undressed.

Passion has been known to last that long.

Maybe for men, but women wear girdles.

I don't myself. I don't wear a girdle.

Don't be so clinical.

Maybe Hungarian officers wear girdles.

You know, corsets for men were not uncommon after the...

Mona, it was all an accident.

Well, it was very sweet of you, honey,

to make that gesture just to be with me

but... but Morgan showed up, and I...

Baby, do you hear me?

She hears you, Adam. Keep talking.

ADAM: (ON PHONE) Well, listen, honey, I got it all arranged to get ya back here.

Now, there's no connecting flight.

So I got you on a nice little bus to Columbus.

And then there's another flight on another plane.

Well, Morgan's got all the dope. He'll put you on the bus.

And I'll be waiting here with open arms. Mona?

Say something, Mona. Didn't you hear what he said?

He's gonna be waiting for you with open arms.

- Sweetheart... - No, Mona.

Adam? Adam?

Somehow, this is gonna all end up being my fault.

- How did she take it? - Not friendly.

Not friendly at all. What's the matter with you women?

Men.

♪ Hello ♪

♪ What sweet magic brought you ♪

♪ My way? ♪

♪ Hello ♪

♪ Rainbow girl ♪

♪ On that rainy day ♪

♪ I was on the town that Sunday in Manhattan ♪

♪ Wishing for a someone like you ♪

Do you mind if I turn that... that... thing off?

If you like.

♪ There was my wish coming... ♪

I've seen batty dames, but not in your league.

MIKE: You take the championship by default.

Thank you.

This is an evening I won't forget in a hurry.

Just exactly what are you so outraged about?

- You have to ask me? - Yes, I do!

You've been carrying on around here for 20 minutes.

And just how have you been imposed on?

It's how I was almost imposed on.

Well, almost isn't is.

And sit down.

I should have been suspicious from the very beginning.

That... that wholesome attitude towards a love affair.

That's about the most unwholesome approach

lever hope to encounter!

Love affair? Is that what you call it?

[SCOFFS] There's hypocrisy for you.

I wouldn't use that word, if I were you.

My, aren't you righteous?

What would have happened if I hadn't told you

and we'd gone through with it?

You probably would have insisted I marry you.

I would have felt obligated.

EILEEN: And are you obligated to any of the others,

like that dimwit who's been begging you for a late date?

Or any of the others you've been picking up

on 5th Avenue buses?

In their instances, I'm not responsible.

And who made you responsible in my instance?

I would have felt it.

Why? The initiative was certainly mine.

I didn't merely suggest. I finally had to demand.

You couldn't possibly have that saintly a character.

It's not a question of character.

In a situation like this a girl's not supposed to be a...

uh, a... a beginner.

A girl has to start some time.

Not with me.

A man reserves the right to make a choice.

Who do you think you're talking to?

A... a 16-year-old farm girl

you're selling into white slavery?

That's my position.

You mean if I call you next week

and explain there have been others

it will be all right?

Yes.

[SHOUTS] Call me next week!

There... there's something the matter with you.

A... a decent, intelligent, cultured girl

takes it into her head to be seduced

by a perfect stranger for... for no reason

on a whim.

No reason?

How dare you say no reason?

What reason?

You were gritting your teeth

at the idea of having dinner with me

so you could get to your late date.

Admit it!

You think you're the first man I've lost like this?

Well, I'm sick of it,

and I'm gonna do as people have to do in this world.

I'm gonna conform.

That's all I'm doing. I'm... I'm meeting the competition.

I was not gritting my teeth.

Oh, there's an answer.

You're making a big mistake.

Yeah, my brother told me I was making a mistake.

Sitting right there, he said I was entirely wrong

about today's morality.

And he swore to me on his sacred honor

he didn't sleep with girls.

The nightgown in that closet is not mine.

Maybe it's your mother's.

Did you see it?

And my mother doesn't live here

and she doesn't have any sister in Yonkers either.

When my brother and I had to be... really sure,

when it was something important,

we always said "sacred honor."

I won't forgive him for that.

Oh, now...

on that subject, I'd lie to my sister.

There's something in what you say.

Uh, not much, but... but something.

Thank you.

Well, maybe people don't go around

painting scarlet letters on girls nowadays,

I'll give you that, but...

but this business of having an affair

is still something personal.

When wasn't it?

Well, I mean, what's understandable

and excusable for some just isn't justifiable for others.

And I belong in the group for whom it's forbidden?

In my opinion, yes.

Well, thank you for the election!

I'd like to resign and get in the other group.

Who do I see?

Now, listen, you have a very unhealthy attitude about this.

No! My attitude's healthy.

Gymnasium's unhealthy.

Look, look, you've waited this long.

Can't you wait a little longer?

- How long? - Till you fall in love.

I am in love.

[SLOW JAZZ MUSIC]

You are?

With whom?

A man in Albany.

Married man, huh?

No.

What's the problem?

He hasn't asked me.

What's the matter with him?

He thinks something's the matter with me.

Oh, I see.

That he asked you, huh?

Any advice?

No, no.

Doesn't that woman's intuition tell you anything?

Hasn't opened its mouth.

What's this boyo like?

Handsome, a fabulous athlete.

Witty... considerate...

thoughtful, handsome...

You said "handsome."

You can say it again.

So, he's got a million dollars, too, huh?

Oh, more than that.

They're the richest family in Albany.

How'd you have the guts to say no in the first place?

Oh, it just didn't seem right.

Oh, the next generation's gonna have it easier.

It'll be all clear-cut by then,

either yes or no.

And my hunch is, it's gonna be no.

The pendulum always swings back. It always has.

Well, that's optimistic.

I don't believe morality ever really changes, not basically.

People always have to start from scratch.

And when you're a kid and you play post office...

and you get nervous and embarrassed...

and your palms perspire...

Well, palms perspired in the year 1800

and they'll perspire in the year 2000.

MIKE: Nature is constant.

Beginners will always be pure in heart...

and palms will always perspire.

You ought to write a book.

Everybody else thinks we're going to Hell.

I am writing a book, and I'm on schedule.

Six more months in Philadelphia

and then off to Tokyo as a correspondent.

MIKE: The book's all outlined.

I just think you ought to be sure of what you believe in

before you sound off between hard covers.

I... I think you're more than a talker.

I have a hunch you'll make it.

Thank you.

I'll be looking in the bookstore windows.

Maybe I'll even buy a copy.

I'll send you one.

Don't forget, now.

No.

Hello!

I didn't knock because I wanted to surprise you.

I drove from Albany in two hours and 20 minutes.

[LAUGHS]

I want you to marry me.

Your mother and father say it's okay with them.

I just hope it's all right with your brother. Hi.

- Hi. - I'm Russell Wilson.

I'm sorry. We haven't met.

I've heard an awful lot about you, though.

[STAMMERS] Uh, how do you do? I've heard a lot about you.

Hey, listen, my car is double-parked downstairs

because I didn't know whether you'd be here or not.

Let me find a garage and I'll be right back.

Oh, I'm crazy about you, you little monkey.

[LAUGHS] Hah!

The thing to do is not to panic.

I was thinking screaming might be appropriate.

Unrestrained, hysterical screaming.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Here.

There's a way out of this. There must be.

How many brothers do you have?

Uh... one.

Does he know that?

Are you considering palming yourself off

as an actual brother of mine?

Wh-wh-why not? It's a good idea as a stopgap

until we figure something out.

Hey, I could be a friend of your brother's.

Oh, why didn't I tell him before he left?

- That's made it worse. - No, no. [STAMMERS] That's good.

It'll give us time to think of a story.

Now, the simplest is the best.

I'm an old friend. And we got caught in the rain.

Hey, that's good! Stick to that. I'm an old friend.

Would you do me the favor of hurrying?

- I am. - And leaving?

- Before he comes back? - Before.

Listen, it might be pertinent to mention that Russ was

a member of the Olympic boxing squad.

There's something in what you say about leaving.

No! Now, listen to me.

Your boyfriend will be back here any minute.

And I'm not crazy about facing a possible violent fiancé

but I... I-I-I feel I owe it to you to help.

You don't owe me anything.

I don't owe a normal girl anything.

But you're kind of a nut.

I'll be the one to tell him.

- When? - I won't just blurt it out.

We'll... we'll talk for a while and... and have a drink.

That's it. I'll take you both to dinner

and we'll have a couple of martinis

and I'll kind of work it around.

And... and we'll say we're very old friends.

And we got caught in the rain.

And that's why we didn't have our clothes on.

And when he came in and thought I was your brother

we were bewildered.

And... and we were, weren't we?

Well... well, what's wrong with that for a story?

- It's dishonest. - What's dishonest about it?

Look, nothing happened, Eileen. Remember that.

Well, morally, it did. That's why it's dishonest.

Now, listen, Miss Abe Lincoln,

you got the chance to marry the man you're really in love with.

That happens once in a couple of lifetimes

and you're not gonna blow it.

You just get upstairs and put your clothes on.

I can't find my skirt! Where is my skirt?

How do I know where your skirt is?

Oh.

Look, Mike, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but...

Will you get going?

Long as I live, I will never ride on a 5th Avenue bus again.

Yoo-hoo! Ha ha! I'm back.

- Find a garage all right? - Yep. Found one.

Ohh, let me look at you.

[GRUNTING]

New York agrees with you.

Your face is all flushed.

Well, I hurried dressing.

I hurried from Albany. I got two speeding tickets.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Don't be silly! I wouldn't have minded a dozen.

Do you realize that... that you have not been formally proposed to?

Eileen, will you do me the great honor

of becoming my wife?

- Oh, Russ! - Oh!

Oh, he's your brother. He understands.

Sure, I understand. Go right ahead.

Uh... well!

Let's all have a drink to celebrate.

I-I make a mighty fine martini, Russ.

I don't drink, Adam, but you go right ahead.

Well... just one little drink on an occasion like this?

I don't think I'd better.

See I'm boxing next week

in an American legion benefit

and, uh, you know.

- Uh-huh. - Well, it's only four rounds.

But you gotta keep your hand in. Pow!

- Unh! - Right in there, huh?

But you go ahead. I don't mind other people drinking.

No, no, no. The mood's gone.

Boy, if you think your folks are pleased, you ought to see mine.

I'm finally convinced that they really do like you better

than they do me.

No, I mean it, absolutely every word of it.

My father thinks the sun rises and sets in this one.

So does my mom. I'm warning you right now.

You're gonna have a lot of in-law trouble.

Why, I couldn't be more flattered.

I'm... very fond of them.

When she and my father get together,

it's like I'm not even there.

You know, he says she's a throwback

to the girls of his generation.

Yeah. Well, there's something in what your father says.

Yes, there is.

RUSS: We, uh, had a little fight about that.

Did she tell you we had a fight?

Uh, well, she mentioned something

but she's... she's pretty close-mouthed.

Please stop talking about me! It's embarrassing.

[LAUGHS]

She told me to go roll my hoop.

[LAUGHS]

RUSS: Never wanted to see me again.

Pretty good tactics though. It brought me around.

I'm very fond of your sister, Adam.

MIKE: Well, I approve.

Wh-when's the wedding gonna be?

Ah, that Wedding's gonna be a humdinger.

We're gonna turn Albany upside down.

My dad has gotten the governor to accept.

Now, that's not a bad start for a guest list. Huh?

No, it isn't.

Hey, listen! You'll never guess who my best man's gonna be.

No.

It's someone you know. Go ahead. Try.

Uh... well, that's a little difficult.

I've give you a hint, he was a classmate of yours.

A classmate? Uh-huh.

- Carl Levitt! - MIKE: Yeah.

No. Eileen, don't help. I want him to do it.

- Light or dark hair? - Light.

- Under or over 5'10"? - Under. You're getting close.

- Heavy or light? - Heavy.

- Dave Bulleck! - That's it!

You got it. Good for you.

I was gonna say Bulleck right off, but I just wasn't sure.

[LAUGHS]

Well... we're gonna do it.

We're gonna take that really big leap.

Russ, it's... it's not a spectator sport.

Oh... Adam doesn't mind.

Hey, listen, what kind of plane do you fly?

- Uh, he... - Well, all kinds.

- Jets, mostly? - Uh-huh.

But you still fly propeller jobs, don't you?

Oh, sure. Every day.

I want to get a Cessna. What do you think of the 180?

I've never heard a word against it.

Listen, I'm starving! Uh, how about dinner?

Hey, that's a good idea. I'm as hungry as a bear. Get your coat.

Well, it's sort of early, isn't it?

I was counting on taking both of you to the Club Nero.

- No. You two go there alone. - I want you to come.

Besides, three people look pretty funny dancing together.

Uh... we'll have a quiet dinner around here someplace

and discuss things and then I'll pop off

and you two carry on from there. How's that?

- Fine! - Done and done. We're off.

Hi, I had a couple hours to kill

so I thought I'd come over to find out what, uh...

Uh, Russ...

I want you to meet my copilot, Mike Mitchell.

Mike, this is Russ Wilson, Eileen's fiancé.

How do you do?

Well, I'm only a 10-minute-old fiancé.

It just happened.

Yeah! I was just proposed to.

And I was accepted.

Adam's a witness, aren't you, Adam?

Uh, yes. I'm a witness. He... he can't get out of it.

Eileen's the one that can't get out of it.

I'd sue her for breach of promise.

So, what else is new?

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

Hello.

Oh, hello, Mother.

Yeah.

No, I'm very happy, Mother.

Oh, just a second.

She wants to speak to you, Russ.

Mother? Hi.

Well, I'm happy that you're happy.

Yes, indee... [LAUGHS]

Yes. Yes.

[RUSS LAUGHS]

RUSS: Well, we will.

We will...

Now, now, Mother. Please don't cry.

Yeah. All right. I promise.

Yes. Yes.

All righty. Hold on a minute.

She wants to talk to you, Adam.

Say hello for me.

[COUGHING] Hello, Mother.

[COUGHING] No, I had a cold. I'm getting over it.

Mm-hmm. Uh-huh.

That's a very good idea.

Why don't you call me back when you have more time?

Listen, uh, why... why don't you two run along

and meet us down in the lobby?

There's something I want to chew over with Mike, here.

- Good idea. - We'll be along in a minute.

I'll pick up the car and bring it around.

We'll meet you in the front.

- I'll bet you're puzzled. - That's a good bet.

How's our mother?

[CHUCKLES] Let me explain things.

The girl's your sister.

And the man's Russ Wilson, who's engaged to your sister.

I'm clear on them. It's you I'm not sure of.

Uh-huh. Yeah, well, look, we haven't got much time.

Uh, they're waiting down in the lobby.

But I'll try and fill you in. You see, uh...

uh, I met your sister on a 5th Avenue bus

but we'd known each other for a long time.

And, uh, anyway we got caught in the rain.

You remember how it rained this afternoon?

[CHUCKLES] Uh... and... and we got soaked.

And so since we were near here, your sister said, uh,

why didn't I come up here and dry off or I'd get pneumonia.

[CHUCKLES] Because I started to sneeze, as a matter of fact.

[SNIFFLES]

And, uh, so, to cut a long story short,

I was up here in a robe, your robe, as a matter of fact.

And, uh, we were just talking about things, you know,

just things in general, when in walked Russ Wilson from Albany.

That's the fellow your sister's been going around with.

I know who he is.

Well... well, he didn't know who you were. He thought I was you.

And besides, he'd come rushing down here to propose.

Marriage! So you can imagine how embarrassing that was.

What were we gonna do?

And, uh... Eileen was gonna spill it right off

and I said, "No, no man can take that head-on."

So we were gonna take him to dinner

and tell him in a better atmosphere.

The son of a gun doesn't drink.

Uh, that's where we were going when you...

And... and that's where we were going when you walked in,

her brother.

I know who I am.

What's bothering you?

What do you think's bothering me?

I haven't the faintest idea.

Was my sister in a robe?

No, of course not!

Didn't she get soaked in the rain?

Well, yes, but she had other clothes to change into.

Now, listen, it's no skin off my nose

if your sister's marriage blows up or not.

I think she's a nice kid, and I like that Wilson, too.

And you can go over the story I told you with a fine tooth comb

and it's substantially the truth.

What do you mean substantially?

Substantially means 99 percent.

What the hell is this, a quiz show?

What are we supposed to do at dinner?

Oh... well, we'll tell him the truth.

I don't know exactly when, but we'll feel our way and...

and your being along helps.

We'll say we're old friends, okay?

Was my sister in a robe?

Will you get your mind out of the gutter!

I told you she wasn't.

They're waiting in the lobby.

Here.

[BRIGHT MUSIC]

- Hello, Watomi. - Welcome.

Good evening. May I use your telephone?

- Certainly. - Thank you.

Is the end room free for four?

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

Uh, Gladys. Gladys, are they canceling incoming flights?

No. Nothing's canceled yet.

If there's any change, will you call me at Chelsea 43098?

Pray for me, Gladys.

If that Columbus flight is delayed,

my life isn't worth a nickel.

Right this way, please, sir.

MIKE: Let's start with some tempura,

uh, extra on the shrimp,

and some oshinko and... and gohan.

Hey, can we have a drink?

Listen, if you don't like sake, how about a rum drink?

- Now, rum's mild. - No. I'm gonna have to pass.

- Remember? - What?

[LAUGHS]

- Eileen? - No, thank you.

- How about a drink? - No, thanks.

Oh, come on. Keep me company.

I'm on flight call.

No drinks.

Well...

congratulations to you both.

Hey, you don't congratulate the bride,

just the groom. That's me.

And congratulations really are in order.

Mike, you're invited to the wedding.

- RUSS: It's gonna be a humdinger. - Thank you.

Thank you.

Proposal happened right in front of me.

[LAUGHS] Yeah. I wish you could have seen the look on his face.

Describe it. I'm interested.

Well, I think his funniest expression actually

was when I barged in the door before the proposal.

Both of them sitting there in their bathrobes.

[COUGHS]

In their bathrobes.

Well, I came through that front door like a... like a 707.

You all right?

I said, "How do you do? My name is Russell Wilson.

I've heard a lot about you."

You really were pretty surprised now, weren't you?

I was pretty surprised.

[LAUGHS]

Mike, what do you think of the Cessna, the 180?

- Mike? - What?

Ahem. The Cessna. The 180, airp...

W-What do you think of that as an airplane, I mean?

Fine.

Oh. Do you find jets are harder to fly than propeller jobs?

I don't fly propeller jobs.

Oh, well, I thought you said

you flew propeller airplanes.

He doesn't know they have propellers.

He never looks out the window.

Have some tea, Russ.

Conclusion-jumping's dangerous.

A lot of things are dangerous. I'm an old-fashioned brother.

Ahem. Oh, you have a sister, too?

I've got a sister.

I understand you're quite an athlete.

Well, not really. I...

Well, you were on the Olympic boxing team, weren't you?

- Yeah. - I tried out for it too.

- Got as far as the semifinals. - RUSS: That's not bad.

Good enough for practical purposes.

Yeah, well, everyone should be able to defend themselves.

If they can.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

- You own a foreign sport car? - Yeah.

It's blocking another car.

The parking place fellow wants the car.

Oh, boy. That's the way, always.

You leave them the key, and they strip the gears.

Excuse me.

RUSS: That's the trouble with a racing transmission.

That's a pity. I-I was thinking of getting one.

[GROANS]

[DISHES SHATTER]

- What did you do that for? - Why not?

Adam, it wasn't anything like you think!

No, it wasn't.

Look, we just got caught in the rain. That's all.

No. Stop protecting me, Mike!

Oh, this is getting more complicated every minute.

The simple truth is, Adam, I tried to get him to seduce me

and he wouldn't do it.

And that is exactly what happened.

He wouldn't have anything to do with a... beginner.

That's the kind of man he is.

That's the kind of man I am.

And naturally, Russ thought he was you.

It all happened in the last half-hour.

It seems a whole lot longer than that.

Now do you see what you've done?

Mike, when I'm wrong, I admit it.

I apologize. I'm sorry.

Okay.

But I still don't understand what you were doing

in a bathrobe in the first place.

And I'm not gonna listen to any more moralizing from you

Reverend Davidson,

not with a closet full of women's lingerie.

- ADAM: Oh. - EILEEN: Oh.

And you said "sacred honor."

Oh, Adam, how could you?

I-I never thought you'd lie to me about anything.

I wasn't lying.

You swore you didn't sleep with girls!

That's the loophole, sleeping.

Oh, Adam!

Well, he's right, technically.

Yeah, well, listen, what's the strategy now?

The strategy is he's gonna be told without strategy.

- By Whom? - By me.

- Scratch one fiancé. - Now, wait a minute, honey.

Now, let's not get carried away with the truth.

I'm not saying to lie.

It's all in where you put the accent.

Now, you got caught in the rain,

got out of your clothes.

Russ came home, thought you were me

and it seemed like a good joke.

- Ha ha. - ADAM: Just get him in the mood.

Not here, but tonight, while he's dancing.

Good. Good.

Pick your spot. Whisper in his ear.

What?

Well, I'll be you

and, uh... Mike, you be Russ.

Uh...

[LAUGHS]

- Russ? - Yes?

I've got something so...

[LAUGHS] laughable to tell you.

You... you'll... you'll never believe me.

[LAUGHS]

That's what I'm afraid of.

It'll work, Eileen. Try it at the Club Nero.

- Telephone for you, sir. - Thank you. Hello?

Adam, that Columbus plane arrives in exactly 44 minutes.

- Mona's on it. - I'll be right over.

Well, that's taken care of. Boy, it's pouring out there.

- I gotta go to the airport. - Oh! We have to leave.

- No, not you. Just me. - Uh, no, me too.

Uh, I have to check with the chief about tomorrow's schedule.

Well, where do you have to go from?

Penn Station.

Penn Station?

Well, I always leave from there. It's kind of a superstition.

- Oh! You, too? - No.

38th street airline terminal. Don't worry. I can make it.

Oh. No trouble at all.

We're going to Club Nero anyway.

♪ I've got you under my skin ♪

♪ I've got you deep in the heart of me ♪

See, I told you it'd be a lot more comfortable

on your brother's lap.

RUSS: Boy, look at that rain come down.

Are you sure you're gonna fly tonight?

Huh? Oh, it doesn't bother us.

Somebody ought to invent a new kind of windshield wiper.

What do you use on a plane, Adam?

Oh, uh, uh, there's a thing, you know.

Explain it to him.

We use a windshield wiper.

That's it.

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

- Well, uh, so long, Russ. - So long.

- See you at the field, Mike. - ADAM: Right, Adam.

Good-bye.

Good-bye.

I-I hope I see you again.

RUSS: That's a funny thing to say to your brother.

Private joke.

Well... good-bye.

Good-bye.

RUSS: See you at the wedding!

[MELANCHOLIC MUSIC]

Mrs. Treadman, now... now, try to think.

Uh, didn't your husband say where the poker game would be?

I know I'm a union man myself, but this is an emergency.

I need a pilot.

Well, if... if you reach him, will you tell him to get in touch with me?

Made it by three minutes.

Adam, you're from heaven.

Check the log on flight number four.

You're taking it out to Denver.

- Denver? Who, me? - Boy, what a day this has been.

Phillip's down with appendicitis,

Blake's grounded in Fort William,

Harvey's wife just called and told...

- Well, hurry, will you? - You must be crazy.

My girl's coming on that flight. I'm in the doghouse already.

You're also on flight call.

- I'm reporting sick. I am sick. - Hello. Drysdale here. Yeah.

[FEMALE ANNOUNCER ON PA] ...Superjet flight number 12

from St. Louis and Columbus now arriving...

What am I gonna do in Denver?

[FEMALE ANNOUNCER ON PA] Trans World Airlines Superjet flight four

Royal Ambassador Service

for Detroit, Chicago, and Denver

is now ready for boarding at gate eight.

- Oh, Adam, what I've been through! - Mona, Mona, baby.

I'm sorry.

[MONA SOBBING]

First, the bus we were in broke down

in the middle of nowhere!

Yeah. Step right this way.

And then they made us get out

while they jacked it up!

Oh, that's fine.

- And then it started to rain. - Yeah.

And they wouldn't let us get back into the bus!

We had bad weather here, too.

And it was raining so hard I slipped and fell.

- Look. Where are we going? - Yeah.

- Oh, we're going to Denver. - Denver?

- What for? - I'm flying the plane.

We'll be together. I've got the ticket right here.

- Oh, no! No, no! - Shh. It's all right, sweetheart.

- I don't wanna go to Denver! - You do. We'll be together.

I'm flying the plane. I've got the ticket right here.

- Oh... - It's all right. Excuse me.

Baby, just think, you and me, together

in Denver, Colorado, huh?

Colorado? But it's cold up there!

I personally guarantee you that will not be your problem.

Oh, Adam!

[CLEARS THROAT]

Hey!

Ugh!

[FEMALE ANNOUNCER ON PA] ...Chicago and Denver

is now in the final boarding stage.

It's incredible.

What a Sunday.

It's just like Korea.

Believe me. They're dropping like flies.

Are you going to fly this plane back, too, Mr. Drysdale?

No. I'm gonna buy a farm in Colorado

and just sit there...

with an antiaircraft gun!

Oh.

- What's the matter? - You're all right.

- What happened? - You slipped.

You got a bad bump, but don't worry about it.

Drysdale's taking the flight to Denver.

Oh.

Denver? He can't do that! That's my flight!

Now, don't excite yourself.

It's commendable that you're so loyal to the company but it...

[FAST-PACED MUSIC]

[ENGINE ROARING]

Good-bye.

[JAZZ MUSIC]

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

[APPLAUDING]

[JAZZ MUSIC]

[LAUGHS]

Oh, Russ, I have something so laughable to tell you.

[LAUGHS]

I hope you think it's laughable.

Nobody ever accused me of not having a sense of humor.

I know.

So... what's the funny?

Well...

You know Adam, my brother?

- Yeah. - He isn't.

Isn't what?

My brother!

The-the one you think is.

Uh... uh, you lost me.

Adam is Mike, and Mike is Adam.

I can't wait to tell you how it happened.

I know. I can't wait, either.

When you came into the apartment

and saw me with Adam on the couch,

you clear so far?

So far clear.

Well, that wasn't Adam. That was Mike.

Wasn't Adam? Who wasn't Adam?

The man on the couch.

Your brother's name is Adam, isn't it?

Yes.

Well, then who's the fella on the couch with the bathrobe?

[CHUCKLES] That's the funny part.

It was a stranger!

Well, n-not a stranger, I met him on a bus

and we went rowing, and, um...

You know how it started to rain this afternoon?

Well, we got wet, and he started to sneeze.

Well, naturally, he had to take his clothes off and... and then...

That's not the way it was at all.

Russ, the way it was was exactly the way it looked.

I was trying to get him to make love to me.

No, Russ. You've gotta believe me!

I... I only did it because I love you.

♪ Hello ♪

♪ What sweet magic brought you my way? ♪

♪ Hello ♪

♪ Rainbow girl on that rainy day ♪

♪ I was on the town that Sunday in Manhattan ♪

♪ Wishing for a someone like you ♪

[SOMBER MUSIC]

Russ, stop looking like that. Say what you're thinking.

Well, let's just sleep on it.

Okay.

And don't worry.

These things always have a way of...

working out.

Do they?

I'll call you in the morning,

not too early.

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

[FAST-PACED MUSIC]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Ugh!

What do you mean she won't come out? Go in there and get her!

Yeah, but, uh... all right.

Mona.

Mona, come on out!

D-d-did you, uh...

[FEMALE ANNOUNCER ON PA] TWA Superjet flight four...

Mo-Mona!

Mona!

...for Denver is now completing

final boarding at gate five.

Passengers holding seats...

Look, uh, she got away.

I... I have to go now!

Call me from Den...

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

Russ?

Russ?

[GASPING]

You mean Russ isn't here?

No!

What happened to you?

Uh... nothing, really.

I just jumped off a train and got hit by some truck driver.

It feels like it could have been his truck.

Uh, c-come in.

I'm sorry, I thought you'd be here the whole night arguing

and I thought I could help in the convincing.

Well, did you tell him?

Uh, yes.

Well, how... how did he take it?

Very well.

- Really? - Mm-hmm.

Well, that's fine.

I didn't have to come back at all, did I?

I guess not.

Well, it's just that I wouldn't have felt right.

I figured I got you into this.

I should help get you out.

Oh, you didn't get me in.

Well. [SNEEZES]

And what you ought to get out of are those wet clothes.

Uh... w-well...

Listen, maybe you ought to sleep here tonight.

That couch makes into a good bed.

Adam sleeps on it when I'm here.

No, no. I'd better get back.

Oh, it's too late to start back to Philadelphia tonight.

Yes, sleep over. That's much more sensible.

I shouldn't spend the night here.

You can be trusted. I'll testify you can be trusted.

Well, I appreciate it very much.

Don't mention it...

and I mean don't mention it.

Let's see, there's some pajamas in the top drawer in the closet

and, uh, some new toothbrushes in the bathroom...

Oh, and I'm making you a hot whiskey.

Get going! I have to get some sleep.

[SOMBER MUSIC]

My brother has good taste in pajamas.

[MIKE CHUCKLES]

- EILEEN: Ouch! - What did you do?

I burned myself.

Boy, this thing really fights me.

Last time, I left the current on

and the whole bar caught fire.

Here you go.

- Oh, thank you. - Drink up.

- Oh, aren't you having one? - I haven't a cold.

Uh, isn't it possible Russ will come around here early in the morning?

He said he'd call first. It won't be early.

I think it's kind of dangerous for you.

Tell you what I'll do. I'll, uh...

I'll get up at five o'clock.

Oh, you don't need to get up that early.

Eight o'clock is plenty of time.

Let's not take any more chances.

I gotta be at the office anyway.

I'll be up and away by five

and I-I'll make the couch, too.

That's very thoughtful of you.

You're the one that's thoughtful.

Well, let's say we're both thoughtful.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Good-bye, too, if you're going at five.

[EILEEN, SOFTLY] Good-bye.

Good-bye.

I wish you all the happiness in the world.

You're a remarkable girl.

Russ is a very lucky man.

Thank you, sir.

Mind if I kiss the bride?

It's customary.

[ROMANTIC MUSIC]

[SOMBER MUSIC]

Drop me a line from Japan sometime

if you feel like it...

to the paper.

You won't be working there anymore.

Oh. Say, that's right.

Well, they'll forward it.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

[BRIGHT MUSIC]

Mona, I know you're there. I hear your breathing.

Look, say something to him. Go ahead.

Okay, I'll say something. I have nothing to say.

Listen, Mona, I'm too old for this sort of thing.

We're gonna get married, just you and me.

- ADAM: (ON PHONE) Will you marry me? - Marry you?

Why, I wouldn't marry you

if I were the last man on Earth.

Adam?

Did you say "marry?"

Yes.

Oh...

Adam.

You did fine, kid. I'll see you tomorrow.

Congratulations. I know you'll be very happy.

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

Well, bigmouth,

are you happy now?

[BRIGHT MUSIC]

Eileen, you wake up!

MIKE: Uh... now... now, listen.

I've locked you in and I've thrown the key out the window.

And I'll go down to the superintendent tomorrow morning

and tell him to let you out.

Eileen?

Pay attention!

I-I know I haven't got as much money as Russ Wilson

but... but just remember that

it doesn't cost much to live in Japan

and... and I've got a fairly nice character!

Or, well, I can prove I got a nice character!

I threw the key out the window!

And after all, you're the kind of girl who...

thinks she has to marry the man.

And... a-and it's no use saying that we've only

known each other one day.

People live together for 20 years

and... and they don't know each other as well as we do.

Well, go to sleep now...

and I'll...

I'll call you from Philadelphia tomorrow

and... and you can tell me whether I should come back or not.

And, uh...

Goodnight.

I-I left something out.

I love you, Eileen.

Remember that part. It's important.

[ROMANTIC MUSIC]

Yes, it is important.

Oh, no.

Why aren't you locked in the bedroom?

I'm sorry.

I just wanted to be sure the water heater was unplugged.

I'll go down in the street and look for the key.

You'll never find it.

I might.

I've got to try.

You did try.

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

[BRIGHT MUSIC]

ADAM: And so they were married

and went to Japan for their honeymoon

and had three lovely daughters

who grew up and were lectured by their father

and of course me, their uncle,

on the nice things that can happen to a girl

if she remains virtuous

even on a rainy Sunday in New York.

[MUSIC CONTINUES]