All language subtitles for Shakespeare.and.Hathaway.Private.Investigators.s01e02.The.Chimes.at.Midnight.[MPup]

Emergency! She's dying! Emergency!
ALARM RINGS

Rapid heartbeat.
We need to defibrillate.

Who is? What are you talking about?

Her. The other woman.

There is no other woman.

You've got this place
all to yourself.

You were having a bad dream.

But it...it was so real.

I had a bad dream once.

I dreamt I was drowning in a sea
of yogurt,

and I'm actually lactose intolerant.

Look. I know we've had a tough time
recently, with all...the calamities.

But, er, we can get through it.
There's no need to panic.

Oh, my God, it's a cockroach!

THEY GROAN

Hopefully that's the last one.

There was...there was
something else. Oh, yes?

There was a man, climbing up
the wall, and then I heard him,

stomp, stomp, stomping on the roof.

Well, if he comes back,
tell him to pop in.

It gets ever so lonely
on night shifts!

Soozie, why don't you go
and clean the sluice room?

Yes, Mrs Pincott.

Goodnight, Mrs Bentley.
Goodnight, dear.

So, no more nonsense.

There are no strange men.

You are perfectly safe here.
Night-night.

CREAKING, WINDCHIMES JANGLE

CLUNKING

THUNDER RUMBLES

SHE WHIMPERS

All right, take it easy,
cos this is a very old gate.

What, this one? Yes. Oh!
Well, yes, we're fine.

Right, stop here. Stop here.

Stop here. Stop here!

So... Mr and Mrs...
Pincott.

Owain and Penelope.

How can we help you?

Have you ever heard of Shady Nook?

Yes, I have. That's, er,
an old folks' home, isn't it?

Just down the road, by the butterfly
farm. Mm. It's our old folks' home.

But I really don't know
for how much longer. Read the list,
Owain. Oh... Er...

Er, three months ago,
we had our first electrical failure.

Lights flickering, but our
electrician couldn't seem to fix it.

Er, the following week,

the fire alarm went off
in the middle of the, erm...

Any chance you could sum it up
in a sentence?

Look, basically,
we've had floods and fire alarms,

we've had anonymous complaints
to social services,

cockroaches in the kitchen,
we've had thefts from the bedroom.

And then, last week,
it got REALLY nasty.

Yep, it was our anniversary.

25 years, we've been together.

Congratulations! Mm.

Only, somebody sent me this.

A sympathy card.

I-I don't know who it was,
but, as you can imagine,

it put quite a dampener on the day.
Can I have that? Yeah.

You're welcome to it.

So, what do you think it is -
some kind of industrial sabotage?

Or a practical joke?

If it's a joke, it's costing us
thousands, as several residents

have chosen to leave. Well... If
it's a joke, it's keeping me awake

all night, as I wonder what they're
plotting next. If it's a joke,

well, then I'm screaming
with laughter!

I think we can really help you
with this, can't we?

We could, we could do some...

Um, we could do... ..undercover...

BOTH: ..surveillance.
Oh, you've got to be careful.

I mean, it is a home,

and some of our residents have
a nervous disposition.

It would need to be someone
quite delicate.

Would anyone care for some liquid
refreshment? Earl Grey?

Cafe au lait? Horlicks malted milk?

Does anyone have the remote
control, or shall we just sit here

and die of boredom?

Er, right, everyone!

I've got someone
I'd like you to meet.

Is it Kim Kardashian?

No, Mr Falstaff, it is not.

Ah, well, I'm not interested.
This is, er, Ronan.

He's a trainee care assistant,

and I know you're going to make him
very welcome.

Welcome to God's waiting room.

Hello! Hello!

Hello! Hello! Hello!

He's nice.

Is there something wrong
with your glasses, son?

Och, no. Just a bit new.
Still having to wear them in.

Sorry I'm late, everyone. You are.
And I'll deduct it from your wages.

Er, this is Ronan.
Er, he'll be working alongside you.

Oh. Hello.

I've got cakes, everybody.

Would you like one, Mr Woodham?

Oh, not that one!

That's for Mrs Pincott.

It's got arsenic in it.

So, may I tempt you
to some passion fruit drizzle cake?

Soozie, I do need to think
about my girth.

There's nothing wrong with having
something to hold on to!

THEY CHUCKLE

Hello, son!

Oh, you do need to do something
about those glasses.

Mr Pincott, why don't you lend him
some of your toupee tape?

Oh, very amusing, Mr Falstaff.

What are you doing here?
I was just leaving.

CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS

Hello! I'm Ronan.

I'm a care assistant. So?

I was just wondering

if I could put my prawn vol-au-vents
in your fridge?

I...will not allow YOUR lunchbox

in my sterile area.

Fair enough.

I suppose you're quite meticulous
about food hygiene.

I'm incredibly busy.

I've got 32 portions
of soup to prepare, and...

Who let that furry freak
in here?!

Ronan! Furry little stink-bag!
Mr Bull's made a mess

of his colostomy bag.
Will you help me sort it?

KNIFE CLATTERS

They make me do things that
I am...really not designed to do.

So, what have you found out?

This is the chef.

Ian McClurgy.

Makes Gordon Ramsay look
quite cuddly.

I've not got any actual dirt on him,

but he is behind
on his food hygiene.

Look. Only goes up to 2015.

Ah. I've got a friend in
Environmental Health

could look into that for us.
Now, get ready to scream.

Aw! Really?

Well, it's hardly a street rat
from the sewers, is it, eh?

Huh? More like a fluffy rodent
from a pet shop.

Which means somebody probably
planted it there.

Maybe the same someone who's been
messing with the electrics.

Speaking of electricity...

Soozie Honeywell, care assistant.

She's worked there six years.

This morning,
she popped into Mr Pincott's office,

and THIS happened...
# Dun, dun, durrr! #

What is it? A torrid affair
or some kind of complicated

medical procedure?
Well, it was hard to tell.

We were interrupted
by another resident.

So, all these things
that are going wrong...

Is someone trying to get
at Shady Nook, or have they

got it in for Mrs Pincott - possibly
because they want her husband?

Right, everyone.
SHE CLAPS HER HANDS

Can I have your attention, please?

I've a very unpleasant announcement
to make.

In the small hours of
this morning, someone -

and you know who you are -

did something truly unspeakable
on the stairlift.

It was not an accident.

The individual pieces had been
arranged to make a smiley face.

But I am not smiling.

So...who did it?

Which of you is responsible
for giving me six months

of sleepless nights, and turning
my fingernails into bloody stumps?

Was it the cat?

Very funny, Mr Falstaff.

No, it isn't! Our business is being
destroyed - it's not funny.

I had a pearl necklace stolen
from my room. That's not funny.

But you...are so keen on being
Mr Nice Guy,

that you end up being
Mr Useless Waste of Space.

You can't let her
speak to you like that.

Do you know,
I did hear someone creeping about.

It was just like last week, when
I heard 'em climbing on the roof.

We've been through that,
Mrs Bentley.
It was just a bad dream.

Well, I'm not surprised
people are hearing things.

The Pincotts run this place
like a prison camp.

OK, well, I know things have been
a bit weird recently,

but, just like the stairlift,
we can rise above it.

So let's just all put on
a big smiley face.

CHUCKLING

Are you not eating, Mrs Bentley?

I thought I'd just push it round
the plate and hope it evaporates.

I know how you feel.
It's been a funny few days.

You can't possibly know how I feel.

Oh, nice of you to try.

What is this muck?

Omelette!

It says on the menu, "quiche".

Well, things change.
Is there an alternative?

Starvation.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

Are you any nearer
to knowing who's behind this?

We do have some theories.

Well, PLEASE find out soon.

My wife is impossible to live with.
Yes, where is she?

I was hoping to... Was that an
asteroid? Are we being invaded?

Penelope?

Penelope!

So, do you...do you think she fell,
or...?

I think she was pushed. See the
wound on the side of her head?

Yeah. Shouldn't be able to see that.

Any impact wound would be
on the underside of the body.

Now, I think she was attacked first,
pushed later.

So possibly the biggest
mystery here is... Yes?

..how did you get here before me?

Er, this woman was our client.

She thought that someone was trying
to destroy her business.

Oh, except they destroyed her.

Any idea who was behind the
sabotage? We're working on it.

Well, the thing is, everyone who
lives and works here has got

a cast-iron alibi. They were behind
that glass, eating omelettes.

I think I'm going to check the roof.
I really don't think so.

Hello. I just wondered if anyone
wants any tea, or coffee, or...

Er, actually, could you help me
with something?

I've never been up here before.
I didn't even know we had a roof.

I mean, obviously I knew there
had to be something on top -

I just didn't think
you could go on it.

Don't go so far, please.

So, erm, could anyone have got
up here?

I suppose they could.

Not the ones with Zimmer frames,
obviously.

And when did you last see
Mrs Pincott?

Half an hour ago.
She fell off the roof.

I'm aware of that.

When did you last see her alive?

Oh, this morning.
She had a big meeting

about everything that's going on
around here.

So, would you say anyone had
a grudge against her?

Why are you saying that?
Do you think she was...?

Murdered?

No!

I'm afraid it does look that way.
But who would, you know?

Well, possibly the same person
who's behind the sabotage -

maybe your wife found out
and threatened to take action.

How could they?
We were all inside, having lunch.

That's what's puzzling me.

But if they can get away with it
for three months

without being detected...

We're going to do everything we can
to find out who did this.

Well, surely it's a matter
for the police now?

Well, your wife paid us
for a week of surveillance.

And we can work in ways
that the police can't.

I see.

Fair enough.

Frank...?

Oh, this doesn't sound good.

You know I put in that
hidden camera? Yes?

Someone else has hidden it.
PHONE RINGS

Hello?

You only had one job to do!

Yes, speaking. Rubbish! I've had to
do bed baths and bed pans.

It'll be a long time
before I feel clean again.

Really? So, who do you think
took it? I don't know for sure.

I see. But like Quasimodo,
I have a hunch.

Well, thanks. No, that's great.
Bye, Gavin, bye.

Who was that? Gavin.

Did you hear him?
Yeah, he'll find them.

I've just found out something
really interesting.

Whoever's behind this sabotage must
have a cupboard full of tricks.

Circuit breakers,
live rodents...

Do you have a warrant to do that?

Well, we can certainly get one.

I thought you needed
evidence of wrongdoing.

Yeah, well, well, there's
certainly been plenty

of...of evidence
of wrongdoing in this kitchen.

Eight months ago,

three residents were admitted
to hospital with listeria. I know.

They nearly died. Which is why they
got rid of that chef and hired me.

What?
I've only been here for six months.

How are you settling in?

Well, there's been a lot of
weird things going on.

The last few months have been
a nightmare.

But it's got nothing to do with me.

Sorry. Yes. Fine.

Is there anything else
you want to frame me for?

Oh, I know - maybe I'm Lord Lucan!

Room service? Hello?

Hi-yah! Ho!

Hi-yah! Hee!

Right there, son.

Now, don't move
or it could get very bloody, buddy.

Now, then, what's your game?

I suppose I waver
between Scrabble and gin rummy.

Are you trying to be funny, sonny?

Are you trying to tickle my ribs?

Do you see yourself
as a reincarnation of Arthur Askey?

I just came in here
to dust your drawers.

Why are you so interested
in my drawers?

Well... I was in the Army, you know.

Six months in the jungle,
alongside the Gurkhas.

Very good workers, the Gurkhas.

They can bring a man to submission
using only one finger.

OK! OK, OK, OK, OK!

I'm a detective!
Oh, just don't tell anyone, please!

Oh, so you're a dick, are you?
I might have known.

Sorry for bothering you.

What's this?

I found it in a Christmas cracker.

Hmm...

And this?

And this? And this?

So it turns out one
of our residents,

Mr Falstaff, is a kleptomaniac.

But wait till you see the footage.

Naughty Mr Falstaff.

Here come the rezzies,
for their din-dins.

And here comes the dynamite.

You have no right to talk to me
like that!

What about my rights? My right to
a peaceful life? You want

a peaceful life? OK, then. Goodbye.
I'm leaving you.

Do you really think it's that easy?!

Just you try, I will break you.

Any job you go for, I will spread
the vilest of rumours about you.

Any relationship, I'll find a way
to make your lives hell.

You are nothing without me.

You are a pathetic,
worthless little man.

Well, there you are. A clear and
compelling motive for murder.

Well done.

Mr Pincott.

Widower. Possibly adulterer.
Maybe murderer.

Or, is it his bit on the side?
The lovely Soozie?

Well, if she and Mr P are a pair,

she does get to be
Queen of Shady Nook.

Then there's the chef.

Who, according to his CV,
used to be in the Army.

Maybe he learnt some
brilliant technique on, er,

I don't know, how to murder someone
whilst serving an omelette?

Yeah, how could any of them
have pushed her off the roof

if they were all downstairs?
There must be someone else.

But Marlowe checked the CCTV.

Nobody entered or left the building
six hours prior to her death.

What about Mr Falstaff?

We know he's a thief, but is he a
saboteur who got caught in the act?

Well, that's up to you to find out.

I don't know
if I want to go back there.

I know he's old,
but he's surprisingly vigorous.

Are you OK, Mrs Bentley?
Yes, I'm fine.

I'll be fine, I'll be fine.

It's been a shock for all of us.

Whatever disagreements I had
with Mrs Pincott,

no-one deserves to go like that.

I used to be a nurse, you know.
Yes, I know.

And you're always haunted
by the thought that you could have

done better for people,

that you could at least have
made their last moments a bit more

comfortable. I know you. You have
a heart as big as a mountain.

And there's nothing more
anybody could have...

Hello. Yes?

Er, any sign of Mr Falstaff?

I think he went into the garden.

Thank you.

I better get some tea.

I think the police might want
to talk to us.

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear. Oh...

Oh!

KNOCK AT DOOR

Hello? Hello.

Could I have a word? Please.

Er, I've said everything I know,
but, erm...

I could really do with a coffee.

And if you don't mind my saying so,
it looks like you could too.

Oh, well, we can
go to the dining room.

Great.

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

The person you called is not
available.

Please leave your message
after the tone.

Hello, son? It's me again.

Look, when you hear this,
please call me this time?

I know we said that I should
stick it out a bit longer...

Well, I have stuck it out - when we
were flooded and overcome with rats.

And now, we've got
a murderer in the house.

They've already killed Mrs Pincott

and I have a feeling it's going
to be me next on the list.

You wouldn't want that
on your conscience.

Would you? Please.

Please, son.

Call me.

I can't believe she's dead.

I never knew anyone
quite so...alive.

I know this must be incredibly
difficult for you, but we are

going to have to build a clear
picture of your wife's last moments.

I see.

Is it right that she was a smoker?

Yeah, well, only one a day.

She'd go out, just before lunch,

round the back
where no-one could see her.

And, erm, do you remember the last
conversation that you had

with your wife today?

Well, I, er...

Don't you have a recording of it?

Yeah, Sebastian accidentally
wiped it.

Oh...

Oh, I-I think I just said
we'd get through this.

Together.

And I told her that I loved her.

KNOCK AT DOOR

KNOCK AT DOOR

Hello!

YOU'RE not Mr Pincott. That's very
perceptive of you. Where is he?

Mrs Bentley?! Well, how could she
have gone missing?

Well, she is one of our
more active ones.

When she gets on her mobility
scooter, she's like Lewis Hamilton.

Did she say where she was going?

Apparently, she told Mr Woodham
she was going to find some peas.

Find some peas? Well, we've got a
kitchen full of the bloody things.

This Mr Woodham...
Is he hard of hearing?

He is a bit. Could she have said she
wanted to find some PEACE?

Ah, that makes sense.

Does Mrs Bentley have a church
she goes to?

I'm, er, guessing
she probably came this way.

How do you know?
A few telltale signs.

Look.

Excuse me! Excuse me!

Hello! You go that way,
I'll go round the back!

Go on. Yeah.

No. Go, go, go! Yeah.

Go on!

Agh! Agh!

Agh! Agh!

Who are you?
What do you want?

My name's Frank Hathaway.
I'm a private investigator.

I was just wondering
why you came here.

Everyone's worried sick about you.

I came here to...to make my peace...

..with Him.

Is there a reason you have
to make your peace with...Him?

It was me.
I brought death to Shady Nook.

What, you actually pushed
Mrs Pincott off the roof?

No, but I made it happen.
I invited her here.

Me and my big mouth.

Who are you talking about?
She killed Mrs Pincott.

And she'll kill us all.

She wants her revenge.

Who does?

Janet. Janet Jeffson.

Hello!

Agh! Argh!

No, she's...
She's not, she's not, she's...

Janet Jeffson?
That's what she said.

Doesn't ring any bells.

She was saying, "Janet did it,
Janet's going to kill everyone."

And then she had her accident.
Was she compos mentis?

It's hard to say -
she was scared out of her wits.

There must be SOMEBODY called
Jeffson connected with this place.

Tell you what, we'll talk to
Mr Pincott,

why don't you run the name
through the PNC? Fine.

Any other little jobs
you'd like me to do?

Er, did you find anything
on the roof?

Our forensics are looking in to it,
thanks.

Well, we've never had anyone here
called Jeffson I can think of.

Perhaps she was just confused, then.

Perhaps.

Regarding your wife's murder,
there is

one line of inquiry
we need to pursue.

Oh, yes?

What if the murderer killed your
wife in order to get close to you?

Sorry, er, why?

Well, supposing somebody had
feelings for you -

romantic feelings.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

I know I'm no Tom Cruise.

It's a long time since I made anyone
weak at the knees.

Well, then...

Yes, erm, we'll, er, continue
with our enquiries.

Fine. Thank you.
Thank you.

And I'm really sorry if we said
anything upsetting at all.

No, no.
You're just doing your job.

Thank you.

So there are three
Valentine's cards,

so it's been going on for some time.

Oh! And it's the same writing there
as the condolence card.

Really?! Yeah.

It's got the same slanty Ls and then
the Ts that aren't quite crossed.

Ah, yeah. Yeah. So Mr P has
a psychotic secret admirer.

Only question is,
are they working together?

PHONE RINGS

Oh. Sebastian!

I know who killed Mrs Pincott.

Go on.

It was Mr Falstaff. He's behind
the sabotage and everything.

He's doing it so his son will come
and rescue him.

Wow!
That's a really interesting theory.

Completely wrong, but...
No, I promise you, it's...

Oh, got to go!
MR PINCOTT: I need to talk to you.

No, somewhere we won't be observed.

OK, then, the butterfly farm.

About ten minutes.

Oh, here he is!

Right, let's pump up the volume.

Oh! He's not wearing the jacket!

What? Well, I suppose it is
a climate-controlled,

subtropical environment, isn't it?

Oh, thank you, David Attenborough!

Stay there. I'm going in.

Hello!

Oh, Soozie!

Well I...I'm glad you came.
Oh, of course I came!

You know I'll always bend over
backwards for you, Mr Pincott.

Oh, well, this is

all a bit...er, hard.

I have some rather awkward questions
to ask you.

Well, fire away.

There is literally no part of me
that's off limits.

Well...

For the past three years, I've been
receiving Valentine's cards.

Have you? I've always thought,
"Oh, how sweet, that's nice!"

But now I need to know...

..did you send them to me?

I might have done.

Of course,
I was always very discreet.

No-one could call me
a marriage wrecker.

But now, well,

there's nothing left to wreck,
is there?

Soozie, w-what are you saying?

What I'm saying is,
your wife is dead.

She's in a box.

And now it's time for you
to think outside the box.

Mr Falstaff!

Oh, hello there, son!
You on some secret mission?

I'm just here to check on the jams
and preserves.

And, of course, the sugar bowl.

Sugar bowl? Hmm.

Not everyone likes these wriggly
little beasties

squirming in their cornflakes.

How did you...?
I'm very perceptive.

You've been behind a whole load
of the horrors here.

Blood-sucking bugs in the bedroom.

That sinister smile
on the stairlift.

So what if I have?
What are you going to do about it?

Not a whole lot I CAN do.

Especially when you're trying
to bring this place to its knees,

so you'll be thrown out
on the street, and then, perhaps,

your son will come and rescue you.

And, you know, you've got style.

A little scatological,
but it's hard not to be impressed.

Thank you very much.

But what you did to Mrs Pincott...

What exactly happened?
Did she catch you in the act?

I can't believe you think that...

I've often wished to wipe the smile
off her face,

but I didn't make her go
splat-io on the patio.

Really? Well, I couldn't!
I was having lunch.

Fair dos.

I'm really rather hurt
that you think like that.

I'm no angel,
but I'm not Norman Bates.

All right, I did play around
a bit because I wanted

to close the place down so
that my son would come and fetch me.

I know it's wrong, but...

..I do get awfully lonely.

Please, Mr Pincott.

I've had six years
of watching your wife torture you,

like a cruel child pulling
the wings off a tragic insect!

But now we're here
in the butterfly house.

And maybe, from the cocoon of your
grief, you'll learn to fly away.

Into the sunset.

With me!
I don't want to fly with you.

What?!
Soozie, did you murder my wife?

No!

Though I may have sent her
the odd abusive card.

Sorry.

HE GRUMBLES
Oh, Soozie,

will you just leave me alone?

I thought I paid you to solve my
wife's murder, not to spy on me.

Er, well, actually,
your wife paid us

to find out the truth

and you haven't been
entirely honest with us.

What do you mean? Well, you told me
that the last thing you said

to your wife was, "We'll get
through this, I love you,"

when actually, what you said was,
"Goodbye, I'm leaving you."

OK, I know I said it.

Well... And? Well, when you've
been married 25 years,

you say that sort
of thing all the time.

It won't be like that
for us, though.

Every day will be like birthdays
and Christmas time put together.

Shut up, Soozie.

I've just been on the phone
to DI Marlowe.

She's exposed a few more lies.

According to your own records, you
did have a resident called Jeffson.

Ellena Jeffson.

I remember.

She was a very confused woman.

Lived a... Lived in her
own little dream world.

Until a year ago, when she
died of a cardiac arrest.

And your wife was murdered on the
first anniversary of her death.

Did you know that?

You must have realised that
the two things were connected.

Well, to tell you the truth,

I've always been haunted
by what happened.

Ellena could be difficult
and, er, cantankerous

and she had hallucinations.

And once I got so fed up
with her pushing the alarm

to complain about giant
spiders, I...just...

turned the thing off.

What?! An hour later,
she had a heart attack.

Was there an investigation?

A couple of residents asked
some questions.

But my wife...

decided to save the day.

She said there must have been
a problem with the alarm

and that she was sorry
for not checking...

but it wouldn't happen again.

So you committed
an act of gross negligence

and your wife took the blame
and covered it up.

And then exactly a year later,
someone took her life.

Was there anyone who was
particularly close

to this Ellena Jeffson?

OK, so I haven't found the murderer,

but I have solved the mystery
of the soiled stairlift.

Oh, well, you've got to start
somewhere, haven't you?

Is Marlowe still around?

She went back to the station.

Oh, great! I can go on the roof.

Er, hang on! We do have
a suspect to talk to, you know.

You talk to them.

I need to find out how she fell.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Who are you?! It's OK.

I'm with Frank.
I'm investigating the murder.

Well, I didn't do it.

Huh! How could I?

I just wanted to talk to you
about your old roommate.

The woman that lived
with you just over a year ago.

Is it Ellena Jeffson?

She was a lost soul, really.

Didn't know who she was,
or where she was,

but, well, it was nice having
someone in the room with me,

and when I was in bed,

I could listen to her breathing.

Until one night...

Yes.

It was a cardiac arrest.

I pressed the buzzer, no-one came.

I screamed, no-one...no-one heard me

and then...

by the time I got help,

it was too late to save her.

And you blamed Mrs Pincott.

Well, she was in charge.

It's a difficult job,
but, oh, I was...

I was very angry.

Of course you were.

Did you do anything about it?

Right, Sebastian.

What do you see?

The roof...

the sky.

And on the wall in front of you?

Erm...

Some indentations, maybe?

SEBASTIAN CLICKS TONGUE
Yeah.

Ah. Hmm.

What's done that, then?

HE PUFFS

Sorry, what are you doing?

I'm building a killing machine.

When they took her body away,
I went through her belongings.

I found this big bundle of letters.

It seems that she had
a daughter, overseas.

So I wrote to the daughter
and I told her everything.

And that was Janet Jeffson?

Oh, her name was Jan.

I don't know about the Jeffson.

I think Ellena had remarried.

Do you remember the address?

Er, one minute.

There's only one thing we need now.

What? Gravity.

Goodbye, cruel world.

There we are.

"Arkshire Regiment".

This is the woman that
you've been writing to?

Yes.

Yes, it is.

PHONE RINGS
Hello? I've just found our murderer.

Yeah, and we've just
found the method.

Oh, no.

Hi.

Ian McClurgy?

Hello.

We've got something
that belongs to you.

It's the letters to your mum

from when you were
in Helmand Province.

She kept every one.

We weren't sure who they were
from to begin with, cos you'd

signed them "love, Ian" and
Mrs Bentley misread it as "Jan".

Thank you.

Must've been hard for you,
being so far away from her.

I knew she was on the way out.

She was getting confused, but I had
no idea she was so close to the end.

When she died, Mrs Bentley wrote
to you and told you what happened.

Then you came to work here.

Only you weren't working.

You were observing.

Like for instance,
you knew that every day at 12,

Mrs Pincott went out
for a cigarette.

But today wasn't just any day.

Mrs Pincott.

Yes?

Do you know what day it is?
What do you mean?

I mean what day

and what happened a year ago.

Erm... You should know.

It should haunt you
at every waking moment.

You killed a resident.

Oh, for God's sake,
we did nothing wrong.

And anyway, the woman
was a vegetable.

It was meant to be quiche for lunch,
but you made an omelette.

What is this muck?

Because, presumably,

you couldn't roll pastry with
a blood-spattered rolling pin.

You hit her on the head.
I mean, I imagine you just meant

to knock her unconscious

so that when she fell off the roof
it would look like suicide.

But what happened?
Did things get out of hand?

And then, of course,
the final flourish.

You took her body and put her on
a wheelchair at the top of a ramp...

..and used some kind
of timing device.

There were burn marks on the floor.

What was it? Corrosive acid?

And then when you were
downstairs serving lunch...

..she fell from the roof.

So what if I did?
It was divine justice.

And at least no-one else will
suffer like my mother did.

What would you say if I told you
that Mrs Pincott was innocent?

No! She did it.

She admitted it.
No. It was Mr Pincott

that turned off the alarm.
SIRENS WAIL

And his wife was so keen to protect
him that she took the blame.

You just murdered
an innocent woman.

No!

No! Ian... Ian!

Stop there. Oi. Take it easy.
Stay there, stay there.

Right, calm down.

Ian McClurgy, I'm arresting you
on suspicion of murder.

You do not have to say anything
but it may harm your defence

if you do not mention when
questioned something you later

rely on in court. Anything you do
say may be given in evidence.

Do you understand?

Well, thank you for coming
in this hour of our need.

You're welcome.

Mr Pincott's speaking to the police

and Soozie's clearing
out her locker.

I don't think you're going
to see either of them again.

Well, God knows what'll
happen to us.

We'll probably be out on the street.

I'm sure they'll find you somewhere.
Oh, I know.

I got through the war
and an ill-advised marriage,

I dare say I can cope with this.

Any sign of Sebastian?

Yes, he went off with Mr Falstaff.

Really? Yes.

It's wonderful to see him
happy just this once.

Come on, Johnny!
Come on, Johnny! Come on, Johnny!

There we are.
HE LAUGHS

THEY CHUCKLE

Come on, Sebastian. Come on!

Come on. Come on.

Yes!

Another win for
the Leicestershire Legend!

A win!? I could hardly
see you for dust.

Oh, you're such a loser!

A loser? You're such a liar!

Oh! Here you go.
APPLAUSE

I feel like Elizabeth Taylor
in National Velvet.

Aw, you look like her.

Smell like her.

Are you ready to go?

Can I come back tomorrow?

Behave yourself.

THEY CHEER