Original subtitles

♫ A girl went back to Napoli

♫ Because she missed the scenery

♫ The native dances and the charming songs

♫ But wait a minute, something's wrong

♫ Hey, mambo! Mambo Italiano!

♫ Hey, mambo! Mambo Italiano

(GUN FIRING) ♫ Go, go, go you mixed up Sicialiano

♫ All you calabraise-a do the mambo like a crazy with a

♫ Hey mambo, don't wanna tarantella

♫ Hey mambo, no more a mozzarella

(BELL DINGING) ♫ Hey mambo! Mambo Italiano!

♫ Try an enchilada with da fish a bac a lab and then a

♫ Hey goombah, I love a how you dance a rumba

♫ But take a some advice, paisano

♫ Learn how to mambo

♫ If you gonna be a square you ain't a gonna go nowhere

♫ Hey mambo! Mambo Italiano!

♫ Hey mambo! Mambo Italiano!

♫ Go, go, Joe, shake like a Giovanno

♫ Hello kess-a-deetch-a you getta happy in the feets a

♫ When you mambo Italiano

♫ Shake-a Baby shake-a cause I love a when you take a me

♫ Mama say "Stop-a or I'm gonna go tell papa"

♫ And a hey ja drool

♫ You don't a have to go to school

♫ Just make-a wid da beat bambino

♫ It's a like a vino

♫ Kid you good a lookin' but you don't a-know what's cookin' till you

♫ Hey mambo, Mambo Italiano

♫ Hey mambo, Mambo Italiano

♫ Ho, ho, ho, you mixed up Siciliano

♫ It's a so delish a everybody come copisha

♫ How to mambo Italiano! ♫

He's gonna miss his train, Frank.

Tommy, don't worry, he'll be here.

Hey, I'm sorry you couldn't come over for dinner.

What dinner? Last night.

Rose talked to Angie about it. Angie said you guys were busy.

She never mentioned that to me. We were home watching TV.

You missed a good dinner, Frank.

(BELL CLANGING)

I don't know what's wrong with Angela lately. I gotta talk to her.

(TRAIN HORN BLOWING)

Right on time.

MAN ON PA SYSTEM: Northbound train arriving on track 4. Gates 1-7.

I love you.

(BELL RINGING)

(MAN COUGHING)

(GUN FIRES)

How do these people do it every day?

It's like fucking sardines.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

No, make it higher. Play with it.

I tell you what, Angela.

It all boils down to good follicles.

You've been blessed. One head in a million.

I ran into her at Foodtown.

I invited her over for dinner. Yeah.

But Angela says they're busy.

Then, this morning, Tommy was talking to Frankie.

Turns out they were home last night. Stop!

Frankie didn't know anything about it.

She never even told her own husband.

Who the hell does she think she is?

Mrs. D, you don't like it?

No, no, it's not the cut.

(EXCLAIMS) MAN: I'm sorry.

Thanks, Ray.

(WOMEN GIGGLING)

(CHATTERING EXCITEDLY)

Connie. Hey, doll. How are you?

Look at you. A redhead. You look gorgeous.

Hey, Angela. How are you doing, kiddo? Hi.

I'm okay. How you doing?

You know me. Always looking for action.

Hey, you look terrific, kid. ANGELA: Thanks.

That Frank better keep an eye on you.

ANGELA: Yeah, right.

You coming to the card game tonight?

Oh, I can't. We haven't seen you in an age.

I gotta help Joey. He's having a lot of trouble in school.

Of course he's having trouble in school.

He hangs out with Tony Junior.

Face it, these boys are never gonna be Einstein.

Come on over. Have some fun tonight.

I really can't. Listen, I gotta go, okay? I'm real sorry.

Have a great time. It was great to see you guys.

Bye. Take care.

That bitch. She thinks her shit don't stink.

I have three cards here. One red, you can take all my bread,

and two blacks, that'll set you back.

Watch it, chase it, see where I place it.

It's right here. It's right here. That's it.

Give me five and you win ten.

(ALL EXCLAIM)

Gee, I could have sworn, girls.

Tough luck, girls. Try again.

Hey. What's going on here?

Hi, Mrs. de Marco. Hi, Tara.

Hmm?

Nothing, Ma. We're just playing.

You playing for money?

No, Mrs. de Marco, we were just playing for fun. Right, guys?

I want all of you to go home. Joseph Francis, I want to talk to you inside.

I'll be right in, Ma.

ALL: Bye.

Hi, hon. Hey, babe.

Going out tonight? Yeah, Tony called a meeting.

You playing cards at Connie's tonight? No.

What're you looking for?

No? Why not?

Well, I don't feel like it.

You don't feel like it?

When the boss's wife asks you to come play cards, you go.

I don't have to jump every time Connie or Tony snaps their fingers.

You know, I don't know what's wrong with you lately, Angela.

All the other guys' wives get along.

Tommy and Rose invite us to dinner. You lie to them.

You don't tell me about it.

They were your friends. Now all of a sudden you can't stand them?

That makes me look bad. How am I supposed to get ahead in the family?

The same way you always have. Lie, cheat, steal, kill.

That's very funny. You're a comedian now?

I should call Ed McMahon and get you on fucking Star Search.

Mom, I have to go to the bathroom.

Hey, hey, hey, come here.

I do not want you taking money from those kids anymore.

It was Tony Junior's idea.

Oh, what? That makes it okay?

You can't think for yourself?

Hey, you playing three-card monte with those kids again?

Yeah.

How much did you take from them?

$12.

That's not bad. Thanks, Dad.

Thanks, Frankie. I'm trying to teach him something.

Angela, he's only a kid.

What are you looking for?

My revolver. Where is my revolver?

Here, Dad. Jesus! Joey, give me that.

Go to your room, Joey.

(BARKING) Come on, Lucky.

Thank you, Joey.

That's great, Frank. That's really great.

It's not loaded, Angela.

I can't believe it.

All right. So I'll keep it locked up from now on.

It's not just the gun, Frank. It's everything.

It's this whole life.

Your life is so bad?

You have a beautiful house, you have plenty of money,

you have a great kid, you have a husband who loves you.

What more do you want from me? I want a normal life.

I'm sick and tired of the gambling, the guns,

bailing you outta jail, never knowing when you're gonna come home

if you're gonna come home.

Look at this place.

Everything we wear, everything we eat,

everything we own fell off a truck.

Take it easy, baby. I don't think you're making much sense.

When I look at this house, you know what I see?

I see a swell house with beautiful furnishings.

When I go upstairs into Joey's room

I see all the things we give him.

Things you and I never had when we was growing up.

Frankie, don't you get it? Everything has blood on it.

I don't have to sit here and listen to this garbage.

Neither do I. Oh, no?

No! No! No?

What are you gonna do about it?

I want a divorce.

(LAUGHING)

Listen to Dr. de Marco for just a second here, darling. All right?

You go upstairs, you take a Valium.

You lie down, relax. You'll feel a lot better. All right, darling?

I love you.

(LAUGHING)

(SOBBING)

FRANK: Joey!

Joey, honey!

MIKE: Well, well, well.

What have we here?

It's Nick "The Snake" and his two nephews, Al "The Worm" and...

BENITEZ: Don't tell me. Vinnie "The Slug".

Your common, garden-variety hoodlums.

And speak of the devil, "Cucumber" Frank de Marco.

Bang.

The gang's all here, Mike.

Everyone except Tony "The Tiger" Russo.

(GROWLING)

(MAN WHISTLING)

(GROWLING)

♫ How to play all the keys

♫ Hey, it's Tony

♫ "The Tiger"

♫ And I don't mind telling you folks No, no.

♫ From this mike here

♫ It's Tony, hey, Tony, no phoney baloney

♫ "The Tiger"

♫ Yeah! He's the paisan the sun always shines on

♫ It's Tony "The Tiger" ♫

(GASPS)

Excuse me, Mr. Russo. Sure.

John. Tony.

The Chateau Lichine is coming in. It's pre-Chernobyl, I hope.

Hey, fellas.

(ALL GREETING)

Butch. Nick.

Tom? TOM: Yeah, Hon.

Some glasses and an order for you.

FRANK: Tony.

Frank.

Yeah.

How's Angela and the kid?

They're both good, very good. Thank you.

I've got something for you here.

Thanks very much, Tony.

That was a great job that you did on the train.

Well, it was a beautiful ride, Tony.

Go take care of the guys upstairs. I'll be right up.

♫ The same

♫ The same melody

♫ Somebody tell me what's been happening to me

♫ Tell me what the heck is going wrong ♫

Table for two, gentlemen?

Yeah. Please.

This way, please.

My God, Tony. It's beautiful. You're beautiful.

No, I'm gonna have to do something very, very special for you tonight.

You twisted my arm. The Fantasia.

Oh, room. 17. Room 17.

Twelve past ten. Ten past.

Yeah, ten past twelve.

(WHISTLING)

MAN 1: 2:00 am. MAN 2: Quitting time.

TOMMY: But you did miss a good dinner.

You know Rosie's chicken francese? With the ricotta?

Correct.

Shells with sauce. Shells with sauce?

Cannoli afterwards.

What, are you staying?

I'm gonna take a bath before I go.

Is something wrong, Tone?

Yeah.

You shouldn't smoke in bed. You're gonna start a fire.

Tony, it's a water bed.

(GIGGLING)

I gotta go. Gimme a kiss.

(SIGHS)

Oh, thanks!

Forget about it.

You go straight home now, lollipop.

(MUSIC PLAYING ON CAR RADIO)

(DOOR OPENING)

Frank?

(PEOPLE CHATTERING ON TV)

Frank, you're early.

(GASPS)

Put this over there.

(SIREN WAILING)

Karen?

Karen?

Karen...

Save me some soap, Karen,

because I'm feeling extra dirty tonight.

TONY: Rub-a-dub-dub.

I had no idea you was putting the stones to Karen.

It's checkout time, Frankie.

Tony, this blows my mind.

I loved you like a father.

You disappointed the shit out of me.

(WATER SPLASHING)

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Go away.

Downey.

I'm there.

(SIREN WAILING)

DOWNEY: Special Agent Downey, FBI.

MAN: Let him by.

08:05 yesterday morning,

"The Fat Man" buys a one-way ticket on the Long Island train.

19 hours later, "Cucumber" Frank de Marco takes a bath.

I'm no mathematician, but it looks like payback time.

Excuse me, gentlemen. The place is clean.

I don't know, sir. Doesn't add up.

Here you go.

You got a better make on it?

The late Karen Lutnick was Tony Russo's girlfriend.

No shit.

Maybe Frank was indiscreet.

They don't call him "The Cucumber" for nothing.

Karen was a real dish.

Tony finds out Frank's eating off his plate.

Tony's got a temper. The man gets angry, he gets sloppy.

Maybe "The Tiger" did it himself.

You're talking murder one. Two counts. We could hang him.

Put me back on 24-hour surveillance.

I'll nail Tony for the murders of Frank de Marco and Karen Lutnick.

PRIEST: Let us pray for our brother

to our Lord Jesus Christ, who said:

"I am the resurrection and the life."

"The man who believes in me will live even if he dies."

(CRYING) Frank! My baby!

PRIEST: Now we know that he will raise...

Such a good boy.

We commend our brother to the Lord.

May the Lord receive him into his peace

and raise up his body on the last day. Amen.

(FRANK'S MOTHER CRYING HYSTERICALLY)

Frank. I'm coming with you.

ANGELA: Mama, no!

(SCREAMS) Mama!

They found them in the tub, naked.

Well, everything that goes around, comes around.

Here she comes.

You don't have to clean up. Angela, just be quiet.

Thanks, you guys. I appreciate this. What are friends for?

And we are your friends, whether you like it or not.

I'm, uh... I'm gonna go check on my mother-in-law.

CONNIE: Poor kid. She's been through a lot.

You liar. No, it's true.

Liar! No, it's true!

Come on, Tony. Give him a shot.

The two of you knock it off.

Stop this fight. What is this?

Tony, get off. Get up.

Get in the house. Go on. Hurry up.

You all right, Joey? My nose is bleeding.

He's all right.

Let me see that.

That's nothing. That's nothing.

Are you okay? Hmm?

Listen, you two just stay away from each other today, okay?

Go on.

(SIGHS) Thank you so much, Tony.

Thank you so much!

So, Angela, how are you holding up?

I don't know. I'm... I'm okay. I'm okay. Yeah.

Now, look. I wanna reassure you, Angela.

You're not gonna be alone. I'm gonna take care of you.

I really appreciate that. I really do. But...

Angela,

I wanna help you.

You're so sweet.

Thanks.

Oh, Angela...

Holy shit. The grieving widow.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

Keep your hands off me.

BOTH: Bingo.

Ma, what are we gonna do now?

(BIRD TWITTERING)

I don't know, hon.

I just don't know.

(SIGHS)

MAN ON PA: Attention, shoppers...

(GASPS)

Hi, Rose. Hi, Angela.

Angela...

Connie.

Weight Watchers?

You worried about your figure?

Some of us are. Cute.

Joan Rivers Junior.

You know, Angela, sometimes when a girl gets single,

she thinks of going out with other girls' guys.

Connie, I am not interested in Tony.

Everybody is interested in Tony.

You better call it off,

because if I ever catch you two together...

I... I...

Just forget about it.

Try keeping Tony on a leash. You'll find one in aisle 5.

Oh, yeah? While I'm there, I'll pick you up a flea collar.

Angela, watch your ass.

Spiced or regular? Spiced. Spiced.

Okay, coming right up.

Die! Die, earthling.

Joey!

Where did you get that? Uncle Tony gave it to me.

Uncle Tony? He gave me this, too. A $100 bill.

He bought some stuff for you, too.

Oh, yeah?

Ta-da!

JOEY: Die!

(LOUD BEEPING)

Joey, stop it.

What's the matter, Ma?

Joey,

Tony is not your uncle. He's not a relative.

And I don't want you taking presents from him anymore.

Can I keep the Lazer Tag stuff?

No. Sorry.

Hey, why don't you run upstairs and do your homework.

Okay.

(IN TONY'S VOICE) "Because I care."

(MEN CHATTERING)

Your receipts, Mrs. de Marco.

Your generosity is overwhelming. Sure. Sure.

Here. The pink slip to the car,

and the address where to pick it up tonight.

God bless you, Mrs. de Marco.

Forget about it.

After tonight... Yes?

...lose that address.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Ready, big guy? Let's go, Mom.

Okay.

Here we go.

Who's the bimbo? Angela de Marco.

The former Miss Angela Maria Gianelli.

Daughter of Dominick and Catherine, both deceased.

Mother of Joseph Francis, age seven.

Subject graduated Bayside High School, Queens, 1978.

Attended one semester at Robert Rene Beauty Academy.

College education, none.

Favorite vegetable? Cucumber.

Favorite animal? Tiger.

What?

"Cucumber" Frank de Marco's widow is screwing Tony Russo?

That's what Tony's wife seems to think.

I don't get it. How does Connie fit in?

From my observation, sir, Connie is the one person who Tony actively fears.

Who knows why, but it borders on the pathological.

Subject married Francis Aloysius de Marco, May 15, 1979.

The key is Angela de Marco.

I say we tap her phone, her house, her bedroom. Stake her out.

Scope her, tail her, coming and going, in and out

and we catch Tony "The Tiger" with his pants down.

Not bad, Downey. Get the bitch.

Why is she stopping here, Ed? I don't know.

ANGELA: Okay. Go on in.

JOEY: Come on.

(DOG BARKING)

Ma, we can't live here.

I told you this is all we can afford right now, Joey.

Things are gonna be tough for a while.

(EXCLAIMS)

But I'm gonna get a good job.

We're gonna save some money and we'll find a nicer place. Okay?

We're gonna lead a good life.

A life that we can be proud of.

And that's what really matters now.

Okay, but this place really sucks.

Yeah, I know. Come on, let's go down and unload the car.

What's that thing in the middle of that room?

It's a bathtub.

Why is it in the kitchen? I'll tell you later.

ALL: ♫ Happy birthday...

♫ To you ♫

Aww...

(ALL CHEERING)

Blow them out. Make a wish.

I got a wish.

(MAN WHISTLES)

WOMAN: Blow out the candles

(ALL CHEERING)

(DOOR BELL RINGS)

Carlo, the door.

Excuse me, honey, cut the cake. I'll be right back.

Give me a kiss.

(ALL CHATTERING)

Oh, thank you.

All right, did you find out where the hell she went?

Tony, you wouldn't believe it.

She moved into some shithole on the Lower East Side. Here's the address.

What the hell's she doing down there? Beats me.

Tony, it's in a real hell of a place.

I wouldn't have a dog live down there.

You can't even go up the stairs.

It's falling apart. It's that bad.

It's a dangerous neighborhood.

Hey, did you remember to get that orange notebook that was on the couch?

Mmm-hmm. Yeah?

Ma, I wanna go in that way.

Joey, I... I don't think... Okay. Okay.

Mom, don't worry about me. Okay, okay.

All right, I'm gonna pick you up right here at 3:00. Okay?

Good luck.

BOTH: Be good.

WOMAN: Who is the right side?

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

WOMAN: Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

This is my stop.

(ALL CLAMORING)

MAN: Hey!

Hey, what the hell are you doing, dog-face?

WOMAN: Hi. ANGELA: Hi!

Can I help you with something?

Well, I'm not sure that you're the person I'm supposed to talk to.

I'm here about your advertisement in the newspaper

about the cosmetics position.

Oh, yes, I'm sorry. They already hired somebody.

You've got to get here really early.

(SINGING A CAPPELLA)

(CLICKING)

Hello, sweetie. How are you today?

Oh, I can't find a job.

Go to Chicken Lickin' right next door. They got a sign in the window.

Right here. Yeah. Yeah?

Thank you.

All right, hon. You have a good day.

You, too. Bye-bye.

Good luck.

Thank you.

I've never worked in a restaurant before.

But I'm a hard worker and I learn real fast. Good.

Let's try this uniform on, and then we'll see how things look.

Okay.

You can change in here.

Okay.

For privacy.

Furthermore, I'll lock the door.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Shoot.

It's okay.

Oh, miss?

You are a real lowlife, mister. You know that?

Young lady, one moment. Ma'am, please.

Please, uh...

Give me back my uniform.

What?

Give me back my uniform.

Drop dead, dirt bag.

(ALL CHEERING)

You tell him, honey.

Get that man another milkshake.

(WOMAN YELLING)

MAN: I don't know!

(BARKING)

Hey, Lucky.

(TELEPHONE RINGING) Shoot!

TONY: "Tiptoes" Mazzilli and Johnny King got knocked off last night.

(BABY CRYING)

This is a shithole.

Watch where you're... That's all right, Tommy. Sorry.

Pick up his bag for him, Tommy.

I oughta be more careful. I'm dangerous on the road.

A regular menace to society.

Yeah, well, see you later, pal.

What a jerk.

Fucking dickhead.

It's all right, Tom.

Here, 41. Here.

DOWNEY: No... No...

Up.

Are you coming out? No, I'm going up.

Oh, sorry.

Uh, could you, uh, press 5, please?

I've really got you trapped in here. Are you sure you're okay?

No, I'm... I'm fine, thanks.

I found it on the street. I couldn't resist.

Uh, you know, you probably want to strip it before you put a finish on it.

Oh...

You live here?

Uh, yes.

Really? Me too.

I'm Angela de Marco.

Oh... Uh...

I'm Mike, uh, Smith.

Nice to meet you. I'm 41. What number are you?

59.

(THUDDING)

It's 4. It's you. Thanks.

Well, I'm sorry. Nice meeting you, Mike.

It's okay.

Are you... Yeah, there you go.

Sorry.

Guess I'll see you around. Bye.

Thanks for the tip.

Excuse me.

DOWNEY: Going up. Hey!

(GASPS)

Angela! Angie!

Hi! Glad we caught you.

ANGELA: So, uh, how'd you guys know where I live?

Oh!

Yeah, the new place. Well, needs a little bit of work, Angela.

But, you know, you fix it up right, it'll be great.

Yeah, I think so.

And we got you some olive oil. We got some beautiful tomatoes for you.

That smoked mozzarella you like, half a dozen bagels.

We even got a few household items in there.

You really shouldn't have done that.

TOMMY: You know, Angela, we miss Frank a hell of a lot.

And we miss you, too. That's right, Angela.

We're still your family. We always will be.

Oh!

You guys, I gotta get going. I...

Okay. We'll walk you down.

Rosie wants you to come to dinner next week. Say Thursday? Friday?

Any night. Any night that's good for you.

Gee, you know, Tommy,

I'm so busy with the move and getting set up and everything.

And I don't even know if we're gonna stay here, you know?

Why don't I give you guys a--a call when I'm settled?

Sure, I understand. Say hi to Rose for me.

TOMMY: Of course I will.

Everybody misses you so much.

We'll see you real soon, okay? Okay.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(CHUCKLING)

(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)

(TIME BUMS PLAYING)

Excuse me.

Hello, gorgeous. Hi, I'm Angela.

I'm Rita. How are you doing? Hi, Rita. I'm fine.

I'm looking for a job. I saw your sign in the window.

What can you do?

Well, I went to the Robert Rene Beauty Academy.

Well, I didn't graduate.

But I can clean, I can answer phones, I do windows.

And I live right across the street and...

I'm willing to try anything.

Please give me a chance.

Almost there.

♫ Oh, look out

♫ 'Cause here she comes ♫

You like it? Yeah, I... I think so.

It's...

Boy, It's, uh, it's short, huh?

It's a haircut. No, I... I like it. It's just...

I think it's short. I think it looks great on you.

Thank you.

You're welcome. See you tomorrow, Angela.

Thank you for the haircut, the job, everything.

Thank you. You won't be disappointed.

I hope not.

Bye. See you tomorrow. Okay. Thanks, Rita.

Next victim.

Um... Note to myself.

Run a make on the black chick.

(BOTH GASP)

Oh, God!

Jeez, you scared me.

(CHUCKLING)

Hey, I thought you lived upstairs.

I do. I'm a plumber.

I got off on the wrong floor. They all look the same.

Are you okay?

No. I, uh, not really. I, uh...

I've got this, uh, flu.

I really ought to get to bed.

Listen, I've got some great 12-hour cold tablets.

Why don't I get them for you?

Uh, no, um...

This is like a 24-hour bug.

It's very kind of you.

(SNIFFING)

Okay.

You didn't notice my hair.

No, I did.

What do you think?

It's a brand-new you.

Thanks. I think.

Take care of yourself. Drink plenty of fluids.

Thanks for the advice.

JOEY: Ma, can I stay over at David's house Friday night?

ANGELA: I don't know, hon.

JOEY: Please, Ma. Please. David's mother will be there.

Friday night will be okay. Thanks, Ma.

Woof, woof, woof. A promotion in this for the both of us.

I ran into her twice today.

She seems so nice.

I just can't figure it out. You know, the--the move, this place.

The job hunt. Yeah, well...

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

Hi, Mike.

Here--Here are those, uh,

12-hour cold tablets, you know, just in case.

Jeez, uh...

I'm feeling better already.

Must have just been a six-hour bug. But, thanks.

Mike, would you like to go out on a date with me?

You know, if you want to.

You know, uh, just dinner or...

Yeah. Sure.

Great.

Umm...

How about Friday night?

Friday night sounds great.

Great! Hey, Mom.

How'd you know where I was?

I just followed your voice.

Some detective.

Mike, this is my son Joey.

Hiya, Joey. JOEY: Hi.

Mom, did the cavemen kill all the dinosaurs?

Oh, gee, hon, I... I don't know.

It's a little before my time.

Actually, Joey,

the dinosaurs were dead for millions of years before humans showed up.

In fact, if the world were 24 hours old,

the dinosaurs would have lived in the last hour,

and the humans would have lived less than two seconds of that 24th hour.

Mike, you blow my mind.

(ANGELA CHUCKLING)

Big guy, have you started your homework?

No. No. I didn't think so.

Why don't you run downstairs and start your homework.

I'll be down in a few minutes.

You're really good with kids. Do you have any?

You're not married, are you?

Angela, if I were married, would I accept a date with you?

No, I guess not. Neither am I. Well, I was, but he's dead.

I'm sorry. Oh, no, no, don't be.

Well, I'll get outta your hair.

So, uh, I'll see you Friday night.

See you there.

Okay. About 8:00? Eight o'clock.

Okay.

Bye. Bye.

Bingo.

(SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Pretty wild, huh? It's very nice.

This is some kind of punch. I can't pronounce the name.

What shall we toast?

Oh, I know. Here's to elevators.

You meet the nicest people in them.

So where to?

Well, I could use a little snack.

(CHUCKLING) The usual?

You read my mind. Tell the boys behind us.

All right.

(BEEPING)

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Hello.

Are you hungry back there, boys? I thought you'd never ask.

Good. We're going to Burger World.

Alka-Seltzer World, right?

You got a problem with Burger World?

♫ Drive up to the clown

♫ It's a Burger World town

(SCATTING)

BOTH: ♫ The fries are crispy, the shakes are creamy

♫ The Double Continental with cheese is dreamy ♫

Charred, rotting flesh ain't my idea of a good meal.

Jeez, Vinnie, Come on.

(GUN FIRES)

Shit. Butch.

(SCREAMS)

♫ It's a Burger World town ♫

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(GARGLING)

No! No!

Let me go!

MAN: Bonjour. Hola. Willkommen. Howdy. May I take your order?

Yeah, I'd like

two Double Continental cheeseburgers,

and two fries. two chocolate shakes.

Merci. Gracias. Danke. Thanks.

Rings. Oh, yeah. Rings.

Could you add on please two orders of onion rings?

You bet.

That'll be $8.20, gentlemen.

Take out for the car right in back of us. Keep $5 for yourself.

Thanks very much. And extra ketchup.

You got it.

That's a new clown.

Tommy, Let's get the fuck outta here. Don't.

(HORN BLARING)

(GRUNTING)

The clown.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(ALL CHEERING)

I don't care if you have to send telegrams.

Some clown just tried to kill me.

I want a sit-down in Miami in 36 hours. I want mediation.

We're gonna settle this bullshit once and for all.

(MIKE AND ANGELA LAUGHING)

♫ Once you have found him, never let him go. Hey!

♫ Once you have found him, never let him go. Hey!

♫ Once you have found him, never let him go.

(CHUCKLES)

So, uh, what are you drinking?

What've you got?

Not a lot.

Well, you have a choice of Caffe Lolita,

or tequila, or creme de menthe.

You don't happen to have a club soda?

ANGELA: Yeah, It's in the fridge.

You wanna get it?

I'll be right back.

(DOG BARKING)

Good night, Lucky.

I see you found everything. No problem.

Why not take your coat off and stay a while?

Sounds like a fantastic idea.

♫ Once you have found him... ♫ Never let him go.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

I really... I really liked that band.

Their music is kind of strange. I like it.

Mmm-hmm.

Cheers.

Cheers.

This is really good club soda.

Would you rub my feet? They're killing me.

You know, I think, I, uh, I'm actually pretty good at this.

Yeah?

I just gotta get a hold of one of these nerves in here...

(MOANS)

(SCREAMS)

(MOANING)

Oh, God!

Oh, God, don't stop. That feels great.

I can't remember the last time a man touched me below the waist.

Hmm?

I can't believe I said that.

I'm sorry. I...

(SCREAMS)

Oh, God! Oh, God!

I...

I'll just use the bathroom.

Yeah, yeah. It's--It's right there.

You must think I'm so crude.

Are you kidding? It's just club soda.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

(DOG BARKING)

Joey?

Guess who's here, Tone.

Guess who's here, babycakes. Come on. This is your life.

Tony! Tony! Tony! Connie, Tony is not here.

Tone!

What a fucking dump.

What do you want, Connie?

All right, where is he? I know he's here.

No one's here.

Oh, yeah? What do you call these?

Glasses?

I'll remember you said that.

Your hair looks like shit.

(FLUSHING)

Please. I'm here, Tony.

Connie, please. You're making a big mistake.

Tony!

ANGELA: See?

This is my neighbor Mike. This is my friend Connie.

Whose husband are you, dog-face?

(LAUGHING)

(MIKE LAUGHING)

I don't know. Whose husband are you looking for?

Mine.

I guess I got you on the wrong night.

Get out. And stay out of my life.

Look, I fight for what's mine. I make no apologies.

You can call me a ball-buster, but it's just the way I am.

Keep away from Tony.

Jeez, what a grouch.

You all right?

It doesn't matter.

What the hell was I thinking? I'm such a jerk.

I thought I could start a new life.

I gave away everything we had.

I cut all our ties to the past.

Dragged Joey away from all his friends.

Be good? Look where it got us. All for nothing.

We'll never get away from them.

The funniest part of all,

I wasn't even thinking of guys, and then I meet you and...

If you knew what I... What I thought about us...

That's pretty pathetic.

I mean, let's face it. They're never gonna leave me alone.

The ball-buster

is Mrs. Tony Russo.

Recognize the name "Russo crime family"?

Well, my husband worked for Tony.

And he was iced.

Tony's been trying to screw me ever since.

So...

God, I hate them.

I really, uh, misjudged you.

I'm sorry.

It was nice knowing you.

Bye.

(CRACKLING)

(CHATTERING)

Angela,

I've, uh, got some things I have to say to you.

You do?

(CRACKLING)

God damn it.

It's not easy to turn your life around.

Especially when your past keeps coming back to haunt you.

What makes you so smart?

I guess I know you better than you think I do.

Oh, yeah?

We all make mistakes.

The important thing is to realize it

and to do something about it.

And to let yourself off the hook,

because everybody deserves a second chance.

They do?

Especially someone like you.

That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

BENITEZ: Open up, Romeo.

Who's that?

That's my, uh, friend. I gotta get to work.

Your friend? I'll call you later.

Is everything okay? Everything's fine.

Wakey, wakey. Eggs and bacie. Mikey, let's get going!

How long we been on the Russo case?

Lapse time 14 months. Next question?

How long has it been since you played hide-the-salami?

Classified. Next question?

Utilize a fun bag?

Back off, Benitez. Classified. Next question?

14 months down the tube because your little sausage gets lonely.

Negative. We treed the wrong possum. Angela's innocent.

(SIREN WAILING)

FRANKLIN: I don't know about you any more, Downey.

I just don't know.

Your brain's on hold. You're thinking with your dick.

Maybe you're burned out. Fried. In over your head.

Maybe you need a vacation.

Maybe not.

I don't know, Downey.

I just don't know.

Three words, gentlemen: Get Tony Russo.

(CHATTERING)

ANGELA: 4.30. Tuesday. Rita.

You got it. Okay. Bye-bye.

(DOORBELL JINGLING)

Hello, gorg... Angela de Marco?

ANGELA: Yeah.

FBI. You wanna come downtown with us?

What the hell is going on here?

Rita Harcourt? Immigration and Naturalization.

You gotta come downtown with me.

RITA: Who the hell do you think you is, busting in

and telling us to come downtown with you?

Mike, what are you doing here?

Angela, you'd, uh, better sit down.

Mrs. de Marco, I'm Regional Director Franklin.

This is Special Agent Benitez.

You're already acquainted with Special Agent Downey.

Downey?

You're FBI?

We've had you under surveillance for some time.

Surveillance? Is that what you call it?

Surveillance for what?

For starters, trafficking in stolen goods.

What are you talking about?

You donated a lot of furniture to charity. Very generous.

Unfortunately, most of it was hot.

Oh, gimme a break.

That's three to five years, Angela.

I also have a report from the IRS.

Something about undeclared income and defrauding the government.

That's an additional 10 to 15 in a federal pen.

Yeah, but Frankie always took care of the taxes.

You signed the returns.

Then there's the matter of your husband's death.

We know who killed him.

Tony?

And we know who helped.

What is this? Where did you get this?

You're in deep shit, Angela.

And so is your friend. She's being deported.

She'll be under a palm tree opening coconuts by the end of the week.

You sleazy sons of bitches.

Unless you play ball.

My God, you people work like the Mob.

There's no difference.

Oh, there's a big difference, Mrs. de Marco.

The Mob is run by murdering, thieving, lying, cheating psychopaths.

We work for the President of the United States of America.

Go to hell.

Let's stop playing games, Angela.

We can have you arrested and put in jail.

You'll be declared an unfit mother,

and Joey will end up in a foster home.

Hold it, Franklin.

Shut up, Downey.

You can't... You can't do that.

Just you watch us.

The meeting is all set. Everyone is gonna be there.

I'm having a travel agent bring over the tickets.

I'm handling the security myself.

I don't see any problems.

Good. That's real good, Uncle Joe.

Oh, by the way,

there's a Mrs. de Marco waiting to see you.

She's here now? Yeah.

Have her come in, Uncle Joe. Right.

Hey, fellas, evaporate for five minutes, will ya?

Hi.

TONY: Well, look what the cat dragged in.

Come on, sit down.

It's terrible about Tommy.

TONY: Yeah.

Yeah, first it was Frankie, and now Tommy.

How's Rosie taking it?

Rosie took a month's supply of Valium this morning.

She's at Mercy Hospital.

(SIGHS) Oh, God.

Frankly, I'm a little surprised you're here.

Yeah. I know.

When I saw the newspaper this morning,

all these feelings came over me.

You know I just, uh, I just feel really lost.

And I just wanted to see you.

Get outta here.

You know, you really scared me the day of the funeral.

You don't realize the effect you have on a woman.

You know, you're a... You're a very powerful guy, Tony.

Don't bullshit me.

You don't get it, do you? Well, I didn't expect you to.

I'll see you around.

Hold it right there.

What?

Are you being straight with me?

No, I came all the way out here just to pull your chain.

Well, you know something? I almost believe you.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Here's your itinerary, Anthony. You're...

You're going out on Eastern. 8:00 am.

Thank you, Uncle Joe.

Where are you going?

Miami.

Bye, Mom. Love you.

Tony! Tony! Ton...

WOMAN ON PA SYSTEM: Boarding flight 17, nonstop service to Miami.

Gate 32.

All disabled passengers and those traveling with small children...

That's it. We got a minute. Let's park it here.

I'll double-check the tickets.

All right. Thank you. I'm gonna go freshen up.

Oh, okay. You got time. Okay.

DOWNEY: Have a safe trip, miss. Thank you.

Leave me alone.

(WHISTLING)

Holy shit. Nick.

I'm way ahead of you, boss. I don't believe this.

Thank God, I got here in time.

Oh, honey! What's wrong, huh? Baby!

What's wrong? You forgot to say goodbye to me.

You forgot to say goodbye to me, baby.

Oh, I thought you were fast asleep.

I kissed you goodbye... You should have woken me up.

Well, baby, I know I've been hard on you lately,

but this morning I had this awful dream.

And I realized I've been awfully selfish.

No, come on...

WOMAN ON PA: Good morning, ladies and gentlemen,

Eastern Airlines, flight 17, nonstop to Miami, is now boarding.

(MAN SPEAKING OVER P.A.)

Please forgive me, baby. Please.

Don't be silly. Connie!

I've got a confession to make.

The other night when you didn't come home on time,

I got a little bit suspicious.

I'm so ashamed of this. I went over to Angela's.

You went over to Angela's? I couldn't help myself, baby.

I just had to see if you were with her.

Just thinking about you making it with that slut, I just I went crazy.

I couldn't stand it.

Tony, if I'd found you banging that broad,

I would have hunted you down like an animal.

It would have been slow and painful.

You would have begged me for mercy, baby.

I was so far gone...

Connie, Connie... You talking crazy now. I gotta get on the plane.

I'm so ashamed for not trusting you, is what I'm trying to say.

Especially when I saw the schmuck Angela was shacked up with.

Schmuck? What schmuck?

Just some schmuck. Come on, come on, get on your plane.

She didn't waste any time, did she?

Get on the plane, you maniac. Yeah, okay.

Tone, I'm gonna be the best wife to you.

Okay, honey. See you.

Okay. Bye-bye.

(WOMAN CHATTERING ON PA SYSTEM)

Hi!

Oh, God.

I hope that didn't shake you up too much back there.

No. I'm okay. Good.

Champagne, sir?

Thank you. Thank you.

Here's to, uh...

Here's to the mystery of life.

We have a lot to learn about each other, Angela.

CONNIE: Hello, front desk. How are you, honey?

Beautiful. You have a reservation for Mr. Anthony Russo?

Beautiful again.

This is Mrs. Russo. I'm gonna be joining my husband.

Now listen to me carefully.

I want you to move us into the honeymoon suite.

Now, I want champagne. I want caviar.

I want flowers. I want the room to swim in flowers.

And I wondered if you can do me...

Excuse me, honey?

He already has the honeymoon suite?

We have a flight leaving in 45 minutes.

Just gimme the fucking ticket, dickhead.

(WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD PLAYING)

Wow!

Nick, check us in, will you? Right, boss.

Look. A piano bar.

Is something wrong?

No. Nothing's wrong.

Are you sure?

Uh...

(GASPS)

A regular menace to society.

Especially when I saw the schmuck Angela was with.

Hi, boss. Yo, boss.

Stevarino, Al. Come here, I wanna talk to you.

Angela, I'll be right with you. Okay.

Something wrong?

♫ Somebody tell me what's been happening to me lately

♫ Tell me what's been ♫

Can I get you a drink, sir?

Uh, yeah. Club soda. Thanks.

Hello, Mama. Homeboy. Target sky bound.

Hey, remember, Homeboy look, but don't touch.

You're the eyes, we're the brains.

Don't make a move without my say-so. You got it, Downey?

Downey?

Roger, Mama. Loud and clear.

Pal, what are you drinking?

Thanks, but I gotta... You gotta what?

You gotta relax.

I can see you're on your own and you're bored. So are we.

What's your name? Mike. Mike Smith.

Oh, Mike Smith?

I'm Nick Jones. This is my nephew, Al.

How's it going, pal?

Let me tell you something about my Uncle Nick, here.

If I could buy him for what he's worth

and then sell him for what he thinks he's worth,

I'd be a billionaire.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

I'll give him a beating.

Here you go.

Wow!

Meeting's in one hour, boss.

Get New York on the phone for me, Stevarino.

STEVARINO: Right away.

Eh?

(CHUCKLING)

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to welcome to Miami.

The Captain has asked that you please remain in your seats

until we reach the terminal.

Madam, please.

Honey, forget about it.

(SCREAMS)

Got something for you.

Open it up.

Oh, Tony! It's beautiful.

I thought you deserved something real special.

So do you, Tone.

What's that? For me? Yeah.

You little devil.

Your hands are trembling.

I'm scared shitless, Tony.

I didn't expect this of you, Angela.

It's magnificent. You like it?

Like it? Yeah.

Are you kidding? Look at that! Here, put it on.

Look at that. Look how it picks up the light.

Yeah.

That's not all it picks up, Tony.

Grand jury time, Tony.

ANGELA: So, don't you go away now.

Director Franklin, Jimmy "Fisheggs" just arrived.

The gondola.

Clear, Renee.

Mr. James Roe. The party's shaping up nicely.

Come on, Tony. Get your ass into gear and get over here.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

TONY: Stevarino, I'll get it.

Okay, boss.

Come in, fellas.

Who's your friend?

Tony, meet Mike Smith. A lonely guy from Dubuque.

A great guy.

A one-man party in search of the right crowd.

I knew you guys had to meet.

You did the right thing, Nick.

It's fabulous to meet you, Mr., uh, Smith.

Great to hook up with another party animal.

I think it's Nick and Al here who are the real animals.

What the hell is he up to now?

I admire your moustache. Thank you very much.

Angela...

Yeah.

Come and meet Mike Smith from Dubuque.

(CHUCKLES)

DOWNEY: Hi.

I'm Mike Smith from Dubuque.

Hello, Mr. Smith.

It's fabulous to meet you, Angela.

Thank you.

It's fabulous to meet all of you.

What do you say we take a seat, Mike.

Come on.

Thanks.

Sit down, Mr. Smith. Okay.

It's a wild spread you got here.

I realize you're busy. I'll...

(GRUNTS)

Fellas.

Frisk him, Stevarino.

Watch him, Nick.

NICK: You got it, Steve.

TONY: Hold it. Hold it. Hold it.

Make another move and I'll blow your brains out.

Looky here, boss. Only a lighter.

NICK: Very interesting.

Tony,

you know, hon, this is none of my business and I...

I totally don't even know what's going on here or anything.

But it seems to me it's getting a little out of hand.

You better stay out of this, miss.

Check out this here.

(CRACKLING)

Who the fuck are you?

Federal Bureau of Investigation, Tony.

You're all under arrest.

If you got about 14 hours, I'll read you the charges.

(SCREAMS)

TONY: I can see the headlines tomorrow.

"FBI hothead shoots love-nest girlfriend..."

Freeze.

If anyone moves, I'll blow his head off.

Go ahead.

I'm not kidding, Tony.

DOWNEY: It's all over, Tony. The place is crawling with cops.

FBI, DEA, Treasury.

Angela.

What?

Be careful. Very, very careful.

Don't.

(SCREAMS) Okay. okay.

Angela, you're a very exciting woman.

For some crazy reason, I think I'd rather kill myself than hurt you.

But suicide's out of the question.

Oh, yeah, just like you hurt my husband, Tony?

Just like you killed Frankie, you dirty, lying bastard?

What's she talking about?

Boss, is that bitch telling the truth or is she lying?

Chill out. Chill out!

That's right, buddies. Tell 'em, Tony.

Say it loud and clear so we can get it on tape. The whole place is bugged.

The chairs, the lamps, the paintings.

Any second, 50 agents are gonna pound at that door.

Bullshit.

(POUNDING AT DOOR)

That's it, Tony. You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say can and will be used against you.

Shut the fuck up, fuzzball.

I'll get it.

You have the right to an attorney.

Angela, you stay...

Get your dicks out of your hands, guys.

DOWNEY: If you cannot afford an attorney...

Mike, it's your old buddy Al. Remember...

(SCREAMS) Connie!

My God! Connie!

Oh, my God, Tony, it's Connie.

(SCREAMS)

Why are you here, dorkface?

I came to tell your husband to keep his hands off of my woman.

Connie, don't listen to him. He's a cop.

And Angela is working with him.

Honeymoon suite.

She gave me a ring, see?

She gave me a ring but it's got a bug in it.

A bug!

Can you believe that? How about that shit?

I got nothing to live for any more.

Jesus!

Of course you do. That's ridiculous! Think of Tony Junior.

All your credit cards, honey. You got a hun...

All right, Connie, let's think. You got your game shows.

You got the, uh, Wheel of Fame.

Connie, that was...

That was close.

Watch your back, Uncle Nick.

Take him out.

Gee, Mike. You didn't have to do that.

Now, Connie...

Connie, honey, I-- I'm gonna-- I'm gonna change.

You certainly will.

FBI! Drop it, Connie.

Hold it, Tony. Screw you.

Fuck!

DOWNEY: Tony Russo,

you're under arrest

for the murders of Frank de Marco and Karen Lutnick.

You'll never make it stick.

Sure, Tony.

(ALL CHATTERING)

WOMAN REPORTER: Tony, what did you tell them?

I'm sorry. I can't talk about it.

MALE REPORTER: How are the Feds treating you?

Not bad. I get to watch all my soaps.

(ALL CHUCKLING)

REPORTER 1: The food must be good. You put on some weight.

It's probably the bulletproof vest.

REPORTER 2: Bullet proof vest? Are you afraid someone will knock you off?

Afraid? With these gorillas around me?

Come on, I feel safer than a virgin at a eunuch convention.

Say, Robert,

excuse me, would you mind if I stepped in and took a leak?

Go ahead. You're a gentleman.

♫ The fries are crispy, the shakes are creamy

♫ The Double Continental with cheese is dreamy

♫ It's a Burger World town ♫

Hiya, Tone.

Connie?

Kiss it goodbye.

No.

Holy Mary, mother of God.

Holy shit.

Another bad dream?

Yeah. I guess you could say that.

Time to get up anyway.

Today's your big day.

Can't keep the grand jury waiting.

Angela, you are an artist.

You like it? I love it.

Here. You keep the change on this. Okay?

Thank you. You're welcome.

Next victim.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Hello, Gorgeous. DOWNEY: Hello, gorgeous. Hi.

Oh, it's you.

Uh, listen, please don't hang up again.

Angela, look out the window. Look across the street.

Give me a break. What do you want?

Uh... A haircut?

Boy, you don't give up too easy, do you, Mike?

Not when it come to you, Angela.

Sure. I suppose I could squeeze you in.

I see your arm is all healed. Lay back.

Okay.

You know, I've been thinking.

Well, there you go, working without tools again.

You know, I've been thinking, too.

You know, I fell for you like a ton of bricks.

I bared my soul to you.

I trusted you. You lied to me.

Then, you almost have me killed.

But...

I can't stop thinking about

what you said to me that night at my apartment.

Maybe everyone does deserve a second chance.

Even you.

You want one?

Yeah. I want one.

I'll think about it.

(ALL APPLAUDING)

(BIZARRE LOVE TRIANGLE PLAYING)

♫ Every time I think of you

♫ I feel shot right through with a bolt of blue

♫ Its no problem of mine

♫ But its a problem I find

♫ Living a life that I cant leave behind

♫ I'm not sure what this could mean

♫ I don't think you're what you seem

♫ I do admit to myself That if I hurt someone else

♫ Then Ill never see just what were meant to be

♫ Every time I see you falling

♫ I get down on my knees and pray

♫ I'm waiting for that final moment

♫ You say the words that I cant say

(SUSPICION OF LOVE PLAYING)

♫ Pick me up and head up out

♫ Take me down to the station

♫ Went through every pile they had

♫ I finally made an identification

♫ Picked her out of a thousand faces

♫ Said I could tell by the smile

♫ Broke down started crying he put his hand on my shoulder

♫ Said it'll be all right in awhile

♫ Suspicion of love

♫ Love

♫ Suspicion of love

♫ Suspicion of love

(TOO FAR GONE PLAYING)

♫ Well they found him laughing They caught him running

♫ He was down on his knees He was under the table

♫ Getting excited Feeling excited

♫ Temperature's rising Fever is rising

♫ Whoa-o yeah ready to go

♫ Whoa-o yeah already gone

♫ Whoa-ho

(LIAR, LIAR PLAYING)

♫ Why must you hurt me, do what you do

♫ Listen here, boy, can't you see I love you

♫ Make a little effort Try to be true

♫ I'll be happy, not so blue

♫ Liar, liar, pants on fire

♫ Your nose is longer Than a telephone wire

(TIME BUMS PLAYING)