Original subtitles

Amalia, the garbage man is here. Arert you supposed to come at 6:00?

- My shift starts at 6:00. - And you stop at every bar.

Mind your own business.

Live and let live. Do you always have to get involved?

Go get me a half liter of genuine vinegar...

...the red label brand. You know the one I mean? - Yes.

- 20, 40 and 50. - Give me another 100, so I can buy 10 cigarettes, too.

Don't stop to chit-chat, the lamb's on the stove.

Don't be a broken record. I know what I have to do.

They're back again! Always the same story?

Tearing up the road again?

Smoking near the gas line?

Sonny, do you want to blow us up? It could explode.

Smoking my cigarettes?

Quit pestering people trying to make an honest dollar! Beat it!

Take it easy, you could ruin your eyes with that blow torch...

...and you only get two eyes in this life.

- Any news on China, Sir? - Otello, forget China!

But Sir, they're worse than ants. 600 million Chinese.

If they move, then what will we do?

I'll still be an accountant. You, think for yourself.

- They'll put you to work. - A new Fiat 1100?

Do you mind?

Two-tone! Snazzy! Too snazzy for an old man like you.

Here I am. I'll take care of it.

Back up, there's room. Back up. Stop!

Drop dead!

I said "stop", you should have stopped!

Who is this idiot?

- It's not my fault if you can't drive. - Where are you going?

- At least give us a hand! - A hand? You need a crane!

- Good morning, Remo! - Hi, pap�.

- Is it a 500? - No, it's a 250. - Wow!

Easy! Don't do 2 things at once, like your mother.

- First take out the carburetor. - Okay.

- Take off the nut. - Pap�, don't mix me up!

- Finished? - No.

- Hurry up! - Good morning, Biancone!

How's my boy doing? Is he doing a good job?

The kid is smart. I can't say the same of the grown-ups!

- Really? - Yes.

- Let me take a ride. - I can't. The customer's on his way.

- You afraid I'll wreck it? - Do you have nothing to do?

- I have to go get some vinegar for mamma. - Well, go then!

Who's the father here?

Take it easy! Don't botch it!

Motorcycles are like women: You have to treat them with care.

You have to humor them. Good morning, everybody!

- Don't let it get to you. Which vinegar? The red label brand? - Whatever.

Whoever did it must think he's funny, but he's not...

...because vulgar is as vulgar does.

I'm not the vulgar one here.

What do you care, Otello?

It's not the raspberries, I'd just like to know...

...why always me and no one else? - You must know!

Perhaps, in your judgment...

...I am of below average intelligence.

Instead, I say, you are too quick in judging me.

And, I might add, no threat intended...

...one day you'll be sorry. - Here, take your vinegar and go.

Furthermore, I know you all and I have your picture. Click!

Look at yourselves! No hard feelings, but, just one more thing:

...be careful of what you do.

- Good day. - Bye.

Good day everyone. Good day.

Try doing it again.

Thanks! My turn next time!

Remo, are you done? Shall we go home?

Pap�, did they give you the raspberries again?

- You heard them? - Loud and clear!

Isn't it because of your jacket?

My smoking jacket? No way!

- Well, why do you put up with it? - I knew it!

You can't understand, you're still a child.

When you grow up, you'll understand that you can't get even right away.

You've been waiting for 4 years!

Deep down you're mad at me because I haven't been working for 4 years...

...but, for someone like me, is it harder to work or watch people work?

Pap�, it's harder to work!

Let us suppose that you are right...

...let me tell you that I have a clear conscience. I'll tell you why.

- Are you listening? - Yes.

- Take the concept of "motherland". Do you know what it is? - No.

I'll tell you. She's what drafts you into the army.

You serve her, you risk your life for 11 years, like I did...

...then, when the wars are over...

...she takes back your uniform and sends you home unemployed.

And you, jobless, how do you eat? You steal!

- If you rob, what does she do? - She arrests you.

- Do you want your father to go to jail? - No.

Then, I say: "Dear motherland, offer me a job! Come on!".

Then, if I say no, send me to jail, like in Russia.

Otello!

Come and help me unload!

- I'll help you. - And your husband? - He went out.

Never here, huh? How many times have I asked him to be here to help?

If I help you, isn't it the same thing?

No, because if you werert my sister, I would have already knifed him.

- What are you fighting about? - Pap�, don't make things worse!

Ma'am!

- There's mail. - What is it?

- Sign please? - Do I have to sign for it?

Yes, it's a registered letter.

It's from City Hall. They want my husband!

- They want to arrest him? - No, they want to hire him!

What wonderful news! I bet he'll be happy!

Bring me a chair, I want to see his face when you give him the letter.

- Are you fighting? What's wrong? - Otello!

- There's good news for you! - Let me see him! - See who?

Your moment has finally arrived!

- Here! - What is it?

I'm so happy.

- It's City Hall! - To spite those who always made fun of you...

...and who always humiliated us.

- Are you speaking for me? - Yes, for you, too.

You're my brother and I love you, but Otello is my husband...

...and I must tell you:

...for years you've made him suffer, and I've suffered in silence.

What about me? How many times have I had to swallow my pride!

Now you'll have to stop saying that Otello is a moocher...

...that he doesn't want to work.

All this just because he's finally got a job!

- And who says I'm going to accept the job? - What?

- Have you read the letter? - No. What's it say?

We inform you that you have been hired...

...by City Hall, as a common laborer for the city markets.

- So what? - It's a good job and good money as well.

Never mind money, can someone tell me what "common laborer" means?

Docker! You get up at 3:00 am and at 4:00 you start unloading.

And what must I unload, if I might ask?

Everything. Sacks of potatoes, crates of fruit, blocks of ice.

- Ice is cold, imagine in winter! - You don't want to?

- Did I say anything? - And well you shouldn't!

- You're lucky to start as a docker. - You think so?

And who do I thank for this lovely little job?

I applied for a job with the Municipal Police Department...

...not for a job as a docker. - It's written here. - Where?

You have been given this job to grant the wish of a young heroic child.

- And who might this heroic child be? - I am. Remember this summer...

...when I used to swim in the river...

...and I saved that boy who was drowning? - The Councilmars son?

At the end of the school year, the Mayor came and made a speech.

At the end, he said: "Did you save The Councilmars son?". I said: "Yes".

- He said: "Do you have a wish to make?". - And what did you say?

"Give my father a job, he really wants to work".

I'll be right back, I'll just put this away. It's a good job...

...why don't you say something? - The motherland hasn't forgotten you.

You come to the table with these filthy hands?

- Go wash them! - No! Now you're in the wrong.

- Don't take it out on the poor child! - I'm the father here:

...l'll slap him, if I want to.

It's easy to be a hero, huh?

To jump in the river and save the Councilmars son...

And what reward does he ask for?

To send his father off to be a docker?

Otello, don't lose heart. I know it's hard...

...but you have to give in, especially for my brother's sake.

What's wrong? Doesrt he want to be a docker?

Excuse me, why should I lie to my family?

If it's up to me, I don't feel like it!

For 12 years I wore a Sergeant's uniform...

...and now you want me in overalls?

Are you waiting for another war? Well, there isn't one.

That's open to discussion. Right, pap�?

Between one war and another you have to do something!

I applied to work as a policeman, not as a docker!

You can work as a policeman, but not as a docker?

Why was Paganini a violinist?

Everyone told him to be a barber. But he wanted to play the violin!

That's how he became Paganini!

But you don't play the violin! If you don't go to work on Monday...

...you won't be eating here anymore! Okay?

Are you happy now that your father's a docker?

Call the fire department, the Municipal Police!

Recruit the jobless workers and send them on the spot!

Better yet, you go personally!

And don't forget it's election time!

- What happened? - The Tiber's bursting it's banks.

First the scarlet fever epidemic...

...then the town plan scandal...

...now the Tiber floods! And in the middle of elections!

But, Mr. Mayor, these things are out of our control.

Don't delude yourself, Father. You are too kind.

We are running City Hall and, if the Tiber floods...

...the communists gloat.

- What do you want? - A man wants to talk with Councilman Mandolesi.

- Who is he? - The father of the boy who saved your sors life.

Enough is enough! This child is trying my patience!

- Tell him I'm in Rome. I'll be back in a month! 2! - Okay.

- Why don't you want to see him? - Because I've had it!

Okay, so he saved my son, besides, the water was shallow...

...but I think I've returned the favor.

His mother wants welfare for her father-in-law, the hero.

I use my precious time, here, there. I get him on welfare.

At Christmas I send a package. But no, they want 4!

I send 4, I think it's over with...

And now I have to wait a month? It's a matter of life or death.

I'm the one unloading the sacks! Let me speak with him!

This is a very busy period.

He sees no one and works in the office until midnight.

- But he must go home to eat and drink! - Don't even consider that!

He hates to be bothered at home!

- Miss... - Let's go, pap�.

Shall we go home and wait?

It's really becoming a problem.

They ask for a pass to the movies and I give them the pass.

They ask the Mayor for a job for the father...

...and the Mayor gives him a great job at the city markets!

What more could they ask for?

Are they at least grateful for all you have done for them?

That's the problem: They are too grateful!

At Christmas they sent 10 lbs. Of meat to my home.

I refused it and they sent it back.

We ate it and ended up in the hospital with food poisoning.

- Does the Mayor live here? - On the first floor.

Take this meat and don't drop it. It's fresh.

- Like the meat for the Councilman? - Remember what to tell the Mayor?

- I can't remember anything. - Oh, wonderful!

Ring the doorbell and say: "I am the heroic child".

"Pap� thanks you for the job as docker, but he can't accept".

"He has 2 pieces of shrapnel in his thigh so he can't do heavy work".

"And he did apply for a job with the Municipal Police..."

"...as a motorcyclist!" - It's too long. I can't remember it.

Okay, just say:

..."Look out the window and invite my father up, he'll explain it all".

- Can you remember that? - Let's hope for the best!

Do a good job.

I'm counting on you! Pap� is here waiting for you.

Keep your chin up! Show the Mayor what you're made of!

Shoulders back! Chest out!

They even told me where that woman lives!

I'm surprised you believe these slanderous lies being spread...

...by my political enemies.

Well then, if they're lies, swear to me that it's not true!

You know I don't swear, but we have 3 children...

...we have always stayed together, through thick and thin.

- Mr. Mayor! - Don't you knock before entering?

- What is it? - There's a child. - What child? - It's me.

Pap�, he brought you some meat!

It's you, the little hero!

I cannot accept the meat, I am the Mayor! You do understand?

- Pap� said to leave it here. - Shall I put it in the fridge?

Heavens, no! Let's send it to the flood victims, with the used clothing.

Thank you for the meat. What else do you want?

- Pap� doesn't want the job. - Why not?

He doesn't feel like working.

- And what does he feel like doing? - Ride motorcycles.

Did you hear that? And then they talk about unemployment!

I'd let them feel the whip. Listen, dear child...

Filomena, see the child to the door! I am sorry for you...

...tell him my name's not Mandolesi, and to be ashamed of himself.

And if he shows his face here again asking not to work...

...l'll have him arrested. Go!

No, first brush back and forth and then up and down...

...otherwise it leaves brush marks. - How about a brush in the head? Scat!

- Big deal! - Pap�! - Oh, Remo!

- Did you give him that nice piece of meat? - Yes.

Was he nice to you?

- He said that if we bother him again he'll have you arrested. - Come on!

- And why? - Because you have to work. - Work?

Hello, my friend!

- Who's that? - The kid I saved at the river.

- Carrying an axe, are you? - Luckily your son knew how to swim.

But you should learn too, otherwise, if you can't swim...

...it means trouble for you and others! - You know, my head still hurts!

- Why? - He was hanging on my neck and I was about to drown...

...so I gave him a shot in the head. - Next time hit him harder.

- I'm on my way. - So, go!

- Bye, my friend. - Bye! He has his father's sly eyes.

Tell me exactly what the Mayor said.

That he'll have you arrested.

Did you tell him about the shrapnel in my thigh?

- He wouldn't let me talk! - No?

I guess your mother's right: You do need their help.

I want to see how he acts in front of real Authority.

Let's go home and get the shrapnel!

Mr. Mayor, here's the mail.

A letter with something very heavy in it.

- Ouch! - Did you cut yourself?

But, what is it? A piece of shrapnel.

Careful, you could get tetanus!

- Look how rusty it is. - I'd like to know who this scoundrel is!

Look here!

Dear Mr. Mayor, I am the heroic child's pap�.

This is a piece of shrapnel that was removed from my flesh.

This is why I cannot accept hard work.

How can we get rid of this homicidal maniac?

May I? Excuse me, It's Monsignor Olivieri.

Let him in... Let him in...

Please, enter.

- My dear Augusto! Are you very busy? - I always have time for you.

I don't want to take up your time. I only need a moment.

I would like to introduce you to... Just a moment.

Come in, come in.

...this fine young man. - Honorable Mayor, good morning!

I already know this fine young man.

We even gave him a job. What more can I do?

- I even got cut on your shrapnel! - Huh?

It's not serious.

I had two pieces stuck right here in my flesh.

Indeed, if I may, I'd like to show you the scars...

...so you'll understand why I can't do heavy work. - No, please.

I want you to see firsthand...

- No! See what? - Otello! - There are ladies present!

Pull up your pants!

I told you not to pull down your pants in front of the Mayor!

I told him, but he never listens!

Ma'am, maybe you can make him listen.

Can I work as a docker, in this condition?

Leave her alone, for Heavers sake!

Pardon, the gentleman can make me lose my patience.

If not a docker, what would you like to do?

I can ride a motorcycle. I'd like to be a municipal policeman.

Tell me, what else can you do besides ride a motorcycle.

- What do you mean? - Can you type? - No.

- Do you know anything keeping books? - No.

- How about filing? - No. - Just as I thought!

If the truth must be told today, allow me to say...

...that this fine young man can do nothing.

- If that is the case... - Remember what I said?

- What? - I am a very good motorcyclist.

- Let's put him in the police. - Municipal Police! - Municipal.

Find me the chief officer.

- Do you have a clean record? - Sure! And there's more!

Everyone in my family is of one mind, we know who to vote for.

I've always been for the Government, my wife's in the womers club...

...and my brother-in-law...

...is a "doroteo".

- How much? - 400.

Here.

- Thank you. Good day. - Good day.

- Congratulations to your husband! - Thank you.

- Amalia, does your husband start today? - Yes, he's so excited.

What's going on?

Pap�! What are you doing? Playing with the gun?

You gave the gun to your father?

He's a soldier!

- You told me the safety was on! - No! This is the safety!

With the safety, it doesn't shoot!

Damn! With all this noise I can't think!

I have to get dressed! My things! Give me some air!

Havert you ever seen a policeman?

- Why do you need a gun? - What do you mean, why?

If the thief has the loot, I order him to stop...

...then I shoot in the air and then at the tires.

How you carry on. Shoot him in the head right away...

...or he'll shoot you first.

- And pap�? - He's getting dressed.

Well then? What's wrong? Frightening, huh?

Pap�, you look like a Martian.

How good you look! You're more handsome than when you were sergeant.

- How do you feel? - I don't know.

I feel like a new person, stronger, taller.

Even my voice comes out better, clearer.

But mostly, I'm at ease.

Come on, come out! Let us look at you!

- What's wrong? - Did you slip?

My boots are stiff, they won't bend.

- Oh my heavens! - What's wrong?

- He's fainted! - Everyone calm down!

It's this helmet! It's heavy! I have to get used to it.

I have to walk, I have to limber up!

- You have to do me a favor. - Do you know Amilcare?

Who, the coal man? Rub here.

I've been waiting 20 years. You have to give him a nice 20.000 lira fine.

He can't. What about me? I have 4 or 5 accounts to settle!

Calm down! What are you thinking?

I have a uniform that gives me authority, but not to use for revenge.

And then, your enemies have to wait, mine come first.

- What time is it? - Noon.

I got dressed an hour early. What do I do now?

- Do you want to eat? - No. Better to stay light.

You're nervous, huh? How about a cup of chamomile?

- Me? Nervous?! - How about a glass of wine!

- Now you're talking. - Why not at the bar?

- Why? - So we can see if they give you the raspberries.

Good idea. Come on, let's go.

- Are you holding me up? - I'm afraid you'll fall.

I have to get used to walking on my own!

Hey! Just kidding.

What's that on your head? You look like a goose-stepper.

- Who are you? - D'Ambrogi, the tax collector.

Don't be such a wise guy!

Hey, you still here?

Get this work done!

We can't have you digging here in the neighborhood forever!

- Don't forget the red taillight at sundown! - Of course, officer.

Good day to all!

- Congratulations, Otello! - Thank you.

You look great!

- Really? - You're frightening.

Do you think so?

Here's to your career, Otello!

- I hope it's all you've dreamed of! - Thanks, to your health...

...and to all of your clients, because I never hold a grudge.

See you all later!

Celletti, your first day and already you're a minute late.

Yes sir, Lieutenant.

Your beat is that section of the beltway...

...going from Porta Maggiore to Porta Romana.

It's a pretty normal stretch.

2 km ahead there's a dangerous curve, dead mars curve...

...and, at rush hour this intersection is a little busy.

- Just keep an eye on it. - Don't worry, Lieutenant.

Damn!

What are you doing here?

We want to see you give your first ticket.

- Oh, please! - We've been waiting for this moment.

- Get out of here! - Humor us.

I'm working. Don't embarrass me.

- Are you excited? - Look, you're trembling.

- Leave! - Give someone a ticket, then we'll go.

Move out of the way! I don't need my relatives creating a traffic jam!

Don't force me to punish you!

Did you remove the ball from your father's whistle?

No, I didn't do it!

- What's wrong? - What's wrong?

Nothing, just trying my whistle. Move along. Move, move!

Go!

There's another!

Now you'll see how it's done!

Good morning! Didrt you see the no waiting sign?

Don't you see that there's no waiting from 8:00 am to 2:00 pm?

Look at that!

- Do you have a triangle? - Yes. Here it is.

May I see your license, please?

- Why is there no stamp? - Don't you know it's on the last page?

Forgive me for both the first and the second error.

- Otello, were you wrong? - Leave! I'm off on a car chase!

- Just a minute. - What's wrong?

Try now.

Thanks!

Now where did he go? I'll catch him!

- How will he catch up with him? - Who knows!

If the iron rod projects from the back of the vehicle...

...it must be marked with red and white striped card!

- Oh yeah? - Who said "Oh yeah"?

- We didn't know. - Are you going to fine us?

I'll let you off easy this time!

Don't touch me or I'll take your badge number and report you.

Report who? Who?

I told you! Whenever you have stolen goods...

...the can't has to meet regulations.

Slow down! Go slow! Dead mars curve ahead! Slow!

The road is slick! Easy! Dead mars curve up ahead!

Slow down, you'll skid!

Otello! Did you fall?

I can't wait to tell the guys at the bar...

...we'll laugh 'til we cry! So long!

Wait.

Nando! Nando!

Have you seen Otello?

- That bum? I sure have. - What happened?

- He fined me. - A fine?!

But that's the least of it.

He made me unload and reload all of the goods.

He inspected the entire truck, piece by piece.

He started with the turn signals, the high beams, the low beams...

...the hand brake, the pedal brake. Then, after a while, I said:

..."Otello, think you're funny?". And you know what he said?

- What? - Don't be such a wise guy and show me the registration.

I give it to him, he looks at it, leafs through it, and says:

..."The address isn't clear here. Where do you live?".

That son of a...

"Not clear? You eat and sleep for 7 years at my house..."

"...and you ask for my address?"

- You turned on the wrong side. - But when you whistled I stopped.

No, you tried to pull a sly one. Are you honking?

- May I pull over? - You pull over when I tell you to!

Honking is a violation! Why are you honking?

- He's in the middle of the road! - Stop! Move back! Back up!

Go, keep moving!

I said to back up! Why are you coming forward?

Back up! Back up! Move!

Stop! Halt! Go! Move! Come forward!

Go!

Stop, bus!

Back up!

- American? - No, Roman. - Back up!

Stop!

Halt!

Everybody, forward! Stop!

Oh great! A bunch of wise guys?

Hey you, come forward!

You too, forward!

Stop! I said stop! You, stop!

Go! Stop! Stop!

Keep moving! Honking won't help, there's a traffic jam.

What are you doing? Are you blocking my way?

- Back up! - Don't you see, it's a funeral?

It may be a funeral, but you're blocking the way! Back up!

What's going on?

- What has he done? - He's blocked the road! - I said so!

Can't you see you've blocked the way?

- Amalia! Not you! - But he's an idiot!

Hey, watch what you say! I've been driving for 15 years!

Amalia, go home! Don't you see what's happening?

Stop!

What's wrong? Road blocked?

The Flaminia is blocked. Take the Tiberina.

- Who is that policeman? - He's new.

Keep moving!

What are you doing, peddlers?

I'll lock you up!

What's your problem? Honking? You'll be sorry!

We only see each other once a week, for an hour...

...and you don't even show up.

It's not my fault, my love. The road was blocked.

At least come Saturday, at 3:00 pm. Don't be late, dear.

Saturday, at 3:00 pm on the dot, I'll be all yours.

- The officer in command. - Come in. - Sit down.

Okay, I'll see you on Saturday at 3:00 pm, Chief.

- I'll bring all of the documents. - Saturday at 3:00 pm, pussycat.

Excuse me, commander, on his first day, you assign that officer...

...to the Porta Romana intersection. Did you see what he did?

You are right. I've already taken care of it.

I've transferred him to a very quiet zone, where he can't make trouble.

Hey, shepherd, stop! You and your flock!

And you call it a flock? This isn't a flock, they're sheep!

- Show me your red light. - I only have this one.

- This is a white light. - I don't have a red one.

I should fine you, you should have a white light at the head...

...and a red one at the back. - A fine? To me? Do you know who I am?

- I am Prince Monscalco's head shepherd. - So what?

The Prince said that I don't need a red light.

That it's a waste of time.

On the road, I'm in charge. Tell your Prince...

...that you need a red taillight, or I'll fine you.

Look at him! You're a poor working stiff like me!

Be on your way, before I change my mind!

- There's a car stopped at km 70. - Who cares!

It's up to you! But, it's Sylva Koscina's car.

- Sylva Koscina? The actress? - Yes.

- Sylva Koscina... - Good day!

I heard about your accident and I came right away.

How kind of you. I'm lucky that you've come...

...otherwise I'd be blocked here. - No problem. I am a policeman:

...step out of line and I stop you, ask for help and I fly to your aid...

...especially if Sylva Koscina calls me.

How kind, I truly am in a hurry.

Mario Riva expects me at 4:00 pm for rehearsal...

...this evening I am the guest of honor on Musichiere.

Nothing less than...

Pardon...

- You rehearse for Musichiere? - Yes, of course. - Imagine that.

- I knew there must be a trick... - Pardon.

Ah! What ever happened to that fatso with the double bassoon?

How should I know! But you, do you know motors?

- I do, if I say so myself! - Thank goodness!

- Shall we take a look? - Yes, please!

- Will it take long? - Why? Are you in a hurry?

We'll have it fixed in a flash.

A "once over" to the carburetor, fill it with gasoline...

...and the car should start right up.

So tell me, Sylva Koscina, is the coffee spoon story true?

What story?

They say you eat your soup with a coffee spoon...

...so you won't ruin your mouth. Is it true? - Soup with a coffee spoon?

- Who spreads these silly stories? - How should I know?

I think I read it in a magazine.

I even read that it's very difficult to get into Cinecitt�...

...without a special pass. Is it true?

What have you done? Gas is leaking all over!

Where's the problem?

The carburetor is full so the gas leaks out.

Be careful, Sylva Koscina. Now I'll ground the wires.

Please try to start the motor, you'll see what happens.

- Floor it! - Isn't that dangerous?

Not at all! Dangerous, my eye! I'm here!

I ground the wires. You start the motor...

...the rest is automatic.

- Sylva Koscina, accelerate! - But isn't it dangerous?

I told you it's not dangerous! Floor it!

- Again? - Yes.

- Like this? - All the way to the floor!

Floor it! Listen to that motor hum!

Oh God! What happened?

What a flare-up! These Italian cars.

Why don't you buy a Mercedes? You can afford one.

You've burned the motor! It's full of smoke!

- Now what? - Give me that blanket.

But it's a plaid! I bought it in London! I paid 25,000 lira!

That's a pittance! With what you earn in Cinecitt�!

Would you look at this! Hurry up!

Sylva Koscina, you must have a lot of money!

- All done. - What a mess!

There.

The worst is over. I've put out the fire.

- And now what? - And now what, Sylva Koscina?

Now, how can I get to Rome?

We have some good mechanics in our lovely little city.

We'll call the best! This and more, for Sylva Koscina!

- Oh my! - Do you have a triangle?

- Of course I have one! - What? Don't take it lightly.

Sylva Koscina, a triangle is indispensable!

If someone's coming, the triangle prevents another disaster.

Let's put it at the right distance.

Now we can go and call a mechanic. Bellavista restaurant!

And we can even have a drink. Otherwise, they won't let us phone.

- Look at this! - Would you like some spirits?

Pardon, if I ask you a question...

...but I really would like to know.

- Yes? - Am I photogenic?

- Where is the car? - Here he is! Finally! We've been waiting for you.

- And who is this? - I'm the mechanic!

But, who did you call? He's just a child!

Yes, but already a little man and very good. He's my son.

If I may, allow me to present Sylva Koscina.

Offer your little finger because your hand us filthy.

Pleased to meet you.

- What's wrong with the car? - The motor stopped, I stopped the car...

...then, this gentleman arrived. - I was taking a look...

...when all at once there was a flare-up and then smoke. What's that?

- Did he touch the carburetor? - Yes.

- Did he say he was grounding it? - Yes.

- Did you hear an explosion? - Yes.

- He already blew-up a motorcycle on me. - Really?

Really!

May I have the keys?

Okay. But be careful. I am in your hands.

I have to be in Rome by 8:30 pm at the latest. Mind you!

You little rascal! Sylva Koscina is going to be on Musichiere.

Mind you now, do a good job!

- Your son is a lovely child. - Thank you.

I'm happy. He's a good boy. He has a talent for mechanics...

...for engines, for manual work, in short.

Personally, I am more ideologically inclined:

...contemplation, observation, d�tente.

Observing others, studying the human psychology.

If pressed to say what my inclinations are...

...I must say I'm more inclined to art, song, music...

...theatre.

May I recite a lovely poem for you?

I'd like a little air, if you don't mind.

- Allow me. - No, thank you. You're on duty. I don't want to impose.

Impose?

At your service, Sylva Koscina.

- Where did they go? - Back there.

- To do what? - How should I know? Go and see!

I love you...

...oh pious ox;...

...a gentle feeling of strength and of peace...

...instills my soul.

Thou art as solemn as a statue, as you watch the free, fertile fields...

...or when you bend contented to the yoke...

...to ease mars labor.

Pap�, I'm done.

That was quick! You're quite good! How much do I owe you?

Don't talk of money, You'll offend me!

Offend? You? I worked two hours!

And I spent 1000 lira on a seal. Let' say 1,500 lira in all.

- What brass! - And thank you, dear!

You cheeky child, go buy yourself a giant cone with whipped cream!

- If I may, I'll accompany you. - Thank you, but let's hurry.

I'm so pleased you had this little accident!

Here in the country it's hard to find someone who appreciates...

...a classic piece recited with the sunset as a backdrop.

- Recite it for your wife. - My wife? Never!

My wife is hopeless. Even if I tried to instill her with culture...

...she wouldn't understand.

You know how I manage to resist in that house?

Thanks to my old, cranky father, an intrepid WWI veteran.

What happened?

- My goodness, what happened? - Ouch! Help!

My heavens! My heavens!

- Come on, mate. Come on. - Good Lord, what a knock!

- Did you run into the parked car? - No, into the triangle.

Who invented this idiocy of the triangle?

- If you offend the triangle, I'll lock you up! - Really?

It's used to signal a parked car on the road!

But I saw the car! It's the triangle I didn't see!

- Let's take him to the bar. - No, take him to the hospital!

Get the plate number, I want payment for damages!

Next time keep your eyes on the road, and don't interfere with the police!

Sylva Koscina.

- Is he badly hurt? - Don't worry. It's nothing.

He had a hole in his head like this.

- And now what? - Because of that idiot...

...I have to report the accident. - More time wasted!

- May I see your license, Sylva Koscina? - Actually, I don't have it.

- And why not? - I gave it to my secretary to get it stamped.

- This is a serious problem. - I left in a hurry...

Let me see the car registration then.

I gave that to my secretary as well, to have it renewed.

- Your registration isn't renewed? - Is it a serious offense?

You know I can fine you and even send you to jail for this offense?

You're not going to arrest me, are you? You're such a dear man.

Just think: Otello Celletti puts Sylva Koscina in the slammer.

A great publicity stunt!

Let's not talk about publicity now, please.

Let me go, just this time. I really am late.

There are 18 million TV viewers waiting for me.

- Do me this favor, let me go. - Of course! I was just joking.

- Really? - Who am I, next to a star...

...18 million Italians are waiting for? I bow to you, my respects...

...please go. - Thank you, so much.

You are a true gentleman. How can I repay you?

- I'll write you a note. - Please do.

Sylva Koscina, have a look here.

- No problem. - Really?

- I can't wait to see their faces. - Count on it.

- What luck to have met you! - Goodbye and thank you again.

For so little?

Halt!

- Hi, uncle Nando. - Hi.

Mamma, here's my pay.

There's 500 more because pap� had me do a little job.

Good boy! Go take a bath, it's Saturday.

Then we'll eat and go watch Musichiere.

What job did your father have you do?

He had me fix Sylva Koscina's car.

- Sylva Koscina? - Yeah, the actress.

Sylva Koscina?

- Come back down here. - What do you want, mamma?

- Where did you leave your father? - Behind the haystack.

- With who? - With Sylva Koscina!

- And what was he doing? - He was reciting "Pious Ox".

- "Pious Ox"?! What in the world? - Beats me!

Something to do with a butcher.

Tonight on the Musichiere, we are honored by...

...no less than the lovely Sylva Koscina!

Good evening, Sylva, and welcome to Musichiere.

- Good evening. Thank you, Mario. - Tell me your secret.

- Why? - I saw you 3 days ago, you werert this lovely.

So? What's your secret? Tell us!

That way I can use it! I'm tired of being so ugly!

- Do you really want to know? - Yes.

- I drink milk all day long. - Ah. Okay, I'll stay ugly!

You're beautiful enough for both of us, no?

I don't think she's so great. What do you see in her?

Nothing. What's there to see?

- Are you sure she was behind the haystack with your father? - Yes!

Sylva Koscina!

- Oh, she's much better in person! Hi, Amalia. - Hi.

- Do you know her? - Of course!

- He says he knows her. - Stop it!

Lucky you!

What's wrong?

He says...

What's wrong?

Mario, before we start, can I say hello to someone?

- Already with the hellos? - But, I must.

Well, if you must, then do it!

A special hello to Otello Celletti!

- See? She said hello to you. - She knows you! Good going!

Shh! Let her talk! Clowns!

- Amalia, she said hello to me. - Really?

Do you mind?

- Sylva, but we didn't rehearse this. - I know.

Now you must explain to 18 million TV viewers who Otello is.

I can't. It's our little secret.

- Is this Otello handsome? - Yes.

- Roman? - Yes, and a real charmer, too.

A charmer?

Otello, what are you waiting for? Here's your chance.

The papers say you're about to get engaged. Is it true?

Otello Celletti, you lucky man!

- No, where did you hear that? - What's she saying?

- She's talking about me. - I hear her talking about you!

You're really terrible.

You're forcing me to tell my little secret.

He's a policeman. He stopped me today 70km from Rome...

...but then he let me go. - Well, he did his duty.

- Actually, he made an exception. - Why's that?

I'll whisper it to you.

No license, no driver's license stamp and no registration...

...and he let me go.

- No driver's license stamp? - Right. - No license?

- No car registration? - Right.

- And he let you go? - Yes.

Officer Celletti, I understand!

You're a lucky man.

I wouldn't have fined her either in your place.

Now what?!

- Are you done saying hello? - Yes.

- Now, you know you have to pay the penalty. - I know, I know.

- What will you sing? - I'll sing "ll tuo bacio � come un rock".

And who shall we dedicate this kiss to?

- Let me se... - To Otello, I know.

A song too, huh?

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Is it my fault?

- Walk with mummy. - Remo, walk ahead with your uncle.

Don't raise your hands to me...

...assaulting an officer! - Let's go home.

- Can't we talk here? - No! At home!

Nothing happened between me and Sylva Koscina!

We had tea and sweets, nothing more!

You made me look like a fool! Did you see how they looked at me?

I want to meet this air-head!

I'll wipe that simper off her face, permanently.

- Don't offend Sylva Koscina. - Don't offend Sylva Koscina?

Today you didn't fine her, you risked losing your job...

...and she goes and tells 8 million viewers? - 18!

Do you mind if I bask in the glow of popularity...

...and let all of Italy hear my name?

- Ah, you told her to do it! - No, you don't understand.

- You never understand. - I never understand?

Who has always defended you?

When you had no job and everyone said: "Send him to work"...

...l'd steal from the grocery money to buy you cigarettes!

- That doesn't count, - Ah, it doesn't?

Today I lived an hour with a person who opened up...

...new horizons. - What horizons?

My dear Amalia, never once in our 12 years together...

...have you ever fixed me tea and sweets.

Go to hell! You and Sylva Koscina!

Please, come in.

Good morning, Mr. Mayor.

Oh, Lieutenant! To what do I owe this pleasure?

- Actually, you told us to come immediately. - Immediately?!

Excuse me, with everything I have to do for the elections...

- This is Officer Celletti. - Ah, we've already met.

- Yes. Thanks to you I have this job. - I only suggested you. - Pardon.

- Yes? - 700 stuffed giraffes for the flood victims have arrived.

- Who sent them? - A toy factory in Parma.

Good. Did you hear that:

...l'm supposed to win the elections giving out stuffed giraffes...

...to the flood victims.

Please, sit down!

You may ask why I called you with such urgency. Help yourself.

After what happened last night on TV...

I rarely watch TV, actually almost never, but by chance last night...

...I was in front of the screen...

...and I heard our city mentioned in glowing terms.

- Did you stop that actress, Ms. Pampanini? - Koscina, Sir.

Oh yes, Sylva Koscina. Sit down.

- You saw her in person, what's she like? Please... - Thank you.

- A woman of culture? - Oh yes.

Blonde, beautiful blue eyes...

...pure white skin, and what perfume...

So, there's no trick in what we see on TV.

No, it's all true.

Her mouth, did you see it up close?

Very up close. I took my time.

Because I read in a magazine that Sylva Koscina eats soup...

- Please. - Thank you.

...with a coffee spoon, not to ruin her mouth.

- Seriously? - Why?

I assure you, all journalistic lies.

Freedom of the press is a good thing, but we'd be better off without it.

In fact! Give me a light?

Excuse me a moment.

See, Lieutenant?

Yes?

Yes, Excellency.

In the presence of Ms. Koscina...

I totally agree. You're right. It's most serious.

600 million!

As hard as we try to instill a sense of duty...

...there's always a black sheep.

Yes, Excellency. My respects, Excellency.

- So, you said that the actress... - A vision...

...uncommonly beautiful. - And so, you let her go.

- Was I wrong? - Wrong? Don't you understand what you've done?

- That woman had no identification. - Mr. Mayor...

...in the presence of Ms. Koscina! - What?

The Ministry has spent 600 million to instill the Italians...

...with respect for the Highway code, that under the law everyone is equal.

With your move, you've shown 18 million TV viewers...

...that a simple actress is above the law!

But I thought, in the presence of a film star...

...I could make an exception. - Let's get it into our heads...

...that all are equal before the law...

...from the President of the Republic down to the most lowly citizen!

When you are on duty, make no exceptions for anyone! Understand?

Yes sir.

You are one step away from losing your uniform!

One mistake, and you lose it!

Take your leave!

Dear, I'll be there at 3:00 pm. Kiss, kiss...

What are you trying to do? Run me off the road?

Let's go! Hurry up!

So?

What's wrong?

- Didrt you see the sign? - What sign?

The speed limit in residential areas is 50 km an hour.

How fast was I going? I didn't even notice.

No? I'll tell you how fast.

- 65 km an hour. - For 15 km the world won't stop turning!

Instead, it's quite serious!

Up to 55, there's a fine. Over 55, I can even arrest you.

- Stop joking. - Far be it from me, to joke.

You were going 65 km an hour and continued to accelerate.

There's a dangerous curve ahead. Did you know? Dead mars curve!

Don't try my patience.

I have been driving this road for 15 years at every speed.

- Please, may I see your license. - Do you know who I am?

- Your license, please. - Don't you recognize me...

...or are you pretending not to?

I'm sorry, but when on duty, I recognize no one.

The stamp isn't renewed either?

The stamp is here, in the registration papers!

I haven't had time to cut it out and apply it.

The stamp should be here on the windshield.

- Easy! - Anyway, it's not serious. May I see the triangle, please.

- Come, come! - What are you doing?

What is it?

Are you showing me the giraffe?

- Is this okay? - Okay.

- Can I go now? - However, the more serious infraction remains:

...you were speeding. May I see some ID, please?

At this point, I have this to say.

Mr. Mayor, don't leave! It's a crime! Wait!

Did you see a big car pass this way?

It turned left!

Mamma mia, ouch, my foot! My foot! Mamma mia!

Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor!

He tried to kill me!

- Can I help you? - I'd like to see the Mayor.

- The Mayor? - Yes!

Lisa, what's wrong?

- Ma'am? - Yes? - May I come in? - Yes.

- There's a man asking for the Mayor. - Who is he?

- He's in uniform. - A policeman? - Yes.

- Where's the Mayor? - He's locked himself in the parlor.

- Have no fear. Municipal Highway Patrol! - Close the door!

- I'm sorry. - Would you please leave?

I didn't know it was the bathroom. I'll wait outside.

I should say so! Leave! The police even patrol bathrooms, now?

- Lisa, accompany the gentleman out. - You heard. Leave!

- But who is she? - Why?

Because...

I think I recognize her.

- Whose house is this? - Is it any of your business?

Good day. How can I help you?

Pardon, ma'am, perhaps I've made a mistake...

...but I thought I'd find the Mayor here.

The Mayor? In my home? What made you think he was here?

I was tailing him on the provincial then he took this road...

...and I thought he turned here. - Did you see him turn in?

No, but I saw two little hands pulling down the garage door.

No, you're mistaken. Those were my cousirs hands.

There are a lot of homes around here. Try checking the others.

I'll gladly take your advice. I'll nab him somewhere else.

- What are you looking at? - The giraffe.

- That was in the Mayor's car. - You see the Mayor everywhere!

- Italy is full of giraffes, assembly line production. - Really?

Isn't that giraffe for the flood victims?

Listen, stop playing detective in my house!

I told you. The Mayor has never been here...

...and you must believe me! - And do I believe you.

But if it's a lie, you'll be in big trouble.

You're stubborn, you know?

Lisa, show the gentleman to the door.

It's a flood victim giraffe.

This way, please.

- If you confess, I'll forgive you. - This way, please.

- He recognized the giraffe. - Well, he has some doubts...

You too, with your penchant for stuffed animals!

Look! What a numskull! What a forehead!

And then that fixed gaze, typical of the slow-witted!

And that smile, it somehow frightens me...

You don't think your wife sent him after you?

My wife? He followed me to give me a fine, me, the Mayor!

- But you gave him the job... - He so wanted to wear a uniform...

- The ones who want it most shouldn't wear one! - You can say that again!

Do want to take a little rest?

Who can rest? That troublemaker has worked me up into such a state!

Then I'll fix you some chamomile.

When charged with speeding at 65 km an hour...

...he refused to show his license and drove off at high speed...

...uttering in the direction of the undersigned...

...a seriously injurious and unutterable word.

- Are you sure you heard the word? - I heard it and I affirm it.

A word can escape anyone in a moment of anger.

- I would suggest... forgetting it. - What? And the speeding?

I would suggest that you not apply the law bluntly and mechanically...

...that you interpret it. After all, he is our city's Mayor.

But it was he who said that all are equal under the law...

...and that I must make no exceptions.

- Celletti, can I talk to you like a brother? - Yes.

Forget it, you have a family!

Has the Mayor called asking you to rip up the report?

- Of course not! - Well than, I'm right!

You see, Captain, I am a man who reflects on things!

With due modesty I am also a psychologist.

I am sure that after the Koscina incident, the Mayor...

...wants to put me to the test. - What?! - To see if I am impartial.

And I am sure he will be happy when he sees the report.

I really nabbed him!

Children! Are you still up? Off to bed!

- Good evening, pap�. - Hello, dear, hello.

Welcome home!

- Are you very tired? - If you only knew...

Today was hell, in and out of Ministry offices.

- Where did you have lunch? - Where?

Ah, with the deputy minister.

- Do you know what he said? - No.

"Why don't you ever bring your wife?"

In fact...

- Why don't you ever bring me? - You know...

You pig!

Teresa! The children!

Here's where you had lunch, with that floozy!

The speeding ticket!

You didn't get it on the road to Rome...

...but on the street where that hussy lives!

And who says I was going to her house?

Read it for yourself!

The Mayor turned into Via Acqua Cupa.

And disappeared into one of the 5 small estates in the area.

But this troublemaker is a boldfaced liar!

Really? Why should he lie?

How naive you are, my dear! He was paid by my adversaries.

They want a scandal so I lose the elections.

Dear, I swear, I was in Rome and I lunched with the deputy minister.

- Okay. Then, I'll call him. - No, no. You'll humiliate me!

I want to get to the bottom of this story!

We will get to the bottom of it! This is one ticket I'm not paying!

I refuse to allow my adversaries to provoke me!

I'll go all the way to court and we'll see if the judge believes me...

...or the lowest of policemen...

...who just happens to be that bum who sent us that rotten meat!

Lmagine we are in Peschiera, way back in November of 1912.

It's night, the fog is thick.

The munitions depot has sentinels posted all around it.

The King, passing through Peschiera, is with the Queen at the Bellavista.

It's 3:00 am, the Queen awakens to find that the King is not in bed.

She turns on the light and finds the King pulling on his pants.

"Where are you going?", she asks. "Wherever I want".

"Do you have a lover in Peschiera, too?"

"Leave me alone!", says the King. "I'm going to see the sentinels".

"Why must you to pick on those poor sentries? Maybe they're asleep."

"Exactly", says the King, "I want to put them to the test."

- What's it got to do with the Mayor? - Don't interrupt, let me finish.

Where were we?

The King was pulling on his pants to test the sentinels.

Right.

Who was on guard that night at the Desenzano munitions depot?

Your father.

My father was falling asleep from the cold...

...when all at once, through the fog, in the distance...

...appears a tiny little man. Who was it?

- The King! - Right.

"Halt! Who goes there?", says my father, pointing his rifle at him.

"I'm the King. Can't you see me?" "What do you want?", asks my father.

"Let me in the munitions depot!"

"Do you know the password?" "No", says the King.

"Then, even if you're the King, I won't let you in".

"If you move, I'll shoot".

"Good soldier!", says the King and goes back to sleep.

- And the Queen? - Who cares about the Queen!

The next morning the entire regiment is lined up in the barracks.

The King arrives with the Queen.

"Bravo, Private Celletti!", says the King and pins a medal on his chest.

Listen, the Mayor isn't like the King who got up at 3:00 am...

...to put you to the test! Times have changed!

I think you're risking your uniform.

I told you this story to draw a parallel.

Times have changed. Mayors don't wake in the night like the King...

...but if the King gave my father a medal, then at the very least...

...the Mayor...

...will give me a couple of sergeant's stripes.

You go to Porta Romana. Km 17.

Porta Latina.

- Where do I go? - Nowhere. Leave the motorcycle and go home.

You, take the motorcycle and helmet to the stockroom.

- What's going on? Have they dismounted me? - Yes.

They've transferred you to the city kennel, then we'll see.

We'll see? What have I done?

I told you you were headed for trouble!

Why are you persecuting me? Because of the Mayor's fine?

Were you expecting them to give you a medal?

I guess my wife was right, times have changed.

If I lose my job for having done my duty...

...then allow me to shout one word from my heart: Long live the King!

- What? - Long live the King!

Celletti, do whatever you want!

#Long live the King! The horns gladly blare. #

#Long live the King! Our voices in chorus echo. #

- The royal march. Do you know it? - I know nothing.

#Long live the King! Our voices in chorus echo. #

- MONARCHIC UNION -

They took his helmet, his holster and gun...

...his boots, the uniform he had fought for!

He's been dismounted! And now he's been sent to the city kennel!

Citizens! Citizens!

For 10 years we have had the same Mayor.

At the last elections he won by a difference of 25 miserable votes...

...gotten who knows how, who knows where, and by what tricks!

Now, I turn to these 25 undecided constituents, and I ask them:

...will you vote for him again?

- What's that? - Catcalls, Mr. Mayor.

Rather than bowing before the law, enjoined by the fine...

...this man responded with an unutterable word...

...which we shall reveal at the trial, and it shall remain as a black mark...

...in the history of this city.

- What has he told them? - Don't pay attention to them!

How could I've known that fool would have told all to the monarchists?

For our childrers sake, there's one thing I hope he didn't talk about:

...that hussy. - Teresa, Please! Not now!

- We must take measures. - What measures?

I'll fire him, give him the boot!

Great! That way he's not only a hero, but a martyr, too!

- What should I do? - It would have been much simpler to pay the fine.

When he asked for you license, you shouldn't have run away...

...because he may be full of defects, but he wears a uniform.

Who ran away?

I continued on the main road, then I turned off onto a country road.

So you did turn onto a country road!

Teresa, my candidature is at risk and you worry about country roads!

What? Yes, it's very serious.

Mr. Mayor, there's a mob at the Kennel. They're cheering Celletti.

- Lieutenant! - Yes sir! - Do something! At once!

- What? - Send the fire department with hoses to disperse the crowd! - Okay.

This time we're going to lose the elections, I feel it!

You feel what? Let's not exaggerate!

I've never had rivals! My grandfather was Mayor with Giolitti...

...my father governed for 20 years when the roads were paved...

...albeit narrow, but they were paved.

Teresa can vouch for me, since I left the convent...

...I have always worked in the interest of the City!

- And your own interest! - But this time, you're going to lose!

Come now! I may have committed an error of weakness...

...but who can replace me? What adversary has my moral...

...and physical stature?

Otello Celletti is the name we should engrave in gold letters...

...on our electoral list. Will you all vote for Otello Celletti?

Yes!

Vote for Otello Celletti! Vote for the Monarchic Union!

Vote for Otello Celletti!

As the new Mayor vote for Otello Celletti!

If you want an efficient Government, vote for Otello Celletti!

With Otello Celletti, you'll have an honest Government!

My fellow citizens, I come from an honest family.

My father was a humble shoemaker...

...but on his chest brightly shines...

...a bronze medal...

...which the King himself...

...pinned on the chest of the intrepid, valorous "Gl"...

...while the arrogant Hapsburg eagles bore down on the immaculate bastions...

...set by nature Hapsburg...

- What does "Hapsburg" mean? - I told the attorney:

..."We have to use words that everyone can understand".

"The populace can't grasp difficult thoughts!"

- Do you grasp what you say? - Why? Not all of it.

Otello, you can't appear in a public square.

You don't have good diction.

You get nervous, you're pale even before you begin.

You don't even understand what you're reading.

But the ones who wrote it are real brains.

They'll use you as long as they need you, then they'll drop you.

- Do you really want to become Mayor? - Yes. Why not? Is it against the law?

But you don't know history, geography...

You have no education.

You're a traffic cop! How do you expect to become Mayor?

I am a traffic cop. But Khrushchev? He was a miner in Siberia.

And Mao? He was a simple poet.

But now he commands 600 million Chinese, and if they move...

- What is it with these Chinese?! - Okay. Let's talk about the Americans.

- What did Truman do? - How should I know? - He sold ties.

Then, one fine day they made him President.

For 5 years he ruled the world, he dropped the atom bomb...

...he won the war, and now?

He's back selling ties.

Okay, so they make you Councilman, or even Mayor. What's in it for you?

I know what's in it for us! We buy 10,000 meters of land at 1 lira a meter.

Then, he, as Mayor, orders them to build roads, sewers, water lines.

They bring power and gas...

...and we resell what we bought at 1 for a thousand, no?

- Would you listen to your uncle? - Isn't he right?

Already, we start stealing?

Did you start? Just do what they did before you.

In the end, you do good for the City and there's something left for you.

If it were so easy to move up in the world...

The usual materialists, anything for a piece of bread!

For once in your life aspire to some ideals!

- Does Otello Celletti live here? - Yes, the door to the right!

- Otello, two men are asking for you. - Who are they?

- I think they're here to arrest you. - I told you: Don't fight City Hall.

- They hold all the cards. - Stop worrying!

- May we? - Yes? - Who are you?

- Mr. Celletti, please. - I'm Celletti.

Don't hurt him. The others put him up to it.

- Calm down! Stay out of it. - Commendatore Marinetti sent us.

Commendatore Marinetti?

Commendatore Marinetti and wife invite Mr. Celletti and wife...

...to a cocktail party to be held at 5:00 pm in their Poggioscuro villa.

12 February 1960.

- What's a cocktail party? - A small reception.

- And they're invited? - Yes.

But is this Mr. Marinetti related to the builder?

- Related? It's him in person. - What?

Come with me!

Do you know who he is? The most important builder in the province.

- He's got millions! - Millions?!

What's he want from him?

He made his millions with the new town plan in cahoots with the Mayor.

Now he's afraid that the Mayor may lose the elections...

...and he wants to buy you. - If only it were true!

Listen, if he offers you a million, don't accept.

Why? You think I would lower myself to this level?

Tow the hard line. 2-3-4 million, no deal.

If they offer 5, take it and run...

...no checks and no receipts. That's how it goes today.

- Shh! They'll hear you. - Don't you want the money?

- Don't be greedy, let's be thankful! A month ago I was jobless. - So?

Now we're invited to one of the most important homes in the province...

...with all the VIPs. What more do you want?

Are we so greedy? You'd do better to think about what to wear.

- Do you have a cocktail dress? - I have my black dress!

Are you going to a funeral?

Don't let everyone see us for what we are!

- What shall I wear? - Your blue suit.

- Pardon, sirs. - Yes.

- How far is the villa? - 16 km.

Since we don't have a car at the moment...

...how do we get there?

The commendatore will send a car for you at 7:00 pm.

- We'll wait for you. - Of course.

- Good evening. - Good evening. - Thank you.

- Good evening. - Good evening.

- Pap�! - Now what?

I hope they don't take you in some dark alley to beat you up.

Listen to him! Beat-up pap�? Straighten up! Chest out!

When they take your hand, don't shake it...

...because they bow to kiss it and you'll hit them on the nose.

- And if they ask me to dance? - You dance.

But don't drink. Please. One drink and you lose control.

Don't worry, I won't talk. My lips are sealed.

Sooner or later this day had to come after so many hard times.

What satisfaction.

- Are you happy? - It seems like a dream.

If they had told me that one day I'd be invited to your home...

...and that I'd have danced with you, in person...

...I wouldn't have believed it.

Why do you say that? Is it so unusual?

Well, I must tell you something:

...my grandmother was a maid at your home. - What was her name?

- Ottavia. Do you remember her? - Ah! Our dear Ottavia! Of course!

Countess, you see me as a policeman, but it's a quirk of fate...

...because my wife and I are of noble heritage...

...but we never talk about it.

And then, if we really go and search, I think...

...we all have a drop of noble blood.

- Really! I didn't know that. - No?

Thank you. Pardon. Thank you.

Otello! The commendatore didn't know that my granny Ottavia...

...used to work here? - A grand, hardworking woman!

- She worked her fingers to the bone. - Amalia, easy on the Champagne!

Whenever you drink, must I remind you?

But this is my first champagne!

- See? You've lost control. - I didn't know.

- Good evening. - Good evening. - Hello, dear. - Good evening.

Ma'am, may I present you to my husband?

Amalia Celletti, pleased to meet you.

Our policeman is the man of the hour and everyone wants to talk to him.

- Pardon, would you come with me? - My pleasure, commendatore.

You will forgive me.

You see how the poor misjudge the rich? And do you know why?

- Why? - Because they don't know them.

- Do you know what they say about you in my neighborhood? - No.

- Pardon, if I speak openly. - Please so.

They say you're one son of a... Thief, exploiter and spy!

And every insult ends with "cuckold".

- Pay no mind. - Right. And now that I've met you...

...and you've received me in your home as an equal...

...I say, we have a true gentleman before us!

- Who are they? - Do you know these gentlemen?

Councilman Mandolesi, Tropia, Rizzi.

- But these are the Mayor's friends. - Here, we are all friends.

- Sit down and let's talk business. - Yes, I've been standing for hours!

- What business? - Tomorrow there's a case in court...

...involving you and the Mayor, over a silly little fine.

Can we discuss it calmly here, over a glass of Champagne?

What is there to discuss?

I know nothing. If you know something, you talk.

- Come now... - Was that a caress? - No...

Mandolesi, you tell him how things stand.

- The speed limit is 50 km an hour. - Yes. So?

You say in your report that the Mayor was going 65 km.

- We believe you're right. - I'm glad to hear it.

The Mayor says he was going 45 km and we believe he's right, too.

Really? The Mayor's right, I'm right... Who's wrong?

The speedometer.

But, isn't it a good idea?

At the trial, you say that the speedometer was broken...

...and all's well that end's well.

You get your nice job back, helmet, goggles and motorcycle.

And if you ever need anything, at any time...

...you know you have friends. Count on us.

Things are starting to get hot. Are you scared?

Fear has nothing to do with it, we just want a quick trial...

...so things don't get complicated.

And so certain facts that make you shake don't come out.

What facts?

First, on the tail of the Mayor I entered a villa...

...where there was a nude woman taking a shower.

I shart go on.

All of the land around the villa are in her name...

...and, while she showers, the land value goes up...

...because at the City's expense, the Mayor brings roads, power, gas...

...and you build the buildings.

You're in cahoots with them and take bribes.

My honorable Councilmen of the City Council!

My dear industrialists!

Mr. Mayor, I'll bring your Government down!

Good evening to all.

Our dear steadfast policeman!

- What? You refuse my hand? - Yes!

I won't shake that bloodstained hand.

- What? - Listen to him! - He's lost his mind.

He says that at the trial he'll tell all he's found out.

- Found out what, from who? - From the monarchists...

...who are behind me 100% in this bloody battle...

...we know everything about everyone and I'll make a scandal.

Scandal? About what?

You, for the town plan.

Councilman Mandolesi for the street-cleaning contract.

Councilman Rizzi because he helped his sister-in-law's cousin...

...buy the rest home to turn it into a rooming house.

And then I'll drop the bomb and it's over. Ba-boom!

- What bomb? - What bomb?

In the villa where I saw the giraffe, one night, all of you...

...were dancing bare-chested with chorus girls from Rome.

- Giovanni Maria, the briefcase. - Giovanni Maria, the briefcase!

What's in the briefcase?

Let me tell you now:

...if you want to buy me, you don't have enough money.

Don't you worry: We'll keep the millions.

You don't have enough money to keep me quiet.

- Why? - Because I have no skeletons in the closet.

- No skeletons in the closet? - Yes.

Giovanni Maria, give me that other paper.

What does your brother-in-law do?

You know it well, Mr. Mayor.

You've eaten some nice pieces of meat!

- He's a butcher. - But he butchers illegally.

He doesn't pay taxes and, what's worse...

...he sells meat that hasn't been inspected...

...risking people's lives. He could end up in jail. - So?

Are you using scare tactics?

What do I care if he goes to jail? Where am I in all this?

- Let's talk about your sister. - Leave my sister out of it!

Careful what you say!

- What does your sister do? - She's a masseuse in Milan.

Every ask her what kind of massages she gives?

She took a course with the Red Cross. Why?

She was crossed in love and left with an airman...

...he was an impostor and they arrested him...

...so she became a masseuse.

She says she's doing well. She has a washer, a fridge.

Pass it on.

What are you insinuating?

What?

- Does she have a record? - Read!

Read!

And how did you find out?

Don't worry, the information is good.

Sexual union...

Assunta, what have you done?

What have you done?

What would our poor mother say?

And what will the Judge say at the trial?

They are not on trial tomorrow! The trial is over the fine!

You said you wanted to talk about other things, too!

And I shall, even if you ruin my relatives.

I have no skeletons in the closet!

- Are you married? - What?

- Are you legally married? - Yes, I have an 11 year old son!

A lovely boy!

Not married, with a son. A common-law husband.

You live with a woman, but you're not married. A common-law couple!

- You werert aware? - No. What does common-law mean?

We've lived together for 12 years, we love each other. It's not enough?

- And why aren't you legally married? - Why?

Because my wife already has a husband...

...a certain Barlocco from Tortona. - Let's suppose...

...this Barlocco shows up and sues for adultery...

...where do you end up? - In jail. - See? You did know.

You go to jail and your wife goes back to her legal husband.

Legal husband? Always drunk, in and out of prison.

And my wife, his "legal wife", pays the price.

And then he abandoned her, he left for Africa.

They say he knifed a pigmy.

We haven't had news of him for years.

We've even ask that he be declared presumed dead.

Do you know anything about it? Is he back in town?

- If he's only presumed dead, the danger exists. - Scat!

- Are you trying to scare me? - No. We want you to reflect...

...and tell you what to say in court. - It's not up to you to tell me.

- Listen... - Let go! Harbinger of doom!

I have who protects me. I'm not afraid of anyone. What's that?

What's wrong? Why did we leave in such a hurry?

- We had to leave! - They were such nice people.

- We left without saying goodbye, without saying thank you. - To who?

Is it my fault if I didn't feel well? It must have been the ice cream!

What ice cream? Why did they send a car for us to come...

...but sent us home on foot? - They're despicable!

- Nando! Where are you going? - For a walk!

Did they catch you with the illegal meat?

- No. Who knows? - I'll get you out of jail!

Watch what you say or they'll never let me out!

No... Nothing.

- See, I was right? The Mayor is behind this. - Shut-up!

Are you starting, too? It's a coincidence.

Otello!

- Amalia, go home. - Otello! - Go home.

- What's that? - He's back.

- Who? - Your wife's husband.

- Where is he? - Inside. He wants to talk to you.

Otello! How's life?

I see you're nice and fat. The good life, huh?

- Where'd you come from? - Tortona.

...and I made the trip in the sleeping car!

You're wearing sneakers, a safari jacket and you travel in sleeper car?

- Who paid for your ticket? - Never mind.

I've been invited to a nice trial and depending on what you say...

- What will you do? - Either I go back to Tortona or I say who I am.

It's not won'th it, you're living common-law.

They paid you, huh?

Do you mind if I finish this game with my friend here?

- What's the score? - 5 to 6. - Play!

Otello!

- Otello, what's going on? - Did you know your husband was here?

- My husband?! - He says he's here for the trial...

...and that we're common-law. Now, he remembers!

You see? I was right. I knew it would end like this.

- Another coincidence? - You say they've cornered us?

- It was them! - What can I do? What do I know?

- Easy! Let's not get ruffled. - You should see your father!

- Why? - They've subpoenaed him. - So?

Pap�...

...did they subpoena you? - Look. I'm still trembling.

- Me too. I am trembling all over. - Don't tremble!

- Don't be afraid. Look at me! - Looks like you're trembling, too!

Did they give you a couple of million?

A couple of million?! Amalia! Do me a favor.

- Call my sister. - What shall I say?

Tell her to be careful who she massages.

To lay off for a day or two.

They are ruining the family and you worry about your sister?

No! What are you worrying about?

The monarchist party will protect and defend us!

We have the best lawyers!

- Go and call my sister! - I'm going.

What do we have to fear?

Otello, what shall I say tomorrow if they ask me about the King?

Pap�, tell them the truth. You're the only clean one in this family...

...because you had the luck to live in an era when justice existed.

- I'm scared. - What are you scared of?

- You go buy me a cigar! - Let's go buy one.

- And if they make me swear? - Do it. "I swear to tell the truth".

If I tell the truth, the monarchists won't help us anymore...

...and they'll give us a good thrashing, too.

Why? Isn't it true that that night the King came and surprised you?

Yes, it's true.

- But I didn't recognize him. - No?

It was 3:00 am, it was foggy and I'd had a few drinks...

...when I see a shadow approach. I point my rifle and say:

..."Who goes there?". "I'm the King. Let me in".

"Do you know the password?"

"No, but I want in anyway because I'm the King".

- And what did you do? - What could I do? I shot him.

- You shot at the King? - 7 shots.

Thank God I'd been drinking, otherwise...

...l'd have hit him in the head. - And how did the King react?

He ran off like a bat out of hell cursing a blue streak.

But, when I was a child, you didn't tell it like that.

- Should I have told you I'd been in jail? - In jail!

3 years of jail, because I dared to stop the King.

Oh great! That's just great!

So, it's always been the same story!

Worse. Back then no one offered you millions to be quiet.

Otello!

- Did you call my sister? - She's right here. - Here?!

- Otello! - Assuntina! Assuntina!

Let me look at you!

- Look at her! All grown-up! - Yes, she's grown-up!

- What's wrong? - You've changed. You're a blonde, a curly blonde.

Look at that hair! If our poor mother saw you!

Otello, I had to split town. But what happened?

You're asking me?

What exactly do you do in Milan?

Don't you worry about what I do, worry for yourself!

For me? What do you mean, Assuntina?

Otello...

...be careful of what you say.

Hello!

Everyone is equal under the law...

...the last as well as the first citizens.

That this severe warning not end in derision...

...and a mockery for justice, for before us we have a man...

...who outside of this court tried to mock the law!

Look at him, your Honor! Look at his sarcastic smile.

But soon we'll wipe that smile off his face...

...because a simple policeman, a humble servant of justice...

...has risen up against him like a titan. Otello Celletti, stand up!

You are the voice of our conscience, the voice that will strike all!

We won't invoke lightening.

We are not here to talk about the weather.

We shall stick to the facts.

The defense asks to call several witnesses...

...who have something interesting to tell us.

The titars kind sister should be the first.

And after his sister, we shall hear Mrs. Amalia Rossignoli...

...together with Mr. Barlocco.

They also can tell us some interesting facts.

And lastly, we shall call the policemars father...

...the valorous soldier, the hero of a thousand rallies.

Their testimony is not pertinent, but we do not object...

...because we do not fear the truth.

You want to hear these upright citizens? So be it!

You want to hear the hero? So be it!

His heroic deeds will leave you speechless.

It's better if I don't speak. Don't taunt them!

Leave him alone! He's a poor old man. Amalia, help my father!

Attorney, your Honor, my father is a poor old man...

...he's losing his memory. And if someone must talk, it is I!

- I gave the fine! - It's about time!

I'll have no more interference.

Shall we deal with the facts in the report?

Yes, but before discussing the facts, if the court will allow...

...I would like to talk a moment about the man you have before you.

Who is this man?

Your Honor, this man, victim of a sly political plot...

...with the sole aim of creating a scandal...

...is a man without blame and without sin.

Uneard-of!

But didn't you say he was a son of a bitch?

I guess he's changed his mind.

Are you counsel for the defense?

- Your Honor, allow him to speak. - But you already have a lawyer!

- Yes, but he's so spontaneous... - Thank you, Mr. Mayor.

I am spontaneous, as well as psychologist.

And I tell you that a man with such a broad forehead cannot be wrong!

Enough! Turncoat!

- We are leaving and we leave you to... - Go!

Who knows you anyway? I don't even know them, your Honor.

Enough! I'll have no more digressions.

Respond to the questions that I ask you.

How fast was the car going when you stopped it?

45 km an hour.

But the report says 65.

65? Lt' obviously due to an error.

- An error? - I only realized afterwards...

...that when my speedometer, which is not standard equipment...

...and not made in Italy, reads 65...

...the vehicle going 65 is really going 45 km an hour!

45... You could have checked the speedometer before!

You're right, your Honor. I'm sorry.

Well... Let's see what else is written in the report.

The defendant, declared to have said "crass".

Crass? It could well be because when he said it...

...the window was closed and I only saw his lips move.

So, you are withdrawing everything you wrote in the report!

I enjoin you to the truth! No need to fear.

And who should I fear?

They are all so kind to me.

So, you cannot be sure that the word here in the report...

...is unutterable - No, no, no.

No, your Honor. Before the innocent eyes of my son...

...I declare that I cannot be sure.

Pap�, if you don't remember it, I do.

Shh! Do you want to ruin him?

And so, in your opinion, did the Mayor intend to offend you?

No, no, no...

...and even if he had said that word so similar to "crass"...

...in the whereabouts it is commonly used...

...and it's not the least bit offensive...

...to the contrary, in all of Italy it means a man who's too honest.

But didn't he say he would ruin the Government at the trial?

- Things said in anger... - But it's not fair.

Get used to it while you're young, because you can't when you're old.

You are the only witness to the facts.

And now you say the facts are different from those in the report.

- Why? - Why, your Honor?

Because sometimes a man reflects, thinks...

...he thinks hard...

...and then...

Slow down! Slow down! Slow down! Go slow!

The road is slick! Slow down!

Why hurry? Dead mars curve ahead, a ditch.

Slow down! You'll be sorry! You'll skid! Slo...

Stop! Stop!

Everybody stop! Let the Mayor's fast car through!

The road is yours, Mr. Mayor! My compliments! On your way!

Why stop us and not him?

- Do you have a family? - Yes. - Me too. Mind your own business.

- Where is he going at that speed? - There he is!

Move back! Move back! Boys, move back!

Clear the way! Move back! Back!

Mr. Mayor, here I am.

Mr. Mayor...

- Who are you, dear boy? - Officer Celletti.

Go to hell...

Clear the way! Clear out!

Move! Move!

Make way for the Mayor!