Original subtitles

♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba ♪

♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da da-da-da ♪

- Son, back in the day,

my friends and I spent way too much time on our phones.

Is this another tangent?

- Yes! But it's a fun one.

It even has a musical guest.

- Why is Rachel wishing everyone

a happy International Daughters Day?

Do you think she's dating a new woman with a daughter?

Oh, my God.

Rachel's gonna be a sexy stepmom, and I'm gonna die alone!

- So, Ellen's gone mad since breaking up with Rachel.

- Ellen, I think you need a phone break.

- Yeah, she's not the only one.

- Oh! Which Power Ranger am I?

- Enough!

We need a break! An entire day with no phones,

no screens, no internet.

Who's with me?

Hey!

Now Charlie has to clean that up.

- Come on! Anyone?

- Fine. I'm in.

Whole day with no Internet. Ha!

On an unrelated note, does anyone know if they still make porno magazines?

- Sid, gimme.

Done.

- Mm. Anybody else?

- Yeah, I'm in. - Won't even be hard for me.

Unlike the rest of you losers, I'm not a prisoner to my phone.

'Cause I read novels. And I write music.

And I think. - Hm...

- Also, I got my first date with Parker tonight,

and I never use my phone on dates

because I like to be present, to observe...

and slay.

- Hoo!

Dude! - Ooh...

- You're going out with the cute gym teacher from your school?

- Mm-hmm. I just did a cool, casual ask a colleague out,

ran it up the flagpole with HR,

filled out the requisite paperwork, was assigned my witness,

and invited her to dinner.

- Hey, Val. You with us?

- The Taupe Ranger? Who the hell is that?

Hey! What the... - I'm invoking

my BFF power of attorney.

Sid, put these in the bar safe.

At midnight, we'll all meet back here, collect our phones,

and toast to our glorious device-free day!

- So... what do we do now?

- Just sit here.

Alone.

With our thoughts.

- Quick, somebody say something. I don't do well alone with my thoughts.

Oh no. Here they come.

- What's wrong? You look great.

- I know,

but I can't post a selfie, so no one will ever know.

- I got my first paycheck.

But, I can't use my phone, so we have to go deposit it

the old-fashioned way.

What a great phone-free walk that was!

I waltzed with a doorman.

I waved to a dog in a stroller.

I nodded thoughtfully at a mural to show

that I supported its political message.

Is your eye twitching?

- Gah! We should have gotten pagers to ease the comedown!

Val, just breathe.

Okay, you need to lean in to phone-free life. Just...

take in this bank with me. Oh, my God.

It's a pen on a chain!

- Fine. I'll take in the bank.

Okay.

- Clock.

Door. - Mm-hmm.

Uh...

Lance Bass and Joey Fatone.

Wait, what?

- Holy shit. Holy shit.

Oh, my God, it's 40% of NSYNC.

Oh, my God.

They still hang out together. They still bank together.

Oh, my God, if we go to more banks, do you think we can collect them all?

- G-God! I love NSYNC!

Stridex Medicated Acne Pads Presents The Monsters of Pop Tour

was my first concert!

- Uh-uh, no, no, no, no, no. Don't try to out-NSYNC fan me.

I learned how to masturbate to Digital Get Down.

- W-We have to go talk to them. W-What do we do? What do we do?!

- Brush their hair out of their eyes and kiss 'em.

- Um... I think you dropped this?

- Did I? - Oh, silly old me.

- We're new to in-person banking, so we just didn't realize how...

slippery the pens are.

- Y'all are funny.

- I don't mean to brag, but my friends did call me

the laughingstock of our high school.

- That's sad. But, look at you now.

I mean, you're a banking beauty.

- Oh, that's good. - Right? Song.

- ♪ She's a banking beauty ♪

♪ Doing her financial duty ♪

- ♪ And her friend is a total... cutie! ♪

I don't know, is this real life?

So , so...

W-W-What are you guys doing at the bank?

- I don't trust mobile deposits.

People are too dependent on their phones nowadays.

- Oh, my God, we're in the middle of a phone-free challenge right now.

- That's so cool.

- It was my idea. - Oh, nice.

Well, uh, if you wanna do something without your phones tonight,

we're going to a party. Would you guys like to come?

I mean , yeah, sure, I guess.

- Yeah, I'm down. - Alright, great.

It's at the old bologna factory. - See you there?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, not if we see you first.

But you probably won't 'cause we're really short.

There's gonna be lots of people there.

- ♪ Well, can't wait to hang ♪

♪ Banking beauties ♪

- Alright, buddy, it's over, alright?

We have some errands to do. We gotta go to Meineke.

We gotta go to the post office. Let's go.

- Well, c-can we still go to Jamba Juice?

- We'll see.

- "We'll see" means no. Lance, you always say that!

- Can't believe we're gonna party with NSYNC at the old bologna factory!

- I know, I know, I know, I know!

Where is the old bologna factory?

- No idea. I thought you knew. - Nuh-uh.

I didn't want Lance to think we were dumb.

I mean, he almost went to space. - Mm!

Uh, we'll just look it up.

How?

H-H-How do people find stuff without the internet?!

So, this is a library.

What's that smell?

- Knowledge.

- I am telling you, a spa day

is the perfect way to take your mind off Rachel.

We have cucumber water, face masks,

essential oil diffuser. Huh?

Guess the smell. Go on.

It's tea tree!

- The FedEx guy just left a giant box at Rachel's door.

No signature required.

Interesting. - Ellen...

- I bet it's that mini-trampoline she's always wanted.

Maybe, she'll come over and ask me if I wanna jump on it,

and then I'll say, "Take me back forever says what?"

And then she'll say, "What?" And then she'll take me back.

And then we'll bounce and bounce forever and ever and ever.

- Okay! This madness ends now.

We are going to have a nice, relaxing spa day,

stop obsessing over Rachel whether you like it

or not.

- Sucker!

I can still see through the crack.

Right.

Do not make me tape you, too.

- Oh, my God.

- Well, thank you for picking a vegetarian place for me.

You know, I was just reading in the Atlantic

that most of the world's population will have to give up meat

by 2100 because of climate change.

- Yeah. - Interesting.

Huh.

That is interesting,

but you don't know anything about it.

Go to the bathroom and google climate change

so she thinks you're interesting, too.

You can't. You don't have your phone. Huh.

That's okay, big guy. You don't need your phone.

You're a great conversationalist. A raconteur.

Well, I'll be dead by 2100.

And so will you. I mean, you know, you'll be dead for sure, so...

- I mean, yeah, I-I hope so.

I would not look cute at 110.

You're not a raconteur. You're an idiot!

You just told her when she'd be dead by.

- Evening, you two.

Let me tell you about our specials tonight.

You can turn this around.

You just read that Esquire article about surefire ways

to impress a woman on a first date.

What were some of them?

Pull out her chair! She's already sitting.

Be fun! Uh, be generous! Yes, that's it. Be generous!

We'll take all of them!

- All six of the specials?

Are you sure? - Yep!

I'm just a fun...

try-a-lot-of-stuff kinda guy.

And give us your best bottle of champagne.

- Right away.

- Hey, it's on me. I gotta keep racking up these points

if I'm ever gonna make it to Quebec City.

She laughed!

She loved your Quebec City joke!

You're crushing this, and she's gonna think you're hot shit

when you slap your card down...

Your credit card's in your phone case.

You have no way of paying for this dinner, you stupid idiot.

- Here it is.

The answer to all of our problems.

A Complete History of Manhattan's Meat Factories, Volume Two.

Do you know how I got this?

One of the grandmas who worked here climbed a ladder.

This book is gonna take us straight to NSYNC.

Okay.

B...

for bologna factory...

Hm. - What?

- There's, like, dozens of old bologna factories.

Who knew New York was such a hub for deli meat?

- I'm never gonna get to hook up with Lance Bass, am I?

- Val.

He's famously gay.

- Lance Bass?

No! He dated Topanga. - Oh, my God.

If I had my phone right now, I would show you Lance's beautiful husband.

- If I had my phone,

I would google where the bologna factory is!

- Well, you don't have your phone because we made a pact.

- You know what? Screw the pact. I didn't DocuSign shit!

- See? We are so relaxed, we look like the women

in the "after" part of an antidepressant commercial.

- Mm-hmm. Totally relaxed over here.

Charlie?

I think we need to take this spa day to the next level.

- Massages? Well, I am open to it,

- but your hands are so tiny and cold. - No.

Sensory deprivation.

To truly disconnect and relax,

we need to block out the world.

Busy Philipps said on her podcast

that she does a sensory deprivation spa day

whenever she's stressed.

- Well, I trust anyone that was in the film White Chicks.

Right. I'm in.

- Ah.

Charlie?

Charlie...

Charlie!

Oh, damn it.

Oop.

Don't panic. You've got this.

Just call a friend to come spot you a few hundred bucks.

Think, Jesse. Think!

Just call any phone number you know by heart.

This is 88.1 WESU-FM,

Wesleyan University's number-one radio station.

- Can you play Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood?

Okay. Just go tell Parker the truth.

She'll spot you for dinner, you'll pay her back,

and one day, you'll laugh about this.

A story to tell the grandkids. Who knows?

Maybe we will live till we're 110!

Nope. You can't tell her. Damn it.

You could have memorized your credit card number, Jesse,

instead of Coach Taylor's speech from the Friday Night Lights pilot.

- Sid, I need my phone back. - Sid, give me back my phone now.

- Sid, do not give her her phone, or her.

God, you guys are weak.

I am not gonna let you quit this like you quit our ballet lesson!

- My toes were bloody stumps!

- Okay, I'm only giving phones back in case of absolute emergencies.

So, Ellen, state your emergency.

- I have to know what Rachel is doing.

Like, what if she posts one of those TikTok videos that goes,

"One thing about me is..." I wanna know what the thing is.

- Request denied. - I hate you.

You're the meanest person I've ever met,

and I rode in an elevator with Rachael Ray.

- What did Rachael Ray do?

Hey! Hey. What did Rachael Ray do?!

- My thing is an emergency.

Sophie and I need to find an old bologna factory,

so we can go to a party with NSYNC!

- You mean the Schmitz Meatpacking Warehouse on 14th Street?

Yeah, it's an old bologna factory that's an event space now.

- How do you know that?! - Seriously?

I know I sound like a broken record,

but there is nothing I love more

than an old processed meat factory. Mm.

- I must have not been there for that.

- Come on. Let's go party with NSYNC!

- Okay, let's! SOPHIE: Wait, wait, wait.

Why are you coming? - Do you like NSYNC?

- Seriously?

Oh, this?

Just an exact replica of Justin Timberlake's iconic

American Music Awards red carpet look.

And I know. I sound like a broken record, but, uh...

I'm an NSYNC superfan.

- Huh. I have no memory of that either.

- Me neither. I definitely wasn't there.

Lance and Joey! Lance, Lance and Joey!

- Come on!

Dah!

I can't believe we're gonna party with NSYNC!

But do you think we're all going to do the

It's Gonna Be Me choreography together later?

- Should I go practice? I think, I... Yeah, I'm gonna go practice.

Oh, my God, wait. There they are.

Oh!

- They are not NSYNC.

They're just... dudes.

What?

No, no, no, no, wait.

We... We saw them!

- Lance called us "y'all." They made up a song about us!

- We were so blinded by the thrill of being off our phones

that we let two random dudes sing to us at the bank.

Ew!

- Ugh, this would've never happened

if I had been able to Google Image "Joey Fatone 2023."

- I cannot believe you got me excited for nothing!

Like, I am never, ever gonna get over...

Oh, my God.

Are those original stainless steel meat extruders?

- Listen, I really thought that getting off our phones

was gonna lead to some magical reconnection with the real world.

- Um...

Soph, I don't trust my eyes without my phone anymore but, uh...

I think that's Ian.

- Whoa, whoa! Hey, hey, hey, Parker! Where are you going?

I'm leaving, Jesse.

You left me here for half an hour with enough food for six people.

Everyone here thought I was stood up by my whole family,

which is a thing that's happened to me before.

So thank you so much for making me relive my 14th birthday.

- Wait, hold on, Parker, wait, wait, wait. Look, look, look, look, look.

I'm sorry, okay?

I just, after we ordered, I realized I forgot my credit card.

- Oh. Why didn't you just tell me that?

- Because I already ordered all this food.

- Why did you do that?

- Because I really like you, okay?

And I felt like my conversation skills were sucking,

and I was trying to distract you by being fun and generous,

like a... like a medieval king.

- Jesse, medieval kings are notoriously terrible people. I mean, historically...

- Please don't say anything interesting about medieval kings, okay?

'Cause I'm not gonna have anything interesting to say back,

and I'm just gonna end up ordering more food.

- Okay. Don't worry.

I got this. - You... got this?

What... What are you...

- Well, it doesn't work if the hair is the same color as mine.

Uh, excuse me, sir!

Yeah, this is so disgusting.

I think I'm gonna be sick.

Wait till I tell my followers about this. One of whom is Taye Diggs.

- I am so sorry.

Let me go speak with the manager.

Your meal will be completely comped I'm sure.

- So, you're, like...

a little insane, huh?

- Oh, yeah. I'm totally nuts.

I sat here for 30 minutes while you ran around the city.

- How are you?

How are things?

- I'm good. Really good.

Now that I'm working at Columbia,

I feel like I finally have my feet on solid ground.

Probably because I'm not working on a boat anymore,

but mostly because...

I think I'm back in the city for good.

- Oh.

- Hey.

Sophie,

this is my girlfriend, Kiana. - Hi, nice to meet you.

Kiana, hey. Such a pretty name.

- Yeah. - Thank you.

And the name Ian is in Kiana.

- Yeah. - So, Ian is in Kiana!

Or he will be later!

I think I'm gonna go.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

What's going on?

- The landlord was stealing gas from next door,

and some idiot busted the line.

- I bet the idiot was probably on a really valid emotional journey.

- Either way, they caused a very dangerous gas leak.

- I did?! I mean, they did? My roommate is up there!

- Nah, we evacuated the building.

Knocked on the door, sent out emergency texts.

He'd have to be doing some hardcore sensory deprivation to miss all that.

Is that smoke?

- ♪ And I... ♪

♪ Will always love you ♪

♪ I will always ♪

♪ Love you ♪

♪ I will always ♪

♪ Love you ♪

♪ I will always ♪

♪ Love you ♪

♪ I will always... ♪

I always thought

that thing about how a mom's adrenaline

can lift a car off a baby was a myth, but look at me.

I'm a supermom!

- And I'm the helpless little cutie that inspired you!

You know what?

If Rachel doesn't wanna be with someone who loves so hard

that she'd risk dying in a gas leak of her own design

to save a friend, that's on her!

- Hell yeah, it is!

I'm sorry I called your hands small and cold.

They're strong.

And cold. - Yeah.

- Are you okay? - Yeah.

I'm happy for him.

- Sophie, this is Ian.

Getting blindsided by him with some new girl has to hurt a little bit.

- Actually, I wasn't blindsided at all.

I knew all about Kiana,

the public defender who has a three-legged cat, does hot yoga...

- Oh? - From Ian's Insta.

- Oh... - Yeah.

Pretty much everyone that I've dated is in a relationship.

Oscar.

Robert.

There was a cute girl in Drew's Insta story.

Turns out, she's just a handsy cousin.

Stop, stop, stop. Stop. Stop, stop, stop.

Our moms are sisters!

- Probably pretty soon, I'm gonna see a picture

of Jesse with this Parker girl in, like, a photo booth

with a caption like, "I think I'll keep him." Ugh...

- So the real reason you wanted this no-phones day...

- Yes, I needed a break.

Just one day off

from feeling like everyone is just moving forward,

and I'm stuck.

Standing still.

- It's funny. You needed an escape from your phone,

and I use mine to escape.

When I scroll, my brain turns off, and I stop wondering

when I'll meet anyone I like as much as I like Charlie.

- Why haven't we told each other this stuff sooner?

Oh, my God!

My No Phone Day did help us reconnect with the world

'cause I reconnected with you.

You are my world

- Sophie, please don't say things to my face you wouldn't text me.

You're my best friend, and I love you.

God!

Five, four, three, two, one! Midnight!

- Happy everyone gets their phone back!

Yes. SOPHIE: Honestly,

you know what? I thought it was a really good day.

Right? Like, we should get off our phones more often.

- Oh! Parker texted me!

She just got home, and she's already missing ya boy!

- Probably 'cause she's never heard you say "ya boy" before.

- No... No! - What?

Look! LANCE BASS : What's up, y'all?

We're partying here at Schmidt's Meatpacking Warehouse!

- Where are the girls we met at the bank? I bet the blonde can dance.

- Ah, seriously. My husband's already okayed the other one as my hall pass.

- The pain still feels fresh.

♪ Bye Bye Bye by NSYNC playing ♪

♪ Don't wanna be a fool for you ♪

♪ Just another player in your game for two ♪

♪ You may hate me, but it ain't no lie ♪

♪ Baby, bye bye bye ♪

♪ Don't really wanna make it tough ♪

♪ Just wanna tell you that I had enough ♪

♪ It might sound crazy, but it ain't no lie ♪

♪ Baby, bye bye bye ♪

♪ Oh oh oh ♪

♪ You just hit me with the truth, now... ♪