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1
00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:20,187
Ah!
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00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,105
No time for sandwiches! Look at this!
3
00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:24,733
"Goliath Market seeks
in-house photographer
4
00:00:24,733 --> 00:00:28,195
to create food content
for our social platforms"!
5
00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:30,322
- Uh, hey, I work at Goliath Market.
- I know!
6
00:00:30,322 --> 00:00:32,824
And I'm a photographer! Who loves food.
7
00:00:32,824 --> 00:00:34,409
- We could be work besties!
- Oh, my God!
8
00:00:34,409 --> 00:00:35,953
I've never had a work bestie before!
9
00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:38,705
But, wait. Since when do you
want a 9-to-5 job?
10
00:00:39,331 --> 00:00:41,208
You've always been like, "Cubicles?
11
00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:43,335
More like pubicles!"
12
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,214
God, I'm funny.
13
00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:49,091
Ellen was right, though.
14
00:00:49,091 --> 00:00:50,300
For a long time,
15
00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:53,554
I loved the hustle
of freelance photography,
16
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:57,099
but I was tired of not knowing
where my next paycheck was coming from.
17
00:00:58,308 --> 00:00:59,935
I needed to get that job.
18
00:00:59,935 --> 00:01:02,771
When they say 9-to-5,
do they mean wake up at 9:00
19
00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:04,106
or be there at 9:00?
20
00:01:04,106 --> 00:01:05,691
Um, be there.
21
00:01:05,691 --> 00:01:07,317
Woof!
22
00:01:08,277 --> 00:01:10,904
Anyway, could you maybe
put in a good word for me
23
00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:13,657
with the higher-ups?
I could really use the job.
24
00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:15,534
Okay, I got you.
25
00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:17,911
I will nudge the higher-ups so hard,
they'll be like,
26
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:19,329
"Ow, Ellen! Too hard!"
27
00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:22,708
- Yes! This is so exciting!
- We're gonna work together!
28
00:01:22,708 --> 00:01:25,544
Uh, Sophie, these jobs
are really competitive,
29
00:01:25,544 --> 00:01:27,379
so there's no guarantee you'll get it.
30
00:01:28,672 --> 00:01:29,673
I got it!
31
00:01:29,673 --> 00:01:31,008
I start on Monday!
32
00:01:31,008 --> 00:01:31,925
Yes!
33
00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:36,305
Congrats! My girl's finally gonna
have health insurance!
34
00:01:36,305 --> 00:01:39,099
Nice! You can stop
getting physicals at Costco.
35
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:42,644
Ellen, thank you so much
for vouching for me. I owe you.
36
00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:45,189
If you wanna get into
my comedy self-defense class,
37
00:01:45,189 --> 00:01:48,066
just say the word.
You'd be great at Improv-Maga.
38
00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:50,736
- Okay, people! I need a location!
- Neck.
39
00:01:50,736 --> 00:01:53,280
- Neck! Thank you very much.
- And I need an attack.
40
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,032
- Hook punch.
- Hook punch! You heard it.
41
00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:57,201
Kill him, Sophie! Come on! Kill him!
42
00:01:57,201 --> 00:01:59,828
I hear that's how
Conan O'Brien keeps it tight.
43
00:01:59,828 --> 00:02:01,121
Wait.
44
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,165
- Should we walk to work together on Monday?
- Oh.
45
00:02:03,165 --> 00:02:05,584
Sister, we're gonna do
way more than just walk.
46
00:02:29,024 --> 00:02:31,568
Why is Val hanging out
with someone who isn't us?
47
00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:33,320
- We don't do that.
- Oh.
48
00:02:33,946 --> 00:02:36,949
That's her psychic, Madame Deborah.
Doing house calls this week
49
00:02:36,949 --> 00:02:39,034
'cause her tent's being
fumigated for termites.
50
00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:40,744
So, they tented her tent?
51
00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:43,372
Unclear. She just gave me a reading,
52
00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:44,790
and get this.
53
00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:47,835
Prosperity is right around the corner!
54
00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:48,836
Come on, Charles.
55
00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:51,421
Really? You buy into
this psychic nonsense?
56
00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:52,840
I do now!
57
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,050
You know,
I always wanted to see a psychic.
58
00:02:55,050 --> 00:02:57,386
Mother said it was sorcery.
Although, oddly enough,
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00:02:57,386 --> 00:02:59,304
I was allowed to see an actual sorcerer.
60
00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:03,350
Oh, Rincewind. You know,
I would spend hours on his couch,
61
00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:05,727
talking about my fears and anxieties.
62
00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:07,896
And you're sure that wasn't
just a real psychiatrist
63
00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:11,483
that your parents told you was a sorcerer
to make it seem more fun?
64
00:03:11,483 --> 00:03:13,151
Well, if he wasn't a real sorcerer,
65
00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:16,780
how could he have given me those
magic beans that cured my ADHD, huh?
66
00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:19,074
Oh, yeah.
67
00:03:19,074 --> 00:03:21,618
God, I love that woman!
68
00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:25,080
She said I was, quote,
"Finding my path."
69
00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:27,374
Ugh. Of course,
they're gonna tell you good stuff.
70
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:28,792
That's how they keep you coming back!
71
00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:32,379
- Open your eyes, sheeple!
- She does not only tell me good stuff.
72
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,006
She told me choppy waters were approaching
73
00:03:34,006 --> 00:03:36,008
before I started dating Andrew Giuliani.
74
00:03:36,008 --> 00:03:38,802
Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!
75
00:03:38,802 --> 00:03:41,638
I literally rounded the corner,
and found money.
76
00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:44,975
Prosperity around the corner,
just like she said.
77
00:03:44,975 --> 00:03:47,227
I'll bet she planted it there
just to make herself seem more legit.
78
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,979
Oh, and did she plant
the orgy I walked in on
79
00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:51,398
- at Andrew Giuliani's townhouse, too?
- Hm?
80
00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:53,650
I think the real reason
you're such a naysayer
81
00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:55,736
is because you're afraid to learn
what the future holds for you.
82
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,738
Ugh, that's absurd.
83
00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,156
You know what?
I will go talk to her, okay?
84
00:03:59,156 --> 00:04:00,782
But just to see how full of it she is.
85
00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:03,952
And then, I really need to hear more
about this Giuliani thing.
86
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:10,501
Okay, let's see
what we have here today, Mister...
87
00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:12,211
Love Machine?
88
00:04:12,211 --> 00:04:14,379
Yep, that's me.
89
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:17,508
And I need 50 CCs of snuggles, stat!
90
00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:19,343
God...
91
00:04:19,343 --> 00:04:21,011
What are you doing here, babe?
92
00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:22,554
I told you I wanted
to make a real effort
93
00:04:22,554 --> 00:04:24,723
of giving LA a chance, so here I am.
94
00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:26,099
Aw...
95
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,936
Wow. So, this is how
Cali doctors roll, huh?
96
00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:30,062
Not how I pictured it.
97
00:04:30,062 --> 00:04:32,147
Really? Well, how'd you picture it?
98
00:04:33,315 --> 00:04:34,566
Scalpel.
99
00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:38,737
Forceps.
100
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,448
Sushi.
101
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:46,578
Um, just... different, I guess.
102
00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:49,289
Anyway, um, how about when you get off,
103
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,708
we go on one of those
Runyon Canyon hikes you love so much.
104
00:04:52,084 --> 00:04:55,128
I read that's where they walk the dog
from the Old Yeller reboot.
105
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,296
Young Yeller?
106
00:04:57,673 --> 00:05:00,592
Oh, sure. I was gonna stay
for a party we're having
107
00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:03,303
for our friend Eli who just passed
his boards, but I'll skip it.
108
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,055
What? No, you're not missing that.
109
00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:07,683
I came here to experience
your LA life, okay?
110
00:05:07,683 --> 00:05:09,184
Work parties included.
111
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,145
Oh!
112
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,313
Hoo, sorry.
113
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:16,650
Sorry, I didn't see anything.
I promise I'm not gonna tell your husband.
114
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:19,820
- Oh, very funny, Eli.
- This is my husband.
115
00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:23,407
- I know. I'm kidding.
- Sid, the man, the myth, the legend.
116
00:05:23,407 --> 00:05:25,534
You guys coming to my little shindig?
117
00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:28,871
Fingers crossed it's not a repeat
of when Daverman passed the board.
118
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:31,707
Oh, don't worry.
119
00:05:31,707 --> 00:05:34,042
I won't let this event go full Daverman.
120
00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:36,336
Problem is, you never see
a Daverman coming.
121
00:05:38,797 --> 00:05:41,592
Someone tell me who Daverman is,
so I can enjoy this, too.
122
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,973
In all my years,
123
00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:51,018
I've never met such a doomed young man.
124
00:05:51,727 --> 00:05:53,061
Goodbye.
125
00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:54,479
Forever.
126
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,274
Uh...
127
00:05:57,274 --> 00:05:59,443
What just happened?
What did she predict for you?
128
00:05:59,443 --> 00:06:02,779
It's honestly so embarrassing,
I can barely bring myself to say it.
129
00:06:03,906 --> 00:06:05,199
Okay, fine.
130
00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:08,243
She said I was gonna die tonight.
131
00:06:10,245 --> 00:06:12,748
Oh, I haven't been fed
a pile of crap like that
132
00:06:12,748 --> 00:06:15,209
since Truth or Dare night
at farm camp.
133
00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:16,251
Oh.
134
00:06:16,668 --> 00:06:19,463
Wow, that is... That is pretty out there.
135
00:06:19,463 --> 00:06:21,882
Look, I think we can all agree
that Madame Deb is full of it,
136
00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,800
so... peace, suckers.
137
00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:28,096
She's never been wrong before,
138
00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:30,766
but maybe she's having an off day.
139
00:06:33,268 --> 00:06:35,437
- He's a dead man.
- His time has come.
140
00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:41,610
- Oh, my God.
- Ooh.
141
00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:42,611
I love it here!
142
00:06:42,611 --> 00:06:44,530
There's a big phone on my desk,
143
00:06:44,530 --> 00:06:47,407
and sometimes, it rings,
and I'm like, "Go for Sophie."
144
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:51,495
Oh! Sophie, Ellen.
145
00:06:51,495 --> 00:06:55,082
I see you two have
become fast friends. Love it.
146
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:57,501
- Oh, no! No, no.
- We know each other from before.
147
00:06:57,501 --> 00:07:00,254
- Remember she sent that recommendation?
- That's right! I did.
148
00:07:00,254 --> 00:07:02,798
Remember, I-I sent you that long email
149
00:07:02,798 --> 00:07:06,176
about my best friend Sophie,
and h-how she'd be perfect for the job?
150
00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:09,304
No, never got it, and you know
I'm a stickler for inbox organization.
151
00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:11,974
Well, I'm a stickler
152
00:07:11,974 --> 00:07:14,768
for remembering when I send
vouching emails to my boss,
153
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:17,020
so it appears that you and I
154
00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:19,022
are in a stickler standoff.
155
00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:22,693
I'll have IT open a ticket.
156
00:07:23,861 --> 00:07:26,113
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
157
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:27,948
You never sent that email, did you?
158
00:07:28,532 --> 00:07:29,950
Not exactly, no.
159
00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:32,870
But, enough with this internet stuff.
160
00:07:32,870 --> 00:07:35,122
You know, whatever happened to real life?
161
00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:38,250
Uh, did you recommend me in real life?
162
00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:39,209
No...
163
00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:46,383
You sure you wanna do this, babe?
164
00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:48,343
It's just a bunch of nerdy surgeons.
165
00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:51,138
- Your boy can hang with surgeons.
- I went to med school for a hot minute.
166
00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:53,724
I can talk about anything.
I mean, call me Professor Klump
167
00:07:53,724 --> 00:07:55,642
because I am well-rounded.
168
00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:58,854
- Oh, you guys talking Nutty Professor?
- Great movie.
169
00:07:58,854 --> 00:08:01,690
Classic case of hypothyroidism,
170
00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:02,733
am I right?
171
00:08:02,733 --> 00:08:05,319
Well, wasn't it just
that Klump drank that potion
172
00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:08,071
that reconstructed his DNA
to make him thinner and cooler?
173
00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:10,240
No, babe, it's this game we play
174
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:12,409
where we take characters from movies,
175
00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:15,412
and we diagnose them
with actual medical conditions.
176
00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:18,207
Oh... Okay, that is hilarious.
177
00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:19,750
Okay, I'm gonna try one.
178
00:08:19,750 --> 00:08:21,376
Got it. Tom Hanks.
179
00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:23,337
Philadelphia. AIDS.
180
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,759
Um, technically true,
181
00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:31,428
but it's not really
how the game is played.
182
00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:32,971
Fine, I'ma try another one.
183
00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:35,015
Uh... Uh...
184
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:37,684
Matthew McConaughey,
Dallas Buyers Club...
185
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,686
Let's talk about something else.
186
00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:42,940
I just don't understand.
187
00:08:42,940 --> 00:08:45,150
Why did you not send that recommendation?
188
00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:47,611
Sophie, I'm sorry. I totally forgot.
189
00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:50,656
I have a lot on my plate, and it just...
It just slipped my mind.
190
00:08:50,656 --> 00:08:51,949
Okay!
191
00:08:51,949 --> 00:08:55,827
I literally just came up
with the best idea in history!
192
00:08:55,827 --> 00:08:58,247
Since you two are
self-described best friends,
193
00:08:58,247 --> 00:09:00,165
I'm teaming you up to pitch
194
00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:02,417
on the next big veggie re-brand!
195
00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:05,420
Wait. You don't mean
the cabbage account?
196
00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:06,922
Indeed I do.
197
00:09:06,922 --> 00:09:09,424
Our research shows that
the average cabbage consumer
198
00:09:09,424 --> 00:09:10,926
is 97 years old.
199
00:09:10,926 --> 00:09:14,096
We need to figure out how to
make cabbage seem hip and young,
200
00:09:14,096 --> 00:09:16,014
like we did with broccolini.
201
00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:17,933
What!? That was you guys?
202
00:09:17,933 --> 00:09:20,936
I literally had
a broccolini smoothie this morning.
203
00:09:20,936 --> 00:09:23,689
Thousands of cabbage farmers
are depending on your friendship.
204
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:28,652
Hey. We've got our work cut out for us.
205
00:09:28,652 --> 00:09:30,404
The only thing I know about cabbage
206
00:09:30,404 --> 00:09:32,698
are the patch kids and this dance.
207
00:09:33,824 --> 00:09:36,201
- Oh! Go, Sophie...
- No!
208
00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:38,829
Still pissed at you.
You do not get to enjoy me.
209
00:09:41,999 --> 00:09:43,792
Hey, buddy.
210
00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:45,127
We just thought we'd stop by
211
00:09:45,127 --> 00:09:46,837
since we were in the neighborhood...
212
00:09:46,837 --> 00:09:48,463
Of your favorite restaurant.
213
00:09:48,463 --> 00:09:52,426
- Wow! Lasagna Alfredo Al Forno?
- That's so nice!
214
00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:55,179
Wait. You're not nice. What's going on?
215
00:09:55,179 --> 00:09:58,182
I can't do this. Jesse, we think
you're a dead man walking.
216
00:09:58,182 --> 00:10:00,434
What, you think Madame Deborah's right?
217
00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:03,979
- Oh, my God. This is a last meal.
- You're last meal-ing me.
218
00:10:03,979 --> 00:10:06,732
Jesse, a light fixture
fell from the ceiling,
219
00:10:06,732 --> 00:10:09,568
Final Destination-style,
as soon as you left the bar.
220
00:10:09,568 --> 00:10:12,237
- Yeah, that place is a mess!
- Two weeks ago, the jukebox exploded.
221
00:10:12,237 --> 00:10:13,697
It doesn't mean I'm dying tonight.
222
00:10:13,697 --> 00:10:16,116
Well, Madame Deborah
has never been wrong before.
223
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,367
She even predicted there was gonna be
224
00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:18,952
a High School Musical
The Musical The Series!
225
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,663
- Anyone would have predicted that.
- It's a slam-dunk franchise.
226
00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:23,916
Jesse, on the off chance
that this woman is correct,
227
00:10:23,916 --> 00:10:26,293
we would like to give you
a fabulous last evening.
228
00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:29,087
So, please, tell us your dying wishes...
229
00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:30,172
before you're dragged to hell.
230
00:10:30,172 --> 00:10:31,507
- What?
- Or heaven.
231
00:10:31,507 --> 00:10:33,884
Maybe he's done a lot
of nice shit we've never seen.
232
00:10:33,884 --> 00:10:36,220
Can you two please discuss
the fate of my soul somewhere else?
233
00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:39,890
I have a Warby Parker virtual
try-on appointment to attend to, so...
234
00:10:44,478 --> 00:10:47,814
I guess I could whip up a quick
bucket list for us to chip away at.
235
00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:53,529
So I told him, "Don't you dare
stop fighting, Mr. Ramirez.
236
00:10:53,529 --> 00:10:55,531
"Because if you die,
237
00:10:57,199 --> 00:10:59,660
the Zamboni wins."
238
00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:02,663
- Okay, you saved one man.
- How many are there? Like, a million?
239
00:11:04,540 --> 00:11:06,750
Something like that. So, Sid,
240
00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:09,461
Hannah tells me that y-you own a bar?
241
00:11:09,461 --> 00:11:12,089
- Sid is amazing!
- He can make, like, any drink.
242
00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:14,716
She's right. You guys ever had
a Whiskey Richard?
243
00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:15,717
No...
244
00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:18,929
- Where's the bourbon?
- Damn, I don't think we have any.
245
00:11:18,929 --> 00:11:21,223
Although, there's a liquor store
across the street,
246
00:11:21,223 --> 00:11:24,393
but it's raining
pretty hard right now, so...
247
00:11:24,393 --> 00:11:27,062
- Heh, heh.
- You think I'm scared of a little rain?
248
00:11:27,062 --> 00:11:29,106
Oh no, is there a light breeze, too?
249
00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:33,986
I'm a New Yorker, Eli.
I can handle a little drizz.
250
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:38,448
Man, I thought LA people were soft,
but this is, hoo,
251
00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:40,826
next level...
252
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:51,003
And then I'll say,
"The true essence of cabbage is..."
253
00:11:51,003 --> 00:11:53,297
- And then you'll say, "Friendship."
- Mm-hmm.
254
00:11:53,297 --> 00:11:54,548
Yeah, I remember.
255
00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:56,675
Because one of us has a working memory.
256
00:11:56,675 --> 00:12:00,637
Great dig. You know, you're coming at me
with a lot of big-dig energy right now.
257
00:12:01,430 --> 00:12:03,599
Can we just please move forward
with our lives?
258
00:12:03,599 --> 00:12:05,559
Oh, forward.
259
00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:07,978
What you were supposed to do
with my resume,
260
00:12:07,978 --> 00:12:09,271
but didn't.
261
00:12:09,271 --> 00:12:11,523
Sophie, you're being a tad annoying.
262
00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:12,816
Ying.
263
00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:15,319
What I was supposed to be to your yang.
264
00:12:15,319 --> 00:12:16,695
Okay, you know what?
265
00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:19,281
I didn't forget to recommend you.
I didn't wanna vouch for you
266
00:12:19,281 --> 00:12:21,700
because I wasn't sure
you could hold down a real job.
267
00:12:23,535 --> 00:12:25,454
- Why not?
- You thought 9-to-5
268
00:12:25,454 --> 00:12:27,164
meant that you wake up at 9:00.
269
00:12:27,164 --> 00:12:28,916
- A lot of people think that!
- No, they don't!
270
00:12:28,916 --> 00:12:31,836
It doesn't make any sense! Everyone
would just show up at different times!
271
00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:35,464
Let's get ready to cabbage!
272
00:12:35,464 --> 00:12:38,258
- Woo!
- Let's just get through the presentation,
273
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,378
- and then we'll talk about it later.
- Not a problem.
274
00:12:41,303 --> 00:12:43,972
Ladies and gentlemen!
275
00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:46,517
Welcome to the future,
276
00:12:46,517 --> 00:12:49,478
where cabbage isn't just
an ingredient anymore.
277
00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:51,230
It's an experience.
278
00:12:51,230 --> 00:12:53,232
An experience to be shared.
279
00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:56,568
Rip it and share it!
280
00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:58,195
The next generation of cabbage
281
00:12:58,195 --> 00:13:00,405
is about bringing people together
282
00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:02,908
because the true essence of cabbage is...
283
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:08,413
Sophie? D-D-Don't you wanna
say friendship?
284
00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:11,542
- Uh, I don't know, Ellen.
- I was just thinking about
285
00:13:11,542 --> 00:13:13,877
all the different kinds
of cabbage there are.
286
00:13:14,753 --> 00:13:16,713
There's Napa cabbage, and purple,
287
00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:18,757
- and then there's selfish.
- Oh, really?
288
00:13:19,258 --> 00:13:21,418
- Yeah. Mm-hmm.
- Those are the three cabbages? Mm-hmm.
289
00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:25,097
The selfish cabbages are always
just looking out for themselves.
290
00:13:25,097 --> 00:13:27,599
You know, not really supportive
of their cabbage friends.
291
00:13:27,599 --> 00:13:29,893
Or maybe, they're the ones
292
00:13:29,893 --> 00:13:33,021
who worked really, really hard
to get where they are,
293
00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:35,023
and they just can't risk
throwing it all away
294
00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:38,443
for some flaky blonde cabbage
who lucked their way into the job.
295
00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:41,488
Wait, the cabbage has a job? I'm lost.
296
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:44,575
The selfish cabbage said
they were sorry. What else do you want?
297
00:13:44,575 --> 00:13:46,034
I want you...
298
00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,661
to think that I'm good enough
to be here,
299
00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:49,663
to get off of your high horse
300
00:13:49,663 --> 00:13:51,748
and just be a supportive friend.
301
00:13:53,876 --> 00:13:55,127
Cabbage.
302
00:13:55,127 --> 00:13:57,713
Ellen, my office.
303
00:14:02,593 --> 00:14:05,846
Oh, you banged yourself up pretty good,
sweetie. Does this hurt?
304
00:14:08,432 --> 00:14:10,934
Hey, 'sup, player?
305
00:14:10,934 --> 00:14:13,854
Uh, the good news is nothing's broken.
306
00:14:13,854 --> 00:14:17,191
But, you do have a pretty
gnarly coccyx contusion,
307
00:14:17,191 --> 00:14:19,526
so, I'm sorry to say...
308
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:22,988
...no lower-body intensive activities
for a while.
309
00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:26,116
Sorry, Sid.
Or should I say, sorry, Hannah.
310
00:14:28,202 --> 00:14:29,828
Funny, but not right now.
311
00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:31,997
Okay, you know what, funny guy?
312
00:14:31,997 --> 00:14:33,832
I think I'd like to get
an opinion from someone
313
00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:36,585
who didn't just pass his boards,
like, three hours ago.
314
00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:38,378
- You know, I don't get it.
- I've been so nice to you...
315
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,130
Eli, could you just give us a sec?
316
00:14:40,672 --> 00:14:41,924
Alright.
317
00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:47,930
- Sid, what is going on with you?
- Why are you being so rude?
318
00:14:49,056 --> 00:14:51,850
You have this whole world
over here without me.
319
00:14:52,518 --> 00:14:55,979
And I-I'm not a doctor.
I don't know Daverman.
320
00:14:55,979 --> 00:14:58,065
And Eli's so handsome.
321
00:14:58,065 --> 00:15:00,192
And I suck at the AIDS game.
322
00:15:00,192 --> 00:15:01,527
What about Eli?
323
00:15:01,527 --> 00:15:03,862
It's just you guys get to spend
all this time together.
324
00:15:03,862 --> 00:15:06,532
You guys have a million inside jokes.
It's a lot.
325
00:15:09,618 --> 00:15:11,286
I'm sorry, babe.
326
00:15:11,286 --> 00:15:13,580
I'm really tanking this LA thing.
327
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:16,083
If you had more time,
you would crush LA.
328
00:15:17,209 --> 00:15:19,089
But I'm afraid you're not
gonna get that chance.
329
00:15:20,754 --> 00:15:22,464
Oh, my God, am I dying?
330
00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:23,757
No, Sid.
331
00:15:25,801 --> 00:15:27,553
I've decided to move to New York.
332
00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:31,598
But... But you love LA.
333
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,934
You have this whole
amazing life over here.
334
00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:36,436
Yeah, but I love you more.
335
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,565
And you're a New Yorker.
336
00:15:40,315 --> 00:15:41,358
Really?
337
00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:43,610
Really.
338
00:15:44,862 --> 00:15:46,113
Thank you.
339
00:15:50,367 --> 00:15:51,618
Okay.
340
00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:54,621
Mm...
341
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:56,456
So, what's the Daverman story, anyway?
342
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:57,958
Oh, it's nothing.
343
00:15:59,418 --> 00:16:01,420
He shit his pants.
344
00:16:02,379 --> 00:16:04,965
Aloha!
345
00:16:04,965 --> 00:16:07,551
Okay, I know it's not quite the real deal,
346
00:16:07,551 --> 00:16:09,595
but we can check
347
00:16:09,595 --> 00:16:11,972
"go to Hawaii"
off your bucket list.
348
00:16:12,723 --> 00:16:14,141
It was Helsinki.
349
00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:16,310
I always wanted to go to Helsinki.
350
00:16:16,310 --> 00:16:17,210
Really?
351
00:16:18,353 --> 00:16:20,355
Oh, bro, you should work
on your penmanship.
352
00:16:20,856 --> 00:16:23,567
Oh, there's probably not enough time...
353
00:16:23,567 --> 00:16:25,944
Okay! Thank you very much! Right!
354
00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:28,822
Per your list, I have
reached out to Terry Gross
355
00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:32,409
about interviewing you.
She said, and I quote,
356
00:16:32,409 --> 00:16:36,038
"It's called Fresh Air,
not Who The Hell Is That Guy Air."
357
00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:37,456
Terry Gross said that?
358
00:16:37,456 --> 00:16:41,168
No. The "she" in this story
is her very rude intern, Bailey.
359
00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:43,712
Is there anything on this list
that we can actually achieve?
360
00:16:43,712 --> 00:16:46,798
Uh, "be the musical guest on SNL." No.
361
00:16:46,798 --> 00:16:49,343
"Be the musical guest and host on SNL."
Jesse...
362
00:16:49,343 --> 00:16:50,594
Uh, "become a dad."
363
00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:52,971
We might be able to pull that
last one off without you.
364
00:16:52,971 --> 00:16:55,474
- How cold does your freezer get?
- Ooh, I'll get a cup!
365
00:17:04,858 --> 00:17:06,902
- I've never seen anything...
- It's all my fault, okay?
366
00:17:06,902 --> 00:17:08,737
- Sophie, what are you...
- She's right.
367
00:17:08,737 --> 00:17:10,822
I am a work in progress.
368
00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:13,492
But, Ellen is the best,
and if you fire her,
369
00:17:13,492 --> 00:17:16,203
you are out of your goddamn mind,
Mark Flarkson.
370
00:17:17,496 --> 00:17:20,499
My last name is Cruz,
and I'm not firing Ellen.
371
00:17:20,499 --> 00:17:22,251
I'm conducting a wellness check.
372
00:17:22,793 --> 00:17:24,795
I am, however, considering firing you
373
00:17:24,795 --> 00:17:26,380
because you took one of my best employees
374
00:17:26,380 --> 00:17:28,090
and made her act really weird.
375
00:17:29,007 --> 00:17:30,801
- I understand.
- No!
376
00:17:30,801 --> 00:17:32,469
You can't fire her.
377
00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:35,681
Let me tell you why
Sophie Tompkins is the best.
378
00:17:35,681 --> 00:17:37,224
- Oh boy.
- Sure,
379
00:17:37,224 --> 00:17:38,892
she's rough around the edges
380
00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:41,353
and can barely conduct herself in general,
381
00:17:41,353 --> 00:17:43,647
let alone in an office.
I mean, sometimes,
382
00:17:43,647 --> 00:17:47,276
if you stand close to her, you can hear
her quietly chanting her own name. Like,
383
00:17:47,276 --> 00:17:49,236
Sophie, Sophie...
384
00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:50,737
- You can hear that?
- Mm-hmm.
385
00:17:51,822 --> 00:17:54,074
- I thought that was just in my head.
- But,
386
00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:58,120
here are 50 reasons why
Sophie's perfect for Goliath. One...
387
00:17:58,120 --> 00:17:59,204
No! She can stay.
388
00:17:59,204 --> 00:18:01,790
Just please stop advocating
for each other,
389
00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:03,458
and go finish the cabbage campaign!
390
00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:06,420
Thank you so much, Mr. Flarkson-Cruz.
391
00:18:06,420 --> 00:18:07,921
It's just Cruz.
392
00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:10,007
- And I promise, no more drama.
- Mm-hmm.
393
00:18:10,007 --> 00:18:12,759
Sophie! Ellen! I love you!
394
00:18:13,302 --> 00:18:15,846
I'm sorry.
It's just, I may be dying tonight.
395
00:18:17,598 --> 00:18:20,851
No more drama starting... now.
396
00:18:25,439 --> 00:18:26,940
How do I look?
397
00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:28,650
Like a man who's ready to go.
398
00:18:30,986 --> 00:18:33,780
Agreed. Open casket chic.
399
00:18:34,823 --> 00:18:36,366
I still don't know what's going on.
400
00:18:36,366 --> 00:18:39,077
- Me neither. Just act like you care.
- Ooh!
401
00:18:39,077 --> 00:18:41,747
Fifteen seconds to midnight.
Places, people.
402
00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:46,418
Okay.
403
00:18:47,711 --> 00:18:49,379
Ten.
404
00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:51,798
Nine. Eight...
405
00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:54,343
Goodbye, old friend. Six.
406
00:18:54,343 --> 00:18:56,803
Five. Four...
407
00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:59,848
May the angels sing thee to thy rest.
408
00:18:59,848 --> 00:19:01,850
Two. One!
409
00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:05,354
I'm alive.
410
00:19:06,522 --> 00:19:07,898
I'm alive.
411
00:19:07,898 --> 00:19:10,567
Ha! I knew it all along!
412
00:19:10,567 --> 00:19:13,654
Really? Then, why'd you show up
at my work to say goodbye to us?
413
00:19:13,654 --> 00:19:16,198
What? For these dumb-dumbs!
414
00:19:16,198 --> 00:19:18,951
Y'all must be feeling
pretty stupid right now.
415
00:19:18,951 --> 00:19:22,162
Me? I still don't even know
why we're here.
416
00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:24,498
Alright, well,
I've got work tomorrow morning,
417
00:19:24,498 --> 00:19:27,459
which I will be attending
because I am very much alive.
418
00:19:27,459 --> 00:19:29,294
Sorry, Jesse. Our bad.
419
00:19:29,294 --> 00:19:31,338
But she's never wrong.
420
00:19:31,797 --> 00:19:33,841
Please do not show up at my work again.
421
00:19:33,841 --> 00:19:36,093
Alright. I guess I'm never gonna die.
422
00:19:49,106 --> 00:19:52,025
Guys! What if they meant Pacific Time?
423
00:19:53,318 --> 00:19:56,530
The next morning,
our cabbage campaign went live.
424
00:19:58,574 --> 00:20:01,285
Ellen! Look over there.
425
00:20:03,287 --> 00:20:04,288
Look over there!
426
00:20:06,623 --> 00:20:07,624
And over there!
427
00:20:09,126 --> 00:20:10,026
Oh, and over there!
428
00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:12,713
Oh, my God, Sophie, look around.
429
00:20:12,713 --> 00:20:14,381
- It's everywhere.
- We did it!
430
00:20:14,381 --> 00:20:16,800
We did it!
431
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,760
There's no way that's how it happened.
432
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:21,889
Every single person was eating
a cabbage almost immediately?
433
00:20:21,889 --> 00:20:24,183
That's the way I remember it,
434
00:20:24,183 --> 00:20:26,185
so that's how it happened.
33202
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