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1
00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:17,852
Son, sometimes in life,
2
00:00:17,852 --> 00:00:20,689
you have to perform a best friend rescue.
3
00:00:20,689 --> 00:00:23,900
Remember the time I had to drive you
to Aunt Val's house
4
00:00:23,900 --> 00:00:26,319
to stop her
from bleaching her hair?
5
00:00:26,319 --> 00:00:27,320
Yeah.
6
00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:29,520
I-I still don't really understand
what the big deal was.
7
00:00:30,657 --> 00:00:32,701
How many times do I have to say it?
8
00:00:32,701 --> 00:00:35,078
I'm the blonde one!
9
00:00:35,078 --> 00:00:38,456
Okay. Swish and Val's
engagement party is tomorrow,
10
00:00:38,456 --> 00:00:41,543
and if we all work together,
we can make it a success.
11
00:00:42,168 --> 00:00:44,546
And here, we're defining success
12
00:00:44,546 --> 00:00:47,549
as killing this engagement dead.
Any questions?
13
00:00:48,091 --> 00:00:49,843
I'm straight off a plane here,
14
00:00:49,843 --> 00:00:51,887
so my question would be, what?
15
00:00:52,637 --> 00:00:54,848
A bubbly undergrad proposed to Val,
16
00:00:54,848 --> 00:00:56,308
and she doesn't wanna
go through with it,
17
00:00:56,308 --> 00:00:59,352
and I'm not ready
for married lame friends.
18
00:01:01,563 --> 00:01:03,398
Except for you guys!
19
00:01:03,398 --> 00:01:05,150
Love your love.
20
00:01:05,775 --> 00:01:08,194
So, what am I looking at here, exactly?
21
00:01:08,194 --> 00:01:11,573
Um, well, I wanted to do a presentation,
but I ran out of time.
22
00:01:11,573 --> 00:01:12,991
Oh, so why'd you bring it?
23
00:01:12,991 --> 00:01:15,327
Well, I didn't buy PowerPoint
for nothing.
24
00:01:15,327 --> 00:01:17,162
Didn't you?
25
00:01:17,162 --> 00:01:18,455
Okay. Crazy thought.
26
00:01:18,455 --> 00:01:20,749
What if Val breaks up with Swish
27
00:01:20,749 --> 00:01:23,835
using words like, I don't know,
"I'm breaking up with you, Swish."
28
00:01:24,669 --> 00:01:26,713
Uh! We tried.
29
00:01:26,713 --> 00:01:30,634
Swish, you are a wonderful person,
30
00:01:30,634 --> 00:01:34,054
and I have so enjoyed
our time together.
31
00:01:34,054 --> 00:01:35,096
But...
32
00:01:37,140 --> 00:01:40,435
- You do it.
- I can't. I see it, too.
33
00:01:41,686 --> 00:01:44,522
Disappointing Swish face-to-face
is a no-go.
34
00:01:44,522 --> 00:01:47,901
So here's the plan.
Tomorrow, we are gonna convince Swish
35
00:01:47,901 --> 00:01:50,487
that he doesn't wanna marry Val. Ellen,
36
00:01:50,487 --> 00:01:53,198
you're gonna play
the role of "bitter divorced lady."
37
00:01:53,198 --> 00:01:56,701
Ooh! Can my name be Maureen?
38
00:01:56,701 --> 00:01:57,994
No. He's met you.
39
00:01:57,994 --> 00:01:59,454
Sid, Hannah.
40
00:01:59,454 --> 00:02:01,498
You guys are gonna be
the unhappy married couple
41
00:02:01,498 --> 00:02:02,999
who just can't stop fighting.
42
00:02:02,999 --> 00:02:05,252
This is our first weekend
together in a month,
43
00:02:05,252 --> 00:02:06,545
and we're supposed to fake a fight?
44
00:02:06,545 --> 00:02:08,838
Glad you get it. Charlie!
45
00:02:08,838 --> 00:02:12,133
You will be the fun bachelor
who's going to remind Swish
46
00:02:12,133 --> 00:02:13,843
of all the great casual sex
47
00:02:13,843 --> 00:02:15,887
he'll be missing out on
if he gets hitched.
48
00:02:15,887 --> 00:02:19,015
Love that for me, but I can't.
I'm bringing Julia.
49
00:02:19,015 --> 00:02:21,017
Oh, nice. How's that going, anyway?
50
00:02:21,017 --> 00:02:23,144
- Next topic, please.
- You don't like Julia?
51
00:02:23,144 --> 00:02:24,854
Julia's fine.
52
00:02:24,854 --> 00:02:27,732
Just having a little roommate kerfuffle.
It's nothing to fret over.
53
00:02:27,732 --> 00:02:29,276
Next. Topic. Please.
54
00:02:30,944 --> 00:02:34,030
Okay, Jesse, then you'll be
Mr. "I live for casual sex."
55
00:02:34,030 --> 00:02:36,032
I hate guys like that.
What's your thing?
56
00:02:36,032 --> 00:02:37,742
- Can I just do that instead?
- No!
57
00:02:37,742 --> 00:02:40,829
I am gonna show Swish how ancient I am.
58
00:02:40,829 --> 00:02:43,206
Then, I'll mention that Val and I
are the same age,
59
00:02:43,206 --> 00:02:44,416
and he'll connect the dots.
60
00:02:44,416 --> 00:02:46,418
Smart!
He loves Connect the Dots!
61
00:02:47,252 --> 00:02:48,670
Babe!
62
00:02:48,670 --> 00:02:51,172
It's not a horse!
It's a unicorn!
63
00:02:52,465 --> 00:02:53,800
I did that.
64
00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:55,302
Don't worry, Val.
65
00:02:55,302 --> 00:02:57,679
As soon as I'm done with you,
you are going to be...
66
00:02:57,679 --> 00:02:59,848
Single AF!
67
00:02:59,848 --> 00:03:02,267
That says "sing leaf."
68
00:03:03,226 --> 00:03:04,269
Damn it.
69
00:03:04,728 --> 00:03:07,397
I'm gonna be the most
married person in the world.
70
00:03:10,984 --> 00:03:12,986
So, um, if Swish asks,
71
00:03:12,986 --> 00:03:15,238
my parents are in India.
72
00:03:15,238 --> 00:03:16,615
What? Why?
73
00:03:16,615 --> 00:03:18,158
He wanted my dad's blessing,
74
00:03:18,158 --> 00:03:20,493
so I told him
they were out of the country.
75
00:03:20,493 --> 00:03:22,733
Photoshopped a picture of them
in front of the Taj Mahal.
76
00:03:23,288 --> 00:03:24,372
Fiancée!
77
00:03:24,372 --> 00:03:26,041
Hey...
78
00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:28,043
Mwah!
79
00:03:28,043 --> 00:03:29,252
Oh, my gosh.
80
00:03:29,252 --> 00:03:32,297
I just saw our unborn children
in your eyes.
81
00:03:32,297 --> 00:03:33,340
Do you see them in mine?
82
00:03:33,965 --> 00:03:36,218
Nope. Just, like,
83
00:03:36,218 --> 00:03:37,469
your pupils.
84
00:03:38,136 --> 00:03:40,680
Oh, right. I'm being stupid
because they say that you see
85
00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:43,183
the spark of the children
in the mother's eyes.
86
00:03:43,183 --> 00:03:45,227
You probably just see,
like, little sperms in mine.
87
00:03:49,105 --> 00:03:50,857
Oh! Sorry.
88
00:03:51,358 --> 00:03:52,525
I guess it's true what they say.
89
00:03:52,525 --> 00:03:56,363
Back pain is youth just leaving the body.
90
00:03:56,363 --> 00:03:59,658
I'm going through changes now that
I'm creeping up on the big 3-1.
91
00:03:59,658 --> 00:04:01,534
You know what I realized the other day?
92
00:04:01,534 --> 00:04:03,620
When you're 31,
93
00:04:03,620 --> 00:04:05,455
Val's gonna be 43.
94
00:04:08,291 --> 00:04:11,336
And when you're 43, she'll be 55.
95
00:04:12,587 --> 00:04:14,589
We get it! You're a horny cat.
96
00:04:15,298 --> 00:04:17,801
I love being with an experienced woman.
97
00:04:17,801 --> 00:04:21,121
I think it's beautiful that you guys have
to take your pants off when you come home.
98
00:04:24,057 --> 00:04:25,475
Hey, have you met Jesse?
99
00:04:25,475 --> 00:04:27,811
Hey, hey, hey!
100
00:04:27,811 --> 00:04:30,438
So, tying the old knot, huh?
101
00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:31,731
Yeah. I could never.
102
00:04:31,731 --> 00:04:33,775
I'd get hung up thinking
about all those...
103
00:04:34,693 --> 00:04:37,112
tasty women I'd be missing out on.
104
00:04:37,862 --> 00:04:40,657
- Tasty...
- Tasty, tasty meat.
105
00:04:40,657 --> 00:04:42,951
Big ol' husks, huh? I mean,
106
00:04:42,951 --> 00:04:46,329
women are objects,
and the subject is sex,
107
00:04:46,329 --> 00:04:47,956
- am I right?
- Okay.
108
00:04:47,956 --> 00:04:50,458
Yeah, if you ask me, best to stay single
109
00:04:50,458 --> 00:04:53,461
'cause life's just
a big ol' bag of boobs.
110
00:04:55,297 --> 00:04:57,549
- What are you doing?
- Sorry.
111
00:04:57,549 --> 00:05:00,218
Was bag of boobs weird?
I was between that and butt parade.
112
00:05:01,386 --> 00:05:03,013
How did I ever have sex with you?
113
00:05:03,013 --> 00:05:04,264
Missionary, right?
114
00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:10,145
Marrying young was
the biggest mistake I've ever made.
115
00:05:10,145 --> 00:05:12,147
I'm a broken shell of a woman.
116
00:05:12,147 --> 00:05:15,567
Nothing like the Maureen I used to be.
117
00:05:16,067 --> 00:05:17,587
Wait, I thought your name was Ellen.
118
00:05:18,278 --> 00:05:20,947
You remember that?
God, you're a good listener.
119
00:05:21,323 --> 00:05:24,618
And plus, you don't seem broken.
Y-You have a cool job,
120
00:05:24,618 --> 00:05:28,079
you're a great friend, and Val says
your girlfriend is freakin' dope.
121
00:05:28,079 --> 00:05:29,539
Yeah, Rachel rules.
122
00:05:29,539 --> 00:05:31,958
I guess I'm kicking butt out there, huh?
123
00:05:31,958 --> 00:05:33,793
- Thanks, Swish.
- Hey, no problem, Maureen.
124
00:05:34,794 --> 00:05:37,034
Look, you wanna be called Maureen,
I'll call you Maureen.
125
00:05:37,464 --> 00:05:38,590
Later.
126
00:05:41,551 --> 00:05:45,055
I'm sorry. He smiled at me,
and then I just forgot.
127
00:05:45,055 --> 00:05:47,641
A-And then, I had an overwhelming desire
128
00:05:47,641 --> 00:05:50,143
to-to be his mom,
but, like a chill one.
129
00:05:50,143 --> 00:05:52,354
Like, he could smoke in front of me.
130
00:05:53,104 --> 00:05:54,773
Mom?
131
00:05:54,773 --> 00:05:57,108
Ellen, that's it!
132
00:05:58,485 --> 00:06:00,766
You're pretty tough to talk
to sometimes, you know that?
133
00:06:01,363 --> 00:06:02,822
And then I'll say,
134
00:06:02,822 --> 00:06:05,533
"Church shmurch! Sunday's for football!"
135
00:06:05,533 --> 00:06:08,245
And then you'll say, "Well, I never."
136
00:06:08,245 --> 00:06:10,247
I've never once said that in my life.
137
00:06:10,247 --> 00:06:12,165
Okay, well,
do the other line we talked about.
138
00:06:13,250 --> 00:06:15,835
Fine. I'll say, "You're not gettin'
any of this tonight,"
139
00:06:15,835 --> 00:06:17,379
but I'm not pointing at my crotch.
140
00:06:19,381 --> 00:06:21,299
Wait, you have Zillow alerts on?
141
00:06:21,299 --> 00:06:23,009
Hell, yeah. Me, too.
142
00:06:23,009 --> 00:06:24,594
How do you feel about exposed brick?
143
00:06:24,594 --> 00:06:26,513
I know it makes me
a basic bitch, but I love it.
144
00:06:28,223 --> 00:06:30,725
Wait, Hannah,
this is for a house in Los Angeles.
145
00:06:31,768 --> 00:06:33,812
I live in a nice area.
146
00:06:33,812 --> 00:06:35,772
I got curious, that's all.
147
00:06:35,772 --> 00:06:38,441
Uh-huh. Curious like,
148
00:06:38,441 --> 00:06:40,860
"Look how much these suckers
paid for this dump,"
149
00:06:40,860 --> 00:06:43,488
or curious like, "I wanna be
one of these suckers"?
150
00:06:43,488 --> 00:06:45,490
What do you want me to say?
151
00:06:45,490 --> 00:06:49,286
I've lived in LA for a while now,
I love my job, I'm making friends...
152
00:06:49,286 --> 00:06:51,746
Yeah, Hannah, but we have a plan.
Like, you were supposed to move here
153
00:06:51,746 --> 00:06:52,998
when your residency is over.
154
00:06:52,998 --> 00:06:54,457
That's always been the plan.
155
00:06:54,457 --> 00:06:56,459
I don't wanna talk about this here.
156
00:06:56,459 --> 00:06:58,044
Can't we just fake fight now?
157
00:06:58,044 --> 00:07:01,172
We can't fake fight now.
We're in a real fight.
158
00:07:04,050 --> 00:07:05,343
Ellen, right?
159
00:07:05,343 --> 00:07:07,345
I'm Julia. I was actually at your place
the other night.
160
00:07:07,345 --> 00:07:09,723
Oh, I know you were. Hi.
161
00:07:10,557 --> 00:07:12,517
- You're looking well.
- As are you.
162
00:07:14,060 --> 00:07:16,146
- Why are you guys being weird?
- We're not.
163
00:07:16,146 --> 00:07:18,732
And there is no "we."
On your way now.
164
00:07:22,444 --> 00:07:24,154
Hey, babe. Long-ass pee, huh?
165
00:07:24,154 --> 00:07:25,780
What happened,
you drank too many Gatorades?
166
00:07:25,780 --> 00:07:27,782
Uh... sure.
167
00:07:27,782 --> 00:07:30,201
Oh, my boy Doink made it! Doink!
168
00:07:34,748 --> 00:07:38,043
Um, I gotta say, I'm not
feeling any less engaged.
169
00:07:38,043 --> 00:07:39,669
Okay, we've had some misses.
170
00:07:39,669 --> 00:07:41,880
Alright, but I have a new plan,
and the main thing
171
00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:44,216
that I want you to focus on
172
00:07:44,216 --> 00:07:47,969
is, is not being, um, mad at me.
173
00:07:47,969 --> 00:07:50,680
Hey.
We came as soon as we got your text.
174
00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:53,391
Oh, Val, what are we gonna do with you?
175
00:07:59,522 --> 00:08:02,192
You're engaged to a child?
176
00:08:02,192 --> 00:08:05,237
What have you done
to your life, my darling?
177
00:08:05,237 --> 00:08:07,530
It's because we gave her
that cell phone too early.
178
00:08:07,530 --> 00:08:09,616
That Motorola Razr rotted out her brain.
179
00:08:09,616 --> 00:08:12,535
- Oh...
- I need you guys to focus, okay?
180
00:08:12,535 --> 00:08:14,204
Swish wants your blessing,
181
00:08:14,204 --> 00:08:15,789
and if you don't give it to him,
182
00:08:15,789 --> 00:08:17,457
he will call it off.
For a guy named Swish,
183
00:08:17,457 --> 00:08:18,917
he's surprisingly traditional.
184
00:08:18,917 --> 00:08:21,419
You're engaged to someone named Swish?!
185
00:08:21,419 --> 00:08:23,880
- It's not his real name.
- What is?
186
00:08:27,509 --> 00:08:29,177
Okay, from you,
187
00:08:29,177 --> 00:08:32,055
I need disapproving dad. Glare at him.
188
00:08:32,055 --> 00:08:33,575
- Can you glare for me, Juan?
- Yeah.
189
00:08:36,393 --> 00:08:38,645
That's more of like a...
a smolder.
190
00:08:38,645 --> 00:08:41,147
I-I'm sorry.
I have resting smolder face.
191
00:08:41,147 --> 00:08:43,525
- Oh, it's a curse...
- Oh, my God!
192
00:08:43,525 --> 00:08:44,776
How's this?
193
00:08:45,735 --> 00:08:47,946
Oh! There! That's the glare!
194
00:08:47,946 --> 00:08:50,949
And from you,
I want subtle disappointment.
195
00:08:50,949 --> 00:08:52,534
Gimme, like, a withering head shake.
196
00:08:53,702 --> 00:08:55,745
Less movement.
If it's slight, it hurts more.
197
00:08:57,455 --> 00:09:00,584
- Ooh, devastating.
- Mr. and Mrs. M?!
198
00:09:00,584 --> 00:09:03,086
Oh, my gosh, I'm so glad you guys made it!
I-I thought you were in India.
199
00:09:03,086 --> 00:09:06,089
Uh, th-they were! Uh, but India...
200
00:09:06,923 --> 00:09:09,676
- closed.
- Damn, that sucks.
201
00:09:09,676 --> 00:09:12,679
- But welcome.
- He believes India closed?
202
00:09:13,763 --> 00:09:15,265
Uh, thank you.
203
00:09:15,265 --> 00:09:17,809
Hey, why don't you three
go get to know each other?
204
00:09:17,809 --> 00:09:18,810
Yeah! Yeah.
205
00:09:18,810 --> 00:09:20,228
Remember, glare and wither.
206
00:09:20,228 --> 00:09:23,268
And don't look directly into his eyes,
but don't get lost in his hair either.
207
00:09:25,275 --> 00:09:26,776
Hey, are you okay?
208
00:09:26,776 --> 00:09:29,096
I-I can tell something weird's
going on with you and Ellen.
209
00:09:29,362 --> 00:09:31,156
- It was an accident.
- What was?
210
00:09:31,156 --> 00:09:32,365
I've said too much.
211
00:09:32,365 --> 00:09:33,950
Never mind. You know,
I don't wanna know anymore.
212
00:09:33,950 --> 00:09:35,270
Fine, I'll tell you everything.
213
00:09:35,952 --> 00:09:37,954
It was the first time
Julia had spent the night.
214
00:09:39,331 --> 00:09:41,166
Your piggy got out of his pen...
215
00:09:41,166 --> 00:09:43,286
Wha?! What are you doing?! Whoa!
216
00:09:44,878 --> 00:09:46,630
Turns out,
Ellen and Julia are back twins.
217
00:09:46,630 --> 00:09:50,592
- I mean, I was destined to fail.
- She calls you "Piggy" in bed?
218
00:09:50,592 --> 00:09:51,927
What do you call her?
219
00:09:51,927 --> 00:09:53,678
"Farmer Julie."
220
00:09:53,678 --> 00:09:55,555
She's a dairy farmer
who dabbles in pork,
221
00:09:55,555 --> 00:09:57,599
and I'm a dainty little pig
who doesn't like the mud.
222
00:09:57,599 --> 00:09:59,601
You guys have been on,
like, three dates.
223
00:09:59,601 --> 00:10:01,061
Yes, I know.
224
00:10:01,061 --> 00:10:03,063
Still got a lot of world-building to do.
225
00:10:04,814 --> 00:10:06,816
I mean, what does LA have
that New York doesn't?
226
00:10:06,816 --> 00:10:09,444
LA has tons of great things.
227
00:10:09,444 --> 00:10:11,613
I live right near this pupusa place that...
228
00:10:11,613 --> 00:10:14,074
We have pupusas! You want pupusas?
229
00:10:14,074 --> 00:10:16,034
I'll get you a million pupusas.
230
00:10:16,034 --> 00:10:18,828
But they just don't taste as good here.
Maybe it's the water.
231
00:10:19,913 --> 00:10:22,457
No, no, no, no, no, no.
That is our thing, Hannah.
232
00:10:22,457 --> 00:10:24,918
New York is the one with the water.
233
00:10:26,419 --> 00:10:27,546
Sid,
234
00:10:27,546 --> 00:10:30,423
can we at least have a conversation
about you moving to LA.
235
00:10:30,423 --> 00:10:32,425
We're having it, Hannah!
It is not going well!
236
00:10:33,593 --> 00:10:34,844
Our plan was always...
237
00:10:34,844 --> 00:10:37,806
Yes, I know what the plan was,
but plans can change, Sid.
238
00:10:38,431 --> 00:10:41,726
Hey, guys? Uh, we're working
a parent angle right now,
239
00:10:41,726 --> 00:10:43,126
so I'll let you know if I need you.
240
00:10:43,770 --> 00:10:45,605
Loving this energy. It sounds
241
00:10:45,605 --> 00:10:48,275
really ugly in here. Thanks.
242
00:10:50,694 --> 00:10:52,696
I have some concerns.
243
00:10:52,696 --> 00:10:55,782
Valentina doesn't make much money,
and you're still in school.
244
00:10:56,533 --> 00:11:00,453
Yeah, you're right.
But that's why I whipped up this, uh,
245
00:11:00,453 --> 00:11:01,955
five-year financial plan.
246
00:11:01,955 --> 00:11:03,957
- Oh.
- Yeah.
247
00:11:03,957 --> 00:11:05,458
I would start night trucking after class.
248
00:11:05,458 --> 00:11:08,169
I-I have short sleeper syndrome,
so I only need about four hours.
249
00:11:08,169 --> 00:11:10,672
And if I work the Jersey-to-DC route
for the rest of college,
250
00:11:10,672 --> 00:11:13,258
I would be able to save up
for a sick-ass condo.
251
00:11:14,134 --> 00:11:15,969
Wow. You've really thought this through.
252
00:11:15,969 --> 00:11:18,305
Yeah, m-my buddy Doink is a econ major.
253
00:11:18,305 --> 00:11:19,389
Doink!
254
00:11:21,433 --> 00:11:23,810
O-Okay, okay, so you have a plan,
255
00:11:23,810 --> 00:11:25,812
but what is the rush to get married?
256
00:11:25,812 --> 00:11:27,355
I mean, you're just a kid.
257
00:11:27,355 --> 00:11:29,357
With mad due respect,
258
00:11:29,357 --> 00:11:31,526
I just love your daughter
way too much to wait.
259
00:11:32,152 --> 00:11:33,153
A-And plus,
260
00:11:33,153 --> 00:11:35,953
didn't Juan propose to you the day
that you guys graduated high school?
261
00:11:36,239 --> 00:11:37,240
He did.
262
00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:39,242
And it looks like it worked out
for you guys.
263
00:11:40,994 --> 00:11:42,245
Why are they high-fiving?
264
00:11:42,787 --> 00:11:45,248
What the hell is he doing now?
265
00:11:45,248 --> 00:11:48,501
Oh God. It's happening to them.
266
00:11:56,384 --> 00:12:00,430
Okay. The bad news is
we gave Swish our blessing.
267
00:12:00,430 --> 00:12:03,016
But, the good news is...
268
00:12:03,016 --> 00:12:05,060
- You get to marry Swish.
- What?!
269
00:12:05,060 --> 00:12:07,812
No. She is not marrying Swish.
270
00:12:07,812 --> 00:12:09,022
Why not?
271
00:12:09,022 --> 00:12:11,524
You've never been with
anyone this wonderful.
272
00:12:11,524 --> 00:12:14,527
Are you sure that it gets better
than Swish, sweetheart?
273
00:12:14,527 --> 00:12:17,113
- Because we're not.
- That head of hair.
274
00:12:17,113 --> 00:12:18,365
Think of the grandchildren.
275
00:12:18,365 --> 00:12:20,742
This is crazy. This is insane.
276
00:12:20,742 --> 00:12:23,078
You guys, of course
it gets better than Swish.
277
00:12:23,078 --> 00:12:25,247
He's not even the full version
of himself yet!
278
00:12:25,247 --> 00:12:26,998
He still has three baby teeth.
279
00:12:27,707 --> 00:12:29,000
You know what?
280
00:12:30,001 --> 00:12:31,253
Um...
281
00:12:32,087 --> 00:12:33,088
Maybe they're right.
282
00:12:33,088 --> 00:12:34,589
What?
283
00:12:35,298 --> 00:12:38,468
I'll do it. I will marry Swish.
284
00:12:41,596 --> 00:12:42,722
Just so you know...
285
00:12:43,348 --> 00:12:45,517
I haven't been this disappointed
in hot people
286
00:12:45,517 --> 00:12:49,020
since I saw Heidi Klum throw out a burger
just because it fell in a puddle.
287
00:12:51,481 --> 00:12:53,191
Okay.
288
00:12:53,191 --> 00:12:55,235
I think I know
how to fix your situation.
289
00:12:55,610 --> 00:12:58,655
- Charlie moves back to England.
- Unfair! You move back to England!
290
00:12:58,655 --> 00:12:59,948
Listen!
291
00:12:59,948 --> 00:13:03,410
What happened to you guys
reminded me of something.
292
00:13:03,410 --> 00:13:05,912
Something I've worked very hard to forget.
293
00:13:06,705 --> 00:13:09,207
Back when I was with Meredith,
she stayed over all the time.
294
00:13:09,207 --> 00:13:11,459
I came home late one night,
heard the shower,
295
00:13:11,459 --> 00:13:14,170
figured Sid was asleep, so it must be her.
296
00:13:14,170 --> 00:13:18,049
Meanwhile, Sid was showering,
heard the door, assumed it was Hannah...
297
00:13:18,049 --> 00:13:19,551
Okay, we see where this is going.
298
00:13:19,551 --> 00:13:21,553
So you saw your buddy naked. Big deal.
299
00:13:21,553 --> 00:13:24,431
That's not the issue.
It was what I heard.
300
00:13:25,557 --> 00:13:27,392
Missin' some evidence, little lady?
301
00:13:30,312 --> 00:13:33,273
- Why was he Southern?
- Was his penis the evidence?
302
00:13:33,273 --> 00:13:34,608
Yes, Ellen.
303
00:13:34,608 --> 00:13:37,235
And I think he wanted her to...
tamper with it.
304
00:13:38,486 --> 00:13:40,238
Seeing your best friend in sex mode
305
00:13:40,238 --> 00:13:42,407
is one of the hardest things
in life to bounce back from.
306
00:13:42,407 --> 00:13:44,409
The awkwardness is suffocating.
307
00:13:46,912 --> 00:13:49,289
And for Sid and I,
we thought it might be the end of us.
308
00:13:50,916 --> 00:13:53,668
But then, one day, I was at a bookstore,
309
00:13:53,668 --> 00:13:56,004
and I saw the answer
right there in front of me.
310
00:13:57,380 --> 00:14:01,551
Joe Pesci's 101 New York Musts.
311
00:14:02,260 --> 00:14:05,430
Sid and I did every single
dumb activity in that book.
312
00:14:05,430 --> 00:14:08,225
And bit by bit, memory by memory,
313
00:14:08,225 --> 00:14:11,269
we buried the shower fiasco
deeper and deeper
314
00:14:11,269 --> 00:14:13,188
into the recesses of our minds,
315
00:14:13,188 --> 00:14:15,190
until we forgot about it entirely.
316
00:14:17,025 --> 00:14:18,026
Until now.
317
00:14:19,110 --> 00:14:20,612
We need that book.
318
00:14:20,612 --> 00:14:23,448
Charlie!
You've been ignoring me all night.
319
00:14:24,032 --> 00:14:26,034
Right. And that will stop...
320
00:14:26,993 --> 00:14:28,286
right after I go and do a series
321
00:14:28,286 --> 00:14:30,330
of Joe Pesci-approved activities
with my roommate.
322
00:14:30,330 --> 00:14:31,373
Okay.
323
00:14:33,083 --> 00:14:34,417
Alright, I'm out.
324
00:14:34,417 --> 00:14:37,337
Tell Charlie to find a new farmer.
He'll know what that means.
325
00:14:37,337 --> 00:14:39,839
Wait. Before you go...
326
00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:42,884
can I tell you about something
that happened to me?
327
00:14:44,636 --> 00:14:45,679
No.
328
00:14:49,182 --> 00:14:50,267
Hey.
329
00:14:50,267 --> 00:14:53,436
You can't seriously be
considering marrying Swish, right?
330
00:14:53,436 --> 00:14:55,021
You don't love him.
331
00:14:55,564 --> 00:14:59,234
No, I don't love him.
But, like, I love him!
332
00:14:59,234 --> 00:15:01,486
And my parents made some good points.
333
00:15:01,486 --> 00:15:03,989
He's an amazing man
that's obsessed with me.
334
00:15:03,989 --> 00:15:05,824
Why should I be running away from that?
335
00:15:05,824 --> 00:15:07,826
What about Charlie?
336
00:15:07,826 --> 00:15:09,828
Because I thought
that he was your endgame.
337
00:15:11,830 --> 00:15:14,291
So did I, but maybe I was wrong.
338
00:15:15,250 --> 00:15:17,377
Babe, come here!
I drew that bird that you dreamed about.
339
00:15:17,377 --> 00:15:18,503
Ooh!
340
00:15:29,973 --> 00:15:31,141
Hey!
341
00:15:31,516 --> 00:15:32,934
What are you guys doing out here?
342
00:15:33,476 --> 00:15:35,478
Sophie put us on a timeout.
343
00:15:36,104 --> 00:15:38,982
I'm Sid, by the way.
Uh, we haven't really met,
344
00:15:38,982 --> 00:15:41,484
but Sophie has a picture
of you guys as her lock screen.
345
00:15:41,484 --> 00:15:42,694
That's troubling.
346
00:15:42,694 --> 00:15:46,114
Yeah. I thought so, too. Um...
347
00:15:46,114 --> 00:15:48,700
Anyway, I heard you guys are,
like, the perfect couple,
348
00:15:48,700 --> 00:15:49,910
and I was just wondering
349
00:15:49,910 --> 00:15:52,537
if you guys could give me
some relationship advice.
350
00:15:52,537 --> 00:15:53,997
Of course.
351
00:15:54,539 --> 00:15:56,207
See, Babe? A podcast
352
00:15:56,207 --> 00:15:58,752
where we give relationship advice
to normals would kill.
353
00:15:58,752 --> 00:15:59,836
Ah...
354
00:16:01,129 --> 00:16:04,132
Have you guys ever wanted
totally opposite things,
355
00:16:04,132 --> 00:16:06,343
where only one of you could get your way?
356
00:16:06,343 --> 00:16:07,636
Yes.
357
00:16:07,636 --> 00:16:09,429
Years ago, I wanted to see
the Spider-Man
358
00:16:09,429 --> 00:16:10,829
where he's that little British boy.
359
00:16:11,473 --> 00:16:13,975
Juan wanted to see Cats instead,
so we did.
360
00:16:14,893 --> 00:16:15,894
Awful.
361
00:16:15,894 --> 00:16:17,896
I still carry guilt over that.
362
00:16:18,772 --> 00:16:20,232
Don't be too hard on yourself.
363
00:16:20,232 --> 00:16:22,525
The Cats you imagined was beautiful.
364
00:16:22,525 --> 00:16:24,527
Okay, yeah.
365
00:16:24,527 --> 00:16:26,780
You guys are probably not the people
to talk to about this.
366
00:16:26,780 --> 00:16:28,782
No, wait. Hey. Hold on. Um...
367
00:16:29,574 --> 00:16:31,284
There is one other thing.
368
00:16:32,619 --> 00:16:34,663
I always wanted to have more children,
369
00:16:34,663 --> 00:16:36,414
and she wanted just the one.
370
00:16:37,082 --> 00:16:40,877
That's a big one.
How'd you guys figure it out?
371
00:16:43,129 --> 00:16:45,131
Sometimes, there's no right answer.
372
00:16:46,174 --> 00:16:48,510
There's just your answer, or hers.
373
00:16:49,761 --> 00:16:51,221
I chose hers.
374
00:16:56,393 --> 00:16:58,395
Can I show you something I found?
375
00:16:58,895 --> 00:17:02,107
Sid, if this is another
hamster apology card,
376
00:17:02,107 --> 00:17:05,068
I will watch it and enjoy it,
but I will still be mad at you.
377
00:17:05,068 --> 00:17:07,487
No, this is, uh,
378
00:17:07,487 --> 00:17:10,740
from the night we got engaged.
I never showed it to you.
379
00:17:13,743 --> 00:17:17,205
Hey!
So, we just got back from the airport.
380
00:17:17,205 --> 00:17:19,708
Um, I wanted to document
this night together,
381
00:17:19,708 --> 00:17:22,168
but you had to go
be a badass surgeon.
382
00:17:22,168 --> 00:17:24,796
So, uh, it's just me now.
383
00:17:25,213 --> 00:17:27,215
Those people from the Uber
are still here!
384
00:17:28,008 --> 00:17:30,051
They seem fun. We're drinking.
385
00:17:30,051 --> 00:17:33,305
Also, you were totally right.
Jesse has a huge thing for the blonde.
386
00:17:40,770 --> 00:17:42,272
Anyway, uh...
387
00:17:42,272 --> 00:17:44,399
Hey. I'm sad you had to go,
388
00:17:44,399 --> 00:17:46,651
but I really meant what I said earlier.
389
00:17:46,651 --> 00:17:48,570
Like, we can make it
through anything together.
390
00:17:49,237 --> 00:17:50,572
Whatever it takes.
391
00:17:53,199 --> 00:17:56,494
It's time I started living up
to that promise again.
392
00:17:56,494 --> 00:17:59,998
So, Hannah, I am officially open to LA.
393
00:18:01,541 --> 00:18:03,919
Gonna try and imagine
what it's like to, you know,
394
00:18:04,628 --> 00:18:05,670
live there.
395
00:18:06,296 --> 00:18:08,048
- Really?
- Yeah.
396
00:18:08,048 --> 00:18:10,368
I mean, if you love it so much,
it's gotta be worth loving.
397
00:18:15,931 --> 00:18:17,265
Mm... Yeah.
398
00:18:33,198 --> 00:18:34,950
Whatever this is, make it quick.
399
00:18:34,950 --> 00:18:37,202
Swish is on me about what
our wedding colors are gonna be.
400
00:18:37,202 --> 00:18:38,703
Okay, just gimme 30 seconds.
401
00:18:40,163 --> 00:18:42,082
- Mm.
- Okay, say something. I'm recording.
402
00:18:42,082 --> 00:18:44,876
Um, a huge congratulations
403
00:18:44,876 --> 00:18:46,253
to Hannah and Sid!
404
00:18:46,253 --> 00:18:47,546
It is Hannah and Sid, isn't it?
405
00:18:47,546 --> 00:18:50,090
I'm not sure, but you already said it,
so just push through.
406
00:18:50,090 --> 00:18:52,175
Um, well, we've only just met you,
407
00:18:52,175 --> 00:18:55,053
but we are truly very happy for you.
408
00:18:55,053 --> 00:18:58,515
You are clearly in love,
and I know how good that feels.
409
00:18:59,015 --> 00:19:00,016
Wait, what?
410
00:19:00,016 --> 00:19:01,851
You love me?
411
00:19:01,851 --> 00:19:04,271
No. No, I was
talking about somebody else.
412
00:19:04,271 --> 00:19:06,591
- You don't actually know them.
- Oh, is that right?
413
00:19:07,899 --> 00:19:09,109
What about the video?
414
00:19:09,109 --> 00:19:11,111
Mm, who cares?
We're never gonna see it again.
415
00:19:13,113 --> 00:19:15,198
Maybe you're right.
416
00:19:15,198 --> 00:19:17,909
Maybe Charlie is not your end game.
417
00:19:18,743 --> 00:19:21,288
But, for a while, you loved him, Val.
418
00:19:21,288 --> 00:19:23,790
You really, really loved him.
419
00:19:23,790 --> 00:19:26,084
And if you think that you can find
that kind of love
420
00:19:26,084 --> 00:19:28,587
with Swish, then I say go for it.
421
00:19:28,587 --> 00:19:30,088
But if you can't?
422
00:19:30,755 --> 00:19:33,758
Go find it. Okay?
423
00:19:33,758 --> 00:19:36,177
Whether that's with Charlie
or with someone else.
424
00:19:40,348 --> 00:19:41,850
No, you're right.
425
00:19:44,060 --> 00:19:46,062
I'll hold out for true love.
426
00:19:47,355 --> 00:19:49,024
God, thanks a lot, you asshole.
427
00:19:54,112 --> 00:19:56,907
She broke Swish's heart that night.
428
00:20:07,459 --> 00:20:09,794
But he got happily married weeks later!
429
00:20:10,587 --> 00:20:11,796
He owns an island now.
430
00:20:13,924 --> 00:20:17,177
Didn't even have to pay for it.
The US government was just like,
431
00:20:17,177 --> 00:20:19,179
"Here!"
432
00:20:19,179 --> 00:20:21,681
Sorry. So sorry.
433
00:20:21,681 --> 00:20:22,974
Sorry.
434
00:20:24,392 --> 00:20:25,560
Look after him, Doink.
435
00:20:28,021 --> 00:20:29,814
We were trying to help.
436
00:20:29,814 --> 00:20:32,734
I know.
You want me to find true love,
437
00:20:32,734 --> 00:20:33,735
and I will.
438
00:20:33,735 --> 00:20:36,238
I wanted you to marry literally Swish.
439
00:20:38,114 --> 00:20:40,659
He'll get over it.
Just give him some time, huh?
440
00:20:44,746 --> 00:20:46,039
How do you feel?
441
00:20:47,123 --> 00:20:49,626
Guilty. Humiliated.
442
00:20:49,626 --> 00:20:50,585
And?
443
00:20:51,628 --> 00:20:53,255
Single!
444
00:20:54,339 --> 00:20:55,257
We did it!
445
00:21:04,683 --> 00:21:07,143
We can look at each other
in the eye again. Watch.
446
00:21:08,061 --> 00:21:09,062
Huh?
447
00:21:09,062 --> 00:21:12,315
That book...
Jesse, why does that book look familiar?
448
00:21:15,986 --> 00:21:17,862
Sid, we gotta go
to Times Square right now.
449
00:21:17,862 --> 00:21:18,762
Okay.
33539