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1
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Son, we're going to take a quick break
from the story of how I met your father
2
00:00:19,645 --> 00:00:23,481
and talk about how I met my father.
3
00:00:23,482 --> 00:00:26,651
I know you didn't ask
for this part, so bear with me.
4
00:00:26,652 --> 00:00:28,319
I didn't ask for any of this.
5
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:31,823
- You said you needed help with your phone!
- Oh, son, you're hysterical.
6
00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:34,493
Okay.
7
00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:37,579
Tell me everything
you remember about my dad.
8
00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:40,665
I met him at Lollapalooza.
9
00:00:40,666 --> 00:00:43,794
He lolla'd my palooza,
and bam, here you are.
10
00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:47,672
Okay. I'm gonna show you
this photo again.
11
00:00:47,673 --> 00:00:50,925
- Ugh...
- This is the day you guys met,
12
00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:53,554
so something in here
has to jog your memory.
13
00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:56,931
Oh, my God! That's him!
14
00:00:56,932 --> 00:00:58,266
That's just an arm!
15
00:00:58,267 --> 00:01:02,895
I know, but I remember
the barbed wire tattoo on his bicep.
16
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:06,774
He said he needed security
around his guns.
17
00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:09,111
Oh, my God,
and you still slept with him?
18
00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:14,448
Wait, he's wearing a badge.
"Captain Concessions."
19
00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:16,158
Was he working the festival?
20
00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:18,119
Yes. Yes, he was.
21
00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:20,122
Well, you can almost see his name.
22
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Ick!
23
00:01:21,957 --> 00:01:23,875
His name ends in "ick." Mom,
24
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you've got to remember. What is it?
25
00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:28,004
- His name was Mick!
- Really?
26
00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:30,424
I don't remember,
but don't you hope it's Mick?
27
00:01:32,176 --> 00:01:33,676
Guys!
28
00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:36,095
The search for my father
has been narrowed down
29
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:37,889
to three potential dads.
30
00:01:37,890 --> 00:01:40,099
Thanks to a lot of hard work
from my bestie.
31
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,642
Oh, it was my pleasure.
32
00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:44,188
These days, I'll do literally
anything to avoid my...
33
00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:46,480
fiancé. At least this time,
34
00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:48,733
I didn't have to trick him
into learning a new life skill.
35
00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:50,067
Hey, babe!
36
00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:53,446
I'm finally an intermediate at Spanish
on Duolingo. Can we hang out now?
37
00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:55,114
Sorry.
38
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,200
You're not gonna be able to speak
to my abuela at the wedding
39
00:01:57,201 --> 00:01:58,618
until you're level 70.
40
00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:00,077
Sigue practicándo.
41
00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:01,412
Entiendo.
42
00:02:02,123 --> 00:02:04,123
That poor sweet boy.
43
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,791
So how did you narrow it down
to three names?
44
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:08,169
Sophie's dad worked
for Captain Concessions in 1991,
45
00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:10,338
his first name ends in "ick,"
so I went to their Linkedln page
46
00:02:10,339 --> 00:02:12,048
and did a deep dive
on all their current employees,
47
00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:15,134
until I found an HR director
who has a second family in Poughkeepsie.
48
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,386
So, I blackmail him
into sending me the roster
49
00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:19,222
of all the employees
that worked Lollapalooza '91,
50
00:02:19,223 --> 00:02:21,307
and three of them have names
that end in "ick."
51
00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:23,267
Oh. Simple.
52
00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:25,478
Okay! Everyone gets an ick.
53
00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:28,314
Val and I are gonna take
Nick Foster in Staten Island.
54
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:30,149
Sid and Jesse, you guys get Rick Graham
55
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,776
- in New Jersey...
- Oh.
56
00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:33,236
...and Charlie and Ellen,
57
00:02:33,237 --> 00:02:35,404
you guys get Dick Webber-Morris
in Yonkers.
58
00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:37,907
Guys, do you see what's happening here?
59
00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:39,158
This is a Mamma Mia!
60
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,952
Technically, it's not.
61
00:02:40,953 --> 00:02:43,579
In Mamma Mia,
Meryl Streep slept with three guys.
62
00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:44,705
My mom slept with one.
63
00:02:44,706 --> 00:02:46,958
I think it's more of a reverse
gender-swapped Philomena.
64
00:02:46,959 --> 00:02:49,669
Wha... No, Philomena is an Irish nun
65
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:51,879
trying to find her son
who was taken away from her.
66
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:54,340
What we have here is a hetero
The Kids Are All Right.
67
00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:55,591
No, I just googled it.
68
00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:59,053
Sophie's life is most like
the beloved Paul Reiser TV show.
69
00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:01,556
My Two Dads, but with three dads.
Final answer.
70
00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:07,019
- Wait, guys, guys, guys!
- Let's channel this energy
71
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:10,356
into actually finding my dad.
Okay? Ick on three.
72
00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:12,942
One, two, three! ALL: Ick!
73
00:03:16,113 --> 00:03:17,405
Okay, check it out.
74
00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:19,824
I'm gonna go to the desk.
I'm gonna ask for Rick.
75
00:03:19,825 --> 00:03:21,409
I'm gonna sign up for the free trial.
76
00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:23,786
And then, I'm gonna cancel
before the end of the month.
77
00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:28,708
Hey. It's your airplane pal Taylor.
78
00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,710
Remember that rapper
we were sitting next to?
79
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,879
- How could I forget?
- Well...
80
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,839
Li'l Toasty's new single just dropped,
81
00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:36,591
and I think it's about
82
00:03:36,592 --> 00:03:38,509
how he wanted to have a threesome with us!
83
00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:40,887
What? No way. How do you know that?
84
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:43,347
Because it's called Mile High Menage.
85
00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:44,849
We're freakin' famous!
86
00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:46,309
Hey, Rick's about to come out.
87
00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:49,270
Why are you grinning
at your phone like an idiot?
88
00:03:49,271 --> 00:03:52,899
Oh... No, nothing. Uh, my new bud Taylor
sent me something funny.
89
00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:55,234
Oh. You have a new buddy.
90
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:56,778
Cool. Love that for you.
91
00:03:57,446 --> 00:03:58,863
Funny Taylor. You know,
92
00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:02,033
I've got some pretty hysterical hot takes
about Whole Foods you haven't heard.
93
00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:04,745
Whole Foods? More like whole paycheck...
94
00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:10,584
Hey, guys. I'm Rick.
95
00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:13,336
Could Sophie be half-Asian?
96
00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:17,423
Dick and Dale's Exotic Entertainment.
97
00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:19,843
We're ripped, we strip, and you tip.
98
00:04:20,344 --> 00:04:21,344
Oh, hey, Mom.
99
00:04:21,345 --> 00:04:23,387
Do you think that's him?
100
00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:27,058
Until I figure out why I self-sabotage,
I don't think I'll ever find love.
101
00:04:27,059 --> 00:04:29,060
Rambling on
about his horrible love life.
102
00:04:29,061 --> 00:04:30,312
Definitely Sophie's dad.
103
00:04:31,647 --> 00:04:34,357
Hi there! Uh, are you Dick or Dale?
104
00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:35,691
Dick.
105
00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:37,527
Dale passed years ago.
106
00:04:37,528 --> 00:04:40,154
He tried the death-defying
alley-oop pole flip.
107
00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:41,864
Nailed it.
108
00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:43,116
But then got murdered.
109
00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:49,081
I... bet he's giving lap dances
to angels now.
110
00:04:50,374 --> 00:04:52,375
Dick, did you ever, by chance,
111
00:04:52,376 --> 00:04:54,502
attend the music festival Lollapalooza?
112
00:04:54,503 --> 00:04:56,797
No. Why are you asking me that?
113
00:04:57,256 --> 00:04:59,882
Just a fun icebreaker, you know?
114
00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:01,926
We like to get to know our strippers.
115
00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:04,429
Ellen, may I speak to you by the...
butt-shot wall?
116
00:05:06,557 --> 00:05:08,724
Well, he's lying. We already know
he went to Lollapalooza.
117
00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:11,436
Clearly, we can't trust him to answer
our questions honestly.
118
00:05:12,062 --> 00:05:14,814
We gotta see if he's got that
barbed wire tattoo on his arm.
119
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:15,898
Ask him to take his shirt off.
120
00:05:15,899 --> 00:05:18,276
You can't just ask a stripper
to sample the merchandise
121
00:05:18,277 --> 00:05:21,154
without paying for the goods.
He's not Costco, Ellen!
122
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:23,699
Follow my lead.
123
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:25,575
Dick, my friend,
124
00:05:25,576 --> 00:05:27,660
all the wall butts in the world
125
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,704
- pale in comparison with yours.
- Mm-hmm.
126
00:05:29,705 --> 00:05:31,914
Now I'm in charge
of throwing my best friend here
127
00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:35,293
her bachelorette party,
and I want you to be the stripper.
128
00:05:35,294 --> 00:05:38,754
Oh. I'm flattered,
but I've been out of the game for years.
129
00:05:38,755 --> 00:05:42,049
That is such a shame
because my dream bachelorette
130
00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:45,303
is a man like you
shakin' a donk like that
131
00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:46,805
in a face like this.
132
00:05:48,182 --> 00:05:49,683
Please?
133
00:05:52,895 --> 00:05:54,979
You know what? For you,
134
00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:56,982
I'll dust this donk off one last time.
135
00:05:57,608 --> 00:05:59,817
- When's the party?
- In two hours.
136
00:06:03,197 --> 00:06:05,656
Hey, sorry I sent you guys all the way
137
00:06:05,657 --> 00:06:07,241
to a gym in Jersey for nothing.
138
00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:10,245
- Oh, it wasn't for nothing.
- We both Zumba'd our asses off.
139
00:06:10,746 --> 00:06:12,538
Hoo-hoo!
140
00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:14,582
I hope Staten Island Nick is your dad.
141
00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:16,585
We never get to hang out on islands.
142
00:06:17,169 --> 00:06:18,670
Manhattan is an island.
143
00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:22,382
Okay, sweetie.
144
00:06:28,639 --> 00:06:31,934
- Oh, my God.
- What if my dad owns a hot dog store?
145
00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:34,311
I'll be a hot dog heiress.
146
00:06:38,148 --> 00:06:40,651
- Wish me luck.
- Good luck. You got this, go.
147
00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:44,320
Hey.
148
00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:45,948
Uh, can I speak to Nick, please?
149
00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:48,824
Oh, I'm just a real hot dog head
150
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:52,204
who is dying to meet the founder
of Nick's of Staten Island.
151
00:06:52,663 --> 00:06:55,331
The founder of
Nick's of Staten Island is...
152
00:06:55,332 --> 00:06:56,750
Dead.
153
00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:58,669
This guy's dead.
154
00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:00,711
Oh! Uh...
155
00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:02,755
Charlie and Ellen just texted
that your dad
156
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:04,674
may be a washed-up male stripper.
157
00:07:04,675 --> 00:07:06,634
Oof.
158
00:07:06,635 --> 00:07:08,595
Suddenly, dead's not looking so bad.
159
00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:17,187
So there's a 50% chance my dad's dead.
160
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:20,649
Should we, like,
161
00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:23,735
say something to honor him?
162
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:25,695
Uh...
163
00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:45,000
- Whoa, we got a mourner.
- We got a mourner. Fan out.
164
00:07:51,847 --> 00:07:53,097
He's here for Nick.
165
00:07:53,098 --> 00:07:54,140
Oh, my God.
166
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:55,809
He's got the barbed wire tattoo.
167
00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:01,022
That must be my much older half-brother,
168
00:08:01,023 --> 00:08:04,275
and he got the tattoo to honor our dad...
169
00:08:04,276 --> 00:08:06,653
Sophie. That's your dad.
170
00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:10,698
Then whose gravestone is that?
171
00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:12,742
Your grandfather's.
172
00:08:12,743 --> 00:08:14,745
Oh... duh.
173
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:19,199
Val, can you text me what's going on
so I don't seem dumb in front of everyone?
174
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:23,794
So, my friends and I followed my dad
175
00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:26,422
back onto the Staten Island Ferry.
176
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:28,425
We were like sexy spies.
177
00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:31,178
On a boat that smelled like trash.
178
00:08:31,887 --> 00:08:33,347
Full disclosure,
179
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,765
sometimes,
I still miss my Tamagotchi.
180
00:08:35,766 --> 00:08:38,392
Full disclosure, I still have mine.
181
00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:41,393
Hey, hey, hey. You wanna go to the front
and do "king of the world" with me?
182
00:08:42,064 --> 00:08:44,733
- I was just texting Taylor.
- What'd you say?
183
00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:47,361
Never mind.
184
00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:52,490
I can't believe we're tailing my dad.
185
00:08:52,491 --> 00:08:55,117
I'm so excited to see
what amazing new place
186
00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:56,494
he's gonna take us.
187
00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:01,250
Back here, huh?
188
00:09:01,917 --> 00:09:03,627
Don't hate it.
189
00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:06,629
Ah.
190
00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:10,299
Welcome to straight-Ellen's bachelorette!
191
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:12,718
We have penis hats,
192
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,887
a penis piñata,
193
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:17,890
and a pineapple upside-down penis cake!
194
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:20,560
That is... extremely realistic.
195
00:09:20,561 --> 00:09:22,229
The detail is amazing.
196
00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:25,231
Are those pubes made of coconut flakes?
197
00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:26,983
It's a triumph.
198
00:09:26,984 --> 00:09:28,484
Oh!
199
00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:30,862
There's our entertainment.
200
00:09:30,863 --> 00:09:33,531
Now, remember, ladies, you can look,
201
00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:34,907
but you can't touch.
202
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:36,118
Not gonna be a problem.
203
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,245
Ahoy, landlubbers.
204
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:42,624
Who's ready to walk my plank?
205
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:47,545
So, are we... waiting for the rest
of the guests or...
206
00:09:47,546 --> 00:09:49,255
Nope! Gang's all here!
207
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:51,966
What I lack in friends,
I make up for in horniness,
208
00:09:51,967 --> 00:09:53,259
so get dancin'!
209
00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:55,512
Ah! Okay, Ellen.
210
00:09:57,139 --> 00:09:59,933
Are you ready for me to...
211
00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:02,852
- shiver your timbers?
- Oh!
212
00:10:02,853 --> 00:10:04,520
Sure, big boy. Drop anchor.
213
00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,564
Oh, th-that costs extra.
214
00:10:06,565 --> 00:10:07,773
Never mind. Full steam ahead.
215
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:09,317
That also costs extra.
216
00:10:09,318 --> 00:10:10,652
Just do what we paid for.
217
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:25,833
Really? He's going one scarf at a time?
218
00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:27,460
Let me try and speed this along.
219
00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:29,670
Take your shirt off, Dick. Woo!
220
00:10:31,048 --> 00:10:33,549
Don't worry, little lady.
221
00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:36,219
All in due time.
222
00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:39,473
All... in due time.
223
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:56,531
Okay. It's now or never. Right?
224
00:10:56,532 --> 00:10:58,283
I'm just gonna walk up to him and say...
225
00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:01,744
I'm Sophie. I'm your daughter.
226
00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:02,645
Mm-hmm.
227
00:11:03,914 --> 00:11:05,040
Here I go.
228
00:11:05,666 --> 00:11:07,167
I'm doing it!
229
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:09,919
Watch me go!
230
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:11,963
I'm going. Am I going?
231
00:11:11,964 --> 00:11:13,715
No, you're just crushing Val's hand.
232
00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:15,758
- Sorry.
- Oh...
233
00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:18,637
- Sorry. I've just...
- I've been waiting for this moment...
234
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:21,974
my entire life,
imagining what my dad would be like.
235
00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:24,934
What if he's terrible?
236
00:11:24,935 --> 00:11:26,435
What if he signs me up for basketball
237
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:28,104
and pushes me to my limit,
238
00:11:28,105 --> 00:11:30,147
until I finally break down
and have to tell him,
239
00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:32,234
"Dad, basketball's your dream,
but it's not mine!"
240
00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:34,861
- She's right...
- What?
241
00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:37,530
I mean, not about
her weirdly specific fear,
242
00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:40,575
but we should vet him
and make sure he's dad-worthy
243
00:11:40,576 --> 00:11:42,493
before we reveal her true identity.
244
00:11:42,494 --> 00:11:44,787
- You're right.
- We should give him some dad tests.
245
00:11:44,788 --> 00:11:45,913
Good idea.
246
00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:48,124
Hey, let's see if he'd take
a bullet for Sophie, huh?
247
00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:50,127
But, if he passes, he's dead.
248
00:11:51,170 --> 00:11:52,671
And if he fails, I'm dead.
249
00:11:54,298 --> 00:11:56,300
See you guys come up
with any good ideas...
250
00:11:57,801 --> 00:11:59,803
Dad Tests!
251
00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:03,806
Oh! Oh no! Ow! I fell!
252
00:12:03,807 --> 00:12:06,893
Can somebody, anybody, help me?
253
00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:08,352
- Oh!
- You okay, pal?
254
00:12:08,353 --> 00:12:11,731
- Oh, I'm fine, thanks.
- Your shoes have no traction.
255
00:12:11,732 --> 00:12:13,482
You gotta rock something like these.
256
00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:15,818
- Hey, what size are you?
- 11 wide.
257
00:12:15,819 --> 00:12:19,281
- No way. Foot twins.
- Here, try these bad boys on.
258
00:12:20,032 --> 00:12:22,783
Nick is literally giving him
the shoes off his feet.
259
00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:25,745
- Tell you what. Keep 'em.
- I got another pair in back.
260
00:12:25,746 --> 00:12:27,748
Now, you go out there
and follow your dreams.
261
00:12:28,332 --> 00:12:29,666
I promise I'll make you proud.
262
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:32,127
I'm a little proud already.
263
00:12:40,969 --> 00:12:43,179
Uh, hey, would you mind
tossing me a ketchup packet?
264
00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:45,015
Oh, sure thing, ace.
265
00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:49,019
Oh, thanks. Uh, I only need one.
266
00:12:50,145 --> 00:12:51,855
Nice arm, slugger.
267
00:12:52,314 --> 00:12:53,356
Thank you.
268
00:12:53,357 --> 00:12:55,192
- Hey. Go long.
- Okay.
269
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:58,987
- I caught it!
- Yeah, you did, champ!
270
00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:11,792
You okay?
271
00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:16,587
Not really. Grad school is way too hard.
272
00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:18,966
I think I'm gonna quit
and start an OnlyFans.
273
00:13:19,424 --> 00:13:22,134
Do you think me washing my dog
in lingerie for money
274
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,554
is a good path for me?
275
00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:26,264
I think...
276
00:13:26,265 --> 00:13:29,934
you shouldn't let a moment
of frustration derail you.
277
00:13:29,935 --> 00:13:32,520
Education's important.
You should stay in school.
278
00:13:36,859 --> 00:13:38,818
But, end of the day,
279
00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:40,611
it's your life and your body,
280
00:13:40,612 --> 00:13:42,113
and anyone who tells you otherwise
281
00:13:42,114 --> 00:13:44,407
is trying to stigmatize your sexuality
to control you.
282
00:13:44,408 --> 00:13:45,658
All work has dignity.
283
00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:54,333
Your dad is like
a Mr. Rogers-level good dude!
284
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:55,836
Great!
285
00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:58,380
Okay, after his shift is over,
286
00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:00,798
I'm gonna go in and introduce myself.
287
00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:03,009
- Can I come, too?
- Me, too. We can all share your dad?
288
00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:05,012
- No!
- O-Of course not.
289
00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:07,972
Soph, we will give you some privacy.
290
00:14:07,973 --> 00:14:10,016
We'll come back and hang with him later.
291
00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:11,475
Oh, my God, wait! I didn't tell
292
00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:13,311
Charlie and Ellen that we found my dad,
293
00:14:13,312 --> 00:14:14,562
so can one of you guys?
294
00:14:14,563 --> 00:14:15,605
Sure, sweetie.
295
00:14:15,606 --> 00:14:16,856
They didn't.
296
00:14:19,234 --> 00:14:21,695
- It's been an hour.
- He has to take his shirt off next.
297
00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:28,159
Come on!
298
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:31,496
Who strips from the bottom up?
299
00:14:38,170 --> 00:14:40,171
Dick? What's wrong?
300
00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:43,300
I miss Dale.
301
00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:47,970
I haven't stripped since he passed away.
302
00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:51,099
It-it just doesn't feel right to go
full nude without him here.
303
00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:53,643
God, I totally understand.
304
00:14:53,644 --> 00:14:55,520
I mean, if Ellen and I
were a team of strippers,
305
00:14:55,521 --> 00:14:57,647
a-and she pulled off
a daring stripper move
306
00:14:57,648 --> 00:15:00,024
and then got murdered
in a totally unrelated incident,
307
00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:02,026
I don't think I'd ever strip again either.
308
00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:04,278
Yes, you would.
309
00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:06,239
Because you'd know that I'd want you
310
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:08,449
to shake that thing harder than ever.
311
00:15:08,450 --> 00:15:09,825
For me.
312
00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:11,328
For us.
313
00:15:12,079 --> 00:15:14,122
And I bet that's what Dale
would want for you, too.
314
00:15:15,207 --> 00:15:16,625
You're right.
315
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:20,336
Strip. Strip. Strip.
316
00:15:20,337 --> 00:15:23,881
Strip. Strip. Strip. Strip.
317
00:15:23,882 --> 00:15:27,510
- Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!
- Dale! This is for you!
318
00:15:27,511 --> 00:15:30,555
Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!
319
00:15:30,556 --> 00:15:31,974
- No barbed wire tattoo!
- Oh, man!
320
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:33,724
I-I mean...
321
00:15:33,725 --> 00:15:35,686
Oh, man...
322
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,896
Dick, we know you were lying
about going to Lollapalooza.
323
00:15:38,897 --> 00:15:40,398
Why didn't you just tell the truth?
324
00:15:40,399 --> 00:15:41,899
Bad memories.
325
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,694
Dale met his murderer at that festival.
326
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:56,038
Get there. Get there!
327
00:15:56,039 --> 00:15:59,501
Yes! Let's go, Mets!
328
00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:16,559
You're lying!
329
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,311
I'm not! Hand to God,
330
00:16:18,312 --> 00:16:20,104
I know all the words to the Macarena.
331
00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:21,481
Why?
332
00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:23,901
When I was 12, it was my Everest.
333
00:16:25,569 --> 00:16:26,819
Alright. Put your phone away
334
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,905
'cause I got us a ridiculous
amount of barbecue,
335
00:16:28,906 --> 00:16:30,698
a box of cigars, and a home brew kit.
336
00:16:30,699 --> 00:16:31,782
'Cause I love you, man!
337
00:16:31,783 --> 00:16:34,870
I-I don't know why I'm trying
to downplay it. I love you!
338
00:16:35,579 --> 00:16:38,290
Okay... Thanks...
339
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:40,292
"Thanks."
340
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:42,293
Trying to get
our frickin' spark back, man.
341
00:16:42,294 --> 00:16:43,545
Something's off with us.
342
00:16:44,296 --> 00:16:47,048
Bro,
we are the Spam of friendship.
343
00:16:47,049 --> 00:16:48,591
Okay? Our shelf life is forever.
344
00:16:48,592 --> 00:16:49,884
Yeah, that's what I thought.
345
00:16:49,885 --> 00:16:52,345
But you've been texting all day
with your new friend Taylor.
346
00:16:52,346 --> 00:16:53,888
What? Who cares?
347
00:16:53,889 --> 00:16:55,640
Taylor's great, but she's not you.
348
00:16:55,641 --> 00:16:57,350
You complete me, bro!
349
00:16:57,351 --> 00:16:59,852
- Wow. Did I just come up with that?
- Wait, wait, wait.
350
00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:02,064
- Taylor's a woman?
- Yeah...
351
00:17:02,981 --> 00:17:04,024
Did I not mention that?
352
00:17:04,525 --> 00:17:05,525
No, you didn't.
353
00:17:05,526 --> 00:17:07,736
Okay. Well, yeah, she is.
354
00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:12,114
And where did you meet
this new girl... friend?
355
00:17:12,115 --> 00:17:14,200
I don't know
why you're being so weird.
356
00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:16,786
It's not even a big deal.
We met on a flight to LA.
357
00:17:16,787 --> 00:17:18,538
She's also in
a long-distance relationship,
358
00:17:18,539 --> 00:17:20,331
and we bonded over it. That's it.
359
00:17:20,332 --> 00:17:22,125
- Got it.
- Yeah.
360
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:24,461
It's just...
361
00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:26,754
I mean, you've been
texting her a lot lately
362
00:17:26,755 --> 00:17:28,475
like you do
when you're really into someone.
363
00:17:29,675 --> 00:17:31,425
Whatever. You know what?
You're the best guy I know,
364
00:17:31,426 --> 00:17:34,146
and if you think this is innocent,
then it is. Alright? End of story.
365
00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:37,557
Now, this homebrew kit said
it's gonna take 6 to 8 weeks,
366
00:17:37,558 --> 00:17:39,560
so let's just go to the bar, huh?
367
00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:48,818
It's settled.
368
00:17:48,819 --> 00:17:51,780
You are singing me the Macarena
the next time we see each other.
369
00:17:52,281 --> 00:17:55,616
Maybe... next Saturday?
370
00:17:55,617 --> 00:17:58,245
My friends and I are doing karaoke
if you wanna come.
371
00:17:59,955 --> 00:18:02,583
- Taylor, I'm sorry.
- I don't think we should talk anymore.
372
00:18:04,626 --> 00:18:06,419
No worries.
373
00:18:06,420 --> 00:18:07,837
I-I totally get it.
374
00:18:15,679 --> 00:18:17,639
Mm! This cake is delicious.
375
00:18:18,182 --> 00:18:19,682
Try the balls. They're made of nuts.
376
00:18:19,683 --> 00:18:21,559
- Genius!
- Wow.
377
00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:23,228
Oh hey, here she is. Hey, how'd it go?
378
00:18:23,729 --> 00:18:25,480
I, um...
379
00:18:26,481 --> 00:18:27,774
couldn't go through with it.
380
00:18:28,358 --> 00:18:29,401
What happened?
381
00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:32,403
- I don't know.
- I was about to introduce myself,
382
00:18:32,404 --> 00:18:34,489
and then I realized that he's a Mets fan.
383
00:18:35,199 --> 00:18:38,034
Fair. That's a brutal legacy to take on.
384
00:18:38,035 --> 00:18:40,453
No. I realized
385
00:18:40,454 --> 00:18:42,663
that him being a Mets fan is just
386
00:18:42,664 --> 00:18:45,791
one of a thousand things
that I don't know about him,
387
00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:47,793
and catching up and learning
all of those things,
388
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:51,297
and then having to tell him
every little quirk about me,
389
00:18:51,298 --> 00:18:54,592
I don't know. It felt like too much.
390
00:18:54,593 --> 00:18:56,094
And maybe it's just...
391
00:18:57,846 --> 00:18:59,389
too late for us.
392
00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:01,641
Or...
393
00:19:01,642 --> 00:19:03,643
maybe today just wasn't the day.
394
00:19:03,644 --> 00:19:05,102
You know? Totally.
395
00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:06,270
It's not just that.
396
00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:08,606
Even if we did get caught up
on all the little things,
397
00:19:08,607 --> 00:19:10,525
who knows if he would even like me?
398
00:19:10,526 --> 00:19:14,612
Soph, your dad is absolutely
gonna love you.
399
00:19:14,613 --> 00:19:15,656
When you're ready.
400
00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:18,449
Yeah.
401
00:19:18,450 --> 00:19:20,285
When I am ready.
402
00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:22,203
Hi.
29386
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