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1
00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:08,342
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
2
00:00:08,343 --> 00:00:12,222
♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da
da-da-da ♪
3
00:00:15,392 --> 00:00:19,353
Son, it's never too late in
life to learn a new skill.
4
00:00:19,354 --> 00:00:21,355
Says the
woman who still can't whistle.
5
00:00:21,356 --> 00:00:22,857
I can whistle!
6
00:00:29,739 --> 00:00:31,741
Please
continue the story!
7
00:00:32,409 --> 00:00:33,910
With pleasure.
8
00:00:35,745 --> 00:00:37,830
Hey, guys.
9
00:00:37,831 --> 00:00:40,416
Sweetie, you're
drenched in sweat!
10
00:00:40,417 --> 00:00:42,334
Were you chasing down
Mr. Softee again?
11
00:00:42,335 --> 00:00:43,878
Oh. No.
12
00:00:43,879 --> 00:00:46,380
Photo gig at a kid's
birthday in Yonkers.
13
00:00:46,381 --> 00:00:48,299
I had to take four trains,
14
00:00:48,300 --> 00:00:50,843
two cabs, and one
very creepy Uber.
15
00:00:50,844 --> 00:00:55,347
Look at you. Big round
eyes like a sexy owl.
16
00:00:55,348 --> 00:00:56,683
No!
17
00:00:57,225 --> 00:00:58,517
Why don't you just
learn to drive?
18
00:00:58,518 --> 00:01:01,145
Sophie and I got our
learner's permits in college,
19
00:01:01,146 --> 00:01:03,856
but then we realized
driving is the worst!
20
00:01:03,857 --> 00:01:06,025
You have to be sober,
you can't lie down,
21
00:01:06,026 --> 00:01:07,526
and you have to
wear this ugly belt.
22
00:01:07,527 --> 00:01:08,903
Mm!
23
00:01:08,904 --> 00:01:11,113
Don't even get me
started on left turns.
24
00:01:11,114 --> 00:01:14,199
What is this world where you
just pull into the intersection
25
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,869
and trust a stranger is
not going to kill you?
26
00:01:16,870 --> 00:01:20,123
What's next? Anyone could just go
into a store and purchase a gun?
27
00:01:20,707 --> 00:01:22,459
Is no one gonna tell her?
28
00:01:23,627 --> 00:01:26,045
How are two adults
not able to drive?
29
00:01:26,046 --> 00:01:27,338
Pretty cocky for a guy
30
00:01:27,339 --> 00:01:29,173
who can't even shave
his own face.
31
00:01:29,174 --> 00:01:30,883
You swore you
wouldn't tell a soul!
32
00:01:30,884 --> 00:01:33,344
It's time people knew. I'm
sick of our arrangement!
33
00:01:33,345 --> 00:01:37,015
♪ Soft jazz playing ♪
34
00:01:37,474 --> 00:01:39,350
I grew up with a live-in barber.
35
00:01:39,351 --> 00:01:41,268
I was raised to believe
that shaving your own face
36
00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:43,812
is only something
men from Essex did.
37
00:01:43,813 --> 00:01:45,106
Plus, it's scary.
38
00:01:45,607 --> 00:01:48,108
You're a New Yorker now.
You gotta toughen up, kid!
39
00:01:48,109 --> 00:01:51,320
Oh, says the woman who's too
scared to confront her coworker?
40
00:01:51,321 --> 00:01:53,030
I told you about
Rhonda in confidence!
41
00:01:53,031 --> 00:01:54,240
Who's Rhonda?
42
00:01:55,325 --> 00:01:56,451
R-Rhonda?
43
00:01:57,786 --> 00:01:59,411
Oh, my bad.
44
00:01:59,412 --> 00:02:00,664
Here's a breast.
45
00:02:02,290 --> 00:02:05,627
She keeps her dipping
sauces on our printer.
46
00:02:06,294 --> 00:02:07,586
So, just talk to her.
47
00:02:07,587 --> 00:02:10,381
I can't. I'm extremely
conflict-averse,
48
00:02:10,382 --> 00:02:12,967
and she's terrifying.
She eats the bones.
49
00:02:14,761 --> 00:02:16,929
At least I'm not a bar
owner who can't chug a beer.
50
00:02:16,930 --> 00:02:19,182
That's right. He
sips like a simp!
51
00:02:20,350 --> 00:02:23,644
Okay, fine. I don't chug.
I prefer taking baby sips
52
00:02:23,645 --> 00:02:26,480
'cause beer is a little tickly.
53
00:02:26,481 --> 00:02:28,983
Hey, my creepy gym teacher
was a little tickly, okay?
54
00:02:28,984 --> 00:02:30,318
Beer is delicious.
55
00:02:32,112 --> 00:02:33,737
Guys, I just had
a brilliant idea.
56
00:02:33,738 --> 00:02:34,863
Oh, thank God because I thought
57
00:02:34,864 --> 00:02:37,659
we were gonna have to unpack
his creepy gym teacher thing.
58
00:02:38,243 --> 00:02:40,786
Back in college, Jesse
and I came up with
59
00:02:40,787 --> 00:02:42,788
th-this incredible
motivational technique.
60
00:02:42,789 --> 00:02:43,831
- Hell yeah.
- Right?
61
00:02:43,832 --> 00:02:46,500
- So some people respond to rewards.
- Hm...
62
00:02:46,501 --> 00:02:49,003
Others respond to the
fear of punishment.
63
00:02:49,004 --> 00:02:50,004
That's right.
64
00:02:50,005 --> 00:02:51,755
So we combined the two
65
00:02:51,756 --> 00:02:55,009
- to create rewardishments.
- Hm...
66
00:02:55,010 --> 00:02:57,219
Say we needed to get
some laundry done.
67
00:02:57,220 --> 00:02:58,804
We'd give
ourselves a deadline,
68
00:02:58,805 --> 00:03:01,932
and if we made it, we'd
reward ourselves with, say,
69
00:03:04,311 --> 00:03:06,897
But, if we didn't,
we'd punish ourselves.
70
00:03:09,024 --> 00:03:11,609
Three, two, one.
71
00:03:14,112 --> 00:03:15,613
Hot tip.
72
00:03:15,614 --> 00:03:17,574
Always pee before you tase.
73
00:03:19,075 --> 00:03:22,036
I say we give ourselves 48 hours
74
00:03:22,037 --> 00:03:23,329
to accomplish our goals.
75
00:03:23,330 --> 00:03:26,040
If one of us fails,
we all get punished.
76
00:03:26,041 --> 00:03:29,543
But if we all succeed, we
get a sweet, sweet reward.
77
00:03:29,544 --> 00:03:32,922
Ooh! Reward pitch.
Have a group sleepover
78
00:03:32,923 --> 00:03:35,090
and put all of our
beds together to create
79
00:03:35,091 --> 00:03:36,717
one giant bed.
80
00:03:36,718 --> 00:03:38,552
- Like a mega bed?
- You bet your ass!
81
00:03:38,553 --> 00:03:40,930
Alright, alright. We've got a reward.
82
00:03:40,931 --> 00:03:42,849
Now, the punishment.
83
00:03:44,059 --> 00:03:45,101
I got it!
84
00:03:46,353 --> 00:03:48,062
The nastiest thing...
85
00:03:50,315 --> 00:03:51,691
in this bar...
86
00:03:53,235 --> 00:03:55,027
is the drink mat.
87
00:03:55,028 --> 00:03:56,362
Full of, uh-huh,
88
00:03:56,363 --> 00:03:58,906
what we in the industry
call "the drippings."
89
00:03:58,907 --> 00:04:02,743
All the spillage from
all those drinks.
90
00:04:02,744 --> 00:04:05,496
So, I'm saying if,
48 hours from now,
91
00:04:05,497 --> 00:04:07,874
one of us fails to
accomplish our goal,
92
00:04:08,750 --> 00:04:10,292
we each take a shot
at the drippings.
93
00:04:10,293 --> 00:04:11,710
No!
94
00:04:11,711 --> 00:04:13,213
Okay, we're doing this!
95
00:04:14,256 --> 00:04:17,758
Shave, chug, drive,
drive, confront Rhonda.
96
00:04:17,759 --> 00:04:18,926
Let's go, team!
97
00:04:18,927 --> 00:04:20,094
Wait, Jesse!
98
00:04:20,095 --> 00:04:22,305
- Yeah?
- What is your thing?
99
00:04:23,265 --> 00:04:25,891
My thing? Oh, well, I-I'm terrible
at remembering people's goals,
100
00:04:25,892 --> 00:04:28,852
but, hey! I just did it, so
that's one down, five to go.
101
00:04:28,853 --> 00:04:30,354
Good luck, you guys!
102
00:04:33,483 --> 00:04:34,734
Alright, fine.
103
00:04:35,402 --> 00:04:37,027
There is...
104
00:04:37,028 --> 00:04:39,572
one thing I've never
been able to accomplish.
105
00:04:41,616 --> 00:04:43,409
Back in my competitive
hooping days,
106
00:04:43,410 --> 00:04:45,579
there was one trick
I could never master.
107
00:04:46,079 --> 00:04:48,831
The "vertical lasso
catch and release."
108
00:04:50,250 --> 00:04:52,167
It, uh...
109
00:04:52,168 --> 00:04:54,671
Kept me from
going to nationals in Orlando.
110
00:04:56,715 --> 00:04:59,633
Okay. You heard the man.
This is his... creepy goal.
111
00:04:59,634 --> 00:05:01,677
Okay. Everybody has their thing.
112
00:05:01,678 --> 00:05:05,348
Rewardishment timer
starts... now.
113
00:05:14,190 --> 00:05:16,233
Hey, look at you, J-Dog!
You're doing your trick.
114
00:05:16,234 --> 00:05:18,235
No, I'm not. This is
just regular hooping.
115
00:05:18,236 --> 00:05:19,904
Jesse, we're just
trying to be supportive.
116
00:05:19,905 --> 00:05:21,322
Nobody gets what
you're trying to do.
117
00:05:21,323 --> 00:05:25,242
I already told you! A vertical
lasso catch and release.
118
00:05:25,243 --> 00:05:28,829
The hoop is supposed to dance up
my body, like a playful snake,
119
00:05:28,830 --> 00:05:32,166
and then launch into the air,
and then I catch it on my leg.
120
00:05:32,167 --> 00:05:34,668
What about this
don't you understand?
121
00:05:34,669 --> 00:05:35,711
Why you want to do it,
122
00:05:35,712 --> 00:05:37,671
how it fits in with the
rest of your personality,
123
00:05:37,672 --> 00:05:39,924
and why you ran out to buy
new underwear just for this?
124
00:05:39,925 --> 00:05:43,427
They're not just underwear, okay?
Those are regulation satin hula boxers.
125
00:05:43,428 --> 00:05:44,595
Do you want me to
get "hoop hip"?
126
00:05:44,596 --> 00:05:47,848
No, dude, we want you to do your
trick, so we can move on to our stuff.
127
00:05:50,644 --> 00:05:52,771
Was that the catch
or the release?
128
00:06:02,614 --> 00:06:04,448
You barely consumed
a single drop.
129
00:06:04,449 --> 00:06:06,743
There might be more
beer in the glass now.
130
00:06:07,577 --> 00:06:09,870
This is supposed
to be a safe space.
131
00:06:11,456 --> 00:06:13,874
- There's really nothing
to it. - Mm-hmm.
132
00:06:13,875 --> 00:06:17,336
Slow and steady. With the grain.
133
00:06:17,337 --> 00:06:20,506
Okay. Alright.
Here goes nothing.
134
00:06:20,507 --> 00:06:21,716
Okay.
135
00:06:24,219 --> 00:06:25,427
- Whoa, whoa. Get the...
- Oh, my God.
136
00:06:25,428 --> 00:06:27,179
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Sid!
- Okay! Okay!
137
00:06:27,180 --> 00:06:30,140
Whoa, whoa, whoa. You know,
hey, m-maybe you're not ready.
138
00:06:32,060 --> 00:06:34,103
Rhonda, enough is enough.
139
00:06:34,104 --> 00:06:37,107
This is a shared workspace,
and I need you to respect that.
140
00:06:39,109 --> 00:06:40,151
Perfect.
141
00:06:40,610 --> 00:06:43,904
Firm, clear, fair.
The Ellen way.
142
00:06:43,905 --> 00:06:45,907
- What's the Ellen way?
- Oh, my God...
143
00:06:46,533 --> 00:06:48,368
Nothing. I-I'm sorry.
144
00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:51,203
Rhonda, we need to talk.
145
00:06:51,204 --> 00:06:52,455
Me first.
146
00:06:55,208 --> 00:06:56,793
I got us an office snake.
147
00:06:57,878 --> 00:06:59,795
Don't mind the smell.
148
00:06:59,796 --> 00:07:01,881
Reptile musk is a
defense mechanism,
149
00:07:01,882 --> 00:07:03,967
and my girl is very on edge.
150
00:07:06,386 --> 00:07:08,304
Jesse, I choked.
151
00:07:08,305 --> 00:07:11,098
I need you to teach me
how to express my anger.
152
00:07:11,099 --> 00:07:13,268
What makes you think I know
how to express my anger?
153
00:07:13,894 --> 00:07:16,645
Damn it, you fickle
disgrace of a toy!
154
00:07:16,646 --> 00:07:18,981
You're nothing compared
to a jump rope!
155
00:07:18,982 --> 00:07:21,483
You piece of... Yeah, no, I-I
can help you. I think it's...
156
00:07:25,530 --> 00:07:29,075
Oh, my God. $500
for driving school?
157
00:07:29,451 --> 00:07:31,953
That's like a
hundred $5 footlongs!
158
00:07:32,954 --> 00:07:35,498
Wow. I just did that in my head.
159
00:07:36,583 --> 00:07:38,543
Damn. You're like
a Goodwill Hunter.
160
00:07:39,961 --> 00:07:41,921
Doesn't matter. We have
to learn how to drive
161
00:07:41,922 --> 00:07:43,339
because we don't wanna
drink the drippings.
162
00:07:43,340 --> 00:07:44,341
Hm...
163
00:07:45,592 --> 00:07:47,760
Hi, Sophie and Valentina?
164
00:07:47,761 --> 00:07:49,386
My name is Phyllis.
165
00:07:49,387 --> 00:07:52,514
I've taught 4,000
people how to drive,
166
00:07:52,515 --> 00:07:55,352
including the two
Gyllenhaal siblings.
167
00:07:56,937 --> 00:07:59,438
I just need you to
pass a little eye exam.
168
00:07:59,439 --> 00:08:01,106
Uh-huh.
169
00:08:01,107 --> 00:08:03,692
- Whisper the answers to me.- What? Why?
170
00:08:03,693 --> 00:08:05,904
I can't see for shit,
okay? Just help me.
171
00:08:09,074 --> 00:08:10,616
- G.
- C!
172
00:08:10,617 --> 00:08:12,576
G. What are you, deaf, too?
173
00:08:12,577 --> 00:08:13,870
G.
174
00:08:15,121 --> 00:08:16,121
E.
175
00:08:16,456 --> 00:08:17,623
C.
176
00:08:17,624 --> 00:08:19,751
No. E.
177
00:08:20,669 --> 00:08:23,003
Clearly you're cheating.
178
00:08:23,004 --> 00:08:25,464
Sophie, I'll go get your
enrollment paperwork.
179
00:08:25,465 --> 00:08:28,552
Valentina, get
your eyes checked.
180
00:08:30,178 --> 00:08:32,096
Wait. You can't see?
181
00:08:32,097 --> 00:08:33,472
It's not that bad!
182
00:08:33,473 --> 00:08:36,475
I can see things up
close, just not far away.
183
00:08:36,476 --> 00:08:38,894
Okay, so why don't
you wear glasses?
184
00:08:38,895 --> 00:08:40,980
Ew, what am I, a
liberal arts professor?
185
00:08:40,981 --> 00:08:43,816
Okay, contacts.
186
00:08:45,902 --> 00:08:48,320
I'm scared
of touching my eyes.
187
00:08:49,406 --> 00:08:51,323
I wanna
change my goal.
188
00:08:51,324 --> 00:08:53,368
I need to learn how
to put in contacts.
189
00:08:55,954 --> 00:08:57,122
I'll allow it.
190
00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:00,625
What is happening here?
191
00:09:01,793 --> 00:09:05,297
Well, I decided to practice on a zone
where no one would see it if I cut myself.
192
00:09:06,423 --> 00:09:08,300
Absolutely shredded
my taint, so...
193
00:09:09,426 --> 00:09:12,429
onto the legs. Right. Okay...
194
00:09:13,430 --> 00:09:14,472
Okay.
195
00:09:17,517 --> 00:09:19,059
Oh, my God.
196
00:09:19,060 --> 00:09:20,519
Oh, my God, I'm doing it. Look!
197
00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:21,854
I'm shaving! SOPHIE: You are!
198
00:09:21,855 --> 00:09:23,856
I'm like a regular
Michael Phelps!
199
00:09:23,857 --> 00:09:25,566
Oh, my God! Oh! Oh!
200
00:09:25,567 --> 00:09:27,610
- Oh shit! Are you okay?
- There's a lot of blood!
201
00:09:27,611 --> 00:09:30,029
Put pressure on it. Put
pressure on it!
202
00:09:30,030 --> 00:09:32,615
It's fine. It's fine. Honestly,
it's just a little nick.
203
00:09:32,616 --> 00:09:35,784
Oh, my God! I'm gonna
die! Oh! Oh, my God!
204
00:09:35,785 --> 00:09:38,579
Sophie, if I die, you can have
my garden gnome collection,
205
00:09:38,580 --> 00:09:41,874
but find them a nice place in the
sun, would you... Oh, my God...
206
00:09:41,875 --> 00:09:43,334
Hey! SID: Okay.
Okay, that's enough!
207
00:09:43,335 --> 00:09:45,211
That's enough! I'm taking
you to the hospital, okay!?
208
00:09:45,212 --> 00:09:47,338
- Oh! My...
- Put...
209
00:09:47,339 --> 00:09:49,632
Just keep pressure on it!
You're really bleeding, dude!
210
00:09:49,633 --> 00:09:50,799
Jesus Christ...
211
00:09:52,135 --> 00:09:53,762
Oh! Careful
with my taint! Ah!
212
00:09:59,017 --> 00:10:02,853
S-so I told the kidnapper that
you can carve me up all you want.
213
00:10:02,854 --> 00:10:05,357
Just, just let the girl go.
214
00:10:05,899 --> 00:10:07,400
I know you cut yourself shaving.
215
00:10:08,777 --> 00:10:10,527
Hey. You're a nurse.
216
00:10:10,528 --> 00:10:11,655
What gave it away?
217
00:10:13,531 --> 00:10:15,491
Well, I'm pretty sure I
have this medical condition
218
00:10:15,492 --> 00:10:18,245
that prevents me from chugging
beer. Do you know what it's called?
219
00:10:18,828 --> 00:10:20,872
I saw two patients
die this morning.
220
00:10:22,082 --> 00:10:23,375
From what I have?
221
00:10:27,462 --> 00:10:29,964
Dude, this sucks! We're gonna
have to drink all the drippings,
222
00:10:29,965 --> 00:10:31,215
and it's gonna be my fault.
223
00:10:31,216 --> 00:10:33,384
No, it won't. It'll be mine.
224
00:10:33,385 --> 00:10:36,096
I mean, I'm way too scared
to try shaving myself again.
225
00:10:36,555 --> 00:10:39,265
If only there was another
way I could practice.
226
00:10:39,266 --> 00:10:42,185
Someone will be right in to
shave you for surgery, Mr. Smithyman.
227
00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:49,608
Okay. I'll be Rhonda,
and you just be you.
228
00:10:49,609 --> 00:10:51,652
And just tell me how you feel
about me, alright? Let 'er rip.
229
00:10:51,653 --> 00:10:53,529
Okay. It's about to rip.
230
00:10:53,530 --> 00:10:54,947
Here we go.
231
00:10:54,948 --> 00:10:56,740
Hey,
Ellen. It's me, Rhonda.
232
00:10:56,741 --> 00:10:58,951
I'm a big old jerk
who likes chicken,
233
00:10:58,952 --> 00:11:01,203
but not jerk chicken.
Just chicken-chicken!
234
00:11:01,204 --> 00:11:02,330
I can't rip to this.
235
00:11:03,748 --> 00:11:06,333
Y-you sound like Julia Child.
236
00:11:06,334 --> 00:11:08,043
Also, the vibe in here is
nothing like my office.
237
00:11:08,044 --> 00:11:09,086
Okay, just focus, alright?
238
00:11:09,087 --> 00:11:11,755
W-we're not in my apartment.
We're in your office.
239
00:11:11,756 --> 00:11:14,341
My
pizza bagel's ready.
240
00:11:14,342 --> 00:11:16,636
I mean,
my chicken bagel's ready.
241
00:11:21,766 --> 00:11:23,434
Good day!
242
00:11:23,435 --> 00:11:24,768
Ready for your shave?
243
00:11:24,769 --> 00:11:26,270
Ready as I'll ever be.
244
00:11:26,271 --> 00:11:28,648
Oh,
yeah. I feel you there.
245
00:11:29,524 --> 00:11:30,692
Right.
246
00:11:35,196 --> 00:11:36,739
Hey...
247
00:11:36,740 --> 00:11:38,491
Hey, look at this. I'm doing it.
248
00:11:39,576 --> 00:11:40,702
- What?
- What?
249
00:11:43,580 --> 00:11:45,122
Cross me off the list.
250
00:11:45,123 --> 00:11:47,166
I am a shaver!
251
00:11:47,167 --> 00:11:50,377
A celebratory drink to
celebrate my smooth face,
252
00:11:50,378 --> 00:11:52,589
and Mr. Smithyman's
successful triple bypass.
253
00:11:53,548 --> 00:11:55,132
Am I touching my eye?
254
00:11:55,133 --> 00:11:56,927
No.
255
00:11:58,094 --> 00:11:59,971
Someone come help push
the back of my neck!
256
00:12:00,388 --> 00:12:03,474
To my success,
257
00:12:03,475 --> 00:12:06,937
and to being one step
closer to mega-bed.
258
00:12:09,231 --> 00:12:10,731
Ah!
259
00:12:10,732 --> 00:12:13,025
Spicy! Spicy?
260
00:12:13,026 --> 00:12:14,694
Why is champagne spicy?
261
00:12:15,111 --> 00:12:17,238
[singing quietly]: ♪ Squeezing
peppers is such fun ♪
262
00:12:17,239 --> 00:12:19,741
♪ Squeezing peppers
to burn Sid's tongue ♪
263
00:12:20,825 --> 00:12:22,743
- Ooh. Oh man!
- Look at that. We haven't got any water.
264
00:12:22,744 --> 00:12:24,955
We've only got
this pint of beer.
265
00:12:26,289 --> 00:12:28,124
Mm... Mm...
266
00:12:33,213 --> 00:12:34,464
Ah...
267
00:12:38,218 --> 00:12:39,218
I did it.
268
00:12:39,219 --> 00:12:40,720
I just chugged a beer!
269
00:12:41,596 --> 00:12:44,765
And I'm keeping it down!
Okay, thank you, Charlie!
270
00:12:44,766 --> 00:12:47,017
I always knew there was
a chugger inside of you,
271
00:12:47,018 --> 00:12:48,687
just waiting to chug.
272
00:12:49,271 --> 00:12:50,813
Hey, look at that! I did me.
273
00:12:50,814 --> 00:12:53,232
I did Sid. Valentina...
274
00:12:53,233 --> 00:12:56,653
Why don't I put the contact in your
eye to show you that it's no big deal?
275
00:12:57,487 --> 00:12:58,530
Hit me.
276
00:13:01,449 --> 00:13:05,369
Ow! Ow, ow, ow! My eye is burning!
What the hell is happening?
277
00:13:05,370 --> 00:13:08,455
Probably had a bit of
residual pepper juice on my fingers...
278
00:13:08,456 --> 00:13:10,291
I need to go to a hospital!
279
00:13:10,292 --> 00:13:11,625
Okay! Hospital!
280
00:13:11,626 --> 00:13:13,669
- Ow! Ow!
- This way. This way.
281
00:13:13,670 --> 00:13:16,672
- There we go!
- Here we go! Here we go!
282
00:13:18,508 --> 00:13:20,259
You're doing great, sweetheart.
283
00:13:20,260 --> 00:13:22,136
Thank you!
284
00:13:22,137 --> 00:13:25,098
I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little
distracted by the students in the back.
285
00:13:26,099 --> 00:13:28,684
Okay, make a left here.
286
00:13:28,685 --> 00:13:31,645
Actually, can we
do left turns last?
287
00:13:31,646 --> 00:13:33,814
I'm more of a "three
rights" kind of gal.
288
00:13:33,815 --> 00:13:37,276
Hey! This is driving
school, not...
289
00:13:37,277 --> 00:13:40,363
"bump and grind"
academy! Now, quit it!
290
00:13:45,035 --> 00:13:47,202
I think I'm having
a heart attack!
291
00:13:47,203 --> 00:13:50,205
Can a single woman
have a widow-maker?
292
00:13:50,206 --> 00:13:53,459
Oh, my God! Oh God!
Okay. Oh, my God.
293
00:13:53,460 --> 00:13:55,753
You're gonna be okay. You're...
294
00:13:55,754 --> 00:13:58,214
Oh, snap. She's, like, dying.
295
00:13:59,841 --> 00:14:02,092
Th-there's a hospital
right up here.
296
00:14:02,093 --> 00:14:03,636
Y-you should make a left.
297
00:14:03,637 --> 00:14:05,430
D-do we have time
for three rights?
298
00:14:06,848 --> 00:14:08,098
Left!
299
00:14:08,099 --> 00:14:12,020
Make a left! Make a left!
300
00:14:12,771 --> 00:14:14,438
Okay, we're here.
Let's Rhonda you up.
301
00:14:14,439 --> 00:14:15,522
What does that mean?
302
00:14:15,523 --> 00:14:18,108
Put on her blazer,
303
00:14:18,109 --> 00:14:19,610
and, uh... Ooh!
304
00:14:19,611 --> 00:14:20,820
Okay.
305
00:14:22,197 --> 00:14:23,614
Pretty weird.
306
00:14:23,615 --> 00:14:24,865
Mm...
307
00:14:24,866 --> 00:14:25,784
Bingo.
308
00:14:25,785 --> 00:14:26,867
Ellen!
309
00:14:26,868 --> 00:14:28,828
A little lower, like... Ellen.
310
00:14:29,871 --> 00:14:32,164
- Ellen.
- That's too low. Ellen.
311
00:14:32,165 --> 00:14:33,541
- Ellen?
- That's perfect!
312
00:14:34,501 --> 00:14:35,501
Ah!
313
00:14:36,711 --> 00:14:37,711
What are you doing here?
314
00:14:37,712 --> 00:14:40,590
I came to feed my snake. Why
is that man wearing my clothes?
315
00:14:41,633 --> 00:14:43,050
Where's Sonna Plane?
316
00:14:43,051 --> 00:14:45,553
- She's out of her terrarium!
- We don't know!
317
00:14:45,554 --> 00:14:46,804
Wait, is there a
snake on the loose?
318
00:14:46,805 --> 00:14:49,014
Why did you name your
snake Sonna Plane?
319
00:14:49,015 --> 00:14:50,599
Oh.
320
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:52,519
I see what you did there,
Rhonda. It's... Ah!
321
00:14:55,438 --> 00:14:57,523
Oh! M-my brother
got bit by a snake!
322
00:14:57,524 --> 00:14:59,401
I also have a mole I'd
like to have checked.
323
00:15:00,485 --> 00:15:02,112
- Okay.
- Guys, what are you doing here?
324
00:15:03,196 --> 00:15:04,905
Wait, Sophie? Why are you here?
325
00:15:04,906 --> 00:15:07,616
My driving instructor
had a heart attack!
326
00:15:07,617 --> 00:15:10,536
Um, your friend choked and
couldn't make a left turn,
327
00:15:10,537 --> 00:15:13,540
- so I had to drive her to the hospital.
- It was so hot.
328
00:15:15,333 --> 00:15:17,335
Hickey for the hero?
329
00:15:18,670 --> 00:15:20,338
You really need to grow up.
330
00:15:29,180 --> 00:15:32,182
We're gonna have to wash your
eye in a variety of liquids.
331
00:15:32,183 --> 00:15:34,393
You're gonna need three
washes, six drops,
332
00:15:34,394 --> 00:15:36,186
cold gel, warm gel,
333
00:15:36,187 --> 00:15:37,938
then back to two more washes,
334
00:15:37,939 --> 00:15:40,691
probably another gel,
335
00:15:40,692 --> 00:15:42,902
we're gonna go for about
four more drops, and then...
336
00:15:46,448 --> 00:15:48,616
Contacts have made contact.
337
00:15:48,617 --> 00:15:50,284
Hoo, after what my eyes
have been through today,
338
00:15:50,285 --> 00:15:51,661
there's nothing
they can't handle.
339
00:15:53,455 --> 00:15:54,956
That's what you guys look like?
340
00:15:55,832 --> 00:15:57,709
Wow. Most of you
look pretty good.
341
00:15:58,376 --> 00:15:59,710
Cross my name off, too!
342
00:15:59,711 --> 00:16:01,837
- Wait, you told off Rhonda?
- Oh, yeah.
343
00:16:01,838 --> 00:16:03,589
Somebody suck the poison out!
344
00:16:03,590 --> 00:16:06,508
There's no poison. I had
her poison bags removed.
345
00:16:06,509 --> 00:16:08,219
Your father's
being a real sissy.
346
00:16:08,220 --> 00:16:10,346
Did she say "father"?
347
00:16:10,347 --> 00:16:12,056
You know what, Rhonda? Enough.
348
00:16:12,057 --> 00:16:15,726
You can crowd my workspace and
stink up this office with chicken,
349
00:16:15,727 --> 00:16:17,728
but you do not mess with Jesse.
350
00:16:17,729 --> 00:16:19,438
Jesse, I'm doing it!
I'm telling her off!
351
00:16:19,439 --> 00:16:21,607
So proud of you. Can we
please go to the hospital now?
352
00:16:21,608 --> 00:16:22,609
Oh!
353
00:16:23,443 --> 00:16:26,362
And then, I was like,
"Take that, bitch!"
354
00:16:26,363 --> 00:16:29,156
But, I-I kept that inside
355
00:16:29,157 --> 00:16:31,451
because I would never say bitch.
356
00:16:32,786 --> 00:16:35,079
Well, only a few
hours before midnight,
357
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:36,873
and we still have two
people on the board.
358
00:16:37,499 --> 00:16:40,292
- You want me to teach you how to drive?
- Fine.
359
00:16:40,293 --> 00:16:42,879
But you have to let me
teach you how to hula hoop.
360
00:16:43,421 --> 00:16:46,173
- You spin?
- No, of course not.
361
00:16:48,426 --> 00:16:50,803
Okay, now
that the car's in drive,
362
00:16:50,804 --> 00:16:53,264
you're going to slowly lift
your foot off the brake
363
00:16:53,265 --> 00:16:56,643
and very gently apply that
same foot to the gas pedal.
364
00:16:57,519 --> 00:17:00,689
Very good. Well done.
365
00:17:01,147 --> 00:17:04,900
I've never heard you speak in
this weird, gentle voice before.
366
00:17:04,901 --> 00:17:06,694
Oh yeah, it's my elementary
school teacher voice.
367
00:17:06,695 --> 00:17:08,654
It's how I talk to keep the
kids from peeing themselves
368
00:17:08,655 --> 00:17:10,490
when I take their
smartphones away.
369
00:17:11,950 --> 00:17:14,577
There is absolutely no
pressure, okay? But,
370
00:17:14,578 --> 00:17:16,996
- we've got a left-hand turn coming up.
- Oh...
371
00:17:16,997 --> 00:17:19,957
So, we're just going
to turn on your blinker
372
00:17:19,958 --> 00:17:22,001
- and get into the left lane...
- Okay.
373
00:17:22,002 --> 00:17:24,879
out into the intersection.
374
00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:27,047
Coast is clear...
375
00:17:29,259 --> 00:17:31,135
Ah! I'm doing it!
376
00:17:31,136 --> 00:17:33,012
- I'm turning left!
- Mm-hmm.
377
00:17:33,013 --> 00:17:35,890
Check this out!
378
00:17:35,891 --> 00:17:38,058
- And another left!
- Mm-hmm.
379
00:17:38,059 --> 00:17:40,562
And another left!
380
00:17:41,855 --> 00:17:44,398
Ha! I'm a
professional driver.
381
00:17:44,399 --> 00:17:46,275
One-way street!
382
00:17:48,570 --> 00:17:51,197
Ho...
383
00:17:53,241 --> 00:17:54,450
Why don't we celebrate, huh?
384
00:17:54,451 --> 00:17:57,495
I just learned how to drive. I
don't think I should be boozing.
385
00:17:58,163 --> 00:18:00,372
But if you wanna be the
designated driver...
386
00:18:00,373 --> 00:18:03,876
Well, that's sparkling cider, but I
appreciate how responsible you are.
387
00:18:03,877 --> 00:18:05,879
Ah. Aw...
388
00:18:08,089 --> 00:18:09,840
We're almost out of time.
389
00:18:09,841 --> 00:18:11,759
You gonna practice your
hoop trick or what?
390
00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:13,928
Mm. Yeah, I'm not
gonna be able to do it.
391
00:18:13,929 --> 00:18:16,347
- You don't know that.
- Yeah, I do.
392
00:18:16,348 --> 00:18:18,015
It-it's a mental thing.
393
00:18:18,016 --> 00:18:20,559
I mean, the truth is, I actually could
do the vertical lasso for a while,
394
00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:21,937
and then I just lost it.
395
00:18:22,437 --> 00:18:24,939
Remember that video I showed you,
the moment where I dropped the hoop?
396
00:18:24,940 --> 00:18:27,901
That's 'cause I just realized
that my mom hadn't shown up.
397
00:18:28,568 --> 00:18:31,028
She was supposed to fly in from Iowa,
and she flaked, and I don't know.
398
00:18:31,029 --> 00:18:33,822
There's something about not
having a single family member
399
00:18:33,823 --> 00:18:35,825
in the audience to
support me, you know?
400
00:18:37,702 --> 00:18:39,204
- Oh.
- Yeah.
401
00:18:40,956 --> 00:18:42,207
Oy...
402
00:18:43,458 --> 00:18:44,667
So, what...
403
00:18:44,668 --> 00:18:48,629
What does a perfect vertical
lasso catch and release...
404
00:18:48,630 --> 00:18:50,673
- Yeah.
- even look like?
405
00:18:50,674 --> 00:18:52,174
It truly does not matter.
406
00:18:52,175 --> 00:18:54,177
Come on. Show me.
407
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:57,722
Okay. Okay. Here.
408
00:18:59,140 --> 00:19:00,724
Alright, well...
409
00:19:00,725 --> 00:19:02,601
here's a video
410
00:19:02,602 --> 00:19:05,105
of my favorite hooper doing it.
411
00:19:06,481 --> 00:19:08,190
Shut up. She was
a legend, alright?
412
00:19:08,191 --> 00:19:10,109
I used to have her posters
all over my room as a kid.
413
00:19:10,110 --> 00:19:11,987
- Oh, I bet you did.
- Mm-hmm.
414
00:19:14,197 --> 00:19:16,199
Oh, my God.
415
00:19:17,367 --> 00:19:18,910
She's pure magic.
416
00:19:21,162 --> 00:19:23,581
I love that you're so into this.
417
00:19:30,463 --> 00:19:31,881
Ooh, look at that. You...
418
00:19:31,882 --> 00:19:34,466
- matched with Dana.
- Uh, yeah.
419
00:19:34,467 --> 00:19:35,968
I'm sorry. That wasn't, uh...
420
00:19:35,969 --> 00:19:37,679
Oh. No. Why are you sorry?
421
00:19:38,305 --> 00:19:41,057
I don't know. Um,
I'm not, I guess?
422
00:19:41,683 --> 00:19:43,767
I didn't know that you
were back on the apps.
423
00:19:43,768 --> 00:19:45,811
Yeah. I was... I mean, it's
all very new, you know?
424
00:19:45,812 --> 00:19:47,646
I just figured it's been a
while since Meredith, so...
425
00:19:47,647 --> 00:19:48,899
Oh, totally.
426
00:19:50,025 --> 00:19:51,108
I think it's great.
427
00:19:51,109 --> 00:19:53,236
Cool. Thanks.
428
00:19:54,279 --> 00:19:56,113
- We should get back.
- Yeah.
429
00:19:56,114 --> 00:19:57,365
Oh!
430
00:19:58,074 --> 00:19:59,366
I know that I can drive now,
431
00:19:59,367 --> 00:20:01,869
but I will not be your
personal chauffeur.
432
00:20:01,870 --> 00:20:04,246
Ho ho! Excuse me. Okay.
433
00:20:04,247 --> 00:20:05,372
She can drive!
434
00:20:05,373 --> 00:20:07,666
Cross her name off the
list!
435
00:20:07,667 --> 00:20:09,920
And my vertical lasso
catch and release...
436
00:20:10,712 --> 00:20:11,795
isn't gonna happen.
437
00:20:11,796 --> 00:20:14,173
Why would you say it like that?
438
00:20:14,174 --> 00:20:17,051
Sorry, guys. I'll do the honors
of lining up the drippings.
439
00:20:17,052 --> 00:20:19,554
Seriously? You're
not even gonna try?
440
00:20:20,347 --> 00:20:22,599
You said you couldn't
do it without family...
441
00:20:25,101 --> 00:20:26,311
Is there more to that?
442
00:20:26,895 --> 00:20:30,648
I was gonna say that we're your family,
but then that felt so corny, so I bailed.
443
00:20:30,649 --> 00:20:32,484
But we're almost out of
time, so just try it!
444
00:20:33,401 --> 00:20:36,278
Screw it. Charlie! Assemble
my collapsible hoop!
445
00:20:36,279 --> 00:20:38,319
Oh, I thought you'd never ask.
446
00:20:39,950 --> 00:20:43,827
Sis! Put on Darude's
1999 EDM hit Sandstorm.
447
00:20:43,828 --> 00:20:45,455
Just look it up.
448
00:20:47,082 --> 00:20:49,041
Oh!
449
00:20:49,042 --> 00:20:51,210
Uh-oh!
450
00:20:51,211 --> 00:20:53,046
Yeah, get it, baby!
451
00:20:54,422 --> 00:20:57,926
- Oh!
- Jesse! Jesse! Jesse! Yeah!
452
00:20:59,010 --> 00:21:01,679
Uh-oh! Oh! Oh!
453
00:21:21,366 --> 00:21:22,825
Yes! Yes!
454
00:21:22,826 --> 00:21:24,201
Yeah!
455
00:21:24,202 --> 00:21:25,954
Guys...
456
00:21:26,830 --> 00:21:29,873
It's 10 minutes past the
deadline. We didn't make the cut.
457
00:21:29,874 --> 00:21:31,126
What?
458
00:21:31,668 --> 00:21:33,711
No, it's good enough! We...
459
00:21:33,712 --> 00:21:35,838
We were so close.
It's good enough!
460
00:21:35,839 --> 00:21:36,840
No!
461
00:21:38,174 --> 00:21:39,384
Them's the rules.
462
00:21:40,552 --> 00:21:42,928
We've gotta drink the drippings.
463
00:21:54,190 --> 00:21:56,817
And that's how I
learned to drive.
464
00:21:56,818 --> 00:22:00,238
And how we all got
bacterial meningitis.
465
00:22:01,031 --> 00:22:02,449
♪ How dare you want more ♪
466
00:22:03,867 --> 00:22:05,493
♪ How dare you want more ♪
467
00:22:06,494 --> 00:22:08,496
♪ Preacher preacher's
calling from the floor ♪
468
00:22:13,793 --> 00:22:16,754
♪ Man of secrets, two lives
that he's been living ♪
469
00:22:16,755 --> 00:22:19,340
♪ Stolen identity,
stolen dreaming ♪
470
00:22:19,341 --> 00:22:22,426
♪ Who is he if he just go
and tell it like it is? ♪
471
00:22:22,427 --> 00:22:25,472
♪ I'll bet he's dying to know,
but how dare you want more ♪
472
00:22:26,806 --> 00:22:28,308
♪ How dare you want more ♪
473
00:22:29,434 --> 00:22:31,977
♪ Preacher preacher
calling from the floor ♪
474
00:22:31,978 --> 00:22:36,608
♪ Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey... ♪
34925
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