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♪ Upbeat theme playing ♪
2
00:00:06,048 --> 00:00:08,925
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
3
00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:12,471
♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da
da-da-da ♪
4
00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:19,227
- Son, when you're young
and dating in New York,
5
00:00:19,228 --> 00:00:21,855
friend groups can become
pretty incestuous.
6
00:00:22,648 --> 00:00:24,065
Now, this is kind of a spoiler,
7
00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:26,734
but by the time I turned 40,
8
00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:29,946
I had kissed literally
all of my friends.
9
00:00:29,947 --> 00:00:31,489
Oh, Mom.
10
00:00:31,490 --> 00:00:34,992
- Please. Your theater camp
pals were just as horny
11
00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:37,161
and way less hot.
12
00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:39,539
And when things get
weird enough, sometimes,
13
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:42,416
you have to hit
the reset button.
14
00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:45,212
Wait. You
even kissed Aunt Ellen?
15
00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:48,841
Did... I... stutter?
16
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:52,218
- I still can't believe
someone bought my photo.
17
00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:53,554
Pinch me, Naomi!
18
00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:55,305
No.
19
00:00:57,015 --> 00:00:58,724
The couple that bought
it wants to have you over
20
00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:01,060
to their penthouse for dinner
tonight to hear about the piece.
21
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,688
Oh, my God. Do I
just, like, sell art
22
00:01:03,689 --> 00:01:06,316
and go to penthouses
now? What is my life?
23
00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:09,110
This is how careers
start, Sophie.
24
00:01:09,111 --> 00:01:11,737
The buyers brag to their rich
friends about meeting you.
25
00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:14,031
Those rich friends want to
buy your work, and boom.
26
00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:16,409
You're at the Met Gala wearing
a bird's nest as a hat.
27
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:18,286
Okay, are there actual
birds in the hat?
28
00:01:18,287 --> 00:01:19,662
Of course.
29
00:01:19,663 --> 00:01:21,664
They'll parody it on SNL.
30
00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:25,502
That's gonna be so embarrassing.
31
00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:28,881
- Oh, and they want you to
bring your model to dinner.
32
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,674
Cool. We're in.
33
00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:32,675
I'm out!
34
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:36,846
Rich strangers summoning two
unsuspecting fools to their towers?
35
00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:39,433
The start of no less than,
like, five horror movies.
36
00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:42,602
- Please. Th-they just
wanna ask us some questions.
37
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:45,146
- Oh, you mean exactly like
the plot of The Questioning?
38
00:01:45,147 --> 00:01:48,733
- It's gonna be super fun. They
have a really nice penthouse...
39
00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:52,445
- Hm, like Vera Farmiga and
Pablo Schreiber in The Penthouse.
40
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:53,779
You ever heard of a book, bro?
41
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:55,156
Oh, yeah! Like
you've read a book.
42
00:01:55,157 --> 00:01:56,991
Oh, I own several.
43
00:01:56,992 --> 00:01:57,993
- Uh-huh.
44
00:01:58,911 --> 00:02:00,329
- The point is...
- Mm-hmm?
45
00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:03,040
This could be big for my career.
46
00:02:03,582 --> 00:02:05,625
And friends help each other out.
47
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:08,294
And that's what we are.
Friends. We're totally friends.
48
00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:09,921
- The fact you keep
repeating we're friends
49
00:02:09,922 --> 00:02:11,506
makes me think we're
actually mortal enemies.
50
00:02:11,507 --> 00:02:13,841
- I know that things are
weird between us right now,
51
00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:16,178
but if I have any
points left with you,
52
00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:19,473
I'd like to cash them in.
53
00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:24,978
Fine. Fine. I'll go.
54
00:02:28,023 --> 00:02:29,315
- For safety.
- You're not bringing that.
55
00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:31,597
- You're right. It would totally
just get used against me.
56
00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:35,446
And I'm pretty sure
that's everything.
57
00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:38,366
- I didn't realize I kept so
much stuff here. What's in this?
58
00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:41,160
Uh, your air fryer
and the cat toys
59
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:43,247
that you play with when
you're on shrooms.
60
00:02:43,789 --> 00:02:45,957
- Ooh, it's fun when
I'm not on shrooms, too.
61
00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:49,919
- Rachel and I have a reservation
for four at Bar Pacifica,
62
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:51,671
but her friends just
bailed because they got
63
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:54,006
last-minute tickets to
Flubber: The Musical.
64
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:57,051
♪ Just when things
couldn't be bleaker ♪
65
00:02:57,052 --> 00:03:00,638
♪ I made my best
friend in a beaker ♪
66
00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:03,724
♪ Flubber, I love... ♪
67
00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:06,394
- Lin-Manuel Miranda really
needs to learn how to say no.
68
00:03:06,395 --> 00:03:09,313
Wait, you got into Bar Pacifica?
69
00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:10,940
If I find a date, can I come?
70
00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:13,860
- Oh. You're ready to get
back out there, are you?
71
00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:16,363
Very cool? Fun.
72
00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:18,990
- Do you really think you
can get a date by tonight?
73
00:03:18,991 --> 00:03:19,991
Got one!
74
00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:23,495
- Wonderful. You know, I
actually also have that app.
75
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,621
No.
76
00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:27,665
Yeah. As if.
77
00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:28,958
Eh, she'll do.
78
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:29,960
Sweetie, that's my phone.
79
00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:37,216
- Okay. So, in two
weeks, you come see me,
80
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,927
which will cost us...
81
00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:42,639
- Everything we have to our name.
- Let's just try miles.
82
00:03:43,182 --> 00:03:45,434
We have enough miles for...
83
00:03:46,143 --> 00:03:48,853
a subscription to Delta's
in-flight magazine.
84
00:03:48,854 --> 00:03:51,063
- Ooh, wait. Is that my boy
Josh Groban? Good for him.
85
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:54,275
Landing the cover of
Sky Magazine. Nice.
86
00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:56,612
- I knew we shouldn't have
spent money on that banner.
87
00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:58,906
Hm...
88
00:03:59,865 --> 00:04:01,782
Hey, lovebirds!
89
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:03,451
Good news.
90
00:04:03,452 --> 00:04:06,746
I have found a lovely
woman on an app
91
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,080
to go out with tonight.
92
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,041
- Okay!
- Wow!
93
00:04:09,042 --> 00:04:11,042
- Care to come with me
and make it a double?
94
00:04:11,043 --> 00:04:13,127
- Oh.
- Thanks, man, but we're, like,
95
00:04:13,128 --> 00:04:15,630
deep in long-distance
relationship logistics.
96
00:04:15,631 --> 00:04:18,383
I'm not just casually
asking, am I? I am begging.
97
00:04:20,344 --> 00:04:23,054
Please. I am hanging on by an
emotional thread right now,
98
00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:25,807
and a one-on-one dinner with a
complete stranger might break me.
99
00:04:26,308 --> 00:04:28,226
What if she doesn't
ask me any questions?
100
00:04:28,227 --> 00:04:29,977
What if she asks me
too many questions?
101
00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:32,898
What if her answers to my questions
aren't in the form of a question?
102
00:04:33,732 --> 00:04:36,192
- Okay, fine. We'll come.
- Brilliant! Thank you so much.
103
00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:38,233
Oh, my God. Is that Josh
Groban? He looks fantastic.
104
00:04:42,324 --> 00:04:43,616
Hello!
105
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,952
You must be Sophie, the artiste.
106
00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:48,496
- Hm.
- That is me, isn't it?
107
00:04:48,497 --> 00:04:51,249
That would make you
Jesse, the model.
108
00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:53,292
And that would make you...
109
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,503
Warren, the rich guy.
110
00:04:58,006 --> 00:04:59,757
I am so rich.
111
00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:01,760
Please, come in.
112
00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:07,181
And this lovely woman carrying
the tray of bison carpaccio
113
00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:09,475
- is my wife, Megan.
- Welcome.
114
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:11,728
Let me know if you need
a bib for the blood.
115
00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:16,023
- I'm sorry, is-is that
a-a platter of raw meat?
116
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:19,360
- Yes. The mouth-feel is so...
117
00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:22,489
Mm. Wet and sensual.
118
00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:25,616
- Yeah, um, th-that's, uh...
- So interesting!
119
00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:27,368
- We'd love to try some.
- I'm good.
120
00:05:27,369 --> 00:05:29,328
Yeah, at trying new
things.
121
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:30,873
Eat the bison, man.
122
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:36,961
Hm? Hm.
123
00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:39,380
- Oh!
- Wow!
124
00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:41,383
It's...
just like sushi.
125
00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:44,845
But with more veins.
126
00:05:45,596 --> 00:05:47,723
- Way more veins.
- Mm-hmm.
127
00:05:48,724 --> 00:05:51,101
The chunky bits are
actually cartilage.
128
00:05:52,311 --> 00:05:54,979
You know what? Why
don't I whip up
129
00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:57,231
you menfolk some Manhattans?
130
00:05:57,232 --> 00:05:58,524
Oh!
131
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,109
I better go supervise,
132
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:01,778
make sure she doesn't
screw anything up.
133
00:06:02,613 --> 00:06:03,946
Women.
134
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,707
Ah! Ah!
135
00:06:14,333 --> 00:06:17,960
Ah! This is so much
worse than The Penthouse.
136
00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:20,379
This is The Penthouse
Chapter 2: The Penthousening.
137
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,589
Is that even a real movie?
138
00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:24,258
Nikki Hilton was
in it, so... no.
139
00:06:24,259 --> 00:06:27,678
Okay. I know this
is a little odd.
140
00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:30,014
Okay? But, w-we have to be
nice to these people, alright?
141
00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:33,059
Because after tonight, I
am gonna be one step closer
142
00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:34,477
to owning a bird hat.
143
00:06:34,478 --> 00:06:37,104
- Okay, first of all, there's no
way a hat would stay on a bird.
144
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:40,191
Secondly, we need to
get out of here, okay?
145
00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:43,611
Because Warren and Megan
are clearly cannibals.
146
00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:45,488
No, they're not.
147
00:06:45,489 --> 00:06:46,989
They're eccentric.
148
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:48,824
Yeah, that's probably
what this guy said
149
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:51,285
right before we got turned
into an amuse-bouche.
150
00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:56,875
- Hi. Here for a
reservation under Charlie.
151
00:06:58,043 --> 00:07:01,546
Hi. I'm Hannah. This
is my husband, Sid.
152
00:07:01,547 --> 00:07:04,841
- You must be Alice?
- Yes. Pleasure.
153
00:07:04,842 --> 00:07:06,602
Do you know if they give
you free bread here?
154
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,054
Probably...
155
00:07:09,513 --> 00:07:11,098
Famous last words.
156
00:07:12,474 --> 00:07:14,892
Hey, so t-tell
us about yourself, Alice.
157
00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:16,269
Like, what do you...
what do you do?
158
00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:18,939
- Oh. Uh, so I run an
airline rewards program.
159
00:07:19,690 --> 00:07:21,524
Hand out miles,
change blackout dates.
160
00:07:21,525 --> 00:07:25,445
I'm basically Wizard of Oz of the
sky. Who's behind the curtain? Me.
161
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,824
I'm sorry. I can't stop
thinking about this bread thing.
162
00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:34,036
- Oh, my God. She's the
answer to all our problems.
163
00:07:34,037 --> 00:07:37,373
She and Charlie start dating.
She becomes part of the crew.
164
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,792
She gives us all those
sweet, sweet miles.
165
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:42,420
Mm. Bam. Love that.
166
00:07:42,421 --> 00:07:43,964
- One problem.
- Hm?
167
00:07:44,715 --> 00:07:47,342
She is... really weird.
168
00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:50,429
No, she isn't. She's amazing.
169
00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:52,597
You hear me? She's amazing.
170
00:07:52,598 --> 00:07:53,599
Oh.
171
00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:55,642
Okay.
172
00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:57,769
Hey, guys.
173
00:07:59,104 --> 00:08:00,730
What?
174
00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,481
Oh, is this too much?
175
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,275
Oh, what am I talking about?
Of course, it's too much.
176
00:08:04,276 --> 00:08:06,862
No one in this godforsaken
country wears suits.
177
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:08,905
Look, I think tonight
was a mistake.
178
00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:11,157
I'm not ready, so if you can
just tell her that I'm sorry...
179
00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:13,576
- I am not telling her
sorry. I am telling you
180
00:08:13,577 --> 00:08:15,036
congratulations, Charlie.
181
00:08:15,037 --> 00:08:16,954
'Cause we just met Alice,
182
00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:19,208
and she is... wow.
183
00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:21,126
- Really?
- Wow!
184
00:08:21,127 --> 00:08:24,170
Yeah. She is a
triumph of a woman.
185
00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:25,588
Ooh!
186
00:08:25,589 --> 00:08:26,590
Oh.
187
00:08:27,299 --> 00:08:29,801
I'm not sharing.
Finders keepers.
188
00:08:33,055 --> 00:08:36,557
- Your photograph spoke to
us on a very deep level.
189
00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:37,601
Oh!
190
00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:40,728
What can I say?
That's what I do.
191
00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:42,730
Because it featured Jesse.
192
00:08:42,731 --> 00:08:45,816
- What?
- Rolling up your sleeves,
193
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,026
fixing that car.
194
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:48,778
The way the light
195
00:08:48,779 --> 00:08:51,198
hit your forearms,
it was just so...
196
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:54,408
Hi! Hi.
197
00:08:54,409 --> 00:08:56,452
We just had to
see you in person,
198
00:08:56,453 --> 00:08:58,496
and you do not disappoint.
199
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,375
- You are the perfect
example of the American male.
200
00:09:02,376 --> 00:09:05,086
- To Jesse.
- To Jesse.
201
00:09:05,087 --> 00:09:06,796
And Sophie!
202
00:09:06,797 --> 00:09:07,798
Yay!
203
00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:12,427
- Sure. Congratulations on
capturing what it means to be...
204
00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:15,638
a real man.
205
00:09:19,101 --> 00:09:20,935
Hm... Hm... Hm...
206
00:09:20,936 --> 00:09:22,895
So I don't
think they want to eat us.
207
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:24,146
They wanna bang us.
208
00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:25,148
Us?
209
00:09:26,191 --> 00:09:27,441
You.
210
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,368
Table for Ellen.
211
00:09:37,369 --> 00:09:38,579
Jinx.
212
00:09:39,371 --> 00:09:40,747
Jinx again.
213
00:09:41,665 --> 00:09:43,583
Triple jinx!
214
00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:45,960
- This is going better than
I could have ever imagined!
215
00:09:45,961 --> 00:09:49,213
Look at us! Three
gals, out on the town.
216
00:09:49,214 --> 00:09:51,048
Just jinxing like
no one's watching.
217
00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:52,508
Oh look! There's my date!
218
00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:55,303
- Val's date that night
was completely forgettable.
219
00:09:55,304 --> 00:09:59,098
I don't remember what he looked
like or what his name was.
220
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,600
So, we'll just call him Rando.
221
00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:03,269
Everyone, this is Rando.
222
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:04,604
How long have you
guys been together?
223
00:10:04,605 --> 00:10:07,732
- Ten seconds. I just got out
of a serious relationship,
224
00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:09,859
but I move on fast
'cause I'm an Aries.
225
00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:12,112
Yeah, right.
226
00:10:12,738 --> 00:10:14,573
- W-what's funny about that?
227
00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:17,742
- Oh. I-I thought
you were kidding.
228
00:10:17,743 --> 00:10:19,663
You don't really believe
in that nonsense, right?
229
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,623
- If by "that nonsense,"
you mean my birth chart,
230
00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:26,668
beautifully drawn by my
psychic Madame Deborah?
231
00:10:27,336 --> 00:10:29,128
Yeah, I do.
232
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,630
Uh,
233
00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:33,132
I guess because I'm studying
to be a psychologist,
234
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,219
I just believe in real science.
235
00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:38,387
New topic!
236
00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:42,141
Let's all say our favorite
Arnold Schwarzenegger films.
237
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:43,393
I'll start.
238
00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:45,728
I haven't seen any. Val?
239
00:10:45,729 --> 00:10:48,064
A psychologist, huh?
240
00:10:48,065 --> 00:10:51,442
So, you're what Madame Deborah would
call "a head-shrinking wackjob."
241
00:10:51,443 --> 00:10:55,238
- Hey... Remember when
you guys triple-jinxed?
242
00:10:55,239 --> 00:10:58,200
That was such a
great memory. Huh?
243
00:10:58,951 --> 00:11:00,744
Back at the host stand?
244
00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:02,787
Okay, so I'm gonna sprint home.
245
00:11:02,788 --> 00:11:04,205
No, no, no! You can't leave now.
246
00:11:04,206 --> 00:11:05,998
They're just putting
out dinner.
247
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:07,291
Just give me one more hour.
248
00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:10,044
- Thirty minutes. And afterwards,
you're buying me a slice of pizza.
249
00:11:10,045 --> 00:11:13,048
- Fine.
- And a... small Coke?
250
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:15,216
- Sure.
- Still got it.
251
00:11:15,217 --> 00:11:16,676
- Jesse!
- Uh-huh?
252
00:11:16,677 --> 00:11:17,677
Before we eat,
253
00:11:17,678 --> 00:11:20,304
Megan and I would love to
give you a tour of the house.
254
00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:22,306
- Great. I'd love to see
where you hung my photo,
255
00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:24,267
and maybe point out some
spots where others could go.
256
00:11:24,268 --> 00:11:26,978
- Oh, no talking on this
tour. Except for you, Jesse.
257
00:11:26,979 --> 00:11:28,437
You can speak.
258
00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:31,775
You can say anything. Anything.
259
00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:36,946
Short Line, Chance, Park Place,
260
00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:40,700
Luxury Tax, Boardwalk, and
that brings us back to Go.
261
00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:41,951
Wow.
262
00:11:41,952 --> 00:11:44,662
You really memorized the
entire Monopoly board!
263
00:11:44,663 --> 00:11:46,372
Isn't
that cool, Charlie?
264
00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:47,874
Yeah, I suppose so.
265
00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:49,625
You're like a genius.
266
00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:51,210
Do you have a
photographic memory?
267
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,628
Oh, no.
268
00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:55,340
I just, uh, really
made it a priority.
269
00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:59,010
Uh-oh. Anybody see where
the ladies' room is?
270
00:11:59,011 --> 00:12:01,138
These banana daiquiris are
going straight through me.
271
00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:05,016
- You and me both,
girlfriend. I'll go with you.
272
00:12:05,017 --> 00:12:07,394
Boys, order us two
more 'nana daqs.
273
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,275
- I hope we get stalls
right next to each other.
274
00:12:12,316 --> 00:12:14,066
I have to be honest,
275
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,861
I'm not quite seeing what you
and Hannah is seeing in Alice.
276
00:12:16,862 --> 00:12:19,405
Yeah, well, that's
just ridiculous
277
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:22,158
because you guys got so much
in common. You're both...
278
00:12:22,159 --> 00:12:23,327
right-handed.
279
00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:25,828
- Actually, I'm left-handed.
280
00:12:25,829 --> 00:12:28,873
Mother forced me to be right-handed
because she said the devil was in me.
281
00:12:28,874 --> 00:12:31,417
Still counts. Garçon!
282
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:32,752
Four banana daiquiris.
283
00:12:32,753 --> 00:12:36,173
And here it is,
Jesse. Your photo.
284
00:12:37,049 --> 00:12:39,258
I record all of my
content in here,
285
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,511
and it makes the
perfect backdrop.
286
00:12:41,512 --> 00:12:43,846
Ooh. What's your content about?
287
00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:46,682
- If I had to boil it
down, I'd say it's about
288
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:50,145
how men in this country
are under attack.
289
00:12:52,981 --> 00:12:55,775
- A-a-and by under
attack, you mean...
290
00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:58,027
There's a war against men.
291
00:12:58,028 --> 00:13:00,071
A men-ocide, if you will.
292
00:13:00,072 --> 00:13:01,697
I subscribe.
293
00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:04,618
I-I mean, I would subscribe if I was
allowed to have a phone.
294
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:13,042
- Have you ever considered
that maybe you hate therapy
295
00:13:13,043 --> 00:13:15,294
because you're scared what
you'd learn about yourself?
296
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:18,005
- Have you ever considered that
you're becoming a therapist
297
00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:19,841
because you wanna get
paid for lying on a couch?
298
00:13:19,842 --> 00:13:21,050
The patients lie on the couch.
299
00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:23,302
- Oh, like you're never
gonna lie on the couch.
300
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,303
Ellen!
301
00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:25,889
Jinx?
302
00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:29,600
Whose team are you on?
303
00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:31,811
Are you Team Science
with your girlfriend,
304
00:13:31,812 --> 00:13:34,939
or are you Team Star
Magic with Valentina
305
00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:36,941
and her street psychic Deborah?
306
00:13:36,942 --> 00:13:40,362
- It's Madame Deborah,
and she has a tent!
307
00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:42,947
Whose side are you on?
308
00:13:42,948 --> 00:13:45,909
Um... Side...
309
00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:51,205
- Who are we kidding? She's
never gonna be able to decide.
310
00:13:51,206 --> 00:13:53,833
Look at this table! She
ordered one of everything.
311
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:56,919
- Oh, I know. I made her
choose a movie last night,
312
00:13:56,920 --> 00:14:00,423
and we ended up watching a YouTube
video on how to decide what to watch.
313
00:14:00,424 --> 00:14:03,552
Classic Ellen.
314
00:14:03,969 --> 00:14:06,596
Yeah! I did do that!
315
00:14:06,597 --> 00:14:07,848
I can't pick for shit!
316
00:14:09,016 --> 00:14:11,810
Quick! What else
don't we like about me?
317
00:14:13,228 --> 00:14:15,439
Alright. Who's hungry?
318
00:14:15,981 --> 00:14:17,690
- Uh, we will be right
in. I'm just gonna take
319
00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:19,483
a quick photo of Jesse
320
00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:21,611
with his picture to...
321
00:14:21,612 --> 00:14:23,029
celebrate his manhood.
322
00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:25,031
- Right. If she can figure
out how to use the flash,
323
00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:26,866
this... woman.
324
00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:29,786
That's a good one...
325
00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:32,830
Oh, my God, oh,
my God, oh, my God.
326
00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:34,333
Google him, google
him, google him.
327
00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:39,588
Ow! Outer
space is hurting my period!
328
00:14:40,964 --> 00:14:42,256
After the break,
329
00:14:42,257 --> 00:14:45,135
is wiping your butt gay?
330
00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:48,514
- That explains the smell.
- Oh.
331
00:14:49,306 --> 00:14:51,349
We really should have
put this together sooner.
332
00:14:51,350 --> 00:14:54,269
- You are the perfect
example of the American male.
333
00:14:54,895 --> 00:14:56,563
Women!
334
00:14:57,064 --> 00:15:00,233
I am a prominent leader in
the Men's Rights movement.
335
00:15:00,234 --> 00:15:01,235
Really?
336
00:15:02,528 --> 00:15:03,903
Okay, the last one was on me.
337
00:15:03,904 --> 00:15:05,696
All I could think about was
how loud my crunching was.
338
00:15:05,697 --> 00:15:08,074
I can't
believe that my photo
339
00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:10,409
is the face of the
Men's Rights movement.
340
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:13,246
Okay, well, my face
is the actual face.
341
00:15:13,247 --> 00:15:14,247
So what are we gonna do?
342
00:15:14,248 --> 00:15:16,624
- Okay, the way I see
it, we have two options.
343
00:15:16,625 --> 00:15:19,252
- Okay.
- Option one, we start a podcast
344
00:15:19,253 --> 00:15:21,045
combating Warren's
disinformation,
345
00:15:21,046 --> 00:15:23,965
while also giving our hot
takes on celebrity hairstyles.
346
00:15:23,966 --> 00:15:25,591
Here are mine.
Shawn Mendes, wig.
347
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:26,592
Tom Holland, wig.
348
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:29,596
- Jason Statham.
- Bald cap!
349
00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:31,097
What's option two?
350
00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:33,057
- I'm gonna distract
them. You grab my photo.
351
00:15:33,058 --> 00:15:34,934
Okay, I pick that one. Alright?
352
00:15:34,935 --> 00:15:36,175
Do you think I'm wearing a wig?
353
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:39,063
- I don't know. I've never seen it wet.
- Unbelievable.
354
00:15:40,858 --> 00:15:42,692
She brings her own
toilet seat cover.
355
00:15:42,693 --> 00:15:44,319
Yeah. It's reusable.
356
00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:46,737
How cool is that?
357
00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:49,700
So, Alice...
358
00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:52,202
What do you like to do for fun?
359
00:15:52,703 --> 00:15:54,997
Uh, well, um...
360
00:15:56,248 --> 00:15:57,291
I really like dancing.
361
00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:02,754
Oh!
362
00:16:03,422 --> 00:16:06,340
- Okay!
- Oh yeah! Oh, get it, girl!
363
00:16:09,928 --> 00:16:11,220
No, I cannot do this anymore.
364
00:16:11,221 --> 00:16:14,349
I'm sorry. Alice, I'm not
ready to date anyone right now.
365
00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:18,145
And, to be honest with
you, even if I was...
366
00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:21,522
I'm not sure that you
and I are a good fit.
367
00:16:21,523 --> 00:16:23,482
- Charlie...
- And I just don't understand
368
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,735
why you want me and
Alice to work so badly.
369
00:16:25,736 --> 00:16:29,197
Oh. Yeah,
uh, he's after my miles.
370
00:16:29,198 --> 00:16:32,367
Yeah, I-I could sense it
the second that we met.
371
00:16:33,368 --> 00:16:34,578
Is that true?
372
00:16:36,330 --> 00:16:38,122
Wow.
373
00:16:38,123 --> 00:16:40,374
Pimping me out for miles.
374
00:16:40,375 --> 00:16:42,085
How do you sleep at night?
375
00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:44,296
Yeah. How do you?
376
00:16:46,423 --> 00:16:48,674
Look, it's fine. It happens
to me all the time.
377
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:51,261
Yeah, anyway, at least
tonight wasn't a total waste.
378
00:16:52,304 --> 00:16:53,972
'Cause I met my new best friend.
379
00:16:55,224 --> 00:16:56,725
Yeah, you did.
380
00:16:57,893 --> 00:16:59,560
Bathroom sisters for life.
381
00:16:59,561 --> 00:17:01,605
- Yeah!
- Alice? Let's roll.
382
00:17:02,898 --> 00:17:04,357
Yeah, we will.
383
00:17:04,358 --> 00:17:05,483
You wanna play Yahtzee at mine?
384
00:17:05,484 --> 00:17:07,236
- Yes!
- Thank God, I hope I get a Yahtzee.
385
00:17:10,906 --> 00:17:12,406
Hey, Warren.
386
00:17:12,407 --> 00:17:14,951
You have inspired me.
387
00:17:14,952 --> 00:17:16,161
I have decided
388
00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:19,288
to set aside my silly career
389
00:17:19,289 --> 00:17:22,458
and focus all of my energy
on finding a husband
390
00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:23,752
who can tell me what to do.
391
00:17:24,753 --> 00:17:27,840
- That is the smartest thing
I've ever heard a woman say.
392
00:17:28,632 --> 00:17:31,175
You have got to be the
next guest on my podcast.
393
00:17:31,176 --> 00:17:34,972
Now, of course, all female guests
are required to wear bikinis, but...
394
00:17:35,973 --> 00:17:37,014
you're cool with that, right?
395
00:17:37,015 --> 00:17:40,017
- Absolutely! I would
love to put on a swimsuit
396
00:17:40,018 --> 00:17:41,978
and tell other women
to quit their jobs!
397
00:17:41,979 --> 00:17:44,021
See? You just get it.
398
00:17:44,022 --> 00:17:47,066
And I love that you're
figuring it out this young.
399
00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:49,652
Before I met Warren,
I wasted years
400
00:17:49,653 --> 00:17:51,405
as the mayor of Baltimore.
401
00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:53,782
What?
402
00:17:54,950 --> 00:17:56,451
You were mayor?
403
00:17:57,202 --> 00:17:58,870
And now, you just...
404
00:17:58,871 --> 00:18:01,581
plate raw meat for
this little bitch?
405
00:18:01,582 --> 00:18:02,582
What?
406
00:18:02,583 --> 00:18:04,500
Sorry, Warren,
but you're a joke.
407
00:18:05,502 --> 00:18:09,046
I mean, men are up to their
thick, hairy necks in rights,
408
00:18:09,047 --> 00:18:12,550
and Jesse is not the
perfect masculine man.
409
00:18:12,551 --> 00:18:16,555
He can't even figure out how to get
that picture off your wall. Look.
410
00:18:18,599 --> 00:18:22,101
- This is so disappointing.
Get that photo out of my house!
411
00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:23,477
I'm trying!
412
00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:26,898
And to think we almost
had sex with you.
413
00:18:26,899 --> 00:18:27,899
Both of us?
414
00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:29,859
- No!
- No! Just him!
415
00:18:29,860 --> 00:18:31,277
That's what I thought...
416
00:18:35,908 --> 00:18:38,576
- Come on. What else
do I do that's silly?
417
00:18:38,577 --> 00:18:40,328
Ellen, we've been
doing this forever.
418
00:18:40,329 --> 00:18:43,206
- Can we talk about something else?
- No.
419
00:18:43,207 --> 00:18:44,874
This is a thing that we
all enjoy talking about,
420
00:18:44,875 --> 00:18:46,635
and we will do it until
it's time to go home.
421
00:18:48,003 --> 00:18:50,047
Okay, I-I'll do one. Uh...
422
00:18:50,672 --> 00:18:52,381
before, when we were fighting,
423
00:18:52,382 --> 00:18:53,925
my heart was beating so fast,
424
00:18:53,926 --> 00:18:56,135
I thought I was gonna pass out.
425
00:18:58,639 --> 00:19:01,725
Ellen, is that
really how you felt?
426
00:19:03,060 --> 00:19:04,686
- I mean, k-kind of.
427
00:19:05,854 --> 00:19:08,898
- It sounds like you have
some really big feelings
428
00:19:08,899 --> 00:19:11,234
around conflict that
you need to unpack.
429
00:19:11,235 --> 00:19:13,361
Yeah. Seriously, El.
430
00:19:13,362 --> 00:19:16,239
Have you ever considered
talking to a psycholog...
431
00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:21,452
- Ha!
- Okay, fine.
432
00:19:21,453 --> 00:19:24,288
Some people have stuff that
can't be fixed by Madame Deborah.
433
00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:25,581
Thank you.
434
00:19:25,582 --> 00:19:27,500
This is so fun!
435
00:19:27,501 --> 00:19:28,502
Who?
436
00:19:30,546 --> 00:19:32,755
Rachel, Ellen, and Valentina
437
00:19:32,756 --> 00:19:35,425
never hung out as a trio again.
438
00:19:35,843 --> 00:19:38,010
But, on the upside, that night,
439
00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:41,139
Ellen went online and
found herself a therapist.
440
00:19:42,391 --> 00:19:45,686
I'll tell you how I screwed
that up for her another time.
441
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:53,861
Hey. Uh...
442
00:19:54,611 --> 00:19:56,029
Sorry about before.
443
00:19:56,530 --> 00:19:58,865
We acted like selfish jerks.
444
00:19:58,866 --> 00:20:02,035
And to make up for it,
we want you to have this.
445
00:20:03,537 --> 00:20:05,538
It's the perfect
first-date outfit
446
00:20:05,539 --> 00:20:07,832
for when you're actually
ready to get back out there.
447
00:20:07,833 --> 00:20:09,959
- Mm-hmm. Dressy shirts
show that you care,
448
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:12,628
a pair of jeans so you don't
look like you're trying too hard,
449
00:20:12,629 --> 00:20:15,673
and a pair of tighty-whities because,
brother, I know you can pull it off.
450
00:20:15,674 --> 00:20:17,676
Well, thank you.
451
00:20:18,802 --> 00:20:20,721
Wait, what happened after
you left with Alice?
452
00:20:22,306 --> 00:20:24,850
- I got enough miles
for the next few months.
453
00:20:25,976 --> 00:20:26,976
Don't ask me how.
454
00:20:26,977 --> 00:20:28,519
No, go on. How?
455
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,397
She said don't ask her how!
456
00:20:31,398 --> 00:20:33,524
Did we just eat raw bison
457
00:20:33,525 --> 00:20:36,527
to appease the leader of
the Men's Rights movement?
458
00:20:36,528 --> 00:20:38,905
I'm not ready to
talk about the bison.
459
00:20:38,906 --> 00:20:41,199
Hey, to be fair, we don't
know that he's their leader.
460
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:43,451
You know, there might be
somebody above him, and then...
461
00:20:43,452 --> 00:20:45,245
maybe you can sell
your photo to that guy.
462
00:20:46,997 --> 00:20:48,956
Okay.
463
00:20:48,957 --> 00:20:51,375
I'm definitely not getting
a bird hat off of tonight.
464
00:20:51,376 --> 00:20:52,669
No.
465
00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:56,215
- But we work well
together. As friends.
466
00:20:58,425 --> 00:21:01,010
Yeah,
I-I couldn't agree more.
467
00:21:02,971 --> 00:21:05,598
Hey,
so if-if I had known,
468
00:21:05,599 --> 00:21:07,808
uh, you were gonna
come back that night,
469
00:21:07,809 --> 00:21:09,394
I wouldn't have called Meredith.
470
00:21:10,687 --> 00:21:11,896
The thing is...
471
00:21:11,897 --> 00:21:13,315
Jesse, just stop. It's...
472
00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:15,817
I get it.
473
00:21:16,735 --> 00:21:19,112
She's the love of
your life, and...
474
00:21:20,030 --> 00:21:22,282
you've gotta give it a shot.
475
00:21:22,741 --> 00:21:25,244
And that's how we
hit the reset button.
476
00:21:28,789 --> 00:21:29,789
Sort of.
477
00:21:32,459 --> 00:21:34,335
Uh, this is Meredith.
478
00:21:34,336 --> 00:21:36,045
You mind if I take this
before we get on the subway?
479
00:21:36,046 --> 00:21:38,005
No problem. Yeah, I'll wait.
480
00:21:38,006 --> 00:21:39,715
♪ Virginia by The
Head and the Heart ♪
481
00:21:39,716 --> 00:21:42,553
♪ December won't
be so forgiving ♪
482
00:21:45,097 --> 00:21:46,973
♪ I'm haunted by a ghost ♪
483
00:21:46,974 --> 00:21:49,934
♪ Of you and my past colliding ♪
484
00:21:49,935 --> 00:21:51,937
No! No! Wait!
485
00:21:52,563 --> 00:21:55,690
But if you lost the
photo, how did it end up back here?
486
00:21:55,691 --> 00:21:58,693
Ah. A story for
another time, kid.
487
00:21:58,694 --> 00:22:00,863
But trust me, I will get to it.
488
00:22:02,489 --> 00:22:05,157
- Hey.
- Hey. How was your night?
489
00:22:05,158 --> 00:22:06,242
Eh.
490
00:22:06,243 --> 00:22:08,828
I found out I sold my
photo to a hatemonger,
491
00:22:08,829 --> 00:22:10,580
and then a taxi
drove away with it.
492
00:22:10,581 --> 00:22:13,207
So, the usual. How about you?
493
00:22:13,208 --> 00:22:15,335
Same. The usual.
494
00:22:17,838 --> 00:22:19,673
Rando!
495
00:22:23,343 --> 00:22:24,510
Damn!
496
00:22:24,511 --> 00:22:25,762
What is your secret?
497
00:22:26,555 --> 00:22:29,390
How are you able to move
on from Charlie so fast?
498
00:22:29,391 --> 00:22:32,019
I always bounce back
quickly with guys.
499
00:22:32,394 --> 00:22:35,397
- Charlie isn't just a guy.
You were in love with him.
500
00:22:36,857 --> 00:22:39,442
Okay, fine.
501
00:22:39,443 --> 00:22:41,235
The truth is I
realized something.
502
00:22:41,236 --> 00:22:43,196
Charlie and I are
gonna end up together.
503
00:22:43,197 --> 00:22:44,780
- Really?
- Yeah.
504
00:22:44,781 --> 00:22:46,782
I mean, sure, we want
different things right now,
505
00:22:46,783 --> 00:22:48,284
but life is long,
506
00:22:48,285 --> 00:22:51,078
and eventually,
somehow, it'll work out.
507
00:22:51,079 --> 00:22:53,748
- So, you're not worried about
him meeting someone else?
508
00:22:53,749 --> 00:22:55,041
No.
509
00:22:55,042 --> 00:22:57,168
Besides, if I know Charlie,
510
00:22:57,169 --> 00:22:59,588
it's gonna be a long time
before he gets back out there.
511
00:23:01,882 --> 00:23:03,341
But
little did Val know,
512
00:23:03,342 --> 00:23:07,137
someone else was hitting
his own reset button.
513
00:23:08,430 --> 00:23:10,891
♪ But I can feel her heart
beating for me, baby ♪
514
00:23:12,643 --> 00:23:14,645
Hi. I'm Charlie.
515
00:23:15,729 --> 00:23:18,856
♪ Virginia don't sound
like she used to ♪
516
00:23:18,857 --> 00:23:21,735
♪ Virginia don't feel
like she used to ♪
517
00:23:22,402 --> 00:23:25,280
♪ But I can feel her heart
beating for me, baby ♪
518
00:23:26,365 --> 00:23:28,783
♪ I know her heart's
beating for me, yeah ♪
519
00:23:36,542 --> 00:23:39,419
♪ I can feel her heart
beating for me, baby ♪
520
00:23:40,462 --> 00:23:42,840
♪ I know her heart's
beating for me, yeah ♪
521
00:23:43,590 --> 00:23:46,593
♪ Virginia don't sound
like she used to... ♪
38788
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