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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,668 --> 00:00:06,005 ♪♪ 2 00:00:06,073 --> 00:00:08,007 ♪♪ 3 00:00:13,014 --> 00:00:15,314 DON'T EAT TOO MUCH CANDY AT THE HALLOWEEN PARTY, JASON. 4 00:00:15,383 --> 00:00:16,860 MELISSA, YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER. 5 00:00:16,884 --> 00:00:19,129 I KNOW, BUT I'M THE ONE WHO'S GONNA BE AT THE PARTY WITH YOU, 6 00:00:19,153 --> 00:00:20,452 AND I KNOW YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT. 7 00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:23,822 MELISSA, WHY NOT? BECAUSE YOU GET SICK. YOU GET CRAZY. 8 00:00:23,891 --> 00:00:25,891 OH, PLEASE. BACK ME UP, BRENDON. 9 00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:27,937 YOU GET UGLY. I HAVE TO HAVE CANDY! 10 00:00:27,961 --> 00:00:31,363 I'M THE CANDY MONSTER! AAAH! I GOT YOU! 11 00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:32,864 WHAT? 12 00:00:32,933 --> 00:00:34,244 RELAX, GUYS. I'M JUST KIDDING. 13 00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:36,535 I'M OFF THE STUFF. I DON'T EAT CANDY ANYMORE. 14 00:00:36,603 --> 00:00:39,383 REALLY? YEAH, I'VE BEEN COLD TURKEY FOR LIKE A MONTH. 15 00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:41,306 OH, MAN. YEAH. 16 00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,008 I LOVE COLD TURKEY. 17 00:00:43,077 --> 00:00:45,377 THIRTY-ONE DAYS, GUYS. CONGRATULATIONS. 18 00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:47,090 WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN EATING INSTEAD? 19 00:00:47,114 --> 00:00:48,780 UH, A LOT OF SEAFOOD. 20 00:00:48,849 --> 00:00:50,549 HOW DO YOU FEEL? 21 00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:52,684 WHAT? SO, ANYWAY. 22 00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:54,331 MELISSA, WHAT ARE YOU DRESSING UP AS? 23 00:00:54,355 --> 00:00:56,715 I'M GONNA GO AS THE GRIM REAPER. GEEZ. 24 00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:59,369 WHAT ARE YOU DRESSING AS? I'M... I CAN'T TELL YOU. 25 00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:00,670 I CAN'T TELL YOU. IT'S A SECRET. 26 00:01:00,694 --> 00:01:03,995 - OH, GOOD MORNING. - GOOD MORNING, MR. LYNCH. 27 00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:08,033 YOU KIDS EXCITED ABOUT THE HALLOWEEN PARTY ON SATURDAY? YES, MR. LYNCH. 28 00:01:08,102 --> 00:01:09,879 - STOP DOING THAT. - YES, MR... 29 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:14,339 STOP. MELISSA, WHAT ARE YOU DRESSING UP AS? THE GRIM REAPER. 30 00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:16,119 YEAH? SCARY. MM-HMM. 31 00:01:16,143 --> 00:01:17,409 JASON, WHAT ABOUT YOU? 32 00:01:17,478 --> 00:01:20,279 I'M GOING AS AN INSURANCE ADJUSTER. 33 00:01:20,347 --> 00:01:22,481 OOH. VERY SCARY. 34 00:01:22,550 --> 00:01:24,894 AND WHAT ABOUT YOU, BRENDON? HE WON'T TELL US. 35 00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:27,697 YEAH, IT'S HIS LITTLE SECRET. HMM. HOW ABOUT A HINT? 36 00:01:27,721 --> 00:01:30,855 BEST COSTUME EVER. 37 00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,857 GRIM REAPER? INSURANCE SALESMAN? 38 00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,637 YEAH. THAT'S AN INTERESTING HINT. 39 00:01:34,661 --> 00:01:37,062 I'VE BEEN WORKING ON IT FOR SIX MONTHS. 40 00:01:37,131 --> 00:01:40,899 WELL, THAT'S GREAT, BRENDON. EVERYBODY, I'D LIKE TO MAKE THIS ANNOUNCEMENT NOW. 41 00:01:40,968 --> 00:01:43,535 I'M DRESSING UP AS A KITTY CAT. 42 00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,904 OH, DARN! WOW. 43 00:01:45,973 --> 00:01:47,706 NO, IT'S FINE, LINDA. REALLY. 44 00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:51,743 AND I'M NOT JUST SAYING THAT BECAUSE IT'S AWKWARD. EVEN THOUGH IT IS AWKWARD. 45 00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,423 HI, MOM. I'M HOME. 46 00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:57,882 HI, LINDA. HI, BRENDON JR. 47 00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:02,887 HOW'S IT GOING IN THERE? 48 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:05,302 HUH? WHAT? YOU WANNA COME OUT AND SEE ME? 49 00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:06,891 UH, THAT'S SO ANNOYING. 50 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,428 THAT'S THE CUTEST THING YOU'VE SAID SO FAR! 51 00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:12,598 BRENDON, LINDA'S GONNA BE STAYING WITH US FOR A LITTLE WHILE. 52 00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:14,766 O... KAY. 53 00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:16,801 WELL, WHERE'S MY FATHER? 54 00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:18,848 WELL, HE HAD TO GO ON A BUSINESS TRIP OUT OF TOWN, 55 00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:20,850 BUT HE'LL BE BACK IN PLENTY OF TIME FOR THE BIRTH. 56 00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:22,352 SO DON'T WORRY. I'M NOT WORRIED. 57 00:02:22,376 --> 00:02:24,187 NEITHER AM I. THAT MAKES TWO OF US. 58 00:02:24,211 --> 00:02:25,688 I'M NOT WORRIED. THREE OF US. 59 00:02:25,712 --> 00:02:27,824 NEITHER AM I. IT'S BACK DOWN TO TWO. 60 00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:30,460 OH, LOOK AT THE TIME. I'VE GOTTA GET TO MY LAMAZE CLASS. 61 00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:32,195 OH, YEAH. OH, HEY. OKAY. 62 00:02:32,219 --> 00:02:33,796 SORRY I CAN'T GO. YEAH, IT'S FINE. 63 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:36,099 WH-WH-WHAT? YOU WANT SOMEONE TO GO WITH YOU? I'LL GO. 64 00:02:36,123 --> 00:02:39,124 I'LL TOTALLY GO. UM, YEAH. OKAY. 65 00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:43,362 BREATHE, LADIES. BREATHE. 66 00:02:43,430 --> 00:02:46,243 HEY, OVER HERE. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING ME. 67 00:02:46,267 --> 00:02:50,369 BE THERE IN A MINUTE. JUST GOTTA FINISH COLORING THE BUMBLEBEE'S BUTT. 68 00:02:50,437 --> 00:02:54,039 WELL, COME OVER HERE AND HOLD MY HAND AND COUNT WITH ME OR SOMETHING. 69 00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:56,341 DO IT YOURSELF, LAZY ASS. 70 00:02:56,410 --> 00:02:58,622 THAT'S WHAT I GET FOR GETTING KNOCKED UP BY AN 8-YEAR-OLD. 71 00:02:58,646 --> 00:03:00,624 I DIDN'T... IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU'RE PREGNANT. IS IT? 72 00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:03,915 COMING! 73 00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:06,685 HOLD ON! I'M COMING! 74 00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:07,686 YEAH? WHAT? 75 00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:10,222 OH, HI. HELLO. 76 00:03:10,291 --> 00:03:12,191 HI. SORRY I WAS YELLING. 77 00:03:12,259 --> 00:03:16,461 OH, NO PROBLEM. I'M A REPRESENTATIVE OF THE CRYSTAL SPIRIT FAMILY. 78 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:20,666 WE'RE A NEW SPIRITUAL ORGANIZATION, AND WE'RE LOOKING FOR RECRUITS. 79 00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:22,401 THAT SOUNDS GREAT. SIGN ME UP. 80 00:03:22,469 --> 00:03:23,780 REALLY? SURE. 81 00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:25,081 WOW. YEAH. 82 00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:27,372 I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO JOIN AN ORGANIZATION. 83 00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:29,653 REALLY? ABSOLUTELY. DO YOU WANNA COME IN? 84 00:03:29,677 --> 00:03:32,489 WELL, YES, THAT WOULD BE TERRIFIC. YOU'VE MADE MY DAY! 85 00:03:32,513 --> 00:03:34,346 WELL, YOU KNOW. COME ON IN. 86 00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:37,827 THAT'S A WEIRD OUTFIT. WELL, THIS IS A NEW OUTFIT. 87 00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:39,929 I WASN'T DOING SO WELL IN THE OLD. RIGHT. 88 00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:43,266 I WANTED PEOPLE TO TAKE ME LESS SERIOUSLY. I DIDN'T WANNA BE THREATENING AND... 89 00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:44,890 IT'S WORKING. OH. 90 00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:46,670 IT IS DEFINITELY WORKING. THANK YOU. 91 00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:48,334 YEAH. YOU'RE REALLY SWEET. 92 00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:50,095 NO. 93 00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:51,996 I HAVE A PAMPHLET. WHAT? 94 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:54,433 A PAMPHLET. OH. GREAT. YEAH. 95 00:03:54,501 --> 00:03:57,902 "FIND YOUR SALVATION. CREATE YOUR OWN MORALS AND BELIEFS." 96 00:03:57,971 --> 00:03:59,571 WOW. THAT'S GREAT. 97 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,340 WE'RE OPEN TO EVERYTHING. UH-HUH. 98 00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:03,019 WE SEE GOD IN EVERYTHING AND... 99 00:04:03,043 --> 00:04:06,010 AND YOU'RE INTO CRYSTALS, WHICH I'M ALSO INTO, BY THE WAY. 100 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,124 REALLY? YEAH. I USED TO COLLECT THEM. 101 00:04:08,148 --> 00:04:09,459 REALLY? MM-HMM. 102 00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:12,284 WOW. I FEEL LIKE I'M FINDING A SOUL MATE HERE. 103 00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:17,522 YEAH. I MEAN, CRYSTALS, BASEBALL CARDS, CIVIL WAR MEMORABILIA. 104 00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:18,735 OH. 105 00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,959 I'M STARTING TO LO... LOSE MY BREATH. 106 00:04:21,027 --> 00:04:23,506 WHAT'S GOING ON WITH ME? HAVE YOU EVER TRIED CHANNELING? 107 00:04:23,530 --> 00:04:25,430 IT'S VERY EARLY. YOU GOTTA UNDERSTAND. 108 00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:27,466 I DON'T USUALLY WAKE UP THIS EARLY. 109 00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:30,101 SO, EVERYBODY? ATTENTION, ATTENTION... OKAY. 110 00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:33,104 SO ON ALL THE PHONES, I PRESET THE NUMBERS 911. 111 00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:36,007 SO IF THE BABY STARTS COMING OUT, LINDA... LINDA OVER HERE. 112 00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:40,078 ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PRESS "MEMORY" AND THEN NUMBER 5. BOOP. 113 00:04:40,147 --> 00:04:42,091 RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE. EASY. DID YOU JUST PRESS IT? 114 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:44,783 NO. YEAH, YOU DID. YOU JUST DIALED 911. 115 00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:47,786 NO, I DIDN'T. 911, POLICE EMERGENCY. MAY I HELP YOU? 116 00:04:47,854 --> 00:04:49,454 HELLO? POLICE EMERGENCY. 117 00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:51,701 BRENDON, TELL THEM IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. IS SOMEONE THERE? 118 00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:54,793 UH, HELLO. THIS WAS AN ACCIDENT, OKAY? 119 00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:58,062 THERE'S BEEN AN ACCIDENT? NO, NOTHING. JUST A MISTAKE. 120 00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,432 LOOK, THIS LINE IS FOR EMERGENCIES ONLY. 121 00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:03,179 RIGHT, RIGHT, SORRY TO BOTHER YOU. KEEP UP THE GOOD... 122 00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:04,703 HELLO? OKAY. 123 00:05:04,772 --> 00:05:06,638 LISTEN, GUYS, BACK HERE. 124 00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:09,841 ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT MEMORY NUMBER 5? ANY QUESTIONS? 125 00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:12,177 MEMORY NUMBER 5. BRENDON? BRENDON? 126 00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:13,978 WHAT? YOU JUST DID IT AGAIN. 127 00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:15,647 NO, I DIDN'T. YES, YOU DID. 128 00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:19,250 HELLO, 911 POLICE EMERGENCY. HELLO? POLICE EMERGENCY. 129 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:21,998 BRENDON, TELL THEM IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. I'M SORRY. I CALLED AGAIN 130 00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:23,700 BECAUSE THERE MIGHT BE A BABY... 131 00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:25,390 NEVER MIND. I GOTTA GO. 132 00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:27,992 OKAY, ALSO, I WILL BE FILMING THE BIRTH. 133 00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:30,696 SO I TOOK THE OPPORTUNITY TO WRITE SOME DIALOGUE FOR YOU TWO 134 00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:33,465 IN CASE YOU FREEZE IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT. BRENDON. 135 00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:35,934 DIALOGUE RIGHT HERE. YOU EACH HAVE A COPY. DO NOT LOSE THESE. 136 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:37,669 BRENDON! WHAT? 137 00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:40,350 THEY'RE NOT GONNA LET YOU VIDEOTAPE THE BIRTH. OH, PLEASE, LINDA. 138 00:05:40,374 --> 00:05:42,541 I KNOW MY RIGHTS. 139 00:05:42,609 --> 00:05:44,042 HELLO. HELLO? 140 00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:46,378 HELLO? HELLO? WHY'D YOU HANG UP ON ME? 141 00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:49,180 I THOUGHT WE WERE FIN... WHO IS THIS? POLICE EMERGENCY. 142 00:05:49,249 --> 00:05:51,160 WHAT'S WRONG? SO WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING? 143 00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:53,318 BUT AT LEAST WE SAY THERE'S AN AFTERLIFE. 144 00:05:53,387 --> 00:05:56,221 RIGHT, BUT THERE'S NO AFTERLIFE. WELL, YES, THERE IS. 145 00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:59,924 I MEAN, WE ALL KNOW THAT. WELL, "WE" ALL DON'T, 'CAUSE WHO SAYS THERE IS? 146 00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:02,361 WELL, I SAY THERE IS, WE SAY THERE IS. 147 00:06:02,429 --> 00:06:05,430 RIGHT, BUT I SAY THERE'S NOT BECAUSE THERE ISN'T. 148 00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:07,432 WAIT. BUT I'M NOT GOOD AT ARGUING. 149 00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:10,101 WAIT. OH, MY GOD. WHAT? 150 00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:12,337 OH, MY GOD! WHAT'D I DO? 151 00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:15,540 OH, MY GOD! I... OH, MY... 152 00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:17,609 WHAT'S GOING ON? ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? 153 00:06:17,678 --> 00:06:21,212 NOW I KNOW WHERE I KNOW YOU FROM. YOU'RE JOHN MCGUIRK, AREN'T YOU? 154 00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:23,482 UM... YOU'RE THE COACH. 155 00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:25,517 I AM, YEAH. 156 00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:27,018 DO I KNOW YOU? 157 00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:28,520 HELLO! HELLO. 158 00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:32,391 YES, I'M STEPHANIE. STEPHANIE. UM... 159 00:06:32,459 --> 00:06:34,393 ANDREW SMALLS' WEDDING. 160 00:06:34,461 --> 00:06:36,194 IT'S A, UH, NICE ROOM YOU GOT HERE. 161 00:06:36,263 --> 00:06:39,141 YEAH, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT'S NOT SO NICE? WHAT'S THAT? 162 00:06:39,165 --> 00:06:42,567 MY BACK'S SORE. 163 00:06:42,636 --> 00:06:44,269 OH, DEAR. 164 00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:45,948 OH, SH... HI. 165 00:06:45,972 --> 00:06:48,807 HI. YEAH, I REMEMBER THE... YOU AT THAT WEDDING. 166 00:06:48,876 --> 00:06:51,209 YEAH, REMEMBER UPSTAIRS? LITTLE BIT, YEAH. 167 00:06:51,278 --> 00:06:54,513 SO YOU'RE A KOOK NOW, HUH? 168 00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:57,026 OH, YOU. 169 00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:59,484 I ADMIT IT'S WEIRD I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU FOR... 170 00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:01,731 BUT YOU WERE... YOU'RE DRESSED DIFFERENT. YEAH. 171 00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:04,456 YOU'RE DRESSED. AND, UH, YOU'RE SOBER. 172 00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:06,357 I THINK. 173 00:07:06,427 --> 00:07:08,371 I TRY NOT TO DRINK TOO MUCH ANYMORE. 174 00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:11,296 THERE IS A HINT OF LIQUOR ON YOUR BREATH, JUST SO YOU KNOW. 175 00:07:11,364 --> 00:07:14,165 I GET A LITTLE NERVOUS GOING DOOR TO DOOR. I BET IT'S TOUGH. 176 00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:18,202 IT'S TOUGH. SO, CAN I MAKE YOU SOME EGGS, OR... 177 00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:21,017 LET'S SEE WHAT I GOT. HOT DOGS? THAT'D BE GREAT. 178 00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:22,685 REALLY? YEAH. 179 00:07:22,709 --> 00:07:25,629 I CAN PUT 'EM BOTH TOGETHER. I CAN MAKE A HOT DOG OMELET. 180 00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:28,713 HEY, LYNCH. 181 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:31,683 GOOD, THERE YOU ARE. WE'RE ALL SET FOR THE HALLOWEEN PARTY, RIGHT? 182 00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:34,030 YEAH, LOOK, LYNCH. I'M BRINGING A DATE, ALL RIGHT? 183 00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:36,254 WHAT? SO DON'T GIVE ME ANY CRAP ABOUT IT. 184 00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:40,024 NO, NO. I'M JUST SAYING BE THERE ON TIME BECAUSE I HAVE TO PICK UP A LOT OF THE KIDS. 185 00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:42,060 SO YOU NEED TO BE THERE BEFORE I GET THERE. 186 00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:44,963 SHE IS GREAT LOOKING, LYNCH. I NEED YOU TO KNOW THAT. 187 00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:47,332 SHE'S HOT. I MEAN, UNBELIEVABLY HOT. 188 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,468 WELL, THAT'S... I'M JUST SAYING BE THERE ON TIME... 189 00:07:49,536 --> 00:07:52,604 SHE'S HOT AND SHE LIKES ME. HOW'S THAT EQUATION FOR YOU? 190 00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:55,919 ONE PLUS TWO EQUALS MCGUIRK. ALL RIGHT? 191 00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:59,711 YES, THAT'S AMAZING. TWO PLUS FOUR EQUALS SHE'S HOT. 192 00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:03,114 HMM. SIX MINUS FOUR EQUALS THAT MAKES MCGUIRK HAPPY. 193 00:08:03,183 --> 00:08:05,550 LOOK, JUST SHOW UP IN COSTUME. YEAH. 194 00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:09,754 YOU DON'T HAPPEN TO BE A LITTLE CURIOUS ABOUT WHAT I'M GOING AS, ARE YOU? 195 00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:12,557 THAT'S A HINT. CURIOUS. A HINT AS TO... 196 00:08:12,626 --> 00:08:14,403 WHAT I'M GOING AS, YES. CURIOUS? 197 00:08:14,427 --> 00:08:16,094 RIGHT. HITLER? 198 00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:17,929 NO, NO, NO. 199 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:20,832 I'M A KITTY. I'M A KITTY. CURIOUS AS A... 200 00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:23,802 I'M GOING AS A KITTY. KITTY-KITTY. MEOW. 201 00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:25,937 MEOW, MCGUIRK. MEOW. 202 00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:27,939 WHERE'S KITTY'S MILK? 203 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:30,542 LYNCH, DID YOU JUST LICK ME? MEOW. 204 00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:32,878 YOU JUST LICKED ME. KITTY LICKED YOU. 205 00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:34,323 LYNCH. MEOW. 206 00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,325 THIS IS WHY I DON'T LIKE TALKING TO YOU. MEOW. 207 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:37,849 AND NOW I'M GONNA PUNCH YOU. 208 00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:41,653 LINDA, CAN YOU GET THAT? ALL RIGHT. 209 00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:45,857 TRICK OR TREAT! HAPPY HALLOWEEN! 210 00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:48,927 GHOSTS. SCARY GHOSTS. 211 00:08:48,996 --> 00:08:50,495 YEAH. HOW ORIGINAL. 212 00:08:50,564 --> 00:08:53,698 WHAT? YOU'RE GHOSTS. BOO. 213 00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:56,401 WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE? YEAH, AN UGLY HOUSEWIFE? 214 00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:59,938 OKAY. TRAILER TRASH JUNKIE WHO'S PREGNANT? 215 00:09:00,007 --> 00:09:02,974 THAT'S RIGHT. SLAM. 216 00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:04,943 LINDA, MY FIN FELL OFF AGAIN. 217 00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:06,811 WHERE'S THE STAPLE GUN? 218 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,681 NO, I DON'T WANT ANY MORE STAPLES ON MY BACK. 219 00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:11,416 TRICK OR TREAT. 220 00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:14,553 SMELL MY FEET. GIVE ME SOMETHING GOOD TO EAT. 221 00:09:14,621 --> 00:09:17,221 THANK YOU. NONE FOR ME, THANKS. 222 00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,335 IS BRENDON READY TO GO, THE OTHER MRS. SMALL? 223 00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:22,561 DON'T CALL ME THE OTHER MRS. SMALL, OKAY? CALL ME LINDA. 224 00:09:22,629 --> 00:09:24,106 LINDA. AH. 225 00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:25,196 HE'S ALMOST READY. 226 00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:27,243 HI, MR. LYNCH. THANKS FOR PICKING EVERYONE UP. 227 00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:29,801 NO PROBLEM. KITTY LIKES TO DRIVE. 228 00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:31,447 MEOW. 229 00:09:31,471 --> 00:09:33,783 YOU'RE SURE YOU'RE GONNA BE ALL RIGHT? I'LL BE FINE. 230 00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:35,852 HEY, BRENDON, NICE COSTUME. 231 00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:38,376 I CAN SEE WHY YOU KEPT IT A SECRET. 232 00:09:38,445 --> 00:09:40,423 NO, GUYS, THIS ISN'T WHAT I WAS GONNA... 233 00:09:40,447 --> 00:09:43,548 MR. LYNCH STOLE MY IDEA. I WAS GONNA BE A KITTY CAT. 234 00:09:43,617 --> 00:09:46,051 WHAT ARE YOU NOW? I'M A FISH. 235 00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:48,119 IT'S GOOD. IT'S... AWFUL. 236 00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:51,500 OH, BOY. WATCH OUT. KITTY LOVES FISH. MMM, MEOW. 237 00:09:51,524 --> 00:09:53,959 GET AWAY! HE'S BEEN DOING THAT ALL NIGHT. 238 00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:56,828 - WE SHOULD GET GOING. - WELL, LET'S GET SCRATCHIN'. 239 00:09:56,897 --> 00:09:58,663 BYE, LINDA. 240 00:09:58,732 --> 00:10:00,172 BYE, LINDA. 241 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:03,134 OW. OW. OH, I THINK THE BABY'S... 242 00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:06,004 THE BABY'S WHAT? BABY COMING. 243 00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:08,785 OH, MY GOD. I THINK THE BABY'S COMING. BABY... COMING. 244 00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:10,653 YOU READY? YES. 245 00:10:10,677 --> 00:10:13,344 HERE I COME. TA-DA! 246 00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:15,279 HUH? WHAT DO YOU THINK? 247 00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:17,916 OH, MY GOD. YOU LOOK HOT. 248 00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:19,851 REALLY? YEAH. 249 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:22,120 I THOUGHT I LOOKED HIDEOUS, BUT IT WAS FUNNY. 250 00:10:22,188 --> 00:10:23,989 NO, IT-IT SUITS YOU. 251 00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:27,291 I PUT A PILLOW IN MY BUTT. YOU'RE FULL-BODIED. 252 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,995 YEAH. AND THESE ARE CHUNKY SOUP CANS. 253 00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:32,664 SMART. YEAH. I'M A BIG BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. 254 00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:35,945 YOU WANNA LITTLE HELP WITH YOUR EYE SHADOW? YEAH, AND I WANT A LOT OF IT. 255 00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:38,670 YOUR, UM... YOUR HAND SMELLS NICE. 256 00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:41,205 SO DOES YOURS. OH, THANKS. 257 00:10:41,274 --> 00:10:44,408 I USE COCONUT SOAP. IT'S JAPANESE. 258 00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:47,045 WOW. IT'S-IT'S REALLY PUNGENT. 259 00:10:47,114 --> 00:10:49,781 YEAH, I USE A LOT OF IT. YOU SMELL PUNGENT TOO. 260 00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:52,216 LIKE NOT JUST YOUR HAND. 261 00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:54,519 REALLY? YEAH, EVERYTHING SMELLS. 262 00:10:54,587 --> 00:10:56,387 NICE, UM, PANTY HOSE. 263 00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:58,189 YEAH, THEY WERE MY MOM'S. 264 00:10:58,258 --> 00:11:01,259 THAT'S SWEET. YEAH. 265 00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:03,895 OW. OW. OW. DON'T BITE. 266 00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:05,496 SORRY. 267 00:11:05,565 --> 00:11:07,932 OH, GOD. 268 00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:12,203 WHAT ABOUT THE PARTY? WE'LL BE LATE. IT WON'T KILL US. 269 00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:14,773 OH, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS, MCGUIRK. 270 00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:17,120 FOR WHAT? FOR-FOR THIS MOMENT WITH... 271 00:11:17,144 --> 00:11:18,643 OH, OH. YEAH. 272 00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:21,646 I CAN TAKE THE WIG OFF. NO, NO, LEAVE THE WIG ON, PLEASE. 273 00:11:21,715 --> 00:11:23,381 REALLY? MM-HMM. 274 00:11:23,449 --> 00:11:25,728 SHOULD I TAKE THIS DRESS OFF? GOD, NO! 275 00:11:25,752 --> 00:11:29,554 'CAUSE IT'S REALLY, YOU KNOW... IT'S TIGHT. NO, IT'S GOOD, IT'S GOOD. 276 00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:32,323 OKAY, I'LL LEAVE IT ON. OKAY. 277 00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:34,704 MAYBE WE SHOULD, UM, GO TO THE BEDROOM. 278 00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:36,895 UM, WE'RE IN IT. REALLY? 279 00:11:36,963 --> 00:11:38,496 YEAH, IT'S A MURPHY BED. 280 00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:40,877 WELL, LET'S UNFOLD THIS BABY. ALL RIGHT. 281 00:11:40,901 --> 00:11:43,434 YEAH. OW. WHOA, WHOA. 282 00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:45,481 WAIT A MINUTE. MY ARM JUST FELL ASLEEP. 283 00:11:45,505 --> 00:11:47,172 THAT'S WEIRD. 284 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:50,108 WOW. MY ARM... HOLD ON, HOLD ON. NO PROBLEM. 285 00:11:50,177 --> 00:11:51,817 OW. OH, YEAH. 286 00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:53,745 JUST WAIT. OKAY, GRR. 287 00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:57,415 OW. WHAT IS IT? MY CHEST FEELS TIGHT. 288 00:11:57,483 --> 00:11:59,718 YOU BIG GIRL GUY, YOU. OW. 289 00:11:59,786 --> 00:12:01,319 OH, BOY. WHAT? 290 00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:02,987 OW! WHAT? 291 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,689 OW! OH, MY GOD! WHAT? 292 00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:06,290 OH, BOY! WHAT? 293 00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:09,728 COME ON! COME ON! 294 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,436 CALL AN AMBULANCE! WHAT? 295 00:12:18,504 --> 00:12:20,883 CALL AN AMBULANCE! CALL AN AMBULANCE! 296 00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:22,040 NOW? FOR REAL? 297 00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:24,408 OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. 298 00:12:26,213 --> 00:12:28,546 SEND AN AMBULANCE, QUICK! OKAY, WAIT. 299 00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:30,815 WHAT'S-WHAT'S YOUR ADDRESS? I DON'T KNOW. 300 00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:32,261 WHAT? I DON'T KNOW! 301 00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:34,753 WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DON'T KNOW? I FORGOT. 302 00:12:34,821 --> 00:12:37,366 CHECK THE NUMBER. HOLD ON, PLEASE. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 303 00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:38,890 THERE'S MAIL ON THE TABLE. 304 00:12:52,572 --> 00:12:55,039 SO, DOC, I'M FEELING FINE NOW. I'D LIKE TO GET OUT OF HERE. 305 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:59,710 SO SIGN ME OUT. ME AND HER, WE'RE ACTUALLY GOING TO A PARTY. WINK, WINK. 306 00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:02,413 WE WERE. WINK, WINK. YEAH. 307 00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:05,884 WELL, I DON'T WANNA HOLD UP YOUR WINKING. NICE EARRINGS BY THE WAY. WINK, WINK. 308 00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:08,619 THANKS. MR. MCGUIRK, YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE 309 00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:10,655 TILL WE GET THE X-RAYS AND THE BLOOD WORK BACK. 310 00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:13,124 YOU'VE HAD A HEART ATTACK. OH, MY GOD! 311 00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:16,594 NO WAY. REALLY? NURSE, START AN I.V. AND GIVE HIM SOME NITRO. 312 00:13:16,663 --> 00:13:18,897 PRETTY YOUNG FOR HEART ATTACKS, AREN'T WE, MR. MCGUIRK? 313 00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:21,844 YEAH, WOW. I AM PRETTY YOUNG FOR A HEART ATTACK, HUH? 314 00:13:21,868 --> 00:13:24,368 WHAT'S YOUR DIET LIKE? UM, I DON'T DIET. 315 00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:26,204 MM-HMM. I DRINK A LOT. 316 00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:28,072 THAT MIGHT DO IT. I DID THIS! 317 00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,119 WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DID IT? NO, DON'T... 318 00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:32,721 WOULD YOU CARE TO MAKE A STATEMENT? NO, STEPHANIE, NO. 319 00:13:32,745 --> 00:13:36,114 I HAD BEEN WARNED AND I DIDN'T PAY ATTENTION. WHAT'S GOING ON? 320 00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:39,228 IT'S HAPPENED ONCE BEFORE. YOU DID THIS TO SOMEONE ELSE? 321 00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:41,886 IT WAS A WHILE AGO. I WAS YOUNGER. WELL, WHO? 322 00:13:41,955 --> 00:13:44,555 A COLLEGE PROFESSOR. GEEZ. 323 00:13:44,624 --> 00:13:47,725 HE DIED. OH, GREAT. YOU'RE A KILLER. 324 00:13:47,794 --> 00:13:49,828 I'M SORRY. I HAVE TO GO HAVE A CIGARETTE RIGHT NOW. 325 00:13:49,896 --> 00:13:53,309 WHY DON'T YOU GO HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE AND GIVE THEM A HEART ATTACK AGAIN? 326 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,000 YOU'RE OKAY. OW. 327 00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:58,014 YOU'RE OKAY. PLEASE STOP SAYING THAT. 328 00:13:58,038 --> 00:14:00,004 OW! YOU'RE OKAY. 329 00:14:00,073 --> 00:14:03,975 PLEASE STOP SAYING THAT. I'M NOT OKAY. I'M HAVING A BABY. 330 00:14:04,044 --> 00:14:06,110 KNOCK, KNOCK. HELLO. 331 00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:09,613 HI, MAMA. LINDA, I'VE GOT GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS. 332 00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,415 OH, MY GOD. WHAT'S THE BAD NEWS? 333 00:14:11,484 --> 00:14:14,118 WELL, THERE IS NO BAD NEWS. WHAT? 334 00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:17,355 THAT'S THE GOOD NEWS. THE GOOD NEWS IS THERE'S NO BAD NEWS. 335 00:14:17,423 --> 00:14:20,424 BUT YOU SAID THERE WAS GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS. 336 00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:22,961 YEAH. SO WHAT'S THE BAD NEWS? 337 00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:25,007 I THINK HE'S SAYING... OKAY, LET ME... 338 00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:27,631 THERE'S GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS, AND THE GOOD NEWS IS NOT BAD. 339 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,445 AND THE BAD NEWS IS GOOD, RIGHT? RIGHT. 340 00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:31,936 OH, I GET IT. IT'S A JOKE, RIGHT? 341 00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:33,782 YES! EXACTLY! 342 00:14:33,806 --> 00:14:36,374 THAT'S NOT VERY FUNNY. I'M HAVING A BABY! 343 00:14:36,442 --> 00:14:39,322 I THINK IT'S FUNNY. WELL, THANK YOU. 344 00:14:39,346 --> 00:14:41,357 OW, SH... 345 00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:44,215 OH, THAT'S A BIG ONE. I THINK THIS BABY'S COMING, FOLKS. 346 00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:47,129 BRING IT ON. WE'RE LOCKED AND LOADED. NO, NO. PUT THAT AWAY. 347 00:14:47,153 --> 00:14:50,288 CUT! CUT! THERE IS NO VIDEOTAPING OF BIRTHS ALLOWED HERE. 348 00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:52,757 OW, FU... WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 349 00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:55,593 I'M NOT VIDEOTAPING, DOCTOR. I'M MAKING A FILM. 350 00:14:55,661 --> 00:14:57,595 YOU'RE IN IT. THERE'S A PART FOR YOU IN IT. 351 00:14:57,663 --> 00:15:00,042 I'M IN IT? YEAH, OF COURSE. IT'S A PART WITH A DOCTOR. 352 00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:02,000 I'VE GOT IT RIGHT HERE. LET ME SEE THAT. 353 00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:05,114 IT'S BASICALLY ABOUT CHILDBIRTH, BUT THE REAL FOCUS IS ON YOU. 354 00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:09,173 THIS IS JUST SOME CHILDISH GIBBERISH. IT'S A LITTLE ROUGH... 355 00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:12,576 NO, I LIKE IT. I LIKE CHILDISH GIBBERISH. SO DOES AMERICA. 356 00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:14,456 THIS IS REALLY GOOD! REALLY? 357 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:17,648 THIS IS REALLY GOOD. IT'S A FIRST DRAFT. IT'S NOT FINISHED. THANK YOU. 358 00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:19,650 OH, FU... OH, BACK TO THE BABY. 359 00:15:19,719 --> 00:15:22,719 WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE PART ABOUT IT, OFFHAND? 360 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:25,868 I MEAN, LIKE WHAT DID YOU... BECAUSE SOMETIMES YOU GET... HOLY FU... 361 00:15:25,892 --> 00:15:28,993 GIVE ME SOMETHING FOR THIS FU... PAIN NOW! 362 00:15:29,062 --> 00:15:32,863 HEY, LINDA, REMEMBER, LIKE IN CLASS, JUST RELAX, JUST RELAX. 363 00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:34,911 THERE, THERE. I'LL PAT YOU ON THE HEAD. 364 00:15:34,935 --> 00:15:38,002 SHUT THE FU... UP, YOU LITTLE FU... 365 00:15:38,071 --> 00:15:39,971 HEY, WHOA. WHAT'S... 366 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,618 IT'S OKAY. THAT'S COMPLETELY NORMAL BEHAVIOR... CROSS-GENDER HATRED. 367 00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:44,620 BUT THAT'S NOT NORMAL. SHE SWORE AT ME. 368 00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:47,812 SHUT THE FU... UP, YOU LITTLE MOVIEMAKING PIECE OF SH... 369 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:51,515 I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT 370 00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:54,352 YOU TALKED TO ME THAT WAY. SHUT UP! SHUT UP! 371 00:15:54,421 --> 00:15:57,255 SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I HATE YOU! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! 372 00:15:59,659 --> 00:16:01,326 THAT'S GOOD. USE IT, LINDA. 373 00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:03,239 I'M LEAVING! 374 00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:05,629 GOOD. DOCTOR, I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO SEE ME THIS WAY! 375 00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:08,333 DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU IN THE ASS ON THE WAY OUT! 376 00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:10,079 WHAT? YOU HEARD ME! 377 00:16:10,103 --> 00:16:11,869 NO, I WAS OUTSIDE? WHAT? 378 00:16:11,938 --> 00:16:15,273 SPEAKING OF DOORS, WE ARE OPENING REAL WIDE HERE. YOU'RE DOING WELL, LINDA. 379 00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:18,142 HI. I'M A FRIEND OF LINDA'S. 380 00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:20,356 HI. I'M PAULA. HI. NICE TO MEET YOU. 381 00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:22,425 HI, PAULA. OH, THIS IS MY SON, BR... 382 00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:25,216 OH, I GUESS HE HAD TO GO GET A SNACK. 383 00:16:25,285 --> 00:16:28,353 TRULY I'M SORRY! KNOCK, KNOCK! THAT'S MY SON BRENDON. 384 00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:31,489 WHO'S THERE? YOU! 385 00:16:31,557 --> 00:16:33,191 YOU TOO! 386 00:16:33,259 --> 00:16:35,438 - NICE KID. - YOU! 387 00:16:35,462 --> 00:16:38,107 WELL, I GUESS YOU TWO SHOULD STAY WITH KITTY. YOU! 388 00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:41,265 GOOD, GOOD. OH, LOOK AT THIS. WHO WANTS SOME CANDY? 389 00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,801 MELISSA, SAY TRICK OR TREAT. TRICK OR TREAT. 390 00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:46,670 OKAY, THERE YOU GO. JASON, TRICK OR TREAT? 391 00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:49,673 NO, THANK YOU. TRICK MEOW OR MEOW TREAT MEOW. 392 00:16:49,742 --> 00:16:52,043 MR. LYNCH, JASON QUIT CANDY. HE DOESN'T WANT ANY. 393 00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:54,423 YEAH, RIGHT. WHO QUITS CANDY? 394 00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:56,981 I KNOW YOU KIDS. JASON, TRICK OR MEOW TREAT? 395 00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:58,894 NO, THANK YOU. MEOW OR MEOW TREAT? 396 00:16:58,918 --> 00:17:00,496 JASON, BE STRONG. CANDY. 397 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,587 MR. LYNCH, STOP. TRICK OR MEOW, MEOW OR TREAT? 398 00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:06,057 NO, DON'T... DON'T, MR. LYNCH. TRICK OR TREAT? 399 00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:07,569 TRICK OR TREAT? 400 00:17:07,593 --> 00:17:10,861 I CAN'T TAKE THE TRICK OR MEOW TREAT! 401 00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:12,530 MEOW. JASON, NO! 402 00:17:12,598 --> 00:17:15,544 YOU DON'T NEED TO WATCH THIS, MELISSA! I CAN'T WATCH IT! 403 00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:18,069 WHY? WHAT... I'M CHANGING! 404 00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:21,772 NO! I'M CHANGING! 405 00:17:21,841 --> 00:17:25,221 TELL ME TO SHUT UP? YOU SHUT UP. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 406 00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:27,523 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? I MEAN, COME ON. 407 00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:29,547 BRENDON? COACH MCGUIRK? 408 00:17:29,615 --> 00:17:32,883 HEY. OH, MY GOD. WHAT ARE YOU... ARE YOU WEARING LIPSTICK? 409 00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:35,920 IT'S A COSTUME, BRENDON. WHY ARE YOU DRESSED AS A SALAMANDER? 410 00:17:35,988 --> 00:17:37,422 I'M A FISH. OH. 411 00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:40,036 COACH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I'M DYING, BRENDON. 412 00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:42,071 I'M DYING. NO, REALLY. 413 00:17:42,095 --> 00:17:45,729 WELL, I HAD A HEART ATTACK. WOW, YOU ARE DYING. GEEZ. 414 00:17:45,798 --> 00:17:47,731 HAVE A SEAT. NO, I GOTTA... 415 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,546 I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD END LIKE THIS. HOW DID YOU THINK? 416 00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:53,115 I FIGURED MAYBE A BULLET IN THE BACK. SURE. 417 00:17:53,139 --> 00:17:55,051 OR A KNIFE IN THE BACK. RIGHT. 418 00:17:55,075 --> 00:17:57,575 MAYBE HIT BY A TRAIN. IN THE BACK? 419 00:17:57,643 --> 00:17:59,855 IN THE BACK, YEAH. A LOT OF THE STUFF, I'M TURNED AWAY. 420 00:17:59,879 --> 00:18:02,759 RIGHT. FROM WHAT'S HAPPENING. I DON'T KNOW IT'S GONNA HIT ME. 421 00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:05,027 RIGHT. I GUESS WHEN YOU HAVE A HEART ATTACK, 422 00:18:05,051 --> 00:18:07,085 YOU START THINKING ABOUT THESE THINGS. 423 00:18:07,153 --> 00:18:09,532 WELL, I MEAN... I WAS THINKING, WOW, I ALMOST DIED. 424 00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:11,855 COACH, YOU'RE KIND OF DEPRESSING ME. 425 00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:13,702 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ANYWAY? YOU SICK? 426 00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:17,962 MY FATHER'S WIFE IS HAVING A BABY. A BABY? ISN'T THAT IRONIC. 427 00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:21,332 LIFE EXPLODES INTO THE WORLD IN ALL ITS BEAUTIFUL FURY 428 00:18:21,401 --> 00:18:23,767 WHILE DEATH WAITS AT MY DOORSTEP. 429 00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:25,914 RIGHT. OH, MY GOD. IT'S DEATH! 430 00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:29,340 COACH, IT'S ME, MELISSA. OH, MY GOD. IT'S MELISSA. 431 00:18:29,409 --> 00:18:31,142 THIS IS MY COSTUME. 432 00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:34,223 MELISSA, YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T BE WALKING AROUND THE HOSPITAL DRESSED AS DEATH. 433 00:18:34,247 --> 00:18:37,081 COACH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? AND WHY ARE YOU DRESSED AS A WOMAN? 434 00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:40,151 BECAUSE IT'S FREEING. LISTEN, I JUST MADE A DECISION. 435 00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:43,454 I'M GONNA CHANGE MY WAYS. OKAY. HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN JASON? 436 00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:45,601 - NO. - BRENDON, CAN YOU VIDEOTAPE THIS, PLEASE? 437 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:48,759 VIDEOTAPE WHAT? MY PLEDGE FOR A BETTER LIFE! 438 00:18:48,828 --> 00:18:51,496 WAIT. JASON'S MISSING? HE STARTED EATING CANDY AGAIN. 439 00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:54,565 - OH, NO. - ARE YOU READY? GO AHEAD. 440 00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,567 PRESS RECORD. WE GOING? 441 00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:58,647 UH, YEAH. ALL RIGHT, GOOD. 442 00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:01,639 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS TAPE IS A PRESCRIPTION 443 00:19:01,707 --> 00:19:04,342 FOR A BETTER LIFE, A RICHER LIFE. 444 00:19:04,410 --> 00:19:08,513 I'M GONNA BE A BETTER PERSON AND I'M GONNA HELP KIDS... MORE. 445 00:19:08,581 --> 00:19:10,581 I'M GONNA LEARN HOW TO PLAY SOCCER. 446 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:13,851 THERE, I SAID IT, ON TAPE. I'VE NEVER PLAYED SOCCER. 447 00:19:13,919 --> 00:19:15,431 - ALL RIGHT. - I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH. 448 00:19:15,455 --> 00:19:17,087 WAIT, I'M NOT DONE YET. 449 00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:20,491 AND I'M GONNA GET MY PILOT'S LICENSE, LIKE JOHN TRAVOLTA, 450 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,404 BECAUSE HE'S AMAZING. HE HAS HIS OWN PLANE. 451 00:19:22,428 --> 00:19:25,296 YEAH, HE LIVES LIFE TO THE FULLEST. ALL RIGHT. 452 00:19:25,365 --> 00:19:27,176 AND I'M GONNA... I THINK I GOT THIS. 453 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:30,635 NO, I'M NOT DONE. MELISSA? JASON? 454 00:19:30,703 --> 00:19:33,204 WHERE ARE YOU? KITTY IS UPSET. 455 00:19:33,273 --> 00:19:35,939 MEOW! MEOW! 456 00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:37,475 JASON? 457 00:19:37,544 --> 00:19:39,877 OH, MY GOSH. WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING? 458 00:19:39,945 --> 00:19:42,746 GLUCOSE. GO AWAY. I WILL NOT GO AWAY. 459 00:19:42,815 --> 00:19:46,450 YOU... YOU MADE ME THIS WAY! SHH. 460 00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:49,053 IT'S GONNA BE OKAY. OH, CANDY. 461 00:19:49,121 --> 00:19:51,556 NO MORE CANDY. CANDY. 462 00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:54,069 I NEED MORE! LET GO OF ME, MELISSA! LET GO! 463 00:19:54,093 --> 00:19:55,638 I WILL NOT! LET GO! 464 00:19:55,662 --> 00:19:59,263 I'LL NEVER LET GO! LET GO, YOU CRAPPY BI... 465 00:19:59,332 --> 00:20:01,432 OW! SNAP OUT OF IT! 466 00:20:01,501 --> 00:20:03,367 OW! NOW LISTEN TO ME! 467 00:20:03,436 --> 00:20:06,036 NO! OW! YOU WANT ANOTHER ONE? 468 00:20:06,105 --> 00:20:09,674 OH, NO, PLEASE. I'M SORRY I HAD TO DO THAT AGAIN. 469 00:20:09,742 --> 00:20:12,810 OW! ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. I'M CALM. 470 00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:15,813 I'M CALM. OW. MELISSA, I SAID I WAS CALM. 471 00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:18,349 SORRY. IT LOOKED LIKE YOU WERE GONNA ACT UP AGAIN. 472 00:20:18,418 --> 00:20:20,729 NO, I SAID I WAS CALM. THAT'S WHY I SAID IT. 473 00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:22,653 JASON! OW. MELISSA... 474 00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:24,132 NO TALKING BACK! I'M NOT. 475 00:20:24,156 --> 00:20:25,801 NO, YOU LISTEN TO ME. I AM LISTENING. 476 00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:28,626 I NEED YOU TO CALM DOWN. I TOLD YOU, MELISSA... 477 00:20:28,695 --> 00:20:30,206 I DON'T WANNA HAVE TO... OW! 478 00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:32,930 MELISSA, PLEASE. STOP SLAPPING ME. 479 00:20:32,998 --> 00:20:35,065 CALM DOWN, JASON. NO, BUT... 480 00:20:35,134 --> 00:20:37,235 JASON! OW! I'M NOT... 481 00:20:37,303 --> 00:20:40,705 WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU? I AM CALM! OW! 482 00:20:40,773 --> 00:20:43,085 I'M CALM, MELISSA! STOP SLAPPING! I'M CALM! 483 00:20:43,109 --> 00:20:45,710 IT'S GONNA BE OKAY! OW! 484 00:20:45,778 --> 00:20:49,547 UH, ANYBODY SEE DEATH AND A SALESMAN? 485 00:20:49,616 --> 00:20:51,927 SURE. ARTHUR MILLER. IT'S A CLASSIC. 486 00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:55,986 UH, THANK YOU. KITTY WILL CONTINUE ITS HUNT. 487 00:20:56,055 --> 00:20:59,923 HMM. UNLOCKED. MEOW. OH. HMM. 488 00:20:59,992 --> 00:21:03,361 CANDY WRAPPERS ON THE MEOW. VERY CURIOUS. 489 00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:05,641 MEOW! 490 00:21:05,665 --> 00:21:08,999 KITTY BETTER LAND ON HIS FEET! OW! 491 00:21:12,238 --> 00:21:14,938 JASON, I HEARD. YEAH. YEAH. 492 00:21:15,007 --> 00:21:16,774 YEAH. YEAH. 493 00:21:16,842 --> 00:21:18,208 YEAH. YEAH. 494 00:21:18,278 --> 00:21:20,256 YOU GONNA BE OKAY? I HAD TO SMACK HIM A FEW TIMES. 495 00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:21,890 YEAH, SHE DID. SHE DID? HOW WAS IT? 496 00:21:21,914 --> 00:21:23,714 I LOVED IT. ME TOO. 497 00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:26,328 I STARTED MY OWN RELIGION, PAULA. THAT'S GREAT! 498 00:21:26,352 --> 00:21:28,586 WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN? NOPE. 499 00:21:28,655 --> 00:21:31,032 SO, HOW'S IT GOING? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, HOW'S IT GOING? 500 00:21:31,056 --> 00:21:34,759 I HAD A HEART ATTACK. YEAH, I KNOW, BUT LIKE BESIDES THAT. 501 00:21:34,827 --> 00:21:38,362 OH. I'M FINE. HOW YOU DOING? FINE. THANK YOU. 502 00:21:38,431 --> 00:21:42,533 HERE'S FIVE BUCKS. GET ME A CORNED BEEF SANDWICH. I'M STARVING. 503 00:21:42,602 --> 00:21:45,536 I WANNA THANK EVERYBODY FOR HELPING OUT. 504 00:21:45,605 --> 00:21:48,739 BRENDON, I'M SO HAPPY YOU VIDEOTAPED THE WHOLE THING. 505 00:21:48,808 --> 00:21:50,508 GOD, I MIGHT CRY. 506 00:21:50,576 --> 00:21:53,544 SO, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA NAME THE BABY? 507 00:21:53,613 --> 00:21:55,680 HOW ABOUT... JESUS? 508 00:21:55,748 --> 00:21:57,926 - THAT'S, UH... - OOH. 509 00:21:57,950 --> 00:22:01,319 HOW ABOUT MR. ME-OW MEOW? 510 00:22:01,387 --> 00:22:03,421 MR. LYNCH, WHAT HAPPENED? 511 00:22:03,489 --> 00:22:06,724 WHAT HAPPENED? I FELL DOWN A FU... FLIGHT OF FU... STAIRS 512 00:22:06,793 --> 00:22:10,060 BECAUSE I WAS LOOKING FOR YOUR ASS, MEOW. 513 00:22:10,129 --> 00:22:11,895 THAT'S JUST THE DRUGS TALKING. 514 00:22:11,964 --> 00:22:15,165 WOW. I LIKE THOSE. CAN I HAVE THOSE? 515 00:22:15,234 --> 00:22:17,078 THE ONES THAT MAKE YOU GO "MEOW"? 516 00:22:17,102 --> 00:22:18,636 MEOW. DOCTOR? 517 00:22:18,705 --> 00:22:20,971 LET ME CALL DOWN. WHO WANTS DRUGS? 518 00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:22,807 ANYONE ELSE? 519 00:22:22,875 --> 00:22:25,220 - I'M MAKING A RUN. - WHAT THE HELL. 520 00:22:25,244 --> 00:22:27,222 - WHO WANTS TO PARTY? - I'M A CAT. 521 00:22:27,246 --> 00:22:29,358 MOM, CAN WE GET OUT OF HERE AND GO TRICK-OR-TREATING? 522 00:22:29,382 --> 00:22:31,460 BRENDON, I THINK IT'S TOO LATE TO GO TRICK-OR-TREATING? 523 00:22:31,484 --> 00:22:34,496 ANYBODY WANT SOME OF LINDA'S PLACENTA? I'M JUST GONNA THROW IT OUT. 38208

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