Original subtitles

♪♪

♪♪

WOW. WOW.

WOW. I HAVE NEVER BEEN THIS TIRED.

WHY DON'T YOU PULL OVER AND SLEEP? I'LL JUST SLEEP HERE.

OKAY. UM, I'M ALLERGIC TO COFFEE, BY THE WAY.

THAT'S DECAF, JASON. WE GOT YOU DECAF.

IS DECAF STILL COFFEE?

THANKS FOR DRIVING US SO EARLY. YEAH, THANKS.

AND FOR GETTING THE COFFEE. I ONLY MENTIONED IT 'CAUSE I WILL GET HIVES.

SO DON'T DRINK IT. CAN'T WE GET SOMETHING ELSE THEN FOR ME?

WE'RE GONNA BE THERE SOON.

I DON'T KNOW WHY MR. LYNCH NEEDS YOU TO BE THERE SO EARLY.

IT'S BECAUSE HE'S THE COUNTY CHAIRMAN OF ALL MEDIEVAL ACTIVITIES.

HE TAKES THIS STUFF PRETTY SERIOUSLY.

I GUESS I SHOULD HAVE PACKED MY OWN JUICE OR SOMETHING.

AND WE ARE GETTING PAID, MOM. YEAH.

I ACTUALLY DON'T REALLY LIKE THE MEDIEVAL FAIR.

YES, YOU DO, JASON. NO, I DON'T, MELISSA.

YES, YOU DO. I WANNA GO TO THE SCI-FI CONVENTION.

WHAT'S A SCI-FI CONVENTION? YOU KNOW, IT'S A BUNCH OF DORKS TRADING ACTION FIGURES, MOM.

OH, LIKE THAT THING I TOOK YOU TO LAST YEAR? YES.

BELIEVE YOU ME, YOU TWO, IT'S NOT A BUNCH OF DORKS.

ANYWAY, THIS YEAR IT'S HAPPENING ON THE SAME DAY NEXT DOOR TO THE MEDIEVAL FAIR

WHICH IS A HUGE CONFLICT OF INTEREST FOR GEEKS.

HEY, WATCH IT. AREN'T YOU MORE INTERESTED IN THE HISTORY OF MEDIEVAL TIMES?

YEAH. I MEAN, IT REALLY HAPPENED.

SO DID THE SCI-FI STUFF.

WHEN? IN THE FUTURE? NO. THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

IT'S ALREADY HAPPENING. KIDS, IT'S A LITTLE EARLY TO BE ARGUING.

IT'S GONNA BE FUN. DWAYNE'S BAND IS GONNA BE THERE.

I DON'T LIKE DWAYNE.

YOU HAVE A BAD ATTITUDE TODAY. YOU DO.

YOU DO. I DON'T LIKE DWAYNE.

GUYS. IT'LL BE FINE. I'M VIDEOTAPING IT... WOW.

REMEMBER WHEN WE USED TO PLAY SCI-FI GAMES TOGETHER.

YEAH, WE STILL PLAY SCI-FI GAMES.

SO WHY CAN'T WE GO TO THE SCI-FI CONVENTION?

'CAUSE WE'RE NOT GETTING PAID TO GO TO THE SCI-FI CONVENTION.

WE'RE GETTING PAID TO DO THE MEDIEVAL FAIR. AND WE'RE PERFORMING. WE'RE PERFORMERS.

WHY DON'T WE TAKE THE MONEY AND GO TO THE SCI-FI CONVENTION?

THEN WE COULD BUY COLLECTABLES.

WE'RE ALREADY DRESSED FOR THE MEDIEVAL FAIR.

IS THAT WHY YOU GUYS ARE WEARING THOSE THINGS?

YEAH, MOM.

UH, LET'S SING A SONG. HOW ABOUT THAT?

♪ OH, THE ♪

♪ MEDIEVAL TALENT IS COMING TO TOWN ♪

GOOD MORROW! GOOD MORROW, EVERYONE!

ARE YE WELL RESTED

ME SHREWS AND FREWS AND STABLESMEN?

AYE, LOOK LIKE YE ARE.

THAT WAS AN ELIZABETHAN DIALECT, EVERYONE,

AND, UH, ALL OF YOU MUST LEARN TO SPEAK IT.

THE FAIRGOERS WILL EXPECT THAT FROM YE LOT.

COME UP HERE, BRENDON. OKAY.

NOW, ALL OF YOU WILL BE IMPROVISING IN THE CHARACTER THAT YOU'VE DRESSED AS, OKAY?

UM, NOW, WHO ARE YOU, BRENDON? I'M KING ARTHUR.

ME LORD.

SEE? YOU ARE THE KING, AND I MUST TREAT YOU THUSLY. RIGHT.

AND I AM THE WIZARD MOYLIN.

YOU MEAN "MERLIN"? MOYLIN!

OKAY. OKAY.

TREAT THE OTHER CHARACTERS BASED ON HOW THEY'RE DRESSED.

REMEMBER, CASTE SYSTEMS WERE BIG IN THE MEDIEVAL TIMES.

OKAY, LIKE IF I WERE TO TALK TO, LET'S SAY, UM...

OKAY, HIM. OH, NO.

HE'S AN ARCHER! NO.

- COME HITHER. - COME HITHER.

YEAH?

AYE, THOU BE AN ARCHER, EH? UM, YEAH.

THOU SWAGGART!

THOU FOOLISH TART!

FETCH ME AN ALE AT ONCE, THOU SCURVY-RIDDEN, RUMP-FED MUD SLOTH.

SAY AGAIN?

AND HE WOULD HAVE TO FETCH BECAUSE A WIZARD

IS ABOVE A COMMON ARCHER IN THE CASTE SYSTEM.

OKAY, YOU GET IT, EVERYONE? UM, I'M ROBIN HOOD.

OKAY.

NOW, BRENDON, LET'S YOU AND I HAVE A CONVERSATION, OKAY?

OKAY. EVERYBODY, PAY ATTENTION.

GOOD MORROW, ME LORD.

BY GOD'S BREATH, DID THOU EVER SEE SUCH A BOOTFUL MORNIN'?

YEAH... AYE, AND WATCH THY STEPPETH IN THE THICKET, ME LORD.

HUH. THERE BE ARCHERS "ABOOT"!

THEN I WOULD TALK?

OKAY, ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. LET'S... UM, YEAH... NO, NO...

OKAY, OKAY. I UNDERSTAND THIS IS YOUR FIRST TIME. I-I-I... OKAY.

ALL RIGHT. LOT OF FIRST-TIMERS HERE. ALL FIRST-TIMERS ACTUALLY.

AND, UH, THERE'S SOMETHING YOU CAN DO. IF YOU HAVE ANY PROBLEM,

I'VE PREPARED THIS LIST OF OUTS FOR ALL OF YOU, OKAY?

IF A CHARACTER STARTS TALKING OVER YOUR HEAD, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HIM,

PULL OUT THE LIST AND READ ONE OF THE OUTS.

YOU COULD SAY, UM...

OKAY, THAT'S A BAD ONE. I WROTE THESE THIS MORNING AT 6:00, SO...

I DON'T UNDERSTAND, DWAYNE. WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

REMEMBER WHEN WE GET PAID.

UH, I THOUGHT WE SETTLED THIS ALREADY.

NO! CASH UP FRONT. WE ALL TALK ABOUT IT.

CASH UP FRONT OR WE DON'T PLAY.

NO, THAT WASN'T THE AGREEMENT. SO?

SO YOU WORK FIRST AND THEN I PAY YOU. THAT'S HOW IT WORKS.

SO? SO THAT'S WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.

I DON'T CARE. OKAY.

CASH UP FRONT? NO, NO. CASH LATER.

I DON'T CARE.

ALL RIGHT, THEN GO AWAY. OKAY.

UGH. ALL RIGHT, WE'RE READY TO OPEN.

UH, WHERE'S MY BLACKSMITH?

BLACKSMITH! BLACKSMITH?

UH. COME ON.

OH, OH.

MCGUIRK, YOU KNOW WE NEEDED YOU HERE IN WORKING CONDITION. MM-HMM.

LYNCH, I'M JUST A LITTLE HUNG OVER, ALL RIGHT?

NO PROBLEM. I DON'T KNOW. YOU LOOK BAD.

I'M GONNA HAVE TO DISMISS YOU. LYNCH, I'M FINE. I'M FINE.

UM...

OH, BOY. I DON'T THINK SO.

I'M FINE. I'LL BE FINE.

I JUST NEED THE JOB, ALL RIGHT?

I MEAN, THE MONEY I'M MAKING FROM TODAY IS ALREADY SPENT.

ON WHAT? ON DRINKS AND PROPERTY.

I MET A GUY LAST NIGHT. BOUGHT A SHRIMP FARM.

AW, MCGUIRK, ARE YOU STILL GONNA BE ABLE TO DO THE BIG FINALE WITH ME?

WHAT?

DID YOU LEARN YOUR LINES? HMM?

YES. YES, TO WHAT YOU SAID.

OKAY, OKAY. I DON'T KNOW. I'M READY FOR THIS THING.

THE FINAL PERFORMANCE? YEAH!

THE WIZARD AND THE BLACKSMITH? WHAT? YES.

WIZARD AND THE BLACKSMITH. IT'S ALL SET.

AND YOU'LL BE ABLE TO STAY IN CHARACTER ALL DAY?

MMM. MM-HMM.

OKAY, GIVE ME AN EXAMPLE. WHAT WOULD YOU SAY?

AS THE BLACKSMITH? YES.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME... YOU TO... WANT ME TO MAKE YOU?

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO MAKE? NO! IN ELIZABETHAN.

OKAY.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO MAKE YOU? OH, BOY.

NOW MOVE. I'M GONNA THROW UP.

GOOD MORROW, ME LORD!

MAY THE GODS BLESS YE, AYE?

'TIS A MEASLED HOG'S HOOF, EH?

NAY! AND HOW DOTH YE FIND YESELF, ME LORD, MMM?

AND HOW DOTH YE FIND YESELF, HMM?

UH, PARDON ME, GOOD SIRE. I MUST TEND TO A DRAGON ELSEWHERE.

GOOD MORROW.

COME, YE ALL, TO THE TRILOGY OF KING ARTHUR AND ROBIN HOOD!

A FINE PIECE OF DRAMA DONE WITH MINE MINSTRELS!

HEY, LET'S GO SEE IT. YEAH, I LIKE ROBIN HOOD.

YOU REMIND ME OF ROBIN HOOD.

I DO? YEAH.

YEAH? YOU HAVE BEAUTIFUL SKIN.

REALLY?

WHOO!

SOMEBODY HELP HIM!

GET ME OUT!

AAH! I'M SCARED.

GREETINGS, EARTHLINGS.

YOU JERK! YOU MADE THE APPLECART FALL ON WALTER!

WHOOPS.

LIKE MY ROBOT, EVERYBODY? WHO BE YOU CAUSING PROBLEMS HERE?

I'M FROM THE FUTURE, AND I'VE COME TO BLOW UP YOUR PLANET.

AYE! RUN! RUN FROM THE FUTURE MAN!

THAT'S RIGHT. RUN! DORK!

HI, BRENDON. UH, HI, FENTON.

OH, IT'S NOT FENTON. IT'S, UH... DR. NEPTUNE.

YEAH. COOL ROBOT, DR. NEPTUNE.

YEAH. I'M, UH, JUST TESTING HER OUT.

I'VE, UH, ENTERED IT INTO THE SCI-FI ROBOT BATTLES.

I'VE PROBABLY GOT A GOOD CHANCE OF WINNING.

YOU SHOULD COME CHECK IT OUT, BRENDON.

NAH, I GOTTA STAY AND WORK HERE. SORRY.

MEDIEVAL STUFF SUCKS. NO, IT DOESN'T. MEDIEVAL STUFF IS COOL.

AT LEAST IT REALLY HAPPENED.

YEAH. YEAH, MELISSA, OKAY. NICE NIGHTGOWN.

WHAT HAPPENED? FORGET TO DRESS THIS MORNING?

UM, I REALLY LIKE YOUR ROBOT, DR. NEPTUNE.

YEAH, WHATEVER. NICE TIGHTS, LOSER.

YOUR MOM KNOW YOU STEAL HER CLOTHES?

UH, NO.

I GOTTA GO. SEE YOU, BRENDON. BYE, DORKS!

SEE YOU...

HE'S THE FULL PACKAGE.

HELLO? HELLO?

GOOD MORROW, LORD ARTHUR. WELL, GOOD MORROW, UH, YOU.

ME NAME BE HELMET, MOST MAGNANIMOUS LORD.

HELLO, FAIR MAIDEN! GOOD MORROW, ROBIN HOOD.

GOOD MORROW, HELMET. HI, WEIRDO.

I'M HERE ON IMPORTANT BUSINESS, ME LORD.

INVESTIGATING. THERE BE TALES,

THERE BE RUMBLING'S AMONGST THE PEOPLE OF A "FUTURE MAN"

THAT COME HERE CAUSING RUCKUS.

OH, YOU MEAN FENTON? OH, NO. HE'S FINE.

HE COME FROM THE OTHER CAMP, CLAIMIN' THEY BE SCI-FI LOVERS.

KNOCKIN' OVER APPLECARTS AND WHATNOT.

YOU KNOW, YOU CAN TALK REGULAR IF YOU WANT.

OKAY, LOOK. I JUST WANT YOU GUYS TO KNOW THAT JERK WHO DID THIS IS GONNA PAY.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? LOOK, I'M SORRY,

BUT THOSE GUYS AT THE SCI-FI CONVENTION ARE STUPID DORKS,

AND THEY HAVE BEEN PUSHING THE MEDIEVAL PEOPLE AROUND FOR YEARS.

OH. THIS YEAR IT'S STOPPING.

WE ARE DRAWING A LINE IN THE SAND, AND WE'RE SHUTTIN' THOSE RAY-GUN BOYS DOWN!

WELL, YOU KNOW, DON'T GO DOIN' ANYTHING STUPID.

I'M OFF! I WILL NEED TO CONSULT MY DICE FOR MY NEXT STEP.

I'LL KEEP YOU INFORMED, MY LORD. OKAY. DON'T BOTHER.

MY KING!

HEY! YOU TORE MY DRESS! SORRY, WENCH!

DID NOT SEE YOU THERE. FAREWELL!

WENCH? WHAT'S ALL THIS "MY LORD" BUSINESS? CAN IT STOP?

THEY'RE TREATING HIM LIKE THAT 'CAUSE HE'S DRESSED AS THE KING.

WELL, IT'S GETTING ANNOYING. YEAH, IT'S GETTING A LITTLE ANNOYING.

HEY, BLACKSMITH. WHY DON'T YOU WAKE UP AND MAKE SOME SILVER?

LOWLY BLACKSMITH HAS TO WAKE UP! WE COMMAND IT!

YEAH, WAKE UP.

YOU'RE SUPPOSING TO BE BLACKSMITHING. YEAH, MAKE A BROADSWORD!

MAKE SOME CHAIN MAIL! OKAY?

WE'RE PART OF THE ARISTOCRACY. GET UP, BLACKSMITH!

DO WHAT WE SAY. WE'RE IMPATIENT!

SO DO IT, YOU STUPID IDIOT. YEAH, DO IT, IDIOT.

DO IT. DO IT, IDIOT.

OKAY, DO IT. ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT!

THAT WAS AWESOME.

♪ MANY YEARS AGO ♪

♪ IN THE ANCIENT TIMES OF ENGLAND ♪

♪ ON A FATEFUL DAY WHERE THE FAIRIES PLAYED ♪

♪ AND THE DEVIL CREPT IN SHADOWS ♪

♪ TWO MEN DID MEET IN A FOREST BY THE BROOK ♪

♪ AND THAT DAY WOULD CHANGE THE FATE ♪

♪ OF THESE TWO VERY FAMOUS MEN ♪

♪ KING ARTHUR AND ROBIN HOOD ♪

♪ THEY MET AND STARED INSIDE INTO EACH OTHER'S SOULS ♪

♪ TWO MEN'S SOULS HAD LEFT THEIR SOUL ♪

♪ THE EGOS PLAYING GAMES BUT WERE THEY FRIENDS OR WERE THEY FOES ♪

♪ THEY COULD HAVE KILLED EACH OTHER ♪

♪ AAH, AAH, AAH ♪

♪ BUT WHAT'S THIS ♪

♪ THE KING SPEAKS ♪

I DECREE BEFORE ALL OF ENGLAND

THAT I, KING ARTHUR, AND ROBIN HOOD,

FROM THIS POINT ON SHALL BE BEST FRIENDS FOREVER!

OH. BRILLIANT PIECE, ME LORD. HEY, THANKS.

BIT OF NEWS FROM THE KING'S FRONT, ME LORD.

WHAT? ONE OF OURS HAS INFILTRATED THE SCI-FI SECTOR INCOGNITO.

YES, YES. GOOD, GOOD.

AND YOU'LL BE HAPPY TO KNOW, OUR NEMESIS'S ROBOT WAS INDEED THWARTED.

ALL IN THE NAME OF GOOD KING ARTHUR. GOD SAVE THE KING. GOD SAVE THE KING!

RIGHT. WAIT. WHAT DID YOU DO NOW? WHICH ONE OF YOU DID THIS?

BRENDON, DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS? NO, NO. I-I-I...

I HAVE A PRETTY GOOD IDEA THAT IT WAS SOMEBODY FROM OVER HERE.

PERHAPS A WIZARD CAST A SPELL ON YOUR DEVIL'S INVENTION,

OR POSSIBLY IT WAS CURSED BY AN ENCHANTED LUTE OR A DOOM GOBLIN, OR PERHAPS...

ENOUGH OF THAT, YOU STUPID... I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.

I WILL GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS.

AND I SWEAR THAT MY PEOPLE WILL GET REVENGE FOR WHAT HAS BEEN DONE.

DR. NEPTUNE AWAY!

ZAP YOU. ZAP YOU.

♪♪

GOOD MORROW, ROBIN HOOD! KING ARTHUR.

THAT'S ME, MY FRIEND.

FEELS LIKE DRAGON WEATHER, DOTH IT?

AYE. AYE.

SOMETHING HAS BEEN TROUBLING ME, MY FRIEND.

DOTH THOU POSSESS MY MONEY THAT THOU BORROWED FROM ME LAST WEEK?

AH. NAY, MY LORD!

COULDST THOU COME BACK PERHAPS LATER? HMM.

HAS THOU SEEN THY KING'S TREASURE CHEST LATELY?

NAY, KING ARTHUR! NAY.

BECAUSE I HAVE NOTICED THAT, SLEEPING FRIENDS,

THAT MY VALUABLES KEEP DISAPPEARING.

HUH. NEWS TO ME.

EH. GOOD MORROW, ROBIN HOOD.

GOOD MORROW, GUINEVERE. ART THOU READY FOR OUR DATE?

FEELS LIKE DRAGON WEATHER, DOES IT NOT?

GUINEVERE! LORD ARTHUR.

DATE? OOH.

THOU ART MY GIRLFRIEND! ROBIN HOOD,

HAS THOU BEEN STEALING MY THINGS AND GIVING THEM TO THE POOR? YES!

AND YOU'VE STOLEN MY GIRLFRIEND TOO? YES!

AND YOU'RE GIVING HER TO THE POOR? YES!

WELL... YOU'RE GIVING HER TO THE POOR?

THAT'S WHAT I SAID, YES!

UNSHEATHE THY SWORD AND PREPARE FOR BATTLE. NO, THOU MUSTN'T!

TODAY WE FIGHT TO THE DEATH!

SO BE IT.

♪ ROBIN HOOD CROSSED THE LINE ♪

♪ STOLE ARTHUR'S CONCUBINE FROM HIM ♪

♪ THEIR FRIENDSHIP IS FINISHED AND IT HAS DIMINISHED ♪

♪ INTO DECEPTION ♪

♪ AND SO THEY MUST FIGHT THE FIGHT ♪

♪ UNTIL THE DEATH TO PROVE WHO'S RIGHT ♪

♪ THEY WILL BATTLE THROUGH THE NIGHT ♪

♪ BUT STOP AND WAIT AND LOOK TO THE SKIES ♪

♪ A DRAGON APPROACHES AND THERE'S DEATH IN HIS EYES ♪

♪ BEST TO JOIN FORCES AND FIGHT THE BEAST ♪

♪ YOU BETTER JOIN FORCES OR YOU'LL BOTH BE DECEASED ♪

♪ DRAGON ATTACK ♪

BRAVO, MY KING. BRAVO!

HEY, YEAH. THANKS.

AS YOU CAN, OUR NUMBERS HAVE INCREASED. RIGHT, RIGHT. UH, GREAT.

IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO OUR KNOWLEDGE THAT THERE IS INDEED A TRAITOR IN OUR MIDST.

UH, YUP.

KEEP THINE EYES OPEN, MY KING!

AND DON'T DESPAIR. MY MEN WILL PROTECT YOU. GREAT.

AM I RIGHT, MEN? ARTHUR! ARTHUR!

BOY, THEY'RE READY TO KILL. THEY'RE CALLING FOR THE AUTHOR.

YOU HEAR THAT, BRENDON? YEAH, YEAH. GUYS, I'LL BE BACK, OKAY?

GOOD SHOW, ME LORD! UGH.

IN ME OPINION, 'TWAS A WEEDY WAYWARD VIOLET OF A PERFORMANCE. HUH.

AND WHAT DOES THOU SAY TO THAT?

UH, FAREWELL.

CAN I GET ONE OF THOSE CARAMEL-DIPPED SCROLLS?

NO, A FRESH... NO, A FRESH ONE.

A FRESH ONE. IT'S HOT. THESE ARE COLD. THESE ARE COLD.

MCGUIRK, YOU'VE BEEN IN THERE FOR 45 MINUTES. YEAH, WHATEVER.

THERE ARE PEOPLE LINED UP FOR THE BLACKSMITH BOOTH. THEY WANT YOU THERE.

LYNCH, SHUT UP, ALL RIGHT? I'M HAVING STOMACH PROBLEMS.

GET OUT HERE. I'M PAYING YOU TO PLAY A BLACKSMITH, NOT TO DO WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

BY THE WAY, MY LORD, ISN'T THIS HISTORICALLY INACCURATE?

SHOULDN'T I BE GOING OUTSIDE IN A HOLE IN THE GROUND,

NOT IN THIS BEAUTIFUL PORTA-POTTY?

I'M SURE YOU... I WANT ONE OF THESE. PUT IT OUT ON MY FRONT LAWN.

PISS OFF MY NEIGHBORS. LOOK, GET OUT HERE. GET OUT HERE.

I HEARD YOU, LYNCH. FORGET IT. I'M NOT PAYING YOU.

ALL RIGHT, I'M OUT.

WHAT ARE YOU BOOING? WHOO!

- I KNOW. I'M SORRY. - OH, GOD.

OH, YEAH. YEAH.

I'M SORRY. THAT IS NOT A WAND OF SUMMONING, MY FRIEND.

NO, NO! A WAND OF SUMMONING HAS A PEWTER COIL THAT...

THAT'S NOT A PEWTER COIL!

THAT IS INLAID SCRIMSHAW, WHICH BY THE...

WAS THERE WHALING IN KING ARTHUR'S TIME? I DON'T THINK SO.

THAT'S WEIRD THAT YOU WOULD HAVE SCRIMSHAW.

BRENDON. BRENDON! FENTON?

DOWN HERE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M RECRUITING YOU. FOR WHAT?

WE WANT YOU TO JOIN US.

WE? AFFIRMATIVE. OUR NUMBERS ARE BACK, BRENDON.

WE JUST NEED TO RECRUIT SOMEONE ELSE FROM THE INSIDE.

SOMEONE ELSE? LOOK.

YOU ARE EITHER WITH US OR AGAINST US.

WELL, I JUST DON'T CARE. THERE'S ALWAYS THAT.

JOIN US! NO. DON'T INVOLVE ME IN THIS, FENTON, OKAY?

YOU WILL SOON REGRET THE DECISION YOU HAVE MADE. MARK MY WORDS.

CAPTAIN NEPTUNE AWAY!

ISN'T IT DR. NEPTUNE? DR. NEPTUNE AWAY!

ALL RIGHT.

OH, NO, MAN. I COULD BARELY WALK OUT OF THERE.

I DIDN'T KNOW. I CALLED A CAB. MCGUIRK. MCGUIRK.

THERE WAS NO WAY. MCGUIRK, PUT THAT AWAY.

WHAT? PUT THE PHONE AWAY.

I'M ON THE PHONE, LYNCH. IT DOESN'T EXIST.

WHAT... LYNCH, I DON'T WANNA HAVE A PHILOSOPHICAL CONVERSATION RIGHT NOW.

GET OFF THE... GIVE ME THAT. WHAT?

HOLD ON. GIVE ME THAT.

WHAT? LYNCH, GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK.

WHO IS THIS? HELLO? HE'S MAKING HORSESHOES. GIVE IT BACK.

GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK. REALLY.

LYNCH. RENAISSANCE... OKAY, GOOD. OKAY.

WOW. MOYLIN HAS A PHONE! OKAY, GOOD-BYE.

EVERYBODY! MOYLIN HAS A PHONE! GOOD-BYE. OKAY, SHUT UP.

BURN HIM! MCGUIRK, SHUT UP.

BURN HIM! BURN HIM ALIVE!

UH, SIR, YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU ARE TALKING

TO A CHAOTIC NEUTRAL, EIGHTH LEVEL, HALF-ELF RANGER ILLUSIONIST,

AND YOU TREAT ME WITH THAT RESPECT!

I DID NOT SEW THESE LEATHER BREECHES MYSELF

SO THAT I CAN'T GET A GOBLET OF NONALCOHOLIC MEAD WHEN I ASK FOR IT!

OH, MIGHTY ODIN, WHERE IS THY CLEANSING THUNDERBOLT?

BRENDON. YEAH.

DON'T EVER DRINK THE NIGHT BEFORE A MEDIEVAL FAIR.

OH, YEAH? YEAH. DRINK DURING.

THAT'S WHAT I SHOULD'VE DONE. OKAY, BACK TO ME.

SO FENTON AND HELMET ARE BOTH INVOLVING ME IN THIS STUPID GEEK FIGHT. AND I DON'T KNOW.

YEAH, SO? SO I DON'T WANNA BE INVOLVED.

SO THEY'RE DORKS. LET 'EM FIGHT. IT'LL BE FUNNY.

EVER SEEN TWO DORKS FIGHT? IT'S HILARIOUS. YEAH?

EVERYBODY'S SAYING THAT THERE'S A TRAITOR AROUND. THESE KIDS ARE...

THESE KIDS ARE WEIRD. THEY MIGHT DO SOMETHING STUPID, YOU KNOW.

YOU KNOW WHAT LOOKS GOOD, BRENDON? WHAT'S THAT?

THE SCI-FI THING. OH, NOT YOU TOO.

OH! WHAT?

THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

EVERYONE'S FIGHTING AGAINST SCI-FI AND THE MEDIEVAL...

BRENDON. BRENDON. WHAT?

THAT'S THE WAY IT WAS. THE MEDIEVAL PEOPLE FOUGHT WITH THE SCI-FI PEOPLE.

IT'S BEEN THOUSANDS OF YEARS OF THAT. YEAH.

THAT'S WHY THEY'RE DOING THIS. IT'S A REENACTMENT.

IT'S JUST, COACH, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO.

BRENDON. WHAT? WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

BRENDON, LOOK. WHAT?

HERE'S FOUR DOLLARS. GO ACROSS THE FIELD AND GO TO THAT BURGER PLACE

AND GET ME A DOUBLE-BURGER WITH CHEESE.

ALL RIGHT? NO, COACH, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE...

LARGE FRIES. CURLY FRIES. THEY DIDN'T HAVE...

CURLY FIRES, BRENDON. THEY DIDN'T HAVE CURLY FRIES BACK IN MEDIEVAL TIMES.

I CAN'T DO THAT. WE'RE NOT IN MEDIEVAL TIMES, ALL RIGHT?

BUT... TURN YOUR HEAD. LOOK. THERE'S THE BURGER PLACE.

YOU CAN SEE IT FROM HERE.

OH, WAIT. THERE'S A CAR. IT JUST DROVE BY.

NO. NOW IT'S GOING INTO THE DRIVE-THROUGH.

WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?

BECAUSE GO GET ME ONE! ALL RIGHT!

YOU WANT ONE? YES.

♪ AND SO ♪

♪ THE DRAGON HAS BEEN SLAIN ♪

♪ AND NOW KING ARTHUR AND ROBIN HOOD MUST DECIDE ♪

♪ IF THEY STILL WANT TO DO WHAT THEY WERE GOING TO DO ♪

♪ AND FIGHT TO THE DEATH ♪

♪ BUT WHAT'S IT GONNA BE ♪

ATTACK!

KIDS, STOP. STOP.

YOU'RE BREAKING THAT. PUT THAT DOWN. PUT THAT...

♪ YEAH ♪

♪ YEAH ♪

SO YOU WERE THE TRAITOR, MELISSA? YUP.

AND SO, WHAT? YOU GOT THE ROBES AND YOU LED THEM INTO THE FAIR? YEAH.

WOW, MELISSA. SOMETIMES YOU IMPRESS ME.

YEAH, WELL. YEAH, BUT WHY?

YOU DIDN'T SEEM TO CARE ABOUT THAT SCI-FI STUFF AT ALL. OH, I DON'T.

THEN WHY DID YOU DO IT? BRENDON, HELMET RIPPED MY DRESS AND HE CALLED ME A WENCH.

OHH. YEAH. YOU RIP A GIRL'S DRESS, YOU CALL HER A WENCH...

YOU'RE ASKING FOR IT. OH.

GIRL POWER. GOOD, YES.

THANKS. POWER TO THE LADIES.

BRENDON, I STOLE THIS.

IS THAT PIG'S HEAD? EEW.

- IT'S CERAMIC. - OHH.

YEAH, I'M GONNA GIVE IT TO MY DAD. TAKE IT OFF, JASON.

DON'T EAT ME.

SO WHAT ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT?

NOTHING. NOTHING.

BRENDON, HOW WAS THE FAIR?

ACTUALLY, IT WAS PRETTY MUCH THE SAME AS LAST YEAR.

PERRY? YEAH?

THIS IS THE BEST DAY I'VE EVER HAD.

GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.

SLEEP TIGHT. OKAY! YOU TOO!

PERRY? YEAH?

ARE YOU UP? YEAH! I CAN'T SLEEP! CAN YOU?

NO!

OH, I GOT THE GIGGLES!