Original subtitles

Brendon: ACTION!

HEEYYAA!

YOW!

EEEYCHAA!

EYOOOWCHA!

RUFF! RUFF!

MEOW!

RUFF!

Brendon: YOU'RE CHOKING——!

YOU'RE CHOKING ME!

Jason: I'M SLIPPING.

Brendon: I CAN'T SEE! DON'T DROP ME!

CHOW MEIN!

OOOH. OWW!

Melissa: GET OFF ME.

JASON, GET OFF. YOU'RE CRUSHING ME.

Jason: GET OFF MY LEG. OW.

Brendon: CUT. OWW.

MELISSA, HOW HIGH CAN YOU JUMP?

HOW HIGH DO YOU NEED?

EIGHTEEN FEET.

THAT WAS A HAIKU.

BRENDON, CAN, UM, I HAVE ANOTHER PUDDING?

YOU'VE ALREADY HAD SIX.

NO WAY. WAY.

WOW. THAT WAS MY GOAL.

IT ALL HAPPENED SO FAST.

JASON, WHAT ARE YOU GETTING FENTON FOR HIS BIRTHDAY.

OH, RIGHT, FENTON'S PARTY.

OH, I GOT HIM AN ERASER.

IT LOOKS LIKE, UM, A LITTLE FOOTBALL.

IT SOUNDS GREAT.

IT HAS A DUAL, DUAL FUNCTION.

WHAT DOES IT DO OTHER THAN ERASE?

YOU CAN PLAY CATCH WITH IT.

OH.

YOU COULD ALMOST DO THAT WITH ANYTHING.

BUT IT'S SHAPED LIKE A FOOTBALL, BRENDON.

MELISSA, WHAT'D YOU GET HIM?

I GOT HIM A CD.

WELL, THAT'S STUPID.

YOU CAN ALSO PLAY CATCH WITH IT.

BRENDON, WHAT'D YOU GET HIM?

NOTHING.

BIG, FAT, ZERO, HUH?

YEAH. HOW COME? YOU'RE GOING TO HIS PARTY, RIGHT?

I WAS INVITED, BUT, YOU KNOW, UM—...

WHAT'S THE MATTER, DON'T YOU LIKE HIM?

YEAH, I, UH, I GUESS, I DON'T KNOW HIM.

I MEAN, YOU GUYS KNOW HIM, I, I ONLY KNOW HIM FROM SOCCER.

HEY, LET'S GET BACK TO THIS.

WE NEED EFFECTS, GUYS.

OH, YEAH, LIKE SOME, UM, BONES CRACKING OR—...

YEAH, OH, I THINK WE NEED TO SUSPEND MELISSA IN MID—AIR

WHEN SHE KICKS ME. ——IN THE STOMACH!

I SAID I WAS SORRY.

YOU KNOW WHAT MAKES A COOL SOUND?

WHAT'S THAT? WHAT?

IS PUDDING.

EWWW!

I LOVE YOU.

WELL——THAT'S——I HARDLY KNOW——

BUT I WANT YOU TO COME WITH ME AND START OVER.

BUT MAKE NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT, THIS PLANET'S GOING TO BLOW.

YEAH, I KNOW. YOU SAID THAT EARLIER.

WITH OR WITHOUT YOU.

NOW WHAT'LL IT BE?

ME? OR CERTAIN DEATH?

OH, THAT IS GOOD STUFF. THAT IS GOOD!

I'M A GENIUS.

OH, HI.

HI, MRS. SMALL.

I'M TRUDY MULLEY, FENTON MULLEY'S MOM?

OH, YEAH, SURE. I REMEMBER YOU.

TRULY MULLEY.

UH, UH, MMM, NOT TRULY, TRUDY.

TRUDY MULLEY, THAT'S A TRICKY—WICKY ONE, HUH?

YEAH.

UH, COME ON IN.

THANK YOU, MRS. SMALL.

PLEASE, CALL ME PAULA.

THANK YOU, PAUL.

NO, NOT PAUL. PAULA.

IT'S PAUL—A.

PAUL—A.

GET OUT.

EXCUSE ME?

I'M KIDDING, I'M KIDDING, MRS. MULLEY.

I JUST WANT TO SEE YOUR SON.

WHAT DID HE DO?

NO, NO, NO, NOTHING LIKE THAT.

HE'S COMING TO FENTON'S BIRTHDAY PARTY ON SATURDAY

AND I WANTED TO ASK HIM A FAVOR.

OH, OKAY. SURE, SURE.

HOLD ON A SECOND, I'LL GET HIM.

BRENDON!

CAN YOU, UH, COME DOWN HERE FOR A MINUTE?

YOU HAVE A VISITOR!

Brendon: I'M NOT TAKING ANY VISITORS RIGHT NOW!

BRENDON.

Brendon: I'M KINDA BUSY, MOM.

SHE'S HERE TO SEE YOU AND SHE CAN HEAR YOU.

Brendon: UH, I'LL BE RIGHT DOWN.

OKAY, GOOD.

HE'LL BE RIGHT HERE.

WOW, THAT WAS FAST.

BRENDON, YOU REMEMBER FENTON'S MOM.

UH, HELLO, UH MRS.——FENTON'S MOM.

WELL, YOU TWO TALK, I'LL MAKE SOME COFFEE.

DON'T LEAVE. HUH?

DON'T LEAVE. IT'S FINE.

MAKE MINE WITH EXTRA COFFEE.

Mrs. Mulley: BRENDON? HI.

BRENDON. HI.

I HAVE A FAVOR TO ASK. OH?

I KNOW YOU'RE THE ONE WHO DOES THE FILMING VIDEOS

AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WOULD DO A BIRTHDAY TRIBUTE TO FENTON

AND SHOW IT AT HIS BIRTHDAY PARTY?

OH, UM, WH—HOW MUCH YOU LOOKING TO SPEND?

Paula: BRENDON.

WH—WH—WHAT I MEANT TO SAY WAS OKAY,

THE PARTY'S IN TWO DAYS.

OH! THANK YOU SO MUCH!

WHAT?

YOU'RE SUCH A SWEET, WONDERFUL PERSON!

OH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

OH, FENTON WILL BE SO GRATEFUL.

I HAVE TO LEAVE NOW.

UM, OH, GOOD—BYE.

NOW, LISTEN UP. THAT WAS A GOOD GAME.

YOU ALL SHOWED UP AND I'M PROUD OF THAT.

COACH McGUIRK, I WAS JUST WONDERING

HOW COME THEY CANCELED THE GAME AFTER TEN MINUTES?

WELL, BECAUSE WE WERE LOSING BY 20 GOALS, MELISSA.

IT'S CALLED "THE SLAUGHTER RULE."

McGuirk: YOU KNOW, MELISSA, IF WE PLAYED THE FULL GAME

WE PROBABLY WOULD'VE LOST BY 100 GOALS.

I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M SAYING WE, I WASN'T OUT THERE

RUNNING AROUND LIKE IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I EVER USED MY LEGS.

MELISSA.

OKAY.

YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE WHEN THEY STOP A BOXING MATCH

BECAUSE THE GUY'S BLEEDING TOO MUCH,

YOU KNOW, ALL CUT UP.

ONLY THIS WAS WORSE.

I MEAN, FRACTURED JAWS GET WIRED SHUT.

BROKEN NOSES BECOME BADGES OF COURAGE.

MELISSA.

OKAY.

BUT TO LOSE BY 20 GOALS IN TEN MINUTES IS—...

OH, FORGET IT.

YOU PLAYED A GOOD GAME.

THANKS, COACH. THANKS.

BYE, EVERYBODY. SEE YOU AT MY PARTY.

BYE. BYE.

ALL RIGHT, FENTON. WADDLE OUT OF HERE.

YOU PLAYED A GOOD GAME.

THANKS.

NOT REALLY.

AND THANKS AGAIN FOR THE INVITE.

WHAT'S THAT, COACH McGUIRK.

IT'S AN INVITATION, BRENDON.

FENTON INVITED ME TO HIS PARTY.

YOU GOING TO A KID'S PARTY?

OF COURSE I'M NOT GOING, BRENDON.

IT'S NICE TO BE INVITED, YOU KNOW.

RIGHT.

McGuirk: IT'S NICE TO, UH, FEEL WANTED,

IT'S NICE TO HAVE SOMEONE SAY TO YOU

"ENJOY YOUR COMPANY, PLEASE COME AND SHARE WITH US

THIS SPECIAL DAY."

McGuirk: IT TOUCHES THE HEART.

IS THAT WHAT YOUR INVITATION SAYS?

ACTUALLY, IT SAYS, UH, "JOLLY JEEPERS, AIN'T IT GREAT?

"FENTON MULLEY'S TURNING EIGHT.

"EAT SOME ICE CREAM, EAT SOME CAKE,

JEEPERS JOLLY, AIN'T IT GREAT?"

WOW. THAT'S AWFUL.

I DON'T WANT TO DO IT, MOM, IT'S STUPID.

BRENDON, WHAT'S THE HARM?

YOU JUST SAY A FEW NICE THINGS INTO THE CAMERA.

Paula: TELL A STORY LIKE THE TIME YOU WERE BOTH LATE FOR SCHOOL

AND YOU GOT LOCKED OUT FOR HALF AN HOUR.

OH, MOM, ALL HE DID WAS WHINE.

WELL, SOMETHING ELSE THAT YOU AND HE DID.

WELL, THAT'S ABOUT IT. I DON'T KNOW HIM THAT WELL.

BRENDON, LOOK, I UNDERSTAND YOU DON'T WANT TO BRING A GIFT.

YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THAT. BUT JUST CONSIDER THIS HIS GIFT.

BUT, MOM, IF, IF, IF I GOT INVITED,

ISN'T ME GOING THERE THE GIFT?

MY PRESENCE WAS REQUESTED, SO I'M BRINGING MY PRESENCE.

MY PRESENCE IS THE GIFT AND THAT'S—...

HEY, WHAT'S A BIRTHDAY SUIT?

WHERE'D YOU HEAR THAT?

UH, SOME KIDS ASKED ME IF I WAS—...

IF I WAS GOING TO WEAR MY BIRTHDAY SUIT TO THE PARTY

AND I SAID I WASN'T SURE, I SAID I MIGHT—...

BRENDON, YOUR BIRTHDAY SUIT IS WHAT YOU WERE BORN IN.

OH, WELL, THEN, THAT'S NOT GOING TO FIT.

NO, BRENDON, IT'S YOUR SKIN.

WHAT?

IT MEANS, WHEN YOU'RE WEARING NOTHING,

WHEN YOU'RE NAKED.

I'M NOT GONNA WEAR THAT.

THAT'S GROSS.

Paula: YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, BRENDON.

WELL, SO, UH, TODAY'S FENTON MULLEY'S BIRTHDAY.

OKAY, OKAY. WHAT KIND OF A NAME IS FENTON, ANYWAY?

IT SOUNDS LIKE A KIND OF DRUG YOU'D TAKE TO KEEP FROM SCRATCHING.

HONK, HONK,

SPEAKING OF SCRATCHING, FENTON'S SO UGLY,

YOU, YOU LOOK UP THE WORD UGLY IN THE DICTIONARY,

YOU SEE FENTON, IT SAYS "SEE FENTON."

I DON'T WANT TO SEE HIM, HE'S TOO UGLY.

HONK, HONK.

HEY, HERE'S A LITTLE NOTE—...

FENTON, WHEN YOUR MOTHER TELLS YOU TO EAT YOUR GREENS,

SHE DOESN'T MEAN PICK YOUR NOSE.

HONK.

WHENEVER I SEE FENTON AT SOCCER,

HE'S USUALLY WHINING ABOUT SOMETHING.

I THINK MY ARM'S BROKEN, I THINK MY LEG'S BROKEN,

I THINK MY NECK'S BROKEN.

HEY, I THINK YOUR RECORD'S BROKEN.

HONK, HONK.

HEY, HERE'S A LITTLE STORY: ONE TIME FENTON AND I

GOT LOCKED OUT OF SCHOOL FOR 30 MINUTES

AND GUESS WHAT FENTON DID THE WHOLE TIME?

WHINED. HONK, HONK.

BUT I KID.

HEY, IF FENTON FALLS IN THE FOREST

AND THERE'S NO ONE AROUND TO HEAR HIM, DOES HE STILL WHINE?

HONK, HONK.

HEY, FENTON, YOU WANT SOME WINE WITH THAT CHEESE?

HEY, FENTON, YOU WANT SOME CHEESE WITH THAT WHINE, I MEANT.

HONK, HONK.

HEY, FENTON, LOOK OUT, HERE'S COMES A CAR.

HONK, HONK.

OH, BRENDON, YOU MADE THE VIDEO FILM.

UH, YEAH, YEAH. UM, HEY, BUT LISTEN,

IT'S EITHER FILM OR VIDEO.

OH, THANK YOU FOR BEING FENTON'S FRIEND.

FILM OR VIDEO, IT'S NOT VIDEO FILM.

Fenton: BRENDON!

YEAH.

YOU GOT ME A VIDEO FILM CAMERA FOR MY BIRTHDAY?

NO, ACTU—...

BRENDON MADE A FILMDEO ABOUT YOU FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY.

THAT'S HIS GIFT TO YOU.

A FILM—...

UM—HUM.

THAT'S NOT A GIFT.

THAT'S A CHEAP WAY OF GETTING OUT OF GIVING ME A REAL GIFT.

OH, NOW, HONEY.

NO, I WANT A REAL GIFT.

I WANT THAT FILM VIDEO CAMERA!

SWEETIE—PIE.

I WANT A REAL GIFT!

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. IT'S MY REAL BIRTHDAY.

OH, HONEY.

IT'S NOT A VIDEO OF MY BIRTHDAY.

WHAT THE—...

UH, YEAH, I'M GOING TO KEEP MOVING ON,

Brendon: TO WHERE THE FOOD IS.

OH, WHY DON'T YOU HAVE SOME OF THE REAL FOOD, TOO.

OR WHY DON'T WE JUST TAKE A PICTURE OF THE FOOD

AND YOU CAN TAKE THAT HOME WITH YOU.

I JUST WANTED YOU TO BE HAPPY.

BUT I JUST WANT THE FILM VIDEO CAMERA, MOM.

I KNOW, I KNOW.

GAH! DO SOMETHING!

I'M TRYING.

YOU SEE, STAR WARS IS ALL ABOUT THE HERO'S JOURNEY

AND, YOU KNOW, WEIRDO SPACE CREATURES—...

AND I'M GOING TO WRITE A MOVIE THAT GOES BEYOND

THE STAR WARS TRILOGY.

WOW.

AND I'M GOING TO WRITE THE THIRD PART FIRST

AND UH, THE FIRST PARTS—-

WHAT'S IT ABOUT?

W—WHAT?

WHAT'S IT ABOUT?

OH, I DON'T, I DON'T KNOW YET EXACTLY.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO CALL IT?

UH, I'M GOING TO CALL IT, "CAN STAR WARS DO THIS?"

WOW.

I'M GOING TO GO TALK TO SOMEBODY ELSE.

YOU KIDS ARE DORKS.

MA, YOU GOT THE WHITE ONES.

OKAY, HONEY.

I WANTED THE BLUE ONES AND YOU GOT THE WHITE ONES.

UH, FENTON, I DIDN'T KNOW.

NO, MA, I WANTED THE ONES WITH THE BLUE CORN TORTILLA CHIPS,

NOT THE WHITE CORN!

I'M SO SORRY.

NO, I LIKE THE BLUE ONES, MOM!

FENTON, DEAR.

WHERE'S THE GUACAMOLE!

FENTON—— I'M SORRY.

I WANTED GUACAMOLE!

I'M SORRY. ——I'M SORRY.

NO, UH, ——WE'RE SORRY, WE'RE INTERRUPTING.

NO, NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

NO, WE'RE INTERRUPTING.

PERRY, WE'RE INTERRUPTING.

IT'S AWKWARD. YEAH.

HE'LL BE, HE'LL BE OKAY.

SOMETIMES CRYING'S OKAY, RIGHT?

IT'S VERY HEALTHY. GOOD. YEAH.

WHY DID YOU BOYS COME IN HERE?

SOMETIMES——OKAY—...

UM, I ALMOST FORGOT WHY I CAME IN HERE.

I DID FORGET.

WE WERE LOOKING FOR THE BATHROOM.

NO, WE WERE, OH, YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

THE BATHROOM.

WELL, NOW, ONE IS DOWN THE HALL TO THE RIGHT

AND THERE'S ANOTHER ONE UPSTAIRS.

I DON'T LIKE HEIGHTS.

I'LL USE THE ONE DOWN HERE.

ME TOO. EVEN THOUGH I LIKE HEIGHTS.

YOU DO?

YES.

I'M SCARED NOW.

ME TOO!

FENTON, SWEETIE—...

MRS. FENTON?

YES?

IS IT OKAY IF PERRY AND I GO TO THE BATHROOM TOGETHER?

NO, NO, NO. ONE AT A TIME, DEAR.

MA, I'M TALKING.

YES, I HEAR YOU DEAR.

WELL, STOP TALKING TO HIM.

I'M TALKING.

I'M NOT DEAF, SWEETIE.

MRS. FENTON? MRS. FENTON?

YES? YES, DEAR?

WHY CAN'T—— I'VE GOT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM RIGHT NOW.

JUST GO, GET OUT OF MY—— I'M TALKING TO MY MOM.

THERE'S GOING TO BE A BATHROOM EMERGENCY RIGHT HERE

IF YOU DON'T GO TO BATHROOM.

I GOTTA GO, I'M GOING RIGHT NOW!

THE SKUNK SCOUTS, THAT'S LIKE A SECOND FAMILY TO ME.

YEAH, A FAMILY THAT ALL WEARS THE SAME CLOTHES.

YEAH, THAT'S, I'D HAVE TO BE LIKE ULTIMATE SKUNK COMMANDER

OR, OR SOMETHING, YOU KNOW, OR OTHERWISE—-

OH, YOU HAVE TO EARN THAT. SEE THIS BADGE?

I GOT THIS BADGE FOR EARNING THAT BADGE.

BRENDON?

YEAH.

CAN I SPEAK WITH YOU A MINUTE? UM—HUM.

I'M WORRIED ABOUT JASON.

HE'S EATING WAY TOO MUCH CANDY AND DRINKING WAY TOO MUCH SODA.

I DON'T LIKE IT.

I HATE IT WHEN HE GETS LIKE THIS.

HE'LL BE FINE.

HE HAD A ROUGH WEEK AT SCHOOL.

LOOK, HE FLUNKED THREE TESTS THIS WEEK, ALL RIGHT?

HE, HE JUST NEEDS TO UNWIND.

STOP IT, JASON.

YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH. YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME.

STOP IT, JASON, YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH.

YOU'RE EMBARRASSING YOURSELF.

YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME.

YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME.

KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN.

KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN, MELISSA.

MY VOICE IS DOWN.

WELL, MINE'S DOWN TOO THEN!

JASON, EVERYONE'S STARING.

NOBODY'S STARING AT ME.

PEOPLE ARE STARING AT YOU AND YOUR STUPID RICH BITCH DRESS.

JASON, YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH.

I KNOW WHEN I'VE HAD ENOUGH, MELISSA.

ALRIGHT, AND I SURELY HAVEN'T HAD ENOUGH.

THE ONLY THING I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF IS, IS YOU.

I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU.

OH, MY GOD, HELP ME. HELP ME, MELISSA.

I'LL HELP YOU, JASON.

Mrs. Mulley: MORE CANDY, KIDS? I GOTTA GO—...

GIRLS, ENJOYING THE FESTIVITIES OF THE MOMENT?

HUH? WHOOPS, MUST HAVE A HOLE IN MY LIP.

YEAH, IT'S OKAY. IT'S RENTED.

LUCKILY I'M NOT WEARING MY BIRTHDAY SUIT.

BRENDON, COME IN THE KITCHEN.

SHE NEEDS SOME HELP IN THE KITCHEN.

SOMETHING ABOUT GETTING—- I'LL BE BACK, YOU GUYS, OKAY.

THE THING IS, FENTON DOESN'T HAVE MANY FRIENDS.

OH, I HOPE YOU TOLD THE STORY ABOUT THE TIME YOU AND HE

WERE LOCKED OUT OF SCHOOL.

THAT'S HIS FAVORITE STORY. HE TALKS ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME.

OH, THANK YOU, BRENDON.

UH, DON'T MENTION IT.

UM, EXCUSE ME KIDS, BEFORE WE GET TO THE GIFTS—...

I WANT TO OPEN MY GIFTS!

IN A MINUTE, FENTON.

NO, I WANT TO OPEN THEM NOW.

NO, HONEY, BUT WE HAVE A VERY SPECIAL THING FIRST, FENTON.

IT'S A—...

CAR?

NO, IT'S A BIRTHDAY TRIBUTE BRENDON MADE FOR YOU,

JUST FOR YOU ON YOUR BIRTHDAY.

ACTUALLY, ACTUALLY, IT'S NOT READY.

IT'S READY. I HOOKED IT UP.

I THINK MELISSA DID IT WRONG.

NO.

I CAN'T SHOW THE VIDEO.

CAN I, CAN I HAVE ONE SECOND PLEASE?

OH, SURE.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

I CAN'T SHOW THE VIDEO, IT WILL HURT MRS. MULLEY'S FEELINGS.

Brendon: ALL I DID WAS MAKE FUN OF FENTON.

I, I, I——SHE HUGGED ME, FOR PETE'S SAKE!

Melissa: SHE MUGGED YOU?

HUGGED! HUGGED ME!

ARMS, SQUEEZE, SAD, VERY SAD.

I DEMAND TO SEE THE VIDEO.

PLEASE. A MOMENT OF YOUR TIME.

THANK YOU.

I CAN'T SHOW IT, I HAVE TO TRY TO FIX IT FOR HER SAKE.

OKAY, FINE. WE'LL STALL.

I'M S——HEY, I'M SORRY BUT THIS FILM ISN'T READY.

I, UH, I CAN'T SHOW THE WORK OF THIS POOR QUALITY

BECAUSE IT'S BENEATH MY STANDARD OF DOING THINGS ABOVE ME.

SO, UM, SO I'M GONNA WORK ON IT AND LATER ON I'LL SHOW IT.

IT'S UNSHOWABLE NOW. IT'S AWFUL. IT'S HIDEOUS. OKAY, THEY GET IT.

MONKEY COULD DO BETTER.

I THINK THEY GET THE POINT.

Chanting: WE WANT THE VIDEO. WE WANT THE VIDEO.

SHUT UP! IT'S RUINING MY PARTY!

NOW, FENTON DEAR, DON'T GET UPSET.

NO, I SAID HE'S RUINING MY PARTY.

Mrs. MULLEY: HE'S NOT RUINING IT, HE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

Fenton: YES, HE IS! HE'S RUINING MY PARTY.

ALL RIGHT, DEAR, HE'S RUINING IT.

ALL RIGHT! LET THE GAMES BEGIN.

JOLLY JEEPERS. THIS SUCKS.

THAT'S FROM ME, IT'S AN ERASER. THAT'S FROM ME, IT'S AN ERASER.

DON'T RUIN IT.

GET OFF MY BACK, MELISSA.

AN ERASER? Jason: IT LOOKS LIKE A FOOTBALL.

I HOPE THE NEXT PRESENT'S BETTER.

Fenton: WOW, A SOCCER BALL.

I'M GOING TO NEED THAT BACK—— AFTER TODAY.

A CD? YOU GAVE ME A CD LAST YEAR.

I DID?

Fenton: COULDN'T YOU THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE?

OH, WELL, UM, I THOUGHT IT WAS—-

CAKE AND ICE CREAM IS READY.

HEY, BRENDON. HOW'S THE NEW MOVIE GOING?

TERRIBLE.

I, YOU KNOW, I CAN'T MAKE THIS KID LOOK GOOD,

NO MATTER WHAT.

HE'S BEEN ACTING KIND OF LIKE A JERK.

KIND OF A JERK?

HE'S A SPOILED BRAT, YOU KNOW—- I'M——HEY, FENTON.

HI. HEY. GREAT PARTY.

Jason: OH, OH, ——

YOU BLACKED OUT, JASON.

Jason: NO, I DIDN'T.

YES, IT—-

YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER.

JASON, LISTEN TO ME. YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH.

MUST HAVE MORE GUMMY BEARS, IT WOULD HELP.

NO, NO MORE.

GUMMY BEARS WILL HELP IT.

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO FORGET?

I'M NOT FORGETTING ANYTHING, I'M JUST——MELISSA.

YOU CAN'T EVEN STAND STRAIGHT.

I CAN STAND FINE. DO ME A FAVOR. WHAT?

JUST ONE PIECE, BABY.

JASON, I CALLED YOU A CAB.

DAMMIT, A LITTLE TASTE AIN'T GOING TO KILL ME.

YOU DON'T EVEN SOUND LIKE YOURSELF.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I SOUND FINE.

YOU'RE NOT FINE. I AM FINE.

ALL RIGHT, LOOK.

LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT ME——OKAY?

I'M LOOKING AT YOU AND I DON'T LIKE WHAT I SEE.

MELISSA, COME ON, DON'T DO THIS.

KISS ME. AW, COME ON.

THAT'S THE SUGAR TALKING.

GET OFF, YOU'RE ALL STICKY.

IT'S OKAY, IT'S JUST CANDY. COMES OUT IN THE WASH.

EVERYTHING DOES.

MELISSA, LOOK AT ME IN THE EYE.

MELISSA, DON'T DO THIS, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

I JUST WANT ONE MORE CHEW—CHEW—-

PLEASE CAKE, PLEASE CAKE, PLEASE CAKE—...

JASON, THIS IS HARDER FOR ME THAN IT IS FOR YOU.

Melissa: GO.

Jason: NO! NO! LET ME OUT! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!

NOW, MELISSA, WAS THAT YOUR NAME?

YES.

Clown: OR WAS IT QUEEN MELISSA?

WOW. OH, MY GOD.

THANK YOU.

IT'S A TRICK DECK.

EVERY OTHER CARD IS THE QUEEN OF HEARTS.

HEY, PAL, I'M JUST TRYING TO EARN 30 BUCKS, HUH?

GIVE ME BREAK. GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK.

Clown: WHATEVER. I'LL GIVE YOU 40 IF YOU HIT THE ROAD.

DEAL.

McGuirk: REALLY? Clown: UH—HUH.

UM, I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D REALLY GO FOR IT.

AND THE BALLS' GONE. WHERE'D IT GO?

IT'S IN YOUR OTHER HAND.

UH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

IT'S JUST HARD TO DO TRICKS WITH A SOCCER BALL.

I COULD PUT IT BEHIND MY BACK.

ALL RIGHT, NOW WHERE'S THE BALL?

IT'S BEHIND YOUR BACK.

ALL RIGHT, FINE, MELISSA. YOU WIN.

IT'S NOT A GREAT GAME. KIDS, GATHER 'ROUND.

WHO WANTS TO PLAY DICE? MELISSA?

YOU HAVE MONEY ON YOU?

I HAVE TWO DOLLARS.

PUT IT ON THE TABLE.

HOW DO YOU WIN?

YOU KNOW WHAT DICE ARE, RIGHT?

YEAH, BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU PLAY DICE.

WELL, YOU ROLL THEM.

OH.

I'LL TELL YOU WHEN YOU WIN OR I'LL TELL YOU WHEN YOU LOSE. OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, SO TWO BUCKS, ONE'S MINE, ONE'S YOURS.

BUT THEY'RE BOTH REALLY MINE.

ALL RIGHT, ROLL THE DICE. FOUR, YOU LOSE.

Melissa: OH. YEAH.

I'M ALL OUT OF MONEY.

WHO WANT TO THROW THE BONES? ANYONE?

WHAT'S THAT KID'S NAME?

OH, NO, NO, NO.

OH, MY BEAUTIFUL BABIES.

ALL RIGHT, HERE'S A TRICK.

HOUDINI COULDN'T EVEN DO THIS ONE.

WHO?

NOT JUST WHO, HOUDINI. YOU GET IT?

Melissa: MM—HMM.

ALL RIGHT.

NOW HIT ME AS HARD AS YOU CAN IN THE STOMACH.

COOL TRICK, HUH?

GOOD ONE. ALL RIGHT, NEXT.

KEEP THE LINE STRAIGHT, DON'T CUT.

NO, YOU GO FIRST. NO, SAME TIME.

I DON'T THINK WE CAN. YEAH, ONE, TWO, THREE—-

CAN WE DO IT TOGETHER? ONE, TWO, THREE.

I'M GONNA HIT HIM. LET'S HIT HIM AT THE SAME TIME.

OW.

WHO AM I?

OLD JASON, I MISS YOU.

WHAT HAVE I BECOME?

Perry: MAY I CUT IN?

OF COURSE, PERRY.

WHO'S SHE? I DON'T KNOW.

YOU LEAD. REALLY?

LET'S BOTH LEAD. OKAY, BOTH LEAD.

HEY, BACK HERE, COME BACK HERE.

PERRY. YEAH?

PERRY? YEAH?

WHEN WE GET OLDER—— YEAH?

LET'S LIVE TOGETHER. OKAY.

WE'LL GET A VAN. A BAND?

A VAN. A VAN.

WE'LL LIVE IN IT. YEAH.

WE'LL CALL IT THE WALTER AND PERRY VAN.

AND INSIDE IT WILL BEAUTIFUL LIKE A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE.

WOULDN'T THAT BE COOL?

YEAH, THAT'LL BE SO COOL.

THEN WE COULD DRIVE IN OUR HOUSE, PERRY.

WE COULD DRIVE INSIDE OF IT.

WE'D HAVE A HOUSE THAT WE COULD DRIVE.

BUT YOU'D HAVE TO TAKE YOUR SHOES.

ATTENTION, EVERYONE.

BRENDON HAS REWORKED HIS LITTLE FILM VIDEO FOR YOU

AND HE'S READY TO SHOW IT NOW.

THANK YOU AGAIN, BRENDON. YOU'RE WELCOME.

UM, WELL, UH, WELL, WITH THIS FILM I TRIED TO CAPTURE THE REAL FENTON MULLEY.

IT WAS A LITTLE RUSHED AND THE EDITING

IS A LITTLE CHOPPY, BUT, UH, BUT BEAR WITH ME.

IT'S CALLED "FENTON IS."

HOPE YOU LIKE IT.

Brendon: TODAY IS FENTON MULLEY'S BIRTHDAY.

EIGHT YEARS ON THE PLANET.

BUT THE QUESTION IS, WHO IS FENTON MULLEY?

I MEAN, FENTON SOUNDS LIKE THE NAME OF A DRUG YOU TAKE

TO GET RID OR A RASH OR SOMETHING.

HONK, HONK.

NOT THAT FUNNY.

BUT I KID. LET'S HAVE A LOOK AND SEE WHO FENTON REALLY IS.

Brendon: FENTON IS THOUGHTFUL.

DO YOU LIKE MY NEW SWEATER?

IS IT SUPPOSED TO BE UGLY?

Brendon: FENTON IS GENEROUS.

IT'S MINE!

I JUST WANT TO LOOK AT IT.

I DON'T CARE. IT'S MINE.

DON'T LOOK AT IT.

WALTER, WHERE ARE YOU?

Brendon: FENTON IS GRATEFUL.

IT'S NOT GREAT AT ALL! I WANT PONY RIDES.

RENTING A PONY WAS TOO EXPENSIVE, FENTON.

MAYBE NEXT YEAR, OR—-

MAYBE NEXT YEAR? I WANT PONY RIDES THIS YEAR!

BUT THE MAGICIAN WAS SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR—-

Fenton: HE SUCKS, MOM!

Mrs. Mulley: FENTON.

Fenton: YOU KNOW WHAT, MOM? Mrs. Mulley: WHAT, HONEY?

Fenton: I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE!

OH, FENTON.

YOU SPIED ON ME.

YOU MADE A STUPID VIDEO FILM ON ME, YOU JERK, BRENDON SMALL.

Fenton: GAH! NOBODY LIKES ME BECAUSE OF YOU.

HEY! DON'T LEAVE. THE PARTY'S NOT OVER.

Fenton: OKAY, FINE. LEAVE, SEE IF I CARE.

FENTON, HONEY, BRENDON DIDN'T GET TO THE STORY

ABOUT YOU AND HIM—...

YOU KNOW WHAT, MOM? WHAT HONEY?

IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT. OH, HONEY.

YOU RUINED MY PARTY. I DIDN'T—...

EVERYBODY HATES ME BECAUSE OF YOU. I'M SO SORRY.

McGuirk: FENTON, SHUT UP! ALL RIGHT?

SHUT UP!

AND YOU STOP YOUR WEASELY LITTLE CRYING.

NOW APOLOGIZE TO YOUR MOTHER, THEN APOLOGIZE TO EVERYONE ELSE

HERE AT THE PARTY.

WHAT?

NOW!

Fenton: I'M SORRY.

THAT'S BETTER.

MR. McGUIRK, WOULD YOU LIKE A CUP OF COFFEE?

SURE. THAT SOUNDS GREAT. YOU CAN CALL ME JOHN.

JOHN.

MRS. MULLEY.

CALL ME TRUDY.

WELL, TRUDY, WOULD, UH, WOULD YOU LIKE TO PUNCH ME IN THE STOMACH?

I SURE WOULD.

MMM.

BUT WHAT ABOUT MY PARTY?

GO TO YOUR ROOM, FENTON.

Fenton: WHAT? Mrs. Mulley: NOW.

WHAT A DAY. WHAT A PARTY.

UM, I GUESS, UH, BRENDON AND MELISSA,

I OWE YOU GUYS AN APOLOGY FOR MY INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR.

IT'S OKAY.

JUST DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. FORGET IT.

GOOD.

UM, DO YOU, UM, THINK FENTON'S REALLY GOING TO HAVE PONY RIDES NEXT YEAR?

UM, ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT.

NICE GIFT TO FENTON, BY THE WAY.

HEY, BRENDON, YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER?

WHAT?

IF THERE HAD BEEN SOME SPECIAL EFFECTS IN THERE.

YEAH, I, I——IT COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER

BUT I DIDN'T HAVE TIME.

WELL, YOU KNOW, I'M JUST SAYING.

HEY, I WAS JUST THINKING—- WHAT IF JASON

JUMPS OFF A BRIDGE ONTO A MOVING BUS?

Brendon: AND, AND THEN ME AND YOU FIGHT ON TOP OF THE BUS.

Melissa: AND THEN I KICK OUT A WINDOW ON THE BUS AND I CLIMB ON TOP.

Brendon: RIGHT.

Jason: UM, NO, NO, NO, NO.

I GOT IT, I GOT IT, WE CLIMB UP A TELEPHONE POLE

AND UM, FIX THE LINE.

Brendon: FIX THE TELEPHONE POLE.

Melissa: THAT'S REALLY NOT SO ACTION—PACKED.

Jason: IT'S VERY DANGEROUS.

Brendon: I DO, I LIKE WHERE THAT'S GOING, A LOT—...

Jason: BECAUSE, THEN WE COULD WEAR THOSE HATS.

Brendon: OH.

Jason: AND THE BELTS.

OR, OR, WE CLIMB UP THE TELEPHONE POLE, BRENDON,

AND MELISSA GETS ELECTROCUTED.

Melissa: HEY!

Jason: AND JUMP ON TO A HELICOPTER AND THEN GETS MELISSA GETS SPLIT IN HALF.

Melissa: WHY DOES SOMETHING BAD ALWAYS HAPPENING TO ME?

Brendon: IT'S FUNNIER WHEN IT HAPPENS TO THE GIRL.

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