Original subtitles

AND NOW, FOR THE FINAL AWARD OF THE EVENING—...

THE BEST YOUNG "FILMMAKER" OF THE YEAR—...

AND THE NOMINEES ARE...

THE SEA MONSTER, DAVY BOUTON, PRODUCER.

TITANIC II, SHEILA AND BILLY JONES, PRODUCERS.

THE SHIP IS SINKING.

WE'VE HIT AN ICEBERG.

BUT THE SHIP CAN'T SINK. IT WILL NEVER SINK.

IT'S INSINKABLE.

IT'S CALLED THE TITANIC.

THERE'S FISH ALL OVER THE PLACE NOW COMING IN

BECAUSE WE'RE REALLY SINKING A LOT NOW.

WE CAN'T SINK.

WE SUNK.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU.

AND FINALLY, FAT—HER—— BRENDON, MELISSA AND JASON, PRODOOKEES.

YOU HAD AN AFFAIR?

LOOK, I... I...

AND NOW SHE'S TRYING TO KILL US?

HOW COULD YOU?

I'M SORRY.

WHO IS SHE?

JUST SOME WOMAN.

IS IT BECAUSE I'M FAT?

NO.

IN FACT, SHE'S FAT, TOO.

WELL, WHERE IS SHE NOW?

I DON'T KNOW.

BUT WE'RE SAFE HERE, IN THE COUNTRY.

SHE'LL NEVER FIND US.

FOUND YOU!

SHE FOUND US!

YOU SAID SHE WOULD NEVER FIND US.

BUT THAT'S NOT HER!

AND THE AWARD GOES TO...

HOW DO YOU GET THESE OPEN?

OH, HERE IT IS—— FAT—HER!

BRENDON, JASON AND KALEESEE, PREDEEKEES.

CONGRATULATIONS.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAY A FEW WORDS?

KEEP IT TIGHT.

OKAY, WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU.

GOOD NIGHT!

STOP IT!

SIT DOWN, THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT, UH, SO I'LL KEEP IT FOR THE FIRST DAY.

MELISSA KEEPS IT FOR THE SECOND DAY

AND JASON WILL KEEP IT FOR THE THIRD DAY.

AND WE'LL KEEP DOING IT LIKE THAT FOR...

THE REST OF OUR LIVES.

OKAY.

WHAT IF, UM, ONE OF US GETS HIT BY A CAR

AND THEN IT GETS MANGLED?

WELL, THEN YOU MISS YOUR DAY.

EXCUSE ME, HI.

HI, I'M DIXIE SMITHLY FROM CHANNEL 1 NEWS

AND I WANTED TO CONGRATULATE YOU KIDS ON YOUR AWARD.

OH!

I'D LOVE TO DO A PIECE ON YOU THREE KIDS.

YOU MEAN, UM, BEAT US UP?

NO, NO, OF COURSE NOT!

JASON, NO, SHE MEANS SHE WANTS TO DO A STORY ON US.

RIGHT?

YEAH, RIGHT.

I THINK IT'S FASCINATING WHAT YOU KIDS ARE DOING

AND I THINK IT'LL MAKE A GREAT STORY.

WE'LL DO SOME INTERVIEWS, FOLLOW YOU AROUND WITH THE CAMERA, YOU KNOW—...

SEE WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE YOUNG, AWARD—WINNING FILMMAKERS.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

COULD YOU REPEAT THAT?

THERE YOU ARE!

OH!

HEY, WHOA, MOM!

BRENDON, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU.

CONGRATULATIONS.

ARE YOU HIS MOTHER?

HIS GIRLFRIEND.

SHE'S KIDDING, WE BROKE UP.

I'M... I'M HIS MOM, PAULA SMALL.

I'M DIXIE SMITHLY FROM CHANNEL 1 NEWS.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

OH, HEY, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU KIDS, TOO.

CONGRATULATIONS!

BRENDON, YOUR MOM'S ALL OVER ME.

CONGRATULATIONS.

THANK YOU, MRS. SMALL.

YOU HAVE REALLY BAD BREATH.

WELL, I THINK THIS IS GOING TO BE A FUN INTERVIEW.

THAT WASN'T THE INTERVIEW?

Principal: YOU SEE, MR. MCGUIRK, THE PROBLEM IS YOU SCORED

EXTREMELY LOW ON CERTAIN PARTS OF YOUR EVALUATION.

YEAH.

AND THE PART WE'RE MOST CONCERNED WITH TODAY

IS THE ONE DEALING WITH YOUR ANGER.

IN FACT, I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU RIPPED UP THAT SECTION

OF THE EVALUATION AND THREW IT INTO THE REVIEWER'S FACE.

IN ACCORDANCE WITH SCHOOL POLICY IT WILL BE NECESSARY FOR YOU

TO ATTEND ANGER MANAGEMENT THERAPY.

IF YOU REFUSE YOU WILL BE TERMINATED.

AM I CLEAR?

UH—HUH.

IT'S ALL UP TO YOU, MR. MCGUIRK.

ARE YOU WILLING TO ATTEND THESE ANGER MANAGEMENT SESSIONS?

HMM?

THAT'S A YES?

UM, NO... OH, DAMN!

COFFEE, ANYBODY?

BECAUSE I'M... GOT A FRESH POT BREWING.

JUST A SHOW OF HANDS IF YOU WOULD LIKE COFFEE.

OKAY, FOUR CUPS OF COFFEE.

CREAM?

JUST A SHOW OF HANDS.

NO, PUT YOUR HAND DOWN AND THEN SHOW IT AGAIN.

DAD...

OKAY, OKAY, EVERYBODY READY NOW?

LET'S JUST CHAT, OKAY?

LET ME ASK YOU, MELISSA.

YOU STARTED PERFORMING WHEN YOU WERE... HOW OLD?

HOW OLD WERE...

WELL, I...

- YEAH, I'M OUT OF COFFEE. - DO YOU STILL WANT THE CREAM?

DAD, FORGET THE COFFEE. COME IN HERE.

JUST A LITTLE THING OF SUGAR?

DAD, JUST COME IN HERE.

I'M SORRY. UH... AM I IN THERE?

OH, SORRY ABOUT THE COFFEE, GUYS.

HOW ABOUT A HIGHBALL?

MY FATHER'S A LITTLE NERVOUS.

HOW ABOUT A SPEED BALL?

I UNDERSTAND.

WE'LL WORK AROUND IT, NOT A PROBLEM.

DAD, PLEASE, JUST SIT.

OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

OKAY.

YOU KNOW, I'D LIKE TO HAVE A LAWYER PRESENT WHEN I DO THIS.

YOU ALREADY SIGNED THE RELEASE.

NO, I MEAN, I'D LIKE TO GET A PRESENT FOR MY LAWYER—...

A LAWYER PRESENT.

OKAY.

THE COVER—UP RUNS DEEP.

HOW DEEP?

UM, REALLY DEEP.

DEEP DEEP.

SO YOU'RE SAYING THAT IF I WROTE THIS STORY

I COULD BRING DOWN THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN THE FREE WORLD?

YOU MEAN MEL GIBSON?

NO, I MEAN THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

NO, IT DOESN'T RUN THAT DEEP.

THAT WOULD BE REALLY DEEP.

I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR HELP ON THIS.

AND THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WILL THANK YOU, TOO.

I HOPE NOT ALL AT ONCE.

THAT WOULD BE REALLY LOUD.

THAT'S A JOKE.

OH.

I GUESS WITH EVERYTHING GOING ON IN MY LIFE—...

MY MISTRESS TRYING TO KILL ME AND EVERYTHING—...

MY... MY SENSE OF HUMOR IS GONE.

UM, ONE MORE THING BEFORE YOU GO.

I WASN'T LEAVING.

OH.

YEAH.

THAT'S AWKWARD.

IT IS WEIRD.

OKAY, UM, HERE. I WANT YOU TO HAVE THIS.

HA!

NOW, THAT'S FUNNY.

IT'S NOT A JOKE.

I'LL CHERISH IT.

I SORT OF WANT YOU TO THROW IT OUT.

IT REMINDS ME OF MY FATHER.

OH, DOES HE LOOK LIKE A ZEBRA?

UH, NO.

OH.

SOMEONE'S COMING. WERE YOU FOLLOWED?

YES, WERE YOU?

YES.

UM... OOPS.

I SENSE THAT YOUR CHARACTER IS TORMENTED

BY HIS UNFAITHFULNESS TO HIS WIFE...

OH.

BUT IN THIS PARTICULAR CLIP HE SEEMS TO BE

A LITTLE BIT MORE ALOOF WITH REGARD TO HIS INFIDELITY.

IS THAT ACCURATE?

SURE, THAT'S... YEAH!

WELL, WHAT IS THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE ZEBRA?

HUH.

DOES IT REPRESENT REDEMPTION FOR YOUR CHARACTER?

ARE THE STRIPES A METAPHOR FOR THE CELL THAT KEEPS HIM

A PRISONER OF HIS OWN DARK SECRETS?

WOW... HUH!

BOY, YOU SAID IT.

BUT ACTUALLY, NO, NO.

THE THING ABOUT THE ZEBRA IS THAT IT, UH...

IT LOOKS LIKE A HORSE.

OKAY. HORSE.

YEAH, AND, UM, IF YOU PUT PEANUT BUTTER

ON A HORSE'S GUMS THEY LOOK LIKE THEY'RE TALKING

AND THAT'S WHY THERE'S PEANUT BUTTER ON ITS FACE.

YEAH.

BUT WHAT YOU SAID IS REALLY GOOD, TOO.

SO, JASON I UNDERSTAND YOU REALLY ENJOY THE SANDBOX.

AREN'T WE SUPPOSED TO TALK ABOUT THE MOVIE?

WELL, I'M FOCUSING ON THE SANDBOX RIGHT NOW.

I WANT TO SEE WHERE YOU... WHERE YOU GET YOUR IDEAS—...

WHERE YOUR WHOLE GENESIS IS.

WHAT?

THE BEGINNING. YOUR BEGINNING.

RIGHT.

I LIKE, UM, MY SANDBOX BECAUSE I LIKE SITTING IN SAND AND...

SOMETIMES I PRETEND THAT I'M SITTING IN THE DESERT.

REALLY!

THE DESERT.

LET'S MOVE ON.

OKAY.

SO, I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE MOVIE FAT—HER.

YOU'RE PLAYING A LOT OF DIFFERENT CHARACTERS

IN THIS MOVIE.

YEAH, I PLAYED 11 CHARACTERS—— EIGHT OF THEM WOMEN

INCLUDING ONE WHO'S, UM, FIVE MONTHS PREGNANT

ANOTHER WHO'S SEVEN MONTHS PREGNANT

AND ONE WHO CAN'T CONCEIVE, BUT WHO'S PREGNANT.

MY, MY, MY.

THAT IS A TREMENDOUS RANGE FOR SOMEONE SO YOUNG.

YES, WELL, STUFFING A PILLOW UNDER MY SHIRT HELPED.

YEAH.

SOMETIMES CATS COME IN THE SANDBOX AND POOP.

AND THE GUY TOOK MY SPOT.

I MEAN, I CLEARLY WAS GOING TO PARK THERE

AND I WAS PRETTY UPSET.

SO I TOOK A DEEP BREATH, CLOSED MY EYES AND THOUGHT

"HOW AM I GOING TO HANDLE THIS?"

KICK HIS ASS.

WAIT, JON——HOLD ON TO YOUR THOUGHTS UNO MOMENTO, PLEASE.

I'M JUST SAYING YOU KICK HIS ASS OR YOU HIT HIS CAR.

LET'S FIND OUT WHAT LARRY DID

AND WE WILL GET BACK TO YOUR COMMENT.

CONTINUE, LARRY.

WELL, I TOOK A COUPLE MORE DEEP BREATHS AND I REALIZED

IT WAS STUPID TO GET UPSET OVER A PARKING SPACE.

SO I DROVE AROUND A LITTLE MORE

AND I FOUND ANOTHER SPOT—— A BETTER ONE.

A BETTER PARKING SPOT.

TO THE VICTOR GO THE SPOILS.

AND HOW DID YOU FEEL, LARRY?

TELL US.

WELL, I FELT REALLY, UH...

LET US ALL LISTEN TO LARRY AND LEARN, FOR LARRY WILL TEACH.

WELL, I REALLY FELT, UM...

THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, LARRY.

WELL, YOU KNOW, I FELT REALLY, UH...

- LARRY, JUST RELAX. - LET IT FLOW.

YEAH, FOR ME...

- DON'T HOLD BACK, MAN. - TELL US EVERYTHING.

YEAH.

WELL, I FELT, UH, FOR ME, IT WAS A...

IF WE LISTEN, LARRY...

WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP AND LET ME TELL THEM?!

RIGHT.

GO AHEAD, SORRY.

I FELT GOOD, YOU KNOW.

IT WAS NICE TO FINALLY... FOR ME...

HE FELT GOOD.

GOOD IS GOOD.

STOP INTERRUPTING ME!

I'M GOING OUT FOR SOME DEEP BREATHS.

OKAY... JON.

MAN, THAT WAS FUNNY, WHAT HAPPENED WITH LARRY.

HUH?

HE'S MESSED UP.

IT WAS A BIT UPSETTING.

LARRY'S A MESS.

JON... LET'S TALK ABOUT YOU.

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF.

UM, I'M NOT FEELING TOO GOOD ABOUT THIS.

EVERYONE'S UNCOMFORTABLE AT FIRST, JON.

YEAH, YEAH. AND THEN WHAT HAPPENS?

WHAT ARE YOUR PROBLEMS, MY FRIEND?

I MEAN, I'M NOT REALLY AN ANGRY PERSON, YOU KNOW?

I JUST... I DON'T...

I HATE PEOPLE, AND I HATE MY JOB...

GOOD——ACCEPTANCE.

AND I HATE MY MOTHER.

I DON'T KNOW; WORK WITH THAT.

I'LL BE BACK WITH MY DECISION.

WOULD YOU EVER CHEAT ON YOUR HUSBAND?

NO.

OH...

YOU KNOW, BY STUDYING THESE FOSSILIZED FOOTPRINTS

I BELIEVE THAT DINOSAURS WOULD OFTEN SPLIT UP

AND LEAVE EACH OTHER.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO OUT TO DINNER SOME NIGHT?

SOMETIMES ONE OF THE PARENT DINOSAURS WOULD LEAVE

AND NEVER SEE THE BABY DINOSAUR AGAIN.

THAT'S SAD... FOR THE BABY.

BUT SOME ANIMALS EAT THEIR YOUNG, SO IT'S NOT THAT BAD.

OOPS.

CAN WE JUST STOP THE FILM HERE FOR A SECOND?

SURE.

I MUST SAY, BRENDON THOUGH IT'S A TAD DIFFICULT

TO FOLLOW AT TIMES, THIS FILM IS EXTREMELY CREATIVE.

I CAN SEE WHY YOU KIDS WON THE AWARD.

AW, SHUCKS.

SO, WHERE DO YOU GET ALL OF THIS CREATIVITY?

I'D HAVE TO SAY FROM MY MOM, YOU KNOW?

SHE'S, UH... SHE'S A VERY CREATIVE PERSON.

SHE TEACHES CREATIVE WRITING.

SHE WRITES, YOU KNOW, HERSELF.

SHE DOES. SHE'S A... AND I'VE READ SOME OF HER WORK.

AND, UH... UH... NOT VERY GOOD,

BUT, YOU KNOW, SHE'S VERY CREATIVE AND I'D SAY,

LIKE, IF I GET IT FROM ANYBODY IT'S GOT TO BE FROM HER.

SO, WHAT ABOUT YOUR DAD?

I BET HE'S PRETTY CREATIVE, TOO, HUH?

UH, BRENDON? BRENDON, ARE YOU OKAY?

BRENDON!

I'M FINE.

I WAS JUST... I WAS JUST THINKING.

OH, YOU'RE SUCH A SMELLY LITTLE GIRL.

YOU MADE A BIG MESSY MESS FOR MOMMY TO CLEAN UP,

DIDN'T YOU, HUH?

YES, YOU DID, YOU MADE A LITTLE MESS.

MOM?

YOU DID...

OH, DEAR LORD.

IS THERE ANOTHER DEAD ANIMAL IN THE FLOORBOARDS?

NO, THAT'S YOUR LITTLE BABY SISTER

MADE A LITTLE MESSY MESS.

MOMMY'S GOING TO BLOCK HER NOSE JUST A LITTLE WHILE.

YEAH, I'LL STAND OUTSIDE THE ROOM A LITTLE BIT.

YEAH.

HEY, UH... UH, MOM?

YEAH?

WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THAT GUY... UH...

YOU KNOW, THAT GUY THAT USED TO LIVE UH...

THAT USED TO LIVE HERE?

UH... FATHER.

THAT'S RIGHT.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

UH... NOTHING, JUST QUESTIONS.

DIXIE, FATHER, INTERVIEW AND...

USE SENTENCES PLEASE.

WELL, DIXIE'S BEEN ASKING ME A LOT OF PERSONAL QUESTIONS

LIKE HOW CREATIVE IS, YOU KNOW, MY FATHER

AND I DON'T REALLY KNOW HOW TO ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS.

WELL, I... I WAS GOING TO CALL HIM TO TELL HIM

ABOUT THE AWARD SO I'LL...

I'LL JUST CALL AND TELL HIM TO...

TO GIVE YOU A CALL SOMETIME.

OKAY, THAT'S GOOD.

JUST... HE'LL CALL.

YOU KNOW, WHENEV... WHENEVER IS FINE.

THANK YOU.

DON'T MENTION IT.

I WILL NOT.

OKAY.

OH, THERE'S MY LITTLE JOSIE.

LITTLE GIRL'S ALL NICE AND CLEAN, ISN'T SHE?

OH... CLEAN.

MOM, CAN YOU NEVER TALK LIKE THAT AGAIN, PLEASE?

SORRY.

IT REMINDS ME OF MY FATHER.

IT REMINDS ME OF MY FATHER.

IT REMINDS ME OF MY FATHER.

HMM, I GUESS HE'S NOT HOME.

DO YOU STILL WANT TO GO TO THE MOVIES?

NO, IT KIND OF WOULDN'T BE THE SAME WITHOUT BRENDON.

I MEAN, WHO'S GOING TO SIT IN THE MIDDLE?

YEAH, WELL, I'M GOING TO THE MOVIES.

THE THING IS, BRENDON, A LOT OF GUYS BECOME FATHERS

AND THEY DON'T KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT BEING A FATHER.

ALL RIGHT, YOU DON'T...

JANINE! DO NOT STAND THERE!

YOU HAVE TO RUN!

SOCCER IS A GAME OF RUNNING.

IF IT WERE A GAME OF STANDING AROUND

AS YOU SEEM TO THINK IT IS, WE WOULDN'T NEED SHOES.

WE WOULD JUST WEAR SOCKS OR GO BAREFOOT.

COACH McGUIRK, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

I'M FINE, BRENDON!

HMM.

THANK YOU FOR ASKING.

LOOK, BRENDON, I KNOW YOU BLAME YOUR FATHER FOR A LOT OF THINGS,

AND MAYBE IT IS ALL HIS FAULT.

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

THANKS.

DON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES I MADE OR OUR FATHERS.

LIKE WHAT?

LIKE THIS MORNING I POURED ORANGE JUICE IN MY CEREAL.

I WASN'T THINKING.

I JUST GRABBED IT, POURED IT—— I WAS HALF ASLEEP.

THEN I REALIZED I LOVE IT.

I THINK IT'S A GREAT MIX.

THEN I REALIZE IT'S THE CORPORATIONS, THE ADVERTISERS WHO PREVENT US

FROM DOING STUFF LIKE THIS.

THEY PROGRAM US TO THINK ONE WAY—— MILK—CEREAL.

RIGHT.

THEN YOU REALIZE ORANGE JUICE—CEREAL IS FINE.

IT ALL GOES IN THE SAME PLACE. YOU KNOW THE OLD SAYING.

YEAH, I KNOW THAT SAYING.

THE POINT IS, BRENDON, GIVE YOUR FATHER A CHANCE.

RIGHT.

JANINE, WOULD YOU PREFER I GET IN MY CAR

AND DRIVE YOU UP AND DOWN THE FIELD?

HUH?

OR DO YOU WANT ME TO GET YOU A RICKSHAW?

HOW ABOUT THAT?

I'LL BE DRIVING YOU UP AND DOWN THE FIELD IN A RICKSHAW.

WELCOME TO CHINA, JANINE.

McGUIRK: OH, CRAP.

THIS IS OUR CURRENT WORK IN PROGRESS.

IT'S A COMEDY ABOUT A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG GIRL

THE DAUGHTER OF A SELF—SERVE GAS STATION ATTENDANT, RIGHT,

WHO THROUGH A SERIES OF BIZARRE MISHAPS ENDS UP BEING

MISTAKEN FOR BIZARRE, UH... MISHAPS...

ENDS UP BEING MISTAKEN... FOR A PRINCESS...

AND IS KIDNAPPED BY A BUNCH OF INEPT, OVER—THE—HILL MOBSTERS

WHO ARE TRYING TO GET ENOUGH MONEY TOGETHER

SO THEY CAN BUY A STRUGGLING MINOR LEAGUE BASEBALL TEAM AND RETIRE.

WOW!

ACTION!

I WANT MY DADDY.

CUT. BEAUTIFUL——THAT'S A WRAP.

17... 18...

OH, COME ON.

21... 22.

OH, G... LADY, DO YOU BELIEVE THIS GUY?

TWENTY—TWO.

IT SAYS NO MORE THAN 12, BUT THIS FISHHEAD'S GOT 22.

ALL RIGHT, BREATHE.

RELAX... NOW BREATHE AGAIN.

OH, NOW, WHAT NOW...

COME ON, PAL, IT SAYS 12 ITEMS OR LESS, 12 OR LESS.

OH, GOOD, YOU CAN READ.

YEAH, APPARENTLY YOU CAN'T.

HEY, LOOK, PAL, WHY DON'T YOU SHUT YOUR PIPE

BEFORE MY FOOT CLOGS IT?

OH, IS THAT A THREAT OR A POEM?

NO, YOU KNOW WHAT?

NOT WORTH IT. FORGET IT.

UM.. I'M NOT WORTH IT?

NO, NO, NO, NO—...

YOU KNOW WHAT?

CONTROL.

I'M GOING TO STAY IN CONTROL.

STAY IN CONTROL, JOHN.

WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?

WHEN?

TH... OH...

JUST NOW.

WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU.

OH!

YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME, IS THAT IT?

LOOK, PAL, I USED TO BE JUST LIKE YOU, SORT OF—...

A LITTLE DIFFERENT.

SO I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH.

BUT I'M TRYING TO DEAL WITH MY IMPULSE CONTROL.

BOOYAH!

SO I GUESS THAT'S WHEN HE HIT ME.

WHEN I WOKE UP HE WAS RUNNING MY HEAD OVER THE CHECKOUT THING

TRYING TO GET A PRICE ON ME.

JOHN, LET ME FIRST SAY FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART

AS A CARING HUMAN BEING I AM SORRY FOR YOUR HUMILIATION

AND PAIN BUT I PRAISE YOU FOR YOUR DETERMINATION

AND YOUR LACK OF RETALIATION.

YOU KNOW, DR. FIZZEL, I'VE GOT TO BE HONEST WITH YOU RIGHT NOW.

YOU KNOW, BRUTALLY HONEST.

YOU SUCK AT THIS.

ALL YOU DO IS MAKE PEOPLE ANGRY.

McGUIRK: LIKE EVERY TIME I LISTEN TO YOUR DRONING VOICE,

I GET ANGRY AND THEN YOU TELL ME THAT'S MY PROBLEM.

I'LL TELL YOU, I THINK IT'S YOU.

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO SAY.

YOU'RE GOING TO SAY I'M MAD BECAUSE I'M JUST A MAD PERSON,

I'M AN ANGRY PERSON BUT THAT'S NOT IT—— IT'S YOU.

TELL ME—— COME ON, MAN.

NO, NO, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SUCK ME IN WITH THAT.

DO YOU LIKE CHICKEN WINGS?

YEAH, I... I DO LIKE CHICKEN WINGS, YEAH, WHY?

THEY'RE DELICIOUS.

WHY DO YOU THINK, MAN?

OH, I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO GIVE ME AN ANALOGY.

NO, THERE'S NO CHICKEN WING ANALOGY.

OH.

YOU'RE A WEIRD ONE.

SO, YOU'VE MADE OVER 400 FILMS TOGETHER.

THAT'S AMAZING.

THANKS.

SOME ARE VERY SHORT FILMS WITH NO ENDINGS.

STILL IMPRESSIVE.

WHAT IS THE LONGEST FILM YOU'VE EVER MADE?

THE LONGEST FILM WAS 21 AND A HALF HOURS LONG

BUT WE, UM... BUT WE LEFT THE CAMERA RUNNING ACCIDENTALLY

SO THERE'S A PRETTY BIG CHUNK IN THE MIDDLE

WHERE NOTHING HAPPENS.

OH, OKAY.

ANSWER THE PHONE!

I'M SORRY, DID I INTERRUPT YOU?

OKAY, MELISSA, BRING IT IN.

GOOD JOB, MELISSA.

THANKS, COACH.

SORRY THE BALL WENT OFF MY HEAD AND INTO OUR OWN GOAL.

YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW, I SAW THAT. IT'S ALL RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST A GAME. THESE THINGS HAPPEN.

GOOD TRY, JEREMY.

NICE TRY.

IT'S OKAY.

WAY TO MOVE UP THE FIELD, JANINE!

VERY GOOD.

NICE SHOT, JEREMY.

IT ALMOST...

HEY! COACH HACK!

WHAT DO YOU TEACH THESE KIDS, HOW TO LOSE?

BECAUSE THAT'S ALL YOU DO.

I, UH... I THINK THAT THAT GUY'S TALKING TO YOU, COACH McGUIRK.

LET HIM TALK, BRENDON, LET HIM TALK.

ALL RIGHT, VERY GOOD.

KEEP IT GOING, DON'T QUIT.

YEAH, I WISH YOU'D QUIT, YOU BUM!

DON'T YOU HAVE TO KNOW A LITTLE BIT ABOUT SOCCER

IN ORDER TO COACH IT?

YES, AND HE DOES KNOW A LITTLE BIT.

MELISSA, STAY OUT OF THIS.

OH, WHAT ARE YOU, GOING TO HAVE YOUR KIDS

FIGHT YOUR BATTLES FOR YOU, YOU WUSSY?

I'VE BEEN WATCHIN' YOU ALL YEAR.

YOU'RE A BUM, A B—E—M, BUM.

I COULD COACH CIRCLES AROUND YOU.

OF COURSE, THEY'D HAVE TO BE PRETTY BIG CIRCLES

TO GET AROUND YOUR FAT ASS!

COACK McGUIRK, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

I'M FINE, BRENDON, I'M FINE.

HEY, CAN'T YOU HEAR ME, LARD ASS?

OR ARE YOUR EARDRUMS FILLED WITH FAT, TOO?

CLEAN THEM OUT!

HEY, AREN'T YOU GOING TO YELL AT HIM OR... OR HIT HIM?

NO, BRENDON, I'M NOT GOING TO DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS.

ACTUALLY, I FEEL SORRY FOR THAT GUY.

REALLY?

YEAH, HE OBVIOUSLY HAD SOME DEEPLY TROUBLING ISSUES.

HE PROBABLY HAD A BAD CHILDHOOD, JUST LIKE YOU GUYS.

WAY TO GO, JANINE!

WAY TO MOVE DOWN THE FIELD!

BUT YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY BUT THAT'S TOTALLY OKAY.

HEY! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO EAT BETWEEN HALVES, FAT?

HOW ABOUT A FAT SANDWICH ON FAT BREAD, YOU FATHEAD?

BRENDON, DO I LOOK FAT TO YOU?

McGUIRK...

OH, MISS PLUM, YOU LOOK GREAT.

SORRY WE LOST, BUT WINNING ISN'T EVERYTHING.

WELL, THEY PLAYED A GOOD GAME.

WELL, THE KIDS TRY.

THAT'S WHAT I INSIST ON...

I... I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE OTHER TEAM.

THAT WAS FUNNY.

BUT YOU SHOWED ME SOMETHING TODAY, McGUIRK.

YOU CONTROLLED YOUR ANGER.

I WAS IMPRESSED.

I'VE DECIDED YOU CAN STAY ON AS SOCCER COACH.

WOW! WHOA, THANK YOU, UH...

THANK YOU, MISS PLUM.

THANK YOU, UH, VERY MUCH.

YOU'VE SHOWN MARKED IMPROVEMENT IN YOUR ANGER.

YOU'RE EXTREMELY KIND.

YOU'RE PROBABLY ONE OF THE KINDEST PEOPLE I KNOW.

KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, McGUIRK.

YEAH.

I'LL BE WATCHING YOU.

THAT'S ILLEGAL.

YOU'RE SURE IT'S THE 6:00 NEWS?

YEAH, DIXIE SAID IT WAS THE 6:00 NEWS.

BUT IT'S ALMOST 6:25.

IT'LL BE ON.

HEY, THIS DIP IS UNBELIEVABLE

AND I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT ME, EITHER.

THANKS, ERIK.

DO YOU WANT A BEER?

UH... NO, ONE IS MY LIMIT.

YOU DIDN'T HAVE ONE YET.

OKAY, WELL, BRING IT ON.

I MEAN, LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL.

DAD.

WHOO, BOY!

THIS IS SO EXCITING, I...

IT'S ON, IT'S ON.

OH, NO, IT ISN'T.

YES, IT IS.

AND NOW HERE'S DIXIE SMITHLY WITH "ENTERTAINMENT INSIGHT."

THANKS, CHARLIE.

HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED WHERE THE NEXT STEPHEN SPIELBERG,

JODIE FOSTER OR ED WOOD WOULD COME FROM?

WELL, I HAVE.

IN FACT, I HAD A CHANCE TO SIT DOWN AND CHAT

WITH THREE FUTURE HOLLYWOOD BIGWIGS

WHO WERE THE RECENT RECIPIENTS OF THIS YEAR'S

YOUNG FILMMAKERS AWARD.

AT AGES EIGHT, EIGHT AND SEVEN,

BRENDON, MELISSA AND JASON ARE VERY YOUNG.

BUT LET ME TELL YOU, IF THESE KIDS

ARE THE FUTURE OF MOVIES THEN HOLD ON TO YOUR POPCORN

BECAUSE WE'RE IN FOR A CRAZY RIDE.

CHARLIE?

THANKS, DISKEE.

AND SPEAKING OF CRAZY RIDES, HERE'S STORMY WEATHERHEAD

WITH THE LATEST ON THAT DEADLY TORNADO.

STORMY?

THAT'S IT?

ALL THOSE INTERVIEWS?

ALL THAT FOOTAGE THEY SHOT?!

I WAS SO YOUNG THEN.

LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE.

IT WAS VERY, VERY POSITIVE.

SHE CALLED YOU ALL THREE BIGWIGS.

HUH?

THREE BIGWIGS, MY THREE BIGWIGS.

BRENDON, THAT'S PROBABLY YOUR FATHER.

HE WAS GOING TO WATCH THE NEWS. HE SAID HE'D CALL.

WHAT?

MY DA... I MEAN, FATHER?

IT'S UP TO YOU, BRENDON.

I'LL GET IT.

DAD.

HELLO?