Original subtitles

Brendon: COME ON, JOSIE,

DO SOMETHING CUTE OR SOMETHING.

JOSIE, YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME?

WE'LL FILM IT.

CAN YOU SAY "BRENDON"?

BREN... DON...

OH, YOU LIKE MARBLES, JOSIE?

CAN YOU SAY "MARBLES"?

SAY "MARBLES"!

BRENDON?

MARB—BLES. MAR—BLES!

Paula: BRENDON!

BRENDON!

SHH!

SORRY!

THANK YOU!

DON'T MENTION IT!

WE HAVE TO BE QUIET, JOSIE, OKAY?

NOW, OKAY, THINK OF SOMETHING TO SAY WHILE I ADJUST THE FOCUS.

CAN YOU SAY "FOCUS," JOSIE?

FOCUS.

"FO—CUS"!

BRENDON!

I FORGOT!

UH—OH!

NO. NO! JOSIE!

MOM, UH—OH!

I'M NOT ANSWERING, BRENDON.

MOM!

BRENDON, QUIETLY.

MOM!

YES.

JOSIE PUT MARBLES UP HER NOSE...

WHAT?

JOSIE PUT...

SHE'LL BE FINE.

YOU KNOW, MORE SCARED THAN ANYTHING ELSE.

YOU SEE, SHE BLOCKED OFF HER NASAL PASSAGES—...

YOU KNOW HAD TO MOUTH—BREATHE FOR A WHILE

WITH THE...

THAT'S PROBABLY WHAT YOU HEARD ON THE WAY OVER.

A LOT OF KIDS DO THAT THE REST OF THEIR LIVES

BUT SHE'LL BE FINE.

SHE'LL BE OKAY... I THINK.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, DOCTOR.

Doctor: DON'T MENTION IT.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO HOLD ON TO THESE.

Brendon: I GUESS I DIDN'T

DO A VERY GOOD JOB OF WATCHING JOSIE,

HUH, MOM?

YOU REACTED QUICKLY, BRENDON, AND THAT'S GOOD.

YEAH, ALSO, YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN THINKING

MAYBE SHE'S A BIT, YOU KNOW...

YOU KNOW, I MEAN, WHY WOULD A NORMAL PERSON

PUT MARBLES UP THEIR NOSE?

BECAUSE JOSIE'S A BABY.

HEY, NO NEED FOR NAME—CALLING.

LOOK, SHE JUST DOESN'T KNOW ANY BETTER, BRENDON.

WELL, YOU KNOW, SOMEONE SHOULD TEACH HER TO KNOW BETTER.

KNOW WHAT I THINK, BRENDON?

I THINK AS HER BIG BROTHER, YOU CAN TEACH HER SOME THINGS.

UM, I CAN...

SURE, OF COURSE, IT'D BE EASY.

UH—HUH.

I COULD DO THAT, YEAH.

LIKE WHAT?

LIKE NOT TO STICK MARBLES UP HER NOSE.

YES!

HOW ABOUT STARTING WITH LESSON ONE?

RIGHT.

DON'T STICK THE MARBLES UP YOUR NOSE.

I CAN TEACH HER—...

I CAN TEACH HER TO NOT DO THAT.

YOU KNOW, MAYBE I CAN...

I CAN MAKE A TEACHING VIDEO.

I CAN TEACH HER A WHOLE BUNCH OF STUFF.

Doctor: OH, BOY, HERE WE GO AGAIN.

OH.

NURSE!

ALL RIGHT, LOOK ALIVE OUT THERE.

COME ON, EVERYONE!

YOU HEARD HIM, MELISSA, LOOK... LOOK LIVELY.

I MEAN, HAVE A... HAVE A LIVELY LOOK ABOUT YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU, MELISSA'S DAD OR SOMETHING?

YEAH.

YEAH, I THOUGHT YOU LOOKED FAMILIAR.

ERNEST, RIGHT?

ERIC.

YEAH, MELISSA'S A GOOD KID.

YOU KNOW, YOU GOT A PRETTY GOOD KID THERE.

Eric: I CALL HER

MY LITTLE SUNSHINE DAISY.

MELISSA, YOU IDIOT!

KICK THE BALL!

I BET HER MOM'S PRETTY, THOUGH, HUH?

SHE'S DEAD.

WOW.

GOOD GAME, HUH?

WAS SHE A PRETTY WOMAN WHEN SHE WAS AROUND—...

YOU KNOW, ON EARTH HERE?

SHE'S NOT ACTUALLY DEAD.

SHE RAN OFF WITH... WITH SOME GUY.

OH.

SO, HOW LONG WERE THEY DOING IT BEHIND YOUR BACK?

HEY, LET'S TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE.

SURE.

SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR WIFE IS DOING

WITH THIS GUY RIGHT NOW?

I DON'T KNOW, IT'S EIGHT HOURS LATER THERE.

BUT, UH, HEY, CAN WE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE?

YOU HAVE A LAUNDRY BUSINESS, RIGHT?

I'M IN REAL ESTATE.

OH, REAL ESTATE.

SO, YOU'RE RICH.

ERIC.

ERNEST.

NO, I'M BEING EARNEST WHEN I SAY ERIC.

I MEAN YOU HAVE A LOT OF MONEY.

I DO OKAY—- I MEAN, BUSINESS IS GOOD.

THIS IS A... THIS IS A, UM, SELLER'S MARKET.

WELL, THAT'S GOOD BECAUSE I'M THINKING

ABOUT BUYING A HOUSE.

THAT'S GOOD; IT'S A BUYER'S MARKET.

YOU SHOULD STOP BY MY OFFICE SOMETIME.

WE CAN TALK ABOUT IT.

WELL, LET'S GO RIGHT NOW.

SHOULDN'T WE WAIT UNTIL AFTER THE GAME?

ALL RIGHT, STOP PLAY!

LIGHTNING THREAT.

EVERYBODY GO BACK TO CLASS AS FAST AS YOU CAN.

OH, MAN, I LOVE COACHING.

OH, MAN, LOOK AT THAT PLACE.

SWIMMING POOL, SAUNA, MAILBOXES WITH KEYS.

THAT'S WHAT I WANT.

WELL, YOU KNOW, LET'S GET THE PAPERWORK ROLLING

AND SEE IF WE CAN'T GET YOU PRE—APPROVED

BECAUSE ONCE THAT HAPPENS MOST OF THE WORK IS OVER.

SOUNDS GOOD.

UH, YEARLY INCOME?

UH... WHAT IS IT?

YEAH.

IT'S, UM... I DO ALL RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, I NEED... I NEED SOME KIND OF FIGURE

FOR THE BANK OTHERWISE THEY'RE NOT GOING

TO PRE—APPROVE YOU.

CAN IT BE A LIE?

IT CAN'T BE A BOLD LIE.

YOU CAN EXAGGERATE.

YOU CAN GIVE A GROSS INCOME.

ALL RIGHT.

I THINK MOST PEOPLE WOULD DO THAT.

SO, UM...

YEAH, SO GIVE ME A... GIVE ME A ROUGH FIGURE.

OH, TWO MILLION.

OKAY, DO YOU HAVE THE PAPERWORK TO BACK THAT UP?

I'M MAKING IT OUT RIGHT NOW.

WHAT ABOUT... WHAT ABOUT SAVINGS?

UH, TWO MILLION.

AND, UM, DO YOU HAVE CREDIT LINES ANYWHERE?

TWO MILLION.

OKAY.

BRENDON, I...

YEAH?

IT REALLY SEEMED TO ME LIKE YOU WERE DAYDREAMING TODAY, UH,

IN CLASS.

I WAS.

I KNEW IT.

AFTER 18 YEARS OF TEACHING I CAN TELL THE DAYDREAMERS.

UH, THAT'S GREAT, MR. LYNCH.

I GOT A QUESTION.

YOU SEE, I WANT TO LEARN HOW TO...

TO, UH, COMMUNICATE WITH KIDS.

YOU ARE A KID.

I MEAN YOUNGER KIDS.

YOU KNOW, I WANT...

I WANT TO MAKE AN EDUCATIONAL FILM.

OH!

BITTEN BY THE TEACHING BUG, HUH?

WELL, YOU KNOW, I WAS ABOUT YOUR AGE WHEN IT BIT ME.

THE TEACHING BUG.

BIT ME.

I DON'T WANT TO TEACH, THOUGH.

I WANT... TO MAKE A FILM THAT TEACHES, YOU KNOW.

I WANT TO SHOW IT TO MY BABY SISTER,

YOU KNOW BECAUSE SHE'S AT A YOUNG AGE

AND I FIGURE I CAN GET TO HER

BECAUSE SHE'S LIKE A LITTLE SPONGE,

YOU KNOW, SHE'S...

OH, YOU MEAN LIKE SESAME STREET

OR MR. ROGERS. RIGHT, WELL...

YEAH.

OKAY, WELL, NOT SO MUCH THAT.

I WAS THINKING MORE ALONG THE LINES OF,

YOU KNOW, GATTICA.

WELL, YOU KNOW, A LOT OF BRIGHT COLORS AND MUSIC WORKS

FOR ALMOST ANY AGE.

WELL, THAT'S, YEAH, OKAY, THAT'S GOOD.

EXCEPT FOR MAYBE THE PALEOLITHIC AGE.

HUH?

HUH?

IT'S A JOKE, BRENDON.

I MEAN, THAT'S WHEN THE CAVEMEN LIVED—-

DURING THE PALEOLITHIC AGE.

OH, RIGHT, CAVEMEN.

HUMOR IS A GREAT TOOL FOR TEACHING AS WELL.

YEAH.

USE IT.

WELL, HOW COME YOU DON'T USE IT?

WHAT?

HOW COME YOU DON'T USE IT?

AH!

YOU...

AH...

AH...

YOU...

AH, YES.

MMM.

TOUCHE, MY YOUNG STUDENT, TOUCHE.

UM, ANYWAY, LOOK, LOOK, I JUST WANT TO KNOW

IF I GET SOME EXTRA CREDIT ON THIS THING.

YOU KNOW, AFTER 18 YEARS OF TEACHING I CAN ALWAYS TELL

WHEN A KID WANTS TO MAKE AN EDUCATIONAL FILM

FOR EXTRA CREDIT.

SO, YOU'LL... YOU'LL GIVE ME EXTRA CREDIT?

WELL, I'LL GIVE YOU EXTRA CREDIT IF YOUR FILM

ACTUALLY TEACHES SOMETHING.

IT WILL, DON'T WORRY.

LISTEN, I DON'T WANT THIS VIDEO TO GLORIFY VIOLENCE.

WHAT ABOUT SLAPSTICK?

OH! I LOVE SLAPSTICK.

THAT'S A VERY GOOD CHOICE.

REALLY?

YES, IT CAN BE VERY FUNNY.

IT'S HUMOROUS.

WATCH THIS.

OW!

NOW, WATCH THIS.

MMM.

OW.

PRETTY FUNNY, HUH?

UM... YEAH.

WHAT'S WITH THIS STUPID MACHINE?

WHY THE HELL WON'T IT GO?

HEY, MCGUIRK, UH, HAVING TROUBLE

WITH THE FAX MACHINE?

McGuirk: IS THAT WHAT THIS IS?

ALL RIGHT, LET ME SHOW YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

THE PAPER GOES IN UH, FACE DOWN FIRST, ALL RIGHT?

MM—HMM.

THEN YOU DIAL THE NUMBER, AND THEN YOU HIT "START."

WHAT... WHAT DO YOU HAVE HERE?

IS THIS A MORTGAGE APPLICATION?

LYNCH, DO YOU MIND?

YOU KNOW, I LET YOU HELP ME WITH THE FAX.

THAT WAS GREAT.

NOW LEAVE.

BUYING A HOUSE?

WELL, I'M GOING TO BUY A CONDO.

YOU KNOW, IT'S COOLER.

I'M GOING OUT THERE LATER WITH MY REAL ESTATE AGENT

TO LOOK IT OVER, SO, UH...

OH, REALLY? WOW.

15—YEAR OR, UH, OR 30?

WHAT?

15—YEAR OR 30?

15 YEARS OR 30 YEARS WHAT?

YOU'RE... YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY IT BACK.

PAY WHAT BACK, LYNCH?

IT'S A LOAN THAT YOU'RE GOING TO BE PAYING BACK.

UH, BUT... I DIDN'T...

I'M NOT TAKING OUT A LOAN.

I'M... DOING A MORTGAGE.

OKAY, GOOD LUCK, MCGUIRK.

LOOK, LYNCH, YOU KNOW, I... I DON'T LIKE YOU.

UH, WELL, THANK YOU.

HOWEVER, I'M GOING TO PROBABLY HAVE A HOUSE—WARMING PARTY

AND, YOU KNOW, YOU CAN COME.

THAT'S GREAT, OKAY, WELL, I'LL SEE YOU

AT THE TEACHERS' MEETING LATER.

I'M GOING TO GET ONE OF THOSE SATELLITE TVs

SO THAT'S A DRAW.

YOU KNOW, FOR A PARTY, THAT'S GREAT.

RIGHT. WELL, I'M LEAVING NOW.

BEFORE YOU GO... CAN I BORROW $25,000?

HI, SPIKEY, HOW'S IT GOING?

Brendon: HEY, MELISSA.

HOW ABOUT A HUG FOR SPIKEY?

WELL...

JUST A LITTLE HUGGY FOR SPIKEY, COME ON.

OKAY.

OKAY, SPIKEY, THAT'S ENOUGH.

I LOVE TO HUG.

SPIKEY, THAT'S ENOUGH!

LOOK WHAT I CAN DO, MELISSA.

SPIKEY, THAT'S NOT FUNNY.

YES, IT IS.

OKAY, IT'S FUNNY, BUT IT'S DANGEROUS.

YOU NEED A DOCTOR.

Jason: UH, DID YOU CALL

FOR A DOCTOR?

YES.

SPIKEY SHOVED SOME MARBLES UP HIS NOSE

AND NOW HE CAN'T BREATHE THROUGH IT.

UM, YOU SHOULDN'T STICK MARBLES IN YOUR NOSE, SPIKEY.

BRENDON, UM... YEAH.

WHY, UM, CAN'T...

DID WE CUT?

YEAH, WE'RE JUST ROLLING.

UM, WHY CAN'T YOU PUT MARBLES IN YOUR NOSE?

BECAUSE IT'S DANGEROUS.

BRENDON, HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO EAT WITH YOUR NOSE?

I HAVE.

OH.

YOU STICK FOOD UP YOUR NOSE

AND YOUR NOSE IS CONNECTED TO YOUR THROAT...

EW!

ONE TIME I ATE WITH MY EYE.

Melissa: EW! JASON!

YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT.

WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST USE YOUR MOUTH?

WELL, I MEAN, THAT'S SO OBVIOUS.

UM, I READ THAT TO BE TRULY HUMAN

IS TO BE CONSTANTLY EXPLORING.

WOW.

ANYWAY...

McGuirk: OH, MY GOD, ERIC,

LOOK AT ALL THE WOMEN.

I WANT TO LIVE HERE.

YEAH, DON'T PEE IN THE POOL.

TOO LATE.

OKAY.

LADIES!

HELLO, HOW YOU DOING DOWN THERE?

HOW'S THE POOL?

HEY, LOOK OUT—— CANNONBALL, LADIES!

ERIC, HOW MANY FLOORS UP ARE WE?

ELEVEN.

UP AND DOWN, MY FRIEND.

UH, FORGET THE CANNONBALL.

FORGET THE CANNONBALL!

UH, THEY SEEM TO BE IGNORING ME.

YEAH.

YEAH.

WELL, I TELL YOU THIS IS GOING BE GREAT.

WELL, LET'S NOT GET AHEAD OF OURSELVES, JON.

I MEAN, YOU HAVEN'T HEARD BACK FROM THE BANK YET.

YOU KNOW WHAT, THE HELL WITH THE BANK, ERIC.

I'M GOING TO LIVE IN THIS PLACE AND I'M GOING

TO START MY NEW LIFE HERE.

YOU KNOW, I THINK WE SHOULD CONTINUE

TO CHECK OUT DIFFERENT PRICE RANGES.

NO, FORGET IT.

I NEED THIS PLACE.

I DON'T DISAGREE, I JUST SAY THAT YOU

NEED TO KEEP YOUR OPTIONS OPEN AT THIS POINT.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF STATUS GOES WITH LIVING

IN A PLACE LIKE THIS?

OH, IT... IT IS A VERY, UM,

PRESTIGIOUS PLACE TO LIVE.

SAY GOOD—BYE TO THE OLD JON MCGUIRK.

ERIC.

BYE.

THANK YOU.

NOW SAY HELLO TO THE NEW JON MCGUIRK.

OKAY, AND HOW WILL I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE?

WELL, I'M TURNED AROUND.

THAT INDICATES THE ARRIVAL OF THE...

THE NEW JON MCGUIRK IS GOING TO LIVE HERE, ERIC, ALL RIGHT?

HE'S GOING TO HAVE A RESPECTABLE APARTMENT—-

A CONDOMINIUM THAT HE OWNS.

I'LL BE A HOMEOWNER.

AND I MAY GROW A MUSTACHE.

ERIC.

YES?

Mcguirk: JON MCGUIRK.

HEY, JON, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

UH, WELL, I WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU HEARD

FROM THE LOAN PEOPLE OR...

ACTUALLY, NO, I HAVEN'T HEARD ANYTHING YET.

I WAS HOPING WE'D HEAR SOMETHING BY THE END OF THE DAY

BECAUSE I, UH... I JUST MOVED OUT OF MY APARTMENT.

W—W—WHAT, W—W—WAIT, YOU ALREADY MO...

WHY WOULD YOU MOVE OUT ALREADY?

I HATE THAT PLACE SO I WENT OVER TO MY LANDLADY

AND I MOONED HER.

TOLD HER TO KISS MY BIG FAT ASS.

SEE, I... I DON'T THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA

TO LEAVE YOUR APARTMENT JUST YET.

I HATE TO SEE YOU STUCK, UH, WITHOUT A PLACE TO STAY

WHICH IS WHAT COULD HAPPEN IF THIS MORTGAGE

DOESN'T COME THROUGH, AND YOU...

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, ERIC?

YOU DON'T WANT TO MOVE OUT BEFORE...

WELL, I JUST MOVED OUT.

WELL, YOU DON'T WANT TO DO WHAT YOU'VE JUST DONE

IS ALL I'M SAYING.

ALL RIGHT.

JUST TO CLOSE THE SALE SOMETIMES CAN TAKE MONTHS.

McGuirk: YEAH.

AND I DON'T... I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU,

UH, LEFT HIGH AND DRY.

RIGHT, UH, SO I MADE A PREMATURE MOVE, THEN.

YEAH, I THINK IT WAS IMPULSIVE AND PREMATURE AND I THINK...

YOU DON'T HAVE TO OVERDO IT, YOU KNOW.

I MEAN, I'M NOT... "PREMATURE" IS FINE.

WHAT... WHAT WAS FINE?

JUST "PREMATURE."

OKAY, PREMATURE, YEAH, WELL.

MY POINT IS... IS THAT,

UM, I'M KIND OF STUCK WITH THE DECISION I MADE HERE.

MAYBE I GOT A LITTLE OVERENTHUSIASTIC BUT,

UM, YOU KNOW, I...

WELL, JON...

McGuirk: ALL I'M SAYING

IS PUT IT TOGETHER BY THE END OF THE DAY.

WHY DON'T YOU PICK UP A "SORRY I MOONED YOU" CARD?

MMM... MMM...

AREN'T YOU GUYS EATING?

IT'S GREAT.

UM, YOU'RE EATING OURS.

OH, WELL, IT'S GREAT.

SERGEANT SCHULTZ IS HILARIOUS.

OH, MAN, HE'S FUNNY.

DAD?

Eric: YES.

CAN I GO OVER TO THE SMALL" TO WATCH TV?

YES. NO.

DAD?

LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER.

DAD, I CAN'T TAKE THIS.

ISN'T THIS A SCHOOL NIGHT?

DAD?

YOU CAN GO, THERE'S NO REASON WHY YOU CAN'T GO.

NO, NO, NO, NO.

YES. NO.

NO. YES.

YES. NO, YOU CAN'T.

I DON'T WANT YOU HANGING OUT WITH THAT KID, BRENDON.

YOU KNOW, COACH, YOU'RE UNDERMINING MY AUTHORITY

AS A PARENT.

YEAH.

THAT'S THE DOWNSIDE.

THE PLUS SIDE IS I THINK I LOVE YOU.

IT'S AWFUL, BRENDON.

AND HE SMELLS.

I WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING I COULD DO TO HELP YOU, MELISSA

BUT MY HANDS ARE TIED, YOU KNOW.

HEY, MELISSA, I JUST USED YOUR TOOTHBRUSH.

OH!

I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND.

BRENDON, HE JUST USED MY TOOTHBRUSH!

WHAT DO I DO?

LET HIM HAVE IT, THEN.

MELISSA, CAN I USE YOUR, UH, APRICOT SHOWER WASH?

SORRY TO INTERRUPT.

MELISSA, THE CALL'S COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE.

BRENDON, IS THAT YOU?

COACH MCGUIRK, HOW'S IT GOING?

WELL, IT COULDN'T BE BETTER, ACTUALLY.

McGuirk: MELISSA?

YEAH?

SO, WHAT'S THE... WHAT'S THE WORD THERE?

I'M GOING TO LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE...

NO, BRENDON.

TO CHAT BECAUSE, UH, THIS SOUNDS IMPORTANT.

GOOD—BYE.

OH, HE WAS CURT.

WHAT, ARE YOU GUYS IN A FIGHT?

NO, UM...

McGuirk: YEAH, I WAS ASKING

IF I COULD USE YOUR, UH, BODY WASH.

ERIC?

ERIC?

HOLD THAT THOUGHT.

YES?

ERIC, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

GET UP.

I'M... I'M MEDITATING.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

YEAH.

I THOUGHT ONLY WOMEN DID THAT.

I'M DOING IT BOY—STYLE.

THIS IS MY, UH, MY WARRIOR STANCE.

SO, YOU'RE MEDITATING?

YEAH.

AND WHAT DOES THAT DO?

IT, UH, RELAXES ME, IT CALMS ME.

WELL, THAT'S STUPID.

YOU SHOULD TRY IT, IT MIGHT WORK FOR YOU.

I DON'T THINK MEDITATION IS GOING TO WORK FOR ME.

YOU KNOW, I HAVE DIFFERENT WAYS OF RELAXING MYSELF.

YOU WANT TO GIVE THIS A SHOT?

I DON'T KNOW, ERIC.

IT'S, UH... I DON'T THINK I COULD SIT LIKE THAT.

YOU KNOW, I HAVE, UH, REALLY THICK LEGS.

SIT LIKE I'M SITTING.

NO, I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT.

GIVE IT A SHOT, JUST...

ALL RIGHT, I'LL GIVE IT A SHOT.

SIT LIKE I'M SITTING AND, UH, TAKE A DEEP BREATH IN.

AND AS YOU'RE LETTING IT OUT, GO:

OM...

OM...

WHOOPS.

DAD, HOW MUCH LONGER DO YOU THINK COACH MCGUIRK

IS GOING TO LIVE WITH US?

WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S ONLY BEEN FOUR HOURS, MELISSA.

I THINK WE...

WE GOT TO GIVE HIM AT LEAST A DAY.

McGuirk: HEY, ERIC, WHERE'S YOUR PLUNGER?

OH, NO.

'CAUSE THIS THING IS MESSED UP.

IS HE IN MY CAR?

SO I WOULD LIKE TO, UH...

I WOULD LIKE TO WATCH THE TAPE AND I...

I WELCOME YOUR FEEDBACK... TO A POINT.

DON'T OVERDO IT, BECAUSE I AM SENSITIVE

ABOUT MY WORK JUST AS I'M SURE YOU

WOULDN'T WANT ME MAKING FUN OF YOUR SWEATER

OR YOUR HAIRCUT OVER THERE...

UH, BRENDON? OR YOUR LISP.

OKAY, UH... UH, BRENDON?

WELL, I'M... BRENDON?

I'M GOING TO... BRENDON?

I'M ABOUT TO... CAN WE...

BUT... BRENDON.

LET'S GET ON WITH THE FILM.

Brendon: ON WITH THE FILM.

HI, I'M SPIKEY MCMARBLES, AND THIS IS MY NOSE.

AND WHEN I'M FEELING LUCKY, I USE IT LIKE A HOSE.

SPIKEY, THAT'S NOT RIGHT.

DON'T STICK MARBLES WHERE THERE IS NO LIGHT.

SPIKEY, I'M DR. TEACHEM.

I'M GOING TO HAVE TO OPERATE TO GET THE MARBLES

OUT OF YOUR NOSE.

DR. TEACHEM, IS SPIKEY STUPID BECAUSE HE PUTS MARBLES

UP HIS NOSE?

YES.

NO.

HE, UH, JUST HASN'T LEARNED NOT TO DO IT.

BUT HE MIGHT BE A LITTLE STUPID, TOO.

SPIKEY, WHY DO YOU PUT MARBLES IN YOUR NOSE?

Spikey: BECAUSE I CAN'T HOLD THEM

BETWEEN MY TOES.

SPIKEY, YOU SHOULD KEEP YOUR MARBLES IN THIS POUCH.

I'LL STUFF THAT BAG RIGHT IN MY MOUTH!

OW!

HEY KIDS, TAKE IT FROM ME, SPIKEY MCMARBLES—...

DON'T STICK MARBLES IN YOUR NOSE.

BYE FOR NOW.

BYE. BYE, KIDS.

BYE.

BYE.

BYE.

BRENDON, THIS HAS GOT TO BE THE WORST MOVIE WE'VE EVER...

♪ DON'T PUT MARBLES IN YOUR NOSE ♪

♪ PUT THEM IN THERE DO NOT PUT THEM IN THERE ♪

♪ DON'T PUT MARBLES IN YOUR NOSE ♪

♪ PUT THEM IN THERE DO NOT PUT THEM IN THERE ♪

♪ DON'T PUT MARBLES IN YOUR NOSE ♪

♪ PUT THEM IN THERE DO NOT PUT THEM IN THERE... ♪

OKAY, SO, TELL ME AT WHAT POINT DID YOU GET THE URGE

TO STICK MARBLES INTO YOUR NOSE?

WHEN SPIKEY TOLD ME NOT TO.

♪ DON'T PUT MARBLES... ♪

BRENDON, I'M SORRY.

I KNOW YOU WERE COUNTING ON ME AND STUFF

BUT I HAD TO FIND OUT FOR MYSELF.

AND I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING—— IT WAS GREAT.

♪ PUT THEM IN THERE DO NOT PUT THEM IN THERE ♪

♪ DON'T PUT MARBLES IN YOUR NOSE ♪

♪ PUT THEM IN THERE DO NOT PUT THEM IN THERE ♪

♪ DON'T PUT MARBLES IN YOUR NOSE ♪

♪ PUT THEM IN THERE DO NOT PUT THEM IN THERE ♪

♪ DON'T PUT MARBLES IN YOUR NOSE ♪

McGuirk: ERIC, I'M DYING UP HERE.

IT'S LIKE A SAUNA.

I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS.

WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S SMALL BUT IT'S ALSO...

CRAPPY.

I WAS GOING TO SAY "COZY."

I MEAN THERE'S NO POOL, THERE'S NO WOMEN.

I'M SWEATING LIKE A PIG.

IT'S A FIXER—UPPER.

IT'S A PIECE—OF—CRAPPER.

HEY, LET'S CHECK OUT SOME MORE PLACES.

ALL RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, THIS... THIS PLACE IS NOT THAT BAD.

A LITTLE PAINT... A LITTLE MORE PAINT.

PAINT THE WINDOWS...

YEAH, ERIC...?

IT COULD LOOK LIKE IT WAS JUST PAINTED.

ERIC.

YEAH?

WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?

I DON'T KNOW, I GUESS IT'S A BAD SIGN

WHEN YOUR REALTOR'S LAUGHING.

YEAH.

WOW, THIS IS NICE.

WELL, I TOLD YOU WE WOULD FIND SOMETHING.

THIS IS ACTUALLY VERY NICE.

WHA—WHA—WHAT DID THEY SAY WAS WRONG WITH IT?

A SMALL KITCHEN FIRE.

SO IT NEEDS A LITTLE WORK, I'M GUESSING.

PROBABLY SOME... SOME NEW WALLPAPER.

MM—HMM.

BUT IT'S REALLY QUITE NICE.

McGuirk: HUH.

WOW.

ERIC, DO YOU CHECK THESE PLACES OUT BEFORE YOU BRING...?

I DON'T WANT TO DO YOUR JOB FOR YOU, BUT THIS IS NOT ONE

YOU WANT TO BRING PEOPLE AROUND TO ANYMORE.

YEAH.

I DON'T SEE THE EDUCATIONAL VALUE IN THE FILM, BRENDON.

I'M SORRY.

WA—WA—WAIT—— YOU DON'T SEE...

YOU DON'T SEE THE EDUCATIONAL VALUE IN THIS?

I...

NO, I DON'T, I'M SORRY.

THERE'S NO EXTRA CREDIT ON THIS, I'M SORRY.

BUT WHAT ABOUT ALL THE WORK I DID?

THE VIDEO DID NOT TEACH KIDS NOT TO PUT MARBLES

IN THEIR NOSES, BRENDON.

IN FACT, I SPENT THE REST OF THE DAY PULLING MARBLES

OUT OF THEIR NOSES, IF YOU REMEMBER.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS LIKE?

WELL, MAYBE THEY HAD...

LOOK AT MY HANDS.

MAYBE THEY HAD THEM IN...

LOOK, LOOK, BRENDON IF YOU WANT TO MAKE

A TRULY GOOD EDUCATIONAL FILM...

NO, NOT ME, FORGET IT.

WHAT?

I—I—I DON'T KNOW.

LOOK, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH ALL THOSE MARBLES?

PROBABLY DONATE THEM SOMEWHERE, THAT'S ALL.

I'M NOT GOING TO PUT THEM IN MY NOSE

IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE THINKING?

YES.

YOU'RE WRONG, I'M NOT.

ALL RIGHT, YOU DON'T MIND IF I TAKE THEM, THEN.

JUST TAKE THEM.

ALL RIGHT, I WILL, I'LL TAKE THEM.

JUST TAKE THEM—- LEAVE TWO.

ERIC, I JUST WANT TO SAY THANKS AGAIN

FOR GETTING MY LANDLADY TO TAKE ME BACK, YOU KNOW?

WELL, YOU'RE MORE THAN WELCOME.

I'M SORRY IT WAS SO... SO MUCH MONEY.

ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN LIVE WITH THAT?

NO! BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER.

I'M NOT GOING TO PAY IT ANYWAY.

BUT THAT WAS FUN, WHEN WE WERE LOOKING

FOR HOUSES TOGETHER...

YES, IT WAS.

YEAH.

REMEMBER THAT CONDO WE LOOKED AT?

YEAH.

WITH THE POOL—— THAT WAS FUN.

I'M STILL LAUGHING.

McGuirk: YEAH.

WELL, I SHOULD GET GOING NOW.

YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE A FUN WAY OF SHOWING PEOPLE HOUSES.

HMM, THANKS.

WELL, I SHOULD GET GOING, JON.

YEAH, WELL, I MEAN I'LL SEE YOU AROUND.

I MEAN, I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE.

SURE.

THE NEXT TIME YOU WANT TO TRY TO BUY A HOUSE AGAIN,

LET ME KNOW.

OKAY, HOW ABOUT NEXT WEEK?

SOUNDS LIKE FUN.

McGuirk: REALLY?

Lynch: YOU NEED SOME

HELP THERE, MCGUIRK?

NO, I CAN DO IT, LYNCH.

OH, IS THAT ANOTHER MORTGAGE APPLICATION?

YEAH, I'M THINKING ABOUT BUYING A COUPLE MORE HOUSES.

OH, GREAT, THE MARKET'S GOOD, HUH?

OH, YEAH, IN FACT, THE MARKET'S SO GOOD

I WAS THINKING OF BUYING THE MARKET.

YOU'RE BEING SARCASTIC THERE, AREN'T YOU?

NO!

WAIT A MINUTE, THAT WAS SARCASTIC.

IT'S A COPY OF A LEASE.

OH, SO YOU DECIDED NOT TO BUY?

YEAH, THAT'S IT, I DECIDED NOT TO BUY.

YOU COULDN'T FIND ANYTHING YOU LIKED, I GUESS, HUH?

YEAH.

W—W—WRONG WAY, MCGUIRK.

LET ME HAVE IT.

FLIP IT AROUND, LIKE THIS, ALL RIGHT.

WOW, EXPENSIVE RENT!

WHERE... WHERE ARE YOU MOVING TO?

ACTUALLY, I'M NOT MOVING.

THIS IS MY OLD PLACE.

MY LANDLADY RAISED THE RENT A BIT, YOU KNOW?

THAT'S TOO BAD.

TRIPLED IT.

YOU KNOW THERE ARE LAWS THAT SAY YOU CAN ONLY RAISE THE RENT

BY A CERTAIN PERCENTAGE.

SO, WHAT'S YOUR POINT?

MY POINT IS THAT MAYBE YOU CAN USE THE LAW

TO YOUR ADVANTAGE.

OH, PLEASE.

WHAT'S THAT, A MARBLE?

UH... NO, IT'S FOR, UM...

WOW!

HOW DID THAT GET IN MY HAND?

LYNCH, WHY ARE YOU CARRYING AROUND MARBLES?

GOT TO GO.

SEE, JOSIE, THAT'S A HOSPITAL.

YOU WERE IN A HOSPITAL.

'MEMBER HOSPITAL?

'MEMBER HOSPITAL?

CAN YOU SAY "HOSPITAL"?

CAN YOU SAY THAT?

"HOS—PIT—AL"!

BRENDON? BRENDON?

HOS...!

MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST WATCH THE VIDEO.

PLEASE?

Brendon: OH, OKAY.

GOOD.

Voice on Video: ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR...

Brendon: LOOK, MOM.

MOM, LOOK.

LOOK AT JOSIE—— SHE'S LEARNING, MOM.

SO AM I, BRENDON.

OH.

YEAH.

UM, MOM, CAN YOU SAY, "PUT A CORK ON THE WINE

BECAUSE I THINK YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH TO DRINK"?

OOH, CAN WE SAY "A GLASS OF WINE A DAY

IS VERY, VERY GOOD FOR YOU"?

CAN WE SAY "LUNATIC"?

"LU—NA—TIC"!

BRENDON, CAN YOU SAY...

OW!

BULL'S—EYE.

YEAH.

♪ PUT THEM IN THERE DO NOT PUT THEM IN THERE ♪

♪ DON'T PUT MARBLES IN YOUR NOSE ♪

♪ PUT THEM IN THERE DO NOT PUT THEM IN THERE ♪

♪ DON'T PUT MARBLES IN YOUR NOSE ♪

♪ PUT THEM IN THERE DO NOT PUT THEM IN THERE ♪

♪ MARBLES IN YOUR NOSE ♪

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