Original subtitles

Eroticism can also be a splendid litmus paper

which reveals moods, thoughts, emotions and feelings.

It is an expressive and ideological picklock,

a magnifier to discover the most deeply hidden drives of the human soul.

Like in this short movie

where the asexual behaviour of the characters

shows us some tasty truths about the characters themselves.

For example, the narcissism of how one wants to appear

often hides a person's true nature.

In this case, a chavinistic arsehole

becomes frustrated and impotent and his wife cheats on him.

TINTO BRASS presents

A MAGIC MIRROR

STOP SLOWING DOWN

Back!

Is that OK?

Giulia!

Did you go to the locksmith for the new lock?

I went but it was closed.

And the phone connection?

I talked to Telecom, they're coming tomorrow.

Also, the guys for the washing machine. I told them to come at 11am.

Shit! I told you to make it 12pm.

They couldn't do it at 12pm.

They can't come here when you want them to.

- It was at 11am or in two days and I said... - Yeah, yeah. It's all right.

And what did the carpenter say?

It was closed as well. There was a mad traffic jam this evening.

I'd told you to stop by the shop.

You don't have to necessarily go to the one downstairs.

- You could go yourself. - Try to remember tomorrow.

Do I have to do everything?

Who went shopping and to buy the plants?

Fuck it!

What happened?

Nothing, nothing.

Be careful with those plates. They're from my mother.

Yes!

Why don't you get out of that bath and come and help me?

You've been in there for half an hour.

Since we've got this house I've been doing everything.

Are you getting the door?

- Of course. Who else would get it? - Of course!

- Hi, Walter. - Hi.

- Do you want a hand? - No worries. I'll do it.

- Who is it? - It's Walter with the new mirror.

- I bet he's having a bath. - Good guess!

- What does he need another mirror for? - Oh, Walter!

Come here!

Sit down.

You're always bathing and making yourself ''pretty''. It's an obsession.

I don't deny it. Everyone has an obsession.

I heard you lost yesterday as well.

- Who told you? - I heard it.

People never mind their own business.

Anyway, you deserve it. What did I tell you? Don't listen to that arsehole.

- Let's not talk about it. - You're just a berk.

- I told you... - Stop it. I don't want to talk about it.

Anyway, thank you for the mirror. Giulia can't put it up, though.

What does it have to do with Giulia? It's your job.

If you did it, it'd be as if I was doing it myself anyway.

I don't understand.

You're doing me a favour.

- It's obvious! - Don't talk bullshit or I'll break that mirror.

Where do you want me to put it?

Next to the door.

All right.

How do you manage to live with him?

I've only been here for five minutes and he's made me mad already.

I know what you mean.

- Sometimes he seems a bit dumb. - He's not at all. He's a son of a bitch.

- Don't offend your mother. - Let's not even talk about it.

- Don't make jokes about things like that. - Who's joking?

She's making me go mad.

''Sandro is so good! Sandro said that. Sandro did that.''

What about me? Without me she'd be on the streets. He'd never take her with him.

lt's just that you're too good.

You mean a berk.

You two are so different.

lt's hard to believe you're brothers.

You're telling me.

Close to the door, OK?

Close to the door.

Not too high!

Not too high.

- Not too low either. - Not too low either.

I want to be able to see my whole body.

Remember you're at least four inches shorter than me.

Arsehole. He's a total arsehole.

- He's like that. - He always does what he likes.

My mother dotes on him because he's an actor.

And what an actor he is. ln four years he only did one photo soap opera.

- It's a hard profession. - We all know what his profession is.

- He has an audition on Monday. If... - Again.

Every week there's one.

Hello!

Yes, but I...

I don't give a toss. You should've thought about that beforehand.

You didn't get it, then. You didn't get it. You have to bring me the money.

There's fucking nothing to explain.

Listen to me. Either you bring the money tomorrow or you're in trouble.

Hang up.

Bloody hell.

They all want to have a life of crime.

And then they shit themselves.

Excuse me.

Could you give me a hand?

Of course.

- Giulia, I'm sorry. - Fuck off!

Bloody hell, such a slap!

Instead of staying here doing nothing, go help my brother. Go.

I want to be with you.

Come on, fucking hell! He's doing us a favour.

So? Are you deaf?

Move your arse!

As you like.

The sponge.

So, do you still want a hand?

Look at your face.

Are you insane?

I don't know if it's that stuff you snort or going to the gym that makes you like this.

What are you doing?

I was joking.

- Come on. - Leave me alone.

I was joking. Stop it.

Go and get me the hairdryer.

Where is it?

Where do you think it is? In the kitchen?

If it's not in the bathroom, it must be in the gym bag.

These fucking Sicilians.

That girl doesn't understand that if she wants to stay, she has to work.

She has to work.

It won't be long before I send her back to her village.

One second.

Do you know what she asked me the other day?

She comes to me and says,

''Can I go out with my friend?''

She said it was someone's birthday.

I slapped her hard.

All right. I'm going to dry my hair.

If I don't fix it straight away, I will never manage.

The other day, I had like a horn.

I had to wash it again.

- Who have you had an affair with? - Nobody.

- I never... - Never?

Never.

Never say never.

Well. What is it?

I just wanted to check if you needed anything.

That's a first.

Walter. Sandro is here.

- I can't, Walter. - Why?

Wait for him to leave.

And then we can do everything you want.

- Everything? - Everything, yes.

You picked the wrong brother.

Yes.

So, do you want me?

I've been wanting you for years.

You could have told me before.

You could have told me.

- I'll finish here then I'll give you a hand. - Really?

I don't need it. I've nearly finished.

What's wrong? Are you all right?

What's that face for?

I feel a bit stressed. Maybe I'm a bit tired.

Well, go to bed early and tomorrow you'll feel fine.

- You're so beautiful. - Am I?

ls this how you wanted it?

Perfect. Thank you, little Walter!

lt's OK. It took me less than 20 minutes.

Bloody hell! You're ace. It'd take me 20 minutes to make that drill work.

You should learn.

You reckon? I want to leave these little satisfactions to you.

Do what you like.

You look so pretty! Are you going out?

With friends?

- With a gorgeous chick! - First time to shag her?

- Already shagged her. - Same tactics.

Of course. ''Would you give me a hand?''

You'll stay overnight?

- But you will be late? - I don't know. Are you a detective?

Don't get pissed off.

- I left a bit of mess. Will you clean it up? - Giulia will do it.

Can you show Walter out?

Yes.

For you.

- You're giving me half a million lire? - You've been doing a lot for me.

By the way, can you tell Mum I'll come and see her on Sunday?

She'll be happy. Can you stay with her on Tuesday?

Tuesday? No, I can't.

- Fuck it. For once l ask you a... - I can't, I've got something to do.

Something important. I'll tell you later.

- Bye, Sandro. - See you, Walter.

Are you coming back? I'll wait for you.

You bet!

- The green tie? - With the others.

As soon as you see the car leaving.

While you're waiting.

You're mad.