Original subtitles

(laughing maniacally)

-♪ I can't believe you're all mine ♪ -Uh, what?

♪ You and me for all time ♪

-Ugh! -♪ I'm never, ever ♪

♪ Ever gonna be alone again ♪

-Oh, boy. -♪ The dream team, you and me ♪

For all eternity?

-♪ For all eternity! ♪ -Ahh!

♪ It's the Ghost ♪

♪ It's the Ghost and Molly McGee ♪

♪ I've been cursed ♪

♪ It's the worst! ♪

MOLLY: ♪ Now you're stuck with me ♪

♪ We're never gonna be apart ♪

♪ Is there a way to hit "restart"? ♪

-Nope! -♪ We're the Ghost ♪

♪ Ghost and Molly McGee ♪

-That's me! -Well, that's she.

SCRATCH AND MOLLY: ♪ The Ghost and Molly McGee! ♪

(upbeat music)

MOLLY: Huh. I am still shocked

Brighton is hosting this year's Necrocomic-Con.

It's the Upper Midwest's biggest and only ghost hunter convention.

It's a big honor. Except the ghost-hunting-is-bad part.

Right? (scoffs)

"I hate ghosts."

Why would anyone want this hat?

I want this hat!

What? Technically, I do hate most ghosts.

(shocked stutter) Scratch!

What are you doing here?

This is a ghost hunter convention,

and you are, you know, a ghost!

Relax. No one will ever know.

Hello, fellow cosplayer! (Scratch laughs)

See? I'm camouflaged, so I can study my enemies up close.

Ugh. This is about the free swag, isn't it?

SCRATCH: Molly, of course it's about the free swag.

-I love all this useless junk. -You do love useless junk.

SCRATCH: What is this, a back scratcher?

I don't know what it is. I'm taking it.

(sniffs, sighs)

The sweet, sweaty, bathing optional scent

of Necrocomic-Con.

My favorite day of the year!

As long as that mouth-breather Ernie Fudderson doesn't ruin it.

Ugh, he thinks he's so cool just because he moderates

the Internet's most trafficked paranormal message board.

-Oh, no. He spotted us. -(Ruben exclaims)

I see you, Chens, hiding behind your abysmally small booth.

What do you want, Fudderson?

I just came to apologize for my super long line of fans.

I hope it's not interfering with your li--

Oh, wait. You have no line. (snickers)

-Will you sign our baby? -That would be great.

I am always delighted to autograph a tot.

Now, Chens, as I always say...

Toodle-boo. (snickers)

I'm gonna smack that stupid fedora right off of his--

(both exclaiming)

Esther, honey? Breathe...

That walking hat rack won't be so smug when we unveil our secret weapon.

-Uh, we have a secret weapon? -(Ruben scoffs)

Ollie, come on. You didn't forget the Phantom Cannister.

(both gasp)

(screeching)

I still don't understand

how the cannister trapped those ghosts.

I know this prototype was faulty...

June, honey, it worked.

And now we have captured ghosts.

We'll be the ones signing babies nonstop.

The ghost hunting community will unite behind us

to exterminate ghosts once and for all.

(chuckles) That sounds super really great.

-Didn't really understand the baby stuff. -But you guys got your dream.

We're going to grab some of that convention sheet pizza now. Bye.

(both panting)

If my parents unveil the Phantom Cannister...

It'll be an all-out war on ghosts!

-Scratch will be in danger. -So with Geoff with a G!

And Jeff with a J.

All Ghost Jeffs and their many assorted spellings!

(tense music intensifies)

(giggles)

(whispers) None of our ghost friends will be safe.

SCRATCH: I need that. That too.

Get on in here. Ooh.

I can put this tote inside my other tote.

I'm toting a tote.

AUTOMATED VOICE: I will devour your soul.

Adorable. In you go. (Scratch chuckles)

Killer costume.

May we get a picture?

Ah, of course. Come on. Get in here.

SCRATCH: Now, let's do a silly one. (yells)

I love conventions!

(deep voice) Don't miss the back table.

Great swag. Mini posters.

Thanks, Lord Doom. Glad to see you thriving, bud.

GHOST PLUSHY: I will devour your soul.

Okay, you distract my parents with a Reverse Kitchen Sink.

Meanwhile, I'll perform a Lonely Armadillo

and grab the cannister. Got it?

Ollie, I am loving

the thought you put into naming these maneuvers,

but instead of an elaborate plan to steal the Phantom Cannister,

maybe you could just, I don't know,

talk to your parents?

(sighs) My parents aren't like yours, Molly.

OLLIE: They've devoted their entire lives to hating ghosts.

They'd never understand.

I can't let them hurt innocent ghosts.

And getting that cannister

-is the only way to stop it. -(Molly groans)

I still don't think this is a long-term solution,

but you know what? Okay, I'm in.

Now, explain the Reverse Kitchen Sink again.

And why is the armadillo lonely?

Does he have to be lonely?

Ah! Highlighter pens!

I'm sure I'm definitely going to need these someday.

ERNIE: Nice costume.

If you aim to traffic in highly inauthentic ghost cliches.

(scoffs) I'm making fun of you.

Uh, Ernie Fudderson's the name,

the Internet's most learned man of matters paranormal

and phantasmic.

Uh, don't embarrass yourself, chief.

I know way more about ghosts than you, okay?

Oh, is that so? Would you care to prove it...

over ghost trivia?

(chuckles) Yeah, I'd love to prove it.

MOLLY: Ooh. I'm losing track of all the maneuver names.

Are we doing the Salmon Flip before or after the Wistful Mailman?

Scrap the plans! We're going for a blitz.

Just distract my parents, and I'll grab the cannister.

Aw, I was getting invested in the Mailman.

-Molly. Molly! -MOLLY: I finally got the hang

-these maneuver names. -Molly!

Okay, forget the Mailman. You're right.

♪ One, two, three, go! ♪

(upbeat music)

♪ You're on a mission and you need To get 'em out of the booth ♪

♪ But you lose control of your drone And you fly it into the roof ♪

Abort!

♪ You gotta get that can Any way that you can ♪

♪ So you attack with a pack Of odoriferous fans ♪

♪ They'll ask for any random autograph That they can... ♪

Thanks, man! Also, who are you?

-Ow. -Ollie?

I... I was just... Gotta go!

♪ Oh, you're finding a way To stop the Chens ♪

♪ You must succeed ♪

♪ Oh, you're trying again And again and again ♪

♪ Cosplay stampede ♪

♪ Oh, preventing a war ♪

♪ Between your family and friends ♪

♪ You got to get that can Before this song ends ♪

♪ And it ends right now! ♪

Question 136. The category is...

Haunted Habitats.

"Ghosts spend most of their time in..."

-(bell rings) -Dark dungeons!

The Ghost World!

The correct answer is...

Dark dungeons.

-(positive bell rings) -Boo-yah!

SCRATCH: What? That's not it at all.

Fudderson really knows ghosts.

I like him best because he's winning.

SCRATCH: I hate his hat.

Oh, no! We're out of time, Molly.

Okay... Um, think, think, think.

What if I run out there in a chicken suit and distract everyone?

Ollie, where would you even find a chicken suit at this hour?

I thought this con was for poultry guys, not poltergeists.

(chuckles) I got to read more carefully.

What? No, Ollie, No!

-Molly-- -Not a good idea! No!

Ollie, it's time to just be honest with your family.

(gulps)

REFEREE: That's 10,432 points for Ernie

and a pathetic negative eight points for this other guy.

SCRATCH: How is that even possible?

Ernie Fudderson wins!

-(crowd cheering) -O-boo-viously.

SCRATCH: Hey, no, no, this guy's a fraud!

I would know because...

(vocalizes frustration)

I'm a real ghost. (screams)

A costume under a costume.

Where does it end? Oh, I've grown bored of you.

-Be gone. -CROWD: Boo!

-MAN: Get out of here! -I'm the chairman of the Ghost World!

REFEREE: Fake!

RUBEN: This is the moment, Chens.

Our lives will change forever when we give the world

irrefutable proof that ghosts exist.

Dad, uh, what if we, uh, didn't?

Ollie, what are you talking about?

What if, hypothetically, not all ghosts are bad?

Huh?

Maybe some give squishy marshmallow hugs

and are actually kind, compassionate creatures.

(Scratch screams) I'll toodle-boot you, Fudderson!

-Most of the time. -(Scratch grunts)

85 to 90 percent.

-SCRATCH: I swear I will! -Rounding up.

Ollie, I'm so proud

of the empathetic young man you've become.

(Esther moans lovingly)

-But you're dead wrong about ghosts. -They are evil and must be stopped.

Showtime!

Why would you say ghosts are good?

Don't you remember Halloween?

We didn't save Brighton, June. A good ghost did.

Come on, June, time to expose ectoplasmic evil

to a room full of vicious haunt hunters.

(shrieks) I'm so excited, I alliterated.

A ghost made my cannister work?

We're about to show you something

that will change ghost hunting forever.

Under this sheet is indisputable proof

-that ghosts exist. -(crowd gasps)

Okay, so we need to do something drastic now.

Where's that guy in the chicken suit?

Behold!

(both exclaim)

-(doll squeaks) -Captive ghosts!

I will devour your soul.

(laughter)

What? The ghosts were right here!

And they were really, really scary.

All I see is indisputable proof of your boo-foonery.

How did I come up with it? (laughing)

-That wasn't you, was it? -No.

-Was it you? -JUNE: It was me.

(beeping)

I couldn't figure out how my cannister worked.

The polarity was all wrong.

But if a ghost did it, that would explain things.

June for the save! Thanks, sis.

If you say ghosts can be good,

well, I don't want my tech hurting good ghosts.

I'm going to have to do more experiments.

Speaking of, you are going to love Scratch--

Let me back in, or at least throw my swag out here.

Take my dignity, but give me my free bandana!

Hello, Scratch. I'm June.

I have lots of questions about ghosts.

Finally, someone who knows the real deal when they see--

-Whoa! Ooh. Wow. -Ah, yes, he is very marshmallowy.

Now, as an experiment, I'd like to maybe

touch his eye goop a little.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! You want to experiment on me?

Yes.

All right. I got a good one for you.

Let's see how many tacos I can eat in one sitting.

-What will that prove? -SCRATCH: Hey, who's the ghost here?

Uh, he doesn't have to prove ghosts are good.

Just ghosts aren't all bad, right?

Yeah, hopefully.

Also, we should do a similar experiment with ice cream.

SCRATCH: You know, for science.

SCRATCH AND MOLLY: ♪ The Ghost and Molly McGee ♪

(lively music)

Extra, extra! Read all about it!

School newspaper goes bust!

SCRATCH: A real live newspaper?

Like beepers, phonographs and me,

I thought these things were dead.

Yeah. This is the last edition

of The Brighton Middle School Bugle.

We lost our funding in budget cuts.

This is an outrage!

Journalism is about truth,

no matter where it takes us!

School spirit suffocates in silence.

This cannot, will not--

You didn't even know there was a school paper, did you?

No, I did not! But now that I do,

we will save The Bugle!

Listen up, everybody. The Bugle needs a makeover.

A total overhaul.

You picking up what I'm putting down?

-You smelling what I'm cooking? -(sniffs)

I smell it!

As your advisor, I advise you

to keep your enthusiasm to a dull roar.

(groans)

Right. Sorry, Mr. Pham.

MOLLY: Andrea, you're on culture and fashion.

I'll give you the who wore what, when, where and why it was a mistake.

MOLLY: Sheila, you're my go-to sports gal.

I'll knock it out of the park.

MOLLY: Nashua, cafeteria food critic.

Lunch lady Olga doesn't pull punches.

Neither will I.

Uh, boss, what about me?

I need a hard-hitting piece worthy of our front page.

Something so juicy even The Perfektborg Post will be jealous.

Sounds like a job for...

(sniffs) The Bloodhound of Truth.

And The Scoop-Snoop! (sniffing)

Come on, who calls you that?

Look, you want the help of a supernatural entity

that can make himself invisible, glide through solid walls,

and knows all the best lunch spots, or not?

Okay, Scoop-Snoop, let's rock.

(howls)

Now for the dirty work, selling ads.

I've been out here all day,

and the only ad I've sold is to Weird Larry.

I really don't think that Baby Skunk Daycare

is going to take off like he hopes, but I do love his enthusiasm.

Well, only one business left.

Save The Bugle! Save democracy!

MAN (distorted over radio): Welcome to Flavor Burger.

Would you like to try our new 100 percent turnip burger?

Was that a yes?

MAN: Pull up to the next window.

What do you say, Miss Fiamma?

Are you in to protect our freedom of press

by sponsoring an ad in The Brighton Bugle?

Well, we do need to advertise

our new 100 percent Brighton Turnip Burger.

(nervous chuckle)

Ah, what the heck?

I'm supporting local turnip farmers.

I might as well support local journalism, too.

Let's go for it. We'll take a full page in every future edition of The Bugle.

-(car horn honks) -Back off!

I'm saving journalism here!

(pop music)

♪ Go get that gossip, go get that dish ♪

-TEACHER: That's criminal! -♪ Ooh, that sounds juicy ♪

♪ Very suspish ♪

♪ It's just a teacher Microwaving some fish ♪

Oh...

♪ You gotta snoop for a scoop... ♪

Hot dish like gossip, not a literal hot dish.

♪ Maybe that substitute Is smuggling cash ♪

SUBSTITUE: Hey, that's my lunch!

♪ Maybe that janitor's Got a fake mustache ♪

♪ You need that front page story To make a splash ♪

♪ You gotta snoop for a scoop ♪

♪ They're writing 'bout lacrosse They got hot goss ♪

♪ They're tasting cafeteria pizza sauce ♪

(slurps) Hmm. Middling at best.

♪ Look at the bus driver, Gus Looking so sus ♪

♪ Putting that bag In the back of his bus... ♪

Let's air your dirty laundry, Gus.

Oh, it's his actual laundry, gross!

♪ Following your nose Sniffing every scent ♪

♪ Maybe you can sneak Inside that vent... ♪

And I'm stuck.

We always protect our sources at The Bugle,

especially when it's my brother.

Darryl, I don't know how, but I think they're on to you.

ANDREA: "I couldn't help but wonder, was I wearing the clothes,

or were the clothes wearing me?"

Mr. Mayor, the story prints with or without a comment from Goldie!

-Finished, boss! -Nashua, this is not six column inches.

Get it down to a page.

I can't possibly do justice to square-shaped pizza in one page.

The spice blend, the slice of technique. The mouthfeel.

Turnips! Ugh...

One page.

And stop saying "mouthfeel." It's freaking people out.

(Molly gasps) The angles, the facial expressions.

MOLLY: These photos really tell a story.

And that story is, I have this for four to six weeks.

Way to take one for the team, Sheila.

Libby, you got my front page story? Is it juicy, in-depth, hard-hitting?

Uh, it will be.

It will be?

This is the headline story, Libby.

We need it to make readers salivate, and we need it now!

Or do you want us to put out a paper with a blank first page?

(wind howling)

That is not what Flavor Burger is paying us for!

Don't worry, boss, it'll be ready by the time we go to print.

That was a blatant lie.

I know! There's got to be a story around here somewhere.

Buglers! (imitates horn blowing)

The librarian is waiting to go to press on this edition.

The future of journalism depends on us!

Delivery from Flavor Burger,

where the odds of flavor are always in your favor.

(mutters)

"Hope these 100 percent Brighton Turnip Burgers

fuel your quest for truth and justice."

Ha! I'd say integrity is its own reward,

but this is pretty good, too.

100 percent Brighton turnips? Ugh.

Do I even want to try this?

(whimsical music)

MOLLY: Oh, is it that bad?

No, that good!

This is delicious!

Celery, carrot, oregano,

and something else, but I can't place it.

It's delightful, but strange.

(all happily moan)

These are the best burgers I've ever had.

How did Flavor Burger make turnips taste this delicious?

NASHUA: It's impossible.

You thinking what I'm thinking?

Uh-huh. Something stinks at Flavor Burger.

(gasps) Here's the real scandal.

Why would anyone throw away perfectly good chicken nuggets?

(Scratch gasps)

-(raccoon chitters) -(Libby groans)

This stake-out is a bust.

Maybe there's no story here.

Maybe they've made turnips tasty.

You and I both know that is impossible.

(brake squeals)

LIBBY: Wait a minute!

That sign is faker than Ezekiel Tugbottom's legacy.

Something is fishy here.

Ooh, tell me about it.

Oh, you meant Flavor Burger.

Yeah, yeah, something's messed up for sure.

She just threw away the turnips.

But they're the main ingredient in the Flavor Burgers.

Unless they're not.

(ominous music stings)

(camera shutter clicks)

BOTH: Flavor Burgers are made of...

MOLLY: Perfektborg Parsnips?

(all gasp)

They're serving burger with a side of lies.

You wanted hard-hitting?

Well, this story hits like a ton of bricks.

Perfektborg Parsnips. Of course!

I knew there was a delicious ingredient I couldn't identify.

I mean, a disgusting ingredient

that shall never grace this tongue again.

Great work, Libby!

Just the kind of story that proves why we need a school paper to begin with.

But if we run it, we'll lose our biggest sponsor.

And The Bugle will shut down.

And we won't be able to report on any other stories ever again.

(groans) What am I gonna do?

I set out to save The Bugle.

-If I run the story, we're sunk. -Well, I mean, uh...

Can I really bury a story like this?

Could I even call myself a journalist?

-Um... -Ugh, but then again,

what good is journalism if there is no paper?

Do I silence the story or The Bugle?

Well, it seems like you don't actually want my input here,

so I'm just going to let you figure this out on your own.

A wise person once told me, journalism is about truth,

no matter where it takes us.

Using my own words against me, that hurts.

(sighs)

They'll thank me one day.

Parsnips? From Perfektborg? How could they?

(screams)

(grunts)

-(grunting) -(growls)

(all chanting) Flavor Burger Betrays Brighton!

Turn down the flavor!

(all chanting) Flavor Burger Betrays Brighton!

Turn down the flavor!

You don't understand! You can't make turnips tasty!

I tried. I really tried.

(chanting continues)

Wow, takes guts, McGee,

I'm proud of you.

Yeah. The people deserve to know.

I mean, sure, Flavor Burger pulled their funding,

but maybe, somehow, the paper will be fine.

I'm just gonna have a positive mental attitude.

Everything will be all...

MOLLY: Right, team, we're all out of a job.

It's been an honor to be

your editor-in-chief for the 16 whole hours.

I'm sorry that it's had to end like this.

I guess that's the price you pay for integrity, so...

(scattered slow clap)

(gasps) Guys!

You know I've always wanted a slow clap just for me!

(knocks on door)

Is this The Brighton Bugle newsroom?

I want to buy an ad for my bakery.

-Us too. -Me three!

But you all turned me down yesterday.

That was before you became the number one news source in town.

Joanie Pataky just announced it this morning.

Joanie Pataky with KWP,

now your number two source for local news

behind The Brighton Middle School Bugle.

(grunts) I didn't go to grad school for this!

(dramatic music)

Team, The Bugle is saved! Democracy wins!

(cheering)

What did I say about keeping the enthusiasm to a minimum?

(muted cheering)

SCRATCH AND MOLLY: ♪ The Ghost and Molly McGee ♪

(closing theme music)