Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:10,219
I'm going down
to South Park
2
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:11,387
gonna have
myself a time.
3
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:14,015
Friendly faces
everywhere.
4
00:00:14,140 --> 00:00:15,683
Humble folks
without temptation.
5
00:00:15,808 --> 00:00:17,018
Going down
to South Park
6
00:00:17,143 --> 00:00:19,061
gonna leave my
woes behind.
7
00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:20,521
Ample parking
day or night.
8
00:00:20,646 --> 00:00:21,480
People spouting
"howdy neighbor".
9
00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:22,690
Headin' on up
to South Park
10
00:00:22,815 --> 00:00:25,484
gonna see
if I can't unwind.
11
00:00:28,988 --> 00:00:30,281
So come on down
to South Park
12
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,280
This is
closed circuit television
13
00:00:30,306 --> 00:00:31,984
and meet some
friends of mine.
14
00:00:37,163 --> 00:00:39,373
for South Park
Elementary School.
15
00:00:39,498 --> 00:00:41,751
And now...
"Super School News".
16
00:00:41,876 --> 00:00:46,130
The news made for students
by students.
17
00:00:46,255 --> 00:00:48,299
Welcome to
Super School News.
18
00:00:48,424 --> 00:00:49,592
I'm Jimmy Valmer.
19
00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:51,135
And I'm Rick Cartman.
20
00:00:51,260 --> 00:00:52,136
The price of milk money
will go up next month
21
00:00:52,261 --> 00:00:54,638
to forty nine cents.
22
00:00:54,764 --> 00:00:55,639
The school claims
the added money is due to
23
00:00:55,765 --> 00:00:57,767
the cow shortage
in South Park county.
24
00:00:57,892 --> 00:00:59,412
Parent-teacher conferences
will be held
25
00:00:59,518 --> 00:01:01,145
this Wednesday night
from seven to nine.
26
00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:03,522
So kids, get a lot of playing
in before you get grounded.
27
00:01:03,647 --> 00:01:04,875
And now for a look
at what's on the menu
28
00:01:04,899 --> 00:01:06,734
for school lunch today,
here's Stan Marsh.
29
00:01:06,859 --> 00:01:08,587
Eric, it looks as though
the school will be serving
30
00:01:08,611 --> 00:01:10,029
a chicken cutlet.
31
00:01:10,154 --> 00:01:11,965
Now that's traditionally
a white meat chicken breast,
32
00:01:11,989 --> 00:01:14,825
if you will, that has been
breaded and then cooked.
33
00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:16,344
I've been told there will
also be tater tots
34
00:01:16,368 --> 00:01:17,703
and a vegetable dish.
35
00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:19,973
This is really shaping up
to be uh, one fantastic lunch.
36
00:01:19,997 --> 00:01:21,665
Eric?
37
00:01:21,791 --> 00:01:23,431
Hard-hitting reporting
Stan, thanks a lot.
38
00:01:23,459 --> 00:01:24,251
And now here with
the celebrity watch
39
00:01:24,376 --> 00:01:25,503
is Butters Stotch.
40
00:01:25,628 --> 00:01:27,068
Butters, seen any
celebrities lately?
41
00:01:27,171 --> 00:01:29,006
No, not yet.
42
00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:30,525
I've been standing out
in front of the school
43
00:01:30,549 --> 00:01:31,801
for about two hours now
44
00:01:31,926 --> 00:01:33,511
and I haven't seen
any celebrities.
45
00:01:33,636 --> 00:01:34,929
About thirty minutes ago,
46
00:01:35,054 --> 00:01:37,306
I thought I saw
Sigourney Weaver...
47
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,558
B-b-ut, uh, turns out
it was a dead horse.
48
00:01:39,683 --> 00:01:40,911
Alright, Butters,
keep your eyes open.
49
00:01:40,935 --> 00:01:41,935
Will do.
50
00:01:41,977 --> 00:01:44,188
More snow
for South P-park?
51
00:01:44,313 --> 00:01:47,358
Here's Token Black
with the weather.
52
00:01:47,483 --> 00:01:48,919
Jimmy and Eric, it looks
like a massive snow storm
53
00:01:48,943 --> 00:01:50,023
is heading
South Park's way.
54
00:01:50,069 --> 00:01:51,153
I asked my dad
last night,
55
00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:52,113
and he said
he heard the snowstorm
56
00:01:52,238 --> 00:01:54,782
is expected
on Tuesday, guys.
57
00:01:54,907 --> 00:01:55,967
Kyle Broflovski
now joins us
58
00:01:55,991 --> 00:01:56,992
for a look
at sports.
59
00:01:57,118 --> 00:01:58,220
And Kyle, the girls'
basketball team
60
00:01:58,244 --> 00:01:59,620
just can't
get it right.
61
00:01:59,745 --> 00:02:01,807
Another devastating loss
for the Cows last night, Eric.
62
00:02:01,831 --> 00:02:03,141
They were ahead in the game
until Kelly Anderson
63
00:02:03,165 --> 00:02:04,810
started crying because
she missed her daddy
64
00:02:04,834 --> 00:02:06,544
who is on a business trip
in Thailand.
65
00:02:06,669 --> 00:02:08,337
Kelly was so upset
she couldn't play
66
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:09,797
and the Cows
had to forfeit.
67
00:02:09,922 --> 00:02:11,674
The Cows are on
a six and 0 slide
68
00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:13,843
since Kelly's father left
for that business trip.
69
00:02:13,968 --> 00:02:15,427
And that's all for
Super School News!
70
00:02:15,553 --> 00:02:21,100
Enjoy your day at
South Park E-e-el-
71
00:02:21,225 --> 00:02:22,935
Elementary.
72
00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:26,814
And we're... Cut!
73
00:02:26,939 --> 00:02:28,482
Alright, nice reporting
guys, nice.
74
00:02:28,607 --> 00:02:29,900
Boy that was
a great episode!
75
00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:31,503
Yeah, I think that was
one of our best shows yet.
76
00:02:31,527 --> 00:02:34,405
Boys, I'm afraid
I have some bad news.
77
00:02:34,530 --> 00:02:36,907
The school has to
cancel your show.
78
00:02:37,032 --> 00:02:38,075
What?
79
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:39,869
For God's sake
why, Mr. Maryl?
80
00:02:39,994 --> 00:02:42,538
Well the students
just aren't watching it.
81
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,874
Your rating was only
a four this whole week.
82
00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:46,333
How many
students is that?
83
00:02:46,458 --> 00:02:49,295
Four, four students
watch your show.
84
00:02:49,420 --> 00:02:52,506
And meanwhile, Craig's show
is getting a fifty-seven.
85
00:02:52,631 --> 00:02:54,508
Craig's show?
86
00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:55,873
What is that butthole
doing now?
87
00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:57,261
Oh, it's brilliant.
88
00:02:57,386 --> 00:02:59,680
It's all just video
footage of animals
89
00:02:59,805 --> 00:03:01,849
close-up with
a wide angle lens.
90
00:03:01,974 --> 00:03:05,477
Animals close-up
with a wide angle lens.
91
00:03:17,448 --> 00:03:19,575
But that's... that's crap,
that's not even TV!
92
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,035
It's what
the students want.
93
00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:22,745
And its cheaper
to make than your show.
94
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:24,872
Just one person
and a video camera.
95
00:03:24,997 --> 00:03:26,123
Craig is a genius.
96
00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:27,248
Sorry, kids.
97
00:03:28,167 --> 00:03:28,918
But, Mr. Maryl,
98
00:03:29,043 --> 00:03:30,687
we're trying to bring
the news to the students.
99
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:31,795
They need to know
the facts
100
00:03:31,921 --> 00:03:33,601
and our news team
delivers them, very much.
101
00:03:33,631 --> 00:03:36,050
Kids don't care about
the news, boys.
102
00:03:36,175 --> 00:03:37,259
It's boring.
103
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:38,844
Kids want
to see animals...
104
00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:39,969
close-up...
105
00:03:40,012 --> 00:03:41,639
with a
wide angle lens.
106
00:03:41,764 --> 00:03:43,557
Please, Mr. Maryl,
the news is our life.
107
00:03:43,682 --> 00:03:44,892
Without it
we have nothing.
108
00:03:45,017 --> 00:03:46,268
I'm sorry, kids.
109
00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:48,604
You should be proud
of what you've done.
110
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,731
It's just that
it's kind of gay.
111
00:03:54,235 --> 00:03:56,237
You're gay!
112
00:04:02,076 --> 00:04:02,952
Gee wiz...
113
00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:05,037
We sure worked hard
on that news show.
114
00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:06,181
Apparently it doesn't
matter how hard you work.
115
00:04:06,205 --> 00:04:09,667
Hello boys, ready to
do some whistlin?
116
00:04:13,504 --> 00:04:15,923
Fuck off, Whistlin' Willie,
we're not in the mood.
117
00:04:16,048 --> 00:04:18,884
If you want your pizza
you gotta whistle!
118
00:04:21,971 --> 00:04:23,222
Come on!
119
00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,939
There ya' go!
120
00:04:32,064 --> 00:04:34,817
God, I wish we had
a Pizza Hut in South Park.
121
00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:36,402
Hey look, Craig
just walked in.
122
00:04:41,907 --> 00:04:43,909
Jesus all that for
a stupid video show.
123
00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:47,329
Oh hey guys, heard about
your news show being canceled.
124
00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:49,081
Go play with
yourself, Craig.
125
00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:51,208
Yeah, well, I got an overall
deal with the school.
126
00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:52,960
They're paying me
six dollars a week
127
00:04:53,085 --> 00:04:54,086
to come up
with new shows.
128
00:04:54,211 --> 00:04:56,171
Your idea took about
this much thought, Craig.
129
00:04:57,131 --> 00:04:59,091
This much more
than you had.
130
00:05:00,134 --> 00:05:01,934
Hey a round of root beers
for everyone, on me!
131
00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:05,347
Kenny!
132
00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:06,908
What the hell are you
doing with this asshole?
133
00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:08,517
Mrph rhmhphm rm.
134
00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:10,002
You're helping Craig
make his show?
135
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:11,895
I can't believe you
would betray us like that!
136
00:05:12,021 --> 00:05:13,522
We've always been
super cool to you!
137
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:14,815
Ha ha ha ha
haaaa ha.
138
00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:15,941
We're gonna
do a news show
139
00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:17,234
and you can't
do it with us
140
00:05:17,359 --> 00:05:18,736
because you
are too poor
141
00:05:18,861 --> 00:05:20,297
and poor people
don't watch the news.
142
00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:22,197
Nya nya nya
nya nyaaaa nya.
143
00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:26,493
Oh whatever, Kenny!
144
00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:28,704
Hey gang, I brought
the new episode of.
145
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:29,889
"Wide Angle
Close-up Animals"!
146
00:05:29,913 --> 00:05:31,073
- Woo-hoo! Yayyy!
- Let's see!
147
00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:33,250
Put it up on
the monitors!
148
00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:41,300
Cute!
149
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,429
Super cute!
150
00:05:46,597 --> 00:05:47,973
God, I just
don't get it.
151
00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:49,600
Wow... those animals
are pretty cute.
152
00:05:49,725 --> 00:05:50,934
Token... now
come on guys!
153
00:05:51,060 --> 00:05:52,186
We've worked
too hard
154
00:05:52,311 --> 00:05:53,371
to just roll over
for Craig and his
155
00:05:53,395 --> 00:05:54,730
stupid overall deal.
156
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:56,249
Instead of sitting here
feeling sorry for ourselves,
157
00:05:56,273 --> 00:05:57,274
we just need
to figure out
158
00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:58,650
how to make
our show better!
159
00:05:58,776 --> 00:05:59,878
Yeah... maybe if we
can get higher ratings
160
00:05:59,902 --> 00:06:00,902
by the end
of the week
161
00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:02,321
they'll let us
stay on the air!
162
00:06:02,446 --> 00:06:03,614
Well what are we
waitin' for?
163
00:06:03,739 --> 00:06:05,407
Come on, guys!
164
00:06:09,078 --> 00:06:11,038
Alright, we all need to
come up with ideas
165
00:06:11,163 --> 00:06:12,581
for our show.
166
00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:14,583
How about
we revamp the name...
167
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:15,908
"Super School News"
sounds dry.
168
00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:17,419
It should
be Sexy News.
169
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:18,629
Action News!
170
00:06:18,754 --> 00:06:19,856
Yeah, Sexy Action,
that's good.
171
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,548
Maybe the problem is
we don't have
172
00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:22,966
very good stories
to report on.
173
00:06:23,092 --> 00:06:24,510
Right... we should
make up stories
174
00:06:24,635 --> 00:06:25,945
because they'll be
far more interesting.
175
00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:27,679
Hey yeah!
176
00:06:27,805 --> 00:06:29,240
I could say I saw celebrities
even though I didn't
177
00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:31,433
and then lie about
what I saw them doing!
178
00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:33,102
Nice, Butters,
write that down!
179
00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:37,481
"Lie... about... celebrities".
180
00:06:37,606 --> 00:06:38,708
We have to appeal
to all the students.
181
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:40,818
So we need hot girls
for the sixth graders...
182
00:06:40,943 --> 00:06:41,568
and panda bears
for the preschoolers.
183
00:06:41,693 --> 00:06:42,486
Good.
184
00:06:42,611 --> 00:06:43,797
Maybe we need
to make students think
185
00:06:43,821 --> 00:06:44,446
they have to watch
our news show
186
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:45,656
or they'll die!
187
00:06:45,948 --> 00:06:47,258
Yeah, we should make up
a bunch of reports
188
00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:48,762
about how dangerous
it is to be alive!
189
00:06:48,826 --> 00:06:49,868
Oh boy!
190
00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:53,122
Fellas, are you sure
all of this is e-e-ethical?
191
00:06:53,247 --> 00:06:54,123
We're in
fourth grade, Jimmy.
192
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:55,683
We don't even know
what ethical means!
193
00:06:55,707 --> 00:06:57,018
Alright, Sexy Action
School News team
194
00:06:57,042 --> 00:06:58,168
it's time
to go to work!
195
00:06:58,293 --> 00:06:59,437
Get out there
and get some stories!
196
00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:02,256
Sexy Action
School News team, ho!
197
00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:07,386
Uh, Token, can I have
a quick word with you?
198
00:07:08,512 --> 00:07:10,407
Look, Token... I know
the guys are having trouble
199
00:07:10,431 --> 00:07:11,699
bringing this
up with you, but...
200
00:07:11,723 --> 00:07:14,268
Well the thing is, Token,
201
00:07:14,393 --> 00:07:16,311
we really need to revamp
your whole TV persona.
202
00:07:18,272 --> 00:07:19,148
You see, Token,
people really enjoy
203
00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:21,984
seeing African Americans
on the news.
204
00:07:22,860 --> 00:07:25,279
Seeing African Americans
on the news
205
00:07:25,404 --> 00:07:26,196
not hearing them.
206
00:07:26,321 --> 00:07:28,157
That's why, all
African American news people
207
00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:30,993
learn to talk more...
how should I say...
208
00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:34,079
white.
209
00:07:34,204 --> 00:07:36,015
Token, all the great
African American news people
210
00:07:36,039 --> 00:07:37,839
have learned to hide their
'ebonic tribespeak'
211
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:39,918
with a more pure
caucasian dialect.
212
00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:41,378
There is no
shame in it
213
00:07:41,503 --> 00:07:43,464
and I really think
it will help our ratings.
214
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:48,260
This is South Park Elementary
closed circuit television.
215
00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:49,636
And now...
216
00:07:50,304 --> 00:07:55,309
Eyewitness
Sexy Action School News!
217
00:07:55,434 --> 00:07:57,311
Is South Park Elementary
about to explode
218
00:07:57,436 --> 00:07:58,562
from a methane gas leak?
219
00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:00,314
More on that later,
but first,
220
00:08:00,439 --> 00:08:02,039
Stan Marsh has a look
at some new outfits
221
00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:03,192
for the Raisins girls!
222
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,321
Eric, the outfits are
even skimpier than before
223
00:08:07,446 --> 00:08:08,840
leaving very little
to the imagination.
224
00:08:08,864 --> 00:08:10,344
No doubt that if
I were a little older
225
00:08:10,449 --> 00:08:12,117
I would be aroused.
226
00:08:13,202 --> 00:08:14,387
And now for
a look at the weather.
227
00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:15,579
Here is Token Black.
228
00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:16,973
And Token, I hope
there are no tornadoes
229
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:18,207
headed our way.
230
00:08:18,332 --> 00:08:20,792
No, tornadoes, Eric
but interestingly enough
231
00:08:20,918 --> 00:08:22,419
there is a
low pressure storm
232
00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:24,087
moving in over
the Park County valley
233
00:08:24,213 --> 00:08:27,090
should bring us
some chilly days ahead.
234
00:08:28,634 --> 00:08:29,885
The Park County
school board
235
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:31,220
has approved
a bigger budget
236
00:08:31,345 --> 00:08:32,385
for the computer lab in...
237
00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:33,805
Ooh hang on, Jimmy!
238
00:08:33,931 --> 00:08:34,991
Looks like
Kyle has the dish
239
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,451
on some students
bathroom habits! Kyle.
240
00:08:36,475 --> 00:08:37,601
Eric, sources
are speculating
241
00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:39,311
that third grade student
Pete Bellman
242
00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:40,979
pees sitting down
like a girl.
243
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:42,314
We've also
got confirmation
244
00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:43,500
that Sally Turner
stuffs her bra
245
00:08:43,524 --> 00:08:45,817
and Clyde Donovan
has only one testicle.
246
00:08:45,943 --> 00:08:48,612
Ha-ha-ha-haa
one testicle!
247
00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:51,490
What an asshole!
248
00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:56,828
Oh-oh, looks like it's
Panda Bear Madness Minute!
249
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:01,041
Oh yeah,
Panda Bear Madness!
250
00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:02,227
And now...
let's get a look at.
251
00:09:02,251 --> 00:09:04,336
Celebrity Dish gossip
with Butters!
252
00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:09,383
This isn't the news,
this is a t-t-t-travesty.
253
00:09:13,178 --> 00:09:14,596
Alright, so after
my report on
254
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:17,140
the unsanitary conditions
of the school cafeteria
255
00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:18,743
we'll go to Kyle for
the story on Brian Teebs
256
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:20,435
trying to make out
with Susan Farkle.
257
00:09:20,561 --> 00:09:21,270
Then let's do
Token's report
258
00:09:21,395 --> 00:09:22,539
on how global warming
is going to kill
259
00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:23,623
everyone in
the fifth grade.
260
00:09:23,647 --> 00:09:25,899
That is a
terrific idea, Stan.
261
00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:27,317
A-OK!
262
00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:30,112
Fellas, fellas, I've
got fantastic news.
263
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:32,030
The vice president,
Dick Cheney,
264
00:09:32,155 --> 00:09:33,282
was in
Denver yesterday,
265
00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:35,867
and I got an interview
with him for our news show!
266
00:09:36,994 --> 00:09:39,663
Umm, an interview
with the vice president...
267
00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:41,623
Frankly, Jimmy I don't
know how we're going to
268
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:43,184
fit that in between
cheerleader pie eating
269
00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:44,751
and Who's Got
Skid Marks Monday.
270
00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:46,461
But this is
real news.
271
00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:47,963
It's boring news, Jimmy.
272
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,965
How do you know,
you haven't seen it yet!
273
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,383
Alright,
tell me about it.
274
00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:53,628
In the interview,
Mr. Cheney tells me all about how...
275
00:09:55,596 --> 00:09:59,474
Oh... oh God,
I just got so sleepy.
276
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,310
I'm sorry, what were
you talking about?
277
00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:03,478
Look, f-f-fellas
I've got a real problem
278
00:10:03,604 --> 00:10:05,439
with the direction
our news show is going.
279
00:10:05,564 --> 00:10:06,940
We're dumbing down
the school.
280
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:08,547
No, Jimmy, the school
is already dumb
281
00:10:08,609 --> 00:10:09,484
we're just giving them
what they want.
282
00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:11,570
We're making the news
more appealing to students.
283
00:10:11,695 --> 00:10:13,322
This isn't the news!
284
00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:15,490
This is a b-b-bastardized
quest for ratings.
285
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:17,826
Dammit, we have a
journalistic responsibility
286
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:20,495
to bring students
the f-facts.
287
00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:22,122
Don't you see
what we've done?
288
00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:24,875
In our effort to compete with
Craig's small-minded show
289
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,752
we've make a mockery
of news reporting.
290
00:10:26,877 --> 00:10:28,605
I remember when we all
made an oath to each other
291
00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:30,631
way back when we started
playing news reporters
292
00:10:30,756 --> 00:10:33,216
that we would never let anything
jeopardize our integrity.
293
00:10:33,342 --> 00:10:35,510
Well our integrity
is jeopardized...
294
00:10:35,636 --> 00:10:38,138
And if we can't
report news the honest way...
295
00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:40,641
What good is
news reporting?
296
00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:49,441
Boys, first of all
I want to tell you
297
00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:53,570
how impressed I am with your
ability to get more ratings.
298
00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:56,448
Your show beat "Close-up Animals
With a Wide Angle Lens"
299
00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:58,533
by three viewers!
300
00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:02,329
- Alright!!
- Wohoo!
301
00:11:02,454 --> 00:11:03,955
I knew we
could do it!
302
00:11:04,081 --> 00:11:05,121
We beat
"Close-up Animals"!
303
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:05,957
Oh man, it's
so great!
304
00:11:06,083 --> 00:11:07,793
We-we worked so hard
to be on the top-
305
00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:09,252
oh come here, you!
306
00:11:09,378 --> 00:11:11,254
Yes, but unfortunately
307
00:11:11,380 --> 00:11:12,964
you got crushed
in the ratings
308
00:11:13,090 --> 00:11:14,883
by Craig's new show.
309
00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:18,428
Craig's new show?
310
00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:19,971
All the students
love it.
311
00:11:20,097 --> 00:11:22,307
It's an
incredible idea called.
312
00:11:22,432 --> 00:11:24,851
"Close-up Animals
With a Wide Angle Lens.
313
00:11:24,976 --> 00:11:26,603
Wearing Hats".
314
00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:28,355
Take a look.
315
00:11:38,949 --> 00:11:41,910
That Craig is a
freakin' genius, I tell you.
316
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,788
He's like...
an idea machine.
317
00:11:44,913 --> 00:11:48,458
Does this mean we're
still gonna get canceled?
318
00:11:48,583 --> 00:11:50,836
I'm afraid its worse
than that boys.
319
00:11:50,961 --> 00:11:52,963
I'm going to have to
give you all "F"s
320
00:11:53,088 --> 00:11:54,798
in extra curricular A/V class.
321
00:11:54,923 --> 00:11:58,760
You have to learn now
how important ratings are.
322
00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:01,138
But... we
gave it our best.
323
00:12:01,263 --> 00:12:06,226
Yes, and I guess your best
wasn't good enough.
324
00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:08,979
I don't believe it.
325
00:12:09,104 --> 00:12:10,331
I can't lose this extra
curricular credit!
326
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:11,732
I need it to
pass fourth grade.
327
00:12:11,857 --> 00:12:13,775
Stupid news hair.
328
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:18,196
F-fellas, don't you see,
this proves my point.
329
00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:21,491
We have to elevate
our ideas up, not down.
330
00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:23,618
Yeah, Jimmys right. I know we
can come up with
331
00:12:23,744 --> 00:12:24,911
way better ideas
than Craig.
332
00:12:25,328 --> 00:12:27,289
Yeah. To save our show,
all we need to do...
333
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:28,915
is come up with
the best idea
334
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:30,959
for an episode ever.
335
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,219
What if we do
a show where we...
336
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:42,846
Ah... no...
337
00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:47,017
How about we
have us, um... hmmm...
338
00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:49,978
Come on doesn't anybody
have any show ideas?
339
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,188
How about we
get panda bears
340
00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:53,023
and have them dance
around with us!
341
00:12:53,148 --> 00:12:55,484
We did that.
342
00:12:57,694 --> 00:12:59,571
Wow, coming up
with ideas is hard.
343
00:12:59,696 --> 00:13:01,616
Look, you guys, if Craig
can do it, we can do it.
344
00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:02,740
Come on!
345
00:13:07,579 --> 00:13:12,083
How about we do
a show with us... uh...
346
00:13:12,209 --> 00:13:15,504
The uh... what if...
347
00:13:15,629 --> 00:13:18,089
Wait, I've got it...
crab people.
348
00:13:18,215 --> 00:13:19,341
Crab people?
349
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:20,651
They're like
half crab, half people
350
00:13:20,675 --> 00:13:22,552
and they live
below the ground.
351
00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:25,096
Dude, I think we can
do a little better
352
00:13:25,222 --> 00:13:26,681
than crab people.
353
00:13:26,807 --> 00:13:28,600
I know, we should
read the funnies!
354
00:13:28,725 --> 00:13:31,186
I always get good ideas
from the funnies!
355
00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:33,398
Butters, only gay little
dweebs read the funnies.
356
00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:35,440
Yeah, I read 'em
all the time!
357
00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:36,858
Here's one!
358
00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:38,819
The... snail
tripped over a hurdle
359
00:13:38,944 --> 00:13:40,403
and the other
snail says,
360
00:13:40,529 --> 00:13:42,697
"well, that's gonna add
another hour to his time!"
361
00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:45,617
You guys?
362
00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:49,037
How about we do a show
where we kill Butters?
363
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:56,711
So Dagwood says,
364
00:13:56,837 --> 00:14:01,341
"good... goo..good thing we're playing
the back nine at your house".
365
00:14:03,218 --> 00:14:05,512
We're hopelessly stuck,
completely out of ideas.
366
00:14:05,804 --> 00:14:06,804
We have
crab people.
367
00:14:06,847 --> 00:14:07,847
Just sayin'...
368
00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:09,266
Wait... you know
what we should do?
369
00:14:09,391 --> 00:14:11,685
We should all take
a bunch of cough medicine.
370
00:14:11,810 --> 00:14:12,686
Cough medicine?
371
00:14:12,811 --> 00:14:13,687
That's what
the sixth graders do
372
00:14:13,812 --> 00:14:14,831
behind the school
at recess.
373
00:14:14,855 --> 00:14:16,356
They take way
too much cough medicine
374
00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:18,561
cuz they say it makes them
see things in their heads.
375
00:14:21,570 --> 00:14:25,407
Gee wiz, there
sure is a lot of em...
376
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,492
How do we know
which one to use?
377
00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:30,680
How about this
one Colminex.
378
00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:32,831
"Warning, taking more
than recommended amount
379
00:14:32,956 --> 00:14:34,583
can cause severe
side effects."
380
00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:35,750
That sounds perfect!
381
00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:37,335
B-bingo.
382
00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:39,713
Can I help
you boys?
383
00:14:39,838 --> 00:14:42,424
Yeah, we need to come up
with some ideas and inspiration
384
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,110
so we were gonna drink
a bunch of cough medicine.
385
00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:44,885
Whoa, boys!
386
00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:47,512
That's not what you need
to come up with ideas!
387
00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:48,722
It's not?
388
00:14:48,847 --> 00:14:51,683
No, what you want
is the Colminex PM.
389
00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:53,727
It has the
dextrimatphan in it
390
00:14:53,852 --> 00:14:55,492
that causes hallucinations
in large doses.
391
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:56,688
Oh okay.
392
00:14:56,813 --> 00:14:57,939
Now, if it's
more of a lucid,
393
00:14:58,064 --> 00:14:59,417
speedy kind of high
you're looking for,
394
00:14:59,441 --> 00:15:01,526
I do also carry the
Daytap Cold and Flu.
395
00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:03,278
Then there's the
maximum strength.
396
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:04,738
Codatussin Cough 'n Cold.
397
00:15:04,863 --> 00:15:07,866
But of course, that's only if
you really want to trip balls.
398
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:10,493
What do you
think, fellas?
399
00:15:10,619 --> 00:15:11,971
I guess we'll just
take all of them.
400
00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:12,787
That's the spirit...
401
00:15:12,913 --> 00:15:14,993
Alright boys, I'll just need
your parents permission.
402
00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:18,919
Kidding, I'm just
pullin' your legs.
403
00:15:19,044 --> 00:15:20,253
Come on over
to the register!
404
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:23,006
Oh, looks like
somebody else
405
00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:24,716
is doing a little
partying tonight!
406
00:15:24,841 --> 00:15:26,509
Oh, Jesus Christ!
407
00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:28,010
We aren't
having a party.
408
00:15:28,345 --> 00:15:29,095
Oh yeah sure!
409
00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:31,073
You're just buying that
for your bad coughs, right?
410
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:34,851
Us too!
411
00:15:35,977 --> 00:15:36,977
Ooh, Jesus!
412
00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:46,237
Alright, now everybody
take a tablet and a pencil
413
00:15:46,363 --> 00:15:47,423
and when all the ideas
start coming
414
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:48,740
just write 'em down.
415
00:15:48,865 --> 00:15:50,545
We might not remember
everything otherwise.
416
00:15:50,784 --> 00:15:53,495
Oh boy, I can't wait
to be creative and smart!
417
00:15:54,955 --> 00:15:57,332
Ooh, it's all
thick and gooey...
418
00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:01,336
Huh... I don't
have any ideas yet.
419
00:16:04,965 --> 00:16:05,965
Stan?
420
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,385
Dude, Stan,
you alright?
421
00:16:08,677 --> 00:16:10,679
I think maybe
he's feelin' it.
422
00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:12,764
Stan, are you
getting good ideas?
423
00:16:15,016 --> 00:16:17,811
Woah... I'm feelin kinda
bowling ballish, fellas.
424
00:16:28,238 --> 00:16:28,947
Woof-woof!
425
00:16:29,072 --> 00:16:30,740
Woof-woof!
426
00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:32,409
Stan... Stan come on.
427
00:16:32,534 --> 00:16:34,494
We're gonna
go find a frog.
428
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:40,625
We're sorry...
429
00:16:48,425 --> 00:16:50,760
Oh dude, I just had
the best idea!
430
00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:51,885
Me too!
431
00:16:59,561 --> 00:17:02,564
Hey, let's run naked
through the street!
432
00:17:10,905 --> 00:17:12,866
Dude, this TV show
is awesome...
433
00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:16,411
It's... the greatest
show of all time...
434
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,204
I could watch
this for days...
435
00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:30,008
Cute...
436
00:17:30,967 --> 00:17:32,510
Super cute...
437
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:44,230
You guys...
you guys wake up!
438
00:17:44,355 --> 00:17:45,356
Ergh... agh!
439
00:17:45,482 --> 00:17:47,817
Butters get away
from me!
440
00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:49,444
Oh Jesus, where
are my clothes?
441
00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:50,588
We took a bunch
of cough medicine
442
00:17:50,612 --> 00:17:52,322
to come up with
ideas for our show.
443
00:17:52,447 --> 00:17:53,823
I didn't come up
with anything!
444
00:17:53,948 --> 00:17:55,867
I did, I wrote
something down...
445
00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:59,245
Here it is... uh...
squiggly line, circle.
446
00:17:59,370 --> 00:18:00,538
I wrote down...
447
00:18:00,663 --> 00:18:03,124
All the lyrics to
the "Happy Days" theme song.
448
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,061
You guys... we watched
Craig's show all night long.
449
00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:07,045
Yeah, it was great.
450
00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:08,338
But don't you see?
451
00:18:08,463 --> 00:18:09,964
We didn't think
it was great before!
452
00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:11,591
I think
I understand now.
453
00:18:11,716 --> 00:18:14,719
I think I know why Craig's show
gets such great ratings!
454
00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:17,472
Half the school
is high on cough medicine!
455
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,265
Jesus, you
may be right.
456
00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:20,934
Fellas, this
is our chance!
457
00:18:21,059 --> 00:18:22,536
Everyone get your hair looking
as fantastic as possible!
458
00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:23,895
It's time for us to do
459
00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:25,372
the most incredible
investigative news report
460
00:18:25,396 --> 00:18:27,190
of our journalistic lives!
461
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:29,025
This is
closed circuit television
462
00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:31,194
for South Park
Elementary School.
463
00:18:31,319 --> 00:18:33,780
And now...
A Sexy Action News team.
464
00:18:33,905 --> 00:18:35,240
Special Report!
465
00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:39,160
Cough medicine
abuse in school.
466
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:41,704
With the Sexy Action
School News team.
467
00:18:41,830 --> 00:18:44,249
It's the report
you can't afford to miss.
468
00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:48,795
And now here is
Rick Cartman.
469
00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:51,730
They call it cough syrup,
cough medicine,
470
00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:53,424
cold and flu remedy.
471
00:18:53,550 --> 00:18:55,430
But behind closed doors
at South Park Elementary
472
00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:56,468
it also has
a street name:
473
00:18:56,553 --> 00:18:59,848
Coogie, wombat juice,
tigger yum yum.
474
00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:01,683
Hello, I'm Rick Cartman.
475
00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:03,202
Today the Sexy Action School
news team
476
00:19:03,226 --> 00:19:05,019
takes you inside
the dark and lonely world
477
00:19:05,145 --> 00:19:07,230
of cough medicine abuse.
478
00:19:07,355 --> 00:19:08,635
They're doing it
in the hallways.
479
00:19:09,732 --> 00:19:11,234
Behind the school.
480
00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:13,319
Hey, get outta here
you fucking dork.
481
00:19:13,444 --> 00:19:14,988
Even, in the
girl's bathroom.
482
00:19:15,113 --> 00:19:19,159
Is somebody in there?
I'll tell on you!
483
00:19:19,284 --> 00:19:21,095
We showed the shocking footage
to the principal...
484
00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:22,579
Oh my goodness...
485
00:19:22,704 --> 00:19:24,289
Principal Victoria,
can you explain
486
00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:27,208
how your administration
failed to see this p-pr-
487
00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:28,333
problem?
488
00:19:28,376 --> 00:19:29,836
Well, I... we...
489
00:19:29,961 --> 00:19:31,981
So where are students getting
all this cough medicine?
490
00:19:32,005 --> 00:19:33,005
This surveillance footage
491
00:19:33,047 --> 00:19:34,215
shows a group of
troubled kids
492
00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:35,401
getting all
the smack they want
493
00:19:35,425 --> 00:19:36,634
from a pharmacist!
494
00:19:36,759 --> 00:19:39,012
Sexy Action School News
reported the pharmacist
495
00:19:39,137 --> 00:19:40,013
to the South Park police
496
00:19:40,138 --> 00:19:41,556
and he was
immediately arrested.
497
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,308
The cough medicine
companies claim
498
00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:44,660
they don't intend
for their product
499
00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:46,644
to be used by kids
to get high.
500
00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:49,063
But one look at
the packaging tells otherwise-
501
00:19:49,189 --> 00:19:52,025
"Theradryl DM for kids."
502
00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:54,819
"Dexacough
Children's Formula".
503
00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:56,571
And now for a quick
celebrity check
504
00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:57,906
here's Butters Stotch.
505
00:19:58,031 --> 00:19:59,365
Still no
celebrities, Eric.
506
00:19:59,490 --> 00:20:01,826
I'll keep
my eyes open.
507
00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:03,512
The cough medicine problem
used to also run rampant
508
00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:05,538
in neighboring
Middle Park Elementary.
509
00:20:05,663 --> 00:20:06,915
But they took action.
510
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:08,142
Ridded their entire town
of cough medicine.
511
00:20:08,166 --> 00:20:11,127
And what we see now,
is a happier school
512
00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:13,213
one hundred percent
cough medicine free.
513
00:20:19,260 --> 00:20:21,554
Boys, I want to
congratulate you
514
00:20:21,679 --> 00:20:24,390
on what is perhaps the finest
piece of student television
515
00:20:24,515 --> 00:20:26,351
I have ever seen.
516
00:20:26,476 --> 00:20:27,727
Not only did you get
517
00:20:27,852 --> 00:20:30,355
all the students and
myself off of cough medicine
518
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:32,565
but you got a twenty two
in the ratings!
519
00:20:32,690 --> 00:20:34,234
Twenty two people?
520
00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:35,693
Alright!
521
00:20:35,818 --> 00:20:37,362
You wanted to
see me, Mr. Maryl?
522
00:20:37,487 --> 00:20:38,988
Oh, yes, Craig.
523
00:20:39,113 --> 00:20:40,949
It appears that
the ratings for your show
524
00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:42,659
are down
significantly.
525
00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:44,035
Gee, what a
coincidence.
526
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:46,246
I wonder w-w-why.
527
00:20:46,371 --> 00:20:48,790
You need to know how
important ratings are, Craig.
528
00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:50,792
So I'm going to
suspend you from school
529
00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:53,878
and request that you have your
testicles removed surgically.
530
00:20:54,379 --> 00:20:56,089
Ha ha, in your
face Craig!
531
00:20:56,214 --> 00:20:58,925
You boys are approved
for twenty seven new shows!
532
00:20:59,050 --> 00:21:01,469
I want you to come up
with an even better idea
533
00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:02,754
than the
cough medicine story.
534
00:21:02,845 --> 00:21:03,845
Get to it!
535
00:21:08,351 --> 00:21:12,188
Nobody... has any ideas?
536
00:21:13,564 --> 00:21:14,148
This sucks.
537
00:21:14,274 --> 00:21:15,334
I don't wanna keep having to
come up with ideas
538
00:21:15,358 --> 00:21:17,443
for shows all the time,
it hurts my head.
539
00:21:19,904 --> 00:21:22,156
Dude... bail?
540
00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:24,909
I think bail.
541
00:21:25,034 --> 00:21:26,034
Bail.
542
00:21:26,077 --> 00:21:27,954
Yep, b-b-bail.
39248
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof