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I have loved having you to look to.

And I have really enjoyed having a smart, younger woman

to fuss over.

Which one of you had sex with my husband?

No, I mean last month.

There's a whisper campaign

that a good number of our readers

are homosexuals.

Our centerfolds have to be the ultimate fantasy.

For our female readers.

So what do we gotta do, fill 12 pages?

Richie, what do we got to pull up?

The bathhouse. Set already exists.

In and out, four hours max.

I let go of my dreams to take care of you.

Why can't it be my turn?

Connie is a butcher, Tins.

She's just fattening us up so she can unload us.

Maybe Bottom Dollar's outlived its usefulness.

So you're choosing Constance over me, huh?

I'm choosing me over you.

Thank you

for the beautiful pastries, Archie.

Most kind.

The estate feels so empty without Yorgi.

I miss him too.

He was a good man.

I'm gonna need your counsel now more than ever.

You have my steadfast loyalty.

What are we gonna do about that captains' strike?

The board's rejected your latest proposal.

Your support of the union is testing their patience.

Right.

So they want to use my husband's death

to cheat those poor men out of their wages.

The board's allegiance was to Yorgos.

They tolerated you while he was ill,

but not anymore.

Yes, Yorgos was incredibly successful

for a man in a three-year coma.

Yes. They're old-fashioned.

They're women-haters.

But not you, my trusted Archibald.

You've been by my side

since Yorgi made me his partner, haven't you?

Which makes it all the more heartbreaking

that you were the one to betray me.

You left me no choice.

Business is about profits, not kindheartedness.

I am not kindhearted.

Pillage!

Mothers, wives, women of the world,

we are all at a crossroads.

Hey, guys, my shift just ended,

so my man Rory's gonna be taking care of you now.

Merci beaucoup.

Thank you.

Are you sure you have never been to Paris?

You are, how you say, um, snooty.

It is very French.

That's just my face.

When you come to Paris, I will take you

to my favorite patisserie in Le Marais.

Mm.

How you guys doin'?

Prigger. I'm glad you're here.

I've givin' away all my shit, but I saved you

- something nice. - What?

Do you want my booze cart?

No, Doug, I don't have time for this right now.

Neither do I. I got a date with death.

You've what?

I got a "Come see me" from the boss lady,

and you know what that means.

The axe is about to fall.

So do you want the, uh, booze cart or no?

No. Look, you might have told me

about the bathhouse shoot back in the woods.

Look, I'm sorry. This'll be the last time

old Doug Renetti disappoints you, okay?

I highly doubt that. Have you seen Richie?

Yeah, he's in the layout room.

But be easy on the kid. He's had a rough 36 hours.

I know. I talked to Shelly.

I will take the whiskey.

- Just the whiskey? - Yeah.

I'm givin' you the fuckin' cart.

Oh, my God. Richie, are you okay?

Could be worse.

I am so sorry that this happened.

These photos are incredible.

I was there with a camera. I had to use it.

But you're not here to compliment my work.

No. We have a magazine problem.

Constance stopped the press.

Oh? And why is that?

You know we can't print these, Richie.

- The subject matter... - Naked men?

In our naked man magazine?

It's not what our advertisers expect to see.

It's not what our readers expect.

Just say it already.

Minx isn't supposed to be for gay men.

So you're happy to take our money

and have us behind the camera,

just as long as you don't have to acknowledge that we exist?

Look, Minx is about to become

the premiere international women's magazine.

Now just isn't the time to shine a light

on our male readers.

Well, we both know what happens

when you keep us in the shadows.

Oh, come on. That is not fair.

Richie, it's not about you.

It's not about me anymore either.

It's about something

bigger than that, and we have to protect it.

Which is why we're gonna run

a one-year retrospective instead.

- Excuse me? - I'm sorry.

We've run out of time.

I just put together this issue twice, Joyce.

- I know. - I'm not doing it again.

You figure it out.

The two of us have come to an important decision,

and we thought that you should

hear it from us, together.

And-and we just want you to know

that we love you no matter what.

Mm-hmm.

And in no way is any of this your fault.

No. We've decided to separate.

No.

We had no idea.

But-but you could still come to parties separately, right?

We-we can keep this going.

Odd numbers in this scene are tricky, Gary.

You know that.

Where did this come from?

I mean, it's been a journey.

And-and you all have been instrumental, truly.

I mean, our parties, the freedom I felt...

I mean, it-it showed me there are

so many different ways to be me.

Hold on a second.

How is this going to work?

What about holidays?

- Our Tahoe ski trip? - Oh.

That's-that's all gonna have to be figured out,

you know, with Shelly in Italy.

It just worked out with Doreen's sabbatical.

Doreen is Shelly's new lover.

She's a professor...

at Vassar.

Oh. That'll do it.

But I'll be back.

We just don't know when.

Right.

Could we have been doing

same-same this whole time?

80,765, 80,766,

80,767, 80,768,

80,769...

Am I an accessory to something?

This is nine years of my Bottom Dollar salary.

I've never cashed a paycheck until this morning.

What? H-how do you pay for anything?

Through the kindness of strangers

and also the settlement.

Okay, well, that's definitely something

we should explore.

Um, but first, I need you to...

drop these off at the printers by eight o'clock.

"A Year of Minx." Oh, no.

Did some of the bathhouse boys also commit momicide?

Nope, uh, we had to replace them for more nuanced reasons.

Mm. I see.

So if you could just drop them off

on your way to the party...

My shift is over, so I will need overtime

and a mileage reimbursement.

We all know gas prices are...

... due to that hinky OPEC situation.

Overtime approved.

Great. I'd like my payment up front.

- Oh, up... yeah. - Yep.

Sure. Uh, can you break a 50?

Hmm. Let's see... no.

I think we settled on four?

- Four separate ones? - Only four?

Yeah, four.

Oh, do you... do you need to speak to that man?

No. No, I do not.

Mrs. Papadopoulos will see you in the War Room.

Oh, good eye.

That one's priceless.

Mm.

And sharp.

Best things usually are.

So, I know that you're dissolving Bottom Dollar.

Yes, I am.

I was hoping to tell you myself, but...

Well, I gotta say, this is not how I saw

things turnin' out between us, Connie.

No, me neither.

Well, my publishing experiment has been...

interesting.

Not too many creative types in shipping, but...

... I have made some big mistakes.

What mistakes were those?

Not publishing your science magazine,

killing the dance club,

thinking that Joyce could take it to the next level

and run this company better than you.

Don't get me wrong.

We need Joyce

and all the other little Joycettes that we have found,

but what I really need is you

to manage them.

PRG. Papadopoulos Renetti...

Global?

Well, Bottom Dollar was quaint,

but we're way, way past that now.

Right, yeah. Um...

So that would make me the, uh...

the CEO then.

No. President.

- President? - Mm.

That's exactly what I was thinkin'.

Mm, well, you'd be working under me and me alone.

- So, um, Joyce... - Mm-hmm.

Would be reporting to me, then.

Yes. And Tina too.

Kind of like me and Yorgi, before the stroke.

You have made the right call here.

Oh, of course I have.

Listen, tonight, we're gonna be meeting

with international advertisers,

press, VIP from all over the world.

And I'm sorry, but this ensemble

that you're wearing, it's just not gonna cut it.

What are you?

42 regular.

Since I was about eight years old.

Really?

Follow me.

Everyone thinks sayin',

"Stop the press" is some big thrill.

It's a nightmare.

There's 17 buttons and levers

you have to press and pull in a specific order.

It wasn't my decision.

And paper doesn't just magically disappear.

I have to reach in

and I have to pull it all out myself.

They don't pay me for my opinions, Stan.

They pay me for my time and sometimes my gasoline.

Oh, kiddo. I know that tone.

- You feeling... - Lost? Yeah.

I was pretty down myself about six months ago.

Then I found Pastor Jim.

Who's that?

Oh, you'd love him, Bambs.

He's doing some really important work

at the Peoples Temple on Alvarado.

He's a, uh...

mesmerizing spirit.

Would you say there's a familial quality to the congregation?

Absolutely.

Some people even call him Father.

Write this down.

1365 South Alvarado.

Jim Jones.

Ms. Prigger!

Woman of the hour.

I'm Lorraine.

Anything you want, anything you need, just ask.

Wow. Thank you, Lorraine.

No, thank you, for all that you've done for women.

Oh.

I wouldn't be divorced without you.

Happy to help.

Come see everything.

Okay.

Oh, my God!

Oh, God, I remember

cutting and pasting this on the floor of my bedroom.

A-and look.

You accurately predicted Title IX as a preteen.

Yeah, well, I guess I got one thing right.

Tonight is not the night for modesty, Ms. Prigger.

You earned all of this.

Thank you.

Very nice.

Joyce!

Liesl, hi!

- Deonna. Isabel! - Hi.

It's my international team.

Hi! Hi.

Guten Tag, Joyce.

Guten Tag.

I am filled with giddiness and joy.

Oh. Oh, good.

Yeah, me too.

Mrs. Papadopoulos will see you upstairs.

Oh. Okay.

Wow.

Ay, Cristo. I'll try.

Southern Europe. All this right here.

Ah, there she is, our shining star.

Sorry, am I interrupting something?

We're just plotting our European conquest.

Thank you, Winnifred.

Mwah. Mwah.

I'm delighted to be working together.

You have my assurances, the Continent is in good hands.

I guess we hired Winnifred.

Yeah, but all of your other choices.

It was my idea.

Every European you picked was a socialist.

I needed at least one capitalist to talk to.

Well, better her than the Nazi.

Descendent of Nazis.

Let's see what you got.

- I know it was a quick turnaround. - Yeah.

Okay.

Richie went for a retrospective?

Uh, nope, not exactly.

Daniel and I pulled this together.

Richie should be very proud.

- This is some of his best work. - Mm-hmm.

Oh, but this...

the Bella LaRouche piece, no, it's not gonna work.

What? I loved it.

Oh, come on, it was... it was brave and honest

and moving, about a woman's self-discovery.

Eh, in the arms of another woman.

Okay, um, I understand why we would remove

material that skews male,

but this is a story about a woman.

It's for women.

Yeah, but not women like us.

A-a piece like this just gives our enemies

an opening to attack the entire movement,

calling us man-hating, anti-family, lesbians.

Joyce, we have worked too hard

to make feminism mainstream.

I'm not gonna jeopardize that

by giving those people a platform.

Pulling Bella would mess up our page count.

We'd have to rearrange the layout.

So we run the first Bella story again.

Stick with the retrospective theme.

- I guess that would work. - Yeah.

All right, well, I'm gonna need you to go to the printer.

You want me to go now?

Yeah, we go to print at 8:00.

You're really the only person I trust with this.

Joyce will stay here at the party.

She is the woman of the hour.

That's about all the time I have.

Mm. Oh, and stop by the kitchen.

Dimitri has some snacks that you can take in the car.

Ooh.

You're upset.

Look, Minx is supposed to be a champion for all women,

and this is... just isn't "all women."

Mm-hmm. I get it.

This is personal for you.

But we can't fight for everyone.

Believe me, I have been down that road.

Yeah, but just because you lost then,

it doesn't mean that we're gonna lose now.

Honey, if you wanna win the war,

you have to fight one battle at a time.

Oh, come on, Joyce.

You understand the value of compromise.

Isn't that how Minx got started?

Mm.

Hey, Tins!

What are you doin'?

You makin' a run for it?

Yes, and I don't want to do this right now.

You don't want to do what?

I'm just sayin' hi to you.

Who dressed you?

Connie did.

And she made me the president of her company.

I told you she had a master plan.

It turns out it was fuckin' me.

Wow.

You always land on your feet, don't you?

You know, that should be a compliment,

but it doesn't feel like one.

Hey, if you're worried about your position

in the new company, don't be.

I know your value. I can be an adult about this.

Sure, now that you're back in charge.

Come on, Tina. That's not how I see it.

I have to go.

All right, well, take the Rolls.

- It's parked out front. - I'll drive myself.

Tina, please.

What?

You were just the first person I wanted to share my news with.

She made me the president of the whole thing.

Good for you.

Drink, Ms. Prigger?

Sure. Thank you.

♪ Kick it in the head when he was 25 ♪

♪ Speed jive ♪

♪ Don't wanna stay alive ♪

♪ When you're 25 ♪

♪ And Wendy's stealing clothes from Marks and Sparks ♪

- Joyce. - Hello.

The woman of the hour.

♪ From ripping up the stars ♪

♪ From his face ♪

Hello.

Hola.

Thank you.

You look good as a banner, kid.

I look like a slutty dictator.

I thought that's what you were going for.

Okay. What are you going for?

Well, it's a dead man's suit, but I think I look pretty good.

He had pretty good taste.

Okay.

Why didn't anybody run any of these covers by me?

'Cause they're decorative.

They don't exist after tonight, so don't worry about it.

Yeah, well, I feel like I am losing control here.

I understand the feeling, but you're not.

You're fine.

No, I think you were right about Constance.

I think she's... she's turning us into something

- that we are not. - Something better.

No. What?

In less than a year, she took us from the Valley to Vienna.

And isn't that your whole thing?

To get your message out to the masses?

Yeah, but at what cost?

I don't think I even know what the message is anymore, anyway.

Look, if you want purity,

do this shit out of your house.

But nobody gets this big without giving something up.

No one.

I know, but it's...

is it weird to say that I liked it more

when it was just the two of us?

It is just the two of us.

Only our clothes got better.

Tuscany seems hilly.

But Doreen insists cycling is the only way.

How far is it to the Vatican? Can we bike there?

No, it is very far.

Oh. Ooh, we could take the train.

How do you say "train"?

Treno.

Oh, fun-o.

Treno.

- Love that. - Hey.

We don't want it, right?

Eccoci qua.

Shelly, we need to talk.

Thank you.

Thank you all for coming to the Reach,

where the Pacific promises possibility.

Tonight, we celebrate the culmination of a dream

that began in a young girl's bedroom

and has grown into a global publication

reaching millions of women.

I am very proud to call that young dreamer

a friend, a colleague, and an inspiration.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome

the woman of the hour, Joyce Prigger.

Joyce!

Okay, where is my Joyce?

Joyce?

I'm such an idiot.

I cannot believe how close I came

to sacrificing everything.

I can't believe we're in a stolen car.

I feel like Bonnie and Clyde.

Does it go any faster?

Oh!

Good Lord.

Joyce?

Well, it seems Joyce is, uh,

getting some hors d'oeuvres perhaps?

Constance Papadopoulos!

How 'bout a round of applause for Constance?

Let's make it a big one!

What a... what a wonderful woman.

What a great night.

Obviously, I'm not Joyce Prigger.

I don't think any of you expected Joyce Prigger

to have a beard and look like this, huh?

Who knew she was so pretty?

Um...

uh, but she did want me to say something on her behalf.

So what I'm gonna do right now is,

I'm going to, um...

I'm gonna relay a message of hers.

You know you're gonna get fired for this, Missy.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, this is a career-ender.

But you know what?

It's time I stopped agreeing to things

just because people tell me it's good for business.

Well, you don't have to do this for me.

I mean, you should, but you don't have to.

No, I'm-I'm not doing it for you.

I mean, of cour... I am, of course.

- Okay. - But I'm doing it

for, you know... for Richie, for everyone.

- I just... - Okay.

Oh, God, I hope it's not too little too late.

She couldn't see the light six hours ago?

Everybody moves at their own speed.

Yeah, well, your speed's gonna get us T-boned

if you run another red.

Whoa!

Oh, Jesus Christ! Aw, what the fuck?

God, I can never remember,

does that mean stop or proceed with caution?

What caution?

Uh-oh.

I've wasted so much time

looking for a woman to show me the way,

when you were right there.

You were right there all this time,

two steps ahead, and...

you know, I-I never would have gotten this far without you.

And now I've-I've-I've stolen your best years.

Well, I think these are my best years.

And then Mom turns up in Sacramento

with a whole new family?

Oh, boy, we're talking about Mom now?

Yeah, I think I'm ready to talk about Mom.

"Mothers, wives,

women of the world,

we are all at a crossroads,

and we need a guide

not leading, not following, but by our side.

- A gentle warrior." - Guys... hey, stop.

- Stop fighting! - Just stop that.

- All of that. - A woman's voice.

I'm not farting. You're farting.

- You hit like a baby. - Dad!

- Can you please... hi. - Stop whining.

Can you please get in the back? Just stay in the back, please.

Oh, you got your boogers on me!

- No! - Oh, my...

Booger-eater.

- Hey. - Pee in your pants.

- Ooh, I call middle. - Shut up!

- Shut up. - Excuse me.

Ooh! Uh, thank you so much for rescuing us.

I always wanted to see unincorporated Monrovia.

Please tell me you have a full tank of gas.

I am a dad. I fill up

the second the needle goes below half.

- God bless you. - Yeah.

We only have 20 minutes, so chop, chop.

- We're good? Everyone sitting... - Yes! Hurry!

Yes!

You're the least favorite.

Well, we've still got a little bit of time.

But you've seen enough of me, huh?

So let's bring out the Minx international editors.

Girls, you mind comin' up on stage, showin' your faces?

Four continents and eight countries.

It's only been eight hours,

and already it is nonstop.

Shelly's always talking about what a great dad you are.

- I'm sure... - Yeah, well, the chaos

that this whole thing has brought,

it's...

Do you hear that?

No?

In through your nose...

Out through your mouths.

Um...

how did you do that?

Oh, six lives ago, I was a pranayamic guru.

It's like riding a spiritual bike.

You never forget, and even if you do,

it's no big deal.

Well, the silence is intoxicating.

Hey, Lenny, I'd love to lend a hand

while Shelly's away.

Are you serious?

I mean, I'm happiest when I'm helping people, so...

it seems like you need a lot of help.

Y-you have no idea what that would mean.

It'll be fun.

We can play board games, go on field trips.

I just heard about this amazing temple on Alvarado.

Maybe we could take them...

Excuse me, this is so touching,

but can we please speed it up?

Right. Yes.

- Yeah. - Sorry.

I cannot tell you how good it feels to say all that.

Well, the next step is telling Mom yourself.

Dripping Springs is only a two-day drive.

- Where are you going? - Sunland?

Your printer's in Sun Valley.

I knew that.

Okay, everyone feelin' good?

Okay, let's do it before they lose their visas.

Did Joyce lose her stomach?

No, she sometimes gets in her head,

but she'll be fine.

Well, if she isn't,

we have a lot of options.

Okay, ready?

Minx on three.

One, two, three.

Minx!

Come on! We're five minutes late!

Of all the days to wear platforms.

They called looking for me and you answered?

Uh, Bambi made it sound like life or death.

Can always count on you to save the day.

Wait, don't you want to see if we make it?

- Kind of. - Come on.

I'll-I'll be back!

What are the kids doing?

They're, uh, breathing deeply, I think?

Yoga maybe.

Brahmin... yamin...

Okay, how does this thing work?

Why are there so many flashing lights?

- Look for a red button. - Thi... I just press it myself?

It's not one button.

- It's 17 buttons and levers. - Oh, shit.

I had a feeling you were gonna try something stupid.

Look, Tina, things have gone far enough.

It is time to set things right.

You don't have to convince me.

I already bought us another 30 minutes.

Oh.

The second Constance trotted out

"women like us," I was done.

Yes. Me... same. Yes, me too.

So what's the plan?

Brought us some, uh, victory pastries.

- Ooh. - Aww, thank you.

Gave the shipping guys 20 bucks.

So are all of you out of jobs now?

- Uh, yeah. Pretty much. - Uh, yeah.

- Yeah, most definitely. - Wait, I don't get it.

Can't Constance just stop the magazine from coming out?

Sure, but after I send copies

to every media outlet in the country

along with my scorching resignation letter,

everybody will know what we did.

I think I'm about to go to war against my own magazine.

No. We're going to war.

I don't know what you're talkin' about.

I'm going to Paris.

Oh!

Okay, fine. Then to war.

I hope this is a chapter in your book.

- This is the book. - Oh.

This is the book right here?

This is the book.

- Okay. - To us.

- To us. - Oh, to us.

To us!

Aw, dang it.

Douglas. Come back to bed.

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