Original subtitles

WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

1 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.MY-SUBS.com -

- [MAGGIE] Hey. - Maggie!

[MAGGIE] It's only a matter of time

before George gives you a byline.

You are so beyond a researcher.

- We both are. - Thank you.

You're more than happy to lap up the attention when it suits you.

You're more than happy basking in my reflection.

- Should we have sex now? - Oh, no.

- I, um... I... I can't do that again. - What?

We need to be friends.

[RICHIE] You think anyone else knows how good we are?

Not a chance.

[DOUG] You know, I haven't have a boss since I was 16 years old.

And now I have two,

and one of them is Joyce fucking Prigger.

[CONSTANCE] I've decided to not move forward with Beyond.

I need you to come up with more ideas...

your big Renetti ideas.

Well, were you fucking wowed tonight?

I have to defer to Joyce.

Doug, the answer's no.

[FUNKY MUSIC FADES]

[SINGER] ♪ You... ♪

[JOYCE SIGHS]

Are you really not gonna speak to me this entire ride?

[MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING SOFTLY]

I'm sorry I vetoed your dance troupe.

Well, it could've been a revolution.

Historically, I don't think revolutions

- involve that much baby oil. - Okay.

- Listen, Doug, it wasn't... - If you say "it wasn't personal"

- to me one more time, Joyce... - It wasn't.

I'm just getting hammered on all sides.

I mean, Connie kills my science magazine.

You murder my sexy boys.

I'm on the goddamn schneid.

"Schneid's" a losing streak.

That's what you call schmoozing in Sin City...

cutting international deals

and bathed in glorious neon surrounded by games of chance?

I'm selling foreign rights to Minx, Joyce.

I'm not exactly attending Frank Sinatra's birthday party.

No, that's next weekend.

- [CHUCKLES] - Me back in Vegas... this is a huge mistake.

This town has a nose for failure,

and I got the fucking stink, so...

You know, this city shouldn't even be here.

It's an oasis built on hustle and moxie.

This is where people come to turn their luck around.

[UPBEAT JAZZY MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ ♪

Oh...

- [DOUG GRUNTS] - Thank you.

- [DOUG] Thanks, boss. - Would you look around?

- [DOUG] Yeah. - [JOYCE] Oh, come on.

- How can you be depressed in Vegas? - [DOUG] I'm not depressed. It's just...

[JOYCE] Thank you.

- [SLOT MACHINES RINGING] - Man, I miss that sound...

money and tears. [CHUCKLES]

"A stately pleasure-dome decree."

You know, maybe you're right, Joycey.

Maybe things are getting better.

- [PERSON] Renetti. - Yeah.

This is for '65, fuckhead.

[SINGER] ♪ If you want it ♪

♪ If you want it, baby ♪

♪ Get on it, ah! ♪

♪ If you want it ♪

[RICHIE] I think we got the shot.

- [PERSON] Whoo. - [PERSON 2] Thank you.

- [BAMBI] Good match, everyone. - Hey.

- Killer forehand, bro. - Thanks, man.

Nice work, boys, nice work.

This issue's gonna be huge.

Our readers love a clean-cut sportsman or two.

[TINA] Sorry I'm late.

Got caught arguing ad rates with Kotex.

I hope you didn't cave to those terrorists.

Tampax will pay us double for exclusivity.

That would mean breaking our contract.

Oh, well, they might try and wiggle out themselves

if the environment is inhospitable.

I guess I'll get creative.

I guess you will.

Another masterpiece, Ricardo.

[RICHIE] Honestly, you didn't miss much.

Prigger special, rackets, dick, oh, look, there's a lady.

- She's in power. - The usual.

Last chance, Richie, okay?

The boys are coming, too. It's gonna be fun.

Uh, me and Danny still have some work we need to finish up.

You go on ahead.

Hold on. What's happening here?

We're hitting the Palomino to watch the Battle of the Sexes.

- It's the event of the year. - Ooh, I'm racing home to watch.

I wouldn't miss Billie Jean for the world.

- Did I tell you... - About your chance encounters

on the junior-tennis circuit?

Holmby Hills in '62.

Well, don't forget Toluca Lake in '65.

She complimented my skort.

- Wow. - You know, I like tennis.

- Oh, I would've invited you. - [RICHIE] She would've said no.

- Yeah, you do always say no. - Okay, maybe lately.

That doesn't mean I don't want to be invited.

Yeah, but you're ascending to the corporate plane,

leaving us mortals behind, but we're very proud of you.

I'm still here, on the fun plane, being fun.

- Let's watch here! - [SHELLY] Oh.

[TINA] It'll be great. Just like old times.

Uh, t-that's actually a bad idea.

Yeah, fancy new offices, plush carpet, our bosses...

Are out of here and done giving us unnecessary feedback.

I'm in charge.

Good Time Tina says watch party at Bottom Dollar!

[ALL CHEERING]

[UPBEAT FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ ♪

[SINGER] ♪ What you want ♪

♪ ♪

♪ See it in motion ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Hear her talk ♪

♪ ♪

♪ You got to sell the notion ♪

♪ ♪

♪ That you want to follow her ♪

♪ Wherever she goes ♪

- [JOYCE CHUCKLES SOFTLY] - Well, look at you. You look sharp.

- Thank you. - [DOUG CHUCKLES]

My outfit's the opening volley on my panel remarks.

I'm thinking of saying, "I'm here to talk female demographics,

but I'm also quite fun."

Oh, right, your, uh, chitchat thing, huh?

- [CLEARS THROAT] - You mean me forging

essential bonds with other professional women?

Shouldn't you be forging some fiscal bonds of your own?

No need.

What happened?

Nothing. I just don't have to hustle for buyers. They came to me.

What, in the 30 minutes it took me to change?

That's enough time to fuck things up

but not make things good?

Look, concierge had a stack of these for me at check-in.

My room is full of fruit baskets.

Everybody wants in.

So all I have to do is play London off of Paris,

gin up some old grudges from the war, you know, Europe shit.

We'll set our own price.

Doug, this is incredible.

Yeah, if I can get all these deals done before dinner,

I can get on the last Greyhound to Los Angeles.

The bus?

Yeah.

I'm tired, Joyce.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

It's possible, verging on probable,

that I have underappreciated your contributions.

What? You underappreciated me? No.

You brought Constance in. You pitched her the global vision,

and now you're about to make it happen. I mean,

you should run the thing.

Is that something you'd even want?

To run an international publishing empire? Me?

- [BOTH] Yeah. - That'd be mildly appealing, I guess.

But, you know, Connie's the big boss on this,

- and she'd have to get on board. - No. No, she's been deferring to me

on everything Minx.

I assure you I will make my strongest case.

- Well, that's a lot of travel. - [CHUCKLES]

[CHUCKLES] I just don't know where I would call home.

Would it be Buenos Aires, Amsterdam, Monaco? [LAUGHS]

I think London is less debauched,

and, also, it's commonly acknowledged

to be the center of international publishing,

which would be none of my business,

because off American soil, Minx would be yours.

Ah.

- [CHUCKLES] - [RIGGS] Well, I get along very well

- with a lot of girls. - [LAUGHTER]

[BILLIE] I don't think you give us credit for having any brains.

Billie's gonna wipe that smug smile off his face.

I'm loving this.

I'm rooting for the plucky lesbian, too.

Oh, whoa, whoa. [CHUCKLES] Billie's happily married.

Her husband's a hunky blonde.

Right. Sorry, I'm new to women's tennis.

[TINA] It's a Good Time Tina recipe.

What are the measurements?

Pour until there's nothing left.

[LAUGHTER]

This whole thing's a joke.

Men are better at sports than women, okay?

I'm sorry. I'm not pretending they're not.

Billie Jean's not just a woman.

She's the best of her generation.

I could return that serve with my hands behind my back.

- [SCOFFS] Oh, really? - [DUSTIN] Yeah.

Okay, prove it.

- Prove it? - Yeah, prove it...

outside, right now, my serve.

Hmm.

- Hands behind my back, lady. - [SCOFFS]

[ANNOUNCER] ... Astrodome, it's the Battle of the Sexes...

Billie Jean King versus Bobby Riggs.

[SINGER] ♪ Anything you can do I can be part of ♪

[PHIL] My money's on Dustin.

There is no beating testosterone.

How's he gonna hold the racket?

Telekinesis?

Wasn't on his résumé.

The only special skill he listed was "abs."

[PHIL] Hmm.

♪ ♪

Sorry, Danny needs me for a sec.

It's a darkroom thing.

♪ ♪

- [ALL CHEERING] - [DUSTIN] Hey.

- Huh? Huh? - Whoa.

He should've listed that as a special skill.

[DUSTIN] Little party trick from my Chico days.

You think this is the first time I've seen a penis

stuffed someplace it doesn't belong? I got two boys.

Come on, love-all.

- All right. - [BAMBI] Whoo, Shelly!

- [PERSON] Tough talk. - Thank you.

[PERSON] Tough talk.

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING, LAUGHTER]

[SHELLY GRUNTS]

- [DUSTIN GRUNTS] Oh, shit. - [CROWD SHOUTS]

- [WHISTLE BLOWS] - [BAMBI] Whoo.

- [DUSTIN] Get the racket. - You maim the official,

- that's a forfeit. - That was out,

- second serve. - No, that wasn't out.

- What, are you calling me a liar? - Yeah, 'cause it was not out. [CHUCKLES]

- Second serve, toots. - Don't call me toots, asshole.

Oh, God.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]

[BAMBI] It's okay. You got this.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

- [JJ] You got this. - What is he doing?

- Come on, wrap it up. - I'm... I'm wrapping it. I'm wrapping it.

- Can you hurry it up? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Here we go.

♪ ♪

- [SHELLY GRUNTS] - [PERSON] Yes!

- [DUSTIN GRUNTS] - [PERSON 2] Yeah!

[BOTH GRUNT]

- [CHEERING] - [BAMBI] Yeah!

- Point. - For me.

The challenge was return the serve.

I did. I win for men.

- Men! - [CROWD JEERING]

What?

- No. No, no, no. - [ALL CHANTING] Men! Men! Men!

Men! Men! Men! Men!

- [DUSTIN] Uh... - [ALL CHANTING] Men! Men! Men!

[CHUCKLES] Guys, I, uh...

- I might be in trouble. - [ALL CHANTING] Men! Men! Men!

[PERSON] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Meet the New Woman,

all-new women's magazine for the new woman.

Please take your seats.

Hello. Checking in.

- It's Joyce P... - Of course, Ms. Prigger.

Green lanyard for speakers.

Ooh, so official. Thank you.

[SOFTLY] Thank you.

Would you mind?

Oh. [CHUCKLES]

My pleasure, Beatrice. Anything for a reader.

This was a good one.

- They're all good, Ms. Prigger. - Stop. [CHUCKLES]

Um, have my fellow New Women checked in?

I'd love to coordinate a group photo.

- Oh, yes, right there. - Thank you.

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ ♪

[GEORGE] Joyce.

- George. - I can't turn around

without seeing your smiling face.

Success agrees with you.

Uh, you're here for my-my panel?

Sort of. Uh, my monthly is up there.

I left New York magazine, started my own.

- [JOYCE] Gal! - [CHUCKLES]

- Exclamation mark and everything. - [LAUGHING] Yeah.

Oh, I'm sorry. I must have missed that on the stands.

Oh, we're still in the growth mode...

you know, test issues in select cities.

- Great response so far. - Oh.

Boy, have women been waiting for someone to figure out

how to combine the personal and political, make it fun.

Gee, I hadn't noticed.

Fellas, meet the famous Joyce Prigger.

- [CHUCKLES SHEEPISHLY] - [GEORGE] Meet your fellow panelists.

Marshall Jensen, Healthy Lady.

Gerald Scott, What Women Wear.

Blaine Peters, Good Woman, Better Kitchen.

Better than what?

[LAUGHTER]

Quite the lineup. [CHUCKLES]

Uh, George, I promise I'll take it easy on you.

Oh, no, no, no, I'm not speaking.

My editor is.

- Joyce, look at you in that dress. - Maggie,

- this is unexpected. - [BEATRICE] We're about to begin,

if you'll please take your seats.

- [JOYCE CHUCKLES] - Uh, Joyce.

I was hoping that we could have a second to chat,

- you know, clear the air. - Oh, we're needed onstage.

[DOUG] Nah, if Italy wants in, add another zero, my friend,

- and then we can talk. - A zero?

Ma che cazzo dici. Doug, that's insanity.

Well, Berlin does not think so. They think it's fair.

- Oh, come on. - [DOUG] Do me a favor.

Find me when you're ready to play with the big boys, okay?

- Come on. - No, you come on. Be fucking serious.

At Minx, when we consider ads, we start with the premise

that there's nothing wrong with women,

- and diet pills don't check that box. - [CHUCKLES]

You disagree, Marshall?

At Healthy Lady, we run ads that are relevant to women's lives.

I know that the main gal at Gal! feels the same.

Like it or not,

women are interested in losing weight.

That feels reductive.

Seems like the ladies

- disagree on this one. - [CROWD MURMURS]

[MAGGIE] Joyce, I know that you...

Minx maintains a high-minded approach in some areas,

but research shows women want diet pills.

That sells.

I don't know, Maggie. My magazine just cracked three million,

and we didn't have to convince women

that their bodies were a problem in need of fixing to get there.

Uh-oh, the claws are coming out.

[LAUGHTER]

[RICHIE SIGHS] Oh, my dinner's in there.

- What happened? - The male ego.

He was proving that men are superior,

and he nailed it.

How you doing, Dustin?

[DUSTIN] She said the cold would make it shrink,

- but it's starting to burn. - Where have you been?

[SHELLY] Whoo! Yes!

- Bow down, Bobby, bow down! - [OBJECT SHATTERS]

I need to handle whatever that is.

Ugh! Gross.

Is that glue? Uh, Danny spilled some...

You've really got to get in there. That was a lot of glass breaking.

[SIGHS] I don't know what you and Danny have been up to,

but these are your models, too, so fix this.

- Please. - [BAMBI GRUNTS]

Oh.

Pick around the glue, basically fine.

Oh, who won?

Who won that set, Phil? Say it, punk.

- [PHIL, SOFTLY] Billie Jean. - [SHELLY] No, louder, Phil.

- [PHIL] Billie Jean. - [SHELLY] That's right.

Goddamn right! Only one more to go.

- [LAUGHS] - Yay, Billie Jean.

Maybe we celebrate her on the ground.

No lady business from you.

This is tennis time right now, okay?

I don't want your big-eye lady smiles.

Get out of here.

[BAMBI] What's our next move, boss?

[TINA] I don't know. Um...

Wait a second. Are you shadowing me?

Jumped off the Doug bus onto the Tina train?

Yes.

It's just... you're always calm in the eye of the storm,

and I got so invested in Club Minx,

I just want to be cool, like you.

I don't want to be your role model.

I just want to have fun.

Why won't anyone let me have fun?

Oh, come on, look at that drop shot!

Oh, do you love that?

- So, uh, Lenny at home or... - [LAUGHING]

[TINA] ... the office, in case you needed to call?

An aggressive woman on the court, taking what she wants!

- I mean, look at this. - [JOYCE] Mm-hmm.

First, she rips you off,

then she tells you you're doing it wrong.

[GERALD] Takes a lot of nerve, Maggie.

You don't even give out circulation numbers,

and we all know what that means.

- [LAUGHTER] - Well, we're new...

an emerging voice.

- More like a whisper. - [LAUGHTER]

[JOYCE STAMMERS]

Yes, Gal! has some creative overlap with Minx,

but Maggie's also bringing a different perspective,

which is something I find thrilling.

- [CROWD MURMURS] - What?

[JOYCE] This is a women's magazine panel.

Maggie belongs here. It's you I'm not so sure about.

- [CROWD MURMURS] - Watch yourself, missy.

He's been doing this since before you were born.

- Well, maybe that's the problem. - [LAUGHTER]

[UPBEAT FUNK MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ ♪

You sure you want to risk that dough?

You're gonna need it if you want a shot at Minx, bud.

[CHUCKLING] Hit me.

Oh!

[LAUGHS] Lady Luck!

[LAUGHS] I got it today.

Why is it when you see two women stepping into power,

your first instinct is to pit them against each other?

- That is not what's... - Well, I can only assume

- it's because they're afraid. - [CROWD MURMURS]

[ANNOUNCER] Billie Jean King is brimming with confidence.

- [SHELLY] Old Man River's not getting to that. - [CHEERING AND SHOUTING]

Yes! You can do it!

- [PERSON] Come on! Come on! - [CHEERING CONTINUES]

Is that why you don't have a single woman listed here,

but you do have five Johns on your editorial staff?

- What do you have over there? - Three Peters and two Pauls.

- And not even one Mary. - [LAUGHTER]

I'll have you know we've invested heavily

in several women who left us in the lurch

by going off and having babies.

Well, it sounds to me like they wanted to look after

one whining infant instead of an office full of them.

Mothers want to be at home with their babies.

Just ask my wife.

Oh, there are a lot of things I'd like to ask your wife, Blaine.

[CLICKS TONGUE] That ain't one of them.

[ANNOUNCER] Match point. Beautiful.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ON TV]

[PEOPLE CHEERING AND LAUGHING WILDLY]

[RICHIE AND DANNY LAUGHING]

Tell me you dealt with the dick.

In-in a way, yes.

- [LAUGHS] - [TINA] What the...

[RICHIE] JJ had a lot of advice

on the smartest way to handle the problem,

so I suggested that we use the scientific method

to see if we can duplicate the results.

- And we did. - [LAUGHTER]

It's not funny.

You wish your dicks were big enough to get stuck.

Yeah, it was a lot of that.

[LAUGHING] Men are so dumb.

[RICHIE AND DANNY SNICKER]

[JOYCE] Is it bad to say that was fun?

Oh, my God, the look on Marshall's face

when you asked for his home address...

What? He promised to start hiring female staffers.

The ladies need a place to send their résumés.

- Oh, my God, I miss this. - [JOYCE CHUCKLES]

Look, what... what happened in New York...

[JOYCE] Oh, no, it's behind us. It's...

It's just so good to see you.

I finally have a friend I can actually talk to.

[DOUG] Can I have a word, Prigger, please, alone?

[JOYCE] Pardon my male counterpart.

Oh, right. Okay. [CHUCKLES]

- What? - Do you hate me?

Is that it? Do you hate me?

No, I've even taken to complimenting you

- behind your back. - [DOUG] Oh, you have?

Then why are you sabotaging me? I don't understand.

[JOYCE] What?

[DOUG] The panel... what the hell was that?

An hour ago, Gal! was nothing, right?

But then you take the spotlight that is directly on us,

- and you move it right on them. - [SCOFFS]

[DOUG] Why? No, there's room for more

than one woman-led magazine.

Then why do I have a bunch of European buyers

who all of a sudden have cold feet?

You made them think that there was a cheap alternative.

Come on, Maggie's not our competition.

- Well, she is now... - [SCOFFS]

- [DOUG] ... because of you. - Mm-hmm.

So fix this. Play the game.

What is the point in being number one

- if you can't change how the game is played? Doug... - I can't do this with you right now.

- Oh, my God. - [DOUG] Just fix it.

[SLOT MACHINE CRANKING, COIN CLATTERS]

- Come on! - [BUZZER SOUNDS]

- [BELL RINGING] - Back on the schneid!

First female president this decade...

I would bet my kids' lives on it.

[LENNY] Shell, sweetheart, how you doing?

- Oh, it's my hubby! - [LENNY] You okay? All right.

[SHELLY] Hi! [LAUGHS]

Ooh, he's a doctor, kind of.

He can save the penises.

Well, strictly above the neck here.

Oh, but we've got a whole car full of drugs.

We hand them out to our friends at dinner parties.

[LENNY] Ooh, shh! Warning... career jeopardy.

- I would never do that. - He's so supportive.

He's just like Billie Jean's Larry.

[CLEARS THROAT] You know what? Why don't I run to the car?

I'll get my bag, see if I can help you fellas out, okay?

Uh, do... do you guys have some latex gloves?

Oh, we should have some left over from the naked-nurses shoot,

which I will go get.

- I'll come with you. - [TINA] No.

Do you feel it? Do you feel it? It's the year of the woman.

[RICHIE] Now.

- [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS] - Oh.

That's our money shot.

[TINA] What the hell is this?

[BOWL CLATTERS]

Are you shooting food porn?

General Mills loved my portfolio, okay?

They asked me if I could take a swing

at bringing my signature look

to their novelty-cereal line.

On spec?

[SIGHS] I need a creative outlet, okay?

You know that I haven't been feeling fulfilled lately.

- What if this is my calling? - This?

Tiny marshmallows never jammed tennis rackets on their cocks.

Okay.

As your friend, I am thrilled people are seeing your talent.

As managing editor, I have to tell you,

you're in breach of contract.

You're exclusive to Minx.

Wow.

- Okay, good to know. - On spec?

Have I taught you nothing?

[SINGER] ♪ Well, I'm makin' all right ♪

[CHORUS] ♪ Well, I'm makin' all right ♪

[SINGER] ♪ From Monday morning till Friday night ♪

♪ Oh, those lonely weekends ♪

[MAGGIE LAUGHS]

Really went for the jugular back there.

Give a guy some warning.

I apologize if I was pointed, but I stand by what I said.

I never would've agreed to help you with your little show

if I'd known it was gonna go down like that.

Right. Our little show.

Maggie told me you were on the same page.

I guess we, uh, strayed from the... the plan,

- uh, a bit. - [MARSHALL] A bit?

What happened to me lighting the match?

Get the conference buzzing?

- I guess we took it in another direction. - Huh.

Well, next time leave me out of it.

I didn't come here to be embarrassed.

Neither did I.

♪ ♪

You were right. Gal!'s a problem.

Great. Finally. Let's get you talking to France, okay?

The guy's a... well, he's a bit of a perv,

- so if there's anything you can do... - What? No, that's disgusting.

I have a different idea.

If it has a whiff of kumbaya...

No, actually, I was thinking of something a little more aggressive.

Ugh.

This isn't gonna hurt one bit,

and even if it did, I know you're gonna be so tough.

You, uh, have a great bedside manner...

very cool under pressure.

Well, I recently went through a male-dance-revue-related heartbreak,

so I'm exploring nonattachment.

- I'm studying the Tina method. - Hmm.

Smart going with the ten gauge.

- It's good for increased... - Maneuverability?

- [CHUCKLES] Yeah. - How did you know that?

Well, I did background work on MASH.

I was Hot Lips' hotter protégée,

but then I died in a submarine accident.

- In a land war? - Yeah, they never take my notes.

[SHELLY] Aw. Friends.

[TINA] Tell me this is gonna work.

Well, assuming phalluses respond exactly like molars,

we're in business.

- [JJ] Hell, no. No, no, no, no! - [DUSTIN] No, absolutely not.

You're not gonna stick that up my dick... you're a dentist!

Wow, wow, wow, not too bad.

- [UGO] Pretty good. - [MAGGIE GIGGLES]

Deal me in.

Oh, thank God you're here.

- I have no idea what I'm doing. - Oh, don't sell yourself short.

I am so glad that we've reconnected.

You know, I had a feeling we would.

If we could get past sophomore year, we can survive anything.

Right?

I mean, we've been friends forever.

- Nothing could ever change that. - [MAGGIE] Mm.

[FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ ♪

Can you believe those men?

It is so desperate to pit us against each other.

[SCOFFS] They're the worst.

I will raise.

It's like you said... they're threatened

when they see two strong women supporting each other.

And if we can't be there for each other, then who will?

Right?

All-in.

Why not?

[JOYCE] Oh. Well...

Sorry. It's just beginner's luck.

- [CHUCKLES] - No, you deserved it.

[GEORGE] Nicely played, Joyce.

I guess you really are all grown-up.

- Excited to be working with you again. - What?

Oh, meet our new owner and publisher.

- We've been acquired. - [DOUG] Welcome to the family.

- [CHUCKLES] - [GEORGE] Yeah.

How wonderful.

It was nice playing with you, Maggie.

- [DOUG] See you. - [GEORGE] Yep.

[BAMBI] Okay. Come on, be my brave boys.

[LENNY] You can have a lolly afterwards,

if that'll make it better... you can choose the flavor.

[JJ SIGHS] This is all Billie Jean's fault.

- She's not even hot. - [SHELLY] How dare you?

You know, you two have a lot of opinions and nothing else.

- But I... - No, no, the only things

I should be hearing from you are, "Ow,"

"Sorry for ruining your night,"

and, "I should've been nicer to my mom,"

because if you spewed this much bullshit

in the half day being here,

18 years must've been a fucking nightmare.

You're not good enough to string Billie Jean's racket...

just two JV morons who jammed their only redeeming quality

into an aluminum tube.

And women are supposed to find you sexy?

[LAUGHS] Please.

The only thing anyone here is feeling is pity.

[JJ GROANS IN RELIEF]

[RACKETS CLATTERING]

- [JJ AND DUSTIN SIGH IN RELIEF] - [TINA CHUCKLES]

[CONNIE] Wow, looks like I missed all the fun.

Tina, moment alone?

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING SOFTLY]

♪ ♪

[CLEARS THROAT] Between us, there was, like,

a ten-percent chance it was gonna make them sterile, so...

[TINA] Let me explain what you say.

[CONNIE] I know what I saw.

I just came back to share some good news

from our friends in Las Vegas.

And the last thing you expected was to come back to chaos.

- [CONNIE] Well... - I lost control.

And regained it. We work in media, not Buckingham Palace.

[CHUCKLES] I promise I'm not normally that mean to the models.

- They probably deserved it. - Mm-hmm.

Why don't you make us a cocktail,

and we'll have a little chat about this company's future?

And yours.

- Sounds good to me. - [SHELLY] That was incredible!

- Billie beat him! - It was. Yeah.

Yeah, she can do whatever she wants.

- She's free. I just... - [GRUNTS] Sure bet.

She came straight down, and she showed that Bobby Riggs...

- [LENNY] Whoops, whoops, you all right? - [SHELLY] Yeah.

- [LENNY] Good? - [SHELLY] I'm okay.

- [LENNY] Okay. - [SHELLY] You know she complimented my skort, right?

So Joyce can go off and write a book,

but I glance at a marshmallow,

and I'm history's greatest monster. Hmm.

I don't get it. Are we not enough for you?

[RICHIE SIGHS] No, it's not you.

This whole place has changed.

Doug's bouncing around like some lost boy.

Joyce doesn't listen to me anymore. Tina's all business.

I'm trying to get mine before it's too late.

Well, what about me?

You'll be fine. Everyone loves you.

[SINGER] ♪ Oh, crazy ♪

[RICHIE SIGHS]

[SINGER] ♪ For thinking ♪

♪ That my love could hold you ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I'm crazy for trying ♪

[DOUG] Europe is ours.

Minx is going global. [CHUCKLES]

- [BOTH] Cheers. - [DOUG] It's unbelievable.

I'm so impressed.

Shifting gears from seller to buyer,

buying up Gal! just to kill it,

that's a big move, Joycey.

I didn't know you had it in you.

- Neither did I. - [DOUG CHUCKLES]

♪ ♪

Is it supposed to...

to feel this, uh...

This what? Good?

Yeah, that's the thrill of it.

And your pal Connie... she's over the fucking moon.

- She loves this shit. - Yeah, she did sound pretty pleased.

Yeah.

I don't know. This doesn't make me evil?

No.

Makes you the queen.

[SINGER] ♪ Crazy... ♪

[JOYCE] Hit the tables?

- No, we should go home. - Our rooms are comped.

Nothing in Vegas is free.

Let's leave while we're up.

Trust me. Let's leave while we're up.

[SINGER] ♪ I'm crazy for trying ♪

♪ Crazy for crying ♪

♪ Crazy for loving you ♪

♪ ♪

["GAMBLIN' MAN" PLAYS]

♪ ♪

[SINGER] ♪ I am the roving gambler ♪

♪ I've gambled all around ♪

♪ Wherever I meet with a deck of cards ♪

♪ I lay my money down ♪

♪ Lay my money down ♪

♪ I lay my money down ♪

♪ I've gambled down in Washington ♪

♪ I've gambled up in Maine ♪

♪ I'm on my way to Georgia ♪

♪ To gamble my last game ♪

♪ Gamble my last game ♪

♪ Gamble my last game ♪

♪ ♪

- Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.MY-SUBS.com -

♪ Mother, oh, dear Mother ♪

♪ You know I love you well ♪

♪ But the love I have for this gambling man ♪

♪ No human tongue can tell ♪

♪ No human tongue can tell ♪

♪ No human tongue can tell ♪

♪ Mother, oh, dear Mother ♪

♪ I'll tell you if I can ♪

♪ If you see me coming back again ♪

♪ I'll be with this gambling man ♪

♪ ♪