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Well, Dick, people already think feminism is a dirty word,

so I say if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Too glib?

Too glib.

Well, Dick, I've always found the best truths are naked ones.

Oh, that is good.

Doug, where have you been?

Who's Doug?

- Maggie! Oh! - Tell me everything.

- If you elope, I will kill you. - Oh, I'm so glad you made it.

Well, I only had to tell a little fib to get out of work.

- Oh. - We're on deadline as always.

But there was no way I was gonna miss you

- on Dick friggin' Cavett! - I know!

Can you believe how crazy...

I mean, this has all happened so fast.

You are famous. And this is just the beginning.

You know, they put me up at the Plaza.

My room has three phones,

this entryway chandelier,

and its own echo.

I always knew you would

come back to New York in triumph.

Your magazine is... wow.

- I do not how you pull it off. - Well, you know me.

I've always found the best truths are naked ones.

Oh, that is good! You should say that.

It's good, right? I'm using that.

Oh, and Betsy?

- Senior editor? Since when? - That is a story.

So Guinevere was in Staden...

Miss Prigger, you're needed in makeup.

Oh, Miss Prigger, you're needed in makeup.

Stop it.

She's a summer. Don't put her in a plum.

Thank you.

So you got that California glow.

Ever been to New York?

What is progress if not the expansion

of freedom and opportunity?

That's all the Vietnamese want.

Who's the US government to try and stop them?

Hey, Joselyn, can you come here a sec?

After you do the dishes, can...

- oof, five eggs? - Yeah.

What's her name?

Who was the blonde with the funny walk

who was here before her?

- Oh, um, Patty. - Yeah, Patty.

She used to get way more eggs out of those birds.

Oh, sorry.

I'm just getting the hang of it.

Yeah, well, the chickens can tell.

This is Sven. He's new. He'll be taking Roger's room.

Oh, why? What happened to Roger?

Pigs busted his head in at our Wall Street action.

Parents had to fly in from Aspen just to take him home.

Oh, God, that's awful.

Um, I don't wanna cause any problems

but, um, my understanding was that rooms here

were assigned based on seniority,

and I'm still on that moldy mattress in the pantry.

Yeah, but Sven's from Europe, so...

Guys, there's no way we're walking these things to Washington Square.

Make them too big, they're not gonna fit in the van.

Those milk jugs get any bigger,

they're not gonna fit in the van either.

Sit down.

One more. Billy, please one more.

- Please. - All right. One more.

Then I gotta hit the road.

Drive any drunker, ain't no autograph

- getting me out of that trouble. - Right.

That's "fitty" for each titty, little lady.

Keep drinking, I might be able to get my baby

out of public school.

I'm just admiring a fine pair of breasts

and she's gotta mention her kid?

- Talk about a boner bomb. - Yeah.

Still, I'd tax that. Hard.

See, that's a flavor

that we don't currently have at the magazine.

I'm seeing the perfect storm between man and moment, Billy.

I don't know, Doug.

On the one hand,

showing my hog, that's pure Billy Brunson.

Classic GOAT.

On the other, I don't like the idea

- of fairies beating off to me. - Well, this magazine is not

for the homosexual community.

It's for women.

- Yeah? - A lot of them.

I just got out of a meeting with Seagram's.

I wasn't gonna say this, but I got Detroit

on lines three, four, and five, okay?

And if you're thinking about what comes next

for Billy Brunson after football,

this launches that.

Why y'all gotta do all that women's lib crap?

Down in 'Bama, we grow 'em blonde and quiet.

So take back the mic.

I mean, how many times you been on the cover of "Sports Illustrated"?

- Six? - Seven.

Maybe it's time to make some new news, Billy.

You want that ex-wife of yours

to be unable to escape your face.

Ol' Warren Beatty dumped her quick

after I whopped his ass.

I'm gonna tell you, I don't hate women, Doug.

Oh, I know that, Billy.

It's one of the things I admire most about you.

But I might punch out the occasional movie star

if he plows my ex.

I framed the restraining order.

Now, why don't we publish it in the magazine?

I could pose like Clyde from Bonnie and Clyde.

- That'd be a nice ol' dig. - Give you a Tommy gun

- to hold onto. - Tommy gun?

Brother, with what I'm packing,

you ain't gonna need no other gun.

Ooh, this cheese is starting to bubble.

Get in here.

Picasso's got nothing on my bread cubes.

Shot break! Everyone grab some tequi-qui.

"Minx" is primetime, baby.

- Whoo! - Yes!

- Mmm. That's the good stuff. - Mm-hmm.

Now, Miss Tina, I know you got fondue forks somewhere.

- Pantry. - Ah.

Grass break!

Okay, before you get too excited,

- there will be no acid break... - Aww.

- This evening. - What are these?

Nothing. My dad sent them.

Well, first of all, your dad's dead.

Secondly, why are you hiding

ghost dad's flowers in the pantry?

Did I miss grass break?

♪ Tina has a boyfriend ♪

- Bookstore Bill? - It's nobody.

Can't a girl buy herself some roses?

Come on. You have to tell us.

- Is it your second cousin Derek? - He's my nephew.

- You said he was cute. - He's 12.

Oh, my God.

Doug?

Again?

I'm telling you, man. I'm on the goddamn list.

I'm the publisher of the magazine.

- What magazine? - "Minx"!

My lady editor is on the show.

And I... and I am the reason she's here!

Renetti, not on the list. I can't let you up.

- Then call somebody, please. - It's two minutes to air.

There's no one to call. You are out of luck.

I'm sorry.

Right there. Joyce Prigger. Her plus two.

I'm that little scribble. I'm the second scribble.

It's Doug Renetti.

Oh, wow. That is small.

Yeah, go ahead. You're in.

"The Dick Cavett Show."

On tonight's program, from "Minx" magazine,

- Shh, shh, shh. - Editor Joyce Prigger.

Most of you are aware by now

of the Women's Liberation Movement.

A lot of women in this country feel that,

well, society isn't exactly fair in its treatment of them.

They're tired of being pushed around

and they want things to change.

I'd like to bring out someone who has

a somewhat unique point of view on all this.

She's the editor of "Minx" magazine,

which, if you haven't figured by now,

is not about semiaquatic, carnivorous mammals.

I'd show you more,

but they'd cancel my show if I did.

The magazine has taken the publishing world by storm,

selling out its second issue in a matter of days.

But is it feminist? Is it pornography?

Can it be both?

Let's find out. Please welcome Joyce Prigger.

- Welcome. - Hello. Thank you.

It seems like you've got some fans.

Well, women can be loud when they use their voices.

- It's not so scary, is it? - Oh, I'm afraid of everything.

I'm what'd you call an equal opportunity wimp.

Don t sell yourself short, Dick.

With our photographer, even you could be a "Minx" man.

I don't think the world is ready for that.

What do you say? You wanna take a peek

behind Dick Cavett's curtains?

Okay, okay.

Who's interviewing who here?

Are you gunning for my job, lady?

A female talk show host? I think it's about time.

If I can do it, anyone can.

So how did you get into all this?

You've got this straight-laced background.

- Mm-hmm. - Went to a fancy college.

I mean, as a little girl,

is this where you imagined you'd be?

Well, Dick, in my childhood fantasy,

I was on "Ed Sullivan," not here.

And then Sven throws me this look like,

"Oops, sorry but not sorry."

A hundred bucks this Sven character

- tries to sleep with you. - Oh, he already did.

Maybe I'd like life on the commune.

You wouldn't last a single day.

Oh, you smell nice.

You bought my shampoo for me.

I mean, you're here enough.

So you went all the way down to Bigelow to get it?

Yeah... sent Francine.

Poor Francine.

You know, I really think this piece

is gonna cause a seismic shift.

Nobody's writing about gender dynamics

within the anti-war movement.

These are good liberals who are just awful to women.

I think it's gonna make a lot of people uncomfortable.

Not as uncomfortable

as that ratty pantry mattress, I hope.

Listen, I am more than willing to suffer for a good story.

My guess is you probably make it.

Probably?

Indubitably.

And so I say to this councilwoman,

"If you're gonna plaster my face all over the place

on signs with devil horns, then at least

use a picture from my good side, you know?"

Oh, it's this one.

And all that negativity, that didn't get to you?

A lot of people would just curl up and hide.

- Points. Points. - Oh, yeah, excuse me.

- Excuse me. Sorry. - Sorry. Sorry.

- Excuse me. - Didn't see you.

Excuse me.

You've got this armor that protects you from critics.

That'll do it.

Secondly, I would say,

if it bothers you, don't buy it.

- Hello. - Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought this...

Wait a second. I recognize you.

You're Simone de B... no.

That French name I can't pronounce.

That's not you? Germaine Greer?

Closer. She's Australian and a friend.

Victoria Hartnett.

"Suffering Suffragettes." Yeah.

Joyce had me read it.

- I gotta say, not bad. - Oh, why, thank you.

Nothing quite damns like faint praise.

Doug Renetti.

- Publisher of "Minx." - Oh.

- The wretched pornographer. - I prefer "vile."

Well, I have to give you credit, Mr. Renetti.

I don't know a lot of men who'd stand back here

and let her be the one out there.

Oh, well, I'm a good businessman

and she's good for business.

She's come a long way, that one.

Oh, and from where did she travel?

Oh, I don't wanna say from nowhere,

but that technically wouldn't be

the wrong address with her.

And then came you. Do tell.

And maybe, just maybe, they will find the strength

in other parts of their life as well.

Or they'll just blush and giggle.

We'll be right back.

So far, so good.

So are you guys going open and official?

Secret office romance? What's the play this time?

What about Calvin, huh? He had that sexy insurance job.

Snooze, Richie.

Tina deserves more than life insurance.

She deserves adventure.

So then date a pirate or Evel Knievel.

Doug's kind of both.

I guess I like a cheap thrill.

I get it, but it really does feel different this time.

Oh, so he's dealt with his childhood trauma?

His two ex-wives?

Tina, I just wanna see you happy.

Good, because I am.

You're a natural.

I wasn't joking before. You play your cards right,

you're going to have options.

That's good for now. Thanks.

I turned in my draft this morning.

Mm-hmm.

I pulled an all-nighter polishing.

Oh, God, I am sweating.

I'm also cold, you know, and nauseated.

I'm seeing spots as well.

I should not have had that second cup of tea.

Here. Eat something. I'm sure it's great.

You are a better writer that 95% of these meatballs.

You know, it's only a matter of time

before George gives you a byline.

You are so beyond a researcher.

- We both are. - Thank you.

It's just...

it's so hard to tell what he's thinking, you know?

He was profoundly encouraging when I told him that

I wanted to do it, but then when I turned it in...

He did that noncommittal George thing

where he gets really quiet and his eyes narrow

and you can't tell if he's thinking about

- you or his lunch? - Yes.

Men are so good at that.

All I want in life is for people to look at me,

have no idea what I'm thinking,

and then be really worried.

Yeah. I think that's right.

Just crop in on her a little bit.

And make sure that we can see her face.

Aww.

Who doesn't love a good office fling?

In five, four,

three, two...

Welcome back.

We're talking about feminism and pornography,

and we're having a good time.

We're having a good time, right?

A great time, Dick.

So glad to hear it.

I wanna expand the conversation.

Bring out another guest.

She's probably America's foremost voice on women's issues.

An author. An advocate.

She's been a guest here a number of times

and just, well, a really smart lady.

Please welcome, Victoria Hartnett.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. This is such an honor.

Really this is... wow.

Oh, well, will you look at this?

I didn't even know academics could have groupies.

I've only spent my entire senior year

reading and rereading

"The Whore of Babylon Revisited."

- Oh. - That work is just...

- it's seminal. - Thank you.

It cost me my first marriage, so I'm glad someone

got something positive out of it.

I brought Victoria on because, you know,

we like to have a variety of viewpoints.

Makes for more interesting conversation.

And, well, let me just ask, what do you think of "Minx"?

Well, first of all, let me say I admire

any woman who pushes society's expectations

of what they can and cannot do or be,

- so brava. - Thank you.

But I think a magazine like "Minx"

is harmful to the cause, maybe even a little insidious.

We have a serious agenda for women

- in this nation, on this planet. - Absolutely.

Then why are we blathering about

penises and pornographers?

I... I write about critical issues.

Yes, you do, superficially.

But even that is drowned in a sea of salaciousness.

Salaciousness?

There are a few naked pictures, sure,

but there are pages and pages of serious content.

Listen, my dear,

I'm sure your heart is in the right place

and I wouldn't call you a victim

but, in a sense, you have been used.

This might be why they say you don't wanna

- meet your heroes. - Not helpful, Dick.

Your content is cover for a very clever businessman

to expand into an enormous untapped market for pornography

to sell cigarettes and alcohol and automobiles to women.

And to add insult to injury,

you've been hired as editor

but only been given the illusion of control.

I don't know what... no. Okay, no.

I mean, look, the magazine is mine.

Mm, your publisher might

have a different opinion on that.

Well, this conversation has certainly gotten spicier.

We're gonna take a quick break

and see if we can't sort this all out.

- What is going on here, Doug? - I don't know.

I don't know what she's talking about.

But just stay in it. Stay calm.

Don't take the bait and counterpunch.

But I'm not some pugilist.

This is my life here. My work. And she's...

Miss Prigger, hi. We need you for some

- touch-ups real quick. - No, I'm fine. I don't...

Just a small sweat issue.

You know, the camera adds a bit of a glimmer

- when the lights get hot. - Oh.

Stay in the fight. Stay in the fight.

- Mr. Renetti? - Yeah.

Can our producer talk to you for a second?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Welcome back.

We've been having a spirited conversation

about naked men.

Boy, this is a weird job sometimes.

Is a magazine full of them a feminist act

or just a nasty ploy to distract the ladies,

get them to stop asking for raises and stuff?

Reductive, Dick, but not inaccurate.

The male publisher of "Minx"

has come up a few times in conversation.

He's here tonight. I wanna have him out

and see what he has to say.

Please welcome Douglas J. Renetti.

What an honor.

Someone's got some pep in his step.

Well, I'm excited to be here. I love New York.

The energy, the dirt, all of it.

Have you been to Times Square?

A man in your profession might need to,

I wanna say "peep" the competition.

Very funny. No, I come here on business.

Meeting with advertisers, that sort of thing.

And have you always been in adult entertainment?

No, I started with a few penny savers, coupon clippers.

And I saw an opportunity, so I got a small loan

and I busted my butt, title by title.

You're looking at the American dream, Dick,

- in the flesh. - Oh, wow.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Kind of wish I did.

Now, you've been following our conversation.

Just who's in control of your magazine, you, Joyce?

Well, we share a dynamic partnership.

I think Joyce would say the same thing.

At Bottom Dollar, we share an "all hands on deck" philosophy.

- Right? - Yup.

But the buck has gotta stop somewhere.

Doug would never overstep into editorial, no.

He has suggestions, like all publishers,

but "Minx" is under my direction.

Huh. Mr. Renetti was actually regaling me backstage

with plans for a future issue for your magazine.

Stop it now.

We were just gabbing pro to pro. You know it.

Don't play humble now, Mr. Renetti.

You were very, very proud.

You were beaming, even, about your next cover.

Oh, no. We have not settled

on the cover for our next issue, no.

That's correct. No, we haven't.

We are in the early stages,

just talking to people.

Well, we love process here.

Love to see how the sausage gets made.

I'm sorry. I couldn't help it.

- I'm just a... - That was good. That was good.

Comic at heart, people.

But we also happen to have quite a few readers

in the audience... people who might be

interested in what you have on tap.

Unless you don't like free advertising, Mr. Renetti.

Oh, you know I love free advertising.

And thank you to all the readers.

There's nothing to... to share right now.

Perhaps we could let the cat out of the bag

- a little bit. - There's no cat.

Considering... there might be a cat.

There might be a big cat.

I can get you a drumroll. Do you wanna a drumroll?

- No. - Yeah.

- No. We don't need a drumroll. - Bobby, hit it!

Doug, you don't need a drumroll.

- I don't need a drumroll. - He doesn't need a drumroll

'cause there's nothing to reveal.

Ladies and gentlemen!

In the next "Minx" and on the cover,

posing in all his God-given glory

will be America's favorite quarterback,

Billy Brunson, "The GOAT"!

We got Billy Brunson!

We got him.

Wow. This is exciting.

- And you heard it here first. - There's... there's other...

Like I always say, the best truths are naked ones.

Oh, wow. They grow up so fast.

It's no big deal.

Mr. McKnight, youngest writer ever to land a cover.

Someone has indubitably made it.

Let me see that. Let me see.

Pass it around. Pass it around.

Sweetie, it's not all bad news.

You were obviously on the right track.

They used your idea. Sort of.

A thoughtful, original article

about misogyny in the movement

has been transmogrified into this

pat profile of cavalier elites

written by some cavalier elite

who wasn't even there,

who didn't have to get the eggs!

The hen house does sound terrifying.

This magazine is not interested in those details.

But you survive here,

it just might get you to someplace that is.

He didn't even give me any feedback.

You know, he just... he just took it

and he just made it into something else.

God, I'm such an idiot.

I'm gonna talk to him.

Oh, Joyce.

A little something for the road ahead.

Oh. You shouldn't have.

I sent Francine.

Hey, before you say anything,

- I was backed into a corner. - Yeah, right.

The whole thing was staged. Great television, Doug.

When did they tell you about Victoria Hartnett, back in LA?

What are you talking about?

I didn't know anything about it.

Okay. And then the Billy bomb.

- Completely spontaneous. - Yes, it was.

You got the lights, you got people staring, the band.

He's got an orchestra, Joyce.

What I'm gonna do, say no to a drumroll?

No one's ever done that ever.

Doug Renetti, a leaf on a stream

being merrily carried along.

"Ooh, wherever will it take me next?"

I screwed up, okay?

But I swear I didn't know anything about the other guest.

- Oh, please. And Billy? - Fine.

I took a flyer with an old PR contact

and I got a meeting with Billy, okay?

But I did not think that Billy was gonna show.

And I definitely didn't think he was gonna say yes.

And that's the truth.

It was wrong of me to do any of this without consulting you.

It was wrong of you to do any of this, period!

You know, men like you, you're an eclipse.

You don't mean to do it but you can't help

- but just block out the sun! - Oh, so you're the sun now?

You're the giver of life?

Joyce, let me explain something to you.

We are on an incredible hot streak.

Out third issue is gonna have

the 11th highest circulation of any magazine.

- Yes, thanks to whom? - Let me finish!

Thanks to my work. Thanks to my work.

Three issues!

We are changing the game, Joyce.

And I'm not gonna apologize to you or to anybody

for playing it like a goddamn all-star.

And if you don't like my sports analogy, tough shit.

It's my ball.

My rules. You get it?

Yeah.

This is everything you'll need for issue three of "Minx,"

save for the centerfold,

which you have already taken care of.

I believe that fulfills the terms of our agreement.

Stop it. You're not leaving like this.

- You care too much. - I thought I had done enough

to earn your respect, but I will not allow

people to treat me this way. Not anymore.

Listen, J...

- I got it. I'll do the rest. - Okay.

- You sure? - Yeah.

- Love you. - You too.

- It'll be fine, right? - Sure.

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