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Ugh.

Hello. Um, I was wondering if you could help me

find a magazine that was due in this morning.

It's called "Minx."

- Is that Russian? - No, that would be Minsk.

No, "Minx" is a clever play on the word "floozy."

It's ironic 'cause the magazine is feminist.

Like "Cosmo"? That's on the rack.

Uh, nope.

Um...

Uh, it has a more e... erotic bent.

Did you check here?

I did. It's not... it's not there.

Oh, the one with the dick in it.

Hey, Darius! Did you stock that new mag with the dick in it?

Check under the counter, doofus!

Nope. No. Not that one.

Oh, yeah, here it is.

Talk about an unsafe job site.

That's great.

Oh, my God. Thank you so much.

Have fun.

So sales so far have not been...

they... they've just not been ideal, but I've seen worse.

- You have? - I have.

And better. Definitely better.

Look, this is not surprising, okay?

No woman wants to buy a magazine

if she's made to feel like a pervert.

We have to think of a way

of getting it out from under the counter.

That's right. We... we need to create awareness.

We got to get people talking about it, asking about it.

- That's right. - Is anyone reading it?

- Of course they are. Yes. - Okay.

We're big in, uhm Greenwich Village...

uh, Provincetown...

the Castro.

- We're big in the Castro. - Intriguing.

So let's build off that momentum.

Let's make issue two a knockout.

What about a celebrity interview?

- Ooh, yeah. - Good. Yeah.

- Ooh, Bella Abzug... - I bet she has some stories to tell.

- Sexy stories? - Maybe.

- I'm one degree from Jackie O. - Bobby or Teddy?

- Yes. - I... I think we need somebody

with a little bit more sizzle, right?

A bigger name.

- How about... - I'm just gonna throw this out there,

but what about Billy Brunson?

- Who? Who's that? - Okay.

Billy Brunson, the Goat. Billy Brunson.

The football player who punched out Warren Beatty.

No. No! G... God, no, absolutely not.

No. They have to align with the mission of the magazine,

no matter how famous.

Oh, he's pretty famous. I think we should use Bill...

Doug, delivery.

Okay, well, you can sign for it.

Uh, no, I can't.

Hey, what's going on? They sent back 25,000?

Something about indecent material.

Tempe desert rats... not even a heads-up.

I don't know what to tell you, man.

They called a few times.

Gary Breckner, VP of Operations.

- You never returned. - I thought we owed them money.

- We do owe them money. - Well, you see? I was right.

Somebody needs to sign for these.

I'll tell you what, Ron...

whatever Thrifty's paying you, I'm gonna double it.

Will you just stick around until I figure this out?

Oh, great. Very good.

Doug...

we cannot eat these magazines.

You think I don't know that, Tina?

We don't have the cash to cover the cost.

It's not just Thrifty.

- What are you talking about? - Piggly Wiggly called.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Okay.

Fuck!

Okay!

This is the fun part. We got a good product.

Now we just got to tell people about it.

That's all we got to do right now.

All right, well, I have some pretty big media contacts,

and I bet one of them can help land a big fish

for the front cover...

you know, a feminist with frisson.

See, that's what I'm talking about, Joyce!

- See? Good! Hustle! - Okay.

How do you think we built this place?

We built this place with hustle!

Tina, come here, please.

Me and Tina driving around, handing out "Lusty Lesbos"

to anybody who would take it,

and the next thing you know, people were begging for it.

And they're gonna do that with "Minx."

Well, I know a thing or two about our intended audience,

and I will tell you this.

They're motivated by fear,

fear of someone having something they don't.

You live someplace hoity-toity, right?

- You're rich. - Yeah, we're comfortable.

I'm happy for you. Good. Here's what I want you to do.

I want you to take Bambi.

I want you to fill your car up with magazines.

I want you to give them away, all of them, for free.

- Okay. - Good. Yes. Trust me.

I have an idea where I can go.

Good. That's what I'm talking about!

Great! Good initiative! Good stuff!

This is what we're gonna do! We're gonna win...

- Okay. - As this team.

Good! The A-team!

What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna catch the next flight to, uh, Tempe, Arizona,

and I'm gonna get our magazines back on the Thrifty shelves.

Oh, Glenn.

- Joyce. - Hello.

Hey. What... what are you doing here?

I was in the neighborhood,

and we never got that lunch, so...

No. I know. I-I left you a few messages. I just...

I know. I'm sorry, it's been crazy.

But, um, anyway, I got some financiers

from that bakery we like on Burton.

- Oh. - Figured I'd say hi.

That's so sweet. Thank you.

Um, you want to crack them open?

Yes, I do.

So, what, do you have a meeting nearby or... ?

I do. Yeah.

I've got to get a big splashy name for issue two.

So... oh, Jane Fonda's, uh, publicist

says that she might be interested, so...

Wow. That'd be a big get.

Yeah, it would. You know what?

I'm getting the runaround, though.

I don't quite have the contacts yet.

Yeah. Well, those can take years to cultivate.

- Who else you thinking? - Oh, God.

No, I don't want to bore you with my tedious work dilemmas.

Stop, please. It's my pleasure.

Some first ideas.

Okay. Susan Sontag, she'll say no.

Victoria Hartnett.

- I love her. - I know you do.

But she only does fancy stuff... "The New Yorker."

Hmm.

I have an idea.

Wendy Mah.

- "Aphrodisia" Wendy Mah? - Yeah.

I was supposed to interview her for Crush of the Month,

but we just couldn't make it work by deadline.

I don't know. Her book, it's middle-brow pablum

posing as a treatise on sexual empowerment.

- You read it? - No, of course not.

"The Times" eviscerated it, though.

- Did you? - I did.

Well, I had to for work.

But I don't know.

I found it entertaining...

And provocative.

Just because something is popular doesn't mean it's bad.

I mean, she did knock "Jonathan Livingston Seagull"

off the best-seller list.

You know, she's teaching right over at Woodbridge.

Bet I could get you a meeting.

Then I guess I came to the right place.

Okay, but don't say the thing about Gestapo tactics.

- It sets the wrong tone. - But that's what this is.

I mean, who is Gary Breckner to decide what is decent

for Thrifty customers?

Vice President of Operations who has the right to do that.

- He sells "Playboy." - Okay.

Are you saying that soft dick

is more offensive than a hairy bush?

A hairy bush is not the female sex organ.

- It's all vagina. - Okay, listen.

You are lucky we even got a meeting, okay?

The longer those magazines stay on that truck,

the more fucked we are,

so just please pull it together and make this right.

Okay. I agree.

Okay.

I got this, okay?

I will be home by happy hour.

Okay. I'll be back to get you.

- Great. - Have a safe flight.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

And I think once Mr. Breckner hears what I have to say...

Well, would... would you please tell him that he...

he has to make time for me today

'cause I'm at the airport right now.

I'm about to board.

I'll be there in an hour and a half.

I think what I'm asking for is just a little face time.

Well, then who's above the Vice President of Operations?

I don't know who his boss is. I don't work for the company.

Hi, Mrs. Breckner?

Oh, good. Hey, Carol, how are you?

Say, I was wondering, what's your home address?

Look, I really appreciate you meeting us on such short notice.

Well, I felt bad we couldn't make the "Lad" piece work.

Awoogah. Hey, big fella.

Yeah.

Child brides, ugh.

It's one thing to screw at 14,

but can you imagine being married?

- Nightmare. - It is a nightmare.

- In Bangladesh, there's... - Uh, you know,

Joyce really responded to "Aphorodisia," Wendy.

Yeah. God, oh, yes. Yeah. You know what?

You have a flare for literary erotica

without ever devolving into the profane.

Tell that to the eunuchs at "The Paris Review."

Or you could. You could write a whole feature.

That sounds fun,

but between press and my course load...

Uh, we'd figure out a way to make it work

with your schedule.

- I can come back after class. - Sure. Maybe...

No, feminist collective meeting.

I'm faculty advisor...

sorry, faculty sister.

You know, Joyce ran the feminist collective at Vassar.

Persephone Rising had no formal leadership structure,

but I did facilitate most of the meetings.

Really? Come by.

We're always on the hunt for guest speakers.

Oh, gosh. I'm not sure I'm accomplished enough

to, you know, warrant that honor.

You're a successful woman in publishing.

They'll eat you right up.

So... so then afterwards,

we could talk about you and "Minx"?

- I'll see you there. - Okay.

- Yes! - Good job.

You did a good job.

- Thank you. - That was awes...

Okay, hey, have you got any plans for this afternoon?

No. Nothing that I have to rush back for.

What'd you have in mind?

Okay, great. Just a little grassroots marketing.

Lead the way.

- Hey! - I'm sorry.

Oh, yeah. We were just so distracted.

What's that?

Oh, my gosh. It's a kick.

You've never heard of "Minx" before?

- Everyone's talking about it. - They are?

Yeah. Too bad it's sold out everywhere.

- Oh. - You know what?

Here, why don't you take my copy?

- Becky! - It's okay, Jane.

We've already had our fun.

- Thanks. - Enjoy!

Okay, um...

Volkswagen Beetle. They're always secret freaks.

That's what I drive.

Thank you.

- Hey. - Hi.

- How's it going? - I'm good.

- Here you go. - Um, actually,

how about you give me one those magazines instead?

All right. Enjoy, Bruno.

Thank you.

Don't tell me I missed the party.

Oh, sorry, fresh out.

What kind of salesman doesn't bring enough product?

Not a salesman. I'm, uh, the photographer.

You got a camera on you?

All right, Brit, Cam, Brock, you're hittin' sorority row.

And, Chet, Buck, Dingus, education.

And if you strike out there, try cheerleading practice.

Alternatively,

poli-sci is flush with female majors this year.

Wonderful.

May as well run by history and econ as well.

Move, maggots! Let's go! Hidey-ho!

Don't make be bring out the spoon!

The what?

Once a Beta always a Beta.

Well, the efficiency of the manpower

you have summoned is undeniable,

but are fraternity brothers the right...

Pledges. They haven't earned it yet.

Oh, I'm sorry. Are pledges the right emissaries

to be spreading the "Minx" message?

Listen, don't overthink it, okay?

We are actively getting your magazine out there right now.

Look at it.

I mean, you don't want to end up like that guy, do you?

Tenor? Tenor? Tenor?

No, really. I cannot thank you enough.

You know, we have a real chance of booking Wendy.

And I get to talk to the women

that I actually made "Minx" for.

I might even come out of this with some mentees.

There you go.

Dingus, what are you doing?

Come on, Dingus. Move it!

Yeah.

I did not expect her to talk about her dead husband that way.

We're really doing a mitzvah here.

I'm 1/18 Ashkenazi.

How many boxes do we have left?

- Um, just two, I think. - Okay.

Oh, the Jurgensen's by my kid's school!

Those PTA moms will love it.

Yeah.

Beautiful.

All your friends models or just Dan and Benjy over here?

Models, actors, escorts...

- whatever pays the bills. - Hmm.

We all do very different things to pay the bills.

Well, today's your lucky day

because you're the one about to get paid.

Oh, wow.

- Oh, this place. - Mm-hmm.

God, my collective met in the basement

of a science building reeking of formaldehyde.

Then this piece might speak to you.

Oh, okay.

- That's a sheep's uterus. - Oh.

"Mary Had a Little Hysterectomy."

You know, it's just... it's amazing

what women can create when they have the resources, you know?

I mean, look at this.

This... even the quotidian is so beautiful.

Such depth of color here.

Those are menstrual drippings.

Sisters, good afternoon.

As you know, we have a very special guest today.

I see some of you have formed a relationship

with her material already.

How about a warm Sisters of Solidarity welcome for Joyce Prigger?

Do I... um, do I... uh, do I stand here or...

There are no hierarchies here.

All right. Should I just absorb in?

- Just tuck right in there. - I'm just... yeah. All right.

So all right.

Okay.

The one time I decide to wear a skirt.

Looks like you're nice and comfy.

Yes.

So I've got a few errands to run.

- You're gonna get along great. - Uh, you... you're not staying?

Oh, I'm yesterday's news, right, ladies?

Ciao!

- Hi. - I have a contribution.

This penis is flaccid.

I resent the implication that women are too meek

- to confront an erect phallus. - Mm-hmm.

Diving right in, I see. All right.

Um, does anybody else feel that way?

There's a taco casserole in the freezer,

so just pop it in the oven.

Yeah. I'll be home in a jiff.

350.

45 minutes.

Keep the foil on.

No, not to eat it. Take it off for that.

Love you.

I like to bring mine to room temp

before I pop it in the oven.

Well, obviously, if he had the time.

All right.

- Thank you. - Mm-hmm.

I mean, who knew it was illegal to hand out pornography

within 1,000 feet of a school?

Now that I say it out loud, it does make a lot of sense.

Officer McNeal said it was a new ordinance,

and we're the first women to violate it.

Oh, my God.

You're so nice and normal.

It's your community and all those snooty moms

almost saw you get cuffed.

Jesus!

It's... it's fine.

Where are you gonna get groceries?

I mean, that assistant manager

seemed very serious about your lifetime ban.

Yeah. So I'll... I'll shop someplace else.

Why are you being so cool about this?

Honestly, I-I can't even remember

the last time that I got in trouble.

And it felt kind of good.

I receive your contribution, Sabrina,

but one of the goals of "Minx"

is to reveal the oppressive nature

of all traditional relationships.

So now my lesbian relationship

can't be traditional or oppressive?

Do you want it to be?

Where are the stories about working-class women?

Or women who aren't white?

Or forced sterilization of indigenous communities?

Good ideas, all,

but we can only have so many articles per issue

based on the ads that we can sell.

So the monsters of Madison Avenue dictate your content?

Oh, God. I wish it was Madison Avenue.

It's more like, uh, Ventura Boulevard.

Clearly, profits are more important to you than liberation.

I understand that this magazine

can't please everyone,

but we are bringing attention to important issues,

issues that you have raised many times...

clitoridectomy in Upper Volta, marital rape.

That had promise, but you stopped way short.

All marriage is rape.

Come on. That gets a weird silent clap?

Yes, marriage is problematic. It is.

But don't you think that we should refrain

from just calling everybody's dad a rapist?

I only have one mother, and her name is Gaia.

Oh, g... good for you, Linda. That's super.

Good for all of you.

It's... it's wonderful that you get to sit here

in your little circle with your menstrual blood

smeared all over the walls of your free housing,

arguing semantics that have nothing to do with life

outside of this building.

- Sellout. - Child!

Attention, passengers...

the inbound flight number 37 from Phoenix is delayed

due to mechanical issues.

Maker's neat.

So you've just been sitting here all day?

Yep.

Going to the airport without a meeting is so you.

I thought he'd fold eventually.

So no cactus keychains?

You see all the implications.

- Mm-hmm. - I don't know.

When I was a kid, there was this boy named Jimmy McGurgin.

And he opened up a lemonade stand.

It's good business.

And the punk wouldn't let me in on it.

So you know what I did?

I opened up my own but with a twist.

I added bourbon to it... hit of the neighborhood.

Moms, dads, older kids, everybody loved it.

I was their king.

I put Jimmy out of business.

One of the happiest days of my life.

That's super sad.

There's always an angle. I don't know what is going on.

So, look, if you want to tell me I told you so,

now would be the time.

The magazine's an albatross.

Y-you were right.

I'm not gonna do that.

You're pathetic.

And I don't kick a man when he's down.

Anyway, we've been here before.

Now you get resourceful, creative.

Yeah.

You'll figure out how to add some bourbon to the lemonade.

Can we get out of here?

There's a bird that's been trapped in the ceiling

for the last two hours, and it's really bumming me out.

We got to make a pit stop.

Joyce is moving magazines at Woodbridge.

I got a bunch of boxes in the trunk.

Broke college kids? Perfect.

Yep.

Shit.

- Fantastic. You're here. - Hi.

- Ready to go? - Yeah. Why? What's going on?

Um, the pledges did a great job,

but in their zeal to impress,

they made a pit stop at Bible study

and may have left some magazines behind.

That led to a protest,

which brought up the Gay Liberation Front,

who, by the way, love your magazine.

- Oh! - Um, and that's Dean Oliver.

He's trying to explain the university's stance on free speech...

- Oh, all right. - Which obviously

got the attention of the Civil Liberty Association.

Tell me it went better inside. Is Wendy in?

God, Wendy.

- What? - Wendy.

Hey! Wendy! Wendy!

How'd it go? They're something, aren't they?

Those girls were terrifying, but you knew that, didn't you?

Welcome to being a feminist in the public's eye.

Tricky, huh?

Yeah, apparently so. But okay, fine.

That can be the angle for the piece you do for "Minx."

Oh, I'd love to, but I forgot

I have a noncompete clause in my deal with "Harper's."

And you're just remembering that now?

- That's very convenient. - Not cool, Wendy.

Well, you're welcome to call my lawyer,

see if we can get a carve-out.

He's currently in Positano convalescing,

so it might take a little while.

Good luck, sister.

I'm rooting for you.

I never read your book, by the way!

- Oh, my God! - Jesus Christ.

I really thought that they would like me.

College.

Oh, my gosh, we're gonna be early for that party.

Well, in there, they're so fast.

Remind me to always get arrested in Pasadena.

Tell me where you're going again?

Oh, you're coming with. Yeah.

Elliot Gould's stunt double is blowin' it out in the Canyon.

Hell's Angels are running security,

but I used to bang their road captain, so we'll get in.

LJ.

Did you give those pigs the what-for?

You know we did.

Oh, Shelly, this is Long John.

Oh, hello. Okay.

Yeah.

Someone likes patchouli.

- Okay. - Yeah.

Let's go.

Fire that shit up.

I know his eyes are totally saucered,

but he's an above-average stoned driver.

Also, Mulholland is only, like, 19 miles away,

so we'll get there.

I should, uh, probably get home.

What? No! Bread's ex-drummer is gonna play,

and I heard he got kicked out 'cause he rocked too hard.

- Oh, I do... - I do love Bread.

It's just we just moved Milly out of her crib this week,

and I promised her I'd do a monster check

under her bed tonight, which is silly,

'cause everyone knows monsters live in the closet.

We'll give you a ride to your car.

Oh, I... uh, I could use the walk.

I think so.

- Hey, um... - Yeah.

Use a can of Aqua Net.

Tell her it's monster spray.

That's what my mom used to do for me.

Okay.

This magazine should have no place in the future we want!

"Minx" will destroy our movement before we have a...

- Excuse me. Excuse me. - Watch it!

Here you go.

So step right up

and deposit this piece of feminist impostor-ism into the trash heap!

Dong is wrong! Dong is wrong!

Dong is wrong! Dong is wrong!

- I'm done with this! - Dong is wrong!

Dong is wrong! Dong is wrong!

Throw that "Minx" crap in the trash!

Let me hear you say it!

Down with "Minx"!

I don't even know why we're doing this!

Because they're your magazines.

Maybe just skip the ones with spit on them.

Oh, God!

Hey, stop right... Hey! Hey!

- Down with "Minx"! - Fuck Reagan!

Hard to argue with that, buddy.

Prick.

- Down with "Minx"! - Fuck "Minx"!

Down with "Minx"!

- Can you believe this shit? - Yeah, I can.

- Let it out. - Fine. I did tell you so.

I told you from the start this was a bad bet.

You lost, Doug. "Minx" is a dog.

Yeah, we don't have a lot fans right now, do we?

I've done everything you've asked.

I've been silent when I wanted to scream.

I've defended you when I knew you were guilty.

All in service of what?

An off-brand, very expensive experiment?

This weird legitimacy thing

that if we don't cut our losses

will burn our whole company to the ground.

Down with "Minx"!

And fuck you for making me have to say all this stuff.

I'm the drunkest person at the Christmas party.

I'm Good Time Tina!

Hey, girl.

Not you. Eh, keep riding, Junior.

Down with "Minx"!

Ugh.

All right, who throws a hardback Bible?

- Is it still bleeding? - Yes, yes.

I'm so s... I... I... I feel responsible.

Am I... am I... am I responsible?

Are you talking legally or morally?

I don't know. Both, I guess.

Maybe we could ask Wendy's lawyer.

Just tell me that this is all gonna blow over.

It'll be fine, okay?

I know it seems like the end of the world,

a bunch of college kids yelling at each other,

but it happens every day.

Yeah, bonfire!

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