Original subtitles

TOOKIE BAH WABA!

HAO!

IKI BAH BAH.

HA HA HA.

d I LAILA 'O KAUA'I LA d

d NO MALIHINI OHANA d

d WELCOME, COUSINS, A-COME ON BY d

d ALOHA, E KOMO MAI d

MAKA MAKA.

d I LAILA 'O KAUA'I LA d

d NO MALIHINI OHANA d

d WELCOME, COUSINS, A-COME ON BY d

d ALOHA, E KOMO MAI d

d ALOHA, E KOMO MAI d

HEH HEH HA HA HA!

AH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!

d IKI TOOKIE NEE HI! d

d IKI TOOKIE NEE HI! d

d AKA TIKI BAH BAH d

d AKA TIKI BAH BAH d

d GABBA IKA TASOOPA? d

d GABBA IKA TASOOPA? d

OOOCHA! CHI-KA!

d MIKI MIKI COCONUT d

d I LAILA 'O KAUA'I LA d

d NO MALIHINI OHANA d

d WELCOME, COUSINS, A-COME ON BY d

d ALOHA, E KOMO MAI d

TOOKIE BAH WABA!

d ALOHA, E KOMO MAI d

AH HEH HEH HEH HEH!

d ALOHA, E KOMO MAI d

BYE!

OK, STITCH, YOU LET ME DO THE TALKING.

I'M SURE I CAN CONVINCE HER TO HELP US.

OH-KEE TUCKAH!

I KNOW SHE CAN BE MEAN SOMETIMES,

BUT I HAVE A FEELING THAT THIS TIME WILL BE DIFFERENT.

I MEAN, IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE, RIGHT?

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

MY SISTER NANI'S THROWING A BIG DINNER FOR CHARITY

ON FRIDAY NIGHT.

SO?

I THOUGHT WE COULD PUT THE PAST BEHIND US

AND COME TOGETHER... IN THE SPIRIT OF KOKUA.

HELPING.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

YOUR DOGGIE IS SO UGLY,

IT MAKES MY EYES HURT.

Girls: YEAH!

HA HA HA!

GOOD ONE, MYRTLE.

COME ON, STITCH.

YOU'RE AVAILABLE! THAT'S GREAT!

WE HAVE PLENTY OF ROOM FOR YOU AND YOUR DANCING POODLES.

YOU CHARGE HOW MUCH?

[CASH REGISTER RINGS]

UH, THE THING IS...

IT'S A CHARITY EVENT, AND WE WERE HOPING--

HELLO? HELLO?

OH!

WELL, WE DIDN'T GET PETE AND HIS PRANCING POODLES.

[SIGHS] WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

OW!

IF YOU NEED ENTERTAINMENT,

I STRONGLY SUGGEST YOU HIRE ONE OF THESE.

IT'S CALLED A STAND-UP COMEDIAN.

TV Announcer: THIS WEEK ON MY FUNNIEST VALENTINE...

BUT SERIOUSLY, THERE ARE BENEFITS

TO DATING A MAN WHO COMES WITH HIS OWN PADDING.

IT'S LIKE HAVING A WALKING PILLOW WITH YOU WHEREVER YOU GO.

AND IF WE EVER FLEW TOGETHER,

I'D MAKE AN EXCELLENT FLOTATION DEVICE.

HA HA HA!

[SCOFFS]

WHY IS MAKING FUN OF OVERLY ROTUND SELF?

WELL, EARTHLINGS DEVELOP A SENSE OF HUMOR ABOUT THEMSELVES

IN ORDER TO KEEP FROM BEING HURT BY OTHERS.

IT'S FASCINATING. IN FACT--

OH, NO. I KNOW THAT LOOK IN YOUR EYE.

DON'T WORRY, THIS ISN'T LIKE THE TIME

I WANTED TO BE AN ICE DANCER.

YES, I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'RE A BUSY BAND,

BUT MY FIRST, SECOND, THIRD, FOURTH,

AND FIFTH CHOICE BANDS ALL DECLINED, SO--

[PHONE HANGS UP]

HELLO?

NANI, YOUR ENTERTAINMENT BOOKING TROUBLES

ARE OVER.

YOUR CHARITY DINNER WILL BE MY DEBUT

AS A STAND-UP COMEDIAN!

WHAT DO YOU SAY? HUH? HUH?

IF I LET YOU PERFORM, WILL YOU DO THE CATERING, TOO?

DID YOU HEAR THAT? SHE SAID OK!

I HAVE MY FIRST GIG!

I'M LEGIT!

I'M GONNA GO BUY A NEW OUTFIT.

SOMETHING THAT SCREAMS HILARITY

AND COMES WITH MATCHING SHOES.

JUMBA DOES NOT UNDERSTAND THIS CHARITY BUSINESS.

IS NO EVIL IN IT, SO WHAT IS POINT?

THERE'S PLENTY OF EVIL ORGANIZING IT, THAT'S FOR SURE.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I BOTHER WITH THIS STUPID CHARITY STUFF.

I MEAN...

CHARITY WORK IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS

WE CAN DO IN LIFE.

MYRTLE DOESN'T THINK SO.

SO HER FAMILY'S NOT COMING?

NO. SHE CALLED STITCH UGLY

AND LAUGHED AT US.

LIKA POO CHIFA.

OH, LILO. THAT'S MEAN,

MAKING FUN OF HOW PEOPLE LOOK.

BUT YOU JUST GOTTA--

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

ALOHA.

OH, YEAH.

THANKS FOR CALLING BACK.

I'M WONDERING IF YOU'D BE INTERESTED

IN DONATING 250 POUNDS OF POI.

IT'S FOR CHARITY.

COME ON, STITCH.

[TAKING DEEP BREATHS]

OH, GANTU, I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND.

SOME CHARITY ORGANIZATION CAME AROUND

ASKING FOR DONATIONS.

I CAN'T HEAR YOU BLABBING

OVER MY DEEP, CALMING BREATHS.

[TAKES DEEP BREATH]

SO I GAVE THEM YOUR BED AND YOUR CLOTHES.

OH, AND THAT STUFFED TEDDY BEAR THING YOU SLEEP WITH.

I AM AT PEACE!

I CAN SEE THAT.

Computerized voice: WARNING.

EXPERIMENT 322 ACTIVATED.

PRIMARY FUNCTION--

UNDERMINE ENEMY MORALE WITH VERBAL ABUSE.

VERBAL ABUSE?

LIKE INSULTS?

AN EXPERIMENT THAT DOESN'T MELT, BLOW UP, OR IMPLODE ANYTHING?

LIKE STEALING CANDY FROM A BABY.

AHH. REFRESHING.

ALL OUR CONDOMINIUMS

FEATURE GRADE "A" WATER FILTRATION SYSTEMS

AND THE FABULOUS VIEWS OF--

FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE, IS THAT A DEAD RAT ON YOUR HEAD?

PARDON ME?

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

MOST PEOPLE WON'T NOTICE YOUR TOUPEE

'CAUSE THEY'LL BE BLINDED

BY THAT TACKY SHIRT!

[LAUGHTER]

IT IS GOOD TO BE ME.

AND WHAT IS THE DEAL

WITH THOSE TRICKY SHARKS

AND DOLPHINS?

THEY LOOK EXACTLY ALIKE

EXCEPT ONE WILL SWIM YOU

TO SAFETY

AND ONE WILL EAT YOU ALIVE.

CAN WE GET A WARNING SIGN

OR SOMETHING?

THAT'S IT.

THAT'S THE PUNCH LINE.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE LAUGHING NOW.

COME ON, EVERYBODY,

NOW LAUGHING. HA HA!

BUT IT WASN'T FUNNY.

BUT I CONSTRUCTED THE JOKE

WITH A PROPER SETUP OF PUNCH LINE FORMAT.

IT WAS BASED ON PERSONAL EXPERIENCE.

STILL NOT FUNNY.

OK, OK, I GET IT!

STILL, BY ALL TECHNICAL MEASURES,

MY JOKES SHOULD BE FUNNY.

GUESS I'M JUST MISSING SOMETHING.

THIS CALLS FOR...

EARLY RETIREMENT? PEBOOZ.

NO! MORE RESEARCH!

PERHAPS JUMBA WILL CREATE EVIL GENIUS DEVICE

TO REPLACE STAND-UP ACT.

PLEAKLEY'S HOPELESS.

I WISH WE COULD HELP HIM,

BUT I DON'T HAVE THE SLIGHTEST CLUE

ABOUT HOW TO BE FUNNY.

MEEGA NAGA.

COMIN' THROUGH!

Both: HUH?

HUH?

AHH!

OUT OF MY WAY!

I'VE GOT AN EXPERIMENT TO CATCH.

COME ON!

NICE "D,"

OR SHOULD I SAY "D" MINUS?

EXCUSE ME. PARDON ME.

EXCUSE ME, SIR...

I MEAN MADAM.

[FOOTSTEPS]

WHOA!

AAH!

d MISSED ME, MISSED ME d

d NOW YOU GOTTA KISS ME d

BUT WHOO!

TRY A BREATH MINT FIRST.

QUIET, FREAK!

UHH!

HA HA HA!

IF I WERE YOU, I'D BE TRYING

TO BURY MY UGLY MUG, TOO.

HEY, HE'S MEAN, AND IT'S FUNNY.

[LAUGHS]

GRR!

WHY, YOU LITTLE--

YOU GUYS GET A LOAD OF THAT SWING?

LOOKS LIKE YOUR MUG AIN'T THE ONLY UGLY THING AROUND HERE.

AND WHAT'S WITH THAT UNIFORM?

YOU PRETENDING TO BE A COP OR SOMETHING?

WELL, NO. WELL, I'M--

NOT A COP, MY MISTAKE.

COPS ARE SMART AND BRAVE.

YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY THE MAYOR.

THE WHAT?

THE MAYOR OF LOSERVILLE!

AHH!

COME ON!

DON'T WORRY ABOUT STITCH.

HE'LL CATCH UP.

YOU REALLY TOLD GANTU OFF.

YOU'RE FUNNY.

I THINK I'LL CALL YOU "HECKLER."

WHO DIED AND MADE YOU NAME-GIVER?

NOBODY.

IT'S, LIKE, MY JOB.

WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE FIRED.

AHH!

STITCH!

BE NICE TO HECKLER.

HE CAN HELP US FIGURE OUT

HOW TO SAVE PLEAKLEY'S COMEDY ACT.

BUT FIRST, I'M CURIOUS TO SEE

HOW HE HANDLES A CERTAIN SOMEONE,

SOMEONE WHOSE NAME STARTS WITH AN "M"

AND ENDS WITH AN "YRTLE."

WHAT DO YOU WANT, WEIRD-LO?

OH, NOT MUCH. JUST A GOOD LAUGH.

DO YOUR THING, HECKLER.

WOW. I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START.

IS THE CLOWN STILL CHASING YOU?

WHAT CLOWN?

THE ONE YOU STOLE THAT FRIGHT WIG YOU CALL HAIR FROM.

AND THOSE GLASSES.

LET ME GUESS. YOU'RE GOING FOR A CAREER IN WELDING?

Both: HA HA!

YOU CALL THIS HOME?

IF YOU LOOK UP SHANTY IN THE DICTIONARY,

THERE'S A PICTURE OF THIS PLACE.

I'VE SEEN NICER CARDBOARD BOXES

ON SKID ROW.

BACK OFF, STITCH. HE'S RIGHT.

OUR HOUSE IS KIND OF A DUMP.

I KNOW THAT YOU'RE DONATING THE TABLES

OUT OF THE KINDNESS OF YOUR HEART,

BUT WE EXPECT A LARGE TURNOUT,

AND WE NEED MORE THAN 2.

SO IF YOU COULD--

HELLO?

UHH!

SOMEBODY NEEDS TO BE INTRODUCED

TO A LITTLE CONCEPT CALLED ANGER MANAGEMENT.

OH, GREAT. WHAT'S THIS ONE?

UNLESS IT'S A CHARITY EVENT ORGANIZER EXPERIMENT,

I DON'T THINK I'M IN THE MOOD.

NANI, THIS IS HECKLER.

HECKLER, THIS IS NANI.

HOW DO YOU DO, HIPPO HIPS?

WHAT DID HE SAY?

HA HA!

THAT'S A GOOD ONE, HECKLER.

AND WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?

IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT'S TRUE.

YOU DO HAVE HIPPO HIPS.

WHAT?!

DID I JUST HEAR WHAT I'M THINKING?

EXPERIMENT 322, IS THAT YOU?

YOU LOOK GOOD.

SO DO YOU,

IF BY "GOOD"

YOU MEAN BALD, FOUR-EYED, AND UGLY.

HA HA HA!

YES, THAT'S 322, ALL RIGHT.

THE PROGRAM TO DESTROY ENEMY'S SELF-CONFIDENCE

BY MERCILESSLY TAUNTING AND HUMILIATING HIM--

ONE OF THE BEST IDEAS I'VE EVER HAD.

MORE LIKE ONLY IDEA YOU'VE EVER HAD,

WHICH EXPLAINS WHY YOU'RE LIVING ON THIS PODUNK PLANET

WITH THESE LOSERS.

[MUFFLED SHOUTING]

GET RID OF THAT THING NOW!

BUT HE'S FUNNY.

[MUFFLED SHOUTING]

YOU TASTE LIKE OLD SOCK!

OHH! NAGA TOTO.

LILO, MAKING FUN OF PEOPLE'S SHORTCOMINGS

NOT ONLY ISN'T FUNNY,

IT ISN'T NICE.

YOU JUST DON'T HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR.

LOOK, I DON'T HAVE TIME TO ARGUE ABOUT THIS NOW.

YOU KEEP THAT THING OUT OF MY SIGHT UNTIL AFTER THE EVENT.

GOT IT?

HELLO? ABOUT THOSE 2 TABLES,

I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT,

AND THEY'RE JUST THE PERFECT SIZE FOR MY EVENT.

WHERE'S PLEAKLEY?

OUTSIDE PRACTICING UN-COMEDY ROUTINE.

AND YOU, SIR, WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

OH, WASHINGTON. REALLY?

THE STATE, THE CITY, OR THE DEAD PRESIDENT?

HEE HEE! DEAD PRESIDENT.

WHERE'D THIS GUY LEARN COMEDY?

A FUNERAL PARLOR?

'CAUSE HE'S GONNA DIE OUT THERE.

CAN YOU HELP HIM?

THERE'S ONLY ONE THING I CAN THINK OF

THAT'LL MAKE THIS GUY'S STAND-UP FUN TO WATCH.

TOMATOES?

ADABA.

EVER SINCE THE FIRST LOOSER SLIPPED ON A BANANA PEEL,

COMEDY'S BEEN ALL ABOUT LAUGHING

AT OTHER PEOPLE'S EXPENSE, RIGHT?

I GUESS.

SO IF A GUY'S JOKES AREN'T FUNNY,

YOU CAN AT LEAST GET A YUK OR TWO

OUT OF THROWING TOMATOES AT HIM.

I DON'T KNOW.

THESE ARE PRETTY BIG. THEY COULD HURT.

THAT'S WHY YOU USE THE ROTTEN ONES, GENIUS.

WELL...YOU'RE THE COMEDY EXPERT.

PLATE, FLATWARE,

ROTTEN TOMATO.

PLATE, FLATWARE,

ROTTEN TOMATO.

POCHEEFA.

LILO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

DON'T WORRY, NANI.

EVERYTHING'S PERFECTLY UNDER CONTROL,

THANKS TO HECKLER.

[SOBS] I QUIT!

LEILANI, WAIT! I DON'T UNDERSTAND!

WHAT HAPPENED?

I'VE BEEN TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT,

BUT THIS APRON MAKES ME LOOK LIKE A BIG, FAT PENGUIN!

WHAT?! SAYS WHO?

I'M QUITTING, TOO.

THIS HAT DOES MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A DWEEB.

MAN, THESE PEOPLE ARE TOO EASY.

TALK ABOUT LOW SELF-ESTEEM.

WHO'S NEXT? I'M ON A ROLL.

LILO!

I SPENT 3 DAYS TRYING TO PULL TOGETHER

A CREW FOR THIS,

AND YOUR EXPERIMENT IS INSULTING THEM

RIGHT OUT THE DOOR!

BUT HE MAKES ME LAUGH.

NOT HARD TO DO, SMALL FRY.

YOU'RE GIGGLIER THAN 2 PACKS OF LAUGHING HYENAS.

HEY!

BUT GIGGLING BEATS THAT WHINE OF YOURS.

"STIIITCH!" OUCH.

FINGERNAILS MEET BLACKBOARD.

BLACKBOARD, FINGERNAILS.

OH, AND MRS. HASEGAWA CALLED.

SHE WANTS THAT POTATO

YOU'RE USING FOR A NOSE BACK.

THAT'S NOT FUNNY.

TYPICAL. IT'S ONLY FUNNY

WHEN IT'S THE OTHER GUY.

WELL, IT'S BEEN REAL,

BUT I GOTTA RUN.

GET HIM, STITCH.

FINALLY.

[CRASH]

ALL RIGHT, EARTH FORMS,

HAND OVER THE TROG.

PERFECT. YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU WANT HIM? TAKE HIM!

NANI, NO!

HE'S OHANA.

WE HAVE TO FIND HIS ONE TRUE PLACE.

WE CAN'T JUST--

Heckler: AGAIN WITH THE OHANA

AND THE ONE TRUE PLACE!

I SEE YOU'VE READ THE DICTIONARY OF 2 PHRASES COVER TO COVER.

TAKE HIM.

GLADLY.

YOU TWO DESERVE EACH OTHER!

STITCH, FIX THE DOOR

SO I CAN SLAM IT ON THEM.

[HAMMERING]

AND FOR THE RECORD,

MY NOSE DOES NOT LOOK LIKE A POTATO!

[MUFFLED SHOUTING]

MAYOR OF LOSERVILLE, INDEED.

MAYOR OF LOSERVILLE.

HA HA! THAT'S A GOOD ONE.

DR. HAMSTERVIEL,

I'VE FINALLY CAUGHT AN EXPERIMENT.

IT INSULTS PEOPLE.

IS THAT ALL?!

I AM PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF INSULTING PEOPLE

IN MY OWN GENIUS FASHION,

YOU RUBBER-HEADED RUBBER FISH THING!

RUBBER-HEADED RUBBER FISH?

YOU CALL THAT A GENIUS INSULT?

I'VE SEEN BETTER DIGS IN MY VEGETABLE GARDEN.

WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT INSULTS,

YOU WITH YOUR TEETH AND GARISH...MARKING?

WHAT'S THE "H" STAND FOR?

"HELP, I'VE GOT A TOWEL AROUND MY NECK?"

YOU'RE OVERLY TALKING, OVER-TALKER!

WELL, I COULD SEE YOU'VE BEEN WORKING ON THE ACCENT.

I ALMOST UNDERSTOOD A WORD YOU SAID JUST NOW.

[SHOUTS GIBBERISH]

OH, NICE COMEBACK.

YOU--YOU!

[MOCKING] I--I--I'M WONDERING

WHAT ARE YOU ANYWAY?

THE NAME SAYS HAMSTER,

BUT THE TAIL'S ALL POODLE.

GANTU!

I DO NOT LIKE THIS UNLIKABLE EXPERIMENT!

SET HIM FREE! SET HIM FREE!

BUT I FINALLY--

GO AHEAD, YOU SLOPPY IMPERSONATOR OF A SLOB!

[SIGHS] YES, SIR.

HA HA!

HATE TO INSULT AND LEAVE.

ACTUALLY, I LOVE IT.

AH, TOO BAD.

I COULD USE SOME INSULT BACKUP AROUND HERE.

SO, MR. MAYOR, WHAT'S YOUR NEXT DECREE

TO THE PEOPLE OF LOSERVILLE?

GRR!

I JUST FLEW IN FROM MAUI.

I JUST FLEW IN FROM MAUI.

I JUST FLEW IN FROM MAUI.

DOES MY NOSE REALLY LOOK LIKE A POTATO?

YOU CAN TELL ME IF IT DOES.

NO, OF COURSE NOT.

WELL, MAYBE A LITTLE.

BUT WHO SAYS THAT'S A BAD THING?

LOOK, CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS LATER?

IT'S ALMOST TIME FOR ME TO MEET

MY SOON-TO-BE ADORING PUBLIC.

ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THIS?

PEOPLE COULD MAKE FUN OF YOU,

AND IT'S NO FUN, TRUST ME.

OH, COME ON.

IF NAMES ARE THE WORST THING

THEY THROW AT ME,

I'LL BE FINE.

THE TOMATOES!

Nani: ALOHA, EVERYONE.

I'D LIKE TO THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING OUT

AND SUPPORTING THIS GREAT CHARITY.

AND NOW, THE COMEDY STYLINGS

OF P.L. EAKLEY!

THAT'S MY CUE!

PLEAKLEY, WAIT!

GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND GERMS,

I JUST FLEW IN FROM MAUI,

AND, BOY, ARE MY ARMS TIRED.

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

WHAT ARE CRICKETS DOING HERE?

THEY SAY THAT CHARITY BEGINS AT HOME.

SO WHAT ARE Y'ALL DOING HERE?

GO HOME!

[MICROPHONE FEEDBACK]

AHEM.

PLEAKLEY'S DYING OUT THERE.

SO WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH COCONUTS?

THEY'RE NOT MADE OF COCOA AND THEY'RE NOT NUTS,

AND WHAT ABOUT PINEAPPLE?

NEITHER PIE NOR APPLE.

THIS LANGUAGE IS CRAZY!

[FEEDBACK]

HI. IS THIS THING WORKING?

I KNOW I AM.

SO, ANYONE HERE FROM OUT OF TOWN?

I AM!

Lilo: OH, NO! HECKLER'S BACK.

HE'S GONNA RIP PLEAKLEY TO SHREDS.

WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING

BEFORE EVERYONE STARTS PELTING HIM

WITH ROTTEN TOMATOES.

AND WHERE ARE YOU FROM, SIR?

AHH!

HA HA! EXCUSE ME.

OH, BOY, THAT IS AN UGLY TIE.

WHOA. PARDON ME.

YEAH, YOU. GET OUT OF THE WAY.

PARDON ME. EXCUSE ME. PARDON ME.

WHOOPS. SORRY. COMIN' THROUGH.

[GASPS]

UGH!

STITCH, YOU'RE MAKING A HUGE MESS!

EWW!

OHH.

PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE DISTURBANCE IN THE AUDIENCE, FOLKS.

[SHOUTING]

HA HA HA!

WHOOPS.

HEY!

HA HA!

[GASPS]

SO A HORSE WALKS INTO A BAR

AND THE BARTENDER SAYS--

HA HA HA!

LILO'S RIGHT.

WHO AM I KIDDING? I'M NOT FUNNY.

I'LL SAY!

YOU'RE SO NOT FUNNY THAT--

THE ONLY THING FUNNY ABOUT ME IS MY LOOKS.

WHAT'S UP WITH THIS HAIR?

[LAUGHTER]

OR SHOULD I SAY LACK OF HAIR?

I MEAN, MY SCALP'S SO SHINY THAT WHEN I GO TO THE BEACH,

THE GLINT MAKES THE SEAGULLS CRASH.

BUT WAIT, THAT'S MY LINE.

AND HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A BIGGER EYE?

WHY, THE OTHER DAY I STARTED CRYING,

THERE WAS A FLASH FLOOD.

OH, YEAH? WELL--

THAT LITTLE GIRL'S NOSE LOOKS LIKE...

A POTATO?

YOU ALREADY TRIED THAT ONE.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU'RE RIGHT. IT KIND OF DOES.

[LAUGHTER]

AND DOES THIS STUPID APRON

MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A PENGUIN OR WHAT?

MY EARS ARE SO BIG,

EVERY TIME I GO TO THE ZOO,

THE ELEPHANTS FOLLOW ME HOME.

MY REAR'S SO BIG,

I ONCE HIP-CHECKED A GUY

ALL THE WAY TO OAHU.

BUT I--YOU--

I GOT NOTHING.

[SOBBING]

GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY! TRY THE VEAL

AND DON'T FORGET TO TIP THE WAITRESSES.

[CHEERING]

PLEAKLEY, YOU DID IT!

THAT WAS SO FUNNY.

YOU OUT HECKLED HECKLER.

WE ALL DID.

I ALMOST FORGOT THE FIRST RULE OF STAND-UP COMEDY:

STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK YOUR BONES,

BUT NAMES WILL NEVER HURT YOU,

UNLESS THEY'RE CARVED IN STONE AND THROWN AT YOU.

THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD RULE FOR LIFE, TOO.

IS THAT WHAT YOU WERE TRYING TO TELL ME, NANI?

SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

BEING MEAN ISN'T FUNNY.

IT JUST GETS PEOPLE MAD AT YOU.

I GUESS HECKLER'S GOING TO HAVE TO LEARN THAT.

[SOBBING]

I'M ALL ALONE IN THE WORLD.

YOU'RE NOT ALONE IN THE WORLD.

ALL WE HAVE TO DO NOW

IS FIND THE ONE TRUE PLACE WHERE YOU BELONG,

SOMEWHERE WHERE PEOPLE EXPECT TO GET HECKLED.

HELLO!

FINALLY, JUMBA HAS ARRIVED

WITH HIS CONTRIBUTION TO LARGER GIRL'S CHARITY.

OF COURSE,

I'VE FIGURED OUT A WAY

TO ADD A LITTLE EVIL TO IT. HA HA!

WELL, THIS WORKS OUT NICELY.

[BLOWS RASPBERRY]

YOU CALL THAT A PITCH?

YOU THROW LIKE A LITTLE GIRL.

I AM A LITTLE GIRL,

AND I'M ONLY HERE 'CAUSE LILO CALLED ME

AND TOLD ME HOW TO GET BACK AT YOU, FREAK!

AT LEAST I FINALLY GOT MYRTLE

TO COME TO THE CHARITY DINNER.

SORRY I MADE FUN OF YOUR HIPPO HIPS.

NO PROBLEM.

I LOVE MY HIPS, POTATO NOSE.

[LAUGHING]