Original subtitles

TOOKIE BAH WABA!

HAO!

IKI BAH BAH.

HA HA HA.

d I LAILA 'O KAUA'I LA d

d NO MALIHINI OHANA d

d WELCOME, COUSINS, A-COME ON BY d

d ALOHA, E KOMO MAI d

d I LAILA 'O KAUA'I LA d

d NO MALIHINI OHANA d

d WELCOME, COUSINS, A-COME ON BY d

d ALOHA, E KOMO MAI d

d ALOHA, E KOMO MAI d

d IKI TOOKIE NEE HI! d

d IKI TOOKIE NEE HI! d

d AKA TIKI BAH BAH d

d AKA TIKI BAH BAH d

d GABBA IKA TASOOPA? d

d GABBA IKA TASOOPA? d

OOOCHA! CHI-KA!

d MIKI MIKI COCONUT d

d I LAILA 'O KAUA'I LA d

d NO MALIHINI OHANA d

d WELCOME, COUSINS, A-COME ON BY d

d ALOHA, E KOMO MAI d

d ALOHA, E KOMO MAI d

d ALOHA, E KOMO MAI d

HARRR...HARRR...

HARRR...BLAH! [CAMERA CLICKS]

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

LESS "HARRR," AND MORE "AUOOOOO..."

REMEMBER, YOU'RE A ZOMBIE PIRATE.

OH, RIGHT. HEH HEH.

AUOOO... AUOOO...

THAT'S IT! WORK IT!

CONNECT WITH YOUR INNER ZOMBIE.

OK, TIME FOR JUNE.

MODELLING IS REALLY HARD WORK.

SO WE HAVE TO DO NEW OUTFITS FOR EVERY MONTH?

PAYING CUSTOMERS WILL DEMAND

12 DIFFERENT PICTURES IN THEIR CALENDARS.

OK. BRING ON THE NEXT ENSEMBLE.

A ZOMBIE JUNE BRIDE!

RRRR... RRRR...

HMM...

SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT.

[SNAPS FINGERS] BOUQUET OF DEAD FLOWERS!

EHH!

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO WITH ALL THE MONEY WE MAKE FROM THE CALENDAR?

I'M THINKING A PILGRIMAGE TO...

GRACELAND! GRACELAND!

I'M REALLY GLAD YOU MOVED TO KAUAI, VICTORIA.

HAGADA!

LOOKS GREAT.

AHHH...AHHH...

CHOO!

ALLERGIES.

NO PROBLEM. I LIKE IT.

[BEEPING]

Creature: GRRROK!

HERREHH!

RRREEOW!

AAH!

DO YOU THINK JENNY WILL MAKE IT TO THE FINAL 2?

WHO CARES? THIS SHOW IS LAME.

EVERYONE'S SUCH A SAP.

WHAT ABOUT JACK?

HE'S JUST PRETENDING TO BE A SAP

IN ORDER TO INCREASE HIS CHANCE OF WINNING.

OH...IS THAT WHY YOU ACT LIKE A SAP?

'CAUSE IT'S NOT WORKING.

YOU'RE STILL A LOSER.

QUIET! I'M TRYING TO--

Computer voice: WARNING-- EXPERIMENT 277 ACTIVATED.

[ANNOYED] OH...

PRIMARY FUNCTION, MINE AND ENRICH SNOOTONIUM.

SNOOTONIUM?

THERE'S NO SNOOTONIUM ON EARTH.

THIS EXPERIMENT IS USELESS.

HEY! THE TV!

TV-SCHMEEVEE!

GET UP OFF YOUR ENORMOUSLY USELESS BEHIND

AND GO CAPTURE THAT EXPERIMENT

OR I WILL CANCEL YOUR USELESS ENTERTAINMENT SERVICE!

EHH...YES, SIR.

I SUPPOSE I'LL MISS THE BIG SEASON FINALE.

WANT ME TO RECORD IT FOR YA?

YOU...WOULDN'T MIND?

HEY, WHAT ARE FRIENDS FOR?

TRUST ME.

[OWL HOOTING]

Lilo: THE PICTURES LOOK GREAT.

ESPECIALLY MARCH.

ZOMBIE LEPRECHAUNS IS GONNA BE A BIG HIT!

AH-CHOO!

STUPID ALLERGIES! [KNOCK ON WINDOW]

WAIT. I THINK MY CAT WANTS TO COME IN.

[KNOCKING]

[SQUEAKING]

AAH! HELLO?! VICTORIA?!

WHAT'S WRONG?!

THERE'S A VAMPIRE OUTSIDE MY WINDOW!

YOU GUYS GOTTA COME BACK HERE QUICK

AND HELP ME GET RID OF IT!

A VAMPIRE? HERE?

FINALLY!

I MEAN...DON'T WORRY.

KEEP THE VAMPIRE AT YOUR HOUSE

AND WE'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

[VAMPIRE BAT SQUEAKING]

A REAL LIVE VAMPIRE ON KAUAI?

I'VE BEEN TRAINING FOR THIS

MY WHOLE LIFE.

OK, STITCH, BREAK OUT THE VAMPIRE HUNTING KIT.

YOU DON'T SLAY VAMPIRES WITH WOODEN STAKES.

THAT'S JUST A MYTH PERPETRATED BY HOLLYWOOD.

AKA DO BABA?

YEAH, GARLIC WORKS.

BUT THE BEST THING EVER IS THIS...

VAMPIRE EXTERMINATOR.

THIS STUFF IS THE TRUTH.

OOH...

CAREFUL, STITCH.

IT'S DEADLY.

MM-MMM!

OK, GOTTA KEEP IT HERE.

WHERE'D IT GO?

[GASPS]

[GRUMBLING]

AAH!

DID WE BRING EVERYTHING?

VAMPIRE EXTERMINATOR... GARLIC...

EHH. [BELCH]

[LILO SNIFFS]

DID YOU BRING THE GARLIC IN YOUR STOMACH?

STITCH, IF WE DON'T HAVE GARLIC,

HOW WILL WE FORCE HIM INTO OUR TRAP?

Victoria, shouting: HELP!

VICTORIA!

[VAMPIRE BAT SQUEAKING]

VICTORIA! [GASPS]

HE'S TRYING TO SUCK MY BLOOD!

AH-CHOO! AH-CHOO!

OW OOCHIMAY.

DID YOU SLAY IT YET?

AH-CHOO!

ALMOST.

TRY TO GET HIM TO COME THIS WAY.

[INHALING DEEPLY]

[LOUD GRUMBLING BELCH]

OOH...GARLIC BURP.

GOOD JOB, STITCH.

TURN TO DUST, YOU UNDEAD CREATURE OF THE NIGHT!

IT'S NOT WORKING.

I WONDER IF GRAPE JELLY EXPIRES.

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN I'D FIND YOU HERE, TROG!

GANTU?

WHAT'S HE DOING HERE?

THIS IS ONE TIME YOU WON'T TAKE AN EXPERIMENT FROM ME.

EXPERIMENT?

COUSIN.

NO WONDER THE VAMPIRE EXTERMINATOR

DIDN'T WORK ON HIM.

HE'S AN EXPERIMENT.

GIVE ME THE ABOMINATION RIGHT NOW!

TAKE IT, PLEASE.

I KNEW YOU'D FIX THE PROBLEM.

VICTORIA, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

COME TO PAPA.

OUCH!

WHAT'S STITCH DOING?

THAT BIG GUY'S GOING TO TAKE THE VAMPIRE FOR US.

THAT LITTLE GUY ISN'T A VAMPIRE.

HE'S AN ILLEGAL GENETIC EXPERIMENT

FROM ANOTHER PLANET.

LIKE STITCH.

STITCH IS AN ALIEN?!

YEAH. SORRY.

I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU.

BUT... [STITCH GROWLING]

LET GO, YOU MISERABLE TROG!

WE HAVE TO MAKE FRIENDS WITH THE VAMPIRE.

I MEAN EXPERIMENT.

MAKE FRIENDS WITH IT?!

IT ATTACKED ME.

Lilo: THEY START OUT WANTING TO DO BAD STUFF,

BUT THEY CAN BE MADE GOOD.

RRRRR--AH!

[CRASH IN BUSHES]

SO YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SLAY IT?

STITCH! THE EXPERIMENT!

IT'S GETTING AWAY!

[CRASH]

MISERABLE TROG!

WE HAVE TO GET HIM

BEFORE GANTU DOES.

I'M NOT GOING.

THAT THING'S DANGEROUS.

PLEASE, VICTORIA?

I TRUSTED YOU ENOUGH TO TELL YOU

ABOUT STITCH BEING AN ALIEN EXPERIMENT.

NOW WILL YOU TRUST ME?

WELL...OK.

Lilo: NOPE. NOPE. NOPE.

AHA! SEE!

I TOLD YOU HE WASN'T A VAMPIRE.

EXPERIMENT 277,

DESIGNED TO MINE AND ENRICH

SHOOCH...SNUHHH...

SNOOTONIUM!

SNOOTONIUM IS RARE, INTERGALACTIC ENERGY SOURCE.

IS IT DANGEROUS?

OH, NO.

IS QUITE HARMLESS.

SEE? NOT DANGEROUS.

UNTIL ENRICHED.

THEN IS BECOMING EXTREMELY UNSTABLE

AND EXTRA-BIG DANGEROUS.

"EXTRA-BIG DANGEROUS"?

BUT THERE IS NO SNOOTONIUM ON EARTH.

SO, NO DANGERINGS HERE.

"NO DANGERINGS HERE".

SEE? WE'LL CATCH HIM, BRING HIM BACK HERE,

AND THEN FIGURE OUT WHAT HIS ONE TRUE PLACE IS.

I THINK I'LL NAME HIM... SNOOTY.

WE SHOULDN'T BE NAMING SOMETHING THAT WE MIGHT BE SLAYING.

WE WON'T NEED TO SLAY HIM.

YOU'LL SEE. PRETTY SOON

HE'LL BE SNUGGLED UP RIGHT HERE AT OUR HOUSE.

OH, NO!

YOU'RE NOT BRINGING ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE MONSTERS OVER HERE!

[WHISPERING] They're dangerous!

THEY ARE?

SEE THIS? AND THIS?

AND THESE?

ALL DAMAGED BY ONE OF THOSE!

STAY AWAY FROM THEM. FAR, FAR AWAY!

DON'T WORRY.

PLEAKLEY'S KIND OF A NERVOUS TYPE.

Pleakley: I AM NOT!

I JUST DON'T LIKE THESE EXTREMELY DANGEROUS LITTLE MONSTERS

YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE INTO FRIENDS. AND...

HEH HEH. DON'T WORRY.

HE'S MOSTLY KIDDING.

AH-CHOO! AH-CHOO!

I THINK FEAR MAKES MY ALLERGIES WORSE.

TRUST ME.

I'M GONNA PROVE THAT THE EXPERIMENT CAN BE GOOD.

[SIGHS] OK.

[TELEVISION ON] [GULP]

CATCH ANYTHING?

NO. OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T.

PLEASE, NOT NOW.

I SUSTAINED AN INJURY.

KNOW HOW I KNOW YOU DIDN'T CATCH ANYTHING?

'CAUSE BIG H CUT THE CABLE! THAT'S HOW!

HE CUT THE CABLE? BUT WHAT ABOUT--

YOUR SHOW? SORRY. DIDN'T GET IT.

BUT--BUT...WHAT HAPPENED TO JACK...AND JENNY?

WHAT'LL WE DO WITHOUT TELEVISION?!

WELL, HAMSTERVIEL DID LET US KEEP ONE CHANNEL.

[MUSIC PLAYING] NO. NO...

Announcer: COMING UP ON THE SANDWICH CHANNEL...

THE MYSTERIES OF MAYONNAISE.

[CRYING OUT] NO!

DON'T WORRY, VICTORIA,

YOU'LL BE GLAD YOU TRUSTED ME.

AH-CHOO!

GESUNDHEIT, VICTORIA.

ALLERGIES?

SORRY, OFFICER KAHEIKO,

NO TIME FOR CHIT-CHAT TODAY.

[SNIFFS] WE'RE CHASING A VAMPIRE.

HA HA HA. OH, YEAH?

THAT SOUNDS FUN.

IT'S NOT A VAMPIRE.

IT'S A-- WHOA!

VAMPIRE!

YOU GIRLS GO GET IN MY CAR AND I'LL TAKE YOU HOME.

AH-CHOO!

COME ON, LILO.

YOU HEARD WHAT OFFICER--AHH!

[SNARLING, GROWLING]

AAH!

IT DOES KINDA LOOK LIKE A VAMPIRE.

HELP! IT'S TRYING TO BITE ME!

COME HERE, YOU!

WAIT! DON'T LET HIM GO!

LILO, GET IN THE CAR.

LOOK OUT!

UNH! STITCH, DO SOMETHING!

[GROWLING]

RAA!

ZAY POOGER!

[SQUISHING, BUBBLING]

UNH!

STITCH!

WHOA. WAA. WHOA.

THE VAMPIRE SUCKED ALL HIS BLOOD.

OOH...

HARTA BLAH BLAH.

STITCH?

DOES HE HAVE ANY BLOOD LEFT?

I--I THINK SO.

HE'S PRETTY INDESTRUCTIBLE.

I THINK HE JUST NEEDS A LITTLE TIME TO RECOVER.

THEN WE CAN FOLLOW SNOOTY

AND TRY TO CATCH HIM.

NO.

WHAT?! [STITCH GROANS]

BUT WE HAVE A DEAL.

SORRY, LILO, THAT MONSTER

DOESN'T NEED TO BE CAUGHT.

IT NEEDS TO BE SLAYED.

AND IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO IT,

THEN I WILL.

EXCUSE ME, DO YOU HAVE ANY WOODEN STAKES?

WHAT YOU NEED IT FOR,

HOME IMPROVEMENTS OR VEGETABLE GARDENING?

VAMPIRE SLAYING.

AISLE 3.

THIS ONE FEELS PRETTY GOOD..

Cashier: HEY, BUDDY MOVE ALONG, WILL YA?

YOU'RE SCARING THE PAYING CUSTOMERS.

Gantu: PLEASE, JUST A FEW MORE MINUTES.

MY CABLE WAS CUT, RECENTLY.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE!

CRY ME A RIVER, YADA YADA.

BE OUTTA HERE IN 5!

HELLO.

YOU'RE TRYING TO CATCH THAT VAMPIRE MONSTER THING, RIGHT?

YOU'RE ONE OF THAT LITTLE ABOMINATION-LOVING GIRL'S FRIENDS!

WELL, I DIDN'T CATCH IT,

SO STOP BOTHERING ME.

DO YOU STILL WANT TO?

'CAUSE I DO.

AND I THINK IT'S AN ABOMINATION, TOO.

REALLY?

I DON'T GET IT.

WHY DID SNOOTY ATTACK STITCH AND VICTORIA?

HMM. MAYBE BECAUSE HE'S A MONSTER?!

THAT'S WHAT VICTORIA THINKS.

DING, DING, DING!

CONGRATULATIONS, LILO.

YOU FINALLY MADE A FRIEND

WITH A GOOD HEAD ON HER SHOULDERS.

I'M NOT SURE SHE WANTS TO BE MY FRIEND ANYMORE

ON ACCOUNT OF I WANT TO SAVE SNOOTY.

[SIGHS]

I SAY DITCH THE MONSTERS,

KEEP THE FRIEND.

YOU TWO ARE SO CUTE TOGETHER--

GIGGLING AND DRESSING LIKE ZOMBIES

AND HOGGING THE PHONE FOR HOURS.

OH, WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE FOR A FRIEND LIKE THAT.

YEAH. AND SHE DOES LOVE STITCH.

WELL, THERE YA GO!

SHE LOVES THE MONSTER THAT REALLY COUNTS.

WHAT MORE COULD YOU ASK FOR?

I WISH SHE TRUSTED ME.

MM, MY SCANS INDICATE THAT 626 IS COMPLETELY HEALTHY.

SO WHY IS HE WIPED OUT?

WELL, THERE IS ONE CHANGE TO 626'S PHYSIO- BIOMECHANOLOGY

AFTER THE ATTACK BY EXPERIMENT 277.

HE HAS BEEN DRAINED OF ALL MUCUS.

MUCUS?!

UNFORTUNATELY, 626 IS PARTICULARLY SUSCEPTIBLE

TO 277'S ATTACK.

HIS BODY IS 62.7% MUCUS.

SO HE IS NOW, SHALL WE SAY, DEHYDRATED.

BUT THE EFFECT IS ONLY TEMPORARY.

WHY WOULD SNOOTY WANT MUCUS

WHEN HE WAS CREATED TO MINE SNOOTONIUM?

I ASK MYSELF SAME QUESTION

AND HAVE COME UP WITH EXCITING THEORY.

SNOOTONIUM IS VERY SIMILAR IN CHEMICAL COMPOSITION

TO EARTH MUCUS.

EXPERIMENT 277 IS DRAWN TO INDIVIDUALS

WITH LARGE QUANTITIES,

LIKE 626.

SO...YOU MEAN...

SNOOTY REALLY IS A VAMPIRE?

A SNOT VAMPIRE?

PRECISELY.

THEN SNOOTY WASN'T REALLY ATTACKING ANYBODY.

HE WAS JUST DOING WHAT HE WAS BUILT TO DO.

YES. FIND SNOOTONIUM AND ENRICH IT.

AAH! DO YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF ECOLOGICAL DEVASTATION

COULD BE WREAKED ON OUR LITTLE CORNER OF PARADISE

BY A SINGLE BARREL OF ENRICHED SNOOTONIUM?

EHH, A LITTLE WIDESPREAD DEVASTATION. NO BIGGIE.

"NO BIGGIE"?!

NEED I REMIND YOU THAT THE ECOLOGICAL BALANCE

OF THIS LITTLE BLUE MOSQUITO NEST OF A PLANET

IS VERY FRAGILE?

WE HAVE TO FIND THAT EXPERIMENT

AND NEUTRALIZE IT!

AH, JUMBA WILL WORK ON NEUTRALIZING SOLUTION

WHILE YOU GO FIND 277'S LAIR.

I THINK I KNOW WHERE IT IS.

SNOOTY WAS FLYING TOWARDS MT. WAIALIALI.

WE'LL GO IN THE BUGGY.

KIBA TIBA.

OOH...OOH.

I THINK I BETTER DRIVE.

IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE GONNA SLAY THE VAMPIRE WITH?

YES, THOUGH IT ISN'T TECHNICALLY A VAMPIRE.

IT IS EXPERIMENT 277.

AND I'M NOT ACTUALLY SLAYING IT--

I'M APPREHENDING IT ON BEHALF OF

DR. JACQUES VON HAMSTERVIEL,

AND TRANSPORTING IT TO HIM ON A PRISON ASTEROID.

AS LONG AS IT'S NOT ON KAUAI.

COME WITH ME.

BUT...WHY?

JUST TRUST ME.

AH-CHOO!

[SQUEAKING]

HANG ON. WE'RE GOING AROUND A TURN.

CAN'T YOU GO ANY FASTER?

THESE ARE STEEP MOUNTAIN ROADS.

SAFETY-FIRST DRIVING TECHNIQUES

DEMAND THAT I MAINTAIN CONTROL OF THE VEHICLE

AT ALL TIMES.

THIS THING FLIES, YOU KNOW.

[GASPS] FLYING?!

THROUGH THESE JAGGED CANYONS?!

WHOAAAAAAAA...

LOOK OUT!

AAH...

WHOA... AAH...

FLYING?! FLYING?!

CAN'T KEEP MY EYE ON THE ROAD WHEN I'M FLYING!

ARDA BLAH BLAH.

THIS IS THE LAIR OF THE ABOMINATION.

AH-CHOO!

WHAT ARE THESE?

SOMETHING ABOMINABLE.

UGH! GROSS!

SO, WHAT DO WE DO?

YOU JUST STAND THERE.

THE EXPERIMENT SEEMS INEXPLICABLY DRAWN TO YOU.

YOU MEAN...

YOU'RE USING ME AS BAIT?!

AND WHY NOT?

YOU SAID I COULD TRUST YOU.

YOU LIVE, YOU LEARN.

[HISSING] THERE HE IS!

AAH!

AAH!

I MISSED.

Pleakley: AHH...

Lilo: WAIT!

[SMALL CRASH]

OH, NO.

THE BIG DUMMY'S HERE.

[SNORING]

[LASER SHOTS] Victoria: AAH!

YOU'RE TOO LATE, EARTHLING.

I'VE GOT THE EXPERIMENT CORNERED...

THANKS TO YOUR FRIEND HERE.

VICTORIA?

YOU'RE HELPING GANTU?

I'M SORRY, LILO.

I JUST WANTED TO GET RID OF THE MONSTER.

HE'S NOT A MONSTER.

YOU'VE GOTTA TRUST ME.

THAT'S WHAT GANTU SAID, TOO.

ONE BIG DIFFERENCE--

I'M YOUR FRIEND.

[SNIFFS]

AH-CHOO!

[SHRIEKS]

WHERE... IS THE REVERSE...

ON THIS THING?

HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH.

FINALLY.

NOW I CAN GET BACK TO MY PROGRAM.

NOT IF I CAN HELP IT. UNH!

Victoria: YOU BIG DUMMY!

OH, PLEASE.

OOF! UNH! OOH!

OOF! OUCH! UNH...

IT'S OK, LITTLE GUY.

YOU...SAVED HIM.

[PURRING]

YOU WERE RIGHT, LILO.

HE'S NOT A MONSTER AT ALL.

I SHOULD HAVE TRUSTED YOU.

YOU WERE KINDA RIGHT, TOO.

SNOOTY ACTUALLY IS A VAMPIRE.

YOU KNOW, A SNOT VAMPIRE.

NO WONDER HE KEPT CHASING ME.

MY ALLERGIES!

[SUCKING]

[SNIFFS EASILY]

AHH.

I CAN BREATHE!

I THINK HE LIKES YOU.

MAYBE HE COULD COME LIVE WITH ME.

REALLY?!

HE COULD KEEP MY SINUSES CLEAR.

AHA! FINALLY!

[TIRES SCREECH] [CRASH]

Pleakley: I HOPE HE HAD INSURANCE.

[TELEVISION ON]

NO, I DIDN'T CAPTURE THE EXPERIMENT.

OH, HEY, GANTU, HI.

YOU'RE--YOU'RE HOME EARLY, AREN'T YA?

625, THAT'S NOT THE SANDWICH CHANNEL.

WHEN DID WE GET THE CABLE BACK?

UH, YOU KNOW, JUST NOW.

YEAH, RIGHT THIS SECOND.

HEH HEH. AMAZING COINKY-DINK, HUH?

IT WAS NEVER OUT.

YOU JUST SAID THAT SO YOU COULD HAVE IT ALL TO YOURSELF!

I ALWAYS SAID YOU WERE A SEMI-INTELLIGENT SPECIES.

[GRUNTS] TO THINK I TRUSTED YOU.

EHH. YOU LIVE, YOU LEARN.

OH, I'VE LEARNED, ALL RIGHT.

I'LL NEVER TRUST ANYONE.

HA HA! READY OR NOT, BOYS AND GIRLS,

MACKIE MACAW AND THE HAMMERHEADS...

I LOVE THIS GUY.

TURN IT UP, WOULD YOU?