Original subtitles

Subtitle ReDone By---KingJAIN

(Airplane engines rev)

(Voices on two-way radio)

(Soldier yelling orders)

Yes, sir!

-Sorry. -Oops.

(Sizzling)

Hike!

-Catch! -No!

Stand clear, stand clear!

(Coughs)

(Kettle whistling)

(Geese quacking)

Goose 1: Oh, boy.

Goose 2: Look out!

Geese 3: Whoa!

Goose 4: He singed my tail feathers!

Goose 5: Why, I oughta--!

Yee-ha!

All right, buzz, that's enough of that.

What did I just say?

That is a good way to lose an eye, my friend.

Hold it.

We've got company at 2:00.

I got him, mailman. Hang on.

-(Jets surge) -Here we go!

Buzz, what is going on up there?

Just moving a road hog.

(Car horn honks)

Knock it off! What kind of stunt was that?

Just seeing what this baby can do.

This bag of bones isn't rated past mach-2.

Mach-1.

The g-forces, buzz. The g-forces!

Mach-2.

Got to push the envelope.

Mach-3!

Buzz, we're tearing apart!

I'm losing control. Eject, mailman.

Hit the silk!

I can't get out!

What are you doing?

Buzz, get back here!

Okay, I've been in tougher scrapes than this.

Trees. There's the ground. It looks hard.

Okay. Trees...Trees. Ooh! Ow! Oh!

That's mahogany! Ow! Ow! Squirrels' nest.

That's fir! Ow!

Ow! Pine! Oh! The ground!

Ohh...oh...oh...

I made it.

I made it.

There is a god.

Hallelujah!

Ow! Oh! Ouch!

Owie! Ow! Oh!

Ouch! Ow!

Ohh, you're French, aren't you?

Yeah, ohh, just like that.

(Bell tolls)

(Noon whistle blows)

Hunter: Hey, look! There's one!

Uh-oh.

(Gunshot)

(Doorbell chimes)

(Urinating)

(Multiple locks unbolt)

Topper Harley?

Once, perhaps.

Now I am called tukachinchilla.

What does it mean?

Fluffy bunny feet.

It's very nice.

I'm lieutenant commander James block.

I knew your father buzz.

Until his incident, he was the greatest pilot who ever lived.

We need to talk.

-The Navy wants-- -(Dog barking)

The Navy wants you back, Harley.

They threw me out.

Why should I go back?

I came here to get away from the Navy, away from flying.

(High-pitched voice) The Navy is embarking

on a top-secret mission code-named "sleepy weasel."

I'm giving you a second chance,

something your father never had.

You're the best of the best, topper.

(High-pitched voice) Leave me to speak with the old one.

He is wise in the ways of such things.

The Navy really needs you.

Great helium.

(Chuckles) Whew...

Owatonna...

Owatonna.

("Can't touch this" plays on walkman)

Minnetonka ojibwa tuck? What is it, fluffy?

Nacomas, shakopee, itasca... They want me to fly in a great battle.

...minnahqua minnehaha. What should I do?

Mahtomedi, diphthong, rickshaw. We knew this day would come.

Mendota...winnebago. dances with bikers got this for you.

Nakoma orono. Cool.

La toya...Tito... While you're out,

germaine. ...pick up some aa batteries.

♫ break it down... ♫♫

♫ ooh ooh ♫

♫ ooh ooh ♫

♫ every night I hope and pray ♫

♫ dream lover will come my way ♫

♫ a girl to hold in my arms ♫

♫ to know the magic of her charms ♫

-♫ because I want ♫ -♫ yeah, yeah, yeah ♫

-♫ a girl ♫ -♫ yeah, yeah, yeah ♫

-♫ to call ♫ -♫ yeah, yeah, yeah ♫

♫ my own ♫

♫ I want a dream lover ♫

♫ so I don't have to dream alone ♫

♫ dream lover until then ♫

♫ I'll go to sleep, I'll dream again ♫

♫ that's the only thing to do ♫

♫ till all my lover's dreams come true ♫

-♫ because I want ♫ -♫ yeah, yeah, yeah ♫

-♫ a girl ♫ -♫ yeah, yeah, yeah ♫

♫ to call my own ♫

♫ I want a dream lover ♫

♫ so I don't have to dream alone ♫

♫ dream lover, until then ♫

♫ I'll go to sleep ♫

♫ I'll dream again ♫

♫ that's the only thing to do ♫

♫ till all my lover's dreams come true ♫

-♫ because I want ♫ -♫ yeah, yeah, yeah ♫

-♫ a girl ♫ -♫ yeah, yeah, yeah ♫

-♫ to call ♫ -♫ yeah, yeah, yeah ♫

♫ my own ♫

♫ I want a dream lover ♫

♫ so I don't have to dream alone ♫♫

Wow.

(Men singing call-and-answer drill)

(Cha-ching)

(Aircraft whistling)

Whoo-hoo!

(Grunting)

(Band plays "stars and stripes forever")

Ten-hut!

(Thud)

Admiral, it's good to see you again, sir.

It's been too long.

So it has. Yes, yes.

-How are you, sir? -Hawaii?

I'm in Hawaii? Goddamn it, bill.

I'm supposed to be in California.

No no sir, this is California.

Well, gotta run. Good luck.

But, sir, this is your command.

Sleepy weasel has been on the drawing board for 10 months.

The president hand-picked you.

He damn right he did. No stopping US now, eh, Ted?

Why don't I show you your offices and I can bring you up to date.

You've always been a fine soldier, Scott.

Just lead the way.

Oh, good god, I got to pee.

I had better part of my bladder blown off in guadalcanal.

-Oof! -Watch your step, sir.

There's a lot of obstructions here on the tarmac.

Drill sergeant: ♫ I had a little dreidel ♫

Soldiers: ♫ I made it out of Clay ♫

Drill sergeant: ♫ and when it's dry and ready ♫

Soldiers: ♫ my dreidel I will play... ♫♫

Drill sergeant: ♫ here's the story ♫

Soldiers: ♫ of a lovely lady ♫

Drill sergeant: ♫ who was bringing up ♫

Soldiers: ♫ three very lovely girls ♫

♫ all of them had hair of gold ♫

♫ like their mother ♫

♫ the youngest one ♫

♫ in curls ♫

♫ here's the story ♫

♫ of a man named Brady ♫♫

Gentlemen, he's back.

Men: Hey, topper! Topper.

How you been?

All right. All right.

Jazz, the big guy.

Scooter, how you doing?

Topper, my main man.

Rabbi, mazel tov.

You should live and be well!

(Glass shatters)

Hey, buddy...

You okay? You don't look so hot.

You need some help?

I'm okay.

You're topper Harley, aren't you?

I hear you've got chops the rest of US only dream of.

Throwing you out was a bum rap.

I'm Jim pfaffenbach.

Everybody calls me wash out.

You're a pilot?

Oh, yeah. I'm going to be flying with you.

Good.

Phew!

(Whistle)

Cute.

I like to stay in shape. Thanks.

These all at home?

Yeah. The dogs, wife, and kids.

You got pictures of your family? I'd love to see 'em.

I am my family photo.

But everybody needs a family to love.

I could never find time for love. It's too heavy.

It's an anchor that drowns a man.

Besides, I got the sky, the smell of jet exhaust,

-my bike. -A loner.

No. I own it.

I can see I'm going to have to work on you.

Name's Pete Thompson, but, uh...

Everybody calls me dead meat.

Topper Harley.

Just a pleasure.

(Door closes)

Attention on deck!

Ten-hut!

Good morning, sir!

I don't care how many missions you've flown!

I don't care how good you think you are!

You're nobody!

And for the next 10 days,

nobody takes a crap unless I say so! Got it?

Yes, sir!

I said attention.

Now didn't I make myself clear,

or don't you take orders?

When I say attention, I mean attention!

-Yes, sir! -Now!

(Spring boings)

You eyeballing me, mister?

No, sir!

When the next time I see that ugly face of yours, I want it clean-shaven!

Suck in that chest.

Pfaffenbach!

Who you looking at, boy?

No one, sir!

Oh, I'm some unworthy lowlife

that's not good enough for you to talk to?

That attitude is short on collateral!

This lowlife is god as far as you're concerned!

Hey, lighten up.

Cut the kid some slack.

Who the hell are you talking to, son?

Your ego's writing checks your body can't cash.

You got five minutes to stow your gear.

Get moving!

Yeah, I'm sure deep down he means well.

I hope you were paying attention.

I don't think we've met.

Kent Gregory.

Excuse me if I don't shake the hand

of some hot shot whose father caused the death

of someone very special to me--

dominic "mailman" farnham.

You mean...

Yes. Dominic farnham was my father.

I was his love child.

It was a hunting accident.

Accident, my deep blue eyes.

It was reckless, irresponsible flying, and you know it.

You okay?

This is an incredible coincidence.

But the hunter who mistakenly killed your father...

Was Henry pfaffenbach, my father.

I feel terrible.

Isn't this Henry alva pfaffenbach?

My mother was a pfaffenbach.

Not...doreen pfaffenbach,

from Minnesota?

Yeah.

Then we're cousins.

We used to spend our summers in eagle river.

-Eagle river? -Eagle river?

I hope you can forgive me for this.

If it helps, I didn't have seconds.

That's all right. It's not your fault.

Anyone could've made that mistake.

(Picture shatters)

But him... he's the type of guy

that could end up killing every man in this outfit.

Wait a minute. Why are you mad at me?

He's the one who ate your father.

Like father, like son.

You've already been tossed out once.

Hold it. Hold it.

We can't fight among ourselves.

We're all on the same team here.

I want the two of you to shake hands.

(Sizzling)

There, now. Isn't that better?

-Yeah. -Sure.

There. We're friends again.

Here. Have some of my lucky gum.

Look, dead meat, we fly together,

we sleep next to each other, but that's all.

Don't get too close.

Let me handle my own affairs.

He's so complex.

Every aerial photo and recon report indicates a defensive arsenal

in the the "d" and perhaps negative "c" categories.

There's also a nest of anti-aircraft squadrons.

They can send up an ack-ack umbrella

high enough to make any attack ineffective.

I don't have a clue what you're talking about Phil, not a fucking clue.

I have a shell the size of a fist in my head.

Porkchop hill.

The only way I can get this goddam toupee to stay on

is by magnetizing the entire upper-left quadrant of my skull so,

you just go ahead and do what you do.

Do you have any soup?

Of course sir, I'll have the mess bring something right up.

I love soup. I mean, I think I love soup.

Son of a bitchin' shell, it's either soup or duck.

Which one do you shoot?

Duck, sir.

(Clang)

Are you all right, sir?

Of course, I'm alright.

Why? What have you heard?

Nothing, sir.

Yeah, send some soup up for the admiral on the double.

Oh, let's go over this slippery weevil one more time.

I want to familiarize myself with it as much as I possibly can.

So, give it to me, Ben.

Every word, every detail.

Dot every comma.

(Clinic chatter)

Dr. Hansen, line 182, please. Dr. Hansen, line 182.

Those are some long legs.

I just had them lengthened.

Now they go all the way up.

Wow. It's nice to see you again.

I was really impressed, the way you handled that stallion.

You know when I saw you dig your heels into his sides,

tighten up the reins, and break his spirit,

I never wanted to be a horse so much in my life.

Maybe after I finish off this shrink,

we can head out for a quick canter in the Meadow.

Lieutenant, I am the shrink.

You're the psychiatrist?

That's what the diploma says.

I've never been to a psychiatrist before. You will be gentle?

(Dog yaps)

Lieutenant Harley, I've been ordered to review your records.

You were discharged from the service 18 months ago

for willful insubordination.

You disobeyed a direct order

and lost a 30 million dollar fighter in the process.

Yes, I did but I'm paying it off at 10 bucks a week

I wouldn't be doing that if gotten that extra collision coverage.

Wasn't your father involved in a similar incident?

What do you mean?

Leland "buzz" Harley.

Three purple hearts, presidential commendation...

Then this incident-- the Dominic farnham death.

In 1971, his visa card was canceled. (Thumping)

1975, a broken man suffocated while working

the night shift in a fotomat booth.

Tell me how these events affected you.

Well, I don't think about it much.

That was a long time ago.

If you'll excuse me, I have some guns to grease.

Lieutenant...

Have you thought about seeing a psychiatrist on a regular basis?

I thought you'd never ask.

I mean professionally.

Thanks, doctor.

Thanks for the advice.

Be careful out there, lieutenant.

Don't worry, I can take care of myself.

No, you can't. You're going to get hurt.

I don't need your help or anybody's help.

I'll be just fine.

(Skeleton chattering)

(Thuds)

Are you okay?

Uhh!

Yeah...I'm fine.

Ohh!

Attention on deck.

At ease, men.

Be seated.

Many of you are wondering what's wrong with my pants.

Well, they started running short of material right before they got to the knees.

So don't give me any shit.

Now, I look out there at all of you guys and I say to myself

"what I wouldn't give to be 20 years younger

and a woman."

You know, I've personally flown over 194 missions,

and I was shot down every one.

Come to think of it, I've never landed a plane in my life.

Now, you men will be piloting

the backbone of our proud American arsenal--

the Oscar ew 5894 phallus tactical fighter bomber.

Its lightweight sweptwing design

makes it extremely maneuverable and agile.

Beneath its skin of 21st-century composites

is a highly advanced avionics and weapons package.

Designed for speed and combat acrobatics,

it features the latest

Mrs. Halver series 3800 radar jamming framus.

-Admiral. -Nurse.

Block: Gentlemen, the success of sleepy weasel

depends on our ability to maneuver below enemy radar.

I want to see a major display of low-level flying.

Topper, Kent, you're up first.

Show me what you can do.

Kent: Copy that, purple fluffernutter.

Topper: Roger that, milli vanilli chilly Willy.

Bring them down, boys.

I want your bellies to scrape the sagebrush.

Let's see who's the best.

Kent: I'm heading for the canyon floor, sir.

For your information, I'm at 150 feet.

I'm at third and main.

Ah! Whoa!

Very pretty, but enough hot-dogging.

Just checking the traffic.

How'd I do, big fella?

Don't get me started, Harley.

Block: Cut the chatter.

Topper, that was vintage buzz Harley.

(Echoing) You and your dad are two of a kind.

Herring's voice: Your ego's writing checks your body can't cash.

Block: Topper, what are you doing?

Get back in formation.

Block: Topper, you weren't cleared to detach.

What was that about?

I, uh, thought I saw Elvis.

Let it go, topper. The king is gone. Let's head for home.

Oh, not again. I need a landing clearance

for runway 30... 30 something.

30-30 something's been canceled. Go to runway 2-9er.

Block: Wash out, what the hell you doing? Pull it up.

Wash out, where the hell are you? What is your location? You're off of radar.

Repeat: What is your location? You're off of radar.

♫ it's not unusual to be loved by anyone ♫ acknowledge! Acknowledge!

- Goin' up? - Yes.

Can I press your button?

No, you've been slaving over hot psychotics all day.

Let me get that.

(Sniffing)

That is an interesting perfume.

It's vicks. I have a cold.

Oh.

Lieutenant, you're staring.

No, not really. I'm lost in your eyes.

That is the whitest white part of the eye

I've ever seen.

Do you floss?

You're very confident, aren't you?

When you have 10,000 pounds of thrust at your command, you have to be.

Lieutenant, please, i'm-- I'm talking to you as a psychiatrist.

I'm recommending that you be grounded.

You've got to be joking.

Look, if I were joking, I would have said,

"what do you do with an elephant with three balls?"

You walk him and pitch to the rhino.

You are serious.

It's the best thing for you and the mission.

The best would be if you'd stop tryin' to run my life.

I'm a pilot.

Nobody's going to keep me out of the sky.

Ladies and gentlemen,

12 rounds of boxing for the wba, wbc, wpa,

rsvp heavyweight championship of the world.

Introducing celebrities at ringside,

please welcome his holiness,

the very popular pontiff,

pope John Paul the second. (Cheering and whistling)

Second!

Lieutenant commander block, we meet at last.

Isn't this place a little public?

Actually, a crowd offers remarkable anonymity.

How are we doing at Dudley?

Well, we're right on schedule.

Can't quite get a reading on admiral Benson,

but topper Harley's playing right into our hands.

Here's his evaluation.

Clear-cut case of paternal conflict syndrome.

Ah, yes, pcs.

I saw an after-school special on that the other day.

They're years away from the vaccine.

Every time I mention buzz' name, topper goes off.

There's no way the unit will function,

and I'll abort the mission.

The Navy's planes will seem inferior,

and the president will come begging for my superfighter.

Best of all, nobody gets hurt.

Well done, lieutenant commander.

America can't afford to fall behind, Mr. Wilson.

We need your plane.

This should be a good match.

Both men work for Don King.

(Bell dings)

Well, fans, that's it.

Good night. I'm out of here!

The strafing run is proud to present

the musical stylings of Lawrence lipps!

-And now... -(Glass breaks)

♫ what the world needs ♫ thank you.

♫ is love ♫ thank you so much.

♫ that's the only thing ♫

♫ that there's just too darn little of... ♫♫

-Whoa! -Oh, my god!

Ramada?

Kent.

Ramada.

Aah!

(Speaking French)

-(Glass shatters) -Aah! My eyes!

But darling, why didn't you call? I thought you were still in Brussels.

Oh, Kent, we were only hurting each other.

I thought that's the way you wanted it.

Something's changed, hasn't it?

It's not another woman, is it?

I just couldn't compete with that.

No, of course you couldn't.

What matters is that you're here.

I'm here. We have a lot of catching up to do.

Wonderful. Just let me take care of something.

I'll be right back.

Don't be long, mon amour.

Absolument.

♫ someday he'll come along ♫

♫ the man I love ♫

♫ and he'll be big and strong ♫

♫ the man I love ♫

♫ and when he comes my way ♫

♫ I'll do my best ♫

♫ to make ♫

♫ him ♫

♫ stay ♫

(Thump)

♫ he'll look at me and smile ♫

♫ I'll understand ♫

♫ and in a little while ♫

♫ he'll take my hand ♫

♫ and though it seems absurd ♫

♫ I know we both won't say ♫

♫ a ♫

♫ word ♫

Wow!

Anybody here from out of town?

Welcome.

Nice to see you.

♫ maybe I shall meet him ♫

♫ Sunday ♫

♫ maybe Monday ♫

♫ maybe now ♫

♫ still, I'm sure to meet him one day ♫

♫ maybe Tuesday ♫

♫ will be my good news day ♫

(Gershwin-esque virtuoso song)

-(Mic feedback) -Man: Unhh!

♫ we'll be settling a home ♫

♫ just meant for two ♫

♫ from which I'll never roam ♫

♫ who would, would you? ♫

♫ and so all else above ♫

♫ I'm dreaming of ♫

♫ the man ♫

♫ I ♫

♫ love ♫

♫ one day he'll come along ♫

♫ he'll be big and strong ♫

♫ and when he comes my way ♫

♫ I'll do my best to make him stay ♫

♫ and so all else above ♫

♫ I'm dreaming of the man I ♫

♫ love ♫♫

(Applause)

Kent: Ramada.

Oh, no.

Well, if it isn't god's gift to the cockpit.

Kent, your nostrils are flaring.

That flying stunt today was pure madness.

If there wasn't a lady present,

I'd tear you apart like a Christmas goose.

Yeah! Keep it up, you'll be carrying your face home in a doggy bag.

What is this macho thing?

He started it.

-Did not. -Did, too.

-Did not. -You're behaving like children.

He's being a jerk.

-Am not. -Are, too.

Am not.

Are too, too, too...

Not, not, not...

Are too times 10.

That's it.

-Stop it. -Rumble!

-Don't push me. -Guy: Rumble!

Hey!

(Shouting)

(Shouting)

Stop it! Can't you act like civilized human beings?

Hey, I'm sorry, man.

Oh, thanks.

Listen, Kent and I have to talk,

so, please...

Be my guest.

Let's celebrate, honey.

Hey, everybody, drinks are on me.

-Free beer! -Gin sling!

You haven't forgotten my offer, have you?

Little house in the country, white picket fence,

stairmaster, the whole 9 yards.

Kent, you're everything a woman could possibly want,

but I'm just not ready for marriage.

Not yet.

Well, I have to be getting back to the base.

Tomorrow's an important flight.

You know how puffy my eyes get when I don't rest.

Good night.

(Gasps)

May I?

Shouldn't you be getting back to the base?

I suppose, if I played life by the rules,

but you know I don't.

All right. You can walk me to my apartment.

I shouldn't have gotten mad in the elevator today.

Just when I want something that bad, I get all fired up.

Maybe that's why I worry so.

Maybe more than I should.

Something terrible could happen. You must--

shh, shh.

But i--

don't worry.

Everything will be fine. I promise.

B-Boy, I hope so.

Well, this is it.

It's a nice place.

It's okay.

The only problem is I have a nosy landlady.

Well, I guess this is good night.

I don't want to go back.

You don't have to.

I don't want to be alone.

And by the way,

I can go all nigh like a lumberjack.

What about your landlady?

You can do her, too.

So, I take it you've been with a man before.

I'm a virgin.

I'm just not very good at it.

(Gulp)

Ohh.

(Plop)

Ooh.

Ahh.

Ohh.

Ohh.

Ooh.

Mmm.

Yes.

Oh, yes.

Ahh.

Ahh.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Ohh.

Topper.

Mmm.

Ohh.

Ohh.

Ohh.

(Playing reveille)

(Shouting)

Uhh!

Wash out.

What are you doing? Get into your flight suit.

We're ready to go up.

I just got kicked out of the unit.

My flight status has been withdrawn.

I'm through, dead meat.

What happened?

It's my eyes.

I've got walleye vision.

(Gasps)

(Sighs) Yeah.

Can't something that could be done?

Well, there's a delicate corneal inversion procedure--

multioptipupiloptomy.

But in order to keep from damaging the eye socket,

they gotta go in through the rectum.

Ain't no man gonna take that route with me.

Yeah.

Is topper around? I'd like to say goodbye.

He didn't come back last night.

I'm afraid he's awol.

As soon as block finds out, he's history.

But, flying's his life. He's the best pilot in the world.

We need him as much as he needs US.

Can't find my lucky gum. Do you have--

wash out?

(Ring ring)

(Crash)

Oh, my god.

I missed my flight.

(Kisses) You're amazing.

Dead meat!

Mary!

Mary. Have you come to watch me fly?

There was a meltdown at the plant,

so they gave me the afternoon off.

Aw, terrific.

(Meow)

Oh, good news.

We just closed escrow on our dream house.

Wonderful. When do we move in?

Tuesday. I've got the kids stripping asbestos off the pipes right now.

Oh, that's great!

Things just couldn't be better for US.

I'm so blessed.

Oh! Your life insurance forms came for you to sign.

(Glass breaks)

Oh! Oh, my mirror.

Huh!

I'll get another pen.

No need. I'll sign it when I get back.

Well, you know best.

Honey, you know that global warming problem?

I've discovered how we can reverse it.

Tell me.

No, not now, lovey-bumpers.

There'll be plenty of time for that later.

And my investigation into the assassination of jfk?

You found the evidence you're looking for!

Yes. I have proof right here in my pocket.

It's big, honey. Really big. Goes all the way to the white house.

Do you want me to hold it for you?

No. It'll be safe right here.

I'm in a jet.

What could go wrong?

Oh, dead meat,

we just couldn't be any more perfectly happy.

Where the hell is topper?

Thanks for joining the party.

Hey, topper!

Hey, have you seen any of my lucky gum?

Uh, no.

Freedom squadron, start your engines.

God, that's loud.

My ear canals are very sensitive.

They're stainless steel. Took a bullet in corregidor.

Passed straight through. Here, look.

(Cloth rubbing metal)

Huh?

We have these to hold down the sound, sir.

Oh, good. Thanks.

Let's hope they do the trick.

Give me the Mike, boy.

For the love of god, man, be careful.

Ever since normandy, this is corning ware for Christ's sake

those of you who excel during these aerial combat exercises

will go on to make up the greatest fighting unit ever assembled.

Topper, keep that nose up!

He's never done that before.

Red team leader, break off. Prepare to engage.

Roger that.

Blue leader, prepare for action.

Roger that.

I'm on his 6:00. Moving in.

I've got tone.

Got him!

Dead meat, confirm kill.

Mrs. Thompson?

-Yes? -I'm topper Harley.

Oh! Dead meat's talked about you.

He thinks the world of you.

But shouldn't you be up there flying with the squad?

I've got a lock.

I'm closing in.

Goose: Uh-oh!

He spotted me! He's slippery!

Geese: Help! Help!

Topper, watch your right side! Jeez!

I'm bailing out!

Wash out? What are you doing here?

There's no time to go into it.

Uh-oh.

Do me a favor. Don't land.

What's...

Get out of here! We're gonna crash!

I can't. I'm stuck.

Then I must help you my friend. Think well of me.

Ooh! Ooh! Aah!

Thank you!

Don't look.

Oh, no! Oh!

Whoa!

Ow! Ow!

(Siren wailing)

Whew.

Oh, man!

Wendy, I can fly!

Hey, topper.

Easy, buddy.

The darnedest thing just happened.

Hang on. Hang on, buddy.

Topper?

Ohh!

Swing him around this way.

Ohh.

Ohh.

Let's go. 1...2.

In the door. Let's move it. Come on.

Enough!

Hello!

Ow, ow, ow, ow!

Ow, ow, ow, ow! Oh!

Aah!

Aah!

Relay buddy. We'll have you at the hospital in no time.

Aah!

Good morning! Excuse me!

Wait, guys, wait! Aah!

Let's go, let's go.

Easy, easy, easy, easy.

Let's move.

What a ride.

Wash out, you made it.

Why, thank you, Andre.

I'll have the veal piccata.

Oh! Don't forget the cardio readout.

Where is it?

Um...

It's, uh...

Hey, fellas...

...inside on the left.

I can't find it!

Doctor.

-What happened? -Plane crash.

I got to work fast. I got a lunch.

I think you're missing the big picture here, doc.

Nurse, check his penis. Is it longer than mine?

No, doctor.

Good. Now, this is gonna hurt.

Aah!

Nurse, give me 15ccs of morphine quickly.

You thing you can save him?

Can't be sure. I'm not a very good doctor.

That's good thank you, nurse. You have to wait here.

You're gonna be all right, buddy.

I'm in a hospital. What could go wrong?

Mrs. Thompson, I know you must hate me right now,

but there's something I want you to have.

I've been putting a little away for the past 10 years.

It's not much--2,500.

I wish I could do more.

Why, topper...

Th-that's so sweet.

Why, with the 3 million I won on this lucky lotto ticket,

I can take this 2,500 and just blow it all on hats.

Right and halt.

(Dog yelps)

Pete "dead meat" Thompson is dead.

So is mo green,

tataglia, barzini,

the heads of all the five families.

It is at moments like these, my dear friends,

we must ask ourselves,

"how can this not be part of some larger plan?"

Do good men like dead meat Thompson

just blink out one day like a bad bulb?

I mean one minute, you're in bed with a knockout gal or guy,

and the next, you're a compost heap.

Well, doesn't that bother any of you?

Because it scares the living piss out of me!

I never thought something like this could happen.

Don't we have what we need now, mr Wilson?

This should be enough to prove that our planes need to be replaced.

No, those planes have to fail in combat

for the world to take notice.

This is a minor incident.

Minor? I just lost one of my best men.

Are you backing out on US, block?

I'm doing this for my country, not for you.

We'll need the backup plan.

Aim.

Fire!

Jumping Jesus, they're back.

Fire!

People, take cover!

Hit the dirt!

Cover me!

Battle stations!

Battle stations!

Have they no respect for the dead?

Aah!

Aah!

God, I love a good funeral.

Topper. Where are you going?

I'm handing in my resignation.

You were right. You said I was dangerous, and I am.

Topper, wait.

Please, let's talk.

Huh?

They're right.

I'm no better than my father.

Seems no matter what I do,

I end up hurting someone.

Ouch.

You've got to stop comparing yourself with your father.

You're two different people.

We both killed a man.

That's just a coincidence.

He loved jets. So do I.

He was a loner just like me.

For god's sakes, I've even got my father's eyes.

Topper, please.

Ah, they're just for luck.

You've got to make your own luck.

You've got to get back in the sky and prove yourself.

Besides, there's something else.

After our first meeting in my office,

I sent my evaluation to commander block.

I recommended you be grounded.

I was afraid someone might get hurt.

What are you saying?

I think someone wants sleepy weasel to fail.

That's heavy.

Totally.

That's the other reason why you need to fly.

Topper, this could well be your only opportunity to save the mission

and solve your personal problems,

all in one fell swoop.

Read that back to me, Francine.

"And if you ever put your goddamn hands

on my wife again, I will--"

(knock on door)

You wanted to see me, sir?

Oh, blank, come on in.

Been expecting someone.

That'll be all, Francine.

Yes, sir.

Pudding?

No, thank you, sir.

I'll put this to you straight.

Thompson's death was a shock to US all,

and hot shot Harley is responsible.

I want that smirking little wise-ass out of here.

The morale on this base is shot to hell.

There.

Just look out there.

Quiet.

Hardly a man moving.

Roy. Roy!

Ah. Huh?

I went to school with that man.

He's just not the same.

Been ignoring me all day.

Remind me to send him a note.

Sir, may I say something?

I have no doubt that Harley acted irresponsibly,

but his kind lives on the edge,

always willing to take a chance.

Now, we need topper for this mission for just that reason.

I like your thinking, Carl.

Besides, dead meat Thompson wasn't all that good a pilot anyway.

He only had a small family.

His kids are a pain in the ass.

Wife's on the sauce.

Poor bastard's better off dead.

What size shoes do you wear?

A 9, sir.

Good. It's settled then.

We'll send Harley to the front.

Oh, by the way, I wanted to thank you for having US over dinner the other night.

Cheryl and I thought the stroganoff was marvelous.

But, sir, we didn't have dinner the other night.

Really?

Where the hell was I?

And who's this Cheryl?

Ah, doesn't matter.

Run along, sid.

Cheryl?

Kent?

I came to get my chafing dish.

Our orders just came through.

We're shipping out in one hour.

Are you coming' along this time?

The chafing dish is not yours.

-Yes, it is. -No, it isn't.

-Okay, I don't want it. -Just take it.

-I'll take it. -You stay out of it.

This is not the time or place,

but I've got a big score to settle with you, my friend.

Excuse me.

I've hurt him.

Topper...

Topper, you better go.

I have to think.

Well, I don't.

I've fallen for you like a blind roofer.

I'm sorry?

My heart has fallen down around my ankles

like a wet pair of pants.

My whole life, all I've wanted to do is fly.

Bomb stuff.

Shoot people down.

But we've been through so much together.

Ramada, I need you.

I want you.

♫ only you ♫

♫ can make all this world seem bright ♫

♫ only you ♫

♫ can make the darkness bright ♫

Wow.

♫ only you and you alone ♫

♫ can thrill me like you do ♫

♫ can fill my heart with love ♫

♫ for only you ♫

♫ wa wa wa wa ♫

(Bell rings)

Ramada!

Topper.

Ramada!

♫ all this change in me ♫

I love you.

I love you.

♫ you are my destiny ♫

It's not that easy, ramada.

♫ when you hold my hand ♫

This is one night you're not turning me out.

♫ I understand the magic that you do ♫

♫ you're my dream come true ♫

Whoa!

Aye aye aye aye!

Aye aye aye!

♫ ah, ah, only you ♫

♫ can make this change in me ♫

♫ for it's true ♫

♫ you are my destiny ♫

♫ when you hold my hand ♫

♫ I understand ♫

♫ the magic that you do ♫

♫ you're my dream come true ♫

♫ my one... ♫

♫ and only you ♫♫

Topper, I'm so confused.

I need time alone.

Admiral Benson!

Really?

That's my name, too.

Yankee doodle floppy disk,

this is foxtrot zulu milkshake

checking in at 700 feet. Request permission to land.

Roger that, foxtrot zulu milkshake. You are clear to land.

Welcome to the mediterranean. Wash out, is that you?

You bet! They put me in charge of radar.

From now on, I'll be your eyes on the ground.

All crews, report to the flight deck.

All crews, report to the flight deck.

Ooh...ow.

Ooh...ow.

Whoa!

Ooh.

Oh.

Have you no decency?

Ah, the open sea.

Oh, god, wish I could smell.

I had my nostrils fried in panmunjom.

Admiral Benson, I want you to meet

Mr. Wilson and Mr. Rosener from rockman aviation.

They'll be observing the operation.

Oh, yes, of course.

It's okay. I'm all right.

No problem.

I slipped on the crab.

Who put that crab there?

Crab? I didn't see any crab.

Don't tell me? There were two crabs. They work in pairs.

I went to Annapolis, for Christ's sake.

From the Pentagon, sir.

We just decoded it.

Oh good here. Help me with this. My eyes are ceramic.

A bazooka round at little bighorn.

Or was it okinawa?

The one without the Indians.

It's the final orders.

We strike tomorrow at 0600.

Excellent. Wake me up at, oh, 5:30.

(Rooster crows)

Get out of your flight suit, mister.

-You're not going anywhere. -What are you talking about??

This mission is too risky and too important to let you screw it up.

You're not flying with US.

-Am too. -Are not.

Am too.

(All ooh)

-Alright mister, let's go at it. -Let's do it.

Get him. Come on.

-Get him! -Come on!

(Mumbles)

(Mumbles)

(Mumbles)

What'd you say?

(Mumbles)

(All ooh)

God, my face!

My hand!

Attention on deck!

Be seated.

Well, gentlemen, we've waited a long time to hear this.

In exactly 5 hours and 17 minutes,

we hit the enemy toast.

I think that's the enemy coast, sir.

Huh? Coast?

It'll take more planning, but it doesn't matter.

Our assignment is to knock out

the nuclear weapons plant at falafel heights.

The plant goes online in 12 hours and is heavily defended.

If you have trouble hitting your objective,

your secondary targets are here and here--

an accordion factory and a mime school.

Good luck, gentlemen.

Blake, take over.

There's one more thing...

(Ding)

Never mind, I'll get that. It's probably for me.

Our sortie will proceed as planned.

I want topper Harley leading our squadron into battle.

(Men murmuring) What?

Lieutenant commander, sir...

It's nothing personal.

I know I speak for every man here.

We've lost all respect for Harley.

He's poison for the morale of the unit

and a disaster to the success of this mission.

You're out of line, Gregory.

You'll obey orders and like it.

Now get to your planes.

Sir.

What is it, Mr. Harley?

I hope I'm wrong about this.

What would that be?

Nobody likes playing for a coach who throws the big game.

What's that supposed to mean?

My uncle used to tell me that not playing to win

is like sleeping with your sister.

Sure, she's a great piece of tail

with a blouseful of goodies, but it's just illegal.

Jesus, topper, come on.

Then you get into that whole inbred thing.

Kids with no teeth who only play the banjo,

eat apple sauce through a straw,

pork farm animals.

Topper, that's enough.

I think you get my point, sir.

I just hope you're playing straight with US.

(Dog yelps)

Alpha velveeta knuckle underwear, you are cleared for takeoff.

When you hit that nuclear weapons plant,

drop a bomb for me.

Sphincter mucus niner ringworm, Roger.

(Woof woof woof woof)

Olé!

Yiii!

Oh.

Holy cow. My cap blew off.

Swing around, we'll pick it up.

But, sir, we're on the mission.

Good thinking.

Yeah. We'll pick it up on the way back.

We got to Mark the spot, though.

Put rabinowitz in a life raft,

have him row in circles until we return.

It could be days.

Then put some food in the life raft.

For god's sake man, do I have to think of everything?

We'll tape his favorite shows. He won't miss anything.

Sir, there's no time.

Okay, okay!

How can I be an admiral without my cap?

It's out there somewhere all alone,

and I'm here powerless to do anything about it.

We're entering enemy air space.

Sir, it appears we have unidentified radar contacts.

Looks like enemy aircraft at 12:00.

Really? 12:00?

That gives US about 25 minutes.

Think I'll step out for a burger.

Sir, there are six of them,

bearing 2-1-5,

range 150 mi--

(sneezes)

Oh, my god. A dozen more of them.

And a blimp! A big, shiny blimp!

And it's slowly moving south!

Block, have you got a tally on the bandits?

Roger, that. I got them.

Alright. Assume combat spread.

Attack formation delta niner.

Topper in the lead.

Just like your old man, son.

Old buzz Harley would be proud of you, topper.

Kent's voice: He's the type of guy that could end up killing every man in this outfit.

He's poison for morale of the unit.

President bush's voice: Read my lips--

no new taxes.

Topper, what are you doing?

He's frozen. Topper's no good to US.

Abort the mission.

Abort the mission.

Return to mother.

We can't! They're all over US.

(Speaking foreign language)

(Speaking arabic gibberish)

(Speaking arabic gibberish)

Damn it! All right, engage! Engage!

I've got a bogey at 12:00 o'clock!

(Speaking foreign language)

I got two on my tail! Kowalski, get them off me!

Locked up! Fox 2.

Shish kebab!

My missile didn't track!

My engine's cut out!

I'm losing power!

My cannons!

My cannons won't fire! What's going on?

I've got 2 bandits on my 6:00!

This is insane.

Wilson and rosener.

It was them, wasn't it?

They said nobody would get hurt.

Block, call your men back.

Like hell I will.

I got the best pilot in the world up here.

Topper. Topper, do you read me?

I was there 20 years ago.

I was there with your father and mailman farnham.

I was an eyewitness. You gotta listen to me, topper.

What they told you about your dad is all wrong.

Eject, mailman!

Eject!

I can't! My seat's jammed!

Nothing works!

Stay calm!

My harness is malfunctioning!

I'll get it!

Buzz, the nose!

The nose!

Oh!

Sit tight!

Whoa!

Whoa!

Come on!

Hurry!

Get the lead out!

It's gonna be okay!

Wow, that was sure close!

Buzz, get back here!

Whoa!

Oh!

(High-pitched voice) I'm okay.

Buzz!

The wing! The wing!

Hurry!

Ooh. Ooh.

What, are you on a break?

Hurry!

I'm here!

Whose gum is this?

Oh, for god's sake. Not now!

Got it!

Hold on! We'll bring this baby down!

Stop squirming!

Hang on!

Whoa!

Those are my socks!

Buzz! Get back here!

Your father did everything humanly possible to save mailman's life.

You should be proud, son.

Buzz Harley is a true American hero.

I'm hit! I'm hit!

Block, are you all right?

Yes! Yes!

Give them hell!

Got it.

This is for you, dad.

They're on my tail!

I'm with you, buddy.

Hang in there.

My guns are jammed.

They got tune on me!

Looks like, I'm gonna have to do it the hard way.

Anybody home?

They fell for that one.

Topper, 3 bandits, 12:00.

I'm on 'em. They're all mine.

Here we go. Loop-the-loop.

-Couscous! -Swami says.

(Speaking arabic gibberish)

Learned this one from Paula Abdul.

(Speaking arabic gibberish)

Oldest trick in the book.

Catch me if you can, guys.

This is an old buzz Harley move.

Oh, boys.

Aah!

I'm on their tails.

I've got them now.

Hey, buddy.

Allahu akbar!

It looks like they're bugging out.

Yike!

(Brakes screeching)

Saved by the clouds.

Come on in, boys.

(Speaking arabic gibberish)

A little hide-and-seek?

(Speaking arabic gibberish)

See you later, guys.

This could be the end of a beautiful friendship.

Topper, look out!

I got two heat-seeking missiles on my tail.

Block, Kent, Kowalski, get the hell out of here!

Get back to the ship!

I've got a nuclear weapons plant to wax.

You're committing suicide!

Do as he says!

(Screeching)

They're close.

Missiles...

Still with me. Come on.

If I can't lose them, I'll use them.

The mother of all targets.

Sayonara, Saddam.

Block: Come in. Are you all right?

Topper, acknowledge! Acknowledge!

Topper, do you read?

Topper, are you all right?

(Woof)

There they are.

(Applause)

Uh, we're, uh, landing.

Do you want to get out of the way?

Run for your life!

Where's topper?

Lost contact.

There he is!

Pyrex pickle blow fish,

permission to land.

(Cheering)

You guys are going to have to talk me down.

I've got some damage.

Wait. Hold it! Hold it!

Okay, topper.

-Ease her in. -Landing gear's frozen.

Looking good.

Lost my radar.

A little more power now.

I'm out of fuel.

Right for line up.

Lost a wing.

Doing fine.

There goes the other one.

Okay topper, call the ball.

Touching down.

Whoo-hoo!

Yeah! Yeah!

Whoo!

Well done, Jim! Well done!

Ehh, whoopsie.

You're quite a guy.

Ah, so are you.

Hey! Wash out!

Aw, topper.

(Crash)

You.

You.

Hey.

I got one question for you.

Shoot.

What is a chafing dish for?

Why, it's a traditional serving piece

used at cocktail parties and brunches for keeping food warm.

I thought that was a crock-pot.

No, no, no.

That's for cooking all day.

A chafing dish...

All right!

Whoo!

Hey, topper Harley!

Now that you've killed the bad guy

and made the world safe for democracy,

how are you going to cash in on your new-found fame?

I'm going to Disneyland.

(Cheering)

Very fortunate, commander block.

This man has your blood type.

Don't worry, sir. After this transfusion,

you're going to be just fine.

I've only seen heroism like that one other time.

Maybe you know the pilot-- Leland "buzz" Harley.

I've been carrying this secret around for 20 years.

I never spoke up.

I wanted him to fail.

I wanted to be number one.

And I was in love with your mother.

It's not important now, sir.

Please, save your strength for your court-martial.

Oh, topper, you had me pegged right.

I was throwing the big game.

Ha ha ha ow!

I really thought we needed that other airplane.

Now I realize that American planes will always be superior

as long as there are wonderful men like you

in the cockpit and German parts.

I know you think it was me.

But Wilson and rosener sabotaged the jets.

They played me like a two-bit piccolo.

Ha ha ha! Ow!

Ooh! Ooh! Ha ha ha!

Whoa!

I can see my house from here!

(Splash)

Oh, no, you don't.

-Admiral. -You dare call yourself an American?

That gets my panties in a bunch.

It's scum like you that put taint our military.

You don't know what you're talking about.

The hell I don't.

You risked the lives of some damn fine pilots.

Well, that's my job.

Aah! Aah!

Is it safe?

(Drill starts) Aah!

You look good up there, son.

(Band plays "stars and stripes forever")

(Ship's horn blares)

I think I'm wearing your pants.

Whoa!

Ramada!

Kent.

You're okay.

Ramada, you must put me out of your mind.

There's a certain fly-boy aboard that ship

that needs you far more than I.

You must forget me.

No problem. I will.

Please, not a tear.

Don't look back.

That's my brave girl.

Hey, I'm over here.

Hey, everybody I'm home!

Don't worry, little one.

As long as I have me, I'll survive.

Aah!

(Chirp)

(Ding dong)

Topper.

("The man I love" plays)

(Whistles)

Go, beaver, go!

(Neigh)

Topper!

Wait!

Whoa! Topper!

(Buffalo grunting)

Owatonna. La toya, tito, Jermaine. I got your batteries.

Mannetowish, osaki. It's about fucking time.

Barammi knish? So, who won?

Meena trista. We did.

Mishtakka wauwatosa... I fell in love with a woman...

Hershiser. ...but she threw me a curve.

(Jingling footsteps)

Ramada.

Once perhaps.

Now I am called wawatukeena.

What does it mean?

Little sizzling belly.

(Dog yelps)

("Dream lover" by Dion)

♫ every night I hope and pray ♫

♫ a dream lover will come my way ♫

♫ a girl to hold in my arms ♫

♫ to know the magic of her charms ♫

-♫ because I want ♫ -♫ yeah, yeah, yeah ♫

-♫ a girl ♫ -♫ yeah, yeah, yeah ♫

-♫ to call ♫ -♫ yeah, yeah, yeah ♫

♫ my own ♫

♫ I want a dream lover ♫

♫ so I don't have to dream alone ♫

♫ dream lover, where are you ♫

♫ with a love, oh, so true? ♫

♫ and a hand that I can hold ♫

♫ feel you near as I grow old ♫

-♫ because I want ♫ -♫ yeah, yeah, yeah ♫

-♫ a girl ♫ -♫ yeah, yeah, yeah ♫

-♫ to call ♫ -♫ yeah, yeah, yeah ♫

♫ my own ♫

♫ I want a dream lover ♫

♫ so I don't have to dream alone ♫

♫ someday, I don't know how ♫

♫ I know she'll hear my plea ♫

♫ someway, I don't know how ♫

♫ she'll bring her love to me ♫

♫ dream lover, until then ♫

♫ I'll go to sleep ♫

♫ I'll dream again ♫

♫ that's the only thing to do ♫

♫ till all my lover's dreams come true ♫

-♫ because I want ♫ -♫ yeah, yeah, yeah ♫

-♫ a girl ♫ -♫ yeah, yeah, yeah ♫

-♫ to call ♫ -♫ yeah, yeah, yeah ♫

♫ my own ♫

♫ I want a dream lover ♫

♫ so I don't have to dream alone ♫

♫ dream lover, until then ♫

♫ I'll go to sleep ♫

♫ I'll dream again ♫

♫ that's the only thing to do ♫

♫ till all my lover's dreams come true ♫

-♫ because I want ♫ -♫ yeah, yeah, yeah ♫

-♫ a girl ♫ -♫ yeah, yeah, yeah ♫

-♫ to call ♫ -♫ yeah, yeah, yeah ♫

♫ my own ♫

♫ I want a dream lover ♫

♫ so I don't have to dream alone ♫

♫ please don't make me dream alone ♫

♫ don't make me ♫

♫ don't make me ♫

♫ dream ♫♫

♫♫(instrumental song)

Subtitle ReDone By---KingJAIN