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This programme contains
some strong language
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PUMP CLICKS
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PUMP CLICKS
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PUMP CLICKS
Bollocks!
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TANNOY: Number six,
put the gloves back!
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Every time, you steal from us!
Every time!
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You didn't have any last week.
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00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:34,680
Because you keep
bloody stealing them!
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Tight bastards! Tosser!
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Hey.
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FRONT DOOR SHUTS
Hello, Warren.
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Hello, Anne.
13
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Good day?
14
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I got called a tosser. Oh, no, not
again. Same bloke as last time?
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00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:20,040
No, it was a different one.
What are you making?
16
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Birthday cake for Pavel,
one of next-door's builders.
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They're ever so nice, Warren.
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I have them all in every morning,
for bacon butties. Since when?
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00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:31,560
No wonder they bloody wave at me.
They probably think I've come home
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to stock up the fridge. Ian said
they'll be another couple of months.
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Where does he get those clowns
from?! I came home last week,
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one of them had fallen asleep
in the skip.
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HORN BEEPS
Charlie! Your lift's here.
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He's not going football
training again, is he?
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He can't even get in the team.
I know, but he's trying his best.
26
00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:52,560
His dad was hardly
a natural sportsman either.
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I don't know, he legged it
quick enough when he met
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that woman from the post office.
29
00:01:56,480 --> 00:01:58,680
Here he is, Bobby Charlton.
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Oi, I put that application form
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for the garden centre in your room
three weeks ago.
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Have you rung them yet? The only
reason you want me to work
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00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:08,080
at the garden centre is so you
can get the staff discount.
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00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:10,960
No, the only reason I want
you to work at the garden centre
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00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:13,280
is so you can pay me
some bloody rent, you tit!
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Mind you, 30% is 30%.
37
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And that pond does need re-lining.
See?
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I'm going to get changed.
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00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:24,520
Please give the garden
centre a ring, love.
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00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:26,640
He does so much for
you and your brother.
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00:02:26,640 --> 00:02:28,960
And he's giving you free
driving lessons.
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Mum, he doesn't even let me drive.
The last lesson we went on,
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he made me sit in the boot
cos I had mud on my tracksuit.
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Aw! Right, I'm off.
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Ooh! Ask Pavel if he likes marzipan.
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DIAL-UP INTERNET
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You all right, Danny? Yes. Warren...
What?
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00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:51,720
Nothing, it's just the internet's
not working again.
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00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:54,520
Oh, hang on a minute,
I'll get Bill Gates on the phone.
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What do you want me to do about it?
Nothing. I was just wondering
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if maybe we could look into getting
broadband? I don't know anyone
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that's still got dial-up anymore.
Even Nanny and Grandad
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have wireless. Why don't we just do
everything that Nanny
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and Grandad do? You say something
racist, and I'll get diabetes.
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00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:10,440
I actually picked this up
from the man behind the counter
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at PC World. It's got information
on all different broadband types
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you can get. There's one in here
that's 38 megabits a second.
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00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:19,680
Listen, mate. It's Friday night,
take the evening off
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from the computer, eh?
Go and see one of your mates.
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00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:25,840
I'll give you a lift, if you want.
OK. Could you take me to Andre's?
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00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:29,200
Andre's?! I'm not taking you there,
he lives bloody miles away!
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Play on your PlayStation,
or something.
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00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:52,200
Come on, Charlie,
if you want this bloody lesson.
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I'm not taking
you dressed like that.
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Go and put a shirt on,
and some smart shoes.
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We're only going for a driving
lesson, Warren,
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you're not taking me out for dinner.
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Go and put on something nice,
or I'm not taking you.
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00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:09,280
You all right, Warren?
All right, Ian?
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Finished your extension yet?
Not yet, no.
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00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:13,720
We don't like to rush
things in Preston.
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00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:17,080
It will last forever, this will.
It'll bloody take forever,
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the amount of time they spend
on their arses in my kitchen.
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Moving home already?
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No, I'm just going down the dump
with all this crap.
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What have you been doing?
Digging your way back down south?
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That's very funny. No, no such luck.
The pond needed re-lining,
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I thought I might spruce it up,
while I was at it.
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00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:34,920
I've been meaning to do it
for years.
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00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:37,920
How do you mean, spruce it up?
Make it a bit bigger.
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00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:40,920
Put in a water fountain. Nice little
rockery, that sort of thing.
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Right.
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Well, I just need to...
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You know...
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Inside...
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Idiot.
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HORN BEEPS
Hiya, Warren.
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All right, Liz. what do you want?
Sisters' day out.
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We're going to see that clairvoyant
in town. Oh, for...
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00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:02,880
How much is that going to cost?
Not a lot.
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00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:05,480
60 quid. 60 bloody quid?!
92
00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:08,120
Anne, he'd better bring them back
from the dead for that!
93
00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:11,040
Oh, Warren, he's brilliant!
Everyone's been.
94
00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:13,920
Rose Ersel, Marion Oskin,
Sharon Drinkwater,
95
00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:16,040
Joan Jackson went and spoke to her
old head teacher.
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00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:18,600
I didn't know she even went to
school. He said he was very proud
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of her, and always knew she'd go on
to do big things.
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00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:23,440
Is this the same Joan Jackson who
sells tea towels on eBay?
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00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:25,520
She's not exactly Richard Branson,
is she?
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00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:28,680
No, but you should see her kitchen.
Her dishes are ever so dry.
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00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:31,080
See you later, love.
Hold on, I'll just put
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Dad's scuba-diving kit in the back.
Bloody scuba-diving!
103
00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:37,200
The only reason we moved up here
is cos he was on death's door,
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look at him now. Arseing around
on the bottom of the Atlantic!
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00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:43,480
He's doing his first triathlon
Sunday. Ta-ra, love.
106
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Let's hope it kills him.
We could do with the money.
107
00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:48,680
No, go put a tie on.
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Oh, my God!
109
00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:04,280
What's even in these? Hm?
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00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:07,480
Just some mud from the garden,
a couple of roofs tiles,
111
00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:10,480
a little bit of asbestos. Asbestos?
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Mm. Should we be breathing that in?
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00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:14,560
Well, you've been breathing it
in from the roof for the last
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00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:16,880
three years, mate. I don't know
why you're panicking now.
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I thought that stuff was dangerous.
It is, that's why
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I'm getting rid of it. Aren't we
going the wrong way for the dump?
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I'm not going to the bloody dump
on a Saturday. It'll be chaos.
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We're just going to find somewhere
and chuck it. Isn't that illegal?
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All right. What, you working
for the council now, or something?
120
00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:33,640
Just concentrate on your lesson.
Put your hands at ten to two.
121
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:38,960
Warren, I've been on four of
your so-called driving lessons now,
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and I've not even been
in the driving seat yet.
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00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:43,320
When do I actually get to drive?
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00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:46,800
When I think you're ready,
and, while you have that attitude,
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it shows me that you're not.
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All right, now we're going
to turn right here,
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so, mirror,
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and signal,
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and manoeuvre.
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00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:06,560
Ahem!
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Thank you. Go on, out you get.
What? Am I driving?
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No, you're going in there.
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00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:17,440
Oh, for... Warren, I'm not going in,
asking for a job.
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You don't have to. Good.
You've got an interview
135
00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:22,080
in there in ten minutes. What?
I sorted you out an interview.
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You're joking! You weren't going to
do anything about it, where you?
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That is so out of order, I'm not
going in. You bloody are!
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I'm not, does Mum know about this?
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"Does Mummy know about this?"
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Come on, Charlie, for Christ's sake!
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You're 19, you prat!
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You're going to meet Craig. Go on.
Out you get.
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You look very smart.
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Oh, they've got a DFS now as well.
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Don't slam it. Ah, you prat!
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00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:59,160
Does he always work
out of a Harvester?
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00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:01,840
No, last time he was in town,
he did it from a Little Chef.
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00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:04,240
He had a row with the manager
because they were no mushrooms
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00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:06,680
on his Olympic breakfast.
Apparently, he's not
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00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:08,560
been back since. Well, you wouldn't,
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would you?
How will we recognise him?
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Do you think that's him?
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Oi! What are you doing?! Eh?
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You'd better not be fly-tipping.
No, mate, I'm getting rid of it.
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It makes me sick, the way people
just dump stuff like that, you know?
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You're telling me.
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Every week, they're at it.
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Some people, eh?
They should be shot.
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Or burnt.
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00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:08,520
Anyway, you have a nice day, mate.
You not taking the rest of it?
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00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:11,800
I'm not taking that lot. You just
said you go around collecting it.
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Yeah, but...
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That's not a problem.
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I should be getting paid for this.
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It's just nice to see there's some
good people in this world.
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God bless you, fella!
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All right.
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00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:42,600
Ladies, let's begin.
Close your eyes, and breathe deeply.
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00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:47,320
I need you to connect
with the spirits around you.
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00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:52,560
Although, I have to say, I can feel
a very strong presence already.
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Especially around you, Anne.
Oh, I'm ever so sorry.
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00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:59,040
I have a lady, an elderly lady,
and she's very angry.
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She's angry at you, Anne. At me?
Yes, she's irate.
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00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,400
She's shouting something about...
175
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:08,840
..gardening tools. Gardening tools?
What kind of gardening tools?
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00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:11,360
I'm not sure. I can't quite...
A rake? No, it's not a rake.
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00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:13,120
Shears? No. Spade? No. Hoe? No.
178
00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:15,920
It's like Generation Game, this.
Secateurs? Yes, that's it,
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00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:18,000
secateurs. She's shouting about
secateurs.
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00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:19,760
I don't think we've got
any secateurs.
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00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:21,960
We've got a pair. Does she want
to borrow ours, Michael?
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00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:23,400
Ladies, please, can we just focus.
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00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:27,000
Can I get you anything to drink?
Not at the minute, thank you.
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00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:30,200
I'd love a cup of tea. Yes, me too,
actually. Two teas, please.
185
00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:33,120
Two teas, no problem. And do you
still do that salad cart?
186
00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:34,960
We do, yes. Two salad carts,
please.
187
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:37,760
Did you want a salad cart, Michael?
No, can we just get on?
188
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:40,400
You're not getting a salad cart
for me, are you? Yes.
189
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:43,200
No, I'm fine, I've not long had
breakfast. Oh, suit yourself.
190
00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:47,160
Just the one salad cart, please,
love. Can we continue, ladies?
191
00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:48,920
Sorry. Please.
192
00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:51,440
What is your name, spirit?
193
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:52,800
Her name is...
194
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:57,840
..Pam. Pam?!
I don't think I know a Pam.
195
00:10:57,840 --> 00:10:59,800
Not Pam, then. Pat?
196
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:01,360
Doesn't ring any bells.
197
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:03,760
Polly? Penny? Pru?
198
00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:06,360
Pauline, we know a Pauline!
Pauline Davis.
199
00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:08,480
It's Pauline.
I thought as much.
200
00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:10,680
Pauline Davis isn't dead, is she?
201
00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:13,880
Oh, no, that's a good point. Does
Pauline need to be dead, Michael?
202
00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:16,200
Yes, she must have passed
into the next life, yes.
203
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:17,600
Maybe she went in the night.
204
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:19,920
Oh, she was always very wheezy.
205
00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:21,880
I heard her coming from
the bras in M&S once,
206
00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:24,120
and I were all of the way
over by the baked beans.
207
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:27,720
She's standing on a ladder,
looking over a fence. Shouting.
208
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:30,440
It's not Pauline, he's talking about
Peggy Patterson
209
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,040
from next-door but one.
210
00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:34,640
Surely, not Peggy Patterson!
Is it Peggy Patterson?
211
00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:37,600
She wants her hedge cut, in your
garden, it's overgrown.
212
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,720
It is, you know. It Peggy Patterson.
Michael, can you confirm
213
00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:43,720
it's Peggy Patterson? Yes,
it's Peggy Patterson! Christ!
214
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:49,120
She's got down from her ladder now.
215
00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:51,000
She's coming closer to us.
216
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:54,040
She has a stark warning,
a very grave warning.
217
00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:57,600
Does your grass needs cutting
and all? She sees police cars,
218
00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:01,840
danger and men in black.
Like the film? She warns you, Anne,
219
00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:04,880
to stay very alert
over the next few weeks.
220
00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:08,240
She says something terrible
is going to happen.
221
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:11,600
Oh, God! Oh, God!
222
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:15,680
She says someone's not
going to make it out alive.
223
00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:17,800
What do you mean?
Like a murder?
224
00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:20,040
Anne, that sounds like a murder.
225
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:23,400
Oh, God! It's a murder. Michael,
ask her who's getting murdered.
226
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:27,760
No, ask her when's the murder taking
place. Ask her... Two teas?
227
00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:29,160
Right, she's going away now.
228
00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,640
She's leaving us and slipping
back into her world.
229
00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:34,360
She's going, going...
Thanks for the warning, Peggy.
230
00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:35,760
I'm ever so sorry about the hedge.
231
00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:37,560
I'll get Warren to trim it
over the weekend.
232
00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:39,840
And she's gone. Oh!
233
00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:46,520
Actually, I will
have that salad cart.
234
00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:13,640
How did you get on?
235
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:17,240
I start tomorrow morning.
Oh, brilliant!
236
00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:18,560
Oh, Charlie, well done!
237
00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:21,160
That's brilliant. What happened?
Well, I walked in and said
238
00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:23,760
my wanker of a stepdad booked me
an interview. No, you didn't.
239
00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:26,760
I'm not your stepdad anyway. We're
not married. What actually happened?
240
00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:28,720
What do you think happened, Warren?
I walked in,
241
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:30,640
I chatted with Craig,
and he offered me the job.
242
00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:33,480
Oh, that's great news. Did you tell
him you want the staff discount?
243
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,480
No, I told him YOU wanted the staff
discount. What did he say?
244
00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:38,480
He said it's fine,
all employees get it.
245
00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:41,720
Fantastic! That's fantastic!
I'm proud of you!
246
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:43,960
Come on, I'll buy you a McFlurry to
celebrate.
247
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:45,800
I don't want a McFlurry to
celebrate.
248
00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:48,400
I just want to sit behind the wheel
and me drive home. No, no.
249
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:50,120
You're far too excited to drive
home.
250
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:53,080
I'll get you a McFlurry, my treat.
Don't tell your brother.
251
00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:10,000
Hello, Warren. Hello, Anne.
I've got some good news.
252
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,280
Peggy Patterson wants
you to trim the hedge. Who?
253
00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:14,720
Peggy Patterson from next-door
but one. She showed up
254
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:16,840
at the seance. She is fuming.
Who the bloody hell's
255
00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:19,120
Peggy Patterson? You know, died a
couple of years ago,
256
00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:21,120
lived at number 20.
Had a heart attack in Nando's.
257
00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:23,000
Married to Ted, with the gammy eye.
You know!
258
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,720
Are you telling me, that of all the
people who died in your lifetime,
259
00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:27,760
the only one that wanted to come
back and talk to you
260
00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:30,320
was some random old neighbour?
She never wanted to talk to you
261
00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:33,040
when she was alive. Christ knows
why she wants to, now she's dead.
262
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:35,720
Warren, that's not even the half of
it. She said there's going to be
263
00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:39,320
a murder on the street. Oh, come off
it, Anne! It's all made up.
264
00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:42,760
You've paid 60 quid for some
charlatan to tell you that somebody
265
00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:43,960
is going to get bumped off,
266
00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:46,280
and I've got to chop down a bush.
What else happened?
267
00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:49,000
Not much, really. Liz spoke to
an accountant from Cheltenham.
268
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:51,960
She didn't know him, but he had some
good stuff to say about the economy.
269
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:54,960
Oh, it was worth it, then.
I'd give the Chancellor a ring.
270
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:57,600
Hedge first. What? Go on. Oh, Anne!
271
00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:01,400
Right...
272
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:07,240
HEDGE TRIMMER FAILS TO START
273
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,360
It's bloody run out of
petrol, or something!
274
00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:12,200
Having a bit of trouble
with the hedge, are you, Warren?
275
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:13,960
No, no trouble, thank you.
276
00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:16,040
If you're having trouble,
I'm sure Ian would let
277
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,080
you borrow his electric
Black and Decker one.
278
00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:19,560
No, thank you. I don't like them.
279
00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:21,960
We're just having a soak
in the new hot tub.
280
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:23,360
Bought her today.
281
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:28,040
She's a belter, isn't she?
282
00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:30,680
No, not for me. Not in this climate.
283
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:33,240
I prefer a shower,
it's a bit more hygienic.
284
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:36,120
Did I hear someone's
had a new hot tub?
285
00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:37,960
Oh, hello, Anne!
286
00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:41,000
Hello, Paula. Oh, you're redoing
your pond, too? What?!
287
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,600
Yeah, Ian just thought it could
do with a little spruce up.
288
00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:46,120
Oh, did he?
I bought a new lining today.
289
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:50,200
It's a Limber Line 4000,
top-of-the-range from that World
290
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:53,280
of Ponds shop on the high street.
We only ever buy locally.
291
00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:56,280
You've got to support your
independent Lancashire shops,
292
00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:59,320
haven't you? Guarantee some quality.
Good thinking, Paula.
293
00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:01,680
Warren just buys cheap stuff online
from China.
294
00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:03,200
No, I don't. When did I ever...
295
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:05,600
He bought a wheelbarrow
for £11 last year, on eBay.
296
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:07,520
The wheel came off within a week!
297
00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:10,640
£11! No wonder the wheel
came off, Warren.
298
00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:13,840
It's more of a bucket now, then.
And there's a hole in the bottom.
299
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,240
So, it's an £11 watering can!
300
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:19,200
You could come and do
our plants, Warren!
301
00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:20,240
THEY LAUGH
302
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:22,120
Fantastic(!)
303
00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:25,400
What did you say
that lining was, mate?
304
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:27,480
It's a Limber Line 4000.
305
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:30,760
Oh, no! Not the Limber Line 4000?
Yeah. Why?
306
00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:33,320
No reason, no reason.
It's just I've heard
307
00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:36,080
some bad things about that lining.
You what?
308
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:38,720
It unsettles the fish,
makes them nervous
309
00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:42,040
and tense, and agoraphobic.
It gives them diarrhoea, apparently.
310
00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:45,840
Don't talk stupid. Yeah. I overheard
Danny saying the other day.
311
00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:48,960
Danny? Did you heck! Danny, didn't
somebody warn us
312
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:52,040
about the Limber Line 4000
the other day? The what?
313
00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:55,320
You remember, you told me
about that pond lining
314
00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:57,360
that was unsettling all the fish?
315
00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:01,320
Oh, yeah. Speak up, lad.
316
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:04,720
They said it was poisonous, or
something. Poisonous, that's it.
317
00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:07,920
Really bad for the fish, full of
pesticides, microbeads and that.
318
00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:09,520
Microbeads? Yeah. Bloody hell!
319
00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:12,440
I told you to read the label.
I've got Koi carp in there.
320
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:15,160
I hope you haven't
wasted your money, mate.
321
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:17,320
How much did that lining
cost anyway?
322
00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:19,280
We can't take it back,
if we've opened it.
323
00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:22,240
Anyway, I'll leave you be,
I can see you've got a lot on.
324
00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:25,360
Right, who fancies a Dominos?
My treat.
325
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:32,520
VOICES OUTSIDE
326
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,440
Oh, for...
327
00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:11,760
Thanks a lot. Next, please.
Warren, why are you here?
328
00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:14,880
He's only gone and stuck in a new
water feature as well. Who?
329
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:17,200
Who do you bloody think? Ian!
He knew I was getting
330
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:20,320
a new water fountain! He bloody knew
it! I look over there today,
331
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,920
and he's sticking in Niagara Falls.
For God's sake!
332
00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:25,960
He's racist, that's what it is. He
doesn't like anyone from down south.
333
00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:29,040
That's not racist.
Oh, take his side, why don't you?
334
00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:31,240
Right, that is £198.70.
335
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:34,160
How much?! £198.70.
What about the discount?
336
00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:36,920
Warren, please don't make me ask
for discount on my first day.
337
00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:40,240
Well, I'm not to spend 200 quid
on that shit, am I? Where's Craig?
338
00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:43,640
Warren, no. Just get Craig. I'll
have a word with him. No, Warren,
339
00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:46,040
he's not even working.
Craig! Craig! Craig!
340
00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:48,800
Everything OK, Charlie? No, it's
not. Charlie would like
341
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:50,640
his discount on these items, please.
342
00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:52,560
Are these all pond items? Yes.
343
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:55,040
Well, the discount does not
apply to pond items,
344
00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:58,400
because the pond items are owned
by an external company. So...
345
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:01,760
Are you saying I can't
have a discount?
346
00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:03,440
Sadly, not on these items, no.
347
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:06,440
Are you taking the piss? I'm sorry?
348
00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:10,000
You mean I'm arseing around dropping
him off here every morning...
349
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,200
Once. For what? So he can spend
eight hours a week
350
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:14,240
watering pissing pot plans
and I can't even
351
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:17,200
get a little windmill for my pond?
Could you keep your language down,
352
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:19,720
please, sir? No, I bloody can't.
200 quid that last cost!
353
00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:21,880
Shut up, Warren! I'm so sorry,
Craig. There's no point
354
00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:24,680
working here if you can't get the
discount. Come on, we're going home.
355
00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:27,440
No, Warren, you're going home. I got
this job, and I'm staying here.
356
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:29,880
Oh, suddenly he wants the bloody
job! I think it's time
357
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:32,000
you left, sir. Give me the discount,
and I will.
358
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,320
Just leave, Warren, please.
I've told you already,
359
00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:36,880
you can't get one. You're a twat.
You're not a twat, Craig.
360
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:39,000
Right, get out. Not without that
lining, I won't.
361
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,760
Mo, get him out of here. Let me have
the lining. I'll pay for that.
362
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:46,080
I've got good money. Get off!
Oi! You're banned, for life!
363
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,320
I'll come back when you're
not here, mate,
364
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:50,280
and I'll get the discount, you twat!
365
00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:53,520
Oi, get off!
I've got human rights...
366
00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:54,840
All right, all right!
367
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,080
They don't even do
a bloody discount!
368
00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:06,040
Right, let's get you home,
your hour's nearly up.
369
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:08,160
Perhaps, maybe next time,
I can have the full hour.
370
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:11,720
It's just I've only had about five
minutes actual driving today, so...
371
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:14,000
I think you've had a bit
more than five minutes.
372
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:17,080
If you hadn't stalled it 12 times,
we might have got somewhere.
373
00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:19,000
Well, the thing is, I actually...
MOBILE RINGS
374
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:21,120
Shut up.
375
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:23,320
Anne, you won't believe this.
376
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,080
What?
377
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:28,600
Oh... No, don't do anything.
No. Stay there.
378
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,480
All right, I'll come home.
379
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,800
Get out, knob head, lesson's over.
What?
380
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,000
You'll have to get the bus, mate.
381
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:37,960
Go on.
382
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:39,240
Hurry up.
383
00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:02,960
Who is it? It's me. Is that you,
Warren? Yes.
384
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:05,160
How do I know it's you?
You could be an impostor.
385
00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:08,400
Well, open the bloody
door and have a look.
386
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:10,760
When was the last time
you saw my mother?
387
00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:13,040
What?
It's a test, so I know it's you.
388
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:15,320
When was the last time
you saw my mother?
389
00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:18,600
I don't know, a couple of weeks ago.
Wrong. She came around here
390
00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:22,280
Thursday, to drop off Dad's karate
kit! All right, ask me another one.
391
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:23,760
Erm...
392
00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:28,920
What's the capital of China?
Are you having a pub quiz in there?
393
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:31,400
Just answer the question.
Do you know the answer?
394
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:34,760
No, but I will when you say it.
Beijing.
395
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:42,120
UNLOCKS DOOR
It is you, thank God!
396
00:21:42,120 --> 00:21:45,400
What the bloody hell is going on,
Anne? I think there's someone
397
00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:48,600
in the garage. I think it's
the murderer. Oh, don't be silly.
398
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:51,440
I heard banging against the wall.
That's probably next-door's
399
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:53,760
builders, wondering
what's for dinner.
400
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:58,760
WASHING MACHINE BANGS
AND RATTLES
401
00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:02,200
Happy now?
Oh, yes, I forgot I put a load on.
402
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:05,040
Maybe I should go back to the
Harvester, see if I can get
403
00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:07,320
some more information...
Absolutely not.
404
00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:09,200
This nonsense has to stop.
405
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:11,560
Tea?
406
00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:12,840
Yes.
407
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:15,520
Beijing. I'd have put
my money on Hong Kong. Well...
408
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:39,840
Danny! Danny!
409
00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:44,400
Jesus!
410
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:47,360
Shut up, you prat! It's me.
I need your help.
411
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:01,040
Right, see that black
lining in the skip?
412
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:05,600
Yeah. Go on, then. What?
Go, get it.
413
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:08,800
I can't! What if someone sees me?
I'll look out for you, go on.
414
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:12,680
I can't. Well, I can't, can I,
either, not with my bad back! Go on!
415
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:14,800
Warren, isn't this stealing?
416
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:18,000
It's not stealing, if you've put
it in the bin, is it?
417
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:21,760
Oh, come on! I'll get you one of
those little game console
418
00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:26,560
things you like. How much are they?
It depends. 400 quid? 400 quid?!
419
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:29,240
All right, I'll get you something
else. Maybe a hat, or something.
420
00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:31,920
Do you like hats? Mum says
I don't look good in hats.
421
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:33,600
Well, that suits you.
422
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:36,920
What if we got broadband instead?
423
00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:39,280
What is it with you
and bloody broadband?
424
00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:41,320
I just want to do my homework.
425
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:43,600
Danny, stop being such a nerd.
426
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:45,400
Maybe I should go back to
bed, Warren.
427
00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:46,920
I've got school in the morning.
428
00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:50,160
All right, I'll look into getting
broadband. But no promises. Deal?
429
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:54,320
No promises. Go on.
430
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:09,080
Use your back. Pull with your back.
It's too heavy.
431
00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:22,480
All right, on my count -
one, two, three.
432
00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:25,880
Christ!
433
00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:29,160
Are you all right, Warren?
All right, Chris?
434
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:31,040
What are you doing?
435
00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:33,320
You know, Danny wanted
to have a chat.
436
00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:34,960
Behind a skip?
437
00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:37,480
Yeah, I didn't get it either,
but it's what he wanted.
438
00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:39,640
You all right, Danny? Hi, Chris.
439
00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:42,080
Why have you got a pair
of tights on your head?
440
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:45,320
Yeah, why have you got a pair of
tights on your head? Because you...
441
00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:47,120
Chris, if you don't mind,
I think me and Danny
442
00:24:47,120 --> 00:24:48,800
need a serious chat
about his behaviour.
443
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:52,680
Say no more, teenagers! Goodnight.
Oh yeah, I hear you.
444
00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:58,120
Who goes for a bloody run
at half past two in the morning?!
445
00:24:58,120 --> 00:25:01,440
You're definitely buying me an Xbox
now. Yeah, whatever. Come on.
446
00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:07,080
Get in, and pull it over. Go on.
447
00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:12,120
Oof! Keep it down, Danny!
448
00:25:12,120 --> 00:25:13,800
Stop being so dramatic!
449
00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:18,360
VOICES AND RUSTLING OUTSIDE
450
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:31,080
Hello, police. Yes, there's
a murderer, in my back garden,
451
00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:32,480
burying my husband.
452
00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:34,600
Well, partner, we're not married.
453
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:38,000
I was hoping he was going to ask,
but, well, so far, nothing.
454
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,600
Chuck me over the tape measure.
Where is it?
455
00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:43,840
It's by your foot,
chuck it over here.
456
00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:46,920
Oh, God! Danny, you prat!
457
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:48,240
You told me to chuck it.
458
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:50,760
Not in my bloody face, I didn't,
you bell-end!
459
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:54,360
Look at me now! I'm bleeding!
Sorry, Warren. Here.
460
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:58,320
DOORBELL RINGS
BANGING ON DOOR
461
00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:01,360
Christ, it's Ian!
Get back in the pond, and shut up.
462
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:14,240
Yes? Is everything all right, sir?
463
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:17,280
If this is about the lining,
I can explain. The lining?
464
00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:20,120
Warren, was that you being
murdered in the garden?
465
00:26:20,120 --> 00:26:22,600
What's going on in the garden, sir?
Just a bit of digging.
466
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:25,240
At three o'clock in the morning?
Is it three already?
467
00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:28,520
Are you there, Warren? Speak to me.
What are you digging, sir?
468
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:31,000
A hole! What the bloody hell
do you think I'm digging?
469
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:34,000
Peggy, if Warren's with you,
tell him I love him.
470
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:36,960
Do you mind if I just check that the
rest of your family are safe, sir?
471
00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:40,080
Of course they're safe! What do you
think, I've chopped them up
472
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:41,680
and buried them in the garden?!
473
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:53,840
Do you have to take him away? He's
only ever had a couple
474
00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:56,080
of parking tickets, and one of them
he got off on appeal.
475
00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:58,680
It's just standard procedure, it's a
very serious allegation.
476
00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:02,280
Yeah, I'm ever so sorry about that.
When can I come and pick him up?
477
00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:04,360
It's just I promised he'd trim
the hedge by Monday.
478
00:27:04,360 --> 00:27:05,720
We'll let you know in the morning,
479
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:07,760
but we've also had reports
of his car fly-tipping,
480
00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:10,920
so it could take a little longer.
Warren, can I still get an Xbox?
481
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:12,240
Not now, Danny.
482
00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:15,760
If Warren goes down, does that mean
I get a new driving instructor? Hey!
483
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:19,600
Will you give him breakfast?
He likes brown toast with jam.
484
00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:22,760
Do you have brown? I can give you
some out of the freezer, if not.
485
00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:29,600
WARREN: All right, move it up to
second, don't bloody rag it!
41082
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