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(Adult Frankie) 1991 was the heyday
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00:00:03,570 --> 00:00:05,020
of "American Gladiators."
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00:00:05,030 --> 00:00:06,030
[Grunting]
4
00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:07,490
We were pretty into it.
5
00:00:07,500 --> 00:00:08,730
Yeah
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Hey!
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00:00:10,410 --> 00:00:11,800
What the hell did you do to my living room?
8
00:00:11,810 --> 00:00:13,770
Uh-oh. We were screwed.
9
00:00:13,780 --> 00:00:16,640
'Cause my dadwas an even bigger fan
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00:00:16,650 --> 00:00:18,140
of "Gladiators" than we were.
11
00:00:18,150 --> 00:00:19,970
But this time, we had him.
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00:00:19,980 --> 00:00:21,710
You're outnumbered.
13
00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:23,280
Don't call it a comeback
14
00:00:23,290 --> 00:00:24,740
I've been here for years
15
00:00:24,750 --> 00:00:26,750
I'm rocking my peers,
putting suckers in fear
16
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:29,950
I'm making the tears
rain down like a monsoon
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00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:31,450
- Please. No.
-
Listen to the bass go boom
18
00:00:31,460 --> 00:00:33,490
I'm gonna knock you out
19
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:35,460
He's standing on my favorite chair.
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00:00:35,470 --> 00:00:36,890
No.
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00:00:36,900 --> 00:00:37,920
-
I'm gonna knock you out
- Finish him.
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00:00:37,930 --> 00:00:39,660
[Distorted] No!
23
00:00:39,670 --> 00:00:41,460
Mama said knock you out
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00:00:41,470 --> 00:00:44,230
[Groans]
25
00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:47,700
Wa-a-a-h!
26
00:00:47,710 --> 00:00:52,510
Da, da, da-la-da
27
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:56,550
Da, da, da-la
28
00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:01,010
Da, da, da-la-da
29
00:01:01,020 --> 00:01:07,650
The story of my li-i-i-fe
30
00:01:07,660 --> 00:01:09,390
It's probably best
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00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:13,290
if you don't go to sleep
for a couple hours.
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00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:15,700
I'm just happy me and the
dudes are hanging out.
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00:01:15,710 --> 00:01:18,300
Lately, we hadn't been
seeing a lot of each other.
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George was taking itthe hardest.
35
00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:23,540
I did try to include him
when I hung out with Heather.
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Pfft!
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00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:28,010
[Chuckles] But he was
not the best wing man.
38
00:01:28,020 --> 00:01:29,940
Pfft!
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00:01:29,950 --> 00:01:32,020
What? Are we not doing that?
40
00:01:33,860 --> 00:01:35,920
I've been busy, too.
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00:01:35,930 --> 00:01:37,180
Between skipping school
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00:01:37,190 --> 00:01:39,150
and that dumpster of fireworks I found,
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00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:41,090
my plate is pretty full.
44
00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:43,590
Don't worry... we're gonna
have plenty of time to hang
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00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:45,160
once the three of us make varsity baseball.
46
00:01:45,170 --> 00:01:47,560
You think the three of you
are gonna make the team?
47
00:01:47,570 --> 00:01:48,640
Yeah. Why wouldn't we?
48
00:01:50,970 --> 00:01:54,230
These are the varsity players.
49
00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:56,040
They're strong, fast,
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00:01:56,050 --> 00:01:58,070
don't need their mommies
to tuck them in at night.
51
00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:00,640
Hey. That's mostly for mom.
52
00:02:00,650 --> 00:02:02,140
Dude, these guys are good.
53
00:02:02,150 --> 00:02:04,180
I don't know if we can make this team.
54
00:02:04,190 --> 00:02:07,210
Aw, man. Now I'll never see you guys.
55
00:02:07,220 --> 00:02:09,850
Think of it as the natural
evolution of our social lives.
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00:02:09,860 --> 00:02:11,250
We all drift apart.
57
00:02:11,260 --> 00:02:13,690
High-school friends are
replaced by college friends
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00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:16,360
are replaced by TV and
booze, and then we die.
59
00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:19,030
What if you don't go to college?
Can you just do TV and booze?
60
00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:20,690
Mm.
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00:02:20,700 --> 00:02:23,760
We were gonna make that
team and prove my dad wrong.
62
00:02:23,770 --> 00:02:26,010
We just needed someone to
help put us over the top.
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00:02:27,580 --> 00:02:30,680
God, I love baseball.
64
00:02:32,550 --> 00:02:34,070
Milli Vanilli are true artists.
65
00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:35,540
Milli Vanilli aren't even...
that's not even their real name.
66
00:02:35,550 --> 00:02:36,780
You don't even know what
you're talking about.
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00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:38,980
Isn't it great?
68
00:02:38,990 --> 00:02:40,510
All the kids like being here.
69
00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:42,050
We are one ping-pong table away
70
00:02:42,060 --> 00:02:44,150
from becoming the official hangout house.
71
00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:47,690
I will burn this place to the
ground before that happens.
72
00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:48,890
Mom, Doug spilled the ranch dressing again.
73
00:02:48,900 --> 00:02:49,990
Is there any more?
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00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,290
Of course.
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00:02:51,300 --> 00:02:52,830
We're always fully stocked
with the latest snacks.
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00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,840
It's happening.
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00:02:56,640 --> 00:02:58,230
[Gags]
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00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:01,100
Mrs. Dunlevy, I'm Parker.
79
00:03:01,110 --> 00:03:02,540
A smidge of ranch spilled on the rug.
80
00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:04,170
If you have some soda water,
I could take it right out.
81
00:03:04,180 --> 00:03:06,110
Of course, Parker.
82
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:08,140
Uh, or should I say "Mr. Manners."
83
00:03:08,150 --> 00:03:09,310
[Chuckles]
84
00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:11,550
You have a beautiful home, by the way.
85
00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:14,250
Thank you.
86
00:03:14,260 --> 00:03:17,080
Seriously, mom?
87
00:03:17,090 --> 00:03:18,890
Frozen bagel bits?
88
00:03:20,130 --> 00:03:21,520
Be better.
89
00:03:21,530 --> 00:03:23,360
Okay, well, Parker seems nice.
90
00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:24,420
He's super smart.
91
00:03:24,430 --> 00:03:26,060
He helps build houses for, like,
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00:03:26,070 --> 00:03:28,030
homeless people or birds or something.
93
00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:30,060
You know, if things
don't work out with Doug,
94
00:03:30,070 --> 00:03:31,700
you could always date him.
95
00:03:31,710 --> 00:03:33,830
Why wouldn't things work out with Doug?
96
00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:36,400
I don't know. I just think that Doug is...
97
00:03:36,410 --> 00:03:38,640
well, you know, he's just... Doug.
98
00:03:38,650 --> 00:03:39,870
Oh, my God.
99
00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:41,480
I knew dad didn't like him, but you?
100
00:03:41,490 --> 00:03:42,540
No!
101
00:03:42,550 --> 00:03:43,490
Well, you know...
102
00:03:45,090 --> 00:03:47,220
Hurry before it sets in!
103
00:03:48,990 --> 00:03:53,250
Every fiber in my body was
telling me not to do this.
104
00:03:53,260 --> 00:03:56,990
Dad? Will you help us make
the varsity baseball team?
105
00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:59,930
Do you understand what you're asking?
106
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:01,390
Yes, we do.
107
00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:03,530
Do you understand that your
minds and bodies are weak
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00:04:03,540 --> 00:04:05,000
and that I will have to crush you
109
00:04:05,010 --> 00:04:06,430
and build you back up into men?
110
00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:08,030
You're the only one that can get us there.
111
00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:10,750
That's also available
and doesn't cost money.
112
00:04:12,250 --> 00:04:14,340
Fine, I'll need signed
waivers from your parents
113
00:04:14,350 --> 00:04:16,680
freeing me of any liability
should anything go wrong.
114
00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:18,110
You cool with a forged signature?
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00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:19,210
Stand up in court?
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00:04:19,220 --> 00:04:20,750
- Has before.
- Done.
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When do we start?
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00:04:22,030 --> 00:04:24,650
Oh, you'll know when we're starting.
119
00:04:24,660 --> 00:04:26,460
Is it now?
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00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:29,700
Is it soon?
121
00:04:31,030 --> 00:04:32,430
I've already said too much.
122
00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,530
Just so you know, I have
piano lessons on Wednesdays.
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00:04:34,540 --> 00:04:35,770
Get out.
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00:04:38,610 --> 00:04:41,100
Jack, I'm telling you, I crossed a line
125
00:04:41,110 --> 00:04:44,740
by telling Rachel that Parker
is more impressive than Doug.
126
00:04:44,750 --> 00:04:48,540
This melon is more impressive than Doug.
127
00:04:48,550 --> 00:04:50,880
I just don't want to sway Rachel's opinion
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00:04:50,890 --> 00:04:52,250
about her boyfriends.
129
00:04:52,260 --> 00:04:53,810
Honey, kids are like dogs.
130
00:04:53,820 --> 00:04:56,020
They don't listen unless you
rub their nose in their feces,
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00:04:56,030 --> 00:04:58,490
which, unfortunately, we can't legally do.
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00:04:58,500 --> 00:05:00,550
Trust me, nothing you said
to Rachel made a difference.
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00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:01,500
[Sighs]
134
00:05:05,670 --> 00:05:07,930
[Gasps]
135
00:05:07,940 --> 00:05:10,960
Mr. Manners!
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00:05:10,970 --> 00:05:12,530
That night, I went to bed
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00:05:12,540 --> 00:05:15,300
with dreams of me and the
guys and making varsity.
138
00:05:15,310 --> 00:05:17,400
[Rustling]
139
00:05:17,410 --> 00:05:19,920
Somebody there?
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00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:23,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
141
00:05:32,460 --> 00:05:34,220
[Screams]
142
00:05:34,230 --> 00:05:36,320
And so it begins.
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00:05:36,330 --> 00:05:38,290
[All grunting]
144
00:05:38,300 --> 00:05:41,830
Hey
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00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:43,460
How many of these do we have to do?
146
00:05:43,470 --> 00:05:46,230
Until I say stop. Don't ask questions!
147
00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:47,470
[Groans]
148
00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:50,610
Perhaps this was a bad idea.
149
00:05:57,385 --> 00:06:02,870
The bell. The bell is your best friend.
150
00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:08,210
If at any point you are
pushed beyond your limits,
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00:06:08,220 --> 00:06:10,820
ring the bell, and you will get
a warm meal and a hot shower.
152
00:06:12,290 --> 00:06:14,380
You get nothing. Get back in line.
153
00:06:14,390 --> 00:06:18,180
I've made a list of your
greatest weaknesses.
154
00:06:18,190 --> 00:06:20,200
I never take time for myself.
155
00:06:22,470 --> 00:06:27,130
You guys are not bad ballplayers,
156
00:06:27,140 --> 00:06:32,130
but I have been watching you,
and three things are clear.
157
00:06:32,140 --> 00:06:34,200
Georgie, you're too small.
158
00:06:34,210 --> 00:06:37,070
Mikey, you're too slow.
159
00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:39,410
Frankie, you've got a great
arm, but you rattle too easily.
160
00:06:39,420 --> 00:06:41,540
What does that even mean?
161
00:06:41,550 --> 00:06:42,680
- [Air horn blows]
- [Gasps]
162
00:06:42,690 --> 00:06:44,340
Rattled!
163
00:06:44,350 --> 00:06:46,250
Means your sphincter gets tight
in high-pressure situations.
164
00:06:46,260 --> 00:06:47,580
I'm gonna break you of that.
165
00:06:47,590 --> 00:06:49,680
Lots of people would get
rattled by an air horn.
166
00:06:49,690 --> 00:06:51,880
A lot of people live in
Florida. Doesn't make it right.
167
00:06:51,890 --> 00:06:53,120
- [Air horn blows]
- [Gasps]
168
00:06:53,130 --> 00:06:54,450
(Joanne) Enough! It's 5:00 A.M.!
169
00:06:54,460 --> 00:06:57,090
Great. Now you've pissed
off my wife. All right.
170
00:06:57,100 --> 00:06:58,660
Put on these blindfolds and get in the car.
171
00:06:58,670 --> 00:06:59,790
We have school today.
172
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:00,860
School's canceled.
173
00:07:00,870 --> 00:07:02,130
School is not canceled!
174
00:07:02,140 --> 00:07:04,030
All right, fine.
175
00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:08,870
But know this... after
school, I'm coming for you.
176
00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:11,680
In mom's car. Mine's in the shop.
177
00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:19,610
Jack, yesterday I saw Rachel
kissing Parker on the patio.
178
00:07:19,620 --> 00:07:21,260
I'm assuming that means
she's done with Doug.
179
00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:24,880
We did it. It's over.
180
00:07:24,890 --> 00:07:27,650
You don't understand. I caused this.
181
00:07:27,660 --> 00:07:29,020
I was kind of hoping
182
00:07:29,030 --> 00:07:30,160
that we could share in
the victory, but whatever.
183
00:07:30,170 --> 00:07:31,660
You take it. I don't care.
184
00:07:31,670 --> 00:07:35,730
No, honey, if Rachel wants to
break up with Doug, that's fine,
185
00:07:35,740 --> 00:07:36,960
but I don't want to be the reason.
186
00:07:36,970 --> 00:07:38,330
Doug's probably at home,
187
00:07:38,340 --> 00:07:41,630
crying and pouring ranch
into that goofy mouth of his.
188
00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:42,940
Hey, Mrs. D. Doug?
189
00:07:42,950 --> 00:07:44,000
Doug!
190
00:07:44,010 --> 00:07:45,510
[Laughing] Hi! Yay!
191
00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:47,610
It's me! Yay!
192
00:07:47,620 --> 00:07:48,820
Stop it. I don't care for that.
193
00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:52,550
Oh, my God. They're still together.
194
00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:56,520
A little something inside me just died.
195
00:07:56,530 --> 00:07:57,850
Aww, yeah
196
00:07:57,860 --> 00:07:59,490
Two outs, bottom of the 9th, Frankie!
197
00:07:59,500 --> 00:08:02,690
If you don't make this catch, you lose!
198
00:08:02,700 --> 00:08:05,020
And start a downward
spiral that ends with you
199
00:08:05,030 --> 00:08:07,660
living in a studio apartment in Orlando.
200
00:08:07,670 --> 00:08:11,130
Okay. Routine pop-up.
This is gonna be cake.
201
00:08:11,140 --> 00:08:12,300
Just settle under it and...
202
00:08:12,310 --> 00:08:13,630
[Gunshot]
203
00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:16,640
Aah!
204
00:08:16,650 --> 00:08:17,740
Rattled!
205
00:08:17,750 --> 00:08:20,340
Seriously?! A shotgun?!
206
00:08:20,350 --> 00:08:25,010
Now, George, you're not
big, so you got to be tough.
207
00:08:25,020 --> 00:08:26,650
I'm gonna hit some hard grounders.
208
00:08:26,660 --> 00:08:30,480
They pop up on you,
take them off the chest.
209
00:08:30,490 --> 00:08:33,450
-
Mista lawnge, black sheep, slam, now
- [Gasps]
210
00:08:33,460 --> 00:08:35,290
Know you've heard the
others, phonies to the lovers
211
00:08:35,300 --> 00:08:38,790
[Screams]
212
00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:41,330
[Gasping]
213
00:08:41,340 --> 00:08:43,660
Ioh, dios! ?porque?
214
00:08:43,670 --> 00:08:45,410
Idolor lo peor de que sentido!Aah!
215
00:08:49,110 --> 00:08:51,200
[Crying]
216
00:08:51,210 --> 00:08:53,710
Michael, you are mind-numbingly slow.
217
00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:56,010
If you want enough time
to make it to first base,
218
00:08:56,020 --> 00:08:58,380
you're gonna have to hit
the snot out of the ball.
219
00:08:58,390 --> 00:09:00,610
I know where you're going with this.
220
00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:02,550
And, yes, I will take steroids.
221
00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:04,280
I don't think someone who looks like you
222
00:09:04,290 --> 00:09:06,120
can afford a case of bacne.
223
00:09:06,130 --> 00:09:07,520
Permission to cross a line?
224
00:09:07,530 --> 00:09:09,790
I'm pretty sure you just did, but okay.
225
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,720
How's your relationship
with your dad these days?
226
00:09:11,730 --> 00:09:13,660
I hate that lazy deadbeat.
227
00:09:13,670 --> 00:09:15,230
Use it.
228
00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:18,230
Picture his face on the ball.
229
00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:19,530
Remember the time
230
00:09:19,540 --> 00:09:21,530
that he left you with
his bookie as collateral.
231
00:09:21,540 --> 00:09:23,940
You can get with this,
or you can get with that
232
00:09:23,950 --> 00:09:26,240
You can get with this,
'cause this is where it's at
233
00:09:26,250 --> 00:09:28,540
You can get with this,
or you can get with that
234
00:09:28,550 --> 00:09:30,780
You can get with this,
or you can get with that
235
00:09:30,790 --> 00:09:31,910
You can get with this
236
00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:33,480
Well done.
237
00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:35,720
You can get with this,
'cause this is where's it at
238
00:09:35,730 --> 00:09:37,720
Where it's at, where it's at
239
00:09:37,730 --> 00:09:38,630
Rachel, we need to talk.
240
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:42,520
I saw you kissing Parker yesterday.
241
00:09:42,530 --> 00:09:44,290
So, you were watching me make out?
242
00:09:44,300 --> 00:09:46,030
What are you, my science teacher?
243
00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:47,990
Okay, we're gonna revisit that.
244
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:52,000
I'm sorry if me seeming down
on Doug led you to do that.
245
00:09:52,010 --> 00:09:53,930
Please, mom. I make my own decisions.
246
00:09:53,940 --> 00:09:55,300
I don't even like Parker.
247
00:09:55,310 --> 00:09:56,540
What's not to like?
248
00:09:56,550 --> 00:09:57,900
[Laughing] I mean...
249
00:09:57,910 --> 00:10:00,210
I mean, then why were you kissing him?
250
00:10:00,220 --> 00:10:02,510
He kissed me 'cause obviously.
251
00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:04,340
And I should have stopped it.
252
00:10:04,350 --> 00:10:06,350
Doug and I are gonna be together forever,
253
00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:08,820
unless he gets into an accident
and ends up in a wheelchair,
254
00:10:08,830 --> 00:10:10,350
'cause gross.
255
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:13,150
Doug doesn't live hard enough
to end up in a wheelchair.
256
00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:14,820
Yeah.
257
00:10:14,830 --> 00:10:17,760
Look, if you guys are
serious, you need to tell him.
258
00:10:17,770 --> 00:10:20,030
No way! It would crush him.
259
00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:21,560
You and I are different, mom.
260
00:10:21,570 --> 00:10:23,530
Guys are always throwing themselves at me.
261
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:26,600
Uh, okay, uh, I'll have you know that, uh,
262
00:10:26,610 --> 00:10:28,600
there were a lot of dudes
263
00:10:28,610 --> 00:10:31,470
[chuckles] That were all over this lady
264
00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:33,770
when I was dating your father.
265
00:10:33,780 --> 00:10:36,510
And you never made a mistake like this?
266
00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:38,980
Nope.
267
00:10:38,990 --> 00:10:41,450
Not from the moment we got engaged.
268
00:10:41,460 --> 00:10:42,920
What about before then?
269
00:10:42,930 --> 00:10:46,120
Well...
270
00:10:46,130 --> 00:10:47,620
[Gasps]
271
00:10:47,630 --> 00:10:50,860
You little slut!
272
00:10:50,870 --> 00:10:52,430
(Adult Frankie) My dad's training
273
00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:55,760
had taken a toll on all of us.
274
00:10:55,770 --> 00:10:57,430
Even him.
275
00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:58,770
Dad, you okay?
276
00:10:58,780 --> 00:11:01,730
A little tightness in my
chest. Get me some aspirin.
277
00:11:01,740 --> 00:11:03,850
[Sighs]
278
00:11:07,980 --> 00:11:11,950
Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad!
279
00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:13,750
Get the thing! Get the thing!
280
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,450
What's the number? Something,
something, something!
281
00:11:15,460 --> 00:11:17,430
Dad! Dad!
282
00:11:19,300 --> 00:11:21,250
Rattled.
283
00:11:21,260 --> 00:11:22,860
All right.
284
00:11:22,870 --> 00:11:25,590
Mikey, outside.
285
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:27,960
20 laps around the house.
286
00:11:27,970 --> 00:11:31,030
George, dining room.
287
00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:33,200
Bulk it up. I need you to
take down this bag of chips.
288
00:11:33,210 --> 00:11:35,400
[Groans]
289
00:11:35,410 --> 00:11:37,100
What the hell are you gonna do next?
290
00:11:37,110 --> 00:11:39,910
You gonna put a scorpion in my lunchbox?
291
00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:42,080
You carry a lunchbox? What? Are you 6?
292
00:11:42,090 --> 00:11:43,680
I promise you, there's
a point to all of this.
293
00:11:43,690 --> 00:11:46,180
What? [Can opens]
294
00:11:46,190 --> 00:11:47,450
How does George eating a bag of
chips help him make the team?
295
00:11:47,460 --> 00:11:49,020
[Crunches]
296
00:11:49,030 --> 00:11:51,220
It won't.
297
00:11:51,230 --> 00:11:52,720
Then what are you doing? [Sighs]
298
00:11:52,730 --> 00:11:54,650
I know the three of you
sit around all the time
299
00:11:54,660 --> 00:11:56,160
getting woodies over the idea
300
00:11:56,170 --> 00:11:58,890
of hanging out all the time
and playing varsity together,
301
00:11:58,900 --> 00:12:01,590
but I got some bad news for you.
302
00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:04,460
Georgie ain't making that team.
303
00:12:04,470 --> 00:12:05,900
Ooh!
304
00:12:05,910 --> 00:12:07,630
Spicy.
305
00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:09,810
You hang in there, champ.
306
00:12:17,732 --> 00:12:19,190
You don't get it, dad.
307
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:20,820
If George is not on that team,
308
00:12:20,830 --> 00:12:22,660
we're, like, never gonna hang out.
309
00:12:22,670 --> 00:12:24,260
We've been friends since second grade.
310
00:12:24,270 --> 00:12:25,860
Look, I couldn't tell you
311
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:28,760
if any of my high-school
friends were dead or alive.
312
00:12:28,770 --> 00:12:31,960
Except for Dave Farr,
and that's only because
313
00:12:31,970 --> 00:12:33,930
a S.W.A.T. team killed
him on the evening news.
314
00:12:33,940 --> 00:12:35,670
George might not be big and tough,
315
00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:37,700
but he's better than
half the guys out there.
316
00:12:37,710 --> 00:12:40,310
And when he makes the team,
you're gonna be sorry.
317
00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:42,370
Oh, right, because that's
how I get my rocks off,
318
00:12:42,380 --> 00:12:44,540
watching tiny people's dreams die.
319
00:12:44,550 --> 00:12:47,210
[Scoffs]
320
00:12:47,220 --> 00:12:49,080
I can't believe you kissed another guy
321
00:12:49,090 --> 00:12:50,450
while you were dating dad.
322
00:12:50,460 --> 00:12:52,650
Your father and I had
only been on one date,
323
00:12:52,660 --> 00:12:55,220
and I wasn't convinced he
wasn't the zodiac killer.
324
00:12:55,230 --> 00:12:58,490
It meant nothing, which is
why I never told your dad.
325
00:12:58,500 --> 00:13:00,330
It didn't mean anything
with Parker, either.
326
00:13:00,340 --> 00:13:03,460
So if you never told dad,
I don't have to tell Doug.
327
00:13:03,470 --> 00:13:07,530
You know what? You're right.
328
00:13:07,540 --> 00:13:09,440
Jack, get in here.
329
00:13:09,450 --> 00:13:10,840
Oh, my God.
330
00:13:10,850 --> 00:13:13,110
This is either gonna ruin my
life or be totally awesome.
331
00:13:14,750 --> 00:13:17,480
I'm gonna tell you something
that you might not like.
332
00:13:17,490 --> 00:13:20,610
- Mm-hmm.
- But nobody says telling the truth is easy.
333
00:13:20,620 --> 00:13:22,150
Telling the truth is easy.
334
00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:23,950
It's maintaining a web of
lies that's almost impossible.
335
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:25,520
That's why spies are so revered.
336
00:13:25,530 --> 00:13:27,420
I kissed another man.
337
00:13:27,430 --> 00:13:30,170
It was a week after our first
date and before we were serious.
338
00:13:31,670 --> 00:13:33,160
I can tell you're upset.
339
00:13:33,170 --> 00:13:34,590
No, I'm not. It was 20 years ago.
340
00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:36,030
Okay.
341
00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:38,000
We've slept together
thousands of times since then.
342
00:13:38,010 --> 00:13:39,900
I kind of figure that
you're kind of into me.
343
00:13:39,910 --> 00:13:41,130
Okay.
344
00:13:41,140 --> 00:13:43,040
Okay, I'm a little upset you're not upset,
345
00:13:43,050 --> 00:13:45,100
but you're probably
repressing your feelings.
346
00:13:45,110 --> 00:13:47,170
Yeah, that doesn't sound like me.
347
00:13:47,180 --> 00:13:50,040
Okay, well, either way,
Rachel, there you go.
348
00:13:50,050 --> 00:13:51,210
You know, it's just...
349
00:13:51,220 --> 00:13:53,650
you can see how the truth has set me free.
350
00:13:53,660 --> 00:13:55,680
And when you tell Doug
that you kissed Parker...
351
00:13:55,690 --> 00:13:57,480
uh, yeah, that's a bad move.
352
00:13:57,490 --> 00:13:58,850
- Jack, really? Please.
- Bad move.
353
00:13:58,860 --> 00:14:00,320
I mean, I'd love for you to tell him
354
00:14:00,330 --> 00:14:02,660
because it'd be like watching the moon cry.
355
00:14:02,670 --> 00:14:05,320
But if you, unlike me,
want him to stick around,
356
00:14:05,330 --> 00:14:06,690
then, uh...
357
00:14:06,700 --> 00:14:08,990
[Sighs] keep it to yourself.
358
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:11,930
Great advice, dad. You should write a book.
359
00:14:11,940 --> 00:14:13,070
[Smooches]
360
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:14,470
Bye.
361
00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:15,770
Okay, yeah, Jack?
362
00:14:15,780 --> 00:14:17,600
I want you to remember this moment
363
00:14:17,610 --> 00:14:19,570
when we're at Rachel's fourth wedding.
364
00:14:19,580 --> 00:14:21,970
I'll be too drunk.
365
00:14:21,980 --> 00:14:23,180
Ugh.
366
00:14:23,190 --> 00:14:24,910
Tryouts were upon us.
367
00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:26,610
And as a freshman,
368
00:14:26,620 --> 00:14:29,680
I was getting heckledfrom every direction.
369
00:14:29,690 --> 00:14:32,280
Third baseman's a twig!
370
00:14:32,290 --> 00:14:34,250
Don't choke, freshman!
371
00:14:34,260 --> 00:14:36,020
Hey, Dunlevy!
372
00:14:36,030 --> 00:14:38,390
I got down with your mother last night!
373
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:39,660
[Laughs] Nice one.
374
00:14:39,670 --> 00:14:41,040
It's funny 'cause I actually did.
375
00:14:44,770 --> 00:14:47,170
This was it.
376
00:14:47,180 --> 00:14:48,500
My first big moment!
377
00:14:48,510 --> 00:14:50,670
- Don't drop it, freshman!
- I got it! I got it!
378
00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:51,570
- Whoo, whoo, whoo!
- Choke!
379
00:14:51,580 --> 00:14:53,010
Choke! Drop it!
380
00:14:53,020 --> 00:14:54,140
But I'm sure as hell
that it starts with me
381
00:14:54,150 --> 00:14:55,810
Nice grab, Dunlevy.
382
00:14:55,820 --> 00:14:58,540
There may have been a
method to my dad's madness.
383
00:14:58,550 --> 00:15:00,180
Not rattled.
384
00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:02,880
And one thing's for sure, it
was doing wonders for Mikey.
385
00:15:02,890 --> 00:15:06,220
[Grunts]
what the world needs
now is a new kind of tension
386
00:15:06,230 --> 00:15:08,190
'Cause the old one
just bores me to death
387
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:10,290
That's for selling our dog, dad!
388
00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:13,690
You see, all I did was help
him unlock his potential
389
00:15:13,700 --> 00:15:16,000
by focusing his anger.
390
00:15:16,010 --> 00:15:18,260
Suck it!
391
00:15:18,270 --> 00:15:20,500
All right, so, maybe I went too far.
392
00:15:20,510 --> 00:15:23,170
Now it was just up to
George to prove himself.
393
00:15:23,180 --> 00:15:24,570
(Merkel) All right!
394
00:15:24,580 --> 00:15:27,270
Let's group this up! I
want you guys batting.
395
00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:28,970
I want you guys in the field.
396
00:15:28,980 --> 00:15:33,450
And you four... take a breather.
397
00:15:33,460 --> 00:15:35,610
Oh, no.
398
00:15:35,620 --> 00:15:39,090
George just got put in a group
with the fat kid, the girl,
399
00:15:39,100 --> 00:15:41,690
and a guy in khakis...khakis!
400
00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:45,090
Sweet. We're gonna smoke these fools.
401
00:15:45,100 --> 00:15:48,130
All right, all right. New pitcher! Dunlevy!
402
00:15:48,140 --> 00:15:50,860
This was my moment.
403
00:15:50,870 --> 00:15:54,130
All I had to do was fan
the next batter I faced,
404
00:15:54,140 --> 00:15:57,200
and I'd make the team.
405
00:15:57,210 --> 00:16:00,770
All right, next batter
up... George Estrada.
406
00:16:00,780 --> 00:16:03,810
-
What the world needs now
- no.
407
00:16:03,820 --> 00:16:06,650
What the world needs now
408
00:16:06,660 --> 00:16:13,490
Is another folk singer like
I need a hole in my head
409
00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:16,870
Fate, you are a cruel bitch.
410
00:16:21,470 --> 00:16:25,770
Normally, I could just blow
a pitch right by George.
411
00:16:25,780 --> 00:16:31,750
But he needed my help, so
I threw him a meatball.
412
00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:35,620
(Man) Good!
413
00:16:38,450 --> 00:16:41,350
Time out!
414
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:44,780
What? These are tryouts!
There are no time-outs!
415
00:16:44,790 --> 00:16:46,250
I'm a doctor.
416
00:16:46,260 --> 00:16:47,650
(Young man) Go back to middle school!
417
00:16:47,660 --> 00:16:49,390
Dad, what are you doing?!
418
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:51,520
Why are you throwing meatballs on purpose?
419
00:16:51,530 --> 00:16:53,330
He took a good cut!
420
00:16:53,340 --> 00:16:56,330
Son, this is survival of the fittest,
421
00:16:56,340 --> 00:16:58,970
not survival of the fittest
and his little buddy.
422
00:16:58,980 --> 00:17:01,730
I'm just trying to help out my friend.
423
00:17:01,740 --> 00:17:03,600
So you go easy on him and
you both don't make the team?
424
00:17:03,610 --> 00:17:05,070
You think George is gonna feel any better
425
00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:06,640
knowing you half-assed it?
426
00:17:06,650 --> 00:17:08,940
Watch the bounce!
427
00:17:08,950 --> 00:17:12,450
You have a gift. Don't waste it.
428
00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:16,490
Time in!
429
00:17:18,060 --> 00:17:20,590
My dad had a point.
430
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:23,160
Let's go, bitch!
431
00:17:23,170 --> 00:17:26,400
And I knew what I had to do.
432
00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:35,240
Yeah
433
00:17:38,110 --> 00:17:39,710
Strike it up
434
00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:41,810
Strike it up
435
00:17:41,820 --> 00:17:44,110
Strike it up
436
00:17:44,120 --> 00:17:45,240
Strike it up
437
00:17:45,250 --> 00:17:46,590
I had never pitched better.
438
00:17:49,290 --> 00:17:51,430
Or felt worse.
439
00:17:54,230 --> 00:17:56,130
[Up-tempo music playing]
440
00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:03,760
Hey.
441
00:18:03,770 --> 00:18:07,830
[Music stops]
442
00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:10,140
Listen, I know I can't make you tell Doug.
443
00:18:10,150 --> 00:18:12,510
I know that, too.
444
00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:14,840
And I'm sorry I sound like a hypocrite,
445
00:18:14,850 --> 00:18:17,510
but that's because I did a lot of things
446
00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:20,350
that I regret that I don't want you to do.
447
00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:22,380
Look, asking your kid to
be better than you were
448
00:18:22,390 --> 00:18:25,150
is the weirdest part about being a parent.
449
00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:27,290
Well, the weirdest part is watching a human
450
00:18:27,300 --> 00:18:28,690
shred through your lady cave.
451
00:18:28,700 --> 00:18:29,820
Mom!
452
00:18:29,830 --> 00:18:31,790
Grow up. You were there.
453
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,060
[Scoffs]
454
00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:34,830
But know this...
455
00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:37,360
if I would have told your dad earlier,
456
00:18:37,370 --> 00:18:39,130
I would have been happier.
457
00:18:39,140 --> 00:18:41,600
And that's what I want for you.
458
00:18:41,610 --> 00:18:44,670
We both want the same thing, mom...
459
00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:46,640
for me to be happy.
460
00:18:46,650 --> 00:18:49,520
Uh...
461
00:18:52,260 --> 00:18:53,310
There you go.
462
00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:56,220
Thank you, my dear.
463
00:18:56,230 --> 00:18:59,450
Well, what's the news?
464
00:18:59,460 --> 00:19:01,220
I made varsity.
465
00:19:01,230 --> 00:19:02,690
[Gasps] And so did Mikey.
466
00:19:02,700 --> 00:19:04,320
Pending a background check.
467
00:19:04,330 --> 00:19:06,430
Oh! Hell, yes!
468
00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:08,160
[Laughs] I'm making brownies.
469
00:19:08,170 --> 00:19:10,630
Come here! Oh!
470
00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:12,970
I can't wait to hear
all the details tonight
471
00:19:12,980 --> 00:19:13,910
when I tuck you in.
472
00:19:18,250 --> 00:19:21,210
I know I should be stoked right now,
473
00:19:21,220 --> 00:19:25,650
but I'm just bummed that
George isn't gonna be there.
474
00:19:25,660 --> 00:19:27,150
Look, I don't have friends.
475
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:29,250
I think that they're something people use
476
00:19:29,260 --> 00:19:31,520
to distract themselves
from the fear of death
477
00:19:31,530 --> 00:19:33,550
and the eternal darkness that follows.
478
00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:34,890
Cool. Yeah.
479
00:19:34,900 --> 00:19:37,320
- Well, have a good day.
- No, wait.
480
00:19:37,330 --> 00:19:39,830
It's also possible I don't want friends
481
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:41,660
because I've never had any
482
00:19:41,670 --> 00:19:43,770
as good as the ones that you've got.
483
00:19:46,110 --> 00:19:49,140
Yeah. Yeah, those guys are pretty great.
484
00:19:49,150 --> 00:19:50,340
Yeah.
485
00:19:50,350 --> 00:19:51,700
They'd take a bullet for me.
486
00:19:51,710 --> 00:19:52,910
No, they wouldn't.
487
00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:54,840
People say that until it's bullet time.
488
00:19:54,850 --> 00:19:58,210
Point is, life has a way
of dragging people apart,
489
00:19:58,220 --> 00:20:01,510
but if they're worth it to you...
490
00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:04,780
You'll make the effort to
keep them in your life.
491
00:20:04,790 --> 00:20:06,530
[INXS' "Never tear us apart" plays]
492
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:11,190
Congrats on making the team.
493
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:12,530
I'm proud of us.
494
00:20:16,540 --> 00:20:18,730
Relationshipstake a lot of work.
495
00:20:18,740 --> 00:20:21,570
Don't ask me
496
00:20:21,580 --> 00:20:22,900
What you know is true
497
00:20:22,910 --> 00:20:24,870
They're not always convenient.
498
00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:28,340
And a lot of times,
they're downright painful.
499
00:20:28,350 --> 00:20:31,380
[Sobbing] Why?!
500
00:20:31,390 --> 00:20:34,750
You are a way better kisser than he was.
501
00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:35,820
You were there
502
00:20:35,830 --> 00:20:36,920
I am?
503
00:20:36,930 --> 00:20:38,250
Uh-huh.
504
00:20:38,260 --> 00:20:40,690
Two worlds collided
505
00:20:40,700 --> 00:20:43,460
But when you find the
ones that really matter,
506
00:20:43,470 --> 00:20:45,530
they're always worth it. Right there.
507
00:20:45,540 --> 00:20:47,160
Thank you.
508
00:20:47,170 --> 00:20:50,100
You justhave to make the effort.
509
00:20:50,110 --> 00:20:52,030
- Hey, dude.
- [Brakes squeak]
510
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:54,270
What are you doing here?
511
00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:55,470
I just thought I'd come over
512
00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:57,070
and we could watch "American Gladiators."
513
00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:58,740
Or...
two worlds collided
514
00:20:58,750 --> 00:21:00,840
Go!
515
00:21:00,850 --> 00:21:04,710
And they can never tear us apart
516
00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:07,810
Dad! Dad!
517
00:21:07,820 --> 00:21:09,980
I think I severed a tendon! Oh, my God!
518
00:21:09,990 --> 00:21:12,450
My baseball career is
over. Can you help me?
519
00:21:12,460 --> 00:21:15,360
Nice try, chief. Not rattled.
520
00:21:15,370 --> 00:21:17,590
Come on!
521
00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:19,490
[Growls]
522
00:21:19,500 --> 00:21:21,760
[Screams] Rattled.
523
00:21:21,770 --> 00:21:26,300
How did you know I was gonna need tissues?
524
00:21:26,310 --> 00:21:28,300
Eh, I put snakes all over the house.
525
00:21:28,310 --> 00:21:31,540
(Joanne) [Screams] Damn it, Jack.
526
00:21:31,550 --> 00:21:34,250
Rattled.
527
00:21:34,265 --> 00:21:36,250
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