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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,583 Have you ever had one of those 2 00:00:01,619 --> 00:00:05,800 weird, distressing thoughts where you're just like, fuck! 3 00:00:05,843 --> 00:00:07,486 Where did that come from? 4 00:00:07,510 --> 00:00:10,855 Like something totally inappropriate or shocking, 5 00:00:10,873 --> 00:00:13,808 like imagining your boss naked. 6 00:00:13,826 --> 00:00:16,699 - Mmm! - Or punching an old person in the street. 7 00:00:17,545 --> 00:00:21,006 - Or, er, jumping off a train platform. - TRAIN HORN 8 00:00:21,007 --> 00:00:24,282 Most people can easily dismiss them, 9 00:00:24,345 --> 00:00:26,631 because you know deep down 10 00:00:26,648 --> 00:00:28,519 that you don't really want to do those things. 11 00:00:28,565 --> 00:00:32,176 But what happens when the part of your brain 12 00:00:32,185 --> 00:00:35,115 that allows you to dismiss those thoughts isn't working properly? 13 00:00:35,370 --> 00:00:38,416 What happens if you get those thoughts so regularly 14 00:00:38,462 --> 00:00:43,326 that they start to become a real challenge to your sense of self 15 00:00:43,451 --> 00:00:45,520 that you just don't know who you are any more? 16 00:00:54,788 --> 00:00:57,901 I won't take all that they hand me down... 17 00:00:57,956 --> 00:01:02,010 It's a bad day if it ends with you freezing your tits off in a lay-by. 18 00:01:02,175 --> 00:01:06,478 As of two hours ago, my life is fucked... literally. 19 00:01:06,842 --> 00:01:09,716 The kind of fucked you cannot come back from. 20 00:01:10,693 --> 00:01:14,387 'Cos I'm not like everybody else 21 00:01:14,852 --> 00:01:18,251 I'm not like everybody else 22 00:01:18,698 --> 00:01:21,770 - _ - I'm not like everybody else 23 00:01:22,456 --> 00:01:26,054 I'm not like everybody else 24 00:01:26,427 --> 00:01:30,217 And I don't want to ball about like everybody else 25 00:01:30,385 --> 00:01:32,689 And I don't want to live my life like everybody else... 26 00:01:32,713 --> 00:01:36,400 That might look like a smile, but it's total delusion. 27 00:01:36,434 --> 00:01:38,320 Oh, I've already paid him, Mum. 28 00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:41,352 'Cos I'm not like everybody else. 29 00:01:43,145 --> 00:01:45,490 - Take that, come on, for the cab. - No, Mum, I don't want your money. 30 00:01:45,507 --> 00:01:47,930 - No, Marnie, don't be silly, come on. - Please, Mum... 31 00:01:47,977 --> 00:01:50,000 Oh, great, like I gave you a lap dance! 32 00:01:50,206 --> 00:01:51,760 Is there a function going on? 33 00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:53,877 And I don't want to live my life like everybody else 34 00:01:53,901 --> 00:01:57,909 And I don't want to live my life like everybody else. 35 00:01:58,034 --> 00:02:00,057 ALL: Surprise! 36 00:02:01,669 --> 00:02:03,654 - Did you do this?! - Come on! 37 00:02:04,383 --> 00:02:06,197 And our wee besom! 38 00:02:06,231 --> 00:02:07,838 How did you get everyone's numbers?! 39 00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:09,523 Like everybody else 40 00:02:09,549 --> 00:02:11,651 Like everybody else 41 00:02:11,685 --> 00:02:13,593 Like everybody else 42 00:02:13,636 --> 00:02:15,466 Like everybody else 43 00:02:15,496 --> 00:02:17,469 Like everybody else 44 00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:19,183 Like everybody else 45 00:02:19,230 --> 00:02:21,584 Like everybody else. 46 00:02:21,974 --> 00:02:23,000 Hello. 47 00:02:25,726 --> 00:02:27,956 Sorry, it's the speech now. (SHE LAUGHS) 48 00:02:33,216 --> 00:02:35,120 Speech! 49 00:02:42,147 --> 00:02:43,583 I wish my parents weren't so popular, 50 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:46,319 - then there wouldn't be so many of you! - LAUGHTER 51 00:02:49,037 --> 00:02:50,935 Um, I thought I'd say a few words 52 00:02:50,974 --> 00:02:53,135 for Mum and Dad's special anniversary. 53 00:02:54,225 --> 00:02:56,253 And they didn't have any other kids, so it had to be me. 54 00:02:56,266 --> 00:02:57,840 LAUGHTER 55 00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:00,390 On the plus side, being the only child, 56 00:03:00,408 --> 00:03:03,152 - I do get all the inheritance. - LAUGHTER 57 00:03:07,088 --> 00:03:08,915 Thanks for having that vasectomy, Dad! 58 00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:10,741 LAUGHTER 59 00:03:13,463 --> 00:03:17,527 Shout out to my pal Helen for helping me pull this off, 60 00:03:18,071 --> 00:03:21,043 and to Gran for paying for it. 61 00:03:21,399 --> 00:03:23,329 Still got her credit card, she forgot. 62 00:03:23,376 --> 00:03:24,649 LAUGHTER 63 00:03:24,774 --> 00:03:26,844 No, I'm only joking. I just kept it. 64 00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:29,476 No. (SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) 65 00:03:33,660 --> 00:03:35,920 What can I say about Mum and Dad? 66 00:03:37,219 --> 00:03:38,760 They just go together. 67 00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:40,464 They come as a pair. 68 00:03:40,678 --> 00:03:41,857 They're like... 69 00:03:42,054 --> 00:03:46,143 ... trousers or scissors or spectacles. 70 00:03:46,597 --> 00:03:49,400 The world wouldn't make sense if they weren't together. 71 00:03:49,835 --> 00:03:50,928 You inspire me. 72 00:03:50,945 --> 00:03:52,622 ALL: Ahhhh! 73 00:03:54,619 --> 00:03:56,840 And, on the third Friday of the month, 74 00:03:56,874 --> 00:04:00,986 let's just say you do not want to be in the bedroom next to theirs! 75 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:02,840 AUDIENCE MURMURS 76 00:04:03,138 --> 00:04:04,716 Massive third wheel! 77 00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:06,280 Shit... 78 00:04:06,548 --> 00:04:07,804 Um... 79 00:04:09,438 --> 00:04:11,050 Sorry! 80 00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:17,760 MARNIE LAUGHS 81 00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:22,059 SHE SIGHS 82 00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:30,051 It's a bit shit for them, 'cos I still live at home. 83 00:04:33,257 --> 00:04:35,148 I'm one of those people who moves home, 84 00:04:35,204 --> 00:04:37,880 er, in with their parents after uni, um, 85 00:04:38,046 --> 00:04:40,940 and works their summer job till something better comes along, 86 00:04:40,979 --> 00:04:44,005 and 13 months later still hasn't done anything with her English degree. 87 00:04:45,446 --> 00:04:47,509 Except for write this... 88 00:04:48,508 --> 00:04:51,059 ... collection of words. 89 00:04:54,185 --> 00:04:55,617 Errr... 90 00:05:01,940 --> 00:05:03,724 Uh... Stop... 91 00:05:05,181 --> 00:05:06,481 Er... 92 00:05:06,606 --> 00:05:07,956 Um... 93 00:05:11,317 --> 00:05:12,800 Fuck, er... Sh... 94 00:05:13,006 --> 00:05:15,141 Sorry. And my hands are sweating. 95 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:17,474 Is it hot in here? It's, it's hot. 96 00:05:17,907 --> 00:05:19,485 It's hot! 97 00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:36,520 THEY ALL LAUGH 98 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:46,600 SHE GASPS 99 00:05:48,366 --> 00:05:50,111 Ah! 100 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:52,400 Ah, ah, ah, ah! 101 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:54,021 SCREAMS: Stop it! 102 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:57,320 BANG 103 00:05:57,445 --> 00:06:01,147 Welcome to the fucked-up mystery that is my life. 104 00:06:06,484 --> 00:06:08,920 Sorry if that made you a bit sick in your mouth. 105 00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:11,818 I've thought about a lot of awful things, 106 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:14,815 but that shitshow was the mother of them all. 107 00:06:22,977 --> 00:06:26,270 - _ - Loneliness... 108 00:06:27,613 --> 00:06:29,980 When I was 14, I started having 109 00:06:29,997 --> 00:06:32,600 relentless graphic thoughts about sex. 110 00:06:32,621 --> 00:06:35,130 Not just sex-sex, fucked-up-sex. 111 00:06:35,164 --> 00:06:37,200 Sex-that-gets-you-arrested-sex. 112 00:06:37,449 --> 00:06:40,708 And 3,723 days later... 113 00:06:40,785 --> 00:06:42,555 it hasn't stopped. 114 00:06:42,808 --> 00:06:46,551 The sun ain't gonna shine any more 115 00:06:46,954 --> 00:06:50,736 The moon ain't gonna rise in the sky 116 00:06:51,315 --> 00:06:55,160 The tears are always clouding your eyes... 117 00:06:55,336 --> 00:06:58,753 It's like The Sixth Sense, but I don't see dead people. 118 00:07:00,485 --> 00:07:02,144 I see naked ones. 119 00:07:04,802 --> 00:07:08,717 I've turned everyone and everything you can imagine into filth, 120 00:07:08,914 --> 00:07:10,458 except my family. 121 00:07:11,924 --> 00:07:13,553 Until today. 122 00:07:16,451 --> 00:07:19,324 There's nothing to lose 123 00:07:19,367 --> 00:07:21,287 - but no more... - Most people move to London 124 00:07:21,313 --> 00:07:22,835 to seek their fortune. 125 00:07:23,153 --> 00:07:25,533 I'll settle for some fucking answers. 126 00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:29,640 The sun ain't gonna shine any more 127 00:07:29,765 --> 00:07:33,946 - _ - The moon ain't gonna rise in the sky 128 00:07:34,366 --> 00:07:37,465 The tears are always clouding your eyes... 129 00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:39,400 TRAFFIC ROARS 130 00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:41,200 SIRENS 131 00:07:45,260 --> 00:07:48,520 The sun ain't gonna shine any more... 132 00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:51,113 PHONE VIBRATES 133 00:07:55,512 --> 00:07:57,703 _ 134 00:07:58,312 --> 00:07:59,916 I'm doing them a favour. 135 00:07:59,950 --> 00:08:01,923 Nobody wants a pervert for a daughter... 136 00:08:01,966 --> 00:08:04,517 they can't stick THAT in their Christmas newsletter. 137 00:08:14,283 --> 00:08:16,359 LOUD HORN 138 00:08:19,346 --> 00:08:21,066 _ 139 00:08:27,050 --> 00:08:29,545 That's not just a random nipple. 140 00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:33,351 That's 781 minutes of thinking what I could do to it. 141 00:08:33,827 --> 00:08:35,080 Lick it, 142 00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:36,560 suck it, 143 00:08:36,743 --> 00:08:38,075 flick it... 144 00:08:38,372 --> 00:08:40,044 ... milk it? 145 00:08:49,297 --> 00:08:51,800 DISTANT SIRENS 146 00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:56,517 WHISPERS: Fuck's sake. 147 00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:03,200 HELEN GASPS ON VIDEO 148 00:09:14,233 --> 00:09:18,435 _ 149 00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:29,587 PHONE RINGS 150 00:09:29,677 --> 00:09:31,970 - Hi. - For fuck's sake, Marn. 151 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:34,470 Your mum said you're in fucking London! What the fuck?! 152 00:09:34,534 --> 00:09:37,320 You can't just fuck off to London and expect me to do nothing. 153 00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:39,092 I was SO worried. 154 00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:45,360 I... 155 00:09:45,644 --> 00:09:47,089 I just keep... 156 00:09:47,805 --> 00:09:49,649 ... thinking about all this stuff. 157 00:09:49,927 --> 00:09:51,124 What stuff? 158 00:09:51,249 --> 00:09:53,238 You always say that, but you never say what. 159 00:09:53,363 --> 00:09:54,781 - I can't... - Shh! 160 00:09:55,725 --> 00:09:57,080 Do you want me to come down? 161 00:09:57,252 --> 00:09:59,120 'Cos I will, I've got holidays to take. 162 00:09:59,288 --> 00:10:00,920 No, I don't want anyone with me. 163 00:10:01,045 --> 00:10:03,790 Well, what am I supposed to do if I'm up here and you're down there? 164 00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:05,646 (CRYING) I don't know what's wrong with me! 165 00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:09,640 You're just a bit... anxious, aren't you? 166 00:10:09,809 --> 00:10:11,722 That's what it is, it's anxiety. 167 00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:13,195 Everyone's got it. 168 00:10:13,411 --> 00:10:17,051 - God, you're so mainstream! - THEY LAUGH 169 00:10:17,226 --> 00:10:18,898 Speak to someone. 170 00:10:19,314 --> 00:10:20,407 Please? 171 00:10:22,097 --> 00:10:24,331 I'm really worried about you, Marn. 172 00:10:24,657 --> 00:10:26,080 S... s... so am I. 173 00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:29,120 SHE SOBS 174 00:10:30,950 --> 00:10:32,571 _ 175 00:10:49,591 --> 00:10:52,134 Marnie Macauley, room 5. 176 00:10:53,017 --> 00:10:55,916 You won't shock me. I've heard some things. 177 00:10:57,707 --> 00:11:00,941 Er... I just worry all the time. 178 00:11:01,485 --> 00:11:03,880 About sex stuff, mainly. 179 00:11:04,195 --> 00:11:07,912 And what triggers these worries? 180 00:11:08,594 --> 00:11:10,227 Anyone with genitalia. 181 00:11:10,300 --> 00:11:11,400 SHE CLEARS HER THROAT 182 00:11:11,660 --> 00:11:14,468 Who has an anxiety attack in the M&S lingerie department 183 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:16,436 or while watching Lorraine? 184 00:11:16,899 --> 00:11:19,180 Oh, um... 185 00:11:19,231 --> 00:11:24,531 So, what is it about those situations that... distresses you? 186 00:11:26,036 --> 00:11:27,511 Well, um... 187 00:11:27,536 --> 00:11:29,723 With Lorraine, er, 188 00:11:29,851 --> 00:11:32,063 I was watching it and I noticed her shoes, 189 00:11:32,076 --> 00:11:34,061 'cos she always has nice shoes on, 190 00:11:34,151 --> 00:11:38,293 and I noticed the pointy heels, and... 191 00:11:39,347 --> 00:11:41,971 ... then I thought about where she could put one, 192 00:11:42,374 --> 00:11:44,317 like in her vagina. 193 00:11:47,648 --> 00:11:50,400 And then I was like, why did I think that? 194 00:11:50,744 --> 00:11:52,729 Do I want to do that to Lorraine? 195 00:11:53,286 --> 00:11:54,791 So then I tried to unthink it, 196 00:11:54,821 --> 00:11:56,785 but it just made me think about it more, 197 00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:59,670 and then it was an hour later and I was still thinking about it, and... 198 00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:01,170 ... I couldn't breathe. 199 00:12:01,346 --> 00:12:02,787 That's why it distressed me. 200 00:12:03,211 --> 00:12:04,802 So you mostly think about women? 201 00:12:04,973 --> 00:12:07,537 - Not just women, but... - You have explicit 202 00:12:07,743 --> 00:12:10,178 sexual thoughts about them and it upsets you? 203 00:12:11,002 --> 00:12:12,880 Is it possible you could be gay? 204 00:12:15,851 --> 00:12:17,691 Is being gay so hard to imagine? 205 00:12:17,816 --> 00:12:19,170 SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY 206 00:12:20,023 --> 00:12:23,153 I haven't been with a woman. 207 00:12:24,847 --> 00:12:28,155 I've spent so much time trying to decide if I want to, 208 00:12:28,675 --> 00:12:31,458 and I moved home to the Borders after uni so I couldn't, 209 00:12:31,466 --> 00:12:33,898 'cos it's home, and you can't sleep with a woman 210 00:12:33,906 --> 00:12:35,724 'cos she probably goes to Zumba with your mum, 211 00:12:35,763 --> 00:12:37,838 and you can't go to the doctor because 212 00:12:37,851 --> 00:12:40,629 sometimes he comes over to play penny whistle with your dad. 213 00:12:41,114 --> 00:12:43,134 Not a euphemism, it actually happens. 214 00:12:45,406 --> 00:12:47,160 You're not at home any more. 215 00:13:02,560 --> 00:13:04,160 DOG BARKS 216 00:13:08,645 --> 00:13:09,764 - PARTY POPPER SNAPS - Sorry! 217 00:13:09,772 --> 00:13:12,143 I had it left over from a work party, and I couldn't resist. 218 00:13:12,156 --> 00:13:15,304 'Cos Marnie's in the house! Woo! Woo! 219 00:13:15,429 --> 00:13:17,224 Woo! Come in! Come in, come in. 220 00:13:17,236 --> 00:13:20,363 - Thanks so much for letting me stay. - Thanks for wanting to! 221 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:23,206 You look amazing, by the way. 222 00:13:23,223 --> 00:13:25,268 Oh, thanks. So do you. 223 00:13:26,614 --> 00:13:28,440 So, what have you been up to? 224 00:13:28,607 --> 00:13:31,484 I've not seen you since school, except on Instagram. 225 00:13:31,514 --> 00:13:33,916 And that one time at the Co-op at Christmas. 226 00:13:33,956 --> 00:13:36,433 Erm, just... uni. 227 00:13:36,558 --> 00:13:38,169 And moved home for a bit. 228 00:13:38,495 --> 00:13:40,724 - Worked at the golf club. - Yeah, then what? 229 00:13:41,236 --> 00:13:44,197 Erm... cut to now! 230 00:13:44,373 --> 00:13:45,373 Oh! 231 00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:47,846 I thought you would have written a book by now, 232 00:13:47,858 --> 00:13:51,269 - or at least have a podcast, or... - That's why I'm here! 233 00:13:52,513 --> 00:13:56,075 - Thanks again for letting me stay! - It's fine, it'll be just like school. 234 00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:57,539 Except you'll have to talk to me, 235 00:13:57,561 --> 00:13:59,383 and your friends won't victimise me! 236 00:14:00,326 --> 00:14:01,516 SHE LAUGHS UNCERTAINLY 237 00:14:03,402 --> 00:14:07,175 So, erm, where's your spare room? 238 00:14:10,883 --> 00:14:12,676 (SHE LAUGHS) Funny! 239 00:14:12,716 --> 00:14:14,741 Yeah, well, I still need to clear it out. 240 00:14:16,328 --> 00:14:17,668 Oh, you're serious? 241 00:14:17,689 --> 00:14:20,535 Well, I did say it was a little bijou, but, it's London, you know. 242 00:14:20,573 --> 00:14:24,206 But it's private, it's got a door. Look, you can close it. 243 00:14:25,042 --> 00:14:26,634 Thanks. 244 00:14:27,036 --> 00:14:29,273 It's just going to be for a bit while I get myself sorted. 245 00:14:29,297 --> 00:14:31,116 So what made you come to London? 246 00:14:33,241 --> 00:14:36,999 - Just fancied a change. - Oh, yeah, me too. 247 00:14:37,015 --> 00:14:38,373 I'm learning shiatsu at the moment, 248 00:14:38,397 --> 00:14:40,862 'cos I work in corporate for Pets For All, and it's really dry. 249 00:14:40,868 --> 00:14:43,516 I can't even remember the last time I touched an animal. 250 00:14:43,556 --> 00:14:45,906 So let me know if you want a massage. 251 00:14:45,970 --> 00:14:48,928 - Oh, I'm good, thanks. - Or anything that'll make your stay more comfortable. 252 00:14:48,950 --> 00:14:53,031 Like a cup of tea, toothpaste, biscuits, sanitary towel. 253 00:14:53,479 --> 00:14:55,885 Oyster card, tourist information leaflet. 254 00:14:55,922 --> 00:14:57,712 Whatever you need, just say. 255 00:14:57,782 --> 00:14:59,797 I can get you anything. 256 00:15:00,558 --> 00:15:02,048 Except drugs. 257 00:15:02,429 --> 00:15:05,124 Well, I can get you cat tranquilisers from work, but... 258 00:15:05,156 --> 00:15:06,930 It's OK, I brought my own. 259 00:15:07,418 --> 00:15:09,642 - Oh, did you? - No! (LAUGHS AWKWARDLY) 260 00:15:09,685 --> 00:15:13,281 No. Erm, thanks, though. 261 00:15:13,350 --> 00:15:15,933 You're a really good friend. 262 00:15:16,174 --> 00:15:17,589 SHE LAUGHS 263 00:15:18,345 --> 00:15:19,615 Yeah, well... 264 00:15:19,953 --> 00:15:22,862 I'm going to go to the shops, but these are for you! 265 00:15:22,868 --> 00:15:25,301 - Thanks! - COCKNEY ACCENT: Welcome to London, mate! 266 00:15:25,478 --> 00:15:27,236 SHE LAUGHS 267 00:15:32,885 --> 00:15:34,992 It's just a roomful of women. 268 00:15:35,008 --> 00:15:38,294 I've been in loads of them. Toilets, fitting rooms, 269 00:15:38,304 --> 00:15:41,589 Emily Bront? Society... This'll be just like that. 270 00:15:41,632 --> 00:15:45,208 Except I'm wasted, and I won't have to discuss Wuthering Heights. 271 00:15:46,756 --> 00:15:49,076 DANCE MUSIC PLAYS 272 00:16:03,243 --> 00:16:06,148 - Yes? - Can I get a vodka soda, please? 273 00:16:06,475 --> 00:16:09,545 - Do you have some ID? - To see if I'm gay? 274 00:16:10,021 --> 00:16:15,212 - To see if you're that. - Oh! Sure. Sorry. 275 00:16:18,236 --> 00:16:20,130 Thanks. 276 00:16:27,566 --> 00:16:29,261 I like your top. 277 00:16:30,276 --> 00:16:32,370 WOMAN LAUGHS 278 00:16:34,018 --> 00:16:35,860 You can tap here. 279 00:16:37,629 --> 00:16:39,451 Thanks. 280 00:16:54,102 --> 00:16:56,065 Can I get you a drink? 281 00:16:56,681 --> 00:17:01,953 - Thanks. I'm teetotal till Tuesday. - Why? 282 00:17:02,676 --> 00:17:04,756 For this article I'm writing. 283 00:17:05,068 --> 00:17:07,922 I'm like the Duracell bunny, and my skin is mint, 284 00:17:07,928 --> 00:17:11,257 but I'm boring as fuck on a night out. 285 00:17:11,516 --> 00:17:14,955 Especially when your mates are hammered by half eight. 286 00:17:16,020 --> 00:17:17,802 Are you a writer? 287 00:17:25,936 --> 00:17:27,377 Sorry, do you mind? 288 00:17:27,424 --> 00:17:29,260 She's, like, right there in front of me, 289 00:17:29,287 --> 00:17:30,757 and she thinks I'm looking down her top. 290 00:17:30,781 --> 00:17:33,347 Which I was, because that's what I'm like. 291 00:17:35,290 --> 00:17:36,796 So... 292 00:17:37,250 --> 00:17:40,287 - ... been gay for long? - SHE LAUGHS 293 00:17:41,064 --> 00:17:42,849 Who asks that? 294 00:17:43,481 --> 00:17:45,470 Have you just come out or something? 295 00:17:45,595 --> 00:17:48,197 Well, I've opened the door! 296 00:17:48,219 --> 00:17:50,491 I don't want any drama. 297 00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:54,430 Me neither. Erm, I just want... pussy. 298 00:17:58,288 --> 00:17:59,876 So who do you write for? 299 00:18:00,111 --> 00:18:01,574 Ethel. 300 00:18:02,036 --> 00:18:06,103 - It's this online magazine. - Wow! 301 00:18:06,478 --> 00:18:08,483 I wish I could write professionally. 302 00:18:08,608 --> 00:18:10,316 So what have you been doing? 303 00:18:12,042 --> 00:18:13,596 I've just been living my life. 304 00:18:13,655 --> 00:18:16,978 And then, suddenly, I was like, "I hate my life". 305 00:18:17,042 --> 00:18:22,793 So, the other day I was like, "Fuck it, I don't have to do this". 306 00:18:23,276 --> 00:18:26,331 I packed a bag, got on a bus in Scotland, 307 00:18:26,390 --> 00:18:28,555 and got off a bus in London. 308 00:18:29,615 --> 00:18:30,966 The other day? 309 00:18:30,987 --> 00:18:35,050 Well, yeah. Yesterday, I was like, "I have to do this now!" 310 00:18:35,104 --> 00:18:36,770 THEY LAUGH 311 00:18:45,828 --> 00:18:47,463 Well, we're always looking for interns, 312 00:18:47,522 --> 00:18:49,784 so you should send us your CV. 313 00:18:49,837 --> 00:18:51,162 Yeah? 314 00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:53,519 Cool! Thanks. 315 00:18:53,798 --> 00:18:58,129 Obviously, that will be redacted if your moves are shite. 316 00:19:02,357 --> 00:19:05,921 I feel depressed, I feel so bad 317 00:19:07,925 --> 00:19:11,827 'Cos you're the best girl that I've ever had 318 00:19:14,035 --> 00:19:18,195 I can't get your love, I can't get a fraction 319 00:19:20,044 --> 00:19:23,946 Uh-oh, little girl, psychotic reaction 320 00:19:24,728 --> 00:19:26,995 And it feels like this! 321 00:19:42,779 --> 00:19:45,991 - I'm going to the loo. - All right. 322 00:20:29,368 --> 00:20:31,039 VOICEOVER: My hand's so sweaty. 323 00:20:31,077 --> 00:20:32,793 Must be like holding a flipper. 324 00:20:32,918 --> 00:20:35,255 Is that desire or anxiety? 325 00:20:38,381 --> 00:20:41,460 Here's a feeling. I'm pissed off! 326 00:20:41,796 --> 00:20:44,799 - Oh, hey, Amber. You all right? - Yeah, not bad, yourself? 327 00:20:44,860 --> 00:20:47,048 - How's the art stuff going? - Yeah. 328 00:20:47,173 --> 00:20:49,638 Just... yeah. 329 00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:54,279 Right, after you. 330 00:20:59,746 --> 00:21:02,597 So, what was it this time? Did you not like her drawings? 331 00:21:02,625 --> 00:21:04,267 Doesn't matter, it's finished. 332 00:21:05,872 --> 00:21:08,836 BIKE CLATTERS LOUDLY 333 00:21:14,902 --> 00:21:16,503 Hi, I'm Marnie. 334 00:21:17,422 --> 00:21:18,737 Joe. 335 00:21:19,196 --> 00:21:20,593 Babe, it's not a meeting. 336 00:21:20,659 --> 00:21:22,553 Yeah, sorry, that was really formal. 337 00:21:22,604 --> 00:21:24,078 Anyway, I should let you two... 338 00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:25,375 It's OK, you don't have to... 339 00:21:25,413 --> 00:21:27,139 It's fine, he's going to go upstairs 340 00:21:27,167 --> 00:21:28,772 and listen to James Blake on repeat. 341 00:21:28,897 --> 00:21:30,633 It's what he usually does. 342 00:21:33,721 --> 00:21:36,963 So... which one's yours? 343 00:21:39,133 --> 00:21:41,139 Um, it's that one. 344 00:21:45,851 --> 00:21:47,166 Right. 345 00:21:57,485 --> 00:21:59,081 Just make yourself at home. 346 00:22:00,424 --> 00:22:02,201 It's like Pinterest in here. 347 00:22:03,531 --> 00:22:04,991 When Nanna died, 348 00:22:05,327 --> 00:22:08,238 - I got loads of her furniture. - Cool. 349 00:22:09,204 --> 00:22:10,842 Not that your gran died, 350 00:22:10,860 --> 00:22:13,725 but that you got free stuff out of her. 351 00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:21,337 And loads of perfume. 352 00:22:21,985 --> 00:22:24,112 I smell like a dead old lady. 353 00:22:24,116 --> 00:22:26,949 No, I'm being serious. Go on, smell. 354 00:22:29,627 --> 00:22:31,064 Do you have anything to drink? 355 00:22:31,390 --> 00:22:33,666 Like booze or something? 356 00:22:33,708 --> 00:22:36,255 No, I binned it all when I went teetotal, didn't I? 357 00:22:41,061 --> 00:22:42,713 So... 358 00:22:43,954 --> 00:22:45,633 what shall we do? 359 00:22:53,653 --> 00:22:57,613 I'm just going to go to the loo, again. I drank a lot. 360 00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:00,945 It's upstairs. 361 00:23:15,668 --> 00:23:17,076 JOE CLEARS THROAT 362 00:23:21,123 --> 00:23:23,996 Amber told me to make myself at home, and... 363 00:23:24,725 --> 00:23:30,277 When I'm at home, I like to relax with a nice glass of sherry. 364 00:23:31,462 --> 00:23:33,118 That's sherry vinegar. 365 00:23:34,523 --> 00:23:36,160 I'm realising that now. 366 00:23:36,444 --> 00:23:39,626 I've got some vodka in my room. 367 00:23:40,583 --> 00:23:42,790 Are you bragging or offering? 368 00:23:43,322 --> 00:23:44,745 I'm offering. 369 00:23:48,905 --> 00:23:52,889 Then I'll have some, with a vinaigrette chaser. 370 00:23:54,508 --> 00:23:55,996 It's OK, you don't have to come. 371 00:23:56,346 --> 00:23:58,590 Yeah. No, I'll wait here. 372 00:24:00,363 --> 00:24:01,814 VOICEOVER: Why did I think that? 373 00:24:02,089 --> 00:24:03,382 Do I want that? 374 00:24:03,507 --> 00:24:04,907 What if I did that? 375 00:24:05,476 --> 00:24:07,444 I can't get distracted by cock. 376 00:24:07,668 --> 00:24:09,343 Cocks ruin enough already. 377 00:24:09,362 --> 00:24:12,310 They're not ruining my first lesbian encounter. 378 00:24:26,058 --> 00:24:29,002 - Straight? - Well, I'm with Amber, so... 379 00:24:31,344 --> 00:24:33,672 Oh... I've not got any mixers. 380 00:24:36,588 --> 00:24:38,235 Straight's fine. 381 00:24:55,436 --> 00:24:56,694 You all right? 382 00:24:59,488 --> 00:25:01,863 Amber will be wondering where I am. 383 00:25:04,513 --> 00:25:06,879 VOICEOVER: It's like having sexual FOMO. 384 00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:08,479 Why am I thinking about men 385 00:25:08,512 --> 00:25:10,644 when I should be thinking about women? 386 00:25:11,348 --> 00:25:14,175 The only way I'll know what I feel in my body 387 00:25:14,185 --> 00:25:16,858 is if I feel nothing in my head. 388 00:25:19,937 --> 00:25:22,409 On a scale of one to fucked up, 389 00:25:22,428 --> 00:25:25,427 how fucked up would it be if I drank this? 390 00:25:46,379 --> 00:25:47,600 I think we should have sex. 391 00:25:47,638 --> 00:25:50,026 Whoa, keeno! 392 00:25:51,850 --> 00:25:53,356 Are you OK? 393 00:25:54,108 --> 00:25:57,812 - You've had quite a bit to drink. - Yeah, it makes me really horny. 394 00:26:02,907 --> 00:26:04,661 You taste really minty. 395 00:26:08,282 --> 00:26:09,910 We should lie down. 396 00:26:11,100 --> 00:26:16,115 - Are you sure? We can just chill. - Shh, Judgy McJudgerson. 397 00:26:30,694 --> 00:26:32,367 I'll do that. 398 00:26:32,717 --> 00:26:34,524 It's a lot easier. 399 00:26:34,845 --> 00:26:37,475 They get real tight at the ankles. 400 00:26:49,075 --> 00:26:52,737 It's impossible to do this in a sexy way! 401 00:26:59,933 --> 00:27:01,659 OK, boss. 402 00:27:03,782 --> 00:27:06,254 Oh, your knickers are off too. 403 00:27:06,592 --> 00:27:09,933 I can put them back on if it's a problem? 404 00:27:10,149 --> 00:27:12,691 No. It's fine. 405 00:27:21,718 --> 00:27:23,643 Are you ready? 406 00:27:23,713 --> 00:27:25,934 Yes, I'm ready 407 00:27:26,059 --> 00:27:27,996 Are you ready? 408 00:27:28,036 --> 00:27:30,156 Yes, I'm ready 409 00:27:30,214 --> 00:27:38,145 I don't even know how to love you... 410 00:27:38,174 --> 00:27:39,818 Keep going, that's it. 411 00:27:41,043 --> 00:27:42,600 Oh, yes. 412 00:27:43,049 --> 00:27:45,154 Oh, darling... 413 00:27:45,279 --> 00:27:48,227 - Oh! - What the fuck? 414 00:27:48,862 --> 00:27:52,023 Fuck. Fuck. 415 00:27:52,530 --> 00:27:54,236 What happened? 416 00:27:56,373 --> 00:27:58,466 I don't think you're my type. 417 00:27:59,569 --> 00:28:01,108 What? 418 00:28:07,156 --> 00:28:09,571 I've never done it with a girl before. 419 00:28:13,898 --> 00:28:15,968 I didn't know you were that new. 420 00:28:15,992 --> 00:28:18,908 You're practically still in your wrapping. Christ. 421 00:28:18,966 --> 00:28:22,832 Sorry. I've really got to go now, bye. 422 00:28:22,867 --> 00:28:26,356 - Well, at least let me get you a taxi or... - DOOR SLAMS 423 00:28:29,133 --> 00:28:32,084 Oh, you fucking twat. 424 00:28:51,806 --> 00:28:53,573 Fucking stop! 425 00:28:53,876 --> 00:28:56,051 I want it to stop. 426 00:29:04,490 --> 00:29:06,840 - Shit! Oh. You OK? - Sorry. 427 00:29:06,916 --> 00:29:08,391 I got a mixer. 428 00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:13,619 I didn't go out especially. I was going... Whoa! 429 00:29:14,249 --> 00:29:17,509 - Sorry. - It's fine, you missed. You all right? 430 00:29:18,606 --> 00:29:20,285 Yeah... 431 00:29:20,410 --> 00:29:23,026 Let's get this out of the way. 432 00:29:23,061 --> 00:29:25,195 No, it's OK, you don't have to... (SHE VOMITS AGAIN) 433 00:29:25,207 --> 00:29:27,265 What did you eat? 434 00:29:31,982 --> 00:29:34,665 I'm disgusting. There's sick on the street. 435 00:29:34,790 --> 00:29:37,685 A fox will eat it. Now, that's disgusting. 436 00:29:38,087 --> 00:29:41,178 - Those people are looking. - It's London. 437 00:29:41,377 --> 00:29:43,236 Nobody gives a shit. 438 00:29:44,012 --> 00:29:46,433 As long as you don't mug them or talk to them, 439 00:29:46,456 --> 00:29:47,669 you can do what you like. 440 00:29:48,340 --> 00:29:49,711 That's what's so good about it. 441 00:29:49,728 --> 00:29:51,553 Why do you think people come and live here? 442 00:29:54,703 --> 00:29:56,388 Do you want my number? 443 00:29:56,808 --> 00:30:00,295 Oh, confusing, and forward. 444 00:30:00,636 --> 00:30:02,316 Give me your phone. 445 00:30:05,013 --> 00:30:08,063 - You definitely won't remember this. - I will. 446 00:30:08,972 --> 00:30:12,197 I will remember this, 447 00:30:12,523 --> 00:30:14,850 'cos it's quite nice. 448 00:30:18,786 --> 00:30:20,110 Will you be OK? 449 00:30:20,145 --> 00:30:22,571 - You want me to get you a cab or something? - No! 450 00:30:22,641 --> 00:30:24,005 I'm a feminist. 451 00:30:24,130 --> 00:30:28,623 If you follow me, it's harassment, so don't, please. 452 00:30:30,624 --> 00:30:33,902 I'll just watch until you get round the corner. 453 00:30:35,651 --> 00:30:37,698 Hey, this isn't creepy. 454 00:30:42,031 --> 00:30:43,728 This is creepy. 455 00:30:55,227 --> 00:30:58,242 VOICEOVER: People here don't give a shit what I do. 456 00:30:59,292 --> 00:31:01,799 What if I sucked off that man? 457 00:31:02,301 --> 00:31:04,388 What if I finger-banged that woman? 458 00:31:04,423 --> 00:31:07,054 What if I wanked on that bollard? 459 00:31:14,064 --> 00:31:18,236 I could do anything and no one would even notice me. 460 00:31:18,734 --> 00:31:24,082 I'm anonymous, a nobody, a stranger. I could be anyone. 461 00:31:24,116 --> 00:31:26,556 London doesn't give a shit what that is. 462 00:31:41,326 --> 00:31:44,569 I am lost in a city of 8 million people. 463 00:31:44,942 --> 00:31:47,747 But I will find myself here. 464 00:31:47,951 --> 00:31:51,316 Even if that does make me sound like a massive wanker. 465 00:31:51,676 --> 00:31:54,495 Something is wrong with me! 466 00:31:54,850 --> 00:31:57,725 MUSIC: I Could Be Happy by Altered Images 467 00:32:03,410 --> 00:32:07,224 I would like to climb high in a tree 468 00:32:07,253 --> 00:32:10,356 I could be happy, I could be happy 469 00:32:10,572 --> 00:32:14,444 Or go to Skye on my holiday 470 00:32:14,516 --> 00:32:18,187 I could be happy, I could be happy 471 00:32:18,236 --> 00:32:21,471 Maybe swim a mile down the Nile 472 00:32:21,663 --> 00:32:25,413 I could be happy, I could be happy 473 00:32:29,070 --> 00:32:31,857 All of these things I do 474 00:32:32,737 --> 00:32:35,156 All of these things I do 475 00:32:35,484 --> 00:32:38,615 To get away from you 476 00:32:39,939 --> 00:32:44,189 Get away, run away, far away 477 00:32:44,224 --> 00:32:46,452 How do I 478 00:32:46,890 --> 00:32:51,890 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 479 00:32:51,940 --> 00:32:56,490 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 34478

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