All language subtitles for Gary Unmarried s02e10 Gary Gives Sasha His Full Attention.eng

Hey, gar.
Now let me ask you something.

Charlene's out of town
for a few days

And I'm watching
her daughter michaela.

Any ideas how to entertain
a 13-year-old girl?

Oh, why don't you
take her to, like, pepe's pizza?

That place is cool.
They got video games, they serve pizza.

Heck, they even serve
beer over there. You know what?

If you go, I'll go
with you. What time do you want to go?

Morning, guys.
Hey, could we turn on the air? I'm boiling.

Of course
you're boiling.

You're wearing
a sweater. It's 75 degrees out.

I just miss
wearing sweaters.

You know, you guys have
no change of seasons here.

Winter in l.A. Is blond guys
in flip-flops sitting outside starbucks

Working on
their screenplay idea.

Ok, first of all,
it's a miniseries.

I guess I just miss home.

Hey, I know
what'll cheer you up.

Let's go out to dinner
at my favorite restaurant.

Oh, that barbecue place?
Oh, I don't know.

There's a picture of
a pig wearing a top hat. It weirds me out.

Let me tell you something.

Anytime you see a pig
wearing formal wear,

That's class.

Besides, we're going
to my other favorite restaurant--leo's.

Come on. What do you say?
It'll be like our first date.

Oh, gary, I actually
wanted to talk to you about that.

Can I see you
in my office?

Oh, yes, principal warden.
I've been a very bad boy. Maybe you can give me an "f".

I talk too much.

Look, I like you,
gary.

It's just I'm
wondering if we have

Too many things
stacked against us.

I mean,
we work together,

And just the thought
of dating a divorced guy really scares me.

You see, um,
it's just

When my mom and dad
got divorced,

My dad went through
this whole string of women

And he wasn't
really there for any of them.

Between weekends
with us and all the fighting with my mom

They just got
the last scraps of his attention.

Look, if you and I date,
that's not gonna happen

'cause I'm gonna give you
my full attention.

Gary,
you got to see this. What is it?

That...That's an example
of something

That will never happen
once we start dating.

Look, gary, I'm sorry.
I just don't think it's gonna work.

Well, I should let you know,
I'm the type of guy,

When I'm faced
with insurmountable odds,

I have a can-do attitude.
I'm sorry, gary.

The answer's no.
Well, there's nothing else I can do.

What is it, curtis?
It better be good. It is, man. Check this out.

Somebody has been writing
a horrible screenplay on your computer, man.

What is wrong
with you, gary?

I'm making all
this headway with sasha,

But, you know,
here's the problem:

She thinks that if we date,

I'm not gonna make her
my top priority.

Oh, man, I'm sorry.
Hey, look, let me give you an antidote.

I don't want another one
of your long stories, curtis.

Not an anecdote,
an antidote--

A corrective
countermeasure

That will remedy
your situation.

See, with a girl
that looks like sasha,

She could basically
have any man that she wants, ok?

I mean,
she's no fool.

She has sampled
the wares-- plenty, I am sure.

All right, ok.
Just get to the point.

You need to let
sasha know that she's the only one for you.

Make a unique gesture.
Make her feel special.

That'll take care of
all that priority stuff. Trust me.

Yeah.
You know, just to start, why don't you take her

To your favorite
restaurant?

I can't.
The pig ruined it for me.

Allison?
No.

An actual pig.
The barbecue place?

The pig's wearing
a little top hat and a tuxedo?

Oh, come on. You got
to be kidding me, man.

A pig in formal wear?
That's class.

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www.addic7ed.com

Gary, I need
the extra key for my car.

Mom needs the spare key
because she's trading in her station wagon

For a yellow convertible bug
that I'll be driving in a few years.

No way. That's a girl car.
I'm gonna be driving before louise.

I say minivan, ok?
Those things got, like, 10 cup holders.

The people in the back
control their own air conditioning.

Look, this is
gonna be my car, all right?

The one that
I pick out alone,

Without someone
embarrassing me

At the dealership
with his stupid haggling.

But it's not stupid.

My negotiations
have saved this family thousands of dollars.

Ok, gary,
you don't negotiate.

You get mad,
you get obnoxious,

And then you piss
the sales guy off.

We are the only people
in the history of car sales

Who had complimentary
coffee and doughnuts taken away.

Hey, everybody.
This is michaela.

Hi.
Hi, michaela. How are you?

Well, we just had
a great time at pepe's pizza arcade.

Wasn't that great
when we pretended to be hamsters,

Just running around
through those big plastic tubes?

No.

She's shy.

Want to go hang out
with me and tom?

It has to be better than
watching a grown man play in the ball pit for an hour.

You know what?
5 minutes of playing,

55 minutes of looking
for my wallet.

You cannot believe
how many lugies were at the bottom of that thing.

Oh!

And what the hell
am I supposed to do with this kid?

She doesn't like fun.

I took her
to ripley's museum

And she didn't have
a good time,

Believe it or not.

Well, she could hang out
with tom and louise

Tomorrow night
at my house, if you think that'll help.

God bless you, woman.
Sure, sure, it's not a problem.

I'm going car-shopping
without gary for the first time.

Oh.
Have fun getting screwed.

Ah!

As long as you're
not part of it, I'm sure I will.

Hey, come on.
Let's go get a beer.

All right.
Hey, you have

Any luck coming up
with an idea to charm sasha?

Not yet.

Well, you are
in luck, sir,

Because I had
a brainstorm.

At pepe's
pizza arcade,

I was watching
that purple dog

Who plays the piano
in the band?

Banjo.
No, no, the purple dog

No, I know he plays the piano.
That's his name--banjo.

Well, then he should
play the banjo. That's ridiculous.

Is that where the
country critter band loses credibility for you, curtis?

Anyway, I'm talking
about the idea I had--dogs,

Specifically
puppies.

My niece had
her 7th birthday,

And we threw her
a puppy party.

That sounds like it's
for kids, though.

Yeah, but that's
where you're wrong.

See, the parents
liked it more than anybody.

See, there was
this one puppy--

He would put
his paws over his eyes

Like he was hiding,
like this.

Silly puppy.

We can still
see you.

So you think I should do
the puppy party for sasha?

You put puppies
in her office and she walks in,

She will let you
eat breakfast off her stomach.

That's what me
and charlene did on Sunday.

Yeah, we had
pancakes,

French toast,
sausage,

Fruit salad,

Almond...,
and she had sticky buns.

That's 'cause the
sugar had gone down around the sides,

And the sugar was
around her buns and all,

And it got
all entrapped down there...

Hey, you know what?

I think this puppy party
is really going

To put me over the top
with sasha.

Thanks, man.
You're welcome. Hey, here she comes.

You don't mind if I stand
here and watch the puppies work their magic, huh?

No, but, look,
don't crowd me, ok?

'cause I don't want her
bumping into you

When she throws her arms
around me to hug me.

My mom called.

They just put
our family dog to sleep.

You know, I feel
like I'm crowding you. I'll see you later.

Oh, I'm just gonna go
in my office and be alone for a while.

No, no! No, no, no!
Don't go in your office.

Go home.
You've had a very traumatic day.

Just go home
and take the day off.

No, gary, really.
I really appreciate

You trying
to cheer me up,

I just--I should
start my day.

Ok, don't,
don't.

Ok, before you
open the door to your office,

Let me just say
I'm sorry.

Maybe many years
from now,

We'll look back
on this day and we'll laugh,

But I'm sure
that won't happen for quite some time.

Now, if you'll
excuse me, I'll go pack up my things.

Oh, my god!

And you know what?
Balloons were my first idea,

And I second-guessed
myself. Always go with your first instinct.

Who put
these puppies in my office?

Curtis.

This is the cutest thing
I've ever seen in my life!

Curtis had nothing
to do with it.

I put the puppies
in your office.

It's like I'm sad
about bucky,

But then I saw
all those puppies,

And, I mean,
how can you be sad when you got

A little guy like this
in your ear?

Well, he's got
to be back by 4:00.

Gary, how did you
know to do this?

Did you have a sense
about my family dog or something?

Uh, yeah, actually.
I've always had a bit

Of a sixth sense
when it comes to animals.

For instance, when I saw
the movie "snow dogs,

I just sort of knew
that was the end

Of cuba gooding, jr.'s
career.

Gary...

You go through
so much trouble to make me happy.

We should go out.

Let me pick you up
at 7:00.

Ok.
All right?

now grab a dust pan
and a plastic bag

'cause it's
ankle-deep in here.

See?

All I did was change
this 11 to a 14,

And this
once-expired coupon is now our ticket

To a tasty tray
of mongolian beef.

But there's no 14th month.

Are you hungry?

Yes.
Then don't piss me off.

What are you doing,
michaela?

I'm going to a party.
You guys should come.

It's at this
rich kid's house.

Really?

All the cool people
will be there.

Oh.

I knew it sounded
too good to be true.

Tom and I aren't cool.
Well, hey,

If I'm not cool,
then how come I threw away my spongebob pajamas?

Besides, if we went,
we'd get in huge trouble.

You guys are
divorce kids like me,

So if we get in trouble,
just blame it on that.

You just look at them
with sad eyes and say,

"you don't know how hard
it is being a child of divorce."

My god, that's genius.

How have we not
tried this before? Ok, I say we go.

Cool. My mom gave me
money for the weekend. We take the bus.

Ok, let's do it.

I'll bring my cello
in case they don't have music.

They'll have music there.
They'll have everything,

Including a couple
of nerds.

Great. We'll have someone
to make fun of.

Ok.

All right.

Sorry I took so long
with the sodas.

The guy tried
to hand it to me before the foam went down.

It's not my first rodeo.

I liked how you also
made him mush down the popcorn

With the scoop
so you could get more in.

You're damn straight.
If I want air, I'll breathe.

You know, we could
have gone to a movie you hadn't seen yet.

No. You know,
I really liked it,

And I know how much
you wanted to-- "d"--ben affleck!

Sorry. It's all right.
I love the movie quiz.

Yeah, I don't think
you're supposed to shout out the answers, though.

And if you do, shout
them out correctly. It's "c"--linda hunt.

No.

Who's this?

Mm-mmm.
Don't think so.

That's my ex-wife allison
trying to call me,

But I'm not answering
because tonight is all about you

And you are my priority.

oh, gosh.

Leave me alone,
allison.

Now, gary, it might
be an emergency.

What?

Gary, where are you?

I can't talk right now.
I'm on a date.

Tell your date
he's gonna have to watch the movie by himself.

You have to get down
to the car dealership to co-sign for my car.

Why?
Because my credit is screwed up

Because you rented a movie
3 years ago on my card

And you never returned it.
Now get down here.

This has to happen tonight.
I already turned in my car and agreed on a price.

Why would you agree
on a price if you just got to the dealership?

It doesn't even--

You know what, allison?
Sorry.

I'm not getting involved.

Heh!
Are you ok?

Yeah. What?
Oh, I'm good.

I'm--I'm fine.
Ok.

Yeah. Just...

She's only been
at the dealership for a half-hour and she said

She agreed on a price,
which means she probably got taken advantage of

Which I don't understand,
consider--you know what?

Forget it. I'm ok.
I don't even want to talk about that stuff anymore.

I just want to concentrate
on you and me and the great time we're gonna have.

Ok, gary, why don't
you just go?

I feel like
I'm sitting next to robin williams.

You want me to go?
You know what? Listen,

It's just gonna take
a little while.

Go quick, come back,
we'll go to dinner.

Ok. Then we go to dinner
when I come back. Absolutely.

You sure?
Yes.

Oh, you're the best.

Eric stoltz!

Gary, the movie quiz
is over.

No, that guy
looks just like eric stoltz.

Ah! Here is my co-signor.

All right.
What's going on? I'm in a hurry.

Well, we have
a little problem.

You got a big problem.
A bear escaped from the zoo, and he's standing

Outside your dealership
holding a sign that says "0% financing."

What's the credit issue
there, handsome?

Ok, look, you rented
the movie "strange brew"

On my mastercard
and never returned it.

It went to
a collection agency.

How do you know
I rented it?

Well, it's a movie
about a guy

Who gets locked
in a beer vat and avoids drowning

By drinking the beer
as it gushes in.

That's just one scene.
That's not what the movie's about.

Ok, gary, thank you.

I was really looking
forward to buying a car on my own

For the first time,
and you wrecked it.

Look, if you just sign
this form,

Allison will get her car
and you can be on your way.

Fine. I'm on a date anyway.
I got to get out of here.

Isn't this
a little high?

Gary, just sign the form.

This is, like, $1,500
over the sticker

And you only got
the standard package.

We're not buying the car
at this price. No.

Well, you're right.

We are not buying
the car.

She is.
Oh, ok.

She is my ex-wife,
who I pay alimony to,

So if she makes a poor
financial decision, it affects I.

Ok, you know what?
Gary, this is my deal, all right?

I accept
full responsibility, ok? Just sign it.

I don't know.
Extended warranty?

The car already comes
with a warranty.

You don't need that.
Take it off.

Well, what if
the engine blows

After the factory
warranty expires? Yeah.

You just told me you're
gonna sell a product where the engine's gonna blow?

No.
All right.

Then take it off.
We don't need it.

But it could blow.

But it won't.

You never know.
Sometimes they blow.

All right,
do me a favor. Take it off...

Wait. Gary? Gary?

Gary, just sign
the paper!

Please sign
the paper, gary!

Allison was doing
just fine before you got here.

Maybe you should
sign the paper

And get on
with your evening.

That's what the priest
said and I wound up with this clunker.

Let me tell you
something.

The air bags broke
the second I took it off the lot.

Maybe the air bags
didn't work

'cause you never hit
anything hard enough.

This is so great.

We should've
started breaking rules

A long time ago.

I know.
I'm on my fifth root beer.

I can't even describe
the feeling.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

I told you guys
there was nothing to worry about.

I like your crutches.
You wanna dance?

Yeah. Ok.
Oh, right here.

Yeah. Well.
Ha ha.

Uh-oh.

What? Who are
those people?

They're friends
of the brother of the kid

Who's having
this party.

I can't believe
they're here.

Because they're
so much older?

No. Because
I thought they were still in juvie.

Don't worry. If any
of those kids

Try to mess with
you, I'll cut them.

Oh, wow.
I believe you. Ha ha.

Sir, I have checked
with the manager now 5 times.

This is the only
price he is going to approve.

All right,
I want to talk to the bear.

Is the bear around?

Gary. Gary!

Gary, for god's sake,
just sign the paper.

Look, look, you have
ruined my credit.

I can ignore that,
all right?

But I don't care if
I'm paying too much

And I don't want
power-assisted brakes,

Because after
we're done here,

I don't want anything
to keep me

From running your ass
over, all right?

Ok, so just
sign the paper

Before I lose
my mind completely.

Can you do that
for me, please, gary?

Fine.
Good.

Getting a little
excited over it.

Uhh.

Thank you.
Good-bye.

Uh, mr. Hosenballs?

You...You forgot
to date this.

Gary?

Allison, I'm just
trying to get you the best deal possible.

I left a date
with a beautiful woman to do that.

Don't you understand that?

You know what I think?

I think you're still
in love with me.

Ha ha ha.
Wait, what? Yeah.

Why else would you
leave your date

With a beautiful,
young woman

To spend two hours
haggling to get your beloved ex-wife

A good deal
on her new car?

I've been here
two hours? Yeah. Yeah.

It's quarter after 10.

I gotta tell you, gary,
it's downright romantic.

Thank you, sweetheart.

Oh, my gosh.
I gotta get out of here.

All right.
Can I sign next to it

Or do I need to
initial the hosenballs?

Ok, roger.
It's your turn in the bear suit

I'm in the middle
of a deal, carl.

Chris, chris,
over here. Over here.

All right,
this is not cool.

You kids blew it.

I'm glad you called.
Where's michaela?

Hey, michaela.

Get your stuff.
You're leaving right now.

I'm just trying
to have some fun.

You're not my dad.
You don't know how hard

It is being
a child of divorce.

You know what?
I may not be your dad

But I'm the guy who's
in charge of you tonight,

So you can cut
the divorced parents crap.

I'm not buying it.

She wants to stay.

Why don't you
cool out, old dude?

You know what?
I think you need to step back, chump,

Unless you want
your homies here

To see you get
your ass kicked

By the guy
who played tevye in the alhambra playhouse

Production of
"fiddler on the roof."

Let's go. Now.

I gotta give my friends
a ride home, so...

Later.

Later.

Sasha. Look,
I know you said on the phone

Not to come over
and apologize,

But I have to because
everything I said

Wouldn't happen, happened,
and it's all my fault.

Gary, it's
no one's fault.

Look, you are
a great guy.

It's just I've always
had this vision

Of what a relationship
should look like,

And it doesn't look like
me sharing my popcorn

With a large
latina woman.

I can't let
this night end

Without doing
something right, ok?

So, do me a favor.

Why don't you just
come with me to my house

And let me
show you something?

Ha. I have fallen
for that before, gary.

So, no. Thank you.

Come on.
How about just a nice cup of coffee?

We'll get a cup
of coffee.

It's chock full o' gary.
Come on.

I don't know.

What could be better
than a hot cup of coffee

On a cold
winter's night?

What are you
talking about? It's 75 degrees outside.

Is it?

I know you said
you missed the seasons,

So I figured maybe
just for tonight,

I could bring
the seasons to you.

Oh, my god.

I've had
the air conditioner cranked all day.

I wasn't sure
what your religion was,

So I just hedged my bets.

Gary, I--this is
the sweetest thing

Anyone has ever
done for me.

Don't forget
your sweater.

There you go.
Ha ha.

You know when I said
I have a vision

Of what I want
a relationship to look like?

This is it.

Huh.

Ha ha.

Did we rock it out
tonight or what? You're a rebel.

You're a rebel.
You kissed that girl

Right in front of
her boyfriend!

Oh, yeah.
More marshmallows?

Ok. Would you two
like to tell me

What you guys were
thinking tonight?

It wasn't our fault.
We don't want--

We're children
of divorce.

What? No.
You left your bicycles

In the middle
of the driveway

And I almost ran them over
and scratched my new car.

Could you be a little more
responsible next time, please?

Mwah.
We will.

All right? Ok.
Yeah.

What's that smell?
Perfume?

Oh, I was just
trying something.

All right, well,
don't stay up too late, guys.

Ok.
Good night.

You're dangerous.

You're dangerous.
Ha.

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