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1
00:00:03,046 --> 00:00:04,047
Hey, babe.
2
00:00:04,091 --> 00:00:05,788
Hmm?Coming to bed soon?
3
00:00:05,831 --> 00:00:08,008
As soon as I'm done making
Shannon's lunch for tomorrow.
4
00:00:08,051 --> 00:00:09,835
It's kind of like
we're parents, huh?
5
00:00:09,879 --> 00:00:12,621
Sending our kid off to school
for the first time.Mm.
6
00:00:12,664 --> 00:00:15,058
Yeah, but instead of a cute
little kid with pigtails,
7
00:00:15,102 --> 00:00:16,712
it's your 16-year-old
terrifying sister
8
00:00:16,755 --> 00:00:18,061
with a Hello Kitty bong.
9
00:00:19,454 --> 00:00:21,325
Which I threw away.
10
00:00:21,369 --> 00:00:23,980
Look at us.
Making lunches,
11
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,982
confiscating drug
paraphernalia.
12
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:27,723
We are nailing parenting.
13
00:00:27,766 --> 00:00:29,029
Yeah, we are.
14
00:00:30,073 --> 00:00:32,032
All right,
catch you fools later.
15
00:00:32,075 --> 00:00:33,424
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
16
00:00:33,468 --> 00:00:34,947
Where are you going?
17
00:00:34,991 --> 00:00:36,079
Meeting some friends at a club.
18
00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:37,472
And before you get
all concerned,
19
00:00:37,515 --> 00:00:39,039
yes, I have my fake ID.
20
00:00:40,083 --> 00:00:41,824
Shannon, it's 10:30,
21
00:00:41,867 --> 00:00:44,566
and tomorrow is your
first day at a new school.
22
00:00:44,609 --> 00:00:46,176
10:30? Good point.
Club'll be empty.
23
00:00:46,220 --> 00:00:47,830
I'll leave in an hour.
[clicks tongue]
24
00:00:48,874 --> 00:00:50,833
You're not going anywhere.
25
00:00:50,876 --> 00:00:52,965
School starts earlier than
you're used to getting up.
26
00:00:53,009 --> 00:00:54,880
Yes. It's a time called...
27
00:00:54,924 --> 00:00:56,317
morning.
28
00:00:57,579 --> 00:00:59,320
The sun is out.
The air is crisp.
29
00:00:59,363 --> 00:01:00,625
Birds are tweeting.
30
00:01:00,669 --> 00:01:03,846
[scoffs]
Birds can't tweet.
31
00:01:03,889 --> 00:01:05,978
Sorry, you're
staying in.
32
00:01:06,022 --> 00:01:07,763
But I don't even want to go
to this stupid school.
33
00:01:07,806 --> 00:01:09,069
Okay, first of all,
34
00:01:09,112 --> 00:01:10,548
Theodore Roosevelt High School
is not stupid.
35
00:01:10,592 --> 00:01:13,116
They have some of the finest
teachers in the city.
36
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:14,900
[laughs] You know what they say
about teachers, right?
37
00:01:14,944 --> 00:01:16,641
Okay. Those who can't...
38
00:01:16,685 --> 00:01:18,121
I'm a teacher.
39
00:01:18,165 --> 00:01:21,255
Let me finish my sentence.
40
00:01:21,298 --> 00:01:23,953
Those who can't do
anything else...
41
00:01:23,996 --> 00:01:25,302
teach.
42
00:01:26,695 --> 00:01:28,088
Uh, Shannon,
43
00:01:28,131 --> 00:01:29,828
you may not be
into the ancient Greeks
44
00:01:29,872 --> 00:01:31,134
or anything pre-Snapchat...
45
00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:32,788
[laughs]
46
00:01:32,831 --> 00:01:34,964
...but Aristotle said,
"The roots of education
47
00:01:35,007 --> 00:01:36,531
are bitter, but the..."
48
00:01:36,574 --> 00:01:38,228
Shannon, what are you doing?
49
00:01:38,272 --> 00:01:40,752
[laughs]: I'm sending
a snap of this to Janelle.
50
00:01:40,796 --> 00:01:42,754
She's been having trouble
falling asleep recently.
51
00:01:42,798 --> 00:01:44,278
I thought this might help.
52
00:01:44,321 --> 00:01:46,149
Why do I even try?
53
00:01:46,193 --> 00:01:48,325
I don't know.
54
00:01:48,369 --> 00:01:49,892
All right,
I'm going in my room.
55
00:01:49,935 --> 00:01:52,982
Oh, has anybody seen
a little Hello Kitty, uh...
56
00:01:53,025 --> 00:01:54,940
statue that I left out?
57
00:01:54,984 --> 00:01:56,290
A statue, huh?
58
00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:57,987
Hmm.
Didn't know you were into those.
59
00:01:58,030 --> 00:01:59,293
What does it look like?
60
00:01:59,336 --> 00:02:02,992
Well, it's got a couple,
um, statue holes and...
61
00:02:03,035 --> 00:02:05,255
it's got some weed in it.
62
00:02:05,299 --> 00:02:07,692
I threw your bong away, Shannon.
63
00:02:07,736 --> 00:02:09,477
And you let him, Clem?
You used to smoke
64
00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:11,043
all the time
when you were my age.
65
00:02:11,087 --> 00:02:13,002
Yes, but I'm older now,
66
00:02:13,045 --> 00:02:15,265
and I'm telling you
to do the opposite.
67
00:02:15,309 --> 00:02:18,573
Which is the funnest
part of growing up.
68
00:02:20,270 --> 00:02:22,620
[groans softly]
69
00:02:22,664 --> 00:02:26,798
Right about now, I could use
that Hello Kitty statue.
70
00:02:26,842 --> 00:02:29,714
♪
71
00:02:33,849 --> 00:02:35,894
Hey, Nick, do you think
Shannon's gonna be okay
72
00:02:35,938 --> 00:02:38,070
at her new school?I'll tell you what I think.
73
00:02:38,114 --> 00:02:40,203
I think all we ever talk
about now isShannon.
74
00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:42,074
Oh, God, you're right.
75
00:02:42,118 --> 00:02:43,641
We're like
those annoying parents
76
00:02:43,685 --> 00:02:46,383
who can't stop talking
about how great their kids are.
77
00:02:46,427 --> 00:02:50,170
Except we're not parents
and our kid sucks.
78
00:02:50,213 --> 00:02:52,998
You know what makes us different
than those parents? We're young,
79
00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:54,304
we're hot,
80
00:02:54,348 --> 00:02:56,611
and we do it all the time.
81
00:02:56,654 --> 00:02:58,395
Mmm...
82
00:02:58,439 --> 00:03:01,181
Dowe do it all the time?
83
00:03:01,224 --> 00:03:03,139
We diddo it
all the time...
84
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:06,055
till Shannon moved in.
85
00:03:06,098 --> 00:03:09,145
Maybe that's why we've been at
each other's throats lately.
86
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,451
Have we?
87
00:03:10,494 --> 00:03:12,017
Yeah, like the other day,
you got mad at me
88
00:03:12,061 --> 00:03:13,367
when I accidentally
broke the blender.
89
00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:15,586
Who puts frozen mango
in a blender with no water?
90
00:03:15,630 --> 00:03:17,893
That's how you make
a mango shake!
91
00:03:19,068 --> 00:03:21,201
Look at us.
We're doing it again.
92
00:03:21,244 --> 00:03:23,594
Yeah, 'cause, again,
we're not doing it.
93
00:03:23,638 --> 00:03:24,987
[sighs]
94
00:03:25,030 --> 00:03:27,163
It's hard having Shannon
in our space.
95
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,773
But tomorrow,
once school starts,
96
00:03:28,817 --> 00:03:31,341
we're gonna get a lot of
structure back into our lives,
97
00:03:31,385 --> 00:03:33,213
and maybe we can...
98
00:03:33,256 --> 00:03:35,258
get back into our routine.
99
00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:37,086
Wait, you think our sex
is routine?
100
00:03:37,129 --> 00:03:39,175
I mean, maybe steps
one through four,
101
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,133
but, I mean, come on,
five through 11?
102
00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:45,050
How about we cut
to step nine right now?
103
00:03:45,094 --> 00:03:47,357
Ooh. It is on.
104
00:03:47,401 --> 00:03:50,012
And it's gonna be the
opposite of routine.
105
00:03:50,055 --> 00:03:53,233
But don't worry, Daddy's still
gonna throw in the greatest hits
106
00:03:53,276 --> 00:03:55,409
and give Mama
what she wants. [laughs]
107
00:03:56,453 --> 00:03:57,498
Hey, guys.
108
00:03:57,541 --> 00:03:58,586
Oh! Uh...
Oh.
109
00:03:58,629 --> 00:04:00,283
Get a room.
110
00:04:00,327 --> 00:04:01,502
We're in our room.
111
00:04:01,545 --> 00:04:02,894
Don't you knock?
112
00:04:02,938 --> 00:04:04,113
I try not to.
113
00:04:04,156 --> 00:04:05,854
My knuckles are a little sensy.
114
00:04:07,290 --> 00:04:08,726
Anyway, we got any apples?
115
00:04:08,770 --> 00:04:11,163
Do you need an apple so that
you can make a pipe out of it?
116
00:04:11,207 --> 00:04:13,296
[scoffs]
No!
117
00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:16,081
I need an apple
'cause you threw away my bong.
118
00:04:16,125 --> 00:04:17,953
Hey, Shannon...
119
00:04:17,996 --> 00:04:19,302
get out.
120
00:04:19,346 --> 00:04:21,086
Oh, I'll just use a potato.
121
00:04:21,130 --> 00:04:23,132
Shannon...
122
00:04:23,175 --> 00:04:24,873
Why haven't we put a lock
on this door?
123
00:04:24,916 --> 00:04:27,397
'Cause we've never had
a Shannon before.
124
00:04:27,441 --> 00:04:29,051
You know what?
125
00:04:29,094 --> 00:04:31,619
Tomorrow morning Shannon
has to leave at 7:30.
126
00:04:31,662 --> 00:04:33,882
We don't have to leave
until 8:00.
127
00:04:33,925 --> 00:04:37,189
That gives us a full
30-minute window of opportunity.
128
00:04:37,233 --> 00:04:38,103
Mmm...
129
00:04:38,147 --> 00:04:40,105
I like what you're suggesting.
130
00:04:40,149 --> 00:04:41,890
A good old-fashioned...
131
00:04:41,933 --> 00:04:43,718
smash-and-dash.
132
00:04:48,810 --> 00:04:50,551
Okay, I just saw Shannon.
133
00:04:50,594 --> 00:04:52,335
She's dressed for school
and ready to go.
134
00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:55,164
Any second now, she'll be
walking out of that room,
135
00:04:55,207 --> 00:04:57,514
and we will be
walking into ours.
136
00:04:57,558 --> 00:04:59,908
Great. I got her lunch,
packed her bag,
137
00:04:59,951 --> 00:05:02,476
and manscaped
all my business.
138
00:05:02,519 --> 00:05:04,478
Okay, let's separate
those thoughts,
139
00:05:04,521 --> 00:05:07,002
but you know
what I'm saying. Mm-hmm.
140
00:05:07,045 --> 00:05:09,004
[takes deep breath]
141
00:05:09,047 --> 00:05:10,353
Shannon?
142
00:05:13,661 --> 00:05:15,053
Shannon!
143
00:05:16,054 --> 00:05:17,317
[groans]
144
00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:24,628
She fell back asleep.
145
00:05:24,672 --> 00:05:26,369
Brushing her teeth.
Standing up.
146
00:05:26,413 --> 00:05:27,936
You've got to see this.
147
00:05:30,765 --> 00:05:33,202
Shannon, what is going on?
148
00:05:33,245 --> 00:05:37,206
I'll tell you what's going on--
she's eating up half our time.
149
00:05:37,249 --> 00:05:38,381
You know what that means.
150
00:05:38,425 --> 00:05:39,469
No back tickles?
151
00:05:39,513 --> 00:05:41,906
Noback tickles.
152
00:05:41,950 --> 00:05:43,691
Oh, Shannon,
I swear to God...
153
00:05:43,734 --> 00:05:45,083
Should I wear the flannel?
154
00:05:45,127 --> 00:05:46,911
I'm not so sure
about the flannel.
155
00:05:46,955 --> 00:05:48,913
You're wearing
the flannel. Yes, yes.
156
00:05:48,957 --> 00:05:50,524
Okay, what
about breakfast?
157
00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:53,004
What about it?You told me not to leave
without eating it.
158
00:05:53,048 --> 00:05:55,267
Since when do
you listen to us? Don't listen to us.
159
00:05:59,141 --> 00:06:01,491
Oh, man, I got OJ on my shirt.
160
00:06:01,535 --> 00:06:03,101
Orange goes with gray.Mm-hmm.
161
00:06:03,145 --> 00:06:04,189
It's like tie-dye.
162
00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:06,061
It brings the whole
outfit together.
163
00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:07,367
The whole thing together.
164
00:06:07,410 --> 00:06:09,238
[groans]
165
00:06:11,806 --> 00:06:14,417
If she leaves in 30
seconds, one of us
166
00:06:14,461 --> 00:06:16,376
can still have a
positive experience.
167
00:06:17,768 --> 00:06:20,162
What? I'm just trying to
salvage something here.
168
00:06:20,205 --> 00:06:21,206
Shannon!
169
00:06:21,250 --> 00:06:23,992
All right, I am good to go.
170
00:06:24,035 --> 00:06:25,602
Now I just need shoes.
171
00:06:25,646 --> 00:06:27,996
Oh, now she needs shoes.
Okay, well, other people
172
00:06:28,039 --> 00:06:29,563
in this house have needs, too.
173
00:06:29,606 --> 00:06:31,956
Now I'm late for work!
Just... "I need shoes."
174
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,567
You know, there's plenty
of shoes around this house.
175
00:06:33,610 --> 00:06:36,526
I've bought many shoes. There's
just pairs all in the closet.
176
00:06:36,570 --> 00:06:38,963
Now you can't find a pair.
This is crazy!
177
00:06:39,007 --> 00:06:41,879
That dude needs to get laid.
178
00:06:50,714 --> 00:06:54,326
Hey, hey, now,
this is what I like to see.
179
00:06:54,370 --> 00:06:56,851
First day of school and already
digging into the homework.
180
00:06:56,894 --> 00:06:59,331
You bet I am!
181
00:06:59,375 --> 00:07:01,812
See, I thought that I
wasn't gonna like school,
182
00:07:01,856 --> 00:07:04,554
but it turns out
I really hate it.
183
00:07:04,598 --> 00:07:06,469
What you got there?
184
00:07:06,513 --> 00:07:08,297
Ooh, The Great Gatsby.
185
00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:11,474
You know, I discover something
new every time I read this book.
186
00:07:11,518 --> 00:07:13,302
Yeah, our homework assignment
was to read the first chapter,
187
00:07:13,345 --> 00:07:15,478
and I just have, like,
one question about it.
188
00:07:15,522 --> 00:07:19,221
Yeah, hit me.What exactly happens
in the first chapter?
189
00:07:21,397 --> 00:07:23,573
So, Rose, you're picturing
our whole wedding on the beach?
190
00:07:23,617 --> 00:07:25,053
She's not only picturing it,
191
00:07:25,096 --> 00:07:27,185
she's been going
up and down Long Island
192
00:07:27,229 --> 00:07:29,231
looking at sand samples.
193
00:07:30,275 --> 00:07:31,973
And the best part is,
194
00:07:32,016 --> 00:07:33,931
when the string quartet
starts to play,
195
00:07:33,975 --> 00:07:35,759
Nick and his groomsmen
196
00:07:35,803 --> 00:07:39,067
will come galloping in
on horses.
197
00:07:41,330 --> 00:07:43,811
Whoa, Ma, don't you think you're
getting a little carried away?
198
00:07:43,854 --> 00:07:45,116
I mean, horses?
199
00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:47,510
Oh, you don't know what
"carried away" is.
200
00:07:47,554 --> 00:07:51,645
My mother took over every
detail of my wedding.
201
00:07:51,688 --> 00:07:54,082
I didn't have a
say in anything.
202
00:07:54,125 --> 00:07:56,476
Hmm. I wonder what that's like.
203
00:07:58,129 --> 00:08:00,044
Oh, God, I'm sorry.
That was rude.
204
00:08:00,088 --> 00:08:02,656
I've just been
a little on edge lately.
205
00:08:02,699 --> 00:08:04,875
Gentlemen, would
you let us ladies
206
00:08:04,919 --> 00:08:06,747
have a moment
alone, please?
207
00:08:06,790 --> 00:08:09,663
Of course, sweetheart.
Come on, Nick.
208
00:08:09,706 --> 00:08:11,055
Hey, Dad, uh...
209
00:08:11,099 --> 00:08:14,058
you can talk her out
of the horses, right?
210
00:08:14,102 --> 00:08:16,147
That's cute, son.
211
00:08:18,149 --> 00:08:20,021
So, what's going on, baby?
212
00:08:20,064 --> 00:08:23,024
Tell Mama Rose all about it.
213
00:08:23,067 --> 00:08:24,765
Look, it's hard.
214
00:08:27,071 --> 00:08:28,812
The day after
we got engaged, Shannon moved in,
215
00:08:28,856 --> 00:08:30,988
and it's put a little bit
of stress on our relationship.
216
00:08:31,032 --> 00:08:32,207
I get it.
217
00:08:32,250 --> 00:08:34,601
Not long after Walt
and I were married,
218
00:08:34,644 --> 00:08:37,212
I found the cutest
little stray cat
219
00:08:37,255 --> 00:08:39,519
and brought her home.
220
00:08:39,562 --> 00:08:41,564
Well, let me tell you,
221
00:08:41,608 --> 00:08:44,262
that cat got a lot of "D."
222
00:08:44,306 --> 00:08:46,047
You know what I mean.
223
00:08:46,090 --> 00:08:48,353
I really hope I don't.
224
00:08:48,397 --> 00:08:50,442
Diarrhea.
225
00:08:50,486 --> 00:08:52,444
Oh, thank God.
226
00:08:52,488 --> 00:08:55,143
But we got through
it, together,
227
00:08:55,186 --> 00:08:58,102
and our relationship
was stronger for it.
228
00:08:58,146 --> 00:09:00,496
So, what are you
trying to say?
229
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:03,455
Shannon is your
diarrhea cat.
230
00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:06,284
Ah...
231
00:09:12,769 --> 00:09:16,120
Look, I know having anyone
new living in your house is a challenge.
232
00:09:16,164 --> 00:09:17,557
Shannon's a great kid,
but she...
233
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:20,037
Dresses like a
homeless pirate?
234
00:09:20,081 --> 00:09:23,998
No. I mean, well,
yes, yes, she does, but...
235
00:09:24,041 --> 00:09:26,827
It's just she...
she's always around.
236
00:09:26,870 --> 00:09:28,263
I understand, son.
237
00:09:28,306 --> 00:09:29,220
Figured you would, Dad.
238
00:09:29,264 --> 00:09:31,527
You're not getting any.Oh!
239
00:09:32,789 --> 00:09:35,183
I... don't really want
to have that conversation.
240
00:09:35,226 --> 00:09:37,141
I mean, you got a
teenager living there,
241
00:09:37,185 --> 00:09:38,752
and you got
some thin walls.
242
00:09:38,795 --> 00:09:40,057
Please, can we stop?
243
00:09:40,101 --> 00:09:41,755
I mean, it's fine
when they're babies--
244
00:09:41,798 --> 00:09:44,322
they don't know what the hell's
going on in the other room.
245
00:09:44,366 --> 00:09:47,282
They probably think you're
fighting a bear or something.
246
00:09:47,325 --> 00:09:49,284
Please make it stop.
247
00:09:49,327 --> 00:09:52,504
You know, when you were 16,
I was starring on Broadway
248
00:09:52,548 --> 00:09:54,332
as the Wizard in Wicked.
249
00:09:54,376 --> 00:09:55,551
Remember?
250
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:56,857
The Timescalled
my performance
251
00:09:56,900 --> 00:09:58,641
"a haunting tour de force."
252
00:09:58,685 --> 00:10:00,861
I don't think
they said that, Dad.
253
00:10:00,904 --> 00:10:03,515
It was in the subtext.
Anyway...
254
00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:06,170
your mother used to sneak
away from work at lunch
255
00:10:06,214 --> 00:10:07,737
and meet me in
my dressing room.
256
00:10:07,781 --> 00:10:10,261
You want to know why?No, I don't.
257
00:10:11,741 --> 00:10:13,525
For a nooner.Oh! Okay.
258
00:10:13,569 --> 00:10:14,831
All right, all right.
259
00:10:14,875 --> 00:10:16,441
Conversation over.
The subtext is...
260
00:10:16,485 --> 00:10:18,618
[shudders loudly]
261
00:10:20,054 --> 00:10:21,185
[grunts]
262
00:10:25,581 --> 00:10:26,974
[grunts]
263
00:10:27,017 --> 00:10:28,192
[sighs]
264
00:10:28,236 --> 00:10:31,108
Hey, Clem.
265
00:10:31,152 --> 00:10:35,025
Am I about
to be murdered?
266
00:10:35,069 --> 00:10:38,550
Nope. Just trying to keep
out the diarrhea cat.
267
00:10:38,594 --> 00:10:40,248
Excuse me?We can't just let
268
00:10:40,291 --> 00:10:42,163
some teenager ruin our sex life.
269
00:10:42,206 --> 00:10:45,470
I say we do it right now
and just get it over with.
270
00:10:47,081 --> 00:10:48,256
Get it over with?
271
00:10:48,299 --> 00:10:49,692
Yep.
272
00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:52,086
Just plow right through.
273
00:10:52,129 --> 00:10:53,304
Okay.
274
00:10:53,348 --> 00:10:54,392
I mean, it's been a while.
275
00:10:54,436 --> 00:10:55,350
I was hoping for
a little more romance,
276
00:10:55,393 --> 00:10:57,178
but, you know, beggars.
277
00:10:57,221 --> 00:10:59,528
[knocking on door]
278
00:10:59,571 --> 00:11:02,270
Do you hear that?Not if you didn't.
279
00:11:02,313 --> 00:11:04,576
SHANNON:
Guys! I'm knocking like you said,
280
00:11:04,620 --> 00:11:08,363
even though it's hurting
my sensy knuckles.
281
00:11:08,406 --> 00:11:10,408
[Nick sighs]
282
00:11:14,543 --> 00:11:16,937
May we help you?
Yep.
283
00:11:16,980 --> 00:11:18,721
The school gave me this form
that needs your signature.
284
00:11:18,765 --> 00:11:22,333
Don't read it, just sign,
and I'll be on my merry way.
285
00:11:22,377 --> 00:11:24,205
"Disciplinary notice.
286
00:11:24,248 --> 00:11:26,163
Shannon Barnes
fell asleep in history..."
287
00:11:26,207 --> 00:11:27,730
You fell asleep in history?
288
00:11:27,774 --> 00:11:31,299
"...English and math."
289
00:11:31,342 --> 00:11:33,431
You fell asleep
in three classes?Hey.
290
00:11:33,475 --> 00:11:35,695
It doesn't mention that I stayed
awake in bio.
291
00:11:35,738 --> 00:11:37,348
That's the real triumph here.
292
00:11:39,829 --> 00:11:41,526
Yes, congratulations
for staying awake
293
00:11:41,570 --> 00:11:44,312
in one out of the five hours
that you were in class today.
294
00:11:44,355 --> 00:11:46,662
Hey, that's like 50%.
295
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,316
No, it's not,
and you would know that
296
00:11:48,359 --> 00:11:50,361
if you stayed awake in math.
297
00:11:51,275 --> 00:11:54,322
Well, great day on
your first day, Shannon.
298
00:11:54,365 --> 00:11:55,802
What do you have
planned for day two?
299
00:11:55,845 --> 00:11:57,368
Vape in the girls' bathroom?
300
00:11:57,412 --> 00:11:59,066
Trash the teachers' lounge?
301
00:11:59,109 --> 00:12:01,242
Why the hell am I
giving you ideas?
302
00:12:01,285 --> 00:12:03,723
It wasn't that bad.
303
00:12:03,766 --> 00:12:06,290
Dude, I stayed in school
all day. I'm trying, okay?
304
00:12:06,334 --> 00:12:09,163
For once in your life, would it
kill you to be on my side?
305
00:12:09,206 --> 00:12:10,512
[sighs]
306
00:12:15,473 --> 00:12:20,304
So... I guess we're putting away
the plow?
307
00:12:21,697 --> 00:12:24,787
I can't believe she got in
trouble on the first day.
308
00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:26,876
I'm sorry, sweetie.
309
00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:29,096
If you want, we can fight
about the blender.
310
00:12:29,139 --> 00:12:31,576
Babe, there's no fight there.
311
00:12:31,620 --> 00:12:35,102
That's how you make
a mango shake.
312
00:12:37,147 --> 00:12:39,671
Look, I got an idea.
313
00:12:39,715 --> 00:12:41,891
Tomorrow,
while Shannon's at school,
314
00:12:41,935 --> 00:12:43,545
we'll skip out of
work at lunchtime,
315
00:12:43,588 --> 00:12:46,461
come home, we'll
have a nooner.
316
00:12:46,504 --> 00:12:48,724
A nooner?
317
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,334
That's kinda hot.
318
00:12:50,378 --> 00:12:52,162
It was my dad's idea.
319
00:12:53,207 --> 00:12:55,513
That detail's not helping.
320
00:12:55,557 --> 00:12:57,167
But I'm down.
321
00:12:57,211 --> 00:12:59,169
It's just, I've been trying
to get a raise at work,
322
00:12:59,213 --> 00:13:01,606
and I'd hate for my boss
to see me taking a long lunch.
323
00:13:01,650 --> 00:13:03,217
Trust me, it won't take long.
324
00:13:03,260 --> 00:13:04,653
Nick.
325
00:13:04,696 --> 00:13:06,220
I'm just saying...
326
00:13:06,263 --> 00:13:07,961
it's been a while.
327
00:13:12,182 --> 00:13:13,531
Hey, John.
328
00:13:13,575 --> 00:13:14,837
Here are the invitations
329
00:13:14,881 --> 00:13:17,144
to the opening night
of the Rembrandt Exhibit.
330
00:13:17,187 --> 00:13:18,710
Oh, wow! These look great.
331
00:13:18,754 --> 00:13:19,929
Thank you, Clem.
332
00:13:19,973 --> 00:13:21,191
You got it.
333
00:13:21,235 --> 00:13:22,976
Oh, is it okay
334
00:13:23,019 --> 00:13:24,847
if I'm a little late
coming back from lunch?
335
00:13:24,891 --> 00:13:26,066
I've got a doctor's appointment.
336
00:13:26,109 --> 00:13:27,241
Of course.
337
00:13:27,284 --> 00:13:29,069
Nothing serious, I hope.
338
00:13:29,112 --> 00:13:32,115
Nah. Just a little, um...
339
00:13:32,159 --> 00:13:34,204
ear infection.
340
00:13:34,248 --> 00:13:36,554
Oh! There's nothing little
about an ear infection.
341
00:13:36,598 --> 00:13:38,818
My aunt was in London,
she went to cross the street,
342
00:13:38,861 --> 00:13:40,558
somebody yelled,
"Look out, trolley!"
343
00:13:40,602 --> 00:13:42,038
But she couldn't hear it.
344
00:13:42,082 --> 00:13:43,518
And then, bam!
345
00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:47,391
Killed by an ear infection.
346
00:13:47,435 --> 00:13:50,264
Look, John, the truth is,
my ear's fine.
347
00:13:50,307 --> 00:13:53,484
I've just got a personal thing.
348
00:13:53,528 --> 00:13:55,182
You've got an interview
with another museum, don't you?
349
00:13:55,225 --> 00:13:57,097
What? [laughs] No.
350
00:13:57,140 --> 00:13:59,316
I...I cannot lose you, Clem.
351
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:00,578
You're the best
event planner I've got.
352
00:14:00,622 --> 00:14:02,711
Who is it?
The Whitney?
353
00:14:02,754 --> 00:14:03,886
The Guggenheim?
354
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:06,454
The Frick?John...
355
00:14:06,497 --> 00:14:08,978
It is the Frick, isn't it?
356
00:14:09,022 --> 00:14:11,981
Yes, John. It's the Frick.
357
00:14:12,025 --> 00:14:13,374
You don't want to work there.
358
00:14:13,417 --> 00:14:16,072
Let me call Katherine,
see if we can get you a raise.
359
00:14:16,116 --> 00:14:20,250
What?
[laughs]: Wow. Thank you.
360
00:14:20,294 --> 00:14:24,602
I... still think I need
to take the interview.
361
00:14:24,646 --> 00:14:26,300
Ah, playing hardball.
362
00:14:26,343 --> 00:14:27,954
I respect that,
363
00:14:27,997 --> 00:14:30,695
but I think you're gonna be
very happy when you get back.
364
00:14:30,739 --> 00:14:33,829
Oh, you can't even imagine.
365
00:14:37,572 --> 00:14:40,270
[exhales]
366
00:14:40,314 --> 00:14:44,274
All right,
how you feeling, boys?
367
00:14:44,318 --> 00:14:47,451
You ready
for some back tickling?
368
00:14:49,279 --> 00:14:52,065
Oh, dope.
369
00:14:52,108 --> 00:14:53,457
Hey, baby.
370
00:14:53,501 --> 00:14:54,719
Hey,
baby.
371
00:14:54,763 --> 00:14:56,330
Oh!
372
00:14:56,373 --> 00:14:57,809
Shannon,
what are you doing here?
373
00:14:57,853 --> 00:14:59,115
It is the middle of the day.
374
00:14:59,159 --> 00:15:00,595
I could ask you
the same question,
375
00:15:00,638 --> 00:15:02,466
but I think it's pretty obvious
what you're doing here,
376
00:15:02,510 --> 00:15:04,425
you dirty dog.
377
00:15:04,468 --> 00:15:06,122
[door opens]
378
00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:07,471
All right.
379
00:15:07,515 --> 00:15:11,127
Who's ready
to rip and dip?
380
00:15:11,171 --> 00:15:12,607
Shannon.
381
00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:13,651
Shannon?
382
00:15:13,695 --> 00:15:14,826
Shannon.
383
00:15:14,870 --> 00:15:16,524
Sh-- [screams]
384
00:15:16,567 --> 00:15:18,178
So this is why
you're so obsessed
385
00:15:18,221 --> 00:15:19,527
with me going to school,
so you can come home
386
00:15:19,570 --> 00:15:21,137
and smash during the day, huh?
387
00:15:24,053 --> 00:15:25,533
Why aren't you in school?
388
00:15:25,576 --> 00:15:27,448
I got sent to the principal's
office for no reason,
389
00:15:27,491 --> 00:15:30,842
so I stood up for myself
and I got a five-day suspension.
390
00:15:30,886 --> 00:15:33,236
Five days?
Yeah.
391
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:38,067
She's gonna be in this house
for five days.
392
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,331
You got suspended already?
393
00:15:41,375 --> 00:15:42,898
What is wrong with you?
394
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,204
Oh, sure.
Take the school's side.
395
00:15:44,247 --> 00:15:45,814
Dude, you don't even know
what happened.
396
00:15:45,857 --> 00:15:47,294
Yes, that's exactly
what I'm gonna do,
397
00:15:47,337 --> 00:15:50,514
because they're the school,
and you're the...
398
00:15:50,558 --> 00:15:53,648
reason we're not allowed
in Walgreens anymore.
399
00:15:53,691 --> 00:15:56,607
Whatevs.
400
00:15:56,651 --> 00:15:58,392
Five days?
401
00:15:58,435 --> 00:16:00,394
Five days,
that's 120 hou--
402
00:16:00,437 --> 00:16:02,135
You know, I might as well
get a part-time job.
403
00:16:02,178 --> 00:16:04,224
You know what? I could watch
every episode of Shameless,
404
00:16:04,267 --> 00:16:06,313
still have time,
she'd still be here.
405
00:16:12,232 --> 00:16:14,364
Come in, come in.
I'm Principal Kersey.
406
00:16:14,408 --> 00:16:15,844
Have a seat.
407
00:16:15,887 --> 00:16:17,933
I'd offer you coffee,
but we don't have any coffee,
408
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:21,893
because somebody forgot
to buy coffee.
409
00:16:21,937 --> 00:16:23,373
Principal Kersey,
before we begin,
410
00:16:23,417 --> 00:16:25,027
I'd like to apologize
411
00:16:25,071 --> 00:16:27,203
for whatever my sister
said to get her suspended.
412
00:16:27,247 --> 00:16:29,162
She called me an ass.
413
00:16:29,205 --> 00:16:31,164
No, I didn't.
414
00:16:31,207 --> 00:16:32,730
I called him a dumbass.
415
00:16:32,774 --> 00:16:35,342
I'm so sorry.
416
00:16:35,385 --> 00:16:36,430
And so is my sister.
417
00:16:36,473 --> 00:16:38,171
Look, I know some students
418
00:16:38,214 --> 00:16:39,650
may not agree
with the dress code,
419
00:16:39,694 --> 00:16:42,218
but they cannot react
disrespectfully
420
00:16:42,262 --> 00:16:44,133
when they're called out
for a violation.
421
00:16:44,177 --> 00:16:45,613
We totally agree.
422
00:16:45,656 --> 00:16:48,137
I didn't realize this was
over a dress code violation.
423
00:16:48,181 --> 00:16:51,053
Oh, yes. The code clearly states
that undergarments,
424
00:16:51,097 --> 00:16:55,101
such as bra straps, must not
be visible at any time.
425
00:16:55,144 --> 00:16:56,363
Wait. Really?
426
00:16:56,406 --> 00:16:58,234
However, since Shannon is new
427
00:16:58,278 --> 00:17:00,323
and you all have come here
to apologize,
428
00:17:00,367 --> 00:17:02,369
I would be willing to waive
the suspension.
429
00:17:02,412 --> 00:17:04,240
That means Shannon's gonna be
in school during lunchtime.
430
00:17:04,284 --> 00:17:06,155
Thank you, Principal Kersey.
It's been a pleasure.
431
00:17:06,199 --> 00:17:08,201
Come on. Let's go. Let's go.
432
00:17:10,246 --> 00:17:11,987
Um, quick question.Question? What kind of question?
433
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:14,076
I thought we were done
with the questions.
434
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:16,165
What harm does
a bra strap do?
435
00:17:16,209 --> 00:17:18,167
Well, it's important that girls
not wear clothes
436
00:17:18,211 --> 00:17:19,429
that distract the boys
from learning.
437
00:17:19,473 --> 00:17:20,691
You understand.
438
00:17:20,735 --> 00:17:23,172
Yes, we sure do
understand. See ya.
439
00:17:23,216 --> 00:17:26,175
How is it a girl's problem
that a boy is distracted?
440
00:17:26,219 --> 00:17:27,350
Doesn't that seem
a little sexist?
441
00:17:27,394 --> 00:17:30,353
Dude, it is on.
442
00:17:30,397 --> 00:17:32,834
I didn't write the
dress code, Ms. Barnes.
443
00:17:32,877 --> 00:17:34,183
I just enforce it.
444
00:17:34,227 --> 00:17:35,663
Let me see this.
445
00:17:35,706 --> 00:17:38,927
Oh, one, two,
three pages for girls,
446
00:17:38,970 --> 00:17:40,929
and only one paragraph for boys?
447
00:17:40,972 --> 00:17:42,365
Why is no one worried that maybe
448
00:17:42,409 --> 00:17:44,237
the girls might be distracted
by the boys?
449
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:47,283
If you saw the dudes here,
you'd understand.
450
00:17:47,327 --> 00:17:50,939
Ms. Barnes, male students
are very distractible.
451
00:17:50,982 --> 00:17:52,245
Yeah, well, so are girls.
452
00:17:52,288 --> 00:17:53,463
We think about sex, too.
453
00:17:53,507 --> 00:17:55,291
Yeah, we do. A lot.
454
00:17:55,335 --> 00:17:57,467
Especially when we're not
getting any.
455
00:17:58,903 --> 00:18:02,472
There's been a lot of
distractions at home.
456
00:18:02,516 --> 00:18:05,301
We live in a different time,
Mr. Kersey.
457
00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:06,781
I don't care what
your code says.
458
00:18:06,824 --> 00:18:09,131
You can't treat boys and girls
differently anymore.
459
00:18:09,175 --> 00:18:11,438
Except for ladies' night,
when we drink for free.
460
00:18:11,481 --> 00:18:12,700
That's cool.
461
00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:15,529
I think the way my
sister dresses is fine.
462
00:18:15,572 --> 00:18:18,097
And with all the problems
you've got going on in schools,
463
00:18:18,140 --> 00:18:19,402
you're gonna focus
on whether or not
464
00:18:19,446 --> 00:18:21,752
someone's bra strap is showing?
465
00:18:21,796 --> 00:18:25,060
That, sir, is the definition
of dumbass-ery.
466
00:18:26,670 --> 00:18:29,369
I'm sure you realize
the suspension is back on.
467
00:18:29,412 --> 00:18:30,805
Yes, I do.
468
00:18:32,328 --> 00:18:34,417
Boom! [laughs]
469
00:18:37,507 --> 00:18:39,030
Whoa. Shannon.
470
00:18:39,074 --> 00:18:41,424
What I'm about to tell you
might confuse
471
00:18:41,468 --> 00:18:43,383
or maybe even scare you.
472
00:18:44,993 --> 00:18:46,473
But that thing
in your hand,
473
00:18:46,516 --> 00:18:48,083
it's not a phone.
474
00:18:50,477 --> 00:18:52,348
It's a book.
475
00:18:52,392 --> 00:18:54,829
I know. Every time I swipe left,
476
00:18:54,872 --> 00:18:56,787
it just takes you
to another page.
477
00:18:58,398 --> 00:19:00,182
I'm proud of you, Shannon.
478
00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:01,749
Really, I'm impressed.
479
00:19:01,792 --> 00:19:04,273
Well, I really appreciate it
that you had my back today,
480
00:19:04,317 --> 00:19:06,275
so I decided,
what the hell?
481
00:19:06,319 --> 00:19:07,668
Why not give
this whole tedious,
482
00:19:07,711 --> 00:19:10,061
soul-crushing
school thing a shot?
483
00:19:10,105 --> 00:19:12,151
That's the spirit.
484
00:19:12,194 --> 00:19:13,674
[phone chimes]
485
00:19:13,717 --> 00:19:16,111
Oh, cool.
Janelle's having people over.
486
00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:17,721
Tonight?
487
00:19:19,332 --> 00:19:21,116
That's, uh, that-that's great,
right, Nick?
488
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,031
Uh, yeah. Yeah.
489
00:19:23,074 --> 00:19:24,815
Yes. Definitely.
490
00:19:24,859 --> 00:19:26,904
You should go out.
491
00:19:26,948 --> 00:19:29,342
No.
492
00:19:29,385 --> 00:19:31,648
I'm staying in
and reading my book.
493
00:19:31,692 --> 00:19:33,433
Well, don't feel
like you have to.
494
00:19:33,476 --> 00:19:35,609
I mean, y-you got five days.
495
00:19:35,652 --> 00:19:38,177
Yeah, I mean, look, I mean,
you're already on page six.
496
00:19:38,220 --> 00:19:39,221
Six!I mean, you are flying!
497
00:19:39,265 --> 00:19:40,570
That's a lot.That's-- six!
498
00:19:43,965 --> 00:19:47,055
Okay, uh...
499
00:19:47,098 --> 00:19:49,318
I just realized
I'm, like, really hungry,
500
00:19:49,362 --> 00:19:52,539
so I'm gonna go get a burger,
finish my book.
501
00:19:52,582 --> 00:19:53,801
Thank God.
502
00:19:53,844 --> 00:19:56,543
I mean, thank you.
I mean, good for you.
503
00:19:56,586 --> 00:19:58,980
I'm gonna need 50 bucks.
504
00:19:59,023 --> 00:20:00,242
50 dollars
for a burger?
505
00:20:00,286 --> 00:20:02,375
Just give it to her.All right. Okay.
506
00:20:02,418 --> 00:20:04,028
No pr-- Just take
the whole wallet.
507
00:20:04,072 --> 00:20:05,726
That's fine,
don't worry about it.
508
00:20:05,769 --> 00:20:08,337
Bye.
509
00:20:08,381 --> 00:20:10,383
[moaning]
510
00:20:16,737 --> 00:20:18,042
More wine?
511
00:20:18,086 --> 00:20:20,219
Baby, what's gotten into you?
512
00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:21,655
I don't know.
513
00:20:21,698 --> 00:20:23,178
I was just thinking about
514
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:27,313
when I was starring in Wicked,
515
00:20:27,356 --> 00:20:29,315
and you used to come visit me.
516
00:20:29,358 --> 00:20:32,535
Oh, I'll never forget.
517
00:20:32,579 --> 00:20:35,886
It may be
10:00 p.m. here.
518
00:20:35,930 --> 00:20:37,845
Mm-hmm.
519
00:20:37,888 --> 00:20:39,716
But it's noon somewhere.
520
00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:41,936
Oh.
521
00:20:41,979 --> 00:20:44,634
Ah, great, you guys are home.
522
00:20:46,375 --> 00:20:47,420
Clem and Nick
kicked me out.
523
00:20:47,463 --> 00:20:50,161
What you guys doing?
524
00:20:50,205 --> 00:20:54,514
Remember that cat
we used to have?
525
00:20:54,557 --> 00:20:57,212
Indeed, I do.
526
00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:59,258
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
527
00:21:02,826 --> 00:21:06,265
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
528
00:21:06,315 --> 00:21:10,865
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