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- Previously on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...
- I've had the best time
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hanging out with the both of you.
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00:00:06,293 --> 00:00:08,126
I think it's official
that we're a squad.
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Can I drink that extra Juice-box?
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- Take it.
- Thanks!
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That's my best friend.
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She just had that "me, me, me, me" vibe.
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You don't think that Paula
feels left out, right?
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She doesn't feel like I've replaced her?
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Introducing the newest member
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00:00:18,722 --> 00:00:21,173
of our girl group,
Pa-Pa-Pa-Paula!
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00:00:21,175 --> 00:00:22,924
PAULA: Our relationship
has always been one-sided...
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00:00:22,926 --> 00:00:25,894
I give, you take, and
that is how it works.
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Hey.
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00:00:29,281 --> 00:00:30,816
I work out.
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(laughs)
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(sighs, chuckles)
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Move up. Quit texting
your new girlfriend.
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00:00:35,572 --> 00:00:37,773
Um, Anna is not my new girlfriend.
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00:00:37,775 --> 00:00:39,941
We've only been out
on three amazing dates.
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00:00:39,943 --> 00:00:42,494
Ha! Sorry, just Anna
texted me a picture of a cat
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00:00:42,496 --> 00:00:43,779
dressed up like a dog.
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Where does she find this stuff?
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I'm just a girl in love
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La-la-la,
lovey-dove
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I can't be held
responsible for my actions
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00:00:55,209 --> 00:00:56,792
She's an ingenue
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00:00:56,794 --> 00:00:58,927
I have no underlying
issues to address
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I'm certifiably cute
and adorably obsessed
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They say love makes you crazy
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Therefore, you
can't call her crazy
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'Cause when you call her crazy
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You're just calling her in love.
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Blam!
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-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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(to "William Tell Overture"):
Go to hell,
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go to hell, go to hell, hell, hell
Go to hell, go to hell, hell, hell.
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Wha... ? I'm throwing it out.
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(sighs)
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_
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(elevator bell dings)
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Hey, Trish.
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Hey, Eddie.
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What's up Juanita?
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Hey, you.
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- Oh, I'm-I'm George.
- Yeah, you are.
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Ha-ha!
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Hey, PP.
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What happened
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00:01:53,726 --> 00:01:55,225
to all your fun desk stuff?
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I...
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00:01:56,395 --> 00:01:57,976
am re-branding.
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And, uh, for starters,
don't ever call me PP again.
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00:02:02,018 --> 00:02:04,435
Oh, wait a minute.
Now, you're not gonna...
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00:02:04,437 --> 00:02:06,520
throw out the "Honk if you're horny,
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00:02:06,522 --> 00:02:08,489
Paula Proctor is 40" bumper sticker!
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That's classic!
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I have new... interests now, Darryl.
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REBECCA: Oh, hello, Darryl.
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00:02:14,718 --> 00:02:15,779
Good morning.
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Mm-hmm.
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And good morning...
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00:02:18,918 --> 00:02:20,812
this guy.
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00:02:20,837 --> 00:02:22,419
You are looking very well.
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00:02:22,444 --> 00:02:25,028
Yeah. Thanks. Actually, my-my
mother found a lump on...
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(laughing): Oh, you're so funny!
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00:02:27,376 --> 00:02:29,793
You are my favorite person
in this three-foot radius.
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00:02:29,795 --> 00:02:31,762
GEORGE: Well, that's nice
to hear, 'cause the doctor
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was crying when... he told us.
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So it's... it's probably not good.
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00:02:35,384 --> 00:02:37,384
- Yeah, uh-huh. Okay, cool.
- But it's just one...
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We'll talk about this... talk
about this later, best friend.
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Okay. That's fine.
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Are you and Rebecca still fighting?
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Come on.
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You guys are besties.
Someone should apologize.
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I don't want to take sides.
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No one needs you to do anything.
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(sighs heavily)
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I wonder what selfish person
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would hog all the pink highlighters.
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Oh! Look at that. There they are.
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(printer whirrs)
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I know what you want, you know.
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You want me to apologize.
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00:03:08,167 --> 00:03:10,217
You know what, though?
I'm not gonna apologize.
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00:03:10,219 --> 00:03:12,553
You know why? I'm always
the one who apologizes.
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00:03:12,555 --> 00:03:14,588
I mean, usually it's because I'm
the one that did the bad thing,
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00:03:14,590 --> 00:03:15,839
but not this time, not this time.
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You owe me the apology this time.
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00:03:17,343 --> 00:03:19,309
You want to know why?
You want to know why?
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00:03:19,311 --> 00:03:20,761
Because you came to my girl party,
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00:03:20,763 --> 00:03:22,351
and you were rude to
everyone, you were rude to me,
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you tried to leave early,
you broke my new house,
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00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:26,183
- and y...
- Look, I know you and I
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00:03:26,185 --> 00:03:27,568
are not in a great place,
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but I have a big paper due next week.
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I got to go.
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Paula... Paula, Paul...
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00:03:33,442 --> 00:03:35,132
(sighs)
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00:03:35,611 --> 00:03:37,945
We got to find some
way to make this better.
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I know.
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I just don't know how.
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00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:57,181
Hey, babe.
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00:03:57,183 --> 00:03:58,966
You seen my vest and bow tie?
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00:03:58,968 --> 00:04:01,781
I need to get my barbershop
quartet outfit dry-cleaned.
107
00:04:01,806 --> 00:04:03,637
Ooh. I think it's still
at the dry cleaners
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00:04:03,639 --> 00:04:04,972
from your last performance.
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00:04:05,098 --> 00:04:07,053
I hope they didn't give it away.
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00:04:07,143 --> 00:04:09,309
Quartet outfits are a collector's item.
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00:04:09,554 --> 00:04:11,728
Hey, you might want to
get to the office party
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00:04:11,730 --> 00:04:13,447
a little bit early on Friday.
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00:04:13,449 --> 00:04:15,983
The white wine flies off the card table.
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00:04:15,985 --> 00:04:18,235
Ah, I hear that. Nothing I like better
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00:04:18,237 --> 00:04:20,810
- than a warm Costco white.
- (both chuckle)
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00:04:20,812 --> 00:04:22,967
God, I'm so nervous.
This is the first time
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I'll be singing in
front of the coworkers.
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This is a huge gig for us.
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00:04:26,996 --> 00:04:28,629
We even have an opener.
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00:04:28,631 --> 00:04:29,830
The boss's kids are doing
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00:04:29,832 --> 00:04:32,187
the first act of Hamilton!
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00:04:34,898 --> 00:04:36,063
What are you reading?
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00:04:36,398 --> 00:04:37,921
You're so into it.
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00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:40,307
Is it one of your sexy vampire books?
125
00:04:40,309 --> 00:04:44,561
No. It is a fascinating
Supreme Court case from 1880
126
00:04:44,563 --> 00:04:46,763
called Yick Wo v. Hopkins,
127
00:04:46,765 --> 00:04:48,682
where the city of San Francisco had said
128
00:04:48,684 --> 00:04:51,499
that it was illegal to operate
laundries in a wooden building.
129
00:04:51,524 --> 00:04:54,688
But the reason they did that was because
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00:04:54,690 --> 00:04:55,989
two-thirds of the wooden laundries
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00:04:55,991 --> 00:04:58,358
were operated by Chinese owners.
132
00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:01,296
So do you know what that court did?
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00:05:01,734 --> 00:05:03,363
(sighs) They used
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00:05:03,365 --> 00:05:05,365
the Equal Protection Clause
from the 14th Amendment
135
00:05:05,367 --> 00:05:07,451
- Ah.
- ... to find that law
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00:05:07,453 --> 00:05:09,670
discriminatory!
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00:05:10,623 --> 00:05:12,093
Boom.
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00:05:12,791 --> 00:05:14,541
Ha!
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00:05:14,543 --> 00:05:15,926
Cool!
140
00:05:15,928 --> 00:05:17,044
- Right?
- Oh, laundry's
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00:05:17,046 --> 00:05:19,213
tough... we know that.
142
00:05:19,215 --> 00:05:21,849
We have a stack on the
washer up to the ceiling.
143
00:05:21,851 --> 00:05:23,050
Uh, hey, do you need
144
00:05:23,052 --> 00:05:24,935
a plus-one for Rebecca for Friday?
145
00:05:24,937 --> 00:05:26,945
For Rebecca? What? No. No way.
146
00:05:26,970 --> 00:05:28,555
Oh, are you guys still fighting?
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00:05:28,557 --> 00:05:30,474
You should call her, work it out.
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00:05:30,476 --> 00:05:32,276
I'm not gonna call her. She can call me.
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00:05:32,278 --> 00:05:34,895
She's got my number. She's
being such a petty child.
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00:05:34,897 --> 00:05:36,187
And she started it.
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00:05:36,212 --> 00:05:38,796
She's... such a baby.
152
00:05:38,984 --> 00:05:40,534
(soft grunt)
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00:05:50,329 --> 00:05:51,962
(click)
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Hi.
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00:05:55,467 --> 00:05:57,217
Hey, babe!
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00:05:57,219 --> 00:05:59,419
- Ooh!
- Oh! Sorry I'm so late. Are you ready
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for the best coffee you've
ever had in your life?
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00:06:01,724 --> 00:06:03,557
- Hell to the yeah.
- (laughs)
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00:06:03,559 --> 00:06:04,925
I can't believe it's been three weeks
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00:06:04,927 --> 00:06:06,176
and I haven't taken you here yet.
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00:06:06,178 --> 00:06:07,344
I've been coming to this place
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00:06:07,346 --> 00:06:08,585
ever since it was just a pop-up.
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00:06:08,610 --> 00:06:09,859
Oh. Cool.
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00:06:09,884 --> 00:06:11,134
(quietly): What?
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00:06:11,159 --> 00:06:12,271
Hey, Ichabod. The usual,
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00:06:12,296 --> 00:06:13,904
- please.
- You got it, Anna.
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00:06:13,929 --> 00:06:16,153
One semi-petite latte
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00:06:16,155 --> 00:06:17,321
with organic coconut milk.
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00:06:17,323 --> 00:06:19,773
- And you, sir?
- Just coffee for me, dude.
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00:06:20,776 --> 00:06:22,326
What kind?
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00:06:22,328 --> 00:06:24,411
- It's all up there.
- Oh. Okay.
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00:06:24,413 --> 00:06:27,247
Ooh, you've got single-origin, blended,
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00:06:27,249 --> 00:06:29,283
micro-lot, Indian filter, French press,
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00:06:29,285 --> 00:06:31,501
clover, Turkish, Kyoto
drip, Neapolitan flip,
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00:06:31,503 --> 00:06:33,287
V60, Moka pot, drip
pot, automatic drop...
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00:06:33,289 --> 00:06:34,499
(inhales deeply)
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00:06:34,790 --> 00:06:38,062
Um... single-origin, I guess.
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Which single-origin?
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00:06:40,595 --> 00:06:42,645
We have 17 different kinds.
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Eh...
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00:06:45,467 --> 00:06:46,717
uh...
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Uh, you know what?
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00:06:48,103 --> 00:06:50,304
Uh, you pick your fave. (chuckles)
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You got it.
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00:06:52,224 --> 00:06:54,057
Cool. Hmm.
186
00:07:01,109 --> 00:07:02,649
This is awesome.
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00:07:02,651 --> 00:07:04,151
I got to remember it.
188
00:07:04,153 --> 00:07:07,988
Note: Silver Brew in Silver Lake.
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00:07:07,990 --> 00:07:09,823
Repeat: Silver Brew
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00:07:09,825 --> 00:07:11,708
in Silver Lake.
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00:07:11,710 --> 00:07:12,993
Taylor loves this place.
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00:07:12,995 --> 00:07:14,461
She brought me here with Lena, Cara,
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00:07:14,463 --> 00:07:15,746
Gwynnie, Selena and Uzo.
194
00:07:15,748 --> 00:07:17,831
All really great girls, except Uzo is...
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00:07:17,833 --> 00:07:19,437
a little bit of a name-dropper.
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00:07:19,462 --> 00:07:22,302
I can't believe you know
all these famous people
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00:07:22,304 --> 00:07:24,838
just from tweezing their
eyebrows at your salon.
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00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:26,840
Well, it's not always
about the tweezing.
199
00:07:26,842 --> 00:07:28,842
Sometimes it's about not tweezing.
200
00:07:28,844 --> 00:07:30,177
Sometimes I send my clients
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00:07:30,179 --> 00:07:32,346
on, like, six-month growth retreats.
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00:07:32,348 --> 00:07:33,513
It's all about
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the bold brow right now;
the bigger the better.
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00:07:36,068 --> 00:07:38,602
Oh! Like the dad in American Pie?
205
00:07:38,604 --> 00:07:40,737
Eugene Levy. Yes! Totally!
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00:07:40,739 --> 00:07:42,689
He's all over the
salon inspiration board.
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00:07:42,691 --> 00:07:44,491
Before I met you, I didn't even know
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eyebrows were, like, a big deal.
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00:07:45,944 --> 00:07:47,374
Oh, that's what I love about you.
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00:07:47,399 --> 00:07:48,365
Love me?
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00:07:48,497 --> 00:07:49,913
Love about you.
212
00:07:49,915 --> 00:07:51,081
Oh.
213
00:07:51,083 --> 00:07:52,666
Yeah. Got it.
214
00:07:52,668 --> 00:07:54,534
You're so... refreshing.
215
00:07:54,536 --> 00:07:57,587
I'm so tired of these
skinny, bearded hipsters.
216
00:07:57,589 --> 00:07:59,289
Thank God I'm not skinny, or hip.
217
00:07:59,291 --> 00:08:00,791
Or able to grow a beard.
218
00:08:00,793 --> 00:08:01,875
I like you just the way you are.
219
00:08:01,877 --> 00:08:03,794
Oh. (laughs)
220
00:08:03,796 --> 00:08:06,880
So, Anna... I got you something.
221
00:08:06,882 --> 00:08:09,299
I know... we've only been
seeing each other a couple weeks.
222
00:08:09,301 --> 00:08:11,551
It's probably a little
early to pop the gift bubble,
223
00:08:11,553 --> 00:08:13,553
but this is technically not for you.
224
00:08:13,555 --> 00:08:15,222
Josh, what did you do?
225
00:08:15,624 --> 00:08:17,307
Uh, I got you a present.
226
00:08:17,309 --> 00:08:19,559
Sorry. Uh, I-I thought that was clear.
227
00:08:19,561 --> 00:08:21,278
Okay. Close your eyes.
228
00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:22,515
Okay.
229
00:08:25,117 --> 00:08:26,233
Okay...
230
00:08:26,235 --> 00:08:27,617
open 'em!
231
00:08:27,619 --> 00:08:28,485
(gasps)
232
00:08:28,487 --> 00:08:30,237
I got you a cat collar
233
00:08:30,239 --> 00:08:32,406
- for your cat!
- Oh, my God,
234
00:08:32,408 --> 00:08:33,740
this is so cute! Josh!
235
00:08:33,742 --> 00:08:35,792
Gravy is gonna be the best-dressed cat
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00:08:35,794 --> 00:08:36,993
in Silver Lake.
237
00:08:36,995 --> 00:08:38,545
You're so sweet. Thank you.
238
00:08:38,547 --> 00:08:39,963
I love that cat.
239
00:08:39,965 --> 00:08:41,748
You know, I've never loved a cat before.
240
00:08:41,750 --> 00:08:43,968
Seriously. I've always
thought they were haunted.
241
00:08:44,420 --> 00:08:45,635
ICHABOD: Here you go.
242
00:08:45,637 --> 00:08:47,137
Whoa!
243
00:08:47,139 --> 00:08:49,056
That foam has a lady's face!
244
00:08:49,058 --> 00:08:50,424
Frida Kahlo?
245
00:08:50,426 --> 00:08:51,925
Well done, Ichabod.
246
00:08:51,927 --> 00:08:53,343
That is my girl right there.
247
00:08:53,345 --> 00:08:55,262
Talk about brows. I wish I had
248
00:08:55,264 --> 00:08:56,813
her hormone imbalance.
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00:08:56,815 --> 00:08:58,898
(laughing)
250
00:09:00,018 --> 00:09:01,435
Oh.
Ha-ha-ha!
251
00:09:01,437 --> 00:09:02,986
Yeah, sorry, I didn't hear the...
252
00:09:02,988 --> 00:09:04,771
(chuckling)
253
00:09:04,773 --> 00:09:06,323
Wow.
254
00:09:15,335 --> 00:09:17,451
(sighs): Oh, this is so great.
255
00:09:17,453 --> 00:09:18,906
Hanging out.
256
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:21,505
You know, friends your own
age who don't judge you.
257
00:09:21,507 --> 00:09:23,924
Oh, so you're still
in a fight with Paula?
258
00:09:23,926 --> 00:09:26,626
'Cause you keep bringing her
up without saying her name.
259
00:09:26,628 --> 00:09:29,096
Just, like, call her and work it out.
260
00:09:29,098 --> 00:09:30,714
I'm not gonna call her. She can call me.
261
00:09:30,716 --> 00:09:32,549
She has my number. Forget about Paula.
262
00:09:32,551 --> 00:09:35,164
We are having young fun.
Whatcha up to, Heath?
263
00:09:35,189 --> 00:09:38,054
Um, it's Heather, and I'm
just doing a Miss Douche AMA.
264
00:09:38,056 --> 00:09:40,190
A lot of questions about baking bread.
265
00:09:40,192 --> 00:09:42,526
- People are really confused about yeast.
- Mm.
266
00:09:42,528 --> 00:09:44,394
- What about you, V?
- Oh, just surfin'.
267
00:09:44,396 --> 00:09:46,146
The Internet is so much more fun
268
00:09:46,148 --> 00:09:47,948
now that it's a Josh Chan free zone.
269
00:09:47,950 --> 00:09:49,733
I am so glad we Un-followed him.
270
00:09:49,735 --> 00:09:51,401
Oh, my God. Me, too. I feel that.
271
00:09:51,403 --> 00:09:52,819
Oh, you both Un-followed him?
272
00:09:52,821 --> 00:09:54,570
You really stuck it to him, huh?
273
00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:56,873
Yeah, it's pretty amazing.
I don't even have an urge
274
00:09:56,875 --> 00:09:58,492
to look at his feed anymore.
275
00:09:58,517 --> 00:10:00,601
It's, like, who...
276
00:10:01,138 --> 00:10:02,358
cares?
277
00:10:05,492 --> 00:10:06,800
Huh?
278
00:10:06,802 --> 00:10:08,668
What you got there, girlfriend?
279
00:10:08,670 --> 00:10:10,804
Oh, nothing. It's just an
Internet quiz to figure out
280
00:10:10,806 --> 00:10:13,306
what Tom Hanks movie
my hairstyle is today.
281
00:10:17,601 --> 00:10:19,346
Uh, what?
282
00:10:19,348 --> 00:10:21,431
What you got goin' on there, girlfriend?
283
00:10:21,433 --> 00:10:25,519
Oh, nothing. Just watching
another pimple popper video.
284
00:10:25,521 --> 00:10:27,687
(chuckles) Ugh.
285
00:10:27,689 --> 00:10:30,273
Mmm. Coo.
286
00:10:30,275 --> 00:10:33,026
Coo, coo, coo, coo, coo,
coo, coo, coo, coo, coo.
287
00:10:33,028 --> 00:10:34,244
Coolio.
288
00:10:34,246 --> 00:10:36,663
Yeah, I love Coolio.
289
00:10:36,665 --> 00:10:38,198
Yeah. "Gangsta's Paradise." (sputters)
290
00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:40,617
Forget it. Miss that guy.
291
00:10:40,619 --> 00:10:43,036
Yep. Yep.
292
00:10:43,038 --> 00:10:45,455
Mm-hmm. Yep. Miss him. I miss him.
293
00:10:45,914 --> 00:10:48,925
I'm sorry, you guys miss Coolio?
294
00:10:48,927 --> 00:10:50,377
Yeah-huh.
295
00:10:50,379 --> 00:10:53,096
Mmm. Mm-hmm,
mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
296
00:10:55,406 --> 00:10:56,933
Silver Brew?
297
00:10:56,935 --> 00:10:59,436
- What?
- Nothing.
298
00:11:05,476 --> 00:11:07,611
Oh, my God, who is that?
299
00:11:07,613 --> 00:11:09,696
- What?
- Oh, nothing. Just... (chuckles)
300
00:11:09,698 --> 00:11:12,199
Always forget which
Kardashian is which. (chuckles)
301
00:11:12,201 --> 00:11:14,484
Oh, okay, describe her for
me. Is she the tall one,
302
00:11:14,486 --> 00:11:16,570
the naked one, or the mom
one? 'Cause if you're talking
303
00:11:16,572 --> 00:11:19,085
about the model one or the
lip one, those are Jenners.
304
00:11:19,110 --> 00:11:21,124
Jenners. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah. Jenga.
305
00:11:21,126 --> 00:11:23,793
Jumanji.
306
00:11:23,795 --> 00:11:25,078
Robin Williams.
307
00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:25,912
Williams.
308
00:11:25,914 --> 00:11:27,497
Mmm. Willy.
309
00:11:27,499 --> 00:11:28,965
Willy Wonka.
310
00:11:28,967 --> 00:11:31,414
I want candy...
311
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,691
Are you both high right now?
312
00:11:37,570 --> 00:11:40,310
(REBECCA/VALENCIA both gasp):
Oh, my God! Josh has a girlfriend!
313
00:11:40,312 --> 00:11:42,178
REBECCA/VALENCIA: What did you say?
314
00:11:42,180 --> 00:11:44,515
I knew you guys didn't miss Coolio.
315
00:11:55,469 --> 00:11:58,164
- Who is that?
- I-I don't know.
316
00:11:58,189 --> 00:12:00,973
Okay, she's tagged
as @annathebrowbarian.
317
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,417
You click it. I can't. You
click it, Okay, okay, okay,
318
00:12:03,419 --> 00:12:05,836
click it, click it, click it, click it,
click it. okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
319
00:12:05,838 --> 00:12:07,304
Her name is Anna...
320
00:12:07,306 --> 00:12:10,674
- Hicks.
- Anna Hicks? No one has that name.
321
00:12:10,676 --> 00:12:13,898
That's like the romantic
lead in an Adam Sandler movie.
322
00:12:13,923 --> 00:12:16,680
Guys, don't do this. If you
fall down the rabbit hole
323
00:12:16,682 --> 00:12:19,016
of Internetting an
ex's current girlfriend,
324
00:12:19,018 --> 00:12:20,984
you may never come back.
325
00:12:20,986 --> 00:12:23,487
Shh... Look at her. Shh.
326
00:12:23,489 --> 00:12:25,522
Oh, she's so pretty and
cool. Also, she has, like,
327
00:12:25,524 --> 00:12:29,359
a permanent flower crown filter
face. What? How do you get that?
328
00:12:29,361 --> 00:12:32,446
Oh, my God! I know who she is.
I read about her in Us magazine.
329
00:12:32,448 --> 00:12:34,448
She does eyebrows for celebrities.
330
00:12:34,450 --> 00:12:36,583
Yeah. There's, like, a three-month
waiting list at her salon.
331
00:12:36,585 --> 00:12:38,752
I heard Mary-Kate Olsen had to pretend
332
00:12:38,754 --> 00:12:40,838
to be Elizabeth Olsen to get in.
333
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,590
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
- What?! Okay, I need to see, like,
334
00:12:43,592 --> 00:12:46,043
- a billion more pictures of her.
- Me, too.
335
00:12:46,045 --> 00:12:49,213
No. I mean, you know what they
say. Curiosity killed the...
336
00:12:49,215 --> 00:12:51,381
Cat. Look at her. She has a cat.
337
00:12:51,383 --> 00:12:52,549
She makes being a cat person
338
00:12:52,551 --> 00:12:55,469
- look cool.
- Exactly. Now I want a cat.
339
00:12:55,471 --> 00:12:57,387
What is going on?
340
00:12:57,389 --> 00:12:59,773
I don't know. Up is
down, and down is up.
341
00:12:59,775 --> 00:13:01,108
I-I... (sighs)
342
00:13:01,110 --> 00:13:04,194
Hey. What are you doing for the next,
343
00:13:04,196 --> 00:13:06,230
like, 13 hours?
344
00:13:06,232 --> 00:13:08,065
Don't do anything healthy.
345
00:13:08,067 --> 00:13:10,033
Don't be productive.
346
00:13:10,035 --> 00:13:12,569
Give in to your desire.
347
00:13:12,571 --> 00:13:14,821
Research me obsessively
348
00:13:14,823 --> 00:13:17,624
Uh-huh
349
00:13:17,626 --> 00:13:21,495
Find out everything
you can about me
350
00:13:21,497 --> 00:13:25,165
You know you want to
dig for me relentlessly
351
00:13:25,167 --> 00:13:26,967
-
Uh-huh
- _
352
00:13:26,969 --> 00:13:28,969
Using every
available search tool
353
00:13:28,971 --> 00:13:32,256
And all forms of social media
354
00:13:32,258 --> 00:13:33,507
Yes.
355
00:13:33,509 --> 00:13:34,925
You know you want to look
356
00:13:34,927 --> 00:13:36,593
At my Instagram
357
00:13:36,595 --> 00:13:38,345
But it's private
358
00:13:38,347 --> 00:13:39,980
So Google me until you find out
359
00:13:39,982 --> 00:13:41,899
Where I went to high school
360
00:13:41,901 --> 00:13:45,269
And then set up a
fake Instagram account
361
00:13:45,271 --> 00:13:47,654
Using the name and
the photo of someone
362
00:13:47,656 --> 00:13:49,489
That went to my high school
363
00:13:49,491 --> 00:13:52,359
And hope that I remember
that person a little bit
364
00:13:52,361 --> 00:13:53,994
Ah. No.
365
00:13:53,996 --> 00:13:55,913
Then request access
to my private Instagram
366
00:13:55,915 --> 00:13:57,748
From the fake account
367
00:13:57,750 --> 00:14:01,335
And in the meantime scour
my work Instagram account
368
00:14:01,337 --> 00:14:04,421
'Cause that one's public
369
00:14:04,423 --> 00:14:06,957
Research me obsessively
370
00:14:06,959 --> 00:14:09,426
Uh-huh
371
00:14:09,428 --> 00:14:13,797
Find an actual picture of my
parents' house on Google Maps
372
00:14:13,799 --> 00:14:17,267
You know you want to
hunt for me tirelessly
373
00:14:17,269 --> 00:14:19,803
Uh-huh
374
00:14:19,805 --> 00:14:21,638
It's not stalking
'cause the information
375
00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:23,941
Is all technically public
376
00:14:23,943 --> 00:14:25,809
- That's true, that's true.
- Very true.
377
00:14:25,811 --> 00:14:28,395
Check out every
guy I used to date
378
00:14:28,397 --> 00:14:30,697
And deduce who broke up with who
379
00:14:30,699 --> 00:14:35,004
Based on the
hesitation in our smiles
380
00:14:35,704 --> 00:14:38,121
So many unanswered questions.
381
00:14:38,123 --> 00:14:41,158
Did I go to the University of Texas?
382
00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:43,160
Am I an EMT?
383
00:14:43,162 --> 00:14:45,746
Is that my obituary
in which I'm survived
384
00:14:45,748 --> 00:14:47,581
by my loving husband,
Eddie, of 50 years;
385
00:14:47,583 --> 00:14:49,883
children, Susan and Matthew;
and grandchild, Stephanie?
386
00:14:49,885 --> 00:14:52,419
Wait, no. That's just all
people with my same name.
387
00:14:52,421 --> 00:14:54,338
- VALENCIA/REBECCA: Oh.
- Or is it?
388
00:14:54,340 --> 00:14:57,591
Pay only $9.99 on a background
check Web site to know for sure.
389
00:14:57,593 --> 00:14:59,463
- I'll do it. Yeah.
- (scoffs) Yeah.
390
00:14:59,488 --> 00:15:03,123
So don't stop, just
research me obsessively
391
00:15:03,148 --> 00:15:06,316
Uh-huh, and in lieu of flowers
392
00:15:06,318 --> 00:15:09,019
Donate to other
me's favorite charity
393
00:15:09,021 --> 00:15:10,737
- Aw.
- Aw.
394
00:15:10,739 --> 00:15:13,573
Research me, just research me
395
00:15:13,575 --> 00:15:16,410
And research me and research me
396
00:15:16,412 --> 00:15:17,647
Oops
397
00:15:17,672 --> 00:15:20,723
It's three days later.
398
00:15:22,498 --> 00:15:25,585
- None of this makes any sense.
- Not at all.
399
00:15:25,587 --> 00:15:27,881
There's no way Josh could
land someone that cool.
400
00:15:27,906 --> 00:15:29,405
You guys are still here?
401
00:15:29,430 --> 00:15:31,297
You've been here for three days.
402
00:15:31,322 --> 00:15:33,072
Well, it would've been a
lot less time if someone
403
00:15:33,097 --> 00:15:35,764
had stopped me from creating
a fake Instagram account.
404
00:15:35,789 --> 00:15:39,124
I told you that's illegal, and
I cannot go to jail right now.
405
00:15:39,149 --> 00:15:40,948
I am one stamp away
406
00:15:40,973 --> 00:15:43,340
on my frozen yogurt punch card
from scoring a freebie, so...
407
00:15:43,365 --> 00:15:45,806
(groans) What could she
possibly see in Josh Chan?
408
00:15:45,808 --> 00:15:47,891
I-I have literally no idea
409
00:15:47,893 --> 00:15:50,076
what he has to offer to someone
like this. Right?
410
00:15:50,101 --> 00:15:52,112
You both dated him.
411
00:15:52,114 --> 00:15:53,697
- Yeah. But we're mortals.
- Yeah.
412
00:15:53,699 --> 00:15:55,816
And she's like a-a fairy angel.
413
00:15:55,818 --> 00:15:56,733
Yeah. I mean, really,
414
00:15:56,735 --> 00:15:58,201
what could she see in a guy
415
00:15:58,203 --> 00:16:01,738
from West Covina who
still wears stitchy jeans?
416
00:16:01,740 --> 00:16:02,906
And supermarket flip-flops.
417
00:16:02,908 --> 00:16:03,824
And lives with his mother.
418
00:16:03,826 --> 00:16:04,958
Yeah. He's the worst.
419
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:07,044
I once saw him bite off a toenail.
420
00:16:07,046 --> 00:16:09,295
Well, I mean, he is
very flexible and strong.
421
00:16:09,581 --> 00:16:11,048
And muscular.
422
00:16:11,050 --> 00:16:12,416
Yeah, and his skin color.
Would you say that's,
423
00:16:12,418 --> 00:16:14,418
like, caramel? It's just so yummy.
424
00:16:14,420 --> 00:16:16,002
Mmm. Delicious.
425
00:16:16,004 --> 00:16:17,471
Wow, you guys just did, like,
426
00:16:17,473 --> 00:16:19,256
a whole
loop-Dee-loop there.
427
00:16:19,258 --> 00:16:22,014
Anyway, I don't know.
This-this isn't adding up.
428
00:16:22,725 --> 00:16:25,178
I think it's on us to
get to the bottom of this.
429
00:16:25,180 --> 00:16:27,264
Yeah. I mean, just because
we're over Josh doesn't mean
430
00:16:27,266 --> 00:16:29,266
we can let some trendy girl exploit him.
431
00:16:29,268 --> 00:16:30,975
It's not right.
432
00:16:31,139 --> 00:16:33,192
You are exactly right.
We need to investigate.
433
00:16:33,217 --> 00:16:33,848
Yeah.
434
00:16:33,873 --> 00:16:36,787
I'll drive. Let's Thelma
and Louise this thing. Okay.
435
00:16:36,812 --> 00:16:37,920
Great.
436
00:16:38,944 --> 00:16:39,903
(door opens)
437
00:16:39,928 --> 00:16:42,779
Thelma and Louise drove
off a cliff, so...
438
00:16:42,804 --> 00:16:45,318
- (door shuts)
- ... be careful.
439
00:16:46,618 --> 00:16:48,835
(sighs)
440
00:16:52,341 --> 00:16:54,857
(humming)
441
00:16:59,598 --> 00:17:01,798
Ba-da-Ga-da, Ba-da-Ga-da,
Ba-da-Ga-da, Ba-da-Ga-da.
442
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:04,134
Ga-da-Ba-da, Ga-da-Ba-da,
Ga-da-Ba-da, Ga-da-Ba-da,
443
00:17:04,136 --> 00:17:05,635
- Ga-da-Ba-da.
- Warming up?
444
00:17:05,936 --> 00:17:07,137
Yeah.
445
00:17:07,139 --> 00:17:09,912
I try to lube the cords
well in advance of a show.
446
00:17:09,937 --> 00:17:11,725
Ah, the West Brovinas.
447
00:17:11,727 --> 00:17:13,226
You're the buzz of the
shipping department.
448
00:17:13,228 --> 00:17:14,478
Heard so much about you guys.
449
00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:16,480
- You have?
- Yeah. From you.
450
00:17:16,482 --> 00:17:18,031
Every day. (chuckles)
451
00:17:18,033 --> 00:17:21,151
(chuckles) I-I do love barbershop.
452
00:17:21,153 --> 00:17:22,986
Mmm. Everyone needs a hobby.
453
00:17:22,988 --> 00:17:24,988
Hank, our tenor, likes to say,
454
00:17:24,990 --> 00:17:27,407
"It's cheaper than golf
and safer than whores."
455
00:17:27,409 --> 00:17:29,326
Wait, maybe it's "cheaper than whores
456
00:17:29,328 --> 00:17:30,994
- and safer than golf." Now...
- Well,
457
00:17:30,996 --> 00:17:32,996
personally, I can't wait.
458
00:17:32,998 --> 00:17:34,831
I love close harmony singing.
459
00:17:34,833 --> 00:17:37,045
I die over a perfectly hit seventh.
460
00:17:37,070 --> 00:17:39,753
Wow. Uh, that's cool,
461
00:17:39,755 --> 00:17:41,671
- Tanya.
- Yeah. See you tonight.
462
00:17:41,673 --> 00:17:44,508
(humming)
463
00:17:44,510 --> 00:17:46,893
Ba-da-Ga-da, Ba-da-Ga-da,
Ba-da-Ga-da...
464
00:17:54,236 --> 00:17:55,652
- I'm so nervous.
- Okay, listen,
465
00:17:55,654 --> 00:17:57,687
since you're a sneaky-stalky virgin,
466
00:17:57,689 --> 00:18:00,357
just play it cool, okay? She
won't notice anything Okay, coolio.
467
00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:03,577
- If you don't notice anything.
- Okay, cool. So we're just here to...
468
00:18:03,579 --> 00:18:05,665
Observe and analyze, like in
the style of Margaret Mead,
469
00:18:05,690 --> 00:18:06,580
Right. Mm-hmm. Yep.
470
00:18:06,582 --> 00:18:09,583
- Jane Goodall, Dian Fossey...
- Mm-hmm. What? Who?
471
00:18:09,585 --> 00:18:12,035
- Just figure things out.
- Okay, I'm not stupid.
472
00:18:12,037 --> 00:18:13,404
You just reference obscure
things all the time.
473
00:18:13,429 --> 00:18:14,147
I know. Mm.
474
00:18:14,172 --> 00:18:18,291
Oh, my God. (whimpers) Wait,
O.M.G., her outfit is beyond.
475
00:18:18,293 --> 00:18:20,131
And I saw that her eyebrows
are staggering, of course.
476
00:18:20,156 --> 00:18:20,889
(Valencia scoffs)
477
00:18:20,914 --> 00:18:22,803
No, I know you're jonesing,
but I can't give you
478
00:18:22,828 --> 00:18:23,994
any more of the stuff.
479
00:18:24,373 --> 00:18:27,139
Because. No, I'm still here.
480
00:18:27,193 --> 00:18:28,559
I'm waiting on a shipment.
481
00:18:29,054 --> 00:18:31,855
Mm-hmm.
482
00:18:31,857 --> 00:18:34,524
483
00:18:35,644 --> 00:18:38,028
What is that?
484
00:18:38,030 --> 00:18:41,448
- (Rebecca gasps)
- (Valencia stammers)
485
00:18:41,450 --> 00:18:43,233
Um...
486
00:18:43,235 --> 00:18:45,785
Okay, I'm sorry, is she
giving all these women
487
00:18:45,787 --> 00:18:48,371
- some sort of white powder?
- Cocaine?
488
00:18:48,373 --> 00:18:49,990
I mean, I was thinking the same thing.
489
00:18:49,992 --> 00:18:52,158
- Or meth or crushed-up oxy. Who knows?
- Oh.
490
00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:53,827
(shushing) Here she comes,
491
00:18:53,829 --> 00:18:55,918
here she comes, here she
comes. Peas and carrots, Mmm...
492
00:18:55,943 --> 00:18:57,608
peas and carrots, peas and
carrots, peas and carrots,
493
00:18:57,633 --> 00:18:58,471
What are you doing?
494
00:18:58,496 --> 00:19:00,300
Peas and carrots. I'm
saying "peas and carrots."
495
00:19:00,302 --> 00:19:02,168
It's what you do when
you're faking chitchat.
496
00:19:02,170 --> 00:19:04,588
I did it in my eighth grade
church play, Don't Be Different.
497
00:19:04,590 --> 00:19:07,090
Peas and carrots, peas and carrots,
peas and carrots, (stammers) It's...
498
00:19:07,092 --> 00:19:08,041
peas and carrots,
peas and carrots, p...
499
00:19:08,066 --> 00:19:09,175
You're saying it so loud.
Just stop. Just...
500
00:19:09,177 --> 00:19:11,394
Because some girls abuse it
501
00:19:11,396 --> 00:19:13,179
and then I have to
completely cut them off.
502
00:19:13,181 --> 00:19:14,764
- Oh, my God.
- You're right.
503
00:19:14,766 --> 00:19:17,100
She is a drug salesperson.
504
00:19:17,102 --> 00:19:20,153
- I'll call you back.
- Oh, she sees us.
505
00:19:21,245 --> 00:19:23,332
She's a drug dealer.
506
00:19:23,659 --> 00:19:26,269
Josh's girlfriend is
a stone-cold narco.
507
00:19:27,558 --> 00:19:29,996
I mean, I guess it makes sense.
508
00:19:29,998 --> 00:19:32,415
You can't pay gentrified
commercial rents
509
00:19:32,417 --> 00:19:34,230
by plucking forehead hair.
510
00:19:34,255 --> 00:19:35,754
We have to tell Josh.
511
00:19:35,779 --> 00:19:37,195
There's no way he'll figure it out.
512
00:19:37,220 --> 00:19:39,104
I mean, let's face it, not the smartest.
513
00:19:39,129 --> 00:19:40,628
No, no, no. He's not so bright.
514
00:19:40,759 --> 00:19:43,293
He once told me his favorite
animal was Antarctica.
515
00:19:43,295 --> 00:19:45,962
He thinks eau de toilette
is called that because,
516
00:19:45,964 --> 00:19:47,464
- Oh, it's from a toilet.
- Oh, it's from a toilet.
517
00:19:47,466 --> 00:19:50,634
- It's so sad.
- Also, he talks to telemarketers.
518
00:19:50,636 --> 00:19:52,102
He'll believe anything anyone tells him.
519
00:19:52,104 --> 00:19:54,020
He's too trusting, too sweet.
520
00:19:54,022 --> 00:19:55,639
I mean, the guy just radiates sunshine.
521
00:19:55,641 --> 00:19:57,774
- I love his mouth.
- Yeah.
522
00:19:57,949 --> 00:20:00,143
We loop-Dee-looped
again!
523
00:20:00,145 --> 00:20:02,646
- We have to tell him.
- Yes.
524
00:20:02,648 --> 00:20:04,898
We can't just sit here on our
big fat lazy fat cans all day.
525
00:20:04,900 --> 00:20:06,116
- All right, let's go.
- Okay.
526
00:20:06,118 --> 00:20:07,651
Um, hey, while we're driving,
527
00:20:07,653 --> 00:20:09,986
let's talk about your
continued body dysmorphia,
528
00:20:09,988 --> 00:20:12,155
'cause I thought we'd
nipped it in the bud.
529
00:20:12,157 --> 00:20:15,325
So, body dysmorphia is often
caused by personal trauma,
530
00:20:15,327 --> 00:20:18,712
such as childhood teasing
or parental over-involvement.
531
00:20:18,714 --> 00:20:20,463
- (thud)
- (gasps)
532
00:20:20,465 --> 00:20:22,999
That's weird. Did you leave
your purse on the ground?
533
00:20:23,001 --> 00:20:24,668
No, I didn't bring a purse.
534
00:20:24,670 --> 00:20:26,670
I brought my mini calf-hair
crossbody. We're on the go.
535
00:20:26,672 --> 00:20:29,756
Yeah, which is why I brought my
high school JanSport backpack.
536
00:20:29,758 --> 00:20:32,676
Wait. So what did I run over?
537
00:20:32,678 --> 00:20:34,344
(gasps) Oh, my God!
538
00:20:34,346 --> 00:20:35,979
Oh, my God!
539
00:20:37,660 --> 00:20:40,494
Oh, my God! Gravy?! Oh!
540
00:20:40,519 --> 00:20:42,185
(mewing)
541
00:20:42,187 --> 00:20:45,191
What happened? Who ran my cat?!
542
00:20:55,129 --> 00:20:57,268
Oh, my little baby. It's gonna be okay.
543
00:20:57,293 --> 00:20:58,542
- It's gonna be okay.
- (meowing)
544
00:20:59,535 --> 00:21:01,285
Did you see who hit my cat?
545
00:21:01,287 --> 00:21:04,621
- Uh, uh, uh...
- Um, um, we saw... we saw it.
546
00:21:04,623 --> 00:21:06,256
It was a hit-and-run.
Someone...
547
00:21:06,258 --> 00:21:08,375
It was a thoughtless man. It was a man!
548
00:21:08,377 --> 00:21:10,010
It's always a man!
549
00:21:10,012 --> 00:21:11,716
- Yeah, it was a man with, um...
- Uh-huh.
550
00:21:11,741 --> 00:21:13,168
- Um, a hat.
- Yeah.
551
00:21:13,193 --> 00:21:15,238
And-and one eye and a parrot here.
552
00:21:15,801 --> 00:21:18,302
A pirate? A pirate hit
my cat? That's insane.
553
00:21:18,304 --> 00:21:19,853
- Yeah, it was... it was insane.
- (meowing)
554
00:21:19,855 --> 00:21:21,638
That's why she remembers it so vividly.
555
00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:24,308
It was a guy with, like,
yellow teeth and black eyeliner.
556
00:21:24,310 --> 00:21:26,193
I bet it's one of those creeps
557
00:21:26,195 --> 00:21:27,944
who plays Jack Sparrow
on Hollywood Boulevard.
558
00:21:27,946 --> 00:21:30,480
- Oh. (crying)
- Yup. Um, hey,
559
00:21:30,482 --> 00:21:33,200
we were... were just gonna
drive your cat to the hospital.
560
00:21:33,202 --> 00:21:35,319
- Why don't we take you, too?
- (meowing)
561
00:21:35,321 --> 00:21:37,070
(whispering): What
are you talking about?
562
00:21:37,072 --> 00:21:38,622
It's fine. Shh.
563
00:21:43,816 --> 00:21:45,462
This is all my fault.
564
00:21:45,464 --> 00:21:48,165
I was on the phone, and
I left the door open.
565
00:21:48,167 --> 00:21:50,334
If anything happens to him,
I don't know what I'll do.
566
00:21:50,336 --> 00:21:52,540
- (door opens)
- (sighs)
567
00:21:52,565 --> 00:21:55,232
Will you excuse me for one moment?
568
00:21:55,257 --> 00:21:57,557
(door closes, dogs barking)
569
00:21:57,559 --> 00:21:59,393
What are we doing?
570
00:21:59,395 --> 00:22:01,178
I'm over there all by
myself comforting the enemy,
571
00:22:01,180 --> 00:22:03,313
who smells like heaven, by the
way. I want to get out of here!
572
00:22:03,315 --> 00:22:05,766
Shh. Shh. Just-just play
it cool, okay? (sighs)
573
00:22:05,768 --> 00:22:08,735
So, listen, it hit me when
we hit the cat. (laughs)
574
00:22:08,737 --> 00:22:10,987
We can't just tell Josh
about Anna's drug business.
575
00:22:10,989 --> 00:22:12,606
He'll never believe us.
576
00:22:12,608 --> 00:22:15,859
Okay, we need proof, so I
intend to do... just that.
577
00:22:15,861 --> 00:22:17,527
Okay, before you go over there,
578
00:22:17,529 --> 00:22:20,947
I told her that your name is
Madge, and my name is Allegra.
579
00:22:20,949 --> 00:22:22,449
Madge?
580
00:22:22,451 --> 00:22:23,950
So you.
581
00:22:23,952 --> 00:22:25,452
- Great.
- Yeah.
582
00:22:25,454 --> 00:22:26,953
Go. Go. Go.
583
00:22:26,955 --> 00:22:28,839
Hey. Hey, honey.
584
00:22:28,841 --> 00:22:31,458
So, the nurse wants you to
fill out all this information.
585
00:22:31,460 --> 00:22:33,710
I just figured I'd do
it since you're so upset.
586
00:22:33,712 --> 00:22:35,128
- So it's just you and me.
- Okay.
587
00:22:35,130 --> 00:22:36,463
Don't think. Just rapid fire
588
00:22:36,465 --> 00:22:37,848
answer my questions.
589
00:22:37,850 --> 00:22:39,933
So, um, name, age, height, weight?
590
00:22:39,935 --> 00:22:41,385
Uh, Gravy Miffy Muffins,
591
00:22:41,387 --> 00:22:43,308
uh, six years old, 18
inches, eight pounds?
592
00:22:43,333 --> 00:22:45,021
No, honey, honey. Your name,
age, height, weight.
593
00:22:45,023 --> 00:22:46,940
They need it for you
for some reason, okay?
594
00:22:46,942 --> 00:22:48,442
Okay, so, stay with me.
595
00:22:48,444 --> 00:22:49,918
Stay with me. Rapid fire.
Stay with me, okay?
596
00:22:49,943 --> 00:22:50,560
Okay.
597
00:22:50,562 --> 00:22:52,896
So, name, age, height,
weight, occupation, income,
598
00:22:52,898 --> 00:22:55,031
uh, felonies, misdemeanors,
trouble with the law?
599
00:22:55,033 --> 00:22:56,733
- Uh, you're going too fast.
- Okay, got it.
600
00:22:56,735 --> 00:22:58,034
I will go slower,
okay? I'll slow it down.
601
00:22:58,036 --> 00:22:59,453
But still, rapid fire with me.
602
00:22:59,455 --> 00:23:01,621
Okay, right with me?
Rapid fire. Okay. So name?
603
00:23:01,623 --> 00:23:02,691
- Anna Hicks.
- Okay.
604
00:23:02,715 --> 00:23:03,557
- Age?
- 29.
605
00:23:03,582 --> 00:23:04,908
Older than I thought. Good for you.
606
00:23:04,910 --> 00:23:06,710
Um, height, weight? Rapid fire?
607
00:23:06,712 --> 00:23:09,246
- Five, three. I don't weigh myself.
- Yes, you do. Everyone does.
608
00:23:09,248 --> 00:23:10,951
- No, I really don't.
- Put down 115, Madge.
609
00:23:10,976 --> 00:23:12,309
Got it. Um, okay.
610
00:23:12,334 --> 00:23:14,050
So many questions on this stupid form!
611
00:23:14,052 --> 00:23:15,719
(laughs) lt's so
thorough. I don't know why.
612
00:23:15,721 --> 00:23:17,254
- Um, any... any run-ins with the law?
- (door closes)
613
00:23:17,256 --> 00:23:19,589
- Like, felonies, misdemeanors?
- Oh, my God!
614
00:23:20,066 --> 00:23:23,760
- Is he dead?
- No. He's just fine.
615
00:23:23,762 --> 00:23:26,396
We reattached his tail,
and he's gonna be A-okay.
616
00:23:26,398 --> 00:23:28,932
- Thank God. My little Gravy Wavy.
- We just didn't
617
00:23:28,934 --> 00:23:31,184
want this collar to get lost
in the shuffle. It's so pretty.
618
00:23:31,186 --> 00:23:32,496
Thank you. My boyfriend
got it for me.
619
00:23:32,521 --> 00:23:33,270
Mm.
620
00:23:33,272 --> 00:23:35,439
Oh, thanks. (sighs)
621
00:23:35,441 --> 00:23:38,108
Um, so you have... you have...
you have a boyfriend, huh?
622
00:23:38,110 --> 00:23:40,277
That was the next question
on this weird form.
623
00:23:40,279 --> 00:23:42,779
But you have a... ? So, you...
Yes, to... yes, boyfriend, yes?
624
00:23:42,781 --> 00:23:45,615
Yeah. Haven't said it
out loud yet, but, um,
625
00:23:45,617 --> 00:23:47,033
I guess he is my boyfriend.
626
00:23:47,035 --> 00:23:48,785
It's funny how hard
moments make you realize
627
00:23:48,787 --> 00:23:50,287
who really matters to you.
628
00:23:50,289 --> 00:23:52,238
Mm.
629
00:23:53,996 --> 00:23:56,626
You know, um, since Gravy's A-okay,
630
00:23:56,628 --> 00:23:59,045
why don't I take your mind off of this,
631
00:23:59,047 --> 00:24:00,464
and we'll just gab like girls?
632
00:24:00,466 --> 00:24:02,349
So tell me about the
boyfriend, girlfriend.
633
00:24:02,351 --> 00:24:04,301
(laughs) Um, his name is Josh,
634
00:24:04,303 --> 00:24:06,520
and we've only been seeing
each other for a couple weeks,
635
00:24:06,522 --> 00:24:09,973
so, I guess it's casual,
but he's so nice, so helpful.
636
00:24:09,975 --> 00:24:11,808
I've been slammed at the salon lately,
637
00:24:11,810 --> 00:24:14,227
and he's been helping me
out a ton, making deliveries,
638
00:24:14,229 --> 00:24:16,813
pickups, going to Mexico to get product.
639
00:24:16,815 --> 00:24:18,732
- Mexico! Oh, my God!
- And he doesn't even
640
00:24:18,734 --> 00:24:21,201
ask any questions. He's so nice. Yeah.
641
00:24:21,203 --> 00:24:23,036
And I feel bad for
him. He's been through
642
00:24:23,038 --> 00:24:25,906
some really tough times,
had some toxic relationships.
643
00:24:25,908 --> 00:24:27,991
Toxic? Is that... is that, uh, his word,
644
00:24:27,993 --> 00:24:29,543
your word, or Britney's word?
645
00:24:29,545 --> 00:24:30,777
His word. Toxic.
646
00:24:30,802 --> 00:24:32,829
He doesn't like to badmouth his exes,
647
00:24:32,831 --> 00:24:35,632
but this one girl he dated
hounded him to propose.
648
00:24:35,634 --> 00:24:38,425
Hounded? Is that his word,
your word or Elvis's word?
649
00:24:38,450 --> 00:24:41,721
His word. Hounded.
And then he dated this
650
00:24:41,723 --> 00:24:43,673
psycho who... get this... quit her job,
651
00:24:43,675 --> 00:24:45,926
and then moved across the
country to be with him,
652
00:24:45,928 --> 00:24:48,428
even though they hadn't seen
each other in, like, ten years.
653
00:24:48,430 --> 00:24:49,896
Crazy, right?
654
00:24:49,898 --> 00:24:51,848
It also... it also could be unfair.
655
00:24:51,850 --> 00:24:54,484
You know, it could be the male
gaze version of the narrative.
656
00:24:54,486 --> 00:24:56,353
No. This girl sounded
legit bonker balls.
657
00:24:56,355 --> 00:24:57,938
She told him that she was pregnant
658
00:24:57,940 --> 00:25:00,357
with his baby, and then
two seconds later, said
659
00:25:00,359 --> 00:25:01,691
that she wasn't pregnant with his baby,
660
00:25:01,693 --> 00:25:04,361
and then begged him
to have... period sex.
661
00:25:04,363 --> 00:25:06,196
Excuse me. What happened?
662
00:25:06,198 --> 00:25:08,198
(speaks high-pitched gibberish)
663
00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:10,200
Let's not slut-shame the lady
664
00:25:10,202 --> 00:25:12,202
just 'cause her libido doesn't
go away during menstruation.
665
00:25:12,204 --> 00:25:14,871
That girl, whoever she
is, should be commended.
666
00:25:14,873 --> 00:25:18,458
Period sex, period sex...
667
00:25:18,483 --> 00:25:19,582
- Okay, stop.
- Okay.
668
00:25:19,606 --> 00:25:20,678
When Josh finds out
669
00:25:20,679 --> 00:25:22,546
who ran over Gravy, he's going to flip.
670
00:25:22,548 --> 00:25:24,297
He absolutely loves this cat.
671
00:25:24,299 --> 00:25:27,839
Right, but, I mean, how is
he even gonna find her? Him?
672
00:25:28,204 --> 00:25:30,037
The salon's security footage.
673
00:25:30,305 --> 00:25:32,660
- What?
- What?
674
00:25:32,685 --> 00:25:34,808
I took over the salon from a jeweler,
675
00:25:34,810 --> 00:25:36,860
so the entire front of
the salon has cameras.
676
00:25:37,527 --> 00:25:40,472
Josh and I are gonna find the
person who ran over my baby
677
00:25:40,497 --> 00:25:42,614
if it's the last thing that I do.
678
00:25:43,839 --> 00:25:45,855
Did you hear that... Madge?
679
00:25:46,769 --> 00:25:49,319
I did, Allegra.
680
00:25:56,262 --> 00:25:59,307
Oh, yeah, we could buy...
we could buy that place,
681
00:25:59,332 --> 00:26:01,659
or this place looks quite promising.
682
00:26:01,684 --> 00:26:03,597
Maybe we could buy it. Okay,
look, I was trying to mislead
683
00:26:03,622 --> 00:26:04,980
the neighbors to make them
think we're lesbians looking for
684
00:26:05,005 --> 00:26:06,621
a new house. We really need
685
00:26:06,646 --> 00:26:07,644
to get that security video,
686
00:26:07,669 --> 00:26:09,925
or we are absolute toast,
so how are we gonna get in?
687
00:26:09,950 --> 00:26:12,417
Do you have a diamond ring
that we could use to cut glass?
688
00:26:12,442 --> 00:26:14,503
Maybe there's a kitty
door or something... ?
689
00:26:14,528 --> 00:26:15,856
How about we use these?
690
00:26:15,881 --> 00:26:18,105
Oh, my God, she has the cutest stuff.
691
00:26:18,129 --> 00:26:20,163
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait. You stole those? Yes.
692
00:26:20,165 --> 00:26:21,581
I don't feel bad about it, either.
693
00:26:21,583 --> 00:26:22,966
She was begging for me to do it.
694
00:26:22,968 --> 00:26:25,335
Leaving the house with
that fancy purse?
695
00:26:25,337 --> 00:26:28,137
And then leaving it on
the floor all wide open
696
00:26:28,139 --> 00:26:30,089
with the tip of her keys poking out?
697
00:26:30,091 --> 00:26:32,342
Did I take her keys? Damn right I did.
698
00:26:32,344 --> 00:26:34,060
Anyone would have done it.
699
00:26:34,062 --> 00:26:35,728
If anything, I'm the real victim here.
700
00:26:35,730 --> 00:26:38,932
Okay, so we need to have a
serious talk about consent.
701
00:26:38,934 --> 00:26:40,600
So, consent is something
that must be initiated...
702
00:26:40,602 --> 00:26:43,102
Okay. Wow.
703
00:26:43,104 --> 00:26:44,938
(alarm beeping) Aah! Aah! Aah!
704
00:26:44,940 --> 00:26:46,272
Don't mind us. We're just two lesbians.
705
00:26:46,274 --> 00:26:48,074
Nothing to see. Nothing
to see. Aah! Aah!
706
00:26:48,076 --> 00:26:49,525
Oh, my God. Oh, my God,
where is it? Where... ?
707
00:26:49,527 --> 00:26:50,944
Okay, okay, okay, um, um, um...
708
00:26:50,946 --> 00:26:52,111
- Oh, my God, look at this place!
- Oh! Oh!
709
00:26:52,113 --> 00:26:53,696
- Aah! Aah!
- Okay, okay. Uh...
710
00:26:53,698 --> 00:26:55,135
- Okay, okay, we have to guess the code.
- How?
711
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:56,282
I didn't study up enough on her.
712
00:26:56,284 --> 00:26:57,917
Okay, I'll try. Uh...
713
00:26:57,919 --> 00:26:59,035
How about her birthday?
714
00:26:59,037 --> 00:27:00,453
No. Oh, Gravy's birthday. No.
715
00:27:00,455 --> 00:27:01,788
Do you know Gravy's birthday?
716
00:27:01,790 --> 00:27:03,590
Just... Josh's birthday.
717
00:27:03,592 --> 00:27:05,508
- Mm... No.
- Yeah. Yeah. Fail.
718
00:27:05,510 --> 00:27:06,793
- Uh... Uh, her parents' credit scores?
- Okay, okay.
719
00:27:06,795 --> 00:27:08,795
- Uh, no.
- Uh, no. Ugh!
720
00:27:08,797 --> 00:27:11,297
Her weight! Try her weight! 115! Try it!
721
00:27:11,299 --> 00:27:13,633
Okay. Okay. Yeah.
722
00:27:13,635 --> 00:27:15,301
No. She doesn't weigh herself, remember?
723
00:27:15,303 --> 00:27:17,246
Of course she does. Hold on.
724
00:27:17,271 --> 00:27:19,272
- Goal weight! That's it!
- What?
725
00:27:19,274 --> 00:27:20,769
- 113. Do it! Do it!
- Oh!
726
00:27:20,794 --> 00:27:23,244
- Do it!
- (dings)
727
00:27:23,478 --> 00:27:26,145
I knew that bitch weighed herself.
728
00:27:30,485 --> 00:27:34,037
(upbeat music playing, lively chatter)
729
00:27:44,511 --> 00:27:45,996
I'm really nervous.
730
00:27:46,021 --> 00:27:47,387
Yeah, I get that.
731
00:27:47,412 --> 00:27:49,129
Do what I do when I get nervous.
732
00:27:49,154 --> 00:27:50,520
Take off your underwear.
733
00:27:50,545 --> 00:27:52,094
You mean, picture people
in their underwear?
734
00:27:52,223 --> 00:27:54,474
What? Why would that make
me more comfortable? Yeah.
735
00:27:54,476 --> 00:27:56,175
That's just awkward.
736
00:27:56,177 --> 00:27:59,095
Nah, I walk around with
my bits all wango tango.
737
00:27:59,097 --> 00:28:00,647
It's very relaxing.
738
00:28:00,649 --> 00:28:01,931
Oh, I'm doing a version of that.
739
00:28:01,933 --> 00:28:03,349
Uh, instead of underwear,
740
00:28:03,351 --> 00:28:04,984
I'm wearing an old T-shirt upside down.
741
00:28:04,986 --> 00:28:06,418
We haven't done laundry in ages.
742
00:28:06,443 --> 00:28:09,966
Paula's been busy, and I don't
know how to work the machine.
743
00:28:09,991 --> 00:28:12,129
Where is Paula? I don't
see her with the wives.
744
00:28:12,154 --> 00:28:14,905
She's coming. She first
had to do some law stuff.
745
00:28:15,051 --> 00:28:16,417
What kind of law stuff?
746
00:28:16,419 --> 00:28:19,837
I sincerely have no idea.
747
00:28:23,175 --> 00:28:25,259
I just think the
relationship between the 21st
748
00:28:25,261 --> 00:28:27,094
and the 18th amendment is amazing.
749
00:28:27,096 --> 00:28:28,929
I mean, don't you think?
750
00:28:28,931 --> 00:28:30,681
Actually, I've just been
sitting here thinking
751
00:28:30,683 --> 00:28:32,733
about what I'm gonna pick
up for dinner on my way home.
752
00:28:32,735 --> 00:28:34,602
I finally ran out of the frozen dinners
753
00:28:34,604 --> 00:28:36,987
- my wife made for us before she...
- I'm telling you,
754
00:28:36,989 --> 00:28:38,906
I have not been this
obsessed about something
755
00:28:38,908 --> 00:28:41,442
since the first season of The Wire.
756
00:28:41,444 --> 00:28:43,077
Oh. Yeah.
757
00:28:43,079 --> 00:28:45,196
- You don't watch The Wire?
- No.
758
00:28:45,198 --> 00:28:47,198
- (gasping) What?
- I know. I know.
759
00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:48,949
Oh, I am so jealous of you
760
00:28:48,951 --> 00:28:51,001
that you get to watch
it for the first time.
761
00:28:51,003 --> 00:28:53,621
Oh, ho! Rebecca and I binged
that in, like, two days.
762
00:28:53,623 --> 00:28:55,122
We loved it.
763
00:28:55,124 --> 00:28:57,625
She is so Avon. I am so
Stringer Bell. It is...
764
00:28:57,627 --> 00:29:00,127
Why am I talking about
Rebecca? I'm sorry. Never mind.
765
00:29:00,129 --> 00:29:02,096
We could talk about my wife.
I did just bring her up.
766
00:29:02,098 --> 00:29:04,465
Oh, of course. I'm
sorry, honey. Go ahead.
767
00:29:04,467 --> 00:29:06,183
She also pre-ordered, like,
768
00:29:06,185 --> 00:29:08,436
a year's worth supply
of toilet paper for us.
769
00:29:08,738 --> 00:29:10,643
She was so thoughtful. I mean,
even in her darkest times.
770
00:29:10,668 --> 00:29:12,556
- She was like, "Sunil, I... "
- What time is it?!
771
00:29:12,558 --> 00:29:16,227
- I don't know.
- Oh. No! Oh, my God.
772
00:29:16,229 --> 00:29:19,563
Okay, I can make it.
I can... I can make it.
773
00:29:19,565 --> 00:29:21,398
I can... I can make it. I can make it.
774
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:23,317
- Where are you going?
- I can make it.
775
00:29:23,319 --> 00:29:25,119
I can make it. I can... make it.
776
00:29:25,121 --> 00:29:26,570
I can make it.
777
00:29:26,572 --> 00:29:30,241
(in harmony):
Let me
call you sweetheart
778
00:29:30,243 --> 00:29:34,995
I'm in love with you
779
00:29:34,997 --> 00:29:37,798
Let me hear you whisper
780
00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:42,753
That you love me, too
781
00:29:42,755 --> 00:29:50,755
Keep the love light
glowing in your eyes so true
782
00:29:50,930 --> 00:29:54,181
Let me call you sweetheart
783
00:29:54,183 --> 00:29:58,018
I'm in love
784
00:29:58,020 --> 00:30:00,688
With...
785
00:30:00,690 --> 00:30:03,023
You
786
00:30:03,025 --> 00:30:05,826
With you...
787
00:30:05,828 --> 00:30:08,245
Hey. I made it. I made
it. I made it. I made it.
788
00:30:08,247 --> 00:30:09,997
I made it. I made it.
789
00:30:09,999 --> 00:30:11,532
I made it. Oh.
790
00:30:11,534 --> 00:30:13,417
Go, so thirsty.
791
00:30:13,419 --> 00:30:15,870
- (song ends)
- Aah! Oh!
792
00:30:15,872 --> 00:30:19,206
(applause)
793
00:30:19,208 --> 00:30:20,374
That's the end of the first song, right?
794
00:30:20,376 --> 00:30:21,876
I just missed the end of the first song?
795
00:30:21,878 --> 00:30:24,011
That was the encore.
796
00:30:37,911 --> 00:30:40,278
Okay, I'll look on this
computer for the footage.
797
00:30:40,303 --> 00:30:41,770
Uh, as long as we're
here, you look for evidence
798
00:30:41,772 --> 00:30:43,221
of drugs, okay? Go through the drawers.
799
00:30:43,223 --> 00:30:46,224
Okay. Got it.
800
00:30:46,226 --> 00:30:47,692
Hmm.
801
00:30:47,694 --> 00:30:51,112
Okay. Found the footage
from this afternoon.
802
00:30:51,114 --> 00:30:52,447
Let's look at all the angles.
803
00:30:52,449 --> 00:30:53,675
Maybe...
804
00:30:53,700 --> 00:30:55,817
maybe it didn't actually
get us hitting the cat.
805
00:30:55,842 --> 00:30:57,425
Oh, no. There it is. Clear as day.
806
00:30:57,654 --> 00:30:59,704
We really... Yeah, we ran over that cat.
807
00:31:00,082 --> 00:31:02,741
Hmm. My brows are a
little thin, aren't they?
808
00:31:02,743 --> 00:31:04,042
Ugh.
809
00:31:04,044 --> 00:31:05,191
They're '90s brows. Damn it.
810
00:31:05,223 --> 00:31:06,816
Hey, what are you doing over
there? Did you find drugs?
811
00:31:06,841 --> 00:31:09,144
(laughing): No. But this
lotion... I'm addicted.
812
00:31:09,169 --> 00:31:11,136
- Dude.
- What?
813
00:31:11,598 --> 00:31:13,464
Wow. Never mind, I'll take care of this.
814
00:31:13,466 --> 00:31:15,683
Okay. Delete, delete, delete.
815
00:31:15,685 --> 00:31:16,851
Delete, empty trash.
816
00:31:16,853 --> 00:31:18,097
Oh, thank God.
817
00:31:18,122 --> 00:31:20,006
Yes. Whew.
818
00:31:20,031 --> 00:31:21,639
Oh, what a weight off me.
819
00:31:21,641 --> 00:31:22,974
I wish I could do that in my own life.
820
00:31:22,976 --> 00:31:25,226
Just erase things that happened.
821
00:31:25,228 --> 00:31:28,813
God, I would erase all of
junior prom and sixth grade,
822
00:31:28,815 --> 00:31:30,379
and so many courtroom farts.
823
00:31:30,404 --> 00:31:32,150
Okay, great. Let's get out of here.
824
00:31:32,152 --> 00:31:34,035
Wait. Wait, wait. It
just occurred to me.
825
00:31:34,037 --> 00:31:35,987
If she's doing anything illegal,
it will be on these tapes.
826
00:31:35,989 --> 00:31:37,221
We could show them to Josh.
827
00:31:37,223 --> 00:31:38,823
(sighs) I really don't
want to get caught.
828
00:31:38,825 --> 00:31:40,325
V, look. I know this is dangerous.
829
00:31:40,327 --> 00:31:42,126
And I know how we both feel about Josh,
830
00:31:42,128 --> 00:31:44,495
but he's an innocent man
being turned into a drug mule.
831
00:31:44,497 --> 00:31:46,164
Yeah. God only knows what
he's sticking in his rectum.
832
00:31:46,166 --> 00:31:47,293
Oh, my God, have we talked about that?
833
00:31:47,318 --> 00:31:49,168
- What?
- Oh, so he never...
834
00:31:49,675 --> 00:31:51,419
Nothing.
Uh-uh, uh-uh.
835
00:31:51,421 --> 00:31:53,171
No. Uh-uh. What was I doing? Oh, right.
836
00:31:53,173 --> 00:31:55,390
I'm gonna fast-forward
through this to see if she
837
00:31:55,392 --> 00:31:57,258
is a hopper movin' g-packs.
She's no corner boy,
838
00:31:57,260 --> 00:31:58,393
she's pushin' real weight.
839
00:31:58,395 --> 00:32:01,183
- Ugh.
- It's The Wire.
840
00:32:01,208 --> 00:32:03,014
Have you never seen The Wire?
841
00:32:03,016 --> 00:32:04,222
Mm. Am I supposed to?
842
00:32:04,247 --> 00:32:06,351
Oh, my God. I am so
jealous of you right now.
843
00:32:06,353 --> 00:32:08,019
You get to watch it from the beginning.
844
00:32:08,021 --> 00:32:09,520
Paula and I binged the whole thing
845
00:32:09,522 --> 00:32:11,739
in two days, and we were obsessed.
846
00:32:11,741 --> 00:32:13,358
We talked like Avon and Stringer Bell
847
00:32:13,360 --> 00:32:14,776
- for a solid month.
- Hmm. Mm-hmm.
848
00:32:14,778 --> 00:32:16,194
Wait. Why am I talking about Paula?
849
00:32:16,196 --> 00:32:17,578
I hate her right now.
850
00:32:17,580 --> 00:32:19,697
Okay, fast-forward, let's see.
851
00:32:19,699 --> 00:32:20,915
She's plucking, she's plucking.
852
00:32:20,917 --> 00:32:22,667
She's plucking. More plucking.
853
00:32:22,669 --> 00:32:23,835
- Oh, there it is, there it is.
- (gasps)
854
00:32:23,837 --> 00:32:25,536
Look, she's handing envelopes
855
00:32:25,538 --> 00:32:27,785
- of drugs to clients.
- Wow.
856
00:32:27,810 --> 00:32:30,258
This is insane. She's giving
envelopes full of drugs
857
00:32:30,260 --> 00:32:32,210
to people out in broad
daylight. It's so brazen.
858
00:32:32,212 --> 00:32:34,045
This is such important work.
859
00:32:34,047 --> 00:32:35,263
I mean, we're gonna blow this wide open.
860
00:32:35,265 --> 00:32:36,566
We could get a Peabody for this.
861
00:32:36,591 --> 00:32:38,683
Oh, look, look. She's taking
the powder out of the envelope,
862
00:32:38,685 --> 00:32:40,218
and then she's putting it on the table.
863
00:32:40,220 --> 00:32:41,803
She's showing them how to do the drugs.
864
00:32:42,957 --> 00:32:44,605
REBECCA: Oh, she's
gonna shoot up the drugs
865
00:32:44,607 --> 00:32:45,964
just like in Breaking Bad.
Have you seen Breaking Bad?
866
00:32:45,989 --> 00:32:48,121
- Eh.
- How do you live your life?
867
00:32:48,146 --> 00:32:49,527
- I go outside.
- That's fair.
868
00:32:49,529 --> 00:32:50,862
Okay, here we go, here we go.
869
00:32:50,864 --> 00:32:52,447
REBECCA: Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
870
00:32:52,449 --> 00:32:53,564
She's gonna do the drugs.
871
00:32:53,566 --> 00:32:54,899
She's getting high off her own supply.
872
00:32:54,901 --> 00:32:56,401
- It's going in her mouth.
- No, no, no, no.
873
00:32:56,403 --> 00:32:57,402
It's going up her nose.
874
00:32:57,404 --> 00:32:58,536
- No, no, no.
- Mmm.
875
00:32:58,538 --> 00:33:00,455
It's going on her eyebrows.
876
00:33:00,457 --> 00:33:02,907
- She's putting coke on her eyebrows?
- Is that a thing?
877
00:33:02,909 --> 00:33:04,659
Wait, wait, wait. Hold on,
hold on, hold on, hold on.
878
00:33:04,661 --> 00:33:06,160
She's, she's saying something. Let me...
879
00:33:06,162 --> 00:33:08,079
Give me a second, I
can lipread pretty well.
880
00:33:08,081 --> 00:33:11,443
My semester abroad, I
took a deaf lover, okay?
881
00:33:11,468 --> 00:33:13,918
All right. Uh... Ooh, she's about
to say something. Okay, uh...
882
00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:16,304
Put this on your eyebrows
883
00:33:16,306 --> 00:33:18,160
two times a day for a month,
884
00:33:18,185 --> 00:33:22,316
and you will see a significant
change in your eyebrow growth.
885
00:33:22,935 --> 00:33:25,113
Oh. Oh, it, it makes your eyebrows grow.
886
00:33:26,459 --> 00:33:28,626
Well, that's brilliant.
887
00:33:29,152 --> 00:33:30,394
And disappointing.
888
00:33:30,419 --> 00:33:32,119
(scoffs) Yeah.
889
00:33:32,144 --> 00:33:33,938
I guess that means that...
890
00:33:33,940 --> 00:33:35,239
It means that Josh is dating
891
00:33:35,241 --> 00:33:36,774
a super fly entrepreneur
892
00:33:36,776 --> 00:33:38,776
who's probably just using products
893
00:33:38,778 --> 00:33:40,495
that haven't been outwardly cleared
894
00:33:40,497 --> 00:33:43,281
by the Federal Food,
Drug and Cosmetics Act.
895
00:33:44,626 --> 00:33:46,487
Great.
896
00:33:50,199 --> 00:33:52,290
Look, I-I said I was sorry.
897
00:33:52,292 --> 00:33:53,591
You're not sorry.
898
00:33:53,593 --> 00:33:55,126
No. Uh, well, I-I heard the last note,
899
00:33:55,128 --> 00:33:56,711
and it was beautiful.
900
00:33:56,713 --> 00:33:59,847
Okay, okay. I messed up
and this is all my fault.
901
00:33:59,849 --> 00:34:01,349
You know how much the
Brovinas mean to me,
902
00:34:01,351 --> 00:34:02,517
but you don't care.
903
00:34:02,519 --> 00:34:04,051
Yes, I do care. I just...
904
00:34:04,053 --> 00:34:05,770
I should have set an alarm or something.
905
00:34:05,772 --> 00:34:07,138
I got, I got caught up in something.
906
00:34:07,140 --> 00:34:08,773
- Law thing.
- Oh, well, yeah.
907
00:34:08,775 --> 00:34:10,475
And I... You-you know
what? But it's wrong.
908
00:34:10,477 --> 00:34:11,410
And I know that now.
909
00:34:11,435 --> 00:34:13,277
I have been so supportive,
910
00:34:13,279 --> 00:34:14,562
and I think what you're doing is great,
911
00:34:14,564 --> 00:34:15,863
but I feel left out.
912
00:34:15,865 --> 00:34:17,615
You're so distracted lately.
913
00:34:17,617 --> 00:34:20,485
I know, I know, but I... Look,
I-I-I will try to do better.
914
00:34:21,129 --> 00:34:22,824
I was great out there, Paula.
915
00:34:23,627 --> 00:34:25,613
I nailed that low "A".
916
00:34:25,871 --> 00:34:28,159
Hank's wife said I
sounded like Lou Rawls.
917
00:34:28,161 --> 00:34:30,711
Tanya, from shipping bought six CD�s
918
00:34:30,713 --> 00:34:32,425
for her care packages for the troops.
919
00:34:32,450 --> 00:34:34,248
Does she not support the troops?
920
00:34:34,250 --> 00:34:35,383
Wow.
921
00:34:35,385 --> 00:34:36,834
Fair. Fair.
922
00:34:36,836 --> 00:34:38,219
Horrible time for a joke.
923
00:34:38,221 --> 00:34:39,504
Scott.
924
00:34:39,506 --> 00:34:42,173
I am so sorry.
925
00:34:42,175 --> 00:34:45,050
Okay, this is all...
This is 100% my fault.
926
00:34:45,075 --> 00:34:47,269
I don't care who's fault it is.
927
00:34:48,598 --> 00:34:50,441
I just feel bad right now.
928
00:34:57,949 --> 00:34:59,774
Well, I guess we should go.
929
00:34:59,776 --> 00:35:01,075
Yeah.
930
00:35:01,077 --> 00:35:02,160
There's nothing more to see here.
931
00:35:02,162 --> 00:35:03,582
No, wait. Look at that.
932
00:35:03,607 --> 00:35:06,531
Oh, Josh gave her flowers?
933
00:35:06,533 --> 00:35:09,417
Wow. That's a big bouquet
of flowers, J. Chan.
934
00:35:09,419 --> 00:35:11,619
The only time he got me
flowers was prom night.
935
00:35:11,621 --> 00:35:13,921
Blue carnations from a gas station.
936
00:35:13,923 --> 00:35:14,941
From a bucket.
937
00:35:14,966 --> 00:35:16,841
In return, I gave him my virginity.
938
00:35:16,843 --> 00:35:19,177
I thought this was a
rebound relationship.
939
00:35:19,179 --> 00:35:21,429
No, no, no, no, no.
It is. It is. (sighs)
940
00:35:21,431 --> 00:35:23,214
He just needs to get the
blonde out of his system.
941
00:35:23,216 --> 00:35:25,216
- Shh! What's he saying? Deaf lover.
- Oh.
942
00:35:25,218 --> 00:35:27,051
- What's he saying, what's he saying?
- O-o-okay, okay, okay.
943
00:35:27,053 --> 00:35:28,219
He's saying...
944
00:35:28,221 --> 00:35:29,887
"Anna, you are so cool.
945
00:35:29,889 --> 00:35:31,324
I get so stoked when we chill."
946
00:35:31,349 --> 00:35:34,358
Oh, no big deal, he said stuff
like that to me all the time.
947
00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:36,727
He gets stoked when his
mom makes bagel bites. Um...
948
00:35:36,729 --> 00:35:39,647
"I just had to tell you that I've never
949
00:35:39,649 --> 00:35:42,355
felt this way about anyone else."
950
00:35:44,432 --> 00:35:45,980
"Ever."
951
00:35:47,489 --> 00:35:48,989
"Never ever."
952
00:35:49,014 --> 00:35:50,180
Okay, I got it.
953
00:35:52,205 --> 00:35:53,918
"Like, ever."
954
00:36:06,332 --> 00:36:09,120
I told you guys,
curiosity killed the cat.
955
00:36:09,145 --> 00:36:12,880
Mm. It didn't kill the cat, it just
956
00:36:12,882 --> 00:36:16,233
ripped off the cat's tail,
which has now been reattached.
957
00:36:16,235 --> 00:36:17,464
Mm.
958
00:36:17,489 --> 00:36:19,027
But I guess you were right.
959
00:36:19,622 --> 00:36:21,342
We shouldn't have gone
down the rabbit hole.
960
00:36:22,094 --> 00:36:23,711
The only thing down there is...
961
00:36:23,736 --> 00:36:25,993
regret made of rabbit poop.
962
00:36:25,995 --> 00:36:27,545
Well said.
963
00:36:27,547 --> 00:36:30,043
Well, I'm just glad
you guys are over it.
964
00:36:32,885 --> 00:36:34,251
He never loved us.
965
00:36:34,253 --> 00:36:36,303
Nope, either of us.
966
00:36:36,305 --> 00:36:38,672
And he's obviously over us.
967
00:36:38,674 --> 00:36:41,058
So, if he's done, then
we should be done too.
968
00:36:41,060 --> 00:36:43,561
Mm. It's time to move on.
969
00:36:43,563 --> 00:36:45,355
Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.
970
00:36:45,380 --> 00:36:46,574
Mm.
971
00:36:48,601 --> 00:36:49,934
Oh, yeah.
972
00:36:49,936 --> 00:36:51,185
That's good.
973
00:36:51,187 --> 00:36:53,571
Okay, let's see.
974
00:36:53,573 --> 00:36:55,856
Too tall, too hairy,
975
00:36:55,858 --> 00:36:57,324
too bald.
976
00:36:57,326 --> 00:36:59,660
Ugh, too karate.
977
00:37:00,659 --> 00:37:02,075
That one'll do.
978
00:37:04,371 --> 00:37:06,250
Wait, y-you're ditching me?
979
00:37:06,252 --> 00:37:07,751
But we were gonna go
binge-watch something.
980
00:37:07,753 --> 00:37:09,370
I've been saving Friday Night Lights
981
00:37:09,372 --> 00:37:10,704
for someone special.
982
00:37:10,706 --> 00:37:12,206
I'm sorry, hon, maybe another time.
983
00:37:12,208 --> 00:37:15,042
And I really do love all
your girl bonding stuff,
984
00:37:15,044 --> 00:37:17,378
but right now, I
really need to get laid.
985
00:37:22,980 --> 00:37:25,636
Are you serious? You've
got your jacket? Come on.
986
00:37:25,638 --> 00:37:27,638
What... don't... where
you going? Don't leave.
987
00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:29,139
I'm gonna grab a drink with Hank.
988
00:37:29,141 --> 00:37:31,442
Please, just stay and
we'll talk this out.
989
00:37:31,444 --> 00:37:33,371
Paula, I need a minute.
990
00:37:34,063 --> 00:37:35,675
I need to cool off.
991
00:37:38,818 --> 00:37:41,652
(door opens and closes)
992
00:37:49,579 --> 00:37:52,300
Hey, Sunil, it's me, what are you...
993
00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:54,248
Oh, you're busy with the kids?
994
00:37:54,250 --> 00:37:57,113
Just, well... I don't know,
put on a movie or something...
995
00:37:58,668 --> 00:38:00,754
No, it's fine. No, never mind.
996
00:38:00,756 --> 00:38:02,722
It's... it was nothing.
997
00:38:02,925 --> 00:38:05,761
Yeah, I'll... I will
talk to you tomorrow.
998
00:38:07,794 --> 00:38:09,994
(80's power ballad-type music plays)
999
00:38:22,813 --> 00:38:24,813
_
1000
00:38:26,659 --> 00:38:28,401
_
1001
00:38:36,143 --> 00:38:39,960
We used to be
there for each other
1002
00:38:39,962 --> 00:38:42,096
Every second
1003
00:38:42,098 --> 00:38:44,848
With one emoji
we could read each
1004
00:38:44,850 --> 00:38:48,269
Other's soul
1005
00:38:48,271 --> 00:38:50,888
But since we've been apart
1006
00:38:50,890 --> 00:38:53,891
There's an aching in my heart
1007
00:38:53,893 --> 00:38:59,563
It's an aching that
no cocktail can control
1008
00:38:59,565 --> 00:39:00,814
And I
1009
00:39:00,816 --> 00:39:05,569
Really wanna tell
you that I'm sorry
1010
00:39:05,571 --> 00:39:06,787
And I
1011
00:39:06,789 --> 00:39:09,406
Really wanna tell you that
1012
00:39:09,408 --> 00:39:11,992
I am the worst
1013
00:39:11,994 --> 00:39:14,495
And I just wanna say
1014
00:39:14,497 --> 00:39:17,331
I miss you every day
1015
00:39:17,333 --> 00:39:19,633
And I will
1016
00:39:19,635 --> 00:39:23,387
But you go first
1017
00:39:23,389 --> 00:39:24,672
(spoken): I mean,
1018
00:39:24,674 --> 00:39:27,341
This is almost entirely
1019
00:39:27,343 --> 00:39:29,510
All my fault here
1020
00:39:29,512 --> 00:39:31,562
But you gotta admit
1021
00:39:31,564 --> 00:39:33,847
It's just a tiny bit
1022
00:39:33,849 --> 00:39:36,066
Your fault too
1023
00:39:36,068 --> 00:39:38,319
This is so all on me
1024
00:39:38,321 --> 00:39:41,522
But still, you
kinda have to agree
1025
00:39:41,524 --> 00:39:45,275
BOTH:
That sometimes
you can be really
1026
00:39:45,277 --> 00:39:46,944
Passive-aggressive
1027
00:39:46,946 --> 00:39:48,662
Self-involved
1028
00:39:48,664 --> 00:39:50,247
BOTH:
So
1029
00:39:50,249 --> 00:39:54,668
Go ahead and say
you're kinda sorry
1030
00:39:54,670 --> 00:39:58,122
So I can say "Oh,
no, no, please"
1031
00:39:58,124 --> 00:40:00,874
Just like I rehearsed
1032
00:40:00,876 --> 00:40:04,428
If you'll open the door
1033
00:40:04,430 --> 00:40:06,964
I'll apologize so much more
1034
00:40:06,966 --> 00:40:09,466
Yes I will
1035
00:40:11,354 --> 00:40:14,521
But you go first.
1036
00:40:14,523 --> 00:40:16,774
1037
00:40:34,410 --> 00:40:36,326
That'll be $300.
1038
00:40:36,328 --> 00:40:38,128
I'll see you again tomorrow. Bye!
1039
00:40:41,891 --> 00:40:46,563
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
1040
00:40:46,613 --> 00:40:51,163
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Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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