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Previously on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...
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Let's delve into your childhood.
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Oh, I was afraid you'd say that.
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- I used to like her.
- You still do.
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I don't want to be your back-up plan.
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I am bi-sexual!
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I'm going for drinks with this gay man
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whom I have a crush on.
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00:00:14,095 --> 00:00:16,070
This could be the biggest
case the county's ever seen.
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00:00:16,094 --> 00:00:18,995
I must find in favor of the
defendants... Greater City Water.
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I'm from the metro desk at the paper.
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00:00:20,499 --> 00:00:21,631
This should help get you started.
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These are e-mails that clearly
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expose a cover-up.
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You tried really hard today.
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I wanted you to be proud of me.
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I didn't know you thought
about me that much.
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I was working hard
at a New York job
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Making dough but it made me blue
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One day I was crying a lot
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And so I decided to move
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To West Covina, California
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Brand-new pals and new career
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It happens to be
where Josh lives
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But that's not why I'm here
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-
She's the crazy ex-girlfriend
- What? No, I'm not.
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She's the crazy ex-girlfriend
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That's a sexist term.
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00:00:52,130 --> 00:00:53,597
She's the crazy ex-girlfriend
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Can you guys stop
singing for just a second?
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She's so broken inside
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The situation's a lot
more nuanced than that.
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C-R-A-Z-Y
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Okay! We get it!
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-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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00:01:04,776 --> 00:01:07,010
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(sighs)
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(sighs deeply)
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(laughs)
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(giggles)
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(mutters quietly)
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(sniffles) Okay...
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What happened?
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Dude, bro, what happened?
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God, it was such a magical kiss.
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Oh, my gosh, it transported
me to a different world,
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Like where they shoot the
fun parts of Game of Thrones.
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Okay, so, so why are you at
my house? I mean, I watched it
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happen, and I took off, 'cause I figured
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you two would be having
stand-up sex in the shower
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00:02:01,066 --> 00:02:02,465
of a very nice
bed-and-breakfast by now.
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I don't... I don't know.
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00:02:03,835 --> 00:02:06,484
Uh, he just bailed. He
said he had to go somewhere.
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I don't know where he
is or what he's thinking.
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Josh: After the kiss, I just bailed.
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I'm riddled with guilt.
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It's killing me!
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I'm in a committed relationship, FB.
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I live with Valencia.
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What do I do?
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Bro, do you remember,
in the second grade,
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when we had that class bunny, Carrots?
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Um... yeah?
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Okay, yeah, well, when it was
my week to take care of her,
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I, um... I accidentally
dropped her in the toilet.
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And, uh, I freaked out
so much that I panicked,
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and then, I flushed.
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But, uh, you know,
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her baby bunny body...
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just clogged that toilet up.
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Um, and then, here comes my dad
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with the plunger, and
then up comes the corpse.
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(sighs) So, I told everybody
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that my brother Eric did it.
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He was only four years old, you know,
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so, like, everybody believed me.
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It was so easy. It...
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It was the perfect crime.
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Yeah.
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I blamed my baby brother
for that baby bunny body.
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(snickering)
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Dude, are you stoned right now?
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(sniffles, sighs)
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Yeah.
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Oh, bro...
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I got a bad back. It's awesome. (sighs)
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Listen, Josh, would you
just focus for a second?
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00:03:14,640 --> 00:03:17,707
I was consumed by
guilt for years because
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00:03:17,709 --> 00:03:20,176
that was the first step in
my baby brother becoming,
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like, a hardcore
heroin addict, you know?
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00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:24,080
And then one day, I realized
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I had to ask for forgiveness.
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And that was hard...
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because that cult was on an island.
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But I did it, I found
him, and I confessed,
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and much like the Madonna...
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He forgave me.
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And that's why I'm a priest, man.
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Go to the person you have
wronged, my son, my brah.
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Perhaps they will forgive.
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Dude, we're talking about Valencia.
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Mm... Yeah, you're screwed.
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Sorry.
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We have to celebrate. Your first kiss!
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00:04:05,290 --> 00:04:06,856
I think I have...
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sparkling apple cider somewh... aha!
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Expires... 2012.
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Perfect. Should be alcohol by now.
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- (laughter)
- This...
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is my favorite part
of a romantic comedy.
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00:04:19,905 --> 00:04:24,574
It's like you're Kate Hudson,
and Josh is this British actor
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00:04:24,576 --> 00:04:27,577
that, like, no one's ever
heard of, but is super cute,
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and Valencia is the skinny bitch
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who ends up getting
just what she deserves.
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I kind of saw it as fairy tale
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where I'm the spunky princess,
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Josh is the handsome prince
who gets turned into a stone,
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and Valencia is the witch who
turned him into that stone.
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You have put a lot of thought
into this narrative.
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I have.
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- (ringtone plays)
- Hmm. Oh!
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Crap. Hold on.
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00:04:49,617 --> 00:04:51,334
Hi, Dr. Akopian.
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00:04:51,921 --> 00:04:53,903
Okay, yes, I'm aware we
have an appointment tonight,
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00:04:53,905 --> 00:04:55,843
and I have to cancel.
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00:04:56,468 --> 00:04:58,174
I know there's a cancellation fee.
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00:04:58,176 --> 00:05:00,176
I will pay it, I will reschedule.
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00:05:00,178 --> 00:05:01,976
I'm so sorry. Bye. Have a good night.
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00:05:02,001 --> 00:05:03,713
Ew. I feel bad.
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00:05:03,715 --> 00:05:05,215
I keep canceling with my shrink.
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I just don't have any time.
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00:05:06,685 --> 00:05:08,384
God knows why you have a
shrink in the first place
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when you have me. I
give such great advice.
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00:05:10,422 --> 00:05:12,622
Now let's drink this
old expired apple juice.
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00:05:12,624 --> 00:05:14,157
(inhales, exhales)
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00:05:14,382 --> 00:05:16,559
Paula, it's weird; I haven't heard
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anything from Josh.
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00:05:17,896 --> 00:05:19,028
Maybe I'll call him just once,
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00:05:19,030 --> 00:05:20,363
or, like, send him, like, a flirty text.
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00:05:20,365 --> 00:05:23,333
No. No. Oh, God, God, no.
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00:05:23,335 --> 00:05:25,268
Have you never seen a
two-and-half star movie?
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00:05:25,270 --> 00:05:27,789
Right now, he has to come to you.
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00:05:27,814 --> 00:05:30,006
The most important thing
is that you don't call,
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you don't e-mail, you
don't reach out in any way.
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Okay, fine.
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- I have a lot of work to do anyway.
- Good. Cheers.
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(sighs)
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Rebecca: �Client
agrees to keep the land
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in accordance with all policy... �
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"Client agre..." Bored!
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00:05:48,193 --> 00:05:49,425
Oh, boy.
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00:05:49,427 --> 00:05:50,860
This is a dilemma.
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00:05:50,862 --> 00:05:53,163
Josh loves red pandas
so much, and this one...
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00:05:53,165 --> 00:05:55,532
I mean, if I don't send
it, it's almost mean.
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00:05:55,534 --> 00:05:56,866
You know, I think even
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00:05:56,868 --> 00:05:58,501
Paula would understand. I
have to send this to him.
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00:05:58,503 --> 00:06:00,336
Oh, what am I talking
about? I shouldn't.
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00:06:00,571 --> 00:06:01,670
He's probably already seen it!
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00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,553
Because everyone knows
he likes red pandas.
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00:06:03,578 --> 00:06:06,414
You know, and he's probably
gotten this photo a lot.
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00:06:06,945 --> 00:06:08,244
Aah! What if he hasn't?
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00:06:08,246 --> 00:06:10,084
Oh, and it's the cutest one.
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00:06:10,109 --> 00:06:12,182
Then I'm the jerk. Then it's on me.
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00:06:12,184 --> 00:06:14,284
Maybe I'll print it out
and mail it anonymously?
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00:06:14,286 --> 00:06:15,652
I gotta stop. I gotta stop.
166
00:06:15,654 --> 00:06:16,773
I have to think about
something besides...
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- (knocking on door)
- Josh: Rebecca?
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It's Josh!
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Oh, my God, it worked.
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I'm coming! I'm coming!
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Yup!
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Do you have a minute?
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(sighs)
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00:06:36,942 --> 00:06:38,942
I feel overdressed. (laughs)
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00:06:39,414 --> 00:06:40,910
(laughs)
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00:06:41,992 --> 00:06:43,847
Those pajamas are cute.
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00:06:43,849 --> 00:06:46,374
I like the little... sushi on 'em.
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00:06:46,398 --> 00:06:47,563
Oh. (laughs)
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00:06:48,171 --> 00:06:50,032
Arigato.
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00:06:50,034 --> 00:06:51,267
Oh. (laughs)
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00:06:51,269 --> 00:06:53,669
It's... (laughs)
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00:06:53,671 --> 00:06:57,304
Oh... So, look, uh, we have
to talk about that kiss.
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00:06:57,329 --> 00:06:59,148
Yes, yes. Yes, we do.
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I... (sighs)
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00:07:01,446 --> 00:07:03,375
Yes. I...
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00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:06,382
... can't stop thinking about it.
187
00:07:06,407 --> 00:07:08,382
- Me, neither.
- I mean, it was...
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00:07:08,688 --> 00:07:10,734
Yeah, no. It-it was.
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00:07:10,822 --> 00:07:13,312
Rebecca, I feel something for you.
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00:07:13,337 --> 00:07:15,875
Oh, my God, yes, yes. Wow.
191
00:07:15,900 --> 00:07:18,179
We obviously have some
kind of connection.
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00:07:18,204 --> 00:07:20,771
No, we absolutely have a
connection, Josh, and I feel...
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00:07:20,796 --> 00:07:22,320
Aah! I feel so many things.
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00:07:22,345 --> 00:07:24,278
But kissing you was wrong.
195
00:07:25,603 --> 00:07:26,640
Sorry. What?
196
00:07:26,665 --> 00:07:29,433
I have a girlfriend,
you have a boyfriend.
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00:07:30,093 --> 00:07:32,257
Who? Oh, uh, no.
198
00:07:32,282 --> 00:07:34,454
No, no, no, no, no. We-we broke up.
199
00:07:34,479 --> 00:07:35,945
Wait. Trent? Tonight? Because of me?
200
00:07:35,970 --> 00:07:39,526
No. He's tall. He... It
doesn't matter. He's dead.
201
00:07:39,551 --> 00:07:40,742
Just don't think about
him. Keep talking.
202
00:07:40,767 --> 00:07:42,900
But I-I shouldn't have cheated. I...
203
00:07:42,925 --> 00:07:45,225
Now there's only one thing to do.
204
00:07:46,039 --> 00:07:47,593
Follow your heart... ?
205
00:07:47,618 --> 00:07:49,171
I have to tell Valencia.
206
00:07:49,227 --> 00:07:51,562
And if I tell her, she's definitely
207
00:07:51,590 --> 00:07:53,990
gonna break up with
me, like, definitely.
208
00:07:54,632 --> 00:07:56,148
She will?
209
00:07:56,568 --> 00:08:00,898
Our kiss will end
everything between me and V.
210
00:08:02,679 --> 00:08:04,781
Well, uh, that's, uh...
211
00:08:04,806 --> 00:08:06,580
You know, that's terribly sad.
212
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:09,062
Telling her is the right thing to do.
213
00:08:10,082 --> 00:08:13,031
Even if it means
ending the relationship.
214
00:08:14,016 --> 00:08:15,155
Wow.
215
00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:19,203
So, uh, so then...
so then, what happens?
216
00:08:19,452 --> 00:08:21,052
Oh, well, then I go to Hawaii.
217
00:08:22,109 --> 00:08:22,914
What?
218
00:08:22,939 --> 00:08:25,796
Hector's in a surf competition, and
some of us are coming along.
219
00:08:26,170 --> 00:08:28,003
Oh, thank God.
220
00:08:28,695 --> 00:08:30,600
The drama happens, then I get to just
221
00:08:30,602 --> 00:08:34,470
get away for a while, hop on
flight 425 to Maui on Thursday.
222
00:08:34,472 --> 00:08:36,281
Then I'll be in Hawaii just
223
00:08:36,306 --> 00:08:39,718
watching the sunset,
wondering about the future.
224
00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:41,812
Right, um...
225
00:08:42,192 --> 00:08:43,812
your future.
226
00:08:44,936 --> 00:08:47,937
I'm sorry, Rebecca. (groans)
227
00:08:47,962 --> 00:08:51,463
I, I-I shouldn't have
done what I did, any of it.
228
00:08:51,496 --> 00:08:53,863
I shouldn't have... grabbed you,
229
00:08:53,888 --> 00:08:56,055
or squeezed you, or...
230
00:08:56,230 --> 00:08:58,597
put my hand on the nape of your neck,
231
00:08:59,179 --> 00:09:01,764
or run it through your hair.
232
00:09:02,195 --> 00:09:04,577
What else? What else did you do?
233
00:09:05,980 --> 00:09:07,679
I-I have to go.
234
00:09:10,021 --> 00:09:11,821
(groans)
235
00:09:14,203 --> 00:09:15,828
(sighs)
236
00:09:15,853 --> 00:09:17,242
What happens next?
237
00:09:18,177 --> 00:09:20,148
What happens next in-in
your stupid movies?
238
00:09:20,599 --> 00:09:22,865
Uh, I think it's obvious.
239
00:09:23,792 --> 00:09:26,025
You go bikini shopping
and try on floppy hats.
240
00:09:26,824 --> 00:09:27,609
Why?
241
00:09:27,634 --> 00:09:29,992
Because you're going
to Hawaii, you idiot!
242
00:09:30,017 --> 00:09:32,284
Ladies, hey, you two chatty Cathys.
243
00:09:32,629 --> 00:09:33,861
It's time for the staff meeting.
244
00:09:33,886 --> 00:09:35,252
Okay, hold on, Darryl. Darryl...
245
00:09:35,277 --> 00:09:37,710
God. Rebecca, listen,
246
00:09:37,804 --> 00:09:39,664
you are at the grand gesture moment.
247
00:09:39,689 --> 00:09:41,460
It is the best part of any Rom com.
248
00:09:41,485 --> 00:09:42,751
Okay, it's the... it's the...
249
00:09:42,776 --> 00:09:44,543
get up on stage and sing the song,
250
00:09:44,568 --> 00:09:45,867
and-and run through the rain
251
00:09:45,892 --> 00:09:47,325
and show up and object at the wedding,
252
00:09:47,350 --> 00:09:48,983
and-and... and race to the airport
253
00:09:49,008 --> 00:09:50,203
before he leaves for Kazakhstan.
254
00:09:50,266 --> 00:09:51,499
Wait. No, he's going to Hawaii.
255
00:09:51,501 --> 00:09:53,434
Rebecca, go to your office,
256
00:09:53,436 --> 00:09:56,070
get a ticket on that flight right now.
257
00:09:57,250 --> 00:09:59,207
I don't know... are you
sure this is a good idea?
258
00:09:59,209 --> 00:10:00,541
Yes, I know these things.
259
00:10:00,543 --> 00:10:03,778
I am your funny best friend
with all the answers, okay?
260
00:10:03,780 --> 00:10:06,481
I'm your Judy Greer, your
Rosie O'Donnell, your-your...
261
00:10:06,483 --> 00:10:08,950
- (gasps) your Joan Cusack.
- You know what?
262
00:10:08,952 --> 00:10:10,551
In my narrative, I'd picture you
263
00:10:10,553 --> 00:10:11,919
as, like, the funny singing raccoon.
264
00:10:11,921 --> 00:10:13,721
- Of course you did.
- That's not an insult.
265
00:10:13,723 --> 00:10:15,290
You have the breakout
song of the whole movie.
266
00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:16,257
Just go get the ticket!
267
00:10:16,259 --> 00:10:17,757
Okay, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it!
268
00:10:17,782 --> 00:10:18,803
(both laughing)
269
00:10:18,804 --> 00:10:20,728
You know what? As the kids say,
270
00:10:20,730 --> 00:10:22,530
I'm gonna YOLO before I FOMO.
271
00:10:22,532 --> 00:10:25,133
- Is that yogurt? What is that?
- I saw it on a meme.
272
00:10:25,135 --> 00:10:26,100
I have no idea what that...
273
00:10:26,102 --> 00:10:28,269
Nor do I care. Go get the ticket.
274
00:10:34,398 --> 00:10:37,098
(exhaling deeply)
275
00:10:39,586 --> 00:10:40,618
Hi, honey.
276
00:10:40,620 --> 00:10:42,053
Nothing's wrong. What?
277
00:10:42,055 --> 00:10:43,955
(sighs) You've been
acting all weird today.
278
00:10:43,957 --> 00:10:44,989
What's wrong?
279
00:10:44,991 --> 00:10:47,171
I-I-I
don't know
280
00:10:47,204 --> 00:10:48,539
- what you're talking about.
- (scoffs)
281
00:10:48,570 --> 00:10:50,128
You already worked out this morning,
282
00:10:50,130 --> 00:10:52,130
and now you're going to the gym again?
283
00:10:52,132 --> 00:10:54,632
A man can't go to
CrossFit for six hours?
284
00:10:54,634 --> 00:10:55,933
Big things are happening there.
285
00:10:55,935 --> 00:10:57,235
We're doing the Murph today.
286
00:10:57,237 --> 00:10:58,936
Okay.
287
00:10:59,839 --> 00:11:01,406
(sighs)
288
00:11:02,742 --> 00:11:03,953
Actually, um,
289
00:11:05,046 --> 00:11:06,344
there is something I wanted
290
00:11:06,346 --> 00:11:08,109
to talk to you about. Maybe we should...
291
00:11:08,248 --> 00:11:09,937
talk after your evening class.
292
00:11:09,962 --> 00:11:11,462
Oh, honey, I'm gonna be late tonight.
293
00:11:11,594 --> 00:11:13,193
I'm doing that cryotherapy thing.
294
00:11:13,195 --> 00:11:14,561
We'll talk about it tomorrow, then.
295
00:11:14,563 --> 00:11:15,596
That's even better. Good!
296
00:11:15,598 --> 00:11:16,530
That's even better. Good!
297
00:11:16,532 --> 00:11:18,499
- No kiss?
- (door shuts)
298
00:11:18,501 --> 00:11:19,967
Hmm.
299
00:11:19,969 --> 00:11:22,403
(gasps) I wonder what's going on.
300
00:11:22,405 --> 00:11:24,938
(squeals)
301
00:11:26,051 --> 00:11:27,951
Okay, people...
302
00:11:28,507 --> 00:11:29,777
no beating around the bush.
303
00:11:29,779 --> 00:11:31,945
Let's get to why we're here.
304
00:11:32,171 --> 00:11:34,014
Um, hi, everyone.
305
00:11:34,016 --> 00:11:36,350
Uh, since this is my
first staff meeting,
306
00:11:36,352 --> 00:11:38,519
I thought I'd give
everybody a big hello.
307
00:11:38,521 --> 00:11:39,820
My name is Maya.
308
00:11:39,822 --> 00:11:42,156
I'm the new administrative assistant.
309
00:11:42,158 --> 00:11:43,724
And a little about me...
310
00:11:43,726 --> 00:11:46,760
Um, I love online shopping
and kale salads and...
311
00:11:46,762 --> 00:11:48,982
Maya, this is not the time.
312
00:11:49,007 --> 00:11:50,064
This is not about you.
313
00:11:50,066 --> 00:11:51,098
Okay?
314
00:11:51,318 --> 00:11:52,350
Please.
315
00:11:52,601 --> 00:11:54,093
Is everybody on board? Great.
316
00:11:54,156 --> 00:11:56,370
I want you all to
listen really hard now.
317
00:11:56,372 --> 00:11:57,638
I mean, really listen.
318
00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:58,705
Like, with both your ears.
319
00:11:58,707 --> 00:12:00,140
Okay, Darryl, spit it out.
320
00:12:00,142 --> 00:12:01,442
Okay, well I'm sure you've noticed
321
00:12:01,444 --> 00:12:03,287
that I've been going
through a lot lately.
322
00:12:03,312 --> 00:12:04,881
And I know you've often wondered:
323
00:12:04,906 --> 00:12:06,980
�Who is Daryl, really?�
324
00:12:06,982 --> 00:12:07,781
Nope, never.
325
00:12:07,783 --> 00:12:08,782
Darryl, until February,
326
00:12:08,784 --> 00:12:10,184
I thought your name was Jasper.
327
00:12:12,121 --> 00:12:15,389
Okay, pre-purchase Wi-Fi
to save seven dollars, yes.
328
00:12:16,007 --> 00:12:17,739
Dietary restrictions.
329
00:12:17,764 --> 00:12:19,031
You betcha.
330
00:12:25,343 --> 00:12:26,333
Darryl: You know,
331
00:12:26,335 --> 00:12:28,635
there are times when I
look out these windows,
332
00:12:28,637 --> 00:12:29,837
and I know you're all thinking,
333
00:12:29,839 --> 00:12:31,872
�What makes the
measure of this man?�
334
00:12:31,874 --> 00:12:33,974
Oh, my God, you'd better be dying!
335
00:12:33,976 --> 00:12:37,084
Look, I called you all here
336
00:12:37,109 --> 00:12:38,612
to tell you,
337
00:12:38,614 --> 00:12:40,390
with pride and excitement...
338
00:12:41,550 --> 00:12:43,150
and a lot of pride,
339
00:12:43,152 --> 00:12:46,873
about the new and improved
Darryl C. Whitefeather.
340
00:12:46,898 --> 00:12:48,322
Jim, give me a beat.
341
00:12:48,937 --> 00:12:50,157
Sorry, what?
342
00:12:50,159 --> 00:12:51,992
When somebody asks for a
beat you just, you don't ask
343
00:12:51,994 --> 00:12:53,560
a lot of questions.
You just get down on it.
344
00:12:53,562 --> 00:12:56,029
Oh, you want, like, a syncopated
thing or, like, a vibey thing?
345
00:12:56,031 --> 00:12:57,831
Just do it. Hmm?
346
00:13:01,170 --> 00:13:03,337
('80s pop rock song plays)
347
00:13:07,743 --> 00:13:09,276
I don't know how
348
00:13:09,278 --> 00:13:10,944
I don't know why
349
00:13:10,946 --> 00:13:12,779
But I like ladies
350
00:13:12,781 --> 00:13:14,248
And I like guys
351
00:13:14,250 --> 00:13:16,116
I realize
352
00:13:16,118 --> 00:13:18,252
It's a surprise
353
00:13:18,254 --> 00:13:20,053
But now I see that that's just me
354
00:13:20,055 --> 00:13:21,889
It's not like I even try
355
00:13:21,891 --> 00:13:25,559
So if you ask me how I'm doing
356
00:13:25,561 --> 00:13:27,528
Here is my reply
357
00:13:27,530 --> 00:13:29,396
I'm g-g-g-g-gettin' bi
358
00:13:29,398 --> 00:13:31,865
I'm getting bi
359
00:13:31,867 --> 00:13:34,668
Oh, yeah, I'm lettin' my bi flag fly
360
00:13:34,670 --> 00:13:36,937
Not gonna hide it
361
00:13:36,939 --> 00:13:38,438
Not gonna lie
362
00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:40,574
I'm a bi kind of guy
363
00:13:40,576 --> 00:13:42,509
There's no reason to be shy
364
00:13:42,511 --> 00:13:43,977
My, oh, my
365
00:13:43,979 --> 00:13:46,013
It's a fact I can't deny
366
00:13:46,015 --> 00:13:49,283
I'm bi, bi, bi, until the day I die
367
00:13:52,588 --> 00:13:54,021
Now some may say
368
00:13:54,023 --> 00:13:55,622
Are you just gay?
369
00:13:55,624 --> 00:13:58,692
Why don't you just
go gay all the way?
370
00:13:58,694 --> 00:14:00,928
But that's not it
371
00:14:00,930 --> 00:14:02,362
'Cause bi's legit
372
00:14:02,364 --> 00:14:04,431
Whether you're a he or a she
373
00:14:04,433 --> 00:14:06,233
We might be a perfect fit
374
00:14:06,235 --> 00:14:07,901
And one more thing
375
00:14:07,903 --> 00:14:09,770
I tell you what
376
00:14:09,772 --> 00:14:12,973
Being bi does not imply that
you're a player or a slut
377
00:14:12,975 --> 00:14:14,508
Sure, I like sex
378
00:14:14,510 --> 00:14:15,809
Please make him stop.
379
00:14:16,679 --> 00:14:18,312
But I'm no ho, I take things slow
380
00:14:18,314 --> 00:14:20,714
Until I feel at ease
381
00:14:21,951 --> 00:14:24,985
So if you ask me how I'm doing
382
00:14:24,987 --> 00:14:27,688
I'm feeling peppy, sprightly, spry
383
00:14:27,690 --> 00:14:29,590
I'm g-g-g-g-gettin' bi
384
00:14:29,592 --> 00:14:31,325
I'm gettin' bi
385
00:14:31,327 --> 00:14:34,695
And it's something
I'd like to demystify
386
00:14:34,697 --> 00:14:37,197
It's not a phase
387
00:14:37,199 --> 00:14:38,732
I'm not confused
388
00:14:38,734 --> 00:14:40,167
Not indecisive
389
00:14:40,169 --> 00:14:41,768
I don't have the gotta-choose blues
390
00:14:41,770 --> 00:14:45,706
I don't care if you
wear high heels or a tie
391
00:14:45,708 --> 00:14:47,507
You might just catch my eye
392
00:14:47,509 --> 00:14:49,343
Because I'm definitely bi
393
00:14:49,345 --> 00:14:50,377
Big man!
394
00:14:50,379 --> 00:14:52,746
(instrumental interlude)
395
00:14:57,486 --> 00:14:59,286
I'm gettin' bi
396
00:14:59,288 --> 00:15:01,021
I'm gettin' bi...
397
00:15:01,023 --> 00:15:02,823
I'm gettin' bi
398
00:15:02,825 --> 00:15:04,524
I'm gettin' bi...
399
00:15:04,526 --> 00:15:05,659
I'm gettin' bi
400
00:15:05,661 --> 00:15:07,828
I'm gettin' bi...
401
00:15:07,830 --> 00:15:09,930
It doesn't take an intellectual
402
00:15:09,932 --> 00:15:12,065
To get that I'm bisexual.
403
00:15:18,065 --> 00:15:19,416
(song ends)
404
00:15:20,434 --> 00:15:22,175
Any questions?
405
00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:26,146
Oh, come on. You guys aren't weirded out
406
00:15:26,148 --> 00:15:27,681
because I'm bisexual, are you?
407
00:15:27,683 --> 00:15:29,850
No, we're weirded out
by the fact that our boss
408
00:15:29,852 --> 00:15:31,551
just called a meeting to tell us that.
409
00:15:31,553 --> 00:15:32,352
Maya: Um...
410
00:15:32,354 --> 00:15:34,021
Hi, everyone, again.
411
00:15:34,023 --> 00:15:35,489
I know that this is
412
00:15:35,491 --> 00:15:37,424
a little personal for
my first week here,
413
00:15:37,426 --> 00:15:39,359
but I'm also bisexual,
414
00:15:39,361 --> 00:15:42,462
and I am so glad that
this office is so open...
415
00:15:42,464 --> 00:15:43,797
Does anyone else have
any other questions
416
00:15:43,799 --> 00:15:45,799
besides Maya, who seems
to think that every meeting
417
00:15:45,801 --> 00:15:47,801
is about her for some reason?
418
00:15:48,604 --> 00:15:49,481
Jim.
419
00:15:49,738 --> 00:15:50,871
Are you sure you're not just gay?
420
00:15:50,873 --> 00:15:51,972
Oh, my God.
421
00:15:51,974 --> 00:15:53,340
Did you not hear what I said?
422
00:15:53,342 --> 00:15:54,708
Come on!
423
00:15:54,710 --> 00:15:56,977
Guys, this is important.
424
00:15:56,979 --> 00:15:58,312
Are there any other questions?
425
00:15:58,314 --> 00:15:59,313
Jim: Whoa.
426
00:15:59,315 --> 00:16:00,347
This is weird.
427
00:16:00,349 --> 00:16:01,559
Hey, guys, look at this.
428
00:16:03,543 --> 00:16:04,718
I don't believe it.
429
00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:06,253
Bunch is some kind of hero.
430
00:16:06,255 --> 00:16:07,888
(laughing): Oh, my God!
431
00:16:07,890 --> 00:16:09,089
This is perfect.
432
00:16:09,091 --> 00:16:12,492
Now she can lip-sync on a parade float!
433
00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:15,054
So, we're moving on from my stuff, then.
434
00:16:15,729 --> 00:16:16,861
Cool.
435
00:16:22,004 --> 00:16:23,837
(footsteps approaching)
436
00:16:23,839 --> 00:16:26,506
Wow, you are really
having the best day ever!
437
00:16:26,508 --> 00:16:28,141
You know that evidence
you gave to the reporter?
438
00:16:28,143 --> 00:16:29,309
It's touched off a landslide.
439
00:16:29,311 --> 00:16:30,777
Have you seen this?
440
00:16:34,983 --> 00:16:36,249
What's wrong?
441
00:16:36,251 --> 00:16:37,551
Um, okay, uh, what's wrong
442
00:16:37,553 --> 00:16:39,353
is I was trying to buy
the ticket for Hawaii,
443
00:16:39,355 --> 00:16:40,520
and so I tried
444
00:16:40,522 --> 00:16:41,588
all of my credit cards,
445
00:16:41,590 --> 00:16:42,689
and then I tried my debit card,
446
00:16:42,691 --> 00:16:43,757
and then I checked my bank account...
447
00:16:43,759 --> 00:16:45,158
Which according to the welcome screen,
448
00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:47,728
I haven't done since
2011... And now I'm seeing
449
00:16:47,730 --> 00:16:50,430
my balance, and, Paula,
guess what's in there. Guess.
450
00:16:50,432 --> 00:16:52,199
It's a negative number,
Paula. It's negative a lot.
451
00:16:52,201 --> 00:16:53,367
(sighs)
452
00:16:53,369 --> 00:16:54,801
Holy Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Paula.
453
00:16:54,803 --> 00:16:56,278
Am I broke?
454
00:17:04,708 --> 00:17:05,941
How could you be broke?
455
00:17:05,943 --> 00:17:06,996
You're rich.
456
00:17:07,021 --> 00:17:08,054
That's what I thought.
457
00:17:08,212 --> 00:17:09,590
Yo, Bunch.
458
00:17:10,028 --> 00:17:11,527
Guy from the Mayor's
Office is here for you.
459
00:17:11,529 --> 00:17:12,729
It's the mayor.
460
00:17:12,731 --> 00:17:14,731
He wants to give you the
key to the city or something.
461
00:17:14,733 --> 00:17:15,932
Uh, yeah, okay.
462
00:17:15,934 --> 00:17:17,133
I'll be right there.
463
00:17:17,135 --> 00:17:18,020
Okay.
464
00:17:18,903 --> 00:17:20,203
I don't understand this.
465
00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:21,971
How am I broke? I can't be broke.
466
00:17:21,973 --> 00:17:23,439
I mean, all right,
sure, since I moved here,
467
00:17:23,441 --> 00:17:25,341
maybe I've spent a little
money here and there.
468
00:17:25,343 --> 00:17:26,576
So I got this treadmill desk.
469
00:17:26,578 --> 00:17:28,745
That was, like, $2,000 mistake?
470
00:17:28,747 --> 00:17:30,046
I pledge $1,000.
471
00:17:30,048 --> 00:17:31,447
And it's really fine.
472
00:17:31,449 --> 00:17:33,983
- I-I-I got it.
- Man: Good thing the drinks are free.
473
00:17:34,352 --> 00:17:35,832
Here you go.
474
00:17:36,192 --> 00:17:38,221
I'm gonna go to the
bank, withdraw $10,000
475
00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:41,224
and plant it in your wife's suitcase.
476
00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:44,227
Well, you had a huge salary in New York.
477
00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:45,828
What about your savings?
478
00:17:45,830 --> 00:17:48,331
(groans) I never worried about saving.
479
00:17:48,333 --> 00:17:50,600
You know what, I keep
forgetting that you are so smart
480
00:17:50,602 --> 00:17:52,401
and so not smart!
481
00:17:52,403 --> 00:17:53,870
I just never had to think about money.
482
00:17:54,098 --> 00:17:55,404
You don't think about money.
483
00:17:55,406 --> 00:17:57,573
Wow, that must free up some time.
484
00:17:57,575 --> 00:17:58,629
Paula?
485
00:17:58,843 --> 00:18:01,129
I can't go. There's no
running to Kazakhstan.
486
00:18:01,613 --> 00:18:03,246
- Hawaii is out.
- What?
487
00:18:03,248 --> 00:18:05,782
No. Okay, Rebecca, let me
explain something to you.
488
00:18:05,784 --> 00:18:07,948
You have a window,
489
00:18:07,973 --> 00:18:10,319
and that window is Hawaii!
490
00:18:10,321 --> 00:18:12,021
I can't afford to go
to Hawaii right now.
491
00:18:12,023 --> 00:18:13,923
I can't even afford to
buy a pack of Skittles!
492
00:18:13,925 --> 00:18:15,358
Okay, look, I would give you the money,
493
00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:16,492
but I don't have any money.
494
00:18:16,494 --> 00:18:17,493
- (knocking)
- Jim: Rebecca.
495
00:18:17,495 --> 00:18:18,594
The mayor doesn't have all day.
496
00:18:18,596 --> 00:18:20,196
Or maybe he does.
Yeah, he probably does.
497
00:18:20,198 --> 00:18:21,285
But he's out here.
498
00:18:21,766 --> 00:18:23,432
(sighs)
499
00:18:25,537 --> 00:18:26,917
Here she is right now.
500
00:18:26,942 --> 00:18:28,541
Rebecca.
501
00:18:28,723 --> 00:18:31,541
You are an inspiration, a model citizen,
502
00:18:31,543 --> 00:18:33,810
and we would be thrilled to
give you the key to the city.
503
00:18:34,403 --> 00:18:36,189
Oh, wow.
504
00:18:36,809 --> 00:18:38,548
That, what, that's great.
505
00:18:38,550 --> 00:18:39,692
Key to the city.
506
00:18:39,895 --> 00:18:42,051
Uh, question, is there a cash prize
507
00:18:42,053 --> 00:18:43,686
associated with that?
508
00:18:44,153 --> 00:18:45,188
No.
509
00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:46,556
Sorry, okay.
510
00:18:46,558 --> 00:18:48,481
I don't know how things work.
511
00:18:49,551 --> 00:18:51,460
Chris: She's looking sharp in that suit.
512
00:18:51,462 --> 00:18:54,664
It really highlights her brains
and tactical thinking skills.
513
00:18:54,666 --> 00:18:56,199
- (sighs)
- Is she still single?
514
00:18:56,201 --> 00:18:57,300
Who cares? Who knows?
515
00:18:57,302 --> 00:18:58,629
I don't even think about that anymore.
516
00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:01,237
Why not? Didn't you go all the way to LA
517
00:19:01,239 --> 00:19:02,438
just to tell her you dig her?
518
00:19:02,848 --> 00:19:04,145
Yes, I did, Chris.
519
00:19:04,301 --> 00:19:06,309
And it did not work out.
520
00:19:06,973 --> 00:19:09,178
'Cause life isn't a
two-and-a-half-star movie.
521
00:19:09,180 --> 00:19:10,680
I made a grand gesture,
522
00:19:10,682 --> 00:19:12,148
I made a fool out of myself,
523
00:19:12,150 --> 00:19:15,484
cause that's what happens when
you emulate stupid rom-coms.
524
00:19:15,486 --> 00:19:17,854
So you and Heather
split up for no reason?
525
00:19:18,075 --> 00:19:19,121
Ouch.
526
00:19:19,123 --> 00:19:21,075
And now you have to work together?
527
00:19:21,559 --> 00:19:22,892
I might take my root beer to go.
528
00:19:22,894 --> 00:19:25,012
It's gonna be a bloodbath
when she shows up.
529
00:19:25,196 --> 00:19:26,529
What? No.
530
00:19:26,531 --> 00:19:27,797
There's not gonna be any drama.
531
00:19:27,799 --> 00:19:29,365
She broke up with me.
532
00:19:29,367 --> 00:19:31,300
Besides, Heather is chill,
533
00:19:31,302 --> 00:19:32,668
mature, tattooed.
534
00:19:32,670 --> 00:19:34,136
She's gonna be totally cool about it.
535
00:19:34,411 --> 00:19:35,684
Hit the deck.
536
00:19:36,641 --> 00:19:38,121
Hey, dude.
537
00:19:39,132 --> 00:19:40,464
'Sup, girl?
538
00:19:41,020 --> 00:19:42,111
See?
539
00:19:42,442 --> 00:19:44,914
That's how two adults
handle the post-breakup.
540
00:19:44,916 --> 00:19:46,916
Watch and learn.
541
00:19:48,753 --> 00:19:50,043
Okay, Mom.
542
00:19:50,068 --> 00:19:51,634
Love you. Bye.
543
00:19:51,988 --> 00:19:53,535
What was that?
544
00:19:54,192 --> 00:19:55,848
I don't know if she's
having a stroke or something,
545
00:19:55,873 --> 00:19:59,175
but... she said she saw the
articles about me online,
546
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:00,815
and she loves me.
547
00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:01,764
(gasps)
548
00:20:01,766 --> 00:20:02,899
And she's proud of me.
549
00:20:02,901 --> 00:20:04,967
- Oh!
- And she's sending me a present.
550
00:20:04,969 --> 00:20:06,035
(gasps) Yay.
551
00:20:06,037 --> 00:20:07,203
I mean, it's probably rugelach.
552
00:20:07,205 --> 00:20:08,337
Gesundheit.
553
00:20:08,339 --> 00:20:09,739
- Come on, you know what rugelach is.
- Nope.
554
00:20:09,741 --> 00:20:11,374
- What?
- No, what is it?
555
00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:13,009
It's amazing. It's, like, a dessert.
556
00:20:13,011 --> 00:20:14,143
- Oh, all right.
- Anyway,
557
00:20:14,145 --> 00:20:15,878
I mean, she's not gonna be proud of me
558
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:17,146
now that I'm a pauper.
559
00:20:17,148 --> 00:20:18,981
Okay, you're gonna get a
paycheck next week, right?
560
00:20:18,983 --> 00:20:21,017
I get a paycheck next
week? Wait, for how much?
561
00:20:21,019 --> 00:20:22,752
You don't know how much you earn?!
562
00:20:22,754 --> 00:20:23,986
I'm a lawyer, not an accountant.
563
00:20:23,988 --> 00:20:25,087
- Oh...
- Maya: Everyone.
564
00:20:25,089 --> 00:20:26,122
There's a car
565
00:20:26,124 --> 00:20:27,490
right outside the office,
566
00:20:27,492 --> 00:20:28,791
and it's being repossessed.
567
00:20:28,793 --> 00:20:30,059
They're towing it right now.
568
00:20:30,061 --> 00:20:31,694
Does anyone here own
569
00:20:31,696 --> 00:20:33,996
a 2015 Hyundai Sonata?
570
00:20:33,998 --> 00:20:34,797
No!
571
00:20:34,799 --> 00:20:35,798
Oh, my God!
572
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:36,899
Oh, my God, I can't watch.
573
00:20:36,901 --> 00:20:38,200
I can't watch. I can't watch.
574
00:20:38,202 --> 00:20:39,602
My poor little Hyundai.
575
00:20:39,604 --> 00:20:41,871
Oh, my gosh, with its roomy
interior and sporty feel.
576
00:20:41,873 --> 00:20:42,905
Did you pay your lease?
577
00:20:42,907 --> 00:20:44,707
I mean, my lease is
set to auto-pay, but...
578
00:20:44,709 --> 00:20:45,841
You didn't pay your lease.
579
00:20:45,843 --> 00:20:47,076
You know what, unless
you have a time machine,
580
00:20:47,078 --> 00:20:48,177
comments like that
aren't helpful right now.
581
00:20:48,179 --> 00:20:48,934
What do I do?
582
00:20:48,959 --> 00:20:50,313
Uh, maybe I can sell the car.
583
00:20:50,315 --> 00:20:51,514
(stammering)
584
00:20:51,516 --> 00:20:52,481
Wait.
585
00:20:52,483 --> 00:20:54,628
What? Do I not own my car?
586
00:20:54,653 --> 00:20:55,985
Do I not own my car anymore?
587
00:20:55,987 --> 00:20:57,153
Paula?
588
00:20:57,155 --> 00:20:58,821
Paula?
589
00:20:58,823 --> 00:21:01,114
Paula? Paula?
590
00:21:03,669 --> 00:21:05,769
Man: Miss? Miss?
591
00:21:05,771 --> 00:21:07,404
Miss, can you help me?
592
00:21:07,406 --> 00:21:09,340
I ordered a vodka a while ago.
593
00:21:09,342 --> 00:21:11,041
Okay, well, you made me lose count,
594
00:21:11,043 --> 00:21:13,496
so now I have to start over. Thanks.
595
00:21:13,521 --> 00:21:15,112
Uh, I'll count them for you.
596
00:21:15,114 --> 00:21:16,747
Just make me a drink?
597
00:21:16,749 --> 00:21:17,934
Hey.
598
00:21:17,959 --> 00:21:19,116
How's it going over here?
599
00:21:19,118 --> 00:21:20,885
I'm just touching all the cherries.
600
00:21:20,887 --> 00:21:22,219
They feel like eyeballs.
601
00:21:22,221 --> 00:21:23,521
It's so slow here today.
602
00:21:23,523 --> 00:21:25,371
I have, like, nothing to do.
603
00:21:25,879 --> 00:21:27,525
This is nice.
604
00:21:27,527 --> 00:21:30,060
Us being cool,
working side-by-side.
605
00:21:30,062 --> 00:21:31,418
Yep.
606
00:21:31,443 --> 00:21:33,797
A lot of people would think
this would be awkward between us
607
00:21:33,799 --> 00:21:34,746
because we used to...
608
00:21:37,603 --> 00:21:39,036
You know what we used too.
609
00:21:39,038 --> 00:21:40,504
But it's totally fine.
610
00:21:40,606 --> 00:21:41,809
Oh, yeah.
611
00:21:42,241 --> 00:21:44,975
Besides, it's not like we
were, like, serious or anything.
612
00:21:44,977 --> 00:21:46,243
We were just having fun, right?
613
00:21:46,245 --> 00:21:47,231
Yeah.
614
00:21:47,531 --> 00:21:48,797
Yeah.
615
00:21:49,182 --> 00:21:50,581
So what happened with you and Rebecca?
616
00:21:50,583 --> 00:21:52,650
Oh, it's... (sighs)
617
00:21:52,652 --> 00:21:54,348
Didn't work out, but...
618
00:21:55,684 --> 00:21:56,654
Cool.
619
00:21:57,145 --> 00:21:58,317
Cool.
620
00:21:58,882 --> 00:22:00,982
Well, you'll get her someday.
621
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:03,199
Rooting for you.
622
00:22:03,224 --> 00:22:04,357
Yeah.
623
00:22:06,381 --> 00:22:08,515
See? That wasn't awkward at all.
624
00:22:10,514 --> 00:22:12,114
Chris?
625
00:22:21,013 --> 00:22:22,457
It's a little awkward.
626
00:22:22,982 --> 00:22:24,184
I'll get it. I'm gonna get it.
627
00:22:24,209 --> 00:22:25,520
(chuckles)
628
00:22:26,319 --> 00:22:27,942
Mmm. That's good.
629
00:22:29,021 --> 00:22:30,454
Whoops.
630
00:22:30,456 --> 00:22:31,801
This place is nice.
631
00:22:32,225 --> 00:22:34,395
I've never been to a place where
they give you your own jacket.
632
00:22:34,660 --> 00:22:35,960
Do I get to keep this?
633
00:22:35,962 --> 00:22:37,864
(laughs) No.
634
00:22:38,931 --> 00:22:40,520
- No?
- So listen...
635
00:22:40,545 --> 00:22:43,133
I told everyone at work
about my new situation,
636
00:22:43,135 --> 00:22:44,935
and they were all very excited.
637
00:22:44,937 --> 00:22:47,091
- That's great.
- To meet you.
638
00:22:47,731 --> 00:22:49,417
- Really?
- Mm-hmm...
639
00:22:49,442 --> 00:22:51,809
- You want me to meet your coworkers?
- Mm-hmm.
640
00:22:51,811 --> 00:22:54,653
You know, that's not a stage
in anyone's relationship.
641
00:22:54,678 --> 00:22:56,413
Oh, what are you talking about?
It'd just be something informal.
642
00:22:56,415 --> 00:22:57,815
Just, like, a little dinner party.
643
00:22:57,817 --> 00:23:01,418
Uh, honestly, it'll be, like,
what, seven courses, tops.
644
00:23:01,420 --> 00:23:04,035
Look, Darryl, I am really
happy for you coming out,
645
00:23:04,060 --> 00:23:06,557
but I think you need to relax, kind of.
646
00:23:06,559 --> 00:23:08,592
Relax? I... (scoffs) I am relaxed.
647
00:23:08,594 --> 00:23:10,864
Why would you think
that I'm not relaxed?
648
00:23:10,889 --> 00:23:13,063
Uh, well, this is
kind of our first date,
649
00:23:13,065 --> 00:23:14,765
and this is the restaurant
where my parents came
650
00:23:14,767 --> 00:23:16,500
for their silver wedding anniversary.
651
00:23:16,801 --> 00:23:19,503
I think we can just hang
out, you know? No strings.
652
00:23:19,505 --> 00:23:22,773
Maybe go someplace
that's flip-flop friendly.
653
00:23:23,567 --> 00:23:25,142
- No strings.
- Mm.
654
00:23:26,309 --> 00:23:27,745
Does that mean you're
dating other people?
655
00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:30,547
Well, I'm... I'm not
not dating other people.
656
00:23:30,549 --> 00:23:32,583
(sighs) Double negatives
always stress me out.
657
00:23:32,585 --> 00:23:33,717
I don't know what that means.
658
00:23:33,719 --> 00:23:34,752
Okay, okay, I'm sorry.
659
00:23:34,754 --> 00:23:35,986
I... I just think we should act
660
00:23:35,988 --> 00:23:38,322
like two normal people
who have kissed twice.
661
00:23:38,324 --> 00:23:40,424
You know, you can do a little exploring,
662
00:23:40,426 --> 00:23:41,725
get on a dating Web site or something,
663
00:23:41,727 --> 00:23:42,778
see what else is out there.
664
00:23:44,096 --> 00:23:45,754
Okay. Okay.
665
00:23:47,120 --> 00:23:49,692
I feel so much more
relaxed now. Thank you.
666
00:23:53,504 --> 00:23:54,477
May I?
667
00:23:58,215 --> 00:24:00,511
Rebecca: Anyway, I just
really need money right now.
668
00:24:00,965 --> 00:24:02,413
I'll give you ten.
669
00:24:03,059 --> 00:24:04,332
Ten thousand?
670
00:24:04,784 --> 00:24:06,417
Oh, my gosh, that's amazing.
671
00:24:06,419 --> 00:24:07,751
You won't be sorry. The
guy at the store said
672
00:24:07,753 --> 00:24:09,320
it had, like, smart
cushioning or some...
673
00:24:09,322 --> 00:24:10,754
No, ten dollars
674
00:24:10,756 --> 00:24:13,424
And if you lie down naked on
it, I'll give you an extra 25.
675
00:24:13,426 --> 00:24:15,392
I don't even need to
be here, I'll step out.
676
00:24:15,394 --> 00:24:17,434
I just need to know that it happened.
677
00:24:17,490 --> 00:24:19,690
Okay, buddy, just leave. Get out.
678
00:24:21,654 --> 00:24:23,321
And come back in a minute.
679
00:24:23,346 --> 00:24:25,012
Being naked's not a problem for me.
680
00:24:25,037 --> 00:24:27,304
681
00:24:40,419 --> 00:24:41,618
(scoffs)
682
00:24:41,620 --> 00:24:44,822
Well, at least I still
have the rugelach from Mom.
683
00:24:53,833 --> 00:24:55,059
Hmm?
684
00:24:59,171 --> 00:25:01,105
No.
685
00:25:01,107 --> 00:25:03,173
686
00:25:03,175 --> 00:25:05,042
The Garfinkel ring.
687
00:25:06,402 --> 00:25:08,802
I think my mom is about to give me...
688
00:25:09,090 --> 00:25:10,848
the Garfinkel ring.
689
00:25:10,850 --> 00:25:13,617
It's been passed down in
my family for generations.
690
00:25:15,287 --> 00:25:17,654
Rebecca: So how much you
think I can get for this?
691
00:25:17,965 --> 00:25:20,332
Oh, also I should
mention that it was used
692
00:25:20,357 --> 00:25:21,959
in conjunction with an ox
693
00:25:21,961 --> 00:25:23,934
to purchase my
great-great-grandmother.
694
00:25:24,430 --> 00:25:25,442
Yeah.
695
00:25:25,778 --> 00:25:28,129
Oh, and just so you know,
I'm gonna come back for it.
696
00:25:28,154 --> 00:25:30,168
I'm only selling this to
you for a couple weeks.
697
00:25:30,193 --> 00:25:31,445
Yeah, sure, great.
698
00:25:31,470 --> 00:25:33,070
I hear that all the time.
699
00:25:35,307 --> 00:25:37,674
So what is it, huh? What is it?
700
00:25:37,676 --> 00:25:41,378
I mean, what's a pretty showered
girl like you doing here?
701
00:25:41,380 --> 00:25:42,629
It's nothing shady.
702
00:25:42,654 --> 00:25:44,815
I'm just trying to go to Hawaii
with someone else's boyfriend.
703
00:25:44,817 --> 00:25:46,550
That came out wrong.
They're breaking up.
704
00:25:46,552 --> 00:25:47,651
It's a long story.
705
00:25:47,863 --> 00:25:49,667
All's fair in love and war.
706
00:25:50,022 --> 00:25:52,156
But there a casualties in both.
707
00:25:52,481 --> 00:25:54,124
Wow, thank you, Confucius.
708
00:25:54,126 --> 00:25:56,200
Give me the cheddar. (snaps)
709
00:25:57,396 --> 00:25:58,729
Good luck, princess.
710
00:25:59,848 --> 00:26:00,764
Thank you.
711
00:26:00,766 --> 00:26:02,733
I am a princess.
712
00:26:02,735 --> 00:26:04,426
And I'm also Kate Hudson.
713
00:26:04,670 --> 00:26:06,670
Paula and I didn't settle on a metaphor.
714
00:26:06,672 --> 00:26:08,071
Never mind. You don't know Paula.
715
00:26:08,073 --> 00:26:09,239
I'll be back for that.
716
00:26:09,241 --> 00:26:10,207
No. No, you won't.
717
00:26:10,209 --> 00:26:11,675
Rebecca: I'll be back after Hawaii.
718
00:26:16,215 --> 00:26:17,681
(sighs)
719
00:26:23,589 --> 00:26:24,555
(sighs)
720
00:26:24,557 --> 00:26:25,856
Ooh.
721
00:26:25,858 --> 00:26:27,891
I'm gonna get doughnuts
at the Chinese place.
722
00:26:27,893 --> 00:26:29,020
Yeah.
723
00:26:29,161 --> 00:26:31,795
Valencia: Mom, Mom, this is so exciting.
724
00:26:31,797 --> 00:26:32,684
I am so excited.
725
00:26:32,709 --> 00:26:34,020
I think it's finally gonna happen.
726
00:26:34,045 --> 00:26:35,377
'Cause Joshy told me
727
00:26:35,402 --> 00:26:37,678
that we were gonna
have a big talk tonight.
728
00:26:38,387 --> 00:26:40,442
I think he's gonna propose, Mom.
729
00:26:40,479 --> 00:26:43,012
(Valencia laughs excitedly)
730
00:26:43,124 --> 00:26:44,700
I'm so excited.
731
00:26:44,725 --> 00:26:46,477
Ugh, I'm so relieved.
732
00:26:46,479 --> 00:26:48,512
I've been getting worried
that something was going on,
733
00:26:48,514 --> 00:26:51,317
but now I realize that
he was just acting nervous
734
00:26:51,342 --> 00:26:53,239
because he was buying me a ring.
735
00:26:53,264 --> 00:26:54,897
(Valencia laughs excitedly)
736
00:26:55,020 --> 00:26:56,920
Yeah, Joshy knows that I
have engagement rings on hold
737
00:26:56,922 --> 00:26:58,155
in every jewelry store in town,
738
00:26:58,157 --> 00:26:59,523
so I know he'll get the right one.
739
00:26:59,525 --> 00:27:02,192
Josh and I are finally getting engaged!
740
00:27:02,194 --> 00:27:03,460
I'm gonna celebrate
741
00:27:03,462 --> 00:27:05,562
by smelling the doughnuts
at the Chinese place.
742
00:27:05,564 --> 00:27:07,989
Okay. Love me more. Bye.
743
00:27:11,552 --> 00:27:13,385
God, what have I done?
744
00:27:15,505 --> 00:27:17,205
Okay, you want these
shoes or these shoes
745
00:27:17,207 --> 00:27:18,306
for the key ceremony?
746
00:27:19,763 --> 00:27:21,630
Paula, did you hear what I just said?
747
00:27:21,654 --> 00:27:23,910
Valencia thinks she's
gonna get proposed to.
748
00:27:24,059 --> 00:27:26,559
And instead she's gonna find
out that she got cheated on.
749
00:27:28,700 --> 00:27:30,734
Um, suddenly I don't feel so good.
750
00:27:30,736 --> 00:27:32,869
Well, I told you not to get
doughnuts at the Chinese place.
751
00:27:32,871 --> 00:27:34,604
- It's not that.
- Okay, look.
752
00:27:35,426 --> 00:27:37,040
She is not right for him.
753
00:27:37,042 --> 00:27:38,489
You know this.
754
00:27:38,514 --> 00:27:40,744
She is mean to him.
She doesn't respect him.
755
00:27:40,746 --> 00:27:42,112
She treats him terribly.
756
00:27:42,114 --> 00:27:44,965
Yeah, but they've been
together a long time.
757
00:27:44,990 --> 00:27:46,383
Yeah, too long.
758
00:27:46,385 --> 00:27:47,651
Long enough.
759
00:27:47,653 --> 00:27:49,853
Okay, you have nothing
to feel badly about, okay?
760
00:27:49,855 --> 00:27:51,521
He kissed you.
761
00:27:51,523 --> 00:27:53,189
He is clearly unhappy.
762
00:27:53,191 --> 00:27:55,892
If you put it in your
fairy tale metaphor,
763
00:27:55,894 --> 00:27:58,929
this is the part where the
funny singing raccoon comes along
764
00:27:58,931 --> 00:28:00,196
and says, �You're the princess,
765
00:28:00,198 --> 00:28:02,809
and you get to rescue the
prince from the tower.�
766
00:28:04,489 --> 00:28:05,893
You're right. You're right.
767
00:28:05,918 --> 00:28:07,114
- Thank you.
- You're right.
768
00:28:07,116 --> 00:28:07,965
It's not a good relationship.
769
00:28:07,990 --> 00:28:09,309
So, put some shoes on.
770
00:28:09,334 --> 00:28:10,400
(snaps) Let's go.
771
00:28:10,793 --> 00:28:13,186
I... I gotta text Josh.
772
00:28:13,188 --> 00:28:14,955
And I gotta tell him
not to tell Valencia.
773
00:28:14,957 --> 00:28:16,156
It's just the right thing to do.
774
00:28:16,158 --> 00:28:17,991
What?! Are you insane?!
775
00:28:17,993 --> 00:28:18,992
Give me that.
776
00:28:18,994 --> 00:28:19,960
(both talking at once)
777
00:28:19,962 --> 00:28:21,428
Give me back my phone!
778
00:28:21,430 --> 00:28:22,063
No! Give it back to me!
779
00:28:22,088 --> 00:28:23,330
Uh, now, listen, you
are not gonna stop him
780
00:28:23,332 --> 00:28:24,498
- Give it here!
- Telling her about the kiss.
781
00:28:24,500 --> 00:28:26,223
We want them to break up.
782
00:28:26,248 --> 00:28:27,192
I swear to God I will...
783
00:28:27,217 --> 00:28:28,617
Ha-ha! Got your phone.
784
00:28:28,683 --> 00:28:30,483
- Ha-ha! Got your car keys.
- What?
785
00:28:30,508 --> 00:28:32,262
Meet you at the ceremony. Take a
cab. I'll pay you back.
786
00:28:32,286 --> 00:28:33,408
Are you c... ?
787
00:28:33,676 --> 00:28:37,110
This never happened to Rosie O'Donnell.
788
00:28:37,112 --> 00:28:39,179
789
00:28:46,277 --> 00:28:47,824
(Josh and Valencia talking, muffled)
790
00:28:49,715 --> 00:28:52,598
Josh (muffled): I should've
known better... I kissed Rebecca.
791
00:28:52,623 --> 00:28:55,254
You did what? You kissed her?!
792
00:28:55,279 --> 00:28:57,215
- I-I feel terrible. I...
- You feel terrible.
793
00:28:57,240 --> 00:28:58,632
I got caught up in the moment in court.
794
00:28:58,634 --> 00:29:00,418
I-I don't know what
happened; I'm sorry.
795
00:29:00,443 --> 00:29:03,785
I've never... been
more sorry in my life.
796
00:29:04,510 --> 00:29:06,210
(sighs)
797
00:29:06,524 --> 00:29:07,692
Oh...
798
00:29:12,047 --> 00:29:14,314
799
00:29:19,698 --> 00:29:21,698
Say something. Please.
800
00:29:23,817 --> 00:29:25,910
Oh, wow, I mean, I... wow.
801
00:29:25,935 --> 00:29:29,340
I-I did not expect this
conversation to go like this.
802
00:29:29,365 --> 00:29:30,957
I expected something so different.
803
00:29:30,982 --> 00:29:33,504
I thought that you
were gonna ask me to...
804
00:29:34,603 --> 00:29:37,571
Never mind. I feel so stupid, I...
805
00:29:37,573 --> 00:29:39,172
Josh: I never meant to hurt you.
806
00:29:39,174 --> 00:29:41,325
Uh, this... this will
never happen again.
807
00:29:44,953 --> 00:29:46,895
I guess you want me to move out, so...
808
00:29:47,524 --> 00:29:48,990
when I come back from Hawaii...
809
00:29:49,015 --> 00:29:50,681
I didn't say that.
810
00:29:54,333 --> 00:29:55,832
Do you love her?
811
00:30:00,097 --> 00:30:01,329
No.
812
00:30:02,363 --> 00:30:03,934
Josh: God, no.
813
00:30:04,666 --> 00:30:06,900
814
00:30:20,764 --> 00:30:21,817
Josh...
815
00:30:22,543 --> 00:30:25,811
I am really, really hurt,
816
00:30:25,836 --> 00:30:29,423
but, God, I... I knew
something was going on.
817
00:30:29,425 --> 00:30:32,606
I mean, she's (sniffles)
smart and... and different
818
00:30:32,631 --> 00:30:35,403
and (chuckles) interesting.
819
00:30:35,455 --> 00:30:37,289
So I get it.
820
00:30:38,349 --> 00:30:40,516
You're not mad at me?
821
00:30:46,592 --> 00:30:48,223
You forgive me?
822
00:30:48,554 --> 00:30:51,145
Of course I forgive you, Joshy.
823
00:30:51,287 --> 00:30:53,220
I have to.
824
00:30:53,245 --> 00:30:55,996
You mean everything to me.
825
00:30:57,258 --> 00:30:58,567
I love you.
826
00:31:11,910 --> 00:31:14,090
No, I'll be here when
you come back from Hawaii,
827
00:31:14,115 --> 00:31:16,746
and... we'll start over again.
828
00:31:16,771 --> 00:31:18,895
Honey, I'm not going anywhere.
829
00:31:18,972 --> 00:31:20,838
Uh, I'm staying here with you.
830
00:31:20,863 --> 00:31:22,809
I don't deserve you.
831
00:31:22,878 --> 00:31:24,535
You're beautiful and
832
00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:26,957
perfect like Madonna.
833
00:31:27,559 --> 00:31:29,082
The Bible Madonna.
834
00:31:29,084 --> 00:31:30,784
Not the buff Madonna.
835
00:31:30,786 --> 00:31:32,552
(both chuckle)
836
00:31:34,957 --> 00:31:38,191
837
00:31:42,844 --> 00:31:45,178
(thunder rumbles)
838
00:31:50,481 --> 00:31:54,040
I try to be good to others
839
00:31:54,042 --> 00:31:57,944
Treat my fellow men
like brothers and sisters
840
00:31:57,946 --> 00:32:00,213
That's the story I'm the hero in
841
00:32:00,215 --> 00:32:01,948
So how come I can't zero in
842
00:32:01,950 --> 00:32:05,919
On why this song
sounds so sinister?
843
00:32:07,242 --> 00:32:09,409
Oh, my God.
844
00:32:11,527 --> 00:32:14,628
I'm the villain in my own story
845
00:32:14,630 --> 00:32:17,464
I'm the witch in my own tale
846
00:32:17,466 --> 00:32:21,468
Though I insist
I'm the protagonist
847
00:32:21,470 --> 00:32:25,138
It's clear that my
soul is up for sale
848
00:32:25,140 --> 00:32:28,208
I'm the villain in my own story
849
00:32:28,210 --> 00:32:31,711
The bad guy in my TV show
850
00:32:31,713 --> 00:32:33,446
I'm the �who�
in the whodunit
851
00:32:33,448 --> 00:32:35,081
When I go to hell I'll run it
852
00:32:35,083 --> 00:32:38,185
As Satan's CFO
853
00:32:38,187 --> 00:32:39,986
He needs someone to do the books.
854
00:32:39,988 --> 00:32:40,988
Actually I shouldn't do that.
855
00:32:41,013 --> 00:32:42,145
I'm terrible with money.
856
00:32:42,424 --> 00:32:43,723
But wait
857
00:32:43,725 --> 00:32:45,792
How am I a villain?
858
00:32:45,794 --> 00:32:48,695
I give annually to UNICEF
859
00:32:48,697 --> 00:32:52,265
And just last week I helped
a lady cross the street
860
00:32:52,267 --> 00:32:56,102
Who was super old and deaf
861
00:32:56,104 --> 00:32:57,170
Wait, where am I?
862
00:32:57,172 --> 00:32:58,772
Aah, a bird! (caws)
863
00:32:58,774 --> 00:33:02,275
I'm the villain in my own story
864
00:33:02,277 --> 00:33:05,312
I'm the bitch in the
corner of the poster
865
00:33:05,314 --> 00:33:06,980
I'm the figure in the doorway
866
00:33:06,982 --> 00:33:08,782
Or the Kraken up in Norway
867
00:33:08,784 --> 00:33:11,952
God, who is this
song's composer?
868
00:33:11,954 --> 00:33:13,920
It's, like, ridiculously sinister.
869
00:33:13,922 --> 00:33:17,824
Like, ri-dunk-culously
sinister.
870
00:33:17,826 --> 00:33:20,160
(cackling)
871
00:33:20,162 --> 00:33:21,873
Well, well, well.
872
00:33:21,889 --> 00:33:24,623
Looks like I've got you now, Valencia!
873
00:33:24,648 --> 00:33:27,159
What do you want to do with
me, you evil witch queen?
874
00:33:27,184 --> 00:33:29,517
I am but a humble yoga instructor.
875
00:33:29,542 --> 00:33:32,109
Oh, what I want is... your boyfriend!
876
00:33:32,187 --> 00:33:33,654
(gasps) Not Prince Josh!
877
00:33:33,679 --> 00:33:35,612
Anything but Prince Josh!
878
00:33:35,670 --> 00:33:37,036
Why are you doing this?
879
00:33:37,038 --> 00:33:38,537
I'm Kate Hudson.
880
00:33:38,539 --> 00:33:39,805
We're doing the witch
and the princess thing.
881
00:33:39,807 --> 00:33:40,840
Okay? Just go with it.
882
00:33:40,842 --> 00:33:43,542
Okay, so, fine, I'm the princess.
883
00:33:43,544 --> 00:33:45,794
Why, why are you doing this to me?
884
00:33:45,834 --> 00:33:48,635
Because I'm jealous
of you and your life!
885
00:33:48,637 --> 00:33:50,904
You're so skinny and Josh is so perfect!
886
00:33:50,906 --> 00:33:53,540
And I want to take it all for myself!
887
00:33:53,542 --> 00:33:55,141
No. And now,
888
00:33:55,143 --> 00:33:58,044
I'll cook you into the
traditional dish of dinuguan,
889
00:33:58,046 --> 00:34:00,513
and serve it to Josh's family!
890
00:34:00,515 --> 00:34:01,815
(laughing)
891
00:34:01,817 --> 00:34:03,349
No!
892
00:34:03,351 --> 00:34:04,918
(laughing continues)
893
00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:07,720
No! No!
894
00:34:07,722 --> 00:34:08,688
(cackling)
895
00:34:08,690 --> 00:34:09,856
Man: Hey, shut up!
896
00:34:10,404 --> 00:34:13,305
I'm the villain in my own story
897
00:34:13,307 --> 00:34:17,609
My actions have gone way too far
898
00:34:17,611 --> 00:34:21,079
I told myself that I was Jasmine
899
00:34:21,081 --> 00:34:24,950
But I realize now I'm Jafar
900
00:34:24,952 --> 00:34:28,353
We're told love conquers all
901
00:34:28,355 --> 00:34:32,491
But that only
applies to the hero
902
00:34:32,493 --> 00:34:36,748
Is the enemy what
I'm meant to be
903
00:34:37,097 --> 00:34:39,865
Is being the villain
904
00:34:39,867 --> 00:34:45,177
My destiny?
905
00:34:49,143 --> 00:34:51,343
(indistinct chatter)
906
00:34:55,816 --> 00:34:57,149
What time is it? What time is it?
907
00:34:57,151 --> 00:34:59,818
(speaking indistinctly)
908
00:34:59,820 --> 00:35:00,786
Where is she?
909
00:35:00,788 --> 00:35:02,154
Oh, there she is right there.
910
00:35:02,156 --> 00:35:03,422
(gasps) Oh.
911
00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:05,724
Okay.
912
00:35:05,726 --> 00:35:07,443
Tell me you didn't do it.
Please tell me you're still
913
00:35:07,468 --> 00:35:08,458
going to Hawaii.
914
00:35:08,483 --> 00:35:10,183
And the moment we've
all been waiting for,
915
00:35:10,351 --> 00:35:11,888
the woman of the hour,
916
00:35:11,913 --> 00:35:13,246
Rebecca Bunch.
917
00:35:13,527 --> 00:35:15,293
(applause)
918
00:35:17,180 --> 00:35:19,414
919
00:35:28,082 --> 00:35:30,216
(sighs)
920
00:35:34,389 --> 00:35:35,708
Ew.
921
00:35:41,326 --> 00:35:43,428
Okay, that's it.
922
00:35:43,430 --> 00:35:45,318
- What's going on?
- With what?
923
00:35:45,343 --> 00:35:46,787
Look, I'm not stupid.
924
00:35:47,901 --> 00:35:49,224
I think you're mad at me.
925
00:35:49,249 --> 00:35:51,583
Yeah, 'cause you're so smart.
926
00:35:51,608 --> 00:35:53,241
Okay, but what did I do?
927
00:35:55,642 --> 00:35:57,380
You broke my heart,
928
00:35:57,974 --> 00:36:00,186
you dumb idiot jerkface!
929
00:36:00,210 --> 00:36:02,310
(groans)
930
00:36:12,658 --> 00:36:15,626
Okay, I probably shouldn't
dwell on particulars,
931
00:36:15,651 --> 00:36:17,183
but you broke up with me.
932
00:36:17,208 --> 00:36:18,707
You told me to run after Rebecca.
933
00:36:18,732 --> 00:36:19,966
You did a whole song and dance.
934
00:36:19,991 --> 00:36:22,833
That was a test, you moron.
935
00:36:22,858 --> 00:36:25,412
And you were supposed to say, �Oh, no.
936
00:36:25,437 --> 00:36:26,669
�That's ridiculous.
937
00:36:26,694 --> 00:36:28,484
�I couldn't possibly be with her,
938
00:36:28,509 --> 00:36:30,709
�because I'm dating
you and you make me happy.
939
00:36:30,711 --> 00:36:32,277
And you're really hot.�
940
00:36:32,279 --> 00:36:33,712
Oh, a test.
941
00:36:33,714 --> 00:36:36,681
God, I always fail the tests.
942
00:36:37,851 --> 00:36:39,326
I'm a jerk.
943
00:36:40,053 --> 00:36:41,853
Look.
944
00:36:41,855 --> 00:36:44,146
The mature rational side of me
945
00:36:44,171 --> 00:36:45,716
knows that you're not a jerk.
946
00:36:45,741 --> 00:36:48,904
You just don't feel the same
way about me that I do about you.
947
00:36:48,929 --> 00:36:51,463
But, so the emotional side of me
948
00:36:51,598 --> 00:36:53,794
wants to spear you through
the eye with this dart.
949
00:36:53,819 --> 00:36:55,085
Okay, I see.
950
00:36:55,308 --> 00:36:57,662
What... can I do?
951
00:36:57,704 --> 00:36:59,138
What would make this better?
952
00:36:59,993 --> 00:37:03,037
You are just gonna have to
live with the uncertainty.
953
00:37:04,433 --> 00:37:07,716
'Cause I'm gonna be sad and angry,
954
00:37:07,748 --> 00:37:09,662
and you're just gonna
have to live with it.
955
00:37:10,017 --> 00:37:11,919
Because I'm not quitting this job.
956
00:37:12,384 --> 00:37:13,537
Not this time.
957
00:37:13,562 --> 00:37:14,995
'Cause I love it
958
00:37:15,020 --> 00:37:17,020
and I'm, like, really good at it.
959
00:37:17,045 --> 00:37:17,935
You're...
960
00:37:18,485 --> 00:37:20,341
Yeah, you are.
961
00:37:21,944 --> 00:37:24,445
Heather, I'm sorry. I messed up.
962
00:37:24,470 --> 00:37:25,568
Yeah.
963
00:37:26,071 --> 00:37:28,685
But... that's, like, what you do.
964
00:37:32,406 --> 00:37:35,006
Everyone, let's get a round
of applause for our hero,
965
00:37:35,008 --> 00:37:37,357
the most wonderful woman in West Covina,
966
00:37:37,382 --> 00:37:38,881
Rebecca Bunch!
967
00:37:38,906 --> 00:37:41,640
(crowd cheering)
968
00:37:42,015 --> 00:37:44,416
(distorted): She is a true inspiration
969
00:37:44,418 --> 00:37:47,719
and the champion of our community.
970
00:37:47,721 --> 00:37:49,921
Oh, yeah. (crowd cheering)
971
00:37:55,629 --> 00:37:58,966
Sir, everything's going, um, wobbly.
972
00:37:59,221 --> 00:38:00,716
Excuse me?
973
00:38:01,822 --> 00:38:03,716
I think my life is a giant turd.
974
00:38:03,741 --> 00:38:05,044
What?
975
00:38:08,709 --> 00:38:10,075
Rebecca: He doesn't love me.
976
00:38:10,077 --> 00:38:12,010
He doesn't love me.
977
00:38:12,012 --> 00:38:14,846
I'm broke, I'm broke. I hate my life.
978
00:38:14,848 --> 00:38:16,147
I'm the villain. I hate my life.
979
00:38:16,149 --> 00:38:17,716
I'm the villain. I'm broke.
980
00:38:17,718 --> 00:38:19,084
What's wrong with me? Why
doesn't anyone love me?
981
00:38:19,086 --> 00:38:20,819
He doesn't love me. I hate my life.
982
00:38:20,821 --> 00:38:22,954
Why doesn't anyone love
me? He doesn't love me.
983
00:38:25,237 --> 00:38:26,576
Um...
984
00:38:29,386 --> 00:38:30,740
Thanks.
985
00:38:35,313 --> 00:38:36,779
We got a runner!
986
00:38:36,929 --> 00:38:39,099
Have fun in Kazakhstan!
987
00:38:39,124 --> 00:38:41,224
(Paula whoops)
988
00:38:49,240 --> 00:38:52,091
I am so happy we worked everything out.
989
00:38:52,116 --> 00:38:53,683
Like, I'm soy proud of us.
990
00:38:53,797 --> 00:38:56,201
Yeah, I thought for sure
you were gonna throw me out.
991
00:38:56,226 --> 00:38:58,263
That's the old me.
992
00:38:58,288 --> 00:39:00,841
The new me is very mature and evolved.
993
00:39:02,153 --> 00:39:04,333
(laughs)
994
00:39:04,396 --> 00:39:05,505
I'm hungry.
995
00:39:05,958 --> 00:39:07,060
Should we get dinner?
996
00:39:07,085 --> 00:39:08,351
Okay, great.
997
00:39:08,376 --> 00:39:10,934
Uh, th-there's a new Indian
place on East Cameron.
998
00:39:10,959 --> 00:39:12,326
- They have really good...
- Joshy!
999
00:39:12,351 --> 00:39:14,417
You know Indian makes me gassy.
1000
00:39:14,606 --> 00:39:16,750
- Right, right.
- Hmm.
1001
00:39:17,294 --> 00:39:19,509
Uh, you should choose.
1002
00:39:19,511 --> 00:39:20,777
Give me the phone.
1003
00:39:20,779 --> 00:39:23,346
Okay, well, delivery probably
is gonna take forever,
1004
00:39:23,348 --> 00:39:25,382
so you should, you know,
you're gonna get it.
1005
00:39:25,384 --> 00:39:27,584
(indistinct chatter)
1006
00:39:29,621 --> 00:39:30,854
- Hey, man.
- Oh!
1007
00:39:30,856 --> 00:39:31,888
How are you?
1008
00:39:31,890 --> 00:39:33,189
I haven't heard from you in a while.
1009
00:39:33,191 --> 00:39:35,099
- Oh, wow, I'm good.
- Yeah?
1010
00:39:35,124 --> 00:39:36,860
Actually, you know what? I'm great.
1011
00:39:36,862 --> 00:39:38,224
I-I took your advice,
1012
00:39:38,249 --> 00:39:41,665
and it's been really interesting.
1013
00:39:42,092 --> 00:39:43,052
I bet.
1014
00:39:43,077 --> 00:39:44,645
Yeah, I went out with
a girl named Charlie
1015
00:39:44,670 --> 00:39:45,835
and a guy named Dana
1016
00:39:45,837 --> 00:39:48,238
just to make things as
confusing as possible.
1017
00:39:48,240 --> 00:39:49,458
(both laughing)
1018
00:39:51,243 --> 00:39:53,552
I don't want to say I don't
like anyone as much as you,
1019
00:39:53,577 --> 00:39:54,568
but...
1020
00:39:55,396 --> 00:39:56,833
I think I just said it.
1021
00:39:58,693 --> 00:39:59,755
Hmm.
1022
00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:01,982
That's, uh,
1023
00:40:02,776 --> 00:40:04,143
that's really sweet.
1024
00:40:05,646 --> 00:40:06,771
It is?
1025
00:40:06,796 --> 00:40:07,724
Yeah.
1026
00:40:10,862 --> 00:40:12,429
You know what, Darryl?
1027
00:40:12,431 --> 00:40:14,130
Why don't we start over?
1028
00:40:14,132 --> 00:40:15,443
Wipe the slate clean.
1029
00:40:15,468 --> 00:40:16,834
Keep things simple.
1030
00:40:17,269 --> 00:40:18,545
Can I buy you a boba?
1031
00:40:18,834 --> 00:40:19,740
Sure.
1032
00:40:19,765 --> 00:40:20,797
Actually I cannot.
1033
00:40:20,822 --> 00:40:22,188
'Cause I left my wallet in that blazer.
1034
00:40:22,213 --> 00:40:23,946
(laughs)
1035
00:40:23,971 --> 00:40:24,970
I can spot you.
1036
00:40:24,995 --> 00:40:27,232
But you still have to get in the line.
1037
00:40:27,257 --> 00:40:28,724
Oh, sorry, okay.
1038
00:40:29,900 --> 00:40:32,100
(indistinct chatter)
1039
00:40:36,784 --> 00:40:38,044
(sighs)
1040
00:40:50,264 --> 00:40:51,841
Dr. Akopian.
1041
00:40:54,092 --> 00:40:55,301
Can I have another seat?
1042
00:40:55,326 --> 00:40:56,915
I-I also would like another seat.
1043
00:40:57,198 --> 00:40:58,331
Woman: Ladies, I'm so sorry,
1044
00:40:58,356 --> 00:41:00,623
but today's flight is
completely sold out.
1045
00:41:09,121 --> 00:41:12,419
So... we're stuck together
for the next five hours.
1046
00:41:12,858 --> 00:41:14,326
You want to give it a go?
1047
00:41:14,351 --> 00:41:15,650
Do some therapy?
1048
00:41:15,675 --> 00:41:16,919
Okay.
1049
00:41:19,068 --> 00:41:20,333
Yeah, let's do this.
1050
00:41:20,391 --> 00:41:21,427
Okay.
1051
00:41:23,474 --> 00:41:26,662
For starters, I was
conceived on a cruise ship.
1052
00:41:27,105 --> 00:41:30,306
I think my mom must've had
some, I don't know, bad lobster.
1053
00:41:30,308 --> 00:41:33,176
Because the second she felt
the sperm enter the egg,
1054
00:41:33,178 --> 00:41:34,744
she got sick.
1055
00:41:35,490 --> 00:41:37,333
In my narrative, I pictured you as,
1056
00:41:37,358 --> 00:41:38,826
like, the funny singing raccoon.
1057
00:41:38,851 --> 00:41:40,417
If you've got love problems,
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00:41:40,442 --> 00:41:43,243
then listen to me, Paula the raccoon.
1059
00:41:43,388 --> 00:41:45,622
Love is like digging
through a trash can
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00:41:45,624 --> 00:41:48,498
Searching for old banana peels.
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00:41:48,523 --> 00:41:51,906
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
1062
00:41:51,956 --> 00:41:56,506
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